#(i go autistic about it under cut anyway)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

(genderly) chill as hell if i was only ever glimpsed / detected like this

[mothgravez]

Jade and gold am right hahahaha *coughs up blood and dies* <- Lin daiyu moment. I will ramble under cut of Spider Of Marriage or Marriage ? Marriage Hong lu? we are marrying her?? wife??

basically i was discussing brainrotting with friends before potential abnos and i just realized spider of marriage was kinda.. COUGHS .. . COUGh .. um Well. Red Chamber reference ( Xue Baochai and Jia Baoyu ( Who Hong Lu is based in Limbus ) ). I can and will go full autism on it later cuz im a bit SCARED scary

So i decided to kinda? Design an EGO , theres littol symbolisms like his ribbon being tied up with a yellow ribbon strand symbolizing baochai, yet the torns hurting him yknow .. . and the flower being on side of his heart, the blood could be a sick and twisted way to say amarilys right? crimson pearl flower? goddess Nüwa?

Summarizing the best i can, they were a loveless couple, he didnt want to marry baochai but his family just went umm yes You Will. to try easy the situation out cuz horrors been happening and a marriage would've been a "happy celebration". So uh Lin Daiyu same day ends up dying while Jia Baoyu marries Xue Baochai 👍👍👍👍👍👍 screwed up lungs i guess! coughing up blood. He goes kinda emo with the news but its ok we gang fr.

I have NO IDEA how PM will approach, the whole family stuff with Hong Lu esp the marriage thing in Canto 8 / VIII, or even if Daiyu and the other girls from Hong Lu Family will show up ( Including Hua Xiren girl you'll always be famous, iirc she was referenced on Canto VI or im absolutely stoned but yeah . Tho if daiyu does NOT even get a little mention i might distort irl ). Since like.. PM doesn't go into a 1v1 version with their adaptations of course, also cuz the book is GIGANTIC ( 5 volumes and the last 2 iirc being lost media ) I theorize they might grab the last few volumes like the marriage thing?? maybe?? or give a completely new twist... in any way im excited !!! stimmy!! im sure late this year we gotta see them anyway :] absolutely the end of me

[grison-in-space]

I'm genuinely sorry, I was really tired and couldn't think of the word that mad pride movements use. I'm new to all of this. I thought you would be more open to it because you've reblogged from radical leftists (anarchists and communists both) within the past couple of weeks and they're all for Veganism afaik. The argument that all brains are different but equal and should be treated the exact same is a primary aspect of mad pride from my understanding, and that speaks to me about animals just having different brains, and that they don't deserve to be exploited and killed for us just because they're different. I'm not spamming people with it, but I was inspired by an ask by a nonvegan and started asking popular bloggers why they weren't vegan to open up conversation and potentially change people's views on animals. If I've made you uncomfortable I'm sorry, though I admit I'm really confused by your standpoint. You do know that the only reason communism hasn't succeeded is because of America? Anyway, sorry again, I'm also autistic and I didn't mean to dismiss your legitimate dietary needs. Can I recommend acti-vegan's posts? While I understand that you can't go vegan, perhaps their blog will at least help you understand our points, they're much more well-written than my asks and they have plenty of legitimate science resources at hand. Thanks for listening, I'll take your advice into account. I'm not trying to not listen, it's just frustrating because so many people say they get it but they don't change, and if they truly got it they would, you know?

Okay, I get that you didn't mean to be offensive, and fuck knows I shouldn't throw stones when it comes to forgetting specific words. (This happens to me fairly frequently; it's a thing.)

The argument that all brains are different but equal and should be treated the exact same is a primary aspect of mad pride from my understanding, and that speaks to me about animals just having different brains, and that they don't deserve to be exploited and killed for us just because they're different.

So yesterday I actually wrote out and then deleted a whole paragraph to the effect of "part of my deep, deep frustration with animal rights activism hooks into my commitment to the phrase 'nothing about us without us,' because I frequently see the same kinds of emotional projection without making the effort to listen to animals on their own terms from animal rights activism groups."

The first thing I need to make clear to you is that this--veganism and animal rights activism (ARA) more generally--is not new to me. I am in my mid-thirties and I have never had a job of any kind that did not revolve around animals in some way, I've spent time in rescue spaces and vets and universities, I'm queer and I have spent most of my life in leftish progressive circles, so it's kind of hard to miss.

Essentially, you are proselytizing to me as if you were a newly baptized evangelical convinced I had never heard of Jesus, because if only I had heard and understood his holy word, I would be converted instantly to his light! It's not any less irritating when the belief system isn't explicitly a religion.

More under the cut, because this one is long.

Disclaimer one: Veganism isn't synonymous with ARA ideology, but it's deeply entangled with it, and ARA ideology drives the movement of veganism as a (theoretically non-religious) ethical decision. And I object very strongly to the framework imposed by ARA activists. When I say I am not vegan, I am saying that I have considered the ethical framework that underpins veganism as an ethics movement and I have deliberately rejected it.

The second piece of context you should know that when I talk about being a behavioral ecologist, I mean that I'm a researcher who works on animals and that my framework is rooted in trying to understand animals in their own natural ecological context, without necessarily comparing them to humans. There's a lot of ways to study animal behavior you might run into, including attempts to understand universal principles of behavior that transcend species (animal cognition) and attempts to understand how to better treat animals in human care (animal welfare). You know Temple Grandin? Temple Grandin is an ethologist (the field that gave rise to behavioral ecology, also focused on animals within their species context) who worked on animal welfare (finding ways to make slaughterhouses less stressful to livestock, among other things).

Third point: my profession also means is that I work directly with animals--in my case, currently mice--and that I do not think research with animal subjects is wrong as long as all efforts are made to ensure maximal welfare and enrichment for the animals involved. This is another major bone of contention politically between my entire field and ARA groups, and you should know that I have also spent my entire professional career under the shadow of, well, people who care strongly enough about those ideas to invade my workspace and potentially seize my animals and "free" them into a world they do not have the tools to survive in.

So there's where I am coming from. Let's get back to what you're saying. Here, I'll quote again in case you have the same crappy short-term memory I do.

The argument that all brains are different but equal and should be treated the exact same is a primary aspect of mad pride from my understanding, and that speaks to me about animals just having different brains, and that they don't deserve to be exploited and killed for us just because they're different.

Point the first: Even within humans, I don't think that all brains should be treated the exact same. Especially in a disability context! After all, what is an accommodation if not an agreement to treat someone differently because they need certain things to access a space? Accommodations by definition fly in the face of this "treating everyone the same" understanding of fairness. I think all (human) brains are equally valuable, and I think all brains are worthy of respect, but I do not think that it's wise or kind of me to assert that everyone should be treated in the same way. For one thing, I teach students. If there's one thing teaching has taught me, it's that a good teacher is constantly assessing and adjusting their instruction to meet students where they're at, identify failures of understanding, and keep the attention of the classroom.

Point the second: animals do have different brains from humans. That does not mean that animals are inferior, but it does mean that they are alien. There's a philosophy paper, Nagel, What Does It Mean to Be a Bat, that you might find illuminating on this front. Essentially, the point of the paper is that animals have their own experiences and sensory umwelts that differ profoundly enough from humans' that we cannot know what it is like to be a different species without experiencing life as one, and therefore we must be terribly careful not to project our own realities onto theirs. That is, our imagination cannot tell us what a bat values and what it experiences. That is why we have to use careful evidence to understand what an animal is thinking, without relying on our ability to identify with and comprehend that animal. I have watched ARA groups deliberately encourage people to shut their reasoning brains off and emotionally identify themselves with animals without considering within-species context for twenty years. This is a mainstream tactic. It is not an isolated event and for that reason alone I would be opposed to them.

Point the third: there is a definite tendency in lots of people to care deeply and intensely about both animals and people who are seen as "lesser" in status--children, poor people, disabled people, etc--just as long as those groups never contradict the good feelings that come from the helper's own assessment of themselves and their actions. In humans, when the "needy" point out that some forms of help are actually harmful, the backlash is often swift and vicious. This is why animals are such an appealing target of support and intervention. They can't speak back and say "in fact, you are projecting my love of this frilly pink tutu onto me, and I think it's uncomfortable and prevents me from walking." They can't say "I kind of like it better when I don't have to worry about getting hit by a car, actually?"

(By the way: this is also why it's offensive to compare disabled people to animals, because this is generally done at least in part to silence the voices of disabled people speaking for our selves and our communities. We have access to language, and we use it, thank you.)

All forms of animal welfare intervention going right back to the founding of the first RSPCA have been incredibly prone to being hijacked by classist, racist, and otherwise bigoted impulses. This is because animals offer an innocent face for defense that conveniently cannot criticize the actions taken by their champions, and they therefore provide a great excuse for actions taken against marginalized members of human society. Think about the very first campaign the RSPCA ever did, which was banning using dogs as draft animals: a use that is not inherently harmful to dogs, which many dogs actively enjoy, but also one that was specifically used by poor Londoners and which in fact immediately resulted in a great butchery of the dogs that Londoners could no longer afford to feed rather than allowing poor people and their dogs to continue working together. No one was, of course, challenging the particular uses of dogs or any other animal favored by the wealthy. This kind of thing is so, so, so common. Obviously it doesn't mean that all interventions to prioritize animal welfare are inherently bigoted, but it does mean that we have to be critical about our choice of challenges.

On top of everything, the animal rights activist movement's obsession with "exploitation" is a function of the idea that humans are sinful or otherwise Bad in how we interact with animals by definition. For example, take the chicken rescue near me that is so obsessed with the possibility that some human somewhere might benefit from an animal in their care that they implant every hen they adopt out with hormonal implants such that the hens no longer lay eggs--a function that is normally a natural byproduct of a chicken's reproductive system, fertilized or not. A mutualistic relationship involves both parties benefiting, and that is the case for an awful lot of human relationships with animals. In general, the idea that associating with animals is a thing that can only harm animals rather than being a trade between two species to enrich one another is all over these groups. It's just so myopically focused on human shame that it prevents practical interventions that might benefit everyone, and often promotes interventions that don't directly benefit animals but sure do make humans miserable. For example, this kind of thinking is why groups like PETA are absolutely awful at effectively rescuing unwanted dogs and cats: they think pets living in "bondage" with humans are an essentially sad outcome, rather than one that might be mutually enjoyed by all parties.

I'm tired and my meds haven't kicked in, so I'm not currently going to handle the communism thing except to point out that while the US absolutely did destabilize a number of leftist regimes in South America and Africa, Russia and China between them have certainly not treated their own people kindly, either (and more so their own client-nations, as with the former members of the USSR). Please do some reading about the Holodomor and Lysenko in Russia (and frankly all of the details of Stalin's regime) and the Cultural Revolution in China in particular. Khmer Rouge might be worth looking into, too. I am not saying the US's hands are clean, you understand, because they are not; they're as steeped in red as anyone else's. What I am saying is that for people living on the ground, communist revolutions have this nasty habit of turning into bloodbaths and arbitrary slaughters. Do not let your distaste for the US's bloodsoaked imperialism (which, yes, is and was bad) let you fall into the trap of becoming a tankie.

And if you don't know what a tankie is, you really, really should take some time to learn.

[satellitespinner]

✼ mommy issues .. (one)

a/n: oh did you think this was gonna be a cute lil fluff fic? nahh it’s sad city down there!! be careful..

content warnings: ANGST panic attacks.. hurt (no comfort.) joel is dead. ellie’s a lil sad :/// ellie’s a lil anxious… ellie’s a projection of me.. ANYWAYS. reader and ellie are kinda the same but different ??? swearing ofc.. reader is very much okay with being a lesbian ! and she’s on good terms with the baby fawtha cause what! ellie is not fond of children apparently?? she also might be autistic.

wc: 2k.

taglist: @flowersforvi @diddiqueen @ellslvr @saturnsdrafts @3lli3l0v3r @williamssgirl @liasxeatt @adelaide013 @a-little-bit-of-everybody @elliessweetheart @pedropascalsbbg @ellies2missingfingers @nelzooo @r3starttt @jaeminpookie @onlinelesbo @tphmnv @p4ison1vy @pascals-doll @snowy-vee @diddiqueen

ellie grew up around masculinity, thats why people assume she is the way she is. but ellie can assure that her brain would work the exact same way if she had a mother.

plus, she had joel. that was really all she needed. she still knew how to be a woman. it’s not like she grew up without a mother and didn’t know anything about herself.

