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sideblog-666-thousand · 4 years ago

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Euronymous Interview in Decibel of Death, ‘87. English Translation. Ft. Euronymous’ depraved torture fantasies involving Coca-Cola.

‘Decibel of Death’ was a French fanzine from the 80s. It’s first issue was released in ‘86, and by the summer of ‘87, it switched over from French to English-language. This has been my favourite interview of Euronymous for a long time now, so I decided I’d translate it to English so that other, non-francophone, people could enjoy it too. This issue in particular is from February of ‘87, and was their fourth issue overall.

I’ll add a link to where you can find this, and other D.O.D scans, below. If anybody wants me to translate more French, or Russian, interviews, feel free to PM me.

Note: NDLR is the editor’s notes. Any commentary or context by me will be in bold and in parenthesis, so feel free to totally ignore it. If something is between “« »” it’s because it was already written in English to begin with.

Disclaimer: if some of the sentences sound like the energizer bunny is hooked on an iv rig full of pure meth, don’t blame me, I did my best. Take it up with Euronymous himself. Also, I’m not excusing Euronymous’ poor behaviour, I’m just saying his poor behaviour is kind of entertaining.

Without further ado...

D.O.D: And once again, here’s Norwegian Mayhem. If you remember, we presented them to you back in the May issue of D.O.D. Since then, they released a new demo titled “Death Crush”!! Because of this event, we decided to ask the guitarist of this rather sinister band a few questions.

D.O.D: Okay, there’s been more than a few line-up changes in Mayhem. Can you tell us what the current one is?

Euro: Alright, there’s me on guitars, Manheim on battery, Necro-butcher on drums, and our session vocalist, Maniac.

D.O.D: And what is the medium age of the group?

Euro: We are all 18 years old.

D.O.D: How long has Mayhem been around for?

Euro: Mayhem has been around since August of ‘84 with this line-up, before that, I played in another shitty metal group that was also called Mayhem. The other members also played in a crappy band before we all met.

D.O.D: How would you describe your music?

Euro: Ah, well, it’s like a wall of sound played at extreme speed all mixed with the sound of a chainsaw!!

D.O.D: In your opinion, who are the biggest posers on this planet?

Euro: That definitely has to be the Swedish group ‘Europe’. «Fuck them!!» I hate this band!!

D.O.D: Ha ha, what would you like to do to make them suffer?

(This is the exact moment where the interviewers realize that Euronymous is literally fucking insane. The editor censors some of the things Euronymous says because he has a very vulgar manner of speaking, so, brace yourselves. To make it abundantly clear— I didn’t censor any of this, if it was me, I’d let him continue swearing ‘til next year if he wanted to. Take it up with D.O.D!)

Euro: First of all, I’d cut them and make them eat their own (bleep)!! Then, I’ll fuck them in the ass with an empty bottle of Coke, and if they’re still alive somehow, I’ll drown them in their own piss!! (NDLR: I’d do the same to a few guys in Germany and Switzerland!!) But all of this is reserved for their guitarist, drummer and bassist, I have a far crueler torture for their singer, for him, I’m simply going to break his mirror and steal his perfume!! Haaaaafuckinghah!!! (NDLR: ahahahaha, this is so much fun!!)

D.O.D: Okay, Euronymous, onto more serious topics, who composes the most in Mayhem?

Euro: It’s me and Necro, but sometimes Manheim comes up with good riffs, he actually wrote most of P.F.A (Pure Fucking Armageddon)

D.O.D: I believe thrashers reacted pretty well to your first demo, right?

Euro: Despite the zero sound of this demo. It's true that it's actually the hardcore thrashers that appreciated it, although it was the others hating it that gave us an enormous promotion like with 'Metal Forces'.

D.O.D: Has there been groups that have influenced you?

Euro: Of course, early Venom has really inspired us, although we don’t sound like them in any way. We’re also influenced by bands like Hellhammer and Sodom.

D.O.D: Mayhem is a common band name, what do you think of other Mayhem (such as NYC Mayhem, Mayhem (WC), Mayhem (Oregon))?

Euro: NYC Mayhem* are excellent, I adore them! (NDLR: me too!!) and they call themselves NYC Mayhem. But as for the other Mayhems, they stink, «fuckin’ shit», like the Mayhem that’s on Metal Massacre VI*, they really stink, their music isn’t destructive like ours is at all, they don’t deserve this name, I hate them!!

D.O.D: I heard you guys played a show, how did that go?

Euro: It was really «cool», it was at a small rock festival that had around 3-400 «discofucks» (NDLR: this is the censored translation) and when we went on stage with our first session vocalist “Messiah”, we broke a bass over their mouths!! We gave these idiots hell!! Ha ha!! (I’ll link the show he’s referring to below)

D.O.D: And how did your other gigs go?

Euro: For now this has been our only show!! And we don’t know how the crowds will react at the prospect of future gigs.

D.O.D: Fair. Since we’re talking about future gigs, what will those be like?

Euro: They’ll be full of occult things, we’ll play in complete darkness and there’ll be red blood spots, chandeliers, smoke, and pig heads on stakes, it’ll be totally thrashing!!

D.O.D: How’s the Norwegian thrash scene? It’s pretty dull, no?

Euro: Right now, «it sucks», there’s no audience, but it seems to be going in the right direction with bands like Vomit*, Septic Cunts, Decay Lust, and Flowers in The Dustbin.

D.O.D: And what kind of things are your lyrics about?

Euro: depravity, like tearing someone’s (bleep), eating worms, and all those fine things!!

D.O.D: What are your favourite bands?

Euro: Really hard question, there’s so many good bands coming out but I think the bands I like the most are old Venom, Deathchamber, Sodom, Necrophagia, Destruction, Death, Kreator, Poison. (No, not THAT Poison)

D.O.D: Do you ever listen to hardcore?

Euro: «Yeah» I like Chaotic Discord, Septic Death, UK Subs, and others. It hasn’t been that long since I went to see Disorder and it was awesome!!

D.O.D: Are you considering going on tour?

Euro: No, not exactly. But soon we’ll play at a Norwegian thrash festival. We’ll also play at a thrash festival in Copenhagen, and probably do a few shows with Kreator/Necrophagia in ‘87.

(No, this isn’t a typo on my end, it actually says ‘87. There’s two reasons why this might be the case. One, it could be an error on the part of the editor, who deserves an interview of his own, or two, it could be an error by Euronymous himself since the interview might have been conducted in January. Euronymous could have mixed the years up as one sometimes does. However, ‘Death Crush’, the demo, actually came out in March of ‘87. What the interviewer and Euronymous are referring to as ‘Death Crush’ is likely ‘Death Rehearsal’, which is exactly what it sounds like, and was taped back January of ‘87.)

D.O.D: I heard you guys are recording a new demo, is it ready?

Euro: We just entered the studio to record the second “Death Crush” demo, but at the moment, we only have three songs. I’m also unsure of whether or not we’ll have enough money to record anything else, and the vocals still haven’t been put to music!!

D.O.D: There’s some rumours that you guys were contacted by certain record labels, is this true?

Euro: It’s true, we got a letter from Axe killer records saying that they were interested in us but they never listened to our music and I also sent them our demo tape but I don’t believe we’ll be receiving any letters from them now!!

D.O.D: Do you have anything to add?

Euro: Of course, «fucking ARGHHHH!!»

There, that’s all :)

If you’re interested in some of the asterisks I put in, here they are in order of their appearances:

*Unlike most of the bands Euronymous named in this interview, NYC Mayhem (and later as Straight Ahead) never released more than a few demo. They were a straight edge band from, you guessed it, NYC— Queens to be exact. Despite never releasing a full album, their sound inspired some grindcore and death metal bands, notably Carcass. They were also straight edge, which makes Euronymous’ mental breakdown over the Mayhem that was on Metal Massacre very, very ironic. Especially considering he was pretty straight edge himself, especially back in 1987– outside of maybe smoking some pot.

Here is their 1985 demo, https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=t-3geR1JbY4

*Metal Massacre is a series of compilation albums starting in 1982, released by Metal Blade records. Typically, these were independent and unsigned bands. Some notable ones include Metallica on the first edition with ‘Hit the lights’. Slayer in ‘83 with ‘Aggressive Perfector’. The ‘84 edition had Voivod, Overkill, and Hellhammer.

The one which Euronymous is referring to, however, is the one from ‘85. Here it is, the timestamp is 14:19 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HqwfsLvLvuY

It’s really not that bad— certainly not worth the double exclamation points.

*If you don’t know who Vomit are, you must not know much about early Mayhem. They were another thrash band who shared rehearsal space with Mayhem. Torben Grue and Kittil Kittilsen (what a sad fucking name) were also ‘in’ Mayhem at some point. Kittil once shaved off his eyebrow, but I don’t know why. Here is a picture of the dork:

The show Euronymous is talking about: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mjay2Lmj9C8 yes, this is the show where Euronymous flashes his ass. I think it’s funny because he talks big but he seemed very hesitant to do it, and practically ducked backstage afterwards. Necro, on the other hand, was very proud to have broken his bass.

Well, that’s all I have. If you read this far, I hope you enjoyed the additional notes I left. Outside of a few more interviews of Mayhem, I also have a few obscure Emperor interviews that were posted to the internet in late 90s. There’s an especially funny one where Faust is allowed to interview Ihsahn and Samoth from prison. He’s sarcastic the entire time, refers to the readers as ‘morons’ and proclaims everyone should all die in a nuclear war with the same energy you cross yourself with. Overall, it’s a funny read. I also have one where he interviews Varg, and Euronymous (separately) for his own ‘zine back in the early 90s. Actually— I have A LOT of interviews of Faust for some reason, including two where he’s actually on camera. I might post them if I feel like it, or if somebody wants them. Is anyone here an especially big fan of Faust?

Last but not least, here is the link to the ‘zine:

http://france.metal.museum.free.fr/revues/fanzines/decibel_of_death/04/page_03.htm

#euronymous #mayhem #interview #black metal #true norwegian black metal #I typed this out so it’s mine #Euronymous interview #gee I really hope nobody else posted a translation of this because it took forever #can we make haaafuckinghah a thing?

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strangerays · 3 years ago

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Nothing in Particular Update #3

About seven months and I finished the first draft at 93k!

I always imagined how it would feel to finish a first draft (I’ve been writing novels “seriously” since about 2017) and now that I’ve finally done it, I can say it’s a better feeling than I imagined! Telling my friends and family (and even my doctor, who was really quite excited about it) was an amazing amazing thing. I’m generally pretty nervous to tell people about my work, but I had a really positive reaction. Honestly all of it has me on a creative high (not sure I’m coming down from that any time soon lol).

I’m going back for my last year of school in two days, which means I’m not going to have as much time as I did to write all summer. This is okay, because I’m actually going to take an entire month off of writing! I’m really burnt out - don’t want to start editing a story that’s so near to me if I don’t feel ready. I’ll talk more about editing when the time comes!

In a lot of ways, I found that my life mimicked my art. I think for a lot of people, it tends to be the other way around, but this story did a lot to heal me.

Going to hop right into excerpts now! I’m not going to explain much this far into the story because I would like to try to publish this story (FAR in the future) so I apologize for that! Also, I stopped naming most of the chapters until I go back and edit because there are just SO MANY and I didn’t have the time to stop and think of cool names. Anyways... enjoy!!

(Here is the link to the original masterpost!)

text: Rays of gold curled to the ground, primordial and shy as the fire reeds on the cusps of shallow pool around the bay outside of Mothouse combed them to fine sparkles. I remembered the way Lonan kneeled on the edges of this pool. He never dove in – just blinked slowly as he watched crabs and minnows chase each other in a swirl of sand. I could not resist the water. I’d made it a part of me. My hair was longer then; down to my elbows, fading from dark red to orange and white, soaked always. Lonan let me borrow his shirts when I forgot to bring my own. They hung from my waist, too big for me, and I was warm even as the breeze rocked us inside.

text: The sky was never blue in Point Blink. At least, I couldn’t remember the last time the clouds hadn’t given way to a dark gray mist. Jude was here. I was out of place. I was floating – watching slender, underfed pines wave in the breeze behind houses on the water before they disappeared underneath furls of cloud. Bursts of warm light shone in windows on the bay, like hungry eyes watching for a storm. A group of kids our age chaffed on a rocky expanse, their heads popping over pockets of darkness when they laughed. Froths of cloud stretched across the sky, moving the ground with it. Long stretches of trees and islands far on the other side of our small pocket of ocean looked more like large freight ships. Lights glittered and beamed on the roads and highways that belonged to the city. Pink was starting to show over the horizon. Lonan was on the other side. Somewhere.

text:

Jude sucked her lips in and flopped onto her stomach so she could see the blue below her feet. Her dark curls draped over her ears and hid her nose.

“I can’t see the bottom of the ocean.” She cupped her fingers with the other hand. “See where the water fades to white and back again? The endless tide. Why do people say the ocean is blue?”

I leaned forward. She was right. Blue ocean climbed up the side of the cliffs and turned the rocks a dark gray; ate the erosion as if from a plate. I’d never had the ocean explained to me that way before.

“I think I like it that way,” I said.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what was at the bottom of Point Blink.

text:

She smiled weakly. “It’s okay. This is just guesswork. Patchwork.”

I wanted to apologize again, but I had a strong guess that it might make her annoyed with me. “It’s kind of like… I’m just waiting for the next bad thing to happen.”

She wrinkled her nose and eyebrows, scrunched up her little face. “That’s dumb.”

“I think it’s a smart way to live.” Sometimes it felt like worry was the only thing that kept me alive. It wasn’t dumb at all.

“You’re going to be fine though. We’re going to be fine. If something bad happens, we’ll deal with it. Don’t let it eat you.”

There was wisdom in what this seventeen-year-old girl on my bed had offered me. I caught it like a gold coin. Before I could reply with anything, she launched into another question. I didn’t want to think much about change anyways.

text:

“Oh. Wow. That’s like, next year.” I sort of laughed.

“A year can be a long time,” Lonan said with a wince. “What do you think?”

I sighed through my nose and leaned back with him. The sun was going down. Sometimes, my life felt less like a golden hourglass and more like a stopwatch with a broken face.

“For once, I think I agree with your mom.”

Lonan just stared at me, with something like awe.

“I think you should do what you want,” I said.

“Ray,” Lonan started.

“No,” I interrupted him. “It’s not about me. She’s stopped you from doing anything and everything you’ve wanted to for the last four years, so when you go to college, you’ve got to separate yourself from this place.” I pointed to him. “You’re allowed to do this.”

text:

Maybe I was just being strange. Lonan was my best friend. It didn’t help that there was a little bit of him in everything – the tide pools, the echo of shells, my broken camera.

Soon, we stood in the center of the field. A breeze whispered through the cattails, fanning against our knees. Ellis loped behind me as I stepped in and out of tire tracks under the cloudless sun. She wasn’t much different than Jude. Her footsteps crunched excitedly behind mine, excited at the prospect of an unprecedented adventure. I’d missed those.

