#'we're working hard to get this item back in stock'

[the-kneesbees]

why is sweet tooth out of stock everywhere

[chronotsr]

No. 7.5 - 1978 Reflections, and the Halls of Mystery

Welcome back to the end-of-the-year recaps! This is technically the first TSR iteration of it!

1. Coolest ideas

It's a lot of stuff from D2. The big ticket item is "neutral-ground hostile shrine" -- any time you can muck about with otherwise hostile people without drawing swords immediately is a big win. I know that the reaction table is supposed to mitigate that some but, cmon. Sometimes you just can't think of a good reason that the 9th goblin pack tonight is not immediately hostile. This is a way more natural way to handle it. And it lets you talk and such and experience their culture from their perspective!

2. Coolest Module You Haven't Heard Of

This is honestly a hard one because all of these modules are intensely well known. Gun to my head, I would probably vote for G1. The D-series is cool but frankly there have been more better and more interesting iterations of subterranean hexcrawls -- Veins of the Earth being the currently famous one. But the thing about G1 is, G1 is a surprisingly natural and fun location. Unlike the others in the GDQ series, G1 is genuinely an adventure you could slot anywhere with no context. It is simply a fun raid on a fortress, which I never get tired of. The twists of "they're piss drunk" and "there's a slave revolt in the basement" are really good (albeit in 2024 a little stale) twists on the classic raid-on-fortress formula.

3. The Growth of Module Design

Honestly 1978 represents a rather stagnant year for module design. The most innovative design feature I see is how D1-D3 feeds into one another in a much more naturalistic way than its predecessors, and all through that deeply useful combination of hexmap and random tables with a handful of pre-programmed setpieces. I am eager to see hexmap technology get much better going forward.

…

Surprisingly, 1978 wasn't too much to talk about? I don't generally think of Gary as an "innovator" in module design space. His main contribution is taking things that already exist and making them feel more natural. Which is not to say that I now buy into Gygaxian Naturalism as this great feat, more than a lot of his competition at the time was seemingly intentionally anti-Naturalism. Their work feels like the reaction to me, Gary is just staying the course of "this should make an amount of sense". Although, his random dungeon monsters mishmash still feels as nonsensical as all hell.

The Halls of Mystery (From Dragon 21, December 1978)

And as threatened, we're going to have a very brief section on The Halls of Mystery, which holds the dubious honor of 1st Dragon Magazine dungeon. I would throw the full header at you, but everything is by Don Turnbull. You may recognize his name, at publication time he works for Games Workshop and he will be heading up TSR, Inc.'s UK branch starting in 1980, leading to the much-beloved Fiend Folio.

So. Not much to say about this, actually, It's a very large room with some branches. The main schtick of the Halls is that the main chamber contains several mirrors, some of which are magical. There's a big riddle on the desk on the south side, the riddle solution is actually quite obvious (say Excalibur three times -- and hey, Don told us the answer and rationale of the puzzle! Thanks Don!). When you move the central cylinder, it teleports you to the corresponding position in the dungeon. The rest is a lightweight stocking of the dungeon with monsters, treasure, et c. If you're keeping score, this is a Zelda puzzle. It's very cute and lightweight and honestly it's so neutrally written (no statistics are given and it would be trivially easy to restock it at any level) that you could genuinely use it in 2024 with very little effort. It's adorable! It is also wonderfully lean, clocking in at two total pages and frankly it's super refreshing to have such a light read of a module here.

Happily, next time we will be covering B1 - In Search of the Unknown, which is the second Basic D&D adventure we will be reviewing in this series (The adventure printed in the Basic rulebook, Tower of Zenopus, was first. This is our first lettered Basic adventure.) And, funnily, the first TSR module in this lineup I've never read before. See you then!

[monsterfucker-lisa-swallows]

general rules for customers in a retail store that actually make our lives so much easier:

i've been in retail most of my working career and people do some fucked up things that i'm just like...okay i was basically raised by wolves and i would never do some of the shit you guys do (talking to you, lady who left bloody tampon underwear in the tj maxx fitting room). so here are rules to behave in public just in case you didn't know.

(1) if you don't want to put something back where you found it, give it to one of us. flag us down or give it to us at checkout. it saves us time and doesn't make the store look trashed. throwing it in a random place means we have to spend more than an hour after we close the store hunting for out of place items and putting them back. i've heard people claim they're doing this to help us have jobs. putting aside that it doesn't even make sense, no the fuck you're not. you're not thinking of job creation when you put something in the wrong spot, you're not thinking of anything. you're being lazy. we're literally not even mad at you if you give it to us. some us us work 3 jobs or have kids to pick up or have chronic disabilities and want to go home. please don't make us have to spend time cleaning up after you. (also why do some of you put something almost in the right spot when the correct peg is right next to it? it's not so hard to just put it in the correct spot.)

(2) don't just throw shit on the ground. i work in a halloween store and people throw masks and hats on the ground. that's gross. would you want to buy a mask people might've been stepping on? why are you throwing it on the ground when you can put it back?

(3) things that go on pegs have holes at the top of the packaging. those holes are used to slide onto the pegs. don't put a mask on the peg by hanging it from the elastic band or by putting the mask itself on it. the cardboard packaging is what goes on the peg. it's not that hard.

(4) if you pulled something out of the costume, we're not asking you to refold everything and make it nice (nobody has time for that) but please put it back in the package and don't throw it on the floor. i know the packaging can be a bit confusing but slide the cardboard piece in first, then put the clothes in the side that doesn't have the picture so other customers can still see what kind of costume it is and so it doesn't look like trash.

(5) don't touch animatronics you haven't paid for. they're fragile and we have 5 broken ones. no you can't pull the face off an animatronic to use as a halloween costume

(6) this one isn't exclusive to halloween stores but go a month early to get stuff for holidays. if you wait til the week before or god forbid the day of any holiday, the good stuff will be sold out and it will be your own fault. by the time halloween rolls around, most major retailers have backrooms full of thanksgiving and christmas. there's no sense in getting mad at us for not having anything good left the day of.

(7) please don't walk in wearing nothing but a banana hammock. can't believe i need to say this

(8) if a store has what looks like low shelving in front of the register that's in a maze shape, they want you to walk through the maze to get to the register. yes it's partially to tempt you with useless items but the maze shape helps lines not get super out of control. if you just have an uncontained clump of a line, the store can get confusing and crowded very quickly. making the line wind through the maze gets more people into a smaller space. please don't just cut to the front even if it looks like no one is in line. go through the maze. and if you have to wait in line, wait at the end of the maze, do not just stand directly behind someone. give them space while they make a transaction. can't believe this has to be said. i miss when we had rules to stand 6 feet apart sometimes.

(9) retail employees are not responsible for an item being out of stock or your card not being accepted

(10) check your coupons to make sure they're not out of date and don't expect employees to have extras at the register

(11) put down your phone during the checkout process that's super rude oh my god

(12) pay attention in line. don't stand in a clump talking. don't mosey over super slowly either, move in a timely fashion because people are waiting behind you

(13) don't hit on employees unless you know them

(14) make sure you had money cashapped to you before you get to the register. don't hold up the line by calling someone to get money

(15) don't be gross. the fitting room is no place to clip toenails or masturbate

(16) store policy isn't the fault of the employees. return policies don't always mean you have a few days from time of purchase to bring it back. particularly with seasonal stores or holiday items, the receipt will specify that there is no money back on those items after a certain point because the odds of selling that stuff after the holiday is very slim.

these are such simple rules. wish people would follow them.

[erocide]

11/14/2024

I feel like I've forgotten everything that happened today too... this week doesn't quite seem real. I was so surprised to come home and realize it was now Friday. I was plotting idly how to make the most of my day before work, thinking about what food I wanted to bring with me as well, and oops! That was my last shift. Consequences of taking the first day of the week off.

I might incorporate food pictures into this too. Just for fun, to remember what I've had and what I like. I had lunch with my parents (buffet style) and ate until I felt like a tick, then split a chocolate covered strawberry with my dad. Dinner was a (bad) experiment, and then I snacked after with a veggie cup and chips from the night market at work.

Dinner was the fruit of an ill-fated labor. I got ready and went out to get my nails done after lunch, and stopped by publix to pick up just a few things... and ended up spending half an hour in the store. Goat and sheep's milk cheeses, fancy crackers, kiwi and dragonfruit and raspberries, palmers lotion and body oil(!), and then of course, what I actually came for—frozen dinners for the work freezer.

Its hard to keep track of whats good and whats shit unless it especially stands out, so I ended up buying almost all new items, except for evol's portabella and goat cheese ravioli. I also got their truffle parm mac n cheese, scott & jon's shrimp alfredo and honey sesame salmon rice bowl, and lastly, the failure—Amy's Bowls mushroom risotto. Or maybe not a failure, since I learned that Amy can't season her food for shit. It only had salt and pepper, when it was begging for at least some garlic.

But I ate it! Every last shitty bite, peas and all, because I'm grown goddammit and veggies are good for you.

My mother's bad mood and childishness today only deserves a footnote. We're only one month into Jeanne's crisis, and she's losing her mind.

