#▌ [ Shingeki no Kyojin ] now that they had nothing to lose; they were FREE

[n0irrrr]

e m p t y / 14

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place – trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? masterlist

chapter fourteen

seek

“Nothing is going to work, XXXXXXX.”

”Don’t speak so negatively— this kid is our future.”

”Our future? XXXXXX, we have no future! Yeah, he controls it, then what? Can we return from the death? Of course fucking not!”

”I believe in him. He will be one of the people who free us all— you heard him, didn’t you? This kid is strong.”

”Is that what you call strong? The brat can barely handle a headache, and that’s where he cries like a goddamn baby. This kid is not going to be a hero, nor a savior. This world is condemned to fail like in the beginning.”

”He wouldn’t suffer much if you weren’t so intrusive onto him,” they sigh, “the XXXX may have kill us all, but our destiny made us stay together— we have to protect this child.”

“How the fuck can we protect if we’re not there, and this kid doesn’t bear a damn headache?”

”He won’t try to remember— he knows the pain well.”

”That’s right, XXXXXXX. W——, stop being like this— [Name] will get a concussion or get ill like before. The child has had enough already.”

”As if I care. It’s not as if I have faith in the first place,” he sighs, “we should have stayed hidden... the X?#! was a son of a bitch for doing what he did. Why the fuck did we returned?”

”We can’t let the past repeat again— this world doesn’t deserve that.”

”Humanity deserves it.”

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"—me]! Enough sleep!"

"Hmn...?" He opens his eyes slowly, recognizing Jean with an annoyed expression— [name] noticed he was already ready for training, "how tiring..."

"If you don't wake up now you will in three hours— so get dressed already,” he helps [Name] sit, getting his messy hair out of his face and talking to him to not fall asleep again. Marco was near to learn about how to wake up [Name] properly, as he was his partner. He didn't say it out loud, but [Name]'s sleepy and messy hair was a pretty cute and funny look.

The thought made him blush, looking at the side in shyness, "What I'm thinking?!" He smiled sheepishly, rubbing the side of his neck.

Successfully making [Name] getting off the bed, he stretches like a cat. Looks like Jean has already placed his uniform on the bed to not make it more difficult to him. "Thank you, Jean."

His friend sighs, gritting his teeth. Irritated by such careless attitude, Jean ordered him, "just dress already, okay?"

"Aaaah? Jean looks like a mom! HAHAHA!" Connie jokes, laughing with everyone else. This makes Jean's blush worse, not liking the spotlight one a bit.

This is what I was trying to avoid!!! DAMMIT!

"S-SHUT UP!"

“You are talking too loudly,“ [name] rubbed his eye, frowning. They were so loud in the mornings— he couldn’t wait for their day off to sleep as much as he wanted.

“That will be necessary to make you stay awake, don’t you think?" Marco chuckled sweetly, helping [name] to button his shirt. “[name] does look as cute as a kitten, but he is strong, or even stronger than Annie... For some reason, I feel... safe,” he thinks with a tint of scarlet on his face, finishing his actions. It was true— [Name] wasn’t an idiot, much less clueless. Marco believed his friend stood his ground with whoever, and if [name] noticed the true dark intentions of others, they would pay a big prize for it. He had to be just waken up from that slumber in which the freckled boy wouldn't leave him alone.

“That's annoying,” he yawns, "I can't wait to sleep in the woods again..."

“The woods? Wouldn't that be dangerous? You don't know how many wolves can be there! Or even bears!!"

"Bears are cute," [name] blinked, "I wouldn't mind."

"Don't say that!!! They are dangerous!"

"But cute," he chuckled, "do you think Reiner would win a fight with a bear? Bertolt is huge, but I think Reiner would win."

Marco blinked a few times as he processed the sudden question. Laughing, the freckled boy imagined such scene. "What was that question for?"

"Dunno— just thought about it," he stands up, seeing Marco finished buttoning his shirt. "What are we doing today?"

"Oh—! We are doing a training in the woods! I think it's a survival thing— so maybe we would be there for two days," he smiled, "isn't that exciting?"

"The woods?" [name] grinned.

"You won't find a bear, [name]!"

"If I'm lucky maybe I would be paired with Reiner..." he mutters, tapping his lower lip with his finger.

The freckled boy sighed, amused by such interesting person. [Name] could be incredible when he wanted— he sure said silly things, but when the situation was needed he was responsible and took things in a serious manner. Analyzing him was interesting and funny— it was as if Marco was watching a deer from a hide place, observing and taking notes. [Name] was sure different, but Marco couldn't pin point what was the thing that made him who he was— his unusual eyes? the mark he had on his shoulder? the stuff he said? his motivations? He couldn't describe it, but it was pleasant to spent time with him.

"—co. Marcooooo..." [name]'s voice filled his ears. He didn't even notice him losing himself in his thoughts, "what were you thinking about? Are you sleepy?"

Marco gently laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Sorry— I was just thinking," he looks at [name], "we should go for breakfast— there's still time, so let's go!"

[name] blinked, tilting his head. It wasn't often Marco got lost in his thoughts, "...okay," looking at Jean, who was still fighting with Connie, [name] spoke out of him, "we are going to breakfast, Jeanbo!" and with that, [name] took Marco's hand to leave with a grin on his face. He didn't want to stay and hear Jean's yells at him— he could hear Connie's laughter as he repeated the nickname. Jean is going to be angry at me... Oh well.

Marco just laughed, amused. He really never wanted training days to end.

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As breakfast finished, Marco left first to get ready with Jean— the both of them were eager for today's training. [Name] took his time to finish, leaving the barrack to find the others. Unfortunately, some other thing made him remember how unlucky he could be.

He bumped into someone else, making the poor victim fall on the ground. 

"I'm sorry— I didn't see you," [Name] spoke with worry, offering his hand to the other to take— it was a petite blonde girl. The boy blinked, tilting his head as he saw the resemblance of a pretty doll. Hmn... I know her. What's her name...?

But when their hands touched, an electrifying sensation passed trough arm to his eyes, making them freeze in the spot. It seemed the girl felt it too, because her friend quickly hushed [Name]'s hand from her, making them wake up from the strange daze.

P̷̟͑r̸̨̢̛͙͕͈̲̻͓͔͍̣̮͋̍͒̃̈́͜x̴̧̘̯̹̦͙̭̜͉͔̙͍̫͆͑̉#̴̨̢͉̲̥̞̤̣̦͕̹̙͌̾̅̏́͂͋̅ë̶̙̭͔̞̥͌̇̇̄͝x̷̮̺͍̗͍͖̟͙͛͜ͅx̶͙̭͗̂͛̌͝ ̵̢͚͍̙̪̜̙̜̣̭̮̦̠̅̑̅͋̈͌̈́̄ͅẍ̶̧̨̢̮͉̻̮͍̳͔͚̺̖̝̮́̂̄̋͌͆̏̆!̶̪͉̞̲͍͙̟̮͈̫̗͖̔̀̕#̴̱̠̄̑̂̈̍̈́́ ̷̨̡̢̧̥̜̼̪̐͌̂͊͊̐͌͘K̶̞̤͚̗̳̈́̏͗̚͠į̶̍̐̽͐̐ņ̶̝͕̮̺͓̄̋̊͜͝g̶͈̗̹̑͋͠ ̴̢̱̹̳̹̠̱̖̪͆̓̀̎̓̕f̵̳̤̮̒̇͂x̸̧̗̦͓̱̖͙̞̩̤̤̠̦̜͆̃̅͗̑̂̕x̶̧̤̖͈̥̰͎͇̻̙̰͇͇̠̉̂́̓̍͊͂͘͜͝x̵͈̲͖͕̺̘͎̤̠̳̪̋͌̃͑̉̈͌̃̍̚͝ ̵̛̪̝͔̖̖͓̠͖̖͕͒̎̏̐̽̀M̴̘͕̲̥̯̍̈́͗̒̃̑x̷̟̳̄̔#̴͔̣̺̭̯̪̒̄͌͋̔̃͐̓̍̃̊̽̚͝%̴̧̧̣͔̻͎̳̉̎͐̃̍͐͊̈̽͗̉͘̕͠͝x̸̛̦̬̦͇͙̲̙̻̙̜̊̈́͛̋͆̂̓͜͠ỵ̸̡̣̖̟͈͂͋̏̈́̑̓̈́̚!̷̢͉̰̯̳̺̪̟̪͓̰͚̖͖́͠

  "What the hell are you two doing? You look like weirdos," she narrows his eyes to both of them, curious about such strange interaction, "is this a secret code to make me not know what you are talking about, Christa?"

"Of course not! We just..." She sees [Name], who has the same unnerved aura she has. What was that? “We had an electric shock!” she chuckles awkwardly, trying to light the mood. 

It was strange, yet familiar. He had felt the same thing when he met Reiner back in the refugee— he had small electric shocks with other people before, but these two interactions felt much different. Nevertheless, [Name] doesn't think much of it and looks at the two girls who are staring at him intently. Blinking, the boy scratches his neck a little bit, feeling unnerved by the stare of the brunette girl. It looked like she was observing— it was an intense stare. [name] wanted to leave.

"Sorry, again," he speaks in a gentle tone, dusting the girl's clothes for her. Not liking him touching her one a bit, the tall girl slapped his hands off of her, surprising the boy by such rejection and force.

"Hey! Hands off of my Christa!" She spoke loudly, tightly hugging the blonde girl.

[name] frowns. ”Yours...?”

"Ymir! He's just helping out, let him be!" she spoke with a pout, turning to [Name], "don't mind her, she's always this dumb,"

"You break my nonexistent heart, my love,"

Ymir... What... a peculiar name was that... Ymir, Ymir, Ymir... Ymir?

  W̸̗̼̖̯̲̠͙̐ė̴̪̜̥̔͐̂̔̂̅͒̒͑̍͘͠͠ ̸̣̥͒͌̀͌͋f̵̣̫̥̼̠̟̪̏͒͆̃̏͒̈́̋͒͠͠ì̵̠̥̺̹̦̈́̅̊̽͒̐͝ͅġ̷̢̲̥̤̱̦̳͎̭͉͓̠̖͛̒͛̄͝ĥ̵̺̻͓̻̼̳̟̫͆̃̂͐̿̊̔͗̉͌̅̂̚͝t̵̢̞͚̥͎̭̗͍̖̂̿̆̉̆͛̕̚̚ ̴͉̣͕͍͇̎̑̋̓̽͆̋̾̓̈́͠f̴̺͎̦̖͕̪̳̹̅̒̒͌͆̆͗͑̊̂͋̽͒ǫ̶̲̰̣̣̤̩̈́͜͜͝ŗ̸̳̀ ̷̨̢͚̮̯͎̫̹̞͓͕̝̠̬̻̀̿̏̊ǭ̸̨̼͚͈͕̯̲̭̄͜͝ͅu̷̢͉̟̮̝̖͎̗̙͌̓̕͜͠ͅṟ̸̳̥̟̹̦̲̺͖̲̺͂̐͛͒̂̈̅̓̕͝ ̷̢̡͈̯̗͙̄̓̄̂̈́͘͜͝ͅğ̵͎͔̝͇̥̰̭͕̘o̷̡̳͌̍̓̓̅̍̆̆ḑ̶̹̬̯̿̆̐d̸̼̞̩̝̪̱͔̥̪̩̈ȩ̴̢̝̖̺̫̦̠̪̫̅̈́̅̀́͋͋͜͠͝s̶̲̜͕̓͌̕͝͝͠s̶̛̟̰͉͍͇̰̰̖͎̹̣̮̗̩͋̀̓͆͂̈̕ ̸̢̭̯̳̜̣̯͓̘̣͛̈̀̈́̑Ỹ̶͚͉̀͜m̶̡͖̜̤̻͉̟͂̉͐̈́̎̄̎̚͘ǐ̷͇͉̯̣̉̔r̷̢̧̛͇̬͖̫̝̤̞̦̲̥̱̃͊̒̎͝—̸̗̲̞̺͇̥̬̝̼̩̻̓͌̈̓̓̎͝͠͠ͅ ̵̮͖͈͕̹̈́O̴̟̜̳̰̹͕̕͘ų̴̛̣̘̘͇͆͆͌̐̌͗̃͊̏̔͋͠ȑ̷̡̳̺ ̷̈́̏̔̂͒̕��̻͗͋̓c̵͚̮̠͍̹̠̲͙̞̱̬̞͜͝r̵̨͈̗̰̞̳̤̰̦͇͎̥̱̮̦͒̅̄͑̕e̷̡͖̲͓̺̳̺̪͚̼͋̌̈́̃͒̏͒͒̐̀͑̎̆͜a̵̛̤̙͚̹̞͇̩̤͚̞ţ̸̛͔̤͖̺̖͇̀̀̇̐͊͑͒̎̎͒̕͜͝o̷̢͓̤̠̓̈̈͆̽̆̓͊͑͘r̸̢̼̈̎̐̒̋̊.̴͇͔̻͕̖̤̥͙̩̟͈̹͙̾ͅ

      There was an inexplicable feeling— he didn't want to leave them. No— not them, but her. The feeling told him to stand by the blonde’s side and protect her for any threat, even if they were in a safe place. [Name] didn’t understand— what threat would he protect her for? Why would he? Frowning, [Name] decided to just ignore these thoughts, not pleased by another weird thing happening to him once more.

”See you around, I guess?” He tilted his head, feeling the urge to leave already. He didn’t like this feeling— something inside his chest revolted, as if it wanted to be freed. Something whispered over his ear, a bodiless voice with no gender nor soul— something and not someone.

”Oh, okay! See you around!” The petite girl gave him a beautiful smile, and if [Name] could guess, it looked like one of his mother’s. The brunette frowned at him, narrowing her eyes and staring over her nose. Seemed she was observing whatever he was trying to hide— [Name] just wanted to flee, and that’s exactly what he did.

Already leaving, he clenched his shirt, frowning. His unnerving feeling didn’t go away— his chest felt like burning, the tip of his fingers shaking; almost feeling as if needles pinch trough his skin. What was that feeling? If [name] could describe it, he didn't feel himself. Or to be more precise, his thoughts and mind didn't feel his'. It was strange— he felt as if those thoughts had been forcibly inserted into his brain by someone else.

"I don't like this. It's scary," he muttered to himself, moving the tips of his fingers in nervousness. "Creepy, creepy, creepy..."

  Ț̵̛̰̥͔̞̪̱̈̔͋̽̈͑̈́͑͝h̸̡̛̤͚͉̞̠̦̠̞̹̥̞̽́͊͒͆̒͒͛̈̈́̚͜͝ḯ̴̥̗͋̋͋̉̃̓̆̃͜ͅs̴̨̳͚̮̯̰̻͈̥̤͈̐̿̃͌̐͘ ̶̻͎͗͌̒̌̎͋͑̊̋͒͠g̶̦̙͇͕̜̤͚̥̥̍̒̾̔̑͗̕͜e̶̫̰̿͋̈́̍̊̒̋͜t̵̨͇͕̯͖̬̮̞̙͔̬̖͖̺̉͒͒̈̑͌̉ͅs̵͖̞̭͇̑̾̃̍̈́͛̚ ̸̢̨̪͓̠̘̻̗̠̙͐͐͆͒̊͌̏͑̇́͋̇̓e̶̡̘͔͙͕̪̳̟̯͙͙̺̦̎̑̋̓͌͋͜v̷̰̫̼͎̝̾̂̊e̷̢̛̟͍̠̗͈̱̺̒̄͒̿͂͗̆͌̇̾͒̌̚͝ͅͅń̵̜̤͓͔̲̽͊̎̈̋̇͒̔ ̶͓̋͌̇͒̉̃͗̈́́͋͠͠͝b̸̛̺͇͖̙̟̹͎̫͔̮͎͉̒ề̶͈̮̱̞̚t̵̮̫͕͒̎̐̄̆̒͋̄̍͜ţ̵̧̢̫̭͓̼͕̲̜̼̪́̔̈́͆͒͐̓͑ę̸̢̯̮̓̇̅ͅr̸̥̰̭͐̏̓̊̂̅̑̐̏̀͒̈́̾͘͠ͅ,̸̡͕̲̱͍̭̩̲͍̯̙̈͂̏̂͠͝ ̵̢̤̳̬̺͙̙̳̣͚̺̟̘̂̆͗͋̇͑̽͌͛̏̈́͂͠ͅ—̵̖̱̪̳̦̅̄̔͠ͅ.̸̟̈́͂̄̓̑̋̃͘̚̚̚

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"Today's training is simple— as simple for maggots like you. First, you and your team will have to go to point A to B to collect a flag, then C to A again. Teams are already been done, and if I hear you want to switch places I will throw you to the ground and make run laps until you pass out," the taller man watches, "the teams will be maximum of three— a backpack will be given to each member with different utilities. The test should be done in two days or three days, depending on how incapable can you be. Someone has to keep a record of any circumstances going on during your training. Now, we will say the teams, so pay attention— SPRINGER! STOP LOOKING LIKE AN IDIOT AND LISTEN!"

”Jean Kirstein, Eren Jaeger, Thomas Wagner,”

”Fucking hell!” [Name] could hear Jean cursing.

[Name] hides his grin. ”Fucking.”

”Stop!”

