#'its just our nature'
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hikari was conceptualized as a way to explore the hope and intricacies of humanity and being human because i got tired of existential nihilism being shoved in my face every time i tuned into tne Next Big Thing.
#ooc | and i won't be part of this in the end#if you said 'humans are the real invasive species' in front of hikari she'd rip you apart like a chimp on adderall#not only for ec.ofash rhetoric but because it pawns climate responsibility off because#'its just our nature'#UNTRUE. TEN MILLION CACTUS BAT ATTACK.
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Thinking abt how Will and Hannibal are like that old myth where you can cure a werewolf by calling it by its Christian name, making it remember that their true self is human. Except, with them, Hannibal saw Will for who he truly was, allowing him to become the monster he was on the inside.
#having half formed thoughts abt this#my articulatory process aint articulating rn#but idk theres just soemthing about media where becoming your 'best self' isnt the end goal#or idk its more about *what* we view as our best selves because often it is that which is most convinient to others#forever told to keep the wolf in your chest#the cage of your ribs#because to let it out would be unsightly#maybe thats why im so attched to the story where the wolf tires of sinking its teeth into its own flesh and turns savage#there is a sense of relief in giving into your nature#however unsightly#hannibal#nbc hannibal#hannibal nbc#netflix#hannibal netflix#will graham#hannibal lecter#revive hannibal#renew hannibal#hannigram#murder husbands#werewolf#myths#half formed thoughts
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answer my strawpoll abt nd identity re: fat kink please
#its anonymous#our brains are mapped differently than the 'default' by nature of having a paraphilia#but we only classify ppl as neurodivergent if it's 'disabling'#so i would not be surprised if many of us are just mostly functioning weirdos with secret brain differences#or perhaps neurotypicals w fetishes are better able to repress them?
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Why didn't Loki at least say goodbye to Mobius or tell him about his plans-
Because Mobius would never let him do that. Ever. He would do absolutely everything in his power to stop Loki from sacrificing himself.
Loki knew that.
I think that's also why he kept so much distance from Mobius in the last episode. So he wouldn't give him any opportunity to ask... or change his mind...
#im fine just mourning okay leave me alone#its a natural process#im talking about our original mobius here just to be clear#loki#loki season 2#loki season 2 spoilers#loki spoilers#loki season finale#lokius
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okay reid now is literally the worst time to be a smartass
#also is it just the angle + the natural appearance of mgg's eyes or is reid's left (our right) eye swelling shut#if so thats very good attention to detail#spencer reid#not fic#criminal minds#criminal minds rewatch#criminal minds s02e15#revelations#tw blood#not a lot and its very hard to tell but. just to be safe#criminal minds 2x15
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ijbol idk man releasing screenshots of very polarizing things said in a private discord server between friends in a public "callout" post is #the most #tumblrific thing ive ever seen LOL.
#opinion 😱 in tags
#our life#gb patch#gb patch games#our life beginnings & always#i also think it should be acknowledged that the white queer 'experience' and the black queer 'experience' are totally different#bc there are multiple occasions where GBLady has recieved an ask where shes accused of Something bc of a super specific issue#this whole situation is just the biggest case of GetOverYourself ive ever seen icl#i think rose is entitled to their opinion as a black trans person + a person who previously identified as a trans man#i think its easy to attack rose as an inflammatory person who 'purposely incites discourse' bc they dont use that super-pacifying#everyone is welcome on my blog tone that if not used is immediately interpreted by white people as hostility and rudeness#i don't agree with a lot of their takes that ive seen on their blog that were allegedly posted BEFORE they became a sensitivity reader#but irdgaf#bc its their personal blog and theyre entitled to their opinion and i don't believe u get to feel insulted or slighted#or deem them as unprofessional and inflammatory just bc they didnt speak to u on their personal blog as Nicely as u wanted them to#i just think this all leads back to a growing sense of entitlement in the gb patch fan community#esp among the our life fans#just bc this is a deeply customizable game doesn't mean that the dev can customize Every Single Thing to ur liking#it also doesn't mean that ignorance on the devs part or the staffs part in most capacities is purposefully discriminatory in nature#like no offence but wdym 'ur hands are shaking and u need to get offline' bc of all of This... please grow up and go outside#also This is controversial but a lot of yall use the fact that GBLady is a white cis woman who happens to b writing stories#with a very diverse and nuanced cast to railroad ur ideals on how the characters should b written#and if they don't meet Your personal experience as a member of that marginalized community then They are automatically written incorrectly#again just a very entitled community IJBOL#idgaf if u disagree come and kill me over it 🤷🏾♀️#but also im very curious abt what people think !! 👁#i also dk how to phrase this but the white gb patch community also Reeks of this strange entitlement and i hate to say it but . . .#Sensitivity ??#they have this weird almost parasocial relationship with GBLady + this fantastical relationship with the characters themselves#LOL idk if anybody gets what i mean
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Makima, devils and self-fulfillment
Dumping some Makima and CSM thoughts after a part 1 binge bc I think about her forever and ever. I’m sure I’m forgetting some devil lore, feel free to correct what i get wrong/what’s been confirmed. On the table of contents there’s why & how Makima got fixated on Chainsaw, her revealing liking for the country mouse and discussion of her nature & emotions & desires. Was the scorpion doomed to be a scorpion?