Other than that, today was good :) peaceful. I started a new show, Sons of Anarchy, and its shaping up to be a lot of fun in that dramatic soap opera-y way, if they were written for old guys too chickenshit to actually be in a biker gang. Im grateful to Con for his help in watching it. I also watched the two newest eps of dandadan with Nico. Maybe I'll write a review for them in their own post.

Jade found me samoles of the Argos perfume I wanted, and Orebella's discovery kit is back in stock! I definitely need to work on saving money, but right now I only have one perfume I like wearing... I'll have to choose everything carefully.

Tomorrows goals: clean the bathroom like you mean it. Go to dinner somewhere new.

Sweet dreams.

[the-firebird69]

And these people are kind of zombies and don't get what they're talking about this lady on Fox 4 does not know what she's talking about. It does not stay in your saliva you know saliva antibodies and some asses in Florida does not safe to ingest but it deteriorates after destroying items in the water and it's safer to use than bleach which does not deteriorate much and they don't remove the bleach it works and it didn it in westborough it works and it was effective and it would work here. The problem is a lot of you and jackass and you don't speak to people appropriately. I was trying to get sick of this Trump guy. Looks like he bring the church down and wants to live in it and say that he is hiding in God's house and make demands on us here I'm tired of your idiot and we're going to use some against you any parties that have this asinine viewpoint it's really easy

There are several things happening here today first and foremost in a primary concern is our son receiving a contract for rental renewal and it's come over this morning sometime and secondly

-there's a huge number of people wondering why it's so hard the answer is you gifted folk are making everything that is Mondane and simple into just a very very difficult task. There's no mystery to it you keep doing it every day it's disgusting. At times you put a lot of weight on it too and people see it and have been putting a lot of weight on you and you're almost flat as a pancake meaning small last night and this morning early your forces were cut to ribbons and we mean it you're fighting these pseudo empire to get here and yes while you're evacuating and you came down the road and you were destroyed. They're crushed and they don't bring the ships and they don't do procedure and it cost them they're trying to go to Venus over the past two days two billion ships are out of their possession and they now have about 7 billion out of all of their genre and they're planning to go today with another billion or two and we'll lose them. Couple other things

-there's a huge huge deal going on with Trump and people going after him and they are leading him below taking his stuff getting him to shut up and doing it all day and night we found out that he's as prick running around doing it to everybody not just our son and they are going after him and they're using Force all over the world that being said you're removing him from offices here in Charlotte county several of them today and they really mean it they do not want him doing the news or the weather or being on TV shows that are talk shows they just don't want their people in those positions and yeah Georgia Pacific that's the name of the company and it's a very big one. John remillard refuses to sell or even to talk about it and we are finally suite and for the stocks he was promising we'll hold them responsible for what he's saying and doing about it in other words he passed the meetings and told us we're going to they're going to sell them in a series of meetings and he didn't sell anything and we saw him giggling about it in meetings and we're going to bring suit and sue for his stocks and we have a very strong case abandoning their jobs and they're holding on to their stock and they're lighting the companies go and we have a strong case and we're going to bring suit today and tomorrow and next week many more lawsuits these are real lawsuits and these people are really getting kicked out and they really have huge fresh potty mpuths and the really getting killed doing what they're doing and boy are they rude little kids there's a bunch of people who are going after them and for being huge assholes

-and people are thinking that they're trying to make it later when pushing the schedule back means to make the trial earlier and that's what they're talking about in court today instead of March 25th they understood that they're going to try and make it early March 5th and I lawsuit that lawsuit is going to hit him and he's going to be in trouble and they're trying to hit him with it

-in the county they're going to remove him from 20 more jobs and they already started he's running around trying to get on TV say stupid things to our son in exchange for losing positions that would keep him alive possibly he's been doing it for years but recently you have to try and be there every second and it's gross. Now he gets hit all day long at night for it and we are increasing the amplitude and magnitude of our tax on the idiot when New Zealand too he's going to lose his territory for harassing our son couple more points we don't like this guy the same we like him or something we don't we don't use them for stuff we see you guys using them you're always disappointed Valerie bertinelli did a study of things are having them do and things that he fails at and they haven't do 20 things and he fails at 19 pretty quickly in the last one is later and save for this idiot on the show and he does solve every case and he's not really supposed to and he concludes all sorts of things and he's concluding things then go against them and as a whole. It's a good act but he's the only one who be left standing and that's what they do and she got mad and said it too we had to do these things and told you how to make it come out and you didn't do any of it right and mostly out of spite anger hatred all the stuff that it's reserved for people who I really abused then you said we're being abused we just don't show it and she said I don't want to hear it anymore it took everybody's stuff everybody's mad at you and you won't get sympathy for doing something like that we need that for defense so he got mad of course and said haven't got time for this then she said it's like everything and we didn't have time for that at all and you're using really disgusting methods that violate the Geneva convention and encourage others who are rather ruthless about us and he said so it'll be over at least we tried and last night they drained 25% globally down to about 5% and the remaining 25% to about 20 to 30% and that's going today and the guy saying that we grab people and turn them into robots and pretty quickly and he says no we do it fully and we say wow that takes forever and since you can't see it but the liars you can see it and it's not what happens and the guys think it happened and they're totally screwed mentally they think that they're doing stuff we can't stand it that's so delusional and we can't tell them we have to come and get them and more shortly

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues Hera

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[dzpenumbra]

8/9/23

Another depressed day. Maybe the rain is playing a part in it, I don't know. It's just been non-stop lately.

I placed my grocery order last night and was prepared to go get the delivery around 3. I was going to bring my signed lease renewal to the office then, since it's right by the front door to the building. I woke up after 5 hours of sleep. Dehydrated, hungry, sweating. Just... not a fun way to wake up. I ended up just... staying up. And honestly, the day has just been a bit of a blur since then.

I barely had any food, I was waiting for my groceries. I ended up getting my food picked up by this guy who I thought at first was pretty nice and friendly... and he was, don't get me wrong... but he kept trying to get me to settle for substitutes and shit, and was clearly rushing the order and clearly picking up multiple orders at once. I let him substitute some frozen vegetables, he kept saying they were "hard to find" and he "wasn't used to this grocery store" or whatever. And complaining about having a bad back and asthma? For some reason... And I was just like... yo... if you can't do the job, don't fucking sign up for it. Sorry, man. Like... I get that you might have struggles, and we're all hurting out here... but no one held a gun to your head and said you need to take multiple orders at once. Fucking no one did that. And if you can't handle one order... with your bad back and asthma... then what makes you think you can do three?

It really set the day off on a bad note, because the dude was legit trying to refund my tofu, and that's my only fucking source of protein right now. And they have plenty of tofu brands, this guy has just never shopped for tofu before. And he tried to ask me if I fucking knew where it was in the store... And then... refunded it! Before I even answered! And I was just like... "you can substitute with a different brand as long as it's extra firm." And when he asked me if I knew where it was, I told him to ask someone who works at the store. Like seriously, I am paying you to drive to this store, get things off a list, and drive them to my apartment. Is it really that far out of reach to just... go to literally any person in the store wearing a store uniform and ask them where they keep the tofu? And the frozen vegetables I ordered that you substituted? What the fuck, man. If you can't do that, you really shouldn't be doing a job like this.

I mean, I have pretty severe anxiety problems and I struggle to ask staff for things sometimes because of anxiety limitations. Trust me, I get it, if that's even the reason. But like... if I was picking up someone else's groceries? And claiming it was out of stock, but really I just stopped looking and didn't ask anyone? Bro, you're getting paid. You're on the clock.

So yeah, that upset me quite a bit. Then, my groceries got here. And when I unpacked them, there were two kinds of tomatoes bagged together and neither of them were Roma tomatoes... And my block of pepper jack was fucking ripped open. I'm still pissed off. Like... I haven't even gone on the app to file a complaint because of how pissed I am. I just don't want to deal with it. And I know the cheese bag rip was from him because that cheese hardens pretty quickly and it was still soft.

So... that guy might not have a job pretty soon... or at least his rating is going to go down. Not for lack of communicating, but for lack of putting in the effort to get the job done accurately and thoroughly... because he decided to spread himself too thin. That's not me asking too much or setting too high of a standard. I click pictures of things I want that are supposedly in stock, I pick out substitutions for them. He is supposed to check with me before substituting (which he didn't on 3 items), and make an honest effort to make sure the items I ordered are actually out of stock. But he was fielding multiple orders simultaneously and was already running an hour late.

He then dropped off my groceries and didn't notify me that they were dropped off when there was frozen food in the bags... What a way to start my day.

And here I was, happy that I started my day with a shower, when I normally wait on a shower until after yoga. Yep, that means that I still haven't done yoga. But I showered because I knew I was going to be around people and I didn't wanna be stinky.

