#(I’m a central asian kid and I went through it)

[fishymom-art]

One of my favorite aspects of your Now What AU is that Gideon has his redemption arc even if its offscreen. For being such an important character, I feel Gideon doesn't get enough love which feels sad so seeing him be so important and even have him reconciled with Dipper and Mabel is really sweet! Also, would it be alright to ask if you could draw what Candy and Grenda look like in the Now What AU? Sorry for asking a drawing request and its okay if you don't want to draw them

I love Gideon, I think his character has a lot of great potential that people just don’t see. He was one of the toughest antagonists and is just a very fun character!

And here’s Grenda and Candy for ya!

I think we all collectively agree that Grenda is a trans girl, right?

[non-sequitura]

Non-sequitura Disney in-depth analysis (after making a tier list)

Warning: SUPER longform. If you don’t know a movie well, you should skip the summary. I tried to be light on spoilers, but they’re there.

I went chronologically from favorite to least favorite. So S tier is, in order from fave to least fave, The Incredibles, WALL-E, then Zootopia.

S tier (Something I consider high quality AND a movie I greatly enjoy. I would love more Disney movies be like this.)

The Incredibles - one of my favorite movies of all time, possibly THE favorite. Rockin social commentary, epic action scenes, memorable characters, not a minute of screentime wasted, great take on the Fantastic Four, hilarious parts for both adults and children, an interesting villain, etc. 

WALL-E - I love how social commentary was done here. Also skies above, what a beautiful love story. Really blazed a trail in non-verbal storytelling (especially given it was an animated kids film!) Robot animations are particularly delightful. 

Zootopia - another social message delivered excellently and entertainingly. I love Judy and her persistence, I love the expressiveness of the faces and the epic city setting. I love Judy and Nick's banter. This movie deserves to be remembered longer than it has been so far. Admittedly, not one of my fave villains, which makes it my least favorite of the Ss. 

A tier (either super high quality or something I greatly enjoy and deem of at least reasonably good quality)

Mulan - this movie did everything right. Truly feminist protagonist, an icon for strong Asian women, fairly culturally accurate (tho Mushu confuses me), GORGEOUS and iconic music. Lets a relatively natural romance develop. I frickin love the action scenes, I love the emporer. Sadly, this movie just didn't lodge its way in my heart as well as Pixar did. Pixar just has some magic, yo. 

Cinderella - my gosh what an underrated protagonist. Her family straight-up abuses her and she never loses sight of her goals for a better life. Iconic visuals helped bring Disney out of bankruptcy. A gorgeous alto singing voice. 

Wreck-it Ralph - alright alright ppl don’t crucify me for this. I honestly can’t think of much wrong with this movie. Vanellope and Ralph’s vitriolic best buds relationship is adorable, her forgiveness of him is heartwarming and (relatively) deserved, rockin’ Owl City song, epic visuals that mix together bc of all the different games. ALSO ONE OF THE BEST DISNEY VILLAINS NO CAP. One of the only twist villains I like. And we stan the romantic pairing. 

Tangled - I’ve talked about this a lot, but Rapunzel deserved the whole world after what she’s gone through. That being said, Gothel is not some shallow monster she needs to escape from, but an intelligent, well-defined monster with backstory. I could totally see this story happening if the world of Tangled existed. Epic love story, hilarious dialogue. Music is… good but much of it is less memorable to me. Visuals are good but not quite at the level/creativity of many other disney films. 

The Lion King - they really put Hamlet in Africa and pulled it off lol. But in all seriousness, no one took the premise of this film seriously at the time and it became sooo iconic. I love Scar and his eventual downfall, I love how Simba grows emotionally, I love the sad moments that don’t overpower the overall feeling of light goofiness. And music so memorable it was one of the first Disney musicals. 

Coco - not a super unique story premise. But an incredible culture to explore with such creativity and sensitivity. I love the themes of death not being the worst and music being so central to the story. Twist/twist villain was memorable and not expected. And yeah, it did make me cry, so props there. 

Ratatouille - the most recently watched of these films for me. This movie is soooo unique! Back when Pixar was truly super out there with their concepts. Super Parisian visuals and soundtrack. It somehow starts goofy (THE OLD LADY TRIES TO KILL REMY WITH A SHOTGUN WHILE WEARING A GAS MASK) but really drives home the message that you can truly do what you want regardless of who you are. Colette can get it. And the monologue by Ego at the end is one of my favorites in film. 

Frozen - Anna is one of my favorite Disney protagonists. She’s so resilient and loyal. Elsa ain’t bad either but she experiences… less character development. The film is a tad too pleased with its own self-awareness for my taste, but there’s no denying how iconic the music and visuals were. 

Inside Out - Alright, this movie hits home for me bc I tried to run away after moving. A super thoughtful, heartfelt depiction of (potentially depression? imo) with great moments of humor. Riley’s inner world is so creative and lovely. Also realistic depictions of Minnesota/California culture. 

Tarzan - Jane! is! smart! and! adorable! Her scientific curiosity makes her very endearing. it’s so cute to see her and Tarzan learn from each other. Also Tarzan’s “found mother” is epic. Solid score. Solid film all around. To quote Lily Orchard, “This film is what Pocahontas tried to be.” 

B tier (one of my favorites but has a few significant flaws that bring it down (or not quite as memorable to me, but consider good quality))

Peter Pan - Haven’t seen it in a hot sec, but I remember being super charmed by this as a kid. Just going out, having incredible adventures, and returning to a warm home at the end of the day. Tinker Bell is hilarious and beautifully drawn. Gets major negative points for the depiction of Native Americans tho. 

Big Hero 6 - I was super charmed by the protagonist, his family/friends, and the setting. The plot/villain’s motivations are a bit of a mess, though. 

Princess and the Frog - This movie has so much flavor to it! The visuals/music are lovely and unique. Tiana is incredible but it’s kinda annoying how EVERYONE keeps trying to shoehorn her into romance. The thing is, her goals are entirely reasonable. Focus on her restaurant, then look to settle down. But they’re like “nooo you’re ignoring the important things in life” smh. Also, epic villain, woohoo! The movie dragged significantly for me when they were in the bayou. Charlotte is delightful. 

Winnie the Pooh - don’t remember it super well, but I think it was charming and occasionally dark, which is an addictive concoction. 

The Little Mermaid - MAN ppl roast Ariel way more than she deserves. Visually, it was… fine. idk. This movie is good. I don’t have much else to say about it. 

Snow White - the one that started it all. Visually, super impressive. Musically, lovely. I find the romance a bit… off. Well, more than a bit. What is it with Disney and kissing sleeping people? 

Alice in Wonderland - a nerdy acid trip. Right up my alley! I also like films where ppl go on incredible adventures and return to the status quo, but THEY changed bc of it. Epic. SUUUUPER creative visual interpretation of Carroll’s book. Brave - gosh I loooove films where a parent and child learn to understand each other. Never got why ppl hated this movie so much. The Scottish flavor is present and fun. Merida made one mistake and made it up. The arrow scene is iconic. 

Cars - a fun ride! (hahaha puns.) We love seeing Paul Newman as a car. 

B-minus tier? (same as B, but problematic, or weaker story-wise.)

Hunchback - man… settings-wise, this film might be my favorite. I also love Esmeralda and Quasimodo as characters and as a duo (though the sexualized depiction of Romani ppl is not epic.) I also don’t find the discrimination against Esmeralda/Quasimodo jarring bc it matches the time period. Frollo is super interesting as a villain. The gargoyles are… def not necessary. Basically, this film doesn’t know what it’s doing with tone. 

Sleeping Beauty - Aurora was my favorite when I was younger because I thought she was the prettiest, and that still defines how i feel about this, basically. Visually lovely - everything is kind of elongated and gothic. Maleficent is spiteful and epic. I have no issue with the fluffier parts of the movie, like the music or the fairies. RIP for lack of consent being a plot point, though. 

Hercules - Megara is incredible. one of the only Disney “princesses” who acts like an adult and has cynicism as a major part of her personality. I love her and Herc’s progression where she learns to trust him (yes, he is genuinely that sincere, it’s not a front.) Muses are unique, whoever came up with them was high on something and I’m living for it. I just think the plot itself was somewhat unrealistic/ weirdly-paced. There are some memorable songs, some less-than-memorable songs. Art style is cool but I’m personally not a fan. EXTREMELY inaccurate depictions of the original Greek gods. 

C tier (entertaining, but I don't consider it a great movie)

Bolt - I watched this like 11 years ago. It was fun! A cool concept about those put on a pedestal learning their worth even without celebrity boosting them up. Animation was… fine I think. not super memorable to me. 

Frozen 2 - They really took any scrap of character development Elsa had in the first movie, threw it in the garbage and set it on fire. Anna deserved so much better. Songs are bombastic and impressive, have the occasional interesting lyric, but are really weirdly placed and none are quite as iconic as the first movie’s (except Aurora, she does great work here. Also the song Anna sings after she thinks Elsa died.) 

Not a big fan of the vaguely homeopathic theme. Not a big fan of Olaf’s WEIRD character development. Not a big fan of the suuuuuper awkward dialogue and the animations that imply not only that Kristoff is into his reindeer but that Elsa and Anna are into each other (if you’re questioning if they did that, yes, they did, I can find screenshots of some really weird expressions/moments. THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO PANDER TO YOUR WEIRD FANS, DISNEY.) 

The voice actors did great work, the animators did great work (look at the details on their clothes! Look at how Elsa’s posture changes to be more confident! look at how they're animated while they're singing!) Some weird costume/makeup choices that make Elsa look like an aging starlet, but she also has some gorgeous moments so eh. It’s a wash for me. 

They really did not know what to do with Kristoff this movie, huh. The only thing that happened to him was singing a cheesy 90s ballad and marrying Anna, both of which were admittedly epic. Also, the trolls got 0 appearances despite being literally psychic. Probably could have helped with a lot. I'm not a huge fan of lore/worldbuilding, and thee was a lot of it here. Overall neutral on it. 

Also a big theme in this movie I don’t love - **** TANGIBLE CONSEQUENCES TO OUR ACTIONS!!! The danger is Elsa’s death, the elements, colonialism, and Arendelle literally being destroyed. None of those end up playing out, so I was left at the end going “this film had literally no stakes.” 

Monsters U - same as above - entertaining at the time! Not super memorable. The ppl we were supposed to dislike kept switching. Doesn’t really match the canon of Monsters Inc (I thought they were supposed to have known each other since childhood so why did they meet in college?) 

Cars 3 - so apparently, everyone HATED this movie! Fun! I never watched Cars 2 (yes watched Cars 1 if you haven’t been paying attention to this list), but I didn’t think this movie was bad at all. Well-acted, some fun chase scenes, the scene where Lightning fails at driving in the simulation is genuinely hilarious, and some interesting perspectives on teachers getting the spotlight for their skills for once. 

Incredibles 2 - I liked this film at first, but then it was… just okay in retrospect. I love me some good family dynamics. The plot here makes not a lot of sense. THEY BUILT UP THE UNDERMINER FOR NOTHING AND THEN FORGOT ABOUT HIM. I was surprised by the villain swap, but it happened so last minute I never really understood their motivations even after they explained them. Tried to tackle waaaay too many messages. 

D tier (I didn't enjoy these or consider them mediocre)

Finding Dory - Maybe I should have put this higher? Like C tier at least. Ah well. Wasn’t a huge fan of the body/physical comedy (not my thing), but it was entertaining and awww finding family is heartwarming. 

Finding Nemo - I remember nothing about this movie. 

E tier (this film has significant problems)

Beauty and the Beast - *sigh*… I want to love this movie. The score is gorgeous. Visually, they could have made it more distinctly Rococo-era France but didn’t (why?) The voice actors did good work and I think Paige O’Hara is SUPER underrated here. 

The Beast is emotionally manipulative with an awful temper that (for MOST of the movie. He doesn’t change.) That’s the main reason this is in E tier. This movie shaped so many generations of people thinking they can change the behavior of someone who treats them badly through the power of love. But you can’t. She learns to “love” the beast under coercion. It’s not Stockholm syndrome - it’s a trashy romance novel. Big fan of Gaston as a villain. He’s an archetype ppl can recognize and it’s so satisfying to hate him.

F tier (I think this film actively harms the industry and would rather it not have been made. Both the one in E tier could be considered harmful to the industry, but I think they had significant enough artistic accomplishments to scrape above that. I'm also generally a fan of "lack of censorship bc it's better to teach what not to do.")

Pocahontas - this movie took real historical events and romanticized them AND sexualized one of the only Native princesses they’ve had. Boo. Nothing wrong with animation!Pocahontas as a character, it’s just people put her in a story that doesn’t represent history well at all (and these historical events, unlike those in say, 14th-century Germany, had super relevant effects on people alive today.) And they portrayed the Native Americans and colonial settlers as equally in the wrong. (though I like Governor Radcliffe as a potential villain and love the line “see how I glitter.” I can’t NOT laugh when I hear it.) Lovely music, though. Nice animation, but the colors are weirdly… muted? 

Bad Garbage (I don't wish this film had never been made, but I wish I never had to see it.)

Planes - this movie was ridiculous. I remember not much about it except that I kinda hated it and that it was super cheesy with tension one could see right through that immediately resolved itself via one twist or another. 

Haven’t seen tier: Recess, A Bug’s Life, A Goofy Movie, DuckTakes Movie, Lilo and Stitch, Pinocchio (actually i have seen this but I remember nothing about it), The Nightmare before Christmas, Toy Stories 1, 2, and 3, Up, 101 Dalmatians, The Great Mouse Detective, Cars 2, Moana, The Good Dinosaur, Pete’s Dragon, Fantasia, Peter Pan Return to Neverland, Fantasia 2000, The Black Cauldron (read the book, though!), Bambi (or I did and remember nothing about it), The Rescuersm, The Rescuers Down Under, Planes Fire and Rescue, Bambi 2, The Fox & the Found, Oliver and Company, Atlantis, Treasure Planet (I want to, though), Piglet’s Big Movie, The Jungle Book, the Emporer’s New Groove, The Jungle Book 2, Chicken Little, Brother Bear, The Three Caballeros, Pooh’s Heffalump Movie, Dumbo, The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, Aladdin (seen parts but never the whole thing), Strange Magic, The Sword in the Stone, James and the Giant Peach, Frankenweenie, Lady and the Tramp, Ralph Breaks the Internet, Doug’s 1st Movie, Monsters Inc. (want to, though), Meet the Robinsons, Dinosaur, The Aristocats, Robin Hood, The Tigger Movie, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, that pooh movie at the end without the title on it

-11/21/20

[rotationalsymmetry]

Good morning world. And do you know what I’m thinking about this morning? Keiko (chill, autocorrect) on Deep Space Nine.

Partly because I’ve been thinking about how the show’s done her wrong since a few episodes into Season 1. Partly because, in the wake of the Atlanta shooting, it’s clearly past time to talk about how women of Asian descent are depicted in the media.

Rather go on and on about what the show did wrong, I’m going to start with what it did right, then move on into some suggestions for plot lines that might have gotten the audience into Keiko’s (and perhaps her daughter Molly’s) head better. Feel free to borrow for fanfic purposes. (And let me know if you do, or if someone else wrote some good Keiko and/or Molly fanfic I might enjoy.)

What's right: she’s a, not core character, but sort of second tier character who is on the show often. She has a respectable role: she’s a well-educated professional whose work is important to her, and a wife and mother. We also get hints of her having a life beyond that — not as much as I’d like, but for example at one point in the first season she’s away visiting her mother, and when she’s pregnant with her second child she keeps leading an active life. I think the show strikes an appropriate balance on sexuality: she’s married, we’re pretty sure she and Miles have sex, but she’s not presented as a sex object. And we don’t see her suffering more trauma than the other characters. As of where I'm currently at in Season 6, she's alive, and I have every reason to believe she'll stay alive through the end of the show. (A quick look at Memory Alpha confirms this.) Good stuff.

(She’s also in The Next Gen — parts of that I haven’t watched and others were a while back, so I’m going to stick to talking about her role in DS9.)

And...very nearly all the episodes she’s in, are very firmly from Mile’s perspective and not hers. (Even storylines that really should be about her: when she’s experiencing frustration at not being able to pursue her career and ends up going back to work, that episode is entirely from Mile’s perspective. She barely speaks a word in it.)

Contrast this to how Benjamin Sisko’s son and father are shown: Jake very much gets his own storylines and own life, and relationships that aren’t primarily about his father, even though his dad has a more central role in the show (and we definitely see their relationship from Benjamin’s perspective as well), and even though we rarely see Grandpa Sisko (huh, apparently his name is Joseph), you immediately get the sense of him as a strong-willed person who lives life on his own terms, and when he and Ben have conflicts you can understand his perspective easily. In spite of relatively little screen-time. Keiko gets far more screen time, but far less interiority. She’s presented in a way that’s hard to empathize with. And there’s less of a sense of who she is as an individual rather than as a role.

(BTW, if we got to see Keiko’s perspective more, whose would we see less of? Maybe Miles, who gets quite a lot of focus. Maybe Quark, maybe Julian...basically, I’m pretty sure if I went through the season and marked down which episodes were primarily about male characters vs primarily about female characters vs pretty balanced, the ratio would be telling. And it’s not like I don’t like the male characters (well, maybe I could do with less Quark) but... I don’t like them so much that I think the show is better for having shorted the women.)

I want to see Keiko have friends. I want to see her talk to other parents on the ship as a parent. That episode where Keiko’s off station and Miles has to figure out how to get their new baby to stay asleep? I want an episode where Miles is gone and Keiko has parenting struggles. Where we get into old conflicts between her and her mother or father that she has to work through as a parent herself. (This is not an unrealistic expectation -- we got that for Odo in one episode, and we got a similar thing with Kira processing her father's death while another character was dying.) I want Molly to go on her first sleep-over and Keiko to have conflicted feelings about her daughter growing up and for Molly to have conflicted feelings where she’s excited but...also kinda misses her mom.

I want to see how Keiko’s explaining the Dominion war to Molly and what she’s skipping over. I want to see Keiko worried about her husband (which, granted, we’ve seen that) and getting emotional support from someone else (which we haven’t really.) I want to see Keiko pursuing a hobby other than gardening. I want her to be really excited to introduce Molly to something that she loved growing up. (Specifically a Japanese cultural thing or not.) I want her to take Molly to a holosuite program that shows some Japanese architecture or history or gardens. I want there to be some conversation about language — sure, universal translators, but what do people speak on their own, and what does Molly grow up speaking?

(They’ve got an interracial/inter-cultural relationship and explore absolutely nothing about that.)

Since Keiko was a teacher for a while, is she absolutely obsessing over homeschooling Molly now that there’s no school?

I’m not sure I want to see Miles and Keiko have a “no one’s right” disagreement over how to raise their children, but that’s certainly a thing that could have happened. Or could happen indirectly: Miles isn’t the talking type and yet everyone on the station knows when he’s having wife troubles and are willing to give him advice. Who does Keiko get relationship advice from?

When Keiko and Miles are apart and Miles spends all his time playing darts with Julian or reenacting battles with Julian, who is Keiko connecting with?

(Side note: one thing that Brandon Sanderson does well in his fantasy novels such as the Mistborn Trilogy, is couples that are balanced in power and narrative significance. The show made a choice to have Miles be a more central character than Keiko. There’s no intrinsic reason they couldn’t have been on the same level of narrative significance.) (But even if they were going to be at unequal levels of significance, Keiko still could have been done much better.)

(And you’ll notice the show is almost going out of its way to avoid having any female characters with less significant recurring love interests. When they partner up Kira, it’s not with some guy who’s just nice and fun or a supportive boyfriend (someone analogous to what Leeta is for Julian or later Rom), somehow even though she’s one of the most powerful characters in the show (she’s second in command on the station) she keeps getting partnered up with characters who have more religious or civil power than she does, and who become very narratively significant at least for a little while. Female characters can be just love interests or family members, male characters have to be doing something big and important.)

I think the show overdoes romance, so this wouldn’t be my first choice, but...having an old flame of Keiko’s show up could be a thing that happened. Or having a thing where she notices an interesting stranger, and of course nothing happens because she’s married, but we still get to see Keiko as, you know, a woman with desires and interests that don’t always fit perfectly into her respectable well-ordered life. We could see mirror universe Keiko — I wonder what she’s like. Or some time travel alternate timeline story where she’s with someone else, or single and enjoying the single life. (Surely even if Keiko is overall happy with her life, surely sometimes she must wonder about the roads not taken.) We could have some indication that she too misses Miles when they’re not together, or we could see her excited to get more time away or get their quarters to herself while he’s away, or both because people are complicated.

What are Molly’s adventures? Who is she best friends with? Where’s her tension between growing up and becoming her own person vs wanting her parents’ love and approval? Where’s the episode where we’re all wait, she’s really not a little toddler any more, is she?

(We don’t even know what Molly thinks about having a baby brother — and that’s a huge, highly dramatic change in the life of a child.)

Where’s the episode where she desperately wants some pet that her parents don’t want her to have, or desperately wants some toy or activity that one or both thinks is unsafe, or where she wants to be on a sports team but there aren’t enough kids on the station, or where she has to say goodbye to the Bajoran friends she made, or she starts playing make believe games involving evacuating the station...

What if we got to see Keiko’s mother and learn something about her or the family history? What if Keiko had some aunt or uncle or sibling who showed up on the station some time, what might their relationship be like? Is there some family hero that Keiko’s always encouraging Molly to grow up to be like?

If the show’s writers truly couldn’t handle writing a child that young, this is Star Trek and we have time travel — there’s no reason we couldn’t have an episode involving future grown up Molly O’Brien.

What if we got some terribly retconned explanation for why Keiko, a professionally trained botanist, was mysteriously ready and eager to step into schoolteacher mode even though that’s its own profession that requires years of specialized higher education? Did...did Keiko for some reason study to be a teacher, have something go wrong, and then go with botany as Life Pursuits Take 2? (Perhaps she was pushed into being a teacher then decided she loved botany more? But she didn’t actually dislike teaching?)