The most of this post was thought of during a conversation with @saccharineomens and I don’t think it makes sense to jump into the spiral it sent me on without first laying down the interesting groundwork theorizing she did:
"Thinking about how makima herself wants to be deified. I wonder whether she recognizes the difference between Love As Worship and the love that Aki, Power, and Denji had. She says she wants to help humanity by having Chainsawman eat the “bad” devils, but why does she want to help humans? Because she was ordered to by the Prime Minister? No, her drive seems much more personal than that, it seems like she teamed up with the PM for contractual reasons. (In the most recent chapters we see governmental members wanting certain devils to be eaten, too. What was Makima’s relationship with them? She’s too independent to just follow THEIR orders, she’s Control.)
So is she wanting to better humanity for the accolades, or out of the goodness of her heart? She sees the big picture. She sees any small sacrifice as worth it for the end result, and she’s ruthless. Perhaps she thinks that a more sedate human race would be easier to control? But Makima doesn’t loathe humanity. She never acts like she sees all humans as lesser. She loves humanity’s creations, like good food and movies. She just wants Good Things all the time
She says she prefers the country mouse BUT adds a story where she helps exterminate country mice like vermin. She likes the simplicity yet rejects the idea of being simple. Makima the complex individual you are"
~
The story itself seems to prefr the country mouse. Well- it strikes a balance, shows that a risk to live good & fully can be very worth it, but still that stability over ambition is preferable, proning having a simple happy life over fame, a simple job instead of a dangerous one, etc etc. And I do find Makima’s answer on this so so interesting, she prefers the country mouse, but this preference isn’t out of affection or sympathy but because of how relaxing it feels to exterminate them when they cause problems.
Order satisfies her. Her order satisfies her. She likes the action of rooting out disorder. Maybe this is the devil part, like how Power especially wants blood and drinking it, I feel there’s an itch to every devil, and for Makima it’s a very rigid world view/morality/standards & making things follow her rules and submit to her order.
And maybe this is why she’s attached to humans too, why she felt it was worth it to stick with the government- because devils are chaotic by nature (it’s a whole plot point that hell is essentially a free-for-all battleground for example), meanwhile humans are the species that universally rule Earth with systems they invented and instilled. They made then enforced rules, complex and intricate webs of them. She feels alienated amongst devils but she understands the humans’ need for an orderly organised society, and now she wants to be part of it. Control and conquest require social dynamics after all, requires civilizations or groups. War is chaotic while peace is, well, peaceful— Makima resents her sisters for being death, famine and war, things that throw the world in such chaos. She wants a world of perfect order, no matter how much collateral damage there will be if the end result is control.
This is even more interesting if you consider that yes, Makima is untouchable of her own design, she deifies herself with her omnipresent amount of control and the sway over others that she seeks and encourages— There is this urge to dehumanize her for it, that yes, she is the devil of control and that means she was never going to be any different, have any more feeling be any less uncanny. And I love part 2 so much for this, because it shows us the war devil and the famine devil and we see how frankly uncharismatic with poor self-discipline they are, Nayuta too, and it helps us realize just how much Makima’s success was self-made.
She admires Chainsaw Devil, the Hero of Hell, because he had his own code and his own rules and he made Hell, the chaos pit, submit to them unfailingly. Wherever he goes he decides what he does and what happens to the people he encounters but does so consistently, he has his mechanism and his rules that he always obeys, and he fulfills them every time. It’s still a mystery the why of Chainsaw Devil’s behavior back then and how it works exactly, maybe Pochita left hell because he was tired of these rules he lived by like chains, but still, he was a servant to his code. Makima would have been glad being killed and eaten by Chainsaw Devil because it’d have been becoming part of his design, his conquest, his domination, she’d have been part of that —his— order. Through her death she would be shaping his world and be part of a conqueror’s making history. Like how she appreciates the country mice that die for the sake of order. Like how sacrifices must be made to herself, like listing the name of every person whose life was lost to the Gun Devil— All for the ~greater good~, for her vision for the world. Conquest always thinks its reasons are justified.