Lonan said he didn’t like to walk in fields because the wind tricked him into thinking that someone was behind him. Every brisk of his heel was a trick of the mind. Sometimes I felt the same way, like I might be haunted.

text:

The ageless water begged me closer, frizzed my hair and swathed my arms in a sweet, familiar scent. I remembered galloping down to the shore with a childhood friend in one May. Soft piano accompanied croaky lyrics from someone’s radio when we fell chest-first into the water. Static erupted in my head. There had been nothing new for me in Point Blink for so long that I’d forgotten what it was like to float. Grass turned into pebbles, and I heard Ellis’ footsteps soften to the beat of the sand. Our eyes crumbled the shells that walled the long expanse of dark sand where waves rolled in. We leaned over like two swans, crunching shells beneath our feet, displaying shells to one another, naming the ones we recognized, and when I looked out at the horizon, I saw blue.

Red plastic cups, cigarettes, and even some broken glass stuck out through the sand as we made our way further down the shoreline, as if someone had thrown a party. My brow furrowed. Maybe this part of the beach wasn’t so abandoned after all.

Between the spit of the waves and dry sand lay some sort of book. Sand trickled out of the pages and onto my shoes when I swept it out of line of an oncoming wave. Ellis was beside me in moments. Shells tolled under her shoes.

*Warning for mention of blood (fake blood and fake knife!!) this takes place on Halloween haha*

text:

Jude held the container in her palm, kneeled down so we were shoulder to shoulder. Her eyes fixed on the knife in my neck, mine on her hands, then her focused expression. Her fingers tipped my chin up, cold on my skin. I tried not to move. Suddenly, I wasn’t thinking about Dad, or Raven, or Lonan. I only let Jude in – this girl who had come out of nowhere and wrecked me, saved me. And she didn’t know any of that. I didn’t owe anything to her, but I needed her. She kept us afloat when I couldn’t even keep myself above water. Her fingers painted blood over the center of my throat, our breath quiet on each other’s cheeks. She held my shoulder as she set back.

“Absolutely feral,” she said.

text:

“Point Blink is all I have. It’s where I am, what I am.” My throat was tight. “It’s all I’ve known. I am happy with my life. And I’m sorry, but I’m not willing to throw all of that away so we can dig up answers. I want to stay.”

Jude sat there for a moment. I think Florian and Ellis had turned to look at us, because when we went silent, I could no longer heat their hushed whispers, only the sound of water as it rose and rose and rose. I wondered if it would rain.

Jude sat up on her hands, then her knees, then she stood over me.

“Is that what you honestly believe?”

Tears bubbled in her eyes. Blood streaked down her cheeks. I’d been so focused on not crying, I had missed when she started to.

“Point Blink is just the same as anywhere,” she said. The words sat somewhere above her inside her chest, weak and frail, as though they’d been realized a long time ago.

I’d stared into her eyes until they disappeared. She grabbed onto a branch above her and quietly swung herself around a corner. Her footsteps echoed until they dissolved into waves and birds and frogs and left me in the dark.

#10

*Warning for strong language!*

text:

“Why didn’t you tell me how you’d been feeling?” he asked after a few moments of silence. It was beginning to stretch uncomfortably.

“I know I don’t deserve to know,” he added, “but you’ve always put me first.”

I picked at the wood that peeled from the fence.

“I just want you to be okay,” Lonan croaked. “Please tell me what to do.”

Even when we were together, we still worried about each other. It wasn’t always that way. Maybe that was my fault. I didn’t want to think about it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” I mumbled into the crisp, red air. “To be fair, I didn’t know it like I know now for a long time. I think sometimes I got the same way as a kid. Now I have a name for it, and I still don’t know if it feels right.” I sighed. “I guess… I guess I just thought that was how things were supposed to be. I thought I was only the humming low and the high.”

“Of course that’s not how you’re fucking supposed to be.”

I coughed on a laugh, wiped away a new set of tears. On the rare occasion that Lonan did swear, he sounded much like he was doing it for the first time.

I hadn’t fully realized what I’d said before Lonan’s hand was around my arm. He pulled me close to his chest. I felt smaller than him; warm and safe. I exhaled and sunk into him, didn’t allow anything else in. I’d almost forgotten what that felt like.

“You’re funny and smart and better than a lot of people.”

And... that wraps up all of my excerpts for the time being! I really enjoyed writing the last four chapters of this book. Of course they aren’t perfect. A lot of the book needs improvement. There are entire characters who are flat and plot lines I just forgot about! Come October, I plan to get back into my edits/rewrite the story.

Really quick before I finish writing this:

I just wanted to thank everyone who read about my story and showed genuine interest in the characters. Had I not received all of this love from people in real life and online, I might never have finished this draft at all. When I started this story, my mental health was really quite bad. (I’m doing a whole lot better these days!!) I guess you could say the idea started as more of a journal entry. All of these characters are like little parts of me coming together to help the main character, and I think there’s something really special about that.

Thank you so much! Good luck on all your creative endeavors! It pays off in the end, I promise :)

tag list (ask to be +/-); @wannabeauthorzofija @a-completely-normal-writer @baguettethebooklover @corkytheguar @writeherewaiting @cryptid-s-wips @kingsinking @author-a-holmes

#my little note at the end says it all haha #thank you so so much for reading!#I still can't believe I finished this book on five hours of sleep

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scribeofred · 5 years ago

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Hi! I was just wondering what advice you would give to first time writers.

Hi there!

Depending on time of day, mood, and what I’ve been editing and/or reading recently, my answer to this sort of question changes. Today, I’ve gone full prose, and I’m not sure how strictly helpful this is going to be, but hopefully you’ll be able to glean something useful!

That said.

One of the most important things—if not the most important thing—a new writer can do is WRITE. Just write. Fiction? Absolutely. Nonfiction? Sure, why not. Poetry? If you’re so inclined! Song lyrics? You’re a more brilliant writer than I. Essays? Analyses? Any series of words that comes to mind? Yes, yes, and yes.

Write. Experiment. Break any rules you’re currently aware of and a whole ton you don’t even know exist. Play with language. Get comfortable with using enormous words, tiny words, strong words, weak words; feel the rhythm of language and of different sentence constructions. Hone your ear, really listen to how words sound, look at their appearances, hold the shapes of them in your mouth, let them sit heavy in your gut and flutter the tips of your fingers. (If you really attune yourself to the English language, there should be no such thing as a synonym because no two words mean exactly the same thing.)

Mess about with storytelling. Write as many different kinds of characters and situations as you can. Become aware of what parts of writing you find superbly easy and what parts you want to torch with a flamethrower. Push yourself. Write raw, write real, write those things that scare you, don’t be afraid of doing this writing thing wrong. Not yet (maybe not ever). Don’t don’t don’t DON’T let yourself become paralyzed by all the writing advice out there, all the rules, all the dos and don’ts, all the this-is-how-real-writers-do-it. (Related: I am currently reading a book on writing that I think is excellent—except for the author’s approach to organic plotting. I hate the method he champions. It doesn’t mesh with my style at all. But the rest of the information in the book is A+ and I can’t discount all of it just because that writer and I have different drafting methodologies.) On that note, if anything I say doesn’t jive with your style, ignore it! There’s nothing wrong with cherry-picking writing advice, especially when it’s come from an informal setting like this.

Don’t immediately seek out feedback or editing or publication. It’s so tempting to do that—getting feedback can be addictive, I know—but you need to discover what works for you first and foremost, what makes you excited to write, what causes your unique words to bubble up like a spring. Your early writing might suck. In fact, it almost certainly will suck. I can’t read anything I wrote more than eight years ago because it’s just too cringy. And that’s okay! Every word you put down is a new stepping-stone, and one day you’re going to look back and realize that while many of those stones are shrouded in the fog of time, they’re still there—they still carried you to where you are now—and there are more ahead of you as long as you keep laying words down.

Enjoy yourself! Have fun! Those first two or so years of writing are pure magic, a budding infatuation with all the possibilities that are available to you via this new world of your own creation. Go mad with power. Get drunk on language.

If you really want to, begin learning about the craft of storytelling, about the rules of grammar, about writing in general. Don’t let any of that learning shove you into a box and tape you inside. The best writers break the rules somewhere, somehow—you just need to determine what rules you want to flout and why, and you won’t know that until you actually begin writing for yourself. (If you want a couple of excellent books that aren’t prescriptive, I highly recommend Spellbinding Sentences by Barbara Baig and Mastering the Craft of Writing by Stephen Wilbers.)

Don’t pressure yourself into finishing everything. Don’t feel guilty about not finishing every project you begin. Words aren’t wasted, and sometimes you might only write down a few sentences of a story before getting swept up in the heady elation of a new idea. That’s okay! Similarly, do occasionally finish projects. If you need to set the bar really low, that’s fine. Write a story in exactly 100 words. Exactly 200 words. Exactly 500 words. 1,500 words. Learn how to feel the weight of an idea—and learn your own tendencies. Some writers naturally come up with novels; others naturally come up with short stories. Novel ideas and short story ideas are not the same thing. Play around and discover the differences. Build the habit of finishing projects, though. Not all projects, but some. Revel in the accomplishment—you have completed a story! That’s wild, not every writer can say that! Treat yourself to something delicious or that ultraglittery bath bomb you’ve been eyeing or a pair of snuggly socks or anything. Just make it good, make it a proper reward.

Test out the method of highly structured plotting; then, for the next story, abandon yourself to the whims of your imagination. You’ll probably land somewhere in the middle—most writers do—but you’ll never know unless you try. Discover what you hate about writing, those things that make you want to flip your laptop or phone through the window; circumvent what issues you can, and learn how to mitigate the others. Alternately, force yourself to write something you absolutely hate—if you can do that without letting it crush your spark. Nurture that little flame, feed it tantalizing ideas and engaging characters and the most beautiful words you can find until it’s a roaring fire that cannot be quenched. Discover what you do love to write—and write it!

The world needs your words, your unique voice, your particular storytelling flair. Put pen to paper, fingers to keyboard, thumbs to screen—and write. Anything. Everything. Pure nonsense, your deepest fears and grievances, gossamer words so fragile they dissolve in the eddying breeze, the very truest sentence you know how to write. Don’t lie. Don’t pretend to write as someone you aren’t. Spend time mimicking other writers’ styles, sampling their voices like you’d sample an enormous buffet laid out before you, but don’t stay there. Carve out your own hobbit hole where you’re comfortable, where things are familiar and nourishing, where you’re at home. Occasionally bust down those walls, rearrange the furniture, write literary cubism one day, purple prose the next, stark, bleak, bone-dry reality the day after. Writing is a long, long, long journey, it takes a lifetime to master, so spend those early days and years playing. Delight in the process of creation. Delight in reaching your goals.

Create. Have fun. Don’t take yourself too seriously, and don’t open yourself up to criticism or spark-snuffing feedback too soon. Writing is an intensely personal thing, and you need to get comfortable with it before you can put it on display for the world. Keep laying words down, one stone after another, even when you know you’re not writing as well as you want to be or think you can. Developing your skills takes time—be aware that you’re going to need months, probably even years, before you’re going to have a solid grasp on your own writing tendencies. Work on building that foundation for yourself so you can keep reaching higher, farther, to more fantastical and amazing places.

Give yourself time; don’t expect yourself to be perfect immediately. Be gracious with yourself as you build your skills. Don’t compare yourself to other writers. Stay spongy; always be ready to learn. And—most important—have fun and don’t ever give up!

#writing #a mystery anon #my words #THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT ADVICE

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shrinkthisviolet · 4 years ago

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Author Interview Tag!

Tagged by @maipreciation, thanks for thinking of me! This looks really fun :D

(Note: I’m keeping this as a running list, so if you’re ever wondering what fics im working on/brainstorming, make sure to check here! Last update was on 12/12/2020)

Name: Lavi! As of 12/5, I’m no longer going by my real name (see this post)

Fandoms: so many 😂 check my bio, I think I have them all listed. I’ve posted fic for Hamilton and ATLA, and then there was a huge Inktober compilation I posted last year with a whole host of fandoms. Currently, my major fandom is ATLA, and probably Kipo as I’m starting to move through S1

Where you post: I have an AO3 (lavi0123)! I used to have an FFN and a Wattpad, but I don’t use either of those anymore :/ tbh, I’m embarrassed of anything I still have up there 😂

Most popular one-shot: Most definitely we’ll give the world to you (and you’ll blow us all away), one of my contributions to Maiko Week! I’m not surprised it’s an ATLA fic, but I find it interesting that a fic with Izumi in it blew up so quickly. But hey, if y’all want more Izumi content, you won’t be disappointed 😉

Most popular multi-chapter fic: ...I’m really embarrassed to say because I don’t think I’ll ever finish it...but En Hamilton Heights is the only multichap fic I’ve published so it’s gotta be that one 😂 hopefully soon I’ll have another fic to add to that, since I’m working on one (sorry EHH fans but it’s been too long and tbh I don’t remember where I was going with it :/ I’m thinking I might orphan it)

Favorite story you’ve written so far: you think this world is a dream come true (but you’re wrong) for sure! It’s super niche but it’s something I wrote out of love for a movie I discovered this Halloween and absolutely love. Though all you’ve got to do is want something (and then let yourself have it) is a close second. Basically, anything I write that sounds absolutely bonkers as a concept is one that I love 😂 (and it’s no coincidence that both fics are Mai-centric! I love all my Mai-centric fics nearly equally)

Fic you were nervous to post: Is there an “all of the above” option? 😂 I’m always nervous to post. But in particular, I was nervous for if you ran away (come back home), because it was Mai-centric and longer than any one-shot I’d written thus far, and also you think this world is a dream come true (but you’re wrong), because it’s Mai-centric and a Coraline AU, which makes it BONKERS as an idea

Why was I nervous to post Mai-centric fics, you ask? Two reasons: 1) Mai is very different from who I am as a person (I vibe a lot more with Aang and Ty Lee, sometimes Katara and Sokka), so I didn’t want to upset the Mai stans by writing her incorrectly. 2) Mai is generally not well-liked in the fandom at large, so I especially didn’t want to attract antis who would accuse me of writing Mai as too emotional and loving (which is why I tried to justify that in my tags). Luckily, my comments have all been lovely, and I’m far less afraid to post fics about her now that I’ve written three fics with her as the focus! And the shoutout from @nonbinary-crafter-aang praising my portrayal of her?? I was touched 🥺 still am

How you choose your titles: Song lyrics or movie/book lines that speak to me, occasionally a pun. Remember that post I rb’d about how authors title their works? My tags pretty much say it all 😂

Do you outline: Ehh...define outlining 😂 for my one-shots, nope. But for my upcoming multichap works (see below) and Nanowrimo work (original fiction, so I won’t talk about it on here, but send an ask if you’re curious), YES ABSOLUTELY!

For my Nanowrimo work and one of my upcoming AUs (a Soulmate AU), the worldbuilding is so complex that it’s an absolute necessity. For the other upcoming AU (a time travel AU), there are just too many things that need to happen at certain times so as not to interfere with canon events, and things I want to change from canon and things I want to keep...I think you get the idea 😂

Complete: Basically my entire maiko halloweek series! Check it out if you want some fics about the most underrated canon ATLA couple :)

In-progress: ...En Hamilton Heights again...but not for long, sadly. Still trying to decide between a quick conclusion and just flat-out orphaning it. Still haven’t made up my mind, but either way, it won’t be what I originally planned, unfortunately.