2 WEEKS AND 4 DAYS AGO..

ellie sighed and threw the white stained towel over her shoulder. fuck she muttered under her breath as she read yet another email.

ATTENTION STUDENTS!

You will all be required to purchase the following textbooks in order to complete the course - They will help immensely in the upcoming exam. I recommend reading carefully and thoroughly.

Sincerely,

Prof Morgan.

all 5 of the books linked in the email were over $150.00 each. how the fuck was she supposed to work that out? all while paying her own tuition, rent and utilities.

“yo, williams!” her manager jesse yelled, interrupting her calculations.

“breaks over.” he snatches the towel from her shoulder and makes his way back into the kitchen with it in tow.

she scoffs and shoves her phone back into her polyester pocket. jesse’s head pops back into the room “oh and” he starts before turning to her. “you’re training today” she scoffs and lifts herself off the chair.

“is that even in my job description?” she follows him out of the kitchen once again.

“sure it is, i just described it to you.” he winks, ellie huffs.

the sky had dimmed by the time ellies shift was over. skating home was gonna be a bitch.

“you need a ride home?” dina places a hand atop her shoulder, a helpful smile on her face. ellie really wanted to say no. she’s been asking for help from others so much lately.

“no, uhh- i’ll get home t’night. thanks dee.” she nods as she grabs her skateboard from her locker. have the trucks always been this lose?

“no, i insist.” dina presses. she pulls out her keys and throws her bag over her shoulder.

“let’s go, my child.” she giggles at the nickname. ellies shoulders relax.

“thanks again, i really appreciate it.” ellie said, her tone laced with genuine gratitude. dina dismisses her with a hand flick. “don’t even sweat it.” she bragged. “now get goin, it’s late.”

ellie pushes the car door open with a steady grip on her skateboard. her smile falters as she waves dina off.

she unlocks her door with a trembling hand, she hated being alone.

the picture of her and joel neatly placed beside the coat rack mocked her as she placed her skateboard down in its dedicated spot. she stared into the picture until the colors morphed into one big glob.

the loss of not just a parent, but her only parent cut her deep. she could barely lift her head for the first while, nevermind go to work. she should be proud of herself! but she isn’t.

how could she be? she felt like everyone else in her life was doing so much with themselves. dina had a kid for fucks sake! dina had a whole kid and ellie couldn’t even get to class on time.

“fuck.” she muttered as she placed her keys down. bills upon bills were flooding the kitchen counter. tears burned at her eyes, blurring her eyesight.

i look so pathetic right now. she thought. a slight chuckle leaving her throat at that.

she tried to blink back the tears but she couldn’t, they just kept coming.

her silent whimpers quickly turned to snotty sobs as her chest heaved in and out involuntarily. she placed a heavy hand on her heart as she slid down the kitchen cabinet. soon enough she found herself completely breathless and wailing.

she eventually calmed herself through deep breaths and a cold glass of water. as she does through every panic attack, although the melancholic feeling always lingered.

after joels death ellie could never find herself truly happy. especially not in an environment where he was everything, everytime she turned around she was reminded of the man who wasn’t even her real father.

nothing was really hers.

she made her way down the dark, dusty hallway to her bedroom. desks adorned with pictures of her and joel. she ignored them this time.

she stripped of her uniform and took to the shower. the water burning her skin till it turned red. she scrubbed harshly at her scalp and body. she smelt like grease. gross.

the after shower feeling made her feel a bit better. she grabbed her toothbrush and rinsed it before wiping a glob of colgate toothpaste on the bristles and shoving it in her mouth.

ellie chased sleep for what felt like an eternity. her damp hair scratching at her neck was definitely a part of the problem.

thank god she didn’t work saturdays..

the first 30 seconds of ellie’s day were complete bliss, usually. but not today.

today ellie woke up to the obnoxious sound of a child crying. she decided right then and there that the universe hates her and wants her to die. (but she thinks that about everyone in her life..)

she scoffs and walks over to the curtains, her own padded feet already annoying her.

she peeks out the curtain only to be met with a u-haul and an suv parked in the driveway next door.

new neighbors, how wonderful. and they had a whiny kid! perfect.

she continues watching out the window until she sees you hand off the kid to its father. her eyes follow you until you step into the u-haul and start dragging boxes out. that’s when she sighs and decides to get ready for the day. even though she doesn’t want to.

your entire life you were desperate to be equal. to be taken seriously. you craved maturity.

you spent your entire childhood chasing adulthood. you were desperate to grow up. you didn’t know it then, but you would regret it.

the one thing you didn’t regret, was felix. the baby that you got out of your last relationship. that was before you realized you were very much a lesbian..

“cmon baby, just put your shoe on.” you struggled against the child in the backseat as he wailed. the sound was excruciating.

“please- can you just let mommy put your shoe on?” you gritted as you attempted to shove the shoe onto her other foot.

“no!” he screamed, almost directly into your face. that was it.

“you know what? fuck it.” you muttered the last words under your breath. truthfully you already weren’t setting a good example, but hey! let not say fuck infront of our kid!

you gave up on the shoes and shushed him gently as you undid his seatbelt from his car seat. you placed him in the arms of his father, tossing the shoe into his dinosaur covered backpack.

he slowly came down from his tantrum as he placed his head on his dads shoulder.

“you sure you don’t need me to help unpack?” your ex asks, unsure of leaving you behind with an entire house to furnish.

“yep! i’m good!” you smile. you gently kiss your baby’s forehead before shutting your car door.

the father nods in response. “just text if you need and we will be here. isn’t that right felix?” he asks the child who nods profusely.

“of course mama!” he shouts causing you and his dad to laugh. “well alright then!” you rush, it was still early but you were eager to get to your gardening before dark.

you watch as your ex buckles the kid in and situated himself in the car, before pulling out of the driveway he rolls down felixs window.

you blow kisses as the pull out of the driveway and take off to ‘the old house’ in your sons words.

as soon as the car is out of sight you make your way over to the U-Haul.

you’re so focused on getting this last box out of the truck that you don’t even feel the presence creep up behind you.

“hey did you need some hel-”

“what the fuck!”

you jump in fear before turning around. being faced with a red headed, green eyed girl.

“oh my god, i’m so sorry.” she apologizes calmly. an awkward look on her face as you stare at her wide eyed.

you chuckle lightly before putting your hands on your hips. “it’s alright, hon.” you reassure.

you two just awkwardly stare at eachother for a few seconds before ellie finally speaks up again.

“i saw you struggling. did you want some help?” she asks. her eyes drifting to the box filled with gardening tools.

“oh that would be amazing!” you said before wiping the sweat of your forehead.

ellies eyes follow a droplet of seat down your neckline all the way down your cleavage. she finds herself licking her lips

before you introduce yourself.

she darts her eyes back up to your own, praying that you didn’t see her blatantly check you out. “i’m- i’m ellie.” she jumps over her words.

since when did you not know how to speak, idiot? she internally face palms before walking over to pick up the box.

“where do you want this?” she asks with a grunt as she steadys the box in her arms.

“just over here” you direct, letting her follow you as you walked over to the side of the house. she follows you and sets the box down with ease. she jokingly wipes the dirt off of her hands before nodding and starting to walk off.

“oh sweetie! i don’t wanna be a bother but would you mind helping me with one more thing?”

you must’ve been magic because somehow you swindled ellie into helping you with almost everything, and she was totally fine with it.

currently you were both at your kitchen island, laughing over a bottle of wine.

ellie had confided in you about school and you had rambled to her about what it’s like to be a mother.

“yeah, i mean- besides pregnancy it’s not all that bad.” you admit. ellie’s face shifts at the mention of pregnancy.

“i don’t know if i could ever have a baby inside me. i think i’d like- die.?” she questions. “not that i would of course” she giggles. your face becomes a look of confusion.

“no boyfriend? or just not one for kids?” you ask. you totally forgot that it’s very possible for her to be-

“i’m a lesbian” she answers and takes another sip of wine. her eyes watching your face for any negative reaction.

you clap your hands over your mouth quickly. now it seems obvious.

“i am so sorry, that totally slipped my mind.” she laughs at your attempts to redeem yourself.

“it’s totally chill, don’t worry.” she reassures, a smile on her face.

“i am too, actually.” you admit, it was your first time admitting it to someone other than yourself of your now ex husband.

“oh i was just gonna ask if that was your husband out there earlier.” she fidgets with the rings on her fingers as she asks.

“well, ex. it’s not easy to find a baby sitter that actually takes care of my kid these days.” you admit to her. she ponders for a slight moment before speaking up again.

“well, if you’re looking. i’m usually free during the day, i work nights most of the time.” she offers up. she wasn’t really sure why. she wasn’t even a fan of kids.

“really?!” it looks like your eyes had bulged out of your head. “god that would be amazing! i’ll pay you!”

ellie didn’t hear anything besides ‘i’ll pay you’ that’s all she needed to know.

“yeah of course. i’ll take him.” she confirmed.

that night ellie left with your phone number and a smidge of hope in her heart.

[tswhiisftteedr]

Memories ☆ One Shot

☆Merchant Husband!Jamil Viper x Fem!Yuu!Reader x Merchant Husband!Kalim Al-Asim:

After your student career at NCR, Crowley had yet to find you a way to bring you back to your world. But that didn’t matter anymore, you had by now found yourself a new home in Twisted Wonderland. A family of your own, two wonderful husbands and children. But despite always moving forward, it is sometimes nice to look back to sweet moments of the past..

Warnings: Mature Content, Swearing/Explicit Language, Reader gets called slutty one time but the rest is loving and fluffy. Not Proofread. READER & THE GUYS ARE ABOVE AGE AND MARRIED KEEP THAT IN MIND BEFORE ENGAGING.

Based on this ask:

So could you do a One-Short of Jamil x F!Reader x Kalim? In which the three, now adults and married, both rulers of Scalding Sands, after a day of work and putting the children to bed (Aisha the eldest, daughter of Jamil and Y/n, and Omar, son of Kalim and Y/n), Y/n was organizing the things when he finds a photo album from the time when the three of them studied at NRC, so the three of them start to remember from the time they met, to the moment they got married (while having flashbacks of those moments), remembering all the good and bad times they had, and at the end they have an intimate moment, let's say... 👉🏻👌🏻, if you know what I mean😏

I kept imagining Kalim and Y/n laughing at Jamil, when they went to Scalding Sands for the fireworks festival, where they heard several embarrassing stories from him, including one (I made this one up) where when Jamil and Kalim met, Jamil mistook Kalim for a girl and was all in love about him

Notes: Since the al asim are a long line of wealthy merchans but not royals, I didn’t make them rulers(as in sultans) but high in the the contries hierarchy. Also I don’t know if I actually like that one, I’m not sure this fic is that good, sorry if you don’t like it.

Author Note: I have 15+ other request to work on after this one but I also have to study. About 5 are twst and rest are Hazbin hotel. I have gotten sub!vox x Succubus reader, zestmilla and a Velvette x autistic reader request, but those don’t follow my rules. Though I think I might do the Velvette one, because I hadn’t put in my rules that: I don’t think I have the writing abilities to fulfill a request like that one, when it was sent out. But I’m still not sure, it’s a maybe type of situation, anyways that’s me and my life. Lol anyways enjoy!

☆ more under the cut. ☆

It had been a long, tiring day, so much to do, and you swore to yourself more than once that you were surrounded by incompetent idiots. Being the wife of an old money merchant and a brilliant new money one was a difficult task, you were constantly on your feet, ordering around, signing off on shipments, formulating contracts and making phone calls.