And she does mention with the country mice thing that she goes out to a friend’s farm every year! She has a human friend?? That she visits yearly and she genuinely likes it?? Ultimately she lives a busy city life because of her goal and drive and her urge & satisfaction with overseeing shaping the world herself, but part of her, like so many characters including Angel and Aki and Reze, wishes she could live a slow peaceful country life. Moviegoing and dogs and mice in a farm- Wouldn’t it be so much simpler if Makima could find fulfillment and happiness in being a farmer, in keeping control of her own farm, getting satisfaction from exterminating vermin and expertly getting everything right, the right crops grown at the right time on the right soil? Here, too, in a way it’s trying to have full control of an ecosystem, but her goals would be easier to achieve and better, without ceaseless sacrifice or much pressure. But Makima wants grandiosity and her goal does matter to her on a fundamental and moral level, she does think she knows what’s best for the world, and with the power to change it why wouldn’t she strive to? Visiting the farm is just a break, just something she does in fall to help out and just in time to see the vermin extermination. It calms her, then it’s back to actual work.
In capitalism, even the one at the very top of the ladder is ultimately alienated from others and often unsatisfied by their lifestyle, always wanting more and more power because surely that’s the extra edge they must be missing to be content— like how Makima thinks she wants to dominate Chainsaw Devil instead of being his equal. And she says it herself too, she likes humans the way humans like dogs…….. And she keeps so many dogs :( Makima prefers the country mice because they’re calming to root out, maybe because she usually mainly deals with city mice. It’s very easy to equate humans to the mice in this allegory because it’s pretty direct and she’s already likened humans to lesser animals compared to her. She’s self-isolating by design for her design but she still craves relationships and contentment, and the dogs are the embodiment or her want for bonds and occasional simplicity because there is no possible ulterior motive, no way they tie back into her wider plan. They’re her personal life— something that feels so alien when speaking about Makima. Personality and individuality and likes and preferences and friends they visit every year. She likes how easily she can train a dog and how they become putty in her hands, at her beck and call, how much they love her and how much she enjoys their love. How simple and straightforward and easy it is. She keeps them because she likes being loved by them and loving them, and she’s gotten and raised so many. A conqueror always wants more and more and more, is never satisfied.
Devils and agency
Like Power the blood devil wanting blood and having a fixation on drinking it like with Denji’s, or how it was shocking that the violence devil was pretty tame and nice and how he himself theorized it was because he was a fiend and possessing a human body… There’s something to be said about nature vs nurture with the devils. The way they reincarnate and always embody their fear makes it seem categorically like nature, that they always always end up fulfilling the role they were named after and born to fill… Outside influence they’re helpless but to conform with. Like the humans accepting their spot in the social ladder and the shittiness of their living conditions and job under capitalism. Makima craved being equals with someone despite being the control/conquest devil, Angel Devil despite claiming to be a devil who likes to see humans dying was haunted by their deaths and wanted to avoid ones like Aki’s. The Ghost Devil being ironically haunted by Himeno, seemingly helping Aki in her memory out of… Lasting affection? Or maybe it was less about being haunted itself and more about it recognizing how Himeno haunted Aki, and acknowledging that, with the memento, paying her respect to the ghost of her. It’s Angel Devil’s devil nature that makes him like human suffering, so then is it his angel nature too to still care about their deaths? Is there truth to this or is that just personality, just our confirmation bias haunting every part of their identity like it might in their own view of themselves too? We do know different reincarnations of devils do have different personalities after all.
Yoru, war devil, is the most interesting one when talking about the nature vs nurture debate with devils. There is how through her we see the perhaps the most the consequences of a devil stopping being feared— we see a horseman for a concept as universal and horrifying as war be reduced to some bird who needs a contract with a human to have any power even just on the situation when meeting Asa. And through the story we get to know her better, and it becomes clear that her goal is fueled in good part by simply wanting to be remembered and respected through fear. Liked, validated, seen a powerful. But what is more isolating than war? Or control? We also see Nayuta accepting others’ house rules. If part 1 shows perhaps the futility of running away from the truth, with Denji’s memory, with escapist coping mechanisms, with passivity and denial under a corrupt system and with abusive relationships- running away from your own feelings and from the reality of things and from all that you are, more complex than simply human or devil or both or neither— part 2 builds upon the theme of cult of personalities, the chainsaw church, etc. The apocalypse is coming, but this celebrity superhero might save us all, or doom us all uh, dunno. The hero of hell reliving the cycle of pressure from responsibilities and expectations, maybe the part will end with Denji running away like Pochita did~
But yes, on the reverse, I think Famine is a very interesting example of how a devil’s namesake may be more innate than coerced by circumstances. One would think that a famine devil would only like inflicting famine upon others, not being famished itself, but Famine has a bottomless stomach that can never, ever be satisfied, sated. I struggle to find a psychological explanation for this, except that maybe instead of her being hungry it’s her feeling empty when she’s not eating, tasting and having that high sensory experience that releases serotonin in humans, sort of like drugs? But I do take this as a step towards the compulsion theory overall, feels like a reach in the consistency otherwise. And compulsion does not mean it’s something that they like nor that it’s something that they fight against, pretty neutral, just a nature that nudges you towards one path. Maybe it’s even just their go-to for entertainment. Maybe it’s the only thing that makes them feel right and whole. But still the debate remains, what is it, a compulsion or an urge or an itch or an active desire or a conscious chosen want? Does it change anything in practice?