I’m also counting my ATLA Soulmate AU on the basis of forever in my mind (only you), which has the worldbuilding and fits into the AU without much problem (the AU is going to be a series of one-shots, not a multichap fic, because there won’t be enough deviations from canon imo to justify multiple chapters. And one-shots are just less pressure for me 😂)

[EDIT 12/12/2020: added another fic because I’m an idiot and forgot about this too 🤦‍♀️😂 it’s a year-old idea that I started writing but I’m picking it back up thanks to the Heist banter in MatPat’s St Jude stream!]

-A fic series combining Escape the Night and Who Killed Markiplier (Heist and Date are part of it too, but only tangentially at the moment. Depends on how involved I want DA Y/N to be). Tentatively titled A Heavy Cost, and definitely won’t happen in any of Mark’s projects, but in a way that’s actually for the best 😂 the canonicity for me stops at ETN S3 (with some S4), then it’s canon divergence

Coming soon/not yet started: OOOH YESSS HERE WE GO

Okay okay sooo we’ve got two main things:

–An ATLA Soulmate AU, featuring platonic and romantic soulmates! I know I called it in-progress, and I stand by that even though I haven’t actually set up the series on AO3 yet, but this AU is about to be SO MUCH MORE than just a few Maiko moments. Because...drum roll...it’s gonna be entirely Aang-centric (with maybe one or two exceptions)! Like Mai, Aang is a character that doesn’t get as many -centric fics as he should (and being an Aang stan also isn’t unanimous for some reason??), so I’m gonna fix that. Plus I want to dive further into his mind, and I think I’m more equipped to do that than I was with Mai, since Aang and I are very similar in attitude.

–Bumizumi time travel AU, which can be read as platonic until the last couple chapters (it’ll be multichap) but definitely has a romantic agenda throughout. So just. Be warned if you don’t ship them. It’s gonna be chock full of comedy and antics! Also A LOT of platonic affection between Izumi and teen Zuko (and just between Izumi, Bumi, and the Gaang in general), because platonic affection is underrated and also I can :D I’m also probably gonna make fun of how some elements of affection have become solely romantic territory, because...um, no, hugging and holding hands and cuddling can be done between friends, thanks! (Maybe it’s the ace in me talking. But regardless)

There are also vague concepts I’m spitballing, like:

-Zukaang telepathy AU (Platonic Zukaang, the only romance I’ll ever write in ATLA is for the canon ships, prompted by a dream because apparently ATLA lives in my head rent-free forever now 😂)

-Evil Zuko AU (Azula doesn’t exist, mostly prompted after watching Aang make fun of Zhao and realizing that if Zuko had been in any position of power during the War...the Gaang would have stood no chance at all)

-Bumizumi Arranged Marriage AU (Bumi and Izumi both think the other is hotheaded/reckless (Izumi @ Bumi) or uptight (Bumi @ Izumi). So Kataang and Maiko (along with Sukka, Ty Lee, and Toph because...duh) set them up in an arranged marriage, with the presented reasoning being that they already know each other’s families, it’ll be a great symbol of unity, and this way Izumi doesn’t have to worry about suitors. They both agree to it (it’s arranged, not forced), and over time, they warm up to each other...and maybe even...fall in love?? Prompted because we need more arranged marriage fics! On that note, I’m gonna plug shadows and steel by @dearestpartnerofgreatness because arranged marriage needs more rep and this fic does it and with Maiko to boot!)

-Zukaang as Brothers AU (I saw a fic about this, but it wasn’t complete. If it’s not done by the time I get to this concept, I’m gonna write it, because just...imagine the possibilities! Zuko and Aang are already basically brothers in canon anyway, this is just making them brothers in blood as well as in their hearts. This is especially vague because I have no concept of how this is gonna work 🤷‍♀️ I’ll get to it eventually)

(Can you tell I’m obsessed with Zuko and Aang’s friendship? Because I am!)

[EDIT 11/25/2020: I’m adding two more because I forgot these have been swirling around in my head too 😂]

-A fix-it fic based on May You Always Be Satisfied, a backstory fic for Who Killed Markiplier by @blackaquokat! I recently reread it and remembered that I was gonna write a fix-it for that fic. Not because the fic sucks, it’s actually amazing! I’m just a sucker for the main (requited unrequited) pairing, and there’s at least five ways to make that pairing canon and avoid the mess of Who Killed Markiplier. And THEY ALL DESERVE TO BE HAPPY OKAY

-A Finnrey fix-it for the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy (this one is especially vague, and I probably won’t write it since a bunch of these already exist, but it’s fun to think about. Maybe if I ever run out of WIPs 🤷‍♀️)

Upcoming story that you’re most excited to write: I’m equally excited for the Soulmate AU and the Bumizumi Time Travel AU! I’m also excited for my Nanowrimo work to be finished, but that’s more so in-progress than upcoming

Tagging:

@nonbinary-crafter-aang @dearestpartnerofgreatness @ohsalamanders @blackaquokat (no pressure ofc, only if you want to! But please tag me if you do, I’d love to see it!)

#avatar the last airbender #atla #hamilton #maipreciation #thank you for the tag!#this was really fun :)#writing tag game #fanfic tag game #atla tag game #who killed markiplier #wkm #escape the night #etn

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meikuree · 4 years ago

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if i can be sentimental here for a minute, i’m feeling pretty emotional about finally putting up the fic i linked in my previous post, for a couple of reasons. the process of slowly editing it and plucking up the courage to do so over the past couple weeks is one that’s been intertwined with some of my lowest points in my writing enterprise, and the fact that i finally felt like i was in a decent enough place to share it publicly is a bit of an event to me. It’s also one that’s coincided with me finally reaching a relatively stable place with self-confidence, and I want to talk a bit about how I got to that place.

musings put under a readmore because they’re rather long.

some background: for various reasons, that particular fic was meant to be one of those wips I would never publish, and simply abandon to private obscurity. i wrote it three months ago at a time when i was feeling very self-conscious and Very Bad about my usual/natural writing style (which features lots of long sentences dense with not-always-straightforward implication, a tendency to opt for an introspective, stream-of-consciousness style, and liberal/indulgent use of descriptors and metaphors). my insecurity wasn’t the fault of any specific person/event-- it was something that stemmed from my perception that my writing differed (too) highly from fandom conventions i had observed surrounding style, tone, and content, and some personal weirdness around that. but the end result, regardless, was that when i finished the first draft of that fic i quickly looked back and came to the kneejerk verdict that it was terrible, unfixable, unworthy, etc. etc.

nobody had told me it was terrible; i was simply on a self-critical bender, and did the work of convincing myself that it was so. but it was a blow because it was a piece i’d spent a good bit of time writing, and poured lots of emotional/mental energy into, and to sit there and feel as if it was abysmal and thus had to be abandoned didn’t do any favours for my writing esteem. that was also the time i stopped writing, aside from one other piece, because i believed there was something fundamentally lacking about my writing.

about a month ago i revisited the abandoned wip with fresh eyes, having forgotten most of what i’d written. and — to my complete surprise— i found that it wasn’t at all as bad. it was decent, even, and there were some lyrical turns of phrases/paragraphs i was proud of, and i enjoyed reading it. I basically wept as i read it, because suddenly I wasn’t sure why I’d convinced myself it was irredeemably bad, all those months ago, or why I’d been so harsh to myself.

(around the same time, my partner also told me something that stuck with me— “your writing is good. full stop”— which was a revelation because I’d always thought of my writing more along the lines of “it’ll only hit that mark labeled Good if you do XYZ”. my self-opinion on my writing was essentially contingent upon many arbitrary and constantly changing conditions, which was exhausting. so that was liberating. i realised that if I could just be slightly more confident and go in knowing I was good at some things, already, it would make my writing process a lot more enjoyable and smooth because I’d waste less energy fretting about whether I was hitting those arbitrary standards of Goodness.)

I was convinced my writing was Inherently Bad based on a few arbitrary conclusions (my style differs from what i usually see in X fandom space; therefore it is automatically bad), when more objectively my style was a mix of good and bad. i.e. i do some things well, and some things not as well. which is ultimately natural and common, and nothing to be ashamed of. put very simply, the issue was also that i was giving one too many fucks about mainstream validation. the issue wasn’t necessarily that I wasn’t getting any feedback/response either—I’d gotten a good amount of positive feedback in the past. it was something more endemic, and had to do with how I was so convinced internally of my writing’s low worth that there wasn’t much that external praise could do until I addressed it at the root.

i tried to approach this piece differently, with these issues in mind. I focused on polishing it until I was reasonably happy with it, not until it’d hit some mythic and unattainable standard of perfection. I realized I didn’t care how much quantified reception I got any more (bookmarks, kudos, etc.) because I was simply more excited about Getting It Out There and finally finishing something. I also knew that while it wouldn't necessarily be universally Extremely Amazing, it was decent, and that was good enough for me— and besides, as I was trying to internalize from what my partner had been emphasizing to me, my writing was good regardless of all those external factors (!!). it also felt much, much better to get heartfelt, in-depth feedback from a tiny group of fellow fans whose opinions I valued than to have mainstream approval. my fics (and this one fic I just published) will never be the sort that get 100+ kudos, because I write primarily for f/f rarepairs, but I did send that fic to a few very kind people who offered to read it and their feedback was infinitely more heartening and uplifting than a static kudo.

that leaves me where I am now in terms of my relationship with the fanfic economy and writing. these days, I’m mostly channeling Fiona Apple levels of “I no longer give a shit about reviews”, because attaching myself too firmly to the headwinds of ao3 approval briefly destroyed me. I give significantly less of a damn about mass reception now— even if, or especially because my tastes seem to differ from the fandom’s in terms of writing style and content. i’m more intent on having fun and doing whatever i want. if you’re someone who wants to aim for mass appeal and quantifiable metrics, that’s totally fine— none of this is meant to be a slight against how you approach writing. I simply think it’s a losing game if you’re in as insecure a place as I was previously, and that it was tremendously unhealthy for me.

I’m also moving these days towards cultivating greater community/communality in my fandom endeavours. it takes work and active participation but makes for a far more rewarding fandom experience, I’ve found. what’s more crucial to me-- over asynchronous, one-way and ultimately slightly superficial validation in the form of kudos/likes-- is reciprocity and communal conversation with other fans. and i’m very lucky that in the past few weeks, i’ve gotten a lot closer to a bunch of like-minded fans, with whom i can exchange detailed feedback and enter into meaning conversations about canon/our favourite characters. I write these days less to appeal to some imaginary, amorphous public and more for the enjoyment of friends/other kindred acquaintances whose minds i respect and admire far more. if you only ever receive one-way echoes, that’s extremely lonely-- but if you get to hear that echo turn back, get to hear some other input building upon what you said and not simply replicating it, that becomes something generative. and life-giving.

TLDR: the real fandom was the friendships, community and stable self-worth we forged along the way, not the superficial metrics of glancing validation.

TLDR 2: i’m learning that there are many acceptable valences between the extremes of “this writing fucking sucks” and “this is my magnum opus which i’ve sweat a blood transfusion for”, that are okay for one’s writing to occupy.

#meikuree talks #personal

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writeroftheprompts · 5 years ago

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Back to School Tips

A lot of you might be going back to school soon (like me) or have just started. Since I’m starting my fifth year of uni (it’s a six year program 🙃) I figured I would share some of my findings. These things have gotten me through four years of university so far while working part-time with a great GPA, decent sleep, and time for myself. School is damn hard and I’ve made plenty of mistakes and had plenty of break downs but it doesn't have to be as bad as it seems.

Plan. Your. Shit. Listen, listen, I know this is what everybody and your mother tells you to do but there’s a reason. The thing is you need to plan ahead as much as you can in the best way that works for you. The next four points are about planning and getting organized and it’s what works best for me so maybe it can help you or you can incorporate some of those points in your own technique. But whatever you do. Plan your shit.

Use a calendar. If you are in college/uni you probably have a syllabus from your classes that breaks down what your readings will be and at least roughly when assignments and tests will be. In September an essay that is due in mid October seems like a far away problem, and realistically it is, but that doesn't mean it can't help you plan. Go through the syllabi and mark down when each things will be due. I like using the calendar app on my phone/laptop and make a different “calendar” for each subject with a different colour so that I can see everything easily. This can help you see things better at a glance and help you plan other things that pop up in the future.

Break down your time. If you can break down your time into specific chunks of time it will help you focus on that task and also allow you to rest. For me, I plan what I’m going to work on during my commute to campus (I take transit) and depending on my schedule I’ll also plan out chunks between classes or specific chunks when I’m at home. The key is SPECIFIC chunks, not just “On Tuesday I'm going to do X”. These chunks keep you accountable to yourself so you don't keep procrastinating it later in the day, help get your mind set on the task, keep you organized, make the task seem more manageable by creating a limit, and also help you allow yourself to relax. If you tell yourself “I’m going to work on my paper between 11am-1pm” and you buckle down and do it for those hours, then you can rest easier and not feel as guilty during your down time that you aren't working on something else now. You planned what needed to be done, assigned the chunk, and now it’s time to relax. Breaks. And. Rest. Are. Necessary.

Build a routine. I like to plan out 1-2 weeks ahead of time. On Sunday I will plan out my studying for the next two weeks, as best as I can because there are always unknowns and things that pop up, and then the next Sunday I’ll plan out the following week. This means that things won't sneak up on me. It takes a little trial and error at the beginning of the semester but eventually I find a routine where, for example, I will do the weekly readings for one class on the Monday commute and another after lunch on my day off etc. Extra chunks are left over for assignments and things that aren't regular weekly tasks. Sometimes those chunks are left free (or for getting ahead if I want), sometimes on really busy periods I have to create more study chunks, but at least I have a routine to know what needs to be done when.

Be realistic. So how do you actually assign these chunks? Underestimate yourself. Seriously. You think you can create that whole presentation in two hours? Give yourself more time. Maybe it actually takes less time in which case, congratulation, but if not you may be putting yourself in unnecessary stress. I actually like to make my own due dates for assignments a day or two before it is actually due. For example, if I have a research report I will plan out chunks for outlining, a few for writing and researching, editing and then actually write in the plan, highlighted, FINISH REPORT on the chunk I intend to finish so I can make sure I’m on track. Then I’ll add an extra chunk just in case but I don't actually expect to need it. It’s a fail safe for when something goes wrong or there’s something unexpected. Again, breaking down your time like this will keep you organized and on task when you need to be, but also help you see that all work you have to do isn't as all-consuming as it seems. You’ll be okay.

Here is a post I made a while back about research tips.

Use the library. Duh, right? But this is more of a money saving tip. This might not be too helpful to everyone but since I’m in English and History a lot of my readings are from novels and books that are readily available at the library. Rather than buy all the books, I try to find them at my university library or even my local library. I still have to buy a lot, especially textbooks that I’ll actually be using all year or in the future, but for that $20 novel I’ll only need one week I get it from the library. Those little books really add up and I save a few hundred every year. You can even use OverDrive which will connect to you free ebooks and audiobooks you can access through your local library. Best part is it is completely legal and you can download them on your phone with the app so you can read whenever you have time and the book will automatically be returned when the loan is over.

