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modernsocialmediaau · 5 years ago

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a dropped penny said this feels so liberating

February 27, 2015

Camila's POV

First day of the Reflection Tour. Holy Shit. I'm going on tour! I've never imagined in my life that this could happen. I just thought I'd still be stuck in my room performing and never coming out but, now I'm here. I've got 4 amazing best friends, an amazing boyfriend and an awesome job what could possibly go wrong?

" Girl you ready? " Dinah asks while I fixed my hair, I felt weird having it parted on the left or right, seeing that it's usually in the middle. While fixing my hair I could hear Dinah repeatedly taping her foot outside the door and I couldn't help but laugh.

" In a second, this doesn't just happened you know, " I joke, walking out of the dressing room following her to the meet and greet.

Our meet and greet. Ours.

" Girl whatchu talkin about we got a whole team dedicated to help us with all......this. " she said making a circle around her face, and lightly tapping her chin indicating the perfection that was her hair and face.

" Hush up. " I giggled linking our forearms together trying to catch up to the other girls.

You'd think by now I'd get use to the idea of screaming fans and adoring gifts but I still get so emotional. I mean I was in their shoes for who knows how long, screaming for strangers. Having fan accounts, writing/reading fan fictions and even making videos for my OTP which meant Harry and I (embarrassing). Mami use to think it was weird to love some stranger that I barely knew, but it's kinda hard to explain.

" CAMILA! CAMILA! CAMILA! " some girls shouted and I smiled at them and waved.

We first started with a couple of acoustic performances, a few questions and then onto meet and greets. Our first fan was a girl named Emily who greeted us in tears. She came to into my arms for a hug and I couldn't have been happier to squeeze her with love.

" O-my hands are shaking. " Emily said as she laughs hysterically not fully grasping the situation unfolding in front of her.

" It's alright we'll shake along with you, " I joked and started shaking while the other girls followed

" I love you so much, " she cried into our arms as we gave her one of our warmest group hugs

" Oh we love you, " we surprisingly responded in unison.

" So what would like us to do babes? " Lauren asked smilingly wrapping her arm around Emily, making her almost faint. You could tell she was weak in the knees. Lauren always had that affect on people, I would know.

" Can we pretend to make it rain? " she laughs at herself,

" With what tho? " Dinah asked

" Oh-uhm-I already prepared this. " she takes out fake money and shreds of green paper, " Ay! " we all cheered.

" Yes! Girl you are ready!! " Mani cheered as she evenly handed out the slips of paper or fake money and I prepared myself to make it rain.

" We didn't choose the thug life the thug life choose us. " I said earning weird looks from Ally, Normani, and Dinah while Lauren and Emily laughed

" Ready 1,2,3 " the photographer and onto the next fans.

About 30 minutes within the meet and greet, I decided to act cute by holding Lauren's hands and let one of my legs pop out. As soon as that shutter clicked the screams got louder, a few aw's, and they started screaming a name I recognized.

" CAMREN! CAMREN! CAMREN! " they continued to cheer After the two girls left I whispered to Lauren, " Camren? " I feel like this was a discussion topic before, but I just can't remember. She shifts uneasily away from me making me question her even more.

I looked at the others girls, Dinah gave me an I-got-no-clue, Ally gave me a sorry-I-don't-know-either, and Normani gave me nothing it's like she didn't hear me.

" Lauren? " I ask snapping her out of her thoughts

" Sorry Cam-Camila, " she stutters,

Odd. ~~~

I decided after the meet and greet I'll search up Camren. I mean I know it's a ship name but where have I heard it before? While the hairdresser fixed my hair I searched it up on my phone. They're were Tumblr tags which I obviously clicked on.

It was Lauren and I.

Oh right.

Now I remember, Camren. That same name that gave me hope, Camren. That idea of Lauren actually finally saying she loved me back, Camren. At the same time, the same lie that tore me down every single day of my life until I realized. Camren wasn't and will never be real. Thank you, Camren.

