#( regarding to the last one I know it sounds weird but it takes me AGES to ask someone to roleplay with me LOL

[warofchanges]

☕ How do you take your coffee or tea? If you drink neither, what is your morning beverage? 😖 Which is your least favorite chore to do around the house? 💘 Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Who was your first? Who is it now presently? 🌱 Do you believe people can change? ⌚ What is a reasonable amount of time to wait on an RP reply via Discord, tumblr, etc? ⚠️ Are you cautious about who you RP with or do you just dive right in and see where it takes you?

☕ How do you take your coffee or tea? If you drink neither, what is your morning beverage?

My morning ritual is a mug equivalent to three large cups of coffee, with a little spoon of sugar and a bit of milk. I like black coffee too tho coffee addicted in general

😖 Which is your least favorite chore to do around the house?

Cleaning the floor. And I live in a small open-space apartment, so you might say 'c'mon Ika, it takes you 15 minutes'- nah, still lazy as fuck lmao

💘 Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Who was your first? Who is it now presently?

Goooood question, nnnnh... Rei from Beyblade I guess? It's the first name I came up with haha, I think I was... 7? 8? XD

Now─ I don't think I have a fictional crush, probably because my current crush is a musician lol

🌱 Do you believe people can change?

Yes, we change all the time. I believe that even in the future moment, you won't be any more like your past self of ten minutes ago ─ anything may happen to let you change your perspective, mature, or step back to your ideals. It's the natural cycle of life and we're part of it. Or so I think.

Nonetheless... I still find it hard to forgive someone even if they prove me to have changed. Unfortunately, pain is harsh to wash away.

⌚ What is a reasonable amount of time to wait on an RP reply via Discord, tumblr, etc?

As much as you feel like it <3

⚠️ Are you cautious about who you RP with or do you just dive right in and see where it takes you?

Yes and no. I'm generally an easy-going person, I love roleplaying with everyone and I am really thankful for the amazing people I had the opportunity to meet in each fandom I was in <3

Unfortunately, I still feel the weight of past drama in the first fandom I was in and I tend to be wary if I see someone acting like those who made me see hell once─ and being an introvert doesn't help at all, I am just so bad at reaching out in general eh─

[recurring-polynya]

Bleach Returns 2024 - Day 7 - Aftermath

This was the first thing I started for Bleach Returns 2024, and the last thing I finished. For theme weeks like this, it's always nice to have ideas that can fit under more than one of the prompts, in case you have to switch it around. This one could just as well have ended up under "Unlikely Pairs" -- they day I turned out to have skipped, but I needed the extra time, and I think it fits better as an "Aftermath" story anyway.

In any case, I have held the belief in my heart for ages that a truly underrated part of the Blood War was the fact that out of everyone in the Gotei, the only two people that got to see Komamura's wolf-man form were Iba and Hinamori, and I wanted to know if they ever talked about it later. I accidentally wrote it in the present tense, so it came out about a thousand times more melancholy than I intended it to be, but I'm actually pretty happy with how it came out. Consider this my Komamura Tribute Fic: you were a real one, sir, and for, like, 30 seconds you were a total smokeshow. Somehow I doubt you truly gave up your heart for good.

Rated T for one mild curse and endorsing lying to your boss | read on ao3 |

---

"Why are you asking me?" Rukia frowns. "Renji is a perfectly adequate liar." And your friend, she doesn't add.

Hinamori has an answer for this. She would have preferred to ask Renji, too. "He's too nice," she explains. "I know that I'm really bad at this, and he'll tell me I'm fine when I'm not. This is important. I need to do it right."

Rukia screws up her face and for a moment, Hinamori worries that she feels insulted, either on her own or on Renji's behalf. It's usually pretty rude to come up to a person and ask for their help in crafting a convincing fib. Hinamori knows Renji well enough-- she knows Rukia well enough now-- to expect that it would be taken as a compliment. But maybe not.

Rukia huffs. "You're right," she grumbles. "He's always been like that." She sighs expansively. "But if he were capable of running a team grift on his own, we never would have met, so I suppose I can't complain." And without any further preamble, she launces into a dissertation on the theory and practice of lying.

Hinamori blinks as she tries to take it in. There are fundamental precepts. There are classic techniques. There is ontology. There are hand-movements and eyebrow wagging. Hinamori should have brought a notebook, not that she could manage to get it all down. A lot of what Rukia says sounds like something Renji would say, but with far more conviction. He always used to say that he learned most of his chicanery from Rukia, and for the first time, Hinamori starts to believe it.

Rukia stops abruptly in the middle of an illustrative anecdote that has something to do with Kurosaki Ichigo's gym teacher. "What, exactly is the falsehood you need to fabricate?"

Hinamori tells her.

Rukia squirms for a moment. Momo realizes that she doesn't know if Rukia was asked to testify at any inquiries regarding her own captain. She wonders if she should have asked Renji after all.

"Look," says Rukia, in a way that is somehow simultaneously gruff and delicate, "Hinamori." She clears her throat. "I know it's extra weird because he's the Captain-Commander now, but you can just lie to Captain Kyouraku. It doesn't have to be convincing. He will ask you the question and you can say what you need to say and he'll write it in the official report. Whether or not he believes you is unimportant. He wants you to lie."

"I know," says Hinamori. "But I don't want it to just be a nod and a wink. Captain Komamura wouldn't have liked that. He was a good captain and a kind soul. Iba told me that he often tried to help people save face. I want to do a good job on my lie, for him. For Iba, too."

Rukia's brows furrow. She sets her jaw. "Your heart is very big, Hinamori," she says. "There are special techniques for lying with your entire heart. I will teach them to you."

"Thank you, Kuchiki-san," says Hinamori.

---

"Shortly after I became his lieutenant," Iba says, facing forward, standing at his fullest height, "my captain informed me that, in the case of his death, he had arranged a special exemption from the standard funeral rites for Gotei captains. He said that, if it was within my power, I should make sure his body was returned to his people."

"That is correct," the Head-Captain agrees. "Werewolves have a different path through the resurrection cycle than we do."

It takes Iba a moment before he is able to continue, but when he does, his voice is steady. He speaks in the cadence of a Lieutenant Delivering a Report. They can all do it. They all do do it. Momo does not remember anyone ever teaching her how. It just comes with the job. Iba's voice is naturally a little froggy, which Momo has noticed before, but it's even more evident when he is forgoing his usual tough guy turns of phrase.

Iba describes the damage sustained by his captain's bankai during the battle with Sternritter E. He makes a remark for the record about the unique relationship between Captain Komamura and his bankai. In this case, Iba says, the damage was more than Komamura could heal, would ever be able to heal. Iba states that by dismissing his bankai, Captain Komamura was able to eke out a few more hours of his life, but that his end was inevitable. This is why Iba and his captain did not regroup with everyone else, and why they declined medical assistance. Iba fought Soldat with his captain until the bitter, bloody end. At that time, zombies had begun to appear on the battlefield, and Iba felt it vital to deliver the body of his captain to the werewolf clan as soon as possible, so that it did not fall into enemy hands. That is why there is no corpse. "But my captain died honorably, in battle," Iba concludes. "I was there when he fell."

It takes some time for Head-Captain Kyouraku to finish up his note-taking. Lieutenant Ise is faster at transcription, Momo thinks, but she is not here. There is so much to do these days. She must be busy with something else.

Kyouraku's eyes scan quickly over his notes. "Thank you, Lieutenant Iba," he says. "Very complete. I don't think I have any further questions."

"If you think of anything later, please don't hesitate to ask, sir," Iba replies.

Kyouraku turns his gaze to Momo. "I understand you are able to corroborate portions of this, Lieutenant Hinamori?"

Momo straightens her spine and clears her throat.

You are telling a story, Rukia reminds her. Parts of that story are true and parts of it are not. Start with the parts that are true.

Hinamori tells the story of fighting her way through the Soldat-flooded city, trying to rejoin her captain. It is their practice to maintain distance when he is using his zanpakutou, but she likes to be within shouting distance. In case he needs her. She talks about seeing the columns of light and feeling the burst of strange, acidic reiatsu as the Quincy unleashed their Voll Stern Dich. She does not mention the way her feet were already moving even before she felt her captain's reiatsu plummet.

One of the things that makes you a bad storyteller, Hinamori, is that you always needs to add in extra detail, even when it doesn't add to the story, even when it makes you not look great. Especially when it makes you not look great. It's like you're always afraid of people thinking you are lying, so you want to lay everything out there up front.

This is still the part that is true, and Rukia said it was important to build up some momentum, so Himamori allows herself the indulgence of being a bad storyteller. If I tell the true parts poorly, she reasons, the lies will be less obvious.

"When Captain Hirako was injured, I made a poor decision. I wanted to save my captain. I thought I could get the drop on Sternritter E. I thought I could fight her fire with mine." Hinamori swallows. "Captain Komamura saved me. I know he wanted to go on and fight Yhwach, but he stayed back to protect me and my captain. I know it's not really relevant to this inquiry, but I would like it added to record anyway, if possible."

"Captain Komamura was always looking out for others on the battlefield," Head-Captain Kyouraku murmurs as his brush makes soft swishing noises over the paper. "I've made a note. Please continue, Lieutenant."

It's not a lie to not say something. It's just editing. Hinamori had wanted to tell Kuchiki the thing, the thing she had to edit out, but Kuchiki didn't want to hear it. Kuchiki had, in fact, put her hands over her ears and sang "LA LA LA LAAAA" until Hinamori gave up. It had been a little bit rude, in Hinamori's opinion. You want to tell me because it feels like a secret, Kuchiki had scolded. It's not a secret. It's extraneous information. Throw it in the trash. Burn it to a crisp. Forget about it forever.

It sure feels like a secret, the thing she had seen. She tries not to think about it, afraid that if she does, it will leave a hole in her story the size of a werewolf and the shape of a man. Instead, Hinamori continues. "Captain Komamura ordered me to take Captain Hirako and leave. I wanted to stay. I wanted to help. But I had seen her explosions, and I knew he needed the space. He went to bankai as I left."

"You didn't actually see them fight, then," Head-Captain Kyouraku surmises.

"Captain Komamura's bankai is--was--very large," Hinamori states the obvious. "As I left, I could see it taking explosion after explosion. I could hear and feel the bombs. They were deafening. I shouldn't have, but when they stopped, I… I looked back. I saw Captain Komamura's bankai crumble to pieces. It did not seem like a thing that would be possible to survive."

"Indeed," agrees the Head-Captain. "A great loss for the Gotei."

"Agreed, sir."

Iba draws in a long breath, but says nothing.

"Anything else, Lieutenant Hinamori?"

"No, sir. That is all."

"Captain Hirako has declined to give testimony. He said he didn't think he had anything to add."

"Probably not, sir. He was unconscious for most of it."

Kyouraku nods as he finishes writing. He puts his brush in the holder, and folds his hands. "Thank you both. I'm sorry we had to go through all this procedure for something so simple as a death in battle, but he was a captain, after all. Usually, the Central 46 would hold a hearing, but I think this--" he pats his stack of paper-- "should suffice."

She has done it. It's over. Kuchiki was right. It was barely a lie. It was a careful arrangement of true things. Hinamori feels like she has run a thousand miles and bench-pressed the Soukyoku. She wants to throw up. She wants to go to sleep for a million years.

"It was an honor to serve under him," Iba says.

Hinamori has no regrets.

---

Okay, it turns out that Hinamori does have regrets. Not about the statement. She receives a short note from the Captain Commander several days later informing her that the ruling of "Killed in Action" has been accepted, and thanking her again.

She wishes she had said more to Iba.

Hinamori is very busy these days. There have been three wartime actions in the last two years, and for once, Hinamori has come through relatively unscathed. She wants to make the most of this by helping everyone she can. She and Captain Hirako take on paperwork from the Tenth while its leadership needs extra treatment to purge out the last after-effects of the zombification. It's only fair. Hitsugaya has done enough of the Fifth's paperwork. She goes to PT with her Third Seat, who ended the war with a pair of prosthetic legs. She volunteers once a week at the Pop-Up Mess Hall the Ninth has been running to help out the squads whose facilities were destroyed, or who simply can't spare the manpower (also, the Ninth has a lot of talented cooks, and it's as good an opportunity to socialize as you can get these days). She tries to make time for all her friends, but especially the ones who are injured or grieving or overworked.