Find the study environment that is right for you. This will be different for everyone. For me, I work best when I’m alone and with background sound. This is why working on a bus, in a noisy student centre or with instrumental music works well for me (music with lyrics is distracting). Some people need silence. Some people like study partners to bounce ideas or even just sitting at the table with them, but for me I know that sitting with friends will inevitably lead to chatting. Sometimes it’s nice just to talk over ideas but when I really need to focus I know being alone and with an instrumental playlist is the best way to go. Be honest with yourself and others about the environment you need to be successful.

Don’t be afraid to speak up when you need help. Your professors, teachers, and TAs are not evil (usually) and they usually do want to help. I won’t lie, going to office hours can be a little nerve-racking and it isn't always super helpful but when it is it has made a huge difference. These people have been learning, working, and teaching in this field way longer than you have and they can help make sense of your jumbled paper thesis or unravel a lecture you didn't really understand. Also, if you go to them with work done and they can genuinely see you are trying to take the course seriously, they can help you with due date extensions if you really need them. Be honest when you aren't understanding something because, trust me, the confusion and stress will just keep building. If the person you go to is worth anything as an educator they will help you and will understand that this stuff is hard and appreciate that you are trying your best. (Sometimes they’ll even give you the inside scoop on future assignments or test 😉)

Also, speak up to work managers or other people you are accountable to. It’s best to book off time ahead of time when you know you’ll be busy but it doesn't hurt to respectfully ask when you need help. Sometimes you’ll get a no, which sucks, but sometimes you’ll get a yes. Talk to friends or family too fi you have commitments that you know won't be good for you. Be respectful and honest about what is happening and they’ll understand. They may even be able to help out.

You can’t write a real paper in one day. Yeah, I’ve seen the memes and videos of people being like “Lol, teachers always say I can’t write an essay the night before. Challenge accepted!” You can’t do it. You just can’t. Maybe in high school but I don’t recommend it. Or maybe you are a superhero and can properly come up with an interesting thesis for a 12 page paper and organize all your points and find the minimum required seven outside peer-reviewed sources and write the damn paper, cite, and edit in one day but...I sure as hell can't. Just don't do this to yourself. See above planning tips and research tips to do this properly and with minimal stress.

Colour code. Having organized notes can go a long way. When I’m actually writing them in lecture it can hard to make them look as clear as I want but I try to at least make subheadings and bold if I can. When I have time I might go back and clean them up a bit. When I’m studying I colour code. Most profs and teachers will give you an idea of main course themes and topics maybe in the syllabus or in outlines at the beginning of lecture. Some even give Key Terms! Take note of those and keep them mind while studying so you can colour code pieces of information by topic or theme. This will help you later on when you are trying to find a piece of information and also make links between the information that will give you a deeper understanding of the material.

Learn to forgive yourself. Like I said in the intro, I’ve made mistakes. I’ve gotten grades I’ve been disappointed with or been late to something important or overworked myself or a bunch of other things. You are trying your best. School is HARD. If you are starting post secondary now it is very common to have your grades drop and it’s not because you are terrible at what you’re doing or not trying hard enough it’s because this shit is fucking hard. You’ll get there, you’ll get the feel for all this newness and you’ll realize that you’re doing okay. When you make a mistake, do what you can to correct it and learn from it, but then accept that what has already happened can't be changed and you can only forgive yourself and move forward.

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. I can probably physically eat five full bags of salt and vinegar chips in one day but it will probably burn a hole through my stomach. I can work myself to the bone and pull all-nighters and keep studying through the tears but I shouldn’t. You might think you can work yourself to the brink repeatedly but you can't. You will burn out. If you wouldn't do something physically unhealthy like downing an obscene amount of salt and vinegar chips just because you can, you shouldn't do something that is going to break you down emotionally and mentally. Ask for help and do the best you can while still maintaining some healthy boundaries.

#school tips #going back to uni #I wish us all luck

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diarrheaofthekeyboard · 4 years ago

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Ghosts & Ancestors

9.29.2020

We watched Springsteen on Broadway this weekend, which I had wanted to show my wife for a while. I couldn’t afford to go when he was actually playing and eagerly anticipated the Netflix/audio release. I listened to it 20 minutes at a time on my commute when it first came out. It made me cry a lot for a variety of reasons I will now detail, at least for the first few songs. But first, in my opinion, it’s the best thing he’s ever done and you should watch it. Spoilers below if you haven’t seen it.

I never considered myself much a Springsteen fan. I liked a song here and there but the big 70s production always left me flat. The first album I really liked of his was “The Ghost of Tom Joad” which came out when I was in college. But even still, I’d listen to it a bit and come back to it a few years later. Then in 2005 he did Storytellers and I liked that better because it was just him with a guitar, harmonica, piano, and a couple of microphones. This show is an outgrowth of Storytellers.

On Broadway, Bruce starts out with ��Growin’ Up”, in which he tells the story of seeing Elvis on tv in 1956 and getting his first guitar. That guitar could have been the same one my son has (though his was made in 1970). He’s talking about those old Oscar Schmidt and Stella guitars cranked out and sold at five and dime stores. They’ve got a funk to them that’s amazing, in part because of the ladder bracing. They’re objectively terrible instruments that are better for slide than anything else and no child should ever learn to play on one. I’ve started looking at new guitars for the boy because he deserves something that, at the very least, doesn’t suck.

More important than that, Bruce tunes in to a eureka moment. Lightning in a bottle. This is what I want to do and how am I gonna get there? I never had that moment. Or if I did, I was told and told myself that it was out of reach. I believe it’s this moment that started my current feelings of regret, even back 2 years ago while driving to work.

He then starts talking about Freehold, and goes into “My Hometown”. This is a song from the 80s I grew up with and hated, mostly because I hated my hometown. I hated growing up on Long Island and though I liked my dad as a kid, I never felt like he wanted to teach me anything as I got older. There are a few moments here and there but that’s it. When Bruce starts talking about his dad, I lose it. Not because I see that story in my father. I see it in me. His father was depressed and Bruce felt like he spent his entire life proving his worth to his father. His songwriting voice is that voice.

I’m not a songwriter. Good riffs, no words. That’s why this blog exists. I need words. At some point, I’ll go back and edit, and I’m getting there, but I have no penchant for prose. In the last band I fronted, the drummer wrote the lyrics. I would take what he wrote and fit them into the riffs. The direction I gave him was something like “I want observations of the american wasteland”. Which is really what Springsteen does. He just has the vocabulary and the personal perspective to write it. I never got that from the drummer. I got some ok stuff I could work with and some lyrics KISS would have rejected. Our last song was never completed because I took lyrics from different things he wrote and put them together. He hated it because those words meant different things to him and the concepts clashed. I liked it because who he was writing about didn’t matter. He never told me anyway. I constructed a new story out of them. It was cool. Too bad we never got to play it for people. If I could do that with my own work, I think I could have something.

When Bruce talks about his mother, there are a bunch of things that hit me about both parents. First, I feel like he’s singing about his parents the way my son would sing about me and his mother. I’m the depressed dad, and even though I’m doing my best to be engaged with him and not be checked out, at some point he’s going to realize my depression. Conversely, the way Bruce talks about his mom is my wife. She’s full of life and optimism and putting the best she can into him and out into the world.

Later on, Bruce talks about a time when his father came to visit him long after he’d been established and living in California. And his father gave him an apology of sorts which Bruce recognized for what it was and accepted. And in that story, he gives a name to something I’ve talked about many times. He says, “you can be a ghost or you can be an ancestor”. I have never put it that way, but it clicked for me. My parents put the ghosts of their past onto me and my siblings, especially my mother. All of their troubles, all of their phobias, all of their insecurities. I don’t want to do that to my son. First off, there’s only him. He doesn’t have anyone to share the burden with. It will only get more difficult as we age. But even if he did, that’s just not fair. The cycle has to end. It’s my job, and maybe if we have a purpose in life that’s why I’m here, to break it. To free him of the ghosts of the past and show him the wisdom of ancestors instead.

My problem is I have no wisdom of my own ancestors. I only have the wisdom of books and records. My parents aren’t philosophical people. I can’t “think of what my daddy said” like Warren Haynes because my dad never said that shit. There was no wisdom passed down through grandfathers or elders or whatever. It’s my own bullshit, guiding me through, trying to piece it all together. And again, it’s not like my dad wasn’t there. He did and still does his best. He’s just a practical guy who doesn’t have much to say.

On one hand, that makes me somewhat of a self made man. That is something to be proud of. On the other, it’s what my therapist tapped into, how I’m “codependent” but not to one specific person. The last thing of note she really said was that I was codependent to my inner critic, which operated something like a guiding light. That’s decently insightful.

The problem is my inner critic guided me further into anxiety and depression. So I look for inspirational people who can be like a big brother to me, to find that guidance. I have to find that inside of me. That’s the hard part. I need to embody Warren’s dad. I need to connect the dots on my successes instead of my failures. I don’t need to make my own ancestors. That’s delusional. I need to be an ancestor to my son. Because “boy in this darkness before the dawn you’ve got to let your soulshine”. I need to stop singing these songs to myself and sing them to him.

My fear is I’ll just change my codependence from my inner critic to my son. Hopefully I can find a new therapist and explore that. I think I’ve got a good start on it. But I could use someone to help me flesh it out. I may or may not need a collaborator. One sure would be helpful though.

#bruce springsteen #broadway #warren haynes #soulshine #hometown #ghosts #ancestors #tom joad #elvis #oscar schmidt #stella #codependent #inner critic #kiss #storytellers #diarrhea #keyboard

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blapisblogs · 5 years ago

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Oh god... Yeah, right after the in-video ad break, we’re hit with this: Doug Walker dressed like a Nazi with a smudged dotted line around his face and the words “person you hate” written on his forehead in sharpie. Dude, if this moment didn’t make you stop and wonder what the fuck happened with your life to bring you to this moment, then it damn well should’ve been.

Before you ask if this was based on something from the film or album, yes, but as usual there’s context for it. It’s difficult for me to explain, but in short the idea is that Pink’s attempt to build a metaphorical wall between himself and everyone else is making him more and more mentally unsound, right up to the point where after he’s forced to be drugged up for one of his shows he hallucinates himself as a fascist (the very thing his father died fighting against), the fans his zealous followers, and his concerts rallies where he encourages violence against marginalized groups. This goes on for a few songs with the violence and threats escalating in each one, and by the end of the last one he’s ranting and raving incoherently on a megaphone until the hallucination ends as he shouts for it all to stop, finally realizing how dangerous the things he’s been doing to himself are. It’s disturbing, and intentionally so. That’s what I got out of both the album and the film anyway. I have no clue what Doug Walker got out of this part of the film, though, because these next two parody songs have almost nothing to do with it. The first one mentions it so people will know that it’s a parody of something from the film, but that’s about it, and the second one doesn’t mention anything about the film or album at all.

The next two parodies are of “In the Flesh” (the reprise), and “Waiting for the Worms”, neither of which I will post links to based on what I explained earlier, but if you want to look them up yourself I will warn you that there are things said there that are identical to things the Nazis have said and done, and use words like “queers” and others that I dare not say nor want to. (Also, yeah, they didn’t include “Run Like Hell”, presumably because Doug couldn’t think of another full parody’s worth of “fuck you, haters” for it.) In the parody of the former, Doug addresses his crowd of followers, which are the same five people copy-pasted onto the screens of multiple devices (I can’t tell if that’s supposed to be intentional commentary or Doug didn’t have enough people willing to work with him to pull off what he wanted for this), in a place called the “Echo Chamber”.

Yes, really.

It’s supposed to be commentary on how bad callout/outrage/cancel/purity/whatever-we’re-calling-it-this-month culture can be, but considering who this is coming from, what his own fans are like, and the rest of the presentation in this “review” it comes off more like “technology bad” and “social media bad”. Worse than that, the latter parody song is still about callout/outrage/cancel/etc. culture, only now it’s even more apparent that this is his way of commenting on the Change the Channel movement. This isn’t just me saying this either, other people have taken note on it as well, including people who didn’t even completely hate Doug Walker after the Change the Channel thing happened. I’ve seen one person try to (rather weakly) argue that it wasn’t trying to mock the Change the Channel movement, but even if one were to give them the benefit of the doubt and they weren’t making fun of that, then 1: they still should’ve known that doing something like this was going to get people to draw comparisons to said movement whether it was intended or not, and 2: it’s still absurdly over-the-top and out of touch with why “outrage/cancel/callout/whatever culture” has become a thing. It’s about as subtle as, well, a hammer to the face. (Speaking of which, the hammers for this parody are used to make hashtags instead of an ‘x’ and instead of chanting “Pink Floyd” or “Hammers” the fans chant “hashtag”. I’ve been sitting here for five minutes trying to think of how to comment on this, but all I can do is put a hand up to my face like Captain Picard in those memes, I think that says it all.)

This message of “technology and social media bad” is so ridiculously passé at this point that it’s laughable, and yet it seems like Doug Walker is under the impression that he’s saying something new and brilliant. This is also a truly bizarre message to be hearing from a guy who had so much success with his internet career that he quit his previous job to pursue it full-time. You know, that career that’s dependent on technology. (Also, Doug, social media itself didn’t cause those problems with said internet career: that was all you.)

The sad part is that for this sequence we get some brief scenes with actually good CGI of things like marching smartphones (identical to the original’s marching hammers) and a decently-animated 2-D(-ish?) sequence of a six-fingered hand coming up from the ground and forming into a hammer much like something that happened during part of the film (not this part specifically, but a part). It’s weird in context, but these animated parts look far better than any of the other effects that were used earlier. I’m guessing the guest person who made the effects I’ll talk about later also animated this (at least the CGI bits; as I said earlier, the 2-D-ish parts look so suspiciously close to the original that I have to wonder if they were traced over for this). While it is good, that just makes me wonder that if they were hired to make the animation in this part then why didn’t Doug let them animate the black eagle scene for the “Goodbye Blue Sky” parody section too? He clearly had the time and budget to get a talented animator to do this stuff for him, so why not fully use them?

Also, I swear one of the visuals looks more like a mashup between something from the opening of Phantom of the Paradise and The Wall than anything actually from The Wall alone. Maybe Doug and/or the person animating this got their rock operas momentarily mixed. Maybe they did this on purpose to mess with people. Maybe my brain’s making up this shit because a Phantom of the Paradise/The Wall double feature sounds infinitely better than this “review”. Maybe the headache I’ve gotten while watching this dumpster fire is fucking with me. I don’t know.

[Lyrics (and snark) below the cut]

Oh yeah, I’m the P-Person you all think you know That sucks up all your angst and confusion I’m that nameless foe, huh!

[Oh, so you are trying to do an impression of Bob Geldof. ...It shouldn’t take me over half-way into the “review” to figure out for sure that’s what you’re doing. Or did you choose to only actually do an impression of him for just this one part? I can’t even fathom almost any of Doug’s thought process for this “review” anymore.]

