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f1a1w1n · 20 days ago

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No, you don't

Part 7

Summary: Drunk confessions.

Warnings: none

Authors note:

Heyyy... hey... how ya'll doin?

omg guess who's back? I has someone request for some more angst like ages ago and I never got around to it (so sorry) and I couldn't find their request so whoever you are this is for you *gives you a sloppy forehead kiss* BUT I will eventually get around to whatever u request so...

Enjoy

‘Kreeds kavern for kanacious kanacoids and other members of the galaxy’

That's what the sign for the pub said. So so so many ‘k’s.

The loud rumbling of chatter, glasses clinking, and music pumping from the speakers cast an ambience over the bar. I nurse a short drink of some amber liquid - whatever it is, it drowns the sound of droid fighting out. I wave the bartender over, a sour look comes over his face as he grumbles over.

“Hey, could I get another-” Before I can finish my sentence, the bartender slams down a whole bottle on the counter. “Okay thanks…”

We decided to stay in the bar longer - we, as in mainly Poe. I swirl the liquid around in my glass as I glance over at Poe. He’s decided to take the most socially conversational seat in the house, i.e. the furthest seat from me. On the other side of the bar. Alone.

I place down my drink. “Ready to go?” I semi yell over the chatter of the room. His eyes barely flick towards me, he smirks and says, “Why? Can’t handle drinking sweetheart?” He shakes his head and down another shot of some hard liquor.

It's sad really.

“Okay that’s enough.” I hop off my bar stool and meander over to Poe’s side of the bar, bottle in hand. “Drunk enough to tell me what’s going on?”

“Not nearly enough.” Poe half laughs as he snatches the bottle out of my hand and pours himself a shot.

“Okay buddy.” I pry the bottle from Poe’s warm fingers. He peers up at me with big brown glossy eyes. His hair sticks to his forehead, he smiles half heartedly.

“What are you doing? You’re messing up our whole dynamic. We’re supposed to hate each other enthusiastically, remember? How am I supposed to hate you when you’re drunk? That gives you an advantage.” I say.

“It gives me an advantage.” Poe repeats, hiccuping on the last word.

“Yes.” I say.

“Who said I hate you?” Poe straightens and stands up, looking down on me. He crosses his arms, flexing his forearm muscles.

“Seriously? Your whole vibe,” I laugh. “From day one you’ve quite literally treated me like the gum on the bottom of your shoe. You wouldn’t let me save Rey, you wouldn’t even talk to me, you didn’t even want to go on this mission!”

Poe frowns, but lets me talk.

“You’d rather run cargo than escort me to a desert planet,” I sit on the bar stool, taking a swig of my drink. “And you’ve made yourself very very drunk - to drown my presence out I imagine.”

Poe sits back down. “I don’t hate you.”

I scoff. “Yeah right.” I grin through the rim of my drink. “In case you forgot, you called me ‘sith equivalent’.”

Poe groans and slumps forward on the table. “I didn’t mean that.”

He’s a horrible liar.

“Oh, I think you did.” I say, fighting back the anger rising in my voice. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks, and suddenly the bar was too stuffy.

Suddenly, Poe grabs me by the elbow and drags me to a dark corner of the pub, behind two sandy pillars plastered in posters. “What?-” I protest.

He angles his body in front of me. Inescapable. His dark eyes lower to mine and I can feel the heat radiating from him. A thin layer of sweat sticks to his forehead, as his glassy eyes stick to mine. “I don’t hate you.” His eyes bore into mine and he refuses to release his grip on my elbow. I can’t escape him, but I can escape his piercing gaze. I turn my eyes anywhere, everywhere except for his face. Poe murmurs my name quietly. “I don’t hate you.”

I look down. “Let go please.”. My voice cracks softly, threatening to express emotion. Not here I think, not in front of him!

Poe’s face crumples into some expression - whatever it is I can’t read it, or more likely I don’t want to. I can’t look at him, I can’t stand him.

I tear my elbow from his grip and run up the stairs. I run up the stairs and burst open the doors. Warm fresh air hits my face. The night sky of Jakku, a rich shade of dark blue.

Maybe I should just stay here.

I’m caught up in my thoughts.

I hate Poe.

No, you don’t.

I hate him, I hate him so much. I hate his wandering eyes, I hate how confident he is. I hate the way I feel around him. I hate that he hates me, and I hate that I hate him. And now he’s telling me he doesn’t hate me?

I’m just gonna get through this mission and I’ll steal a starfighter or something. Leave Rey, leave Finn, leave the rebellion alone, and most importantly leave Poe. I don’t care, it's not my fight in the first place. My fight was before my time and I’ve already paid for it, with something that wasn’t my choice.

I tighten my scarf around my head and make for the exit of the markets, then suddenly, a cold strong hand grips my arm.

Poe? I think foolishly.

I look up. White armour. The armour that makes your skin crawl. The armour that makes you cower. Before I can react, more hands grasp me and I can’t move.

The force you idiot.

But before I can do that, a sharp pain sticks me in the side of the neck. I see a stormtrooper pull away with a long thin needle. My head goes foggy, thoughts swirling like sticky honey, and the one person I can think about as my eyelids droop?

Poe.

Masterlist

If you want to be tagged, or recommend anything, fill this out.

@kingtwhiddleston @lovepeaceorelse @hunitweet @spderm4n @angie2274 @coffeesimp @capedcods@kurtsmellsliketeenspiritt @just3rowsing @nuwanda-greaser @nightmonkeysstuff @Jeong-uwu

#rey skywalker #poe dameron #poe dameron fanfiction #star wars #poe dameron x reader

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itmeblog · 1 year ago

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THERE WAS LITERALLY NOTHING STOPPING ME FROM WRITING FAN FIC ABOUT MY OWN SHIT!!

FUCKING NOTHING!!!!

(Maybe because I created this world it's canon now? But that is 1001% not my concern nor my problem)

Nova was alive. The pulse that ripped between her temples and settled angrily behind her eyes informed her as much.

She groaned, reaching in vain for memories from the night before. There were flashes: a bar, a party, another bar, a man, possibly a third bar and then…nothing. The rest of the night was ash and dust. She reached out for the glass SAWA should have left on her night stand and knocked something over sending shards of pain dancing in the space between her eyes.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” She ground her face into the pillow. It smelled of something sweet, herbs the people on this planet used to keep pests away.

“Fuck.”

Please be a hotel.

She couldn’t take another morning of awkwardly running into the members of a family of someone she could only vaguely remember.

Nova gathered what pieces of herself she could manage. Her mouth was dry, her head was attempting a revolt from her neck, and spending the morning retching in whatever passed for a toilet here seemed a half-decent idea. It only got worse as she sat up.

The room was sparse, just a bed really. Her clothes were strewn across the floor, mixed with an outfit Nova didn’t recognize, all sequins and scarves. A screen sat nestled into the far wall and flickered silently through a morning report, a perky looking reporter sang the GU’s praises in the subtitles that scrolled across the bottom.

A hotel room.

Thank God.

Nova’s attention landed wearily on the woman sleeping beside her. What had happened to the guy she’d been with? Had she ditched him? Wandered off and found better company? She tried to remember but all she could recall was him pinning her to a wall, the heat of his body pressed against hers and the fleeting thought, hazed by brandy and something bitter she’d been offered to smoke, that he wasn’t enough to silence the thoughts in her head.

Maybe the woman had succeeded where he’d failed. Nova wasn’t sure. She couldn’t remember this woman at all.

That was supposed to worry her. Lulu would be concerned.

Nova shut the thought away with a viciousness that made her stomach pitch.

As it turned out, there was a proper restroom, though a prerequisite for puking was actually having eaten something in the first place, so it was really more about form than efficacy. Nova sent prayers to a porcelain alter, a thought that teased a near hysterical laugh from her throat.

God, she was tired.

She picked up her clothes, showered, and left her companion to sleep off whatever had happened the night before.

“Hey.” Nova leaned heavily against the front desk she only half-remembered approaching, rubbing her fingers against her temples as she reached for words.

“Yes?” The person behind the counter, some alien with six eyes that blinked asynchronously in a way that made the impossible task of focusing on where to look, harder still.

“I—, uh, shit, I don’t even know the fucking room.” She turned around like that might somehow make it clearer, but she distinctly remembered taking a lift. She was fucking this up. Breathe. New tactic. “I’m Nova. Did a Nova sign in a room yesterday?”

The receptionist typed something, every key stroke hit like an axe between Nova’s brows.

“Last name?” Thunder.

“Don’t have one,” except the art of opening her mouth properly had escaped her and everything had come out in a continuous nearly indecipherable donaveone. Which after receiving several blinks Nova repeated to marginal success.

“Mmm, there was a Nova NoStar.”

She cringed. “NoStar?”

The clerk nodded, well, sort of nodded. Bobbed. They had no neck or equivalent thereof.

“Goddammit,” her hands returned to her temples, her elbows to the counter, the effort of keeping herself upright just a bit too much when she had to deal with this shit. “Yeah, NoStar. I’d like to pay, yesterday and today.”

She’d have to burn this planet off the list. How fucking stupid did she have to be to give her real name? Sure, there were probably millions of Nova NoStars out there but Jeanne would find a way. Fuck.

Nova paid, the blaring of the screen as her transaction went through made her want to dash her head against the wall.

“Is there anything else you need?”

Nova blinked, waiting for the words to settle in her head and mean something. “Need? Oh, uh, yeah, fuck, is there someplace to get breakfast around here?” She glanced at the sun that filtered in through the small window by the receptionist’s desk. “Or lunch?”

The directions she’d received sent Nova to a small food stand that smelled of grease and the promise of revival. She couldn’t read the menu and simply pointed and was handed something that might have been bread and some sort of meat, along with a bottle of water. The man who ran the stand was some flavor of human, though Nova could hardly be bothered to parse his existence. Modified, maybe?

She tried not to look too hard at what he’d given her. It undulated a bit if she stared at it too long, like it wasn’t quite dead despite the steam wafting from it. The first bite reminded her that she hadn’t really eaten the day before and the thing was gone before she knew it. She licked the oil from her fingers and set on the water.

Thank god for small miracles. She felt halfway human.

The traffic of the world sang through the air above her, in large ships belching black into the skies and buffeted her from all sides in lower forms of travel, things with wheels and rails and low flying capabilities. Galactic Union banners waved high overhead. Somewhere a commercial played calling for people to sign up for positions at their embassies.

The Galactic Union: Be part of something bigger.

Nova didn’t recognize this part of the city. It was cramped and crowded, two things Nova actually liked while she was working, but now that she was simply eating and drinking her way through her savings, was simply another obstacle that teased the remainder of her headache from the corners of her mind.

That and with food and water sustaining her, what little of her mind that was able to rouse for non-essential activities busied itself chiding her for her stupidity or cycling through all the things she could have done to save Lulu.

If only she’d been faster.

If only she’d noticed sooner.

If only she wasn’t such a fucking idiot.