" Lauren! " I said catching her attention. The older woman looked up from her phone and gave me surprised look.

" Look, " I hand her my phone and watch as she scrolled through the tag,

" Weren't we cute? " I said trying to lightly tread over the subject. Camren hasn't exactly been the best towards me, and it still feels like a fresh wound.

In the beginning it was hell because , well, I wanted it to be true. But the more I thought of it the more scared and untrue it became the more awkward it got.

" Super " she says boringly I guess she's not too fond of it at the moment. We use to take so much pride of owning and loving our friendship, but now....nothing. It's like there is no Camren.

" Right, no wonder they were screaming that, " I laugh at myself while she agreed, still holding something back,

" Are you okay? " I ask

" Yea. " she fakes a smile

" You're a horrible liar, Are you sure? " I turn to her making the hairdresser mad I gave her sorry and continued to pay attention to Lauren. I know I had no right talking to her as if icing her out never happened but that was the only way to get over her. The only way for me to move on, and the idea of her knowing that there was even a " her " to move on from, was unbearable.

" Yeah Camila, just tired you know, " she fakes,

" It's the first day of tour, " I say making her lightly chuckle, taking me by surprise. I haven't really heard her laugh or chuckle like that in a while.

" Well you know me, working hard or hardly working, " that was the last thing she said before she left.