Despite the discomfort and exhaustion that hard work brought you, it was inevitable that you would grow accustomed to it. Reminiscing no more about the world you had left behind, the scalding sands were your home, with your two husbands and your children.

Aisha and Omar, the light of your day. The sunshine they brought into any room they entered, that always made you smile.

Aisha resembled Jamil so much that no one could question where she had gotten her traits from, always calculating and good at keeping her emotions in check, she was truly the responsible elder daughter. Though, same could be said for Omar and Kalim. The two of them were like pees in a pot, the times they would fall to their endeavours you couldn’t help but wondered if one of them was really an adult.

But at last it was time for your little sunshines to go to bed, they had school tomorrow and you didn't want them to be sleepy in class. So after saying goodbye to their Nanny, Mrs.Miriam, you tucked them in. Sweet fairy tales and gentle lullabies to hold their hands on their journey to dreamland.

As you step out of the children’s bedroom you could help but notice the door to the storage room was croaked open, ‘must have been the kids’ you assume. After all, Aisha loved to wear your old dresses, even if they didn't fit. And have a tea party in them with her brother, Omar probably wore one of Jamil's many business suits, he loved to look professional during these play dates, even though the big fabric made him look somewhat ridiculous.

You stepped in to make sure everything was tidy, but much to your expectation and disappointment, the children had left the room a mess.

At that moment, you sincerely asked yourself why you didn't have a maid, ‘you were rich, so why were you the one who had to clean up?’ But no reason to lament on it for too long, being pissy wouldn’t clean the room.

So you reluctantly began to reorganize the chamber, despite your tired state. While doing so, you coincidentally happen to stumble onto a fancy-looking box, a rather large one at that. It had an inscription carved into it, 'Memories'. And upon opening it, you had discovered about 5 or so photo albums. Three of them belonged exclusively to Kalim and Jamil, one was dedicated to the three of you and the last one was just NRC memories in general.

Opening the album filled with shared emotions brought a delightful wave of nostalgia to your heart. Swiftly completing the room cleaning, you carried the box to the living room, eager to reminisce about high school days and enjoy glimpses of your husband's past.

After about 30 minutes of reviewing the photo albums, you had only reached halfway through the NCR one when you heard the sound of keys opening the front door.

Focusing on the voices, you recognized your husbands, you had been eagerly anticipated their return. Myriam had only prepared food for the children, so you had patiently waited for Jamil to arrive and treat you to his delicious cooking.

As the two men entered, shedding coats and shoes, you overheard Kalim sharing a laugh about his workday. At least one of you three found joy in the challenges of being successful merchants.

“Well hello there, what's a lovely lady like yourself doing all alone tonight?” Jamil greeted, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and planting a kiss on the crook of your neck.

‘Such a flirt,’ you mused to yourself, even after years of marriage, he still seized every opportunity to hit on you—an aspect not everyone would expect given his usual demeanor. “Nothing too special, my good sir. Just indulging in the pleasure of walking down memory lane,” you replied, gesturing to the open photo album on your lap.

"Mhm, I see," he responds, while your other husband explores the elegant box. Pulling out one of the albums that you didn't contribute to, he opens it and flips to the first page. Sporting a broad grin, he exclaims, "Man, this brings me back!"

After giving a glance at which album Kalim had chosen, Jamil nods in agreement. "Sure does, though I did hate you when those pictures were taken."

"That's so mean, Jamil!" Kalim protests.

"What can I say? You were quite the annoying and demanding kid. I'm glad Omar didn't completely take after you with that one." He sneakers and Kalim whines as a responds. Though it ends with both of them lightly laughing.

It's true that Jamil and Kalim once had a conflicting relationship, but after working through their dynamics, they became good friends and, subsequently, lovers.

It all began as a sort of love triangle after the winter break of your first and their second year. Kalim confessed to Jamil that he had fallen for you, not realizing that Jamil had been harboring feelings for you for quite some time. But instead of brushing off his emotions for the sake of the Al-Asim family as he had previously done, Jamil candidly admitted to Kalim that he also liked you and wouldn't back down just because Kalim felt the same.

A friendly competition ensued, as they vied for your attention by outdoing each other whenever you were present. ‘You had trouble with a certain topic in class? Jamil would help you out.’ (1 point for Jamil). ‘You wanted new stationary because the ones Crowley had provided were on their last lives, Kalim would get them for you, gold or silver encrusted? Your pick.’ (1 point for Kalim). And so on.

However, it did happen that the ever-clumsy Kalim would unintentionally disrupted Jamil's plans, such as on the before Halloween night. Jamil had prepared meticulously to ask you to the Halloween dance, crafting a special gift.

With the assisted by the ‘unexpectedly benevolent at that moment’ Professor Crewel, he concocted a bouquet of everlasting sparkling flowers. Perfecting the potion applied to the plants, creating a handcrafted card, and embroidering a sweet message on the ribbon that would tie it all up, took considerable time. Considering his responsibilities as vice housewarden, club duties, and student work, he may or may not have sacrificed a significant amount of sleep for those flowers, but despite the sleepless nights that took some toll on his health, he believed it was worth it for the girl he loved. Because ‘Hey, what’s a couple hours of missed beauty sleep when we’re taking about making happy the future love of you life!’

Everything was set to be flawless – he was impeccably dressed in his uniform, almost done with his hair, just a bouquet delivery away from asking you out. ‘Simple, right?’

However, what Jamil hadn't anticipated was that, despite Kalim growing up surrounded by gold and precious gems, he still acted like a magpie drawn to anything shiny. Walking through the scarabia hallways, Kalim noticed the slightly ajar door to Jamil's room and, feeling the urge to close it, approached. ‘He didn’t want people going in to his friend jamil’s room with his consent!’ after all.

Though, his concern for people entering Jamil's room without his agreement didn't seem to extend to himself. After seeing light reflect on something through the door’s opening, he entered, consequently spotting the beautiful sparkling bouquet on the vice housewarden's desk and couldn't resist getting a closer look.

As Jamil returned to the room, Kalim, in a reflex, hid the flowers behind himself to cover the fact that he had touched something he shouldn't have.

Obviously, Jamil immediately noticed the bouquet behind the white-haired boy; with around 100 flowers, it couldn't be easily concealed. As he was about to ask for the flowers, Jamil took a noticed to something in peculiar – Kalim was remarkably close to the desk, espagnol with the flowers behind his back. That's when it dawned on him: Kalim was currently crushing the flowers.

Seizing Kalim by the shoulder and reclaiming the flowers, Jamil couldn't help but observe the crushed petals that now marred the majority of the bouquet. As Kalim acknowledged the dire state of the plants, he looked at Jamil with a face full of guilt.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I just wanted to get a better look, and then you surprised me-" Kalim began.

"Oh, so now it's my fault? My fault you came into my room without asking, and it's my fault you touched something that didn't belong to you? Do you even know what these were for? I worked so hard to make them look that way! But now they're ruined!" Jamil emphasized, throwing the bouquet on the ground.

Now grabbing Kalim by his collar, Jamil continued, "They were for me to ask Y/N to the dance. I spent so much time trying to make them look perfect, something you wouldn't understand since you probably would've just bought something instead of taking the time to make it. You just ruin everything. Shit, you make me so fucking angry!"

The sudden yank on Kalim's collar caused him to stumble backward, landing on the edge of the desk, his legs still firmly planted on the ground. He yelped softly in surprise as he felt Jamil's breath hot against his neck, and a shiver ran down his spine at the combination of anger and... something else? Maybe it was just the closeness that made him tremble.

"L-Look I’m sorry," he managed to choke out between ragged breaths. "Please forgive Jamil, I-I didn’t mean too."

However, Jamil's grip tightened further, pulling him closer until their bodies were flush against each other. Their faces were mere centimeters apart now, and Jamil's eyes bore into Kalim's like daggers. Despite his rage, there was an underlying heat burning brightly in his eyes, threatening to consume both of them.

Without warning, Jamil leaned forward, crushing their lips together full of madness. His tongue forced its way past Kalim's surprised lips, seeking entry into his mouth. His hands moved up to cup Kalim's face, holding him in place as he deepened the kiss.

Finally breaking the kiss, “What the hell,”Tsk, “Shit! I don’t know what came over me, I was just so mad and-“ Jamil began rambling but is cut off when an audibles “fuck” came out of Kamil’s lips.

“Did you just say fuck?” Jamil question,

“You just kissed me and that’s what you’re worried about!” Kalim retorts.

“You’re right, sorry, I’m sorry. Let’s just forget about this and never speak of it a-“ Jamil starts again,

“Wanna do it again?” Kalim cuts off once more.

Meanwhile you patiently waited at the location Jamil had texted you, but after 45 minutes of silence and Jamil not responding to your texts, you decided to take matters into your own hands.

You weren't about to get stood up, no matter how pretty the motherfucker was. Heading straight to Scarabia ready for any excuse or so you thought. What you didn't anticipate was walking into both of your crushes making out on Jamil's bed.

They were so absorbed in each other that they hadn't noticed your presence in the room. To break their entrancement, you casually remarked, "Hot." Seeing the two guys you admire in appearance and personality, kissing and grabbing at each other was an undeniably attractive sight.

However, that your words did break their moment. Pulling away, Jamil spoke from under Kalim, "Um, hey, how's it going, Y/N?"

"Don't 'Y/N' me, Jamil. You texted me to meet you in front of the Seven's statues because you had something important to tell me. Then you don't show up and ignore all my texts. Now, if you want to continue your make-out session with Kalim, I'd suggest you promptly spit out what you wanted to tell me," you sternly replied, perhaps a bit too harsh. Despite your initial reaction, you quickly faced the reality that if they liked each other, you couldn't be with either of them and that hurt you. Or so you thought until their next words.

"Oh, well, the thing was that I wanted to ask you to the dance, but the bouquet I made for you kinda went south," he said, looking at the smushed gift on the floor. Following his gaze, you discovered the beautifully sparkling yet crushed flowers at your feet.

"So wait—why are you making out with Kalim if you were going to ask me out? I get the idea of going as friends, but the bouquet is a bit over the top for situations like that." You point out.

"No, it's not. Shit, it's hard to explain," he paused and collected himself, with Kalim now seated beside him.

"So, what happened is that I was going to ask you out as my date, in a romantic type of way. But Kalim accidentally ruined my gift, and that got me so angry, then we kind of just started making out. So I guess I also like Kalim in addition to you," Jamil explained.

"I'm confused as fuck... so let me get this clear, you like me, but you also like Kalim, and he's okay with it," you remarked.

"Yeah, I mean, I also like you. So it's kinda better if he also does," Kalim replied.

"Wait— You also like me?" you questioned.

"I'm sorry, Y/N, I know this is sort of really weird, and it's totally fine if you don't reciprocate our feelings. I totally get it. You are in no obligation to do so," Jamil says to you.

"You're right, I'm not obligated to do so," you paused, making their hearts stop. The rollercoaster of emotions from anger and anxiety to hot and bother to finally feeling rejected was a bit too much to handle in such a short amount of time. But your next words brought peace to their hearts and minds. "But, would it be weird if I were to admit that I also liked the two of you?"

"At this point, not at all," Jamil replied.

"So is it okay if I join your make-out sesh?" you asked.

"Of course!" Kalim exclaimed, grabbing your wrist and, consequently, throwing you onto the bed with the two of them.

And that's how the three of you began your relationship.

Now back to the present,

The three of you had migrated to your Shaftland(Alaskan) king-sized bed, with you positioned between the two. You were all in pyjamas by now, you in shorts and a t-shirt. Currently, you were flipping through the album Kalim had picked up.

"Oh, and this was the first picture we took after I realized you were a guy," Kalim said, pointing at a photo of the two of them studying as children.

"Wait, you thought Jamil was a girl?" you questioned.