When I picked up my groceries, a young woman was walking in with a dog. They were both very nice and polite, I appreciated it, she offered to hold the door open for me. I tried to thank her and wish her a good day, but again... I felt like someone took my volume remote and turned me down to 3/100. Like I was trying to speak and it just came out as a whisper. Maybe because it was the first time I had spoken out loud... man, I was gonna say today but... maybe in a few days... Then I went and handed the lease over to the Assistant who was really nice to me at the parking lot party almost a month ago. And I was wearing the blue bead necklace that I made and the pants with the deer on them. As conversation pieces, in case I felt brave enough to like... say "hey, wanna see what I've been working on?" Or, if anyone else felt generous enough to point them out themselves... (I guess I kinda lean on the latter one...)

The Assistant wasn't looking in my direction, so I waited for a minute until she turned around, and I got her attention. She apologized as though she did something really wrong, like "I'm so sorry to keep you waiting, I didn't see you there." Like I was... 7 years old again... waiting quietly and politely like I was trained to... for an ice cream or something, and the person at the stand goes to close up the shop and suddenly notices this saintly patient silent boy with hopeful eyes and an innocent smile. And she feels so bad, like she almost broke his heart. When really, I had only been standing there for like... 30 seconds... and it wasn't a big deal at all. And I held out the folder and she just automatically asked if it was my lease, and then offered to get a signed version back to me and... I mean... I barely got 3 syllables out of my mouth and the conversation was fucking over and she was walking away. It was like a tornado whipped through the room. But I fucking guarantee other people would not have experienced it that way. I just live at such a slower pace and quieter volume. Good lord, do I. I literally stop to smell the roses.

Those two interactions back to back just... made me feel so out of place. So socially incompetent... meh... more socially incongruent. I felt so timid and frail and... out of my element? I guess? It's so hard to describe.

Now... for juxtaposition... look at how much I have to say about it. XD How fucked is that. In person - 3 syllables. In writing - 3 paragraphs. When most people are pressed to find 144 characters of coherent shit to say. I have so much I want to contribute. Again, it was a reminder of how I deeply struggle to... initiate. To break the ice. But once the ice is broken and I'm comfortable? I will literally talk to you for 12 hours straight and not repeat a topic.

This was what drew my ex to me. She would ask me about things I was passionate about - the one that stands out the most vividly was when she asked me about some Star Wars lore, some fan theory I was digging deep into and my own thoughts on it. She had never even seen the movies. But she loved my passion, how deeply into this I was. How much I cared. And how I presented it. Because it was real. It was real passion. And this, of course, is all because I experience extremely deep genuine emotions - my gift and my curse.

I'm making lemonade in the other room and I have to go and add more water to the Brita thing periodically, this is one of those breaks. I also made more granola, the same kind - white chocolate with freeze-dried strawberries. I need to figure something else out with the strawberries, the freeze-dried ones are just really weird. The taste and the texture just gets odd.

Anyway yeah, I just keep getting reminded of this big curse of my life that I just absolutely suck at going up and introducing myself to people. The only time I've ever been able to really do that comfortably was when I was doing a bit or something. I really don't even know why, to be honest. I guess I'm just afraid of being too forward? I don't know. So I've always just sorta... waited for people to approach me. And I just took whatever I could get.

This applies universally. Going to a bar, seeking out and flirting with a random girl? Not a chance. Cold-calling someone and trying to sell them something? No way. It's just... it just doesn't feel right. Any variation.

What I have found that works for me is using contextual environmental actions to justify interactions. Like... we all see a rabbit run across the street and I point it out and go "wasn't that cool" or something. I don't fucking know, it's a weird example but go with it. Like... I can...

Dude, I just got a really sad memory. I remember when I was skating at the skatepark back at my old hometown... and it was just me and this kid there until after sundown. And the kid was just sitting on the bench the whole time, barely even skating at all. Alone. With me, a 36 year old man. And he couldn't have been over the age of 12. I really don't think he was even a teenager yet. And he was just silent, just watching me skate, but not letting me see him watch, and sitting on the bench. Which was weird in itself for me, but I got over it quickly. And after a while... it was getting dangerous for me to skate, because the skatepark just straight up did not have lights, despite plenty of other shit at the park having lights. Talk about fucking discrimination. By the time I packed up, it was legit getting so dark I couldn't even see the ramps anymore. And he was still sitting there. And I actually approached him. I was so freaked out by it for so long because... anxiety, man. I don't want some fucking paranoid parent looking over and seeing me, a grown man, talking alone with a kid at a park. There are enough fucked up people blasted all over the news to justify that paranoia in peoples' heads to the point where I don't feel comfortable with it at all. Which sucks. Because I'd probably make a great mentor for a kid like that. But I braved the "risk" and asked him if he had a ride coming, and he said yes but he didn't know where they were. He asked to borrow my cellphone, which I gladly obliged. He called and got one of his parents, who said the other was on their way after work. And it was like... 7PM and already dark.

So... my paranoid ass just told him it would probably be safer to hang out on one of the benches in the light over by the buildings in the park. And wished him luck. And I fucking left. I fucking left this kid alone at the skatepark in the dark with no cell phone in like October.

Why? Because of my anxiety. Because I didn't want some parent or cop or something coming by and seeing me sitting on a bench with a kid and throwing me in fucking prison. Because I'm paranoid, just like them. And because of that, that poor kid had to go through that scary moment alone. I obviously feel very guilty because of that. Now, I wonder... how many people my age, in my demographic... would have stayed? I genuinely don't know if I could come up with a percentage. I really don't know.

But if I was skating with one other person? We would've stayed. 100%. I don't know if I would've offered him a ride home... but we would've stayed with him.

The last time I remember being as confident as I would need to be right now... it was summer 2019. And the trauma I suffered then has really deeply infected my associations with... extroverted actions. I would go on Overwatch quick plays and just talk on team chat the whole time, build the team up a lot (usually while playing support), get them real excited, then collect people after the match if they wanted to join up and bring them with me into new random matches. I sent long heartfelt emails to my college ex and my older brother, probably a few other people I don't remember. I tried to join an interfaith spiritual group, which really led to sparking the flame in my family problems. I don't know, I guess I wasn't like... going around town going up to strangers and introducing myself... but I was definitely much more confident in the extroverted actions that I did there. And now... those are much harder.

Like now... I really need to email the head of this art collective a block away from my building. I really need to. And... I'm scared. Honestly. I don't know what to say that isn't awkward, and I have no one to proofread. That's the real kicker for me. I have no one to proofread.

Why is that a problem? Hmm... Well... I used to do a video blog where I would get high and just talk about life, raw and unedited. The whole concept behind it was like a micro bite-sized podcast that simulated the social act of going out for a smoke break with friends. To capture that moment where you're sitting on the porch in the dark with friends and the only light is ambient light from inside and the red-orange glow of your embers, and you just talk about life and whatever cool shit you discovered... anything really. Just real, honest human connection. Because those moment were really where a lot of social gems in my life were found. And this was 2 years before I quit cigarettes. My plan was to use this series to quit smoking cigarettes and replace it with both weed and a healthier habit - creating and socializing.

The entire series was, from its inception, designed to be a social act. And it was designed to cater to even being done through phone calls, and within restrictive timetables. See... when I asked people if they wanted to do a podcast or some kind of freestyle off-the-cuff radio-style media... they would all say bullshit excuses like "I'm too busy" or "I can't be there in person". So... my naïve ass decided to accommodate my inspiration to the people who were too cowardly to tell me "no, I'm not interested". And the idea was somehow even better! And then they just came up with more bullshit to say "no" to that. So... I just said... "fuck it, I'll just do it solo and show them that it works, then they can join later. Proof of concept." Right? Ugh, I'm so innocently optimistic it makes me cringe. They were never going to show up, in fact, they didn't even want to listen to the ones I did. How fucked is that? They literally wouldn't make 5-10 minutes at any point in their day to either talk to me about literally anything for this series, or listen to me in the episodes I did without them. Great friends...

So... that series just turned into me getting high and talking to myself in a phone. Every day. For 100 days straight. And that was quite an accomplishment. But keep in mind. I was smoking weed for the first time in 15 years, I was in real isolation for the first time ever, and at one point was detoxing off of meds and dealing with sleep deprivation, and enduring a lot of trauma and grief completely unsupported... at the same time. And I was recording stream-of-consciousness videos of that. In a way, I wish I had kept the recordings... because it would've made Bo Burnham's Inside look like a Broadway play. This was 100% raw shit. Raw as it gets. Honest as it gets. True art. And honestly, it was probably way more coherent than my paranoia right now is trying to convince me, whispering over and over in my ears. But man, the second I got off of meds... and was around a whole bunch of people who just... did not understand art or artists at all... They really let that shame dig deep into me. And didn't seem to bat an eye at my desire to clean house and wipe that chapter from my life out of shame. I still look back at that like... "what were you guys thinking? You just let me quit? And supported it, as though it was 'recovery'?!"

I think at some point I watched one of the videos from that period that was on my phone, and it felt like incoherent babble. And it scared me. Because it like... validated all of the literal gaslighting that my family and friends were doing. And I still don't know to this day if it was actually "crazy"... like an actual psychotic break captured on film... or I just lacked the context to understand the eureka moment I was experiencing while high. And honestly, I really think it was the latter. I really do.