What if we actually got an episode centered around her being a botanist and exploring alien plants? There’s possibilities there — heck, one of the most popular TOS episodes centered around space wheat, so why not? I want an alien planet where all the plants are yellow or hot pink because they photosynthesize with something other than chlorophyll. Why not? (Did you know there’s an old school Piers Anthony sci fi book about killer mushrooms? Not joking.)

She’s the only woman of color who’s a regular character on the show throughout the whole series. She’s one of the few Asian-descent women who’s on American TV at all. She deserved better.

And I think we should talk about how she, and other characters, could have been written better.

[fuelcut]

A thought experiment on Silicon Valley’s third era

[ read the tweetstorm if you’re in a rush] 

June 19th marks the end of American slavery, July 4th American Independence and July 14th the storming of the Bastille. It’s also my 40th birthday, and I’m exploring what we can learn from the past to help navigate today’s struggles for racial justice and economic freedom. 

1940-1980: “Atoms” and the military-industrial-labor complex

My dad arrived in the Bay Area in 1970-1971 to get his PhD at Berkeley - just as the area was being rebranded as Silicon Valley.  

Free from the stifling hierarchy of the East, the Bay was America’s center for social, technical and institutional change. Black Panthers policed the police in Oakland, shiny BART trains crossed the Bay to SF where the Gay Rights movement was flourishing. My family tree waited a millennia for India to recognize intercaste marriage. My parents would see radical social change in America across every axis in a single generation. Bold leadership in the 60s expanded civil rights and embraced immigration. They (and I) benefited greatly from an economic and social foundation that had been laid over many decades. 

Caterpillar Tractor - founded in the Bay Area - embodied the spirit of this era. It went from liberating France in WW2 to building a massive middle class, unionized labor force. Cat later moved its headquarters to Peoria, Illinois - because in this era, cities across the country - not just the coasts - had the ability to compete. Since WW2, America pursued an intentional strategy of geographically broad-based economic development - via highways, airline regulation and distributed national labs.  

Caterpillar didn’t just give Peoria a chance, it also gave my dad a chance to put down roots in America by sponsoring his green card. There was no H1B limbo. The nexus of military, industry and labor unions brought immigrants, Women and Blacks into the workforce - with paid apprenticeships (not exorbitant higher education) and technically-focused community colleges paving the way for millions. My mom learned COBOL while her toddlers played in the back of class. Even Hunter’s Point in SF was vibrant during much of this period.  (Of course, it was far from a halcyon era - the war machine had massive human cost globally and civil rights were far from evenly enforced in America.)

And while atoms reigned supreme during this era, the military and government patiently invested risk capital in advanced manufacturing, semiconductors and software/networking to prepare America for its future. 

1980-2020: “Bits” and global capital, jackrocks and polarization

In 1980, Reagan was elected President - and I was born. This would also be the peak of private sector labor employment in the US and the beginning of global capital (and the multinational companies they backed) as the leading force in forging the social contract.

They promised us that countries with McDonald’s would never go to war with each other. Indeed the Berlin Wall fell, Asian laborers got jobs and Americans could buy cheap stuff at WalMart. Global capital (bits) put atoms inside shipping containers and sent them around the world - abstracting consumers from the manufacturing base. 

The writing was on the wall for unions.

As a middle schooler, I saw Cat management and labor (UAW) locked into a multi-year strike over the future. The front line was not in a boardroom or on the picket line. It was neighborhoods, schools and community groups. I remember when a classmate whose dad was in the union talked about how folks in the factory were peeing on effigies of management - including my dad.

Naturally I knew which side I was on. Cat needed wage concessions and freedom to operate to be globally competitive.  I’d read Akio Morita, TPS and Lee Iacocca. I worried about Japan Inc. eating our lunch (yes as a 12 year old!) UAW workers and families were much more grounded. They needed a livelihood and wanted certainty for their future.

---

War continued to wage into high school. We came home one day to find “jackrocks” outside of our driveway - a tool used in feudal Japan to thwart the advancing armies - horses, chariots - etc. of those in power.  In <60 years, Caterpillar had gone from transforming America’s agrarian society to becoming the enemy of American workers. We had the GOP’s Contract with America (stored in my Trapper Keeper) and Clinton signing NAFTA within a couple years. Both parties supported global capital and global capital supported both parties. Maybe jackrocks worked better than voting?

Corporate America soon figured out that if your workers were in China, Mexico or the South, it’s harder for them to stick jack rocks in your driveway. If your kids go to private school or you live in a quasi-private suburb, they’ll be insulated from the wrath of the have-nots in heavily policed, declining urban centers. No peeing on your effigy or having your kid hear about it!

---

After college, I became an analyst at Bain & Company. Once an auto parts company hired us to do a “portfolio review”. I meticulously compared the costs of building mirrors in Eastern Michigan or Malaysia - creating a zero defect Excel model. Guess which location won? The auto parts company - like Cat - had the freedom to choose where to put jobs. 

But what freedom did the workers have? Marie Antoinette once said “let them eat cake”. The elites of our era now say “let them move”. Social capital is critical for folks navigating change. The educated elite take the portability of social capital (embedded in college degrees and iMessage threads) as a given. 

But place and social capital are deeply intertwined especially if you’re poor or a minority. While the deep introspection elites once had during 2016 has now been paved over by new crises, we should never forget that there’s a cost to society of losing its manufacturing base and jobs. How do you model the costs of broken families, drug addiction and a polarized electorate in Excel? 

---

I grew disillusioned with management by spreadsheet. But I saw a bright spot on the horizon: tech. I remember opening my first iPod, getting 1000 songs in my pocket and believing that America had a shot at leading a new generation of consumer electronics when everyone a decade earlier had written us off in favor of the Japanese. Perhaps tech could bring jobs and prosperity back to the country? I wanted to be part of it. 

So I moved to the Valley in 2004 and joined a VC fund. I saw how the VC funding model that Silicon Valley was built on incentivizes high-risk, high-leverage and massive-scale. It encourages companies to cherry-pick top-end talent (immigrants, marquee college grads) to build the differentiated bits. Pick the highest leverage point in the stack, outsource everything else - by building in China and/or pushing the last-mile to an ecosystem that you can control at arms length.

Tech companies could more than pay back the largely fixed costs of software / semiconductor design from the large and homogenous American market. This dynamic attracted massive amounts of private risk capital and enabled aggressive expansion abroad. This model didn’t work for everything (I got burned with cleantech) - but it worked amazingly well for broad swaths of enterprise software, consumer services and marketplaces. I saw how tech could be an incredible lever for wealth creation. But every visit back home to the Rust Belt made me wonder - wealth creation for whom?

---

2020+ - A thought experiment on institutional innovation and putting people first

July 14, 2020 - Q2 Earnings - CEO, MEGA TECH CORP - Hi everyone. These aren’t normal times. We’re not going to talk about our 10Q on this call. We’re here to talk about the next 10 years. So if you’re here for DAUs, ARR or CPC, you can drop off now.


We’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the race, health and economic crises our country faces. Over the last few weeks, I’ve asked our exec team to leave their homes, their Zoom calls, their DoorDash deliveries - to join protests and explore our community through new eyes. 

Race & Place: On Juneteenth, we biked from Sheraton Place to Hunters Point to Tanforan. We saw the real life impact of redlining, mass incarceration of Blacks and the lack of jobs from decades ago - and how our headquarters sustain - rather than disrupt - the region’s policies of de facto segregation. We also remembered how political demagogues once imprisoned our neighbors of Japanese descent. We see today how their rhetoric affects our Black neighbors and colleagues. What might it do tomorrow to folks without legal status in ag/service industries that California depends or the H1Bs we depend on? What does diversity & inclusion mean in this context?

Jobs: The next Friday we biked from SRI to PARC to Sunnyvale and Moffett Field. Our industry once dreamed of a bicycle for the mind and embraced technical education and apprenticeship as a path in the door for Women and Blacks. Meanwhile we’ve pushed vast swaths of work to contractors or platform-mediated transactions - making it harder to use up-skilling as a talent lever like manufacturing employers did in the last era. What’s the impact on income mobility? At what point will 40 million unemployed Americans affect our share prices and the stability of society?

Climate: On Independence Day, we biked on the Bay Trail past landfills, superfund sites and the 101 - alongside poor and minority neighborhoods with terrible health outcomes. We talked about the Bay Area weather forecast for 2060 “fire with a chance of flooding”. We passed abandoned railways and dreams of regional transport - the result of which is folks commuting hours each way from the central valley to work service jobs in our campuses.  We wondered about the long run political consequences of isolating our employee base inside the WiFi confines of a private bus network. Where is the voting base to drive institutional change? How many axles or tires will our commuter buses need to keep them safe from jackrocks on the 101?

Health: Last week, we rode from the old Permanente cement quarry to 101 (built by the same cement workers.)  We talked about how Kaiser - a private employer of low-skilled workers - internalized their healthcare needs, pursued disruptive innovation and faced fierce clashes with the medical establishment. We thought about how COVID is exposing the brittleness of our employee’s isolation inside a private insurance bubble. No one can be healthy in a pandemic without competent public health infrastructure. Meanwhile, the growing cost of private healthcare makes it harder for tech - let alone the rest of the country - to employ American workers across the wage spectrum - exacerbating job loss and instability. 

And as we spoke with others, we saw how the issues that Silicon Valley faces are not unique to one metropolitan area or one industry. It just happens to be the ultimate archetype of Global Capitalism and de facto segregated American metros.

What we now see - more clearly than ever - is that our entire company, our entire industry, our entire Valley - is built on a flawed foundation. 

We can no longer just focus on the magical software bits and hope someone else figures out racial equity, employment, climate and health. This is Joel Spolsky’s Law of Leaky Abstractions on the ultimate scale. The abstractions are failing - and we’re seeing bugs and unintended consequences all around us. And the more we invest to deal with one-off bugs, the more likely we are to calcify change and imprison ourselves inside a failing stack.

It’s like we decided to build the world’s notification service on Ruby on Rails - or building an iPhone competitor on Windows CE. Fail Whale everywhere. Unfortunately, America’s democratic institutions are in poor condition. They are struggling to deal with inequality let alone looming environmental disaster.  A polarized electorate - particularly at the national level - leads to populism and makes it hard for these institutions to execute meaningful, long-term plans.

We talk a lot about speech, misinformation, fairness of targeted ads etc. But it’s becoming clear that UX, linear algebra/training data and monetization in our products is just the tip of the spear to address polarization. We believe polarization is a product of the underlying conditions of civil rights, education, health and climate debt that affect Americans differentially based on race, wealth, neighborhood and region. e.g. If we care about justice, how far does focusing on the fairness of employment ads get us in a world when many people lack the skills and negotiating power to secure a living wage?

So will today’s peaceful protests for racial justice expand into tomorrow’s revolution(s) for economic freedom? If you don’t think things are bad now, think about what happens when the stimulus checks run out. Take a look at the amount of debt in the public sector, use any imagination about COVID, work out what happens to their tax base / pension returns and consider the impact on public services, public servants and their votes.  MMT better be a real thing. Maybe we didn’t start these fires, but that refrain won’t save us when the flames come our way. 

We’re done debating why we need to act. It’s clear America needs our help. Let’s talk about how we’re going to rise to the occasion. Our mantra will be “internalize, innovate, institutionalize”.

First, we’re going to internalize our problems. I’m here to tell you that issues of racial and economic justice are not just moral issues but they’re financial issues. Racial debt, education debt, health debt, climate debt  will hit us harder and harder each year.  (By the way, revolution probably won’t be great for your DCF models.) So we’re going to recognize these off-balance sheet liabilities - which amount to a few hundred billion in the US alone over the next 10 years for a company at our scale. 

Second, we’re going to innovate against these systemic problems - but our only shot at making progress is if we realign the entire company’s mission to address them. This is not about optics. This is not about philanthropy. This is not another bet.  We’re putting all our chips behind one bet - America. It's the country that backed us in the first place, it's where most of our people are and most of our profits.  The job for our existing products, platforms and cash flows will be to advance four areas: place / race, skilling / manufacturing, health / food and climate / mobility - starting in America. The board will measure me based on job creation and diversity.  It should go without saying that we’re pausing dividends and buybacks for the foreseeable future. Every dollar will serve our mission.  Every senior leader will need to sign up for our new mission - and those who choose to stay will receive a new, back-end loaded, 10 year vesting schedule.  We want them focused on the long-term health of society - not the whims of Robinhood day traders or strengthening the moats of existing products. We will need to invent entirely new ways to operate and ship products. As Joel Spolsky said, “when you need to hire a programmer to do mostly VB programming, it’s not good enough to hire a VB programmer, because they will get completely stuck in tar every time the VB abstraction leaks”.  We need engineers, designers and product managers that will look deep into the stack, confront the racial, job access, health and climate debts that our products, our companies and our communities are built on top of. This is not about CYA process to protect cash cows or throwing things over the fence to policy. We will need to innovate across technical, cultural and organizational lines. This requires deep understanding and curiosity. This will bring more scrutiny to our company - not less.  Not everyone’s going to be on board - so for the next 12 months, we’re giving folks a one-time buyout if they want to leave. 

Third, we can’t do any of this by ourselves.  The problems are too big. Our role will be to provide enlightened risk capital (from our balance sheet or by re-vectoring operating spend) alongside R&D, product, platform leverage to help leaders and innovators pursue solutions in these areas.  Of course we will work with our peers and the public sector wherever possible - buying/R&D consortia, public-private partnerships, trusts, etc. But the new era and landscape demands that we explore institutional models beyond global capital/startups, labor unions, NGOs or government. We need models that can more flexibly align people and purpose, that innovate on individualized vs. socialized risk/reward - and that ultimately help build and sustain local, social capital.  It’s difficult to say what these will look like - but increasingly figuring this out will be existential for our core business too. Right now, it doesn’t matter if you’re designing the best cameras in Cupertino or the best way to see their snaps in Santa Monica - we’re all just building layers of an attention stack for global capital. Our Beijing competitors have figured this out. ByteDance is already eating our lunch. They’re using the same tech inputs as us - UX, ML and large-scale systems - which are now a commodity - but with vastly lower consequences for the content they show - creating a superior operating / scaling model. They’re not internalizing social or political cost.

 What we need in this era is the accumulation stack - where each interaction builds social capital.  This is not about global likes. This is about local respect. We’ll create competitive advantage when we build products that reach across race / economic lines to harness America’s amazing melting pot and do so in ways that build livelihoods / property rights for creators and stakeholders.  

With this operating model in place, we’re committing to fundamental change in four areas:

Place & Race - We’re done with de facto segregation. Over the next 10 years, 100% of our jobs will be in diverse communities that embrace inclusive schooling, policing, housing and transit policies. (Starting tomorrow, we’re putting red lines on our maps around towns with exclusionary zoning.) This is not about privatizing cities or an HQ2-style play to extract concessions. This is about investing our risk capital and our reputation to innovate alongside government. How do we bring world-class education to neighborhoods with concentrated poverty? What is the future of digital/hybrid charter schooling? Unbundled, community-driven public safety? We’ll embrace “remote-first” as a means to this end. The Bay will become one physical node alongside others (e.g. Atlanta, DC, LA) creating an Interstate Knowledge System that develops diverse talent across the country. We’re going to coordinate our investment with leading peers - since after all, this isn’t about cost savings or cherry-picking. It’s about broadening our country’s economic base.

Skilling & Manufacturing - We will 10x the tech talent pool in 10 years - by inventing new apprenticeship models that bring women, minorities and the poor into the workforce. We’ll start with our existing contractor base, convert them to new employment models with expanded benefits and paths for upward mobility.  Next, we will invent new productivity tools for all types of workers - from the front office to mobile work to call center - that brings the power of AI and programming to everyone. These will be deeply tied into new platforms for work designed from the bottom-up to build social and financial capital for individual workers and teams.  Last, we’re going to manufacture most of our hardware products - from silicon all the way to systems - entirely in the US within 10 years. This will require massive investment, collaboration and innovation. It may require a revolution in robotics - but we will pursue this in a way that makes the American worker competitive - not a commodity to be automated away. If we’re successful, the dividends of our investment here will have massive spillover benefits to every other sector of manufacturing in the US - autos, etc. - including ones we have yet to dream up. 

Health & Food -  We’re not going to tolerate a two-class system for healthcare anymore. As we convert our contract workforce to new employment models, we’re going to have to innovate on the fundamental quality/cost paradigm across our benefit stack. This may feel like a step down but it will put us (and the rest of society if we’re successful) on a fundamentally better long-term trajectory.  Food is part of Health, and we’re going to innovate there too. Free food for employees is not going to come back post-COVID. Instead, we’ll use our food infrastructure to bootstrap cooperatively-owned cloud kitchens. We’ll provide capital to former contractors - mostly Black and Hispanic - to invest and own these. We’ll build platforms to help them sell food to employees (partly subsidized), participate in new “food for health” programs and eventually disrupt the extractive labor practices we see across food, grocery and delivery. 

Climate & Mobility - Lastly, we’ll be imposing a carbon tax on all aspects of our own operations - which we’ll use to “fund” innovation in this space - with a primary focus on job creation.  This is an area where we’re going to be looking far beyond our four walls from the beginning.  As a first step, we’re teaming up with Elon and Gavin Newsom to buy PG&E out of bankruptcy and restructure it as a 21st century “decentralized” utility.  It will accelerate the electrification of mobility - financing networked batteries for buses, cars and bikes along with charging infrastructure - and leading a massive job creation program focused on energy efficiency.  Speaking of mobility, private buses aren’t coming back after COVID. Instead, we’re teaming up with all of our peers to create a Bay-wide network of electric buses (with bundled e-bikes) that will service folks of all walks of life - including our own employee base.  Oh and one more thing - we’re bringing together the world’s most advanced privacy/identity architecture and computational video/audio to bake public health infrastructure directly into the buses. For COVID and beyond. None of this is a substitute for competent, democratically accountable regional authorities. This is us investing risk capital on behalf of society - with the goal of empowering these authorities. Yes the New York Times will have a field day with this. Maybe in time they’ll leave their bubble, enter the real world, see the sorry state of their institutions - the behavioral health and infrastructure crises on their crumbling streets - and get on board. Until then, our job is to be patient longer than they can be inflammatory. 

Open technology for global progress - While we have to prioritize America given the scale of problems, the intent is not to abandon the rest of the world or hold back it’s progress. We feel the opposite - that over the coming decades each country’s technology sectors will thrive. To get there, we will continue to invest patiently - hiring, training, partnering, investing and innovating - but with a clear north star to help each country develop local leaders in new areas. Long-term, we’ll continue to contribute open technology that others can build upon. 

America should be the proverbial city on a hill for everyone - not a metaverse for the rich with the poor dying in the streets. We don’t have much time so we’re getting to work now. See you next quarter.

----

This call may be imaginary but none of this is sci-fi or requires MMT. What it requires is us to care. To act. Join me on bike rides to explore our past and discuss what tangible actions Silicon Valley’s leading companies can take in the coming quarters and years. Logistics here for rides on June 19, June 26, July 2 and July 10!

[prorevenge]

Hurt my friend? I'll force you to drop out of college

So in my first year of university, I lived in a flat with five other girls. Next-door to our flat was a studio flat, where one girl lived alone. During the first week, she joined our flat for a party, and became friends with all six of us. Let's call her Mary. Mary had been long-term dating a boy who lived in another county in an open relationship. She was very fun to be around, and we all got on really well.

Time goes by and she visits us regularly for company. Through this she ends up meeting most of my friends, including my best friend, who we'll call Sarah (as she has a part to play in this story). Mary opens up about her shitty family, and how her parents never taught her to cook anything -- so me being me, I offer for her to come round one night and I'll teach her how to cook her first meal. We agree on a simple stir fry to start us off, and I bought the ingredients. On the night, she tells me about her relationship; and how she's looking to experiment with specifically women (and how her bf had given her permission); and how she found asian people particularly attractive. She was well aware that me and my friend group are mostly LGBT girls, and I'm pretty clearly asian. I'm a kind of stereo-typically attractive woman; and have experienced similar uncomfortable situations with men many times... so without her directly asking in the first place, I made it clear I wasn't into doing that and she happily told me that was totally okay.

She tells me about her passion for becoming a nurse, and more about her bf; and how she gets a little jealous sometimes, causing her to look through his phone often when they're together. That struck me as really unhealthy, so I told her it was. She found it weird I thought it was a bad thing to do. That should have been a huge red flag for me there and then, but I'm a big idiot who always tries to see the best in people. I tell her to maybe stop that habit and just trust him (as the way she talked about it made her sound like she was an r/ nicegirl who somehow scored with some poor pushover of a dude and it worried me a bit).

As the night goes on, my flatmates all arrive and hang out. When everyone was there, Mary let as know that our front door closes really loud when we leave it to shut automatically, and directly through the wall was her bed. It wakes her up often, so we should always slowly, manually close the door ourselves so as not to wake her up ever (she gets very tired as she's doing a nursing degree with crazy hours). We all agree to do this for her because it's not much effort for us, and the night ends.

Fast forward a few months and I need to find a place to live in my second year of university. I go looking for houses with Mary, as Sarah was staying in the same place for the next year and all my current flatmates had already arranged stuff (I had left it late like a fool). A lot of my friends had spare places in flats, but like Mary I was going to try to rent in a house, so we go to visit a 2-person small house on the nice side of town with her parents. It's lovely, I can *just* afford it and everything's fine except Mary keeps getting angry with her parents for what looked like no good reason. I would understand some hostility if you grew up with such a bad family, but she was actively berating and shouting at her parents in front of the estate agent. I don't know why I overlooked it... probably because my own family wasn't great and I still thought that much negativity was okay? Fuck, I dunno.

The estate agents' office we went to seemed a little dodgy, which made me feel uneasy. Mary desperately wanted a place to live though as she had nobody else to go with (in hindsight I freaking wonder why); and she pressured me very hard to sign. So I reluctantly do the tenancy agreement, and we're set to move in next year, no backing out now, deposit laid, all that. I'm a little nervous, but I'm convinced Mary has some good in her heart and that she can learn to be a better person while we live together with my love and encouragement. She likes my company because I'm always trying to put a smile on her face even when she's down, and I'm hoping she'll learn she can be happy when she's with the right people for her.