Hinamori is friendly with Iba, but she's not sure they are friends. He's not quite part of the close-knit core of the lieutenants that she hangs out with. He has his own friends, she's sure. He's pals with Abarai (who isn't?) and Madarame, who finally showed up to a lieutenant's meeting this week, even if he did so with a facial expression like he'd just drank a glass of slugs. Hinamori just isn't sure…well, it's not that those guys aren't sensitive to each other's feelings--scratch that, Madarame is definitely not sensitive to people's feelings--but Hinamori can't help but wondering if anyone has extended Iba any sympathy that didn't come the form of a moment of manly, stoic shared silence or possibly a punch on the shoulder.

Hinamori intends to swing by the Seventh shortly before the end of the work day. She isn't sure how this is going to go, and she wants to leave her options open. Her plans are derailed slightly when, on her way out of the door, she runs into Ise with a pile of new forms and feeling chatty to boot. By the time Hinamori walks into the Seventh's administrative building, it is half an hour past quitting time. The hallways are already pretty empty, and even as she knocks on Iba's door, Hinamori resigns herself to trying again tomorrow. "Lieutenant Iba?" she calls tentatively. "It's Lieutenant Hinamori. Are you in?"

"Ah, yes! Come in!" Iba's gravelly voice calls back.

Hinamori slides the door open and steps through. Iba is hunched over some paperwork. "Sorry!" he says. "Just a moment! I'm trying to finish up--there!" He looks up. "What can I do for you, Lieutenant Hinamori?"

For a long, long moment, Hinamori stares at him.

Iba has brown eyes. He blinks them once, then suddenly scrabbles around on his desk, shoves over a pile of forms that looks suspiciously like the one Ise just foisted on her, grabs his sunglasses, and crams them on his face. "Sorry!" he croaks. "Sorry!"

"No, no!" Hinamori waves a hand frantically. "It was my fault! I didn't-- I didn't see anything!" Her stomach clenches. Why is she always seeing things she isn't supposed to see? She looks away, frantically, and her eyes land on the floor next to Iba's desk. There is a pillow there, and on the pillow, a handsome dog regards her judgmentally. "Oh!" she says. "Hello, Goro!"

Iba clears his throat. "He's, uh. I don't keep him in here all day. He just had his dinner, and I'm going to take him for his walk as soon as I…" He looks at his stack of papers and then looks at Hinamori. "I'm sorry, what did you need? Are those more new forms?"

Goro puts his chin on his paws and sighs.

Hinamori looks down at the pile of paper nestled in the crook of her arm. "This?" she says, trying to get her thoughts together. "Oh! Right! No, no new forms! I got some flyers printed up for my weekly meditation circle! Do you remember, I mentioned it at the last lieutenants' meeting?"

"Oh…oh, yeah," Iba manages. "Yeah, that's not really my…"

"For your squad," Hinamori emphasizes. "I was hoping you might be able to post them in a common area. Or you could hand them out to anyone in particular you thought might benefit. Everyone's working so hard and dealing with so much right now. It can be, well, sort of a subtle way to suggest that someone takes a little break. I got a little stipend from the Fourth, so we have snacks afterward, now!"

Iba nods. He obviously does not need even one more thing to think about. "Ah, okay! Yeah, great idea! Thanks, Lieutenant Hinamori."

Hinamori slides the stack of flyers onto an extra table that Iba has pulled up next to his desk, apparently for increasing its paperwork-holding capacity. "You can have someone deal with these tomorrow," she says gently. She kneels down to scratch Goro's head. "Are you doing all right, Iba-san?"

Iba misinterprets her and immediately begins to bluster. "All of this looks much worse than it is! I'm getting the important stuff done! Ask anyone in Squad Seven--who have been champs, by the way! You see how empty this place is? It's because I make everyone go home on time, that's why! They'd be working night and day if I didn't make them take a rest. Maybe I'll send the whole lot over to your meditation whatsit!"

"That's not what I meant," Hinamori cuts him off. Unlike the Head-Captain's office, this is a place where she doesn't need to be parsimonious with the truth, so she goes on to say, "I only brought those flyers over as an excuse to come see how you were doing. You must miss him so much, and you can't even talk to anyone about the way it really happened."

Iba's mouth opens as he starts to say something, but then he closes it again. "I do," he says finally. He jerks his head towards an extra chair sitting along one wall. "You wanna pull up a seat?"

Hinamori does so. "Have you…heard anything?" She knows that Captain Komamura is still alive because Iba told her when he came to ask her to testify at the hearing. When he came to ask her if she would help him tell the story the way Captain Komamura would prefer it to be told. All the same, she is wants to let Iba be the one to say it out loud first.

"Ah, one of his relatives is a regular at the weekly market outside the eastern gate. There was a letter." Iba is silent for a moment. "He's healed up from his war wounds. He says there are some faces he's glad to see again." Iba reaches down to scratch Goro around the ears. "The cousin, he sells mushrooms, actually, really good mushrooms, I guess they sniff them out of the woods or something. Anyway, he says that, ah, well… they're happy to have him home."

Hinamori feels sadness settle on her chest like a stone. She barely knew Captain Komamura at all, but she knows he must have overcome so much in order to join the Gotei, in order to live in the city. She loves Junrinan, and yet she remembers feeling the cold terror that she might be sent back there after…when it seemed unclear whether she could still be a shinigami. "I'm sure it will be an adjustment," she says slowly. She wishes she could think of something else to say.

Iba regards her for a long time. "You get it," he says. "I can tell." He groans and leans back in his chair. "Aaah, Hinamori, you're right! It's been agonizing not bein' about to say anything! Everyone thinks I'm sad 'cause he's dead, and I gotta pretend that's true, but I'm actually sad 'cause all I can think about is his wolf-mom given' him a bunch of grief about wastin' his time on shinigami shit!"

"Does he have a wolf-mom?" HInamori asks, suddenly curious.

"Hell if I know! He never talked about werewolf stuff, so I've just been coming up with stuff in my head. I'm sure it's all wrong."

"I feel like if he has a wolf-mother, he would love her very much," Hinamori said. "He seemed like that type."

"You're right, Lieutenant Hinamori," Iba said, wagging a finger at her. "You're absolutely right." He cleared his throat. "While you're here. Listenin'. Well--there's something I been wanting to say so bad I feel like I'm gonna explode sometimes. You, ah, don't mind, do you?

"Of course not," Hinamori agrees. "Go ahead."

Iba leans forward, crumpling some of his paperwork. One side of his mouth curls up into a boyish grin. Goro looks up, curious. "He was awesome, there at the end, wasn't he?"

"Oh," says Hinamori, "oh, my, yes."

"For the length of that fight, he was immortal. Untouchable."

"I will never forget how I felt when I saw his bankai," Hinamori blurts out. "It gave me shivers."

"I know! It was absolutely incredible. I've--I've been working on my own bankai and I just…it's never going to be that."

Hinamori tilts her head to one side. "It might be," she says.

Iba frowns thoughtfully. "He gave me something to shoot for, for sure. What a captain he was!"

"Mm," Hinamori nods, thinking about captains she has loved.

Iba looks away for a moment, then looks back. "Hinamori, I gotta ask. You saw my captain. In his human form."

Hinamori is momentarily shocked to hear the secret thing, said out loud and in such a casual way. "Yes," she says eagerly.

"He was…he was, like, better than average on the looks scale, right? I'm not…I'm into ladies, you know, I'm not much of a judge of that kind stuff. But, like. Wow."

"Oh, yes," Hinamori, who is generally very circumspect when offering opinions on other people's look. "He was--well, that's not really my type either but--" She clears her throat primly. "Whew!"

"Whew!" Iba agrees.

Goro whines and puts his paws over his nose. Iba laughs, the kind of big hearty one that comes from getting something off your chest. "I know I've already taken up too much of your time, Hinamori, but, uh…I don't spose you'd like to help me take this guy on his walk?"

Hinamori smiles. "I'd love that."

[weministertomonsters]

🌶 M Werefox (Harcourt) x F reader - 3

➤ Wordcount 2.4k

For @fandomenbylover who asked to be tagged for the update, which gave me the kick I needed to write this thing. Thank you! (Really guys, comments always help!) 🧡

─────────────────

A few days later, you're sweeping the leaves in the backyard when you notice something strange. The chickens are milling around their coop, clucking and staring at something underneath. Your mom mentioned a problem with rats and talked about getting a cat, so that's what you're thinking about as you crouch down to have a look. Instead of a rodent, you come face to face with a sleek female werefox. She's crammed into the tiny space, which doesn't look very comfortable. Her eyes widen as they meet yours and her ears twitch with uncertainty.

You're so surprised that it takes a moment to find your voice.

"Hi," you say. "Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you."

Her ears perk up. "Is he gone?"

"Who?"

"A big mean male. He's been bothering me all morning."

That doesn't sound like Harcourt, at least. That doesn't make you feel better though. Harcourt's been the only werefox in town for ages, and now suddenly there are two more?

"I think he's gone," you tell her.

With a grunt of effort, she crawls out from under the coop. "I was hiding, you see. I did not want to mate with him and he chased me all the way here. He did not dare to come close to the house. I hope you don't mind."

"Um, not at all," you say, watching her brush leaves out of her glossy fur.

She lifts her muzzle and sniffs the air. "He is long gone now," she says in satisfaction.

Her golden eyes fall on you and she says,

"Aren't humans wary of my kind? Do I not scare you?"

"Well, I have a friend who is a werefox," you offer, and she hums.

"Ah, yes. I have scented him around your house," she says. "He must like you to guard your property like this."

She takes a step forward and gets close to your neck. You freeze up and wonder if you should push her away, recalling Harcourt's comment about the sharp teeth.

"Um..."

"Hmmm, maybe more than just friends," she says, her soft breath tickling your skin for a moment before she pulls away.

"I don't know. The last time we spoke he was mad at me." You murmur.

She tilts her head and studies you for a moment, then a grimace crosses her expression.

"I need a place to sleep and a reliable male to den with. This fox friend of yours, he is good?" She asks.

"Huh?" Your eyes go round and she laughs, her tail swishing.

"If you do not wish to share him I understand."

"Oh! It's not like that!" You stammer, and your face goes warm.

With the way her eyes scrunch up and her teeth flash in mimic of a human smile, it feels like she's calling you a liar.

"Then take me to him," she says, placing the soft pads of her paws against your arm and squeezing. "I would rather choose a male than be forced to pick one."

You think back to Harcourt and his attempts to sleep off his heat, and the animalistic side of him that didn't even recognize you yesterday.

"I don't know," you fidget in place. "He was kind of being weird about the whole mating season thing."

"Ah, he is trying to be more human for you."

You cross your arms, a little peeved that she might be right. "Why do you know more about him than me? I've known him for years!"

"But you are human," she says patiently. "Your ways of love do not match our own. You do not know how desperately he wants you."

"No way," you sputter, but it doesn't come out convincing.

Your face goes warm again and she makes a short, barking laugh.

"Humans," she huffs. "Come, let us go to him. There is no harm in asking, no?"

"Wait, asking what?" You question, slightly alarmed.

The werefox female pauses and regards you. "We both want something. I want to breed, and you to... What is it exactly?"

"Um," is all you can manage, because you've never had anyone say anything as outrageously private as "I want to breed" to you.

And with Harcourt? Of course, you'd known something like this would happen. After all, mating season happens every year. You just didn't think you'd be getting a first-row seat.

"You know what?" You finally say, "Asking wouldn't hurt."

You don't even know what you're going to ask.

"That's the spirit!" She says brightly. "Come, let's go."

You're glad your mother is out visiting with her friends for the day because there's no way you'd be able to live this down. It's probably time to start looking for your own place. For the longest time you didn't want to leave your mother alone, but you're starting to understand the appeal of living alone.

Together you take the secluded path through the forest. Your new werefox acquaintance flits around you like a butterfly, listening for danger and cocking her head to the sound of rabbits or squirrels. You've never seen a female werefox before and you can't help looking at her breasts. The six of them are much more obvious than they would be on a male werefox, with rosy pronounced nipples like she's already had a litter or two. They would look strange on a human, but they fit her form.

When you get close to Harcourt's den, she bumps into you and stops you with a paw on your arm, her claws brushing lightly against your skin.

"Nitaki," she says. "That is my name."

You tell her yours, and she steps into your space and rubs her fur against you. Harcourt has done that several times before, and you'd always assumed it was a friendly thing. Now, you're not so sure.

"What does that mean?" You ask.

She gives you a truly cunning smile. "I was scenting you.