And because of all of this earlier, devils being self-fulfilling prophecies with their role is not in unsignificant part nurture, because doing their atrocities is how they stay remembered— feared, powerful, known— hell and devils are a very isolating place and breed after all, and we do see devils can want companionship. Existentially, it’s their purpose and how they justify their place in the world, in the terrifyingly vast and unknowable cosmos.
We still know so little of what makes Chainsaw Devil so special, why his carnage is so self-controlled. Despite a chainsaw maybe being possibly one of the most "nature" thing you can be— a tool to cut things, a human tool that can be helpful for many things, something to be wielding by another at their judgement on what they decide, but mainly something to cut, a tool suited for carnage, to hurt and to destroy. A blade with a toothed chain, spinning around and around and around endlessly on the same road at the same pace. Such a…. Innately circular concept. And yet the Chainsaw Devil is his own, not driven by an urge or by chaos but his very own brand of order, his own unique assigned purpose, a "if you call i’ll come running to help" policy equalizing everyone. He chooses to withhold his destruction and interference otherwise, and then he chooses to be used. If it’s a choice, of course.
Maybe this is what inspired Makima so much, that Chainsaw Devil could decide what to make of himself despite expectations or innate role. Because even Hell he decided & managed to subjugate under his will and whim, with a precise vision and process. When Chainsaw Devil acts like Denji or is defeated, Makima clicks her tongue and loses her admiration and respect. Makima admired and liked Chainsaw Devil, but only as long as he matched her great image of him in her mind, as long as he followed he rules for what she thinks he should be like. She admired him for his unrivaled self-made success, but once he stepped out of that to truly embody self-fulfillment and agency, disappearing from hell to live on his own road at the beat of his own drum… Well. Surely that was a mistake she has to correct. However their second battle ends, the better conqueror will have prevailed and she’s happy about that, all in the spirit of domination and subjugation.
Imo Makima’s biggest tool, similarly capitalism’s most helpful effect for its own purposes, is complacency. Resignation and passivity helps uphold the system and go along the flow of the will of the people in power. Aki and Reze go along with orders even when knowing their job is trash, etc. In Angel Devil especially we see him go along with the flow uncaring about anyhing, and we discover it was in part due to Makima taking away memories that motivated him. If every devil decides this is just how things are and how things should be that’s what they’ll continue to be and do mindlessly, not pursuing a better life like Chainsaw Devil and Denj and not seeking to change the world like Makima. I think even Makima veils herself to a lot of things, she doesn’t like to think deeply about some things, like her desire for connection, or how making bad movies disappear is strenuous and unsustainable and requiring sacrifices at best— how her judgement is as subjective as anyone else. How liking the country mouse and her friend back at the farm and her dogs could be not devoid of sentimality. Wanting bad movies erased is her one biggest show of selfishness, of pettiness and individuality, it’s about her tastes, simple as. About how she can have tastes, and cry seeing a scene of people hug, and want things that aren’t logical, her ideology and mind twisted into a pretzel to avoid acknowledging that she doesn’t live and breathe purely for the mission she’s made a single-minded robot out of herself to accomplish. Nayuta is assertive and selfish and loud, Makima is manipulative and strategically both for her goals and for coping hollow.
Everything in her plans and goals she says is for the greater good, necessary evil, manufactured happiness the way she’ll have decided for people— and that’s the thing isn’t it, like with War, it’s the crack that shows it was all truly about herself after all. Her self-made deification still had the flaw that a self made it. Makima is not omniscient, and it’s not Chainsaw Devil the not-so-fellow-kindred-soul conqueror who gets the best of her, but a city mouse, a dog, someone she would have never thought to respect, Denji.