I’ve got some weird news for ya, sunshine, This was dissin’ Thatcher’s administration

[So I have seen Wikipedia mention that at least some people have either interpreted or used this part as commentary on Margaret Thatcher, and I don’t know enough about UK politics to dispute whether it was intentional or not. What bothers me is that if this was intentional, then how did Doug pick up on this? That would mean that he either caught this but somehow didn’t pick up on any of the other, more obvious things in this film that doesn’t have “the slightest bit of subtlety”, or he researched this and only this. Or it was a random guess he made that happens to coincide with what some others have interpreted from this part. Who knows.]

But it’s vague enough to put anyone you fear - Politician, showman - just put their face here!

[Uh... Are you talking about how someone edited this part of The Wall so that it was Drumpf in there because of how much he talks about his stupid wall? ...You are aware that the entire point of the film and album is that those kind of walls aren’t good and should be broken down, right? You know that Roger Waters himself openly despises Drumpf, right? ...Right?]

Are there any authority figures in the crowd tonight? Well put them in The Wall! (Get. Them. All.) That one’s looking stressed, he wants to feel oppressed Put him in The Wall! (Post. His. Balls!)

[Oh yes, The Wall - a film about the cycle of abuse and the effects it has on people and how taking self-isolation to its most extreme is unhealthy for the health of one’s self as well as those around them, among many other things - is something that adults don’t take seriously, not like this web video that has lines talking about people posting some dude’s balls on social media for shits and giggles. (In case you couldn’t tell that was sarcasm.)]

And that one looks sheltered, like she never leaves her room I’ll be that friend that you can blame for all your gloom That one looks like he really wants to be outraged! Now with social media, you have the stage!

[...You know, as awful as the previous songs in this “review” were, at least they were about the film and album. This, however... What even is this?]

(This is the part where the five-person audience starts chanting “hashtag” which goes on until Doug and his two goons run outside, run back inside due to it being too bright out, and then start the next parody. There’s not much to comment on for that, it’s just stupid.)

[End “In the Flesh” parody, begin “Waiting for the Worms” parody]

(One, two, three, post it!) Ooh, you can’t convince me now Ooh, I’m too far on my side Goodbye, nuance I never will abide

[You are not one to talk about nuance, not regarding this film or album, and certainly not about the Change the Channel movement, which this parody is pretty transparently about as we’ll see soon enough.]

It’s us vs. them, I don’t even know who us or them are

[“Us and them, and after all we're only ordinary men.” Come on, man, I know it’s not from The Wall, but the opportunity was right there. Actually, since Rob Walker is there as the Charts Guy (a recurring character in Doug’s reviews), you could’ve even thrown in a “Have a Cigar” reference if you wanted (also not from The Wall, but still). I know at this point I’m nitpicking, but I’m forcing myself to watch a “review” where a guy dressed himself like a Nazi to make a blatant “take that” statement against his “haters” without understanding and/or caring why the Nazi comparisons were there in the original; if Doug Walker doesn’t give a shit about those kind of details, then why should I.]

I just wanna be angry so I can be (Tweeting) About those who hate me (Tweeting) I need their attention (Tweeting) Love me or hate me, just look at me more

[Sadly one can’t say that this train wreck of a “review” didn’t make at least some people look at Doug Walker again even after they didn’t want to.]

(Tweeting) Whatever side you choose, just don’t ever wane (Tweeting) Waiting for the point

[I’d joke about how that’s how most people felt about the video at this point, but everyone has made that joke already. Everyone.]

Don’t fear that you’re wrong Just fight until the end, my friend

[At this point I could just say “Okay, Boomer” at every line in these two parody songs and it’d be about as meaningful as all of Doug’s comments about the actual film. Remember, the film he’s parodying here and supposed to be reviewing (allegedly)? The film he’s not mentioned once in this particular parody?]

All you need to do is fight off something Don’t worry! As long as you don’t see me as human, You can hate me all you want! Because remember, this can never happen to you! I’m bad! You’re good! The more extreme you can get the more happy you’ll become! They’ll put that person whose face you hate here, and tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet!

[...Doug, please tell me you didn’t have these parody songs in mind first as a sort of rebuttal against your detractors and then used it as an excuse to make a “review” for the actual film in this style as well as a whole parody album of it...

Also, this may be another nitpick, but towards the end the guys aren’t even “marching” in time to the music. Because of course they’re not.]

#Blapis tears down NC's The Wall #Nazi mention //#long post #bold text warning #eye strain //

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hyunarkarchive · 6 years ago

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oh my stress;;

“'tis i, a writer, togetherslapper of words.”

knowing that my own five year anniversary at rookies is in about two months makes me actually really emotional, and most of you know, i don’t really get emotional about stuff like this.

i’m here to talk about all the fucking shit storms i brought. starting from good ol’ ellyrk, who turned into yuriirk and currently known as hyunark, as well as, rkxwoozi, aka jihoonrk, fucking namtaerk, eunwoork, minhyunrk, younghyunrk 1.0, junhoerk aka younghyunrk 2.0. i am about 100% sure i’m missing someone BUT YOU KNOW, we can let that muse stay in dungeon vile.

not even 10 minutes later

oh yeah- minhork was it? minhxrk??? idk what his url was, shortlived lovely muse i tell you. jisungrk was a thing for like 6 months. however, as you can see, i have a lot of muses, 11 in total, well 8 if you remove younghyun 1.0 & 2.0 and jihoon.

its been nearly five years since i joined rookies and ive made a lot of memories here. good, bad, amazing, mediocre. a lot of memories than pretty much just range. can you believe i’ve actually cried a few times about rookies related thing? yeah, me neither, but here we are hahaha. i will probably not edit this at all, so if you see spelling mistakes, or maybe something is repeated, just ignore it please, its from the heart.

this place really helped me develop my writing, vocabulary and definitely social skills. i might suck at threading and replying on time, but i have to say, all the muns here are amazing!!! i remember when i first joined, oh boy was i fucking terrified of the fact that i SUCKED at writing. i was so cautious about what i write and how i spoke and i think some of you could remember it haha. i’ve also managed to make some amazing friends throughout my stay here, all of them older than me, as well haha and i was babied so much i always found it funny, but very thankful because some of the life lectures i got where definitely needed.

however, i will take a few minutes to write about the last three standing; hyunark, jihoonrk and younhhyunrk

hyunark:

my first ever tumblr muse. my first rookies muse. my longest standing muse. she;s gone through a lot, and honestly, she will continue to do; i wasn’t all that good with her in the beginning, now i see a lot of gaps and weird stuff whenever i have to go read something to remind myself of events and so on. however, i really love her, and i’ve gotten a bit too attached to her haha. can you blame me tho? from ellyrk, to yuriirk, now hyunark, there have been alot of ups and downs but i am happy where she’s come. to being a potential walking scandal, to being in two survival shows, to being the first muse at rookies to not be offered a contract renewal, to another survival show, to a nova trainee after being cut short twice by hyunbin. she had gone through alot of character development and its shaped her a lot better than i ever could, for which i need to say my thanks to the mods of rookies for it, because without them, hyunark would probably be headed in a completely different direction haha. however, she still focuses on producing, writing lyrics and ever since she got into nova as a trainee, she’s focused on her dance as well because she doesn’t wanna be called an uncooked noodle anymore. her dream is to be a recognized producer and lyricist, and will fight for that title.

jihoonrk:

jihoork was previously known as rkxwoozi. i even used his original blog when i re-applied with him;; he lasted a bit under a year in all honesty the first time and i specifically remember that the reason for that was being signed under trc. it was a pretty unfortunate time for him to be signed, with all the scandals that happened and what not. i was a tad regretful that i dropped him to be honest, which is all the reason to why he was brought back. tbh, he didn’t change in that like 6 months gap he was away. he was the same moody gremlin everyone knew and loved. if you had asked me, a few years ago if i thought jihoon would debut, i’d laugh and say no fucking way, but here we are, when he is a member of convex and got to debut with his longets lasting friend, sehun and best friend seungcheol. so he is living the dream you know? even if he doesn’t show it, he is grateful and appreciates everything that’s happening around him and to him. his main goal right now is to be the variety ace of convex and is working slowly to achieve that goal.

yonghyunrk:

ahhh here we go;; my last muse who had to undergo something similar to jihoonrk;; i brought him in, because i had this idea of a metal head, who really just wanted fame and girl and guys. however, stuff happened, i couldn’t get him to have threads i wanted and so i dropped him. again, i pretty much reapplied a few months later with junhoerk which was basically younghyunrk 2.0 and eventually, i realized that the muse deserved its original fc and here we are again with younghyunrk. to be honest, i don’t even know how i managed to get him to go to mga4, but he went and caused chaos with chungha and we all know how much fun he actually had haha;; he still doesn’t like dance, and will probably not enjoy it until he gets signed and coach tells him he can’t dance and JUST out of spite, he will get better at it. ultimately, he wishes to debut on a band, he wouldn’t really mind if he gets placed at any instrument, as long as he gets to sing. he still wants to reach paradise city, as guns ‘n roses have said.

quick mentions to some of my other muses as well. its funny how all my other muses lasted for months as well;; honorary mentions will go to namtaerk, minhxrk and probably minhyunrk, i won’t be really talking about them, so focusing on eunwoork and jisungrk;

i can without a doubt say that these are my more interesting muses, or eunwoo at least. her dream was to become a musical actress and was a serial dater; she’d date a lot of people, girls and boys, and wouldn’t really bat an eyelash once it was all over. never really had long term relationships either. she was into photography and her photography instagram was more popular than her personal one and she didn’t mind haha.

jisungrk wanted to be a professional football player and he was never really interested in becoming an idol, which made him fun to play. however, he was a really young muse, i think i made him 16? yeah, i think he was 16 and after that i realized i can’t do young muses;; its just weird for me, i have no clue what middle school kids actually do haha, i remember i just slept and did nothing all day, didn’t even study whoops.

but yeah, these two muses were very short lived but fun and i think that one day, if rkforthmuse is allowed, i highly doubt it, i will bring back eunwoork because she deserved more attention than i ever gave her.

now i will do a few mentions, by a few i mean it will be a lot;; i’m sorry if i get sappy or anything;; please accept my love <33

ABBIE - @seungcheolrk & @rkwon & @rkgwen - sunshine, my lovely amazing sunshine;; thank you. thank you, thank you. its been nearly five years of friendship, can you imagine it? soon, in just two months, it will be half a decade and i am extremely grateful;; i can’t explain it and i know that even saying it on a daily basis to you, it won’t be enough;; its funny how we started talking through rksoo and ellyrk, and now here we are, four years later, rkjicheol being in the same company, debuting together, in the same group. in all honesty, i remember when i dropped jihoon and then picked him up after like, literally two months, and it was one of the best decisions i ever made. i always have fun talking to you, plotting and threading and i honestly wish i did it a lot more than i currently do, but you know, uni is kicking my ass hasljdhlas anyway;; thank you, sunshine, thank you a lot and for these almost five years i love you a lot 🍅🍅🍅

HUNNIE - @yutark & @rksunwoo & @rkseokwoo - where do i even start?? like, oh wow, there is A LOT;; i can definitely say, we started talking when i suggested jihoon as sunwoo’s first kiss and look where the are now? dating, for what? seven months, can you believe that? SEVEN!!! this is insane haha;; and look and where we are now, talking on a daily basis, and its very very nice;; i don’t know what i would do nowadays without you, so i’m really really thankful you deal with my sorry ass so much ahdsdsalla it started with jihoon and sunwoo, then it transitioned to younghyun and yuta, and most recently, its been yuta and hyuna and their lil game of cat and mouse;; its always fun plotting with you, threading, talking, everything really;; and i really hope it will continue to be this way;; i love you

LYN - @rkxsnn & @rkavery - hello there mum!!! impressed im starting with you? anyway, i have A LOT OF THANK YOUS TO TELL YOU, starting from dealing with me, to helping me get through college, to life advice, to all the skype calls we had, a lot of things in these past few years. even if we don’t talk as much and i know you have life kicking u in the ass, i wish we could change that soon;; i miss you a lot;; all of your muses are amazing and i absolutely adore them, as much as i do you!! hmu soon;; minsoo and elly were iconic, and he will forever be a huge part of her;; remember that mino and taehyun ship we had? good angst times lbr.

JEN - @yujurk - sup there mum number 2 even though i act older than you, you can’t even lie about that haha; you were one of the first people i started talking to in rookies, and still do on a weekly basis? daily? you get the point haha;; damn, i don’t think we ever argued as well, which is insane and you do give good advice and oh my god your muses are so funnnnnnnnnn bring all of themmmmmmmm innnnnnnnnnnnnn;; i’m so so happy that you came back to rookies after that hiatus;; really really happy;; jieun and hyuna are iconic partners in crime;; jihoon is grateful that jieun taught him how to sing;; hyuna thinks soyeon will forever haunt her, no doubt;; jkook is forever jihoon’s bunny you can fight him about it;; eunwoo says jkook never took her on a date, she’s upset about it haha

CLARA - @rkwendy & @rkjohnny - clara clara clara. you really love having me send the group chat into gay panic huh? i will forever continue to do it, do not worry. once a week sound good? hahah;; i wish we talked more than we do lately, but its always fun no matter what it is;; i also know for sure, you have my back and we can take over a country if we tried hard enough lbr;; i think we mainly stared talking when the brosquad/antisquad happened, which was pretty much when i joined rookies haha;; so again, nearly five years of friendship look at that!! we need to talk more and you need to tell me more baking recipes!! i think it was hyuna and wendy that we first got to interact and then wendy and jihoon and funny enough, i feel like jihoon and wendy are closer than hyuna and wendy haha;; then younghyun joined the picture to fully annoy wendy out of this word;; we need to thread more sobs;; lets make that happen yeah?

SHINOBI - @rkkangjoon & @rkgray- hello there shinobi. i think our meet up scenario was the same as with clarea, huh? brosquad/antisquad;; we should talk more, that’s a definite but i think that with hyuna&kangjoon we have gotten a lot closer than before and its really cute and nice and i love it qwq gray and hyuna need to release a hit song someday, we better make that happen yeah??? good!!

SACHA - @rkrose & @rkkyungri - i am super super duper ultra mega giga happy we got to talk a lot in the past few months, get to know each other and its very very nice;; i always have fun talking to you and i know i can lean on you if my day has been shitty, and i am sorry if i’ve had a lot of shitty days sadhljsajldnl ahhh, but yes, our muses will go through a lot and i’m really happy you enjoy it and i hope we can see them grow and develop!!

ANI - @rkchungha & @rksohee& @rkmiya - what am i actually gonna do without you, that’s a very very good question i was asking myself recently. its really weird we never really talked a lot until younghyun was brought into rookies, which was i think this year huh? funny, very weird, what life was i living without you in it?? hahaha, anyway, i’m really glad and happy having chungha and younghyun so close got us to be closer as well, even if i set you into rp panic with random questions and potential scenarios haha;; i’m glad you enjoy them;;; love you lots!!