She tells me that she doesn't let her boyfriend interact with other girls, and she doesn't let me see him when he visits. She outright asks me to try sexual stuff with her a few times over the months, using her depression as a pity card. I say no each time, and worry starts to grow inside me about how I was going to have to move in with this person... I felt grateful our bedroom doors would have locks on them.

My flatmates started getting uncomfortable around her. They were all straight, and her lowkey sexual behaviour towards them made them ask me if that was okay; and made me irritated that she was reinforcing that whole gay-predator stereotype on them. We were her only friends though, so I told everyone to just try and help her learn to be better, as long as they were okay and comfortable with that. My kind flatmates all did just that, bless them! The fact Mary was getting good influences from these people boosted my assurance that she'd break out of her toxic attitude just like how I and so many other people did as teens.

One night, I get a message from Mary. She says she's feeling incredibly depressed, and asks if she could come over for company. It was late as hell, so I just left it on unread and went back to trying to sleep. About half an hour later, I hear scuffling coming from the other side of the wall, where Mary's apartment is; something very unusual. I felt bad for ignoring her message, but I was tired and couldn't bear any of her burdens tonight, so I let it go and went to sleep. We were meeting the next day anyway to discuss our housing situation for next year over a cup of tea.

The following morning, I wake up to see a BILLION messages from Sarah. Apparently, Mary called Sarah over since Mary was feeling depressed and needed company. Sarah is a strong and tough person, but our first year of university was a stressful time for her and her head was a bit of a mess, and she was uncomfortable in her own body. Even though it was late, she went over to Mary's place, where it was weirdly boiling hot (Mary cranked up the central heating no doubt). This meant Sarah had to strip down to just her tank top... and I won't spare you the details, but Mary peer-pressured Sarah into getting into Mary's double bed together in a "girly sleepover" type way, and then did something very illegal. Sarah didn't know what to do, and was too scared to leave afterwards. She had a horrible, horrible night; and sneaked out once Mary was asleep.

I'm a passionate person, I'd say, but I'm not generally angry. I learned that when you look like me, nobody takes you seriously when you get angry. However, I was shamelessly pissed off. Mary was being a pretty bad friend recently, and that final act of shittiness set me COMPLETELY over the edge and then some.

Despite that, Sarah took priority. I messaged the flat group chat with a "block Mary on social media, I'll explain when I get back," while Sarah and I went to the student support office and explained everything. She was traumatised as hell, and seeing strong Sarah completely break down over something Mary had done made me absolutely fucking livid. I felt this crazy mix of sadness, pity, and pure rage; seeing my sweet best friend in such a state. She did nothing wrong and had been going through some tough times - it was the last thing on earth she needed. She didn't want to press charges as her family had no money, there was nothing she could do.

I needed to get out of the tenancy agreement for next year. I was absolutely kicking myself for signing it in the first place. I went into that estate agents' office with little-to-no plan, other than "get out in any way possible, even if it means flirting your way through." It wasn't pretty and I felt awful, but somehow, I managed. I was free from living with her at the expense of my day and dignity, which made me even more pissed off.

The arranged time of our meeting at her apartment was approaching. I was well-aware of how I'd just absolutely fucked her over for next year by backing out of that tenancy agreement. I was fine though, I had several offers from friends in apartments to come live with them, so I just had to say goodbye to the idea of living in a house. Outside the corner where her and my front doors to our apartments are, I send a message to my flat's chat saying I won't be long and I'm almost home. I knock on Mary's door, and she lets me in. The sight of her face makes me want to spontaneously combust right there, but for the sake of my pacifist lifestyle, I hold it together. Inside her flat, I calmly tell her that because of what she did I would not be moving in with her next year, and the tenancy agreement was terminated.

She EXPLODES at me, and outright denies everything. That made my blood boil; I trust Sarah with my life and the experience of her relieving all that nasty crap was fucking harrowing. All I had done was make Mary food and talk about life with her and try to help her be better and thought she was making progress, but she was going MENTAL at ME after SHE had done one of the worst things you can do, saying personal things like "Are you fucking kidding me?! You ended it with ME because of what some OTHER person said, without talking to ME about it!?? What does that say about YOU?! What kind of person does that make YOU? How selfish do you have to be?!" And then some more personal stuff about how I'm a failure as a student and my choice in academia would lead me nowhere and how I look ugly, stuff that would really hurt your self esteem if you're not ridiculously self-assured like I am. It pissed me off even more that she would try to hurt me into thinking I was wrong, though. Some lovely toxic manipulation right there.

So for the first time since I was a kid, I lost it at someone. I let loose on all the things I disliked about her; yelled back that she was a terrible person for what she did to her boyfriend, for not seeing anything wrong with what she did to Sarah, for being manipulative as hell, and she was lucky the police weren't up her ass right now. I told her to fuck off, that she wasn't getting anything from me or my flat any more, that she was never going to be a nurse with a personality like that; and then, on a really awful personal note... that she was crazy for doing something so fucking awful just because she wasn't hot enough to score with me or Sarah.

I saw her expression twist, and it was the ugliest I'd ever seen anyone look. She reached an ultrasonic pitch screeching stuff at me, but I just stormed out her flat while she was still talking.

Back in my flat, I see 4/5 flatmates at the kitchen table with cups of tea, waiting for me. They asked me how it went... and I told them we were ignoring Mary from now on, because if any of them wanted to talk to her, I'd want to cut them out of my life as well. The sighs of relief from the table filled me with sweet validation. Then, the last flatmate loudly arrives through the front door. Mary is crying and wailing behind her at the other side of the doorway. We watch flatmate 6 pose dramatically as the huge, heavy door swings shut behind her with a massive SLAM. The racket Mary makes becomes quiet and muffled. Flatmate smiles at us, and we all cheer and yell and hug together.

After that, we didn't bother gently closing the door for her, and since we knew her timetable, scheduled parties for her prime sleeping time; where lots of people would be loudly storming in and out the flat and music would be blasting. I don't even like parties, lmao.

Because she did that, Mary now has no friends, no sleep, and no accommodation for the upcoming year. We told her boyfriend what she had done via facebook, so no boyfriend too.

Her academic life was effectively ruined from then on. The lack of sleep meant her grades and attendance plummeted. Her personal life was completely dead all of a sudden. We didn't care, and kept doing whatever we wanted with no consideration for her life. She dropped out of university before the semester ended, and I haven't heard from her since.

I just finished my dissertation in some macroevolutionary morphological analysis, and my side-hobby as an illustrator on the internet is doing so well now (this is a side-acc so you'll never know who I am :P) that I don't need a job any more to pay for everything while I'm studying. Sarah fell in love with a beautiful girl and they've been dating for over a year now, she's doing amazing and has already been accepted into postgraduate study with near-perfect grades.

(source) story by (/u/mifukichan)

[abyss-mal-blog1]

current mind-space//word vomit

it’s amazing how much can change in a few days, but it hasn’t been a week since my finals ended and i already felt so different. i have been doing f45 everyday this week (if not then some kind of workout, but i’ve really been into that recently). i am feeling so much better now without deadlines, sometimes i don’t know if i function better under pressure or not. i guess not, but then it’s amazing how much i can do and achieve under pressure. i need the right amount of pressure, and this semester it has been a little difficult for me to get around that. 

last friday was kinda my last day of finals, i just had an essay to submit, and i am disappointed in myself and my work ethic because i submitted it at 9pm, went to my cousin’s (disappointing) party, and then professor emailed me to say that she cannot read Pages format (seriously smh @ my tardiness!!!), only got back at 1am that night and sent my mediocre essay. i am a little sad about it because i know that is not my 100%. idk why but college so far has just been a series of 80% effort. this paper was an interesting one, on airbnb, on the sharing economy, it’s a performance studies paper where i analyze the hospitality platform in terms of host-user relationship, parasitism and (attempted) to talk about free online labor. it is a little too late now but i kinda want to work on it again and like, submit for feedback. maybe ill ask taylor. 

last saturday was kinda meh, i agreed to go to a *social* kinda event at a bar/club at chelsea, held for Asian-ivy-alumni-people that yanlin invited me too. it was at up&up and honestly a little...i didn’t enjoy it at all. the music sucked, the people were either too dorky or gross or old or weird, and the whole time i just kept saying to myself, “never again”. they said it was open bar but they only served absolut, which was shit. and then my friend’s two friends were...i feel sorry that this was their first clubbing experience. at the beginning my reaction was look at all these ivy alumni! get hitched with one of them for ~da connectsx~ (and nothing else) but no kidding i was actually interested in talking to them just to get to know what people who graduated from ivies are up to, and what are they doing at such events...and are they actually enjoying themselves because it was really kinda gross. met my friend’s friend who seemed like a really smart engineer (he asked for my number the next day lol), and a german dude at the bar who didn’t want to get me a drink. all i needed that night was a drink.....(i’m glad i didn’t drink tho because recently drinking has made me feel all kinds of bad)  we had ramen after at ramen-ya (most probably the worst ramen and charsiew i’ve had but what can we do at 3am and my friend wanted noodle and soup...)

on sunday i KNow i should have left my house earlier to workout but i didn’t. i was angry at myself that i didn’t. instead, i stayed at home and emotion-ate. i must have eaten more green bean soup than my stomach would have liked. what else...avocado? i remember..two bananas? god. this was the day i felt like i was n’s boyfriend because i had to do what she wanted to do. i know i had agreed on going, but at that point i really wanted to go thrifting or something. i mean when i got to central park it was fine and things were good but the whole day just felt like i was kinda pulled into doing something that wasn’t my first choice of plans, not that i didn’t enjoy myself lying under the sun at the park. it just felt like i was accompanying someone. i was half an hour late to meet her as well, and half heartedly got a burrito-wrap at newsbar. if you think about it it is really kinda funny, we’re just buying food and taking the subway to this grass patch 50 blocks away. we didn’t walk much, we literally only stayed at a little grassy slope overlooking the baseball pitch. anyway we went to a dance class after (the class was an hour long but i felt like n had asked me about when and what time we should book the classes for more than an hour by text so i just got really sick of it) i rushed home and got dinner with my uncle who’s in town for my cousin’s graduation. i was surprised that he chose the same japanese restaurant again, after dissing it half a year ago we ate here. the omakase was crazy and it cost 230 per person. (for the most expensive set) it was also kinda dumb because you aren’t allowed to order a different omakase set from anyone else - everyone on the table has to order the same - because of “timing”. i wonder if this is how it is in japanese omakase etiquette, but in any case it really earned them a hefty amount because my uncle decided to get 230 for all of us. qiyang didn’t like and said qiqi had bad taste, hahaha. the food wasn’t bad, i mean it’s japanese fusion, but the prices were way too steep for the taste. anyway enough about the food, during the dinner i think we talked about many things though. i kinda wanted to talk to my uncle individually because i think he is the only one who knows about ah gong, but he was sick, and i could tell he was exhausted. my aunt got a little impatient because i didn’t arrange plans to take their furniture and they were going to throw all of them away and it was actually the first time i’ve seen her get so worked up - but at the same time trying to control her emotions - because she was talking to me. i could tell she was annoyed though but i tried not to take it personally, and arranged it tomorrow. 

arranging the moving stuff was kinda last minute, i was walking to the library for work one day and i saw a truck that said MakeSpace. i assumed it was a kind of moving company and so i looked them up. they seemed to be pretty okay in terms of their services and so i decided to try them out. confirmation and setting up an appointment went pretty smoothly, except for the part where the guy i think his name was joseph, asked me to give my credit card details over the phone. idk why i did that! i stopped though, and asked him why, to which he replied he wanted to key in with the coupon code. this service has so much gimmicks within the first 2-3 minutes on the phone he was already telling me about how the first pick up is free, and that he will deduct 100$ off the first month...when people give you discounts too easily it just feels like a ploy and a thing they give to everyone, it’s not anything special and it’s probably calculated inside whatever we have to pay. anyway, i was just thinking it would be cheaper (assuming the maximum that i would have to pay is ~$500, as i confirmed with them on the phone yesterday), it’d still be cheaper than starting an apartment lease now and going through the trouble of finding two subletters. 

well. idk, it’s also easy to have things all moved in, i have to find a place to store my perishables!

moving is so much work, and storing things. this reminds me of my paper on airbnb and about the digital nomad lifestyle. it is interesting though, that this is what it has become. but the homogenized aesthetic is something i really cannot stand, in airbnb, in coffeeshops around the world..i am sure you know what i’m talking about. a new york times writer did something about this - he termed it “Airspace” - and apparently it originated from Brooklyn. I guess that’s where the art/avant-garde stuff started. well. keep a look out im gonna write a blogpost about that 

moving on 

nat came to sleepover on sunday night and a few days after because the school kicks you out of the dorms you pay so much for right after your final ends. i forgot if we did something fun but i probably just fell asleep. 

on monday i think i went to f45 and did cardio at Dumbo with Gi. he seems like a pretty nice trainer, the first time i went it was him and another girl Bertha (i think my first f45 was last tuesday) and i felt like i had two personal trainers with me - Gi was cheering me on and Bertha was doing it with me. it felt like such a good workout, one of the best ive had in a while. then work, where i arranged the movers stuff. i also realized i bought the wrong date for my flight ticket as my friends and had to buy one more...............

tuesday was the same f45 in the morning, and the bobst after. didn’t really get much work done at bobst. oh i also viewed a 3BR flex at 160. hella expensive and small, and dates didn’t work out anyway. also the broker who brought us to view the apartment was a very nice tall french man and his name was jean-francois which i couldn’t pronounce and asked nat but still called him jean as in jeen instead of john. this is why i have to learn french. you’re embarrassing. i also went to the itp/ima spring show with shubham which was super cool. there were many cool ideas, and i just wonder if i could create something like that. i didn’t get to see all of the exhibits which i regret, but i remember a few notable projects. one was an installation made with keyboards that randomly clicks, but when you hold your phone up it’ll stop. it’s made using 3d gestures. there’s also one at a gallery for surveillance, this team had a thing they call facebox, and it’s literally a box, that when you open it has a webcam that would capture your face, find you on facebook, and print out an invoice/receipt on how much you have earned for this giant tech company.  what else...an AR project that when you scan a food,  it shows you where the food comes from. nat said that she would love it if menus have something they could scan and then have pictures appear in ~holographic~ format, or maybe in the nearer future something on your phone that shows you a picture of the picture of the food. but isn’t it a surprise tho? sometimes the fun’s in the surprise, you read the description, you know what are the foods you’ll eat, leaving room to imagine or be surprised by how the chef puts it together! anyway, went for dinner with nat and jenny - got vegan shwarma (definitely wasn’t worth $14) and went to get crepes with will after. 

wednesday we were gonna go to the dmv but we weren’t prepared. nat also needed to get her passport and she was lazy. wow the number of times i mentioned her, it feels like she’s my boyfriend at this point. talked to famz, sister, and beatrix. am currently considering if i should even go to beijing or just go straight home. fuck. went to bobst for work but no one was there i was just really sleepy. viewed an apartment at 55 morton (it’s a nice quiet residential street that seems to be tucked away from the loud cars and bars and people) then i went to f45 again-varsity!!! cardio!!!, walked across brooklyn bridge (a little regret although i wanted to walk, but my bag was heavy and there were too many tourists to brisk walk) 

also the reason for this is that after my soba/miso/salad/shrimp dinner last night i was just watching a bunch of netflix shows and it was probably the caffeine from puerto rican roasting company - the barista made me a chai cappuccino with almond milk (3 SHOTS!!!)

me and nat couldn’t sleep, i really think i slept for an hour. i watched so many different shows, yoko and john’s documentary, while we were young, anthony bourdain, i was seriously flipping through all the shows and alternating between amazonprme and youtube and netflix and i even tried watching peaceful cuisine and making the brightness lower and had the sleep mode on and wow i just couldn’t sleep

so yeah the birth of this word vomit 

i am going to create more things

[amazinggirl55]

My extremely long rant about sexism in Asia

So anybody who thinks the most sexist country is America has clearly never been to Asia. In Asia women go through so much and I want to highlight some of that with my own experiences/knowledge. I’d be really grateful to anyone who reads this all the way down.

But first, a little backstory. I was three years old when my parents moved to America and twelve years old when we moved back to our home country. My home country is in Central Asia. It’s a third world country. That was three years ago. Now I’ve lived here for three years and I’ve seen so many things that infuriate me. But let’s start small.

Because this is Central Asia, we’ve been having problems with terrorist websites. There was this one app where you start playing and you end up committing suicide. It doesn’t matter how mentally healthy you started off, they have their ways of sinking their claws into you and backing you into a corner until you don’t see a way out. Anyways, one day, I was at my grandma’s house and there were some guests there. I remember we were talking about this website, and my older brother made a joke about my cousin trying it out. Everyone laughed. My cousin made a joke about one of the guests also playing it. My brother also said he wants to try it out. Everyone laughed at these two jokes as well. Then I made a joke saying pretty much the same thing and you know what kind of reaction I got? Dead silence, until my mother said, super serious “I will disown you if you ever play that game.” When I asked why she didn’t have the same reaction to my brother, who said the same thing, she said “you’re a girl, you’re not allowed to make these kind of jokes.”

Another similar scenario. I was at my grandma’s house (again) and I remember I was so fucking mad. I was furious. I don’t remember what happened, but I know it was something serious. As in, I wasn’t just being moody or petty. There was an actual legitimate reason for my anger. A lot of my close family members were there. I was fuming and trying to control my anger and you know what my grandpa said? He said “don’t be angry, you’re a girl. Girls aren’t allowed to be angry.” My grandpa literally told me that I was supposed to be some little delicate flower that always agreed with other people and backed down from arguments. And that made me so much more pissed off. I remember I was crying angry tears and I had no outlet. I didn’t know what to do. There were so many people, all of them were waiting for me to calm down and apologize like a good little girl. My mother was angry at me for losing my cool. And I was just wondering what I’d done to deserve such a family.

I remember, when my brother and I still went to the same school, my brother had told on me about how I act around guys. How I start conversations and go up to my classmates and start annoying them when I’m bored. To Americans or Europeans, that’s not a big deal, heck it’s not a deal at all, but apparently it’s a huge fucking deal for these stupid ass Asians. My mom got mad at me and started talking about how I shouldn’t act like that and blah blah blah. My cousin was also there (a girl cousin this time) and the two of them agreed that the only circumstances on which I was allowed to talk to to guy is is and only if, I was with a friend (that’s a girl, duh) and a guy came up to me asking about schoolwork, was I allowed to talk to guys. Now can someone tell me how fucking ridiculous that is?! There are millions of girls out there who have guys as best friends where I literally can’t shake a guy’s hand without feeling like I’m disappointing my mother.

One question you might have is, what kind of stuff do you wear? Well, I wear whatever my mom lets me. Which isn’t all that much when I think about it. For example, I don’t own a single pair of jeans or pants. The shortest thing I have goes to my knees. Makeup? Hahahahaha no. That’s not even something I can think about. I’m only allowed to wear makeup after I get married. Most types of jewelry? After I get married. Pretty much anything with sequins or shiny stuff? After I get married. All my life, I’d ask my mom if I could wear makeup or put on this earring or go to this wedding or party and my answer would always be “after you get married” and it’s always pissed me off. Even today, my aunt gave me this really nice bracelet and my mom told me she’d give it to me after I got married.

Now I know what you’re all thinking, if I’m not allowed to interact with guys (and most other girls have similar limitations as well), how the hell am I expected to get married? Well the answer is rather simple. When I turn 16/17, depending on how pretty I am and how rich my family is and a few other stuff, mothers will starts coming to my door to talk to my mother about marrying me and their son together. Oftentimes, it will be the guy who sends his mother to a girl’s house. Sometimes the guy also has no choice, but that’s a lot more rare than a girl with no choice. If my father decides that he likes that family (or if they’re rich enough) he’ll say that I can marry that guy. My age won’t matter. If I’m 16, maybe they’ll wait for a while, maybe they won’t. Once the wedding is over, I get a lot of stuff. And I mean a lot. The family of the groom sends a lot of gifts and all the stuff that my mom has saved for me over the years will finally be mine. So does this mean I can wear whatever I want and go wherever I want? No, it doesn’t. It means, if my husband is lenient, if he says I can do this and that and if my mother in law lets me, I can do some stuff, within reason. Now, I’m maybe 18/19 at this point. I’m married, I wear makeup all the time, maybe I go to university if my husband is kind enough to let me go and what’s the logical next step? Kids. If I don’t get pregnant within the year, most people will gossip about if something is wrong and what not. Everyone will be pressuring me to have a kid. Once I do have that kid, I’ll raise him or her. I’ll stop going to university, or maybe I’ll be able to finish by some miracle, but it won’t matter because my husband won’t let me go to work anyways. And why would he? I have an infant to take care of. Why should I be going to work? And then I’ll probably have some more kids and raise them too. And then my first kid will be old enough to get married and I’ll marry them off (or get them a wife, depending of their gender) and then I’ll take care of their kid all the time because if they’re a guy, they’ll still be living with me. All my life, I will listen to what my parents and brother told me, then my husband and parents in law (and if I have older siblings in law, them too) and and then I’ll just raise my kids and forever live for someone else. I’ll never be able to live for me or be independent. (Side note, the whole ‘I’ theme I have going on this whole paragraph isn’t exactly accurate, but I do know many, many women who have lived through such a life and more women who are currently living such a life. The only reason I kept saying I is because I didn’t want to use different pronouns and get myself confused. Trust me, my fate will most likely be very different from this) (this is the only part of this whole thing that’s not about me personally)

And now, I’ll share what happened today. Today is August 20th and it’s a big Muslim holiday. My mom woke me up at 7:00 AM and my dad was pissed that I woke up so late. (Which is fucking bullshit, because all summer long, I’ve been waking up at 9-11 and no one gave a damn). My mom was telling me how my dad said a bunch of stuff to her about me. But that was only the start of the day. Then we all went to my grandma’s house (they live down the street which is why we’re always there) and my cousin’s cousin was also there. (I’m not related to him and I know him very distantly). All the males sat on the table, but because there were no room for the girls, we all ate on the floor with a table cloth (it’s not as bad as it sounds, it’s actually part of our culture to eat on the floor) and when we were done eating, some people left. There were just enough people to fit at the table, with me as the only person with no place to sit. I was eating some watermelon, standing next to that guy (my cousin’s cousin, who is 18) and my mom motioned me to go somewhere else to eat it. Now this guy, he could care less about me. He wasn’t even looking at me, but my mom was telling me not to be anywhere near the table, on the off chance that he... I don’t even know what she was so afraid of. What would he possibly have done?! But that’s okay, that doesn’t matter. After a while, my parents and my siblings went to my other grandma’s house, who lives pretty far away. When we got there, there were a bunch of people. A lot of the women were doing chores and the only guys (my mom’s cousins) were sitting at the table outside. I went inside and sat around for a while. I will admit I didn’t do any chores during that time. My mom said we’d all go outside and eat there (it’d been a couple of hours since lunch), so I went outside and the only people sitting down were my dad, my mom’s cousin and my 6 year old sister. There were a few women doing this and that. I asked (in English) where I should sit. My dad gave me the dirtiest look and told me to go inside and eat with the woman. I told him nobody was eating inside, so he told me to go help with the chores. I was pretty angry, but I didn’t say anything. I just went inside and ate my food quietly. All of the little kids were playing with water guns outside and my brother joined them for a while. Everyone was laughing and smiling. After a while (my brother had already started doing something else) I started playing with them too and everyone was all like “you’re getting wet” “you don’t have any other clothes” “what are you doing, you’re a big girl” and all that shit. So I stopped and I went inside. Some time later, the men had dinner outside, while the women ate inside. My mom and aunt went outside and sat with their husbands and cousins. I stayed inside. I did some chores and helped out my other aunt. When I finally went outside, hopefully to get a drink and maybe finally get to talk or something, my mom immediately started giving me the empty plates and dishes. When I was trying to drink a cup of Fanta, I was handed a plate with a cup on it, and while I was still drinking, she kept handing me stuff as if she expected me to put it on my heads or something. I was barely able to balance it on the plate with one hand. Eventually, I finished cleaning (after I was almost done, my mom started getting the little kids to help me) and sat down for a few minutes and then we had to leave. In the car, I sarcastically thanked my mom for an amazing holiday and she was like “what do you mean” as if she literally has no idea why I didn’t like this holiday. And then she was like “what? you’re not going to go to your grandma’s anymore?” (We go to my grandma’s house literally every week and the other grandma’s every day) and I said “yeah, you all force me to go” and she ended the conversation by saying “I’m not even going to think about this or I’m going to get so mad” as if she had any right to be mad at what I was saying.