"Well, I did at first. He was really pretty as a kid and had nice long hair, though, I guess he still is," he said with a giggle. You looked at your other husband for confirmation, half-expecting Kalim to be playfully trying to confuse you. However, Jamil nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, apparently he did for the longest time. We got introduced at four, and during the span of 6 years, he thought I was a chick," he explained.

“So how did he find out you weren't?" you asked.

"One day, he dragged me out in the rain to play a game of ball. I tried to tell him that we couldn't, but he wouldn't budge. After about half an hour, I finally convinced him to come back in to avoid both of us getting a cold. I had prepared a bath for both of us to use, but, of course, it had to be kept a secret. I couldn't let anyone know I might have let Kalim get sick. So once the bath was ready, I began to strip. My shirt was halfway off when he started rambling about taking responsibility as the honorable son of the Al-Asim family and marrying me after seeing me indecently. I just stared at him for a couple of minutes, in shock, and then corrected him about my gender. The looks he gave me were like I had just turned his whole world upside down," Jamil explained.

"Well, it felt like you did back then," Kalim commented with a huff.

"I guess props to Kalim for wanting to do the 'decent thing' and marry you," you said with a snicker.

"Ha, ha, really funny," Jamil replied sarcastically.

"In the end, it did happen, though," Kalim said, somewhat of a marvel in his eyes.

"True, maybe 10-year-old Kalim had fortune-telling abilities. You never know," you said.

"For some reason, I strongly doubt that," Jamil retorted.

You soon turned to the album filled with pictures of the three of you. As you examined the images, a hint of insecurity crept in.

"I wish I still looked like that, being 16 and beautiful," you expressed, but that didn't sit well with your husbands, not at all.

"Babes, what are you talking about! You're literally so beautiful, like really beautiful. I mean it," Kalim reassured.

"Yes, he's right. You’ll always be gorgeous," agreed Jamil, wrapping his arm around your frame.

"And besides, nobody could ever compare to you," added Kalim with a wink.

Your face gets warmer at their compliments, feeling a little better but still you couldn't shake off the nagging doubt in your mind. You knew they meant well, but sometimes it was hard not to compare yourself to your younger self or to other woman in general.

"Thanks you two, really, I appreciate it," you managed to say softly, trying to sound more confident than you actually were.

Kalim leaned in closer, nuzzling his nose into your neck and whispering hot breath against your sensitive skin. "I love how you smell so sweet," he muttered before trailing kisses down your neckline, leaving marks along the way.

Jamil followed suit, nipping at your earlobes and sucking lightly on them before moving downwards towards your cleavage. His hands traced slow circles around your waist, teasingly brushing against your sensitive flesh.

You gasp softly, arching your back into their touch, unable to resist their advances. Your heart raced faster than usual, thumping wildly against your chest as anticipation built up inside of you.

You felt your shorts being unfastened one by one, exposing your body to your husband’s hungry gazes. You closed your eyes, savoring the anticipation building up inside. Your breath hitched as you felt Kalim's warm fingertips teasingly tracing along your thighs, brushing against against sensitive flesh before dipping slightly lower towards your wet panties.

Lifting your shirt, his tongue traced circles around your nipples, sucking and licking each one until they stood erect and hardened.

Jamil's hands moved higher up your body, cupping your breasts in his large palms, massaging them roughly yet tenderly. His thumb played with your nipples, teasing them mercilessly while his lips found yours, claiming their own passionate kiss. Their tongues tangled together, exploring every crevice of each other's mouths as he continued to fondle your chest.

As things escalated further, both men began to undress themselves, revealing their cocks straining against their boxers. You could feel your pussy growing increasingly hotter and more lubricated at the sight of their hardened members, yearning for the moment they would finally fuck you. You moaned, your voice trembling with desire and need.

Kalim moved between your legs, spreading them wider apart before leaning down to nibble on your sensitive inner thighs. His hot breath fanned across your wet pussy lips, making goosebumps rise on your sensitive skin. "I want to taste you," he croaked against your panties, his hands gripping tightly onto your thighs. He did become ‘pushy’ then his usual self when it came to sex.

Before you could respond, he yanked down your underwear, exposing your pussy to his hungry mouth. He groaned deeply, savoring the scent of your arousal filling his nose. His tongue darted out, tracing slow circles around your entrance before exploring your hole, lapping up every drop of your dripping arousal. You cried out in pleasure, your body trembling as waves of pleasure washed over your.

Jamil stop you momentarily to change the position, now under you, with your back against his chest, hands spreading your thighs, his member now pressing against your entrance. With one swift motion, he thrust himself inside her tight hole, stretching her walls wide open. You gasped at the feeling, meanwhile Kalim returned to devouring your pretty pussy.

"You taste so fucking good, baby," Kalim muttered hoarsely between licks and sucks, his tongue darting in and out of your wet entrance. His fingers continued to tease your sensitive spots, finding just the right rhythm to send shockwaves of pleasure coursing through your body.

Jamil grunted deeply, thrusting faster now, his cock stretching your tight channel even further, filling you up completely. He reached down to play with one of your nipples, pinching it gently before twisting it roughly. "That's it, take all of me, my slutty little wife"

Your moans turned into high-pitched whimpers as they both relentlessly attacked every inch of your body. Your walls clamped tightly around Jamil's cock, milking him for more while you ended up squirting onto Kalim's face. The mixed flavors of their combined arousal only served to fuel their lustful hunger.

“Oh god, yes," you moaned, your voice breaking with pleasure. You felt so full, yet so empty at the same time. Your pussy clenched tightly around his thick shaft, milking him as he began to move faster and harder, slamming into your core repeatedly. Meanwhile Kalim had broke away to focus on his own erection, soon placing himself in your mouth and facefucking you. You didn’t protest, he had been so good to you, ‘so why not let him have his fun?’

"Shit, you’re so beautiful Y/N," stated Jamil, his hips moving in sync with Kalim's thrusting rhythm. You could feel yourself nearing orgasm once more, your body trembling in anticipation of release.

"Fuck, ‘it’s to much!" you cried out against your husband’s cock, though it came out as a mumble, in addition your voice was already hoarse from their passionate lovemaking. Your pleasing noises only served to fuel their lust even more, pushing them closer to climax together. You and Jamil being the first to finish, he slightly thrusted into to ride out your high.

Kalim was watching the two of you like a hawk, throwing his head back in ecstasy as he relished in the sounds you made. He soon reached his own breaking point, moving back to his original position to finish on your pussy and stomach.

After a couple minutes of heavy breathing,

"This was fantastic," Kalim remarks between breaths.

"Yeah, it was. By the way, are you still taking the pill?" Jamil asks, turning to face you.

"Oh, no. I forgot I was on a break from it," you say, a bit alarmed.

"Well, looks like Aisha and Omar might have some potential siblings on the way," Kalim says with a giggle.

"Ha ha, real funny," you respond sarcastically.

"I mean, it's not that bad of an idea," Jamil suggests.

"Okay, less thinking about more kids, and more thinking of showering now. I am beat and sweaty," you say.

"Yes, ma'am," the two of them say in unison.

And that’s how your night ended.

Thanks @Selena_Twisted_Wonderland on AO3 for requesting!

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» The devil’s coming but only to worship me_.

Heyo guys, gals, and nonbinary pals! I'm Donatello, but I more commonly go by Don. I'm your average ninja mutant turtle teen with a penchant for violence and chaotic shenanigans. I'm just a silly guy, don't be afraid to hang around! You can slide something into my inbox while you're at it, I won't mind !

OC MASTERPOST (Last updated: July 1st)

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#atomic bomb [⚛️🧪] - @atomic-rattz (BEST BRO 🗣🗣🗣)

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Other moots!

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#cassette tape 📼 - @cin3maa (THE LIL SIS EVER‼️‼️)

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ADDITIONAL INFO UNDER CUT (PLEASE READ)

MY ART REQUESTS ARE CLOSED!!

Please don’t ask if my requests or commissions are open. They aren’t. And I don’t plan to open them any time soon. I’m a self-indulgent artist who draws what he wants, and I’d like to keep it that way.

INTERESTS Feel free to talk to me about these things!

Splatoon and the Splatoon Manga (aka coroika). It's my favorite video game EVER and I am more than ready to gush about it.

Pokemon. I'm not as well versed in the earlier games, but I do know quite a bit of it!

Legend of Zelda. Specifically BoTW, TotK, TP, and SS.

Kirby. I am I HUGE fan of the eldritch horrors in this game.

Haikyuu, SpyxFamily, Kuroko no Basket, Dungeon Meshi, and Kusuriya no Hitorigoto.

Vocaloid and J-pop. It's all I listen to, actually.

BOUNDARIES

Tcest, incest, and proshippers DNI

I make suggestive jokes (I'm a teen. What dost thou expect of me), but I won't be drawing NFSW, nor will I accept me or other minors being sexualized. We are not child molesters.

Please be nice! I'm not exactly the best at wording things (tone indicators save my life), but I will never, EVER be mean to someone on purpose (unless they deserve it. Then I'll go ham). While interacting on my blog, please refrain from being toxic. Some thoughts are better left to yourself

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I don't do commissions, but I take requests! If I see something in my ask box I like, I'll draw it. So, if you have any ideas, feel free to share them! I like having motivation boosters.

Don't.... don't try to flirt with me........ I'm taken....... I won't accept... guys please..... I know I'm hot but like.... please........ I'm also a minor....... guys..... 😞

EXTRA INFO ABOUT ME!!! IF YOU EVEN CARE!!!

16 years old

5'4"

INTP / 5w4 / 548

I ate a roly poly once (I was fIVE-)

During covid I chose suicide, now I choose homicide :)

I may be a Donnie but I am warning you, I am very. Very dumb

AuDHD (I just say I'm autistic tho because it's funnier)

Chaotic evil

Literally just a cat in a turtle body

Will Bite /threat

Keeps getting adopted by people for some reason

Yyyyyeeahhhhh that's about it, remember to be nice and have fun and shit. Stay silly gang!!!!

[gemharvest]

Okay hear me out (and I will forget I sent an ask in again 2 seconds later) RGB as crystal gems

PREFACING THIS ART WITH AN "I'm sorry I didn't lean more into the SU side of things" I am being so fr I don't wanna mess with trying to figure out more gem-like outfits for them so they're basically the same except with limited palettes and also gems. I don't think it's actually gonna matter to anyone but ANSJKNKDGJ if I don't open with that my brain will Explode. /lh

GO CRAZY GO STUPID AHHHHHH. GEMS. I'm going to have to put my bullet points under a read more just cuz I know I am about to fucking Go Off. grins

Girlfriend is a red diamond. Boyfriend is a peridot. Pico is a green spinel.

GIRLFRIEND:

Went with a diamond cuz of the status thing. I am almost worried it feels like too easy of a pull but I doonnn't care I think it'd be fun if she was a diamond. :) Red obviously because it's her color.

Playing off the status thing; ofc her parents would also be diamonds and so you can have the reasoning of "oh this isn't a high-rank gem" for them not liking Boyf. I mean if you need any reasoning aside from them just being unreasonable LOL but that's always there.

Placement on her chest because !! love !!!! That's also why it's a heart-shaped cut instead of a. Diamond shape.

My backup assignment for her would be a jasper because I think it'd suit her well to be any quartz, and with jasper you can get close to her reds !! The status thing is really what made me decide on a diamond tho.

As I type this I realize there are some vaaaguee similarities to Pink I could pull as extra reasoning but shruuuugs my brain is NOT in an analytical mood rn so I'll just let others chew on that for me.

This isn't really relevant to RGB but I wanna mention it: I think it'd be funny if the demon henchmen were rubies.

BOYFRIEND:

The biggest factor for me going peridot with him is the fact that a common headcanon for canon Peridot is that she's autistic and while I mostly work with ADHD Boyf myself (since that's the experience I can pull from personally)... I am a sucker for a good autistic/AuDHD read with him.

This man is short and Era 2 peridots are short. If I drew him SU style this guy would need limb enhancers. lol

Instead of a prohibition symbol his shirt has the outline of a star. I just find that neat. :)

He would sooooooo suck at a peridot's role but also iirc in canon he's a college drop out anyways so it cancels out. He's got that Greg Universe in him.