If only she hadn’t listened.

Nova, stay put. The words rang clear as a bell between her ears. And then she was there again, frozen. Watching.

Lulu smiled. The skin at the corner of her eyes crinkled in concern, for Nova or herself, Nova didn’t know.

Then Lulu was gone.

The air around Nova was too thin, her pulse was a thready hum. She walked faster as if that might somehow put some distance between herself and the memory. A horn blared and the world rocketed into focus as a vehicle stopped just short of ramming her full speed and settled instead for banging into her leg just enough that her palms slammed into the hood to keep her steady.

Nova stared, wide eyed at the driver, her breaths coming in pants.

Wasn’t this what she’d wanted?

Why hadn’t they been driving faster?

Why did they stop?

The curses that filtered in through her translator were colorful and fantastical. Her bottom lip quivered as tears pricked the back of her eyes.

Lulu wouldn’t want this for me.

Her hands flew away from the hood as if she’d been burned. “Sorry,” was all she offered as she hurried away, her leg protesting at her speed after enduring that abuse. The driver’s curses followed her until she turned a corner and pressed her back against the wall of some towering building. The stone dug into her back, rough and painful, and real.

Her hands shook with leftover adrenaline.

“Fuck.”

She was going to cry. She couldn’t keep doing this.

“Lulu wanted you to live, you fucking idiot,” she whispered. “How could you forget how to do the one goddamn thing she wanted you to do?”

#this is something I wrote while procrastinating on something else purely in an effort not to do the thing. don't @ me #tw: drinking #tw: grief #tw sui ideation

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apocalypticavolition · 1 year ago

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Let's (re)Read The Eye of the World! Chapter 16: The Wisdom

Spoliers here! Get your spoilers here! This is a reread and I've read every book in the series except the ones that came out after it was over and I will tell you every detail that ever happened out of spite if you don't take this opportunity to protect yourself now! Run away!

We get yet another new chapter icon as we move into this chapter. Three leaves on a vine, and boy does it symbolize a lot. For this chapter it represents Nynaeve and her crashing the party. As we go forward it will refer to Tinkers, Ogier (particularly Loial) and the Waygates built for them, and even the Green Man.

“We don’t have time for that, boy,” Thom said gruffly. Min gave the white-haired gleeman a sharp look. “Go juggle something,” she snapped, drawing Rand further away from the others.

I can't tell what's better, Thom assuming that Rand's ducking out of the meeting to make out with a random woman, or Min telling Thom to go play with his balls. It's a strong showing though!

You’re all in more danger today than yesterday. Since she came.

Min, I'm going to be honest with you: you are the worst person in the world when it comes to interpreting your visions. There are assholes who grew up literally on your hometown's antipode with more skill than you. Right now, you're making Rand think that the danger is supposed to be Nynaeve, and that's crazy talk. Everyone is in more danger right now than they were a little while ago when you tormented Rand last because he's gone off and antagonized two sets of people.

Also, I forgot to mention last night, but all of Rand's actions are the equivalent of Frodo accidentally putting on the One Ring in the inn in Bree. I guess that makes Nynaeve Strider, which is awesome but of course nonsense because Lan is Strider. Thank goodness it's not one-to-one. Really I'd say every member of the nine EotW crew (counting Loial) has equivalences with two or more members of the Fellowship. Nynaeve's other half is Sam, for example.

Moiraine and Nynaeve sat at opposite ends of the table, neither taking her eyes from the other. All the other chairs were empty. Moiraine’s hands rested on the table, as still as her face. Nynaeve’s braid was thrown over her shoulder, the end gripped in one fist; she kept giving it little tugs the way she did when she was being even more stubborn than usual with the Village Council. Perrin was right. Despite the fire it seemed freezing cold, and all coming from the two women at the table.

I don't have anything to say here, I just really like it.

“You . . . followed our trail?” Lan said, truly surprised for the first time that Rand could remember. “I must be getting careless.”

This is the exact moment that Lan realizes what love is, and unlike so many of the romances in this series I'm quite happy with this one because as minimal as their reasons are they're perfectly good ones. Nynaeve is talented enough to best Lan and he's awestruck. Good.

“If you can follow a trail I have tried to hide, he taught you well. Few can do that, even in the Borderlands.” Abruptly Nynaeve buried her face in her cup. Rand’s eyes widened. She was blushing.

And this is the exact moment that Nynaeve falls in love, because Lan doesn't give her shit, he doesn't dismiss her for being too young, he just tells her she's as incredible as she knows she is.

They’d swarm over this inn like murderous ants on a rumor, a whisper. Their hate is that strong, their desire to kill or take any like these two.

Also Thom, Rand royally pissed them off earlier. You all should probably know that. It's a real shame none of you know that.

“We can’t,” Rand said, and was glad that his friends all spoke up at the same time. That way Nynaeve’s glare had to be spread around; she spared no one as it was. But he had spoken first, and they all fell silent, looking at him. Even Moiraine sat back in her chair, watching him over steepled fingers.

I mean she's way more moral about all of this but she is technically part of a cabal trying to bring about the fulfillment of prophecy to usher in a new age of humankind, and the reluctant teenage boy is finally promising to get in the robotgo to Tar Valon.

The Light knows how your . . . Mistress Alys”—she invested the name with a wagonload of scorn— “managed to make him believe; he has a mite of sense, usually, more than most men.

She didn't even talk to him, amusingly.

He’s afraid you’ll try your tricks with outlanders and get your head thumped.

Well, Mat's dad is right about one of those things already.

Egwene sat back so she was shielded by Perrin. “I left a note,” she said faintly. She tugged at the hood of her cloak as if she was afraid her unbound hair showed. “I explained everything.” Nynaeve’s face darkened.

What so many people miss in their support of one character over another is that Egwene is just as stupid and immature as Rand, Mat, and Perrin: she just shows it differently. If I were in Nynaeve's shoes and hearing this shit, Moiraine couldn't have interrupted my rant about "A note!" if she'd balefired me.

Even those poor men who find themselves wielding the Power for a short time gain that much, though sometimes touching saidin protects, and sometimes the taint makes them more vulnerable.

For somebody who's supposedly pretty impatient and pissed, she sure is infodumping. Moiraine's such a nerd.

Egwene bounced to her feet, her desire to be dignified obviously warring with her desire to avoid a confrontation with the Wisdom over her unbraided hair. She had no difficulty gathering up everyone by eye, though. Mat and Perrin scraped back their chairs hurriedly, making polite murmurs while trying not to actually run on their way out. Even Lan started for the door at a signal from Moiraine, drawing Thom with him.

Again, there's not much to say, just the joy of the sheer intensity that is Moiraine and Nynaeve in the same room while innocent bystanders look on in horror. Shame it's over.

She turned toward Rand, and for the first time he realized the others had all quietly disappeared.

Poor Rand, too nosy to escape quickly, too thick to realize that Nynaeve's nervous around Lan because she's afraid that she'll jump his bones.

“Something happened,” he insisted. “Why do you want us to go back if you think there’s even a chance we are right? And why you, at all? As soon send the Mayor himself as the Wisdom.” “You have grown.” She smiled, and for a moment her amusement had him shifting his feet.

Again, Rand's actually really adept at political matters, he just doesn't realize it. Tam must have been prepping him for the Council his whole life.

Either way, though, almost every man wanted to be one of the party. Tam, and Bran al’Vere, with the scales of office around his neck, and Haral Luhhan, till Alsbet made him sit down. Even Cenn Buie. The Light save me from men who think with the hair on their chests. Though I don’t know as there are any other kind.

Note the double hypocrisy, in that Nynaeve is criticizing everyone for thinking they should be the ones to go get the kids when she thought the same thing about herself, and for criticizing people for thinking with their hair when her braid is how she gets her own neurons firing.

“Are you all right?” Nynaeve asked. “He said . . . said I . . . wasn’t his son. When he was delirious . . . with the fever. He said he found me. I thought it was just. . . .” His throat began to burn, and he had to stop. “Oh, Rand.” She stopped and took his face in both hands. She had to reach up to do it. “People say strange things in a fever. Twisted things. Things that are not true, or real. Listen to me. Tam al’Thor ran away seeking adventure when he was a boy no older than you. I can just remember when he came back to Emond’s Field, a grown man with a red-haired, outlander wife and a babe in swaddling clothes. I remember Kari al’Thor cradling that child in her arms with as much love given and delight taken as I have ever seen from any woman with a babe. Her child, Rand. You. Now you straighten up and stop this foolishness.”

It is both incredibly sweet that she notices something is wrong with Rand immediately and cares enough to ask and try and reassure him when she's pissed at how stupid she thinks he is and incredibly silly that the reassurance she gives - of a time when she was four or five years old and would have had nothing but a few fleeting encounters with the foreigner and baby who live out of town even when they do come home - is going to reassure anyone who isn't actively trying to drown in denial.

“No, it isn’t your business,” Nynaeve agreed. “It might not mean anything. She could just be searching blindly for a reason, any reason, why those things are after you. After all of you.”

This, though also wrong, is a much more reasonable sort of guess. That said, it's something Nynaeve wants to be true, so she doesn't think about the obvious connections either.

Sadly, that's it for this chapter. Next time we return to the Lord of the Rings inspiration when they have to leave the inn early due to an invasion of black-cloaked riders who serve supernatural evil.

#let's read #wheel of time #wot #robert jordan #wheel of time spoilers #wot spoilers #rand al'thor #perrin aybara #min farshaw #thom merrilin #mat cauthon #moiraine damodred #nynaeve al'meara #lan mandragoran

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catholic-character-tournament · 1 year ago

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Round 1 - Resurrect Bracket (Losers Bracket) Side A

ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to [make it to the finals]

Propaganda below ⬇️

Temenos

so his whole thing is he's an inquisitor who is just fundamentally bad at being a priest on account of he does things like forgetting scripture and not being able to help but doubt the institution which gets everyone hes ever cared about killed. he's gay. he says shit like "careful, i bite". he's in yuri with a holy knight. he's one of my favorite characters and i want to beat him over the head with a cast iron skillet

fucked up gay little cleric who was supposed to grapple with the fact that the institution he serves is corrupt except he has been in doubt from the very beginning and very clearly doesnt put much stock in the scripture hes made it his lifes work to preach. hes kinda a freak with it. every line he speaks is said with the cadence of a gay guy checking under his nails while ignoring you as he talks. i have to hit him with mallets and shatter him into pieces.

