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familyvideostevie · 1 year ago

Text

the meaning of it all

joel miller x reader

summary: Joel Miller, of all people, teaches you to ask for help.

word count: 13.6k

warnings: jackson au, post part i, joel and ellie worked it out! joel is soft! language, violence, fluff, learning to accept help and love.

a/n: this fic is a soft joel (think part ii joel but make it two years into jackson because he and ellie resolved everything <3) and a reader who is much more me than i've written before. i hope you like it! thank you again to @strangerfreaks who held my hand through this, i owe you my life.

___

Luck. God damned old-fashioned thank-fuck-for-that luck has kept you alive since the world ended. Deep festering rage and a near-constant state of fear have helped. But every bullet you've found, every undamaged can of food, every shot that landed in the right place so you were the last one standing -- that's all luck. Or a curse, depending on the day. Depending on how you're feeling about it all.

And Jackson? That's the biggest stroke of luck you've had in twenty years. A single woman on her own with plenty of working years left and no obvious red flags was probably a no-brainer for the community to take in but you feel like you've finally made it. After two decades of violence and horror and pain, you fucking made it somewhere safe.

You spend as much time as you can making sure everyone knows how grateful you are. You don't have any special skills, not really. You can shoot well enough, cook well enough, clean well enough. Young enough when all the shit went down that you don't have a trade or any work experience, you just go wherever they need someone in town.

Keeping busy means you're bone-tired most nights. Exhausted sleep means fewer nightmares, less time to wander the halls of your very nice but much too-big-for-you-home and miss everything you've lost. But picking up shifts wherever you can also means you don't meet many people beyond hellos and exchanging names. Farming is easy and you get to work with a lot of the kids in town, daycare much the same. You're lousy with power tools but you're able to carry materials wherever they're needed. Cooking is easy when it's stew for hundreds of people and doing dishes is even fun when someone turns on the radio. You're making it work.

Patrol is...patrol. You're able, so you're on the roster. It's not that you hate it, not exactly. Going outside the walls makes you feel like you're someone else. You slip back into the mask of fear and anger, the one that kept you alive for so long. And the worst part is it's comfortable.

You've done the training runs, the group patrols for three months. Infected still freak you out a little but you're smart enough to be more scared of people. All of the senior patrol members have cleared you for paired patrols and today is your first one.

Tommy meets you at the stables to check-in.

You don't really have any friends, though everyone is perfectly nice to you, but Tommy and Maria are probably as close as it gets. You figure they take a shine to newcomers like you, ones who come in alone, maybe to keep an eye on them as much as anything else. But they've both got a smile and kind word for you whenever you see them, always asking if you need anything. You always tell them no, you're fine, thank you.

"You ready?" Tommy says. "I've had them pull Apollo for you." You pat yourself one more time to make sure you have everything. Pistol on your thigh, knife at your hip, pack secure on your back. Hat and gloves tucked into your jacket pocket to account for the wind on the trails.

"I think so," you tell him. You blow a raspberry at your horse and he blows back, nudging your shoulder with his nose.

"After this, pretty sure you'll have done every job there is to do in this town. Pullin' crops, plantin' crops, cookin' crops. Kids, the library, cleanin', buildin' that ramp at Lenore's last month. You've been here, what, six months? And you've done it all."

It should make you feel good that he's noticed. It does, but only a little. You still feel like you could work every day for the rest of your life and not repay what he and this town have given you. To make up for the things you've done on the road.

"I'm the best floater in Jackson," you joke instead. Smiling makes people like you. You haven't had much cause to smile in recent years so you're still getting used to the urge. Tommy scoffs. "I don't do important council stuff like you and Maria, though."

He ignores that. "Y'know, pretty sure they call that a jack-of-all-trades. A real Ren-ai-ssance woman." You try to come up with a retort, eyes wandering to the patrol assignment board. Your name is under ELK CREEK and under it is --

"Quit harassin' her." Tommy rolls his eyes and flips off whoever comes up behind you. You turn around and see a man you know of but have never actually met.

"Joel," Tommy says. "I believe this is called havin' a conversation. You ever tried it?"

"Funny," Joel replies. He nods at you. "You my partner today?"

"Seems so." You introduce yourself, Apollo's warm breath at your back.

"Joel Miller," he says back.

You're a little intimidated, truth be told. You know him by reputation mostly. Tommy's big brother who came to town a few years ago with a little girl. They're both pretty much everywhere. Joel fixing houses and talking to kids in the street, going on patrols and always bringing back extra for whoever needs it. Ellie galloping around town with other teenagers and bringing home the biggest game. You've handed her books a few times at the library, too, seen her bright eyes and infectious energy underneath teenage angst that transcends even an apocalypse. And you've seen them together, heads down in the dining hall or pressed closed walking down the street -- heard rumors about why they came here, how they came here, too -- and one thing is clear to you: the Millers are beloved. By this town and by each other.

It's a miracle all its own in this fucked up world.

"You two ain't met yet?" Tommy says, pointing at the space between you. You snap out of your thoughts. "You've been here long enough to have met everyone by now."

"Guess not," you say with a wry smile. The younger Miller is too polite to call you out for not having a single friend in that time period, either.

"Well, here we are," Joel says. "Gonna keep us here forever, Tommy? Or can we do our job?"

Tommy claps him on the shoulder and winks at you. "Tone down the asshole for her first paired patrol, yeah?"

Joel snorts. He grabs a horse that was already tacked for him and leads it out of the stable. You follow with Apollo. The patrol coordinator hands out rifles and reminds everyone of the rules.

You hop on your horse. "You ready?" Joel asks, startling you a bit. "We'll gallop to the mouth of the river and then start patrollin'."

Something in you relaxes a bit at his clear confidence in you to handle yourself. You know you're with him for a reason -- he's one of the best. That, or maybe he just doesn't give a shit. Somehow you think it's the former.

You follow him up the hill outside the gates and through the tree line. The noise of the Outside is different than that of Jackson. Birdsong, snapping branches and dry brush under your horse, the wind rippling down the hill. You take a deep breath through your nose and feel a part of you come alive. It's funny how a world so beautiful can be so deadly.

Joel gallops a little ahead of you, strong and steady. You watch him, think about what you know. He's older than you, that much is obvious. Greying hair curling around his ears, lines on his face from more than just a stressful life. But he's strong, good at what he does. Those rumors come back to the front of your mind. How he and Ellie showed up, half-starved and bloody. How he and Tommy are the most famed patrol duo for Infected kills and otherwise. It makes you feel safe. It makes you want to learn from him. It makes you want to know more.

And he's got kind eyes. Somehow, he's got kind eyes.

"Alright," Joel calls back to you. "Route starts here." He slows his horse and you pull up beside him. He shifts in his saddle and turns his face to you. "Now, I know this is your first pair," he says. "I won't order you around or nothin' but my main piece of advice is that everyone has a different patrol style. Know how to adapt."

You dig your gloves out of your pockets and wiggle them on. Joel watches before his eyes snap back to yours. "Noted." You honestly didn't think he'd talk this much. "And let me guess. Yours is patrol in silence?" You punctuate the nervous quip with a smile.

Joel snorts. "Nah," he says. "Unless you're Max. Can't stand that fucker."

It startles a laugh out of you and any ice you'd imagined breaks for good. Max is one of the middle-aged men who probably would have been a lawyer or a politician based on the way he likes the sound of his own voice.

"Now," Joel says. "You done this route before?" His knuckles are a little red but he doesn't put on any gloves.

"Twice, I think. First log book in that old station, right?" Joel nods. "Second in the town?" He nods again.

"Color me impressed." His mouth tugs up at the corner into something you might call a smile. You try not to look too pleased with yourself. "Some of the dipshits on the roster don't even remember that much."

It feels like you've passed a test. His praise makes you feel nice. Noticed. Not something you often seek but you know yourself well enough to admit that you'd like a little more of it. Even if it's from a man you just met.

"Not that hard," you say softly. Joel looks at you for a moment longer before clicking his teeth. His horse starts to walk. You signal to Apollo to follow.

The patrol goes off without a hitch. Joel signs the log book in the station and you sign it in the tower. He lets you snipe two runners that he spots and doesn't scold you when you take three tries on the second one.

"Settlin' in okay?" he asks once you've rounded the town one last time and started back towards Jackson. "Six months, Tommy said?"

Despite his earlier words, you haven't chatted much this patrol. While you'd like to know more about him, want to get him to smile at you again, you're really just enjoying being out here with someone else, knowing that you're safe. That you've got somewhere to go back to.

"It's nice," you sigh. "I never imagined I'd find a place like this."

You really should pick up the pace to get back to town but he doesn't seem to be in any hurry.

"I know the feelin'," he murmurs. "Ellie'n me slept on the floor for a good two weeks at the start. Been two years and some nights I don't take my boots off."

"What a fucking life, huh?" That earns you a wry smile. "Having a house is...strange. All of the hinges squeak and I --"

"The hinges squeak?" You look over at him and Joel's brows are furrowed.

"Oh, I mean, it's no big deal --" You stumble over apologies. You don't want him to think you're complaining about a home his brother gave you when he sure as shit didn't have to.

Joel taps his thumb on the pommel of his saddle. "Can get that fixed, y'know."

You didn't know, actually. "Really?"

Now he looks at you like you're a little stupid. "Ain't you the one hauling shit to people's houses when they need a hand?"

He has a point and you hate it. It never occurred to you to ask for someone to come fix your hinges. They're just hinges, for fuck's sake. Other people have holes in their floorboards or leaks or need new rooms for family members. You're just...you.

Joel sighs. It feels like you've disappointed him and it swirls in your gut. "I'll take a look at it this week."

Your neck cracks audibly with how quickly you look up at him. "What? No, Joel, you don't have to --"

He says your name in a tone that you know means no arguing. "I know I don't have to. I offered."

"You don't even know me!" The words fly from your mouth before you can stop them.

He brings his horse to a full stop so quick you almost run into him.

"Look," he says. His gaze holds yours. Wow, he really can be intimidating when he wants to be. You can only imagine the things he's done, the things he's capable of. Anyone who has made it this long has blood on their hands. You've washed it from your own skin plenty of times. And yet, you feel completely safe. And you know that you'll probably do whatever he tells you. "I know how it can be."

Your gut swirls. "You don't know what I've been through," you say softly. It's not a jibe, it's just the truth. No one knows because you've told no one because it doesn't matter. You're here now.

"I've been alive for a while longer than you," he continues. "I've seen the world, just as you have. I've been out here. I was out here for a long, long time." He runs a hand through his beard, fiddles with his broken watch in what looks like reflex. "I know how hard it is to ask. To get back to something that makes any damn sense. But you can if you try."

The words linger in the chill around you. He's right, obviously. He's so fucking right that you want to be mad. You haven't asked for anything because you don't want to fracture the good thing you've got. Don't want to be too much, to be a burden they can't support, to make people think you don't deserve to be in Jackson. All things that don't make any fucking sense, not really, but you can't stop them. It's just how you're wired.

"So I'm comin' over this week to fix those hinges. Alright?"

"Alright." Something in Joel softens when you agree.

"Good," he says. "Good."

You finish the patrol in comfortable silence. All told it's been nice. To talk to someone, to feel like they give a shit about you even for just a few hours. You have no doubt Joel will be over to fix your hinges but you figure it'll fizzle out after that -- it always does. You don't know how to ask someone to stick around, anyway. But even this little bit of him will have been worth it.

Something both loosens and tightens in your chest when you get back to Jackson and through the gates. Goodbye beautiful, horrible outside world, hello safety, community, home. It's a trade-off. You and Joel hop off your horses and return your rifles. You're about to hand Apollo off to be brushed and returned to the stables when you feel a hand on your shoulder.

Joel says your name and you turn around.

"Good job today," he says softly. "Not too excitin' of a patrol, but you're good out there."

You blink owlishly. "I-- thanks," you manage. "Maybe we'll get to go out again as a pair." You're showing your hand but you can't help it. You want more of whatever this was.

Joel's mouth pulls up at one corner. "Maybe."

___

Two days later you drag yourself out of the house for community breakfast. Most mornings you're out the door and at your work detail for the day before you can pop over but you don't have anything assigned today. It's a rare respite and it has you antsy. You don't remember how to be idle, aren't any good at it. Sitting in your empty house means your mind might wander to the thoughts you try very hard to keep at bay. The loneliness, the regret, the fear. The loss. It's always there and you've gotten better at dealing with it after so many years but some days you really just wish you could talk about it to someone, could just bitch and moan about how fucking awful this life can be.

But everyone is carrying their own shit and you don't need to add to it. You don't want anyone to have to carry yours, too.

Breakfast is quiet this morning. You settle at a table with your toast and your eggs and your potatoes and smile back at anyone who smiles at you but no one sits with you. If they did you don't know what you'd say.

But then the air changes. Your neck feels a little hot and you slowly look around until you see what's caused it -- Joel and Ellie are here. He's already looking at you when you meet his eyes and he smiles a little, a half-moon curve of his mouth, and nods. You wave.

Ellie waves back, which you don't expect. She says something to Joel and he frowns, rolls his eyes. She punches him in the arm and he flips her off and grabs two plates, starts to fill them. You smile down at your own food.

"Man, are the potatoes that fucking good today?"

You look up and find Ellie in front of you. You're pretty sure she's 16 or thereabouts, still growing into herself based on the way she shifts on her feet. Her right forearm has the outline of something floral. She notices you looking at it and crosses her arms, looking unimpressed. Ah, teenagers.

"Pretty okay," you tell her. "I don't know if we've met yet --"

"We kinda have," she interrupts. "I know your name and you know mine, so. And you're at the library sometimes when I check shit out."

This still does not explain why she's over here talking to you. You can see Joel in the breakfast line still, glancing over his shoulder every so often to see if she's still in the room. You try not to catch his gaze because you're a little afraid of what Ellie might read in it.

"Can I do something for you, Ellie?" you ask, not unkindly. She scrunches up her nose and then sighs.

"Joel told me not to bother you but I wanted to ask if you could look out for a book for me. At the library." Her words get faster as she reaches the end of her sentence. She takes a look at you, sees that you're not telling her to fuck off, or something, and keeps talking. Some book about the history of comics or something.

"Oh," you say. You feel a rush of affection for her and the fact that she can hold the record for headshots on a group patrol and still want to read about something she loves in her free time. "Yeah, I'll look for you. I don't have a library shift until tomorrow but I'll look and put it aside if I find it for you."

Ellie tugs on her fingers. "Don't you need to write it down or something?"

You smile at her. "No, I'll remember." You recite the title and author she just told you back to her and it seems to satisfy her. It's like a switch is flipped -- her earnest expression morphs into something you can only call mischief.

"So Joel's coming over to fix your doors, or whatever," she says. "How'd you crack him?"

"I--what?"

"You patrol with him once and he's coming over to your house," she says. "It took him like, weeks to laugh at one of my jokes. And I'm fucking funny!"

You have no idea what to say to that. Patrol with Joel was your first time talking to him and while he's a bit intimidating, sure, he never came off as anything other than...good. But you'd bet he wasn't always that way in this world. Maybe this girl in front of you had something to do with it.

And honestly, you're sure he just feels a little bad for you. He's nice enough to worry, to make sure everyone in town can do their part and you'll take what you can get even if it's temporary attention.

Part of you knows Ellie is just giving you a hard time because she's a teenager and you're kind of connected to the guy who looks after her so you're fair game, too. But she's talking to you like she wants to which is throwing you for a loop. And you're realizing it's been a long time since you actually wanted someone to like you. Well, Joel aside.

"You want to tell me one?" you ask. She looks surprised and then delighted.

"Oh, fuck yeah. Okay, let me think." You take another bite of your breakfast. "Okay, okay, I got it. What did the mermaid wear to her math class?"

You give it a few seconds before you shrug. Ellie grins. "An algae-bra."

Your laugh makes her grin bigger. "See? Fucking hilarious." She holds out her hand for a high five and you oblige. "Anyway, Joel's gonna come over tomorrow, I think. Seriously, dude, I don't know how you did it. He never used to be this nice!" She looks over her shoulder at the man in question. He's sitting down at another table. "He's getting soft."

Her voice is fond and you're pretty sure she doesn't notice. "You should go eat your breakfast, Ellie," you tell her.

She sighs like the weight of the world is on her shoulders. "Yeah, I'm fucking hungry. Let me know if you find that book!"

"I will," you call after her. You can't help but watch as she barrels back to her table with Joel and immediately makes an attempt at his bacon. He fends her off with his fork before surrendering a piece with a scowl.

He looks up and catches your eye again. You stand with your tray and nod at him, turning around before you can see his expression. Stupid, so stupid to be caught looking like that. But you can't help it -- looking at the love still alive in this shitty world and wondering what it feels like.

___

You run into Joel on your walk home from the next day's shift at the library. You spent probably far too much of it looking for the book Ellie wanted but it was worth it because you've got it tucked under your arm. It feels like a small miracle but you're not one to question it.

Maybe it's the good mood you're in, but when you see Joel from behind you call out his name. He doesn't stop walking but turns his head like he heard something. When he spots you he does stop, waiting for you to catch up.

"Hi," you say, suddenly a little less brave.

"Howdy," he replies, amused. "I'm headed your way."

"You --" He lifts a toolbox you now realize he's carrying. "Oh, right. Hinges."

"I can come by another day if it's not a good time."

Joel could knock on your door in the middle of the night and it would be a good time. "No, ah. Now's good." He motions for you to lead the way even though he clearly knew where he was going. He must have asked Tommy.

It seems like everyone waves as you two head for your street. They call out Joel's name and he knows pretty much everyone. You feel a little self-conscious being seen with him like this -- you, pretty much a nobody in town through your own doing and Joel, beloved by all.

It doesn't stop until you're almost at your door. "You're popular," you say, trying to make it sound teasing. Instead, it sounds awed.

Joel runs his free hand through his beard. "Don't remind me," he grumbles. "Can't go for a walk without a damn conversation."

You pull out your keys and unlock the front door. There are plenty of people in Jackson who don't lock their doors but you can't shake the need. "Sounds difficult."

He chuckles and you feel it zing up your spine. It's nice to make him laugh. "Yeah, yeah. S'pose it's nice." The front door opens with a creak and you look at him sheepishly. His eyebrows touch his hairline. "They all like that?"

You nod. Joel whistles. "Christ," he says. "Alright." He follows you into the house. You try not to think about what he sees. You've tried to make it your own, just a little. Posters you traded for, books you've collected. You cleaned the whole thing top to bottom when you moved in but somehow it still looks a little un-lived in. You're working on it.

"Don't let me bother you," Joel says, getting on one knee with a grunt and prying open his box. "Probably need 'bout an hour to get 'em all. I'll holler when I'm done."

That's your cue to busy yourself with something, anything, but you don't want to. You want to talk to him, to watch him do whatever he's going to do, to soak up this time with Joel before he walks out the door and you go back to being acquaintances.

"What are you going to use?" you ask. He looks up, a little surprised, before pulling out a spray bottle and a rag. He shakes it at you.

"It's some sorta homemade shit one of the younger guys cooked up," Joel says. Somehow he manages to sound self-deprecating, like he thinks he should've thought of it first. "I think it's...soap? And cleanin' stuff? Fuck, I don't know." He huffs a laugh. "I know it works, though. Back in the day we'd use shit you could buy on the shelf." He stands with a grunt. "You old enough to know that?"

That gets you to laugh. "Yeah, Joel," you say. "I'm old enough to remember the hardware store."

His gaze feels a little different than before, like he's allowing himself to look. "Hmm," is all he says. "I'll just --"

You don't know how to justify shadowing him as he oils your hinges -- there's a joke there's somewhere -- so you don't. You grab a book from the shelf and settle on your couch and try your best to read but your mind wanders.

It's pretty clear that you have a crush on Joel. You've spent one patrol with the guy but somehow he's gotten under your skin. It's inconvenient but also...nice? A crush at the end of the world. The fact that you can still feel something so sweet, so juvenile after all you've seen and all you've done is almost laughable. And it's not like it's going to go anywhere -- you're sure Joel thinks you're too young for him, too green, and he's probably tripping over admirers in town. But you can let it be something to keep your days interesting until it fades.

It was hard enough to love yourself before the world ended for reasons anyone could understand. Societal pressures, stupid comparisons, things that don't matter at all now. Who has time to think about being loved when you're constantly faced with death? Feeling desired, feeling loved, feeling looked after isn't exactly top of mind. You're not even sure you remember how. You put one foot in front of the other and that's enough.

But wouldn't it be nice to be on the receiving end of affection from a man like Joel?