”Mikasa Ackerman, Annie Leonhardt, Mina Carolina,”

"Daz —, Marco Bodt, Sasha Blouse,"

”Bertholdt Hoover, Reiner Braun, [Name] Knight,”

[Name] blinked, looking for Bertholdt’s face in the crowd. When he spotted him, he waved enthusiastically with sparks on his eyes. Bertholdt gulped, returning the wave weakly with a nervous smile. The taller boy could notice [Name] seemed... a little eager when they paired up in training. He had deduced it was his height, since [Name] always liked to ask about how he got so tall. It was a weird topic of conversation, but that's how he was— an unpredictable and a bit strange guy. Nevertheless, the tall boy was lucky enough to have Reiner by his side this time.

As the teams were together, the three teammates took their backpacks as they conversed. Bertholdt took a look at the map, analyzing the directions they had to take.

”Looks like we are together this time,” Reiner speaks to him with a grin, “heard you got second place the other time, tho.”

”I think we were lucky,” [name] scratches his neck, “I don’t know how will I go with directions...”

The three of them walk trough the woods, Reiner sparing a glance at the other teams taking other directions. ”We are going to be just fine— leave it to me and we’ll be safe and sound.”

[name] tilts his head, staring at Reiner with fake innocence. ”And if we encounter a bear? Maybe wolves? If it rains?”

”Fortunately, it will rain before any of the others appear.”

”What if... the titans appear? What then?”

Reiner and Bertholdt quickly share a look, before turning to [Name]. The boy’s eyes stare at nothingness for a moment, awkward silence prevailing. Neither of the two say anything— it sounded... almost cryptic, if he was hiding the real meaning of that question. Bertholdt felt a shiver trough his whole spine, creeped out by the tone [name] used. It was quite frightening... how someone so... like him, used such tone at them.

“That’s too dark,” [Name] yawns, breaking the horrible tension as they walked again, “hope we can see a bear. They are cute.”

”You... can say pretty scary things, uh, [Name]?” Reiner laughs nervously, sharing a look with Bertholdt. That was... strange.

”Sometimes we have to imagine every possible outcome, don’t you think? We have to be prepared,” playing with his hair lazily, the boy looks at the sky, “mmmh... the sky... it sounds different.”

”Different...?”

[Name] hums, “raining’s coming, possibly.”

”How can you tell?” Reiner stared at the sky, looking as bright as ever. There was no difference from other days— it had stayed sunny.

[name] shrugs. “Dunno— it’s just sounds different. As if I was hearing... steam.”

”You really are something else,” Reiner laughs, amused by such ability. “How much can you hear anyways? Are you nosy, perhaps?”

”A lot, actually. And no, if I’m not paying attention I don’t understand what others are saying— if the topic takes my attention, then I would know many secrets others have,” [name] answered indifferently, taking a closer look at the map as he rested his head on Bertolt's arm. The taller boy blushed by the proximity, a bit intimidated and uncomfortable by the statement.

The last sentence did sent a shiver down their spine— [Name] could have spoken with such a laid back and careless tone, but the two couldn’t help but feel something personal against those words. Sharing a quick look, Reiner chuckled to lighten his own mood and relax his tensed shoulders.

”Are you willing to blackmail? A such cutie and small kitten like you?” 

“Well, this small kitten made you scream in combat training,” [Name] stuck out his tongue, narrowing his eyes in an offended way. “Blackmailing is bad anyways. I’ve read in novels that’s just the lowest of the low, and it’s such a pitiful tactic to use. So I will never use it. Roderick taught me that," [name] proudly spoke— as if he was telling them the entire truth of the world.

Reiner blinks, “you know, I’ve hearing you say a lot of things you learn on books— isn’t that a bit... unusual to say at our age?”

”Why? Books have a lot of answers I can learn. They speak the truth,” he puffs his chest in pride, “also they never disappoint.”

Reiner stares at him with narrowed eyes, debating what to ask. Should he go deeper or touch the surface...? He was kinda curious of [name]'s mind— he had heard him speak like this before, and his unusual behavior made him conclude something. Nah, let’s go in. “What’s sex?”

Bertolt chokes on his own saliva, calling Reiner’s name in a flustered tone. "R—Reiner! W—What?!"

As the blond expected, [name] said the same exact explanation he spoke to Jean back then. What he noticed was how sure [name] looked, not even embarrassed or unsure about the answer. Bertolt widened his eyes, blinking in amazement.

”...for the walls,” Reiner can’t help but laugh at such childish answer— where the hell was he in class? How could [Name] in this age say something like that? It amused him; even Bertolt averted his blushy face to hide his smile by such answer. It was a funny situation, really.

“Why are you laughing?” Jean didn’t laugh— well, his reaction wasn’t better. [Name] felt personally attacked by such reaction— was he really wrong? And for them laugh at him like that!

”I can’t believe this,” he passed a hand trough his face, “[Name], I’m not going to teach you something like that in a deep explanation. But I will say what you imagine what sex is goes much deeper than that,” even if he could be a horny teenager, no way in hell he could take more advantage than simple kisses [Name] gave him. Even when he looked so cute the other day— if [name] didn't even know what he was doing, then there was no fun in doing it. So that's why you don't fluster! Got you.

”Why won’t you?” [name] frowned, crossing his arms in irritation. 

“Grab a book about the human’s anatomy and then we’ll do the adult talking,” Reiner smirked, walking ahead of him without saying another word. 

As the amnesiac concluded he wasn't going to cooperate, he turned at Bertolt, who blushed like crazy because of the topic. ”Can you tell me why I’m wrong, Bertolt?” [Name] blinked repeatedly, trying his charms to get out an answer out of him.

“I—I will just say you are not entirely wrong, but not right either,” covering his mouth to stop a chuckle, the brunette couldn’t imagine [Name] being this clueless. Sometimes looking so tough, nobody could imagine such ideas from him— hell, he looked terrifying when fighting Reiner, so this situation was hilarious to him.

[Name] pouted, switching his attention to the path ahead. Was he that wrong? But he couldn’t just believe «Amelie’s Crown» lied with what it was... He had put his faith in Amelie! She couldn’t just betray his trust like that! How could you, Amelie?!

”I won’t believe Amelie lied to me...” he spoke to himself, lost in his own world filled with flower fields and frogs. His depressing aura was noticed clearly, confusing his two companions.

”Uh... you okay?”

[Name] huffed, irritated, "anyways," he turned his head to his companions, "who will take record of our training?"

"Ah! Good memory, [name]!" Reiner clapped his hands, "what do you think Bertolt? I can have the map and you can take record? Whatever you want, man,"

Bertolt timidly nodded, handing him the map. It was a nice change— the brunette didn't feel suitable for commanding directions, so silently taking record of what was going on was ok with him. [name] could just help Reiner in the leadership, but since his behavior went annoyed they weren't that sure anymore. 

Nevertheless, a long day awaited them.

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

[Name] nose crinkles, looking at the sky. He stares at the grey clouds, “I already smell the rain. We should find somewhere to stay before we get wet.”

”Can find another way to get you—“

”Don’t finish!!”

Eventually the teenagers found a cave deep in the woods, decently spaced to let them lay down. It was pretty wet— they couldn't find the cave before raining, so they were a bit soaked. At least they found a refugee; being under the rain was dangerous, even more with the chilly air. Reiner had [name]'s headaches in mind— breathing in cold was something bad for the head, and he had noticed [name] like rain, but acknowledged it was dangerous to his health. Both Reiner and Bertholtd could see annoying the headaches got at the point of being pretty mortal when doing training. 

Placing his backpacks on the floor, the soldiers took out what was enough to do their beds and eat their packed food. Thankfully they wore their green caps this time, just because [name] warned them about the weather. Their clothes were not that soaked, so [name] being with them was pure luck. 

”Sasha almost eat my stuff, man. One cannot know with that girl,” Reiner said, taking a bite of his bread. The gluttony girl went for everybody before training— they all knew food was precious this time, but Reiner had remembered the girl stated she was a hunter, so stealing other people's food was... a bit too much.

[Name] took his boots and jacket off, sighing in relief as the tight and wet fabric was off of him. He laid them on the floor, making sure they didn't get stained or ruined. He starts to unbutton his shirt, shaking a little bit because of the cold.

Reiner almost chokes on his food as he sees [name]'s exhibitionism, but coughs casually to stay unbothered. ”Hey, hey— you won’t strip, would you? I mean, I have no complains but Bertolt here will have a heart attack.”

”I’m just going to take this off. They are tight and that irritates me,” he answers, but stops midway to stare at the tall brunette, “didn't think it was death needed," Bertolt blushed, averting his eyes from [name]'s body, noticing the small drops of water falling on his flesh. 

"What is going on with me?!"

”Anyways, I’ve been pretty curious when we fought. You seemed to know what you were doing— who taught you?” Reiner stared at him in interest, remembering his movements back then. He had beat his ass with no much effort; even Annie lost against him. And that, was something amazing and incredible— a stance he never saw before in a fight.

Nobody, he wanted to say. But deep down he knew someone have taught him everything— or at least he could say that from his short memories. “...Someone.” He opted to say, neither a lie nor a truth. Someone had done it, but he didn’t know who. He didn't know when, where— he didn't know anything about how he could fight like that.

”And that someone is?”

[Name] shrugs, taking a bite of his bread. ”Dunno.”

Reiner raised an eyebrow, confused. ”Dunno? You don’t remember or you don’t wanna say?”

Swallowing his food, [name] answered unbothered. ”I don’t remember.”

Reiner frowned, trying to recollect something— he heard something about his situation back then. ”Ah, I remember. Connie had said you hurt your head, right?”

Was everyone this nosy? “Yeah. I don’t know many things about me.”

”Not even where you are from?” Reiner asked, getting more interest by the individual in front of him. 

Where am I from...? “...I’m from Shiganshina. I was raised there,” that was his home, thanks to Beatrice.

The blond raised an eyebrow, perhaps not believing the answer. ”All your childhood?”

”...Part of it.”

He wasn’t going to try and remember. The pain was very well known, making him stay away from even trying or think about it. He was tired of the same fate, and if nothing good came out of it, then it wasn’t something important to do. 

”What do you mean part of it?”

Would he be able to explain? Beatrice had told him to not say the truth about his whereabouts, since it could bring problems. But could he trust in Reiner and Bertolt? The only person he had tell the truth was Jean, and he didn’t say much about it... Well, it wasn’t as if the two companions were some infiltrates of the Military Police, could they? Perhaps answering something small wasn’t dangerous— maybe... they were friends? They were... nice, after all.

“I...” he blinked, “I was from somewhere else.”

The blond hums, interested about the answer. ”Somewhere where?”

He began to feel irritated. "Aren't you noisy?" Reiner seemed too curious about it— or maybe it was just to pass the time. Either way, [name] didn’t like talking about his blurry past. It was a reminder of things that were never returning, and being the center of attention wasn't something he enjoyed either.

The blond laughs awkwardly, rubbing his neck. “Sorry, sorry. It’s just that... you seem mysterious, and that cute face you wear doesn’t help my curiosity from stopping.”

[Name] stays in silence for some time. Now that he thought about it, if he ignored Reiner’s forced flirty behavior, he radiated a... strong, brotherly aura. He had read about human’s auras— some radiated confidence, some others terror, vileness. [name] wondered what kind of aura he had, but the reminder of his situation build that doubtfulness of himself, making him thought about that so called aura being nonexistent for him. “...My past... is foggy.”

”Wait, so you do have memory loss?”

”I guess.”

"How much you can’t remember, then?"

The amnesiac tilts his head, scratching the tip of his fingers gently. "The first thing I remember is about me waking up in a forest, then my mom taking care of me."

That made some sense, at least. "Then... you were raised in Shiganshina but not born there...?" he blinks, "and there’s no recollection of anything about your past... damn, that’s... a little upsetting, but you seem unbothered by it."

"It’s not that I’m not... But trying only hurts me, and the doctor who helped me said if I over-did it, my mind could collapse and I would have serious injuries, so my mom made me stop doing that," he closes his eyes, "well, it isn’t as if I’m missing something— the people who have been around me... have helped me a lot. And if I can’t remember my past, the present is more important."

Reiner smiles. "I’m... glad you are handling it well. You seem to be filled with courage— no one needs to give you the 'you can do it' talk, uh?"

[Name] gently chuckles, amused. That wasn’t true— if it weren’t for Beatrice’s help, he wouldn’t be here right now. Even now, the need of someone helping him to stand on his feet was important. Being truly alone was something scary, and dealing with heavy stuff alone was something [name] wasn’t sure of. "Sometimes. Receiving help... is important."

Reiner hums. Bertolt looks like he wants to say something, and himself decides to spit it out before regretting it. "Why... why do you want to join the Survey Corps? Even with being face to face with them... you want to fight them..."

The amnesiac scratches his neck this time. "That’s because..." don’t. You think giving your trust isn't idiotic, you idiot? But before he could answer, he frowns. His answer isn’t all genuine— the true meaning of joining is hidden, because of someone else shutting his mouth. "I just want to bring my home back. Being trapped and cornered... is unfair."

[Name] can notice how Bertolt shifts uncomfortably with his usual nervous expression. The boy narrows his eyes, and the taller boy can notice being under such scary stare. The unknown voice is right, but [name] doesn’t want to listen. What could they do anyways? They were comrades, and for years they had to gain each other trust. Why would he suspect...? It was... ridiculous— uncalled for.

They were friends.

  V̶͚͚͖͔͚̂̏̉͋̌̑͘ņ̶̱̻̱̝̠̞̣͙̱̿̆̑̓̒͜͠ĕ̴͍͔̺̲̲̝̲̲̣͙͋͐͝ǎ̸̢̡͎̻̖̲̫̜̩͆̕h̶̋̎̽͗̊͐̓͛͂̋͆͜t̷̜̪̳͍̰̞͕̐̑̓̀̽͒͜͝ͅc̷̹̱̤̠̩̭͎͍̹͂̽̄̆̀͊̀̈́̑̋̈́̄́͜͝ ̷̢̣̰̲̦͛̈̇̐̊̾̊̏̎́͠͠ỹ̷̢̧̡͍̣̘̼̪̫͔͖͎̗̙̓̈́͛̾͒͜͝n̴͇̲̪̤͇̼͙͜͜͠͠ą̵̘̳̦̘̙̫̣̘͇̬̤̞͉͜ ̷̡͚̰͎͕̜̤̻̮̼͊̿̀͗͐̿͘͠s̶̡͓̺̜̬̼̪͕͗̈͂̐̉͐̏̏́̀͒â̸̡̛͔̩̥͉̬̺̏̎̈́̊̐͂͌̈̇͌͒͂ͅy̶̡̗͎̱͓̦̫͙͕̺̍̿͒̒̅̕ḣ̵̯̀ḙ̸̢̛̺̝̝̎̆̄͛̾̋͝͝͝ͅh̵̜̩̤͕̖͕̺̔̎͂͌̈́k̵̙̙̻̺̮͇͉̞̋̊͝m̶̧̛̩̞̬̮̰͖̰̞̃̔̐́͋̄̍͂̋̂͒̍̈͜a̷̬̓̐̉̊̇̄̒͂̑͛c̵͙̭̰̞̻̗̯͇̦͒̈́̄̈́͆͜c̴̳̖͂̾͌.̷̤̔̒̈́̇̓͗̎̅̈́̅̅̓͘V̶͚͚͖͔͚̂̏̉͋̌̑͘ņ̶̱̻̱̝̠̞̣͙̱̿̆̑̓̒͜͠ĕ̴͍͔̺̲̲̝̲̲̣͙͋͐͝ǎ̸̢̡͎̻̖̲̫̜̩͆̕h̶̋̎̽͗̊͐̓͛͂̋͆͜t̷̜̪̳͍̰̞͕̐̑̓̀̽͒͜͝ͅc̷̹̱̤̠̩̭͎͍̹͂̽̄̆̀͊̀̈́̑̋̈́̄́͜͝ ̷̢̣̰̲̦͛̈̇̐̊̾̊̏̎́͠͠ỹ̷̢̧̡͍̣̘̼̪̫͔͖͎̗̙̓̈́͛̾͒͜͝n̴͇̲̪̤͇̼͙͜͜͠͠ą̵̘̳̦̘̙̫̣̘͇̬̤̞͉͜ ̷̡͚̰͎͕̜̤̻̮̼͊̿̀͗͐̿͘͠s̶̡͓̺̜̬̼̪͕͗̈͂̐̉͐̏̏́̀͒â̸̡̛͔̩̥͉̬̺̏̎̈́̊̐͂͌̈̇͌͒͂ͅy̶̡̗͎̱͓̦̫͙͕̺̍̿͒̒̅̕ḣ̵̯̀ḙ̸̢̛̺̝̝̎̆̄͛̾̋͝͝͝ͅh̵̜̩̤͕̖͕̺̔̎͂͌̈́k̵̙̙̻̺̮͇͉̞̋̊͝m̶̧̛̩̞̬̮̰͖̰̞̃̔̐́͋̄̍͂̋̂͒̍̈͜a̷̬̓̐̉̊̇̄̒͂̑͛c̵͙̭̰̞̻̗̯͇̦͒̈́̄̈́͆͜c̴̳̖͂̾͌.̷̤̔̒̈́̇̓͗̎̅̈́̅̅̓͘

  ”U—Uhm, [Name]...?” Bertolt timidly asks, gulping. [name]'s stare was lost— as if he was lost in the wonders of his mind, finally giving in into his wonderland. The taller wondered if the question was wrong to ask— after all, titans were a sensitive subject for some comrades. 

[Name] just blinks, staring at Bertolt. He finally hums, laying on the ground and turning his back on them. “I’m sleepy. Good night.”