CARLY - @taeminrk & @rkluna & @danielxrk - we don’t really talk much, but in reality, i actually don’t know where i’d be rn if i couldn’t come to you with stupid questions and inquiries;; i wish you all the best in every possible aspect of life and love seeing you on the dash;; ngl i am also extremely and forever sorry that you have to read through hyunark’s post from like three years ago, that;s some nasty writing right there yikes;; but thank you for taking rookies under your wing and just expanding it and making it better and better with the rest of the mod team;; keep up the good work!!

a very special thanks to all of the royal girls, @rkxnarong , @rkyena , @rkella , @rkcheri , @rksoohyun , @rklisa , @rkrose who made royal survival a blessing, her stay in royal amazing as well;; special thanks to all the royal boys, ex ones count as well, fight me @rkbyunbaek , @jaehyunrk , @kibumrk, @yienrk , @rkseonho, thank you for being a part of hyunark’s journey in royal fun and emotional lbr;; you guys managed to make royal fun for me as well, so thank you so so so much to every single one of you guys;;

a huge thank you for og trc roster that’s still here and dealt with jihoon;s sorry ass back then; a huge thank you for the kt roster that had to deal with jihoon as well, even if it was for a short amount of time;; a huge thank you for sphere, and convex members @seungcheolrk , @rkhyun , @rkjinwook , @kibumrk , @rkjinkis , @rktaeyxng , @tenrk , @rkxroyal , @rkohsehun , @yienrk , @rkromeo , @rkzyx, who will now have to deal with jihoon like it not, but i apologize on his behalf;; even if i don’t say it often, i am really really happy jihoon got to debut with your boys and i’m happy i get to interact with all of you so much;; thank you, thank you, thank you;;

thank you rookies, for such an amazing time!! i can only wish and hope for many more!!!

#;wordcount/2715 #rkfifth #[[ im an emotional ball of sap rn #[[ thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you

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ongly · 6 years ago

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Mine.

Shawn assures you (and himself) that you are his.

So I had this on my drafts since @siennarossi started sending me these pictures of Shawn wearing the cutest pink cheeks and holding drink in his hand, and I instantly thought of this. This came out a bit funny because I haven’t edited it and it was written while I was listening to ‘Mine’ by Bazzi. It’s veeery overrated but I couldn’t stop picturing drunk Shawn and Y/N, completely lost in themselves. I hope it’s not too cringy, I was just really looking forward to drop this here, since it’s been a while and I have so many blurbs/series to finish writing! I hope it’s okay I drop this fluff here. It’s 2am here and I just finished this. It’s fresh... and probably full of mistakes. I am sorry, I promise to edit this tomorrow. I reaaallly hope you enjoy it and don’t stop reading my stuff after this mess. All the love xxx

Your gaze was focused on the floor while you tried to climb down the from the bar bench you had been sitting on for several minutes by that moment; the rush of adrenaline growing once you felt his fingers sneak under your cropped top, holding you firmly to help you down. You held onto his forearms strongly, your fingertips pressing hard on his sweaty skin, muscles tensing as if your warm touch on his warmest skin had sent an electrifying rush through his veins, up his body, making his touch tighten on your side. You were already struggling to walk steadily, the alcohol beginning to speak for itself and taking its notice on the clumsy smile you gave him, once you looked back up at him. His cheeks were flushed and he gave you the brightest smile of all. His hair was a pure mess of curls, which you were sure would still be soft to the touch even if it was covered in sweat; it fell over his forehead, a few strings tickling his eyelids, the ones he tried to avoid as he blinked rapidly. He was staring back at you, unconsciously bringing you closer to him. You had no idea what he was thinking, even though he kept repeating to you how beautiful you looked, you were positive he looked even better. If only you could express how pretty his plump lips were whenever they moved along with his warm tongue as he complimented you. If only you could explain how hot he looked whenever he stared directly at your lips as you spoke, brows frowning hard in concentration as his lips moved along with yours, trying to understand what you were saying through the loud music. If only you could explain to him how hot he looked whenever he used his large hand and long fingers to push his hair back as he shot you a tempting grin, asking you to dance with him, tongue lazily forming the words, which you were sure came out in the sexiest slur, even though you couldn’t hear it. He was mesmerizingly drunk.

Your thoughts vanished instantly, once he started pulling you to the dance floor.

Shawn had, somehow, convinced you to get your eyes off of your books for the night. He had been home for a few days, which he had spent jealously pleading for you to give him a little of your time. He knew you were drowning in exams and he honestly believed he had come to save you. You just had no clue how a nice dinner had transformed into a night out, drinking shots at the local club. But even worse, you sure had no clue how the both of you ended up drinking those shots this guy had paid Shawn, ending up on paying you a few drinks as well as, and I quote, ‘Shawn’s lesbian friend’.

“Come on!” He called you out.

His body was moving away from yours, hand moving from your waist up to your shoulder. His touch slid down your arm slowly to hold your hand, as he walked backwards, his gaze never leaving yours. He bumped into a few bodies while making his way to the middle of the dance floor, pulling you along with him.

You smiled lazily at him. Your eyes slightly sparkling as you moved closer to him, your fingers playing with his, trying to intertwine them. Shawn was laughing about something, nodding in disbelief as you walked closer to him.

“Don’t look at me like that.” He mouthed you. You swore you could hear him say that in between his light chuckles and just imagining that was enough to send chills up your spine, consequently making you move rapidly closer to him.

You let go of his hand and let yourself bump against his chest purposely, both of your hands now pressing against his stiff stomach, fingers unconsciously tugging at his t-shirt. He wrapped his arm around your waist, holding you against him as he smiled down at you. He made sure to keep his other hand away from you, still holding his drink, although more than a half of it was already on the floor.

“I’m just your lesbian friend.” You gave him a cheesy grin, looking up at him pressing yourself harder against his chest when someone pushed past the both of you.

You felt his grip tightening around you as the music changed and, ironically or not, his words matched the lyrics.

He smiled down at you, eyes too expressive to show what he was thinking. He was mesmerized by the image of you in his arms, like he was holding this one future he had always dreamed about. He held you firmly, arm completely wrapped around your waist and then he began to lean down. You felt his nose rubbing against your ear, forehead pressed on your temple. His breath tickled the crook of your neck as he breathed in your scent.

“But you’re my lesbian friend.” His voice came out in the slur you were dying to hear, since you had stepped in that tiny club.

You took a breath, letting your forehead fall in his chest momentarily, until he started to sway his hips, his arm guiding your body to do the same. You couldn’t stop smiling at yourself, once you realized the music was, impressively, making more sense in that moment, than any other time you had heard it.

You unraveled your head from his chest and looked up at him. It seemed like he hadn’t stop smiling either. You let your hands travel pleasingly up his torso, stopping at his neck. You winked at him as the lyrics came

You’re so fucking precious when you smile.

He let out a light chuckle, taking his free hand up to his neck to hold yours as the song went on. You felt his fingers wrap around your own and let him take the lead.

Shawn held your left hand, taking his arm up so he could wrap you under it. You turned around, giving a little twist, pressing your back against his chest as he wrapped his arm around your torso, hugging you tightly from behind. He kept moving his hips along with the beat and you were now doing the same, at the same pace. You let your head fall against his shoulder, giving him the chance to lean his head forward, chin resting on the crook of your neck.

You were unconsciously glad you had tied your hair up in a pony tail, once you felt him peck your neck. You had closed your eyes as he showed you off, feeling him trace a trail of soft pecks on your skin, up to your ear. You bit your lip as you heard him quietly singing along.

Mine. Hands on your body, I don’t want to waste no time.

His singing voice echoed through your mind, lips moving down to your neck again. You rose your shoulder slightly once you felt his hair tickling your skin. You smiled at yourself, breathing in the smell of his cologne, which, at some point, was growing too faint in your mind, causing you to let your head fall back against his shoulder again. The alcohol was boiling in your blood, his touch getting hotter on you as he pressed himself harder against the back of your body. You had lost count on the amount of drinks you had had, but you were positive that, by that moment, you were mostly drunk on him, completely lost on the amount of kisses he was planting on your sensitive skin, the number only growing second by second. By that time of the night, you were sure he could feel your heartbeat pacing under the wet skin of his lips as his sloppy kisses started to long on your collarbone. Your lips parted at the feeling of ecstasy, the loud music already making your head throb as you started to feel your body vanish into his own touch, giving in into his warmth.

Shawn kept pulling you closer against his chest, your body melting into his arms. It was physically impossible for him to hold you tighter without hurting you. You let out a breath, your eyes opening slowly. You breathed in the hot atmosphere, the only thing coming to your scent being his perfume. You moved your head slowly to the side, facing his curls since his lips hadn’t left your skin. You were still holding his hand when you unraveled your head from his shoulder, looking down at his arm almost covering your entire torso. You tightened your grip around his fingers, pulling his arm away as you turned around to face him. His lips left your skin making it feel like there was actually some fresh air in that crowded room, as the spot he was sucking on was no longer being possessed by his warm tongue.

You looked up at Shawn, your bottom lip in between your teeth as you watched his grin grow. You let go of his hand, brushing your own against the fabric of his t-shirt, trying to wipe the sweat away and then resting on his shoulder. You took the other hand up, placing it on the opposite shoulder, your fingers slowly tickling his skin as you moved your touch to his neck. You looked at him, mimicking his grin as you mouthed.

I’m so fucking happy you’re alive.

You moved your lips along with the words as the music kept echoing in the room. You tilted your chin up, mouthing the last word of that line once your lips were already teasing his own, brushing carefully and feeling his neck move under the palm of your hands as he tried to lean in closer to you, desperate to feel your mouth on his. You breathed in against his lips, planting a soft and slow peck on his mouth, quickly leaning back.

You opened your eyes to face him. He had his eyes closed, lips still aching for yours. He kept still for a moment and you took the chance to memorize the way he slowly started to smile. The crinkle in his eyes forming as his lips stretched only for his teeth come to vision. His cheeks looked rosier than before but still soft. His skin was glowing like the sun was hitting it. If only you knew you were his sun. If only you knew he kept his eyes shut to avoid the light in your eyes showed whenever you looked at him that closely. You were the sun that gave him light and shined through him; and he was the moon that transmitted the bright light provided him. You made him the happiest on earth and he could feel it just by concentrating on your body pressing harder against his.

He wrapped his arm around your waist tightly, his hand pressed firmly on your lower back. His other hand still holding the drink he had forgotten and no longer desired. He let out a light chuckle and your smile grew. He opened his eyes to look at you and nodded in disbelief at how beautiful you looked, completely dazzled by his beauty even if he was covered in sweat.

Shawn, on his right hand, the hand that held you glibly, carried all the sweetness he had in his life. The sparkle on your eyes that took its notice after every kiss he planted on your lips. If he was ever to open that hand, he would be infested in loneliness and displeasure. On his left hand, away from your silhouette and down against the side of his body, he carried his iced shaped heart, the capability of saying ‘no’ with a gunshot in his eyes. If he was ever to open that hand, everything around him suddenly would become dark; everything would lose color and the world would lose its ground. When you met him, he extended you one of his hands and your choice was made by your eyes, and how the words that fell from your lips matched the gaze you had on. He needed you to understand every detail, just as he needed to do the same with you. Frame by frame, facts and verses that composed his life. You were careful when you introduced yourself in his world, even though you knew the next note could not be so melodious. You stepped forward carrying courage in one hand and honesty in the other, giving him what he deserved, only to have him give you what you deserved. In world is still full of traps and averse, he carried you with his right hand as you held his left one with the honesty that glowed whenever you touched his palm, knowing that if he let go of your hand it would cost you your life. It was a metaphor that explained the best how the light that shined through him was the one you reflected on him.

You heard a glass crack on the floor next to your bodies, his other arm wrapping around your body as he pulled you close to him, only assuring you he had, literally, thrown his drink away. You started to laugh as he started to dance uncoordinatedly to the music. He moved his head away from you, tilting it back as he shut his eyes strongly, shouting the lyrics, his voice cracking as you watched him, eyes wide at the sudden playful move.

Girl anything I can do just to make you feel alright.

“Oh, oh, oohh!” He shouted before turning his head down to look at you.

Your smile couldn’t get any bigger as your eyes couldn’t get any smaller. You let your hands slide down from his neck to his chest as you laughed, trying to sing the lyrics, only to fail completely.

“You’re fine.” You decided to state what you heard next, earning a laugh from him. You bit your lip purposely making it unattractive.

“S.. sto-p!” He pleaded in between his childish giggles.

He nodded in disbelief at how cute you still looked even when you pulled off those weird faces. He leaned down, his lips pressing against your cheek, trying to make you stop, but you were having too much fun. You were too happy.

He leaned back to face you, not being able to stop laughing. You felt one of his hands going up from your back and finding its way to your cheek.

“Babe.” He called you out, carrying on nodding his head, smiling brightly at you. “Please…” He chuckled once you started playing with your lips, trying to make a fish mouth and getting on your tiptoes, leaning in to kiss him. “You’re drunk.” He smiled, his fingers tickling your jawline as he caressed you.

“I am Drake?” You slurred, looking up at him with your eyes wide. You rose your eyebrows innocently once he nodded in an answer. You took one of your hands away from his chest, pointing your finger straight at him. “I am your girlfriend.” You stated, slowly forming the words on your mind so they would come out perfectly for him to understand.

His hand moved down to your chin, his thumb placed over it, reaching up for your bottom lip, holding it down under his touch. You eyed him in confusion as he chuckled at how funny he was making you look. He was so drunk.

“Yeah…” He smiled, gaze focused on your lip as he played with it. “… and you’re dr…”

“No.” You cut him off, taking your hand to hold out his wrist, moving his hand down.

You loosened your grip on his wrist and he took the chance to hold your hand, fingers intertwining around yours. He moved his arm back, pulling you to him and making you bump against his chest, his other hand still wrapped around your waist and helping you move closer to him, only now his touch starting to feel lazy on you, although he still didn’t let go.

“I’m… Y/N…?” You hesitated, clenching your eyes but still giving him a cheesy grin.

“Oh my God…” He nodded his head for the hundredth time that night, smiling sweetly at you. He let go of your hand, placing his arm around you again. “I can’t take you home like this.” His eyes widened like he was coming into a realization. “Your parents would kill me if I dropped you off in that state.” He said quietly, looking down and then back at you, lips parted in surprise.

“You’re not driving tonight.” You warned him. He started nodding his head rapidly in response, the music already fading as it ended. You shut your eyes strongly and then opened them up widely, trying to come to your senses.

“No, no…” He assured you. You watched him answer you and you realised you were actually the most drunk out of the two of you. Shawn’s expression had somehow changed from the moment you pressed yourself against him unconsciously still swaying your hips against him.

You heard him chuckle and looked back up at him lazily, completely unaware that you were watching how your body moved against his. He leaned down. His arm muscles tensed on your waist as he kept you in place, against his now stiff body. He planted a few pecks on your cheek before whispering in your ear.

“I’m taking you to my place.”

Shawn didn’t give you time to answer or even consider it. It sounded more like a demand now that his words kept repeating in your head. The state that you were on made you completely forget what you wanted to answer him; especially once the cool air hit your bare arms.

You stood on the sidewalk, crossing your arms already shivering. The temperature difference was particularly insane as you watched Shawn calling someone to pick up the both of you. His long legs moving lazily as he paced around, head down as he spoke.