I nod trying to understand that we can no longer talk to each other how we use too. What I mean by that is, joke around, playfully hit each other, pretend to flirt and-I don't even know anymore. We're just awkward now.

~~~

Lauren's POV

Couple minutes earlier...

" Lauren, " Camila called

" Look, " she hands me her phone and watch as I scrolled through our tag. I had to be careful as to how I would react to this Camren stuff.

This wasn't the first time this was brought up to us privately and publicly. And every time it was brought up she somehow dodged it faster than she can dodge a bullet but it hasn't happened in quite a while. Like a year long, so yeah a while. Back then (X-Factor first part of Harmonize America) we didn't seem to care we were just friends, but Austin came into the picture. Then one day she practically just stopped being my best friends. I mean she got close to the other girls and so did I. Ever since then we have had this awkward friendship hiatus. Or whatever she'd like to call it.

" Isn't that cute, "

Cute? That is beyond the farthest thing I thought she would have said. It's like she had amnesia for a year because she suddenly sparks an interest in our past. 1 month into her ignoring me the girls decided it was to act as if there was no Camren, Camren was not a word, nor did it ever happen. Our friendship seem to vanish in thin air.

" Super " I don't think I'm angry about it I mean it's been a year and stuff but now it's like I'm just numb. I mean we use to be inseparable and now we can't even be in a room together without making it awkward enough for one of us to leave.

" Right, no wonder they were screaming that, " she laughs at herself while I agreed carefully. That's the keyword here, well every time I should say. Anytime we have a conversation I always have to keep in mind to be CAREFUL as to how I approach each conversation, it's like walking on eggshells.

" Are you okay? " she asks

" Yea. " I fake a smile

" You're a horrible liar, Are you sure? " she turns to me making the hairdresser mad, she gave her sorry and continued to pay attention to me

" Yeah Camila, just tired you know, " I make up, and yea I don't call her Camz anymore because I'm scared. That's what it's like now, scary.

" It's the first day of tour, " she says making me naturally chuckle.

" Well you know me, working hard or hardly working, " I said jokingly and walked away from her.

After I left the room I began to panic, I walk past the dressing room and looked for Normani. I walked passed about 5 different hallways until I found her walking out of the bathroom.

" Normani! " I scream making her jump and look at me worriedly

" What? Whats wrong? " she says while we held each other's forearm dramatically

" Camila, she's-talking to me? " I mutter, I know what your thinking why should I be panicking about her talking to me. And the reason to that is last time this happened things went too far. For one thing I almost lost my mind trying to get answers as to what I did to her, making her ignore me. Secondly, I almost told her I loved her. Still love.

" Oh. " her eyes popped open and began to worry along with me. Normani's has been my rock through this whole experience she knows every single thing that has happened like a map.

•••

" Alright girls can we run it from the top for Better Together? Make sure your are in sync and one with each other. " Sean snapped at us trying to bring us back. We're currently in the middle of rehearsing and putting together our opening act for Demi's Neon Lights Tour. Not only that, 2 weeks from now the tour starts and so does finishing our first official album, so everything is pretty hectic.

" Lauren? " Normani clapped getting my attention, I guess I was the only one left seeing that the rest of the girls were in their position. I released a small huff and weak smile before running to my spot. I watch Normani give me a questioning smile, and I just shook it off and got my head in the choreo.

After rehearsals the girls and I were cleaning up our stuff, seeing that I didn't usually make a mess of things I finished rather quickly so I decided to talk to Camila.

" Hey Camz, " I lightly tap her shoulder, she quickly shuttered away. Ouch.

" Hi Lauren, " she says coldly, I shook it off and just continued to smile.

" The Notebook and Chill tonight? " I joke hoping she'd finally crack a smile at me.

" I-uhhm-I can't--because I've-Uhm-I've got plans. " she struggled to finished.

" Oh, alright. " I sighed almost reaching towards her for a hug goodbye.

" Yeah, maybe next time? " she let out a fake smile before walking away from our short and meaningless conversation. " Sure. " I whisper. I felt the formation of tears come but I couldn't let them out yet, not here not now. I let out a sniffle and quickly gathered the tears on my index finger letting them go, that's when a felt a familiar gesture of comfort. Which was Normani wrapping her shoulder around me and asking;

" Can you tell me now? I've watched the same thing unfold over 100 times in 3 months, maybe it's good to finally talk about it? "

Seeing the tour started her in LA we decided to stay until we left for the tour. The girls and I stayed at our usual hotel with our usual sleeping arrangements but I wish I was rooming with Camila.

After the release of our EP and promo tour she's been so cold, it's like after we got signed we hung out less and less. And even if we did it wasn't for more than 5 hours, I get it she's got other friends and stuff but why the sudden cold shoulder.

And at the mention of our ship name Carmen it's like she's disgusted, which doesn't make sense because we created Camren.

" What's going on Lo? " Mani wondered as we entered our hotel room. I placed my bag down on the floor, and plopped down my bed faced down. I let out a groan before I felt the tears fell and the song of sobs began.

" Lauren? " she questions lifting my shoulder and turning me over, " Okay you're worrying me, please tell me what's wrong? " she then say me up and pulled me into a really really tight hug.