This man is the world's worst clergyman. He's a high ranking member of the holy inquisition, but nobody respects him and he mostly just uses his position to investigate random murders for fun. He regularly forgets how the bible goes and little kids have to correct him on how the plot goes of the jrpg equivalent of jesus's resurrection. He has a holy knight for a boyfriend. He tortures people for information any other character can just ask for. His best friend out of the rest of the main 8 is an assassin and gang member. He tries to get people to commit crimes with him. His story is about uprooting the corruption in his church and killing high ranking church members and also Literal Fucking Jrpg satan. He regularly blasphemes and everyone around him looks in horror as he shouts at god and encourages people to become atheists. His catchphrase is "doubt is what I do." He is still somehow the most devout character in the entire game despite being a total fuck up of a cleric who does not deserve to be here whatsoever. Pls let him win it'd be SO FUNNY

Hes genuinely just the funniest guy. Very little about his story has to do with the faith but like. He routinely roasts the entire pantheon of in-universe gods. He beats people up (metaphorically of course) as one of his main game mechanics. He got stamped as the resident gayboy SO fast. His starliner definitely has higher intelligence than wisdom even though clerics use wisdom. Every chapter he appears in he solves a mystery by zoning out so hard his god blesses him with extremely vivid hallucinations. He's so deeply fucking traumatized. One of his battle skills is fully just beating his enemies up with his staff. He ends up defunding the police. He can very casually become a thermonuclear bomb but in a very holy way. His best friend is a 23-year-old assassin that exclusively calls him "Detective". Is he Catholic (ish)? Yeah, but he certainly doesn't always act like it.

He constantly commits heresy and doubts the gods but is still the not-Pope's right hand man

Listen, imagine you'd go to church and your priest gets roasted by kids for forgetting how the bible goes. That's him, canonically even. He's like if a redditor who wants to be a detective was cosplaying as a holy man. He's someone whose whole thing is doubting the gods and the church, to the point where he makes another person question his faith too, even though he is technically The holy man. He's absolutely unhinged and gay. He's 30 years old and absolutely does not look like it. He's traumatized, and cannot be sincere and honest about his feelings even once. He should go to therapy actually. Like desperately. For his sake and everyone around him.

he is from the faith but he doubts everything around him to find the truth through it........ also i'd like to see him torment the crotchety priest i had to do a face-to-face confession with in high school. it'd be funny.

FATHER BROWN BUT MAKE HIM GAY AND PLAGUED BY TRUST ISSUES. This man will forget his own sermons, beat people up for infos and, at the same time, gets to be the fantasy equivalent of a youth pastor. He somehow manages to be the most unhinged person in a party that includes a vengeful math professor who can and WILL mug people. He might not be the most devout Catholic of them all, but he is definitely the *funniest* one. Give it up for the world's shittiest priest!

i’m gonna be honest temenos is a TERRIBLE catholic but he’s funny and i love him. he also has a weird gay thing going on with a paladin it’s great.

Link

Well, maybe not specifically catholic. But behold, OFFICIAL ART: https://cdn.wikimg.net/en/zeldawiki/images/a/ab/LinkPraying.png

in the original legend of zelda game there’s a bible (localized to the book of magic due to nintendo of america’s guidelines), a cross in the adventure of link, and in a link to the past, there’s art of him kneeling in front of a crucifix. hyrule has its own religions but there are undeniable christian roots.

#link #loz #legend of zelda #cct polls #tumblr tournament #tumblr bracket #tumblr polls #tenemos mistral #octopath traveler 2 #octopath temenos

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theophagie · 8 days ago

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I've seen people on all sides say that the stolitz conflict is entirely based on their Class&Species difference (honestly it's not a perfect or unproblematic fit, but I think that casteism is the closest real world equivalent we can use to wrap it up in one word only) and that the show isn't concerned with integrating homophobia into it, but I want to poke at this notion with a stick, at least where Stolas is concerned. Though I do agree that it's not a focal point, but rather a predictable outcome of how the Goetia family is seemingly structured......

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K I've had this post in my drafts for an embarrassing amount of time, and the plan was to expand on it at some point, but since that never seems to happen. Shitty very bad no good graphic tldr be it

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K pt 2 because despite everything the yaptron instincts never allowed me to hit post to this, but I'm leaving ⬆️ in because it's funny. to me. In the end these are more observations about the Goetia family in general than on Stolas' specific situation, but anyway

The idea that lacking ~virility~ makes for a lesser man is, indeed, rooted in all those fun things on the left of my silly little tldr (yes, the misogyny bit too. A man as we traditionally envision him, degraded and thus assimilated to femininity as we traditionally envision it, women, the horror!). Like this post could have ended here, this is literally homophobia both in its sentiment and in its target, coated with that good old gender stereotyping and bigotry

Same with the expression of Feelings and Emotions. The expectations of how people in power are supposed to behave generally go hand in hand with a number of things that are expected specifically out of men, because those two things (power and men) have been going hand in end since the dawn of time

And and and. Paimon. The idea of the pater familias with full authority over his children's lives (and those of the other members his family, and of his subjects)...... for all intents and purposes, their rules and owner. Very patriarchal, very crunchy

I'm also going to disagree with the notion that Stolas' affair with Blitz was only a problem due to their Class&Species difference. Stella's a character who's profoundly concerned with self-image and reputation, true, but in light of everything else... because of it even, yes I do imagine that the Goetia family would indeed have thoughts about someone trying to break free from their mould, indirect involvement of an itty bitty imp or not. Marriage and monogamy do have a seat up there in uh oh girl, the Patriarchy and its historical expressions

Re: Stella. Obviously family members are bound to come with a certain degree of... well... familiarity. But I think it's Interesting.jpeg how Andrealphus can casually belittle and talk down to her despite her technically outranking him (I think? A princess consort is above a marquis, surely?), if only because her general demeanour points to someone who wouldn't put up with something like that, at all. That same familiarity and whatever upbringing she had leave her open to his manipulation, but I do wonder about the treatment of women in the Goetia family in general...... *looks at "your purpose in life is to be an incubator for that guy"*. Mhn. The prospects seem bad. Also. We don't know what/who Andrealphus might be hiding back at home, but there's some juice in thinking about how he might be more free than Stolas - sexually speaking - by virtue of his apparent lack of obligations to the Goetia family......

Tldr of the tldr, even if so far helluva boss hasn't been outwardly interested in addressing some aspects of Living In A Society, those aspect do have a foundational presence in the story. Eg we're never going to see Stolas or any other gay bird actually get hate crimed at ball n.204471, and a character like Stella was probably not written with "homophobic" as one of her traits (see: she doesn't comment on Blitz's gender; possible underlying horrors aside, clearly Andrealphus isn't otherwise an issue for her), but...... They Live In A Society

#helluva boss #stolas of the ars goetia #stella of the ars goetia #i suppose that this is also a stolitz post but like. only marginally so #mytext #series

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darklinaforever · 2 years ago

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How does the fact that Namor didn't actually want to kill the queen take away his agency ? Namor does a lot of things on his own during the film, on his own initiative, which have consequences. How could one accident take away all of his agency ?

We are not in HOTD, where the bad guys are reduced to systematically committing crimes BY accidents.

Namor does things by himself, and on his own. God, he decided to attack Wakanda and its people ! An already horrible thing. How could he not have an agency in this movie ?!

By the way, when did I deny that Namor was responsible for Ramonda's death ? It very clearly is, in part. Besides, isn't it also negating Queen Ramonda's agency to blame everything on Namor regarding her death? (Yes, it is)

Then, yes he threw the water bombs. Did I say otherwise ? No. Just be realistic. Nobody would have drowned, if the floor hadn't been GLASS. What Namor didn't know.

It's just a fact.

How on earth was he supposed to know then (as this person says in an obviously very calm way), that the queen was going to drown for sure ?

Oh I know ! He could not.

Also, for a guy who "planned" to kill the queen, he actually looks pretty shocked after that :

Yes, he threatened the queen earlier in the film. But that was in case she revealed to Americans the existence of her people. Which she didn't, so he had no direct reason to kill her. From what we've seen, Namor keeps its promises, even the most horrible. Why wouldn't he have respected this one ?

Also, there is no certainty that upon entering the room he would have killed the queen with his own hands if the bombs hadn't done the job. Find me a single scene that insinuates it ? I know there isn't. It's just a flawed personal interpretation.

Ah, and from the dialogue that follows, Namor still gives Wakanda the choice of being an ally or an enemy. Outside, directly killing the queen of said people, in addition to the offensive attack, would not be very intelligent if he still hoped for an alliance, even forced, with Wakanda.

Yes, he still attacked and killed people in Wakanda. However, here is the context : People of the people of Namor are dead. As a result, he has come to kill people in Wakanda, in order to show what he is capable of. A form of personal justice, stemming from his own twisted moral code as an anti-hero.

Pretty classic.

On the other hand, killing the queen was useless. It went directly against the very words of the character, who always seems to keep his word, as well as his remaining goal of forcing an alliance with Wakanda in the end.

Namor is a god, I think he has a modicum of brains.

Then I will repeat myself, but Namor (again) is an immortal god, who was literally full of rage, because members of his people, (the equivalent of his children) whom he always placed above- above all for centuries, were killed by an envoy of the QUEEN. As a result, it's kind of logical that he wouldn't be any more compassionate than that by the time he realizes she's dead, let alone even react to help her when she's still alive and let her drown. Yes, I dare.

Think for a second, even if it was not his initial goal to kill Ramonda, I remember that he judges that because of her, people of his people, whom he places above everything, died !

It's not impossible that Namor didn't want to kill the queen in the first place, but that resentment and the desire for revenge could very well have blinded him beyond common sense when he saw Ramonda's death happen. It is the heart of the film, I recall, to be blinded and consumed by revenge.

Namor, probably : Oh, the queen is dying ? Well, because of her members of my people died. She really dead ? Shit ! Collateral damage. It's war anyway.

Also, beyond that his face looks shocked at the death of the queen, it also seems fair to say that he seems to regret it.

Then, I think the actor knows a minimum of his character. And what he says is not delusional with what was shown on the screen. So why would that be a wrong take ? Why is this not possible ?

I know why, because it shatters your view of Namor as a ruthless assassin. The thing is, everything I said is true, or at least potentially matches what the movie just showed. So frankly, you can say whatever you want. Write all the messages in capital letters in the world, you won't make me change my mind. Nobody will.

Of course, you are free to have and share your opinion, that's not a problem, but with a minimum of respect is that too much to ask ? Otherwise, you will find yourself stuck like these people.

#mcu namor #mcu shuri #marvel studios #marvel #namor and shuri #shuri and namor #namor x shuri #shuri x namor #nashuri #namuri #shunamor #black panther : wakanda forever #wakanda forever

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fluffykitteninabox · 2 years ago

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I never blamed Dabi for using the footage of Hawks killing Twice, but I also wonder what was Hawks supposed to do after offering Twice a chance to surrender, besides offering asylum for the rest of his friends as well since that was the main reason Twice rejected his offer?

This is coming from someone who only watched the anime adaptation, so I would like to know why this event is a setback for Hawks character development.

Hi, thank you for the ask🥰🥰

here, have some sparkles ✨✨✨

Also sorry in advance but I ramble a lot and...

I don't know if there's an equivalent phrase in English but in Greek we say "Μέσω Λαμίας" when we do something in the most inefficient way possible.

