#(about my sxuality i mean)

[lunnule]

gender has been metaphorically sitting on the couch staring at me for the last month or so and i am anxious

[mardoufox21111]

so i did my presentation! and it went for 2 hours and i wasnt nervous at all!! it hasnt even clicked to me that i should be SO proud of myself i mean i wouldnt have been able to do that 6 month ago even 3 months ago i was nervous prsenting my industry report. im so happy for myself and its just hit me now haha good for me.

i told t about it but not d and she found out over dinner when he mentioned it. on the day they just said how did it go? good i said and that was it they didnt say how proud they were or omg so good look at you type of thing it was just back tothem. this morning i realised its just all about them. i am just some accessory sideline person who when it suits them is mentioned or consulted.

i was a tiny bit frustrated last night because i realised i cant move out, cant afford anything if i could and if i could get it someone else would probably get the rental anyway because they have actually rented something before but boohoohoo nbd nothing i can do about it unless i win lotto.

anywayim feeling pretty good and pretty confident about myself. you know why because ive been able to limit myself from d. enough about them and more about me. ive been watching soccer again, its been on tv. have really enjoyed it. tonights the last night of course.

questioning my sxuality n all.. will talk more about that some other time.

[mysticdragon3md3]

My Twitter timeline did a thing.  lol   Picture source:  twitter.com/gurocult/status/1351215585355567104

Honestly, I used to think bunny boys wouldn’t look good in anything skimpier than slacks and a shirtless vest, because Freeing’s “Ten Count” bunny boy scale figures pulled that off so well and I never really liked the Speedo look.  But now that I think about it, some short shorts could also work.   Picture source:  www.goodsmile.info/en/product/7513/Kurose+Riku.html

I mean there's still a problem of most female characters excessively only smexy and objectified throughout history.  But some toxic mentalities could use some challenging thru guys being skimpy in a vulnerable vs power fantasy way.  And maybe someday there'll be an equal amount of smexy girls and girls who don't need to be smexy.  And all the smexy girls will be portrayed with agency over their own sxuality.  

[sxpositive]

Hi! I’m queer and I’ve known this about myself the last 6-7 years or so now. I thought I was completely over my internalized homophobia and that I have accepted myself as I am like a while ago and realized recently that I had never accepted the sex part of homosexual... and idk how to get myself to accept who I am as I am... and I was wondering if you or any of your followers had ideas on how to go about or begin that process??

Hi Anon,

I’m so sorry to hear you’re still processing the internalised homophobia. It is such a journey, one I’m still on myself. The first step for anything is forgiving yourself for still possessing unresolved trauma like societal/religious/interpersonal homophobia you would have faced growing up. We are not given fleshed out, realistic, and beautiful and sexy representation of queer sx and as such it’s hard to picture it as something we can engage in.

Finding queer sx positive rep online is a great way to start hearing more casually about queer sx and different formats of it. Over time you stop having automatic physical reactions to it that come out of being triggered. Sometimes this can even be a sxual trigger mixed with the negative. It’s important to get rid of the guilt, avoidance, and dissociation reaction to hearing/seeing queer sx before building upon the positive and seeking your authentic sxual self and desires. I’m going to be really honest, it would be most beneficial to you to see a queer specialising sx therapist. This is your life and pleasure and it’s so important and worthy of being nurtured and cared for properly. I know it can be pricy, but if you have the means please try and see someone. Otherwise listening to sx therapists podcasts and following them online is a great (and free!) tool for you. 

@ shrimpteeth on instagram is a great place to start. My favourite podcast right now is with Dr. Cat called Eat. Play. Sex. which has helped me come to terms with my sxuality a lot. Just scroll through the titles and see if any speak to you.

I hope this is a good place to start. I’m sorry I don’t have any solid answers. But if any of my followers do please leave a comment folks!

x Emma

[sxpositive]

i have vaginismus and have never had sex which means i have NO experience fingering anybody. i’m really scared i’m going to be disappointing to a partner (i’m a lesbian). i feel like i’m at even more of a disadvantage sexually than most wlw who haven’t had sex. the lesbian community also really glorifies fingering, and i feel really left out :( i feel like i won’t be able to make my partner feel good, or that they won’t be able to make me feel good in the way that they want to.

Sx can be so intimidating when you don’t have any experience yet. Your worries are so normal even with the extra circumstances of your vaginismus and sxuality. 

First of all, you won’t be disappointing in the slightest. You seem like you really want to please whoever you sleep with and that is the best trait to have becuase it means you will focus on their responses, tune into their bodies, want to really explore different erogenous zones, adapt to whatever they tell you brings them pleasure, and just generally care about their pleasure! Anyone would be lucky to sleep with you. 

I definitely feel you about being frustrated by the glorification of fingering or any penetration in general. Must vulva-owners prefer external stimulation anyway. Which is why there is such a huge market for cl_it based sx toys! And honestly, flngering someone else is SO different from doing it to yourself you wouldn’t have that much of an advantage anyway. Everyone’s bodies are so different, especially their genit@ls and how they receive ple@sure. 

