#(( four: i dug your graves already muns just lmk when to fill them up again

[syharper]

💔

send me a 💔 for a heartbreaking au : not accepting

our muses must decide whether to pull the plug on someone’s life support

it’s one thing for a stray bullet to hit one of the most important people in your life. it’s another one to figure out it wasn’t a stray bullet at all, but a specifically aimed one.

not that it makes much of a difference in this very moment. accident or not, the truth of the matter is still that for the past couple of months, harper has been looking at the shell of a man she once knew, while at the same time standing beside the shell of a man she once knew. kinam hasn’t come out of the coma since he got shot, and yongsun seems to almost be resembling his husband’s state by moving around like a zombie most days.

harper has been sticking around dutifully, basically moving into the apartment to make sure yongsun eats and drinks regularly. to make sure that life goes on. to make sure showers are taken (’look, one little brother who wouldn’t shower is enough, scorp, you don’t have to become a second one.’), to make sure the house doesn’t turn into a dumpster (’i don’t want to sound like your mom, but it’s not that hard to clean up after yourself, babe’), to make sure yongsun doesn’t fall apart entirely (’i’m here for you, i’m always here for you. i love you.’)

the thing is, even if both males have conquered a space in her heart and even though she’s willing to die for them, she is starting to grow tired of clipped wings and limited space to move around in. her heart doesn’t hunger for kinam to open his eyes anymore, because she’s accepted that that is something which won’t happen again. she will never see the stars in his eyes anymore, never make him laugh or be on the receiving end of one of his rare but genuine looks of love.

but rather than wish for the world to end, like it seems yongsun is doing on a more regular basis every single day, she hungers for revenge. the cornerstones of her foundation are seeped in it, after all, the faces of the ones she killed a long line of vindication, the only reasons she is still alive to this day. smiling, enjoying, living, loving.

but revenge is hard to get operating from a tiny apartment where you’re trying to keep the only other inhabitant from throwing himself out the window or drowning himself in his bath water - yongsun hasn’t done either yet, but she honestly wouldn’t put it past him. not anymore. especially not after seeing the look on his face when he got the phonecall.

a simple, short call. to let the man know that he was going to have to clear the bed in the hospital by either moving his husband to a private facility - a cost he can’t really pay for and will cause him to lose the apartment within two months - or simply giving up hope - something harper feels like maybe he has already long done but simply hasn’t said aloud yet.

they’ve been standing in the hospital room for three hours now, yongsun just looking down at kinam’s face, while harper looks at everything but. she is there because yongsun felt like she should make the decision with him, but she’s pretty sure they both know it’s yongsun’s call and his alone. she will never try to make him do either, because there is no way she wants there to be something he will resent her for in the long run.

besides, with her track record of losing family, it will be all too easy for her to pull the plug.

kinam deserves better. her little starboy deserves someone to struggle with the decision, to feel the agony of choice even while being faced with the overwhelming truth that it doesn’t really matter anymore. brain death is not something one just bounces back from, and miracles don’t really exist. all three of them have learned that latter part the hard way. all three of them know that death is too solid a part of life.

yongsun suddenly breathes in as if preparing to speak, and harper lifts her gaze up to him, taking in his side profile. the hacker turns away from his husband’s bedside, eyes wandering before they eventually settle on her. she sees things she hasn’t seen in a while in his expression, as well as things she’s never seen before. but there is one thing she’s certain of, and so when yongsun clearly has trouble speaking, she does so first.

“i’ll do it,” she says calmly. “if you promise me you’ll get back up and keep going.” she takes in yongsun’s expression, the desperation in his eyes, the tension in his jaw. “because i will go out there and take them down,” she says quietly, nothing but cold, lethal truth ringing in her voice. “but i can’t do that if i have to worry about you.” she pulls up one corner of her mouth then, a grim smile. “i can’t do it without you.”

she waits, gives yongsun the time to weigh her words, to come to a decision.

after a moment, he nods, and she nods back. they don’t waste more words on this. there shouldn’t be any more words on anything other than the man they both love. so she simply steps forward, reaches out to trace a finger over kinam’s eyelids almost solemnly.

“may you always fly among the stars, kiki,” she tells the lifeless shape in front of her. “till the day we meet again.” she turns away then, walks out of the room to give yongsun time with his husband.

filling out and signing the agreement doesn’t take very long, so she simply sits in the hallway for another half hour before bringing it back over to the doctor in charge. she returns to the room with him, where she doesn’t even look over at the bed anymore. it takes hardly any convincing at all to get yongsun to follow her out of the room, fingers intertwined with his much like their lives are, and she doesn’t stop walking until they’re home.

over the span of one week, she talks as much as yongsun needs to, helps him prepare the funeral ceremony, helps him arrange everything that needs arranging. then she rebuilds harper lee, the assassin, from the ground up, weapon strap by weapon strap, until there is not a scrap of fabric left suggesting she lived in peaceful bliss for a time.

“don’t worry, scorp,” she says as she embraces him one last time.

“i will get them all.”