”[Name]! But we haven’t finished talking!!” Reiner whines, but there’s no response. It seems [name] fell asleep as soon as his head rested on the ground, or maybe he refused to answer more of the interrogation, “unbelievable. How can you fall asleep so easily? I wanted to ask more...”

After falling in silence, the two remaining look at each other without saying a word. Their connection and bond is already deeply formed, as a look exchange communicate whatever they want to say.

[Name] is someone much different than them— he may appear just like them, but those eyes... those memories he has locked deep inside his wonderland... those actions, defined who he was going to be in the future. What was he going to face along with them— a future no one wanted, but was necessary to happen. Actions nobody wanted, but were destined by fate to get done.

The rain fills the silence, drifting them to sleep.

  T̴͉̤̬̝̃̄̅͐͜͜h̷̡̳̓̓̽e̷̛̛̹͖̜͈͕̾ỹ̸̧̌̔̍͑̅̇̆ ̶̧͍̙̣͚͚̟̙͇͠x̷̡̛͎̓̔̄͑̕͝ͅx̸̧̪̪͉̜̅̊̅̍́̕͜x̷͓̻̬̺̄͆̈́̐ ̸̨͖̝̗͆̾͛̌j̶̢̨̛͈̫͔̞̭͉͐̎̎͂̉̐̈́͋!̴̭̯̐͌#̵̝̫͉͇̰̦͈̝̇ͅ$̶̧̘̠̥̑̍̂̈͝ ̴̫̖̻̦͍͌͘̕c̴̡̬̯̻̦͚̠̯͗̈́̑̽̒́h̶̞͂͐̎̈́̍͠i̴̱͎͈̱̋l̴̯̽̎̉̒̈d̵̻̈́̾̑͛͆͠ŗ̸͔̪̖͒̿͋̊́̇̈́̇ḛ̵̝̪̄͊̐̽̅͊̕n̴̤̰͍̜͓̫͌͂̕ͅ!̷̡͔̍́̽̿͂̈́͌

x̴̡̓̋́̑̔͒̀͘͝x̷̨̹̫̳̗̙͈̠͚̿̏x̶͙̓̚͝͝͠ ̷̬͚͖̒͒̀ṭ̸̨̲̳̤͌͠!̴̻̲̯̠̘̪̩̈́͑̋͘͝͝0̸̧͉̤̞͊̽̈̓́͆̃̌́2̴̛̗͔̰̃̇̎̾̓ ̴̡̨̘̻̭̞̯͕̀̍̈͗͗͌̚͝w̷̫͎̯̫̌́́̃̽̉͒̾͌è̴̘̤͈̫̻͎̄̃ ̴̙̣̙̭̫̄̌̍̈́#̷̡̙̼̈́͆̈́ͅ!̴̡̬̣̜̜͚͐͗̋̍̂0̵̛̯̰̹̰̯̄̏̉̀͝e̴̲̙͒͑́͝ ̵̡̻̘̣̝̙͎̇͐̍́͑͆̓͑͋͜a̴̫͉͉̟̼̮̙̿͐̊ ̸̛̛͙̹̜̳̣͔̝̞͐̽̂͛̽͘͜ć̸̹͇͔̼̜̮̥̤h̴̛̤̄̂ǫ̶̨̼̗̮̔͑̓̉̚ï̷̧̪̹͂c̶̗͆̓͌͑ḛ̴͗̒̐̽͘̕ͅ?̴̥͇̳̘̗̩̲̇̒!̶̲̣̯̰̙̈́̇̋̈́͛

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

“There should be a flag around,” Reiner spoke, looking at both sides. They were already awake and ready for the day— it would be a long one, so they had to be prepared. Waking [name] was the hardest thing in the morning— Bertolt was easy to handle, thankfully. Nevertheless, [name] looked like he was in a deep slumber— an unconscious state that nobody knew how long would he be in if let alone. One of these days it could be a nice experiment to see how much he could sleep.

“You seem well prepared,” [Name] stated, noticing how independent and useful Reiner could be by himself. He seemed capable of doing anything— alone or with someone. It looked like he already went into some training before enlisting.

“What does that mean?” the blond raised an eyebrow, amused by the observation. He knew [name] was someone blunt and spoke his mind, so hearing his thoughts about him interested him.

”I can see you can do anything— are you going to the Military Police?”

”I’m that obvious?” Reiner chuckles.

”Not really. But it looks like you don’t have a hard time with anything, and many others want to get into the top ten,” he tilts his head, "I think everyone want to, so I guessed it..."

”Well, if it’s with you of course I will have a hard time,”

”And with Annie,” Bertolt interjected, holding his laugh.

"And, with Annie," Reiner roll his eyes, "that's my goal for now— just want to be... safe, working with the King. That's all. Hope you don't get bothered like Eren does."

"I don't judge," [name] speaks, "you can do whatever you want— Eren... is an idiot for telling others they are cowards for joining the other branches. Why would you fight something you don't want to? It's your life, so you are the one deciding. Not some ball of anger with spiky hair yelling like a crazy idiot..."

"Damn, that was something," the blond laughs, "ball of anger? haven't heard that before."

"But he's my friend, even when he's wrong sometimes," he looks at the sky, "have to make him don't forget where he is..."

The blond stares at him. The last sentence almost made him laugh— who guided who? He couldn't deny the strange friendship these two had; at first, it seemed as if Eren despised him by the amount of glares he sent to him. Then, something had to happen, since he saw the two sleeping together one night. He didn't strike Eren as someone needy, but Reiner noticed certain actions and expression only appeared when being with [name]. It was as if those actions were only for the privilege of [name]; things as holding hands, stare at his sleeping form, not shouting as loudly as he did... staring at him as if he was the most precious thing in the world... 

Reiner could understand Jean's jealously at Eren, since it was obvious how the horse-face acted around the amnesiac boy. If Reiner was honest, [name] was... someone interesting to be around, and knowing him more was something Reiner wanted to achieve. After all, making him flustered was one of his weird goals too— [name] never flustered, nor looked embarrassed. That, was something Reiner was going to change.

"Ah— I see the flag!" Bertolt interrupts, pointing at his left from behind his two companions. Both of them instantly turn their heads to confirm, and indeed, there was a red flag proudly standing in middle of the forest, intact.

"Good eye, Bert! Almost got away without it," Reiner begins to walk to the direction of the flag, "hope this is over with today! The rain did make me more tired, so—"

As Reiner talked, [name] deeply frowned. Just as that time, he heard something— heavy steps along with grunting. It obviously wasn't a person, so his conclusion was that it was a creature of the forest. Perhaps they went out of bounds here, stepping in a territory they didn't belong. It was far but it was coming closer— [name] stayed frozen as he stared at where he was hearing the thing, while Bertolt, far behind him, looked at him in confusion.

"Hmn...? [name]...?" Bertolt wondered, worried. 

"Wait!" 

[name] eyes widened— it sounded big. As fast and quietly as he could, he ran where Reiner was. “Get down!” He pushed Reiner down with him, both of them harshly falling on the ground. [Name] gritted his teeth as he felt Reiner’s body over him, and the blond shifted his position by placing his two arms at both sides of [Name]. Without [Name] knowing, the blond did have a tint of scarlet on his face. The amnesiac laid on his back, patting a little bit. Reiner averted looking at his exposed neck, trying to think about something else. There was an open area above, in the trees, letting the rays of the sun hit [name]'s body.

”So cute... adorable, even. Is this what a god looks like?”

Thankfully they were in the middle of the woods, where a lot of plants and bushes were a good hide place. [name] aimed to fall into bushes, a decent yet fast place to not get caught. “Don’t move or talk,” he whispered, covering Reiner's mouth with his hand.

This time both of them heard it— heavy steps approaching where the flag was. Time seemed to freeze as a deep grunt was heard, and it's cause came into view. At first glance it could be said it was a bear, but such... dark face and huge body said otherwise. It had black fur, and a red eye— his left eye was scarred, adding more terror into it's appearance. It's face was almost skeletal; long nails, broken horns? no tail... what the hell is that?

Reiner tried to get something out of his backpack— but the minimal movement made the creature alarmed.

The bear? stopped it’s tracks— it seemed it was smelling something. [name] took Reiner's arm tightly, not knowing what else to do. He hoped Bertolt was away from here— he couldn’t hear him anyway.

"We should do something against this bear— how can we get away?" [name] tried to whisper as lowly as he could, not even hearing himself.

“That ain’t a goddamn bear!” Reiner harshly whispered, scared to the bone.

Unfortunately for them, the bear had as excellent hearing as [name]. The creature turned at where they were, grunting lowly as it quickly approached the area.

Oh, FUCK!

”Damn— Run!” [Name] helped Reiner get up and started running. Whatever that thing was was fast and it was just on their toes— none of them dared to turn around to see it’s terrifying stare. The only way they knew that thing was behind was because of it’s grunt sounds— as if someone was breathing right over their ear.

”Any ideas?!” Reiner yelled, not daring to turn around.

”You think I have one?!” There was no plan— the only thing [Name] could think of was running as fast as he could. Good thing to not have their equipment this time around— it could have been a fast way to end this situation, but they had nothing on them that could help. 

“[Name]! If that thing gets to us we are dead!”

”Really?! Is that obvious?!”

”There’s no time for you being sarcastic!”

”Then don’t state the obvious, Reiner!”

They knew running wasn’t going to work forever. Eventually tiredness will overcome them and then they will get in trouble. [Name] had no idea what to do; if they took at least one second to do something else then that thing would get to one of them and surely die by being eaten alive. That didn’t sound pretty at all.

There was no other way— someone had to be the bait.

Reiner gripped his hand, eyeing it cryptically. “Okay, [Name]— I need you to—“

”I will run with it,” [Name] tried to speak between breaks, “I’m faster than you; I will lost it somewhere far away.”

Reiner blinked, dumbfounded. Trying to process such absurd words, the blond’s eye twitched in irritation, desperation and fear: he couldn’t help but scream. ”What the hell are you saying?! You can’t lose this shit anywhere! Look how close it is, for god sake!” The plan sounded stupid and worthless— it didn't solve nothing at all. If only Reiner got alone, then maybe [name] wouldn't get hurt.

”You think I don’t see it?!” The [hair color] haired yelled irritated, taking his backpack and throwing it carelessly to the creature’s head, successfully angering the creature by hearing a grunt, or whatever it was sent to him. “We’ll find each other somehow! Look for Bertolt!”

And with a last look, [Name] changed directions as quick as he could. He ran trough the woods, ignoring Reiner’s yells calling for him in desperation. His mind was going overdrive— he didn’t have a clue on what to exactly do against the scary creature.

Until he didn’t pay attention and his foot step on the weak ground, losing his balance and falling on some cliff. He tried to get a grip on anything, but he only hurt his fingers in the process. Nothing could be done as he fell over a small hill, until some bushes helped his fall at least a little bit. [Name] looked up, meeting the red eye of the creature who stated at him chillingly— the boy couldn’t ignore the chills on his spine, but eventually they broke connection when the thing turned and left, leaving [Name] alone in the forest as if he was unworthy of being eaten by it.

Breathing erratically, [Name] rested his head on the bushes, closing his eyes. “What the... hell...” His whole body hurt— his right foot, his left side (maybe bruised ribs?), his throat burned and he was sure there were many cuts and scratches all around his body. “How... unlucky...”

Laying there, [Name] changed his position to stare at the sky. It was orange, signaling noontime. He didn’t know how much time he was running from the thing, but it felt a good three hours.

He got up, and then he froze as he understood the situation he was in.

There was no backpack; so no supplies.

No map.

No food nor water.

No nothing.

He felt a laugh resonating at the back of his head; making fun of his situation— a laugh sounding so far yet just over his ear, as if someone was just behind him.

He remembered Jean’s words when something didn’t go as planned, or when he was stuck in a shitty situation—

“I’m fucked.”

  Y̴̢̦̫̞̦͔̅̾͋̄͗̊e̸͙̘̭̝̩̦̣͌̆̿̋̾͊̋͌̉͐̕̕͘ş̶̖͕̫̗͙̳͔̥̤̙͖̗̰̫̔͑̄̅̆͂̕̚͝ ̵̲̠̟̦͕̙̥̲̲̥̜̞͊͋̓͋̐̈̂̈̈́̑͋̈̕̕ỵ̶̖͈̱̝̯̳̞͈͍̼̯̟̆̐̄́̎̏ő̸̢̟̭͔̮̱̈́̾̚��̧͖̪̞̙̮͜ȕ̷͎̤̱̱̬̻͛͂̇̈́̐̈́͝ͅ ̵̢̛̤̹͔̰͙̙͈̰̙̳͎̮̽̈̓͗̔̄̑͘a̴̢̪͍̫̫͔̹̫̱̹̩̓̃̒̊́͋̈͜ŗ̴̬̘̣̬̗̻̩͗̒̊̍͋͐͛̓̈͆̈́͘ͅë̸̛̛̙̥̤̥̯̰͇̬̰̑̓͗̊͐̆̂̋͝.̵͖̰̲͍̲̱̠͙̭͈̒̂̋̋̆͌̓̕

♛

[white-reaper]

          The unexpected [ surely unimaginable ] had drawn and dragged him out of his languor serving and 'caring' about a church he had no mind about and would discard the moment it seemed right and fitting [ fools, all of them, but useful for once ]. The breach of the wall - in ways that were mind-numbing enough to have many a man turn to faith in pleading to non-existent Gods and entities, was enough to have that tall form of his wander through hallways, rooms encompassing multitude of people [ filled to the brim, how disastrous indeed ] and check up here and there upon a word with those that hold political sorts of power and wished to find a talk with him in these times of 'need'.

          How truly compassionate could he not appear [ learned, rehearsed - he had once served as well--- ] with speaking words of encouragement to those that fled. That drew themselves upon the inner circle, ready to be embraced, and still being regarded with malicious eyes. If they could, those that had offered shelter in the times of indigence and penury would shoo children with saddened eyes back out and into the jaws of monsters unimaginable [ and something like them would call upon the help in visions of 'gods' - treacherous bunch, he had to admit, but was it to be expected differently of humans? ].

          "Where are you from?"

          Words that suddenly find themselves directed at a blonde child were dropped so low in sounds and hushed like murmurs, that they had been near imperceptible to the crowd around that stared and wondered and surely seemed so shocked upon the male's presence still wandering about. As much as he seemed to be praised upon, looked up to, there was a distinctive feel of chill veiling eyes of bright and attentive charm. There was something that told those who predicted and would be able to analyse [ realise, desperately seeking truth ], that he was not as benevolent as the smooth tone of voice and the kindness settling in eyes told in desired want and pleaded upon 'trustworthiness' in times lies.

          No, he had slain before. He had killed before---

          ---and now is squatted before that slender girl, regards her with an attention unexplainable [ unexpected ]. "What is your name? You seem quite shaken up."        // @leonherz

[may8344]

The Journey of a Forgotten Solider (Levi x OC)

Relationships:

Alana Frey (OC)Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Female Character(s)Levi Ackerman/Alana FreyFurlan Church/Original Character(s)Furlan Church/Alana Frey

Characters:

Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)Furlan ChurchIsabel MagnoliaAlana Frey (OC) - CharacterErwin SmithHange ZoëPetra RalGunther SchultzEld JinnOluo BozadoKeith ShadisSpecial Operations Squad | Squad Levi

Additional Tags:

Graphic Description of CorpsesBlood and InjuryViolenceMurder

Summary:

Alana Frey, a girl born in the Underground City, longed to see the true sunlight every morning that she would wake up. Alongside her comrades: Furlan Church, Isabel Magnolia, and Levi, Alana’s life as a thug continued with no way around it; until the sudden day she and her companions were offered the deal of a lifetime.

“Once you complete this job, not only will you be generously compensated for your work,

but you will also earn the right to live above ground.”

Word Count: 2.1k

---

Chapter 12: Worthless Game

Levi began to move with blind rage. Attaching his hooks onto the murderous Titan’s stomach, he hurled himself forwards. Rotating himself, he sliced through the skin with a clean cut. A limp, bloodied hand fell out of the Titan’s belly.

Quickly, the ravenette firmly placed his feet on both sides of the cut and took a strong hold of the body part, yanking it out. Only half of Furlan remained intact; the other nowhere to be seen. Levi carried his fallen friend to the ground, gently resting him on the dirt. 

The four remaining Titans did not wait for him to grieve. Instead, they started stomping towards the black haired man in an attempt to eat him. The one who had killed Furlan was the first to try and reach out. 

But Levi didn’t hesitate. 

Embedding his wires into the bleeding Titan once more, he swerved around its flailing arm. With a large pump of gas, he spiraled straight towards its face, stabbing his two swords into its eyes. Unlocking his blades from the handles with the push of a switch, he jumped off and applied another pair, leaving the murderous one blinded. Within less than a minute, he took down the remaining four, slicing their napes with ease; the fourth one he killed by cutting up its arm and around its neck. 

Levi landed on the ground, not very affected by the stamina it took to deal with Titans. With a click of his tongue, he turned towards the last Titan, who couldn’t figure out how to remove the blades from its eyes. Walking towards it menacingly, the ravenette bellowed emotionlessly. “Hey. Do humans taste good?” 

With ease, he flew up to its neck and stood his ground on the Titan’s back. “Hm? Were they tasty?” His glare only grew as he shoved a blade directly in its neck. 

“Answer me.” 

[~]

Erwin and Mike made their way over to the steamed area on their horses that surrounded Levi. “It’s the steam from fallen Titans,” Erwin noted. 

“To have defeated so many at one time…” Mike thought out loud, shocked by the sight in front of him. “Was it him?”