"Why?" You hurry after her as she picks up the pace.

"He is in a rut," she says. "He may bite us and chase us. I have done enough running for the day. Your scent will calm him down."

"If he's been hibernating through them, then this might be his first one," you say. "Does that make it any better?"

"No," she said. "He might not even realize who you are. He will want to mate with you."

"But that's what you're here for," you say quickly. "Right?"

"We'll see," she says, and that doesn't sound very encouraging, but now you're curious. "You go in first."

Before you do, she grabs your cheeks and holds your face still, rubbing her muzzle against your neck and giving you a little lick. "I cannot promise what will happen when he scents me on your skin," she says. "Be careful."

You head towards the den and stop a few feet away from the entrance.

"Harcourt?" You call out.

The growl you receive in response is immediate and none too friendly, but at least he's awake.

"Someone is in a mood," you mumble.

You crouch and ease into the den, praying he doesn't bite your face off. Harcourt is splayed in his nest, looking like he got struck by lightning. He glares at you with pupils that are so big his eyes almost look black.

"Are you okay?" You ask, looking him over.

He looks a little thinner than usual like he hasn't been hunting.

"No," he growls. "You didn't come and see me."

"You told me to leave," you arch an eyebrow.

"It was in the heat of the moment," he sighs forlornly.

"I'm sorry, I would've tried coming again but there's been so much work to do in the house that I couldn't find any time to steal away," you sigh and perch carefully on the edge of his nest. "How are you doing?"

"Terribly," he huffs. "Ever since the day you woke me up, I have wanted to bite you and do things I cannot say. I was afraid I'd hurt you. I still am."

"Oh," you smile. "You're precious."

"This is not funny. I don't know what is happening to me!" He snaps, his ears pinning back. "You should probably leave me be until I am myself again."

"I can't do that," you say. "If you don't get any help you're going to be like this for a long time."

Harcourt blinks and stretches towards you, sniffing curiously. You hold very still as he presses his nose against your neck. He seems to take forever scenting you, and you tense when you feel the press of his teeth.

"Harcourt?"

"Why do you smell like another?" He growls, his voice low and eyes unfocused. "What is this?"

"I was going to tell you. I met a werefox."

He looks at you with dilated pupils. "Oh," he says simply.

"Hello!"

Nitaki crawls into the den, and Harcourt freaks out, hissing and ducking behind you, which was a move you didn't expect.

"Woah, calm down, she's with me," you say.

"I come in peace," Nitaki affirms.

She looks around the den and wrinkles her muzzle. "It is rather human in here," she says.

"Get out of my den," Harcourt huffs, an irritated puffball behind you. "I told you to leave me alone."

"You two have met already?"

She crawls forward, brushing her muzzle against your cheek and ignoring Harcourt's warning growl. "Yes. I approached him, and he ran like a coward. And it is all for this human mate?"

"Who said anything about mates?" You say at the same time as Harcourt snaps, "She's mine."

"Well," you begin, but neither of them pays attention to you as they face each other with bared teeth and glinting eyes.

The tension is thick in the air and you scoot to the side, a little anxious that they're going to get physical, and not in a good way. Nitaki stares him down until he gives up and looks away with a whimper. Whining your name, he attempts to scoot back to your side, but she blocks him off.

"I want only one thing from you. To end this cycle of heat." Nitaki says. "For us both."

"I-I don't know how," Harcourt says anxiously, nostrils flaring as he takes in the cacophony of scents from both of you, scents that are so different and yet so alike. Still, yours is the one that calls to him.

It makes him disoriented and dizzy.

"I can teach you," she says, prowling closer.

He leans towards her and then snaps when she gets close. Frustrated at the mixed signals, she spins around and locks her eyes on you.

"It is your human female you desire, is it not?"

Harcourt's pupils widen more than you had thought they could. His tongue lolls out of his mouth and his sides heave as he pants.

"Yes," he says.

You choke, but Nitaki flicks her ears and holds out a paw to you.

"Join us," she urges. "And we can all get what we want."

"But I..."

"Please?" Harcourt says, his claws digging into the nest. As he shifts his position, you catch a glimpse of his cock throbbing against his belly. "I want you."

You do a double take when you see it, and you're startled as your attention turns to yourself and you realize your heart is racing, and your thighs are pressed together.

You're still considering when Nitaki pounces on Harcourt, knocking him onto his back. He snarls unconvincingly and tries to push her off. But Nitaki is stronger than him. She keeps him down and ignores his squirming, leaning down and placing her teeth around his neck. He goes still immediately and his eyes roll wildly as he whimpers.

"You're not hurting him, are you?" You ask, leaning over.

"I want him to submit to me," she mumbles against his fur. "I do not have much patience for teaching."

Once she's satisfied that Harcourt is subdued, she rolls off and gets on all fours, letting her back drop into a low, sultry arch. Something seems to have shifted in him. He's quiet, almost contemplating. Maybe her pheromones have finally penetrated his skull and he realizes what he's meant to do. Either way, he crawls up to her, sniffing the air. He puts his nose to her neck and you're certain he can smell your scent on her. He growls and bares his teeth, fumbling at her hips. She flicks her tail out of the way and shuffles her knees open wider, waiting patiently.

You can see how wet she is. And you'd be a liar if you said it doesn't turn you on. You watch with rapt attention, your heart racing and your body prickly with nerves.

"Help him," Nitaki commands. "Or we will be here for the rest of the day."

Okay then.

Silently, you move over. "Can I?"

Harcourt's ears perk at the sound of your voice and he nods quickly.

Still, he jumps a mile when you take his cock in your hand and utters a curse. It's pink and slippery and with a slightly flared head. It looks huge to you, throbbing menacingly in your palm. You wonder how it's going to fit in Nitaki, and a little thrill runs through you. Harcourt whimpers and his body trembles. You guide him to the Nitaki and feel her slick wet your fingers as you press him in.

This has to be the weirdest, hottest thing I've ever done.

It doesn't go exactly as you had imagined. Nitaki is content to drive her hips back against him and does most of the work while he shivers and clutches her hips, his nose pressed firmly against her neck in a daze. When he cums, it startles him most. He tries to pull out, but she flips agilely and pulls him against her back, unrelenting. He gives up and leans heavily into her, panting.

Finally, she pulls away and shakes herself off contently. Harcourt slumps into the nest. His cock is still throbbing and leaking cum lazily, swollen at the base.

"Good luck with your mate," Nitaki says to you. "I have what I need. The rest is up to you."

With that, she heads out of the den and leaves the two of you to your own devices.

"Harcourt? Are you okay?" You lean over him. The scent of sex lingers warm in the air and sticky on his fur.

You wonder if he can smell you.

His eyes open and he grunts. "I want to do it again," he says. "But with you this time."

I spent all day battling my demons and procrastinating but I finally managed to write this. It's not exactly how I want it, so maybe I'll do some editing later, but I'm exhausted right now. Still, I hope this is at least a half decent read! 🙃

[meraki-yao]

I wanted to translate this one post from a Chinese RWRB fan on Weibo that summarized a lot of Taylor did on the day of GQ events and how the fans felt about him, because it’s really sweet

Translation:

Puppy Taylor is really so sincere, and he’s sincere to anyone and everyone

In September during the Ferrari show he met Editor Liu and was invited to the event that didn’t even have a confirmed date. At the time he just said “I’ll come if I have time”. But in the end, he really came, straight after he finished his last event, and took a red-eye flight across the ocean by himself to Shanghai. He went straight to fix his style and fit after the flight and went to attend his friend’s dinner party, and helped said friend’s new magazine gain traction through live stream etc.

The GQ event suggested for guest not to wear Haute couture, some mainland celebrities still did, but Taylor chose a local old brand, and the brand’s passion about being eco-friendly just as he is.

Taylor is also so sincere to his fans. He signed book after book, and took photo after photo. He treasured the gifts fans gave him and carried them himself all the way. When he signs for fans he asks for every single fan's name and tries his best to remember them. Taylor also took photos of the fans, of the oarsman, and of the photographer. He laid down on the bow of the boat to sign for fans. And for the fans who didn’t come, he accepted taking video calls to say hi to them. He made hand hearts with fans, and when a fan asked to hold his hand, he didn’t even hesitate. He wrote “I flew across the ocean to see you” when signing books. He even shaved his facial hair which he kept for a long time to match the taste of the people around him, transforming back to ACD. Taylor sincerely praises every single staff member he crosses paths with and treats them like new friends. He’s spreading happiness with so much passion.

There’s still so much more, Taylor is just such a wonderful person, he’s just the best. 😭

Notes:

I tried my best with the translation, but I am in no way professional, so please forgive me if it sounds weird (The original post was choppy in Chinese too😅)

The translation of Taylor's name in the original post isn't his official translated name 泰勒 (tài lè, or "thai"-"le") which is just phonic, it's the fan translation 忒樂 (tè lè, or "Tay"-"le" ) which is arguably more phonic and means "too happy"

Puppy狗狗 is a nickname Chinese fans gave Taylor, I made a whole list of nicknames Chinese RWRB fans gave the boys here

Regarding the dress code thing, all of Taylor’s outfits from yesterday came from a Chinese local menswear brand that was established in 1980

Regarding his facial hair, the beauty standards of China prefer men to be clean-shaven. If you look at mainland Chinese celebrities of Taylor’s age, unless a role demands it, which is really rare, they rarely keep facial hair. I honestly don’t know if this was the reason Taylor shaved, this part in the post is just speculation, but there is this connection.

Regarding the excessive use of the word sincere, there really isn’t a better word (at least in my vocabulary) to describe what the op meant. But sincerity is a really, really treasured quality to Chinese people

Please understand that Chinese celebrity culture and fan culture is pretty different from Western celebrity culture and fan culture, so certain things they did are viewed differently on this side of the web/ world. If you want to know more about these differences or have any questions, feel free to dm me and ask about it.

[auraisereigh]

"For the love now lost, for endless pain"

Chapter 7, Part II

Brennan Sorrengail x Riorson reader Blurb: Upon Star's return to Riorson house she finds back a flicker of hope. wc: 2.1k ☆ SPOILERS FOR THE EMPYREAN SERIES. Actually quite peaceful. Nothing really to note. Let me know if i missed something. Uses pronouns: she/her. i use Star as a nickname as y/n sounds weird, and i'm awful with names.

A/N: Part two! This one is shorter but it sets up some events for the following chapters hehe.

Star's masterlist main masterlist

I stay by the lake for hours, taking in it's calming nature. It's the first time I've felt some kind of peace in the last month and half, if not longer.

The sun starts to set, making the water seem more magical than it already looks. My magic is still spread out over the lake but it stopped moving, showing that even my magic is at peace. Now that is rare.

By the time the night sky rises I decide it's for the best to go back home. I follow the way of the river back to Riorson house. It's calm, the moon reflecting in the flowing water. There's a part of me that doesn't want to leave, that wants to live in this peace forever.

The guards that guard the gate tell me it's almost midnight upon my arrival. Once I walk in the castle it's almost completely quiet. There is a darkness that falls over the castle at night that's only beaten by the small mage lights that dance in the darkness.

I pass by the mess hall where a few staff are still cleaning and I take some bread with me. I snack on the bread while I make my way to my room. I shut the door and sigh. It will never be easy to walk through the family quarters now that no one's here, now that's it's so quiet and abandoned.

My bed still looks like someone fought a war in it and besides what I cleaned today it's still pretty much a chaotic mess.

I get out of my day clothes and out some grey sweats on with a matching grey shirt, comfortable for sleeping. I lit some candles for light and sit on my bed, finishing the last of the bread. It's then that my eyes fall on my desk. Another meal and two letters, one small, one big.

I walk over to my desk, the meal is a simple spaghetti without cheese, a glass of Cassis juice. I look over at the letters, one is definitely Brennan's. The other has a wax seal that's been torn, I push the two halves together and recognize it as the symbol of House Lindell. I waste no time opening the letter.

Dear miss Riorson,

Its been brought to my attention that you've been wanting to see your brother. At the time that letter was sent that was not possible, I had to protect my own life too. I knew Navarians would come to look whether bother Xaden Riorson and Liam Mairi were here. A few days ago that happened and I highly doubt they will come again any time soon.

With this letter I wanted to Inform you that I have a proposal for you regarding the two boys; I will bring the boys to you, reunite you with your brother but at least once a year during reunification day I will have to borrow the boys to keep up my reputation, they're both to be expected each year at the reunification ball. This is the only time you will have to bring them back to me. Take it or leave it.