So... yeah... no shit I struggle to put my stuff out there. I'm shocked I've even been able to do this journal. Need I even mention that my mom desperately tried to talk me out of doing this project, and several other precursor projects as well.

If your way of "protecting" someone is to convince them not to take a single risk in pursuit of their dreams, their passion, their craft... I just don't even know what to say. You're lost as fuck. You need to find a fucking lighthouse or something, I don't know.

I still struggle to read notebooks from that time - and mind you, I was very artistically prolific during that period. I wrote a ton, I recorded music, I made visual art, I made crafts, I did several video projects, I streamed, I did it fuckin all. I still have several journals kicking around that have notes from that time period and... it's hard for me to read because I'm expecting to find a smoking gun. I'm expecting to find something "crazy". But I never do. I just find weird experiments with stream-of-consciousness poetry and mind-mapping and like... experimenting with spirit writing, and trying to induce trances and then draw whatever popped into my head immediately after. Shit that I had wanted to do for years. Shit that I still want to do, honestly.

To me, there's something so exciting and beautiful about the time-honored tradition of getting really fucking high and putting yourself in a shamanic trance and letting an idea come to you and channeling it into a medium. And I really don't think that act has ever hurt anyone... or even poses a real, logical threat... But, to be fair... the people who were trying to convince me these things were "crazy" were shadow-led by a man who sent me an email article claiming that street weed was laced with fentanyl now, trying to scare me out of smoking weed. And... one of my friends died a fentanyl related death a few months prior to that... So... Yeah... That shit will kinda dig some roots in your head, especially when you already have a preexisting anxiety disorder.

Good lord, how did I even get here. Confidence? I guess? How that was the last time I was really confident. And my confidence led me to losing fucking everything. At least... that's what I was led to believe, to cover their asses and blame me for their actions. And now... I struggle with trauma responses when I... start being my confident self. When I start feeling like "that confident guy" again, I get a reflex like I'm expecting to get stabbed or something; or like I'm going to anger someone or suffer a great loss.

I guess let me connect some dots here. I treated deleting my YouTube with the 100+ micro podcasts, the associated twitter, all the social media, patreon, everything. I treated that as the death of that persona. I got rid of the name, I changed all my usernames from that to what I am using currently. And the persona that I killed off? It was the evolution of my writing/music persona. The one I had in college and beyond, the name everyone called me more often than my own name. The one that... is here.

I'm editing a bit because I want to connect the dots but I'm trying to prevent myself from doxing the old username because I'm still very anxious and paranoid and don't know if it's still on the internet. But... I evolved my old writing/music name into the one I used for art and the YouTube series and shit. I added a suffix from an ancient culture's word for the spiritual essence of a person that survives after death. Like... finding my purpose, my identity, and integrating it into the framework of what I had already been building. Finding my soul, and merging it with the life I had. And it also doubled as the name of a character from Belorussian folklore, and I have some Belorussian blood and I really identified with the character, so it was a really cool double entendre there. And this, I guess this is another evolution extension off of that. I guess this has been my way of bringing that part of me back. This is where my confidence has been hiding. In the penumbra.

Man, this is like trauma central tonight. I just searched for penumbra to give a definition and the first thing that popped up was a device used to clear blood clots in extremities. And... I almost got my leg amputated for a blood clot in my shin... What are the chances? Ugh, didn't need to relive that too tonight...

I was going to do something witty about like... how my past persona wasn't killed off... I just banished it. I deleted the videos, I wince when I read the writing, I cringe when I think about how confidently wrong I often was... how embarrassing that was. How "foolishly" I dove headfirst into things and improvised my way out of them. How I said yes to life as much as I possibly could, and all the danger and harm that put me through.

Imagine how different my life would be if I remembered the good times? I don't think of how movie-like and wonderful it was to have my dog tied to my waist and walking me around a ski resort all day, and then, that night, us sitting at a pizza place with a complete stranger, a nice young woman we met that day, and all of us eating dinner together and then dropping her off at her tent like a gentleman and going back home. I don't think of when I was sitting on the porch listening to music and trying to learn how to cut and polish stones... and then looking out over the pond and seeing billowing clouds of milkweed seeds floating on the surface of the water and flying in the air, and seeing the Strawberry Moon around sunset that evening. I don't think of long days out in the stream on my property adjusting the flow of the water and building waterfalls and pools and borders, while my dog went in the overgrowth and hunted moles and chipmunks. It's a shame. It was really the turning point in my relationship with my dog, honestly, both of my pets. When I found myself, and found my heart again, and started treating them like my children. Like I always should have been. And we had so many wonderful times.

I guess that's the transition there. I started the memorial piece for my pets today. Doing the text at least. I don't have a printer anymore, and I threw away all my fucking carbon paper. I had so much. I had like... probably over 200 sheets of carbon paper that I had bought for tattoo stencils. It was a staple in tattooing, it's what you do your stencils with, it's a must. I held on to that shit for 10 years. And I had to throw it all out. Because I just didn't have room for my tattooing stuff and... it was time, I guess. I threw out all my tattooing stuff. It still hurts.

But that carbon paper would be super fucking useful right now. And... I don't have it. So... I don't really know how I'm going to do this design. I found the text, it works, I've got it all typed out and spaced and formatted, it should wrap well. I just... don't really know what's next. I guess... I just trace it off my tablet onto paper... then rub graphite on the back? Then transfer that way? Either that or cut the letters out and do it like a graffiti stencil. Idk. A printer would make this so much easier. But that shit the bed on the move as well.

So... I kinda hit a wall with that. It's all good to go, I just... don't know how to get it off my computer and onto the staff. So... I guess I'll get to it when I get to it.

Then I ate a ridiculous amount of food, because I barely ate all day prior. I listened to Tony Hawk/Jason Ellis's podcast with Lil Wayne, which was cool. It's really crazy to hear Lil Wayne talking about how funny people who I went to high school with are. Fucking surreal. And really cool that with all his fame and fortune, the thing that brings him the most childlike joy (you can actually see him wiggling in his chair like a child, it's so wonderful!) is skating.

After food, I started polishing the small beads. The yellow-green and natural wood colored ones; there are 88 of them. My plan is to do the Brillo/brown paper treatment on them... then do another coat of tung oil... then wait 3 days... then repeat and see how it comes out. With this many beads to do, I'm really reaching with my creativity to try to find some way to make a hand-powered tool where I can just pop the bead on and use a handcrank or something. Just using a dowel is going to give me blisters soon, I can feel it. I have no problem using tools, I'm just avoiding powertools.

And yeah, that's about it for the day. Making my own lemonade rather than buying it. Making my own granola again. And that's about that.

Last thing - I have two of my first chili peppers that are ready to be picked, bright red and everything. No clue what to do with them... XD I might freeze them for now and thaw them when I can figure out what to do, I might try to make a hot sauce, that could be cool. Cherry tomatoes are still growing, the first should be ripening soon. Yay! :)

This was a heavy journal entry. It's... ... I carry a lot of shit. And when that trauma and... influence gets so deep into your insecurities and your anxieties... it can start influencing your everyday behaviors. It's surreal how deeply it can transform your life, and how quickly. And maybe laymen can relate a bit now with the whole pandemic and all... how those fears really stick with you, even though you "don't have to worry about it anymore". After a few years, it can get trained as a deep reflex, an instinct... and those can be hard to shake, and hard to reason with. If you too are struggling with those reflexes? You're not alone, you just do the best you can with what you've got to work with today, take notes and try again tomorrow.

So... tomorrow? I'd like to set the goal of trying to email the guy at the art collective. I'm not quite ready to email my old drawing teacher, or my old painting teacher, or my old graphic design teacher (ironyyyy). But this small step of just saying "hey, I'm an artist new to the area, I live a block away from the collective. I'd love to meet some creative people and sorta get integrated into the local art community, could you help?"... It could make a world of difference, and lead me to seeing that sending a message like that? That's not rude, it's not scary, it's not forward, it's just people being people. It's using an email for what an email is for. And the worst that could happen is him saying "no". I think that's worth taking a leap for.