"All finished." You startle and realize you haven't turned a single page of your book. If Joel notices he doesn't say. He wipes his hands on a rag and eyes you. "Pretty sure I got all the doors."

You hop up from the couch and try to find your words. "I -- that's -- you're --"

"Thank you will do just fine," he says with a smirk. He tucks the rag in his back pocket and crosses his arms, leaning against the wall.

"Let me cook for you," you blurt out instead. "In exchange." You can make a few things fairly decently and making him something is another excuse to talk to him like this, to be on the receiving end of those eyes. "I can make chili. Does Ellie like chili?"

"Don't have to do that," he says kindly. "Helpin' you ain't a business deal. S'what people do here." He stands straight and heads for your front door, picking up his toolbox on the way.

"Joel," you say, snagging his sleeve with your fingers. You pull them back quickly and grab the book you brought home, holding it out for him. "Ellie asked me to look for this. Could you give it to her?"

He looks at the book the same way he looks at his kid. It's tenderness so raw you look away. "I will," he says softly. He tucks the book under his arm like precious cargo. "Thank you for findin' it for her." He clears his throat and looks at you, smirk back in place. "Wasn't so bad, was it?" he asks. You don't follow. "Havin' someone help you," he adds.

Your face feels hot. "I'll still cook for you," you say, opening the door. He shakes his head.

"You let me know if you need anythin' else, alright?" A quick smile and he's down the steps and back into the street, strolling back to his own home.

"I will." You say it to yourself and almost mean it.

___

You patrol a few more times over the next month but never get paired up with Joel. If you were a little braver you'd ask Tommy or the kid he's training to take over the schedule to put you two together but you don't. Instead, you wave at Ellie when you see her, nod at Joel from the other side of rooms where he's always talking to someone else. You let yourself enjoy the way your heart picks up at the sight of him and the thrill you feel after he smiles at you. It's a nice change to the boring, lonely routine you had before.

The doors in your house open and close silently.

Being outside is fine. You don't like it any more or any less, it just is what it is. Life at the end of the world continues on.

Until you have a bad patrol.

It's no one's fault and no one gets bit. You and your partner, Astrid, are tailing a buck that's wandering along your route. If you can shoot it you can load it on one of your horses and ride back together on the other. Winter is on its way and any extra meat helps.

You follow protocol. You're lining the deer up through the scope while she keeps watch. Just as you prepare to pull the trigger you feel it -- the pull of your gut telling you something isn't right. That feeling has kept you alive all these years so you lower the rifle and turn to Astrid just in time to see a stalker lunge out of the brush.

Its broken and jagged nails catch your shoulders and you go down hard enough to bruise. You can't hear anything over its snarls and the blood pounding in your ears but you do your fucking best. You wedge your forearm under its chin and try like hell to keep its mouth away from you. Your other hand somehow makes it to your belt and unsheathes your hunting knife and in one swift movement, you shove it into the soft jaw of the infected. Hot blood spurts over your face and you keep your mouth closed, shoving the corpse off you.

A gunshot has you whirling around and scooping up the rifle. You've got it ready to fire but you only find Astrid standing over a stalker corpse of her own, forehead bleeding and revolver smoking.

"You clean?" you ask her, eyes on her forehead. She nods.

"Shoved me into some thorns. You?"

"Yeah. Can we go home now?"

Your hands don't shake until you get back to Jackson. They tremble when you wash the blood from your face, your hair. You wish for just a second that you had someone to hold them, someone to tell you it's alright. Someone to talk to about how shitty your day was and how scared you were and how sometimes this life is so fucking exhausting and just when you think you're safe you're reminded that no one is safe anymore.

Maybe this is the kind of thing Joel was talking about. Asking for help.

The thought fades quickly. You can deal with this. You're just out of practice. You just got comfortable.

You go to bed as early as you can bear, closing your eyes and hoping for dreamless sleep.

You could only be so lucky.

You're no stranger to nightmares. Hell, who isn't? Usually, it's the same old shit -- people you've lost, fucked up things you've done, horrors you've seen. You know how to deal with it.

But this is the first time in a while you've got new nightmare fuel. The hot, rancid breath of the stalker and the agonizing sound of its moans. Your own choked gasps as you try with all of your strength to keep its rotting teeth away from you. Unlike reality, your dreams don't allow you to grab a hold of your knife and instead, you feel it take a chunk out of your neck, hot blood splattering your face and you have to just lie there as it bites and bites and bites --

You jolt upright with a small gasp. Necessity has taught you to wake silently.

"Fuck," you say to the empty room. No way you're going back to sleep after that. You swing your legs over the side of your bed and put your head in your hands. "Breathe. Breathe."

The sky is black through your windows. You have no idea what time it is but you stand before the lingering panic can take hold and make things worse. Fresh air will get the iron smell out of your nose. You dress in the dark in more layers than necessary but you want to stop shaking.

Jackson at night is quiet but there are always a few people around, always someone else who can't sleep. The sky is clear and the moon is bright and it smells like woodsmoke and the unique earthy feel of the valley. This is your home. So long as you have this you can get through it.

Your feet take you through the streets of houses, most of the windows dark. Just another lap around town and then you'll go home, try to sleep again.

Then you hear something. The gentle strum of an acoustic guitar weaving with the night air like a dream. A song from before, a song you recognize but don't know the name of, don't know the words. You wrap your arms around yourself and follow the sound down Rancher Street. If you find whoever is playing it you'll wave and walk slowly home.

Your breath catches in your throat when you see whose house it is. Joel is on the porch, rocking slowly and head leaning back, eyes closed as he strums. How did you not know he played guitar? It only makes sense that the hands that are capable of such violence can also make something beautiful. He can ruffle Ellie's hair and pull the trigger and fix your doors and do this.

Something in your chest tightens.

Joel's eyes open and land on you immediately. You realize how it looks -- you standing in front of his house in the middle of the night, watching him. But he stops his playing and calls out your name.

"Hey, you alright?" he says. You hover between taking a step forward and a step back.

"Couldn't sleep."

He shakes his head. "Can't hear ya," he says. "C'mere."

Step forward it is. Up the stairs and onto the porch that creaks a little under your boots. There's only one chair and a small table with a lantern on it. Wind chimes dangle over the railing and you drag your hand through them on instinct like a child with a toy.

"Sorry," you say softly.

"Only got one chair," Joel says. He's got one boot resting on his knee, guitar slung across his lap. He looks tired. "I'll go get another --"

You wave him off. "No, please," you say. "I'll stand. I'm too antsy to sit, anyway." If you sit down in a chair next to Joel Miller you might never get up.

He frowns but settles back into his seat. "You alright?" he asks again.

His gaze is a little too much. You feel silly all of a sudden, not sure how you got here. A fucking nightmare? God, you're ridiculous. You cross your arms and lean back on the railing and look anywhere but him.

"Couldn't sleep." Joel hums.

"Heard that one before."

He strums some more and you relax again despite yourself. "Sounds nice. Do you play a lot?"

"Sometimes," he says. "Old habit."

"It's a nice one. Better than walking the streets in the dark." Your tone is harsher than you mean it to be and Joel frowns.

"It's safe to," he says, as though your wellbeing is his personal concern. "Bit cold, though."

"Why are you out here then?" You're frustrated with yourself and taking it out on him just a little bit. The smell of blood fills your nostrils again and you press your fingertips into your crossed arms, hard, and close your eyes. Your breath stutters in your chest.

"Nightmares," Joel says wryly. There's some shifting, the scrape of wood on wood and you open your eyes. His are fixated on your fingers and you stop squeezing. The guitar is now leaning up against the house and he's got his elbows on his knees like he's about to ask you a serious question. The lantern light makes his hair look darker, less silver, but it also makes the lines on his face look deeper. You wonder what kind of shit he's seen. What things he has nightmares about.

"Had this conversation with Ellie a million times," he huffs, rubs his hand through his beard in what you now consider a familiar gesture. "You don't need to talk if you don't want to. But can't hurt."

Is he asking you to talk about your nightmare? Does he actually want to know? Do you know how to talk about it?

"I take it you're a fountain of emotional sharing, huh?" Again, the misplaced frustration. You don't know how to turn it off.

His eyes flash but he just leans back in his chair and shrugs. "Depends on the day."

The low-level hum of your infatuation with him flares and your traitorous brain bats it down right away. You want to see all sides that he can offer you, want to make him frustrated and angry just to see if that'll make him sick of you.

You run your hand through the wind chimes again, watching your fingers move through the air. You remember what the knife felt like in your hand, the way the blood was hot as it dripped down your wrist and onto your face.

"Tough patrol," you say. "Messiest since I got here." Joel says nothing and you don't look at him. "I...it was fine. We got jumped by some stalkers and it was fine but...close. And I -- I didn't realize how badly I wanted to come back here until then. How badly I wanted to go home at the end of it. Does that make sense?"

You finally look up and Joel's knuckles are white on the arms of his chair. When he sees you looking he crosses his arms. "Sure," he says, clears his throat.

The urge to try to explain more is overwhelming. "I mean, we've all done fucked up shit. I've been up to my elbows in infected guts and still come out on top and slept like a rock the night after. And all of a sudden I can't fucking handle a stalker getting in my face. It's like I've never had to get my hands dirty before and what if it means I'm going to fuck up next time --"

"Hey," Joel says firmly. You feel a hand on your forearm and realize you've been pacing, arms flailing as you rambled. He gives it a squeeze and then releases you. "Feel like I gotta say fuck now to catch up with you."

A wet chuckle works its way out of you. Where did that come from? Are you about to cry? On the porch of the man you have a stupid, stupid crush on? This is embarrassing. And his touch. People touch you all the time, all things considered. A tap on patrol indicating silence, a hand on your arm to get your attention, to brace you as you lift something. Children in town who don't know the horrors outside the walls give affection freely. Hell, Joel touched your shoulder after your patrol. You're not touch starved but you feel like no one has touched you with tenderness and meant it in years.

"Sorry."

Joel tuts. "C'mon," he says. "I asked."

"I don't think I feel any better."

He stands and grunts as he does so. He's so much closer than before, so close you can smell what you can only describe as Joel: wood shavings and gunpowder, laundry soap and leather. It's a little dizzying. He leans on the railing next to you.

"Bet when you go back to bed you won't dream," he says. "Usually what happens."

"Here you are again," you sigh. "Helping me out. I promise I get on just fine on my own."

"I know," he says. His eyes are warm and so, so deep. "Don't have to, though."

Joel, for all his kindness and popularity in town, is a man just like any other. A person who has seen and done shit that no one should have to see and do. You know he's got his fair share of secrets, of things he won't talk about. You all do. You know he can be unflinching and maybe even cruel, dangerous and deadly. Whatever is happening here -- this openness, this desire of his to help you out -- is hard won. You think about what Ellie said and let yourself have a dangerous thought: maybe he's this way with you because he wants to be.

You sway into him just a little before catching yourself and standing up straight. "I should go try that dreamless sleep," you say softly. "And you should, too." It does not escape your notice that you haven't talked about Joel's nightmares, whatever they are. You don't think he'd be that open. A piece of you imagines a world where you ask and he answers.

"I might," he says. Neither of you move.

That small piece of you would stay here all night. That small piece of you tries for the next best thing.

"Will you let me cook for you now?" you ask. It sounds a little desperate to your own ears. "Please?"

"Persistent, ain't you?" He taps his closed fist on the railing once, twice. "Well, if it's that important to you. Chili, you said?"

"I can have it done by sundown tomorrow. I'm on greenhouses but we always finish early. You can come by and get it. I'll do enough for you and Ellie for a few days." You're rambling but finally he's going to let you do something for him. Hinges, nightmares, it's too much. Maybe you can somehow cook out this affection for him, get rid of it with your own hands if you try hard enough.

"Alright," Joel says. He puts his hand on your shoulder lightly and squeezes once. You feel it all the way down to your toes. "Now get outta this damn cold."

He doesn't offer to walk you home. You'd say no if he did. You need the time to sort out the mess in your mind. You give him the most earnest smile you can manage and he watches from his porch until you turn out of sight.

Joel is on your mind all day. More so than usual, which is saying a lot. The crush has turned into something...more. Something that makes you hope and that something is dangerous. It's just setting yourself up to be hurt through no fault of Joel's when it goes nowhere. Because why would he be thinking about you?

"You're smiley today," Dina says. She's a sweet girl and you're paired together on greenhouse shift today. She's always got a story to tell about plants she and her sister saw in New Mexico or some weird mushroom she found on group patrol. You love how positive she is and you try to absorb some.

"Am I?" you say lightly.

She tugs on one more cucumber, putting it in your shared basket before wiping her face. She gets dirt on her nose. It makes her look young. "Got big plans?"

Your face feels hot. "Just cooking for a...friend." It's the first time you've said that out loud. It's probably true, right? Acquaintance, at least. Joel is important to you and it's taken an alarmingly short amount of time for it to solidify. That's just how the world works these days -- you never know how much time you have so everything moves faster. You care harder despite years of proof that nothing good comes of it. You can't help it. You were made to leak love like an open wound.

"A friend," Dina teases. Teenagers. You remember that she's friends with Ellie and it's very possible she knows exactly what you're talking about but she's too kind to say anything more.

"Yep," you say, popping the p. "Do I have to start teasing you about Jesse or are you going to cut me some slack?"

"Well, hey," she laughs. "I think it's nice to be excited about something. You're so serious all the time."

"Am not," you mutter.

Something you appreciate about Dina is that despite her age she knows when to leave it. "Whatever you say," she says primly.

Once work is over and you're back home the cooking goes quick. You focus just enough considering you want this to actually be good and for Joel and Ellie to like it. It's thank you chili, it's you are important to me chili, it's I want to see you every day for the rest of my life chili.

Well. It's thank you at the very least.

And food, especially in this world, means something extra. There's enough to go around in Jackson, more than enough, but anyone taking the time to fix something with their own hands means more. You know how different a meal can taste when someone makes it with care.

And to say you care is a bit of an understatement.

The chili is simmering and you're about to start on the dishes when there's a knock on the door.

"Shit," you say. You wipe your hands on a towel and pad down the hall in socked feet. When you open it you find Joel bathed in the golden light of the sunset. His hands are tucked in his pockets, the collar of his coat turned up to protect his neck from the chill that's settled in for the season. His face softens at the sight of you but his shoulders are still tight. Is he...nervous? No, you're projecting.

Here he is on your doorstep again. If you're not careful you'll get used to him being there.

"Sorry for bein' a bit early," he says at the same time you say, "I was just thinking about you ."

The tension melts out of him and he smirks like a man with a secret. "That so?"

Your eyes are wide as you find your words. Hopefully ones that aren't embarrassing. "Come in," you say. "I'm letting the heat out."

He follows you to the kitchen. "Smells good," he says.

"It's not quite done yet but that's a good sign, I guess." You stir the pot before rolling up your sleeves and taking your spot in front of the sink. "Sorry it's a bit of a mess, I was about to start on this --"

"Now I know you ain't about to do all that yourself," Joel drawls. It's a syrupy tone you haven't heard from him, not really. Is he...flirting with you?

"I...what?"

"Scoot," Joel says. He steps beside you in front of the sink and gently bumps your hip with his. "Seriously."

"Joel--"

"Does it look like I'm kiddin'?"

He keeps his eyes on yours as he shrugs off his jacket, tosses it on this island, and rolls his shirtsleeves up to his elbow. You look away from him so you can watch.

"This is getting ridiculous," you tell him even as you hop up to sit on the counter closest to the sink so you can see his face. He turns on the tap and starts on the various things in the sink even though some of them are clearly not from cooking tonight. "You'll be sick of this chili before I can pay you back."

"I told you it ain't like that," he scolds. "So quit it."

There's no real bite to his tone but you do as he says all the same. You kick your feet out a few times and do your best not to stare but fail miserably. The fall sunlight seems to have followed him into your house, pinkish-golden beams falling across his face. You can see a triangle of chest at the top of his shirt, a few dark curls teasing the hair on him. The scar on the bridge of his nose is much harsher up close, much deeper than the countless other ones that dot his forehead, his temples. He doesn't look as tired today. Maybe he got some sleep after all.

So did you. You didn't dream.

"How was your day?" you ask. Joel's eyes flick up to yours for just a breath before he looks back down at his task. His mouth pulls up at the corner.

"Fine," he says. "Had to fix the water heater at Ellie's place."

A piece of hair falls in his face and you shove your palms under your thighs so you don't brush it back.

You tap his denim-clad thigh with your socked foot, almost like a compromise with yourself when it comes to touching him. "And that took all day?" Damn, are you the one flirting now?

Joel seems amused in a grumpy way. "Well, no," he says. The faucet is on so he speaks a little louder. "Did some house chores. Worked on a guitar. Took a nap."

The image of Joel sprawled out on a couch is clear as day. You bet he looks relaxed in his sleep, the lines on his face not as pronounced, his breathing steady and even.

"Busy day," you say softly. He's about to say more, lips parted to ask about your day, maybe, but you're not about to admit that you spent all day thinking about him so you keep talking before he can. "Does Ellie like living in the garage?"

"Think so," he says. "She spends a night in the house every so often but I think she likes havin' her own space. S'important to me to give her that."

This is uncharted territory. You desperately don't want to step in shit, to somehow make him bring his walls back up. Everyone is protective of the things they love in this world and for good reason and you're pretty sure there is nothing and no one Joel loves more than Ellie.

"She's a good kid," you offer. "Everyone in town loves her."

Joel smiles down at his hands, that soft, raw smile you've seen a few times when talking about her. It makes your chest ache. "She is," he admits. "Pain in my ass, too."

You want so badly to ask him the details. How did they meet? How did they get here? How did they become so devoted to one another? And what happened in the last twenty years to get him to right now, washing dishes in your kitchen?

But you haven't earned that stuff yet. Maybe you never will.

"Does she like Jackson?" You remember what he said about them settling in, sleeping in the living room with their shoes on. You imagine he kept watch for weeks, maybe months, before deciding it was safe.

He nods. "S'good for her to have friends. And havin' school is good for her. She's real smart." He clears his throat. "And you? D'you like it?"

"Well, I like it much better now that my hinges don't squeak."

Joel laughs. "I'll bet you do." He's almost done, everything from your chili-making washed and set aside to dry. He's doing your dishes from breakfast but shows no signs of stopping."Do you cook like this a lot?

Your brows furrow. "I-- no, actually," you admit. "It's just me, so. Not worth putting in the effort that often."

He turns off the tap and grabs a towel and starts to dry. You should offer to help but you feel frozen to the counter. If you get any closer to him you might snap. His jaw is tight.

"When Ellie and I --" he stops, takes a moment to focus on the bowl in his hands. Joel, you've noticed, doesn't tend to say things he doesn't mean, at least not to you. It's like he knows that every word counts in a life as unpredictable as this. "We had a bit of a rough patch last year and we didn't talk for a while. I was damn near eatin' canned veggies on days Tommy didn't drag me to the community meals." He sighs and sets the bowl on the counter ever so gently. Violence and tenderness go hand in hand with him. "Just didn't have it in myself to try cookin' if she wasn't there to eat it."

It's the most vulnerable thing he's said. He keeps doing this -- offering you pieces of himself that you want to hold close, that make you think maybe he wants you to know him.

"Joel--"

"I guess what I'm sayin' is it's easier to take care of yourself when you're also takin' care of people who matter to you. That make sense?"

"Yeah," you breathe. "It does."

The whole scene is so...domestic that your chest aches. Joel in your kitchen doing your dishes. He's helping you yet again but this feels different. It feels like he wants to be here, talking to you. It feels real.

He finishes his task and dries his hands on a faded towel. You hop down from the counter to check the chili. "Should be done," you say. "Do you want to try it? Make sure it's worth it?"

"Oh, it's worth it," he mutters. You work to keep your face neutral. What does that mean? "Sure."

You pull a spoon from the drawer and while it would make more sense to just hand it to him you don't. Instead, you dip it into the steaming liquid and hold it out for him, your other hand cupped underneath to catch any spill. Joel stares at your offering for a few seconds and you wonder if he can hear your heart beating.

Then Joel reaches out slowly like he's afraid you'll bolt if he goes too fast, and lightly wraps his hand around your wrist. It's the first time he's touched you skin to skin and you know immediately that it's a mistake.

You'll never stop wanting him now.

His palm is warm, callused fingertips pressing gently into your skin and he tugs, bringing the spoon -- and you -- closer to his mouth. Everything moves in slow motion for a few moments and it's like you are the only two people in the world. Your kitchen fades and it's just Joel. His lips part and he slides the spoon into his mouth at the same time as his thumb strokes the inside skin of your wrist.

It's very possible that you gasp a little.