I know that almost all of this was a rant about my personal experiences, but this was partly to get some stuff off my chest and partly to show you guys what Asian girls go through. Every day, we’re told not to compare ourselves to our brothers and cousins, because they’re guys and we’re not. Every day, we’re told to keep our heads down and our mouths shut and not complain. Every day, we’re told that we’re girls and we were created to do housework. Every day, we’re told that we’re not equal to men. And you know what’s even worse? Every girl in this country believes it. They don’t know what feminism is, or what sexism is, or why they would ever stand up to their brothers or fathers or husbands. They believe that they’re the belongings of the oldest man in the house and that it’s their job to clean and cook for everyone. They don’t even know that this isn’t how it works in other countries. They just do as they’re told and live by the orders of the men in their lives.

Now I want to note something important here. My life isn’t all that bad. Yes, my parents and relatives can be misogynistic as hell at times, but they’re also considered to be very open minded amongst other people who live here. If they weren’t, I wouldn’t even know that this kind of behavior/treatment isn’t the norm. My parents allow me to do many things that I know for a fact other girls aren’t allowed to do. So I guess, for as bad as I think I have it sometimes, there are millions of girls who have it much worse and don’t even know of anything different.

But please, don’t take this the wrong way. I’m not trying to trivialize American or European girls’ problems or experiences by saying that mine are worse. The pink tax, equal pay, sexual harassment (on women or men), misogynistic dress codes, unfair laws or regulations, victim blaming, etc they’re all a huge problem and everyone should be working together to fix these issues, but they should also acknowledge that there are women who are being treated horribly on an endless cycle where pretty much no one gives a damn.

I’m not going to ask for reblogs or likes, but I would like to talk to people who have gone through a similar experience to mine, so if anyone can agree with what I’m saying, please message me and we can talk about the similarities and differences in our situations.

And for anyone who read all the way down here, man you deserve to be called a saint.

[asterinjapan]

Of gardens and animals

Good afternoon!

Well, five PM is still noon, right?

Anyway, a little earlier today, but I still managed to see quite a lot. Since tomorrow is Disney day, I’m not sure if I’ll still go out tonight or if I’ll just get some dinner and call it a day, but I have some time to think about it still. In the mean while, here’s my report for today!

I cheered at breakfast as they had scrambled egg (which works much better with my stomach), so I could have a pretty filling breakfast, whoo! After that, I grabbed my things and made my way to the station. This time, my goal was the subway: I took the Yurakucho line to Iidabashi station, which was just ten minutes.

A short walk away is a garden called Koishikawa Korakuen. It’s one of the oldest gardens in Tokyo as it was completed during the Edo era (1600-1868), more specifically in the 17th century, with Chinese influences. Like many Japanese gardens, this garden has reproductions of famous Japanese (and in this case also Chinese) scenery, like with miniature hills and bridges. There are several bridges and small rivers named after bridges and rivers I’ve seen in Kyoto, for example.

Koishikawa Korakuen is actually very central, close to the Tokyo Dome and an amusement park ( you can see the white dome and the top of a rollercoaster from the garden). And it was a whole lot bigger than I somehow thought, haha. I think I compared it to another garden on the map and didn’t realize the proper scale. Anyway! Most Japanese gardens have something special depending on the season, as the Japanese  like to pride their country on having four very different seasons. Cherry blossoms in spring are famous, but the fall leaves are almost just as popular, and it can get super busy in the popular spots when the autumn leaves reach their brightest colours.

The maple trees here had dropped almost all their leaves, but I still found an area that was a vibrant red and yellow, making for very spectacular views as the sun was shining bright today. The tree tops looked to be on fire. I took a ton of pictures and then found out I’d only covered a quarter of the garden, at best, haha.

Overall, I took almost 3 hours trailing through the garden, and even then I rushed some parts because the trees were completely barren in that area. Whoa! It was also interesting to see some of the trees (like the weeping cherry blossom tree and the trees in the inner garden) protected against the winter weather. Some have straw belts, but the cherry blossom tree has a straw cape: straw ropes are suspended from a central pole to protect the tree from snow, in the process drawing out a very basic Christmas tree shape, haha.

Anyway! Two breaks in the garden later (I had some amazake – sweet sake, although this was non-alcoholic), I made my way back to the station again to take the Namboku subway line this time. Of course, it first went past a station called Korakuen… Oops. Oh well, the next stop was where I was getting off anyway, and riding the subway for just 2 stops sounds slightly less pathetic than for one whole stop.

The stop is Todaimae, ‘in front of Tokyo University’. No, I haven’t signed up for classes, there’s a statue here that I wanted to pay a short visit.

You see, you’re probably familiar with the statue of Hachiko – if only because I post a picture of it every trip without fail, ahem. In case you forgot the story: Hachiko was a dog who always came to pick up his master, professor Ueno, at Shibuya station after work. One day, he didn’t return anymore as he’d had a heart attack at work and died there. Hachiko kept coming to the station for the ten years after, until his own passing. Touched by the dog’s loyalty, a statue was erected at Shibuya station as early as 1934 (when Hachiko was still alive!). The bronze was molten for the war efforts, so in 1948, a new statue was placed in the same spot, where it remains a popular meet-up spot to this day. In 2015, 80 years after Hachiko passed, a new statue was erected at Tokyo University: one of Hachiko happily reuniting with his master. Excuse me, I have something in my eye all of a sudden…

Anyway! The statue is actually super close to Todaimae station. I was fully prepared for a long search, but nope. Just walked out the street, found the entrance gate, and bam! There was the statue. It’s amidst some trees, but the sun was hitting it completely today, so I took pictures from every angle.

It was a short stop regardless – when I made it back to the station, I think I may have missed one subway at the most, ahem. I wasn’t done with the Namboku line, though, as I rode it a couple of stations further to Oji.

Oji (technically Ôji, a long o sound) is mostly famous for the Oji Fox Parade, which is held on New Year’s Eve. It’s a bit early for that, but foxes are still very present in Oji, at least in its shrines. Foxes (or fox spirits, more accurately - kitsune) are depicted in Asian and Japanese folklore as tricksters with magical powers (usually shapeshifting into beautiful women), but also as sacred creatures  that can be a good or a bad omen, and they’re messengers of the gods. In Japan, they’re mostly associated with Inari, the god of rice and business among other things. There’s a lot of Inari shrines in Japan, most famously in Kyoto, the Fushimi Inari shrine with its many red gates. Numerous red gates in a row are usually a good tell if a shrine is dedicated to Inari, as well as the presence of fox statues.

Of course, Oji has several shrines with most of them featuring foxes, so I did 3 of them today. I started with the Oji shrine, which is close to the station and is also on a hill right next to dried out waterworks. It was a very lovely and unexpectedly rural scenery, so I sat down on a nearby rock to have lunch and enjoy the view. (My lunch was way too cute to eat by the way, I had melon bread shaped like a turtle.)

After that, I walked up the stairs to visit Oji shrine. The complex isn’t very big, but it’s one of the oldest shrines in Tokyo and supposedly grants protection against fires and natural disasters, making it a popular shrine for a new year’s visit. Not a lot of foxes to be spotted here yet, but there is a huge Ginkgo tree here which is said to be 600 years old! Whoa. It sure was big, anyway.

Next up, I took a little stroll to Oji Inari shrine. As expected with Inari in its name, there are more fox statues here, guarding the grounds and the small shrines at the complex. There’s indeed a pathway of several red gates, and then you find an Oishi-sama, or a ‘wish granting rock’ inside one of them. The story goes that if you can lift it, your wish will come true. The plaque next to it stated that if it is hard to lift, it’s a wish that can’t be easily fulfilled, so apparently this stone can change its weight depending on your wish. I gave it a go and barely managed to lift the rock, but I did it! (Hey, it’s a huge rock and I had two bags slung around my shoulder too, give me some credit.)

Interestingly, this shrine is not only in the middle of a normal neighbourhood, there’s actually a primary school in its backyard. Literally, even – one of the gates was closed, but led right into the playground, and the area around the shrine was in use as a bike park for all the mothers who went to pick up their kids. Huh.

The last stop of today was Shozoku Inari shrine, although not before going through an underground pass decorated with foxes, haha. According to legend, blue fires were spotted on New Year’s eve under a tree that used to stand here, said to be kitsunebi (fox fire) from foxes gathering from all over the country. The Fox Parade starts here every year due to this legend.

The shrine is tiny, but it’s very detailed and has some very elegant fox statues. I took my time (I was alone here anyway) and made a small prayer (if only to ward off any cheeky foxes, haha) before I decided to leave Oji again for today.

A quick hop to Tabata station and another quick hop to Ikebukuro brought me back to my hotel, so here I am! As said, tomorrow is Disneyland, so I’m not sure if I’ll go out anymore tonight. There’s some lovely winter illuminations still to see, like in Shibuya ,but I don’t want to ruin my feet before tomorrow, haha. Oh well, they’re not gone yet, so maybe another day if I can’t make it tonight.

For now, good evening and see you tomorrow! I suspect it’ll be late, haha.

[cbraxs]

Warped [Time Warp Trio Fanfiction] - Chapter 5

“A falafel a day is a falafel a day” is the fifth—no sixth— dumbest thing Izzy ever said aloud. She hadn’t meant to ask Joe the code phrase so soon, especially with Sam and Fred around; she’d wanted to ask him if she could use The Book to find her father. If it had the history of other people’s lives, then it must be able to tell her where her dad was and maybe even why he left.

But before she could ask, Izzy remembered her dad’s instructions to not go looking for him. She was torn. She wanted to know he was okay but didn’t want to disobey him.

Joe, Sam, Fred, and Izzy took a bus to Joralemon and found the bright green and gold dome-shaped falafel stand easily. Phil’s Fantastic Falafel sat next to a small, empty park away from the street. A few round tables sat around the stand, the large green parasols closed since there was no need to hide from the sun on such a chilly day.

A familiar looking Asian girl with long black hair in a high ponytail stood in front ordering from the smiling man. Izzy made a good first impression by bumping into her, too busy talking to the boys about a superhero movie to stop in time.

“I’m sor—”

The girl whipped her head at Izzy and sneered at her.

All the color drain out of Izzy. “—reeeeeeee?”

The girl cocked her head and said in a raspy voice, “Excuse me?”

“I-I said I was sorry.”

Another second of leering before the girl made a sound of disgust and turned away, grabbed her order, and tipped the cashier. When she spun back around, the annoyed look still in her eyes, Izzy leapt back, bumping into Joe behind her.

“What was that about?” the girl asked.

“I’m giving you your space.”

“That ’sposed to be sarcasm or something?”

“I can’t sarcasm on purpose.”

The girl raised an eyebrow and stared down at Izzy like she was trying to figure her out.

Izzy gulped. “Every time I’ve been sarcastic it’s been on accident or when I’m mad, I can’t control it, I swear.”

The girl shook her head. “Tch. Space cadet.”

Fred stepped forward so he was indirectly between them and fixed the girl a hard look. “Hey, lay off her.”

The girl paid no attention to Fred. She strolled past them, shouldering Izzy as she headed down the sidewalk and eating her falafel.

“I swear I saw her eat the foil,” Sam muttered when she was far enough.

Izzy ran a hand over her hair. “Why do I anger the people I mildly inconvenience?”

“It could’ve been worse,” Joe said. “With what I heard about her.”

“You know her?”

“Everyone does,” Fred said. “Rin goes to our school. That chick breaks femurs for kicks. Like, she literally kicks them to break them.”

Izzy blanched. “What?!”

“That was just a rumor. All she did was…” Sam winced as if he were remembering something horribly unpleasant, “snapped a kid’s collarbone.”

“Why did she do that?”

Joe shrugged. “Why would you snap someone’s collarbone?”

“I wouldn’t snap anyone’s collar bone!”

Izzy stared in the direction Rin went, her dark hair disappearing into the crowd, and a wave of anxiety wash over her. Going to a new school was hard enough (even if she didn’t leave any friends behind or even teachers she liked), she didn’t want to deal with someone already hating her for something so small.

Fred affectionately shook her shoulder. “Don’t worry. Just bust out that kung fu magic like you did earlier and you’ll handle her no problem.”

She didn’t know whether to tell him it was actually tae kwon do, not kung fu, or she’d prefer not to fight people if she could help it.

Joe patted her on the shoulder. “Ignore her—and them,” he tossed a glance at Fred and Sam, “I’m sure she won’t even bother you again. C’mon. Let’s order.”

The guy manning the stand—who must’ve been Phil—smiled as the three put in their order. When it was her turn to order, Izzy asked for the, “Paladino Supreme, please?”

“Paladino Supreme? ” Sam asked, squinting at the menu. “I don’t see that anywhere.”

“It’s on the secret menu,” Izzy said. “A lot of food stands have a version of it if you ask.”

Thankfully, Sam nodded, seemingly accepting Izzy’s lie. She felt a little guilty but knew she couldn’t tell him the truth.

Phil didn’t even flinch at her made up order. “Of course, darling.” He magically prepared their orders pretty quickly and handed them their food. The boys grabbed a table as Izzy stayed behind to pay.

She fished out her wallet. “How much do I owe you?”

“It’s on the house, darling.”

Too stunned to argue, Izzy thanked him and stuffed a wad of cash into the tip jar.

He smiled, blue eyes twinkling. “Thank you, Isadora.” He had a faint accent she couldn’t place. “You’re as sweet as I remember—from what Anthony’s told me, I mean.”

She glanced at the boys to make sure they couldn’t hear her before leaning towards the man. “You know my dad? How? Can you tell me where he is? I know I’m not supposed to look for him, but I need to know if he’s okay.”

He looked away, scratching his cheek. “I’m not authorized to—”

“Please?”

Phil looked back at her, his shoulders sagging. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, muttering quietly, “Dammit, Em,” then said, louder, “look, Isadora. Your father is fine. He’s capable, smart, and knows what he’s doing.”

“But what is he doing?”

“He’s doing his best to keep you safe. And when he’s done, he’ll come home and explain everything. I promise.”

Izzy huffed and resisted the urge to stomp her foot like frustrated little kid. Why did she always have to be left in the dark? Why couldn’t her father ever tell her what was going on? She wasn’t fragile, she was fifteen, but ever since the death of her mother, he’s been twice as protective.

Not that she could blame him. Izzy understood where he was coming from and knew he only wanted her to be safe. She got that, but she wished she didn’t have to put up with secrets all her life.

She slinked back, her eyes cast on her shoes. “Fine.”

Phil chirped, “Now that you’ve moved into a new place and found the magician named Joe, I can report to your father that you’re safe.”

“So you do know where he is?”

“Yes… and no. It’s complicated. I can’t tell you anything beyond that. It’s classified.”

Izzy frowned. “Who are you, exactly?”

“Also classified.”

Izzy huffed. “Alright. If you see him, can you tell him I love him and… and come home safely. We need to talk.”

Phil smiled, but his eyes were so sad it shocked Izzy. “Of course, Isadora.”

She thanked him again and returned to the three talking and enjoying their food at the table.

Joe was the first to notice her expression. He looked at her, concern. “Everything okay?”

“Was he giving you trouble?” Sam asked.

Izzy shook her head and forced a smile. “Everything’s fine.”

Fred and Joe nodded and went back to eating their food (or inhaling, in Fred’s case). She could’ve sworn Sam curiously narrowed his eyes at her, but the look disappeared as soon as she noticed it.

For the next couple hours, the four of them hung out. They talked about games and movies and goofed around. When it was time for them to all go home, they all exchanged numbers.

She hadn’t exchanged numbers with other kids in years. She looked at the three new numbers in her phone in between her parent’s, Auntie Em’s, and the nonemergency police number. With the additional numbers, she could actually scroll through her contacts.

She couldn’t believe she made new friends on her first day to a new school. Izzy tried to contain her happiness; she didn’t want to get strange looks by giggling like a dummy on the bus.

Again.

The bus ride served to calm Izzy and give her time to think. Despite her father’s orders to find a particular boy she’s never met before, take Bess and Houdini, (her pet rabbits, not the people she met earlier), move to a new apartment, and go to a new school, her father disappearing for short periods of time was nothing new. She dealt with it before and this would be no different.

She’d hoped.

Her dad would be back in a week, two weeks, tops. He’d be fine, and when he got back home, she’d introduce him to her new friends.

~*~

Over the past three weeks, Izzy in the group was quickly becoming the new normal. She accompanied the three of them to their trips to the mall, study sessions, and biweekly visits to Ray’s pizza. Thankfully since they met, there’ve been no accidental warps, and Izzy was slowly becoming more and more comfortable around them. In fact, Joe even asked her to help him with his performance for the talent show since they got along well. It also didn’t hurt that she would make a way lovelier assistant than Fred.

Despite their growing friendship, Izzy was absent during their—completely on purpose and mostly controlled—trips to the future. Most recently Joe, Fred, and Sam took a trip to 2111 for Jodie’s Sweet Sixteen. Unfortunately, Izzy couldn’t make it since she had tae kwon do class, but on a positive note, this gave them extra time to figure out how to introduce a friend to their great-granddaughters from the future.

The first Saturday of Izzy teaching Joe magic, they hung out at the vacant basketball court a block from his house. He sat crisscross across from her with a basketball on his lap while she drew circles over and over again with a piece of chalk.

“I’m sorry.”

Joe frowned. “What’s up?”

A twist of her earrings. “I should’ve mentioned this sooner, but only some people have natural magical abilities. I’ve heard there’s a test for it but I don’t know how to perform it.”

“Huh.” That was news to him. Admittedly, Joe didn’t know much about real magic. The only person he could ask, his uncle Joe, was frequently away and insisted on never getting a phone.

“Have you ever used magic before, or have had an outburst of some kind?”

He told her about the first time he ever slowed down the time of an object using his mind.

Izzy dropped her chalk and stared at him like he admitted to walking on water. “You’ve done that? Seriously?”

“Yeah. Is that good?”

“It’s incredible! Centralized time manipulation? Controlling time is one of the hardest things you can do. I was pretty sure it was impossible before we warped.”

Joe rubbed the back of his head kind of flattered. “Well, besides the first time, I’ve never done it on purpose, any of the times it happened.”

There’ve been a couple times over the years Joe, Sam, and Fred were in a jam and Joe—somehow— was able to slow the time around objects: bullets flying at them, the three of them falling out a window, a cranky old woman throwing rotten fruit at them. Most of the time, he’s done it completely by mistake.

Izzy’s jaw dropped. “You’ve done it more than once?”

“Yeah.”

“Pfft. Way to humble brag. You sure you even need me?”

“Yes! I mean there’s still things I have no clue about. Like do spells have to be spoken in pig Latin? Why not Spanish or Hebrew or, y’know, actual Latin?”

Izzy picked up the piece of chalk and frowned at it. “I… don’t know, just how it works. Even for nonmagical people, they can use pig Latin to make magical items work. Like wands or other items.”

“Or The Book.” Joe remembered Sam and Fred telling him about the time they and Samantha warped to Russia. She used The Book to bring objects from the past into the present, but she never demonstrated any magical capabilities outside of that.

Izzy nodded. “For magical people, speaking in pig Latin helps us concentrate and focus our energy for what we want to do. Think of words like, uh, training wheels. A skilled wizard or witch really doesn’t need it –although, in some instances, it can help conserve energy—but for a newbie or someone learning how to use magic for the first time it’s an excellent crutch.”

“The first time I did magic,” Joe said. “I didn’t use any pig Latin, though. I was speaking English.”

Izzy shrugged. “It must’ve been a coincidence. You spoke in English but you were doing the spell regardless.”