You're brother has been in good hands, he's been taken care off and his injuries are slowly healing. He's been resting most of the time, as I advised.

My condolences regarding your family, I cannot imagine how you must be feeling, to lose your family at such a young age. Your father was a great man and I will always be in his debt, now yours. If you need anything let me know. Take your time, the throne is not important right now. Mourning is.

Greets,

Lord Lindell.

Taken. No doubt, if I can have my brother I'm taking it. I put the letter down and try to contain my excitement at seeing my brother again but I cannot help the relief I feel, the pressure that's been taken of my heart.

I look at the second note, easily recognizing Brennan's scribble.

He fought in battles far away,

And never saw the break of day.

Her tears fall softly with the rain,

For love now lost, for endless pain.

B.s

It's all written in Tyrrish, broken tyrrish but still Tyrrish.

Maybe he is not that bad, maybe he truly means what he says. Naolin trusted him and he probably knew his real identity. Then why can't I try that? Maybe i should try to talk to him, hear him out.

Tomorrow. That's a promise.

☆

Taglist: @honethatty12 @smashee0789 @awkardnerd @randomperson1234sblog @bangtanxberm

[enasallavellan]

Antivan Crow Headcanons

So, I have some headcanons about how the Antivan Crows work. Since I wanted to dive more into the Crows' inner workings in my most recent fic, I decided to expand on the whole thing in my little gremlin brain. Now, I've decided, that maybe people as gremlin-like as me can see them too!

Couple of things: I refer to the Crow houses as nests - I don’t know if I made that up or read/heard it somewhere, so you’ll hear me use that term when I’m talking about the actual area/building the crows inhabit. And also, to avoid sentences like, ‘The crows didn’t like when crows blah, blah, blah, I will from here on out refer to the overall group as the Antivan Crows, and individuals as crows. I know it might sound a little weird and repetitive, but I can’t really find a good way to do it otherwise.

SO BUCKLE UP BUTTERCUPS, IT'S GONNA BE A WILD RIDE!

(under the cut, obviously)

Different Nests, Different rules.

This one is very self-explanatory. Each house has a slightly different culture, rules, and standards.  Some nests don’t get involved in certain jobs and hold their Crows to some sort of code.  Most have at least a few hard nos of what sorts of jobs they take and what behaviors individual crows might engage in. For instance, one nest might forbid their Crows from making deaths needlessly painful or prolonged if the mark hasn’t actually done anything wrong, just pissed off a noble. I’m sure there’s at least one nest that is kind of a ‘do whatever, we don’t give a fuck’ house. But most have some sort of hard nos.

The Way Things Stay the Same

So, Zevran mentions that the Antivan Crows put their younger recruits in a building near a tannery, which leads me to believe that they have different paces for different people. So, maybe up until they’re a certain age they stay in the same area as the prostitutes. I’m just gonna guess maybe 8-10ish when you can kind of take care of yourself. They get shipped into a building with as many kids as they can put in one room and with only the occasional crow to stick his head, see if anyone is dead, then leave. As the recruits get older and continue to show promise, their living situation will change.  Older recruits that have survived the first slew of training that tends to kill a lot of recruits, might get a tiny little crackerbox room. Like five feet by five room with a bed, but not just a bed  - a very small trunk for personal belonging and a hook to hang shit with! Too tall for the provided bed? Find a way to get comfortable, because you’re stuck there for a bit. 

Because what better incentive would a kid in this life than to let them go from a shitty place with no privacy (especially as they get older) to a slightly last shitty place where you have a mild amount of privacy in your tiny room and paper-thin walls. (I like to imagine that every so often a few of the recruits are roughhousing and get knocked/fall into an interior wall they just end up on the other side of it covered in debris).

Eventually, you move into the nest proper with similarly small rooms but now it's near the food and you don’t have to walk twenty or thirty minutes to food.

It would be within the Antivan Crows’ best interest to keep their recruits and crows in a somewhat central location so they can have as much control over their crows as humanly possible.  Having basically ‘dorms’ for the crows would be a good way to do that.  And you can get some nice places if you get good enough, so there’s still a reason for the recruits not to run away. Just as Zevran says - a crow is well supplied with sex and alcohol, but as far as having a lot of personal freedoms? Well, he did say it was a gilded cage. Granted, there are crows who make enough money and are regarded well enough that they can live some very lucrative lives - some might work much less than others, but because they’re extremely skilled at their job, they only need to take a few big jobs here and there and have no issues.  But the average crow lives a relatively short life and with no way to extricate themselves from the Antivan Crows.

But there are other reasons for all the crows to control as much as they can. They have control over food, which I’ll talk about a little more when I talk about the kitchen girls.

No Idle Children

Younger recruits do simple tasks; bringing written correspondences around the nest, making deliveries, and acting as gofers to whatever a crow happens to need something (just snatch a kid running past for immediate service). As they get older, they do more and more complex jobs. Occasionally, kids might actually assist or participate in jobs.  Acting as bait or a distraction is a great job for the younger ones. A little girl rushing up to a stranger, begging and pleading for assistance, would be a very good way to get the target right where a trap is waiting for them.

This also gives the recruits time to watch things in action. A well-regarded recruit might go to complete a job with a fully trained crow if they’re deemed skilled enough - and may even get a few coins for it. 

Second Generation Crows

They have to exist. The Crows have access to the brothel, there are going to be kids. But this can be a very weird and tricky thing to handle depending on the parent. 

Your average crow is probably not going to give much thought to a kid - and with no pressure to have anything to do with a kid, it’s rare a crow would be remotely involved in the life of their child. Despite this, any concerns about birth control go out the window, since each child born in the brothel is one more potential crow or prostitute. On top of that, most of the Antivan Crow-run brothels have enough prostitutes that having a few here and there not quite able to work isn’t a big deal to the Antivan Crows’ profits. Granted, the women can’t stay out of work too long because if they run out of money to pay their rent, they’re on the streets or dead. So, working as long as you’re able to get jons and getting back as soon as humanly possible would be integral for a prostitute to keep their home and job. 

Now, some women might keep their children a little longer, but the ability to do this is directly impacted by how ‘important’ a prostitute is. And by ‘keep their child’ I mean they keep them in their room to sleep and involve themselves in their lives while they can.

The child of a very high-ranking crow or prostitute might be afforded some smaller comforts the others would be denied. Oh, they’d still be either Crows or prostitutes, but they might have lighter duties or private lessons to give them a boost in their chances of being able to make a life for themselves. There most likely are families (and I use that term loosely) that have been in the Antivan Crows for generations - but at the end of the day, what matters is that the nest is running smoothly and everyone is making money for the organization.

But honestly, I would say that there might be a handful of kids who have ever actually gotten out of the Antivan Crows without being a crow. But for most? There are two choice - three if you count dying, which I will talk about…

The Pipeline: The Crow Path

I mentioned before that I feel like the Antivan Crows would keep all their people in a few general areas, both as a way to keep control as well as monitor certain things. So some sort of staff will be needed.

So, there are two roles that a kid might go - go into crow training or work as staff.

Boys will all go into crow raining. No ifs, ands, or buts. Girl crows are less common but do exist. So if a girl has a temperament and resilience that might have a chance? She gets tossed in with all the others.

Recruits live a life of difficult training, torture (you know, so they can learn to resist it), cutthroat competition, and being subjected to the wills of the older crows - which opens the doors for all sorts of additional abuses. Generally, a recruit can expect a beating if they break a rule, cause problems, or irritate someone enough. Depending on what the issue is and the mood of whoever is doing the beating, it might be getting whacked with a stick once or twice, or all the way up to having a few people wail on you for a while. Denying food and sleep might also be used, as well as isolation in a very damp and chilly room.

 And absolutely, positively, don’t you dare fucking cry. Even the kitchen girls are held to this - crying is weak, and crying gets you beat.

The Pipeline: The Staff Path

Girls begin their work in the kitchens. Now, the life of a kitchen girl seems like a pretty sweet deal at first. Yes, they work hard in the kitchens, but outside of those duties, they have free time.  They also have a degree of respect from the crows - after all, they do have control over the food, and if you want a certain food you need to be on the good side of the kitchen girls.

And you get on their bad side? They might purposively make things you hate, or it’s bad enough, you just might get a plate of overly poisoned food.

Now, all the food has mild amounts of different types of poisons and toxins so the crows can build up immunities.  It’s not enough to kill anyone, but you can imagine the new recruits having a really bad time for the first few weeks. So all it takes is a mild slip and suddenly - oops! You’re either dead or going to spend a while wishing you were dead.

And many of the girls form tight friendships in the kitchens - something denied to crows and the recruits (never know who might stab you in the back). The kitchen girls are also in charge of what goes into the kitchens. They’re sent out to markets to sample what is being sold and decide which vendors to buy from. There’s a crow somewhere nearby keeping tabs on them, both to keep them out of trouble and keep trouble away from them. And one of the kitchen girls is easy to spot - there's a very specific shade of blue that is only made for the Antivan Crows (or else). Girls have two aprons - one that is used in the kitchen and one that is used for going out into the world. And when people see those signature blue aprons - it’s obvious who they are.

So, you’re thinking to yourself - why Lacy, why would they treat these girls so well? Why would the profits-over-everything Antivan Crows spend money on resources on a group that isn’t making them money?

Well, I’ll start off by saying that these little outings of the kitchen girls are not just to let them have a fun day in the market - it’s advertising. Because once that girl reaches a certain age -  I’m sure it varies depending on the nest - they go to work upstairs. AKA, the brothel. 

So all those outings? Picking the prettiest of the kitchen girls to go out where they will be seen? You show off the goods - one day, you’ll be able to purchase one of those girls by the hour.

While some intermingling between the recruits and the staff is inevitable, it’s discouraged. And the girls are definitely discouraged from being sexually involved with anyone. There isn’t a punishment if they do, but they will miss out on a massive boost in money. We all know that there's plenty of people out there who have a weird obsession with deflowering girls. So if a girl has abstained, their first job is auctioned off to the highest bidder. A girl can make good money from that. And unlike kitchen girls, prostitutes have to pay rent to the Antivan Crows - which is taken out of anything they make. As they get older, they get less and less support. If they don’t make enough money, they go back to staff, specifically cleaning. Cleaners don’t have anything near the life they once had as kitchen girls, since they’ve already been used up.  So for the most part, they’re ignored by the rest of the nest (if they’re even seen) and live in bare-bones housing.

But there is one particually chilling danger a kitchen girl faces. 

Every so often.

Maybe once or twice on a bad year.

A particularly pretty kitchen girl might simply disappear.

Their friends might be sad, but there would be no time for all that - there’s kitchen work to do. Everyone knows, nobody talks about it, and it’s accepted as just Something That Just Happens Sometimes.

Sex, fine - love, no.

So it seems a common trend that love is forbidden in the Antivan Crows.  It’s a distraction and a weakness that can be exploited.  So it’s a major, no-go. Sex? They don’t care; have as much sex as you want. Now, this no-love clause goes for crows and prostitutes, but also for recruits and kitchen girls. After all, a bunch of them are probably teenagers and there’s not much use in trying to stop something that’s just going to happen.

So a decision must be made. If one is a crow and the other not, the crow is made to kill the person they love, or they both die. If it’s two crows, then they either pick the more promising crow to do the killing, or if they’re pretty equal they just leave them in a room with a knife and see who comes out. This, in turn, makes something very clear to the remaining member. This especially hits older recruits and younger crows who might not have the foresight to think about the long-term effects of a romantic affair.

Templars, Watch Yourselves.

Mages are great for the Antivan Crows - people who are their own weapons or can patch up their assassins are invaluable. So, the nest will offer those mages protection in exchange for using their magic in some way to make money for the nest. 

For the most part, the templars and the Antivan Crows don’t bother each other, so long as the nests aren’t flagrant about it. 

Now, this is where headcanon ends and my own fic begins, but I’ll tell you about a little thing that I decided went down. 

Templars got sick of perfectly good mages escaping and getting to be safe with a criminal network, so they decided to make an example of a smaller house in Salla. They hired the Antivan Crows through a particularly devout and rich noble, tasking them with quashing a nonexistent rebellion.  Once most of the crows in the nest were halfway across Antiva, the templars made their move. They overtook the nest, and snatched as many mage kids and adults as they could, killing the ones they couldn’t take alive.