This is me in this post! 😂 (and also Hawks too in a way👀)

Also I'm not a meta blog so I don't always have a conclusion when I start responding and I might realise something new mid way through typing and then I go back and edit stuff because I change my mind so...

hopefully this makes sense

First of all I do agree that this is the main reason Twice rejected the offer, but probably not the only one.

I think the two "requirements" for his offer to work would be

Hawks extending the offer to not just Twice, but to the other LOV members as well

Convince Twice that this offer is genuine and he's not just lying to him

And that second one is kind of hard to do because Hawks gave their location away to the heroes who are currently ambushing them and he's also attacking Twice specifically. Plus Twice had been let down by heroes and society itself in the past (as have all the other league members) so it would be hard for him to trust that this "chance at rehabilitation" isn't at best going to fail, or at worst a trick.

And I don't think Hawks meets either of these two requirements. I'm not saying he's lying when he offers to help Twice. It's more like... he can't actually do what he's promising here.

The commission gave Hawks the order to kill Twice, not bring him for rehab. So in his mind that option wasn't possible from the start. He entered the battle knowing how it would have to end. That's why he wastes a bunch time by explaining himself to Twice, he doesn't want to do it.

If Hawks doesn't offer help to Twice, then there's also the option of simply arresting him without talking to him at all. (Then they would have probably placed him in Tartarus, because other people would have witnessed his arrest and the commission definitely wouldn't want people to know they give heroes assassination missions.)

I pointed it out in some posts here and there, but Hawks very clearly had the upper hand in the battle right up until the moment Dabi joined. The scene starts with Twice already pinned down to the ground surrounded by Hawks' feathers. Even when he starts making clones to fight, we see that Hawks doesn't need to put much effort to destroy them. He almost doesn't move from his spot at the door at all before Dabi comes in. He could have very easily knocked him unconscious and taken him quietly. We know he is physically capable of doing all of that.

But again, Hawks went into this with the predetermined notion that anything other than killing Twice wouldn't work.

So in this case Hawks had other options technically speaking, but he thought he didn't because of the way the HPSC have conditioned him to follow their orders. When Dabi joins the battle Hawks loses the control he had over the situation.

He could stand still before and let his feathers do the work, now he has to dodge Dabi's attacks.

He had Twice immobilised on the floor, now he escapes literally from under him.

He was wasting time before, but now he needs to find a way to end this quickly.

So he does what he was ordered to do in the first place.

All of this to say that Hawks had plenty of other options, but also no other option at the same time!

Twice's death was a tragedy because it could have very easily been prevented, but it was also inevitable.

Hawks had the ability to make other options, he's not like the nomu, he has free will. It was his own choice to kill in the end. But because of the way he was groomed by the commission in his mind there was only one option.

----------------------------------------

Now about the second point..

I don't think Hawks' decision to kill Twice was bad for his character development. In fact I always thought Twice's death was a great direction for the story to go. It creates conflict which makes things interesting.

My problem is that this very interesting plot point wasn't used to its full potential afterwards.

We don't see Hawks thinking about his decision, whether or not he could have done things differently. We don't see him regret it. Again I have said in some other posts that I (personally) didn't even need Hawks to regret killing Twice specifically. I would have been happy to see him struggle with his decision to kill a person in general. He took someone's life, I think he should have been more affected by it. But by some of his lines in the latest chapters it seems like he didn't struggle with that at all. (I'm keeping it vague because you said you only watched the anime and I don't want to spoil you, even if it's just a couple of lines)

This didn't just affect Hawks' character arc, he's just the worst case because his character arc was stopped in its tracks.

Imagine Twice's death as Chekhov's gun in a way, but it's for character growth. And then Hori brought some bullets to shoot but forgot the actual gun! Twice died and we saw how that affected the villains (and not even all of them) but we didn't see how it affected the heroes.

We never got to see Tomura's reaction to losing another member of the league (when we saw him avenging Magne in the Overhaul arc)

Dabi asks Tokoyami "who do you think really needs saving?" and Tokoyami never thinks about that ever again.

Hawks kills a man and then proceeds to never think about it again (except to publicly acknowledge the fact)

Also Hawks is used in the Todoroki family side plot a lot after the war, which in my opinion is a bit forced. I think it would be more interesting to see him separately from his parasocial relationship with Endeavor. He was already lacking in the self identification department because of how the commission groomed him, I was hoping he would separate from them after the war. Not only does he not do that, he also latches onto Endeavor and is now only a tool to push his atonement arc forward. And he doesn't even do a good job doing that! (Again keeping this kind of vague, hopefully I didn't accidentally spoil anything you don't already know)

Basically I wanted to see more of his internal conflict. I wanted to see him struggle I WANTED ANGST AAAAAA!! 😂😂

Hopefully we're going to get that now with the inevitable Hawks vs Toga, but this will still be external conflict caused by his actions. I still think it would work much better if we saw his thought process before he gets narrative consequences.

#ask #responding to these is really fun #i can freely ramble and rant about the things i like or don't like and i get to talk with people #thank you again for the ask #😊✨✨✨#hawks #takami keigo #krista answers

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87dvhnk · 6 months ago

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look. if i, a member of a superhero team all of whom can beat more ass more readilly than i could ever dream to and who freely admit i am one of their weaker members, accompany a freshie, who is prone to breaking into fits of tears and forgetting that she even has powers, home because it's the gentlemanly thing to do, and stumble upon a mad scientist couple committed to digivolving into sentient grasshoppers to survive the impending nuclear holocaust and a mass of cult followers in various states of what the fuck is that, i would not consider turning tail and running a sign of cowardice. i mean, he punched kole's dad and then made sure to grab kole and drag her with him. if he left kole behind, then yeah that might qualify as cowardice, like the lawyer abandoning the kids to run to the shitter in jurassic park. but he didn't. he got them both out of a life-threatening situation in which they were woefully outnumbered and provided recoinnosance for the larger team.

joey pls.

also what is joey supposed to be afraid of exactly? because aside from the bug and human experimentation aspect, he'd fought equivalent if not far scarier shit without having a panic attack and spiralling about his Military Family™. (literally i previously bitched about them sending this boy to fight the legions of hell and godly abominations with not even a fanny pack of sand or a pair of sock'em boppers.) is it bugs? did he catch a grasshopper as a baby, see blood gushing from its mouth in his little baby hands, take it for real serious, and become, like, instantly traumatized for having murdered a bug?

#lmfao me #capeshit #joeyposting #meanwhile comma me as a kid harvesting bloody grasshoppers for my deadly grasshopper dimmadome: i know u ain't dead asshole

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elix8r · 7 months ago

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Any time I see someone talk about being in a sorority I have a moment of realization that those still exist and I just went to a shitty school. Like my college banned sororities and fraternities since a fraternity had a giant rager off campus and a group of freshmen went, got wasted and were doing various drugs, got back in their car to drive back to campus, and drove off a bridge.

Like my college didn't have any of the 'top' sororities or fraternities, they were all just small college based ones, that honestly were just a few years old, not associated with the National Panhellenic Conference or anything like that. Like I didn't join them or anything, but I had friends that did at my college and friends that joined at unis that had ones that were NPC associated, the whole they want skinny pretty girls, is true for some, but honestly not most. Like my college had 4 local sororities and 4 local fraternities, only 1 of the 4 was the whole cliche pretty size zero blonde girls with bad tans, the other 3 were extremely diverse, in both race and body size. I feel like so many people view media regarding sororities and get this idea that that is what Greek life is like, which for some it is, but most sororities I know would rather take someone with good grades than someone that meets the beauty standard. Even my friends that went to colleges with big Greek lifes, like one of my friends went to the university in our state with the biggest Greek life, like this is a big college they are joining the SEC this year. Like my uni had 8 in total, her uni had 55 different Greek organizations, 11 of which are sororities, and she only had bad experiences with 2 of the 11, one of which later went on to get a violation for hazing and almost got kicked off campus. But like I didn't even join a sorority but from all my friends that did, I know the first thing most look at is GPA, a lot of the sororities I know don't accept anyone under a 3.0, then they look at things like your extracurriculars, how many community service activities you do, then does your personality mesh with the other members, will you be sticking out in a bad way, and how you will look in regards to their public image, like they don't want someone that is going to make them look bad. And another big thing people need to remember, legacies, like at least here, most of the time if you are a legacy, like I'd say 75% of the time, you get a bid unless there is some glaring issue that will not allow you to fit in with everyone else, like having a horrible GPA or felonies or something. To reduce everything they look for in a person to 'are you pretty and skinny and white' is extremely derogatory, to the people that do get in based on their merit, and the equivalent of calling those who aren't that diversity hires so they don't look racist.

Also these people saying idols would want to fuck you are weird as fuck, like is that supposed to be a compliment, are they saying you are so pretty it would make them want to pull that NDA out or something. Yet, I will say on the topic of sororities and frats, I genuinely believe if Jake didn't become an idol, he would have went to uni and definitely been a frat boy, like that man right there would have been the frat president.

!!!!!!! THIS RIGHT HERE EVERYONE!!

you literally perfectly described everything with how recruitment works!! like yes i def agree esp cause i go to a pwi in the south where greek life is huge that a majority of my sisters are white but it's never really intentional because you guys have to realize that the ratio of poc rushing to white girls in colleges like this are so little that even if we hand out bids to all the pnm who aren't white, it'll still look incomparable to how many white people got bids therefore the narrative of sororities only going after pretty skinny white girls continues and while looks can play a part just like you said there are SOOO many other things. you literally got it to the tea esp with the whole reputation part like we will look at all pnms and make sure that we are not inviting someone who will be a liability into our house so many girls do get cut for having shady pasts or other issues and my sorority once we get to like round 2 or 3 do huge cuts due to gpa and most times we want people with 3.3+ and most times not having that that will be enough to fully get you off our list no matter how much we liked you because at the end of the day we want sisters who are dedicated and care about their grades and future. legacies aren't really held up too high now for my school but instead we usually find more weight in if people who are current sisters know you because that'll give us more of an understanding of who you are and if you'll mesh with us well but all in all there are so many factors and to say people got in only due to looks is demeaning esp when schools like mine have like 20 different npc sororities not to mention so many non Panhellenic ones so like that's not realistic at all and diminishing all the other hard work put in. i think you eloquently explained this especially as someone who wasn't involved in greek life and I'm glad to hear that your friends have had good experiences!

and lmao yeah i guess it's a compliment? i mean I'll take it 🤪 but it's still kinda weird lol and yeah jake def gives frat boy energy like i can so easily picture him on my campus so i def understand where they're coming from honestly all of enhypen are such good frat boy candidates and i think it's highkey why i don't struggle writing them in my frat universe

but thank you for this huge message and giving your insight as i hope it'll help people understand how the whole recruitment process works better and hope you have a great day!

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bookoformon · 1 year ago

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The Words of Mormon. "Myrrh from the Sun." Parsha Ma'rah, "The Mirroring" begins.