He closes his eyes and you're torn between watching his face and his throat as he swallows. You could look at him forever, you think, and never get enough. The set of his brow, the hard line of his jaw. Lines around his eyes and mouth from years of terror and violence but also from laughter and smiles. You want to learn every inch of him if he'll let you.

"Christ," Joel says. His eyes fly open and find yours. "That's good. That's real good."

"You're just saying that," you say weakly. He hasn't let go of your wrist and his thumb strokes once again. You wonder if you realize he's doing it.

Something in his face changes, something so small that you only notice because you're watching. It feels like he has decided something and you wish you knew him well enough to say what. You dare to hope it has to do with you.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm a good liar but I ain't just sayin' that."

Sweetheart. It echoes in your ears, burrows its way into your chest and takes root.

You're so fucked.

But there's something in Joel's gaze, in the brush of his thumb across your skin, in the fact he's just done all of your dishes and talked to you like he wants to be here that gives your traitorous heart some ground to stand on.

You send him home with as many glass containers of chili as he'll take. He argues that you won't have enough for yourself and manages to convince you to keep a few. You don't tell him that what you really want is to sit next to him at a table and eat it, knees bumping under the wood and his smile making your empty house feel warm.

"Tell Ellie I say hi," you say once he's out your door and on the porch. "And let me know if she likes it."

"Will do," Joel says. You hug your arms around yourself against the chill. He frowns slightly.

You wonder if he'd touch you if his hands weren't full.

"And thank you for--"

He shakes his head. "Not acceptin' thanks," he chides. "Not from you."

You don't know what to say to that. Joel seems to realize he's rendered you speechless, not for the first time, and nods his head before heading home.

"See you around, Joel," you call after him. It sounds half like a question and half like a wish.

He turns. "Countin' on it."

___

You do see him around but not as much as you'd like. Things pick up around town before the seasons can change and send Wyoming into winter. You find yourself in the kitchen most days helping seal jars for the community food stores, hands chapped from the hot water and heart light when you think about Joel. He nods at you from across the dining hall, opens the door of the library when you're going in and he's coming out, and tells Ellie to tell you how good the chili was when you share a shift at the stables.

"Fucking amazing," she says.

You sleep fairly well, going to bed each night with a little bit of lightness in your heart that you allow because why not? There's no way out short of Joel telling you to fuck off and you don't think that'll happen. If only you could get over yourself a little more and actually do something about it.

As much as you want to keep telling yourself that this -- glances across rooms, smiles from a distance, memories of his hand on your skin -- is enough, you're not sure that it is. The force of your want is destabilizing considering the most that's happened is maybe a little bit of flirting. But maybe this is you taking his direction to ask for...no help, not exactly, but to ask for something. To ask for him.

Today you're going on patrol. You decide as you mount your horse that you're going to ask Joel if he wants to get a drink when you get back. You want to talk to him again, let him under your skin a little more. Maybe tell him some things about yourself. Sometimes he's milling around the gate or on wall duty but you don't see him as you and your partner -- a fairly new kid in his twenties -- take your rifles and head out. You're on an easy route today, just clearing out the town over the hill and the highway exits near Jackson. Shouldn't take you more than a few hours.

It goes to shit fairly quickly.

The kid -- Conner? Charlie? You can't remember -- is rambling about the infected he's killed for some reason when you realize something isn't quite right. You can't hear any birds. Apollo snorts and it sounds panicked. You motion for the kid to stop talking but he either ignores you or doesn't see.

He sure shuts up when the clicker bursts out of a house to your left. Apollo startles and rears at the moment you reach for your gun and you can't grab hold in time.

You go flying, bouncing off a rusted-out car and landing hard on the broken pavement of the street with a popping sound. There is a pain in your shoulder so intense your vision whites out. The kid is shouting, the clicker is making that awful sound, but then you hear two gunshots and nothing else.

"Holy fuck," he says, rushing over to you. "Fuck, are you okay?"

Well, for a talker, this kid a good shot.

"Get the -- horse --" You roll onto your back with a groan and he grabs Apollo and settles him.

"What happened?"

You stare up at the sky, blue turning purple. It'll be sunset soon and you very well might be fucked if this is what you think it is.

"I think my shoulder popped out," you say through gritted teeth. Your head doesn't hurt like you smacked it and your side is only a little sore. Maybe some bruised ribs. Your hands are scraped, blood beading on the heels of your palms. "Help me up."

"Holy shit." He helps you sit up and then stand, your left arm hanging limp at your side. You hiss through your teeth as it gets jostled and lean heavily on the car. "You don't look so good," he says. "Can you ride? We should only be a half hour out of town."

"I...don't think so." You're pretty sure you'll pass out from the pain and this kid doesn't look like he can handle that. You don't want to fuck up the joint any more than you have to. "You're going to have to go back and bring someone to set it for me, okay?"

"But the rules say --"

"I know what the fucking rules say," you snap. Don't let your partner out of your sight. Your shoulder is throbbing and you might cry but not until this kid is on his way back to town. "That's why you're going to go as fast as you can, alright?"

"We should at least clear a building first so you can --"

"No time," you say, looking at the sky. "If we want to be back before nightfall you need to go now. I'll handle myself."

You really should know his name. He sets his jaw in a move that reminds you of Joel which causes a pang in your chest so intense you want to rub it away. "I'll clear that garage, okay?" He points behind you and before you can stop him he runs towards it with his gun out.

Lucky for both of you it's clear. You take Apollo inside and slump against the wall, pistol in your hand. The kid closes the garage door behind him and you hear the clop of his horse as he gallops away.

"Fuck," you say into the empty room. It's dusty and full of cobwebs and not much else. Empty metal shelves, a rusted-out lawn mower, some tarps so ratted they're useless. Apollo snorts. "Not your fault, buddy."

Death has been nipping at your heels for twenty years now. You've always expected it. And you're fairly certain you won't die out here. Maybe end up spending a night on this floor, having to walk yourself back to Jackson tomorrow morning. But you can't help the fear that rises in your throat. You know how an injury like this means so much more in this world. You won't be able to work for weeks. You won't be able to patrol, to pull your weight.

You're going to need a lot of help.

You close your eyes against the stinging tears and thud your head against the wall.

The pain dulls the embarrassment you feel when you catch yourself thinking of Joel. You wish he was here. If you'd been on patrol together this wouldn't have happened. You wonder what he's going to think of this.

What you'd really like is for him to hold you and tell you it'll be alright.

A few tears slip down your nose. Apollo noses at your knee.

There are no windows so you don't know how much time has passed. You start to question if this was the right call. Maybe you could have made it back on horseback, or at the very least slung across the back of Apollo like a sack of flour, arm be damned.

Your traitorous brain is about to remind you of all the things that go bump in the night out here when you hear something.

Someone is calling your name. Yelling it.

"Here!" you scream. Apollo whinnies. "I'm here!" You have no idea if they can hear you. You press your good shoulder into the wall behind you and try to push yourself to your feet but just as you do the garage door is hauled open and there stands --

Joel.

A sob bursts from your throat and you will yourself to pull it together. Behind him the sky is much more orange than it was when you first sat down.

Joel's eyes look you up and down once before cataloging the space and locking on some milk crates. He stacks two of them.

"Sit," he says. His voice is tight.

"Joel --"

"Sit."

You do as he says. He kneels at your feet and rummages around in his bag. His horse stands munching on some overgrown grass on the driveway. Did he come alone?

"How are you here --"

Joel cuts you off with a glare. His eyes are blazing, jaw grinding as he holds out a length of bandage.

"Hold this." He stands and his knees crack. "Kid said it's your shoulder. Anything else?"

The throb is still deep, still intense, but his arrival almost made you forget all about it. You shake your head.

"Didn't hit your head? Crack ribs? Nothin' like that?"

"No, I don't think so --"

"Need you to sit up straight," he says. There's no warmth in his tone but it's a little softer now that he's taken stock of the situation. "I ain't gonna lie to you, this is going to hurt like hell." He digs in his pocket for something and pulls out a square of leather. "Need you to bite down on this."

He squats so that you're just about face to face and holds out the leather. It feels like being in your kitchen, you holding out the spoon and fighting your desire to touch him. Except this time he won't look you in the eye. You open your mouth and he gently places it between your teeth, thumb catching the corner of your lips and trailing along the edge of your chin before he pulls away and stands up.

"I'm going to reset it on three, alright? Bite down hard on that." He finally meets your gaze and you nod and close your eyes. He puts one hand on your shoulder and the other on your wrist and you wince even though you feel incredibly safe in his hands. "Alright. One...two --"

Joel jerks your arm up and around before he hits three and you barely hear it pop back into place because, as he said, it hurts like hell. You bite down hard on the leather which also serves to muffle your scream.

Someone is talking to you."I know, baby, I know. Good job, you did a good job."

You open your eyes and wipe away a few tears with one hand and pull the leather from your teeth. Joel looks pained but his face snaps back to neutral when he sees you watching. His eyes narrow.

"Where did that come from?" He gently grabs your wrist and looks at your palm and you both find it bloody. "Got it on your face."

"Scraped my hands when I fell," you say hoarsely. He clicks his tongue.

"Give me that bandage." You don't even get a chance to hand it to him because he plucks it from your lap. "Gonna make this into a sling for this arm. Try not to move it much. Then we'll clean those hands and head home. Get you to the clinic for some meds." He gently positions your arm, which hurts a lot less than before but is still throbbing, and ties a sling so it's bent close to your chest. You can feel his breath on your neck as he does the knot.

And then he's back crouching in front of you.

Joel Miller on his knees for you so many times in one day makes you a little dizzy. Or maybe that's the adrenaline.

"Are you angry with me?" you ask softly as he wipes clean your palms and cheek with firm touches. The muscle in his jaw twitches again and his hands freeze for a split second.

"No," he says. "I ain't mad at you. I just can't believe the fuckin' kid left you here."

"I told him to."

"Can't believe that either. You know better."

"It's fine, Joel," you say. "It doesn't matter. I would have just walked back in the morning if no one came --"

He pulls his hands away and tosses the rag to the floor. "Damnit, it does matter," he curses. "'Course it fuckin' matters. Cut that shit out."

Now you're confused. It sure seems like he's angry with you. "Joel, I don't understand --"

His hands cradle your face and the protest dies in your throat. "You matter to me," he says thickly. His eyes are wide but his stare is steady. "Ain't it fuckin' obvious?" Anger and desperation are dripping from his words. "It matters."

For one long second you think he's going to kiss you. Now that might kill you.

You wrap one hand around his wrist and lean into his palm. A thousand thoughts swirl in your head but you focus on one. Joel is here which means you're safe. Joel is here which means he's going to take care of you. Joel is here. Joel is here. Joel is here.

"Oh," you breathe. You turn your face in his palm and press your lips to the center of it. His breath hitches and it feels like something big between you shifts, slots into place. "Okay," you say against his skin.

He pulls his hands away and stands. He works his jaw a few times before shouldering his pack and holding out his hand. "Let's go home," he says.

You stand with his help. "I think you'll need to help me get on my horse."

"Not a fuckin' chance," he growls but you can still see tenderness in his eyes. "Can't hold on well enough with one arm. We're ridin' together."

This Joel is one you haven't seen. But this is what you wanted, right? You want to see every part of him. Something molten and heavy sits in your stomach at how tense he is, how his hands remain gentle despite his harsh words. How he just told you that you matter to him. Maybe this is all a dream.

He helps you on his horse and then gets on behind you, tying Apollo's reigns to his so you won't lose him. He wraps one arm right around your stomach, mindful of your arm.

"Ain't gonna be comfortable," he says in your ear. "But it'll be over quick."

You lean back into him. Hell, it's all on the table now. If your arm is going to hurt you might as well enjoy your time pressed against him.

"Oh, I don't know," you say. "This isn't so bad." He snorts and snaps the reigns.

He talks low and steady in your ears as you gallop, his palm firm on your abdomen to keep you as still as possible though it's a hopeless venture. Your shoulder aches, sends sharp tendrils of pain through your entire arm with every stride.

He tells you that he was on the wall when your partner came back alone. That he knew something was wrong with you as soon as the kid came into view. He'd seen the patrol assignments and knew you were paired together. Kid didn't know what flag to use to signal his approach because you're not supposed to leave behind your partner.

Joel tells you how he hopped down from the wall and asked the kid where exactly he left you. Demanded to know how hurt you were, if you'd been bit. He was on a horse before anyone else could get their shit together, told them to get Tommy and have the clinic ready for you. Started hollering your name as soon as he got to the street, rifle ready for any infected to show up.

"Damn miracle when you yelled back," he says just as Jackson comes into view. You're sweating and dizzy from the pain, practically all of your weight slumped back into his chest. "Almost there, sweetheart. Doin' real good."

The rest of it is a blur. Joel takes you to the clinic where he becomes increasingly agitated that he set your shoulder wrong until one of the staff says he did it just fine. They give you a real sling and one painkiller to take if you hurt really bad, despite some harsh words from Joel in an attempt to get you more.

"Don't move it above your head for two weeks. Keep the sling on for that time, too. Ice it today, start moving it back and forth a few times in a few days. You got someone to help you for a bit?"

Before you can open her mouth Joel answer for you.

"Yes." The nurse hides her amusement well. She lets you go. Joel keeps his hand on your back as he walks you to your house.

You stop him when you get to your front door. "Joel --"

"If you're about to argue with me, so help me God, I'll --"

"I was going to ask if you need to go check on Ellie." You pull out your keys and after a second hold them out for him. Maybe letting Joel help you is helping him, too. You can handle that. You think.

"Told Tommy to when I left. I'll go home once we get you settled."

We.

"Okay," you say softly. He unlocks the door and motions for you to go in. You sit gingerly on the couch and Joel brings you a glass of water.

And then he paces. He looks at the books on your shelf without seeing them and rubs his thumb against his first two fingers over and over. And all of a sudden he won't look at you.

"Joel, sit down or something," you grumble. "You're making me nervous."

He stops. "Fine." His tone has a bit of bite to it that makes you close your eyes. There's an armchair in the room but he sits next to you instead. He presses his knee to yours, almost in apology.

The adrenaline has faded by now and all you feel is the ache of your shoulder and ribs and rawness of your palms and heart. The shoulder hurts like hell but in a way all of this hurts deeper, harder than that. In the way you know love, or the beginning of it, can hurt.

You sniffle.

Truth is you're overwhelmed. By what happened, by Joel coming to get you and saying all that shit. By him touching you, by him being here, by your own heart beating so quickly at his nearness. Even though you dared hope he felt something close to your affection for him it's a shock to realize he cares about you because you're you, not just because he's a good man. You've always wanted love that came from a place of purpose, which feels selfish on the best of days. You should just accept whatever kindness comes your way in this cruel world.

But, fuck, you've always wanted to feel chosen. Like you matter.

And you do. Right here, you do. From his own lips he's said you do.

You don't even realize you're crying until Joel curses softly and one wide, warm palm is on your face again.

"What's wrong? You hurtin'?" His thumb swipes at your tears. "Talk to me."

"I'm fine." You press your face into his shoulder and he holds you, hand soft on the back of your head. "I'm just -- I'm just really glad you're here, Joel."

"Course I'm here," he says into your hair. "C'mere."

There's nowhere for you to go considering you're already pressed against him. But his arms come around you fully, mindful of your shoulder, and your fingers fist in his shirt.

You should be embarrassed. On the scale of fucked up shit that's happened to you, today is remarkably low. But you let yourself have this. You breathe him in and let him hold you.

"I was going to ask you to get a drink tonight," you mumble. His chest vibrates with laughter.

"That so?" he says. His hand rubs up and down your spine. "Reckon I'd say yes."

You pull back just enough to see his face. This close you can see how his eyes have a bit of gold in them. "Really?" Even with proof of his affection right in front of you it's a little hard to believe.

"Am I readin' this wrong?" he asks. "It's okay if I am--"

"No," you say quickly. "No, you're not."

"Thought so." His lips pull up at the corner just a bit. "But, still. You've had a real rough day, and --"

"Joel," you breathe. You free your good arm from your embrace and put your hand on his jaw. He's touched you plenty today and you want to give it a try yourself. His face is warm, his beard gently rubbing against your skin. His eyes flutter close for a breath before he opens them wide and leans into your hand just a little.

"Alright," he says softly. Then he says your name, just once, ever so tenderly. It sounds like a prayer.

Joel Miller kisses you in the middle of your living room. Despite the affection you've been nursing for him over the last little while you never allowed yourself to imagine what it would be like to kiss him.

It's like this: the first press of his lips is soft like he thinks you'll pull away. When you don't he takes your lower lip between his and presses a little harder. Your hand slides into his hair and he palms your hip with one of his and cups your face with the other. His tongue traces the seam of your lips and you open for him, let him lick into your mouth. You sigh into it and tug on his hair just a little. Joel makes a sound deep in his throat and then pulls away.

You're both breathing heavier than before, both smiling. Joel presses his lips to your forehead, your temple. He holds you against him and you breathe against the skin of his neck.

"Will you let me take care of you?" he says into your hair.

"For my sake or yours?"

You think he'll laugh but he just breathes. "Both," he says. "Hell, you know what's goin' on here. I showed my hand. Been showin' it." He pulls away so you can see the honesty in his face. "I told you in as many damn words as I know how."

He did. He did and you make yourself believe it. Love in this life is worth holding on with both hands. Whatever this is, whatever this is going to become, you want it. You want to let this man continue to teach you to ask for help. You want to learn from him, maybe teach him a few things of your own.

You want to love him. You think you could sooner rather than later.

You trace the line of his brow, run your fingertip over the scar on the bridge of his nose.

"Can you kiss me again?" you ask.

"What a fuckin' question," he says. "C'mere."

thank you for reading <3 reblog, send feedback, general masterlist here!

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fluff #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction

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notthecutesttrash · 4 months ago

Text

From One To Another

Soulmate AU

Content: Chrollo Lucilfer is your soulmate. However, you know that he is a criminal and you reject him. You have a boyfriend to still prove love can be real outside the birthed bonds, but he’s just as bad.

Trigger warnings: 18+ Dark, lots of mentions of graphic abuse, slight smut towards the end, little nipple-play, language

Word count: 8.06k

As a child, it always meant the world to you that one day you would be fated to meet someone. Someone who was meant for you in every possible way. Maybe you’d argue, sure, that was apparent by being with your mother and father. Still, that person would be your all, your soul, your everything.

You saved yourself for years, refusing any possible relationship even if you desperately wanted to be held, to be kissed, to be loved. You knew it would be worth it when you met him.

A man named Chrollo Lucilfer.

And your heart shattered when one day you turned on the news and found his name printed on a bounty sheet for no small amount of Jenny.

At first, you tried to believe with everything in your heart that it wasn't true. Your soulmate wouldn't be a criminal, not yours. Especially when it was claimed he was part of a group called the Phantom troupe that killed not only dozens but hundreds. It just made you sick thinking of it.

Maybe he hadn’t killed anyone, it was only his group members. Maybe he was forced to be with them and they threatened him when he sought to escape. Maybe they only steal because they’re in desperate need of Jenny. Maybe.. just maybe he wasn’t evil.

Tears poured out of you weeks after you found the news, just thinking of all that you had dreamed of as a child withering to dust. You would have no sweet and shy interaction, no beautiful story you would tell the table. No happy marriage, no children, no.. love.

There were stories of people who have gone through similar experiences, survivors of terrible soulmates. Even if fate meant it to be, all weren't perfect, many were far from, some pure evil. There would be no balance without it. But why did it have to be yours? Why did you have to have the evil one? Because someone had to, right? But.. why?

For all that you had avoided, you ended up in the same situation you had sworn not to be a part of, soulmate or not. Simply put, your boyfriend is a piece of shit. Why were you with him in the first place? You didn’t know. You believed it was to prove yourself and others wrong, that pure love between two fatefully unmatched people can work just the same. You were hopeless.

You would never find love within someone else, and you would never with your soulmate. Even if he was the nicest person alive- you stopped yourself there and scoffed. So nice that he murders or even sits idly by as a bystander. Fat chance he was nice, one way or another they're all the same.

You sit on the couch attempting to watch a movie, while your boyfriend ushers around all drunk and stupid. His hand grabs the handle of the fridge and slings it open, reaching for another beer. “Don’t you think that’s enough?” You catch his attention and he lifts himself to look at you, raising a brow.

“What’d you say?” He has an edge to his voice, but you repeat as you narrow your eyes at him.

“I said. Don’t you think, that’s enough?”