Then, to let the Antivan Crows know just how naughty they were by defying the templars for so long - they barred the exits and burned it to the ground. You could count the number of survivors who weren’t taken by the templars on one hand.

The Antivan Crows respond with coordinated attacks on the Antivan templar order. Templars might have some diet-magic and armor and specific training, but the Antivan Crows massively outnumber them - and they’re trained to kill. Not to defend or control or subdue, but to kill.

In other words, the Antian Crows brought the templars to their kness. 

From that point on, the templars leave the crows the hell alone.

Happiness in a Nest

But, it’s not all doom and gloom. As with every situation, people make the best of what they’re given. Whether they admit it or not, most crows have some fair-weather friends and a few might even have friends they trust. Children in the nest find ways to have fun and even play. Older kids find ways to sneak out for a night of fun and bad decisions. When the workday is over, prostitutes socialize and play cards over glasses of wine. 

Good memories are made, even in a nest.

In conclusion.

Life with the Antivan Crows is just like living under the crushing weight of modern capitalism - it only benefits the upper echelon and anyone that can’t make money is deemed useless and cast aside.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Leave a comment/reblog or message me with any questions or share your own headcanons! I look forward to hearing from y'all!

[austinslounge]

I try to take everything with a grain of salt. But L&S magazine does seem like they have a good reputation. They get a lot of exclusives from sources that are usually from the PR team of the celeb. Like Austin's team giving that exclusive back in May.

So we will take with a grain of salt: It did sound like after Cabo, Kaia's parents were pressuring Austin to commit to Kaia. In what way, I don't know. They don't live together. At least not in LA. I don't know Austin's living situation when he's in NYC. But it makes me wonder if Austin and Kaia were ever that serious? Or was this just a relationship for award season? But they way they made Austin sound like a playboy was not cool. Especially when the man was in an 8 year relationship before he met Kaia.

I wonder if that was the turning point in their relationship. Her parents butting in and forcing Austin's hand. Austin wouldn't marry Vanessa after 8 years. No way is he marrying Kaia, who he can barely stand to be around. Also, if that L&S article is truthful, Austin did insinuate they have nothing in common. I think the age gap is a glaring problem. They are in two different stages in life and their careers. It definitely shows.

Even before Cabo, Austin had some down time during the actors strikes and maybe then he realized what he got himself into with Kaia. I mean those Halloween party pictures of him with her family were just upsetting to see. Austin looked so miserable.

I don't think Austin wanted to ruffle any feathers with her family. But at some point, one of them has to make a decision here. Because this relationship isn't doing anything for either of them.

Thank you for bringing this up! 😊

I honestly don't have much experience with L&S magazine, but apparently, they were one of the first few media outlets to reveal the Bennifer divorce news before it was common knowledge. 👀 So, it seems they do get some legit info from real, credible sources from time to time!

In regards to what you're saying, I do kind of wonder if maybe her family was kind of pressuring him on that trip? Honestly? It would be kind of weird for them to want to be marrying off their daughter so soon when she's just 22. 🥴

Anyway, to me it seems like Austin has definitely cooled significantly in this relationship, especially when you compare how he was back in 2022, to how he is now with her.

And girl you and I had the same thought, because I have kind of wondered for a while now if Kaia latched on to him before his film came out because she knew he'd be hot and someone to watch closely for the 2022 year, and so she wanted to get with him before he got any other options after his star rose on the fame scale. Everyone knew that Elvis movie would be huge. It's about Elvis for goodness sakes (the first biopic of him to come to the big screen), and it's by Baz freaking Luhrmann. 😏

I do also kinda of wonder if Austin was encouraged to date someone during his Elvis press tour and awards season so that the focus would be off of asking him about Vanessa or his previous 9-year relationship with another woman. 👀

Whatever the reason they got together, the sad reality is that they are still together. 😐

We're just going to have to ride this wave out folks.

But one thing we can say is that Austin doesn't look like a guy who's happier in this relationship than he was in his last. 🥴

[tarisilmarwen]

Rebels Rewatch: "Legacy of Mandalore"

A Mandalorian family reunion!

Live reaction version from 2017.

I do find it hilarious that the kids are in the front seats, driving and co-piloting, while the adults are hanging out in the back.

Ezra's little, "Wait a minute." moment lol.

Nice to hear this bit of spoken Mando'a.

Chopper banging on the outside of the Phantom II with his manipulators lol.

Remember what I said last rewatch about how the two of them develop into co-protagonists? Part of that seems to be that they start spending more time in the cockpit together. :)

~Under cloud, beneath the stars... over snoooooooow one winter's morn.~

*ahem* Pardon me there, visiting Krownest always puts those lyrics in my head.

Subtle animation appreciation moment: The snow clumps being shaken off the tops of the trees as they're passing.

"Don't worry, I'll play nice."

Ah yes, one of the parts of the episode that almost seems like it's playing Ezra off as Sabine's "problem boyfriend" that she's bringing home to meet mom and dad. <3

So it was definitely the Supercommando armor that set Ezra off.

I do not know what it is but Disney has been pulling some really weird shit regarding age order of siblings lately, Tristan does not look like he's the younger sibling at all.

Also Isabella and Luisa should be totally switched around, c'mon.

Subtle animation appreciation moment: How their feet actually sink into the snow with realistic weight and powder compression.

Love the design of the Wren stronghold. Very Modern Architecture.

I love him. <3

Takes Sabine promising that the lightsabers will be safe before Ezra decides to give his up. (And yet later in the climax he doesn't even hesitate to throw it to her, aaaaaah!)

Don't mind me, just appreciating the design of this place.

Ursa sounds an awful lot like Fenn "I made a deal with the Empire to survive" Rau here. I doubt the parallels aren't deliberate.

So I guess the takeaway lesson is don't make deals with the evil empire because it will always screw you over.

*whispers* If no supposed to ship why have Ezra being adorkable towards Sabine's brother just like Kanan was adorkable at Hera's father?

Really can't get over the scenery in this episode it's so soft and pretty.

Ursa was so ready to be impressed that her babygirl kicked Maul's ass and so disappointed when that wasn't the case lol.

Does seem like Sabine had a difficult childhood even before the whole Dutchess fiasco. Maybe that was why she decided to go to the Imperial Academy in the first place? Who knows.

My genre-savvy called a lot of the beats this episode, which made it just a smidge predictable for me the first time around.

Not gonna lie, Rau sneaking through the complex is actually kind of hilarious.

I'll bet Alrich painted that for her. :)

Ngl, the dialogue in this scene is just a bit weirdly written, I dunno what it is but it bugs me.

Ezra's so proud that Sabine kicked Gar Saxon's ass lol.

Underappreciated Papa Wolf Kanan moment: Shielding Ezra from the guardsman's blasters.

You know I don't wonder why Sabine latched onto the Ghost crew as her new family, high-ranking Mandalorian clans seem overly obsessed with prestige.

Tristan is a blabbermouth lol, still can't get over that.

Oh man this expression. She must feel like she's relieving her family's disowning all over again.

*chanting* Don't make deals with the devil, don't make deals with the devil.

Saxon is a master at finding loopholes isn't he?

I don't think this brief fakeout from Tristan was necessary, I think he should have just immediately turned guns on Saxon from the beginning.

Nice to hear Sabine's theme in the score tho.

LOLOL IT STILL CRACKS ME UP HOW FENN RAU JUST BURSTS THROUGH THE GLASS WINDOW ALL, "SURPRISE, BITCHES!"

<333333

This moment made the episode for me.

Zero hesitation, complete trust and faith. He loves her so much omg.

Oooooh a nice rendition of the Force Theme here!

(Told y'all it became a running gag.)

Problem boyfriend so worried. <3

Sabine's theme is in french horns now, it sounds like. This iteration of the theme is less mournful and more action-oriented, with flute trills and timpani percussion.

The cracking ice is mostly symbolic I think. I did worry at the time of airing if someone was going to wind up falling in.

Sabine using basic lightsaber positions like Kanan and Ezra taught her. <3

...Was it implied that Sabine hacked off Saxon's arm there or...? Camera angle makes it difficult to discern.

I don't think it's a coincidence that Saxon winds up in a position like Dooku's or the Grand Inquisitor's in the Season One finale, lightsaber blades held crossed at their throats.

But Sabine, having been heavily influenced by the Jedi in her life, chooses mercy over revenge. The moment is even punctuated by a snippet of the Force Theme. Aaaaaaaah I love it, I love that Sabine has let Kanan's influence soak into her so much, has become so much more Jedi than Mandalorian and been made better for it.

Oh, his arm's intact, okay then.

I have... Thoughts™ about the entire Mandalorian mindset of needing chaos to become strong and refusing outside help to fight its battles and how the whole Proud Warrior Race thing so often works against them rather than for them but I'll leave them unsaid for now.

<33333

This status quo change was honestly completely unexpected, and frankly, the episode is eons better for it.

Sabine's theme is in a triumphant key now, as she watches the Phantom II leave.

:((((

So! This episode is not nearly as good as the previous one, and it's bit predictable, as I said. It's not bad, though, and it's obviously a necessary one for Sabine's growth and character arc, and the overall Mandalorian arc. I was weirdly a little bored this time? Aside from the cute Sabezra bits and the fact that they were bold enough to change up the status quo by having Sabine stay on Krownest, I really feel like this could have been so much stronger as an episode.

Maybe if we axed one of the fillers and made this a two-parter? Idk.

The episode is still decently entertaining enough and has lots of lovely quality Sabine content for those in fandom whose primary investment is her. She gets to really shine here, and show off how far she's come as a character. Which is great.

I think at the time there was a genuine worry that Sabine was being written out of the show. I know I needed a little bit of time to process the thought of her being absent the next couple episodes. But again, they made a narrative choice and stuck with it and I admire that. So I really can't hate this episode. :)

Of course next time we're at my favorite episode of the season and the whole inspiration for an accidentally giant-ass AU that I wrote. See y'all then!

[luciusspriggss]

well, went on a date with okcupid guy, and it was fine, i guess. not terrible, not great.

went to the movies afterwards by myself and then went home.

talked to my roommates about it, and it was made clear, once again, that because i am autistic and very gullible, see the best in humans, and take what people say literally and don't look for hidden meanings, it his REALLY easy for me to fall into a bad relationship (which is my usual go-to, besides Jes. Jes was lovely they just became an alcoholic and lost their way).

i brought up things that he said that bothered me, but as i usually do, i tried to defend those things by trying to come up with reasons as to why he said it in the first place

and it took one of my roommates to look at me and say:

"M, you are a great person, you see the best in people. this guy sounds just like your abusive ex Nick. you deserve better than someone like that"

and yeah that's when i got it.

to be fair, the night before the date, i told my roommates that he was either a really cool genuine guy that actually wants to be a good person, or he is a piece of shit asshole who is only trying to get people to perceive him that way.

things he said that bothered me:

regarding a tree wherein someone used a chainsaw to cut a large limb, and to compensate the tree started growing new shoots vertically on the remaining un-cut limb:

"why would the tree to do that? it's so stupid"

🤔 why would you say that??? that is an evolutionary advantage that the tree is able to still grow in adverse situations??

he also had a clear favor of herbaceous flowers over trees, especially over conifers, which...why? he didn't respect trees at all, which i think is weird.

he suggested i work for a timber company because of my degree because it makes really good money

which is a weird thing to say after i explained i dont agree with modern forestry practices because it focuses on making money instead of forest health?

after i explained my love of playing sports but my inability to do them because of my asthma. which i have been trying to "train my lungs" for over twenty years in order to play or even just go on a run, i realized my asthma is bad enough that no matter how hard i try it won't work. there are varying levels of how asthma affects a person, and since around age 10, my asthma has been pretty severe (most people get over a cold in a few days, it takes me 1-2 months to be able to even breathe "normally" again when i get sick).

he told me i shouldn't give up and keep trying, because he knows some people who have asthma and yet can still play sports.

he also suggested that i do go for runs or play sports, but i bring my inhaler with me to use when i get out of breath, and then keep going on

?????? i dunno how other peoples asthma works, but if i push myself to the point of an asthma attack (which is not hard for me to do), i am out of commission for 30 minutes to 2 hours WITH a rescue inhaler. and this is after "training my lungs" for twenty years.

he also implied he was too smart for therapy and all he needs is a good friend to trauma dump to

??????????? that is a bold take my guy. there is definitely more nuance when saying something like that. i tried to talk to him about his views to understand where he was coming from, and to put it simply, it was not good.

he made note of how hard living in a world of capitalism is, so he understands why i am unable to find a job that suits me (fair, but why bring that up. he knows i am currently looking for jobs), but when i tried to explain that i am capable of doing most jobs, the problem is my being autistic in an allistic world, and never lasting more than a year at a job for a variety of reasons (which i explained to him)

he was very condescending? said everyone feels the way i do (after i said the common denominator for every job i have done is i have literally attempted suicide which has led me to quit), and implied i wasn't trying hard enough?

i kept trying to not talk about dark subjects, but it is hard when he does.

also, maybe dont shit talk your ex on a first date? i get we both still live with our exes, but i never shit talked jes? i said that our friendship is better than ever? it was difficult the past year, but we have finally reached an understanding with one another and we are happy to be friends? trying to bring some positivity and optimism to the dark conversation, but nooooo

had to compare my struggles with unemployment to his ex's?? shit talk her in the process? which sort of shit talked me in a way?

what a fucking asshole

also, he asked me to join in the fun of the sport he competes in. never specifying how i could take part of the sport (this was after the date and through text).