Honestly, I put his gem placement on the back of his hand bc I had no clue where else to put it. My secondary placement for it would be on his forehead bc it'd make me giggle with him being Dumb but canon Peridot already has the forehead placement so I didn't go ahead with that.

HE STOLE PICO'S GREEN SPOT. spritzing him with water like a naughty dog BAD BOYFRIEND.

PICO:

This is my little indulgent one I really. I really love canon Spinel. This is tangential but like I literally have 4 spinel OCs and then another 4 furry OCs with designs based on canon Spinel. The urge to make One Of Them a spinel was going to be there.

The juxtaposition of him being a gem with an entertainer role and also a hard-ass hitman makes me giggle. Idk I feel like if you already know canon Spinel then you can probably connect the dots as to why I'd imagine him as a spinel as well.

Heart cut because I find it cute and it matches GF. I think a spade shape could be fun too but idk I prefer just going with a heart. Placement on his upper back because. :) Because he can't easily shield it from damage that way. He has to be constantly aware of his surroundings, unless he wants to give someone the chance for an easy hit on him if they sneak up from behind. Little paranoia thing to fuck with him. I'm so nice to Pico !! :D

Bringing back the status thing with GF's parents; I can't help but giggle thinking abt them hiring him. Imagine you get recommended this really good hitman and you meet up and it's a fucking court jester. Fucking ego hit but DD needs the job done so he hires him anyways. AND THEN PICO DOESN'T EVEN CARRY OUT THE FUCKING HIT. Never hiring a clown off of Craigslist again. /JOKING

hits play on this and sits down with my head in my hands

OKAY BEFORE I'M DONE I WANNA MENTION: I made myself give them all gem assignments BUT I do think it would be fun if one of them was not a gem a la Greg and Rose. So I give you: regular canon demon GF and her two gem boyfriends. Takes a bow. (<- honestly might do something further with that for my own fun. teehee)

[pizzagame4000]

NOISETTE THEMED DOODLE DUMP ft. cheesecake and the spouses

copious hazel headcanons under the cut because i can’t help myself

first off: her name is Hazel 👍🏻 ik that’s a common one but it’s literally perfect… canon info to me

her favorite thing to do, besides making experimental food, is actually exercising! she’s an incredibly skilled acrobat and stunt artist, so she needs to be fit for that, but she also just enjoys letting the excess energy out bc she gets really cranky otherwise. she’s toned af and could wipe the floor with you - she doesn’t go around picking fights for no good reason, but if she did… heehee

she has such an unending well of passion for all of her interests that some find her to be too much but she dgaf… she’s unabashedly autistic and does NOT care if you don’t want to hear her infodump about obscure cheeseslime genetics, she will do it anyways

i like to think that, although she is very bubbly, she has an insane morbid streak that catches people off guard. she loves talking about anatomy and gross-out subjects to anyone who can stomach it, and cracks the most fucked up jokes - it’s one of the reasons her and noise get along so well. she is thinking about blood and guts because she thinks it’s interesting!!!! she will give you hyperspecific graphic threats of violence if you make her mad!!! teehee!!

i would put her at like… chaotic neutral but leaning towards good. she has an almost scientific fascination with violence and seeing what kinds of stress a body can take, and doesn’t mind watching shit unfold instead of helping… unless something actually super fucked up is going on (like way past canon typical pizza tower violence), she’s not going to bat for you lol she’s gonna grab a camera and clipboard

her interest in anatomy branches out into a love for biology, medicine and health in general - as much as she loves watching her boyfriend beat the shit out of some chump on live tv, she also loves studying how different creatures work and how to treat injuries. she almost became a doctor! but she didn’t like the rigid schedule and pressure, so she fostered her interest in dance and gymnastics, and went into television as a stunt double instead. that’s actually how she met noise! that’s why they look so much alike - she was told to inquire NTV for a job because of the resemblance. noise thought she was so cool she was asked to be his co-star instead, and they’ve been inseparable ever since.

sometimes she gets tired of the noisette persona, but she does genuinely like theo, so it’s hard. she’s been more busy with this NTV gig (that’s looking more like a full blown career) than she would like, so that’s why she opened her cafe - to do something else for once dammit!! she likes weird shit, food included!!!

i have two shipping scenarios i like, so consider these parallel universes - hazel x vigi, and hazel x vigi x noise

if you don’t like negative takes on the noise relationship i’d recommend skipping to 2 ^_^

1. her relationship with noise deteriorates bc noise can’t accept the fact that hazel doesn’t wanna be noisette all the time! they’re so busy, he barely even makes time for her anymore - he barely even tolerates her! it’s not until vigi comes into the picture that she realizes she doesn’t have to deal w that mess. but it sucks cuz noise isn’t just her bf, but also like!!! a big part of her career!!! and she does genuinely love him but he’s just!!! an uncommunicative ass!!! it culminates in hazel leaving him and crashing at vigi’s farm because fuck it, it’s her life she does what she wants. she will kiss the cheese AND rebuild her tv career, on her own terms this time baybee

2. noise and hazel still have that issue but they actually communicate like adults and fix their relationship problems, so none of that shit happens! happy ending! hazel has her own life and theo actually lets his gf know he loves her! woah! enter vigi, in: “we saw you across the bar and we really dig your vibe…” imagining vigi as a third to hazel and theo, completely out of his depth but too bisexual to care, is SO funny to me lol… like hazel and him are probably the only two together at first but over time he and theo warm up to each other more (gay intent) and it’s perfect

[thesylverlining]

Oh boy, I'm excited/nervous to share this - I wrote a song. About Tech Bad Batch.

I just had... so many feelings about him, and how his life/'death' (as an amazing, actually freaking groundbreaking autistic character, done quite dirty by the narrative's conclusion) was handled, the story choices and the fan reaction to them. Feelings of anger, betrayal, loss, utter confusion due to frankly bizarre story structure and simply falling into fog (where we can't see him) -

Anyway. It's been a lot. For a lot of us. 💚

So this is me processing... All That. And coming to the conclusion that even if aspects of it hurt me, ultimately, stories and the people in them belong to all of us, and our feelings about them are ours and real, even if the characters aren't. Much love to this show and fandom, always. And yes, I feel better now. This was therapy.

(Obligatory: this isn't an invitation for debate or discourse. It's an expression of art, and arguments/drags will be futile. Nice words, however are very welcome. 💜 Also, this song is on Bandcamp, and probably elsewhere soon!)

Lyrics under the cut!

Never thought I'd catch a glimpse of someone like you

Sees the universe and life the way that I do

And best of all, they let you shine

Galaxies illuminate in your rare mind

And you think like me

I knew that you feel like me

When I ran the numbers they all told me you'd stay

Logical conclusions pointing only one way

I never could take much on faith

Always needed evidence no one could shake

But I believed in you

I let myself believe in you

But now you're gone

The story's all wrong

I feel like such a fool!

They told me you would come back

Always supposed to come home

Even waiting for you seemed like a game

Waiting just to see your face

I'd see your shadow every day

But fate gets twisted

And I can't see you.

Playing back the memories time after time

Every place they told me I misread the signs

And every time they'd hint and tease

I laughed along, but the joke's on me

If you had to go,

Why am I the last to know?

But we lace our boots and pick ourselves off the ground

Standing side by side in the joy we've found

Who cares if stories break my trust

When they belong to all of us?

Can you see us all,

Standing by to break your fall?

We've all been told

How the story unfolds

But rebels live on hope!

Hoping that you'll come back

Waiting till you come home

But even if you never return

I don't regret a thing

You would be so proud to see

How we remember

And we still see you.

[yinyangle]

i am so incredibly autistic about them you people have no idea

rambles and stuff under cut

anyways. so heres chat my beloved. brain decided twitch chat was most important character ever. now im stuck like this, with a little purple hivemind as a comfort. wonderful. i even have a roblox avatar of them it looks like this

isnt it awesome. it barely looks like them but it gets the point across. i love it. it makes me so happy. they make me so happy. for no reason. i love how my design of them has evolved over time.

have i ever shown them without robes to tumblr? they have black fur under the robes! entirely black! the white parts only go to their joints! isnt that so awesome? that part of the design is kind of a remnant from their old designs, where i still drew them with a hat. cuz they would hide the black fur and pretend it was all white. to match the mask of course. and of course now the dark fur is on display. because i decided fuck it i love drawing fluff they can be a little fluffy as a treat.

and also, if you look at older drawings, they used to have shoes. why get rid of them? 1. paws too big to fit in the shoes 2. i didnt want to draw shoes 3. i like drawing paws. fight me.

is this the most self indulgent ive ever been publically about them? maybe. but also this is my blog. and if you're as insane about rttopia as me youll take any art you can get, whether it appeals to your views or not. this is what 3 years of a special interest encompassing every single aspect of your life does to a mf. you get a chat design so far removed from the original mii its insane. and i wouldnt have it any other way. i love them like this, with all my headcanons stacked and piled so high the top cannot be seen with the naked eye. i hope in the future it gets even higher, with my designs getting more complex as more lore and love is poured into these characters, until eventually theyre unrecognizable. power of autism.

this ramble has gone on long enough and if you read it all im very thankful, have a lovely day !!! :D

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA (30f) for losing my cool/snapping at my roommate and friend (30m, who I will call Kyle) because he was too loud playing games online with his friends?

For context, in case it's needed: this happened a couple months ago, but it's been on my mind. We are both autistic and thus got a late start in our adult lives, in several ways. We have been friends for 10 years and have lived together for roughly 7 of them, on and off (we adopted 2 cats together many years ago, its just easier like this so we dont have to separate them or force one of us to be away from the cats. we love them very much. kind of a coparenting situation lol). Kyle has a salaried tech job that's remote for 70% of the time, and I've recently become a full-time online college student after failing to "make it" without a degree.

We live in a tiny 2-bedroom house that Kyle's family owns. We're only charged for utilities, which is why neither of us are leaving anytime soon (contrary to what you might assume, Kyle does not make a lot of money), especially since it's giving me the opportunity to go to school full-time and not worry about rent. Kyle helps me a lot with groceries and other necessities and I do most of the chores.

So we are always basically on top of each other, and sometimes we get on each other's nerves. We try to be respectful of each others' space, but it's hard because there is not much space in the first place.

I had a really busy day studying and doing homework, which is basically every day for me, since I'm taking 6 classes, 4 of which are STEM classes. So I tend to fall asleep early if I'm not unintentionally pulling all-nighters. I was trying to sleep when this happened around 9pm.

He usually closes his door because he knows he can be very loud, but it doesn't help much. I ended up having to close my own door to try and drown out some of his yelling and laughing, which I understand is going to happen and I try not to hold it against him.

But then he opened his door and left it wide open, so I could hear everything, like he was in the same room. Something really funny must have happened because he started scream-laughing.

Despite this being a semi-regular weekly occurrence, I was really startled. I figured, it probably wasn't intentional and he'll try to quiet down and close his door. I tried to relax and as soon as I started to fall asleep, he did it again, except louder.

This time he didn't stop, he was full-on screaming and yelling at the top of his lungs. Kinda like those game streamers/youtubers where literally all they do is scream the whole time? Very similar. My cat, who was asleep under the blanket on top of me, got startled awake and scratched the shit out of my leg.

I think this all triggered a "fight" response because I was suddenly just so incredibly pissed at Kyle, which I tried to get under control, but he would not stop screaming and I literally could not hear myself think.

(I cannot wear earplugs or have anything in/covering my ears for huge sensory reasons.)

Then my cat wanted to leave the room to see what the commotion was, so I had to open the door, which gave me a direct line of sight to to Kyle at his computer.

I walked over to his doorway. Tried to knock and call his name, but he didnt notice with his noise cancelling headphones on. So I slammed my hand against his door to get his attention & yelled "Hey! Shut the fuck up, Kyle!"