She snapped the piece of chalk in half in one hand. “Soon, it’ll be like second nature to you and you’ll do it without thinking. I used to levitate pencils in class when I was bored without thinking about it. I even, um…”

Izzy cast her eyes away from his, an embarrassed glow around her. Joe quirked a brow.

“You even what?”

“I used to steal snacks and soda from vending items when no one was looking.”

Joe laughed. “You? Stealing?” He couldn’t imagine it. She seemed too innocent to even jaywalk or download music without buying it first.

She blushed. “Just promise me you won’t abuse your power like I did.”

“No promises.”

Izzy fixed him with a look, but Joe could tell she was trying not to smile. He couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Anyway,” she said, “before you begin to practice magic, there’s a bunch of reading and meditation you’re supposed to do... But that’s dull and boring, which is why we’re going to nix it. I believe you learn best by doing. So, I’ll have you start by moving the basketball.”

“Okay, and how do I do that?”

Her face screwed up in thought. “Hmm...”

She exhaled, the tension in her face fading away. Silently, she raised her hand and the basketball hovered in the air, surrounded by a transparent green aura. She spoke, her voice more controlled than he ever heard before, “I think of my arm extending beyond myself, changing shape, and surrounding the ball. I get this tiggly-wiggly tug in my gut—”

“Tiggly-wiggly?”

“Yes, hush. I can basically call on this feeling whenever I want; I channel it into exerting my will over things.”

She blinked and looked at him quizzically. “Am I making any sense?”

“I think so,” Joe said. “Let me try.”

Izzy lowered the basketball and the glowing stopped. Joe lifted his hand at the ball and stared at it, focusing on calling forth the “tiggly-wiggly” feeling for a moment then a minute. Sweat dripped down his temple. He concentrated, and concentrated…

“Do you remember the feeling?”

Joe jumped. Izzy covered her mouth to cough, but Joe knew she was laughing.

“Sorry. I was going to say when I first starting practicing, it was pretty… let’s say sporadic. My dad told me to close my eyes and focus on the sensation instead of the object and work outwards from there. That might help.”

Joe said okay and tried to do that.

He closed his eyes and tried to recall how it felt. He thought about the time his friends and his sister warped to ancient China. He remembered when Wang shot an arrow at Anna, how terrified he was when he thought he was about to lose her, his only option when he could get to her in time—

Joe gasped. “I felt it! I felt the tiggly-wiggly! …and I’m really glad no one was around to hear me say that.”

Izzy clapped her hand. “Do it again! You’re so close.”

Joe thought about the feeling again, and slowly, he was able to conjure it again. It traveled from his gut, up his arms, and to his hands. He opened his eyes and channeled it into making the ball…

“Iseray.”

A green aura surrounded the ball as it shakily rose into the air. He raised his arm and the ball hovered higher into the air above him.

Izzy cheered. “You did it!”

She hugged him, catching Joe off guard. He lost his concentration and dropped the ball… right on top of Izzy’s head.

“Ack!”

“Sorry!”

“I-it’s okay.” She beamed at him. “You did great.”

Over the next week, Joe spent some of his free time practicing levitating objects about the size of the basketball. Eventually, he could do it almost effortlessly and didn’t even need to speak any magic words.

Fred, Sam, and the girls were impressed at first, much to Joe’s amusement. For years now, they’ve been dismissive of his abilities as a magician and now he could do real magic. Their shocked reaction felt like a personal victory until he ruined it by showboating every chance he got and ruined the novelty of his new trick quickly. Next time, we wouldn’t wear out the freshness of the next new spell he’d learn.

Still, who could blame him, really?

The next Saturday afternoon, the four of them hung out at Ray’s Pizza. They crowded around the pinball table, watching Izzy beautifully fail at playing pinball. She frantically jabbed the buttons on the side hard enough to dent the machine over and over, but somehow the balls kept falling through.

Besides Joe, Fred leaned on the pinball machine and pounded the top of the glass as he laughed, rattling Sam’s plate and Joe’s cup. “How are you so bad at this?”

Izzy’s eyes squinted in focus and frustration. “I’ve never pinballed before. Am I doing something wrong?”

Across from Joe, Sam dabbed some grease off a piece of pepperoni pizza with a napkin and smirked. “Yeah, you actually have to hit the ball.”

Izzy’s brow furrowed. “Wait. I have to hit the ball?”

Joe laughed and cracked his knuckles. “Move aside, Iz. I’ll show you how it’s done.”

“Please,” Fred said, “you’re almost as bad as she is.”

“Wanna bet?”

“Sure. I like my odds.”

Joe was about to retort with the stakes of their bet when Sam interrupted, “Hey, isn’t that Anna?”

“Your sister?” Izzy perked up and looked over to where Sam was pointing. “When did she get here?”

Joe glanced at Anna out of the corner of his eye. She sat alone at a table on the far end of the room. Her back was turned to them, but Joe recognized her spiky hair and pastel sweater.

Fred placed his chin in his hands. “Didn’t your mom say she was at a birthday party or something? What’s she doing here?”

“You think she got kicked out again?” Sam asked.

Izzy frowned, concerned. “We should invite her over to hang out with us.”

Joe sipped from his soda. “Nah, I’m sure she’s fine. Ignore her and she won’t bother us.”

“Are you sure?” she insisted. “I wouldn’t want her to be— oh, cute! You didn’t tell me she has a boyfriend.”

“She doesn’t.”

Izzy pointed behind him. “Then who’s that guy?”

Joe turned. A boy with dark spiky hair, a ripped shirt from that rock band Anna liked, and baggy black jeans with enough chains to tie Anna to a railroad track walked to the table carrying two plates of pizza. He slid into the seat next to Anna and kissed her on the cheek.

Joe practically did a spit take in Sam’s direction.  

Sam jumped back. “Ah! Disgusting!”

Joe put his fingers to his lips. “Shh!”

“Hey, don’t shush me—”

“Shh!”

Sam looked incredulously at Fred. “He did it again.”

Joe glared at the two across the room. “Since when did she have a boyfriend? ”

“Your sister has a boyfriend. Big deal,” Fred said. “So, are we gonna do this thing or—”

Joe was already halfway down the restaurant, sneaking up on Anna and the mystery guy, occasionally hiding underneath tables and behind the Grecian columns when it looked like they were going to glance in his direction. He crouched behind the both the two shared and motioned for the three of them to join them.

Sam groaned. “Are we really going follow him?”

Evidently, yes. The three of the followed Joe to where he was hiding—not even bothering to sneak— and squatted next to him.

“You know,” Fred whispered, “stalking your sister was exactly how I wanted to spend my Saturday.”

“Isn’t this a breach of Anna’s privacy?” Sam asked.

“Please! All the times she’s breached my privacy?”

Anna was always spying on him or had her nose in his business.

“I’m not sure about this Joe,” Izzy said.

“I just want to check this guy out—”

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” a voice said above them, “but you know we can hear you, right?”

The four of them looked in the direction of the voice. The mystery guy and Anna looked down on them; him with a confused expression, her with a look of fear and annoyance.

Izzy waved. “Hello.”

Anna sneered at them. “What are you doing?”

“We’re being awful ninjas,” Fred said.

Joe stood and crossed his arms. “What do you think you’re up to?”

“Minding our own business.” Anna took a sip of her soda. “Maybe you should take a cue.”

Joe ignored Fred laughing next to him, and said, “You’re gonna be in so much trouble when we get home.”

“What’s with the angry dad routine?” Sam whispered to Fred and Izzy.

Joe rolled his eyes and was ready to refute Sam’s claim, when Anna said, “Can’t you leave us alone and give us since privacy?”

“I’m surprised you even know what that word means.”

Izzy put her hand on Joe’s arm. “C’mon. Let’s leave them alone.”

“Yeah, Joe,” Fred chimed in. “We still got pinball to play.”

The boy’s face lit up. “Oh, you’re the Joe I hear so much about.”

Anna blushed and nudged him. “Matty…”

Joe’s eye twitched. Matty?

Matty held out his hand to Joe and smiled. “Matthew Garcia. Nice to meet you. Anna’s told me a lot about…”

Joe glowered at him.

Sweat dripped down Matthew’s temple. “Uhhh…”

Izzy jumped in and shook his hand. “Hi Matthew, I’m Izzy. Ignore Joe, he’s cranky.”

“Hey!” Joe protested.

“Hi, Izzy. Why is your boyfriend so upset?”

She kept smiling but there was a blank look on her face like Mathew asked her a question in Spanish. “My wha…?”

Joe stepped forward. “She’s not my girlfriend and we’re going home. Come on, Anna.”

“You can’t just make me go home!” Anna said.

~*~

As soon as they were home, Joe busted Anna to their parents.

Izzy sat with Fred and Sam in Joe’s room while the two played some fantasy RPG video game they were engrossed in. As she watched them play, she couldn’t help but eavesdrop, picking up parts of Joe and Anna’s shouting match from the kitchen downstairs.

“This is so unfair,” Anna whined. “My life is none of your beeswax!

“You’re way too young to date, Anna,” Joe said.

“You’re not the boss of me! Besides, he was on a date, too.”

“Again, Izzy’s not my girlfriend! And even if she was out wouldn’t change anything.”

Izzy spun her earrings. “So, is this awkward, right? Am I’m reading this situation correctly?”

Fred didn’t peel his eyes from the screen. “Pretty much.”

Izzy felt somewhat responsible for this situation. If she hadn’t pointed out Matthew at the restaurant, then Joe wouldn’t have ruined their date. She didn’t get what he was so upset about. Granted, she would probably be protective of her younger sibling if she had one, but Matthew seemed nice enough, sweet even.

“I feel bad.”

“Don’t. They fight all the time. Wish they didn’t fight in the kitchen, though.”

Sam sighed. “Why don’t you carry snacks with you wherever you go?”

“Uh, because I eat them?”

“We should help them out,” Izzy said. “Siblings shouldn’t fight.”

Fred snorted. “Spoken like an only child.”

“How do you plan to do that anyway?” Sam asked.

Izzy wasn’t sure. She never had to be a moderator between two parties. She looked at the door, wishing there was something she could do to fix this situation.

~*~

“I bet you’re just mad I’m dating before you are!”

Joe’s ears burned at Anna’s accusation. “That’s ridiculous! I—”

“Kids. That’s enough.”

The sound of their father’s powerful voice was enough to get the two to stop arguing. They both simultaneously straighten and turned to face their parent.

The four of them were sitting around the kitchen table at their parent’s request. They sat across from them, with Anna scooted away from him.

“Joe,” his mother said. “We understand you’re worried about Anna, and your father and I can’t be happier that you’re concerned for her safety—”

Anna blew out an exasperated breath.

“—but we can handle her.”

“Yeah, Joe!”

“Don’t think you’re off the hook, young lady,” Dad said. “You’re still in trouble for not telling us about your boyfriend.”

Anna sulked in her chair. “Oh.”

Joe stopped himself from smirking if only because he knew if he did, he’d get that look from his mom.

“Your mother and I need to discuss whether we should let you continue seeing this Matthew boy or not—”

“What? But Dad, I—”

“And you’re grounded for a week for not telling us,” Mom finished.

Anna’s mouth hung open like she was in shocked, but nodded, sulking further into her seat.

At that, their parents kicked them out of the kitchen so they could talk. Once they were far enough away in the living room that their conversation was muffled, Anna spun on him, glowering at him so fiercely he stopped dead in his tracks.

“I know you’re jealous of me. It’s sad.”

“Tch. Get real. What’s to be jealous of? Your stuffed animal collection or your knowledge of celebrity birthdays?”

“It’s true! I get a boyfriend before you get a girlfriend. I get better grades than you do. I’m better at using The Book than you are—”

“Whoa! First of all, no you’re not—”

“I am! And I know you hate me for it. You hate me for everything.”

Joe froze, stunned silent.

She hugged herself and murmured, “The one time you pay attention to me and you go and ruin everything.”

“Anna, I don’t—”

“Stay out of my business and leave me alone, okay?”

Joe watched as she stormed up the stairs to her room, too stunned to move.

Anna thought he hated her?

Sure, he was being kind of tough on her, but only because he was worried about her. Didn’t Anna see that? It had to be more to it.

He thought about what she said about The Book. Admittedly, she was better at using it. Whenever she took it (without asking, of course. She never asked.) she’d would rarely, if ever, have trouble warping and she never lost it. It was his Book, but of course, she had to be better at using it than he was.

Joe kept The Book away from her whenever he could and would only begrudgingly bring her along with them on their warps if they were seeing the girls. Joe would be lying if he said he wasn’t jealous, but he never considered how it would affect how he treated her.

It wasn’t just The Book, now that he was thinking about it. He ignored her a lot and would exclude her from activities when Sam and Fred were over. Joe acted like he never wanted her to be around.

Of course Anna thought he hated her.

Joe rubbed his hands over his face and fell against the living room wall. He slid to the floor and when he looked back up, there was Izzy, standing frozen like a statue mid-step in a spot previously behind him and staring at him like a deer caught in headlights.

His face heated. “Were you—”

“I swear, I was coming back from the bathroom and I saw you two arguing and I froze and I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, I’m sorry!”

Her words ran together so fast, in another situation it would’ve been funny, but Joe just groaned and covered his face again, too embarrassed to look at her.

“Joe,” Izzy said softly, the wood creaking underneath her feet as she crept closer and knelt in front of him. “I’m sorry. Are you… are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Joe flattened out imaginary wrinkles in his jeans, avoiding eye contact with her. “I’m perfectly fine.”

“I see. This is your fine face, not your pouty face?”

“So what if it is?”

Izzy flinched and stared at the ground. He felt like a bigger jerk for snapping at her; yelling at Izzy was sort of like yelling at a bunny.

“Sorry, I’m sorry.” Joe sighed. “This whole thing with Anna is kind of upsetting.”

“Why?”

“She’s only thirteen and she’s dating some... well, you saw him!”

“He seemed nice,” she said. “You can’t judge someone completely by their looks.”

Joe rubbed the back of his neck. “I know, I know.”

“Maybe you should go talk to her.”

“Yeah, right. You saw how it went last time.”

“I mean with a nicer approach. Don’t go for the ‘Angry Dad’ approach.”

“Ha ha.”

Izzy nudged him. “I’m serious. If you handle this now, you’ll feel a lot better. I can even go with you if you want, for emotional support.”

She smiled reassuringly at Joe as he considered it. Despite everything, he did want to make amends. Izzy was a girl after all. Maybe she’d be a good mediator between the two.

“Alright.”

Joe trudged up the stair with Izzy in tow and stopped in front of Anna’s door. He reached to knock on the ajar door and hesitated. He looked to Izzy who gave him an encouraging smile. He knocked softly on the pink door. “Hey, Anna?”

No response. He knocked again, harder this time.

The door slowly swung open, revealing the room and Anna, who was sitting on her bed, flipping through pages of The Book.

Joe marched in, forgetting all about Izzy and his plans to apologize. “What are you doing?!”

Anna jumped and looked at them, staring at Joe like a toddler who was caught stealing cookies. “Oh, fart.”

“How did you steal The Book. Fred and Sam were in the room.”

“Oh, please. You know how they get when they play—hey!”

Joe grabbed The Book and tried to yank it out of her hands. “You have no right to be in my business!”

Anna pulled back on it. “You’re such a hypocrite! Besides, I’m trying to prove a point!”

They jerked The Book back and forth like a game of tug-o-war, trying to pull it out of the other’s hands.

Izzy unfroze herself from underneath the threshold and darted over to them. “Don’t fight, you two! We can—”

With a final tug, Joe wrenched The Book out of Anna’s hands and whacked Izzy in the face. Immediately, green mist pooled out of The Book entangling all three of them.

Anna’s scowl was visible past the fog. “Great! Look what you—”

And midsentence, the three of them were tossed through time.

~*~

The three of them landed on a speckled linoleum floor with a thud and an oof. Joe sat up and took a quick look around to make no one was trying to kill them in that instant. They were in a hallway across from bathrooms and a snack machine on one end. Classical music played overhead. There was a soft din of conversation from the other end of the hall turned off to the left leading to somewhere.

Where the heck where they? Did Anna mean to warp them to some random hallway?

He scowled at Anna as she stood. “Congrats, Anna. You sure proved you're better with The Book than me.”

She brushed some dust off her pants then put her hands on her hips. “How is this my fault? You were yanking The Book out of my hands!”

“Because it’s my Book!”

“Ugh…”

They both turned to see Izzy cupping her eye where Joe hit her, a pained look on her face.

“Izzy!” Joe cried. He completely forgot all about her, even after he hit her in the face. Joe helped her to the bench against the wall, ignoring Anna rolling her eyes. She mumbled something about going to the bathroom and left before Joe could say anything.

Joe turned back to Izzy. “I’m sorry I hit you.”

“It’s okay.” She forced an unconvincing smile. “You didn’t do it on purpose, and besides it doesn’t hurt that bad.”

It looked like it hurt that bad. There was a small bruise forming around her eye and she was squinting a bit.

“We should probably find you some ice or something.”

“Is there ice here?”

“I don’t even know where ‘here’ is.” Joe sighed and grumbled, “We wouldn’t even be here if you didn’t insist I say sorry.”

Izzy’s shoulders droop and she looked at the floor. “You’re right and I’m sorry, but I wanted to help. I hated to see you two fight.”

Joe softened begrudgingly. While he was still kind of upset at her, he also appreciated her efforts and the fact she cared enough to try. Before he could tell her so, Anna was back. She handed Izzy a wrapped ice cream sandwich.

“I got it for your eye,” she explained. “And a snack for later.”

Izzy looked at her, surprised but clearly grateful. “Thank you, Anna.”

Anna flashed her a grin. “Don’t mention it. Now, let’s find The Book and get out of here.”

“Where is here, anyway?” Joe asked.

Izzy shrugged. “One way to find out.”

The three of them walked to the end of the hallway until they came across a set of elevators, both with a down button. They agreed to go down it, starting at the bottom and working their way up if need be.

Anna nonchalantly glanced at Izzy as she punched the button. “So, Izzy, do you have any annoying siblings you wished would stay out of your business?”

Joe scoffed. “Really?”

“I’m an only child,” Izzy said.

“Must be nice.” Anna shot him a look.

“I don’t know. It’d be nice to have some company when my dad’s away instead of just me and my rabbits.”

“What about your mom?”

“She’s dead.”

Izzy’s eyes were distant and a little watery. Joe already knew, of course, but he still never knew how to respond when it was brought up. Izzy would probably deny it, but it made him feel like a crummy friend.

“How’d she die?” Anna asked.

“Seriously?” Joe hissed.

“What? I was just asking.” She turned to Izzy. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“It’s okay.”

She clenched her trembling free hand. “She… she died in a car accident when I was eleven.”

The elevator dinged and they went in awkward silence. Joe hit the button for the first floor, unable to think of what to say other than a lame, “I’m sorry.”

Izzy nodded absently like she didn’t really hear him. “Afterwards I was upset, I was devastated, but I remember my dad being a complete wreck when it happened. He disappeared the first time for two months.”

Joe frowned. “He just left you by yourself?”

“No, there was a lady taking care of me. I called her Aunty Em but she wasn’t really my aunt. I don’t know who she was. My dad was an orphan and my mom’s parents disowned her for practicing magic, so I don’t know them.”

Anna winced. “Harsh.”

“Who was aunty Em?” Joe asked.

“I don’t know. A friend of his, I guess, but I haven’t seen her before or since. And when I ask him, he dodges the subject.”

Anna held up a hand. “Wait, you said that was the first time he disappeared? It happened again after that?”

Izzy tensed like the question caught her off guard. She spun her earrings around and stared at the ground as if searching for something to say.

“…no,” she said slowly, then with forced assurance, “no, he hasn’t done it since.”

There was something she was hiding, but before either Joe or Anna could answer, the elevator dinged and opened. Izzy was the first one out.

Joe glanced at Anna and caught the look on her face. She noticed something was off, too, but wasn’t saying anything.

The two of them followed her out of the elevator and took in their surroundings.

Joe didn’t know where they warped to, but he wasn’t expecting to be looking at a huge glass wall at the end of a large room that overlooked parks and vaguely recognizable buildings. A spiral staircase in the center of the building led up to a third story floor. To the furthest left corner of the room was a gift shop, but everywhere else was art.

An abundance of paintings and sculptures of all various sizes, shapes, and colors surrounded them in every direction. It was almost overwhelming. Small clusters of people—a group of elderly people being led by a tour guide, a horde of middle schoolers in familiar maroon and gold uniforms gathered around the entrance, a few couples both with and without small children—gathered on every level to appreciate the art on display.

“Huh,” was Joe’s reaction. “We’re at some art museum. At least we’re in a place where no one will want to kill us.”

Izzy grinned and bounced around like a kid in the candy store. “I know this place! My parents took me here for my eleventh birthday. They had this beautiful sculpture made out of all these semiprecious stones and I—”

“Oh no…” Anna whined and pulled them by the arm under the staircase.

“What’s wrong?” Joe asked.

“It’s me.”

Joe was half tempted to say something slick, but the desire was squashed by the worried look on Anna’s face. She peeked behind the staircase at whatever they were hiding from and swore.

Joe and Izzy gave each other a confused glance and looked to see what she was so nervous about.

Izzy gasped. “Is that—”

“It’s you!” Joe whipped his head back at Anna.

“Yeah, that’s what I said.”

Among the crowd of middle schoolers, there was Anna, looking over the crowd of her peers as if searching for someone.

Anna moaned. “Why this day?”

“What’s wrong with this day?” Joe asked. “Did something happen?”

Her face went red. Anna crossed her arms and glowered at him, seemingly for no reason. “Let’s just not cross my path, okay?”

Joe wanted to ask her what her problem was, but he didn’t want to add that on top of their previous argument. He sighed. “Alright. It’s better if we don’t risk running into you.”

Her shoulders slouched, and she seemed to relax. “Right. So what’s the plan?”

“We should split up. We’ll find The Book a lot faster that way.”

Anna snorted. “Split up? It’s not Scooby Doo. I say we stick together.”

Joe clenched his jaw. “Why ask me the plan if you’re gonna come up with your own plan?”

“Why come up with a lame plan?”

Izzy stepped between the two of them, raising her hand not holding the ice cream bar up in surrender. “Why don’t we try it both ways?”