A) he completely ignored my discussion about my struggles with asthma

B) he ignored A, as well as my discussion about inequality, sexism, and homophobia in sports that deterred me from doing sports

C) he meant i just come and watch? like a groupie or something? i dunno if this is what he meant but i don't like it either.

overall, yeah this seems super obvious, we are incompatible

but do you know how hard it is for ME to see these red flags??? i was willing to go on another date, but my roommates were the ones who told me it would be a bad idea. and i agree with them, now that they laid things out clearly.

there are even more red flags i just don't want to bring up, because it is really embarrassing that i didnt see them

but, i just don't get it. i have said all the red flags, but the green flags were pretty great.

he's a highschool chem teacher and loves teaching kids, he has a passion for botany (just not trees? he also confidently mis-identified a shrub which i dunno if he was trying to impress me or something, but he didn't believe me when i told him he was wrong), has a similar sense of humor as me, loves going to the botanical gardens, loves going to the river, understands tumblr to a certain degree, enjoys ted lasso and our flag means death (although he doesn't see the point in rewatching shows? to each their own), i dunno i guess i am realizing their were actually not that many green flags.

:/ ah well. live and learn.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary142

2/3-4/2024

my weekend begins #now.

i started it with a damon packard movie, foxfur, a friend sent me it and i was like, entranced by it. really great movie, feels like it gets at the precarity/nightmarishness of the world atm and all ways people cope, especially w/ new age weirdo stuff. so oddly on with that, all the way back in 2012.

otherwise, my day was okay, my work note:

stuck there too long, one kid tried to scam me and it was so obvious and bad, insanely stupid attempt. the rides are scary, someone almost lost their phone, but mostly, dull. i didn't get to take a break.

i did work on music but i'm too exhausted/spaced out to get to the next song, i've just been fiddling with the last one, the issue w/ it is that in order to get it more disgusting sounding in the distortion/how it distorts, i need to figure something out, and the fiddling/ solutions i've come up with are a bit flabby sounding i guess, coming back to them. the flab is in the lack of sharpness. something weird needs to happen or whatever. might need to go back to the guitar fixing thing for the right channel sound, i've started messing with some octave effects, but there may be something else i need to try too, maybe a re-done effects chain in parts. idk. i'll see how this export comes out where i boost some of the highs in each separate track.

did something where i went and eq-ed out the ugliest signals solo, seems to have worked in a first pass but i forgot to turn some stuff back on. i also decided to change something in the master. it's impressive to me how much stuff regarding guitar sounds/tones online is so useless and how boring most people want to be.

having thoughts now, about ai, that's how you know i've been up too late. here's my new whacko theory about it, or i guess i can't present it from there, immediately, here's the source of the thought, seeing the cover art for zazen boys ii, and the illegibility of it, basically, its failure to say zazen boys ii in a way that's immediately readable. it's willfully against being read, it's a mess, it's beautiful, it's a typographic explosion, it looks like several different languages slammed together, congealed. i don't think it's important it was done by a human or whatever but i think what it is, is something that fails at what you'd expect, and what you'd want from what is basically an advertisement to get people to blindly buy something, or that's what cover art is when viewed from the perspective of not caring about the music. many times, they are related, but it's positive also with the selling/potential to get someone to loo, i think maybe this is is only worth thinking about because zazen boys are a japanese band and cd sales are still hugely important over there, because piracy is so scary for them. for anyone who steals the vast majority of music, it's more freely interrelated to the music/meaning of the music, it's something that is liked and connected with in that way. this is an aside. basically the other thing is it reminded me of what those neural nets or whatever they are now, do when they try to write something in an image. signs, anything. it bugs me when people act like ai is novel, is what i think i'm feeling lately. it's a lot of futurists basically taking up a fetishistic desire to point at something as new, a new method, a new field of potentiality, a new capability for people to adopt, maybe flatly, it increases our ability, for them, and so this novelty in technology revitalizes art, but these things only scrape and congeal, they do it at a scale that people cannot, because they can remember more, with their monologic weighting and construction of meanings as largely singular and not fluid. people may bring the nature of ai writing which does get rather figurative and strange, but so does any good writer, it rarely produces sentences i think nothing else could produce, it just feels like a lot of excitement over the fact that capital has now moved into the territory of the illegible, it creates nonsense information, it absorbs centuries of ways of writing and sequences them, somehow, this is enough to some people to seem better than all fiction currently produced. a strangely eugenic approach to art, we seem to have arrived at in recent times, where people are quick to say, this is the end of everything, this makes anyone doing the same thing unnecessary, there is not vitality in (x), there is no hope for anything new in (x). a sickness over novelty, it is so purely and psychotically spectacular, it should be seen as special i guess how even people who act outside/above this get very wrapped in it, or act like it is real. i can never see or feel how it's real. i don't know why. is that wrong of me?

i know people who find ai to be very exciting, but when i see what they think of it, all i feel is that really what they want is to be the manager of creative work, and ai is finally a worker they can have. it's not about freeing up who can make things, the novelty is the fantasy it sells, the fantasy of not having to communicate with others in the creation of something, and the feeling that you are communing with some vast well of meaning. in short, you are enabled to be a creative director, you direct an image making, text spewing machine, a machine which has absorbed meaning/constructs meaning in a way that snuffs out the negative, there is never lack, it is a system of pure success, it is eugenically improving itself always, at least this is my read on it, creating memories / facts / linkages that are essentially a kind of super-infrastructure for information. this is totally opposite to the waste-products created in our mind, which we trip over, and months of not considering them, surface, corpses in rivers, eggs which never spawned, and now gleaming and bobbing, they seem pearls you may fashion into something terrible, and carry it for the rest of your life, with a special sort of love. the value of failure, and waste, is in that, spoken more i guess, directly, it is that when you are shut up in yourself, mute, and when you cannot find the words, something else comes to you, and when you cannot explain yourself, you are something else, you are fallen between words. a.i cannot fall between, it cannot be anything but the sun, not as solar anus, not as the life-expelling force bataille describes, but the implement of measurement via shadows cast, a ruler set to earth, set to voice and thought to collect data and surveil, a system perfected, something that can encapsulate some of the world.

our next cybernetic apparatus of agitation and gentle discomforts. it will not think for us, it will make us think we think as it does, and thus we will chase the capability, ability to conclude, be read, and to read, falling for the novelty, and whatever.

this isn't to say though, it's utterly useless. ai should probably be used in pointless clerical data entry work, and i don't especially care if some people steal pokemon with it. the palworld thing is so weird because people should be wigged out that people are just getting super into something that seems like ark or whatever. that awful game with the dinosaurs. survival game slop, you do not need anything other than minecraft.

okay i think i got the problem song pretty good. right guitar needs something though... idk what. maybe it's missing some frequency from something i notched.

re-exporting now.

i think it sounds really good now, i hope i feel that way tomorrow. i also just made a new guitar sound thing. i am up too late but at least i'm having fun.

this has too much white noise in it but idk, it's kind of cool, also.

anyway i need to sleep now, or soon, at least, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!

[semper-legens]

181. Shadow Wave, by Robert Muchamore

Owned: No, library Page count: 343 My summary: James' final mission is set to be a normal CHERUB mission - babysit the kids of some bigwig for a bit. Mundane, but at seventeen James isn't the prime CHERUB agent anymore. But when his old roommate Kyle comes in with a lot of information about his client's past, James and Kyle start hatching a new plan of their own. Protesting is far easier when you know your target's every move… My rating: 3/5 My commentary:

The final CHERUB book! Or, at least, the final book that I'm going to be covering here, as this is the last of James Adams' CHERUB career. He's seventeen now, so close to ageing out of the CHERUB programme, and needs to start thinking about his future and his career. This is the book that wraps it all up, and once again the narrative makes some weird decisions with regards to its focus and exactly what it puts emphasis on. But anyway. I've not got much today for preamble, so let's get into it!

Again, we have this very strange decision where the book isn't actually about the kids we've been following this whole time. About a quarter of the book is taken up with some flashbacks including Kyle helping out with basic training when he meets Aizat, a local Malaysian kid whose village is being destroyed and bought out by an oligarch named Tan Abdullah. That's the man whose kids are being protected by CHERUB in the present day. And a large part of those flashbacks involves a reporter who Kyle has contacted investigating Abdullah's exploitation in the area, once again following a character we've never met before rather than our main character in the final book of the series. I'd have thought that this book would pick up on the Brigands thread from the last book - something that doesn't rely on exposition, so we can use the time to explore our established characters a bit better. But no, the Brigands mission is wrapped up in a pretty anticlimactic way in the early parts of this book, and the main mission that this book focuses on is the babysitting mission with Abdullah's kids that James turns down. It's just a weird choice.

Anyway, James turns down the mission, but decides to help Kyle protest Abdullah on the sly. It's not a CHERUB operation or a sting operation in general, so the outcome we're working towards seems a bit fuzzy, which makes the way that the book wraps up seems odd. After being protested all day, and after reporters were digging into his career, Abdullah decides to flee with his family and ends up shooting himself. It just seems all too neat a conclusion, for a mission like this. Adullah takes himself out of the picture, so everything is fine. We don't get much on what happens to Aizat or his community or other communities like it, but that's not really what this book was going to be about? I'm also side-eyeing the character decisions made. James has never shown much of a conscience before, so him taking a stand is admirable, even if it does ring a bit hollow in the fact that he's soon to be leaving CHERUB, and cancelling on the mission has no real negative impact on him. Lauren's reasons for staying on the mission, meanwhile, are sound - she's earlier in her career than James, and if she turns down something easy like this she won't get juicier missions. But then all of that is undercut with another character saying she just wants to go shopping with the rich kids, which strikes me as a strange beat largely because Lauren is the one with the conscience - she's the principled veggie after the animal rights mission, after all. Odd characterisation.

So, what do I make of CHERUB as a whole? It's been largely a disappointing return for me, sadly. The series has some strange ideas of morality, and overall paints things as being a bit too black and white for my liking with casting antagonists as out-and-out villains or protagonists as uncomplicatedly good despite the ethics of each situation being far more complex. James as a character really suffers from what I can only assume was an effort to make him more appealing to the typical teenage boy, meaning that he's wildly homophobic and misogynistic in a way that isn't challenged by the narrative in a satisfactory manner. The choice to have most of the non-mission story be taken up with relationship drama is largely uninteresting, mostly because that kind of teen-soap-opera nonsense is at odds with the spy thriller genre of the books. While CHERUB as an organisation could be an interesting idea for a narrative, the fact that its ethics aren't satisfactorily examined in the story lead it to feel more like copaganda than anything else. That's not to say there's nothing to enjoy here - I did enjoy the books, and I carried on with the series to completion - but overall I don't remember it as well as I did, and that makes me a little sad, not gonna lie.

Next, time for some Doctor Who, and adventures with the Ninth Doctor.

[strongfuck]

Melissa didn't have the same abilities to scan another being as Rhys possessed - but she could read the man very well after being at his side for all these years. First, as a misguided priestess of a made-up religion; then later, as a reformed bounty hunter and glorified healer.

Now, if all went according to plan - a good subject for study and inspiration, too. Smiling softly and running a hand over the side of Rhys' face, Melissa softly titled his chin up, forcing their eyes to meet. Not that the CEO had been hiding from her - but it was just so easy to see his hesitation and even concern. In many ways, it was endearing that he cared so much.