Levi stood on top of the recently killed and steaming Titan, slowly making his way down. His blades were dulled down from the cutting, so he pushed the switch once more to release his weapons. As he walked, a small thump was felt on the front of his shoe. With wide eyes, he glanced down on what he bumped. 

It was Isabel’s severed head.

Dropping down to his knees, the ravenette’s shaky hand slowly turned it over, face up. The girl had dirt all over her face; even in her eyes. Dried blood painted her colorless skin and leaked from her neck. Unable to look at the sight, he squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his teeth, carefully sliding the redhead’s eyes closed. Small tears leaked from the stoic man’s eyes at the idea of being alone again. Both Furlan and Isabel had been brutally murdered in front of him, and Alana was nowhere to be found. 

“Hey! Are there any survivors out there?” Erwin’s voice cut through the air from a couple of meters away. 

Levi’s eyes darted towards the noise and his face slowly scrunched up with anger. His target had decided to come to him after all of his friends were gone. Before he knew it, Erwin had already neared him on his brown horse.

“Levi!” He called, now only a small distance away. “Are you the only one left?”

He received nothing but silence and a glare, just like when they originally met in the Underground.

“The corpses of these Titans… You did this alone?”

Not wanting to hear anymore from the blond section commander, Levi jumped up and hurled his small body towards the taller male. Successfully hooking his elbow around his target’s throat, Levi shoved his arm forwards, slamming Erwin into the mud below. Being able to balance on the horse, Levi hadn’t fallen on his face. Instead, he landed on his feet and glared down at his dirtied opponent. 

Mike immediately grabbed his weapons and hopped off of his horse, ready to attack. 

However, he was cut off by the sound of Levi’s newly embedded blade slicing through the air. “Stay back,” he threatened. 

The man complied with his demand, but kept his sword raised in case of any sudden movements. A cold sweat dripped down the side of his face, mixing with the leftover rain droplets that fell from his hair. 

Levi continued his path towards the section commander. “Erwin.” Once he was only a meter or so away, he raised his sword next to blond’s throat. A rough, low shout left his mouth, “I’m going to kill you, you bastard! That’s why I’m here!”

As both of the men stared each other down, a moment of silence was met. Erwin slowly reached into the inside pocket of his jacket, looking down. “So they all died? I see…” Pulling out an envelope, with a red-wax stamp holding the contents inside, Erwin’s eyes met Levi’s once more. “This is what I supposedly have on Nicholas Lovof.”

Levi’s eyebrows snapped together, anger coursing through his veins. “So you knew? You knew we were after you, and yet--” 

“Unfortunately, you were too late.” Ignoring the arguing thug, Erwin continued by tossing the envelope aside. The small stamp opened and small, white papers flooded the ground. There was not a single word written on any of them. 

“Hey, what are you trying to say here?” Levi asked, his hands beginning to tremble.

“It was a bluff.” He answered straightforwardly.

“Huh?”

“I knew that Lovof was embezzling. The military funds left over from the suspension of the Survey Corps these last few years. I spread false information because I wanted definitive proof to back him into a corner.” Erwin explained. “This is Lovof we’re talking about, and he’s cautious. I thought he would make some kind of move first to confirm the existence of the documents. As I expected, he hired you three. 

“If he’d made a move then, there’d surely be some trace. Following those back, it didn’t take much time for the proof to fall into my hands. I was able to pick up on him because he made a move from his end.”

Levi clicked his tongue, losing his patience. “Knowing that much, why did you bring us into the Corps?”

“One reason was your exceptional military prowess. And another… was to use you as partners to throw off Lovof. But there’s no longer any need for that. The real documents are currently in the hands of Commander-in-Chief Zackly. It’s all over for Lovof.”

“It wasn’t… worth throwing away their lives!” Levi screamed at the section commander, anger spilling past his bared teeth. “They were nothing but pawns in your worthless game.” Slowly pulling his sword from the blond’s throat to the side, he prepared to slice down with all the strength he had left. “Well, you lose.” He swung down, hoping to decapitate his enemy.

However, that didn’t happen. Holding the blade in his strong--now bloody--grip, Erwin glared up at Levi, his own teeth clenched as well. “Worthless game? Who’s the one… who killed my subordinates or your friends? Was it me, or was it you?” Pulling the weapon away from his throat, the blond continued. “Do you think that if you had come to attack me together that the three of them would have made it out alive?”

“You’re right,” Levi quietly admitted. “It was my conceit. My damned pride is to blame…”

“No! It was the Titans!” Erwin yanked the ravenette’s sword away behind him as his face got closer and closer to Levi’s. “Where did the Titan’s come from? Why do they exist? Why do they eat people? We don’t know! We are completely ignorant.” To the silver-eyed man’s displeasure, the blond kept inching forward, voice booming. “As long as we stay ignorant, they’ll keep eating us. We’ll never turn the tables on them by staying inside the walls. 

“Look around you!” Pointing behind him, he aimed his finger towards the far, empty horizon. “In this wide open place, there are no walls, no matter how far you go. Here, there might be something to free us from our despair.” Continuing to spread his ideologies onto Levi, Erwin’s voice rose more and more. “But there are people who would keep us from leaving the walls. They stay where danger can’t reach them, obsessively thinking only of their own profits and losses.

“It’s understandable. The clouded eyes of mankind, blocked for a hundred years by the wall… they can’t see the other side. What about you, Levi? Have your eyes remained clouded?” Inevitably inches away from each other's faces, Erwin had a tint of pleading in his powerful voice. “Will you kill me and return back to the dark Underground? We won’t give up on going outside the walls. Fight with the Survey Corps, Levi! Humanity needs your skill!”

The sun was now beginning to shine brightly over the land, the clouds beginning to disperse. At this sight, Levi remembered the first breath of freedom he had shared with his friends the moment he had left the walls. The exhilaration of not being confined had flooded the four of them. The smiles of his friends. 

Levi’s blade fell from his handle, showing he wasn’t a threat, just like he had done in the Underground months prior. 

“From here on out, there’s no deal.”

[~]

“Hurry! We’re heading for the Supply Wagon Team to get dry sound grenades. We’ll reform the Corps using that point as a base.” Erwin said, riding his horse as if nothing had just taken place. 

“The Titans might become more active once the weather clears up better,” Mike added in.

“We’ll meet with the Vanguard leaders before the losses become any greater. And we’ll return alive!” Erwin declared. 

Levi turned a final glance towards where the steaming Titans laid, sprawled over the ground. But more importantly, he looked towards the last place where his friends were, now nothing more than corpses. 

Soon, just as Erwin had suggested, the trio met up with the Supply Team, who had significantly less members. “I’m relieved to see that some of you survived the storm,” he said with a small smile. “If you can, gather any stray squads and rally them here. This will be our meeting point.” The blond commanded as he hopped off of his mare and ran up to one of the wagons, digging through it to find any sound grenades left. Successfully finding a couple, he ran back to his trio and nodded. “Let’s move towards the Vanguard and rally in the rest of the squads.”

The section commander led the other two around the outside squads, trying to group the remaining soldiers back to the wagons. There were many casualties throughout the Corps, but they were successful in securing the safety of the soldiers that still were standing. “Levi,” the blond turned to the smaller male, “there should still be another squad on the right side of the Vanguard. See if you can locate them. If not, head back to the Supply Team.” 

Levi nodded and complied with his order. He led his brown horse towards the right side, where he left his fallen friends, and scanned over the horizon for the remaining squad. Across the distance, he couldn't spot a single living soldier.

Just as he was about to turn back, a distant clomping noise was made behind him. Leading his horse towards the noise, Levi attempted to find what he assumed was the stray horse, hoping there was at least one survivor. 

Nearing closer, the figure was more visible. There was the brown mare and two soldiers riding; one injured and unconscious. "Help!" The awake soldier yelped. "She's injured really badly!"

Levi pulled his horse up next to the survivors. The one who guided the horse was a boy with shaggy brown hair and bright amber colored eyes. Blood stains were present all over his uniform and he looked traumatized. With spare bandages, he had tied a wounded soldier to his back. She had long, black hair and a torn, bloody uniform. Her wounded head was wrapped with bandages along with her torso, arms, and legs. The gear that she wore was smashed against her body. On her left hand was a beaten, silver ring. 

And around her neck was a blue, tear-drop necklace.

"Alana?"

----

Thank you for reading <3

Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 

[kdtheghostwriter]

SNK 4-Pack

Just to avoid any confusion, yup, it’s just what it says on the tin. I’ve gathered my thoughts on four chapters here. A combination of IRL obligations, lifestyle and equipment changes all of which has been more or less rectified. For now lol. To those who reached in the past months, I appreciate the thought. Apologies for keeping you waiting. Accept this humble offering and enjoy the new chapter release.

123 - Turn Me Loose

We’re in a very distressing place both in-story and IRL. So here:

It’s Mikasa’s first taste of ice cream. Feel better? Cool. Now let’s talk about the end of the world, pls.

 I’ll get the obvious out of the way first. Just what did you think The Usurper meant when he said [checks notes] “I’m going to put an end to this world?” This isn’t Sword Art Online. He wasn’t talking about a virtual world. It’s closer to the SpongeBob bit where Squidward runs into his place of work to exclaim that robots have taken over the world, before he clarifies “Our world!” Paradis was merely a blip on the radar before the Royal Family lost the Coordinate. It was fun at first to rattle their cage and watch them war with eachother. Now the war is about to leave the shores of the Island and no one is laughing.

I don’t have much to say about this development in particular because I predicted it nearly one year ago. No one wanted to hear it, but I said to any ear that listened: if Eren is going to play the Bad Guy, he needs to be the Bad Guy. You can go back and read it. I said Eren Jaeger will be the new villain of the story. Well, there’s a word we use for the person who wants to exterminate all life on Earth and it’s not Samaritan.

But for every villain, a foil must rise. Reiner is the easy choice here. Not the wrong one, but easy and predictable. Eren and Reiner have been intersecting since the 104th squad’s first expedition. When Eren could have hidden during Marley’s 11th hour raid of Paradis, he chose to confront Reiner and expose himself for the sake of a fight he knew he would not lose. This is why I don’t have Reiner in this role. Reiner’s role is what we all thought Eren’s was up until Chapter 120 or so. He is Lady Fate’s whipping boy. Beating him down again and again while calling him and dummy for trying to resist against his lot in life. If Reiner steps to Eren this time, it will be more than just humiliation awaiting him. Yes, it’s still Mikasa. I doubt Eren’s plan (whatever the full scope of it is) can even be stopped but if it can she is the one to do it. It can only help that she has the God of Destruction on her side.

 Getting ahead of myself, though. We have the famous confrontation to speak on. You know the one.

I understand the sentiment by Eren here but he was never going to get an accurate answer. At least not immediately. The poor girl is shocked. She’s been interrogated time and again about her loyalty to Eren and what exactly it means. The one person who has never questioned her further is the man himself. One can imagine how long he’s sat on this inquiry. He knew what he had to do. No answer she gave would have diverted his path, but maybe he wanted one last thing to feel good about before he doomed the world.

Either way, the team runs in to interrupt them like some teen movie and they all proceed to get drunk with the family of the Middle Eastern boy they aided earlier. Ever since this type of story analysis was popularized online (and especially on YouTube) people have fallen into the habit of using the word “filler” without knowing what the word means.

 Because we are consuming this series week by week and because Eren’s descent into arch-villainy has lasted well over a year at this point this current disaster really does feel like it would in real life. A long, brutal decline with only one outcome and no way to stop it. This chapter was a palette cleanser after months of endless despair. If you can remember there was indeed a time where everyone was friends and Eren wasn’t trying to KILL THE WORLD. This chapter was a reminder of that. The faintest light shines brightest in total darkness. That light is what Mikasa is doing her best to hold onto.

  124 - All Falls Down

The most interesting part of this chapter, which is largely set-up, is Jean’s assessment of the situation from his perch on a rooftop. It’s muted and resolute. The usual emotion is missing entirely. The fire is gone as he accepts the world’s creeping fate. The story’s most morally consistent character is seen trying to work out the thought process behind ending the world. They’re our enemies. They were going to attack us eventually. We were sitting ducks. Maybe this was always going to happen. His last observation is less rhetorical. In order to protect his friends, Eren has sacrificed the entire world. This includes the Subjects of Ymir who all received Eren’s message from the last chapter.

No time to contemplate that horror with the fresh hell of Zeke’s titanized victims running wild in Shiganshina which sounds mighty familiar. There’s a poignant scene that follows of the 104th cutting down their fellow soldiers, many of whom helped train them. It shows how far they’ve come and the overall affect their adventures have had on them that they are able to destroy their comrades without hesitation.

Ah! But this is SnK after all. The horrors are often double stacked. The time has come to decide which titan Falco gets fed to. Before anyone can note what terrible timing this is with a horde of Titans destroying the village around them, Connie makes an executive decision to nab the unconscious boy and feed him to his stranded Titan mother in his hometown.

Of course, no one believed at the time that Connie would be able to go through with such and act especially on someone as sweet and naïve as Falco, but it really drives home the not-so-quiet desperation of these characters and how each of them reacts to it. Mikasa and Jean are both trying to keep a level head. Armin isn’t in hysterics by any means but is missing his usual confidence. Connie, having already lost his best friend and half his squad is the first to let the despair of the situation get to him. It’s the same reason Armin volunteers to go after him. No it won’t solve any of their macro problems but reconciling with young Gabi and feeling like a hero again can at least make you feel useful in the face of your best friend trampling the world underfoot.

 The reveal of Annie at the very end of this chapter after more than half a decade gone is classic Isayama melodrama and it’s one of the reasons that, despite monthly leaks, Shingeki no Kyojin is still a worldwide best-selling phenomenon. I don’t have much else to say about it other than having her gasping for air like a fish out of water after being encased in a Disney Princess Prison was a nice choice. One would have to think that seeing Annie again would have some sort of affect on Eren even in his current Kaiju state. Eh, I’m getting ahead of myself though.

 Stray Thoughts

- Jean continues to be my favorite character in the story. With Pixis gone and Hange out of action, he’s the easy choice as acting Commander. Leading his own squad and the neighboring soldiers into battle against the rampaging Titans is heroism that stands out even more after sitting through months of the Jaeger Brothers’ power play.

- Shadis returning to aid the cadets that beat him down at Floch’s behest is all you need to know about his character. He’s a gruff man and his stint as the Survey Corps Commander left him emotionally busted. However, he never once forgot why he started doing this in the first place. He can’t save the world but he can save these kids, dammit.

- All Titan hardening has been rendered inert by Founder Ymir throwing off her chains. This includes Reiner who reveals to Gabi that his Titan’s armor fell off as the walls came down. Nothing in SnK happens on accident so we’ll put a pin by this and see where it goes.

- Reiner explains to a distraught Gabi, who is looking for Falco, that Eren is extra unstoppable because with full control of the Founder he now has full control of all Eldians. One has to wonder if the Ackerman Loophole is still in effect.

- Gabi used the same gun that started The Rumbling to save Kaya from a 2m Titan. Alright, jokes aside, I can put on my critical hat and say that this callback to Sasha was a bit ham-fisted and you could have found a less visceral way for Gabi to realize the error of her ways. (Avatar: The Last Airbender will always hold the title for this trope.) All that can be true and I still like Gabi showing some agency here. Being insistent on finding Falco and helping him is pretty key development imo. He’s the main reason she’s still alive.

125 - The Next Step

Annie is me when I write exposition. I know you think it’s “boring” and “filler” or whatever but I don’t care! Shut up and learn something for once, eh?

Anyway.

Annie and Hitch have catching up to do. I was about to say they were former roommates but as noted above, Hitch spent four years watching over the captive soldier. Now that she’s free and the world is ending she sees no reason to hold on to her backstory any longer. Annie was adopted and the man who trained her was also the man who raised her. It wasn’t until she was about to set sail for Paradis that he showed any remorse for her indoctrination. Even still, Annie never forgot his words and has been trying to get back to him as soon as she can by any means she can.

Taking off my critic hat I have to wonder what her mindset was locking herself away in that crystal. Obviously if she hadn’t the outcome is almost certainly being devoured by Eren or someone else as they were but a few short months away from learning the truth behind Titan Succession. Still, there’s no guarantee that she ever escapes at all. I was half convinced that Isayama was working toward the biggest troll job in the history of fiction by ending the story with Annie still in captivity. He didn’t though, so we have the rest of the narrative to work out what that means.

Sorta like these two.

Eh, he’s not wrong but his frustration is misdirected here. Mikasa asked a very valid question about what to do about the World Killer that happens to be their (former?) best friend. Mikasa is the only one in the group asking this question because she’s the only one that no longer id’s Eren as the hero of Stohess. Connie is a minor distraction especially compared to the army of Colossals; Armin knows this too but Connie is a distraction from the creeping dread that Eren is now unstoppable.

And Mikasa’s face here…oof. That’s two of her soon-dead Titan Bros who have yelled at her today. Should it hurt more? Probably but she is so far past hurt feelings at this point. She’s a soldier and she has work to do. Asking for a directive isn’t something to get triggered by but Armin is at his breaking point here. The little things that add up to make your shit sandwich 12 feet high. And so we hope that his side quest brings him peace.

I love this character.

He never once falters in his moral fiber. The depression keeps him from recognizing this but he is indeed special in his own way. After all is said and done that’s really all that can be expected of us. Shadis, ever the mentor tells his kids not to be heroes. Really, this quote can be transplanted to our current political situation IRL. There’s a lot of things wrong with the current system and we’d all like to make it better but we still have work and school and various other obligations to deal with and those don’t go away because we want to “make a difference.” The time will come to make your voice heard. Be ready when it happens, not before.