“And who are you to say? Fucking bitch.” He hiccups and slurs, “You’ll gladly have a glass or two with your friends, but I can’t have a few beers?” Arguing with him is useless. A glass or two does not equate to being outright drunk on a “few” beers that lay around the kitchen floor. Of course, all for you to clean up later. You shake your head to yourself, making sure he didn’t see. It’s been happening on repeat, and every night as you lay beside him, his hands all over you as he spoons your forcefully into him, you think, is this worth it? Maybe being with a criminal is better. Or really.. no one at all.

But you couldn’t leave, he still loved you. Did you love him..? Or was this all a show to just have someone’s arms around you at night? He slumps on the couch, his arm pulling your shoulders so you can scoot even closer to him. Complying, your knee touches his own as you get close. He takes a swig of his beer and rests his feet on the coffee table. His socks alone smell like something died, and you say nothing as his breath full of beer comes into your space. His tongue licks up your neck and you wince.

“Can you stop… I’m trying to watch this.” In reality, you weren’t watching, it was hard to. You were so focused on your surroundings, flinching at any little loud sound he made before he sat.

“Ah come on, you know you love it.” You hated that cocky attitude, god you hated him, but he was right, it did cause a tingle in between your legs. He licks up to your ear again, even biting your earlobe. It was too hard and you yelp, pushing away instinctively.

“Stop… I’m serious, please. I just want to watch this.” You gesture to the movie screen and turn to it completely. He hates being ignored. His hand grabs your chin harshly and he forces you to look at him, a glare zoning in on his eyes.

“I want it.” He growls as if that was supposed to make you bow down to him. You wished you had the courage inside of you to shout, I don’t, but there was a clench in your throat. Before you knew it, you were on your back with him over you. His hand lifts your shirt to show your breasts, and his hand grabs you too hard again, and you hiss.

“Stop-“ his hand covers your mouth, and he dives down to your neck, his lips attaching to your skin. You kick him in the groin, and he groans out, clutching himself. You take this moment to rush to put on your coat and shoes.

Your voice begins shouting as it does almost every night, and every night you do the same thing, you grab your coat and shoes, and you threaten to leave, sometimes you even do, but it was rare he’d let you out the door. Then in the morning, you’d be all cozy together again, he’d grab your waist while you make him coffee, kissing your ear and giggling sweet nothings.

“I’m done with this, I’m fucking out of here, I can’t take this anymore.“ You make sure to be as fast as possible, and you sling your bag around your shoulder and rush to leave. He’s on you in an instant, pulling your arm away from the doorknob forcefully. Suddenly you’re choked and slammed against the wall.

“You’re not going anywhere, you got that?” His grip becomes tighter, and you raise your leg to do the same kick, but even in his drunken state, he’s able to grab it with his other hand. Still, he was weaker in this position and you push him off you with all your might. Again you turn to leave but you are swiftly pulled back by your hair. His fist was clenched tight around your strands, even ripping a few out as you screamed.

A blow is landed at your stomach and you nearly hurl on the floor. He punches the side of your face, and your eyes are forced shut at the impact. It began twitching and you were sure that would leave a black eye. You’re shoved to the floor and his hands grab your arms, his body over you again. “Get away from me!” You screamed at the top of your lungs, flailing around. You were sure the neighbors heard, but they never did anything about it.

“Don’t touch me!!”

His fingers began toying with you, slurring mumbles as he tiredly kissed your neck. Again you manage to jab your knee into his stomach and as he recoils you run to the bathroom, slamming it shut and locking the door. Tears fell from your face as you held your throbbing head, ears ringing at the blow. The door shook as he pounded on it, screaming your name and shouting at you to open up or else. “Open the fucking door (Y/n), open it! Open the fucking door!”

“I swear to god if you don’t open up right now-“ You cradled yourself in the bathtub, closing your ears from it all until it became nothing but mumbles. Flinching at every time he pounded, you continued crying. You were terrified the hinges would fly off, the door would be broken down, and you would have no protection whatsoever. ‘I can’t do this, I can’t do this anymore.’

Eventually, it would pass, as it always did. He’d pass out somewhere, whether it be the floor, the couch, the bed, wherever, and you’d be scared to remove yourself from the safety of the bathroom, for fear he would wake up and kill you.

You slept in the bathtub and woke up with a pain in your head, eyes dizzy to the flickering light that stayed on. Groggily you grabbed onto the rim of the tub and attempted to pull your shaky sore legs out. When you saw yourself in the mirror, you assumed right. There was a big purplish black bruise around your eye, even a red hand mark around your neck. You pulled your pants down to find a few bruises on your legs. Probably from falling, or maybe these were from the other days, you don’t remember.

You couldn’t take this anymore.

But you couldn’t leave. You had your life here, but most of all, you hated to restart, to find someone all over again, you wouldn’t be able to do it. So you felt hopeless as you splashed water on your face and cleaned yourself. You pulled out your makeup palette used only for covering bruises. When you opened it the area surrounding the center was sunken in, and metal showed up as holes in your foundation. You were running out, you needed to get a new one soon.

Grabbing your sponge, you pressed it gently into your eye, wincing at the pain. You needed to get ready for work because someone had to pay the bills around here. Next was your neck, and after that, you looked normal again, perfectly robust and healthy. Opening the door, a weight slid off and thudded onto the ground, your boyfriend’s head. He was passed out, snoring, hands sprawled out on the floor. You simply sidestepped in the gaps of his body to walk around him. You couldn’t care to brush out your messy hair, and you were sure most of the shedding was a fault of him yanking it too hard. Better not to let anyone see your scalp anyway.

You slung your bag over your shoulder as your stomach rumbled. Was there enough time to get some breakfast before you headed to work? You checked your phone. You were a bit on the early side so that was a yes. Besides, it’d be nice to eat alone and get a new atmosphere besides beer cans that littered the ground. And at least the coffee shop wouldn’t smell like barf.

You shut your door to see the woman at the apartment next to you, grabbing her keys to lock her door behind her. She gave you a look, and you walked passed her to the stairs. “(Y/n) right?” She suddenly spoke, and you turned to her. A nervous expression was on her face, and she pursed her lips, staring down. “Listen… I’m sorry- my husband told me to not get involved.. but.. are you okay?” A spike of defensive anger got to you, but for the most part, it was mixed with shame, a pathetic embarrassment filled you. Was this really what you chose? A life that your neighbors have to feel scared for you and ask if you're okay?

“Yes, I’m perfectly fine, don’t worry.” You fake smiled and waved. “I hope you have a good day.” When you walked down the stairs it fell. Attributes of working in customer service. A sigh left you as the brisk air hit you, and you walked to your destination. You couldn’t afford a car, but it was fine, everything was close anyway.

At work today you were in charge of helping the new trainee. A nice guy it looked like, someone who was awkward and didn’t want to make anyone go through a hassle for him. You wished you at least had a guy like that. “Press this if you want to open the register. The system here will tell you how much to give them, fairly simple right?” He nodded, and you assorted through all the cash. It wasn’t a hard job, and you didn’t really care or not if someone was over your shoulder watching. Anything was better than home.

The door dinged as someone entered. An enthusiastic woman greeted you.

“Good morning! How can I help you today?”

“Hi, can I just have a small black coffee and um.. hm.. a grilled cheese I suppose.” She smiled and you nodded, politely returning the gesture. She handed you the jenny and you looked over your shoulder to show the trainee what exactly to do. How to ring up a specific or basic order. You had him bring up the option so he could show her the amount due. The woman waited patiently, smiling, and he was nervous, cheeks flushed as he struggled to find the grilled cheese. You eventually pointed it out to him, tapping above it as if to give him a gentle hint.

“Sorry about that,” he spoke politely once he finally rang it up.

“Don’t worry, I’m in no rush.” She smiled prettily and removed her wallet from her purse. After handing in the exact amount, you placed it in the register and closed it. Easy enough.

“You’re all set, it should be out in about 5 minutes.” She nodded and waited on the side where the finished orders were placed.

You begin speaking to your coworker again, explaining all the sorts of foods or combinations you can order, and how they have to be specifically rung up to be recognized in the system. “Let’s say if someone wants a salad, but no tomatoes, simple, you just go here, then here, press customizations, and remove the option. Either press on the picture or the word “TMTS” you following?” The man nods, even though confused, he is determined, and so you let him take the reins.

“Whenever you need any assistance just let me know, i’ll be helping out with the food while Marley does the drinks, okay?”

“O-okay,” he stutters as he tries to adjust.

“Have a nice day!” The woman calls out, walking off with her items. You smile and respond in kind, inwardly sighing.

The door rings, and you’re too busy prepping the table to see who walks in. You just hoped they would go easy on the trainee.

“Is this really necessary?” One had a deep voice, and he was very tall and muscular, you could see that from just your peripheral vision alone.

“I feel like I’m gonna pass out, are you kidding me? We were running extra rounds until 3 am.” You couldn’t see how the others looked as they were directly behind you, but it didn’t matter anyway.

“Hello, how can I help you guys today?” The trainee spoke, nervous but outwardly confident, face masked with a smile. You hummed in approval, that’s a good step.

“Let me get a- hm… what is that, a BLT?” One of the men asked, pointing to the menu, eyes squinting.

The trainee turned and nodded. “Yes.”

“Alright, lemme have one of those, you want anything?” Assumedly he makes a gesture to the others around him, however many they were. The price rings up after a few moments of him slowly looking up the name.

“Sheesh that’s a bit of Jenny for just a sandwich don’t you think?” You sighed, this time a little more audibly, but not enough for anyone to hear. You already knew how this was going to go.

“Got any beers here?”

“Um…” The trainee panics a little, looking for the name on the screen. He doesn’t see it, but before making a definite answer, he looks at the menu himself. But before he can say “no” the other man scoffs.

“What, you don’t know if you got it or not? Dont’cha work here?”

Glancing at the register, he gives you a nervous expression as if hoping you’d save him. You pull away from the prepping area and gesture over your shoulder, signaling for him to swap places. You’ll deal with it for now.

“Don’t worry about it,” You say to him more than anything as he walks away a little defeated.

“Okay, what can I help you guys with?” You speak a little more firmly this time, but your fake smile remains. It was a group of 3, one large buff fuzzy man, one blondie with a furrowed expression, and a monotone man with slicked-back hair and grey eyes. It was a strange group you admitted, but you tried not to be rude and stare. The tall guy spoke his specifically long order which was more than a few sandwiches, while the other had a combo, and the one in the coat only wanted a tea. You were glad you took on this group, no doubt they would be shouting slurs at the second mess-up and making the poor guy sputter apologies only half a minute in.

“Is that all I can do for you guys today?” They answered no, and you smiled as you stated their total. They pulled out their wallets and when the one with black hair angled his wrist towards you, money in hand, your fingers instinctively reached over to grab it. That was until you saw the name on his wrist, and you stopped dead in your tracks. Your breath caught in your throat and your eyes went wide. (Y/n) (L/n). No, this couldn’t be. It wasn’t real.

“Is something wrong?” He tilted his head after a long pause, and you inhaled sharply, swiftly grabbing the jenny. The other two gave each other a sort of look, brows raised as they handed you the rest. The one in front of you, the one who was supposed to be your soulmate didn’t say anything, nor did he have a reaction, his face remained the same, and you were sure because of that he didn’t notice anything wrong.

Besides, even if you knew it was him, he wouldn’t know it was you. You tried to reassure yourself. Your wrist was covered in wraps. They’d never know, so you can’t seem suspicious, not now.

“No, I’m so sorry about that.” Clearing your throat, you quickly arranged the register and handed the change off. “Your orders will be ready in 10-15 minutes or so, okay?” The tall man grumbled, and you gestured faster than ever for the trainee to switch back with you while you nearly hyperventilated making stupid fucking sandwiches. All the while you could feel their stare burning in your back.

“Are you okay?” Marley then asks and you nod. All you had to do was relax. You’re used to having to lie about this, so it’s no big deal.

But why does this time seem ten times harder than usual?

“Yeah, of course.” He looks at you in a way as if he knows you’re lying but shrugs it off. You place the order on the counter for them to pick it up, attempting to make zero eye contact as they come close. You meet his gaze, those grey orbs that fixate on you calmly. You almost stare a little too long, before you clear your throat again and push forward the food for them to take. Once they did, that was it, they would walk out just like that and you wouldn’t see them ever again. Your soulmate is officially gone.

But what if that wasn't the case?

Quelling the anxiety, you nervously trail their steps as they start to walk out of the shop. And when they finally do, you let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding.

When you clocked out, exhaustion burned into your temples. Thinking of going home to speak to your boyfriend already set you in a horrible mood. There was a chance he was in a good one, but still, you’d have to deal with the fact that you just met your soulmate after all these years of being with your boyfriend. Whether he was a murderer, a criminal, or not.. that man was fatefully supposed to be with you instead.. and truthfully it hurt a little in your chest. But maybe it was for good, again, he was not a good guy, and if you did get together, it probably wouldn’t be all that different from your current situation. Try to be realistic, you told yourself. Just because the word soulmate is slapped onto someone, it doesn’t mean it’s all fairytale love.

You just needed time to breathe, just a little. Maybe you’d regret it, but right now, you needed it. You made sure to take your time walking home, even getting yourself a little snack from the bakery and eating there while you contemplated. Forty minutes passed, and then you made it home. You paused at the doorway, your hands lingering above the doorknob a little too long. Inhaling, you rotated it and entered.

Your boyfriend’s voice rang out, not at all happy. “Where were you?” Good news at least, he wasn’t drunk, but did that really matter? There was a time when you thought it did, but not anymore.

“I just went to get something at the bakery. Look.” You pulled out a cute little pink-wrapped box that revealed a muffin inside. You didn’t want to buy it. But you knew you would need to show proof. Still, even then it would amount to nothing.

“Bakery hm? With your new boyfriend huh?” With the stress you had today of meeting someone you never thought to, this struck a nerve more than it had ever. You were not at all in the mood.

“I don’t want to talk about this right now, okay?” Your tone was firm, and you removed your jacket, stomping off into your room. Unfortunately, it was his too, and you could get no privacy as he didn’t even let the door close to follow you in.

“Why huh? Cause it’s true? I knew you would fucking cheat, you’re a dirty whore.” He continued on a bout of slurs, gesturing to you angrily and even poking you in your chest. All you wanted to just do was lie down and calm the overstimulation in your mind. Why was it so fucking hard.. to just relax? Breathing becoming heavy, you were struggling more and more to calm down. The anger was getting to you. You were so sick of this you could scream.

Your hands shook from the adrenaline as you set your bag down, removing your scarf, and other work accessories. Your headache was pounding the more he raised his voice. Suddenly his hand touched your shoulder with a hard grip, and every bit of restraint you had exploded.

“I JUST DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW OKAY?! JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” You rushed off into another room, slamming the door behind you. He followed, shouting threats and slurs, and you picked up the nearest object you could, a beer can, a shoe, whatever it was, and repeatedly threw. It wasn’t with much force, but you just hoped the amount of items could deter him. A fury only doubled in his eyes as he ran after you.

He was screaming, threatening to kill you, harm you, do whatever if you did not make your way back that instant. You wouldn’t, you couldn’t do it anymore. “I HATE YOU! LEAVE ME ALONE!” You shouted at the top of your lungs.

It was only so big of an apartment, and eventually, he made his way to you. With not much force, you kicked him in the stomach. He recoiled by punching your cheek hard, but not enough to make you collapse. You screamed as he threatened to kill you again, “GET AWAY FROM ME!” You kicked him and threw just about anything that you had, and shoved him in his chest hard when he tried to get near you as you attempted to run to the bathroom.

“I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!” He shouted. This time you were sure he was serious. He grabbed a kitchen knife from the block and held it threateningly towards you.

Gasping in fear, your tone changed to barely above a whisper, shaky but with a hard attempt to be firm. “Get the fuck away from me… I’m serious, don’t.. don’t fucking touch me, get away, or I’m calling the police.”

“Yeah, and how are you going to do that?” He taunted, knowing well that your phone was in the bedroom, just where he was blocking. Swallowing harshly, you remained still, unsure of your next move, scared if you ran he might just swiftly catch up and pierce you.

“I wasn’t cheating, I just needed a moment to myself, all I did was go to the bakery, okay?” You tried to patiently reason, even if you secretly knew it wouldn’t do anything. He scoffed.

“Yeah? Tell that to all your other fucking boyfriends, piece of shit.” He gestured to you with the knife in hand, and suddenly dove. You ran for the bathroom as quickly as you could, but this time he knew what you were planning. Suddenly you met with the floor, your head slamming and bouncing against the hard tiles. Scramming to your feet, he kicked your leg hard and shoved your head down so you would meet the tiles again. This time you heard a crack and felt warm liquid rushing down the back of your head.

You began thrashing and screaming at the top of your lungs when he neared. “SOMEBODY HELP ME! HELP ME!” Disoriented, he choked you hard enough to stop all cries, so hard you had no doubt he would truly kill you this time. Your mouth opened to get a breath, but nothing would come. Your hands were struggling to get him off of you.

“You useless bitch- what are you good for? Nothing-“

“I think I heard enough.” A sudden voice interrupted, lessening the hold of the man atop of you. It being enough to make you breathe, you gulped the air instantly. It was silent for a moment before your boyfriend cussed out.

“What the fuck?”

“Who the fuck are you? And how did you get in my goddamn apartment?”

The weight over you vanished, and you didn’t care what happened, who, when, or where, you ran. Slamming the bathroom door shut and locking the door, you cradled yourself in the tub, the lights off as you shuddered silently. It was quiet at first, so quiet, something you weren’t used to save for the ringing in your ears. Blood droplets fell at the back of your neck and when you touched it, tears formed. Why would you do this? Why would this happen?

You heard your boyfriend screaming violently, a scream you never ever heard him make. It was as if his life depended on it. Something in you felt horrified, guilty, and scared, but you didn’t want to go out, you couldn’t. You didn’t want to die. You didn’t know what was happening if he was just making an act, or if he was coming towards you. But you wouldn’t open the door, not until he fell asleep. Then you could leave, this time forever. You didn’t care anymore. Tears fell in silent streams for a few seconds, then they became so strong you sobbed violently.

“What the hell- what the hell is that?!” Your boyfriend shouted nonsense at whatever it was. He’s delusional, he’s gone insane, it’s over for you.

Eventually, all stilled, it became quiet again. You were whimpering in your hands, hiccuping, body shaking uncontrollably. You heard the lock click as it shifted, and a slow creak as the door opened. He had found a way in, he was going to kill you, and you were cornered. You kept your eyes covered, terrified, sobs shifting into screams as you heard the footsteps. They were slow, step by step. You didn’t want to die, you didn’t want to die. Step. He was in front of you now, if you opened your eyes, he would be there just above you, a knife in his hands, a horrible glint in his eye as he stabbed you lifeless.

But what you did not expect was the man to coo at you, to ease your cries.

“Sh…” you flinch as a hand rubs at your head, patting kindly away at your gnawing migraine. Your boyfriend wasn’t usually this sweet, you were sure any second now he’d be pulling at your hair and gesturing the knife to your throat. But it didn’t come.

When your body finally stops rampantly shaking, and your sobs are almost quelled, you lift your head only slightly, enough to peek through your fingers. Although it was dark, and your eyes took a bit to adjust, you noticed that wasn’t what your boyfriend would wear. But the clothing.. did somehow look familiar.

Your hand slowly fell to look at the figure above you. When your eyes meet, a different type of ice-cold fear strikes you. Grey emotionless eyes that even you could see in the darkness. Or well, you couldn’t say emotionless, they did look.. a bit… dark actually.. and scary. He didn’t furrow his brows like a normal person, nor did his eyes widen, but you couldn’t explain the terrifying look he had in them. They softened instantly to a neutral state and you gawked confusedly.

What could you say?

What are you doing here? Who are you? (even if you knew the answer to that). How did you find me? Hello.

Your bottom lip trailed into your teeth, tears still streaming. You looked pathetic. Surely all your cries washed away the makeup, allowing him to see the bruises that littered your face. Who could ever love you like this? Not even a criminal.

“I’m going to take care of you now.” Your soulmate spoke, and as much as it maybe should’ve calmed you, (maybe if your soulmate was anyone else), it only caused further crying. Then you paused, remembering.

“Wh-What did y-you do to him?”

He tilts his head. “You worry for him?”

You nod slowly.��

He hums and walks over to the light switch, flicking it on. Recoiling, you rush to hide yourself, squinting at the light that now buzzes above you. “Perhaps you should look at yourself more clearly.”

Your legs were still covered in bruises, blood was dripping down your neck slowly, falling beneath your shirt, and your eyes were wincing in pain. But yet you still worried for him.

You gazed at his wrist, feint black words that you couldn’t see because of your dizzy eyesight. You just wanted someone so bad you would settle for anything. He was right. Still, how could your conscience take someone’s death or pain on your behalf?