He looked surprised to see me and laughed and kinds waved it off and said "sorry, it got a little intense" and he started to explain what they were doing.

I cut him off and said "I don't care. Shut the hell up." He said he could close his door again, and I said "No, you need to stop. Just stop! You're freaking the cats out too!" and I pointed to my leg with huge bloody scratch marks, shut his door, went back to my room, shut my own door. And of course after that I had adrenaline coursing through my body and I couldn't fall asleep anyway.

After that, I didnt hear a single sound from his room apart from an occasional quiet laugh. I started to feel guilty. I think I overreacted and ruined his fun. I know this is his way of blowing off steam halfway through the work week.

I also felt embarrassed because his friends probably heard me throwing a fit. We have lived with them before, and they're exactly that loud every single night. I have had to ask them to quiet down multiple times, and Kyle told me later on that gave them the impression that I'm. Well, "neurotic, controlling bitch" was heavily implied. Kyle is usually a lot more chill, but being around these guys influences him to act more like them.

But, I guess being loud while having fun isn't a crime, especially when it's not even 10pm yet. I feel like I proved his friends right, maybe.

The next morning I apologized, he apologized too, and everything seems to be good between us, but it's been a while and he's a lot quieter during game night now. He's such a reserved and stressed out person, he hardly ever laughs except when he's playing games, so I feel like I destroyed an important outlet.

I told another friend what happened and she said I didn't overreact at all and she would have flipped out way sooner if her husband did that. (Not sure it's comparable I mean we aren't married lol) And for the record, this friend and her husband were once part of a now-fractured friend group including Kyle and his game night friends, but grew apart, for a lot of reasons, but I think mainly because the Loud Gamer Friends never really grew up while everyone else matured and moved on to different phases in life.

Basically my friends current impression of Kyle is that he is a decent person but incredibly emotionally stunted and feels like he may unintentionally cope in ways that often hurt me without caring as much as she thinks he should. Which....feels partially accurate, I guess. But isn't that placing too much responsibility on him for my wellbeing? He does a lot for me, so it felt like an unfair thing to say.

My mom on the other hand, seems to fully think I am an asshole fun-ruiner. She thinks I should have tried harder to calm down. Maybe I should have approached him sooner - nicely.

And I agree. He probably would have tried his best to oblige even if he couldn't fully succeed. But that's the reason I didn't bother - in the past he has only been able to honor that kind of request for maybe 10-15 minutes, then forgets, and it's exhausting to keep reminding him.

Anyway... what does everyone here think?

[eshithepetty]

LISTEN. I KNOWWW that the polls haven't even started, but I'm impatient, ok, I'm just putting this out there now cause I can't take it..... anyways - I've seen people do powerpoints as a way to campaign for their blorbos in the various polls that have been going on, so!! I thought I'd do one of my own for the @autismswagsummit ^^ as I simply can't pass on any chance to be brainrotted over this series, it seems...

ID under cut, as it's very long!

[ID: a powerpoint presentation campaigning for Mob from Mob Psycho 100. It's formatted in dark purples and pinks.

The first slide is the titlecard, differing from the main slides by having a pink holographic aura, like the ones from the show, as the background. The text says:

"#MOBSWEEP 2023

Aka why you should vote for Mob in the upcoming autistic swag summit. Please

(JK follow your own heart ^^ but for your consideration:)"

The second slide is titled: "Who is Mob, aka Kageyama Shigeo?" and below the text lists:

"Source: Mob Psycho 100, which is also where Reigen comes from;

The protagonist! Only with background character syndrome (which is why he’s named ‘Mob’ – it’s kinda like naming your protag ‘John Doe’ lol);

A 14 year old with the psychic strength to destroy the world. Which he’s not very happy about actually;

Cause really, he’s just a nice, gentle boy who simply wants to improve and impress his crush by getting swole :) Oh, and he also experiences the horrors. Btw."

On the right of this text, there are two images: One is a zoomed in screenshot of Mob, his face blank and confused, and the other is an official art of the show, depicting Mob in the center, aura glowing, with many of the show's other characters around him, with the show's title at the bottom of the image.

The third slide's title is "Ok but tell me more about the autism", and below, the text says:

"Gladly ^^

Ok, first off – symptoms:

Bad at reading social cues, detecting sarcasm, lies, etc.;

Struggles with recognizing/expressing emotions. Has what could be called psychic meltdowns;

Very honest and blunt, sometimes appearing ‘ruthless’ as a result;

Explicitly low empathy, in that he can’t feel what others are feeling;

Actually very compassionate, and follows a really strict moral code;"

There are no images in this or the next slide.

The fourth slide is a continuation of the previous, with the text being:

"Abnormal reaction to sensations, but instead of overreacting, he underreacts, rarely responding to physical touch and disturbing imagery. Has shown to be at times sensitive to loud sounds, however;

Prefers following a routine. One of his biggest conflicts with Reigen literally arise from the man often calling him out of the blue and making him suddenly adapt, which Mob finds really annoying/upsetting;

Struggles in school. Explicitly bad at math, japanese and PE (really passionate about the latter tho), which could be for a variety of reasons, autism related conditions (like dyscalculia/dyslexia/dyspraxia) being one of them;

Has felt like an outcast for most of his life. Even if he grew up in a pretty loving environment, he recognizes that he is different to others, and people sometimes treat him as such (in a /neg way);

His main arc is about overcoming trauma and… just masking (and how to stop doing it), pretty much, lol."

The fifth slide, in contrast, is mostly just images, placed upon a white background. The title for this one is "Alternatively, just look at him:"

The images, from top to down, and then left to right, are:

Three cropped subtitles out of screenshots of the show, which say:

"I'm sure I just got the wrong idea again. How embarrassing."

"He's detached from urban legends, fads, and other hot topics among people."

"You just can't lie, can you?"

The fourth is a cropped screenshot of Mob's explosion meter. Both in Japanese and English. Specifically, it says: "Progress towards Mob's explosion: 92%". Additionally, there is an annotation above this image, saying: "Literally has a meltdown meter ksfdks"

In-between these and the next column of images, there is also a transparent image of Mob, him standing stiffly, faced towards the camera, his standard, blank expression with a small smile on his face.

The next column of images goes like this:

A screenshot from the show, done in paint on glass, of various kids towering over Mob, who's standing in the middle of the image, small. Their expressions wary, from sneering, to frowning, to looking disgusted. The subtitles at the bottom say, with one part blocked out due to spoilers: "[spoilers] didn't treat me any differently even though I could use psychic powers."

Next two are cropped dialogues as well. They say:

"This version of him was created from being suppressed and locked away."

"Social skills like that are beyond you."

And on the right of the slide is one vertical image, showing one of Mob's books, with the subtitles translating the Japanese title of the book as "The Proper Way of Reading the Room". Next to this one, there is also an annotation, saying: "He has a book on learning social cues :’)" That's all for this slide.

The sixth slide is titled "Is he good rep though?" Text below is:

"Well, to answer the first thing relevant to this question… no, he’s not actually confirmed canon autistic. But c’mon.. it’s so obvious. This kid is not fucking allistic like c’monnnn

Of course, what people consider good and bad rep is gonna vary from person to person. But to explain why a lot of people see him as very positive rep:

"1) He’s the main character, so he gets the most spotlight, and the narrative is formed around his pov, in that we only see things that are relevant to Mob, and visually things are often represented in the way Mob sees them as well (take the body improvement club or Tsubomi, for example), which puts all viewers soundly in his shoes and makes him easy to relate to and sympathize with, and makes it clear how important his emotions and view of things really are;"

On the right of this are 3 images against a white background. The first one is a screenshot of the Body Improvement Club - 5 very buff and large dudes - standing against an explosively red and yellow background, with all of them enthusiastically flexing. The caption below that is "The body improvement club! ...they're supposed to be middle schoolers lol".

The next two, below the first one, are two screenshots of Tsubomi. The one on the left has her smiling, her eyes wide and bright, the background being pastel pinks and yellows. The one on the right, however, has her frowning, the background turned black, her eyes dark and disinterested. The caption below says: "Tsubomi :) And how her design subtly changes alongside Mob’s view of her".

The seventh slide is a continuation of the previous, with the text being:

"2) He’s a very well rounded character, with well thought out strengths, flaws, motives, and his overall story is very cohesive and satisfying; 3) His autistic traits are portrayed neutrally – in both where they help, and where they can cause conflict. It balances between him learning what things he would benefit to address and deal with, and what things he shouldn’t be trying to change at all, and as the whole message of the show emphasizes – he is no more or less special than anyone, no more or less of a person – he is simply human, and his autistic traits are just part of what makes him himself."

This one has images next to it as well. The first one is a screenshot of Reigen looking towards the camera (at an off-screen Mob), hand to his chin, eyebrow raised and smiling, some food crumbs still stuck to his face, as he says: "Today you happened to save some people that only you could have saved." Next to it is the annotation: "Reigen reassuring Mob about how his inability to read the room and feel empathy actually can be a huge benefit sometimes :)"

The next image below is a zoom in of Mob's face, his eyes shadowed by his hair, the scene's lighting dark, as he says: "I'm not being mocked, nor am I easily taken advantage of." The annotation next to this one says "Mob learning to recognize his emotions and assert himself better as the story goes on!"

And the last two images is a screenshotted dialogue, saying "You don't think changing yourself for someone you love is natural?" "I don't. At least, not when we're talking about [spoilers]" (The last bit is blocked out again).

The eight slide is also a continuation. The text says:

"4) He is loved. Loved by his friends, his family, his allies… even most villains come to take a liking to him. In fact, he’s something I haven’t seen many autistic characters be – he’s admired! So many characters, and even viewers of the show I’ve found, really admire him and want to be more like him. And not because he’s a perfect person, or super smart or anything, but because he sincerely tries his best. And I just really appreciate that, personally,, 5) And more than just loved, he is accepted – the whole main arc and the resolution of his story centers around that, around how important it is to feel accepted by the people around you, in all your entirety, no matter how strange or destructive you may feel yourself to be. And how you need to come to accept yourself in the same way as well. I just think that’s a really sweet in a story centering around a neurodivergent person :’)"

And the images next to it are as follows:

A screenshot of dialogue from the show, saying: "At first glance, Mob may seem unreliable, but his strength is undeniable." The annotation clarifies with: "The ‘strength’ in question, in this case, being Mob’s ability to reach out to people ^^";

A screenshot of Teru placed against a blindingly white background, him grinning widely, looking down, eyes shining, as he says: "I knew it, you really are amazing!". Next to him, there is a small caption of "Lol gayass /pos";

And a screenshot of Mob, in the bottom center of the image, small, as he is surrounded by various characters. Most of them are smiling encouragingly, with the ones closest to him, like Reigen, Ritsu, Dimple, Teru and Tsubomi, being bigger and placed in the front. A small caption at the top says: "He has so many friends and allies ueueeueueue.."

The ninth slide is titled "Additionally:" and the text lists:

"Psychic powers as a metaphor for being nd/othered, if that suits your fancy;

His design is iconic and versatile;

The boy has. Issues;;

There are many other characters in mp100 who can be read as autistic. Not a single neurotypical in this show /hj

Mob has more than just autism swag. I’ve seen people with bipolar disorder, ADHD, anxiety and those who are plural (etc.) also relate to him :)

He is simply the Boy ever"

Next to the last line is a small, low quality image of Mob smiling from the manga. The rest of the images, on the right, are:

The meme "I can be your angle....or yuour devil", with images of Mob instead - on the left, him smiling brightly and blushing, placed upon a colorful magenta background, and on the right, a panel from the manga: Mob in one of his explosion states, surrounded by fire, face shadowed, hair pushed back by his powers and waving in the air, and his eyes, wide and eerie, being the only features on his face that are visible.

On the right of these images, there is a smaller one, of Mob in another one of his explosion states (the one from episode 3, season 1 of the anime). He is facing to the side, aura surrounding him, hair pushed back by his powers and his eyes a glower. His pupils are red.