#Fumi rambles#Chainsaw man#makima#analysis#meta#The goal is moreso me dropping thoughts than being flawless on every aspect of the lore so if and when i get things wrong b merciful….#Maybe her liking of control is why she remembers the ww2 authoritarian fascists. I don’t want to say the word jic for tumblr search#Pity is never a factor When mercy is a sign of a talentless actor#And as you grow its hold on your throat starts to falter And once you go beyond pure humanity's border#You will come back like a dooooog 😭#This’d be a different topic but. I don’t think makima likes denji as much as one of her dogs. If so i’d say it was in the moments where#she brought him to movies but even then….. i think she has more fondness for her dogs bc w denji it was indifference and derision#I love you please humiliate me / strip my dignity and laugh my honey#God. God i’m fine. I’m so okay about csm#Makima has a cryptic but strong sense of morals?? That doesn’t align with ours obvi but#‘Someone like you has no right to wish for a normal life do they?’ What do you meannn what do you meannnnn#What is this contempt for denji. Does she see herself as moral or part of those that are city mice bc they’re undeserving of a calm life???#Maybe famine only feels fed on humans and their blood 🤔 or their fear. man idk idk idk idk but i wanna see more of her quirks#And before someone says ‘but every demon likes to drink blood’ power is especially fixated on it tho cmannnn#Did Angel lie when he said he liked seeing humans die?? Did his haunting thing become worse after meeting Aki?? Did he suppress it#because he feels like he doesn’t belong as a devil??? bc he’s suppressing his memories of the villagers he cared about??#Has he just been trying so hard not to care for so long. Passive bc he thought that’s all he could or should be#AGHHHHH#Spoilers#There’s a lot more i’d have liked to touch on like the popular theory that Makima was *raised* by the government#and i’ve seen a take that the ‘my friend at a farm’ thing is all euphemism from makima about her troublesome human killing job ykyk#but i think the phrasing is too literal and natural for that. The snow and soil talk everything. It’s a perfect allegory but it can be both
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like the thing is the last time i was a massive fall out boy fan i was 14 and i was still trying to figure out what Good Music was and truth be told most of what i considered Good Music at age 14 is absolute dogshit. so imagine my surprise when i returned to from under the cork tree 8 years later and it wasn't just Not Dogshit, it was from under the cork tree
#a lot of this does have to do w the fact that i'm a lyric girlie i LOOOOVE good lyrics#and pete wentz is. well. he's pete wentz#genuinely a little blown away by just how good his songwriting is. i did NOT! have the english fluency to understand most of this in 2016#so ive just been having a field day fully appreciating it all this year. field..year?#and you know the thing about me is that i literally look like i am supposed to wear black and eyeliner. i always look best dressed like tht#it's no longer my fashion sense but anytime i get dressed up to go to one of my emo concerts im like yeah no this is what im supposed to be#so me being really into fob in the year of our lord 2024 is kind of like an animal being released back into its natural habitat#this is exactly where i am supposed to be. i was born for this#personal
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A text I sent to my cousin who has never seen anything of les mis and does not know who grantaire and enjolras is but just knows I'm insane about it and them:
LIKE what do you MEAN he slept through the revolution only to awake to find enjolras is the only one left and to die holding his hand dying for a cause he didn't believe in because he believed in the man who led it akfjglslhsdlgjddvehkdkfdhdh
she said it kinda sounded like grantaire was in love with enjolras and she is very right about that
#i sent like 10 messages (some longer than this) about les mis in a row#i feel a little bad#but this is the whole nature of our relationship just going insane over stuff together so its fine really#her only response at the end was just: you're going to explode#and then she had the audacity to say i was lying when i said i was really normal about les mis#idk where she coudl have got the impression i wasn't /s#les mis#les miserables#enjolras#grantaire#enjoltaire
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sure i COULD ramble about how ai is one of the multiple things that check all the marks of humanity's seven deadly sins but would that be extreme
^^^ possibly insufficiently educated
#the pride the hubris of believing you can do better than innovation and nature by playing god and not in the fun way#the lust it's being used for in so many awful cases#the sloth the way its encouraging everyone to check original sources less before believing anything. Also to not take time to develop skill#the greed its being used for profit without consideration for ethics or fair labour#gluttony. we always have to be faster. shinier. better. no matter if it ends up being less convenient or wonky#the wrath it sows in between people creating more differences to be frustrated over. more hatred#the envy how it takes and takes. always trying to be as clever as the best humans. as beautiful as a real forest or sunset.#do you think the ai wants itself#if this were a scifi movie would we be the bad guys#but this is not a movie and the ai cannot love us. so we cannot love it. and there's that#my post#personal stuff#thinking aloud just silly yapping n jazz 没啥事做就这样咯~#( ̄▽ ̄)~*#when i was in primary school our textbooks for chinese had short stories and articles to learn about#there was a fictional scifi oneshot about a family in the future going to the zoo#the scifi zoo trip was going great until the zoo's systems went offline for a moment#and it was revealed that all the animals roaming in their enclosures were holograms#the real ones went extinct ages ago#when the computers came back online the holograms returned and there they were#honestly at first I thought it was a bit exaggerating#but I still think about it once in a while
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It's so interesting and so exceedingly frustrating how agab is being utilized now within the queer community as a way to isolate and sort nonbinary and genderqueer folks into binary boxes that determine their moral purity levels, and their authority to do and write and exist.
The way nonbinary writers are being put under accusation of fetishizing gay men while their AGAB is continually brought up in a way that feels like queer-space-approved misgendering.