You shook your head, shaking the disposition of your thoughts. Your breath hitched when he reached his palm out to you, and there you could see it again. Your name across his wrist in fine black ink. “How.. how did you know it was me? I-I had it covered.”

“Your reaction was obvious. Plus, your name.” You were confused, your name? No one had- oh. Just before they walked out the door the trainee called out your name, requesting further help on the machine.

But you guessed it didn’t matter anymore. You whispered pathetically, your eyes meeting his again. “Are you going to kill me?”

“No. You’re my soulmate. We belong together, I will give you all you want from here on.” You couldn’t help but scoff. He was a murderer, a criminal. His hand touched your cheek to turn you towards him. You recoiled fearfully, pushing away from his touch. Upon looking closer at your black eye you felt his tone shift, even if his demeanor didn’t show it.

“I wouldn’t let anyone touch you like this again, you can have my word.”

You don't even know why you tried to reason with a murderer. But you were desperate.

“Promise?” Your weak voice muttered out.

“I do.”

You nod and take his hand. He pulls you to your feet effortlessly, even if your legs wobble and ring out in pain. You hissed quietly as you stepped out of the tub. Your legs were sore and stiff, and your head throbbed. You were beginning to get dizzy and you could feel the nausea coming to your throat quickly. Covering your mouth, you rushed to your knees at the front of the toilet and vomited to your heart’s content. Everything you had this day went down the dump. Tears streamed down your cheeks again. You bit your lip, your hands still bracing the sides of the toilet, your heart pacing wildly. You looked to your soulmate.. to Chrollo Lucilfer, and you bit your lip.

“You won’t hurt me?” He took a moment to respond which worried you.

“Intentionally, no. I will not.” That didn’t really help, but I guess if that meant he wouldn’t try to stab you in the middle of the night, it would suffice. You did believe his words, but still, something seemed amiss. Maybe it meant, no, unless you try to escape and tell on me to the cops.

“Come.” He took his hand out to you again.

“Where are we going?”

“Your new home. You’re going to live with me, and you won’t have to work from now on.” Those words made you fearful until he kept going. “I’ll provide for you.” A flutter warmed your heart. Someone who would provide for you… someone who would finally take care of you instead. That made you happy.

You lifted yourself, and he stepped to the side so you could wash yourself at the sink. It was an even more pathetic sight than last night. Blood was dripping down the side of your head, and it hurt to the touch. Still, you washed it away and began getting out your palette so you could cover up the wounds.

“What are you doing?” Chrollo asked, and you turned to him, confused.

“Well.." Pausing for a few seconds, you continued. "I have to look presentable. If people saw me walking with you... with a bruised eye, they’ll assume you hurt me.. and.. well..” you didn't continue that, but you assumed he knew where that was going.

A swirl of darkness rushed to his eyes as his lips curled slightly into a smile, albeit it was horrifying. “I wouldn’t worry. If anyone dares take you from me then-“

“Stop. Please. Just stop.. I don’t want you to hurt anyone.. please… Just.. let me cover myself up.. just for today.. then when I go with you, I will rest up and heal.. okay? Please..” he let out a small exhale and you hold your breath.

Criminal, abusive, or not, would he ditch you? Toss you to the side when he sees how much you could not stand needless murder or crime? Would you be alone again, with no soulmate, not even a boyfriend now?

His tone was calm, “I understand. Clean up, I’ll be waiting.” It drew you out of your fixation, and you nervously nodded as he walked out of the bathroom and closed the door after him. As much as you’d love to take a peaceful shower once and for all, you knew he would be waiting, probably upset if you took too long. You ran warm water over your neck and pulled the bloody-stained shirt over your head. Luckily you had enough spare clothes in the bathroom drawers, considering it was like your separate room.

You repeated the same action from this morning, pressing the makeup to your bruised eye, your neck, the back of your neck, and your throat.

You would be happy now, right? Was this the last time you’d do this?

Exhaling a sigh, you put on a clean shirt and left. “I’m ready..” you held your breath, eyes glued to the floor. You expected to be hit, or even see your bloody boyfriend beat up on the floor, passed out. But he wasn’t there in the living room. Weird, you thought.

Chrollo had his elbows against his knees, and he lifted his head to look at you. “Any last valuables you need to take?”

Your clothes maybe, but the thought made you uncomfortable. Maybe you should just start over new, remove anything from the present .. but you would have to buy back everything, and with what money? You definitely weren’t using his. You just met him. And now that you think of it, he still kind of broke into your place.

“Um..” you awkwardly stood, staring at him. You opened your mouth to speak but shut it. “N-No.. it’s okay.. we can go now.”

“Don't worry about small items, I will let you buy everything you need."

He walked to your front door, and you stilled. You couldn’t believe you were doing this. Walking off with a man you just met, soulmate or not, away from the place you lived for years with your boyfriend who was probably beaten to a pulp.. somewhere.. maybe in the bedroom.

When your foot stepped on the line between the hallway and your apartment, you turned back, worrying. But what if he was okay? You should go back and at least say you’re fine, and that it was going to be okay and apologize.

“You won’t miss it much longer,” Chrollo stated, and you turned to him, frowning.

“Can I at least say bye to him?” Chrollo tilts his head at your request, a sudden glimmer in his eye.

“No. I’m afraid that’s not an option.” You pouted, head lowering at his tone. Maybe it was for the best, he surely only had your best interest at heart. Maybe if you had said bye it would only make you feel guiltier.

“Okay.. let’s go.”

He still had that dangerous gleam in him as you walked out of the complex. Though you admitted you felt safer with him than you had with anyone else so far. You didn’t know how he did it, you didn’t know how he broke into your room, how he fended off your abuser, or how he looked perfectly fine. But he rescued you.

“Is.. is all that really true?” Chrollo turned to you, grey piercing eyes fixating on yours. “That you’re with a group… called the phantom troupe.. that you have killed people… and stolen things?“

“Yes, it is.” Your head lowered at the confirmation. Something in you was just hoping it wasn’t, just that little twinge of hope.

“Do you plan on turning me in?” He asked, unworried. You’d assume someone who had such a big bounty on them would be terrified of getting caught any second. Yet he was surprisingly easygoing. He didn’t believe for a second you could take him on alone and bring him in for a prize, and he was right.

“No… you’ll probably just kill me if I try..”

“You misunderstand. You are my soulmate, we are meant to be together. I will not kill you, nor will I ever try. Only if you attempt to run, or act irrationally then I will have no choice but to punish you or anyone else involved. And just be aware, I will not give mercy to others.”

A sigh leaves you. You guessed that was fair. “What will you do to them?” You secretly knew the result, but you gulped nervously, afraid he would confirm it.

He side-eyes you as he continues walking, and you’re staring, impatiently waiting for him to answer. “Do I need to say something you already know?”

You shake your head with a frown. It became quiet.

You had lived in a busy city-like area. However, the further you walked, the less that people were now nearby. Lights were flickering, if there were any at all. These new crowds of people looked different, dirty, rude, and suspiciously quiet.

You couldn’t lie and say you weren’t scared when the alleyways looked like where someone would get murdered and not found for days. For all you knew, you just walked into another killer’s arms, and these were your last moments.

It was cold, and tears were pricking your eyes from the wind. The one time you forget your jacket. You hadn’t forgotten any other time you stormed out in a fuss, but the one time you had a moment to think, you would forget it.

Chrollo’s hand touches your shoulder and pulls you into him. “It’s good not to get hypothermia out here.” He smiles, and you blush. You were sure it was just an excuse to get you closer, but you supposed that was what the smile was for. It was genuine at least.. yet the more and more he leads you on, you are certain he might just kill you. Buildings around you were becoming more and more absent, and less and less stable.

He was quite warm.. for someone with no shirt underneath a coat. Somehow you faintly relaxed into his arm. That was until Chrollo stopped in front of a building, and turned to you. This was it, your time came.

“I’m not going to kill you.” He spoke as if reading your thoughts. You nodded nervously.

You wondered if maybe you just had a normal relationship from the beginning you would never continuously fear death in this way.

It was nice in actuality, his place, even if the outside was disguised as a piece of junk. You supposed this might’ve been the sort of man to not care about looks. But the moment you stepped into the room, he had all sorts of trinkets around that made you nervous. Red eyes floating in a jar, paintings, weapons on display, and whatnot. What if you became one of his collections? The thought made a chill run down your spine.

It was a bit unsettling here, yet admittedly… something about him felt safe. You should know more than anyone how you cannot trust anyone with a sweet facade. But you had a feeling deep down, that this would be okay. The bedroom was nice, perfect actually, it even had a bathroom connected to it, and it was hard for you not to be happy at the change of scenery. Maybe this wouldn’t be your forever home, but you could enjoy it for now.

“Wipe the makeup off your face.” There was a certain demand in his tone, and your heart swiftly picked up in pace.

“You need rest,” Chrollo gently reasoned after, cutting the awkward silence.

Your heart quickly calmed in relief. "O-Okay.."

The only sound in the area was the warm water pouring from the faucet. All this silence was nice, you could get used to this sort of peace.

Circling slowly, the makeup ran down your face in streams, revealing that purplish color around your eye. Next was your neck which showed red handprints. This was never fun doing.

Flicking the light off, you strolled back to the room when you were done. Finding only Chrollo’s coat that was lying on the edge of the bed, until you then found him at the corner, sitting. His elbows were against his knees, hands intertwined with one another.. completely shirtless. You spun instantaneously, squeaking at the sight.

“Wh-What are you doing?”

“I hope I don’t need to remind you again that we are soulmates. They do sleep together, do they not?” Even with his neverending patience, you feel you could strike a nerve at any moment. Maybe it was sudden, sure. But he was right, you two were fated, there was no shame in looking at just his bare chest.

you muttered shyly. “They do..”

Chrollo steps behind you, rubbing his palm at your neck. Somehow you didn’t flinch, or feel pain, instead, it felt.. nice. A warm pair of lips kissed at your side, and your stomach fluttered, “And they have sex with one another, don’t they?” He nearly whispered in your ear. You nodded, whimpering at his touch. Your shirt lifted above your chest, bra expertly unclasped so he could squeeze your nipple with his fingers. His tongue trailed up your neck, and he squeezed around your breast again. This felt better than what your past boyfriend could’ve ever done.

“Hm?” Chrollo mused, waiting for you to answer as he squeezed your nipple again. You moan at the tug.

“Y-Yes..”

“As I thought.” He pulls away, and you whimper. He almost smirks, pulling the sheets to the side.

Cheeks flushed, you let out a shaky exhale as you turn your head over your shoulder to look at him. Your hands were lingering at your shirt as if caught between a decision to take it off or not.

“I wouldn’t think so hard. Eventually I’ll get to know every little crevice of your body, every little part that makes you scream, tick, or cry. Nothing will be kept from me.” Chrollo speaks calmly, yet possessively, with a certain knowing edge in his voice.

“They’re not..” You pause, breathing out. You throw your shirt over your head and take off your bra so that it falls at your feet. You undo your pants slowly, feeling his eyes on your bruised body. You left your panties on.. because you at least needed that little bit of dignity before you revealed yourself fully to a man you just met.

“They’re not.. covered..” You rotate to him, arms covering your bare chest, eyes to the ground, ashamed.

Again, there was that glint in his eye. Something malicious, something dreadful.

It was pathetic, but seeing this look in him, made it feel real. You were protected now, he would kill anyone in your wake, and maybe it was awful, but it comforted you.

He moved closer to you and you instinctively tilted your head in a way so that he could not easily see. There was no makeup or shirt to protect you anymore. His two fingers lifted your jaw so he could study the marked skin. Handprints that only should’ve been imprinted on you by his own.

“Look at me.”

You timidly blinked up at him, a warm flow of shame spilling in you as you whispered, “I’m sorry." Tears threatened your lids, and you pursed your lips.

Why were you apologizing? What for? Were you afraid he didn’t like you? Or that maybe he was ashamed of you? He was quiet for a moment before he spoke.

“Everything will be handled. Do you understand that?”

Although you were fearful at that sentence and unsure what that could mean for all the other poor unfortunate souls out there, you nodded. You were safe. He would protect you now.. everything was going to be okay.. everything was going to be just how you wanted it to be. You could finally be happy now.

His lips captured yours in a deep kiss. It took only a moment before it became a pleasant exchange between two tongues. His tongue captured yours easily, and you moaned into the kiss as his hands caught your breast again.

You were shoved onto your back against the mattress, but it was soft, softer than you’d ever felt. Chrollo pulled away leaving you a breathless mess. The scattering bruises came to his attention again, and he nearly ripped your underwear in two. He dove down to lick at your fragile skin, suckling high at your neck. You whimpered, legs surrounding his waist as you felt him poke at your entrance.

He would show everyone who your body belonged to, whether you liked it or not.

#chrollo lucilfer #hxh #fanfic #hxh chrollo #soulmate au #soft yandere #dark fanfiction #x reader #one shot #slight smut #anime x reader

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ts1m1kas · 9 months ago

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Original Ask: Could you do Jude x Reader where the reader is a famous entrepreneur & actress from America (sort of like Rihanna, she has her own makeup company, fashion company etc) and Jude proposes, and when they announce it on instagram the fans go crazy because they love them together? 🥹 (anonymous)

Word Count: 471 words

(author's note: thank you for the request, gorgeous !!)

Jude had always been in awe of his girlfriend’s resilience. She was the most hard-working person he knew and was also incredibly generous. Her driven personality had helped her build her many companies up into well-known household brands. Jude couldn’t wait to seal their relationship with his proposal.

Another thing that convinced Jude that Y/N was perfect for him was the support his fans showed for her. Their followers went crazy for the couple, eating up any crumb of relationship content they posted to their socials.

The couple were on holiday together to unwind after a stressful football season. Jude knew that a beach on a tropical island would be the perfect place for him to propose to the love of his life.

Like the good boyfriend he was, he made sure she had her nails freshly done and was wearing a stunning white outfit. Y/N was too wrapped up in the gorgeous surroundings to even consider Jude’s plans.

As the pair wandered down the beach, the sun began to set. The waves rolled onto shore, their soothing melody filling the air. Bringing them both to a halt, Jude gently grabbed both of Y/N’s hands and turned to face her.

“From the moment we met, I knew you were going to be special to me. But never in a hundred years could I have imagined you would become my whole world. I fell in love with you for a million different reasons, and I want to spend a lifetime discovering more. You are my heart, my life, and my one and only love."

Jude got down on one knee and pulled out the box containing the ring. He opened it and held it out. The stone glinted in the sunset, reflecting its golden light off of the beautiful diamond set in the middle of the band.

“With this ring, I give you my heart. Will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?”

Y/N covered her face with her hands as the happiest tears she had ever cried fell down her face. Taking a deep breath, she looked back down at Jude.

“Yes, a million times, yes.”

Jude stood back up and slipped the ring onto her finger. He picked her up bridal-style and carried her back to their beach house. He placed her down gently and the couple shared a kiss, filled with love and passion.

The icing on the cake was the Instagram post that came soon after. A picture of Y/N’s hand, adorned with her engagement ring captioned, ‘made it permanent <3’ was posted to Jude’s feed.

As expected, their fans went crazy and the couple’s evening was spent reading through the masses of support. Jude couldn’t be happier to call Y/N his fiancée, and she shared the same sentiment.

#jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham #fanfiction #fanfic #football #hot footballers #request #real madrid fc #anon request #by ts1m1kas #jude bellingham imagine

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bullet-prooflove · 4 months ago

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Logistics: Eric Blackburn x Reader

Tagging: @kmc1989 @4everademigod @totalstitchlover19 @doglover-24 @bravo4iscool

Prequel to:

Scars - Eric loves every single part of you.

Three Months (NSFW) - Eric returns home from Afganastan.

In the weeks that follow the building collapse, it becomes clear that you’re looking at a lengthy recovery and rehabilitation period. The military covers that thankfully but it’s the logistics you’re concerned over because you’re still struggling to perform a lot of the basic tasks that would have been no problem for you in the past. That’s what happens when you have a traumatic brain injury, things get knocked about, thrown off kilter.

“It’ll come back in time.” You’re told as you fumble with the stress ball in your hand and Eric can see the concern and frustration on your features.

You haven’t even begun to consider navigating your release from the hospital. Eric though he’s already five steps ahead, working out the logistics, planning ahead.

You live in an apartment building with an elevator that barely works at the best of times, it’s not feasible considering your current mobility. His place is the best option for your recovery. He lives in a bungalow in a quiet neighbourhood with a small garden, he keeps in decent shape because he’s always the one hosting cookouts.

It’s unlikely the military will let him take leave so abruptly without a good explanation and your relationship isn’t public knowledge because it fucks with the chain of command. There’s only one thing he can do and he does it without telling you because he knows you would do everything in your power to stop him.

The morning after he finds out you’re being released he turns up at General Auster’s office and informs him he’s in violation of the fraternization policy, that he’s been seeing another officer in his chain of command.

The expression on the other man’s features is one of disbelief because if there is anyone you can count on to do the right thing it’s Blackburn. There are questions, lots of them and Eric answers them accordingly, with his chin up and his head held high.

“Why now?” Auster asks him. “This has gone on for a year already without being detected, what drove you to come here and tell me this now?”

“She needs support when she leaves the hospital.” He informs his superior officer. “Someone to be around for the first couple of weeks and I knew you wouldn’t approve a leave request so this is the next best option.”

“Ah so it’s the suspension you want.” Auster says with understanding, his pen tapping lightly against the desk. “You’re taking a hell of a risk Eric, I think I can convince them on the thirty days, but you’re risking separation of your contract, confinement. Is she really worth all that?”

For a moment he’s taken back to the building collapse, to those thirty minutes Bravo team spent trying to dig you out, the ones where he didn’t know if you were alive or dead. Those were the worst eighteen hundred seconds of his life. Everything else that came afterwards he could handle but that section of time he was a wreck.

“I wouldn’t be here if she wasn’t.” He remarks dryly and Auster must see the sincerity in his features.

“Alright then.” Auster says finally. “I’ll get back to you by the end of the day regarding the decision.”

It’s as he’s on the way back to the hospital that evening that he gets the call. A two month suspension with a reduction of pay for three months after and a reprimand in his jacket. It’s the best he could have hoped for. Now he can focus on what’s important, helping you get back on your feet.

You lose your shit when he tells you and he expected no less because your biggest concern throughout the duration of this relationship is making sure that he’s protected, that he’s not compromised by you.

“What were you thinking?” You snap from your hospital bed as he begins to pack up your things for you. “Everything you’ve worked so hard for…”

He sighs as he comes to sit on the edge of your bed, his fingertips chasing away the hair that falls over your features.

“I was thinking about you.” He says softly as he looks into your eyes. “I was thinking about how you’re going through something very big and very scary and that I don’t want you to face it all alone.”

“Eric…” You begin but he cuts you off by placing your palm over his heart.

“All of that other shit it doesn’t matter.” He tells you, his thumb stroking over the back of your hand. “All that does is that I’m still yours and you’re still mine. It really is as simple as that.”

Love Eric? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Interested in supporting me? Join my Patreon for Bonus Content!

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

#eric blackburn #eric blackburn x reader #seal team

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reallunargift · 1 year ago

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slightly related to this, today I read about Châmoa Gomes de Pombeiro, a noblewoman who D. Afonso Henriques was in love with and who he had kids with and wanted to marry. You're thinking that the catch is that she was Galician, right? Well, yes she was, but she was also none other than the niece of Fernão Peres de Trava, the above-mentioned lover of D. Teresa (the mother of D. Afonso Henriques).

I really can't put into words how he fell in love with literally the ONE woman in the ONE family in the ONE kingdom that his supporters really didn't want him to be involved with. and i love it, it's so on brand for the first dynasty

now from what i can tell, this didn't contribute to political upheaval, but the relationship was still undesirable and so D. Afonso was not allowed to marry her. So he just didn't get married. It was only after her death in 1145 that he started searching for a wife.

and i just think it's so funny to imagine young Port despairing about these affairs that could put him at risk and trying to scold his royals, only to get ignored and dismissed with a "you'll understand when you're older"

and they were right, because he got older and promptly proceeded to put himself at risk by being in love with his neighbour lmao

*thinks about D. Teresa and the political upheaval when she took a Galician lover*

*thinks about D. Pedro and the political upheaval when he took a Galician lover*

*thinks about D. Leonor Teles and the political upheaval when she took a Galician lover*

*thinks abou

#lunie blabbers #jokes aside the story of d. afonso henriques and châmoa (or flâmula as some sources call her) is quite sweet. i want a film about her tbh #and one day i want to talk about how formative the first dynasty was on Port. he looked 14-16 during that era and was treated like it #''sure he's been alive for hundreds of years but has he even held hands with a girl during that time? and he wants to tell ME how to live?'#*deep breath* one day

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ghostlychief · 1 year ago

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Don’t Blame Me

Pairing: MW2 Ghost x f!reader

Summary: They say love makes you crazy, so can they really blame you?