Below these, there are three images of, in order, Serizawa, Tome and Ritsu. Serizawa is sweating, nervous, Tome is sweating even more and yelling into a phone, and Ritsu is simply glaring towards the camera. The annotation pointing to them says: "A few of the other autistic blorbos in question :] (as I personally see them at least)".

And the last is a panel from the manga, of Mob sobbing, tears and drool dripping messily down his face, his hair waving in the air. His expression is somewhat blank despite the clear distress, and the text boxes next to him read: "His tears won't stop. It's an emotion he has never experienced before."

And the tenth, final slide, is formatted the same as the titlecard with the pink aura background, and says:

"Thank you if you got this far <3

Have good days everyones, and remember, the true win for autism is the fun we had along the way :]

Buh bye!! ^_^"

Around this text, there are various images of Mob. Counter clockwise, starting at the left corner:

A low quality screenshot of Mob flying in the air;

Mob, in his puppy hoodie, sweating in distress as he points at a vase;

Mob caught mid smear frame, his leg kicked high in the air as he jumps, his school bag swinging to the side, his expression comically flustered.

A panel from the manga. Mob's eyes are shadowed, chopsticks held to his face, as he stares to the side and says "Tch... Shut up and eat.";

A Mob in an alleyway from the anime, smiling, pointing and looking up and to the left (the center of the slide);

A photo of a Mob plushie tucked into bed;

A low quality screenshot of Mob, standing against a wire fence, facing forwards, his eyes appearing a bit angry due to his hair cowering them.

End ID.]

[mewtwo24]

MAWS - An Allegory for Autism, too?

God like…there have been so many amazing posts about maws right now, and I don’t want to detract from any of them because I absolutely agree with how powerful an allegory the show is in regards to being an immigrant/alien.

But at the same time I just. I have been literally losing my mind at how autistic Clark feels. And at this point I can’t tell if I’m seeing things that aren’t there or he really is just so god damn ‘tism it makes his experiences of being othered two- and triplefold.

Like. Okay. He keeps acting on what he thinks is just or morally right in the moment, but sometimes struggles to see the social signals (or bigger picture) that might indicate somebody is deceiving him. If he does realize he’s being deceived, he does the right thing anyway even if it’s to his detriment--because he can’t accept looking away from a problem he might have resolved. Helping someone, no matter how difficult or unreasonable.

Okay.

When he’s trying to protect himself from Lois. He tells the truth in the most evasive way humanly possible, and because he thinks she’ll find him dashing from saving people he comes off as dissembling. He is convinced that he has charmed her to no end with his alter ego since he’s Such A Super Cool Strong Normal Guy as Superman, and that she couldn’t possibly be suspicious any longer because he told the truth. Lois wants to throttle him for lying. He has no idea as to why that is--and is openly surprised that she’s upset.

This is not even touching the fact that he lived for YEARS with Jimmy and literally destroyed stuff in front of him by accident, and never once thought Jimmy knew some shit was going on with him. Jimmy, being subtle and considerate, didn’t snitch because he was a homie. Clark does not notice in the slightest. ‘IT COULD HAVE BEEN THE SCREWS’ ASS.

This also not touching on the “How did you know you were bulletproof?” “I didn’t. I just knew you weren’t.” Despite pervasive signs that his powers weren’t operating as they should in that area. Despite knowing Lois was still upset with him and may not forgive him, could hurt him with what she knew.

Okay.

I'm going to put the rest under a cut because I never go on short tangents:

In a lot of New Age illegitimate medicine and psychological constructs, autistics are often conceptualized as people with ‘special powers’ or religious enlightenment in accordance with some manifestations of their disability. Clark’s superspeed and strength and heat vision can EASILY be seen as an extension of that. However, what I really want to talk about is the latest episode’s super hearing. 

Most autistics have sensory issues, both with textures but also with hearing. A very common surprise for undiagnosed individuals, for example, is that they use music and headphones to stim in a more socially acceptable way. Particularly loud noises or constant loud chatter can cause distress otherwise, and having constant meltdowns/catatonia reactions isn’t feasible for survival. 

Of all his powers that might be a weakness I think it is a fascinating--and honestly, deliberate--choice that speaks volumes (please pardon the pun). Because that’s the horrible thing about having sensory overload with your hearing; you don’t always have a choice as to what you’re subjected to. Ear-piercing alarms can flare at any moment, people can play what they consider harmless pranks, or day to day fighting to focus can make every sound feel like nails on a chalkboard from the overstimulation. 

While Clark is able to distinguish voices if he knows what to look for, lack of sleep and rest tremendously weaken his ability to focus. I noticed that as the episode wore on, there was a distinct and exponential progression. At first, when he overdid it and didn’t sleep for a day or so, he still managed to operate without hurting himself or risking others. But as he kept pushing himself without rest to answer every cry for help, he grew progressively and sharply overwhelmed. He quickly became overstimulated by the mounting flurry of oncoming stimuli (e.g. the truck about to hit someone, dodging people around him, the relentless super hearing flooding in) and began to react in ways that were careless and random. 

Though his powers appear supernatural and inexhaustible, we are forced to face the fact that he still possesses hard limits. Even if autistics seem more capable than NTs at points, there is a reason “high-functioning” became an obsolete terminology with which to differentiate people on the spectrum ‘who seemed to be above average’. Because just as we see Clark forcing himself to exert his superpowers until his body collapses to prove he is good, autistics also push themselves to be useful/helpful/amenable/inobtrusive in order to be accepted as something not other/monstrous.

(Please note, by the way, towards the end of the newest episode--his power comes out in a flash of blue, overpowering light as the last of his strength begins to wane. A surefire sign that he was truly at the end of his endurance before he’s knocked unconscious.)

The fact that Clark starts to learn how to listen in for people so fast, but also doesn’t think to tune them out (if he can) adds even more to the first point too. Because he can’t turn it off in full, it means he has no way to ignore people who are hurting no matter how small--and for him that places the cognitive burden of making a choice. And he can’t choose not to help people.

Okay.

Clark’s incipient refusal to discover more about himself, the sheer overwhelmed look he had as a child--but also as an adult--at the prospect of having to rewrite and re-evaluate everything he thought he knew about himself. There is no excitement, no positive anticipation. When he chooses to face it, it’s because he perceives a kind of responsibility to better understand/control his powers to help more people. And it’s because his friends support him that he ever finds the will to do it. He has no desire to acknowledge or define his otherness head-on. (Once again, he can only act with courage on behalf of others and/or to ultimately win their acceptance.) 

GOD. AND. AND how he tells Lois how much she made him “come out of his shell” and forced him to face the world, to stop living in his formerly simple bubble. How autistics instinctively hate breaks in routine and the unknown and the horrible ordeal of change, especially if they have trauma linked to it. But he was trying because yeah, as people we need new and varying stimuli to be happy and healthy. To be alive is to change, whether one likes it or not. 

How part of the reason Lois is so dear to him is because she makes him feel capable and safe when he has to face the truth of his difference and change. (THIS IN THE CONTEXT OF THE LATEST EPISODE. “CLARK, JUST TRY TO BE NORMAL”. I’M EATING MY SHIRT. THE ENDLESS OSCILLATION BETWEEN HIS DESPERATION TO BE NORMAL BUT ALSO STRIVE FOR MORE, AND HOW LOIS ANSWERS BOTH THOSE WARRING CALLS WITHIN HIM JUST BY BEING HERSELF.)

SCREAMS.

Okay.

The most recent episode being a direct result of Lois and Jimmy’s acceptance of his alter ego Superman. Because of course Superman is the preferred variation of himself. Everyone loves Superman. Everyone finds him cool and heroic and dazzling. Jimmy gets social media acclaim that he enjoys from it. Lois has a Cool Guy Boyfriend, and she told him outright she thinks he’s amazing in the last episode when he complained about being weird.

Why go back to being Clark? Under the unending burden of his new super hearing, he seems to be so drowned in voices that he forgets a very important one: Lois. She loved him as Clark long before Superman existed, the lumbering gentle giant who always treated people with dignity and respect was more than enough for her to fall in love. And that’s why it’s so poignant, but also so unbelievably devastating when she asks him to be normal in the newest episode.

Because what she was trying to say was “Please stop overexerting yourself, you’re hurting yourself. This is only going to end badly if you don’t rest and think about how you want to move forward. You’re enough as you are. You’re enough as Clark Kent.” She was trying to tell him that Superman isn’t all that matters, that Superman is a person with feelings and needs and vulnerabilities, just like anyone else. 

What makes this miscommunication so powerful to me is that it’s clear Clark’s ability to differentiate has become confused ever since Lois and Jimmy accepted him. How much of him is Clark, how much of him is Superman? Before, when he had decided Superman was too much for him to handle and something that needed to stay hidden, he knew how to behave day to day. But now that the aforementioned operating precept has been dismantled by their acceptance, what is his blueprint now? To be freed of his chains, but to be too afraid to leave the cage--he becomes so openly and rapidly lost. It was easier when he didn’t have to choose or think about it.

Okay.

Like. I can see how it could be construed as a result of his inexperience, right? He’s never met intergalactic beings, so how would he know? He only just unlocked his powers as Superman, so of course he’s clumsy about it. He wasn’t a born fighter or a trained one, so of course he’s going to be a little green when he’s in combat.

But that’s the thing for me. It’s not that he doesn’t always have the time to re-evaluate, or strategize, or notice he’s being deceived. He just has such an unwavering sensibility, this one-track sense of “I am strong. So I must protect. And to do that I need to act.” And a lot of times this is as far as his thinking goes. And if that isn’t the most autistic shit imaginable, I’m really not sure what is. 

The overshot clumsiness of his movements and occasional awkwardness, how he’s learned to smooth that over by being helpful to people or meek to be accepted. Like. I swear to god this show is going to kill me. 

So much of the reason he tanked so badly in this episode was because he was using a broken coping mechanism to its absolute extreme. And instead of listening to his bodily and mental signals that he could no longer sustain helping every single person in the world, he just forces himself to push through. He’s so desperate to prove he’s a good person and belong, he doesn’t notice that it’s literally destroying him from the inside. 

The mask that is Superman, and the unmasking that is the mindful and imperfect Clark Kent. That everyone adores Superman and wants him to fulfill their every need, no matter what it costs him to be that person. The fact that the moment they learn he’s an alien or see the raw extent of his power (pushed to unsustainable limits in desperation) he becomes a horrible, inhuman threat and a monster. The fact that it’s his friends and his family who see him unmasked as Clark and love him just as he is, that they care little for what Superman can give them because Clark is already enough. That they love Clark precisely BECAUSE he is somebody with weaknesses and flaws and imperfections, that adore his quirks and endearing fumbling.

The horrific reality that the more he leans into his masking out of desperation to be accepted, the more he estranges and incites violent rejection in the people around him. Even if he wants to do the right thing, he is so staunchly and too openly opposed to the malice of others that they hold grudges from the stark, exposing contrast. How choosing to be Superman can endanger and estrange the people who love Clark, isolating him even further. And yet when he is unmasked and acts like himself, he is hardly ever taken seriously or people take advantage of his meekness/willingness to help. 

The first episode. When he just keeps chanting ‘be normal be normal be normal’ and the more pressure he puts on himself, the more he hyperfixates and the less his actions align with his intentions. The way he can never do both and can only manage to sustain one at a time. The core conflict that’s ever present; the desire to be ordinary under the reality that you are extraordinary, with the agonizing knowledge that you never had the choice to live under so much difference and scrutiny.

The never-ending autistic battle of being socially acceptable to the detriment of your greatest virtues: your passion and your honesty. To be left feeling empty and drained despite your success, no closer to self-satisfaction or feelings of human camaraderie. The reality of being always forced to choose between one bad option and a worse one, that the only choice you have is what you’re willing to sacrifice. That people will toy with your vulnerabilities no matter how desperately you try to conceal them, how your weaknesses will be a game or a spectacle to the rest of the world.