[kezia-kawaii]

i hear the uk government talk about inflation and their plans to stop it and i'm just baffled by how much they don't understand how the economy works and how after like 15 years, they still can't make it improve

so i will rant

inflation is a currency losing its spending power. if £1 tomorrow can only buy what 50p can buy today, that's inflation

this is influenced by the economy

the economy is how much money is floating around the system that uses that currency. how much people are buying and spending

it is not how much money the government has in the kitty. that money is very far removed from the economy

so if inflation is a decrease in buying power, and buying power is determined by how much people are spending within the economy, you'd think, make sure people have have money to spend, and keep prices as stable as you can

let's look at how VAT [value added tax] affects a system

for it has been proven that, when you reduce vat to say 15%, prices decrease by a marginal amount, people spend more because their money has more buying power, the economy grows. gordon brown made this happen. it was the uk's first growth since the depression at a time where we were the only AA economy according to the IMF.

the added bonus, let's sat that VAT was at 17.5% and is dropped to 15%. that's a change of 2.5%. people were spending so much more on things that the income for the government from VAT increased by more than 2.5% resulting in a net profit from nominally recieving less % of tax

on the flip side of this, if you raise VAT to, let's say, 20%, people get spooked and spend less. businesses raise prices to ensure their profits continue to grow regardless. the pound loses its buying power. the government confuses its reserves with the economy so they raise taxes to make up for the fall in income from VAT and other related taxes. people have less money to spend, the businesses raise prices, the economy shrinks.

this isn't just speculation. this is happening right now

according to experts, while nearly every other country on the planet is getting their economy back to pre-covid condition, the UK is hurtling towards a depression but we're being told that public sector pay rises aren't possible, that taxes have to be increased, that we need to get used to being poor while rich people and companies will receive bailouts to ensure they can continue to earn record profits

but do you know why covid had such an impact on the economy?

because these super profitable businesses that are getting help while so many people are left to suffer didn't look ahead. there's a school of thought that says you should only stock what is needed at the time. but this also means stocking up on stuff that would be difficult to get hold of in an emergency. the businesses disregard keeping stock of hard to obtain items so when, for example, computer chip plants [coz most corporations can't make those in house] are shut down because the world is locked down, a lot of corporations and businesses now cannot make their products. this also goes for food, clothing, physical media, etc.

this is done to maximise moment to moment profit in the name of short sighted greed and with disregard for anything getting in the way that they can't control

so prices rise to make up for scarcity and people spending less, so the government gets spooked and raises taxes and cuts spending, so peoples' money has less buying power, and we spiral down the drain

the best way to beat inflation is to keep wages in line with its growth and to regulate prices. it gives consumers much more confidence and more buying power so they spend more that generates more profit for the companies, more tax for the government, and growth for the economy

but it's not about money. it can't be about money. it would make no sense if they were doing these things in the name of money.

it's always been about control

[goldenpinof]

okay, i think i'm gonna update this post, since i got some info only because of it.

the day i received this hoodie i emailed M&E (the company who is shipping wad merch within the EU) and told them a lot of things lol. they were silent for a week. after that, i sent them a follow-up since by that time i also got new information that someone from the EU received a hoodie with the original colours. and only after the 2nd email i got some kind of a response about the company "working hard to find a solution". today (March 18) i got an email that said, "I have just been told that they will be getting new stock from the UK within a week and your new hoodie will be shipped then as well." this sentence confused me so much that i had to ask them to elaborate. previously, i've been told that the EU shop was reprinting hoodies (and it matched the information about the US and UK shops reprinting them as well. which is factual.). and the EU shop manufacturing the most popular hoodies and t-shirts made so much sense that i didn't even question it further. surprise-surprise, the EU shop does not manufacture wad merch as of right now.

here is my conversation with someone from M&E (i stopped using "Daniel Howell" because at this point we both knew who/what we were talking about. in the initial email i used the shop name):

you know what's funny? the person who i'm communicating with gets me! shipping merch items back and forth is stupid (my words, not theirs). basically, irl merch is manufacturing merch for the EU in the UK and shipping it to the Netherlands where M&E is packaging merch items and shipping them within the EU.

something to consider: Dan's worldwide shop (aka the UK shop) is able to ship to the EU countries as well. they don't need the EU shop for that.

i get partnering with M&E to collect some merch items from all over the EU and then ship them from one warehouse. but if irl merch has to reprint and ship new stocks to the EU (the Netherlands) anyway, why wouldn't they just collect scattered merch in the UK? idk who was negotiating the contract and why they didn't come to the most obvious solution but M&E should have been manufacturing/reprinting the most popular merch items right from the beginning. at least that option should have been in the contract. i'm sure it's cheaper. "first printings" - this restock is not the 1st printing. my faded orange hoodie is also not the original printing. considering that the EU shop ships also Kiswe's orders there are quite a lot of hoodies/tshirts being shipped from the UK to the EU shop.

anyway, "all first printings were made in the UK/USA" makes me think the AU shop is in the same position as the EU shop. i'm just not sure from which country hoodies/tshirts are being shipped to Australia.

just to be clear. based on everything i've been told, the UK fucked up the printing on mine and Juul's hoodies. which is even funnier, since they had the originals (never heard of comparing, i guess).

my initial emails to M&E are below if anyone is interested. i kinda insinuated that the Doomed hoodies were reprinted in the Netherlands but it wasn't debunked right away. which is funny. also me mentioning irl merch and only then getting a reply is a weird coincidence :) the updated scheme as i understand it is also under the cut:

the fuck-ass scheme:

update on Kiswe's orders shipped to Canada:

they go to the US shop instead of worldwide. so "Dan's US shop" -> "US/CANADA deliveries" (via APC), only when we're talking about Kiswe. otherwise, Canadians still can't order from Dan's or dnp's US shops.

i got my doomed hoodie from the EU shop. and yeah. it is not orange

[reidbrod657]

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[fuck-customers]

https://fuck-customers.tumblr.com/post/694649400458444800/ok-i-have-no-idea-why-this-new-lead-has-a-problem

This same bitch is gonna catch hands!!

Luckily I rarely work with her (I'll see her in passing a couple times a week and actually close with her maybe once a month...which is good because I'd have to kill her otherwise) but she's still so fucking rude and condescending for no reason. I talked to another coworker who I knew had a previous incident with this lead and apparently this lead talks to everyone like that. I mean, at least I'm not being singled out I guess, but if you're going to be in charge of people and want them to do work for you....at least fucking talk to them like they're a human being.

Last night (10/22) I was on registers, which means I'm not allowed to leave the front end area, and a customer called the store to ask if we had an item in stock. According to our handheld inventory, we did, but the online inventory is known for being wildly inaccurate and we always double-check the shelf/overstock to make sure we actually have the physical item.

So I ask her over the radio if she could please check. And she replies back, VERY snippy "I don't KNOW. WE'RE the only ones here right now." (Other coworker was apparently on break...why she expected me to know that without saying it out loud is a mystery) Ok??? Wtf am I supposed to do, then? I couldn't leave the register to check myself and apparently she's no help. I left the call on hold and either she eventually picked up or the customer hung up. I'm not sure.

How hard would it have fucking been for her to just check? Or just say "I'm busy right now, but I'll check when I get a minute." ?

[rhyueienwrites]

Your other half in the Kamisato Clan.

Ayaka x GN Reader ~

No proofreads! :">

KAMISATO AYAKA

(Name) a childhood friend of the Kamisato siblings and serves under the Kamisato clan. They became great friends with Thoma who both become the moral and support of the clan besides doing housework and other things related to the Yashiro Commission.

(Name) cherished everyone in the clan, however, developed feelings to the eldest daughter, Ayaka. Little that they know, Ayaka also held this feelings for (Name) as well.

One night, Ayaka was alone with (Name) whom both enjoys their free time together. Both of them were chatting what they did these past few days.

"Oh, I wish I could go to Ritou and enjoy Irodori festival. I've heard they were selling limited stocks of a statue of Her Exellency."

(Name) sighed. Ayaka, on the other hand, watches them cry out since (Name) was quite unlucky when it came to purchasing stuff like that, as they only arrived at the shop to be met by the item being sold out.

(Name) heard Ayaka's soft laugh and blushes at the statement they just said.

"Ah! I apologize, please just ignore that..."

"Say, (Name), would you like to go with me? You're working hard and I think you deserve a day off."

"With you?"

(Name)'s face started to hear up, just the thought of them alone with Ayaka.

"You don't like it?"

Ayaka sounded a little disappointed but soon her face lights up with a smile at (Name).

"No- I would love to! It's been a while since we've gone out together, just the two of us!"

Both of them agreed and let the others now they'll be out for a while.

While walking together, (Name) talks about their experiences and how unlucky they were when it comes to the statues of the Electro Archon. Meanwhile, Ayaka were listening but she was gaze were focus on (Name)'s hands and unconsciously reached them.

"Ayaka? What's the matter?"

"Ah! Um.."

When Ayaka tries to come up with an excuse, she was about to let go of (Name)'s hands but caught off guard when (Name) held them back.

"(Name)...?"

"There's no need to be embarrassed! We're doing this since we're young right?"

(Name) said, but deep inside, they were conscious that they were holding their crush's hand.

Ayaka could only nod, as she held (Name)'s hand back.

They both reddened and walked silently. Thank goodness, (Name) broke the ice by reminiscing about their childhood days, and Ayaka smiled along with them.

...

Ayato: Thoma, did you get one of the statue of Her Exellency?

Thoma: Yes, my lord.

Ayato: Good, If ever they returned empty handed, this should do the trick Now, where are we? Ah, I want you to try this Thoma.

*Hands over a strange looking dish*

Thoma: Y-yes... ( Ayaka... (Name)... Please come home soon.)

...

Both Ayaka and (Name): *sneezes*

...

End ~

[hyunsuks-beanie]

Running Away With You

*Image Credits to rightful owners*

Bang Chan x reader; non idol AU; established relationship; fluff; midly suggestive at places

Word Count: 4.25k

A/N: A huge thank you to @youn9racha, for this super cute request. I am as much a sucker for road trips as I am for Chan, so I really enjoyed writing this!! I hope you like it as much as I did.