Mor=Myrrh

The term used in Scripture for "pure myrrh" is "mor deror", which literally means "free myrrh." This spice is associated with the name Elokim of bina and is therefore called "free" myrrh. This is the mystical meaning of the verse, "and you shall proclaim freedom [throughout the land and to all its inhabitants]"

Mon= like, within

="Myrrhman."

מה

The two interrogative pronouns מה (ma) and מי (mi) occur frequently in the Biblical narrative; מה (ma) slightly more often than מי (mi). The difference between the two is that the pronoun מה (ma) asks for a quality (what, as in "what is your name?"), whereas מי (mi) asks for identity (who, as in "who are you?"). Here and there it occurs that where English would use 'what', Hebrew uses 'who', for instance when asking about the identity of a nation (Deuteronomy 4:8; 'who of the nations...'), or simply that of whoever ('which one' or 'who of the...').

Note that our word מי (mi) is spelled the same as the construct-plural form of the word מים (mayim), meaning waters. Hence מי also means 'waters of'.

A similar particle מו (mo) combines with all the common prefixes to form poetic equivalents of these particles: כמו (kemo), like or as if; למו (lemo), onto; במו (bemo), within.

CHAPTER 1

Mormon abridges the large plates of Nephi—He puts the small plates with the other plates—King Benjamin establishes peace in the land. About A.D. 385.

A single chapter, single Parsha Book, the Words of Mormon address the contents on the Big Plates. The Hungry Man Meal! 385= "Mirroring of the Truth."

1 And now I, Mormon, being about to deliver up the record which I have been making into the hands of my son Moroni, behold I have witnessed almost all the destruction of my people, the Nephites.

So if a Mormon is "Like myrrh, a freedom fighter" what is a Mor-oni?

Mor=see above

Oni= the tireless power from above

און

The Noun און ('on) is describes a surplus of vigor or wealth and specifically of reproductive powers.

The narrator says he is prophesying about the destruction of the Jews at the hands of Gentiles and is calling upon God, the Tireless Power of Freedom to give him testimony that will put an end to it. The coming of Christ which was supposed to create "Peace on Earth, Goodwill Towards Men, Glory to God on High" caused death and destruction on this world and it continues to this day.

This contradiction, this gross misunderstanding of the God of Israel and the nature of the Son of the God of Israel is called apostasy and it has cast a deadly gloom over this world for long and long:

2 And it is many hundred years after the coming of Christ that I deliver these records into the hands of my son; and it supposeth me that he will witness the entire destruction of my people. But may God grant that he may survive them, that he may write somewhat concerning them, and somewhat concerning Christ, that perhaps some day it may profit them.

3 And now, I speak somewhat concerning that which I have written; for after I had made an abridgment from the plates of Nephi, down to the reign of this king Benjamin, of whom Amaleki spake, I searched among the records which had been delivered into my hands, and I found these plates, which contained this small account of the prophets, from Jacob down to the reign of this king Benjamin, and also many of the words of Nephi.

Benjamin means to do what is right. It means to wake up, grow up and head South is to do what is profitable for everyone. The skill set required was first taught to men by God using the Torah. Men are now required to teach it to each other:

The noun בן (ben) means son, or more general: a member of one particular social or economic node — called a "house", which is built upon the instructions of one אב ('ab), or "father" — within in a larger economy (hence: the "sons of the prophet" are the members of the prophet-class; the prophets). This noun obviously resembles the verb בנה (bana), to build, and the noun אבן ('eben), stone.

ימן

The root ימן (ymn) is of unclear pedigree and meaning but it has to do with both the right hand side and the southern direction, which are both decidedly positive (whereas left and north have negative connotations). This also indicates that one normally faces east, which corresponds to the past.

Noun ימין (yamin) means right, i.e. right hand, side or the right of other parts of the body. Adjective ימיני (yemini) meaning on the right. Verb ימן (yaman) means to go or choose the right or use the right hand. Adjective ימני (yemani) meaning right hand or right. Noun תימן (teman) meaning south.

The narrator says the Gospels, which enhance our understanding of the Godly Nature even further are not too shabby for the purposes of going South:

4 And the things which are upon these plates pleasing me, because of the prophecies of the coming of Christ; and my fathers knowing that many of them have been fulfilled; yea, and I also know that as many things as have been prophesied concerning us down to this day have been fulfilled, and as many as go beyond this day must surely come to pass—

5 Wherefore, I chose these things, to finish my record upon them, which remainder of my record I shall take from the plates of Nephi; and I cannot write the hundredth part of the things of my people.

6 But behold, I shall take these plates, which contain these prophesyings and revelations, and put them with the remainder of my record, for they are choice unto me; and I know they will be choice unto my brethren.

7 And I do this for a wise bpurpose; for thus it whispereth me, according to the workings of the Spirit of the Lord which is in me. And now, I do not know all things; but the Lord knoweth all things which are to come; wherefore, he worketh in me to do according to his will.

8 And my prayer to God is concerning my brethren, that they may once again come to the knowledge of God, yea, the redemption of Christ; that they may once again be a delightsome people.

9 And now I, Mormon, proceed to finish out my record, which I take from the plates of Nephi; and I make it according to the knowledge and the understanding which God has given me.

10 Wherefore, it came to pass that after Amaleki had delivered up these plates into the hands of king Benjamin, he took them and put them with the other plates, which contained records which had been handed down by the kings, from generation to generation until the days of king Benjamin.

11 And they were handed down from king Benjamin, from generation to generation until they have fallen into my hands. And I, Mormon, pray to God that they may be preserved from this time henceforth. And I know that they will be preserved; for there are great things written upon them, out of which my people and their brethren shall be judged at the great and last day, according to the word of God which is written.

12 And now, concerning this king Benjamin—he had somewhat of contentions among his own people.

13 And it came to pass also that the armies of the Lamanites came down out of the land of Nephi, to battle against his people. But behold, king Benjamin gathered together his armies, and he did stand against them; and he did fight with the strength of his own arm, with the sword of Laban. [sword of purity].

14 And in the strength of the Lord they did contend against their enemies, until they had slain many thousands of the Lamanites. And it came to pass that they did contend against the Lamanites until they had driven them out of all the lands of their inheritance.

15 And it came to pass that after there had been false Christs, and their mouths had been shut, and they punished according to their crimes;

16 And after there had been false prophets, and false preachers and teachers among the people, and all these having been punished according to their crimes; and after there having been much contention and many dissensions away unto the Lamanites, behold, it came to pass that king Benjamin, with the assistance of the holy prophets who were among his people—

17 For behold, king Benjamin was a holy man, and he did reign over his people in righteousness; and there were many holy men in the land, and they did speak the word of God with power and with authority; and they did use much sharpness because of the stiffneckedness of the people—

18 Wherefore, with the help of these, king Benjamin, by laboring with all the might of his body and the faculty of his whole soul, and also the prophets, did once more establish peace in the land.

Benjamin and Mormon, "Do what is right" and to "Be like Him" these are the ways one uses the Big Plates to mirror oneself against the Supreme, the Endless God of Freedom.

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exilethegame · 3 years ago

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I had an absolute blast playing this! My mind's been on the game for about a week now, which is amazing considering my attention span-

I even dreamt about this. And I know I need to find this out

Which RO's would be the best at taking care of a sick commander (something light like a flu or whatever the equivalent for this universe is) and which ones would just make the problem worse? (The idea of a Phoenix commander setting ablaze the covers after a particularly bad sneezing fit is hillarious to me, and i bet that gorgon commanders would absolutely try to use the RO as a walking furnace)

I'm glad you've enjoyed the game!!! :D

And from best to worse....

Amilia + Nikke, Sabir, Vethna + Syfyn, Freedom, Jost

Explanations beneath the cut.

Amilia is great at taking care of people. She's patient, caring, and knows a lot of natural remedies that work pretty quickly to get someone feeling better. She kind of works as a make-shift nurse in a lot of situations, which is good since she's also usually the first to volunteer to take care of anyone, regardless of who they are.

Nikke, surprisingly enough, is a pretty great caretaker. He played the role not just for his own family, but for his village, so taking care of those around him that he cares for is something he takes not only as a job, but finds very fulfilling. He's pretty equal to Amilia when it comes to knowledge on remedies and general health, so he'll find natural stuff to make you feel better pretty quickly. He's not quite as doting as Amilia (he has a life still-- he's not just gonna sit around and hold your hand like her), but he'll bring you food and keep you company when he has the time.

Sabir is very doting and caring, and he's great at cooking up good food that you can eat with a sore throat. He'll make sure you're comfortable 24/7-- getting you a cold washcloth for your fever, making sure you always have warm tea available, keeping your blankets clean and warm, etc. He might not have the same medical knowledge as Amilia + Nikke, but he's definitely a caretaker.

Vethna is a bit of a hit or miss. They really want to take care of you, but they've always been the baby... so they've never really taken care of anyone or anything before. They kind of have a vague idea of what to do based on what their family did to take care of them when they were sick, but they're sort of... I don't know... timid while doing it? Scared that they'll mess up somehow or end up making you more sick than you were before (even though that's practically impossible).

Syfyn's pretty similar to Vethna. She really wants to help, but she doesn't really know how to. She was raised in the military, so being sick meant sucking it up until you feel better... so as a result, she doesn't really even know how to take care of someone who's sick? She'll get you soup and stuff, but that's about the extent of her knowledge until she starts very awkwardly asking what else it is that you need to feel comfortable. She feels very out of place when it comes to being a caretaker. It feels too... soft... compared to her usual role as a protector.

Freedom: Freedom has no idea how mortals work. Their goto would be to find the wykna of pestilence and disease and just shake them down or something, but otherwise they're clueless as to what you need. What do you mean you can't eat this very spicy food right now? Why are you so clammy? Is that supposed to happen? Are you dying??? They'll probably just lay around and completely dote on you while relying on the more experienced members of your party to actually take care of your sickness.

Jost is just... the worst to have taking care of you. She's never had to take care of anyone else since she's been alone for most of her life, and when it comes to herself when she's sick, she's very, "shrug it off until you feel better, even if you literally feel like dying." She sort of inadvertently carries that mindset over to you, so she won't really understand if/why you want to be "taken care of.” In fact, it would probably confuse her... a lot. That doesn’t mean she won’t try, though... it just... probably... won’t be very good.

#vethna #nikke #amilia #jost #sabir #syfyn #mystery ro #freedom #answered

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phantastus · 2 years ago

Note

Stanley Coleman, Alessa and Kaufman for the bingo?

OH BOY ANON....