How one has to wonder to what degree the Superman witnessed in Lois’ memory capsule was pushed to the very brink. Or the pointed lack of context: what brought him to such extremes, what could inspire so much indifference to the pain of others? How, while it is frightening, he is a person just like anyone else--who possesses the potential for raw good and raw bad. Why is it that everyone so easily believes that his potential will be negative? Why is it so difficult to have faith in someone who is trying so hard to be good?

The irony of Clark’s predicament, that the sincere fulfillment he feels upon helping others is precisely what inspires fear in those who insist on their comparative self-serving normality.

“What’s your angle!? What’s in it for you?” “Trust me, kids. Nobody puts on that big a show of being good. Unless they’re hiding something…All he wants is to pull cats out of trees? Yeah, I’m not buying it.” “He’s not normal like you and me….If he really wanted to hurt us, what could we do about it?...Just him having a bad day could spell the end for us…Well, not all of us share your faith.” “You want to be number one? You don’t get there by writing fluff. You go for blood. That’s something Perry never understood. Do you?”

The unbearable but inevitable fact that being autistic is a perpetual experience of loss. If you are not selfish or egocentric like the rest of the world, you are naive and weak. If you exhibit an ounce of self-centered desire or emotion, you are something that must be eradicated for the greater good. No amount of good that you accomplish can ever balance the scales of what has been lost or spent to sustain you, because at the end of the day your life is considered one without value. It is irrelevant that entire military regimes have collectively decimated and endangered thousands for their so-called “results”, because you as a sole actor are so much easier to blame and trample. 

The enduring fact, especially in a culture so absorbed in easy answers and harsh binaries, that the human mind does not care for the struggle of truth. 

Anyway if you need me I’ll be clawing at the walls thanks

[raining-anonymously]

okay deltarune fandom! i haven’t posted to or gone through these tags in a while, but in light of recent events (me deciding to replay the games just in time for the newsletter), i have some things to share concerning our friends The Weather.

ID in alt text, and aforementioned “things to share” under the cut.

this message tells us some interesting information about the Weather. for those who don’t know, i believe the Weather were first introduced during the spamton sweepstakes under the link https://deltarune.com/weather/. the page functions similarly to lancer’s. despite having no information on these new characters—other than that they’ll probably appear in the next couple chapters, are called “The Weather,” and always stick together—the deltarune fandom immediately latched onto them, because that’s what we do.

and now, after the newsletter? we have names. do we know which name goes to which sprite….? not really. but there’s something interesting about what those names are.

when i first looked at the names Lanino and Elnina, one of my first thoughts was that they sounded gendered. in english and in romance languages, names ending in -o are often thought to be masculine, whereas names ending in -a are interpreted as feminine. not a common name convention in undertale and deltarune, where most names end in constants or “-ee” sounds, and obviously not an absolute rule — for example, chara is not feminine-presenting, but its name still ends in -a. still, many english-speakers, as well as speakers of romance languages and any other similar languages i’m not thinking of, will see “lanino” and “elnina” and assume masculinity and femininity respectively.

at this point, i was still thinking of romance languages because i’m autistic about words, and noticed that the endings of the names are very similar to the spanish words for boy and girl: niño and niña. then i noticed the beginnings of the names, “la” and “el,” are the spanish words for “the.” funny thing, though? “la” is feminine and “él” is masculine.

so… they’re mixing and matching gendered terms!!!? bigender weather real!!!!!! post over!!!!

…except it’s NOT over. put linguistics aside—it’s time for some environmental science.

this graphic (which has an ID in alt text) is a lot of information, so i’m going to break it down: the earth experiences something called El Niño–Southern Oscillation, or ENSO. it’s a climate phenomenon that consists of two main phases: El Niño and La Niña. each one of these phases is a global event that can last years, and leads to changes in wind patterns, sea surface temperatures, and extreme weather events. it affects everything—how dry the land is in certain places, how many fish can be found in the ocean, etc.

to differentiate between the two, most simply: el niño is the warm phase, and la niña is the cooling phase.

why does this matter, you ask? because el niño and la niña climate events are largely inverse and opposites. that’s a simplification, but it does lend us some potential insight into the weather’s devoted and apparently monogamous relationship dynamic. or it would, if they hadn’t mixed up their names… but hey, that’s food for thought too!! could it be that the weather is so devoted to each other that they blended together? maybe that’s why their color palettes are the same—they balance each other out!

either way, i’m quite excited to do battle with them in the next year or so. they’re going to have such fun bullet patterns, i just know it… i hope they heal each other with photorealistic milk. or something weather-related, idk.

anyway. BIGENDER WEATHER REAL!!! post over!

[t4transsexual]

yknow i dont love the "youre getting gender affirming surgeries? youre amputating HEALTHY BODY PARTS. what if someone just wanted to cut off their leg?" mostly because in my time working in hospitals, i actually did meet a man who did have an elective amputation of his leg while i worked in the hospital (im a healthcare worker when im not busy being trans online btw)

i cant give any information on him due to HIPAA and i think thatd be disrespectful anyway, but it was over a year ago i worked there. and sometimes in hospitals you have "regulars." which sucked; all my regulars were lovely people and i wish they werent in the hospital

regardless, there was a man there who was over 70, and one day i ask him what hes there for, and he tells me why. since hes gotten his knee replacement surgery some time ago, it keeps getting infected. he told me they keep trying to fix it but it keeps coming back. and he tells me he wants an amputation

he says hes reaching the end of his life, and if this is what it took to have a good quality of life so close to the end, hed do it. he didnt want to he in the hospital anymore. he said the nurses and doctors keep trying to talk him out of it, but this is what he wants

before anyone mentions, no, this is not a "crazy person" who is "getting an amputation because he wants to be disabled." he was probably autistic but clearly very mentally stable, he was depressed about being a frequent flier obviously. but this is an elective surgery. under no definition was this medically necessary. he didnt have a tumor, he didnt have cancer, he wasnt going to lose the leg unless he amputated it. he wanted it amputated largely because it would drastically improve the quality of his life

ive been thinking about him a lot since ive been going about the process of getting my gender affirming surgeries later this year. all things considered, he wouldve had more of a chance of having his ailment cured without amputation than i ever will having my gender dysphoria "cured" without surgery. if anything, i hope yall who make this argument understand that there are real people who may choose to get an amputation, and they dont HAVE to be "mentally unstable" to do it. neither of us are or were

and for anyone who cares, one day he greeted me from his bed with a big smile on his face saying he got an amputation, and i never saw him again at the hospital after that

[autistichalsin]

So @dorky-malorky left a really good reply on this post I made earlier, and it was so good I had to reply- BUT my reply got way too long, so I'm making a new post. I'm going to quote their reply, and then add my own under.

So true, besties. As someone who was bullied pretty mercilessly all through grade school and right up until graduation, I see a lot of that same mask in Halsin. He puts up with so much and it's not because he's a sage wise old druid, it's because he has unresolved trauma!!! Man basically says Thaniel was his only friend growing up and that's why he became a druid. Imagine making a friend as a little kid and then finding out that no one else knows of him or can even see him. To all those people Thaniel may as well have been an imaginary playmate to a sad lonely boy. Then he grows up and loses pretty much everyone he cares about. He's cut off from Thaniel, he's cut off from his peers, and he puts so much of the blame on himself for that. Then he's thrust into a position of leadership where he, again, struggles to make connections. Sure some people at the grove are like 'sure wish Halsin was here' but then they all just go along with Khaga and the Rite of Thorns anyways instead of doing anything about it and they basically write him off as lost. In my view, Halsin has just been swallowing grief and disappointment his whole life and has been putting on the brave face because that's what people expect from him. Don't make waves, just keep on keeping on. Even with Tav and the tadpole crew he will keep swallowing that same shit beyond what a normal person would put up with because Halsin just wants to belong. He will take scraps if that's all he can get, and be thankful for it, when what he deserves is to be at the table with everyone else. And the heartbreaking thing is just how deeply he cares despite everything he's gone through. He could be bitter and angry like Astarion, but instead he suppresses and buries the hurt way down deep, and just keeps going, holding onto a hope that the future will be a better place. :(

And here is my response:

ALL OF THIS. There is a REASON so much of the fandom has independently come to the conclusion that Halsin is both autistic and a victim of bullying- realize it or not, the writers just put too many tell-tale behaviors in.

Your part about taking scraps just hits the nail on the head. He takes whatever the player gives, and he is still so damn nice- if he loses all of his approval towards the player (which is quite a feat since rescuing Thaniel and breaking the curse gets you 40-50 depending on choices made) he may be snippy in his greetings and in his point-n-click lines which are currently bugged, but he still never actually... really does anything about it.

And that he's able to still care after all of this- even setting aside headcanons, this is still a man who had few to no friends growing up, has been othered for his size and treated like his feelings don't matter, has lost everyone he loved, was made a sex slave for three years to one of the cruelest groups out there, with said slavery including seeing the bodies of other elves like him made into decorations, was forced to fight a huge battle and then faced a curse that killed so many friends of his that it would "take [him] a day and a night to recite the names of all the friends [he] lost" AND he had to kill the reanimated corpse of the previous Archdruid, a man he speaks admiringly of every time he mentions him, leaving him with survivor's guilt and pretty obvious PTSD, AND it took away his best/possibly only friend from childhood, he was forced into a leadership role he never wanted and in fact was actively miserable in, stressed to the point that he started thinking fondly of his past as a sex slave (with the implication being he romanticized it because he wanted not to have to be responsible for such hard decisions anymore) and with not a single soul to confide in who might tell him these thoughts weren't healthy, he spent years begging for help breaking the curse but even the Emerald Enclave was basically like "yeah you're on your own buddy", he fell into what was strongly implied to be alcoholism and had to swear it off entirely, his attempt to jump at the first chance he saw in 100 years to break the curse resulted in him being held captive again and tortured- by goblins, which got him mocked later- while his Grove was infiltrated, psyoped (seriously, too many people don't seem to know that Ketheric orchestrated the Shadow Druids infiltrating the Grove because he knew what a threat they/Halsin would be and wanted it neutralized) and turned against him by Kagha, requiring him to send in a new Archdruid while he left to try to solve the mindflayer crisis- and almost immediately discovering she was a better leader than he EVER was, which I'm sure left him with a feeling of not just inadequacy as he alluded to in his scenes, but also with a feeling he'd wasted all those 100 years trying to lead if he could have just handed it off to someone better all along, then after he finally breaks the curse that has been plaguing his homeland for 100 years he goes into the city, is promptly gut-punched with how much people, especially children, are suffering there, tries everything short of screaming to get people's attention that this is NOT OKAY and is promptly brushed off and dismissed at every turn, then finally goes to fight a Nether Brain to save the world, which he admits he had little faith he would survive- but he put on a brave face for the player (especially if romanced). And that's literally just the main canon path, not including things that can be done to him in darker branches, like his Grove being slaughtered and his attempt to avenge them all failing, or the Rite of Thorns succeeding and him losing his home forever, or him getting kidnapped by Orin, or, once that new update goes into place, him having casual sex with his friend/love interest (depending on the circumstances) and some prostitutes, opening up about his time as a sex slave, and then being promptly threatened to be sold back into slavery by the person he trusted. No, this stuff is literally just the main, good canon path.

I know people tend to say Halsin clearly worked through his traumas in a healthy way offscreen (this line gets used most with his time as a sex slave) but the lack of support system Halsin has, his inability to center his own needs, even to himself, for a single minute, his desperation to be validated for just a single moment, his idolization of the player if they break the curse even if they subsequently treat him badly, his emotions being so turbulent that he alludes to being unable to control his wildshape on two different occasions with both specifically being linked to turbulent emotions (one being intense arousal and excitement, the other being anger and fear when escaping the goblin camp at the player's side), all of which is incredibly unusual for any Druid let alone an Archdruid hailed as one of the most powerful around... none of this really?? points to that being true???

He doesn't act like he is a wise, zen old Druid, he acts like he's trying to be a wise, zen old Druid, and there is a huge difference.