Warnings: mentions of blood, knife usage (stabbing, stabbing people’s eyes, eyes being ripped out of socket); mentions of combat fighting; hints of torture and injuries from torture; typical MW2 lore

NSFW, MINORS DNI: blowjob, fingering, eating pussy; missionary; creampie; aftercare

WC: 7k+ (IK IT’S LONG)

A/N: hello hello! here is the long awaited ghost fic that’s been in development for quite awhile. Thank you so much for participating in my pole, and i hope you enjoy!!! I really let myself indulge in more of the gore this time around, so please read with caution if that kind of content bothers you.

ENJOY🫶🏻🖤

You didn’t know blood could be this thick.

But, as you cut through the swarm of your opponents, you really don’t care how much of it gets on your clothes, seeps into your crevasses, and splashes on your face. No, you really don’t give a shit. Your only objective is to get to Ghost, and quickly.

All you see is red, literally.

Before you even fully process what you’re doing, the knife in your hand has already sunk into a neck, blood spurting everywhere, drenching you further. You carry on, the one person you’re trying to reach at the forefront of your mind.

Should you have felt some remorse for the lives you ended? Probably, but it was like you brain was turned off. Actually, no, that’s incorrect. It was like your brain was wired differently, like it was wired to focus on one thing and one thing only: retrieve Ghost.

You can’t recall when you two got separated, or when he got captured in your last mission. All you remember is the pain you felt when you noticed he’d been taken.

You could blame yourself for his capture, but you decided to turn your fury towards someone else rather than yourself. You realized over the years that self-loathing wasn’t very efficient. It tends to waste time.

It was easy after all; it’s not hard to hold contempt towards the people that stole your lover away from you.

This was their doing. I’m only showing them the consequences of their actions.

It’s what you had to tell yourself. Otherwise, you didn’t see how you were going to come out of this alive. You had to redirect your rage, your frenzy. You had to channel it through your veins, making sure it heated you, and coursed through in a way that burned.

It had to be this way. It was the only way to help you be relentless against your opponents.

You were pretty proud of your knife skills; it was your favorite weapon after all. You always made sure to carry at least two with you at all times.

Today, you strapped on four and you were lucky, since you lost your first two about ten minutes ago. They were no doubt lodged into someone lying on the ground, pierced through their eye. That was your sweet spot, never failing you to effectively take down your opposition.

By this point, it felt like you had sliced your way through a hundred men and yet you still haven’t reached the door of the facility Ghost was being held in. Hope was on the horizon though because you could faintly make out the top of the door frame, which egged you on further. Your muscles worked tirelessly as your arms continued to swing at the men attacking you.

Occasionally, you would move your arms in a quick jabbing motion, repeatedly stabbing the opponent in the stomach and then you would land one last finally blow to their eye, your signature move some would say.

One of the downsides of this move was that sometimes, it took a lot of strength to pull your knife back out of the eye (hence your missing knives), which resulted in pulling their eyeball clear and out of its socket.

Not the best outcome of this tactic, but it is what it is.

Unfortunately, for your last victim, this very thing happened. You were thankful when his screams died down quickly.

You had a moment to catch your breath, hanging your head, quivering hands resting on your upper thighs. You looked up just in time to see someone charging at you, yelling, and with their own knives in their hands.

You noticed that they were the only one alive left outside.

One more. I can take care of him.

You swiftly moved to the side, but could hear the whisp of his blade cutting through the air. That was no good- he got too close.

Time to fix that.

Since you were so deft in your knife wielding ability, you also had a knack of being light on your feet and quick. Something that certainly benefited you.

While the man was no doubt taller and heavier than you, you were faster and anticipated his movements with ease. Sooner than later he too was on the ground, finished, with a sliver blade in his left eye, your red hand-grip the only thing you could see sticking out of his head.

You decided to leave it there, as a parting gift of course.

That’s where you got your nickname, Red Eye, seeing that your weapon of choice was wrapped in a blood-red grip that blended in with the blood that seeped out of your victims’ eye sockets. You thought the nickname was silly at first, but you just grew to accept it over the years. What can you say, you like the fancifulness of it every once in a while.

While you always had reputation, this name made your reputation grow into something almost bigger. While your peers and opponents knew you as the women with the red soaked blades, this name gave you a more, how should you put it?

Eerie reputation.

After stepping over your last remaining victim, you finally reach the double doors, leading into the building Ghost is being held captured in.

Before you entered though, you heard a voice through your comms. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Red Eye.”

Fuck me.

You hear Soap over the comms, “Wait for backup. We’re detecting three bodies via heat signatures”

You let out a groan, but made sure that your comms didn’t pick up on that.

“We don’t have time for that. I need to engage now.”

“You will do no such thing.” You hear Price’s voice cut through, stopping you from opening the doors.

“It’s a miracle you made it this far without any back up. Don’t test my patience.”

Ok, so you may have left without anyone knowing and got a two-hour head start before the rest of your team caught up to your location.

It’s just- they were taking, what it seemed like, forever to develop a plan to get your boyfriend out of captivity. You get it, logistics need to be air tight. But this was Ghost, Simon. Your Simon out there.

You knew he could handle what was given to him, but that didn’t ease any worry or hurt left in your heart, and it made you see red with anger.

That’s how your more or less ended up here, alone, slicing through about 30 men all by yourself. Not the smartest move you admit, but you had to get to Simon. You knew his time was running down, like a sand timer, each minute gone left him more perilous than before.

You were definitely going to get your ass kicked tomorrow at debrief.

You were just about to go in, thinking to hell with listening to orders, when you hear at least two sets of feet jogging across the gravel.

“Jesus, Red Eye. Leave any for the rest of us?”

You just roll your eyes at Soap, ignoring his comment. “C’mon guys, we need to hurry. Let’s take the last of the fuckers out and get Ghost back home.”

“Roger that.”

You go in first taking point, Soap and Kӧnig flanking you.

This time around, you have your handgun out, but your knife is safely held with your left hand, resting on the underside of the muzzle.

The hallway is dark, but it’s to your advantage. You think you see a light source coming from the hallway on the left that you’re coming up to, so you raise your left hand and point in that direction, signaling to Soap and Kӧnig.

This is where you come across the first person.

We must be close.

You let Kӧnig take him out. He comes up swiftly behind him and locks an arm around the man’s throat. First knocking him out, but then ultimately, finishing the job.

You three continue down the long corridor. They seem to go on forever. Sweat drips down your temple, and you hastily swipe it away, not wanting anything to obstruct your vision.

As you come closer to the end of the hallway, you start to hear something.

You raise your hand to signal Soap and Kӧnig to stop, and turn around so they can see you raise your pointer finger up to your lips.

You listen for the sound again, and you realize what it is this time.

Your blood runs cold, and goosebumps form on your arms, freezing you in place as you listen to the deafening sound that doesn’t seem to stop.

Ghost is screaming.

You don’t think you’ve ever heard him be this loud, let alone sound so full of pain. You have to pull it together though, you’re almost to him.

You continue on, making a right this time, and Ghost’s screams become louder. It’s good and bad of course. Good because he’s near you and you’re close, bad because he hasn’t stopped screaming.

You wonder how long this has been going on for.

You feel a heavy weight float down your chest, that takes its resting place in your heart. You find it hard to breath, and it takes every fiber in your being not to go into full panic mode.

You get closer and closer to the room Ghost is in, but you don’t hear him anymore. There is no one outside guarding, so the remaining two people must be inside with him.

Your stomach churns over.

You hadn’t realized it, but you fell behind both Soap and Kӧnig, but without a beat, they took your spot at point, leading you to the door.

They bust in first and immediately go after the two men that were standing by Ghost, who is strapped to a chair. It’s your job to get Ghost free of his confines.

But when you look at him, you freeze all over again.

He’s slumped in the chair, hands and feet bound by thick ropes that are no doubt leaving crude burns in his skin.

His pants have rips and holes in them and from further examination, you realize it’s from cigarette burns and cuts from blades.

You can’t see any damage on his arms but you’re worried what his shirt is hiding on his torso. You realize he’s slumped because he’s knocked out cold, probably from a concussion. But you know he’s alive because you see the slight rise and fall of his chest. It’s ever so faint, but it’s there.

You look around the room and notice a medium size table with different kinds of weapons and tools splayed out along the length of the table. You notice some have dried blood on them, while other tools are still dripping red. Rags litter the table as well. They’re dirty and also have traces of lingering blood.

Once again, you feel the embers burning through you, and you feel like you’re about to explode into a fury of rage.

You turn towards the two men that Soap and Kӧnig took down.

The two bodies lie on the floor and before you realize what you’re doing, you crouching over the first man, and with your blade, you start stabbing both of his eyes, switching on and off between the left and right. While you do this, a blood curdling scream leaves your lips.

It’s both terrifying and heartbreaking; a fine line dances between the two.

You snarl at the now eyeless man before you crawl your way over to his counterpart and release the same anger and revenge onto him. Your screech never faltering.

You don’t realize what you’re doing until you feel strong arms come up behind you and lift you off the dead man.

You start fighting their hold and it’s then when you start crying, your scream turning into a sob. The exhaustion finally getting to you.

“We got him. He’s going to be ok; it’s going to be ok.”

That’s the last thing you hear before everything goes black.

When you wake, you notice you’re lying on something soft. When you come to, you realize you’re on a bed, under a thin layer of covers and your head rests on a firm pillow.

You squint because the lights are overly bright but when they adjust, you notice the infamous florescent glow, meaning, you’re in the medical ward of the base.

You sit up, and you notice no aches or pains outside of your regular soreness you felt after fighting for an extended period of time. Your head also hurts, but you don’t really care.

You want to know where Simon is.

You notice a nurse a few feet away and you wave her over.

“Excuse me, but why am I in here?”

She gives you a tight-lipped smile. If you didn’t know any better, you would say that she’s nervous. She fidgets with her hands before answering you.

“Well miss, you fainted on your last mission. They brought you here to be examined.”

She moves over to the end of your bed and takes out the clipboard that resided in the pocket.

“Here, let’s see.” She looks over your paper before looking back at you, still with a trace of uneasiness.

“Seems like everything is OK. Your vitals are normal, and you have no major injuries, just some light bruising on your arms and hands. You are welcome to leave when you want.”

You glance down and notice the light purple that spans across your knuckles.

Before she can scurry away, you ask, “Wait, where are they keeping Ghost?” You shake your head, “I mean, Simon Riley.”

A look of pity crosses her face before she answers, “He’s in Ward C miss; the intensive care unit.”

She leaves before you can ask her anything else.

What the fuck was her problem?

You jump out of your bed, but immediately regret that decision when your head starts to throb right above your left eye.

Now is not the time for a migraine.

You make sure you have all of your belongings before you rush over to Ward C. Right before you are about to enter through the doorway, Price comes through and stops you with a hand placed on your shoulder.

He looks down at you – you’re really getting tired of being the shortest on the team- and squeezes your shoulder gently.

“Before you go in there, guns-a-blazing, he’s doing ok, alright?”

You just stare up at him and nod. Although it was good to hear Simon was doing ok, whatever the hell that meant, you still had so much anger left in you. So much you were hoping that just the sight of Simon healing would help quell you.

You walk past Price, a determined spring in your step, ready to be reunited with Simon. It’s been so long since you’ve last seen him.

Three weeks.

Three weeks he was gone, and you thought he was never coming back.

The intensive care unit is unusually empty so it’s not hard to find which bed Simon is occupying.

You quietly walk up to the side of the bed, and you are finally by his side.

“You don’t have to tiptoe around me bug, I’m awake.”

Simon’s voice startles you and your head turns towards his. You notice his left arm is in a sling but a lazy smile graces his lips.

If you weren’t in a medical facility on base, out in the open to the prying eyes of the public, you would have immediately burst out crying just at the sound of his voice.

Instead, you let out a breathy, “I thought I lost you.”

Unlike Simon, your face has no hint of happiness. Your lips are slightly turned down, quivering and your eyes start to well up with tears, but you will them not to drop.

Your hands are balled up in fists but you bring yourself back down. You are here for him after all; it’s not the other way around.

You slowly unclench your fists and then gingerly sit down on the side of Simon’s bed, right at his hip.

That’s when you bring your hand up to trace down the side of his face, feeling the familiar stubble that never fails to tickle you when he kisses you.

Your hand comes back up to rub his cheek and you say again, “I thought I lost you, Simon.”

He brings his hand up to cup yours that still rests on his face. “I know, I know. But I’m here, and I’m ok.”

“Are you though?” You can’t fight it anymore, the tears stream down your face, their streaks burning your skin.

His hand that was resting on yours comes up to rub your head. “Promise.”

After that, you and Simon laid in his hospital bed for the remainder of the day. He fell in and out of sleep, but you were just thankful he was alive and breathing next to you.

It’s been about three weeks since Simon’s been back. He’s out of his sling and most of his bruises and wounds have healed. Expect for the deeper lacerations on his thighs. He also has some scarring from the cigarette butts. But over all, you would say he’s doing pretty alright, all things considered.

You’re both currently on base, since you needed to attend multiple meetings today, and you’re eating lunch in the cafeteria.

“So, I heard you went kind of, feral, when you came to rescue me.” Simon has an innocent look on his face, but you see him trying to hid his shit eating grin.

You narrow your eyes at him, “And who did you hear that from?”

He just shrugs nonchalantly, “No one in particular.”

You scoff. Fucking Soap.

You knew he must have told someone, if not Simon himself. He was quite the gossiper.

What a fucker.

“Well, did you want me to ask them to be friends?”

Simon lets out a low laugh. “That would have been funny.” You look up at him and see his eyes are lit with amusement.

You let out a sigh, but a ghost of a smile dances across your lips. You know he’s feeling better since he’s joking around.

Another three weeks has passed and you find yourself in the typical meeting room. The one you all use before a mission. That means this will be your last debrief before you jet off to where ever the location is in a few days.

The meeting goes well up until the part where Price says “And Ghost, you will wait here at the rendezvous point.”

You interrupt him, “Wait what?”

The room goes silent as you stare down Price.

“There’s no way Simon is going on this mission. Nope. Not happening.”

“Well, y/n, you don’t really have a say in this. Do you?”

The trace of condescendence has you short circuiting but you keep your cool. You glare at Price, “If Simon’s going on this mission, then count me out.” You don’t notice the slip of his name. Usually at work you call Simon Ghost or LT, but never Simon.

You storm out of the room and head back to your desk to gather your things to leave.

You hear someone lightly jogging behind you, and you have a hunch about who it is that followed you out.

You feel a hand softly grab your elbow and you hear Simon plead, “Wait.”

You sigh and turn around. Looking up at him you confess, “Look, I need to cool off for a bit. We can talk at home, ok?”

You see Simon contemplate whether to let you go or not, but he just gives you a curt nod. He gives your arm a gentle squeeze where his hand still rests, “Ok, see you at home.” --

You basically scowl your whole way home. Listen, you know you have some slight anger issues, but you’re working on it.

You get home after the long day and quickly make way to the shower, needing to feel the hot water run down your head and back. That will calm me, you think.

Once you step out of the shower, you already feel better. You’re clean, and you smell like your favorite soap. You change and do your normal routine after a shower then head to the kitchen to make yourself a warm cup of tea.

Evening tea is one of your favorite treats and it always seems to quell your nerves. Because that’s what you are right now, nervous.

You don’t want to fight with Simon, no, not at all. But you can’t help but feel frustrated at Price, and subsequently him, for deciding that he’s ready to go back in the field. Because from your perspective he’s not. Hell, it’s barley been a month and a half, and you think he needs more time to cope with what happened to him.

Sure, he’s seeing the base’s therapist, and he’s doing everything he can to keep his physical body healthy, yet you can’t help but the ball of worry that has formed in the pit of your stomach, fester. Something keeps nagging at you, and you don’t know what it is.

You just don’t understand how Simon can bounce back so quickly.

Luckily you didn’t have to wait too long for Simon to get home. And when he does, you find yourself perking up on the couch when you hear him come through the door.

He lets out a soft “Hey,” in which you respond just as softly back.

“I’m going to go shower and wash up, but then we can talk, yeah?”

You give him a nod, but also confirm, “Sure, that sounds good.”

His shower felt like eternity, but you know you only feel this way because you’re on edge. Again, you don’t want to fight with him. You just, you love him so much, you can’t stand to lose him again. No, it can’t happen again.

You hear soft footsteps on the tile as Simon makes his way through the kitchen to the living room where you’re still seated on the couch.

You look up at him before he sits down and grant him a quiet smile, and reach out your hand to his. His large hand grasps yours in his, and his thumb traces your knuckles. He then sits down next to you, and now his fingers are tracing over yours, relaxing you just a smidge.

You can feel his warmth radiating off of you instantly, and it takes ever thing in you to not glue yourself to his side.

You both slightly turn to each other, and funnily enough you each say “So,” at the same time.

You giggle and he lets out a low chuckle that makes your insides swarm. You miss him.

“You go first, bug.” The hand that has been tracing yours pulls you closer to him, and he embraces you in a warm hug as you both sit on the couch.

Before you start, you simply just bask in Simon’s embrace, not wanting to let go just yet. You begrudgingly pull away, but still keep your fingers connected in their little dance.

“I’m sorry for storming out today at our meeting. That was unprofessional, and uncalled for, but I just don’t see why you have to go on our next mission.”

“Aren’t you still hurting from what happened to you on the last one? I guess I just don’t understand why you want to go back in the field so soon.”

There’s a pause before you add, “How do you know you’re ready to go back?”

One thing you appreciate about Simon is that he never interrupts you, and he always lets you finish your complete thought before adding his.

When he can tell you’re done, he sighs and says, “Because, y/n, that’s what we’re trained for.”

“I wouldn’t have this job if I couldn’t put the pieces back together after every mission.”

You guess that makes sense, but you’re still concerned about him.

“Listen, I get that, I really do. I guess what I want to make sure of is that you’re actually doing ok and that you’re working through whatever happened to you.”

He’s told you the gist of what happened, and he confides in you whenever he feels like he needs the extra support, but you know that there are some things he’s still hiding. Which, you’re not going to push him to tell you, but you hope at some point he does.

He gives you a slight smile, “That’s why I love you. You’re always looking out for me, and I appreciate it so much, but I’m really doing fine, ok?”

He shifts so he’s leaning in closer to you, and now it’s his turn to cup your jaw with his hand. He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, and you nod at his answer. “I love you too.”

“That’s what I like to hear.”

You grant him a smile in return and then he pulls you in for a kiss.

The kiss deepens and before you know it, you’re straddling his lap, one leg on either side of his thick torso. You’re a mess as you straddle him, and you wrap your arms around his neck, wanting to be closer to him, if even possible.

He wraps his arms around you and subconsciously pulls you closer to him. His large hands span across your back as he holds you close to him. Your center brushes against his you let out a moan when you feel this contact. You run your hands down his neck and shoulders, feeling the taught muscles underneath his black t-shirt. As you rock your hips against his, you hear him let out a moan, which only eggs you on further.

“Fuck, y/n. Keep doing that again.�� His hands travel down to hold you hips, almost as if he’s trying to help you move against him.

Your hands move in tandem and they come to rest at the base of his t-shirt, your fingers playing with the hem. You’re itching to take it off of him, and he seems to understand what you want, because he pauses kissing you to help you take off his shirt.

Now shirtless, you bring your hands up to his shoulders and then trail them slowly down his torso, nails ever so slightly scraping against his skin. You can feel each ridge and bump from his abs before your reach the hem of his sweatpants. Your fingers graze over his happy trail before you start toying with his sweats.

You run one finger along the hem of his grey sweats, then ever so slightly, your finger enters his pants, you run your finger under his sweatpants. You’re teasing him, and you can tell he’s getting antsy by the way he shifts as your finger runs along the band of his briefs.

As you continue to tease him, you trail or lips over his chest. Your lips wrap around one of his nipples, the unpierced one, and you softly bite him before you run your tongue over his nipple, suckling.

He moans out a gentle “Fuck,” and one of his hands comes up to grasp your hair.

You move over to his other nipple, the pierced one to be exact, and you once again softly bite him then suck. You make sure to spend your time here because you know this is one of Simon’s favorite thing during foreplay. Once he’s taken care of there, you continue to trail your lips down his abdomen, and now you’re finally at his center.