The way feminist circles that are supposedly trans-inclusive will use the word AFAB in a way that implicitly but intentionally isolates nonbinary people who aren't AFAB from joining. It's for women*.
The way the language is already flawed and leaves out intersex folks from the conversations while focusing on a binary of sex that isn't truthful.
The constant obsessing over whether someone is AFAB or AMAB and whether or not that gives them the privilege to join, do, write, or be present in certain spaces really really concerns me. How are we supposed to dismantle a binary system of gender if we can't even move past forcibly assigning and focusing on people's genders assigned at birth?
#and yes i understand! that agab language can in some circumstances be helpful in inclusive language and in the medical world but ultimately#is misgendering and unnecessary it should be up to the person to disclose their agab not an expectation of them to give up freely#I think that inclusive language shouldnt be misgendering in nature and agab as far as i can tell should only be used in select discussions#and certainly not as a way to frame a nonbinary writer as a “biological woman” but in a way where the queer community will nod along and sa#“oh they have a point” because you used the word AFAB instead#honestly afab is the term i see used most frequently and most harmfully towards other nonbinary people who don't identify w the label#to exclude trans women and amab nonbinary people#to frame nonbinary people as “still women” because of their assigned gender at birth#also i understand its not as simple as “not using” these terms bc they still serve a purpose and are important#but as they leave the queer community and as they enter the hands of cis queer people they become weapons#i wish i could like manifest my thoughts super clearly but i really cant bc its a difficult situation#its just another example of misogyny and bio-essentialism creeping into the queer community#because the patriarchy impacts all things including our discussions of trans oppression and gender we need to stop viewing it#as a strict binary of male female and oh sometimes we'll mention nonbinary people but we're all afab and amabs at the end of the day <3#like flames literal flames#if you wanna like chip into the conversation just shoot me an ask or respond to the post i'd love to hear other peoples perspectives#im not infalliable so if i said anything you view as incorrect especially in regards to intersex folks and how you all would like to be#included in these discussions as im not intersex but am aware of how agab is a subject that leans into the idea of a binary of sex#so yeah rant over <3#retro.bullshit#rant
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made a little village in starbound and got extremely attached to the silly villagers that flocked to it
#THE ROBO GIRLS ARE GIRLFRIENDS... they keep doting on eachother its the best#Anton is our depressed fairy godmother and he's doing his best#kata and angel run a shitty business and do no more then the bare minimum go girls give us nothing#Aciak is a menace who tried blackmailing Anton TWICE and the poor lad just keeps falling for his antics#Arjun rlly is the human male of the village... he got the biggest house and REFUSES to share it. it doesnt even matter bc he hangs out at-#his Hot Ape GF's house all the time!! he likes sitting behind her pc to play flashgames. She doesnt care for his presence#mahuiti is just a weird ass selling flowers. thats all#starbound#its rlly fun to me how natural their traits came to me... they do silly stuff
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something i just realized about the sages (ignoring how frustrating to use i find the sages abilities overall) when they get their enigma stone they are like wow look at how much stronger i am now!! when its really just a ... clone of them, without the parts that make them interesting- the personality, and they "give" it to you (it doesnt feel like its really yours tho bc, unlike botw, its not intergrated into your moveset- which could have been solved by just adding them to another ability wheel- so it doesnt even feel like they are really yours) but ok i can see why its stronger even if i find it boring to just duplicate the character isntead of actually making their ability be more-
but then at the very end, they join you in the battle and .. dont even make use of it? what where the engima stones even for then? i guess you could bend over backwards and say well its bc their powers cant reach you all the way down there so they have to physical join you- BUT .. when they are right next to you .. shouldnt the connection to them be back anyway? so their clones should return shouldnt they? or is the entire arena just so surpressive of that power that it wouldnt work either way? then again ... what was its use then to get them to have those stones? like how ultra hand is supposedly the focus of the game but doesnt matter to the narrative at all?
(can you unsummon them when they are there?? i havent tried it but i dont think so ..)
like obviously it would be wayy too chaotic if all sages where there twice, especially together with all the ganondorf clones too- but it kinda .. once again... makes it feel meaningless that you even got them the stones? sure they only get to you when you do it but its really just again another check box with no substance, isnt it?