"Rhys, it's going to be alright. I volunteered, remember? And besides, your science team was handpicked for this - I am sure you didn't accidentally allowed some Nakayama clone to participate," the brunette grinned to lighten up the mood, knowing that Hyperion had its fair share of crazy, unethical scientists - maybe the original Atlas had those too; but the new version of it, with Rhys at the helm, was not the same thing.

Melissa knew and she was terribly proud to contribute in any way she could to the good work that it tried to offer back to the universe.

"Now, give your wife a kiss and tell me I look good in these dull hospital gowns. I will be back from the tests before you miss me."

For all that Rhys loves logic (in a lot of cases, logic is hysterically freeing), the knowledge that there is literally nothing for him to worry about regarding Melissa's examination is suddenly absolutely not enough.

The night before he hadn't slept much-- nothing new, of course, considering Rhys' proclivity for hard work-- and now, having had two big mugs of coffee, his mind is running wild with possibilities. This is unfair to many people: to his scientists, because they're professionals; to himself, because he'd hired them; and, perhaps more importantly, to Melissa... because he trusts her, he really does, and yet somehow that trust isn't enough to keep him from fearing the worst.

It is the most uncool thing in the world that he ends up pouting at her, leaning into her touch with his bottom lip jutting out. If he were a normal person (if, perhaps, he could manage being away from Melissa knowing she's going into testing like this), her comfort would be enough. But because there's something fundamentally screwed with him-- and an age-old mix of possessiveness and protectiveness of his wife to boot-- her attempts to ease him only make him frown.

"You look good in anything," he says, sounding more petulant than he intends. "But that isn't...

"Ugh, I just hope you don't get hurt."

She might get hurt anyway, even with all the promises of well-being. Rhys has seen the list of tests done to her and knows it won't all just be scanning in the comforts of a simple container. There will be needles (more than one, even), there will be some light drugging, there will be some potential radioactivity, and... oh, why did he have to have a superhero for a wife?

"Or hurt enough that I'm gonna want to hug you. I already want to hug you. I'm--" Rhys does just that, arms wrapping around Melissa for a squeeze. His cybernetic hand touches the back of her head as he kisses her temple, then her cheek, and finally, just as she'd asked, he pulls his head back enough to press a kiss to her lips, too.

Rhys' forehead meets hers, and quietly, he whispers, "...if anyone does anything weird, I will kill them."

A beat.

"I love you. You're the strongest person I know, and... and you're gonna be okay. You'll be okay."

So he pulls away, drags his teeth over his lip, and gives Melissa one last, longing look. One last, ridiculous kiss, because he knows it's all they can afford before the tests start becoming delayed.

"Bold of you to think I won't miss you as soon as I let you go, though."

And true enough, as Melissa is led away, Rhys feels immeasurably colder. He'll be able to watch every test through glass, and he'll be taking note of each completed step with his eye, but the absolute lack of control he has in what's to come makes him sick to his stomach all the same.

It'll be fine. It'll be fine.

But, God, if he isn't going to be cranky until it's all over.

[a-wrrites]

An unpublished chapter , from my new book WLW one-shots..

- older women -

Her eyes observed the woman,no the celestial being before her eyes. Admiring the texture of her skin telling the girl where the woman had been and what she faced. Gliding her fingers across a sculpted jawline adorned by two dark brown moles like a horizontal Colon mark. The dusty shade of her plump lips and that dent on the woman's chin. Everything screamed attractive yet her personality was more intriguing to the girl more than her looks.

"Your doing it again"The woman said fluttering her eyes open

"Im not doing anything!" The girl tried to hide her smile

"Teagan,your staring as if i just descended from the sky"her emerald eyes regarded the young woman who was clearly infatuated even more

"I can't help it..."Teagan says cupping her cheek"You are ravishing its almost too good to be true"

Stroking back her stray curls The woman brought their faces inches apart "You should consider looking at a mirror more often,My sweet honey pie" she cooed rubbing their noses against one another.

"Michelle"The young woman dragged her name as she felt embarrassed

"Yes my love?" Retorted the later planting feathery kisses on her lovers face

"Your melting my heart and its way too early!" She claims in a whiney voice yet a wide smile plastered on her face

"Aren't you my sweet honey pie? Aren't you my adorable Fiancé? Aren't you the woman who has my heart?" Questioned Michelle teasingly knowing how weak in the knees Teagan gets because of those statements

"Hold on! If i wasn't Id kill who ever will and take their place,because you and me! We're destined"she grinned seeing the soft smile erupting on the older woman's lips

Leaning in the woman kissed her plump lips,making hazel eyes flutter shut instantly,as the kiss was filled with passion and fierce emotions,neither would like ro hide.

"I love You"Michelle says after pulling back

"Your everything to me,I love you more"With a last peck she nuzzled her face in Michelles neck,as the later played with her curls soothingly as the pair cuddled

Moments later something more of a question roamed Michelle's brain and she could help but wonder. Why would such a stunning young woman,fall in love with her. How could such a thing be let out in the dark with no answers?

"Why older women if i may ask?" She asks out of the blue making Teagan raise her head to get a better look at the woman

"Any reason for asking?" The younger woman smartened not that she didn't want to clarify her reasons no,she thought that a little staling gives her material some weight,making it interest worthy?

"I can't find any other than feeding my wondering thoughts,my love"Her thumb caressed the younger woman's lips leisurely

Teagan sat up so she could try to interpret her reasons. Clearing her throat.

"Well from my experience with women my age,i say that not all of us are looking for stability or a longterm relationship at this moment of our lives,I for one used to be against getting married and i believed marriage is a restriction from a lot of things. I didn't believe in healthy,flourishing relationships that end with Vow's and walking down an Isle"Michelle held her hand as if reassuring her that all said is heard

"But i soon had a new perspective after Her. Simply older women like you,sometimes want someone who is available,level-headed and knows what they want. Older women in most cases want to love and give all the worlds affection to someone,Older women don't just look for an occupation or a fun-time buddy. And i happen to be someone who is attracted to older women. And the universe gave you to me"Teagan finished not daring to look at her

"I know i might sound weird—

Michelle shushed her with a finger to her lips"Your not as close to being weird,plus im not that old"she gave her a serious look"were merely eight years apart"the woman declares with a smile

"See what im talking about...the freaking understanding"Teagan chuckled lightly as the woman observed her with a loving look

Michelle felt lucky to meet her soulmate,even though she's in her mid thirties and the girl barely pushing through her twenties. They aligned perfectly,despite the opposite characters. Having a bubbly lover who is so similar to you,yet not an introverted being. Is delightful to Michelle.

Their interests were barely different. Michelle sought for a lover who was looking for instant stability and settlements. A partner who saw none but her. After a failed marriage she took a leap in dating the girl who bumped into her one day and insisted on buying her another cup of coffee. Teagan on the other hand was healing from a relationship she thought was altering into becoming longterm and stable,only to be left with a broken heart too broken to mend and the memories she shared with her ex girlfriend,but it all changed once she met Michelle. The woman's eyes captivated her Into falling for the woman.

Looking at the clock"Shoot im gonna be late"Michelle voiced already throwing the covers off her body

"Late for what?" Teagan questioned jumping off the bed too

"Work my love,Emma needs me on a case"she said gathering her golden locks into a messy bun and dashing into the bathroom not letting the girl talk.

Teagan shrugged going to the kitchen fixing them some breakfast. Scrambled Eggs and pancakes were her go to. Once she was finished she felt her Fiancé smash her lips against her cheek.

"Thank you baby,your the best" Michelle smiles taking a seat while clipping the necklace Teagan gifted her on.

"I know baby,but i have something to tell you"Michelle looked up at her,the girl cleared her throat"Um i Called Emma for a day off on your behalf,of course she nagged and complained but agreed to let you off for today"the girl fiddled with her fingers

Chuckling"Really now?"Teagan nodded "Oh how can you read me this easily,i wanted to take a day off since forever. How did you convince her?"

"I-she owed me a favor and i cashed it to have you all for myself today"the girl replied but knitted her brows"I know your a workaholic so i thought a day off would do you some good...your not upset and hiding it are you?" Questioned the girl already feeling too nervous to bounce her feet

Michelle stood up and walked to stand before her"I could never my love,i needed it and i'll certainly try to lessen my work-hours. I have a soon to be wife to snuggle with everyday" Teagan smiled up at her as the woman wrapped her arms around her neck in a hug."I got ready only to slump back on the bed"She whined

"Oh Who said were spending the day here?" Teagan says"I planned us a fun day babe just go ahead and finish your breakfast while i get ready"the girl pecked her lips

"God im starting to love being spoiled, thank you for bumping into me that day"Michelle says rubbing her nose against Teagans lovingly

"Your always welcome"the girl smirked kissing her neck before walking back to the room for a shower and getting ready.

...

An/ Im just in-love with these two😭😭its literally making my heart flutter and i can't believe how i wrote this but enjoy it loves😭😭❤️

vote&comment✨

A°

please check it out and let me know what you think on the three published chapters and if i should post this one too🤦🏽‍♀️❤️

[troynovant]

me using this site as a weird semi-public diary

I'm trying to take stock of my life and it's an odd inventory. I'm 32, I have an Ivy League degree and and Ivy League Ph.D. Both, unfortunately, are in English literature. I have a job that affords me a good deal of respect in the sense of cultural capital but very little renumeration in the sense of actual capital. I am also completely at the mercy of an academic department that can, at any moment, simply not rehire me; for all I know it won't rehire me in the fall. I have enough savings to last about a year if I find myself unemployed. My employment prospects are altogether somewhere between mixed and grim. I am highly qualified for a profession that no longer exists and over-qualified for most others. I have repeatedly failed to gain any form of long-term work in my field, live with two housemates, and have to replace those housemates whenever they move out. I am materially comfortable in most other regards.

Socially, I'm really very lucky: I have lots of friends, far more than most people in their early thirties, though it's unclear if those friends, some of whom are relatively wealthy, could help me find work if things went south in my current department. Romantically, things could quite literally not be worse. It turns out, and I should have known this, that extended multi-year flirtations with men who are mostly straight and ultimately fall back upon that do not make for a satisfactory emotional life. I have almost no experience socializing with other gay men; this would have been a real surprise to me as a teenager, but my friends are, other than a few girls, primarily straight men. I take a revolting sort of pride in that even though it is at this point clearly not setting me on the path towards any sort of long-term happiness.

Physically, I think I have a nice face but am clearly out of shape. I'm proud of my hair, which is pretty healthy for a man my age even if it's thinner than it once was. You'd think, given all my hangups, that I had a weird dick or some sort of obvious physical problem but that's not the case, almost surprisingly. I have an absolute standard dick; I also have a completely crippling pornography addiction. My biggest strength, I think, is that I am smart. That sounds arrogant but I've never had much reason to doubt it. I can say the right things about books and movies and art and architecture and history and travel and even science -- I guess engineering would be my blind-spot but even then I can usually follow along. I'm good at conversation, I have character and personality, I'm not boring. People like to talk to me and I'm good with people, but this is all in the arena of socializing. I'm always a hit at parties and then spend Valentines day alone.

I know, objectively, that I could date if I wanted too -- I'm really not bad looking, and I can usually win people over in conversation -- but I'm just scared of putting myself out there. I'm scared that someone will look at me and think that I don't live up to my photos (I photograph well, basically the opposite of the more common phenomenon of a good-looking person who looks bad on camera) but my fear of rejection is equal to my fear of rejecting someone. I know, on some level, that I could never go on a date and then not go home with the other person if they were pushing for it, because whenever I'm one-on-one with someone all I can do is try to please them.

I feel like if I were to actively date I'd have to do it like this: send only the most unflattering photos so there's little chance that they'll be disappointed, get too drunk to be nervous, and just commit, in advance, to the idea that I'll pretty much do whatever they want regardless of whether or not I'm actually all that attracted to them. I think I would also have to make it a rule not to go on a date with anyone who is even a few degrees removed from me socially because I'd hate it for gossip to get back to my friends somehow -- "hey, apparently my friend went on a date with your friend C**** and he was drunk and weird and then kind of bad at sex" lmao truly a nightmare. But then, this is all hypothetical -- I'm so stuck in my ways, so unlikely to actually try. I think people around me have started to notice something -- I'm very spontaneous and open to new experiences, but only in ways that are somewhat superficial. I'll travel to new places, eat anything however exotic, wear whatever, try any drug given to me, try most things at least once, really, and yet in bigger ways my life never really changes. At the end of the day, I'll come back home on my own and maintain my little instagram account and nothing will change even if it looks like things have. At this point, I think my fear that my friends, family, colleagues etc. will think that I'm a loveless, sexless freak is exerting a stronger pressure on me than any actual desire for companionship, which is so characteristic of course -- again my priorities are just social. I've put all my eggs in the same basket, my social life, but I know on some level that my friends are all going to get married, have kids, move away, and basically grow up in the way that I seem to be incapable of.