I do like how Shadis basically accepts his fate as a sacrifice to Floch’s faction as his only other option with the other heads of military dead are going on the run like Solid Snake and he is not about that life. He would rather take the rest of his lumps and be done with it.

This Fucking Guy

This is peak Lord of the Flies shit. Society has dissolved and the chain of command has been broken so just do whatever, dude! Think about what Armin said before. History always repeats itself without the proper prevention. The best prevention, of course, being education. Floch is the best example of why eliminating one side does not truly extinguish conflict. Even at the start we see various Shiganshina residents rightfully blaming Eren for his role in the destruction caused by the walls coming down.

The only way to reach consensus is with terror. We got a mere preview when Zackley got TNT’d so many moons ago. Now we see Floch Forster doing his best Neegan impression, splattering a volunteer’s brains across the floor. I won’t repost it but that panel is probably up there with Ymir’s cannibalization for most visceral of the story. Brutal in its suddenness, it almost becomes a smash cut. After so much death and destruction this act of violence isn’t lost in the pages because of how much grislier the executions are rendered. The intimacy of a human ending another’s life without the aid of a fleshy mech. I digress, though. Floch must be stopped or the future of Paradis is sealed, Rumbling or not.

 Stray Thoughts

- “I’ll tell Connie! That even as a Titan overturned on her back, his mom is fine as she is!” My goodness this story is dark.

- I have been mercifully absent from fandom developments, so I have no idea if people are still as turnt about the Gabi character as they were when I left. With that said, it’s fun to see some good logical development, just like every adult fan of this series predicted there would be.

- Again, is Kaya being saved by Gabi in a direct parallel to Sasha doing the same a bit on the nose? Quite so. It isn’t good or bad and, honestly, judging by some meta I’ve seen in the past I don’t blame any author for erring on the side of the obvious.

- Have I said this next one before? Who knows? Reviving Erwin on that rooftop instead of Armin wouldn’t have changed much besides short-term strategy. Once the Usurper started down the Dark Path even Commander Handsome would be powerless to stop him.

  126 - Hold the Line

Levi and Hange are on the lamb in the Forest of Big Ass Trees and the set up for this detour is a solid string of pages with Hange building shelter, tending to Levi’s wounds and picking off the new Survey Corps members that have been sent by Floch to find them be cause War is Hell.

This opening stanza is good because it highlights one of my favorite aspects of this character: their resourcefulness. First impressions being what they are lead people to take a throwaway joke about Hange keeping a pet Titan and let it inform one-note headcanons of their entire character. It shouldn’t be said but I will anyway. Hange is a clinical genius with a sharp wit in compliment. Their best skill is problem solving which would explain partially why they work so well with Armin. However, their particular thought process makes the kind of executive planning required from a Commander extremely challenging. Hange is better at devising a plan then receiving the instructions necessary to carry it out, if that makes sense.

Isayama, per usual, doesn’t spend the whole chapter on backtracking. He could have maybe but we do still have a story to get through. Isayama is a good author to study for improving your exposition. He conveys so much information with so little real estate. I still struggle and I’ve been at this for years.

I digress, though. Now we have Theo Magath lifting his gun to a crippled Levi in order to cope with the fact that he is A) stranded and B) not even slightly in control of this hopeless situation. So he listens and it turns out all four of these folk want the same thing, which is Zeke’s head on a platter. A very popular menu item to be fair.

For the uninformed here I am a fan of good dark comedy. This panel right here had me howling. As predicted by [checks notes] everybody, Connie did not have the gumption to callously lead this innocent child to their death. In one last effort to preserve his own conscience he explains that his Titanized mother who has been stranded for four years needs to be cleaned. Like you do. Every little detail eight down to his face when he thinks Falco has him made is so well done.

Of course, Armin and Gabi show up just in time. Armin, still haunted by Levi’s choice to save him, makes a bet on Connie’s bond with his squad that he did not seem overly confident in being correct on. Can’t truly call yourself a 104th alum until you’ve accepted your own untimely death.

 Skipping ahead a bit now. Floch is very busy being The Worst and if there hasn’t been a better collection of panels to illustrate the moral of the story. Yelena and Onyankapon have been lined up and are set to be publicly executed for their “crimes” against Eldia. The notable bit here for me is the way Isayama depicted the spectators. The have gnarled, twisted visages, some of them literally frothing at the mouth. You see, because extremist nationalism is bad and racism makes you ugly in every sense of the word.

Jean is tasked with gunning down Onyankapon but fires four rounds into the ground instead. This begins a series of Hashtag Machinations that will no doubt become clearer as the story unfolds. Jean and the two POWs escape in the Cart Titan’s mouth and the rest of the 104th leaves to collect Reiner and try to (somehow) stop Eren.

They had to try. Even at the cost of their own security it is difficult to agree with mass genocide. Having Annie on the team will be interesting as she and Eren were close. What’s left for me to wonder is how they plan to reach Eren, physically or otherwise, while he’s like…that. Every month more questions for each answer but after a decade you get used to it.

 Stray Thoughts

- Pieck’s surname is Finger? Or is this some Hange headcanon?

- We know Isayama is a big GoT fan. Apologies if this take has appeared elsewhere but an Ackerman keeping their promise seems to be his version of a Lannister paying their debt.

- Years after his death, the spirit of Erwin lives on in these characters. For some, it inspires strength; for others, only guilt.

- I’ve gone back to the interaction between Mikasa and Louise several times to try and get between the lines. Mikasa asking for her scarf back seems self-explanatory since it’s hers but Eren telling the girl to “throw it away” intrigues me. Seems to me that of all the things he had to give up to walk this path that his relationship with Mikasa is what he mourned the most in that cell.

- Always a good time to see Jean being a clever boy.

- Hange/Pieck banter is not something I knew I needed until I read this chapter.

- Hange’s fierce protectiveness of Levi makes more sense when you realize that these two are the only ones left of their original squad. The veterans of the military have all been cleared out, some more violently than others.

- It’s all but stated outright that Ackermans are part Titan. Goes a long way to explain their freakish strength and athleticism and their durability. Evidenced by the fact that Levi was apparently further from death than Zeke after the latter blew them both up.

[rosaline-kei]

Don’t Go - Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan/Shingeki no Kyojin nor the characters.

Parts: 「1」「2」「3」

Chapter 2′s Title: Mikasa

Synopsis: Even after what was thought to be the end of the chaos, Mikasa Ackerman struggles with conflict, confusion and her emotions. The Raven plans to leave for the Kingdom of Hizuru—without a proper goodbye to Eren Jaeger. What is she running away from? What is she afraid of? Are apologies enough to heal? (Contains Manga Spoilers)

Prompt Summary (from a user): The reunion of Eren and Mikasa after Eren comes back from Grisha’s memories. Even though Eren’s head got blown away xD, I think that he will transform into his Titan Form. After reading the latest chapter I Think Eren will apologize to Mikasa for everything he did to her after the time-skip and will probably tell her not to join that Kiyomi and the Hizuru Kingdom. Thank you!!!

Eren wouldn’t let Mikasa leave for Hizuru because he knows that she loves him and that her love has nothing to do with her Ackermann genetics.

Takes Place after the war is finally settled. When Eren apologizes to Mikasa and Armin and ofc to all the members of the 104. Squad

I don’t think that Mikasa will accept his apology immediately since she is the Person that got hit the hardest by Eren’s deeds and especially his words in chapter 112

Rated: T

Read it also on / Leave a Review at:

Ao3 or FF net

Author’s Note: I hope this was okay haha. T-T, like I said, long time since I written something so I hope this isn't shit lmao. I hope I managed to convey Mikasa's conflict and confusion well. The next and last update, which is where the apology scene will occur, will most likely be posted in December (Hopefully, December 1st) since I still have things I want to touch up in part 3, which I feel is still missing stuff. I also really want to focus more on and finish the next chapter for my other two ongoing AOT/SNK fanfictions (Bloodlust and Love; which you can find on my ff net or ao3 account) since I hadn't update them for a while due to exams, and I really want to update them before November ends. ALTHOUGH, if Love and Bloodlust are done earlier than expected, part 3 (the last part) will come out earlier too soo, wohoo? Haha. 

“…How do you know I’ll be able to stop her…?” Eren mumbled out subconsciously. Undoubtedly, he did want to stop her. He… couldn’t bare the idea of her leaving, especially when he hadn’t had the chance to speak to her. But given the fact she had given the red scarf back to Eren, he wasn’t even sure if she wanted to see him, or if she’d even listen to him at this point.

Armin only scoffed, followed by a brief laugh. “Because you’re Eren Jaeger… you would never let someone you care about so deeply, leave for a reason like that.”

--

“Mikasa! Wait!” Armin called out as he ran after her. “You’re… You’re not serious about leaving are you?”

The meeting had just ended. Kiyomi Azumabito had sent them a letter. In the letter, Kiyomi wrote that she’d like to invite Mikasa to stay over at Hizuru—to which was where the money-eyed woman stated was her home, her rightful home.

But, Kiyomi didn’t state how long she wanted or planned for Mikasa to live there.

All the letter contained were those persuasive words and the time their ship would be at Paradis’s docks to escort Mikasa back to her homeland. And should Mikasa agree, she was to meet them at the docks, wearing a ruby necklace (that came along with the letter), which was a welcome gift.

The meeting was short, because Mikasa was the first to speak, and to conclude. “I will go.”

Truth be told, everyone was caught off guard by her response. “Mikasa Ackerman,” Commander Hanji said in a rather reassuring tone, “Nobody’s forcing you.”

Whatever Hanji had assumed was Mikasa’s reasoning for wanting to leave, was most likely wrong. But Mikasa didn’t seem like she was going to correct her anyway. “If you feel obligated to go because you want Paradis to remain on good terms with Hizuru, then—”

“It’s not that.” She had cut her off, “I… I just want to go back home.”

And just like that, the meeting ended. There was no stopping Mikasa, everyone knew that. Plus, this was her choice to make.

Armin watched Mikasa leave the meeting room, feeling a surge of worry running in his veins.

Because she didn’t state how long she planned to stay there either.

And that’s how he ended up chasing after her.

. . . . . .

“I’m serious. I already said I want to return home—my homeland. I want to see what it’s like.” Mikasa stated as she continued to walk. And despite her attempt at sounding convincing, Armin wasn’t easily fooled nor tricked by her lies.

“Are you sure you want to leave?” Armin frowned, “You haven’t even had the chance to have a proper conversation with Eren!”

Armin knew he was pushing it. He could tell from the way she suddenly froze in her steps that he himself had stepped into a dangerous, sensitive territory. Eren was a touchy subject for her, he knew. But someone had to say it—someone had to remind her what, or who, home actually was.

Silenced diffused into the air. The chilly air grew colder as a cool breeze blew by. Mikasa never knew she’d ever find herself hating the cold this much… it made her miss warmth. A warmth that she once grew so attached that was later forcibly taken away from her by a twisted fate. Her hand went up, wanting to adjust the scarf around her neck… to only realise she wasn’t wearing it.

Ah, that’s right… ever since then…

Mikasa shook her head. No. She didn’t want to remember any of that now.

“Mikasa?” Armin called out again, but in a gentler tone as his hand reached out, gripping her shoulder tightly. She felt comforted by his gesture, at the same time she still felt a sting in her heart from the words he spouted out earlier.

“… I have nothing to say to him.”

Lies. And even Mikasa knew she was lying to herself.

“Try again.” Armin murmured, urging her to be a little more honest with herself, “Do you really have nothing to say to him?”

Mikasa bit her lip before she proceeded to admit some truth, “I… don’t know what to say to him.”

“Trust me, Mikasa… if Eren could’ve apologised to you personally—if he had the time to apologise to you, to everyone a million times, he would… but he didn’t have time, and now he’s detained.” Armin sighed, “But when he’s released, he—” Armin cuts himself off halfway as he noticed a troubled expression forming on his beloved friend’s face. And because he knew her for so long, since childhood, he was able to read her like an open book.

“Is what he said back then still bothering you?”

Mikasa flinched, which confirmed his thoughts.

“You know… he didn’t mean it. He—”

“He had to.” Mikasa completed Armin’s sentence, her obsidian coloured eyes meeting his gaze briefly, before staring down at the ground. “I know that…” She muttered.

Yes, for the most part, she knew that he didn’t mean what he had said. But there was this haunting voice—and this other small part of her brain—that couldn’t help but still believe in his words. There was evidence to support it after all, like how she pinned Armin onto the table when he had tried to attack Eren when he had belittled her.

And as that image flashed in her mind, Eren’s distressing words began to echo.

Do you know what I hate most in this world? Anyone who isn’t free.

Slave. Slave. Slave.

I couldn’t stand to look an undoubting Slave who only followed every order.

SLAVE. SLAVE. SLAVE.

Ever since I was a kid, Mikasa…

Ever since. Ever since. Ever since…

I’ve always hated you.

HATE. HATE. HATE.

Always.

Out of the blue, Mikasa suddenly stumbled as she felt a sharp, and familiar piercing pain in her head. The headaches never left, huh?

Armin quickly supported her before she fell, but before he could say anything, Mikasa started to murmur in a stressful way, as if something was haunting her. “I have to leave…I need to… leave… then maybe I…”

Armin’s eyes softened as the raven trailed off. To some extent, he knew what Mikasa was trying to do by leaving. To some, travelling across the world would mean one is trying to understand… trying to comprehend, and trying to find themselves. Perhaps that’s what Mikasa wanted, to find herself. Or, she wanted to get away, run away… to find some form of distraction. But the blonde knew better—that her leaving and running away wasn’t going to resolve anything.

“You’re not a slave, Mikasa.” Armin said firmly, but he already knew that she would know that he never once saw her as that. Armin knew that these words were what she wanted to hear, it’s just… that it wasn’t him that she needed to hear those words from. “Remember that time, you defended me from Eren when were kids? You—”

Before she could let Armin finish, she pushed herself away from his support and began to walk off again. “Maybe that was because my Ackerman instincts hadn’t fully manifested…” She mumbled.

Armin frowned as he followed after her, “I thought you knew that he didn’t mean what he said? You know… his words weren’t true, right?”

“I know… I know that he didn’t mean what he said, but it doesn’t mean what he said wasn’t true.” And before Armin could retort, he found himself standing in front of the house Mikasa currently resided in. “Wait here.” She muttered before entering.

And when Mikasa came back outside, it wasn’t what she came out with that surprised Armin, it was what she said next.

“Return this to Eren after I leave…” Mikasa mumbled, as she passed the red scarf to the blonde gently. It took a while for Armin to process what she had just said.

It wasn’t like Mikasa to… give away something that she once treasured so much.

“I heard it doesn’t snow as often at Hizuru…”She quickly excused.

And we’re back with the lies, Armin thought tiredly.

“Oh, but don’t tell him I’m going to Hizuru. Nor this. I wouldn’t want to… he doesn’t need to know.” Mikasa added on, forcing a smile that made the blonde began to lose his patience with her lies.

“Mikasa! You’re overthinking this. This scarf… it means a lot to you… Eren… he… Mikasa rethink what you’re doing! I know you’re still hurt after what Eren said. But… time will eventually assuage the pain you have in your heart. And… Eren didn’t mean it! If you just talk to him, I can pro—”

“… Then tell me, Armin…” Mikasa said with the forced smile that remained plastered on her face, “What Eren said to me on that day… is there any proof that what he said was wrong?”

“Yes! Yes there is! Like I said, you…when we were kids, when Eren was talking bad about me, you punched him—”

“—And I also slammed you on the table when you tried to defend me.” Mikasa bit her lip as she said this, her tone suddenly overflowing with regret. “I’m… sorry for th—”

“Mikasa.” Armin didn’t seem interested in her apologies, he was keener in knocking some sense into her. “Please rethink about what you’re doing.” He persisted.

“…Don’t worry.” She reassured, and with the smile she had forced on her face, she made her way back towards the door of her house. “You have to face it!” Armin suddenly exclaimed with his fist clenched, “You’re running away now… from Eren… from everything… you need to face it! You… Just talk to him, Mikasa!” Despite his pleading tone, Mikasa continued to walk.

Is she really going to leave?

By now, Armin knew he can’t stop her but he continued. The only person who can stop her right now wasn’t here. He was somewhere else, lying in a goddamn cell.

“Why don’t you want to talk to him? What’s there to be afraid of?!” Armin began to shout. And that’s when the next four-word question slips from his tongue, that made the raven paralyse. “Don’t you love him?”

Once again, Mikasa felt a sharp arrow stabbing her heart, piercing it all over. And just like that, she remembered a question Eren had asked her before.

What am I to you, Mikasa?

And honestly till now, she doesn’t know. She answered him saying that she saw him as family. But now, with everything… with all these overwhelming emotions. She doesn’t know.

Most of all, she doesn’t know if what her heart was feeling was due to her raw emotion or due to her Ackerman genetics that supposedly made her cling to Eren.

Was everything a sham? She wondered. What am I so afraid of?

Ah, that’s right.

“I’m afraid… of my emotions.” Mikasa didn’t care to elaborate on what she meant by that. Regardless, that was the truth. She was never great with handling emotions—especially the overwhelming ones that she was currently suppressing, with much difficulty.

She was afraid of seeing Eren, because he had all the power to evoke one too many emotions out of her. And she was afraid, so afraid that one of those emotions would be associated with the pain she felt during one of the previous meetings she had with Eren.