*rubs hands together*

"obsessed with their character arc". For a character who literally never once appears onscreen and has very little solid information about them, I think Stanley is fucking fascinating. Of course, he has literally no stated backstory so THIS FASCINATION IS ADMITTEDLY BASED ON WHAT MADE THE MOST SENSE TO ME: that he is a former member of the Order who was iced out specifically because he got TOO creepy about Alessa for the rest of the cultists to handle. I think this is extra interesting because it adds another flavor of how individual Order members view Alessa/Heather, in addition to the viewpoints of Claudia/Vincent/Leonard which are addressed more directly. I know some people out there interpret him as like, idk, a creepy thing conjured up by the Otherworld that doesn't actually exist? But I think that "an actual flesh and blood human being who doesn't even care about the main plot but who is nonetheless stalking Heather around because he's the Order equivalent of someone who only goes to church because he has, like, erotic fantasies about being in love with but also mutilating Jesus" is so much scarier. I guess he doesn't really have an arc though unless you count his obvious buildup towards what was almost certainly going to be attacking Heather directly.

"constantly listening to songs/holding up like a paint swatch". HERE'S SOME STANLEY MUSIC, ENJOY: "Insect Eyes" (Devendra Banhart), "Only Heather" (Wild Nothing), "Days Without Paracetamol" (Snow Patrol), "Dreaming" (Bruno Coulais, Coraline OST), "#1 Crush" (Garbage), "Angel" (Massive Attack), "Movement of Fear" (Tweaker), "Whispers in the Dark" (Skillet), "Eat" (Force/Jarboe, The Path OST)

"I WANT TO STUDY THEM LIKE A COCKROACH". this speaks for itself honestly

"what's wrong with them (affectionate AND derogatory)". Affectionate because so me he is one of the scariest things in the series and therefore his presence in the narrative is a net positive. Derogatory because fuck him.

"I would never want to meet them". Stanley is the living personification of r/letsnotmeet.

"BITING AND KILLING AND MAIMING". BITING HIM BITING HIM RIPPING HIS FLESH FLINGING HIS BODY AROUND LIKE A DOG TOY

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"everyone but me is wrong about them". I don't think this is necessarily true within the FANDOM but in terms of mainstream interpretations of the SH series it drives me batfuck insane that the most common take-away of Alessa is that she's insane and evil and somehow separate from/hateful towards Heather as a person. This is PROBABLY because of the movie but it's weird how many people literally think she's just the Scary Vengeful Child Ghost trope instead of like.... literally anything she actually does in canon.

"obsessed with their character arc". LOOK............ [gestures helplessly at every word I've ever written about Alessa, Cheryl, and Heather collectively].

"done dirty by the fans/creators". See answer no. 1, and I do feel that interpretation sometimes seems to seep into later series installments/spinoffs even if not directly. (Supposedly in an early pitch for Homecoming, Josh was supposed to become "like Alessa" but with water instead of fire, and they were going to have a telepathic Ghost Showdown against each other???). It's just weird to see a character who is like, explicitly sympathetic (the whole evil spirit thing was literally a fabrication made up by Dahlia to trick Harry into helping her) in the narrative get boiled down in interpretations/analysis to just be Cheryl's evil shadow self or something.

"ADOPTION PAPERS". IN EVERY SENSE EXCEPT PHYSICAL, I AM HARRY MASON. C'MERE KIDDO LET'S GO TOSS A FRISBEE AROUND. IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO YOU I WILL KILL EVERYONE IN THE ROOM AND THEN MYSELF. (Harry wouldn't do that.)

"constantly going insane rotating them like a fork". See answer no. 2. I can't elaborate or this post will never get finished.

"constantly listening to songs". [eyes turn completely black, starts speaking in tongues]: "Firesuite" (Doves), "Till the Clouds Clear" (Lamb), "Where Did I Leave That Fire?" (Neko Case), "Laura Palmer" (Bastille), "GLM" (Thoushaltnot), "Ashes" (Promare OST), "Not As We" (Alanis Morissette), "Lilies" (Bat for Lashes), "Coming Back to Life" (Pink Floyd).

"they've never done anything wrong in their life". THE LAST TIME SHE HAD THE ABILITY TO DO ANYTHING BUT DESPERATELY SURVIVE, SHE WAS SEVEN. EVERYTHING AFTER THAT WAS FULLY JUSTIFIED.

___________________________________

"wasted potential". This is really only because the storytelling in SH1 was limited by default-- he's closed off and mysterious and never really gets any kind of backstory outside of very small details. It would have been neat to see more about him. Instead I had to invent a whole-ass offscreen narrative about his shitty small-town drug empire.

"popular ships for this character suck". I GENUINELY DON'T THINK THERE ARE ANY POPULAR SHIPS LEFT but I know that at one point there was a lot of Kaufman/Harry around for seemingly no reason other than him being the only other shippable man in the game lmfao. I think a better ship is Harry's BOOT + Kaufman's ASS!!!!!!!

"constantly listening to music". Why yes I DO have a Michael Kaufman playlist folder! However upon scrutiny the only songs it truly needs are these three: "The Package" (A Perfect Circle), "Dogs" (Pink Floyd) (yes, all 17 minutes of it), "Give Us the Rope" (The Protomen).

“I WANT TO STUDY THEM LIKE A COCKROACH”. LOOK, HE’S INTERESTING IN MY IMAGINATION.

“I would never want to meet them”. He’s a fucking asshole.

"BITING AND KILLING AND MAIMING". GIVE. US. THE. ROPE.

______________________________

THANK YOU FOR WAITING AND ALSO FOR READING LITERALLY ANY OF THIS. I missed rambling about Silent Hill.

#Silent Hill #Stanley Coleman #Alessa Gillespie #Michael Kaufmann #kit rambles about silent hill #asks 4 me

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nosnexus · 2 years ago

Note

I love reading about other people's ttrpg campaigns. Could you talk about yours if that's okay?

OF COURSE ITS OKAY! THank you! I literally am always down to talk about this campaign because we have such an amazing group. We're following an adventure path, so if you're planning on playing you might not want to read too much (it's a fun adventure so far, play it!)

Our party consists of Gnelwynn (Gnome Rogue), Chadrum (Human Swashbuckler/Champion), Narek (Hobgoblin Alchemist), and Wren (Aasimar Sorcerer) ((That’s my kid!)). The Extinction Curse adventure path SO FAR has involved Circus shenanigans, beating up Zulgaths/dinosaurs that want to destroy beacons of Aroden, and inadvertently having to become heroes to save the Starstone Isles from an Extinction Curse. And pie making contests. Lots of pie making contests.

Alright folks, buckle up. Shit be going down. Here’s the state of our motley crew from the circus of Wayward Wonders!

In our last few sessions our party has finished clearing out the temple of Aroden beneath the city of Escadar. Our party went through a couple of encounters, searching for more concrete evidence of Mistress Dusklight being the worst that we can hand in to the police, before findinga room with a stone golem holding a grail. Red flags all around to be honest. We’ve got no reason to grab that damn grail. We’ve been warned. But dammit, some of us were cocky. And that grail looked hella shiny...

For context, here's the current state of the union leading up to this:

The Celestial Menagerie is our rival circus being run by the tyrannical Mistress Dusklight – two of our members ran away from the circus because of reasons and Dusklight was actively abusive towards pretty much everybody

Things apparently had gotten WAY worse there after they left. Like…Devil contracts level of way worse. Oh and Dusklight is in cahoots with Zulgaths (who are fucking up Aroden’s long begotten shit). And she’s got a rat in the police force. Also she’s sent people to kill us a couple of times. And she’s a dick. (with a +25 to her intimidation check)

Our Swashbuckler’s ex is in deep shit apparently because he was supposed to jump the party and refused – now he’s in the circus equivalent of a Goulag, beaten and starved to think about his life choices of not being a dick (like Dusklight)

We’ve witnessed more circus horrors happening to people and animals alike within the Celestial Menagerie and it makes everyone want to burn the place to the ground and give everyone therapy afterwards.

We’ve been had by Dusklight when we went to scope out the circus the previous day and NOW we’re in a time crunch before Dusklight starts retaliating

Oh and we have a show of our own the next day. Nice.

Now back to the golem.

Half the party wants to push the big red button. Wren is freaking out because we're in a time crunch; but majority rules and Wren already made an impulsive decision a few rooms back that has them vibrating - so they don't try to argue further. That button gets pushed and boooooooy howdy it went as well as you’d think.

SOOOOOO…we’re all cursed.

None of us are able to heal kind of cursed. Wren exhausted most of their healing spells, and due to the level of the curse, it would take multiple crits in order to fully break it on multiple party members (the curse would lift if you magically heal to full health after a counteract check, or a high enough remove curse is used). And since we were planning of hitting the Celestial Menagerie later that night, we're in trouble. It takes us more time than we’d want to (and more gold than we wanted to spend) for us to remove the curse – but hey, we get an hour “beach episode” while the curse is lifted thanks to a helpful Druid in the city. Thanks Soothing Spring!

Less great - as we leave the druid’s place, we see smoke rising from the outskirts of the city, where our freaking circus is.

The bitch got us. It was bad.

No one was killed, but it was close for a lot of the major acts. One of them was almost drowned in her escape tank, some of the animal acts were murdered, a bear that Wren loves has been bear-napped, and our Swashbuckler had a severed finger placed in his quarters with a note stating: “a new contract has been signed”.

Andera – the police captain - had deputized us earlier that day and asked us to arrest Dusklight. Alive.

Yeah, that wasn’t happening.

We just finished up our big bad fight with Mistress Dusklight, with some interesting outcomes that will be unravelling our next session. A LOT happened in our lead up to the big bad and I honestly wished I had live blogged it but I was SO STRESSED.

Highlights from my kid tho - Wren beat up Dusklight’s aasimar boytoy, double flipped off a devil (that will have no consequences whatsoever), found out said devil may know their dad?!?, SAVED THE DRYAD they were worried about, and accidently?Notaccidently helped two of the gate guards set up a lotion stall at their circus so they can make money to take care of their grandma. It’s probably an MLM… Oops.

#nexus plays pathfinder #nexus talks #sorry this is kind of stream of consciousness #the next session is gonna be juicy as hell and I can't waaaaait

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wizkiddx · 4 years ago

Text

the worst case scenario

okay so this is possibly part 1 of a v v angsty dad!tom fic!!

WARNING: the section under the cut of this is v v v dark with mentions of death and some graphic descriptions of blood etc - please please don't read if any of these things may affect you <3

the part above the cut (the keep reading bit) is completely fluffy (a bit of childbirth but not graphic) so you could read only that first bit as a stand alone if anybody wanted to

dad!tomholland x reader

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“Stop laughing at me!!!” Y/n exclaimed in mock anger before bursting out laughing, knowing she did look pretty ridiculous.

“I can’t help it you just…. You look like an elephant!” Tom cackled from his reclined position lying on the couch, whilst his 8 month pregnant fiancé struggled to get up from her seated position on the floor - where she had spent the last half an hour wrapping presents for her nephews birthday.

“You know a supportive soon to be father would’ve helped me up!” Replying with a scowl that didn’t last long, Y/n finally standing up took the three steps to the couch before uncerimoniously collapsing into it.

Grinning with this absolute sparkle in his eye, Tom leant forward and slid up to Y/n to pull her into his side. His hand came to rest upon her massive bump - at this point it was almost a rule that if he were touching Y/n he also had to be touching the bump. Tom claimed it to be skin to skin contact and although Y/n were pretty sure that didn’t come into effect until after the baby was born, she wasn’t complaining either.