(... actually .. did anyone actually need the stones? aside from ganondorf getting that huge powerup somehow- like even the original sages and sonia and stuff, are you telling me she couldnt rewind ..................................... a tea cup, on her own? or i guess the only time sonia does anythign with her stone is when she gives its power to raurus laserbeam attack he never does again ... and the other sages arent shown to gain anything from it either?? are they?? what even would minerus ability have been bc she wasnt a -utterly useless- mech back then ... the shield she does doesnt seem unique to her either bc rauru literally does it too after sonia gets falcon-punched to death to block ganondorfs .. goo beam .... i mean i guess it doesnt matter anyway bc all we see them actually do is .. stand around and talk, sometimes "hurt" (dirty) sometimes not ... so whatever i guess?)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#totk#ganondoodles rants#rewatched a video and suddendly realized this#i know its kinda nitpicky#but it still adds to the whole#...checkbox feeling of the game#liek sure ok you do it to help the regions but the thing you get from it isnt really all that cool#i felt like botw did it so much better#not just integrating it into your gameplay much more naturally so it actually feels like its ours now#but you also have a very perosnal connection to the champions#and freeing their spirits feels like rebuiliding their desecrated grave#and then at the end they actually do something to help you with the titans#even if calamtiy ganon is laughably easy and you really dont need it#... anyway#random rambling i guess#man theres so much so think about in this game#in a bad way
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I think my thoughts on the penultimate episode can be summoned up as disappointment over a potential we didn't get to see, and why that's ok. (This got long, 1.4k oops lol)
Am I a fan of The Rat Grinders? ABSOLUTELY. I think I started liking them even more when they were full-on confirmed villains. As fan's of the edited show, watching with a week between each episode to theorize and think, I loved seeing and theorizing over these 6 fucked up kids. We know Kipperlily prior to the second half of sophomore year, while she obviously still had her anger and jealousy over TBK's it wasn't ENTIRELY unjustified and completely out of control (although some aspects were utterly and absolutely unfounded and ridiculous). Jawbones file mentions her language being "I think Aguefort likes them more", "The school takes it easy on them", and "Half of them don't even go to classes." All of these are true things people in this world would notice. It's not until AFTER their Mountain of Chaos chaperoned trip, at the end of the year, that KLCK switches to "I hate them." The Bad Kids further briefly discuss if Jace would have asked Jawbone/looked for "students with rage disorders." I think specifically mention it being a disorder is important. Acknowledging its there, KLCK WAS trying to get help for an issue she had. They didn't talk to Jawbone about it, but did decide Jace must have given he went on that quest with TRG's. They further briefly talk about students getting randomly mad, and yes they specifically joked about Fabian shitting in class, but WE also remember the Soil club student getting so mad after having gotten that tainted soil. With the 30 Riz rolled, Jawbone's file ALSO specifically talks about Kipperlily loving her adventuring party. We know things weren't perfect, its obvious from when talking about their name change, but its still there and canon. Kipperlily loved her adventuring party. This is all just Kipperlily, mostly with our information from the first part of ep.16. It is not touching on the rest of the members, especially Ruben and his dreamscape we saw, or of his distinct 180 musical tastes POST Sophomore Year Spring Break. The implications of something happening to them during that time is pretty evident and acknowledged. So we're fans, watching a show, spending so much time thinking about not only our infamous protagonists, but also our villains. Many of us adults, getting older, thinking on the tragedy befalling kids and feeling empathy. So yeah. It's a disappointment over an unseen potential. Specifically tho? Its the potential we could have gotten on The Rat Grinder's thoughts and motivations that could have been revealed through dialogue. Dialogue that we got very little of in what could be considered a significant exchange of dialogue and not bits. I always have high narrative expectations from this show, due to its long standing history of SETTING those standards each and every season. This one episode just fell short emotionally while watching, comparatively.
AND THAT'S OK AND ABSOLUTELY NOT THE BAD KIDS/INTREPID HEROES FAULT
On the narrative side of things, The Bad Kids have had an incredibly stressful past 3 years. From day one, they have been involved in life or death stakes situations. It's always been do or die, and they've died, sometimes more than once. They've lost people and faced traumas that go often unaddressed. TBK's ENTIRE highschool experiences have been a revolving door of violence and unhinged situations. They've also always kinda been assholes, insular and more than a little mean especially to those pegged as enemies. We know them, know they have good hearts and intentions, and love and side with them constantly throughout because The Bad Kid's are our heroes. They are still teenage assholes sometimes, but that is something we love and forgive them for. The thing about this recent battle is that they are very used to the situation they are in by now. TBK's have to prioritize, move fast and hard, and get a job done so countless people don't die while something evil rises in their world. Emotions have been high for them all season, rage especially which is absolutely unsurprising on multiple fronts, and it's absolutely showing in what few dialogue exchanges we have. The Bad Kid's entered that gym for the singular purpose of stopping the situation, saving lives, and making sure something evil didn't arise to power in their fucked up world. Nothing new. They hid, already knowing where the final confrontation was going to be FORCED to happen in due to the nature of the ritual, and prepped. On point and smart of them. Then they entered the battlefield, very quickly getting to business. They know their skills, their friends and how to work together as a devastatingly effective team making heavy hits and masterfully controlling a battlefield despite the chaos. This is what The Bad Kid's Do. They got Ivy and Oisin out of combat as fast as possible, Oisin didn't even get a turn. They took out a high-damage long range attacker and the enemy wizard. They know how powerful and important Adaine is on the field, and they knew Oisin would have been the same. They crippled the enemy with the slow spell, effectively taking Mary Ann out of the running until it gets dispelled later on. Fig saw Ruben's high damage level 9 spell and dropped her ploy to get him out of combat as soon as she could. It was too dangerous to have him up, and while the hell bit was uncomfortable in the moment, it is absolutely on brand. This is what they have to do, if they want to stop Porter, who is our real main big-bad. Remove as many obstacles from the battle so more of them can focus on the fight that really matters.