"Do you ever just want to pack your bags and run away in the night, without telling anyone?," you ask your boyfriend, Chan, as you both lay in bed one night. "That's an interesting question," he says, playing with your hair, "Though first I'd like to know what made you think of that." "Pfft. It's nothing too complex, Christopher. It's just a random thought that popped into my head," you say, while rolling your eyes at his inquisitive nature.

"Y/N, I know you, and I can sense that you've got something bothering that pretty head of yours, and making you want to run away. So tell me, what is it?," Chan speaks in a soothing tone, making you snuggle into his chest even more, while letting out a sigh. "It's just, work has been so crazy these past few days, and the pressures of the real world are getting to me. You remember when we were back in college? Whenever things got too hard, we used to go on road trips to clear our heads. Even a couple days away from the harsh real life were enough to rejuvenate us. I guess I just miss those times, now that real life responsibilities are wearing us down."

Once you're done with your little rant, Chan pulls your head up a little, making you look at him. He softly says, "Aww baby, I'm so sorry I didn't realize you've been struggling these past few days. I guess I've been too busy with my own work tonoticee. I know we're no longer in college, but I promise to you, that whenever the going gets tough, I'll do everything in my ability to help your through." "I know Channie, I know. I have you, and it's more than enough."

You give in to sleep after a while, and so, you fail to notice that Chan takes a little longer to fall asleep that night. He keeps thinking back on what you said earlier, carrying out an internal debate with himself. "Y/N is right. Work and responsibilities have taken a toll on us, and a road trip may be just what we need. But can we really afford to just 'run away?' There are too many projects, too many commitments. And we owe it to our colleagues to tell them that we will be away for a few days," he thinks to himself, before slowly drifting off to dreamland.

The next morning brings with itself a fresh hustle, but your face doesn't betray any sign of the frustrations you let come to the surface last night. But Chan knows better, and, seeing his reflection while getting ready for work, he realizes that his own expression mirrors yours. A thin veil to hide the fact that it's getting too much. At his office that day, he can't seem to focus on his work, since his mind keeps drifting back to your words. By the time the evening rolls around, he has made up his mind. He's going to run away with you, for a week anyway.

But a road trip needs some planning, and Chan wants this vacation to be the perfect little surprise for you. So, on his way home, he stops by at the convenience store to buy some essentials. Instant noodles, a few bottles of beer, disposable utensils, rental DVDs, he collects quite a few things, being reminded of your college days with each item he adds to his cart. In a moment of impulse, he even purchases a tent fit for two, and once he's done shopping, he hides everything in the boot of his car. You don't need to know of his plan, yet.

The following day, he leaves his office early, calling in a week's leave of absence due to some made-up reason. Instead of going home, he first drops by at your office. Not to meet you, but to get a similar application for leave approved on your behalf.

He finally heads back home to pack and ready a couple of things for your trip. "Y/N wanted to run away in the middle of the night, and that is what we'll do," he smiles to himself. When you come home, he remains tight-lipped about his little surprise for you, even though his excitement is trying to get the best of him.

Once the clock strikes twelve, he brings you out to his car, without telling you the reason. "Just please, come on! Don't you trust me?," he says, pouting. On his way out of the house, he picks up your phone from the couch, along the house keys. You don't notice this, however, as you're busy pestering him with questions. "Chan, why are we going out so late at night? What's going on? Tell me!" "You wanted to run away, right? Well, how about running away...... to the convenience store?," he smiles cheekily, making you giggle. "Gosh you're such a cheesy idiot," you say, getting into the car, still blissfully unaware of his intentions.

"Yeah, but I'm your cheesy idiot," he laughs, pressing his foot on the accelerator.

It doesn't take you long to realize that instead of driving over to the 24/7 close to your house, Chan has pulled onto the highway. You turn to look at him, only to see him smiling brightly, his eyes trained ahead. "Chan, what are you doing?," you ask, though feel like you already know the answer. "Running away with you," he says, taking your hand in his his, and bringing it up to his lips.

"What? But that was just a random rant! And what about work? We can't just disappear like that," you exclaim, to which, he only replies by giving you a knowing look. "Let me guess, you already informed our offices?" "Yes, and no," he quips. When you look at him quizzically, he elaborates, "I submitted applications for leave, making up some random excuse. So we have a whole week to ourselves." "But, what about essentials and supplies? We don't have anything to eat," you try to reason. He counters, "Babe, I've been planning this for two days, and I already stocked up on all our favourite snacks, drinks, and movies. I even got us a tent for days we want to sleep out in the open. I've got it all set, so don't you worry. The only thing I need you to do is to promise me that for the next seven days, you won't check your phone. I've already downloaded tons of songs and created at least 20 different playlists. You won't be getting any work-related messages, since I've taken care of that as well, and for directions, we'll take the traditional way, and ask around."

"Directions? Where exactly are we going anyway?," is your next question. To your surprise, he simply shrugs, before telling you that he doesn't have any specific place in mind. "Let's just wander away, going wherever the road takes us," he says, rather poetically, to which, you can't help but laugh. You then let out a soft sigh, making him look at you. "Sounds like a plan to me. Chan and Y/N, running away together, with no destination in mind," you smile, before reaching over and kissing his cheek.

"Let's play some music, shall we?," you ask, before hitting shuffle on the first playlist that pops up on your phone. You both settle in a comfortable silence, and soon enough, you begin to get drowsy. Chan notices this, and tells you to rest your eyes for a bit. "Promise to wake me up in like, two hours, so that I can take over the wheel," you yawn. "Okay fine bub, now sleep." Chan continues driving, occasionally stealing glances at your sleeping form. "How did I get so lucky?," he wonders, just like he does every day.

Morning finds you to be the one behind the wheel, as Chan naps contently in the passenger seat. The brightness of the sun finally wakes him up, and he realizes that you've left the highway, and are now driving through what appears to be the countryside. "I wonder where we're headed," he says while yawning. "Well, a signboard I saw earlier told me that we are somewhere in Jeonju," you reply. Instead of words, Chan's reply comes as a grumbling from his stomach. "Hungry," you quip, making him nod his head vigorously. You hit the breaks, before preparing some instant ramen for breakfast.

You eventually continue on your trip, and after a few hours, you find yourself in the midst of traditional Korean buildings, which seem to be from the Joseon dynasty. "Is this perhaps a tourist location?," wonders Chan loudly, making you reply, "Only one way to find out." You both get out of the car and do some asking around. You find out that the place where you houses the residences of the noblemen of old, and has now been converted into a shooting-cum-tourist spot. "Tourists can get traditional hanboks from that store, to complete the experience," an old woman tells you.

You turn to look at Chan, your eyes shining. Twenty minutes later, you exit the store, dresses from head to toe in a light blue hanbok. Chan's eyes nearly pop out when he sees you, and when he tells you the same, you can't help but blush.

You continue to hang around the place little while longer, and have dinner at a small eatery nearby.

"I feel like I'm 20 again. Thank you Channie," you say, holding his hand across the table. "Anything for you love," he winks.

Evening eventually comes around, and you guys hit the road once again. Around dinner time, you notice that you are crossing by a wood and supplies shop, and an idea strikes your mind. "Let's buy some wood and grill our meat!," you say excitedly, making Chan coo at how adorable you are. "Great idea babe. Let me park."

You quickly exit the car and visit the shop to buy some wood, then get started on your mini bonfire. It proves to be more difficult than you had thought, given how inexperienced the both of you are. In the end, you manage to get the fire going enough for the meat to be grilled, and turn around to ask Chan to bring in the eatables, when you see his face. It's completely covered in soot from his failed attempts at lighting the flame, making you double over in laughter. "You look so funny," you say while gasping for air. "Wouldn't be so funny if I got this soot on your face now, will it?," he retorts, coming after you. You try to run, but it's obviously in vain, as Chan grabs hold of you in under a minute. You both laugh harder than you have in months, and when you finally calm down, you give your boyfriend a tight hug. He hugs you back, and whispers, "I love you." "I love you too, Channie," you say, "Now go and get the meat, I'm hungry." "Way to ruin the moment, Y/N," he grumbles as you push him away.

After dinner, you walk up to the shop owner to thank him, and ask his permission to camp nearby. "It rained a few days ago, so the ground is still wet, and will be uncomfortable. But you can rent a room here for the night if you'd like," he offers. "That'll be great sir, thank you for the help." Chan says, coming up behind you. The shop owner gives you the keys to a room, and before leaving, says something that leaves you both red at the ears. "No funny business here, please. I know you both are young, and controlling yourself is hard. But I'd rather you didn't 'play around' unnecessarily on my bed."

You get changed and climb into the bed, snuggling up to each other. "First day down, babe," you smile with your eyes closed. When Chan doesn't reply, you open them, only to find your man staring at you with love in his eyes. "This is pure healing for me, thank you for suggesting this trip, love," he says. You talk about anything and everything for a while, and then suddenly, you feel Chan's soft lips pressing against yours. He gives you a sweet kiss, and pulling away, says, "About what the old man said earlier.....," while smirking. You shove his chest, saying, "We shouldn't," making him pout. "Although, making out doesn't count as 'funny business,' does it?" And that's enough to make him press his lips back to yours, moving so as to hover over you.