You get off his lap and sit on the floor in-between his spread legs. You place your hands right above his knees, and you look up at him with your swollen lips.

“You’re going to be good for me tonight, right?” You rub your thumbs in soft circles on his legs, waiting for his answer.

You see him gulp as he looks down at you, and then his lips quirk, in a smirk.

“What do you say?” Your hands stop their ministrations and you tilt your head, understanding what he wanted.

“Please.”

His smirk deepens, “Good girl.”

At his greenlight, you come up on your knees so that you can reach him better. Your trail the hem on his sweatpants one last time before you start pulling them down off his hips, making sure that his briefs come off too. He lifts his butt to help you, and now you’ve successfully taken his pants and underwear off.

You greedily take in the size of him. His dick is hard and slightly curved as it lays against his stomach. You wrap your hand around him, he’s so thick that your hand doesn’t close around it the whole way. You pump him slowly, as you look at him. His eyes are blown out and he leans his head back against the couch. You smile at him before you lower yourself. You link one strip up his dick, making him squirm underneath you. You then you bring up your hand to start pumping him. As your hand moves up and down, your lips come up to kiss the to crown of his dick.

You look up at him again, locking eyes and then wrap your lips around him. Once your lips make contact, he lets out a low moan. You continue to sink down on him. You move your head up and down, trying to adjust to his size. The part of his dick that you can’t fit into your mouth, you cover with your hand, pumping him up and down.

Your hair falls around you, and at this, Simon carefully takes your hair into one hand, putting it into a makeshift ponytail.

“Fuck, baby that feels so good.”

You continue to suck on him, hollowing out your cheeks. You know he’s close when you see his abs start to clench and his legs start to stiffen.

The moans he lets out has your getting wetter and wetter by the minute, and you squirm, trying to ease some of the pent-up tension you’re feeling.

Your unoccupied hand comes down to play with his balls, gently squeezing them and that is what does him in. He lets out a louder groan and you feel his warm come shoot down your throat.

You keep your mouth on him, cleaning him up before you slowly take yourself off him. You wipe your lips with the back of your hand and you sit back on your heels, smiling at him.

He runs a hand through his hair, and lets out a low chuckle.

“Damn, you really did a number on me there.” You laugh yourself and you come up to the couch, sitting beside him so you can turn his head to give him a lingering kiss.

You give him a few pecks, “What can I say, I’m good at what I do.” Your eyes are bright as you look at him, and his hold the same amount of affection and adoration.

His low voice cuts through you, “Now it’s my turn to make you feel good, alright?”

You give him a brief nod, “Please.”

He pulls you back into him, and then starts to push you back so you’re lying on the couch under him. He’s kissing you frantically now, his tongue entering your mouth.

“Take your pants off for me, would you?” His hands make their way to take your shirt off, and while he does that, you slip out of your shorts, underwear gone with them.

“Thank you, baby.”

He keeps kissing you as his hand comes down to your center. He first cups you, and then brings his pointer finger to rub against your clit. As his pointer is stimulating your clit, his middle and ring finger run along your slit, gathering up all the wetness that formed over the course of the last half hour.

You see him bring his coated fingers up to you. “Taste for me,” he breathes. And without any hesitation, you suck on his fingers, tasting yourself, making sure to look at Simon while you lick his fingers. He watches you with fire in his eyes.

“Good girl.”

You’ll never get tired of hearing him call you that.

He brings his hand back down to your pussy and then enters two fingers in you, stretching you out deliciously. You whine as his fingers enter you; they feel so good inside you.

Luckily for you, your boyfriend has quite large hands, which equated to long, thick fingers, and he always knew what to do with them.

He starts picking up the pace, and the squelching sound his fingers make is deafening, and the only thing you can focus on as they move in and out of you.

You didn’t even have to ask before he’s adding in a third. You feel yourself clench around him, and you’re already losing your mind and he hasn’t even properly fucked you yet.

He’s hitting you right in your sweet spot, and your hands come up to hold him by the shoulders. He moves down ever just a hair, and you’re not sure why until he lowers his head. He spits, and then connects his lips with your clit, moving his tongue around your sensitive bud.

The addition to his lips on your clit has you seeing stars and you start to feel that familiar build up. You tumble over the edge, a bright warmness spreading through you.

Simon removes his lips and fingers from you and you’re both panting heavily. He’s bracing himself with one arm as he looks down at you.

Your hair is messily strewn across the couch behind you, and your eyes are bright. Your chest moves up and down as you try and catch your breath. You smile up at him, this time your teeth showing.

He gives you a peck on your lips. “How was that?”

You sigh, “Amazing.”

Another kiss is pressed on your lips and you can faintly taste yourself on him.

“I want to properly fuck you, and that can’t be done on the couch. Bedroom, yeah?”

You nod up at Simon acquiescing to his suggestion.

“Alright, up you go then.”

He swiftly pulls you up and off the couch into his arms. You squeal at the sudden movement but it turns into giggles as Simon carries you bridal style to the bedroom.

“Wow, my night in shining armor.” You lazily loop your hands around his neck as he leads you both to the room. He just laughs at your statement.

Once there, he gently deposits you on the bed, and wastes no time picking up where you left off.

He crawls on top of you and starts to kiss you up your stomach and chest, finally reaching your mouth. His kiss leaves you burning, and your hands eagerly reach for him, pulling him down further into you.

You wrap your legs around his torso, and feel his dick brush up against your center, hard once again.

He pulls away to look at you, eyes connecting. “Do you need any more prep?” He brings a hand up to brush away some of the flyway hairs that covered your face. His hand lingers, cupping your head, and his thumb brushes your cheek in a soothing back and forth motion.

Smiling you answer, “No, I’m good.”

“Ok.”

Bracing himself above you, his hand trails down to grasp his dick. He gives it a few pumps before running it along your slits, and lightly taps it on your overly sensitive clit.

He then slowly guides it into you, the stretch much bigger than what his fingers could offer. You both let out a sigh as he fully sinks into you, eyes connecting at this very moment. Once he’s fully inside, he gives you some time to adjust, his hand moving to hold your hips, thumb moving in circles.

“You okay?” He asks, looking down at you. You look up at him, “Yeah, I’m good, you can start moving.”

At your consent for him to move, he does just that. He pulls his hips back before he pushes them back into you. He starts off with a steady pace, not too fast, not too slow. You’re surprised he’s not pounding into you relentlessly like he usually does. This time his thrusts are much more calculated, calm, like he’s got all the time in the world. The slower drag of him against your walls makes you roll your eyes back, reveling in the feeling of him.

It’s only him, that’s all you can think about, all you can feel. You let go of the heaviness you’ve been feeling to focus on being with him now. It’s not hard, he makes you feel like you’re floating anyways.

Your fingers run down his face, down his shoulders, taking in as much as you can of him. Then you run your hand down his tattooed arm, mapping the intricate details of his tattoos and running over the protruding veins due to him propping himself up. Simon watches you as you run your hand across him.

He gives you a particular harsher thrust, eyes trained on you when you moan and clutch his arm a harder. He picks up the pace just a little, loving the way you look beneath him, taking his cock so well.

“Fuck. Right there, baby,” you breathe. He hits that same spot again, but this time you move up the bed a little from the force of his hips. Your breasts jiggle as you shift up the bed and Simon’s eyes are travel to your chest. He brings his hand up to up one of them, rolling his thumb over your nipple. Simon keeps this faster rhythm with his hips, slamming into your now quivering pussy, showing you no mercy as he pounds into you with force.

His thrusts are powerful that leave the breath knocked out of you.

He removes his hand from your breast to wrap it around your leg. He positions your leg so it’s resting on his shoulder, now giving him a new angle into you. This position allows you to feel him move even deeper inside you, now feeling the tip of his dick hit your cervix, which makes you whine. His thrusts continue their hard motions, but his pace starts to slow down.

Simon’s hips start to falter a little bit in their smooth rhythm, a telltale sign he’s close. At his praising, you unconsciously clench around him, making him breathe out a silent curse as his hand tightens on your leg that is propped up on his shoulder.

“Si, I’m close,” you whine. You feel so full, so consumed by all things Simon, the only thing you can focus on is him and the building orgasm that threatens to spill over.

“Me too.” Simon removes his hand that’s been propping your leg up and moves it down to your clit, and starts to rub slow circles on the bud, making you squirm. You bring your leg down from his shoulder to wrap it around his torso once again pulling him closer to you. You drag your hands down and up his back as his thumb continues to abuse your clit. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

With a few more thrusts from Simon and the quick movements of his finger on your clit, you feel the coil in you snap, and it snaps hard. Your orgasm washes over you, a blinding white light that makes you feel like you’re going to pass out, and you call out his name one last time.

Your eyes squeeze shut and you see stars, as your pussy clamps down hard on Simon’s dick. He’s a moaning mess above you as he feels your orgasm that’s traveling through your body, your walls contracting around him.

He curses out a soft “fuck baby” and then he’s following just a hair behind you, traveling over his precipice as well, emptying inside of you. You feel his come paint your walls as your pussy continues to clench around him, as you ride out your second orgasm of the night.

He collapses on top of you but is careful not to crush you completely. You’re breathing heavy as you both come down from your highs, both sweaty messes.

He lifts his head to look at you. There’s a soft smile on his face and you smile back.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, bug.”

Your smile falters, “I never want you to leave me like that ever again. Got it?” Your voice is firm, but there’s an underlying trace of tenderness. Your hand comes up to push his hair back, waiting for his answer.

“Never.”

“Good.” You pull him back down to you for a kiss.

He slowly peels himself off of you and whispers out, “Wait here.”

You lay on your back, legs bent as you wait for Simon’s return. When you hear him entering the bedroom, you slightly sit up and you notice a washcloth in one of his hands.

He kneels back on the bed and gingerly pries your legs open so he can clean you up. He delicately starts wiping your center, his first few strokes making you writhe due to oversensitivity. His hand rests tenderly on your knee, thumb stroking back and forth as he wipes you clean. He must have run the washcloth under hot water because it’s wet and feels warm against your skin.

When he’s done, he pecks the inside of your knee and gets up off the bed to go throw the washcloth in the hamper. When he returns to you, he’s in his boxers, and he has a t-shirt in his hand.

“For you, my lady.�� You laugh at him and take his shirt, pulling the soft material over your body.

You both clamber under the covers, and are now wrapped up in Simon’s arms.

There’s no place you’d rather be right now, and you’re so thankful the universe allowed you another chance to be with him like this.

If he didn’t make his way back to you, you don’t even know what you would have done. Probably would have gone mental, but who could really blame you?

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peachdues · 1 year ago

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BETWEEN MAN & STAR — REUNION TEASER

Giyuu x Reader • Modern Reincarnation AU • NSFW

Ngl, after Netherwood, this fic has been rotting my brain the most.

Synopsis: almost one thousand years ago, when the Demon Slayers had been on the brink of extinction, Giyuu Tomioka made a desperate plea to save the woman he loved — the woman who’d held the knowledge of how to defeat demons before Muzan Kibutsuji tore her apart. The stars granted Giyuu’s wish, giving them ten chances — ten lives — to defeat Muzan once and for all. But that wish came at a cost: for Giyuu, and the other Hashira have been doomed to endless life, wandering the ages and waiting for Y/N to be reborn so that they might try again.

Nine hundred years later, nine lives have been wasted, and the Demon Slayer Corp is on its last chance. As demon activity begins to explode across Tokyo and Muzan Kibutsuji gets wind that Y/N is alive once more, Giyuu and the other Hashira must do everything in their power to help Y/N regain her memories — and unlock the key to defeating the demons once and for all.

READ THE PROLOGUE HERE.

tagging @homo-homini-lupus-est-1701 and @ghost-1-y because I’ve been in their DMs constantly over this fic and annoying tf out of them lol

CHRISTMAS EVE, 2018

The snow drifted down over the streets of Tokyo like filler in a snow globe.

Giyuu had always liked the snow — he liked the quiet it brought, the way it seemed to illuminate even the darkest corners with its soft glow.

Christmas Eve had come fast that year, though he probably shouldn’t have been surprised. With the uptick in demon activity, and the knowledge that the time drew nearer to bring her back into the equation, to begin training her, had made the days slide together and trickle by rather quickly.

The last time he’d laid eyes on her, she’d barely been a year old. It wasn’t that Giyuu didn’t want to see her — he did. But time and time again, his arrival in her life had spelled out her doom, and he’d been desperate to postpone her suffering for as long as they could afford it. But he knew, deep in his heart, that the time to let her live and exist peacefully was quickly coming to an end, and that he would have to become a stain on her life once more.

A mixture of anxious excitement tugged at his gut. What did she look like, in this final life? She’d always been beautiful — no matter how she looked in any of her past lives, Giyuu always thought she was the greatest beauty ever to Grace the era. He was sure this time would be no different.

More importantly, what would she think of him? She hadn’t been particularly fond of him in her last life — she’d had the same general attitude towards him as Muichiro: utter indifference.

Sanemi and Obanai had picked at him ruthlessly over it.

Giyuu frowned as he strolled along the crowded sidewalks of downtown Tokyo, hands jammed in his pockets as he stepped around pedestrians with arms full of shopping bags, hurrying home to be with loved ones.

He came upon the street just before his apartment building, ready to hunker down in his bed and spend the holiday alone, again, when he glanced up, and could not look away.

Across the street, a door to a small restaurant dinged open, and a group of friends spilled out onto the sidewalk, cheeks flushed and smiles warm from laughing as they talked animatedly with one another. The girl up front turned her head around to face the street, her eyes sweeping the pavement to ensure the group wasn’t about to barrel into any unsuspecting pedestrians, when she landed on him.

Giyuu’s breath lodged in his throat as his eyes blew wide.

Somehow, in a city with millions of people, she’d managed to find him, even if she did not know there was anyone to find.

And Giyuu, despite having not seen her face once in the twenty three years she’d spent in this era, he knew it was her the moment his eyes snagged upon her face.

Because one look at her, and suddenly it was 1121 and not 2018.

Nine life times had seen nine different faces of Y/N. She’d been different races, different body types, different everything, no two variations the same.

Except for this one. For Y/N looked exactly the same as she had, all those centuries ago.

She was training next to him, wielding that sharp pole sword of hers with precision and grace, an ancient warrior goddess given human form. Her eyes were bright; determined as she rotated through battle forms. She turned and smiled at him and it made him feel like he’d found a home.

Memories that had not plagued his psyche in centuries exploded across his conscience, playing like an old vignette.

She was in his arms, the night after they’d professed their love for one another and promised to marry, the flames of candlelight making her skin glow as she writhed under him, his name the only thing on her lips as they moved as one.

That face — so devastatingly beautiful, made Giyuu’s long-beating heart skip violently in his chest. He remained there on the sidewalk, frozen, unable to move or do anything more than stare at the visage of his one true love, as it looked briefly to him and smiled as strangers do, before looking away again.

There she was, under the sakura tree by the river where they’d lived, smiling and laughing as pink petals drifted down from above like flowered snow, sticking in her hair and tickling her face.

He hadn’t noticed the tear that slipped down his cheek until the bitter winter air iced it over, making the skin beneath it sting.

#demon slayer #giyuu tomioka #kimetsu no yaiba #kny x reader #kny #kny fanfic #kny giyuu #tomioka giyuu #giyuu x reader #giyuu x y/n #kny smut #demon slayer smut #kny fic #demon slayer fanfic

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helloheyhihowdyheya · 2 years ago

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Up in Flames

Druig x gn!Eternal!reader

Masterlist

Summary: Once again a team, you would do anything to keep them together.

Word count: ~2.2k

Warnings: Canon-level violence/injury. Reader has fire powers. A bit of angst, reader misses the team. Fluff!!

A/n: Not sure how alive the Druig fandom is lol, but he's been plaguing my mind since I watched Eternals again. It's my first time writing for him, so please let me know your thoughts! Thank you for reading <3

Unrelenting. The deviants continued in waves, the swells of their army growing as they passed over the grassy hill — the soil churned up under their talons.

At the bottom of the hill, past you, stood a village already half torn apart from the monsters. It awaited its fate against the gnawing fangs currently bared toward you and the other Eternals fighting to hold them back.

And as your power coursed through your veins and muscles, down into your marrow — searing fire erupting from your palms into a wall to keep the deviants contained — you thought of your team.

Your eyes had long been squeezed shut as you held the army back, the swirling flames rising high into the smoky air. The creases between your brows only fueled the pounding in your head, making images stark behind your eyelids. Images shimmering with the aching memories of the only family you’d known splitting apart — splintering like your mind under the weight of your straining power.

Most of your team had been apart for hundreds of years, separated by oceans and long-worn arguments that came to a bitter end. Few saw eye to eye when things became tense, and while you had tried to see each of them occasionally, the visits felt too short and all too quiet without the others. Like visiting your childhood home once you’ve moved out — you once belonged there, but the decorations felt different, the walls long bare of your voice.

And yet.

When you were called together once again, they’d come back to fight side by side, as if none of that lonely time had passed — or had left an ugly scar on your memories.

You knew that they’d probably go their separate ways again after it all finished, happier apart, but for now, you relished in it all. The whipping of wind around your body as Makkari ran past and the sound of Kingo’s sarcastic remarks as he shot lasers past you. Even as your arms began to shake, exhaustion settling into your limbs, you were glad to be by them once more.

Strengthen the left side. Put that extra nap you took to good use.

A hint of a smile graced your face as the lilting voice of your husband Druig filled your head. He fought somewhere out of view to your right as you sent more fire out left, keeping the wall of flames steady.

Each hit the deviants sent against it reverberated back into your body, chattering your teeth against each other. But the others were attacking from other sides, thinning out the army — all to give Phastos time to build something from nothing like he always did.

Thousands of years ago, your team handled the monsters with little effort, but there were so many concentrated here — and they weren’t going down as easily. So Phastos’ expert hands crafted an explosive so strong that it’d reduce them to nothing, but they had to stay contained in one area for it to work.

So you kept them back using the only way you knew how. After all this time with your abilities, you’d learned to welcome the heat breathing from your palms — to settle into the warmth it curled around your body.

The sweat, the exhaustion, the pure power rocking from you in waves matched your rapid heartbeat — it all meant that you were alive. But as the deviants beat against your flames with no pause or mercy, your knees shaking and bones aching, it felt like you were dying. Each breath felt too shallow, the strength of the monsters too strong.

You heard their growls aimed at you — could feel their anger against your fire. As you forced an eye open, blinking away drops of sweat, you couldn’t see any of your teammates for a moment, and your heart jolted.

A brief thought passed your mind, worrying whether they had abandoned you — had left you like discarded remnants of food to be feasted on by these monsters. But just as you’d slipped down onto one knee, your leg giving out, you saw Gilgamesh and Sprite fighting stray deviants back from the darkening corners of your vision.

As a groan ached to leave your mouth, you only hoped Phastos would finish soon enough.

But your flames began to flicker, leaving holes in the wall for the deviants to slip through. You caught a flash of light as Thena tried fighting some, but there were dozens all waiting for this exact moment. Even with the whole team together, the fight had begun to shift.

As they broke past the smoldering fire, you dropped to the ground, the dry grass biting into your palms. Ragged breaths ached through your lungs, scratching along the inside of you with each inhale. Your vision began to blur, your head spinning as you struggled to stand back up.

Even in this state, you saw a deviant stalking toward Phastos. Glancing around, you found everyone else occupied and overwhelmed — so you raised your shaky palm.

But your powers sputtered, spent from trying to hold so many back. Your throat, so painfully dry, cracked as you tried to scream to get his attention. Nothing came out but a whimper.

Still, you stumbled toward him with your body burning too hot, your steps much too slow to make it there in time. Your legs kept moving.

Come on, I know you’ve got more in you.

The voice came from inside your head, from your mind that begged you to rest. But it was Druig again. Each word sounded strained as he fought a deviant much too far away to get here in time.

He needs you. Just a little more, sweetheart. Then you can rest.

Please.

His last plea to you trickled through your brain, dripping down your spine and out to your fingers. You thought of Gilgamesh wrapping Thena in his arms the way he did, smiles etched onto their faces. You thought of Makkari’s gifts, all of them stolen relics she “found” along the way. You remembered the weddings, the dances, the births, and the funerals you attended of all the humans you’d come to love along your long lives.

And you quickened your steps as you felt the gentle caress of Druig’s fingers brushing along the apple of your cheek — as kind as the way he whispered into your mind.

Your power began to surge again, your feet pushing your body forward to help your team. But as you commanded pure fire to burn from your hands, the deviant lunged at Phastos.

The world shifted, your steps stuttering, as you watched its long teeth sink into Phastos’ body.