[femme-enby]

NIGHTMARE RAMBLINGS! TW: Child death, description of bodies, zombies.

Firstly- I have always had really vivid dreams, I’ve also always had a level of awareness and control, but the control is generally only in regards to myself. Meaning I can’t change scary things to cute things or dangerous things to safe things. I can only control how I react. I used to be able to fly in my dreams as a child, but as I aged that ability has lessened to the point where I can barely jump sometimes. I can wake myself up, I know I’m dreaming. I CANNOT think “I am dreaming” too “strong” bc I also know the dream is from my brain, and if I think too hard about dreaming, things get… weird. And things can ALWAYS get weirder. Best not to question things too much otherwise I could have another beheading incident where my neck hurt for a good few minutes upon waking up- and not in a “I slept wrong” way, as no position or stretch made it better or worse, but specifically in a “the blade hit the back of my neck and I woke up upon impact” type of pain.

As a kid I used to wake up screeching bloody murder, until I learned how to control that instinct and just wake up and freeze. This could potentially be why my fear response IS freeze, as from a young age I had to learn to ignore my “fight” or “flight” response in favor of not waking the whole house, as it does get old quick for everyone else and even a small child can recognize that. But I digress.

Secondly- I love zombies. TWD, TLOU, awesome. I can binge watch this stuff for a week straight no problem. A month, two months later I might have a dream featuring my brain’s personal zombies.

Now MY zombies are possibly the worst possible kind.

Everyone turns upon death. But that is where the resemblance to TWD ends.

These zombies are capable of sprinting full tilt endlessly. They have no chill. They are not easily distracted in the sense that while they might snatch up a distraction, they are still gonna come for you. They are also capable of speech, and they utilize the memories in the brain.

If your loved one turned into a zombie, they will find you. They will say whatever they remember you responding best to- comforting words, begging for your help, etc. when they speak they just sound like they always did, but if they’re not speaking it can be some of the most animalistic, guttural noises ever.

I keep dreaming of these things. There is no real way to win- humans are simply incapable of that type of speed, ferocity, and blood thirsty apathy that these things have.

Last night’s was a doozy for a few reasons, less so the actual dream, but how what was happening IRL played INTO my dream, and made waking up feel like I was still trapped. Don’t get me wrong, the dream was definitely horrifying, but… well, let me explain from the start.

So, in the dream. I am walking around with one of those old lanterns, but instead of oil it runs off coal (note- my mom mentioned coal potentially giving off more heat about a month or more ago) and I’m walking through these caverns and shops that are connected, balancing between having my fire lit and extinguishing it.

I get to one shop that seems to have a bunch of these things, and other things like fire pits and such. They’re all lit.

A man bursts in the doors from the outside. I feel the cold breeze on my face, the warmth of my clothes on my body and the warmth of the lantern in my hands.

He is clearly… not all there. He is incredibly desperate and agitated, likely had been drinking. He is begging the shop keeper for one of the lanterns, that she must have an extra, that it’s for his friend and his friend’s children. The shopkeeper calmly says she has no extras. He is pissed but leaves. The shop keeper leaves and I sigh, lighting my lantern to continue on.

The man bursts back in, hollerin about how he knew I had an extra and that I have to give it to him. His friend’s kids need it. He is incredibly aggressive and I just hand it to him quickly- “it isn’t an extra but here, take it” he snatches it, and runs back outside, and I followed.

The cold wind hits my face, the snow crunches under my shoes, giving just slightly, offering the resistance it always has.

I see him trip over a man, whose pants are down around his knees, and is stiff as a board. He had been drinking, clearly hadn’t felt the cold from the affects of the alcohol. The man with the lantern is sobbing, as he grabs up a small child, couldn’t be more than 2-3, who’s eyes are frozen shut and who is stiff as a board, dangling from this man’s shifting hold like a Barbie doll, completely unmoving.

At this point I’m already horrified, mouth agape, when I see the shop lady out of the corner of my eye, at the same time as I register the other child, maybe around 8, who is now under his father from the other man’s tumble. This child’s eyes are wide open, practically popping out of his head, and clearly frozen solid. (Tbh, very much like how that flash freeze happened in “Day After Tomorrow” and froze people right where they stood) his blank eyes are staring at the open doors, my hand is over my mouth.

Lantern man is blaming us, saying if we had just given him a lantern to start this wouldn’t have happened. I whisper “they’re frozen solid” and the shop lady just nods and says “inside, now.”

I scramble inside and she tells me to lock the doors.

Doors never lock right in dreams.

As I flip the lock and realize these double doors don’t sit flush together, not even the deadbolt will keep them together, I say “curtains!” And start trying to close them as fast as I can.

There’s a thud against the window next to the doors, horrific snarling as a zombified woman slams against it. I felt the door shift and quickly place my hands on the knobs to try to hold it, as my gaze is now fixed blankly on the floor, still getting peripherals of the window and the doors. I see the children at the door now, peeking around the curtains through the windows. I stay completely still. I dare not speak or look behind me. There was an open cavern not too far away, but there had been people there, just relaxing.

The children are gently scraping at the door, pushing at it, trying to turn the handles as the woman keeps snarling at the window. The children are begging to be let in- they’re so cold, it’s so warm inside, why did we let this happen…

I shut my eyes tightly and wake up, refusing to stay any longer as I knew once the father got to the door I wouldn’t be a match… plus. He probably wouldn’t care enough to pull up his pants.

I wake up to cold on my face, warmth on my body, and snarling in my ear.

I open my eyes and the world starts coming into focus.

The window is cracked bc my partner sleeps hot and the cool breeze feels amazing on my face. My partner is snoring, and sounds incredibly similar to the snarling zombie, albeit (slightly) more rhythmic, but he does have sleep apnea.

I was safe. I was still terrified. Adrenaline rushing through me. Feeling like at any moment someone could be outside the window, no matter how unlikely that is. That they’d see me through the curtains. Hear us.

I shut the window. I closed the curtains and made them overlap to ensure we couldn’t be seen.

I couldn’t fall back asleep for hours.

I fell asleep again… new setting. Zombies are back. We’re climbing into this old building through a tiny broken back window. We told the people in the street to come with us. They tried to brush it off, but one of my people said “if I’m standing here with the keys to this building… who is trying to get in the front door.” The leader of the other people told the man who was going to walk around to stop, and get the kids.

We all get inside the building… nothing is left. It’s been completely gutted of supplies, weapons, and anything that could be removed and used for something else.

We climb up on support beams. It’s daylight outside. I’m in pale shorts and a bright red shirt, and my bottom half is against a dark background and my top half is against a white background.

One of my people is telling everyone to stand completely still. That these things have inhumane eyesight and hone in on movement. There’s a breeze. I debate removing my shirt. It might give me a change. Or I might be attacked on my exposed abdomen. I hear the snarling getting closer.

I choose to wake up instead. My partner is snoring, and slowly getting louder.

I ended up falling asleep for a final time but… Jesus.

[phoenixyfriend]

@gffa: If you have any MinaKushi recs, they're a forever love of mine and I would love to read them! Or really good Kakashi genfic/time travel fic, I'm always weak to fix-its. (Also, I know myself and I will read just about any "Iruka adopts Naruto early" fic that I can get my hands on. >_>)

Someone: Yeah, I'll take some Naruto fic recs. Me: [shifting into my final form]

[cracks fingers]

Phantom Pains by mapplepie - Kakashi-centric time-travel fic (Actually, this author has a few good Kakashi time-travels. It’s a Mad, Mad World is also neat, as is Just the Usual Habits.) (On AO3 as Applepie, btw)

Please Drink Responsibly When Saving the World - (Obito and Kakashi do a stupid)

Snapshots of The life and times of Hatake Kakashi, Nukenin - Kakashi trips into another dimension where he's a missing nin. Decides to be annoying about it.

A political perspective - Kakashi didn't want to pass T7 because politics, now that they HAVE passed he needs to make sure it doesn't blow up in their collective faces

The Wolf’s Song - Kakashi going through some Hatake-specific mourning rites for his father, but only as an adult

Puppies and Pack - A wild incident makes Team 7 go 'feral,' excepting Sasuke (for Sharingan reasons), and Kakashi is very intent on Caring For His Kids.

Wolves of Fire Country - Kakashi-centric, gen so far (some 70k), but supposed to get shippy later. Time-travel, he's mostly invested in caring for just-post-Wave T7.

How it’s done - technically this is a Naruto time-travel, but Kakashi's his main confidant and also technically adopts him (but knows Naruto is basically an adult, just needs some freedom of movement).

a heap of details, uncatalogued, illogical - Kakashi gets de-aged.

The Role Model and Other Unlikely Tales - Orochimaru gets de-aged, and decides Kakashi is his favorite adult.

Down Into the Dark - Team Seven explores a haunted house.

The Hokage's Will - Kakashi&Naruto time-travel

Roadwork Project - a long and heavy time-travel fic where Kakashi's PTSD makes returning to his teen years infinitely more difficult

history has its eyes on you - the other long and heavy time-travel fic where Kakashi's PTSD is just. A lot.

Bloodstained Hands in a World of White - yet another Kakashi-centric time-travel fic (I have so many of these in my bookmarks)

Ear to the Wall - Kakashi-centric time-travel fic, this one focusing on body dysmorphia caused by suddenly being Seven Years Old again (I actually haven't read this since I bookmarked it in 2020, because fandom jumping, so I don't remember the details)

Seal Shatter - Minakushi fic with an amnesia plot. Absolutely top-tier, but written in 2009, so prior to a bunch of reveals in canon.

Team Time - Modern AU but specifically from the POV of middle school teachers. I know that sounds weird but trust me when I say it's really good.

Unplanned Paternity - Kakashi, under orders from the Hokage, pretends Naruto is an Oops Baby of his own from an undercover mission abroad (along with claiming Naruto is younger than his actual age). Very much 'becoming the mask' in regards to being Naruto's dad.

Iruka at Hogwarts- I know, I know, it's a crossover with the fandom that shan't be named, and it's old enough to have some Very 2009 Fandom elements (which is when it was on ffnet, but this is the AO3 link, whichi s 2020), but it's really fun insofar as Iruka&Naruto goes.

Ghosts and Other Inconveniences - Kakashi is born being able to see ghosts, and it means he is the Most unnerving toddler.

The Skulk in the Leaves - seemingly abandoned fic but... T7 accidentally get turned into Foxes.

And other things Kakashi did not hallucinate - Rin (not dead) and Obito (also not dead) keep helping Kakashi out. He thinks he's hallucinating them from grief. Despite the opportunity to get dark, it's primarily a comedy.

Team Seven vs. Paperwork - If you read a single fic on this list, please let it be this one. It is. Amazingly funny. Several generations of Team 7, and the last one includes Iruka getting saddled with responsibilities he didn't ask for.

Second Life - Iruka is given reason to suspect he is the reincarnation of Senju Hashirama. (That's not what's happening, but he's got reason to believe it.) KakaIru, which iirc you said you enjoy.

(This one doesn't quite fall into your filters, so to speak, but I think it's got enough overlapping elements, and it's gen: Uprooted by Orrunan)

Okay so the ones below are from when I actually did a few longer lists with actual refs (mostly the Naruto Time-Travel Fic Recs list), and uh... go there for more details, especially since some are a bit older and suffer from 'standards marching on'.

Time MixUp By: Lucillia (Complete)

Four different people from four different time-lines travel to the past for various reasons, and end up in the same time-line upon which they wreak havoc. Follow the adventures of the “time traveling” Naruto, Kakashi, Jiraiya, and Tenzo.

Teach Your Children Well By: AvocadoLove (Complete)

After Madara’s final attack on the village, Rokudaime Kakashi uncovers a time-travel scroll. Now he’s Team Seven’s sensei again. And this time, he’s going to do things differently. A time travel fic

You never stray too far from your roots.  Today it’s diving back into comics fandom, next month guess who’s going to find themselves hip-deep in Naruto fandom again?  It’s going to be me and I’m going to make you all suffer.  Once a Naruto nerd, always and forever, you can only escape for so long.