The two of them stopped glaring at each other and looked at her. She gulped and smiled weakly.

“We can start looking for The Book split up, then if we can’t find anything in twenty minutes, we’ll look together? Or, um…”

This was obviously a worse plan, and Joe could tell she knew that, too, just by looking at her, but Anna huffed and said, “Fine,” before heading towards the gift shop and keeping her face away from her past self.

And with that, the three of them went their separate ways in search for The Book.

[stephenmccull]

‘We’re Coming for You’: For Public Health Officials, a Year of Threats and Menace

[Editor’s note: This article contains strong language that readers might find offensive or disturbing.]

SANTA CRUZ COUNTY, Calif. — Dr. Gail Newel looks back on the past year and struggles to articulate exactly when the public bellows of frustration around her covid-related health orders morphed into something darker and more menacing.

Certainly, there was that Sunday afternoon in May, when protesters broke through the gates to her private hillside neighborhood, took up positions around her home, and sang “Gail to Jail,” a ritual they would repeat every Sunday for weeks.

This story also ran on This American Life. It can be republished for free.

Or the county Board of Supervisors meeting not long after, where a visibly agitated man waiting for his turn at the microphone suddenly lunged at her over a small partition, staring her down even as sheriff’s deputies flanked him and authorities cleared the room.

The letters, emails and cellphone calls that now number in the hundreds and inevitably open with “Bitch,” and make clear people know where she lives and wish her dead.

And that January meeting with Santa Cruz County Sheriff Jim Hart, after the vicious mob attack on the U.S. Capitol, when he recommended to a roomful of county officials that deputies do a threat assessment at each of their homes. Newel, who’d already been through the process, casually mentioned a New Year’s resolution to get more exercise and start walking to work. Absolutely not, Hart told her. She wasn’t walking anywhere without an escort.

Newel, 63, is the health officer in Santa Cruz County, a picturesque string of communities hugging California’s rugged Central Coast. In normal years, hers would be a largely invisible job that involves tracking measles outbreaks and STD infections, testing children for lead exposure, and alerting the public to tainted lettuce and unhealthy air. Covid has changed all that, in ways both expected and not. Newel, like health officials across the nation, has been thrust into an unwelcome spotlight and subjected to extreme scrutiny from politicians and the public over mask requirements, business closures and the extended interruption of travel and social gatherings.

Some of the dissent was understandable: the shocked response of residents asked to make unprecedented sacrifices during a time of great uncertainty. But in Santa Cruz and many other U.S. communities, legitimate debate has devolved into overt intimidation and threats of violence.

Public servants like Newel have become the face of government authority in the pandemic. And, in turn, they have become targets for the same loose-knit militia and white nationalist groups that stormed the U.S. Capitol in January, smashing windows, bloodying officers and savagely chanting “Hang Mike Pence.”

Over the course of a year, Newel and her boss, Santa Cruz County’s health services director, Mimi Hall, have seen their lives upended for reasons well beyond the exhausting workload that comes with battling a devastating pandemic. Their daily routines now incorporate security patrols, surveillance cameras and, in some cases, personal firearms.

They are public servants who no longer feel safe in public.

“When I do have days off, I don’t want to be out in the community. I’m intimidated to be out in the community,” Newel said. “I’m looking to see who might be close to me or to my car, who might be following me — looking to see if there’s any kind of situation that I might not be able to get out of or that might be dangerous to me in some way.”

***

Newel was born and raised in the city of Fresno in California’s Central Valley, a region known for industrial-scale farming and conservative politics. After completing degrees in medicine and public health, Newel returned home to work as an obstetrician. There, in addition to delivering hundreds of babies, she helped develop a lactation center, a program for pregnant women with substance abuse issues and a teen pregnancy program. After 30 years of “catching babies,” she’d planned to retire as a doctor’s wife in Santa Cruz, where her wife, also a physician, had taken a job.

The couple call themselves Central Valley refugees; they often felt unwelcome in Fresno County as a same-sex couple. With their adult children already out of the house, they bought a home in Santa Cruz and made plans to spend the rest of their lives there. Newel felt called to serve when the health officer in a neighboring county urged her to consider a second career in public health. She became Santa Cruz County’s health officer on July 1, 2019.

Newel developed an easy affinity with director Hall, who has the broader responsibility of managing all countywide medical, behavioral and environmental health programs. Hall, 53, was born in Myanmar, where her parents worked as doctors in a small hospital without running water or electricity. The family relocated to the U.S. when she was a young child. Hall has spent her entire adult life working in public health, the past 22 years in California county government. She worked in the heart of the Sierra Nevada before moving north to Plumas, a county bigger than Delaware but so sparsely populated that its county seat isn’t designated a city.

There, she said, she fought with elected officials who didn’t believe in her work. She said her children, among the few Asian Americans in Plumas, experienced racism and bullying. When Hall was hired by Santa Cruz County in 2018, she moved her husband and three kids to a seemingly bucolic home in the redwood forests of the Santa Cruz Mountains.

As health officer, Newel is part of a fraternity of greater Bay Area health officers who, since the early AIDS era, have met regularly to work on public health issues. Many of her local counterparts have deep knowledge of infectious diseases and, in the early days of the pandemic, she leaned on them heavily. In California, like many other states, every county is required to have a health officer. That person must have training in medicine, and, in emergencies, is granted broad authority to keep the public safe.

When Newel’s Bay Area counterparts issued the first sweeping stay-at-home orders in the nation on March 16, 2020, she was just hours behind in issuing one for Santa Cruz. It ordered most businesses to close and banned most travel and social gatherings. A few weeks later, in an effort to keep tourists away, she ordered the beaches closed as well.

It was a grueling time — both Newel and Hall went months without a real day off — but adrenaline-filled. They set up testing sites, organized data-tracking operations, coordinated with dozens of state and local groups on covid response and oversaw contact tracing for hundreds of cases.

And, as life-threatening pandemics go, they were off to a good start. Research suggests that lockdowns are most effective when initiated early, and that research is reflected in the Santa Cruz experience. Through June 2020, only a handful of people were diagnosed in Santa Cruz each week, and just two people had died from the virus in a county of 280,000, a fraction of the national death rate.

***

Santa Cruz County might seem an unlikely venue for menace. It’s known for its laid-back vibe and hippie communes. But it’s also a study in divergence: Multimillion-dollar estates are tucked into the Santa Cruz Mountains alongside the barricaded compounds of well-armed survivalists. Farmworkers tend to world-class strawberry fields in the southern part of the county alongside exclusive vacation rentals.

In the early months of the pandemic, the covid diagnoses mostly came from south county, among agricultural workers still tending crops and living in crowded housing. The complaints, however, were mostly from people in the wealthy beach communities, and out-of-towners deeply resentful of the highly publicized restrictions.

The pushback started with angry emails and voicemails, people who contested the beach closures, the intrusion on personal freedoms. But over time, it ventured further, into language that was personal and terrorizing. Newel remembers threatening letters that stated her address and the names of her children. Others included photographs of the front and back of her home from close range, and messages like “Look out; we’re coming for you.” The county clerk helped scrub her address from the internet.

Hall remembers obscene late-night phone calls, and a man who seemed to be casing her home. She took her cell number off her email signature.

Then came the Sunday protesters, who would surround Newel’s home with bullhorns and sirens blaring, their hostile rants making her — and, worse, her family — feel like hostages. “I’m willing to be a public servant, but I don’t think that includes having people trespass onto my private property,” she said. “I was quite worried for my family and for myself and our safety.”

Most local health officials in the U.S. are women and, as the pandemic wore on, the threats took on a clearly misogynistic tone. People used words like “bitch” and “cunt,” and made disturbing veers into sexually explicit references.

At a county Board of Supervisors meeting in late May, a young man, his voice thick with rage, accused Newel of ruining his life by closing the beaches. “You want me to stay inside, get fat, watch Netflix and masturbate?” The hearing was packed with people lobbying for a variance from state closure rules. As in previous meetings, people filmed Newel at close range. During the public comment period, they streamed to the microphone. Many removed their masks. People were visibly agitated, tapping feet, muttering swear words.

Then, a man started toward the mic, but made a beeline for Newel instead. Sheriff’s deputies surrounded him and whisked Newel and Hall out of the room, while a county executive evacuated the meeting. Feeling he could no longer ensure her safety, Sheriff Hart asked Newel to stop attending meetings in person.

In the days and weeks that followed, Hall, too, adopted new routines. She would leave work at 7 p.m., when the security guards ended their shift. On her way out of her office, she called her husband, staying on the phone with him until she was locked in her car. Once home, she checked the charge on the security cameras that provide a full-perimeter view of her home and greeted her dog, who works double time as family member and security detail.

Still, she didn’t know what to make of it all. “You’re not sure — is it really dangerous? You feel this feeling of, well, maybe we’re overreacting, you know?” Hall said.

***

Many of the people expressing the most vicious anger over the past year have histories of anti-government sentiment. There are the white supremacists, and groups with adopted militia names. The “sovereign citizens,” who view themselves as governed only by their own interpretations of common law. The people who oppose any government mandates to be vaccinated.

Still, things accelerated during the collision of Donald Trump’s presidency with the pandemic.

Membership in right-wing, white supremacist, anti-government and anti-vaccine groups was on the rise before 2020, under a Trump presidency seen as sympathetic to such ideologies and facilitated by the use of social media to draw in new adherents.

Then came the pandemic, which stranded people in their homes and transformed screens into their primary social gateways. Across chatrooms and websites, folks converged online to share grievances about perceived threats to personal freedoms. They found common cause in rebelling against closures and mask mandates and rallying around Trump. Groups that had previously protested vaccine requirements adopted militia language and imagery. Militias began organizing against health orders, and their tactics were adopted by yet more newly organized groups that formed online.

On April 17, Trump used his favored platform, Twitter, to send a series of calls to “LIBERATE MINNESOTA!” Then to “LIBERATE MICHIGAN!” and “LIBERATE VIRGINIA, and save your great 2nd Amendment. It is under siege!”

It set off a cascade of repercussions for health officials. Thousands of Facebook pages sprung up to organize against stay-at-home orders.

“They just erupted in rage at the lockdowns. [Trump] immediately undercut the credibility of public health officials,” said Heidi Beirich, co-founder of the Global Project Against Hate and Extremism and an expert on militia and white nationalist organizations. “He turned the public health sector into liars and enemies of his supporters.”

Public health is inherently not an individualistic endeavor. It’s the science of improving the health of populations, and more often than not, those improvements are of a collective nature. To bring down rates of smoking, we’ve taxed cigarettes and restricted where people can smoke. Workplaces were made safer through regulations limiting exposure to toxic materials and risky machinery. Infectious diseases are slowed to a crawl through vaccination requirements.

I never thought in my career that I would see professionals, doctors being threatened for doing their job.

Santa Cruz County Sheriff Jim Hart

It’s not surprising that health officials would become the recipients of the backlash associated with anti-government ideologies, said Jason Blazakis, director of the Center on Terrorism, Extremism and Counterterrorism at the Middlebury Institute of International Studies in Monterey. But the country hasn’t reckoned with how covid disinformation is animating those threats.

By the end of May, health leaders across the nation were quitting in droves. In California alone, eight public health officials had left top posts, including Orange County’s public health officer, Dr. Nichole Quick, who’d been given a security detail before she resigned. These were people with extensive training in public health, but also people with deep relationships in the community, the kind of expertise you can’t gain in school.

Just up the coast from Santa Cruz, the health officer for Santa Clara County, Dr. Sara Cody, was receiving so many credible threats by spring 2020 that she and her family were given 24-hour security details. A series of threatening letters were particularly disturbing. They were suspected of coming from the same anonymous author because of sentence structure, but also their “misogynistic content … and clear anti-government position,” a sheriff’s report said. One said: “You are fucking so many for no reason … you will pay a heavy price for your stupidity bitch.” Another read: “You must go no matter how you go … you stupid fucking bitch.”

Santa Clara’s sheriff’s office began investigating.

***

Sheriff Hart grew up in Santa Cruz and has been with the department for 33 years. It’s a rustic place without a lot of serious crime. Hart was aware of some members of white supremacist groups in the mountains, but largely considered them benign carryovers from a previous era. “I would always take threats, especially to myself and to some of our staff, with a grain of salt,” Hart said. “We’re in law enforcement; some people don’t like us. I get that.”

June 6, 2020, changed his thinking.

Seven months to the day before the siege on the U.S. Capitol, on a warm Saturday afternoon, a 911 call came into the sheriff’s office. A suspicious-looking van was parked on the side of a road in the mountain town of Boulder Creek, the caller said, and it matched the description of a van used in a drive-by shooting a week earlier in Oakland, when a federal security officer was killed during a Black Lives Matter protest.

Using the vehicle identification number to determine the owner of the van, Santa Cruz sheriff’s deputies made their way to his home, which was just up the road from Hall’s. There, a violent ambush unfolded.

According to law enforcement reports, Steven Carrillo, an active-duty Air Force sergeant, shot at officers with a homemade AR-15-style rifle and threw at least one explosive. He fled, hitting an officer with a car. Driving the backroads, he carjacked at least one person. The brutal episode came to an end when Carrillo was tackled by a young man while attempting to steal another vehicle.

Sgt. Damon Gutzwiller, 38, was fatally shot in the ambush, the first member of Santa Cruz County law enforcement to die on the job since 1983.

Authorities have since tied Carrillo to an active state faction of the Boogaloo Bois, a secretive and decentralized anti-government movement. Unlike many of the groups pushing back against public health measures over the past year, they are expressly anti-cop. One of their stated goals has been to infiltrate Black Lives Matter protests and cause violence that will be blamed on the left, to incite a civil war. Carrillo has since pleaded not guilty to multiple charges of murder in the Santa Cruz and Oakland attacks.

Hall immediately took down the signs from her fence celebrating her daughter’s graduation and declaring Black Lives Matter — anything that identified them — and installed more security cameras. “I started wondering, Who around me thinks this way? And how close are they?” Hall said.

Newel had a similar response: “Until that time, the threats seemed like nothing but threats. Like, oh, people might say these horrible things to me, but they’re not going to act on them. And then that one action completely changed how I thought about my community.”

Hart was devastated. He had known Gutzwiller since the deputy was a teenager. Before that day, Hart said, he realized that right-wing ideology existed but didn’t understand the level of cold-blooded commitment. He started rethinking the threats to Hall and Newel. “I never thought in my career that I would see professionals, doctors being threatened for doing their job. It’s been mind-boggling to me,” said Hart.

A month later, Hall received a chilling letter containing references to the Boogaloo movement. It began with “Hey, CUNT,” threatened her family and wished her a slow death. Similar letters had been sent to Sgt. Gutzwiller’s widow and the sheriff’s department.

Hart’s department put out a bulletin to other law enforcement, including details of the letters and information about the man they suspected might have sent them. In neighboring Santa Clara, the sheriff’s department noticed similarities to the string of letters their own health officer had been receiving since April.

When the suspect left work midday to mail yet another anonymous letter to Cody, a Santa Clara County sheriff’s deputy was tailing him, according to court records. The suspect, Alan Viarengo, was arrested and charged with felony stalking and harassment of a public figure related to the letters to Cody; he has pleaded not guilty. Detectives searched his Gilroy home and found more than 130 firearms, thousands of rounds of ammunition and materials to build explosives, according to law enforcement reports.

As the criminal case moved forward, Hart suggested that, in addition to security systems, the women acquire firearms. Hall’s husband came home with a shotgun. For Newel, who holds pacifist beliefs, it wasn’t an option. “I wouldn’t ever have a gun in my home,” she said.

That same month, adherents of a sovereign citizens movement the FBI characterizes as extremist and a form of domestic terrorism went to Newel’s home and served her “papers” claiming she’d broken the law. The same group, irate that Santa Cruz Police Chief Andrew Mills had supported Newel’s closure orders and mask mandates, left papers inside his home, on his bedroom pillow, according to law enforcement.

Throughout these episodes, Newel and Hall were still responding to the pandemic. Even as fires raged through the mountains, forcing them to evacuate their homes. Even as they were placed on furlough to make up for budget shortfalls.

When you ask Newel and Hall about the effects of living amid so much bile and unease, both say they are not ruled by fear. But they also describe sleepless nights when their spouses are out of town, and both have withdrawn from the community. Hall stopped joining her children’s school events on Zoom, afraid other parents would recognize her, and goes to the grocery store incognito, beneath a hat and messy ponytail. Newel just doesn’t go out much at all.

Since last April, 22 top health officials have left their posts in California. In December, just as vaccines were arriving, Hall seriously considered resigning. She’d gained 30 pounds and started taking blood pressure medication. She was bringing her laptop into bed every night and not spending enough time with family. Her children wanted her to quit. “There were days I just felt like, I can’t do this. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t get up tomorrow morning. I was mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted.”

She has stayed, not because she thinks things will necessarily get better, but because quitting wouldn’t make her life easier. It’d just teach people that if they’re loud enough and mean enough they can get what they want. If she had learned anything from her refugee parents, it was that she could go on, and so she must. “It’s not the idea that everything will turn out fine. It is that no matter what, you can survive this,” she said.

As for Newel, she said she’ll stick the job out because she’s stubborn that way. But she and her wife have rethought their retirement plans. “If we don’t feel comfortable being out in the community, or if we’re afraid to live here, we’re not going to want to stay,” she said. “And that’s something of a heartbreak.

This story was done as a collaboration between KHN and “This American Life.” Listen to the companion audio story here.

This story was produced by KHN, which publishes California Healthline, an editorially independent service of the California Health Care Foundation.

KHN (Kaiser Health News) is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues. Together with Policy Analysis and Polling, KHN is one of the three major operating programs at KFF (Kaiser Family Foundation). KFF is an endowed nonprofit organization providing information on health issues to the nation.

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This story can be republished for free (details).

‘We’re Coming for You’: For Public Health Officials, a Year of Threats and Menace published first on https://smartdrinkingweb.weebly.com/

[gordonwilliamsweb]

‘We’re Coming for You’: For Public Health Officials, a Year of Threats and Menace

[Editor’s note: This article contains strong language that readers might find offensive or disturbing.]

SANTA CRUZ COUNTY, Calif. — Dr. Gail Newel looks back on the past year and struggles to articulate exactly when the public bellows of frustration around her covid-related health orders morphed into something darker and more menacing.

Certainly, there was that Sunday afternoon in May, when protesters broke through the gates to her private hillside neighborhood, took up positions around her home, and sang “Gail to Jail,” a ritual they would repeat every Sunday for weeks.

This story also ran on This American Life. It can be republished for free.

Or the county Board of Supervisors meeting not long after, where a visibly agitated man waiting for his turn at the microphone suddenly lunged at her over a small partition, staring her down even as sheriff’s deputies flanked him and authorities cleared the room.

The letters, emails and cellphone calls that now number in the hundreds and inevitably open with “Bitch,” and make clear people know where she lives and wish her dead.

And that January meeting with Santa Cruz County Sheriff Jim Hart, after the vicious mob attack on the U.S. Capitol, when he recommended to a roomful of county officials that deputies do a threat assessment at each of their homes. Newel, who’d already been through the process, casually mentioned a New Year’s resolution to get more exercise and start walking to work. Absolutely not, Hart told her. She wasn’t walking anywhere without an escort.

Newel, 63, is the health officer in Santa Cruz County, a picturesque string of communities hugging California’s rugged Central Coast. In normal years, hers would be a largely invisible job that involves tracking measles outbreaks and STD infections, testing children for lead exposure, and alerting the public to tainted lettuce and unhealthy air. Covid has changed all that, in ways both expected and not. Newel, like health officials across the nation, has been thrust into an unwelcome spotlight and subjected to extreme scrutiny from politicians and the public over mask requirements, business closures and the extended interruption of travel and social gatherings.

Some of the dissent was understandable: the shocked response of residents asked to make unprecedented sacrifices during a time of great uncertainty. But in Santa Cruz and many other U.S. communities, legitimate debate has devolved into overt intimidation and threats of violence.

Public servants like Newel have become the face of government authority in the pandemic. And, in turn, they have become targets for the same loose-knit militia and white nationalist groups that stormed the U.S. Capitol in January, smashing windows, bloodying officers and savagely chanting “Hang Mike Pence.”

Over the course of a year, Newel and her boss, Santa Cruz County’s health services director, Mimi Hall, have seen their lives upended for reasons well beyond the exhausting workload that comes with battling a devastating pandemic. Their daily routines now incorporate security patrols, surveillance cameras and, in some cases, personal firearms.

They are public servants who no longer feel safe in public.

“When I do have days off, I don’t want to be out in the community. I’m intimidated to be out in the community,” Newel said. “I’m looking to see who might be close to me or to my car, who might be following me — looking to see if there’s any kind of situation that I might not be able to get out of or that might be dangerous to me in some way.”

***

Newel was born and raised in the city of Fresno in California’s Central Valley, a region known for industrial-scale farming and conservative politics. After completing degrees in medicine and public health, Newel returned home to work as an obstetrician. There, in addition to delivering hundreds of babies, she helped develop a lactation center, a program for pregnant women with substance abuse issues and a teen pregnancy program. After 30 years of “catching babies,” she’d planned to retire as a doctor’s wife in Santa Cruz, where her wife, also a physician, had taken a job.

The couple call themselves Central Valley refugees; they often felt unwelcome in Fresno County as a same-sex couple. With their adult children already out of the house, they bought a home in Santa Cruz and made plans to spend the rest of their lives there. Newel felt called to serve when the health officer in a neighboring county urged her to consider a second career in public health. She became Santa Cruz County’s health officer on July 1, 2019.

Newel developed an easy affinity with director Hall, who has the broader responsibility of managing all countywide medical, behavioral and environmental health programs. Hall, 53, was born in Myanmar, where her parents worked as doctors in a small hospital without running water or electricity. The family relocated to the U.S. when she was a young child. Hall has spent her entire adult life working in public health, the past 22 years in California county government. She worked in the heart of the Sierra Nevada before moving north to Plumas, a county bigger than Delaware but so sparsely populated that its county seat isn’t designated a city.