Most of all, despite all reassurances, there was a small part of her that was afraid of confronting Eren to only hear him say: Yes, I still think you’re a slave.

Maybe Mikasa did love him, and maybe if she stayed, she’d realise how much she was in love with him.

But love can be painful, and it was pain that Mikasa was running away from.

The world is a cruel place. And sometimes, it can be so cruel to the extent it can make anyone forget about its beauty.

“…and what good will it do to your emotions, Mikasa, if you leave…?”

For some reason, Mikasa felt an itch at her eyes, but she chose to ignore it.

“You’re just confused, Mikasa! Just stay and you and Eren will—”

Mikasa turned back towards the blonde before he could finish his sentence, causing him to pause mid-way in his sentence and his eyes to widen. There were tears forming in her eyes.

If only she could be more honest with herself… if only she could understand her emotions better, Armin thought. After all, those tears of hers that streamed down her cheeks revealed all too much.

It just showed that she was still conflicted, about staying, about leaving… about everything.

“Armin,” She said in a tone meant to soothe, though it made him jump a little, “It’s getting late. You should go to bed… goodnight.”

The raven then reached out for her door knob, twisting and opening it, entering her house… but not without uttering, “Thank you, Armin.” before closing the door.

--

At the Dock – The Day when Mikasa is due to Leave for Hizuru.

--

Eren was now running.

The moment he heard the key unlocking his damn cell, he sprinted away and towards the docks. Clenched in his fist were a red scarf and a piece of paper where Armin jotted down the exact location where Mikasa would be at.

As he ran, he began to remember the things Armin said to him the other day…

The things he said about Mikasa.

But before his thoughts could dive any further, he spotted a figure standing at the docks, which he didn’t fail to recognize immediately.

“M…Mikasa!” He called out hastily.

He hoped it wasn’t too late.

The figure turned, and his pair of emerald orb finally meets her obsidian orbs that soon widen in shock.

“E-Eren?!”

[ultimaa]

Analyzing and theorizing about Shingeki no Kyojin

I can not avoid comparing the happenings of Shingeki no Kyojin with historical events, from the Roman Empire to World War II. In addition, the mythological content of the work also leads to a comparison with the beliefs of Classical Antiquity. At this point, I would like to talk about Ymir Fritz; However, before that... I need to tell you about the Roman Empire, specifically about its founding myth and what really happened.

Who has not heard of Romulus and Remus. The two brothers who started it all. The myth considers them children of Mars (the Greek Ares), god of war, who engendered them in Rhea Silvia. She was the daughter of Numitor, king of Alba Longa who had been overthrown by his brother Amulius. The mother had to abandon them, but the children were saved by Luperca, a wolf who suckled them. Then they were found and raised by a couple of pastors. The brothers discovered the nobility of their lineage and went to return Alba Longa to his grandfather Numitor.

They succeeded, but both wanted a city of their own. Then they had their differences. Romulus wished to build the city on the Palatine Hill, while Remus preferred the Aventine Hill. The only solution was to count vultures: Remo saw six, while Romulus saw twelve. The winner traced the limits of his city and assured that he would kill anyone who crossed them. Guess what? Remus was emboldened, entered the territory of his brother and Romulo fulfilled his word, becoming a fratricide.

That is the founding myth of Rome. Therefore, it does not correspond to reality. However, in Shingeki it could be. I explain. Each side has an idea about Ymir Fritz; The Marleyans considered that she agreed with the Devil, Eren Krueger believed that Ymir came into contact with the genesis of the matter and Onyankopon suggested that perhaps Ymir received his power from a divinity. Well, now think about everything I've told you, in Rome too: AND IF YMIR FRITZ DID NOT DEAL WITH THE DEMON, NEITHER ENTERED INTO CONTACT WITH THE ORIGIN OF EVERYTHING? What if everyone is wrong ... except Onyankopon? Ymir may have been the daughter of a god, like Romulus and Remus, becoming the first ruler of the House Fritz and the first ever titan shifter, in the same way that Romulus became the first king of Rome and the father of all Romans.

And if we mix myth with reality? Okay, let's say that Ymir has a divine origin, being a descendant of a deity. Well, what do we do with her people, the Erdians? The true origin of Rome is not found in a fraternal discussion; although it still is not clear,  everything points to this glorious civilization was the result of the union of different peoples, Latins, Sabines, Etruscans (being these the most advanced), etc, which were fighting each other. Romulus, as the first king, promulgated common laws and customs. Roman laws and customs. Maybe Ymir Fritz saw himself in the same situation: a potpourrí of people who did not understand each other, who were enemies or who had been enemies, but who were under the charge of the same person. At this point, Ymir would do the same as Romulo and create a common culture with characteristics of each nation.

The Romans contributed much to architecture, art, politics and all areas of life. They built bridges, forums, basilicas, circuses, etc. They were practical people who sought the public utility of their buildings. Does not this remind you of what Grisha Jaeger said about Ymir and her people? Grisha was convinced that Ymir built bridges, sowed the fields, etc; in general, Jaeger believed that Ymir Fritz made mankind prosper, just as the Romans did.

I think frankly that Ymir brought a lot of progress and a time of splendor ...

... but I also believe that Erdia had to fight many wars.

I mentioned the Etruscans before. These allied with other peoples to fight against Rome, but were defeated and absorbed by the Romans. The same thing happened to Marley; they had nothing to do with a power like Ancient Erdia. However, when civil wars struck the Erdian Empire, they took advantage of and took control of the continent. They had defeated the infamous Erdians, who had done them so much harm! I do not doubt that the Erdians behaved brutally with the Marleyans, but we all know that no nation has conquered another with kisses and roses. The Marleyans could only see the pain of their homeland, but NOT the great advances that Ymir had promoted. They were blind with hatred and resentment (something that is understandable, because no one wants to be conquered) and they gave their truth to the world: YMIR HAD COVENANTED WITH THE DEMON AND SUMMARED THE WORLD IN A DARK AGE.

We can not blame them. After all, the god of the enemy is our enemy, our devil.

But Marleyans are not saints either. The old wars DO NOT justify confining the Erdians in ghettos and using them as cannon fodder. Because those Erdians are innocent. If someone in the fandom is able to justify Erdian segregation, that person has a problem. Think, for example, of the Germans. Yes, the Nazis did a lot of damage and ended up with millions of people, BUT THAT DOES NOT WANT TO SAY THAT THE CURRENT GERMANS MUST PAY FOR THEIR CRIMES. That's why the Nuremberg trials were held.

There are no guilty or villains or a dark side in SNK: only revenge, resentment and ambition. The past is just an excuse, the veracity of the facts is not important. Marleyans and Erdians need a reason to hate each other and have the best. As I see it, there are only three solutions to this millennial conflict.

a. Peace. Each side should recognize their mistakes, leave their weapons and dialogue.

b. May the best win. The problems between Erdia and Marley are irreconcilable and the war will end when one country destroys the other.

c. The bilateral catastrophe. Both nations are destroyed by a third country or by an alliance.

I am inclined to the last two options. I think Erdia will beat Marley, but ... that's just the tip of the iceberg. After Eren attacked Liberio, where an international summit was held with ambassadors from all over the globe, the whole world is against Erdia. Okay, maybe Eren will finish Marley. Certainly, it seems that the Marleyans are betting everything in the invasion of the current arc of the manga. They need to put an end to the Erdians of the walls and, above all, they need the power of the TITAN FOUNDER to preserve the military hegemony. I think of the Ardennes Counteroffensive, Hitler's last attack on the allies, which failed. However, both the Nazis and the Allies suffered a large number of casualties: Germany suffered 83,000 casualties among the dead and wounded, and the Allies suffered a total of 102,576 casualties. The Allies lost much more because the German Army was superior and, despite this, they won. I think the Erdians will win thanks to the power of the Titans, thanks to the RUMBLING, because the Marleyan troops are clearly superior.

Recently it was revealed an audio that contained the end of the work. The din of a battle ... the battle against the world? This is very ironic and twisted on the part of the Master Isayama. The fall of the walls has always been a symbol of freedom and union. The fall of the Berlin Wall was a big step towards the end of the Cold War. Nevertheless, the fall of Maria, Rose and Sina would suppose the liberation of the colossal titans, that is to say, the activation of the rumble of the earth. Here we come to the man who will decide the destiny of humanity: Eren Jaeger.

We still do not know what happens in the head of our suicidal bastard (in fact, his vital state is also doubtful), but I dare say he will do the following:

-To end with the era of the titans and, therefore, with the possibility of Erdian supremacy. For this we must liquidate the colossal locked in the walls, but how the hell are you going to get rid of thousands and thousands of colossal, if only one of them killed almost the entire Legion and calcined Armin? Well, Eren can control them and maybe he can get rid of them. If this happened, Eren would fulfill what he said as a child: "I'm going to kill the titans." However, he would no longer do it for revenge or hatred, but for the common good. That would be a way to redeem the character.

How would Eren get rid of the colossal? Well, it's simple ... THE OCEAN. It is well known that the titans do not approach the water and the ocean could be a good tomb for the giants of fifty meters. In our world, the deepest part of the ocean is in the Mariana Trench, 10,000 meters deep. Imagine our Eren commanding those moles towards the unfathomable depths. The sea symbolizes life because everything started in the water, but it also refers to death in a more poetic sense (in the work of Antonio Machado it is very frequent) because all the rivers (the lives) flow into the sea (the death). In addition, the importance of the ocean in Shingeki no Kyojin is already made clear in the first chapters, when Armin dreams of reaching it.

Does this mean that Eren supports Zeke's plan? No, I do not think Eren intends to sterilize his people. I never believed it, especially when the supposed final panel of the manga was unveiled. I believe without doubt that the baby is Erdian; Son of a protagonist? I don’t know, but I do Erdian. And the dialogue, that "you are free", would mean that the coming generations are free of the legacy of Ymir, of the titans, of the terrible past ... and of the titan shifters.

Things as they are: as long as there are titan shifters, there will be war to control them. How do we get rid of them without any baby inheriting it? Well, I'll leave that to Isayama 😊

Suppose that the Titans are truly exterminated, then how will Paradis defend itself from its numerous enemies? Even if Hizuru helped them, the Erdians would lose. They would have two options: peace or destruction. This would be a good time for Armin. After all, Eren himself said that Armin would save humanity, and not him.

This is all. I apologize for possible spelling or grammatical errors: English is not my language.

[afternoonteawithme]

Eren heard the faint rumble of voices from the studio suddenly grow louder, and jerked into motion. Scooting his chair back under the desk, he grabbed a book from the messy pile he’d dumped them all into when he’d arrived for the night, and slapped it open to a random page.

As he sat, shoulders hunched, staring blankly down at the page, he hoped he gave a decent impression of someone who’d actually been studying for the last forty-five minutes, and not simply spinning in his chair as he stared into space.

Two pairs of footsteps crossed the wooden floorboards of the small hallway that led from the studio, and were abruptly muffled as they reached the rug covered floor of the waiting room. Ever so casually, Eren glanced up from his book an instant after Levi arrived at the counter with their newest client.

The clean-cut twenty-something who’d walked in less than an hour before wore a pale blue knit sweater over a button-up shirt he’d tucked into neatly pressed khaki pants. The outfit didn’t really need the ornate, greek-letter-engraved ring to all but scream ‘frat boy’ – but the ring had confirmed Eren’s first impression. As had the way the man’s leather belt matched his shoes, wallet, and the collar and leash on the bright-eyed Pomeranian he held cradled in his arms.

The Pom yipped happily as she caught sight of Eren, the pink bow over her ear wobbling precariously as she strained frantically in his direction.

Eren stayed firmly in his seat behind the counter, his face firmly fixed in the polite expression of mild interest he’d been practicing in the mirror at home.

He couldn’t help but smile at the little dog, though.

Frat Boy eyed her in slight bewilderment. “I’ve never seen her act like this, with anyone except me.” He glanced back at Levi. “She basically hates everybody.”

“I noticed.”

Frat Boy winced a little at Levi’s flat tone. “Yeah, you would have. Sorry, again.” He gave what even Eren had to admit was an engaging grin. “But hey, at least her jaw is too small to do much damage, right? She barely even broke the skin, after that first time. And I really will pay to replace that backdrop she peed on if the stain doesn’t come off.”

With a fresh surge of wiggling, the Pom almost managed to wrestle free. As Frat Boy re-adjusted his grip he shot that same sparkling grin at Eren. “Historia did say said you were good with Ymir – the dog Ymir, I mean. Maybe you could help out next time. I have a feeling she wouldn’t bite you.”

Eren didn’t look at Levi as he gave what he hoped was a convincingly professional, non-committal smile. “Yeah, maybe next time.”

A slightly alarmed expression crossed over Frat Boy’s face.

Eren decided he probably should practice that particular smile a little more before trying it out in public again.  

Levi barely moved a muscle, saying nothing as Frat Boy paid the final part of his bill – cash, so Eren still didn’t know his name – but it wasn’t until Frat Boy and his dog were headed out the door that Eren risked actually looking directly at Levi.

And felt every organ in his chest squeeze. Levi was watching him, his eyes unwavering, serious.

After one long, endless second, Levi’s eyes drifted away, down to the book Eren had been pretending to study. When they flicked back up to Eren’s face, there was a new, slightly quizzical expression on his face. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but then shut it, turned on his heel, and stalked back into the studio.  

Eren sagged in his chair.

What the hell was he going to do to put things right?

He’d been so careful for the past two days, since the Emily incident, but the walls Levi had put up between them only seemed to be growing taller.

Levi hadn’t asked him to help today. He barely talked to Eren at all anymore, beyond the bare minimum. He spent almost every minute he wasn’t with clients in his darkroom, with the door firmly shut.

Eren had almost left a toilet dirty the night before, just to see what Levi would do. Only the fear that Levi would still say nothing to him had kept him from doing it.  

Oddly, the part that seemed to hurt the most was the way Levi wasn’t there by the door, waiting, when Eren arrived for the night. It was stupid, but Eren had found himself almost losing the battle to fight back tears as he’d waited for Levi to come let him in.

Even Gix was avoiding him. Maybe he hated the tension as much as Eren did, or blamed Eren for it, because he spent most of the last few nights out and gone, only coming back in just before Eren left for the morning.

Eren was lonely, worried, and bored.

And, worst of all, he was hungry.

“Interesting.”

The deep, resonant voice nearly made Eren shriek. He jumped to his feet, chair shooting backwards, his fists up and ready.

The big, blond man standing just inside the front door smiled gently back at him. He looked cool, calm, and as if he’d just materialized in from some high class board room downtown. He wore a suit so closely fitted to his large frame that even Eren knew it had to have been tailored for him. He stepped forward, and Eren caught the faint glimmer of gold at his wrist.  

“You must be Eren. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you in person.”

That voice. Eren knew that damned voice. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“The nice young man with the dog held the door for me.”  Pale eyes glittered as they studied Eren. “I expect you were a little distracted.”

Eren determinedly ignored that comment. “You’re Erwin, right? You have a distinctive voice.”

“I am.” Erwin’s eyebrows lifted. “I’m impressed, we’ve only talked a few times. Since you usually avoid my phone calls.”

For a split second, Eren found himself struggling with the impulse to climb up to stand on the counter, so he could at least have the advantage of height in dealing with Erwin. He was grateful for the small, rational part of his mind that reminded him he’d look ridiculous, and that it probably wouldn’t help anyway.

Almost as if he knew what Eren was thinking, Erwin smiled. “I’ve heard so much about you. You’re not quite what I expected.”

Eren blinked. “You have? Levi told you about me?” He couldn’t help the surge of…something happy he felt at the idea. He couldn’t keep it from his voice, either.

The slight softening of Erwin’s expression was almost imperceptible. It might have been sympathy.  “No, but with Levi, it’s often what he doesn’t say that needs to be listened to the hardest.”  

Eren struggled with both embarrassment and disappointment. He shrugged, “No big deal.” And then he frowned. “Then who told you about me?”

“Hanji.” Erwin’s eyes flicked to Eren’s mouth and stayed there. “She told me all about you.”  

And just like that, Eren felt panic bubble up in his stomach. “Hanji? What did-”

The door flew open, and the Hanji in question walked in on a gust of wind, her arms wrapped around her giant stage make-up case. She grinned at Eren. “Hey, kid.”

“Erwin, you asshole.” Levi’s voice made all three heads turn back towards the studio. Levi stood just inside the waiting room, glaring at the newcomers. “You’re supposed to give me some advance warning. I could have been busy.”

“But you’re not. Besides, Hanji said she’d let you know.”

“And I did, too!”

“Thirty seconds before you turn up is not advance warning, Hanji.” But Levi already sounded resigned, as if he knew he knew he was fighting a lost cause. “Did you text me from the street outside?”

“Exactly!” Hanji beamed at him. “Because last time you told me I gave you too much warning.”

“Oh, that’s right, Levi, I remember now. You said you wouldn’t remember something that unimportant.” Erwin shook his head, “You’ve got to stop changing your mind all the time.”

“Fuck you, Erwin.”

Erwin just smiled back at him.

With a disgusted sound, Levi turned on his heel. “Well, come on back then.”

Levi and Erwin disappeared into the studio, but Hanji stopped halfway across the room, the grin slipping from her face once she got close enough to get a good look at Eren.

“Eren. You’re too pale. When did you last eat?”

Eren flicked panicked glance after the other two. He could still hear them talking to each other. He couldn’t make out their words – but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t hear Hanji’s. Her voice was good at penetrating.