You wrap your arms around his back, pulling you closer to him. He licks your lower lip, making you part your lips and allowing his tongue to enter. After a while, you break away, only to grab his T-shirt and take it off his body, before wrapping your hands around his bare back. Needless to say, the two of you didn't get much time to sleep that night.

You get started on your way again the next day, and around mid-day, you see a milestone telling you that you are entering Iksan. The small town seems a lifetime away from your hectic lives in Seoul, and you spend the day going from shop to shop, buying small trinkets and stuff that are reminiscent of the country life. The residents welcome you with open arms, and more than once, you find an old couple telling you how cute you look together.

"He's a keeper, that one. Don't let him go," a lady says to you, pointing at Chan, who can be seen playing with some kids. "I won't," you smile.

That night, you stay over at a family's house, who were nice enough to allow you to sleep on their futon. You have dinner with them, during which the kid's ask Chan, "Are you two married?," making him choke on his food. "I'm sorry for that, they are learning about families and marriage in school these days," says their mother. "It's all right," you smile, "But no, we aren't married." "But do you plan on getting married soon?," the kids persist.

You and Chan look at each other and smile, before saying in unison, "Yes. One day."

The next morning you take the wheel from Chan, and the both of you drive of in silence, as High School Musical plays on your dashboard screen. After a while, you say, "What is it, Channie? You've been staring at me," "It's just that, you seem way too quiet. You've been like that since last night, after dinner," he replies, "What's the matter? Are you okay?" "I'm fine, just been thinking." "About?" "About us," you begin, elaborating when you see him looking at you expectantly. "When those kids asked us if we were married, it got me thinking.....I love being with you, I love waking up next to you. We live together any way, and share all the burdens that come with it too. So I guess...getting married to you wouldn't be so bad after all," you say softly.

"Is this your way of proposing to me?," giggles your boyfriend. "What? No! I mean, I did say it would be nice to get married, but I don't have a ring right now. And I meant it when I said 'one day,' but it's not today," you hurriedly say. Chan bursts out laughing at this, "I know love, I'm not ready yet either. But yes, if I have to get married, I'd rather marry you than anyone else."

Around noon, you decide to set up camp in a forest clearing. It takes you a few hours to get the tent up and ready, as you keep getting delayed because you can't stop fooling around. Amid Chan getting himself wrapped with the tent instead of unwrapping it, and you assembling the rods the wrong way up, you spend some not-so-productive, but enjoyable quality time in each other's presence, something you didn't know you had been craving for.

Evening rolls by, and you have a light dinner with ramen, some roasted chicken, and beer, following which, you lay down on a picnic mat, with your head on Chan's arm. "The stars look so beautiful, don't they Channie?," you softly ask. "Not as beautiful as you," he says cheesily, making you hide your face into his side. "But yeah, you're right. I really wanted to go stargazing with you, but we never got the time," he sighs. "I'm so happy we came on this trip, love." You open your mouth to speak, but just then, you notice a star shooting across the sky. "Channie! Channie get up, it's a shooting star!," you squeal, before closing your eyes and praying. Once you open them, you notice Chan looking at you with a gaze full of love. "Didn't you wish for something?," you ask. "I did," he smiles. "But what about you? What did you wish for?"

"Come closer Mr. Bang, I'm not about to announce my wish to the whole world," you whisper slyly. He leans in closer to you, only to have you say, "You don't tell others what you wished for," before pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. He smiles into the kiss, before breaking away and hugging you tight.

The next day turns out to be the last before you have to turn back homeward, and so, Chan suggests you make the best of it. "From what I know about the country's geography, we should be close to a beach somewhere here," he says, making you look at him with your eyes shining. "Too bad we're not going to get help from the GPS, but I'm really enjoying the phone detox," you smirk. "Who needs GPS when we've got people? Look there, we're gonna enter a city soon, so let's ask our way around," he replies. An hour and a half later, you come across a milestone that tells you the beach is a mile away. Once there, you look for a deserted spread of sand, keen on not getting stuck in an unnecessary crowd. "We face enough of that in the city, I just want to be alone with you," you whisper, taking his hand in his.

When you finally succeed in finding such a place, Chan giggles, "Good thing I packed our swimming gear as well, right?" "You did well sweetie," you say, booping his nose softly. After getting changed, you spend the next few hours playing in the water. Suddenly, Chan pulls you flush into his chest, and whispers in your ear, "You look so hot wearing that, and with water dripping down your body, I'm really finding it hard to stay away." "Then don't," you say, biting your lip. One thing leads to another, and you're thankful for the changing shack nearby.

By the time the sun starts to set, Chan has pulled you out of the water, and is making you dance with him on the sand, after bringing your phones and portable speaker from the car. Waltzing to the music, you shyly say, "I love you Channie," making him blush and reply with an "I love you too, my cute baby."

After dinner you climb atop the roof of your car, talking about your younger days. "You remember when we got into a huge fight once, back in college? And I was about to break up with you, only to have you whisk me away on a road trip, just like you did this time," you say, laying your head on his shoulder. "It did get you to stick around with me though," he replies, laying his chin on your head. "And you remember how we first met? You spilled your latte all over my T-shirt, and then took me to the infirmary to check for any burns," he reminds you, making you throw your head back in laughter. "You kept whining for a year over how you missed out on being the 'campus heartthrob' because of that incident, when in reality, you still were the most popular freshman," you jab a finger at his chest, smiling.

"Okay, I've got a secret. I wasn't actually sad about the campus heartthrob thing, since I already knew everyone was head over heels for me," he grins, making you punch his arm. "Hey! Let me finish first. I knew everyone loved me, but I only had eyes for you. And whining was just a tactic to get you to feel sorry for me and go on a date with me." You fake gasp at this, exclaiming, "Treachery! And here I thought you were genuinely sulky about that. do you have any idea how guilty I felt that whole year?!" When he simply states at you, unamused, you add through a pout, "I'm planning on revoking your cuddle privileges."

All of a sudden, you realize that Chan is moving over to lay on top of you, trapping you between him and the roof. "You know you can't resist me, babe. So don't even try," he says. "You are right about that," you say, pulling him for a kiss.

You both end up remaining awake till dawn the next day, and decide to start on your journey home around mid-way, after having napped inside the car for a few hours. You get started on your way just after noon, with Chan behind the wheel, and you eating (and feeding him) from a packet of gummy bears in the passenger seat. You re-enter the city you had seen earlier the previous day, and decide to spend some time roaming around. It's a fairly big city, but still much quieter and more peaceful than Seoul. You pass on visiting the mall, reasoning that you do so too frequently back home.

Soon enough though, you come across a store that displays a signboard saying, "Free wine tasting session for couples." You both look at each other, and with a smirk, Chan says what is on your mind. "Can't pass up on sophisticated wine for free now, can we?" You giggle and say, "Nope, absolutely not." And so, in you go. The session proves to be equal parts fun and educational. From the Chardonnay to the Pinot Noir, you go through with the tasting of at least 20 different types of wines. While you actually stick to the literal meaning of the word "tasting," drinking no more than a sip per drink, Chan goes all out, and not too long after, he's totally drunk. "Hey there beautiful, mind telling me your name?," he tries to act smooth with you, making you facepalm as you say, "I still get surprised about how low your alcohol tolerance is for your size," you shake your head.

Once you leave the tasting, half dragging, half carrying a wasted Chan who continuously tries to flirt with you, you decide to take the wheel and hit the road to the outskirts of the city, and cover the remainder of the trip once you're fully sober. When you cross over the city's borders and re-enter the road in the wilderness, you hit the brakes. You let Chan sleep, knowing that waking him up will only give him a hangover. Getting out of the car, you get yourself something to eat from the boot, and once you're full, you snuggle up to him, throwing a blanket over the both of you.

You wake up around nine at night, and as you had predicted, you see Chan holding his head in agony. You nurse him for while, before putting him back to sleep, then continue down the road. You keep sneaking glances at his sleeping form, smiling to yourself when you notice how peaceful he seems, something he hasn't looked like in ages. "We really needed this. Thank you for always knowing what I need, and for always taking care of me. I love you," you thank him silently.

When he finally wakes the next morning, he sees you huddled up in the driver's seat, and he can feel his heart swell with love for you. He gets out of the car, then picks you up and softly places you on the backseat so that you can rest well. Looking at your expression, he can easily see how content and truly happy you are. You are his reason to keep going, and if this little getaway idea of his could help you find your reason to keep going (unbeknownst to him, he himself is your reason to endure too), his heart is at ease. Sure, your week off is going to end soon, but he's positive that you will have rejuvenated yourself and would have gathered enough beautiful memories to last you a while.

Sure, going back to Seoul would mean going back to the hustle and bustle of your lives, but hey, he knows that that you by his side, he'd be ready to run away from home again any day, because his home is with you. But even more than that, he knows that with you by his side, life will be just a tad bit easier. Because you will always be there to remind him of who he was back in college. You will keep the young, carefree boy who loved you to bits, alive in him. And he'll do the same for you. And with that thought, he drives off into the distance, back to where you started from, with a smile on his face.