There, she said, she fought with elected officials who didn’t believe in her work. She said her children, among the few Asian Americans in Plumas, experienced racism and bullying. When Hall was hired by Santa Cruz County in 2018, she moved her husband and three kids to a seemingly bucolic home in the redwood forests of the Santa Cruz Mountains.

As health officer, Newel is part of a fraternity of greater Bay Area health officers who, since the early AIDS era, have met regularly to work on public health issues. Many of her local counterparts have deep knowledge of infectious diseases and, in the early days of the pandemic, she leaned on them heavily. In California, like many other states, every county is required to have a health officer. That person must have training in medicine, and, in emergencies, is granted broad authority to keep the public safe.

When Newel’s Bay Area counterparts issued the first sweeping stay-at-home orders in the nation on March 16, 2020, she was just hours behind in issuing one for Santa Cruz. It ordered most businesses to close and banned most travel and social gatherings. A few weeks later, in an effort to keep tourists away, she ordered the beaches closed as well.

It was a grueling time — both Newel and Hall went months without a real day off — but adrenaline-filled. They set up testing sites, organized data-tracking operations, coordinated with dozens of state and local groups on covid response and oversaw contact tracing for hundreds of cases.

And, as life-threatening pandemics go, they were off to a good start. Research suggests that lockdowns are most effective when initiated early, and that research is reflected in the Santa Cruz experience. Through June 2020, only a handful of people were diagnosed in Santa Cruz each week, and just two people had died from the virus in a county of 280,000, a fraction of the national death rate.

***

Santa Cruz County might seem an unlikely venue for menace. It’s known for its laid-back vibe and hippie communes. But it’s also a study in divergence: Multimillion-dollar estates are tucked into the Santa Cruz Mountains alongside the barricaded compounds of well-armed survivalists. Farmworkers tend to world-class strawberry fields in the southern part of the county alongside exclusive vacation rentals.

In the early months of the pandemic, the covid diagnoses mostly came from south county, among agricultural workers still tending crops and living in crowded housing. The complaints, however, were mostly from people in the wealthy beach communities, and out-of-towners deeply resentful of the highly publicized restrictions.

The pushback started with angry emails and voicemails, people who contested the beach closures, the intrusion on personal freedoms. But over time, it ventured further, into language that was personal and terrorizing. Newel remembers threatening letters that stated her address and the names of her children. Others included photographs of the front and back of her home from close range, and messages like “Look out; we’re coming for you.” The county clerk helped scrub her address from the internet.

Hall remembers obscene late-night phone calls, and a man who seemed to be casing her home. She took her cell number off her email signature.

Then came the Sunday protesters, who would surround Newel’s home with bullhorns and sirens blaring, their hostile rants making her — and, worse, her family — feel like hostages. “I’m willing to be a public servant, but I don’t think that includes having people trespass onto my private property,” she said. “I was quite worried for my family and for myself and our safety.”

Most local health officials in the U.S. are women and, as the pandemic wore on, the threats took on a clearly misogynistic tone. People used words like “bitch” and “cunt,” and made disturbing veers into sexually explicit references.

At a county Board of Supervisors meeting in late May, a young man, his voice thick with rage, accused Newel of ruining his life by closing the beaches. “You want me to stay inside, get fat, watch Netflix and masturbate?” The hearing was packed with people lobbying for a variance from state closure rules. As in previous meetings, people filmed Newel at close range. During the public comment period, they streamed to the microphone. Many removed their masks. People were visibly agitated, tapping feet, muttering swear words.

Then, a man started toward the mic, but made a beeline for Newel instead. Sheriff’s deputies surrounded him and whisked Newel and Hall out of the room, while a county executive evacuated the meeting. Feeling he could no longer ensure her safety, Sheriff Hart asked Newel to stop attending meetings in person.

In the days and weeks that followed, Hall, too, adopted new routines. She would leave work at 7 p.m., when the security guards ended their shift. On her way out of her office, she called her husband, staying on the phone with him until she was locked in her car. Once home, she checked the charge on the security cameras that provide a full-perimeter view of her home and greeted her dog, who works double time as family member and security detail.

Still, she didn’t know what to make of it all. “You’re not sure — is it really dangerous? You feel this feeling of, well, maybe we’re overreacting, you know?” Hall said.

***

Many of the people expressing the most vicious anger over the past year have histories of anti-government sentiment. There are the white supremacists, and groups with adopted militia names. The “sovereign citizens,” who view themselves as governed only by their own interpretations of common law. The people who oppose any government mandates to be vaccinated.

Still, things accelerated during the collision of Donald Trump’s presidency with the pandemic.

Membership in right-wing, white supremacist, anti-government and anti-vaccine groups was on the rise before 2020, under a Trump presidency seen as sympathetic to such ideologies and facilitated by the use of social media to draw in new adherents.

Then came the pandemic, which stranded people in their homes and transformed screens into their primary social gateways. Across chatrooms and websites, folks converged online to share grievances about perceived threats to personal freedoms. They found common cause in rebelling against closures and mask mandates and rallying around Trump. Groups that had previously protested vaccine requirements adopted militia language and imagery. Militias began organizing against health orders, and their tactics were adopted by yet more newly organized groups that formed online.

On April 17, Trump used his favored platform, Twitter, to send a series of calls to “LIBERATE MINNESOTA!” Then to “LIBERATE MICHIGAN!” and “LIBERATE VIRGINIA, and save your great 2nd Amendment. It is under siege!”

It set off a cascade of repercussions for health officials. Thousands of Facebook pages sprung up to organize against stay-at-home orders.

“They just erupted in rage at the lockdowns. [Trump] immediately undercut the credibility of public health officials,” said Heidi Beirich, co-founder of the Global Project Against Hate and Extremism and an expert on militia and white nationalist organizations. “He turned the public health sector into liars and enemies of his supporters.”

Public health is inherently not an individualistic endeavor. It’s the science of improving the health of populations, and more often than not, those improvements are of a collective nature. To bring down rates of smoking, we’ve taxed cigarettes and restricted where people can smoke. Workplaces were made safer through regulations limiting exposure to toxic materials and risky machinery. Infectious diseases are slowed to a crawl through vaccination requirements.

I never thought in my career that I would see professionals, doctors being threatened for doing their job.

Santa Cruz County Sheriff Jim Hart

It’s not surprising that health officials would become the recipients of the backlash associated with anti-government ideologies, said Jason Blazakis, director of the Center on Terrorism, Extremism and Counterterrorism at the Middlebury Institute of International Studies in Monterey. But the country hasn’t reckoned with how covid disinformation is animating those threats.

By the end of May, health leaders across the nation were quitting in droves. In California alone, eight public health officials had left top posts, including Orange County’s public health officer, Dr. Nichole Quick, who’d been given a security detail before she resigned. These were people with extensive training in public health, but also people with deep relationships in the community, the kind of expertise you can’t gain in school.

Just up the coast from Santa Cruz, the health officer for Santa Clara County, Dr. Sara Cody, was receiving so many credible threats by spring 2020 that she and her family were given 24-hour security details. A series of threatening letters were particularly disturbing. They were suspected of coming from the same anonymous author because of sentence structure, but also their “misogynistic content … and clear anti-government position,” a sheriff’s report said. One said: “You are fucking so many for no reason … you will pay a heavy price for your stupidity bitch.” Another read: “You must go no matter how you go … you stupid fucking bitch.”

Santa Clara’s sheriff’s office began investigating.

***

Sheriff Hart grew up in Santa Cruz and has been with the department for 33 years. It’s a rustic place without a lot of serious crime. Hart was aware of some members of white supremacist groups in the mountains, but largely considered them benign carryovers from a previous era. “I would always take threats, especially to myself and to some of our staff, with a grain of salt,” Hart said. “We’re in law enforcement; some people don’t like us. I get that.”

June 6, 2020, changed his thinking.

Seven months to the day before the siege on the U.S. Capitol, on a warm Saturday afternoon, a 911 call came into the sheriff’s office. A suspicious-looking van was parked on the side of a road in the mountain town of Boulder Creek, the caller said, and it matched the description of a van used in a drive-by shooting a week earlier in Oakland, when a federal security officer was killed during a Black Lives Matter protest.

Using the vehicle identification number to determine the owner of the van, Santa Cruz sheriff’s deputies made their way to his home, which was just up the road from Hall’s. There, a violent ambush unfolded.

According to law enforcement reports, Steven Carrillo, an active-duty Air Force sergeant, shot at officers with a homemade AR-15-style rifle and threw at least one explosive. He fled, hitting an officer with a car. Driving the backroads, he carjacked at least one person. The brutal episode came to an end when Carrillo was tackled by a young man while attempting to steal another vehicle.

Sgt. Damon Gutzwiller, 38, was fatally shot in the ambush, the first member of Santa Cruz County law enforcement to die on the job since 1983.

Authorities have since tied Carrillo to an active state faction of the Boogaloo Bois, a secretive and decentralized anti-government movement. Unlike many of the groups pushing back against public health measures over the past year, they are expressly anti-cop. One of their stated goals has been to infiltrate Black Lives Matter protests and cause violence that will be blamed on the left, to incite a civil war. Carrillo has since pleaded not guilty to multiple charges of murder in the Santa Cruz and Oakland attacks.

Hall immediately took down the signs from her fence celebrating her daughter’s graduation and declaring Black Lives Matter — anything that identified them — and installed more security cameras. “I started wondering, Who around me thinks this way? And how close are they?” Hall said.

Newel had a similar response: “Until that time, the threats seemed like nothing but threats. Like, oh, people might say these horrible things to me, but they’re not going to act on them. And then that one action completely changed how I thought about my community.”

Hart was devastated. He had known Gutzwiller since the deputy was a teenager. Before that day, Hart said, he realized that right-wing ideology existed but didn’t understand the level of cold-blooded commitment. He started rethinking the threats to Hall and Newel. “I never thought in my career that I would see professionals, doctors being threatened for doing their job. It’s been mind-boggling to me,” said Hart.

A month later, Hall received a chilling letter containing references to the Boogaloo movement. It began with “Hey, CUNT,” threatened her family and wished her a slow death. Similar letters had been sent to Sgt. Gutzwiller’s widow and the sheriff’s department.

Hart’s department put out a bulletin to other law enforcement, including details of the letters and information about the man they suspected might have sent them. In neighboring Santa Clara, the sheriff’s department noticed similarities to the string of letters their own health officer had been receiving since April.

When the suspect left work midday to mail yet another anonymous letter to Cody, a Santa Clara County sheriff’s deputy was tailing him, according to court records. The suspect, Alan Viarengo, was arrested and charged with felony stalking and harassment of a public figure related to the letters to Cody; he has pleaded not guilty. Detectives searched his Gilroy home and found more than 130 firearms, thousands of rounds of ammunition and materials to build explosives, according to law enforcement reports.

As the criminal case moved forward, Hart suggested that, in addition to security systems, the women acquire firearms. Hall’s husband came home with a shotgun. For Newel, who holds pacifist beliefs, it wasn’t an option. “I wouldn’t ever have a gun in my home,” she said.

That same month, adherents of a sovereign citizens movement the FBI characterizes as extremist and a form of domestic terrorism went to Newel’s home and served her “papers” claiming she’d broken the law. The same group, irate that Santa Cruz Police Chief Andrew Mills had supported Newel’s closure orders and mask mandates, left papers inside his home, on his bedroom pillow, according to law enforcement.

Throughout these episodes, Newel and Hall were still responding to the pandemic. Even as fires raged through the mountains, forcing them to evacuate their homes. Even as they were placed on furlough to make up for budget shortfalls.

When you ask Newel and Hall about the effects of living amid so much bile and unease, both say they are not ruled by fear. But they also describe sleepless nights when their spouses are out of town, and both have withdrawn from the community. Hall stopped joining her children’s school events on Zoom, afraid other parents would recognize her, and goes to the grocery store incognito, beneath a hat and messy ponytail. Newel just doesn’t go out much at all.

Since last April, 22 top health officials have left their posts in California. In December, just as vaccines were arriving, Hall seriously considered resigning. She’d gained 30 pounds and started taking blood pressure medication. She was bringing her laptop into bed every night and not spending enough time with family. Her children wanted her to quit. “There were days I just felt like, I can’t do this. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t get up tomorrow morning. I was mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted.”

She has stayed, not because she thinks things will necessarily get better, but because quitting wouldn’t make her life easier. It’d just teach people that if they’re loud enough and mean enough they can get what they want. If she had learned anything from her refugee parents, it was that she could go on, and so she must. “It’s not the idea that everything will turn out fine. It is that no matter what, you can survive this,” she said.

As for Newel, she said she’ll stick the job out because she’s stubborn that way. But she and her wife have rethought their retirement plans. “If we don’t feel comfortable being out in the community, or if we’re afraid to live here, we’re not going to want to stay,” she said. “And that’s something of a heartbreak.

This story was done as a collaboration between KHN and “This American Life.” Listen to the companion audio story here.

This story was produced by KHN, which publishes California Healthline, an editorially independent service of the California Health Care Foundation.

KHN (Kaiser Health News) is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues. Together with Policy Analysis and Polling, KHN is one of the three major operating programs at KFF (Kaiser Family Foundation). KFF is an endowed nonprofit organization providing information on health issues to the nation.

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‘We’re Coming for You’: For Public Health Officials, a Year of Threats and Menace published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/

[phipitology]

A lousy person guides to: ditching fast food and eat out

This is a portrait of the only KFC branch in the city of Beppu. It is quite fascinating to find a quirky western building in front of a railway, with no other big shop and restaurant besides it.

When I was a kid I didn’t like going to restaurants because I was an extreme picky eater. If I went to KFC, I would buy the chicken and eat only the crispy skin, and give the meat to my dad. Weird huh? My mom never fails to nudge me to quit being picky (even until this day when I eat a lot) and starting adolescence I started to digest meats and some veggies & fruits.

I am thankful with that unfortunate event though. Because I grew up not being addicted to junk food and at most I used to eat junk food twice or once a week. However, during my life abroad, junk food has become more of a comfort food. Since they are tasty, affordable, and accessible in most places, junk foods  usually become a first choice if you are a broke college student-traveler.  

Back in Warsaw, it takes me two weeks to finally give up eating something authentic and went to the mall like locals. The go-to mall is Wilenski, just 5 minutes walk from my apartment. It is a decent mall where we can find what we need, but not for leisure kind of mall. But what’s more than enough is they have the unholy trinity of BK, KFC, and MCD right next to each other in the third-floor food court (not to mention they have a salad shop right in front of the unholy trinity. oh the audacity). 

The thing about going someplace outside your hometown is that you want to try  everything. Doesn’t matter how daring the idea is, like travel to Norway a day after your long flight from Indonesia to Poland, or how silly it is like taking the midnight bus to Prague by yourself on a Christmas eve, but you got to do it because it will be a remarkable story of yours.

The first menu that I tried was the single menu (I think it’s what its called?), a box with one original chicken, some nugget bites, and fries. I can put the Europe’s (at least Polish and Czech are) KFC has the best chicken. The flavor is rich (unlike the Japanese ones) and super juicy (Indonesian chicken are super dry and too spicy for me. Not to mention the wings, it was holy. When I’m craving, I can only eat a bucket of KFC by myself for a day meal........  or in my worst day I can eat a bucket of wings in one sitting while bingeing That 70′s Show. 

Wow what a sin.

In retrospect, KFC is always the first choice (though my roommate and I would interchangeably being a supportive angle to avoid junk food or an evil to drag each other into the sin. We can be a different side of the same coin, depends on the situation) because it is super convenient. Not only it is located in the route going back home, but they have a self-service machine so we can avoid human contact. 

The first thing that I noticed breathing in Warsaw was that I have become more self conscious as an Asian. Especially in the Central and East Europe, it feels super alienating. Even though I lived in a big city, there aren’t much POC (especially in my neighborhood, Targowa, located on the other side of Vistula river and used to be a slum), and as my first time going away by myself across the continent as a 20 year old lady, I feel small. The least human contact, the better because it means less hustle to try to speak Polish (yes most of them still have difficulty with English) and it feels like we are unnoticed. Even though I’ve never experience racism directly towards me, but as an insecure human being, you can’t help but think of that.

I’m happy to be back here in Jakarta. I can eat whatever and whenever I want without thinking three times whether I have enough money or whether I have the energy to move my ass through the cold wind or to cook. The convenience and the variety of cuisines here are crazy, It is probably what I admire the most of my country. 

I’m not good with routines, but being at home makes it easier to stick with some routines with the support of family. Right now, I am grateful that I can eat more vegetables than I am before when I’m living on my own because I have a house-assistant to make sure that I eat properly, and she will cook delicious food for the house. Currently I want to eat more salad (frankly, as a picky person, I only enjoy few veggies (only baby spinach) and dressing (caesar is my get go). But today I enjoy a big portion of Gado - Gado (lol this going to be sounds pathetic but it’s my first time to ate it by myself because I don’t like having too many vegetables on my plate).

I’m trying to eat more vegetable, less meat, and suppress the need to buy meals from outside. I want to be more conscious with what I eat and improve my cooking skills, but it’s hard when you have less appetite. From here I think it’s gonna be much harder to keep up with my routine, as my uni is almost starting, and I’m not sure how I can cope with things.

[theblazingonix-blog]

The Chosen and their Chakras

So my friend @aiko-isari and several others have been writing about Tri 5: Symbosis/Coexistence ever since it came out a few days ago. I am having fun reading these and how so many people’s theories are coming together to make understanding of the events of the movie and series in general. I have long since been thinking up my own theories for Digimon for years, but most of them have either been debunked or are things me and Aiko have talked about for the past few years we’ve talked and she’s already mentioning some of them. So I want to go with something I’ve been thinking of for the past few months instead to add to this discussion. It’s probably gonna be too long to put in one part so bear with me. I will be putting my sources for all of the information for this theory at the end of each post. I also want to warn that I am going to mostly use dub names so if you have issue with that, I’m sorry. Just replace the dub names with the originals in your head. Not much I can do other than suggest that, I’m not gonna rewrite this entire thing with only the original Japanese names.

What’s my theory about? Simple. The Seven Chakras and how they influence the Chosen Children and their crests.

Now, I know what some people are thinking. “Chakra!? What does Naruto have anything to do with Digimon!?” Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Naruto’s Chakra is more akin to Chi which is also another fascinating thing, but this isn’t a theory that has to do with that.

The Seven Chakras are something very popular in the Eastern countries they originated in. The concept Zenlama.com describes as: “The word ‘chakra’ is derived from the sanskrit word meaning ‘wheel’. Literally translated from the Hindi it means ‘Wheel of spinning Energy’. A chakra is like a whirling, vortex-like, powerhouse of energy. Within our bodies, you have seven of these major energy centres and many more minor ones. You can think of chakras as invisible, rechargeable batteries.

They are charged and recharged through contact with the stream of cosmic energy in the atmosphere in much the same way that your home is connected to a central power source within a city – the only difference is that this cosmic energy source is free.

Imagine this, a vertical power current rather like a fluorescent tube that runs up and down the spine, from the top of the head to the base of the spine. Think of this as your main source of energy. The seven major chakras are in the centre of the body and are aligned with this vertical “power line. ”

Chakras connect your spiritual bodies to your physical one.

They regulate the flow of energy throughout the electrical network (meridians) that runs through the physical body. The body’s electrical system resembles the wiring in a house. It allows electrical current to be sent to every part, and it is ready for use when needed.

Sometimes chakras become blocked because of stress, emotional or physical problems. If the body’s ‘energy system’ can not flow freely it is likely that problems will occur. The consequence of irregular energy flow may result in physical illness and discomfort or a sense of being mentally and emotionally out of balance.”

Due to the Gnostic and subtle spiritual themes Digimon has had over the years I believe this makes sense. After all, due to being produced by an Eastern country who has embraced things like Buddhism and Taoism and such, I believe this might have influenced the creators of the series when they started bringing such concepts as the Crests into the picture. I believe in a lot of ways the Crests represent and mirror the Seven Chakras, and how said Chakras might be influencing the characters, their personalities, their actions and the entire plots of the movies, anime and games they’ve been in. So in in other words, I will be calling this: The Chosen and their Chakras Part 1: Naval Oranges

Now that that overly long intro is out of the way, I bet the first thing you’re gonna say is “But Onix, there are more than seven crests! There are like nine canonically, and eleven if you count the crest toys of Miracles and Destiny that Bandai released!”

You wouldn’t be wrong. There are certainly more than seven crests while there are only seven Chakras. However, and this is important, but once upon a time there were only seven. Kari wasn’t even meant to be a Chosen Child early on, but after Tai went home they decided it would be neat to include her, I suppose. So her Crest of Light was born. And to be perfectly honest, that particular crest fits in more than Joe’s, or at least seems too. Even if I will give reasons why his fits in too in a certain area. Also, keep in mind that while the kids technically own the singular crest, all of the traits of the crests are in each of them. They all have that trait, only they have one that’s stronger. As we will come to find out, this will make them all right messes when we get down to it. Now, moving on to the theory.

So, I think I should start this out by also bringing up Color Symbolism. It really fits in with this so bear with me.

Colors are a big thing in Japanese and other Asian cultures. Colors have a wide range of traits, even ones that fit the personality of characters in stories. I will only mention only the colors that pertain to the first eight crests, though if people want I can mention what the colors mean for the three later crests as well. I will not be including all their traits here because, again, it will get too big. I will most likely go into depth in their own parts.