“I know you’re uncomfortable eating the neighbors-”

“Hanji, please.” He glanced back again at the studio.

She sighed, but lowered her voice. “You just have to go for it, Eren.”  

“It’s not that easy.”

“Why not? There’s plenty of places in the apartment building you can just hang out and wait for someone to come along. I can disengage the cameras easily enough.”

“Right, because lurking in the- the elevator, or the stairs, or sitting in the laundry room and waiting for some poor neighbor to come along to wash their undies isn’t wrong in so many ways.”

“I’ve told you before, you have too many scruples.”

“I really don’t, Hanji.”

She eyed him with concern. “Eren, you have to eat. That isn’t negotiable.”

“I know, but-”

“Then you’ll have to start going to class in person again, instead of online. It should be easy enough to lure one of your classmates off to a dark corner somewhere every once in a while.”

Eren moaned, dropping back into his chair. “Hanji, could you not- just not.”

She braced one arm on the counter as she looked down at him. “You really don’t look well, Eren. You haven’t been eating enough for a while.”

“I’ll figure it out.”

“Uh-huh. You should just tell Levi all of it.”

Eren choked. “What?”

“Just tell him. He’ll be fine with it. And then you can just eat here, when you need to, like I said you could when I suggested this job.”

“I can’t tell him!”

“Sure, you can.”

“I can’t.” Eren glanced back at the studio, and lowered his voice even more. “Look, technically, the fact that you, Armin, and Mikasa, know about me means I should already have disappeared.”

She waved her hands through the air. “Yes, yes, but we’re exceptions.”

“You shouldn’t be.”

She grinned. “Sure we are.”

“And that reminds me, why’d you tell Erwin?”

She blinked. “Oh, did he find out about you being a vamphf-”

Her words were cut off when Eren jumped to his feet and set his hand firmly over her mouth. “Hanji, please.”

Pushing his hand away, she grinned at him but shook her head. “I didn’t tell him, Eren. I wouldn’t. Are you sure he knows?”

Eren glanced back towards the studio. “Not exactly, but-” He was very nearly certain Erwin did know.  

She shrugged, settling more comfortably against the counter as she reached down to grab one of the almonds from the little dish he’d set out to bribe Gix with. “He probably figured it out on his own.”

“But if you didn’t tell him…this is the first time I’ve met him.”  

“Yeah, that’s Erwin for you. I’m actually surprised Levi hasn’t figured it out yet. He will though.” She angled her head to look at the book Eren had been pretending to study.  

“What?” Eren almost yelped. “What do you mean, he will?”

“Eren, since when have you been studying biology?”

Distracted, Eren glanced down, and felt a wave of horror sweep through him. The page he’d opened to at random showed a giant, colored diagram of an erect penis. It must have been one of Armin’s textbooks that had gotten mixed up with his.

Before Eren could gather himself again, Levi walked back in from the back room, a studded black leather jacket in one hand and what looked like a red Mohawk wig in the other. “Hanji, get your ass back here-”

He stopped abruptly, eying Eren’s face. “What’s wrong?”

Eren wasn’t sure if he’d gone red, or stark white. He felt as though he’d gone through a dozen raging emotions in the past thirty seconds. He shook his head mutely.

Hanji hoisted her make-up kit, and skipped towards Levi. “No worries. Is Erwin already undressed?”

“Yeah.”

She nudged at Levi’s shoulder as she walked past him. “Then we’d better get to it.”

With one last long look at Eren, Levi turned to follow her, leaving Eren staring after them.

A rattle behind Eren had him turning, almost numb at the thought of any more surprises for the night. Gix popped through his hatch, angling his head from side to side as he studied the room. Evidently deciding it was safe, he hopped all the way through, and flew down to land on the desk in front of Eren.

And then he bit Eren’s hand. Hard.

“Ow!” Jerking his hand back against his chest, Eren studied Gix. “What was that for?”

Gix twisted his head to one side and then held still, clearly waiting for Eren to do something.

With a sigh, Eren reached out and stroked a finger over the black bird’s neck. “At least you’re easy to understand, Gix.”

Gix cawed, nipped – lightly this time – at Eren’s hand, and then hopped towards the little dish of nuts.

 It wasn’t until a while later, after Hanji and a remarkably different looking Erwin had left, when Levi was once again ensconced in his darkroom, Gix was happily muttering to himself in his corner, and Eren had gone back to spinning idly in his chair and staring into space, that he let himself acknowledge Hanji’s point.

She wasn’t the first to tell him his scruples were becoming a problem – Mikasa and Armin were constantly telling him he was his own worst enemy when it came to surviving in this life he’d chosen for himself. He couldn’t quite explain why he couldn’t bring himself to entirely follow their advice – except to say that anything that made him feel as if he were some kind of monster preying on humans also made him feel as if there was no point in trying to live among them.

Still, he had to eat, whatever else he did. Self-control was what kept people, creatures, like him from simply becoming one of the true, mindless monsters humans had been writing about in their novels for centuries, and the one sure-fire way to lose that control was to starve.  Human food didn’t help, though it kept him from looking like one of the gaunt, pasty creatures that always seemed to be creeping in through balcony windows, or down shadowy staircases in old black and white films.

He could survive on blood alone, but he wouldn’t look very human doing it. Living on human food alone, on the other hand, would leave him a monster with no awareness or control.

He’d been living in a perpetual state of light, gentle hunger for a long time now. Certain members of his family only fed once every few months, but the humans involved tended to end up dead, or close to it. Even the small amounts Eren took could cause almost irreversible damage, if the person was ill, drugged, or weak-minded enough – and that was if the trance he put them into first hadn’t already completely messed them up.

Like had very nearly happened with Emily, for a very glaring example.  

But how the hell were you supposed to figure out how healthy, or how strong a person was when all you had to go on was that they preferred Downy laundry detergent, or that they hummed to themselves in the elevator?

And when he did find a good prospect, he couldn’t feed from them more than once in too short a space of time without causing something like an obsession on their part. More than two or three times within a couple months and you wound up with a mindless creature that could be very dangerous to have around.  

The only exception, as cheesy, clichéd, and ridiculous as it was, were people in love. A human that loved deeply would never lose their mind no matter how often they were fed on.

He supposed that was what he needed to find. A strong human, deeply in love, who didn’t mind getting bitten every now and then.

Yeah, because someone like that is so easy to find.

Eren sighed, and scrubbed a hand over the back of his neck. He really did need to eat soon. He hadn’t touched anyone since Emily, and he’d barely gotten anything from her. He supposed he’d been eating more lightly than usual with the rest of Levi’s clients, since he hadn’t worried so much about where he’d be getting his next meal.

He’d have to find someone on the way home in the morning. Or maybe he’d have to spend a few hours in the laundry room later that day.

Or maybe he’d wait another day or so.

He’d be fine.

[darlingpoppet]

SNK Character Song Series 06: Levi (Image song & monologue translations)

Heeeyyy, Tumblr! Long time, no see :’) Did y'all enjoy SNK Season 2?

Levi and Erwin’s image song CDs were just released and I enjoyed listening to them a lot! ♡ So, I decided to pop back in for a bit and take on a new translation endeavor, something I haven’t really done in a while.

First up, this post is Levi’s image song and monologue! For the song, I included the original Japanese as well as romaji for karaoke purposes, if you’re so inclined ;) I also made a transcript of the monologue in the original Japanese, which you can read here (feel free to use it to translate into other languages.)

This should be obvious but keep in mind these are spoilers for the song & monologue, in case you wanted to experience them for yourself first. I definitely encourage supporting the official release & ordering the CDs if you haven’t already ♡

I’m also nearly finished with my translation of Erwin’s song and monologue as well, I’ll update this post with a link once it’s done ♡ ETA: Here is the translation of Erwin’s song and monologue!

SHINGEKI NO KYOJIN CHARACTER SONG SERIES 06: Levi

“Dark Side Of The Moon” (Vocals by Hiroshi Kamiya)

Side note: the melody for Levi’s song is based on the previously released SNK single, Reluctant Heroes.

Japanese Version

こんな世界を今 逆さにして振ってみても 確かなことひとつ 出てきやしねぇ¹だろう？

壁の外は地獄 中は欺瞞溢れてる それも併せ呑んで 任務を果たすだけ

感情流され死神喰われるか 足りない頭を回してみるか

※光当たらぬ月の裏 突き進むためには もっと速く時には 躊躇なき非情さを 間違いじゃないやりたきゃやれ ここに答えなんてない ただ後悔残さぬ 自らの決断を

ここで生き抜くなら 言葉でする教育より 痛みの記憶説く 教訓が必要だろう？

犠牲も危���も避けては 成果など 得られぬものだと 腹を括れよ

隠されている月の裏 いつか暴くために 乱されるな喚くな 状況を見極めろ 結果がなきゃ正解もない だから最後だけは ただ後悔残さぬ 自らの生き方を

背後で散った勇敢な兵士たちが 遺した想い力を与える 必ずいつの日にか目障りな 壁も壊し 自由になる為この命捧ぐ

※ Repeat

Romaji Version

Konna sekai wo ima Sakasa ni shite futte mitemo Tashika na koto hitotsu Detekiyashinē¹ darō?

Kabe no soto wa jigoku Naka wa giman afureteru Sore mo awase nonde Ninmu wo hatasu dake

Kanjō nagasare shinigami kuwareru ka Tarinai atama wo mawashite miru ka

※Hikari ataranu tsuki no ura Tsukisusumu tame ni wa Motto hayaku toki ni wa Chūcho naki hijōsa wo Machigai ja nai yaritakya yare Koko ni kotae nante nai Tada kōkai nokosanu Mizukara no ketsudan wo

Koko de ikinuku nara Kotoba de suru kyōiku yori Itami no kioku toku Kyōkun ga hitsuyō darō?

Gisei mo kiken mo sakete wa Seika nado Erarenu mono da to Hara wo kukure yo

Kakusarete iru tsuki no ura Itsuka abaku tame ni Midasareru na wameku na Jōkyō wo mikiwamero Kekka ga nakya seikai mo nai Dakara saigo dake wa Tada kōkai nokosanu Mizukara no ikikata wo

Haigo de chitta yūkan na heishi tachi ga Nokoshita omoi chikara wo ataeru Kanarazu itsu no hi ni ka mezawari na Kabe mo kowashi Jiyū ni naru tame kono inochi sasagu

※ Repeat

English Translation

This kind of world now Even if we try shaking it upside down There isn’t one thing that comes out Which is certain, is there?

Outside the walls, it is hell Inside, it is brimming with deceit What’s more, we have to swallow it down We can only fulfill our duty

Will we lose control of emotion and be consumed by a god of death? Or will we try to use our dim-witted heads?

The dark side of the moon, untouched by light For the sake of pushing forward We have to be faster and at times Be heartless without hesitation It’s not a mistake if it’s what you want to do, so do it There are no right answers here Just being without regrets Is my own decision

If were to I survive here Rather than education with words Isn’t persuasion by memories of pain An essential lesson?

To avert sacrifice as well as danger Things like results Cannot be obtained Steel yourself for it

The dark side of the moon is concealed For the sake of someday being revealed Do not get agitated, do not scream Be certain of the circumstances Without results, there are no right answers Therefore only in the end Just being without regrets Is my way of living

Brave soldiers who died noble deaths² before us The hopes they left behind give us power Without fail, one of these days We will demolish the obstructive walls as well For the sake of freedom, we devote this life

Translation notes:

¹ It appears that Levi’s gruff style of speaking is present even in the lyrics of his song. The standard form of the verb here would be detekiyashinai (出てきやしない). ² The verb in the original Japanese, chiru/散る (or in this case, the past tense form chitta/散った) in the literal sense means “to fall” (in the context of leaves or blossoms from a tree). However, it also has the figurative meaning of “to die a noble death”. Even though we also say “fallen soldiers” in English, I worried that translating the lyric as, “fallen before us” or “fallen behind us” could both be misinterpreted, I decided to go with the more figurative meaning;;

++

Levi Monologue English Translation

Seriously now, I’ve had enough of this. This world is perpetual shit, and humanity is still toothless prey.

Those ugly titans are always going to take a bite out of us, and so we die a meaningless death.

Humanity is powerless.

When we won against the titans for the first time, the time when we sealed the wall in Trost district with a boulder, we could do it because of Eren’s power– a titan’s power.

The weak ones die quickly. How much power they use up doesn’t matter.

Eventually all of humanity, every single person will end up in the stinking maw of a titan, and while we experience the worst feeling there is, perhaps our miserable lives will end.

I realized it a few years ago. The stench of the gutters fills the inside of these walls. It’s been like this for over 100 years. It’s the way things are now.

Because I’ve had to breathe in this foul air ever since I was born, because I had no choice but to live crawling around in piles of trash, I thought that it was normal.

But when I went outside the walls for the first time, I realized how much I didn’t know about anything. It hit home for me, how much I had hated it.

The world outside the walls was like hell with titans wandering around, but the air I breathed there was completely different from the one inside the walls.

I realized, out there is what freedom is.

Freedom is something that absolutely cannot be obtained within the walls.

So I made a choice. I will continue to kill all of the titans.

If you want to confront the titans, information is never enough. So in order to survive, I learned how to live.

Quick action and callous decisions by assuming the worst is a necessary endeavor.

A moment’s hesitation, surrendering yourself to emotions, and you will be nothing but Titan bait.

If you don’t want to die, you have to always continue to keep this in mind.

And small choices will accumulate.

That is the way of living I have learned.

Risking no danger, making no sacrifices– there is no such easy discussion.

Even if there was, it’s all make-believe.

So far, I have lost numerous subordinates.

Whether my choice was correct at those times, I do not know. It’s always been like that.

Even if I believe in my own power, even if I believe in my comrades whom I fully trust, none of us will know the outcome.

Afterward, all that’s left is reality.

In that case, What can I do except make a desperate effort?

What can I do except doggedly press on?

If I have time to think about the bygone past, like if I were to have made a different choice back then, I will kill as many titans as possible within my power.

In that time, in that moment, a sudden, ridiculously strong power boils up from inside my body, and then I know what to do.

When that moment comes, I can no longer go back to my old self.

With these blood-stained hands, I accept my new self, I steel myself, and I only do what I must.

Was I correct? Or did I make a mistake? That’s the sort of thing no one knows, so it’s not worth worrying about.

All you can do is keep your mouth shut and make a choice without regrets.

Not understanding things about this world is true for everyone.

So I choose the guy whom I want to put my faith in.

Erwin is like that, too. No one knows what he is really thinking deep down.

But I trust his judgement.

He may be inviting the worst outcome, but he’s not afraid of that, he is able to choose something. That’s the kind of guy he is.

That’s why I chose to follow him. And I chose to fight.

In order to fight against this shit world, with this hand I’ll grab hold of the freedom of going beyond the walls for the first time.

I have chosen for myself.

Even if I am led into hell, I have no regrets.

Not one bit.

[chininirisart]

Backfire | iv: Preparations > On FF.Net and AO3

Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin/Attack on Titan Pairing: Levi/Mikasa Ackerman | RivaMika Genres: General/Romance Universe: Canon divergent AU Warning/Notes: - Status: In-progress Summary: To destroy the evidences, they must join the Survey Corps and bond with Humanity’s Strongest.

One hour after breakfast, their training began.

In these minutes that they had free, they sat on the slope of a hill and watched as groups of cadets made their ways to different destinations, hands working on the buckles of their gears and tugging on the straps to make sure they were secure. Little to no plans were made as they relaxed against the grass and watched people go this direction and that, the thin blades, fragile blades beneath them tickling their bare hands.

Ackerman was within one the groups, walking behind her team and a group of people he did not recognize, quietly listening to the bespectacled person trailing alongside her. He had seen them when he was forced to introduce himself to the rest of the Corps, though he could not tell if they were male or female; not that it mattered to him, anyways, so long as they did not prove to be a pain in the ass and stayed out of his way.

When they did reach the meeting place, Flagon was standing just outside the path that led to a crop of the woods looking very much displeased with the unwanted addition to his group. Levi refused to look him in the eyes as he passed by him and entered the trail, his two friends close behind. Furlan once again conjured an apology to his rude greeting – or lack of thereof – blaming it on a sleepless night; their squad leader did not seem to believe it much, and Levi could not give two shits if he chose to buy it or not.

It was cool in the woods. Very few spots of light made it through the dense canopy and reached the earthy ground, illuminating random spots on the forest floor. First he saw the sunset, then he had the chance of experiencing a small trek through the woods as depicted in an old, old book he had a child, one of the very few things his mother had bought to spoil him. His lips twitched as his heart clenched in his chest at the memory of her that was growing fainter and fainter over the years. He has no picture of her and the only material thing he has that belonged to her, her favorite shirt, has been left behind in his old home.

In the end, they are to demonstrate how well they could use the maneuvering equipment. He knows that it will not be as easy as planned given the way everyone looks at him with disdain simply because of his origins. If anything, their reactions only fuel his desire to show off and rub it in their faces that he is much better than they give him credit for; a mere glance at Furlan and Isabel tells him that they both feel the same. One does not judge a book by the cover, so they should not judge them simply because they grew up in the slums. For all he knows, they should at least be baffled that they managed to get this far without a missing limb or tooth.  

Once they get to the starting point, the bespectacled person is there. They probably split ways since the last time he saw both them and Ackerman with their teams, and now they stand before him with crossed arms and brown eyes swiveling about the branches as they watch the members of their team practicing their skills with the equipment. Hands fall to their sides when they notice the small group approaching and a wide grin breaks out in their features.