He soon met you, placing his phone on the back pocket of his black jeans, outlining your body to stand behind you, arms wrapping around yours, trying to warm you up once he took notice of how pale you had become and how strongly you were hugging your own chest. He rested his chin on your shoulder, spreading his legs so he wasn’t making such an effort to reach down for your shoulder, due to the height difference between you two.

“You shouldn’t have left your coat in my car, hun’.” He warned you.

“You’re hot… I get it.” You breathed out, letting your head fall against his shoulder as you gazed around, head turning away from Shawn’s face, slightly enjoying his hot breaths on your neck. You felt his chest shaking against your back again as he let out a soft laugh, still not moving his head away from your shoulder.

“What?” He chuckled. “That was some good alcohol you drunk.” He moved his head to turn to you, cheek resting on the tip of your shoulder as he stared at you, although you kept looking away.

“Stop calling me Drake.” You stated, shifting in your place, making him adjust his arms around you.

You could feel the smile on his face grow as his cheek moved against your shoulder. He was enjoying the words that would come out in a slur from your pretty swollen lips.

“I’m not…” His words fell into a giggle once he noticed you smiling. “What is up with you tonight?” He smiled.

You turned your head slightly to look at him momentarily, one eyebrow rising cockily.

“’m having fun with my rich ass bourgeois bitch of a boyfriend.” Your voice came out soft, tongue lazily forming the words as you stared at him.

You rose your shoulders, watching him trying to contain his laughter, his lips pressed into a hard line. He let out a chuckle, unraveling his cheek from your shoulder, trying to look at you properly as you looked away again.

“Your what?” He laughed, leaning his head more as you purposely turned yours to the other side so he couldn’t see you smiling.

You took one arm out of his embrace, maneuvering your hand around, gesturing him every single word, once more.

“You can’t even hear me…” You lastly said, turning your head to him, meeting his big smile along with a hard frown at your lack of reasoning. He, somehow, loved it. “You’re so… d.. on alcohol.” You stated, nodding like you were stating the obvious.

“Oh my God…” He laughed.

“You don’t even deny it.” You emphasized with your hand gestures.

“Pft.” He held back his giggles, admiring how expressive you could be. “Babe…” He tried to call you out.

“I am glad I’m dropping you off because…” You kept talking, innocently, cutting him off, looking around the street, dramatically gesturing your hand in the air to emphasize every word you said.

“Y/N.” He called you out, his voice now firm as he looked at you.

You looked back at him, your head slightly dropping on his shoulder but soon forced to be held up by the little strength you still had in you, even though it seemed like the alcohol was consuming it all out in one bite. He looked at you tenderly, cheeks still slightly rosy as the corners of his lips slightly lifted. You could tell he was trying to hold a big smile; your eyes focused on his plump lips as you read them; the words he said filled your ears, taking control of every cell of your body despite your drunken state, a soft rush running on your veins as you, unconsciously, took your arm back to where it was, under his warm embrace.

“I love you.” It was the first time he had admitted it to you, out loud. It was the first time he put it into proper words. He was so drunk, and he loved you so much. You were so drunk, the drunkest, and you loved him crazily.

The pace of your heartbeat started to increase rapidly and you knew he could feel it in his arms that wrapped you close to him. You kept staring at him blankly, like the breath that formed all the stupid shit you had been saying to him was all caught up in your throat, wanting to come out all at once to shout at him that you loved him so much more.

Your eyes widened as you looked at him innocently. He rose a brow at you, his smile growing as he watched you confusedly choosing your words.

“I know that…” Your voice sounded as you nodded like you were approving your own words. He listened to you carefully.

“Okay…” He nodded, looking at you.

“Yeah… okay.” You repeated as you stared back at him. There was some kind of humor in that situation but it didn’t make him mad. He could see you were taken aback by his words by the blush that was growing in your cheeks, and that was enough to confirm what he had been wondering all that time you guys had been together.

“Do…” He hesitated. “Do you love me?” He asked slowly. You clenched your eyes, nodding instantly, taking it as the stupidest question he had ever put together.

“Hell yes.” You nodded, shrugging. His smile grew wider at your expression.

He let out a light chuckle, holding you tight in his embrace, head moving up as his lips connected to your hair, kissing your head gently.

“I got you, babe. I’m Drake.” You whispered, feeling his muscles tense against your body, arms going up as he wrapped them over your chest, his lips parting as he chuckled against your hair.

You giggled, feeling him move against you, his lips connecting to your cheek strongly as he peppered your skin with warm pecks, the giggles escaping from your lips growing louder as his hair unwittingly tickled your skin.

I am sorry for any mistakes and for the lazy ending, I’ll get back on it tomorrow. I was too excited to post. It’s all Nikki’s fault.

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skammovistarplus · 6 years ago

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Culture and Translation - S01 E06

This is a bit of a weird episode, in that it feels like not much happened. Because Skam España switched a few things around, it seems like episode 6 shouldn’t be the episode in which to hang out with the characters for a while before shit goes down. But one thing that got me hooked to Skam almost straight away was the way you got to “hang out” with the characters even in small, drama-free moments, and this episode has a couple of clips I really like.

CLIP 1: Monday blues

Es que le metiste un corte (You were razor sharp with him): “Meter un corte” is really hard to translate. It basically means to be really cutting with someone when they aren’t expecting it, in a way that shuts the conversation for good. Which Amira did, over and over, but the dude wasn’t getting the hint.

I do think Nora feels a little bad for the guy, but only because Nora is extremely empathetic with everyone in the world, to the point where it’s surprising when she’s not empathetic.

Viri is a great liar. We will come to find out much of what she says in this scene is a lie, but she has no tells. This is why I think the Selena Gomez shoe line thing was Viri teasing the girls, because she broke character almost immediately. If Viri wanted the girls to believe it, we can see here that she would’ve managed.

Nora’s shirt says, “No means no.” ‘No es no’ was first a slogan for an awareness campaign, promoted by several Spanish city halls, which aimed to curtail sexual abuse and rape during local festivals, such as Sanfermines. There’s also an Axel, Soledad song. And it has of course been slapped on all sorts of merchandise. Like shirts!

The sides of the mirror are tagged with graffiti, by the way.

And also, Eva and Nora are late for first period! They end up skipping it entirely.

CLIP 2: Lucas has feels; Eva’s are stronger

Eva and Lucas are listening to Molly Svrcina’s Fallen Angel. I think the point of the song was lost in how incredibly random the song is. This is a song Lucas recommends Eva listen to. It’s about Lucas, not Eva. Lucas is trying to give a hint to Eva about himself, but Eva’s too focused on the Jorge drama.

While this clip dropped during recess, Eva skipped school. Not sure if Lucas did as well, though.

It’s Viri who shares a birthday with Paris Jackson, as I already wrote in the post for last episode.

Alejandro Reina does a nice bit of acting with his eyes at the 5:22 mark. Lol, Lucas is so fucking tired of the Eva/Jorge drama carousel.

Y tú me caes de puta madre (“And I think you’re fucking great”): Lucas is not just saying that he thinks Eva’s great. He’s saying he really fucking likes Eva (as a friend, that is!).

Es que sigo enfadada (“‘Cause I’m still upset”): This is a sentiment that will be expressed often this week by Eva, Jorge and Lucas. I’ve seen subs that translate it “enfadada” as “angry” and it’s not wrong, but I feel Eva and Jorge are both more upset than angry during this week. Your mileage may vary, though!

CLIP 3: Ship wars

Cullera: Cullera is a beach city in the Valencia region that has been taken over by tourists (or guiris, if you will!). There are some nice sights, but people visit for the beaches. Many Spanish familes own some sort of apartment by the beach, but Cullera is a step up from the usual, which is Torremolinos. A hint about Inés’ parents’ economic status! Cullera means “spoon” in Valencian language, by the way.

Easter break: The 2019 Easter break runs from the 12th of April to the 22th. Coincidentally, there are some rumors that s2 will premiere after Easter break 2019.

Tú no te líes, que el viaje importante es el de Mallorca, ¿eh? (Okay, but don’t lose sight of the important trip, the Majorca trip, huh?): A closer translation would be: “Don’t get sidetracked, the important trip is the Majorca trip, okay?” Which is actually a shorter line, so we should maybe change that, lol.

Que parezcamos ahí dos lapas como estas parejitas que están por ahí (For us to look like two barnacles like those couples you see everywhere): The literal translation would be, “for us to look like two barnacles like those couples that are around,” but that sounded like shade towards Eva and Jorge, who are also broken up this week. It’s not meant as shade, and in fact Eva has no reaction to it, so I reworked it.

Viri’s economic background is hinted through her confusion with job titles. In Spanish, she doesn’t remember if Alejandro’s father is a “director” (which could be translated as director, manager, and even principal, but also CEO) and “directivo” (executive or CEO). I settled for initials salad.

There is a bit of dialogue at the end that was cut from the episode version. The girls present their final arguments in the Viriandro vs Aleviri debate… which ironically, foreshadowed the Norandro vs Alenora shipname wars. It appears as if most of the fandom has settled on Norandro, at last.

Viri: It’s that, it’s like a Greek god.

Cris: What are you, Voldemort or something?

Viri: It’s like, it’s funny because it’s like a Greek god, like Viriandro is a Greek god sort of name. Yeah, it’s super neat.

Cris: It’s a gladiator name, dude!

Almost totally off topic linguistics note: The girls use the English loanword “ship” in the fandom sense. The verb had obviously crossed language lines in fandom spaces years ago, but it became part of mainstream Spanish culture (yes, really) when Operación Triunfo became big last year, and everyone was shipping couples from the show. The interesting part is that Spanish speakers came up with two declensions for the Spanish form of the verb: “yo lo shippeo” (I ship it) and “yo lo shippo” (again, I ship it). People who had been in fandom longer leaned towards “shippeo” (and so do I!), so I find it aesthetically pleasing that the girls favor that declension.

CLIP 4: Eva shoots his shot. It doesn’t go well.

I was certain Jorge’s secret would have to do with one or both his parents being unemployed, so at the time I made note of the fact that one of the apartments he walks by is up for sale. It’s the reddish orange sign at the 10:06 mark.

The song that plays at the end of the clip is Zahara’s El Frío, but it has been edited. These are the lyrics that have made it to the clip: “I didn’t expect that the one who started all the fires would also be the one to put them out. How did you let the cold inside you, it has destroyed everything.”

CLIP 5: Speederman

This has to be a change from my high school years. I did the Cooper test in 3º ESO (the equivalent of 9th grade in the US) and never had to do it again through high school.

More info on the Cooper test, in case you care. Not only was I not tested on a standard 400 m tartan track, but we were also not trained to perform it properly. Ah, high school PE!

Venom premiered in Spain the 5th of October. This clip dropped the 19th of October.

Yes, that is actually how we pronounce Spiderman in Spain.

I love that Nora is into Viri saying she loves anything that has to do with saving the world. Nora is so earnest, lol.

¿O qué vas a hacer, tía? ¿Quedarte en casa llorando? (“Or what do you have in mind, dude? Staying at home, crying?”): Another translation could be, “Or what are you going to do, dude? Stay at home and cry?” but I went with the line in the subs because I thought it flowed better.

Cómo jode que te dejen, ¿eh? (It sucks to be dumped, doesn’t it?): “Sucks” is a lot less charged than “joder,” which is the word Inés actually uses. I guess you’d have to say “fucking sucks” to get the intensity across. You’ll have to make do with Inés’ line delivery.

CLIP 6: Ride of the Valkyries

As it turns out, Alba Planas is also a fan of og Skam, so I’m going to pretend Eva’s string of sorries is also an homage to Tarjei’s delivery.

This scene was shot right outside of Cine Paz.

Pero no me seáis pavas (“But don’t be silly”): Viri says “pavas,” which is hard to translate. Essentially, Viri’s afraid the girls are going to embarrass her in front of Alejandro, either unintentionally or (not unlikely given this group) intentionally. I.e. they’re not going to behave maturely in front of him.

Madre mía (Good heavens): Okay, so I already talked in the post for episode 5 about the way Amira uses interjections that aren’t swear words, and this is an example of it. “Madre mía” literally means “mother of mine” and it’s basically meaningless as an interjection. What matters is the tone you add to it. In this case, Amira’s impatient that the girls are getting distracted chatting about whatever, instead of going into the theater. I don’t love “good heavens” as it has Christian connotations. On the other hand, “geez” feels too short for how impatient Amira sounds.

It took me a while to realize this, but this clip actually has an og equivalent. This would be the clip where Vilde notices William and Sara hooking up, and looks devastated. Skam España chooses to go about it in a totally different way, with the girls backing Viri up as they walk in.

CLIP 7: Tout le monde veut devenir un cat

Sí, hija, sí (“Yeah, girl, yeah”): Jorge actually calls Eva “daughter,” lol. Much like with tío and tía, we might call anyone “son” or “daughter.” I’ve even caught myself using it on my own parents! If I have the right info, this is also common in Latin American countries, except they use “mijo” and “mija,” instead. “Hijo” or “hija” is more affectionate than “tío” or “tía,” although, much like with “madre mía,” it’s used to express a variety of emotions. Here, Jorge is dismayed that his chocolate romance went awry.

Pretty sure those are knockoff peanut M&Ms. Most likely from the Spanish grocery chain Mercadona.

The song that plays at the end of the clip and through the credits is Bely Basarte’s Mariposas. You can find a translation here.

Tomás Aguilera, who plays Jorge, has managed to be almost impossible to find online. However, his instagram bio makes reference to the French version of the Aristocats song Everybody wants to be a cat. It’s adorable.

Social media:

The girls talk about the Zaorejas random again, Cris notes that he looked young enough as to be in ESO, or MSE, Mandatory Secondary Education. MSE runs through the equivalents of 7th to 10th grade in the US.

#culture and translation #skam españa #skam spain #skames #skamesp

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whiskynottea · 7 years ago

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An interruption in the 1st law of thermodynamics.

Previously Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11

If you prefer the AO3, you can find the story here!

Once again, thank you @katnoenau for editing/beta this! 💗💗

This chapter is for my birthday anon!! Happy Birthday darling! 🎁🎂🎈

Chapter 12. Change of Plans

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We kissed! We kissed! We kissed – we kissed – we kissed! I was singing - not too loudly because Lamb was still awake in his office - these two words over and over again in every possible tune I could imagine. We were holding hands and then we kissed! I was so happy I could hardly stop smiling and I felt dizzy. Soon though, second thoughts and doubt started sneaking their way into my mind and made me sober up a bit. Should I have waited for him to kiss me first? Had I been too bold? No, my wiser self argued. Judge from the outcome. And judging from what followed my bold action last night, I had done right. Oh God, how perfect his kiss was! He didn’t just reciprocate my kiss. That kiss, the first one, was so light and chaste. I knew he never expected me to go for his lips, but the moment I kissed him everything changed. He could have stopped it all there if he wanted to, but he didn’t. What he did was start another kind of kiss, a passionate and intense one. Because he wanted to kiss me! I was sure of it. I did right. And he… He did great.