“It’s a shame your stuck with me then huh?” He murmured into the top of Y/n’s head, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head while tracing meaningless patterns on her shirt over the bump. Tom was beyond excited to become a Dad, family had always meant everything to him growing up (and now). There was nothing he wanted more , therefore, to call them a family of three - or more accurately four, not forgetting Tess of course.

“Oh how I regret ever taking up that extra shift at the club” She mused sarcastically, enjoying how he feigned offence in return.

The way the two had met was so incredibly cliche that it was almost painful, whenever anyone asked how they met she always winced internally. But it was their truth, Y/n had been a caddy at the golf course Tom frequented with his brothers. The nature of his ‘reputation’ meant the caddies always had to sign NDA’s to be paired with Tom’s group and the chosen few were those personally recommended by the golf course. She’d always stuck out to him, mainly because she seemed to be biting her tongue as they worked their way round the course. Caddies, also by job description, were not to speak unless spoken to; to be polite and courteous but not chatty. So, given how professioial she was, had taken some convincing for Tom to drag it out why she looked in physical pain whenever they played the 13th hole.

“Look somethings on your mind I can tell! If you hate me I can arrange another caddy I just -“ He followed her march to back from the hole toward the little buggy, ahead of his brothers and Dad who were making small talk from behind.

“FINE! Okay fine.” Reaching the end of her tether, Y/n snapped, whipping her body round to face him. “It’s your grip! On this hole especially you always play the driver with you pinky too far down the shaft, it’s why you always end up in the bunker on the 13th! It’s bloody infuriating because them I’m the one that has to clean the buggy you’ve trampled sand into!”

“Oh…. I-I … I wasn’t expecting that” Tom had spoken quietly, in an unfamiliar tone to Y/n. Over hours she’d spent on the course with them over the months, Y/n had gotten used to his storytelling voice when recounting an insane experience to his family that he’d had in the world of Hollywood; his grumpy voice when he played badly, which was often; and then his gloating voice - most definitely the worst and intolerable. This voice though, was different.

“I-I’m so sorry I have no right, I just-“ She’d out her foot in it …. badly. The young actor was one of the most clubs most prestigious and valued members; and she’d just insulted him. Clearly, she was also about to be in search of another job.

“No no I appreciate your tip… I didn’t even realise you play?” His gracious smile calmed her nerves a little, though Y/n still wrung her hands together as she replied.

“Well we aren’t supposed to talk about it but the club let us employees loose after hours… I practice quite a bit”

“Seeing as you think my game is so shitty, you fancy a round next time?”

Flash forward 3 and half years and a proposal, they were now taking their next massive leaps in the world together. Bringing a whole new life into it. It was bloody terrifying, they both openly admitted. But it was also exciting, new, incredible and… and made them even closer. Now they had to be in each others lives forever, no escaping.

“How many days left?” Craning her neck back on his shoulder so Y/n could meet his brown eyes, she knew the answer would be immediate.

“15 till the due date and the app said they’re the size of a rhubarb but I don’t really know what that means.” He knew more about the pregnancy and birth than she did. He had about a dozen different apps on his phone (including one pointlessly comparing the size of the baby to carrots/ watermelons/ onions), had read 4 different books (which for Tom was the equivalent to reading Newton’s book ‘philisphica Mathematica’.)

Ever since she’d told him about the pregnancy Tom had excelled every expectation Y/n had of him… massively. Without even having a conversation surrounding it, he had explicitly cancelled all major work commitments within 2 months of the due date and until around a year after. He had flown back and fourth across the world so he could pop in and check on you. He’d also set his whole family on becoming your minders when he was away - Y/n wouldn’t have been able to go a day avoiding a Holland (or Osterfield) if she had tried.

The pregnancy thus far hadn’t been the easiest though, hence why Y/n still appreciated to constant worrying texts and calls. During the first trimester the morning sickness had been literal hell; and then you’d had a little bit of a scare with pre-eclampsia during the second. It landed you a 3 day stay in hospital and a very very panicked Tom rushing back from New York on the first possible flight.

So now? Y/n wanted the baby out. She wanted family life as parents. (At which point hopefully Tom would stop comparing the size of your child to an assortment of different fruit and veg)

“You know, you really are going to be the best dad in the world Thomas Stanely Holland.”

“And you Y/f/n y/m/n y/l/n are already a pretty impressive mum.”

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It was 3 o’clock the next morning when Y/n awoke with a sudden groan instinctively rubbing her stomach in an attempt to get them easing up. Now too familiar with Braxton-Hicks contractions, the weird cramping that waxes and wanes but never letting her get any rest - Y/n knew she was in for a long night. With a muted sigh she carefully lifted Tom’s arm off her side, cautious not to disturb him. The poor boy had been up most nights with her, just because baby wasn’t letting her sleep, it didn’t mean Tom wasn’t deserving of rest either.

So making furtive movements at a snails pace, she attempted to tip toe out the room - yet as Tom had pointed out before, she looked almost like an elephant, so everything was relative. Surprisingly though, she was successful, escaping onto the soft cream carpet of their hallway before choosing to venture into the room opposite theirs. It had once been a spare room, though more correctly termed the ‘shit room’ because that’s where all the accumulated shit they got was thrown. Now however, Tom and his brothers had taken on the mammoth task of clearing it out and redecorating - creating the most beautiful nursery one could ever see. Complete with a rocking chair which Y/n made a beeline for, now allowing herself to audible groan at the tight sensation deep inside her.

Normally they would ease after a half an hour or so, yet this time, after what was surely more like an hour and a half they started to…. ramp up. What was a tight pressure sensation quickly became one more forceful volatile and full of pain. She put it off for about 3 or 4 cycles of these, pursing her lips and breathing deeply as she tried to convince herself they’d just simply fizzle away. This couldn’t be the real thing could it? It was too soon - as Tom had said she wasn’t due for another 15 days. It wasn’t happening… was it?

The answer was pretty comprehensively and cohesively given when Y/n tried to stand up, in the hope of walking the ache off, she felt an incredibly tight crunch as her insides seemed to wring themselves together. Oh … and a surge of water soaked her pyjama bottoms.

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck FUCKKKK TOMMMM!! TOM-ah shit- MY WATERS!!! TOOOMMMM”The pain had amped up to a very very impressive levels, forcing Y/n to clutch her sides as she kept bending and straightening back up… as if that would help. Her lonesome agony didn’t last long though, a flustered Tom hurtled in the room - his hair sticking up all over the place and although his eyes were puffy from sleep he still had them glued open impressively wide.

“No its-its too- its too early!” In pure disbelief, Tom shook his head staring across at her face, contorted in pain.

“Yeh because-“ She gulped and exhaled in as much of a controlled manner she could through pursed lips; before answering his stupid statement. “Because I can just HOLD IT IN FOR ANOTHER 2 WEEKS SHALL I?” It took a while for Tom to process, looking down at the puddle of clear fluid on the floor and damp patch on her plaid bottoms while it was Y/n’s turn to look upon his it utter disbelief at his stupidity.

“Oh shit shitshitshitshitshitshit!!!!” His words grew with increased volume and place whilst he stayed frozen, his arms reaching out lightly toward Y/n without touching her though. “What do we do?!”

He of course had revised repeatedly and extensively what he was supposed to do when this happened - yet in the moment all knowledge and planning evaporated from his mind. Now wasn’t the time for taking the mick of her terrified fiancé though, Y/n was too blinded by pain as she leaned on the dresser.

“Get the-ah FUCKING hell - phone we need to time them and phone the … the-MIDWIFE.” It was hard to direct a frantic and terrified man when one feels as though her insides are collapsing in on themselves.

Tom gulped, nodding shakily, whilst trying to take deep breaths because although he was fucking terrified it wasn’t him that was giving birth. He had to step up now.

It took barely 10 minutes from the midwife picking up to a frantic Tom for her to assess that they needed to get into the hospital asap. During the pregnancy, all of Tom’s rich friends had recommended paying for a private hospital like the ‘Portland hospital’. The idea was it was a much more luxurious and private experience - of course coming with a heavy price tag. For Tom money was not an issue, so he’d suggested to Y/n and met the strongest rejection of all his life. The NHS was by far the only choice in Y/n’s mind - of course it busier, a lot less serene and not as private; but if god forbid something did happen, that was where all the experts and resources were. The idea of being able to pay for better access to healthcare actually repulsed Y/n and everything she stood for… so in short Tom was met with a very blunt refusal.

Once they arrived on the ward, all it took was one look at Y/n’s inflated belly and the way her body was squirming in the wheelchair Tom was pushing, whilst laden with the baby bags they’d had packed and prepared for weeks, for the pair to be rushed into a side room. After an intense 20 minutes of getting Y/n settled, getting her full medical history and inspection of her vagina the hmidwife’s head popped up from between her legs with a kind smile. She explained in a calming and gentle tone that Y/n was 5 cms dilated and had got to that point fast, yet now things looked to be slowing down a bit. With final words of advice of try to relax she left the pair to it.

They both looked at each other, a matching expression of confusion and relative terror blatantly clear in both their eyes. It had them both burst out laughing, if Y/n then scowled at the pain that shot through her side.

“This is really happening huh?” Tom murmured as he rounded the bed to gently run his hands through her sticky hair.

“I don’t know unless you really do want me to postpone their arrival for a short while?” Tom rolled his eyes and shook his head, although not really able to surpress the chuckle at his finances humour - even if it was at his expense.

“Glad to see you can still be as sarcastic as ever.” He laughed but before she could reply another wave of contractions hit making her instead just scream - grabbing his hand so tightly Tom was certain a bone or two were crushed in the process.

It was another hour or two of the same traumatic sight of watching the women he loved more than anything in the world be in such extreme pain. God knows how his appreciate for his mother grew in that moment - she had had four kids overall, two of them twins! Tom dared to think of the scenes in that room of twin brothers birth. Having to deal with both Sam and Harrys large heads…

Harrison had arrived in the meantime, he was to be the child’s godfather and Y/n was more than happy to have him there - even if it was more of a support to Tom than Y/n. Quite expectantly though, he was just as terrified and useless as Tom - so instead of having one idiot to deal with, the midwives now had double trouble of terrified men.

And yet after another 1 hour or so Y/n was being told to make one final push. Baring down on the gas and air tube, Y/n squeezed her eyes shut together whilst simultaneously contracting every muscle in her body with what little energy she had left. Hearing Tom and Harrisons words of encouragement; the midwifes orders and her own long and continuous scream, Y/n pushed with all she had. It was excruciating and torturous yet she kept going until the most beautiful sound was the only thing left reverberating round the room.

Her babies cry.

Tom looked at the scene in awe, feeling an almost out of body experience as the midwife unfolded from her position leant over the bed looking up to Tom.