For the start, we’ll be going with Orange as it’s the first Crest (Courage) found. This color is a vibrant one, usually symbolizing energy, enthusiasm, balance and the demanding of attention. It is also warmth, flamboyant and expansive. From another source it is the color of social communication and optimism, which are rather positive. Its negative traits also include pessimism and superficiality. I think this all describes Tai to a T. Especially during the Etemon and Dark Masters arcs, in 02 and more so in Tri. Also when it comes to his Chakra tied to this color as well, which is the second – the Sacral or Navel Chakra. Zenlama.com describes this Chakras as: “Its colour is orange and it is located between the base of your spine and your navel. It is associated with your lower abdomen, kidneys, bladder, circulatory system and your reproductive organs and glands. It is concerned with emotion. This chakra represents desire, pleasure, sexuality, procreation and creativity. Blockage may manifest as emotional problems, compulsive or obsessive behaviour and sexual guilt.” While it focuses more on sexual things than Digimon will likely ever go, some of these are rather telling for Tai as a character. He’s had emotional problems, especially regarding his sister and all of the problems he is now facing in Tri, which are problems he faced as a child trying to save the world only in a different, more mature way. Also, as a character, he desires for the simpler days of such youth, where he eventually became self-assured that things would be better as long as he worked for them. And, of course, there is the compulsive and obsessive behaviors. We all know how compulsive he was in Adventure, with overfeeding Agumon to give him the energy to evolve and trying to force it in the fight with the evil Greymon. And then in the pyramid when he thought nothing mattered to them in the Digital World due to them being made up of data in it. And of course, his obsessive behavior in keeping Kari safe and trying to help as many people as he can. You can say he grew out of this too, but that’s the thing about growing up. Sometimes bad habits can still crop up again.

It all fits rather interestingly, especially with his later job as a diplomat, which Tri has been beautifully showing his eventual lead down that path. It also explains a lot of his past actions too, especially the one that happened in Tri 5.

So, that’s part one done. I’m pretty sure there’s more I can go into, but as I am admittedly a layman when it comes to the Seven Chakras and Color Symbolism, I doubt I’ll be able to articulate much more on Orange, Navels and Tai. Not bad for a first true post though, huh? The next part of this theory will come out in a few days. It will be called Red Roots. Looking forward to it? I certainly am. :)

Sources: https://www.zenlama.com/the-7-chakras-a-beginners-guide-to-your-energy-system/ https://www.incredibleart.org/lessons/middle/color2.htm

[jolligang]

Blog #7: Rich Brian’s Immigration Story

Brian Imanuel, who goes by Rich Brian, is an Indonesian-born rapper. He taught himself English through social media, which sparked his interests in American culture. When he came to America, he thought he knew America like the back of his hand through what he saw on the internet but still experienced some culture shock. 

The rapper explained that among the friends he made on the internet through Twitter and other social media platforms in his teen years, he was one of the few Asians in the circle at the time and his early experiences on the web were dotted with racist comments. He says he managed to tune out most of the negative remarks, but he still struggled and sometimes internalized the comments that categorized Asians as a monolithic, nerdy, math whiz trope.

“There were times I’d post a picture of myself and people would make stereotypical jokes and Asian jokes and that would happen all the time. There have been times where I feel like, ‘Damn I don’t feel like I’m one of the cool kids and I want to be part of the cool kids’ … It’s a real thing that I went through and a lot of people go through.”

He uses certain opportunities to take a deeper dive into these themes as it’s a topic that’s central to his story. While immigration is often viewed through the lens of partisan politics, the rapper says people “don’t think about the actual stories and experiences that we go through. That made me want to touch on that topic a lot more and I wanted people to get to know me better as an artist, as a person. This was my life experience and I’m the kind of artist who, I want to be more personal. I’m taking the more personal and more vivid and more inspirational and motivational route.”

He didn’t always agree with being described as an “Asian rapper,” he’s come around to the label as he feels his music could help show those outside the community the depth to the racial group. In the beginning of his career, he didn’t want to be called Asian, because he didn’t want to be boxed into that label, but now, he is proud to be Asian as long as people are willing to listen to his music with an open perspective

[bastardtravel]

November 17, 2017. Istanbul, Turkey.

When I was a hood rat fresh out of high school, all combat boots and band shirts and tongue ring, I tempered my aggro hypervigilance by one-shotting it through every Zen book that Barnes and Noble had, and shoplifting those that required further examination. We called it “heistin'”. To the untrained eye, these may seem like diametrically opposed ideals, but the beauty of Zen is its comfort with contradiction. Keep pressing me and I’ll show you the sound of one hand clapping.

When trawling the gutter got stale, I ran the gates out of my hometown like all those pop-punk singers claimed they would. Difference is, I did it. Another difference is, I’m not a statutory rapist. I got a couple degrees and a big kid job and lost all the ways I used to vent the constant high thrum of anxious madness building in my skull. The adrenaline rushes of creepin’ and heistin’ and scrappin’ and breaking everything in this room were gone. I was a goddamn therapist! And when you lose one wing, the center can’t hold. My Zen dropped away just as surely, leaving me a tension battery.

Well, now that I’m on the road and enfolded in a perpetuity of chaos, it seemed like time to get it back. One side of the scale isn’t empty anymore. Let’s balance this bitch.

Couldn’t have chosen a better place to recalibrate. Istanbul is a vortex of spastic activity.

It was a two mile walk from my hostel to the Hagia Sophia, which would compel most to take a train, but I’m inherently distrustful of trains. Especially those with timetables in a language I don’t speak. Besides, walking is still honest.

okay good start

I made my way to the bridge that spanned the Bosphorous inlet. It was filthy with humans. Rule 1, the Slide-Up, but they were all much too distracted with the views of the river and Old City. The guardrail was lined by fishermen, all of whom seemed to be doing pretty well for themselves. The gallon jug full of fish especially blew my mind. So tidy and space efficient!

  I was watching the fisherman drop deposit another little fish in the jug like sliding a coin into a piggy bank when I heard a familiar voice say (mercifully, in English), “Hey, what’s going on!”

My boy Canada, from the hostel back in Athens, was coming the other way across the bridge. Big continent, small world. We caught up briefly, talking about the happenings of our past few days.

“Have you tried the taxis yet?” he asked.

“I avoid them like the plague,” I said. “Haven’t used one since I got to Europe.”

“Good call. I got ripped off by one coming from the bus station. I’d been on a plane all day, then on a 2 hour bus, and I just wanted to get to my hostel, so I call a cab. I got in and he kept saying, “Traffic is bad, so we’ll take a shortcut”.  I kept telling him, “No, just take me the normal way”. Then he turns the meter on and I see it jumping up and up and up, and I say, “Forget it”, and I go to get out of the car. He starts saying he’ll give me the ride for 55 lira.”

(that’s about $14).

“So I count out my money — I have a 50 and a 5 in my hand, I looked at them — then I give it to him. He takes it, turns away, puts it in the little money pouch, then turns back and says, “Oh, you gave me two 5’s.” I said I didn’t, and then he demanded another 50, and I told him no, and he started yelling in Turkish so I said “Fuck this” and got out, walked the rest of the way. Like, you hear about it, but I’ve never had it happen to me, you know?”

“Yeah, I hear that.”

“You eat any of the food yet?” he asked.

“Naw. I drank too much beer in Greece, so I’m laying off the calories until I feel less squishy and useless.”

He shook his head. “Be careful, man. I got in and ate a doner, one of those kebab gyro things? I was fine until I woke up at 4 AM and just threw up in the hostel bathroom for like an hour.”

“Oof. I heard that kinda thing about the tap water,” I said.

“I’ve been drinking bottled. It was definitely the food. I’ve been eating McDonalds ever since. It’s not like Greece, man.”

He certainly had that right. We made plans to meet up the next day and I continued toward the capitol of three or four empires that had historically changed hands like a game of Hot Potato.

Let me say this for Old City: It is the most defensible place I’ve ever been. The hills are insanely steep, the streets ridiculously narrow. It’s difficult not to imagine how you could funnel footmen into an ambush, or trap them on unfavorable ground.

I approached the Hagia Sophia and got an ambush of my own in the form of a cloying little Kurdish man in a used car salesman jacket. He shook my hand, told me about his family and how American half of them are, gave me a guided tour while insisting he wasn’t a tour guide and “it’s all for free!”

He would not leave me alone.

“Here, I take you to the line!” he said. He guided me toward it.

“Thanks, but I was gonna sit for a second.”

“I sit with you!” he said, and did, offering me a cigarette that I refused. His face was twisted around a central point like a Picasso painting and his cauliflower ear was badly infected. Two red flags for a career brawler. I was twenty years his junior and had fifty pounds on him, but that’s still not how I wanted to spend my afternoon.

After he told me his extended family tree and how much he loved Manhattan, he bought a ticket from a scalper with a minimum of words exchanged and rushed me through the entry line. I paid him the 40 lira to him after he pointed the price out on the sign. “See? Is 40! Is 40!”

My bullshit detector was wailing like a siren. They’re in cahoots. Why are they in cahoots?

“Very old building,” he began, scanning himself through the gate with a ticket of his own and gesturing at the Hagia Sophia. “Very old, much history. Seat of many empires!” He started rattling off numbers.

“Listen,” I said, “I don’t mean to insult you, but why are you doing all this for me?”

“Is free! I’m not a tour guide!”

“Are you sure? This seems a lot like a guided tour.”

“I have a gift shop, just down that dark sketchy alley,” he said. “Maybe after, I take you there, give you business card, maybe I sell you a scarf or some jewelry.”

“I appreciate the offer,” I said, “But I really prefer to wander on my own. Tell you what, how about you give me the address and I’ll swing by after I’m done here.”

“No, no, no!” he said. “Is fine, is fine! I go through with you, then I take you there.”

“You don’t have to do that,” I said. “I’d like to see it alone. Why don’t you just give me a business card?”

“I don’t have them with me.”

I squinted at him.

“You don’t carry your business cards with you?”

“They are at the store. I’ll wait for you at the exit, then I show you!”

“You don’t have to do that, but sincerely, thanks for all your help. Teşekkür ederim,” I said, then ghosted into the old mosque.

It was enormous and beautiful, but much less gaudy than the places of worship I’d come to expect from my experiences in Rome and the Vatican. It felt ancient, enduring, less concerned with all the religious fripperies. It was closer to a fortress than a palace, and closer to a palace than a temple.

I took off my Wanderhut and threw a curve into my spine, pulling my shoulders down and dropping into lockstep with the tall Asian man ahead of me. I saw my friend with the checkered coat, but he didn’t see me. I got a reasonable distance away then dropped the Peter Lorre act and headed around the fountain, toward the Blue Mosque.

I got turned away at the door by a serious looking man in a nice coat.

“My friend,” he said, and the hackles went up. “It is prayer right now, you cannot enter the mosque.”

“That’s all right,” I said.

“Perhaps you are hungry? I have a shop just around the corner, do you prefer spices or Turkish delight?”

“I’ve never had either,” I said. “Thanks anyway though, but I have to go.”

“Where are you from?”

“United States,” I said, walking away as he started to talk about his cousins in the United States.

“Where are you going!” he called after me. “I take you to my shop, free samples!”

“I’m really all right,” I yelled back. “Gotta meet somebody, thanks anyway.”

“Don’t you trust me?!”

This gave me legitimate pause. I stopped walking for a second to process this question. Granted, it was obviously a ploy intended to make me feel guilty — barking up the wrong tree on that one, bud — but more to the point, why the hell would I trust him? What reason has he given me? A punctuated summary of his fictional family tree? A limp handshake and an invitation to literally take free candy from a stranger?

“It’s not looking great,” I told him, and then faded into the crowd, bound for the Great Bazaar.

To be continued, beautiful readers.

Love,

The Bastard

Istanbul, Turkey: Zen and the Eye of the Storm November 17, 2017. Istanbul, Turkey. When I was a hood rat fresh out of high school, all combat boots and band shirts and tongue ring, I tempered my aggro hypervigilance by one-shotting it through every Zen book that Barnes and Noble had, and shoplifting those that required further examination.

[mileheitcity-blog]

Field Trips in Amsterdam

The first week in Amsterdam was filled with field trips around the city.  We made our first stop on June 25 to a Food Forest on the other side of town.  I found the very concept of a Food Forest intriguing.  P Patches and other urban gardens are quite common around many major American cities. Many years ago, during my days with the Boys and Girls Club back in Denver, we did numerous summer activities at one of the local organic gardens in town.  It was quite valuable for the kids, all of whom lived in the heart of one of Denver’s Food Deserts.  The only grocery store in the neighborhood was the Dollar Tree, which had no fresh produce or really any other truly nutritious foods, so these urban gardens were somewhat of a lifeline for these kids.  This Food Forest, though, was an entirely different animal.  Built into an old schoolhouse, the Forest makes use of plants that grow naturally in the Netherlands, instead of intentionally planted like at garden. It’s naturally, and strictly maintained.  A greenhouse takes care of plants that need more heat or sunlight.  All of the pathways at the Forest are natural as well, adding to the natural feel of the entire idea. Everyone who comes to the Food Forest puts in some work as well, which reminded me of Israel’s kibbutzim, or commune farms.  Everyone partakes in the labor there, and all wealth generated at a kibbutz is shared.  After we all spent time learning and working, we got to share some of the mint tea and lemon couscous made with ingredients freshly picked by classmates, a nice cap to an extremely hot and sticky day by Dutch standards.  It was, in a sense, like organized foraging.  This particular concept could work in some American cities to alleviate stresses caused in food deserts, but does require some natural foliage to exist.  Cities like Seattle, Portland, or Minneapolis might be able to make use of mild summers, while cities like Atlanta or Charlotte could make use of a lengthy growing season and abundant flowering plants.  Cities like Phoenix, Denver, or Salt Lake City might struggle without a natural tree canopy, but could still perhaps find other ways to grow food-producing plants that naturally thrive in a more arid environment. While they are not producing for commercial purposes, a concept such as this could do wonders where fresh food is otherwise scarce.

On June 26, we visited the Tropenmuseum, or the Museum of the Tropics.  In the museum’s great hall a curator explained that museum was once a celebration of Dutch colonial riches from Indonesia and Suriname, formerly the Dutch East Indies and Dutch Guyana respectively, but now the museum makes great effort to acknowledge the true colonial legacy of brutality and slavery. The bottom floor of the museum is a temporary exhibition dedicated to the diversity of all peoples entitled “What Makes Us Special”. The exhibit does a great job of displaying differing religions, music, styles of clothing, and the ripple effects of cultural appropriation. The second floor is the beating heart of the museum: permanent exhibitions on Indonesia and Suriname. The exhibit is, compared to other exhibits in the United States, unflinching and uncompromising.  Slavery and exploitation are openly discussed, and the people affected are deeply humanized. For example: they are referred to as “slaves”, but as “enslaved people”, as their condition of servitude does not define them or strip them of their humanity, but instead was forced upon them by others.  The writers and curators do not shy away from clearly stating how an item was received and go to great lengths to acknowledge the people these items came from. I knew very little about the country of Suriname before going to this museum, so that whole section was also quite educational for me.  The Surinamese people went through great struggle to gain and maintain both their freedom from slavery and their independence, and the exhibit does a wonderful job of showing their struggle. The Indonesian exhibit is equally as impressive and respectful towards the Indonesian people.  Their treasures are tactfully displayed with honesty and acknowledgment. The differences in the Asian and American colonial legacies are also highlighted.  This exhibit alone makes the museum worth the entry fee.  I cannot picture a similar museum in the United States, or any other colonial power, being so frank and honest about its own role. It was really quite refreshing. Upstairs from the Surinamese and Indonesian exhibits were two more temporary exhibitions: a highlight of the hajj (the Muslim pilgrimage to Mecca as required by their religion) and of modern Japan.  I found the exhibit on the hajj very powerful and inspiring.  While I’m not Muslim myself, the relationship of pilgrimage, of place, and of spirituality crosses numerous religious boundaries.  For me, I felt the same about my trip to the Western Wall in Jerusalem back in high school.  For others, it might be the Church of the Holy Sepulchre or Varanasi.  The exhibit truly humanizes those who much of the Western World has decided to dehumanize and set aside as an enemy. I learned more about the hajj than I ever knew before, and am definitely inspired to learn more about this tradition.  The exhibit on Modern Japan was fun, but more of an emotional fulfillment than truly educational.  I got to geek out on some of my favorite franchises and movies: Sonic the Hedgehog, Akira, Street Fighter, and many others.  Overall, the museum was a really neat experience: honest, frank, self-aware.  It’s an experience I hope to have in the United States one day.

Our next stop after the Tropenmuseum was the OBA, or the Amsterdam Central Library.  The first thing I noticed when I walked in was how clean, well-used, and integrated into the city the library is.  When we got inside, we were shown some of the details of the place and how the Dutch have made their library so warm and inviting for everyone. The children’s section is set apart from the rest of the library on a sunken floor, allowing extra space for young ones to make a little bit of noise and ruckus.  The kids even have age-appropriate interior decorations, including a large doll house filled with knitted mice, and their own maker space where an art teacher might help them release a little creative energy. Upstairs is even better for the adults: a café on the second floor and a cafeteria with a view on the seventh floor humanizes the patrons somewhat and encourages users to stick around in the library a little while longer, the shelves are easy to navigate and well organized with good signage, books and media are separated onto different floors to avoid confusion, and they have a dedicated spaces for job training for anyone who needs it, Dutch language immersion for ex-pats and refugees, a wide array of periodicals, comfortable seating to both lounge and study, and of course, fast and reliable free WiFi delivered on a one-month free pass for guests. For locals, the WiFi is included with their membership fees.  Unlike libraries in the United States the OBA does charge a yearly membership fee for their services.  At first, as a class we were somewhat taken aback. But seeing the OBA in action it started to make sense. Because each patron has a financial stake, they seem to take better care of the space they occupy. The membership fees also allow them a much larger budget than most American libraries, and they can truly cater to those who pay.  The fees are not cheap at 40 Euro per year, but are still low enough to be affordable for most Amsterdammers.  The membership fee also allows them the flexibility not to charge late fees, which is essentially unheard of in the United States.  In the States, it’s assumed that you won’t bring your materials back on time without the threat of some kind of financial penalty. But at the OBA, the patrons are already buying in, literally, so they feel a stronger responsibility to return their materials on time and in good working order.  They don’t seem to have too much trouble with people keeping materials.  Overall, the effects of true user buy-in are easy to spot in such a place.  The very idea of listening to people who use the library and innovating it in such a way in the States seems far-fetched, but here in Amsterdam they’re miles ahead.  

The next day, on June 27, we visited the Van Gogh Museum.  While I found the exhibition halls themselves somewhat crowded and a little bit underwhelming, their adaptations to accommodate blind and disabled visitors are truly revolutionary. The museum curators do a great job of highlighting the textural elements of Vincent Van Gogh’s work to build tactile three-dimensional models that provide a multi-sensory experience.  A scale model of Van Gogh’s “Bedroom” even comes complete with all of Van Gogh’s favorite accessories like tobacco and absinthe.  The model is identical to his painting, right down to the decorations on the “wall” and the placement of Van Gogh’s clothing.  Blind folks and people with other forms of sensory problems can often find a museum a deeply unwelcome space.  Traditional art museums, in particular, are often the least accessible: everything is completely consumed visually.  Touching the works is usually not only frowned upon but in many cases outright prohibited. Viewers are expected to be quiet and move through galleries with extreme care.  Interactive exhibits are almost completely non-existent.  Access to the space itself is often limited to abled people, or least people who walk without the assistance of a White Cane or a wheelchair.  But this is completely the opposite: they’re bringing an immersive art museum to people who otherwise wouldn’t find the space accessible. Even as a sighted person (with my contacts in of course), I found the entire experience illuminating. If I were indeed blind, I would be ecstatic that there were an art museum I could attend and feel welcome, feel that I could actually interact with the paintings as everyone else can.  They also had a completed tactile experience of Van Gogh’s “Sunflowers” that allowed the user to smell the eponymous flowers Van Gogh so eloquently paints. I do wonder how this might work in North America, as our painters generally use different techniques than Van Gogh, but immersion still might be possible: audio clips and narrations of Roy Liechtenstein’s pop art works for example, or tactile scale models of “American Gothic”. All told, while I found the rest of the museum itself less impressive than the Tropenmuseum, the tactile experience of Van Gogh’s paintings might have been my favorite field trip element so far. 

Our final stop for the week was a walking tour of the Amsterdam Street Art Museum.  This museum makes very inventive use of existing structures and spaces to enhance the displayed artwork. Much to our chagrin as librarians, archivists, and preservationists, we were all stunned that each piece of artwork was going to disappear within five years of its installation. The artists commissioned for this museum put together some truly unique and beautiful work, and they have to do it quite quickly and efficiently.  Their studio is literally the street. The museum coordinators do a great job of integrating their vision directly into the community much of the art serves, as well as digitizing the collection for posterity.  I was definitely struck by the fleeting, mobile, and almost overlooked style of this museum.  If we were not on a tour of each work, I would have merely assumed it was just a popular place for some amazingly detailed graffiti and a few large murals on brick.  The art itself is very well-integrated into the neighborhood: it looks like it belongs there.  Commissioned artists do a really great job of utilizing existing surfaces and locations as part of their art installation: towering brick walls, small concrete cornerstones, unused doorways, utility boxes, even a bike storage bin.  This is easily a concept that could do well in the United States where street art is quite common and local communities are often looking to find ways to prevent people from tagging blank spaces and turning them into eyesores.  I also found the idea of a tour itself to be rather immersive: in order to see the art you had to physically interact with the neighborhood as an organism, you had to walk through the well-worn paths and interact with the people who lived there.  It wasn’t just modern spray paint art in a giant hall, it was literally art on the street.  The museum was not perfect: perhaps a guide map or some signs pointing you in the right direction if you wanted to take a self-guided tour, but overall it was a really cool experience.  The artwork was fantastic.  Also I think our friendly host may have admitted to knowing who Banksy is, or at least he insinuated it when he dropped the name in reference to one of the more prominent artists along our walk.  But that’s a story for another time...

Our first week was a whirlwind of field trips, museums, art, food, and culture.  This is a vibrant city with a lot to offer, and the heritage sector in the States could learn more than a thing or two from the way the Dutch have innovated. Food Forests could feed communities without access to grocery stores or fresh produce.  The public library can do its part to generate more buy-in from users and create a more welcoming and inviting experience for everyone. History museums can finally start reckoning with and addressing the darker side of colonialism and capitalism. Art museums can adapt their space and their works to become a part of a neighborhood and accessible to all.  Truly revolutionary and innovative. 

Next week: eh, who knows, probably more field trips maybe? Maybe some of the smaller differences between the Netherlands and the States? Or day-to-day life in the Netherlands? Maybe a museum tour of the ones I visited on my own? Like I said, who knows, next week’s topic TBA