Only a weak grunt left his lips as blood began to pool along his shoulder. Watching his face twist, you sprinted to him with panic closing around your throat. The unforgiving exhaustion and screaming in your mind fell away, leaving just an ache in your chest as hollow as Phastsos’ ragged breaths.

He pushed the deviant away, falling to his knees from the monster’s bloody maw. His red-stained fingers continued working on the explosive device, even as Makkari guided him away from the fight.

In that instant, with painful fire burning beneath your skin, you knew you’d be no help to healing Phastos. Your vision instead tunneled onto the deviant responsible.

White-hot rage clouded your senses as you leapt onto it, grabbing its head with a furious grip. Fire pulsed through your body, its power searing new images behind your eyelids.

The monster roared beneath you as you saw Druig leaving the group all those years ago, the pain of his helplessness worn on his sleeve. The broken look on Thena’s face flashed as bright as the fire exploding from you. An image of you, sat alone in your home, alone, while Druig was away — your family nowhere near.

And you wouldn’t let that happen again, not because of these monsters.

Your teeth clenched so hard against each other you thought they might shatter. On the edges of your awareness, you felt your knees hit scorched earth.

Even though it was gone, burnt beneath your body, you stood up again while more deviants came at you. Without thinking, your hand raised to them, unrelenting as you created another wall to protect your team. It didn’t just keep them back, it burned them into nothingness. Even with shaking arms, you refused to give them an inch.

You thought hearing Phastos completing the device would be a sigh of relief — a soft voice telling you that you’d done enough. But as a wave of air pushed past you, the rush of Makkari speeding to the center of the deviants, you found no solace.

Even when the explosion flashed bright and shook the ground seconds later, sending you back down to your hands and knees, your rage refused to die out.

You shielded your eyes, finding many of the deviants evaporated into dust. But the few that were far enough away from the explosion continued their fight. Their dark eyes and unforgiving claws just reminded you of how many they’d hurt

Their agonized screams only made your mind want to keep going.

Stop. We’ve got the rest. You need to stop.

You didn’t. Couldn’t. Wouldn’t? Who knew. You could only see the reds and oranges dance around one another, seeking revenge where it was needed.

The power pulled and pulled at you, draining from your veins until it threatened to smother you forever.

You were going to burn out, reduce yourself to cinders amongst clouds of smoke.

Druig’s begging voice continued to echo through your mind, but you couldn’t focus on any specific word. It all mushed together, smoldering along with the rest of the world.

You wanted them to pay, but it was hurting you. Tears ran down your dry cheeks, searing a trail through the ashes caked onto your skin.

“Please,” you whispered from cracked lips. Your body swayed as you asked Druig to fill your mind with hope. You needed him to stop you.

The flames continued to spill from your body until you felt a trickle at the back of your brain. The floating sensation bled forward and pulled you away from the cliff your mind was about to fall over.

Your hands dropped to the ground once more, fingers clawing into the rubble to keep you steady. You hadn’t realized the ringing in your ears until it faded, letting in the sounds of your teammates fighting off the last deviants.

Phastos is okay. You protected him. We’re okay.

You trusted Druig with your life, and his with you. So you knew he took no offense as you turned over to see it yourself, see Phastos with your own eyes. He sat with his back against one of the village’s buildings, giving you a thumbs up and tired smile.

You returned it, the edges of your mouth lifting just enough. As you crawled from the circle of burnt ground around you, your heart slowed. They were all still here.

From behind, you felt your husband’s presence, caught his deep exhale as he sat among the grass.

His hands wrapped around your body, moving you to rest your back against your chest. “Rest, my love,” he murmured along the curve of your ear, smoothing his palm down your leg. And you did, sitting with your legs bent and feet planted as you relished in the weight of him encircling you.

Your throat felt too parched, so you whispered in your mind, I was so angry. I thought he was gone for a moment.

Druig leaned his head against yours, his thumb rubbing along your skin. “Aw, no way he’d go down that easily. He knows you’d kill him if he died on ya.”

His chuckle reverberated against you, drawing out your own laughter. An easy smile made its way onto your face, turning brighter as a wafting breeze washed over you.

The rest of the team made their way toward the village, each holding varying injuries from the fight. Gilgamesh patted a heavy hand onto your knee as he passed, his other hand encircling Thena’s arm. You watched as Sprite and Kingo joined them too, the latter making a fuss about how his suit didn’t match his complexion well enough.

The short beat of silence after they walked away felt painfully familiar. It made your heart heavy knowing their presence wouldn’t last.

“They love you, you know,” Druig said, knowing exactly where your thoughts went without having to read them. Turning your head to look at him, you admired the way sunlight carded its fingers through his hair and kissed freckled spots on his irises.

You nodded, giving his arm a squeeze in thanks. He pressed his forehead against yours, eyes fixated on you.

“And I love you, but please don’t ever pull a stunt like that again. Scared me half to death,” he breathed against your skin with a grin, lightly pinching your side to make his point.

It brought out a squeal from your lungs, your jaw dropping. “Are you sure you love me?” you laughed, shaking your head. “Because someone who loves me wouldn’t do that.”

You jokingly tried pinching him back, but he caught your hand, bringing it to his smiling mouth. With a gentleness that made you pause, he kissed your palm.

I love you more than anything… more than life itself.

His words caressed along your mind, filling your body with a warmth that didn’t pull at you or demand energy — it just settled deep into your ribs, breathing life into you. The comforting presence of his voice pulled you in, telling you that even when the team eventually left, your home would always be with you.

I love you too, Druig.

#druig #druig x reader #druig eternals #the eternals #druig x you #barry keoghan #druig fluff

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kueble · 2 years ago

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Blossoms

This was written for the @witcher-bows-and-arrows prompt: Romantic. It’s very silly and lighthearted, so I hope you enjoy it.

Explicit. Warnings: None. 3,100 words.

Geralt/Jaskier

---

Jaskier is at his wit’s end.

How can one man - one who has been alive over a hundred years - be so gods-damned stupid? Jaskier has tried everything he can think of to woo him: providing romantic candlelit dinners, serenading him beneath the full moon, gifting armfuls of trinkets. Hell, he even rubbed chamomile oil onto his bare ass! Either Geralt is the most idiotic witcher to ever live, or he is being purposefully dense.

Jaskier decides to go back to the basics, to keep things simple. Geralt is off hunting for their dinner, so he is left alone with Roach to set up the campsite. He makes quick work of it, cutting corners here and there, and then backtracks to the field of wildflowers they walked past earlier. The sun hasn’t set yet, and the field looks gorgeous all lit up in the late afternoon sun.

He’s pretty sure artists refer to this as the golden hour, which is fitting since he’s here to gather a bouquet for his golden-eyed love. He twists the phrase around in his mind, trying to piece together a song, but nothing sounds quite right. There’s a melody behind it, though, so he ends up humming to himself while he gathers the prettiest blossoms he can find.

There was going to be a theme - reds and pinks for love - but all the different flowers look so stunning swaying with the gentle breeze that he ends up with an armful of a little bit of everything. Rather than put the bouquet together here, he makes his way back to camp. It’s a pleasant walk, especially with the fragrant blooms held against his chest.

Only a complete fool would ignore such a lovely gesture.

Geralt isn’t back yet, so he gently sets down his plunder next to his bedroll. He drags his pack over, digging through it for the rest of what he needs. It takes him a moment to find the scrap of twine he saved for this purpose, but he emerges with a triumphant shout. Roach snorts at him, so he just blows her a kiss and gets to work.

The sun starts setting as Jaskier slowly pieces together the bouquet, making sure the best flowers are showcased in the front. He ends up starting over a few times when one color clumps together, but it just makes him more determined to get this perfect. His tongue sticks out between his lips as he bends over his lap and painstakingly creates a masterpiece.

Once the twine is wrapped around the bunch of flowers, he holds it in one hand and twirls it slowly to see if it is as beautiful as he hoped. Turns out it’s even more gorgeous than planned, so he dips his head down with a grin to inhale the sweet scent of the colorful blossoms. He hears Geralt stomping back towards the campsite, so he jumps to his feet and holds the gift in front of him.

“Welcome back!” he chirps as Geralt tosses a couple of pheasants down at his feet. He grimaces and steps over them so he can stand in front of Geralt.

“What’s this?” Geralt asks, tilting his head in that adorable way he always does when humanity confuses him. Jaskier ignores the way his chest tightens at the look and presents the flowers with a dramatic little bow.

“I picked these for you, my dear. I thought a man such as yourself might appreciate the simple beauty in everyday things, since you are in fact beautiful each and every day,” Jaskier says, holding out the bouquet for Geralt to take. There’s a beat of silence and then Geralt grunts and accepts the gift.

This is it! He’s going to realize that Jaskier’s heart beats for him and him alone. Surely he’ll swoon and admit his own feelings. Jaskier looks up at him with the most earnest look he can manage only to see Geralt frowning at the gift.

“This is very helpful, but it would have been easier to sort them for potions if you had grouped them by flower,” Geralt mumbles before reaching out to pat Jaskier on the head. He straightens up, ready to shout at how absurd this all is, but Geralt is already halfway across the campsite, the lovely bundle of flowers tucked under his armpit.

Jaskier has no idea how he fell in love with such an uncaring brute of a man.

His heart hardens as he watches Geralt pluck a fat blossom from the bouquet and feed it to Roach. Clearly the feeling in his gut isn’t love but simply indigestion. With a huff, he bends down to start dressing the birds for dinner. There’s a handful of herbs in his pack that will liven things up, even if his romantic prospects are slowly dying. How is he supposed to win Geralt over if he can’t get the message through that thick skull of his?

But the night ends up as brilliant as any other. They chat while their dinner roasts, and Geralt even tells him he enjoys the new melody he’s been humming all night. They sit side by side in front of the fire, sharing stories and pheasant alike, and Jaskier knows that if this is all he manages to get from Geralt, he’ll still be a happy man right down to the end of his days.

There is a chill in the air, a promise of Summer’s end, and they lay their beds together and seek out each other’s warmth. Jaskier falls asleep with Geralt’s slow breaths tickling the nape of his neck, his head full of new plans to confess his feelings.

—

“Going to ask a few questions about my contract, since everyone should be loose-lipped at this time of night, especially after your raunchy performance. I’ll be quick about it,” Geralt says, pulling Jaskier out of his bedtime routine.

“Now?” he asks a bit stupidly, because he has plans that very much involve Geralt.

“Yes, as I just explained,” Geralt says, rolling his eyes as he leaves.

Jaskier watches the door shut behind him and then throws himself back on the bed, sighing with all the dramatics of one of the maidens in his ballads. How is he supposed to casually seduce Geralt if he leaves the room. Since outright declarations of love don’t seem to be working, he figures maybe if they fuck first, he can sort it all out later. Besides, he’s been lonely ever since he realized how gone he is over the man. Brothels and adoring fans quickly lost their shine in comparison to his heart’s desire.

He realizes he’s flopping around the bed like a fish on dry land, and he sits up to glare at the empty room. Instead, he catches sight of the bouquet Geralt had so rudely shoved into his saddlebag earlier. Suddenly, he’s struck with the most brilliant idea he’s ever had, and that’s saying a lot.

Why bother being subtle when his love is ridiculously thick both in body and mind?

Jaskier strides across the room and snatches up the flowers, quickly untying the twine and tossing them in a pile at the foot of the bed. There don’t seem to be quite as many as he hoped, but he can still pull this off. Maybe he just needs to shorten his message a little? Oh! And he can use the stems as well, not just the petals.

There’s a flurry of activity as he yanks the blossoms from their stems and starts spelling out his message. He has to start over twice, not sure it’s concise enough. There can’t be any doubt to what he’s after, especially since Geralt has ignored even his most romantic of gestures. Once he’s done, he stands back and looks at the message spelled out in stems and petals.

“Jaskier, you genius,” he mutters to himself before looking down at his attire. He was halfway undressed before Geralt left, and his original thought was to put on the chemise he sleeps, but this looks much better. These trousers highlight his strong thighs, and the bow above his ass makes him look like a present ready to be unwrapped.

He’s debating the best place to seductively drape himself when the door opens again. With a squeak, he ends up perched on the edge of the bed. He braces himself with one leg out and an arm behind him and tries to appear as casually sexy as possible. Geralt shoots him a confused look before slowly stepping close enough to look at the message on the bed.

“Please fuck me?” Geralt reads aloud, flushing as he turns to face Jaskier. “Expecting someone else?”

“Oh for Melitele’s sake!” Jaskier cries out, throwing up his hands. “No! It’s for you, you idiot! You’ve ignored every single grand gesture I’ve so lovingly set at your feet, so I figured being direct might work better.”

“I…what?”

“The romantic dinners! Singing you love songs written about you! I swear I’ve read you all of the classic love poems, even the most sordid ones! And you…you sit here telling me you have no idea I’m trying to confess my undying love to you?” Jaskier rushes out, sagging back against the bed with a pout.

“You…you did all that? For me?” Geralt asks, stepping closer with his palms held up as if Jaskier is some kind of startled mare.

“I, yeah, I did,” Jaskier snorts out. He runs a hand through his hair, surely looking deranged at this point. “How did you not catch on?”

“Don’t be upset, but I tend to just…zone out when you start talking in prose?” Geralt admits, moving even closer. He kneels in front of Jaskier and smiles up at him. “Not in an offensive way, but…I don’t have a head for anything poetic. So whenever you start rambling about anything soft and sweet, I just tune out the words and focus on the sound of your voice instead? It’s very melodic. Calming. I like it.”

“Oh,” Jaskier says, not quite sure what to say. He thought Geralt had been ignoring him, and he was, but it was kind of sweet.

“I will, of course, break the habit now that I am aware of the stress I’ve caused you,” Geralt tells him before nodding at the floral message on the bedspread. “So…it seems that you care for me?”

“Geralt, you fucking idiot,” Jaskier murmurs before reaching down and yanking him into the bed. “I am so unbelievably in love with you. Apparently you’ve ignored several much prettier confessions, but hopefully that’s enough for you?”

“More than enough. If you’ll still have me?” Geralt asks softly, as if Jaskier didn’t just promise to love him to the end of his days.

“Never letting you go,” Jaskier whispers against his mouth before claiming it in a kiss.

He means to be gentle, but years of sexual tension explode around them, and he nips at Geralt’s bottom lip before licking across the seam of his lips, begging for entrance. Geralt groans into the kiss, chapped lips parting so beautifully for him, and Jaskier growls in response. He cups Geralt’s face in both hands and presses his tongue on one of his fangs, moaning at the sharp sting of it.

Geralt whines deep in his chest, and it’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard. It set fire to him, his body buzzing and skin burning everywhere they touch. Jaskier grabs a handful of Geralt’s ass and grinds up against him, and it’s almost overwhelming, even through layers of fabric. But he needs more, needs to feel Geralt’s pale skin, and he shoves his hands down the back of his trousers, searching for more.

“Fuck,” Geralt grunts out as he breaks the kiss to sit back on his heels and frantically tug at the bow at the small of Jaskier’s back. He lifts his hips to help, whimpering as the cold air hits his hard cock. Geralt doesn’t bother taking them all the way off, just shoves them down to Jaskier’s knees before undoing his own laces to free his prick.

Jaskier can’t help touching, using one hand to drag him into another kiss while the other wraps around Geralt’s hard length. It’s hot and heavy in his hand, and Jaskier pumps it a few times before rubbing his thumb over his slit. Pre-come leaks out, and he uses it to ease the slide as he strokes him rougher.

“Jask, wait,” Geralt chokes out, and he immediately stops and pulls his hand back.

“Second thoughts, love?” he asks, heart racing in his chest. Please don’t take this from him before it even starts.

“No, just, uh,” Geralt flushes and looks over his shoulder at the petals and stems now scattered around the bed. “Your message. Do you want me to find some oil?”

“Next time,” Jaskier says with a grin. “Right now I just need to touch you. This is perfect.” He emphasizes his words by cupping Geralt’s balls in his hand, which seems to set something loose in him.

One second he’s in control and the next he’s being pushed into the mattress as Geralt braces his hands on either side of his head and starts to roll his hips. Jaskier runs his hands down Geralt’s sides, his nails leaving satisfying red streaks as he bucks up into Geralt. They’re both leaking now, the wet mess helping as their cocks slide together.

It’s intense and sticky and absolutely fucking phenomenal.

Geralt dips down to kiss him harshly, more fangs and tongue than anything. Jaskier leans into it, chasing his tongue past his lips and trying to maintain finesse even as his world is exploding in sensations. He fails spectacularly and ends up nipping at Geralt as they pant into each other's mouths. The steady grind is quickly pushing him towards release, and it’s all he can do to grip Geralt’s narrow waist and ride it out.

Jaskier turns his head to offer up his neck, and Geralt takes the hint. He nips at the base of Jaskier’s neck before sucking gently, sure to leave a mark. The hint of fang pressing against his sensitive skin is enough to have Jaskier teetering on the edge. Then Geralt grazes his teeth over that perfect spot just below his ear, and Jaskier feels his balls pull tight.

He comes with a shout of Geralt’s name, clinging to him as he spills between their stomachs. Geralt keeps thrusting, grinding down into him even as Jaskier is coating them both with hot splashes of his seed. His whole body feels electric, his limbs shaking as he rides the high. Geralt doesn’t stop, just keeps rocking against him until he whines at how overwhelming it feels.

“Can I?” Geralt asks, kneeling up and wrapping a hand around himself. Jaskier nods, suddenly wanting nothing more than to watch Geralt come all over him. He reaches out and takes hold of Geralt's thigh, stroking his soft skin while he watches him.

He starts fucking his own fist, hips wild as he stares down at Jaskier with wild eyes. They’re almost completely black - like he’s full of potions - and Jaskier shivers as another wave of lust washes over him. His cock gives a half-hearted twitch, but he’s spent for the night. This is the best orgasm he’s had in ages, and he feels completely wrecked.

“Come on, Geralt. Want to see you come for me,” he moans, running a hand down his stomach to play with the mess pooling there. He trails his fingers through his own come and brings two up to his mouth, wetting his lips before sucking them clean.

“Fuck, Jask,” Geralt hisses out before tensing up. He spills over his own hand, hot bursts of come coating Jaskier’s already filthy stomach. He revels in it, arching his hips as Geralt continues to come. He looks gorgeous, eyes wide and lips parted as he thrusts into his own fist. It seems like he comes for ages before finally collapsing on top of Jaskier.

They’re fucking covered in come, and Jaskier couldn’t be happier.

Geralt not so gracefully slides off of him, and Jaskier rolls with him, not willing to let go just yet. They lay on their sides, just grinning at each other, and Jaskier can hardly believe this is real. It seems like he’d fallen in love years ago, and it’s so surreal to see Geralt looking back at him with affection in his eyes.

But then Geralt starts to move, and Jaskier whimpers, tangling his legs around him. Geralt snorts and gestures at the growing mess between them, but Jaskier won’t have it. It’s all too fresh, and he doesn’t want Geralt out of his arms right now.

“Leave it, just cuddle me,” Jaskier whines, pouting at him. Geralt rolls his eyes and breaks free of his hold, ignoring his poor lonely heart. He chuckles as he hops out of the bed and walks over to the basin of water on the table.

“Oh don’t give me those big doe eyes of yours. You’re completely out of your mind if you think I’m going to deal with you bitching about being sticky come morning. Besides, this just gives us a reason to dirty ourselves up again, right?” Geralt suggests as he wets down a cloth and comes back to the bed. Jaskier expects him to hand it over, but instead he gently wipes Jaskier clean before taking care of himself. He could get used to this sweeter side of his witcher.

“I should be offended by that, but I’ll forgive you since you’ve finally fallen for my many charms,” Jaskier tells him with a giggle. That earns him another eye roll, but Geralt is grinning as he slides back into bed.

“Fallen despite them,” Geralt teases, easily dodging the elbow Jaskier throws his way. He grows somber, though, looking serious before adding a soft, “I do, you know. Love you.”

“I know dear. I can feel it in the way you touch me,” Jaskier murmurs before taking his hand and lacing their fingers together. He brings their clasped hands to his lips and presses a lingering kiss to the back of Geralt’s hand. “Just don’t forget to say it out loud every so often, because the words sound amazing in your voice.”

“I’ll tell you as often as I can,” Geralt tells him, and it sounds like an oath. Jaskier lets go of his hand but tucks himself close before pulling the blanket over them. He falls asleep with the slow beat of Geralt’s heart beneath his cheek.

---

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#my fic #geraskier #geralt #jaskier #geralt x jaskier #the witcher #witcher bows and arrows #witcher valentines #bows and arrows 2

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