This combat wasn't ever gonna go any other way, unless the dice gods decided otherwise.
This is what The Bad Kid's Do. In regards to the IH's, it is VERY important to acknowledge that while I've mentioned having high narrative expectations, this is still primarily an improve comedy show around a group of real people's DnD game. It's also a show they have a tight filming schedule for, with back to back days and long hours which we KNOW from the talk-backs leave them very tired. Like any tv show they also have a limit on how many episodes per season they can even produce. I think it was a real and genuine benefit to Sophomore year that they were doing it live, because it gave more time between sessions for the IH's to mull over information and whats been happening in-game. This is also a very well developed campaign world they haven't played in several years, which I certainly know would effect me in how I played. We still have one more episode, the Finale, and so much always happens there. I have incredible faith in Brennan as a DM and storyteller, for all that his players have a huge say in how any story he tells unfolds. There is a VERY real chance that what happens in the finale completely changes my mind on episode 19, and I will go back to rewatch with absolute glee because I know of the coming emotional catharsis in relation to The Rat Grinders. There is also a very real chance we don't get that in the way we want it, but that will be ok too. I will still love this season, rewatch it and laugh and have fun. The best part of having a fandom, is watching us take canon apart to fuel endless au's, fix-it's, character studies, ect. Taking crumbs and going wild with it is par the course, especially when something in a show has left us wanting in the moment of watching it. I think more than anything, I would be and am more upset from infighting and genuine anger directed to each other and especially towards our Intrepid Heroes. It is not wrong to be upset with an episode of a show, but it is to take those feelings out on others, be in in defense from Rat Grinder's fans or justification from Rat Grinder haters. So yes! I was disappointed with this particular episode emotionally. I still think it was funny, I think the combat was brilliant and fun to watch. I still love this show and this cast, and could never dream of being mad at them for how they played a game, and for the fun they were finding within the act of playing it as the well-known unhinged improv comedians we know and love.
I'm excited for next week, buuut I am absolutely consuming fan-content to help deal with my emotions, both the highs and lows.
#dimension 20#d20#fantasy high junior year#fantasy high#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#d20 spoilers#dimension 20 spoilers#anyway shoutout to all the inkblade shippers#we really out in our little corner going feral over crumbs and its so valid of us honestly#i love my little bitchy asshole of a lizard wizard#we really saw oisin be evil and went “actually redeemed villain draconic bf could be so interesting for the punchiest wizard girl we know”#explorations both of just a kinda evil guy you hate but is also kinda hot??#and “hey lets explore the concept of the nature of what it means to be of direct draconian heritage such as the concepts of hoards”#a dragons obsessive and possessive nature towards treasure vs. trying to just be a highschooler and function in society#especially if Oisin had a crush on Adaine for real at some point#but anyway until this i legit hadn't genuinely written ANYTHING for like 5 years?#the absolute most was some very recent dips into dcxdp crossover territory ALL of which was exclusively on tumblr#but i actually POSTED fanfiction on my ao3 for the first time in 5 years (2 inkblade onshots)#also in other news i started adderall for the first time starting 2 months ago so like#that's probably also a factor LOL
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senshi is transmasc and I'll die by that now
#idk its just the vibe i get#we r the nature boy autistics#with a traumatic past#who feel a lot of empathy for creatures but understand our place in the greater ecosystem#i feel a lot of myself in him#senshi of izganda#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon
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Alright guys sorry about the identity crisis but I'm going back to my truest form for a bit because talking/thinking about star wars just feels SO RIGHT for me 🥺🥺 it's my natural state, so be ready for more star wars stuff!!
#jane journals#self insert talk#im just gonna go ahead and say it even tho ive mentioned it once or twice#my rex art has never ever been as popular as other art#like w utonium and even sportacus the art can exceed 100 notes easily whereas ppl dont respond the same to rex stuff#and while thats a little disappointing its not what self shipping is about in the end!!!#in the end its about our love and our story 🥺🥺💖💖#so im gonna do what i want ajfjgkg#anyways sportacus is still my babygirl!! i still love every f/o that goes on my list dont u worry 💖💖#i just wanna shift into rex mode for a bit ^^#this is just my natural state
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