" Lauren please tell me what's wrong? I gave you space and waited for an explanation for but now I could careless. This isn't you, for the past 3 months I've watched you approach Camila then come back here and mope. Please tell me what's happening. " she practically begged making me cry even more.

" I'll grab you some tissues and water and I'll be right back okay, " she stood up from my bed and walked away to grab what she said she would while I grabbed the pillow behind me. I brought the pillow to my chest and watched Mani come walking back to me with the items.

I used a couple of tissues to clear my nose and drank some water to wet my super dry throat.

" Lauren? " she asked once more. " Camila hates me. " I state making her scoff not believing me, but seeing that I started to cry again she knew I was serious.

" Where'd you get that idea? " she rubbed my shoulder and brought my head on her shoulder.

" She won't talk to me, she won't even acknowledge my presence. " I cried into her shoulder, " Shh...shh...that's a bit ridiculously isn't it? I mean you and Mila are like best friends. " she explained trying to convince other wise.

" Are we? "

•••

" Okay what about? I think we've established your love for her, " she jokes trying to lighten the mood

" Camren. She knows! Mani she knows! SHE'S FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT! " I say almost breaking into tears shocking her. Her eyes widen and gave me a quick hug before saying

" Hey, hey, hey listen to me let's go on the bus okay, " she drags me out as tears began to pour

We left the venue and found our way to the bus, thankfully there was no one there. We walked to the back of the bus since we know that's where we would get more privacy there.

" Tell me what happened? " she asks sitting across from me

" Didn't you hear her question earlier? " I ask hugging my knees to my chest

" Yes, but I tried to act like I didn't hear it, and it hasn't really come up in months specially from her side. So it was weird," she answered

"Yea but now I'm getting flashbacks about those horrible months with her giving me such a cold shoulder. And now it's even worse because it's like she's trying to play some fucked up game. Where she'd gained my trust again, figure out what I'm hiding, then ice me out again because of said secret. "

" Wait! So she doesn't actually know? " she interrupts me

" Well-no, " I answer, she sighs loudly

" Listen to me honey, maybe she finally realized that what she did was wrong and she's just trying to rekindle your friendship okay. Just don't act suspicious during the subject, " She advised

" But that's what I'm worried about, what if she questions me about it. " I began to sob again. She stood up and walked to my side

" Don't give her a reason to read into it. Okay, don't give them a reason to think my that you know somethin-"

" But I do. " I interrupt

" Yes and only you and I know about that. " she smiles comforting me

" What if she finds out, I can't take another ice cold Camila. I like how everything is and I've accepted it. " I say while she sat there sarcastically laughing, I looked at her not getting what was so funny about what I said.

" Are you serious? " she stood back up

" What? "

" You like how everything is? Are you serious? HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY ACCEPT SOMETHING UNNECESSARY! Listen to me you don't deserve this okay, she should have given you an explanation. I seriously thought that during that last month of Neons Lights Tour everything would be back normal again. I didn't think it could get any worse, never did I ever imagine that she could do it again. Not only that as soon as you almost confessed you love she wave around the idea of her and Austin. It's as if burning you twice wasn't enough for her. I love Mila as much as the next girl but that's not how she should've handle the situation. " she paced while I disappointingly agreed

" I didn't think it would be this bad Mani, I really didn't. It's just a crush. " I sobbed

" I know, I know. But you still need to know the truth.This is how Camren should've been handled, not ignored." she caresses my hair comforting me

" Well I can't tell her! You saw how she acted, about this Mani! " I defended myself

" Alright I see your point? But it's just a crush and your not a lesbian " she says

" Who isn't a lesbian? "Camila walked into the back scaring Mani and I

" Uh, Rebel Wilson " Mani quickly answered

" Oh that's a bummer, " she smiles

" Hey are you okay? " she asked and Mani looked at me with a act-normal look before she left

" Yea just really nervous, " I say caressing my hands

" Why? You've performed so many times before? " she laughs and sits down next to me

I shift a little more to my left to have some space between us, but that only made her come closer.

Come on Lauren! Act normal!

" Well it's our first official tour where it's just us, you know, " I say looking at her

Her eyes their so simple and cute I could stare at them all day. Some might say that brown is plain and boring but not hers it's like every time I look in them I can see all the amazing things she can do. My mom always said if you ever fall in love with somebody don't fall for their looks but fall for their eyes because the eyes are the only that lasts forever. They are so mesmerizing, and her hair her perfectly curly light colored hair falling on her shoulder we're just killers. If looks could kill, I would be dead.

" Lo? " she surprisingly says, haven't heard that in a while " Yea? " I weakly smiled

" I said, it won't matter what happened we're all in this together. " she smiles holding my hand.

" Right, well I have to get my make-up done again, so I'll see you later. " I got up from the couch and left the bus

When I step foot onto the pavement someone grabbed my arm and pulled me to the front of the bus.

" Mani what the hell? " I say

" What happened? " she asks eagerly

" Nothing, now seriously I have to get my make up done again. " I plainly answered

She nods her head and we made our way back to our dressing room. This is going to be one long and interesting tour.

A/N Guys I hoped you liked the first chapter please lemme know ;)

Here are some helpful tips for the future: (•••): Flashback (---): Next Scene (*Words*): Phone Call

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