After a mini jumping dance around my -too small for this activity- room, I slipped in to my pajamas, climbed into my bed, and burrowed under my duvet. I planned on replaying our time together in my mind’s projector over and over, to remember every word that he’d said and every move he’d made before saying, “Goodnight to ye too, Sassenach.” But sleep soon claimed my thoughts. It didn’t matter at all though, because Jamie was in my dreams all night, smiling to me with mischief in his eyes and making me feel like I was the only person that mattered in the world. Pretty much all the same things real Jamie did. ** The next day I was smiling even before I was able to open my eyes. I could almost feel his breath on my lips, his tongue touching mine, an arm pulling me tight to him while his hand got entangled in my hair. I was on my tiptoes, leaning all my weight into him and he was there to support me. All the tension from our previous attempts to touch was finally released. I wanted that moment to last forever, but time was cruel and my mind got itself out of its stupor faster than I wished it to. With a deep sigh I opened my eyes and licked my lips searching for his taste, trying to keep the memory of our first kiss in my mind forever. I couldn’t wait to see him again tomorrow at school. Would what had been between us change in any way?

Entering the kitchen, desperate for a glass of water, I found uncle Lamb sitting at the kitchen table reading his newspaper. “Did you have a good time last night?”, he asked me. “Mmhmm.” I said, before gulping down a large glass of water and then refilling it. He must have seen a hint of something in my face because he turned his attention away from the newspaper in his hand. “Hungry?” I shook my head no. Food was the last thing I could think of. Things like food were suddenly so… trivial. “Are you planning to bless us with any proper English words today?” At that he received only a sardonic look from me. “I see.” He said and while I was searching for the orange juice in our fridge he started humming a familiar tune, and then sang the accompanying words, “That’s amore…” Yeah, I knew this song. “When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore…” Who writes lyrics like that? I wondered, the smile on my face notwithstanding. Glancing at the table I realized that my uncle had only pretended to sip nonchalantly from his cup of Earl Grey and read his newspaper, while in truth all he had done was to glance periodically at me, ready to tease me. Great. How does he know now? Slowly, I turned my head to look at him over my shoulder. “We’re out of orange juice.” I said, trying to distract him. “What a catastrophe, I’m sure.” He said with an air of blatant sarcasm as he looked at me with half a smile on his lips. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” He said nothing, just smiled widely at me and resumed his singing. “You’re incorrigible.” I shook my head, kissed him on the cheek, and headed to my room, his singing growing louder with my departure from the kitchen. “When you walk in a dream, but you know you’re not dreaming, signore…” I was sure his song would be stuck in my mind for the whole day.

After a few minutes’ search I found my bag and checked my phone.I froze for an instant looking at the screen. Five texts and three unanswered calls - very uncommon for a Sunday morning. Two calls from Lilly, our dance instructor and another from Jenny.One text from Jenny, two from Joe, and two texts from Jamie. Two texts! With a smile and without thinking, I opened Jamie’s texts first. Jamie: Good morning, Sassenach. 😊 What are your plans for today? And then the second one. Jamie: Jenny just told me. You two are going to have a tough week… What? I hurriedly checked Jenny’s text. Jenny: Hi Claire! Lilly couldn’t reach you. We’ve had a change of plans and we’re performing on Saturday! Call me or Lilly ASAP! What? No, that couldn’t be. Our performance was supposed to be next month. A week was way too soon, we weren’t ready yet! I was already calling Lilly back, pacing my room while I did so. Five minutes later I’d changed into my tights and tank top, threw everything I’d need in to my rucksack, and after a short stop at the kitchen to inform Lamb that I was going to the dance studio and I’d be gone for most of the day, I raced out the door. ** For thirty minutes all I could see was the panic in everyone’s eyes, and I was pretty sure that mine weren’t much different. Indistinct chatter was heard from all around the room, all of us gathered into smaller groups of two or three girls discussing the same thing - the injustice of this change in the program. Jenny waved at me the moment I had entered the dance studio. “Oh God,” I said the moment she was within hearing distance. “Why did they change the date?” “I have no idea. We haven’t practiced the choreography enough, I still forget some of the moves, to be honest, and they want us to perform so soon?” She said incredulously and the frown between her eyebrows deepened. “I know. It sucks. We’ll be terrible.” My optimism was apparently hidden in the middle of earth or somewhere else far away from our dance studio. “Girls! Calm down and come close. I need to talk to you.” Lilly, always calm and composed, motioned us to gather as she walked to the center of the room. ** Four hours later we lay exhausted on the sleek wooden floor. I could feel the hard wood against every inch of my spine and my back, complaining about the hard use as much as my body did. However, I couldn’t get up even for the softest, fluffiest mattress in the world. I had my doubts about performing on Saturday, not because we wouldn’t be good enough but because we might be dead by then. I was sure my legs would wobble and I’d end up straight on the floor if I tried to rise any time soon. Turning my head to the right, I saw Jenny in a similar condition. I smiled at her and she rolled her eyes and feigned sleep. Yeap, I could use some sleep myself now. This was going to be a tough week. This was going to be a tough week! Oh my God, I hadn’t replied to Jamie’s text! Without a second thought and with vigor I couldn’t fathom how I still had in me, I rose and strode briskly across the studio to the locker room. I should have replied hours ago! Would he now think that I didn’t care? Up until the moment I got the phone in my hands, I had changed my mind two hundred times. Text him right now? No, send something brief now, shower and continue the conversation, if there was to be one, later. No, better shower first, as not to delay another text in case he’d reply immediately. Before I made a decision on how and when I’d respond to Jamie, I read the texts from Joe and briefly informed him about the reason he had received radio silence from me for more than a day. JA: “You’re omitting valuable information Lady Jane! How did the date go?” CB: “It wasn’t a date and it went great.” JA: “Look at you now, hanging out with the jocks and not even texting us, poor nerds.” CB: “Very funny, Joe. Ha Ha. And FYI, they’re cool. It was fun.” JA: “Fun fun or… fun fun *wiggling eyebrows here*” CB: “You’re an ass.” JA: “That’s why you love me. Did you two kiss?” CB: “…” JA: “Come on! Did the Viking warrior kiss you?” CB: “Bye Joe!” JA: Did you kiss? JA: Did he kiss you? JA: Did you kiss him? JA: Did you two kiss? CB: “Shut up!” JA: “Did you kiss?” CB: “Yeeeees ❤️” JA: “Good. CU tomorrow LJ” CB: “xoxo” While I was texting Joe, the rest of the team came into the locker room, dragging feet and all. I felt quite refreshed. Better text Jamie now. CB: “Hi Jamie! Sorry for the delay. I had to come to the studio, we had an extra practice session today.” Jamie: “Yeah, I know. Jenny told me.” CB: “Right. Got to go shower. TTYL?” Jamie: “😉”

If I wasn’t so tired and I didn’t want to resume texting with Jamie as soon as possible, I would have stayed under the hot water forever. The soapy bubbles and the water’s pressure on my body gradually removed the fatigue like a layer of sweat being washed out, forever lost in the shower drain. It wasn’t that I could run a half marathon right then, but I felt quite well. The endorphins are doing their job, I suppose. I was even confident that the performance would be just fine. If we continued training like crazy, that is. Jenny was getting into her coat when I left the shower. She’d told me that Ian was waiting for her at home and she wanted to get back quick since she’d left him alone for the whole day. I checked my phone to see if Jamie had sent anything else, and somewhat disappointed that he hadn’t, I got dressed.

With my beanie and a huge scarf around my neck covering half of my face as well, I walked to my bicycle. “So ye’re here incognito, Sassenach?” His voice came from my left and his hand was on my waist a moment later. “I almost didna recognize ye.” My heart was banging in my chest so loudly I was sure he could hear it. I turned to face him, giving him the opportunity to pull me close to him, which was exactly what he did. “Let’s see what we can do about it.” He said in a low voice pursing his lips as he lowered the scarf from my face. “Much better.” And seeing me smile he bent and kissed me. I didn’t think he was going for a long kiss, but I wouldn’t pull my lips from his now that they were on mine. They were so warm and soft and hungry that I felt intoxicated. We got lost in the moment and in each other, and we opened our eyes again only when we had to part for valuable oxygen. Without an inch between us for the cold wind to invade, I inhaled his scent before looking into his eyes. “What are you doing here?” I said with a questioning smile. “Ye said we’d talk later. I thought I’d come so we could talk.” “Mmhmm. This is how Jamie Fraser talks to girls, then?” I raised an eyebrow. “Only if they’re named Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp.” He said soberly, his eyes intent on mine. “Okay then.” He shook his head, disapproving of my way of thinking, and with a smile he claimed my lips again. “I couldn’t wait till tomorrow to see ye.” He said and pulled me closer. “I know.” I said, feeling my legs wobble again, but not from fatigue. This time they wobbled from happiness.

Chapter 13

#thermodynamics #The First Law of Thermodynamics #high school AU #outlander fanfic #jamie x claire #outlander fanfiction

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ellalovertay · 4 years ago

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According to my birth certificate, I turn 18 this year. It's weird because I am now a legal adult and can do legal adult things… whoa. Through 18 years of my life I've had many ups and downs, mistakes and accomplishments and laughs and tears. So as my “kid” years come to an end and my adult years pave the path ahead of me, I thought I'd share some lessons I've learned before reaching 18. Because it's 2020 and sharing is caring.

I've learned (and am still working on) accepting that it is okay not to be okay. When people ask you “how are you doing” there is nothing wrong with the response of “I'm not doing so good.” I know how hard it can be to express honesty and feel vulnerable but that’s human emotion, it's good. There is nothing wrong with not being okay, and you are allowed to experience that, it shouldn't be something that is feared. Next time you feel like that, say, “I'm not fine right now but I am going to be fine soon.”

I found what makes me happy. Like not just a, “Oh yeah I’m great today” kind of feeling, but a lifelong happiness feeling. I've been writing songs since I was 9 years old and in the past 6 months, songwriting has been the only thing keeping me on my feet and putting a smile on my face. Lyrics from other artists (shoutout to Taylor Swift Selena Gomez and Halsey) have always spoken and resonated deeply with me. So when things in my life started going downhill, I wrote my own lyrics. I hope one day people will experience my lyrics and they will be able to help someone like they helped me.

Trust is important. In any type of relationship with friends, family, pets etc, trust is key. A lot has happened in my life recently. Over the course of 6 months I've completely lost my trust in everyone and everything. I'm slowly working on building it back up again and learning how I can trust... but that is easier said than done.

It's okay to be confused about what's going to happen in the future. I have changed what I want my job to be at LEAST 5 times since 9th grade. Some examples include a marine biologist, a BAU member in the FBI, a criminologist, and a neurologist. Of course all of these things strike interest in me and make me happy, but I can't see myself there in 10 years. I've learned music is important to me and I want to study song/lyric writing along with vocals and music industry in college, with hopes to become a singer/songwriter.

Halsey has KILLER music. I knew around 3 of her songs before her album “Manic” dropped. I stayed up for release, downloaded the whole thing, listened to it and fell in love. Then tour tickets dropped, I got early access and I bought them in english class. She is really phenomenal and I love her dearly.

Some people in life will backstab you, others will stand by your side. But true friends will talk sh!t about the backstabbers and want to kick their asses for you. I've found that person and I'm so glad that she is in my life. And for once in my whole life, I feel like I have a best friend who won't just drop me.

I’ve learned you don't owe anybody an explanation. If someone asks,” How are you” and you say, “Not good” you are not entitled to state why. That is for you and your mind to know. If your best friend asks “do you want to come over/” and you say “no” Guess what… you DON'T owe them an explanation as to why! Don't ever feel pressured to explain things to people about yourself or situations you're in.

I'm literally a spot on Libra. My star sign is SO COOL! Up until June I never cared about my sign or horoscope, but when I found out the Libra symbol was the “Scales of Justice…” I read up on some stuff. I was SHOCKED by how much I fit my sign. Example being: we get irritated when people ask us stupid questions... Like if that isn't me then what is???

Being 18 means I get to vote! With everything going on in the world right now i've taken to educating myself as much as possible before november. I'm undecided (edit: not anymore😆) and excited but scared.

When your parents say, “Don't talk to strangers online” don't listen. I've made some of my best friends online (through Taylor, omg shocker) and I don't know what I would do without them. So here's a toast to my real friends: Vivian, Ella, Emily, Jordan, Delaney, Megan, Shannon, Sophie, Lauren, Brooke, Addison, Lexi, Hayley, Ry, Mikayla, Liv, Meghan, Rachel, Kaylee, and so many more <3

I've learned that everything happens for a reason. When I got confirmed, the idea that “everything happens for a reason” really stuck with me. The belief only grew stronger after I attended Kairos in November 2019. I truly believe God has a plan and everything happening in my life is going to end up being a part of some greater, master plan. God gives the hardest battles to his strongest warriors and just know that the shadows can’t last forever. Storms help the flowers flourish, and afterwards comes a rainbow.

My mom is a warrior.

Taylor Swift. That's it. That's the tweet. Very long story short I’ve listened to Taylor since fearless in 2008. Thanks mom! In 2012, when “RED” came out, I memorized lyrics and wanted concert tickets. The same thing in 2014 with “1989.” It wasn't until “reputation” in 2017 that I understood the “fandom” and became a full on swiftie. Fun fact: I have a stan account on twitter, tumblr and instagram where her management team follows me! Taylor has helped me through so many hard times. Her and her music have made me laugh, smile, cry, and dance. She is one of the only constants in my life and she treats her fans like her best friends. I have made so many friends through her that I can't wait to meet. And one day, I will meet Taylor Swift.

I can play instruments! I learned the ukulele when I was 12 because Tess was learning guitar. I hated it. I felt so trapped and the instructor was sooo mean. I wanted to play chords and sing Taylor Swift. Nope. He had me playing strings to old folk music. Long story short I quit.About 2 years later i picked it back up from the depths of my closet and taught myself strings. I got bored and put it away. On july 25th 2019, I picked it back up and this time, I fell in love. I quickly learned chords and by september, I was writing my own music. I thought to myself, “guitar cant be that hard” so I went and took tessa's guitar. I hated it. It was way to big and my hands were far too small. Then, a few months later I tried again. No change. Quarantine was now here and I was bored out of my mind. So… guess what I did on March 19th 2020… learned guitar and fell in love. Now, I'll play until my fingers bleed. Guitar and Ukulele make me so happy and the moral of the story is that if at first you don't succeed, try and try again.

Karma is real. If someone does something sh!tty to you, it will come back to bite them in the butt. Trust me.

I am tiny. Sadly, I'm done growing and I've been done since 8th grade. I'm forever 5 foot ½ inch- the ½ is VERY important. Also my foot size is forever a 4. Basically it sucks. I can't find any shoes that aren't pink, sparkley, have a 1 inch heel and glow up. With that being said s/o to Nordstrom rack for carrying my size.

I've learned to take in every moment. You never know when you won't be able to do the simplest things. Everyday we take so many things for granted. So just let every second of everyday sink in and let it resonate with you because there will never be another moment like that one.

I learned that I am allowed to format my own opinions. The beliefs that I have and I value don't have to be the same as everyone else's beliefs: especially my family and friends. I have come to the realization that I view situations in a different light than those around me and it's 100% okay for me to speak my mind. As a young girl I am allowed to grow up and base my social, personal and political opinions on what I believe is right and wrong, not what other people push me to believe.

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