Because at the end of the day, you both have each other, and that's all that matters.

[rubydollchaos]

Seems I'm on my own. The manager feels bad having to ask us to be ready to drop everything to come in to cover while she's enjoying a week away in her second home in Cromer but this is how it's got to be if we're all to have some time off before Christmas. I can see how it must be tough being in full time and, yes, she absolutely deserves a break but why is it the responsibility of those of us who didn't join the company at management level with a company car and a generous salary to enable this? Everyone else is all "aww, no it's fine, we'll all just work extra hard so you can go off and enjoy yourself and maybe we'll get our own turn at having a week off where we won't be dreading the phone ringing." It might have been touching, seeing the team pulling together and supporting each other if I wasn't already out of goodwill for the company overall. This week we had the "joy" of our first promotion so on top of everything else we had to put up banners and signs (and since it's on footwear we had to take down the signs asking people to not try the shoes on, although it's hard to tell how many people ignore this anyway) and the price does not come off automatically at the till. We have to identify items which are on promotion, put them through first, apply the discount, then scan any other items - and this code will be monitored! I've accidentally ripped off at least one customer that I'm aware of because I forgot to apply the discount, and I had to do an immediate refund because I forgot to apply it until the customer queried it just as the card reader accepted her card. I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship with this job and everyone's telling me I should be grateful for it, and it's all give and take (you give, they take), and I feel trapped. I can't even apply for a job and claim I have experience with Excel because the figures are still done on paper, with a calculator. I know after the upgrade we're still only running on Windows XP but I'm sure you could do a spreadsheet on that. And I'm sure it would only take a few lines of code to adjust the prices for promotions - they find some way to do it for the sale, and they managed to put the prices back up on last year's summer sale stock so we could put that out.

[the-firebird69]

Bradley GT Street Drive

The guy is hauling ass and it's hard to tell he's going by objects and we calculated how fast somebody asked him after no we did he said about 80 and it wasn't looking at the speedo and he said no you don't have 120 and said wow and it's probably GT1 it's the red one and really it's a stock VW motor with 90 horsepower is really really fast it does the job too and a sunset boy that's not really a Volkswagen motor the guy started laughing and said I'm really kind of cruising around aren't I and he's sipping around and whizzing around corners and blasting into traffic on the off ramps on the on ramps without even slowing he had decent tires not really good tires and he says wow that's really fast just looking at the table is going I'm moving it. And he got back to his house and he said the space seats and he was up to stuff and he said he and his dad designed the Briggs and Stratton electric car and his dad was in trouble and we don't know what's going on and he said something about above him and you look real serious and he should be that's good my son needs that and you need that it's good and healthy things are going on around here now people are changing their tune and they're getting with it this is how it rides and it was a very old chassis these Volkswagens were from the '70s they discontinued them and I said I think 71 and we think it was 1972 a long time ago and it was the '80s and '90s when they were using these chassis a lot of these Volkswagens were beat the hell but they still really fly I mean this I was very happy and excited I said first he made the Concord and now this car and I know it was four and it's for driving inside spaceships with electric and and for talking to people the guy flipped out he said this is evil as hell he's putting a sports car up there so he can go fast and get places and he started moving it okay he was working on it and he heard your stuff and said this is Rich and it's scary as hell and he's a kid and he's worried about his mom and dad suddenly he started to weep and he said he can't see his brother he just pushed to it and we're not doing anything so torturing the little bugger and he's young for his race he was horrified but then you informed him that you're a giant they have tons of testosterone and it's not as hard as it looks it's a little hard though and then he got sad and said everyone was getting hurt and it's true but still kind of tortured and he's upset but he's got a great car he says it's a classic and you shouldn't change it because when ours comes out and and he can tell his friends and everybody should know you got to keep your car original it's going to be worth millions if not more dollars and maybe billions it's going to be a huge collector's item because what's going to happen is GT1 and GT2 and that's what they are the Grand touring cars are going to their C-Class they're going to become world famous and become the foundation for the Vista fresh company which is going to be global they'll have a slightly different name and it's just going to be translated into a different language do that it's courtesy and he says wow and it's going to become massively famous because of the cars we have ready and because of the Bradley GT2 the one that he redesigned is going to be the GT3 which is the mega car everybody wants to go 6,000 miles an hour so people are very interested and now they're starting to remember and our kit is very sophisticated and our people are very smart and wise and quick and we're going on this down in Mexico and Savage opress wants to speak to it

Thor Freya

The things here a little bit gross and they're very gross and these people are sick and they're not very bright and they're making it very hard on someone who has extremely difficult life and we don't really like it but that's the way they are. And we're working very hard and diligently to fix it and he says he grew up with him they're having a lot of problems and it's getting tough but it's going to stick it out and yes the car is extremely fast the one that we're putting out with the 1000 horsepower motor that you can get with one of the chassis that we offer or that you can find out there is about 4,500 miles an hour with the fins and we don't provide the fin system they're not legal. It's not enough time to explain how you drive these is it going to be a course offered

Savage opress

Her son and daughter talking about cops if you're going very fast usually they just let you go and they bring the helicopter and see where you go

Olympus

[pbandjesse]

Merry Christmas everyone. Happy Hanukkah. Me and James are in the car on our way back to Baltimore. I am tired but today was. Wonderful. What a nice Christmas. Not like anything I've ever experianced.

Sleep last night did not come easy. We got in to his family's home around 10. We hung out there for a while. Stuffing stockings. Reading Christmas stories. There were legit tears?? Guys this was on some hallmark shit. It was so interesting to walk this. Like we were 15 deep. And it was just full of love. It was great. And I got to hold the 18 year old car, named whiskey, like a baby and while my allergies did not love that but my heart did.

We left close to midnight. My stomach was hurting really bad. I needed to lay down. So we went back to the car and drove the 10 minutes to Jess's apartment. We had some slight issues getting inside because the keys were weird. But we got in and cleaned up and soon we were going to bed. But I felt no good. And it was really hot in there. So wasn't easy. But I got to say Merry Christmas to James first. And that was great.

James woke me up at 8. He had been up for a while already. Gone for a walk. He took a shower first and I was upset because I hadn't slept well. And we hadn't eaten since that early dinner with my parents. But I tried my best to calm down.

I took a shower and got dressed. Felt somewhat better. I was ready to get out of there. Start Christmas day.

We packed up the car and drove back to the family home. This place is a fancy brown stone. It's really big. 4 floors. Lots of bathrooms and bedrooms. 2 kitchens? A backyard! It's wild. And so beautiful. And all decorated was even better.

Everyone was in Christmas pjs. We started with stockings. I got some very thoughtful gifts. Including a catnip toy for sweetp. Whiskey wanted to sit on me. Which I enjoyed a lot but my allergies were making it real hard to breathe all day. Just a tight chest. Which made me quiet. But I tried my best.

I really enjoyed breakfast. They were having bagels and lox. And I wasn't going to have fish. But I did have Jess's go to sandwich: bagel with creamcheese a tomato and salt. And it was excellent. And it was really nice hanging out with his cousins. They are all exceedingly cool. But I held my own.

James said there was a lot of downtime. And to be prepared. But I didn't feel like that. I was having a good time. There were moments to chill. To hold the cat. It was nice.

Around 1 we all went on our own to get changed into nice clothes. I felt really pretty. And James looked really handsome. I had such a nice Christmas with him.

We all helped cut veggies. His sister and me did the veggie plate while James did some kind of salad. Me and Charlotte teased each other a bunch. It was fun.

There were a few food related injuries. But we all made it through. And it was time for tree presents!

James got me the Rizmo robot I wanted. We got a few other little things. Some beautiful food items. Some socks. I was really pleased. While everyone else opened their gifts I read my Rizmo guide and played with him a bit. I am excited about him. But he needs real play to evolve. So well see how that goes.

We finally did dinner. And it was fun. I got to try caviar. It was salty and I'm not sure about the ethical implications. But it was neat.

Dinner itself was so beautiful. We were a mixed faith table so we. Did a toast to a nice Jewish boy's birthday and did the first prayer while lighting the menorah. It was wonderful. I got to share the ASL for "happy hunakah" and that was neat.

Dinner was a bit much for me. Mostly veg. But I enjoyed trying some new stuff. And I really enjoyed the conversation. And the singing. This family loves to sing together. And we had crackers that popped and had little toys and a joke and a paper crown. It was so fun.

Honestly. While it was a lot. James made it sound way worse and more. Cringey then it actually was. I had a lot of fun. Everyone was kind and we had lots of hugs. And I liked. To everyone and I just felt really good.

But I was still having trouble breathing. And I was tired. So at 8 we headed out. Made sure everything was packed. And gave hugs and everything. Packed up some snacks. And we were on our way.

We both got changed to comfy clothes. And it was nice to be in fresher air. In the last hour my breathing has become less labored. And honestly I'm just sleepy. We're going to be in here for a while. Well stop near Philly for wawa. And hopefully be home around midnight. Because we both have work tomorrow!!!

Happy holidays everyone. I love you!