“Do you want to cut the cord Dad?” Releasing a breathy laugh, tears collecting in his eyes he looked down at Y/n. She looked a mess - hair flying all over the place; sweaty sheen and a ruined look on her face; panting hard as she caught her breath. But to Tom? Never had he seen her look more beautiful, especially when she managed a small smile, nodding encouragingly at him. So he moved round to the end of the bed as the nurse motioned, while Harrison squeezed Y/n’s shoulder with the proudest look on his face.

It was the first time Tom had ever seen his child. And really, seeing a wrinkly little pink thing covered in all sorts of gunge - it shouldn’t be such a magical moment. But here he was, a single tear escaping over his lower lashes at the sight of them wriggling about. The midwife gave him a second, before gently handing him the medical scissors and directing him as to what to do. Once done, the lady announced the room it was a beautiful baby girl.

The next hour or so was a bit of a blur, the whole situation felt extremely surreal to everyone - but perhaps most to Y/n. Although the baby was premature the doctors had checked and were confident was perfectly healthy, so after both Y/n and Tom having their turn holding her (Tom finally got his real skin to skin time) they brought in a little incubator where she could rest while Y/n was recovering. Due to her prematurity, as a safety net, the doctors did want to keep the baby girl in overnight for observation, which meant the whole party would be staying too.

Y/n loved nothing more than watching Tom and Haz with their baby. The way they delicately cradled her in their strong arms and the way their eyes softened so inexplicably. Y/n swore that had she not just pushed a watermelon sized human out her vagina, the way Tom looked while holding their daughter would make her pregnant all over again.

“I still can’t believe you two created a real life human.” Harrison mused while standing with the baby girl in his arms, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he watched her sleep soundly.

“To be fair it was mainly Y/n” Tom laughed as he squeezed Y/n’s hand (wincing internally as it hurt his already injured hand - Y/n had an almost death grip)

“Oh no credit where credits due… he was involved for a whole 3 minutes or so.” Harrison snorted and Tom scowled at her, yet her cheeky if exhausted grin instantly erased any annoyance.

“Don’t make sexual jokes in front of our child!” He retorted, Harrison still laughing at his friend. Haz loved Y/n too - she made Tom a better version of himself. And now, she’d made him a dad.

**triggering part starts here

After all the excitement of the early morning it was more than fair to say Y/n was shattered, Tom not doing much better. So after a little bit, Tom joined Y/n on the bed and they instantly fell asleep to the light beeping of their babies heart monitor. Harrison stayed in the arm chair in the corner of the room, wheeling the little incubator right in front of him to just stare at the little girl. He had been texting Tom’s family too, giving them details of when they’d be allowed to come and meet the little one, who had just woken up to all Tom’s frantic texts from the night before.

Eventually though he was ped ousnapt of his happy daze, looking over to the bed and seeing Tom groan as he shifted on the mattress that was technically only spacious enough for one.

“You good mate?” Harrison spoke in a low voice, keen not to disturb either the baby of Y/n - she had earned a bit of peace. Tom just mumbled in response, rubbing his eyes as he sat up before letting out a deeper groan.

“-hat the fuck” Tom lifted up the blanket covering them both as Harrison looked on inquisitively. But then Tom leapt off the bed, started violently shouting Y/n as he shook her in a look of desperation. It was violent and harsh, Harrison was horrified as he immediately stood up in an action to pull Tom off her.

“Tom what are you-“

“Get help Haz.” Tom turned around to look at Haz, only at which point could the blonde haired boy make out why Tom looked so insane. Because his trousers, and the bedsheets that were now not hidden by the blankets, was covered in a red sticky substance. Jaw dropping, Haz slalomed round the incubator to stand at the foot of the bed.

It honestly looked like a horror scene. Y/n’s lower half was completely saturated in a bright red liquid that slowly was creeping further and further through the sheets. Her face looked pale, Haz cursing himself for not noticing earlier and her breathing… it looked so slow it was barely noticeable. The silence was only endured for a few moments, before Tom turned back to violently shaking the dead weight below him yelling her name repeatedly and frantically.

As soon as the alarm was raised more and more staff piled into the room, each one carrying a new level of importance and seniority - instantly taking control of the room and shouting orders. Tom had long since been pulled away from the bed by a nurse, who was trying to speak to him and calm him down, but was completely ignored as he focused on the scene over their shoulder.

“Looking like a primary PP bleed but she’s lost at least 3 pints already…. Somone bleep the aenestists and lets get moving to the OR please!.. We’ll need bloods crossmatch 5 units….”

Tom heard to the controlled sense of urgency in the lead doctors voice and he felt as though his heart was being torn straight from his chest. Harrison took over from the nurse, half restraining - half hugging him as the nurse ushered them completely out the room. Shouting over Tom’s desperate pleas to let the doctors do their thing. He fought hard against Harrison but ultimately his hold was enough to keep him back, the two watching from he corridor as Y/n’s bed was wheeled rapidly out the room - what seemed like at least 12 staff members bustling after it.

Harrison knew it was hopeless to try and talk to Tom, as he paced up and down the ‘relatives room’ the two had been confined to. They didn’t have a clue what was going on, no-one seemed to want to tell them - making the worst case option appear the most likeliest in Harrison’s head. A nurse had said the baby, as yet unnamed, had been taken down the neonatal unit so that it was one thing less for them to worry about ; but refused to say anything about Y/n, saying a doctor would come and explain soon.

It must’ve been 20 mins, even if to the two men it felt like a lifetime, when a round and short, greying man with big black rimmed rectangular glasses entered the room. Tom was too in his own head to even notice, pacing up and down the room while constantly running a hand through his hair as he tried to keep his breath in regular time - even if his brain was on overdrive. It took Harrison calling his name twice to make him snap out of it, looking up with desperate pleading eyes to notice the stout man, a sympathetic smile on his face.

“Are you Mrs y/L/n’s husband?”

“Fiance”

“I’m Dr Webber the consultant gynaecologist, shall we take a seat sir?” Tom stayed rigid, standing opposite him in an offensive manner.

“She’s dead isn’t she?” At Tom’s cold words, Haz’s breath halted in his chest. It had been what they’d both been thinking, of course, it was natural when you see someone with more blood out their body than inside it. The doctor seemed a little shocked at his frankness, pressing his lips together as he let out a sigh.

“No sir she’s not but she is very very unwell. Please, let’s sit down so we can talk about it because I understand it’s a lot to take in.” It took a couple of movements of Tom stood frozen staring but Dr Webber held firm, waiting until Tom took a seat next to Haz before he moved - drawing a chair from across the room so he could face both men.

“First off I’m sorry you were removed from the room and put in here for so long but these situations are incredibly hard and to get Y/n the best care we needed the whole room.”

“Doctor I just… I just need to know what’s going on.” He couldn’t deal with the state of unknowing, Tom was going insane, he didn’t care for the small talk.

“Sorry right, so what we think happened was your fiancé developed a condition called ‘placental accreta’. In simple terms, a bit of the placenta is stuck in the uterus and causes bleeding.”

“That much bleeding?” Haz couldn’t help himself from butting in, he knew this wasn’t really his place, that he was just being there for Tom. But at the same time that was his godchilds mum, it mattered.

“Honestly? Usually not, Y/n had very severe bleed… So she has been taken in for surgery, where the very talented surgeons are trying patch up the affected blood vessels. I’m afraid at this point that’s all I can really say.”

“So… she’s going to be okay?” It was desperate plea for something that, even if Tom wouldn’t admit, he didn’t really believe - it seemed as if none of the three in the room did.

“It’s not that easy I’m afraid. Assuming the surgeons can stabilise the bleeding and fix it…. with blood loss like she has suffered we… we don’t know what the effects of that will be. We tried to prevent as much damage to her brain and body as possible with transfusing blood into her and it was good that she was in hospital so could get treatment almost immediately…. But I’m afraid it’s simply too early to say. The first hurdle is going to be getting her out of surgery safely, only then can we deal with whatever happens next.”

Tom had so many emotions flashing through his head. He knew the doctor was trying to go slow to make the information a little more digestible but it was all so bloody incomprehensible. So when the greying man asked both men if they had any questions, neither took up his offer. Surely they both would after hours of processing and analysing but for right now? They were stunned into silence.

“Okay sir, now I hope you don’t mind me saying this but it really is important for you to hear. You are now a father, as Y/n is a mother. This situation is never easy but as a first time dad I need you to be aware that now your fiancé can’t be your only priority. We are all here to support you but please, just remember that.”

Harrison was so glad the doctor had said that, it was so completely true - yet Haz knew he didn’t have enough power to have said it to Tom. The whole thing was impossible and at the centre was an innocent, beautiful but totally dependant baby.

“What happens now then?” Haz had to ask on behalf of his friend, who was now completely overwhelmed. Dr Webber sighed, leaning back and rubbing his knees before answering.

“If the surgery is successful it’ll be at a best estimate two hours before we will have news for you , then she will be taken into intensive care where everything else would be assessed and further investigations would happen. You can both stay here or go get food, maybe go down and see the baby in the neonatal ICU? I personally promise that as soon as any of us get any news you will be the first to know.”

He was met with the sort of silence that makes you shiver. Sighing heavily, the doctor rubbed his knees, apparently preparing to leave. “This possibly one of the worst case scenarios that could’ve happened but Y/n is in the best hands and we will do everything for her. If you do think of anything you want clarification on, grab one of the nurses and they’ll come and find me.”

And then he left.

The room was deathly silent. Harrison couldn’t dare to look over at Tom - he knew what he would see and honestly seeing Tom like that would only make it worse. God knows how long they sat in those plastic lined, lightly padded hospital chairs. Both in silence. Just thinking… or more like worrying… or more like dreading. It was Tom who actually broke the silence first, his voice barely audible but still the meaning was crisp and clear.

“I can’t do it Haz” For the first time since the doctor was with them, Harrison looked at Tom, catching him directly in the eye. That hurt… Tom’s eyes looked so, so… hopeless. He knew what his broken friend was saying, but honestly Haz didn’t want to hear it so he did not respond. That didn’t stop Tom though, he continued. “I can’t do it. … I-I can’t be a dad without her… I just can’t.”

What the hell was Harrison supposed to say? There wasn’t really a guidebook to this situation. He was clueless. So, cautiously Harrison just leaned over, wrapping his arms round Tom as he all but collapsed into his friends chest. Tom was sobbing harshly as Harrison looked up at the ageing ceiling tiles, trying to surpress his own emotions because now clearly wasn’t about him.

“You can Tom… you have to.” His friend didn’t respond, well apart from harsh sobs that racked his frame. And so Harrison just let Tom cry, folded awkwardly and uncomfortably over the arm rest of the chairs, occasionally yelling into his chest at the unjustness of the situation.

It wasn’t fair. But it had still happened. And there was still a baby girl by herself downstairs.

//////

is this okay or too much? I won't write another part if generally people think its a bit too dark!!!!

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #dad!tom #tom holland x y/n #Tom Holland angst #angsty

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