Likewise, your partner will have to learn what your body likes and how to make you feel good. Good sx has great communication to maximise everyone’s ple@sure. No matter each individuals experience, sx with a new person still involves teaching them how to touch you best and experimenting how best to touch them.

You’re not behind in any way I promise.

<3

[sxpositive]

hey!! uh so i’m 19 and a lesbian. i have never been in a relationship before and i’ve only had a crush on 1 person since i was 13. i’m not ace bc i feel desire. but only to ppl older than me (ie teachers). i’m really uncomfy with the idea of s*x and it freaks me out. clearly i have some issues lol. i think my parents are worried that i’ve never even expressed interest the concept of a relationship. uh so i guess i’m just wondering if you know of any ways to get over this? thank you 💖

Hey Anon,

First and foremost, there’s nothing wrong about feeling this way and having a complicated relationship with your own desire and sexuality. Obviously, for your own emotional, social, and sxual health it would be extremely beneficial to try and unpack all the underlying causes that have disassociated you from the thought of giving or receiving pleasure with another. I would really recommend seeing a sx and relationship therapist to help you here. So many of them are also queer and can help you if your discomfort stems from ingrained heteronormative ideology - which is really common. 

You’ve taken a really big step writing it down and sending it to me, thank you for the trust, and I know therapy isn’t accessible to everyone. So I will try my best to help. But please note I’m not trained and I don’t have all the information.

Being attracted to people older then you can be a sign you’re seeking out someone who is both comfortable and experienced sxually to combat your own anxieties surrounding it. It could also just be a genuine preference. I would ask you if you’re more afraid of the act of sx, what about it scares you? Is it the idea of not knowing what to do, or the unfamiliarity of it, or being seen and judged, is it the idea of being responsible for someone elses and your own pleasure, or losing control and giving someone access to your body, is it because you put a lot of pressure on the act, or experiences trauma in the past (including homophobia). These are all very different aspects of fear associated with sx that need different approaches to work through it. Which is why I think you’d benefit from an ongoing conversation with a professional. 

The only solid piece of advice I have is to forgive yourself for any troubles you have. Parents can mean well when they express concern but a lot of the time they just make you feel guilty for possessing problems in the first place. This is not your fault and you are so valid is experiencing difficulty with your sxuality and relationships. This is your journey and there is no deadline you have to meet to have everything sorted out by. It’s a lifelong thing, and you’ll experience change all throughout it. Maybe you discover relationships aren’t for you, or you only like engaging in a certain type of sxual experience, maybe you end up in a long term relationship with an active sx life. Who knows. The important thing is that you take the time and don’t enter any situations that cause you discomfort. 

Lots of love x

[sxpositive]

Hello! I was wondering if you can share any insights on emotional attachment + sx. It intrigues me that some people can think of sx as such an emotional act, while others don't as much. And there's definitely no wrong way to be, of course. But as someone who is def very emotional about my partners (and has gotten emotionally invested and then hurt), I'd really like to explore sx without the emotionalism. Do you have any thoughts or advice?

Emotional Attachment in Sx

This is a really interesting topic and I’m so glad you brought it up.

I know I say this a lot, but everyone’s sxuality presents itself, and functions, differently so it’s really hard to make general statements about emotional attachment and sx. 

For some people such an intimate act requires vulnerability. By trusting in the other person, and having that trust be rewarded with pleasure, deep emotional connections can be formed easily. Especially if you are the kind of person that seeks authentic emotional validation. 

I’m going to go a bit spiritual here so I’m sorry if it can’t resonate with you. 

If you are grounded in your emotional self and embody that, then using your body and intertwining it with someone else, grounding it in the moment, will let your emotional inner self resonate and communicate soundlessly with theirs. The problem is, not everyone functions like that so it can be one sided communication. It works best if all parties communicate like this; it can be a profound experience. This usually occurs if your language of love is touch, but not always. It’s more about the style of attachment you have with your emotions.

This isn’t to say that people who have ‘meaningless’ sx aren’t in touch with their emotions, they just can seperate their embodied emotional resonance from communicating with their sxual partner(s). It can also be easier for people who don’t feel emotionally vulnerable both naked as an authentically human (warts and all) and engaging with sxual acts. 

It is very possible to experience both kinds and choose when to share an emotional connection. This really takes knowing why you feel attachment (what do you receive out of sx, why do you engage with it, why this person, what did you feel towards them that attracted you, are you seeking emotional support for embodied insecurities, do you feel touch starved and receive love and connection through that etc etc). After you do some soul searching you can seeking emotional support and connection through other channels in your life so you feel fulfilled before entering into sxual situations. 

Directing gooey feelings towards people you’ve had sx with is not a bad thing. If you are never able to dissociate attachment from sx then that is both okay and beautiful. You are so connected to your body/pleasure and emotional inner self that you can’t seperate the two. It’s not a bad thing even when you get hurt. It just means you might have to find trust and connection before entering sx and potentially getting hurt. 

I hope my thoughts on the matter are helpful to you anon, and I’m sorry it took so long for me to respond.