“Hey!” They lift a hand in greeting; Furlan is the only one that has the heart to reciprocate it in this moment. “I’m Hanji Zoe! Saw you guys being introduced yesterday. How are you liking the Corps so far?”

“It’s not that bad,” Isabel replies with a shrug of her shoulders. “The view’s pretty nice, though.”

“Ah, yes, yes, it is.” Hanji tilts their head up to look at the leaves dancing in the wind above their heads. “You should see outside the walls, nothing compares to that.”

“Can’t wait for that!”

Zoe grins at the girl’s enthusiasm. “I heard Erwin speaking to Mikasa about the next expedition. Rest assured that it will happen soon.”

That catches his interest. Now that she mentions this little fact, he realizes that Ackerman and Smith must be really close, and she seems easier to approach than the one that led their capture. Perhaps if he gets close enough to her, he can gather some valuable pieces of information.

“That’s nice and all, Hanji,” Flagon interrupts brusquely, “but it won’t happen for at least another month until they are ready to leave.”

“Oh, I’m sure they’re good to go.” Zoe says as they tap a finger to their chin. “I’ve heard stories about their skills and prowess.”

Their squad leader’s anger seems to increase just as much as Isabel’s ego inflates in that moment. “Just shut up.”

Levi goes first, handling the swords in his usual fashion as he shoots the grapple hook to a tree branch above, soundlessly landing on the wood and readying himself for the start. It is not hard controlling the equipment, not at all, though he has to admit that flying through the woods is much different from doing it back in the underground. Whereas the air used to be dry, here it is fresh and damp and smells distinctively better. There are flashes of color coming from his sides; there are much more sounds and much more elements to be aware of. He only narrowly dodges a thin twig sticking out from the branch, sharp enough to cut his cheek and draw blood, and focuses on trying to find the dummies.

There is one not much far ahead and he readies himself, fingers tightening around the handle of his blades and eyes calculating. Though he has never seen one, he knows that Titans are unpredictable creatures, not as much as humans, but the ones present in this target course made it pretty clear that they want to see them fail, so it is a well-known fact that they will do what they can to have them fall. With that in mind, he prepares for a change of course as he approaches the dummy.

As expected, it turns in his direction as he closes in fast, pulleys squeaking from their perch on trees as they are forced to work too quickly. A well-aimed grapple to the bark of a tree has him gliding beneath the flat head of the dummy and with a quick spin of his body, the grapple flies and seizes another tree across from him, splintering the thick husk beneath. With ease and grace, he slices the pillow-like spot on the nape of its neck, leaving a deep cut where his swords once touched.

Isabel is cheering loudly when he lands on the floor. Furlan has that smug smirk on his face and Hanji is slow clapping, slack jawed and wide eyed. He looks at Flagon then, really looks him in the eye, and finds immense pleasure to know that he is silently fuming at his success.

He holds his horse by the reins, staring into its black eyes that match the color of its fur.

The next thing they do after some long hours of boring training in the wooded area is go to the stables. Each one of them gets a horse; each one of them has to bond with their horse or else their chances of survival outside the walls decreases drastically. He was never good with people and looking at it now, he starts to believe that he is not good with animals either. Isabel is already galloping around at top speed, laughing at the top of her lungs, and Furlan has been gently petting his mare on the snout for the past ten minutes.

So far, all he managed to do was pet his horse on the neck and stand about three feet away.

It cannot be helped, he supposes. Despite the fact that he hates when it is pointed out, his height is somewhat short for someone of his gender and age. A horse is a slightly intimidating being when you catch yourself wondering if you can even mount it without any help at all. Thankfully, Flagon had to leave to attend to some business; if he were there to witness it, he would never stop giving him hell for it and would most likely suggest that they get him a miniature pony.

Church makes his first attempt at mounting his mare. His feet get caught in the stirrup and he loses his balance for a moment, wobbling dangerously until his other leg finds purchase on the animal’s other side and he balances himself on the saddle. He shifts as he tests his position and caresses its mane before gathering the reins in his hands and giving its sides an experimental nudge. The horse trots forward after his second try, its pace is slow and leisure, but it is moving nonetheless.

Levi is still the only one that is painfully grounded on the floor, still unsure of how to start. He glances at his horse again, wondering if it is looking at him expectantly, and decides that he is comfortable just where he is, with both his feet on the ground. He is not used to asking others for help, so he cannot tell if he can even ask Isabel for some advice. He has always been the one that knew how to do everything, anyway.

“Watch out!”

He is jerked away from his thoughts when a scream reaches his ears, followed by an impossibly high neigh and hooves slamming on the grass beneath their feet. A horse runs in their direction as fast as its legs can carry it and the rider looks visibly shaken, hands tightly holding the reins and eyes just as tightly shut. Furlan’s horse startles by the sudden commotion and begins to rise to its hind legs. Levi can only watch from his spot where roots seem to have grown around his feet as his friend struggles to maintain his position, and he is quickly aided by Isabel, who evaded the horse and ran to his side, fingers just barely managing to grasp the leather strip and calm the animal down.

With his heart still beating at the front of their throat, he notices from the sidelines as another horse enters the scene, much faster than the one running aimlessly around, its brown fur shimmering red in the midday sun, the white of her mare and tail wiping behind her. He knows who the rider is before he even sees her. It seems she is everywhere, at different places all at once. And she is fast; it only takes her a handful of seconds to reach the spooked horse and seize it by the reins, slowing down to a stop and immediately dismounting from her own steed. Her hands are tugging her subordinate away from the horse and practically dragging a shocked, mostly limp body to the side, away from dangerous hooves and anything that can induce injury.

The members of Flagon’s team immediately approach the other captain, all hovering around or kneeling close to the cadet she rescued. It is a boy with skinny limbs despite all the muscle that must lay beneath his clothes and skin, with unnaturally full cheeks and hair that falls over his eyes and ears. “Damnit, Borlov,” she hisses as she checks for his vital pulse; the woman that has been keeping watch over Isabel for the past thirty minutes aids her in moving the unconscious boy. “Can you take him to the infirmary? I have to keep my eyes on the other two.”

“Yes, captain.” The rest of Flagon’s group help the woman haul the body up and away from her reach, moving at an impressive speed back to the castle.

She stands as she watches them go, hands tightly curled by her sides. “They were just waiting for an opportunity to get rid of us,” Furlan states as he approaches her and she turns around to face him. “You are much better company than them, anyway.”

“I know most of them give you all hell most of the time,” she easily overlooks his not so subtle compliment and strides towards the horses, “but that’s their way of coping with the fact that you know how to use the equipment rather well.” Her lips purse and her squinted eyes turn heavenward.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine, Captain.” Isabel reassures her with a smile. “It was just a scare. Here, I’ll take care of the horses for you.”

Ackerman watches as she approaches the previously spooked horse and rubs its neck comfortingly. “I see you’re good with animals,” she muses in a low voice, but gives the younger woman no chance to reply and marches away towards her steed.

The horse nudges her shoulder and she places her palm on its snout, gliding it along its length as she lets a brief smile flash only for her mare to see. With a gentle slap on its back, she urges it to wander away freely to graze on the vibrant grass and watches both Magnolia and Church leading the horse back to the stable for the time being, taking their own along. It is only when Ackerman turns that she spots him standing there standing an awkward distance away from his new teammate.

She has covered half the distance between them when her lips part, “Never ridden a horse before?”

“No, there were plenty of horses in the underground.” A scowl follows his sarcastic remark. “What do you think, brat? Of course not.”

“I think you need to work on your attitude because it will make me regret ever entertaining the idea of trying to teach a midget like you. My patience is running pretty thin today.” She is calm as ever, voice slightly less detached than it was on the previous day when they were heading for the castle. “Just place your feet in the stirrup and use momentum to mount on it.”

He lets his glare linger on her face for one moment longer before he does as she said, using his feet still on the ground to kick away from the terrain and swings his leg over to the other side of the animal’s torso. His rough landing is a clear sign that he needs more practice and he fumbles to hook his other feet on the other stirrup.

“I’ll give you a quick overview and in a few days you should be fine.” Her hands grab his arm and shin, pulling them back. He feels his face contorting at the invasion of his personal space, but as usual, she ignores him. “Keep a straight line from your head to your heels, shoulders and elbows aligned with it, and keep your back upright.” Her palm is on his lower back in the next moment, and he naturally leans away from her touch, straightening his spine as she advised.

Next, she is adjusting his feet. “Keep the balls of your feet on the stirrup and point your toes to the sky, it helps.” Ackerman flexes his ankles until they are in the desired position and lastly she adds, speaking faster than before. “Remember to keep your thighs squeezed around your horse and start with gentle kicks of your heels to its side. You’ll eventually figure out what gets your horse moving.”

Ackerman moves away from him just as Furlan and Isabel enter his line of vision. Her lips curl inwards and she whistles sharply, and her horse responds to her call immediately, trotting to her side. She is graceful as she mounts her horse, her face turned to the side as she watches the rest of her team that has been left unattended for the past five minutes or so. She is far from them in the next second, shouting orders at her subordinates and getting them to follow her to the other side of the field.

Furlan whistles, obviously impressed by the sight. “Boy, she’s fast.”

Indeed, she is. Ackerman got him on the horse in less than a minute and he did not even realize it until she was gone.

[kdtheghostwriter]

SNK 122 - Avalanche

Who would have thought when it happened that Eren kissing Historia’s hand would be THE moment of Shingeki no Kyojin. Imagine you’re picking up this lovely series for the first time. You see a fresh take on the survival-horror genre and think, “I could get into this.” A couple volumes in, you discover the zombie horde tale was a clever cover for a fleshy mecha gimmick. “Weird,” you think, “but ok.” Now it’s ten years and 130+ chapters later. We’re all reading a retelling of the Norse Myth of Creation wrapped in a cozy WWII disguise.

What do any of these words mean? Join me under the cut. It’s time for lore.

Thoughts on the chapter first. We finally get to see the life and times of Founder Ymir. Not surprisingly, she appears to be of vague Northern European origin in what appears to be the Middle Ages. The ancient Eldians were Vikings basically, but back then they weren’t even Eldian. They were human just like everyone else…until they weren’t.

Founder Ymir’s story eerily mirrors that of 104th Ymir. As a small child, she was nothing more than a scapegoat. Born a servant girl, she empathized with the group of pigs that had been captured. She released them, no doubt ruining someone’s feast in the process. A soldier asks who the offending party is and we see a great panel of Ymir surrounded by pointing fingers John Wick style.

Much like Mr. Wick, Ymir goes on the run only in a much different context. John Wick, in his universe, is the most prolific assassin alive. He’s on the run, but he’s not defenseless. Ymir is a child and is defenseless. The men (and I do emphasize the grown men) that chase after her never perceive her as a threat. They’re having a sporting time terrifying and slowly killing this innocent child. Running out of energy and time, Ymir happens across a humongous tree and decides an odd hiding spot is better than none at all. Entering the base of the tree, she falls down into an unseen hole – like Alice into the looking glass – and just as she’s about to lose consciousness, she comes in contact with what can only be described as…this.

A parasite? An alien lifeform? An ancient Eldridge manifestation? Maybe. Just like another old Myth there isn’t really a clear answer nor will there be. ‘Tis the Source of all Organic Matter and it was always there it was, lad.

We get several lessons here about how history can warp our perceptions of the individual players in both a positive and negative sense. Ymir never made a deal with the Devil to get her overwhelming power. She literally fell backwards into a divot and came out big as a mountain. On the other hand, the Founding Titan was not this ethereal being of divine beauty. The First Titan was grotesque to look at. It had no true face and its ribs were exposed, which I guess makes sense for a creature that large. Founder Ymir was a victim of circumstance and oppression. She has the power of nature and God at her fingertips but has only known servitude. That’s why there is no objection when she hears the following.

Not only is there CLEARLY no consent here, but I’m fairly sure Ymir is barely a teenager here so – Double Dose of Yikes!

Fittingly (or tragically, who can tell at this point), Ymir has three daughters: Maria, Rose and Sina. She raises her children while helping her nation conquer the lands around them with her unmatched power. However, thirteen years after her eldest child is born, a rogue soldier makes an attempt on the king’s life and Ymir leaps in front of the spear; one final act of indentured service.

Sort of. She is told correctly that she isn’t in danger. No doubt she has come back from far worse injuries than a spear to the collar. King Fritz tells her to get up and continue being a slave and Ymir says fuck you with her whole chest and gives up the ghost right there.

This shocking development leads to two things. First, we see the most graphic panel in a series full of gore and body horror as the children of Ymir are forced by Dear Old Dad to cannibalize their mother’s still-cooling corpse in order to obtain her power. Then, we see Ymir wake up in what we now know as the Paths dimension. Here she shall stay until a certain someone is able to receive and respond to her call for help.

That’s all for the backstory, now what about the source? It’s been documented well that Isayama loves myth and folklore especially of the Norse variety. Near the beginning of #122 we see Ymir fall into a tree that Momtaku and her co-host Luna succinctly describe as “both phallic and vulvic at the same time.” This seems like a clear reference to Yggdrasil, The World Tree. Yggdrasil is an interdimensional bridge with each branch connecting to a different realm, not unlike the branches we see in the PATHS dimension. Then we have the spine-like creature that latches on to Ymir like Symbiote under the tree. See if this looks familiar.

Nidhogg is a serpent that is known for eating away at the roots of the World Tree. It also has a famous rivalry with an unnamed eagle that sits atop Yggdrasil. A constant struggle between freedom and entrapment which is of course a central theme to this story. I’ve seen meta theorize that if the briny parasite represents the serpent of the Tree, that Eren Jaeger would represent the eagle the overlooks it and seeing how he’s spent most of this tale with wings on his back, that makes about as much sense as anything else.

It’s all a lead-up to Ragnarok: the End of the World.

Yup, that looks like the end to me.

When the First King lined up those Titans to form those walls, he couldn’t have known someone would find the one loophole to circumvent his failsafe. The reason the Coordinate Powers only fully activate for those of Royal Blood. It isn’t because of their genes alone. Ymir is a slave to the Royal Family, even centuries after her physical death. It isn’t until someone gives her a choice that she even thinks to take a different course of action.

What a charmer. This panel and the one that follows are both very important to me. Zeke, in his frenzy is a spitting image of King Fritz. Yes, the are directly related but also, I think there is something to be said of him taking on the form of Ymir’s greatest oppressor. After she hears Eren’s pitch to lend him her world-shattering power we see her eyes, full of tears, for the first time. Not an accident. It’s the first time in 2,000 years anyone has treated her like a person.

This is not an official theory or anything but it’s how I interpret this. The title of this chapter ‘From You, 2,000 Years Ago’ is of great significance outside of how it mirrors the title of the very first chapter. Ymir was sending a message and when we remember the Attack Titan’s special trait of moving (and looking) forward it’s clear who the messenger was. The question then becomes, was Eren the only one who was able to answer the call? Yes, just not for the reasons you would think.

 Technically, any of the Attack Titans (or any of them, I guess) could have unlocked the PATHS with enough work. The problem is, the only knowledge of Ymir’s story and the history of the Eldian people was with the Coordinate which, historically, was possessed by the Royal Line. It wasn’t until that fateful night when Grisha stole the Coordinate away that a very specific set of conditions could be met.

Once a single person of their own free will got even a glimpse of the tortured history and fate of Founder Ymir it was enough to set an incredibly complex series of events into motion. This is why the Attack Titan, even during the Great Titan War, can never listen to reason. They know what the end game is, thanks to Eren sending them snaps of that scenery.

Eren was special after all. Just not in the way we first thought. Funny that.

  Stray Thoughts

- Keep in mind that the final panel of Eren’s new Titan exploding out of his severed head happens the instant it lands in Zeke’s hand. How must Gabi be feeling right now? You think you’ve slain the Devil of the Earth and all you’ve done instead is give him immense power and an army of unstoppable giants. Someone get the Bart cake gif in the replys.

- The most impressive part of seeing Ymir’s backstory is that it was largely done with no dialogue. Almost felt like we were reading a scroll or ancient tome. Credit to the author for crafting such a deep, rich world to explore. Somehow, Shingeki no Kyojin isn’t the story he’s always wanted to tell but it will rightfully be the one he is best known for.

- Once again Zeke blows a 3-1 lead by being an entitled shithead. He and the rest of his family knew the story of Ymir and the fate she suffered and still saw fit to not only keep her imprisoned but to use her as a tool to subjugate their own people. No tears from me, muchacho.

[darlingpoppet]

SNK Character Song Series 07: Erwin Smith (Image song & monologue translations)

Thanks for your patience! 

Here is the second half of my translation, this time featuring Erwin’s image song & monologue! 

(You can read Levi’s song & monologue translations here.)

Similar to the Levi post, I included the original Japanese and romaji versions of the song, and I also made a transcript of Erwin’s monologue in the original Japanese. You can read that one here.

Again, spoiler warning for details of Erwin’s entire character song CD, as well as one more plug for the official release :)

SHINGEKI NO KYOJIN CHARACTER SONG SERIES 07: Erwin Smith

“Hope Of Mankind” (Vocals by Daisuke Ono)

Side Note: the melody for Erwin’s song is based on the previously released SNK single, theDOGS.

Japanese Version

見せかけの希望を説いて 夢をちらつかせはしない 惨状だけが　現状そのもの

時に最善の策は 尊い命切り捨てて 先へ進む　道を死守 戦場のセオリー

終わりなきCRISISの中 兵を導き続け 何を捨て去ったとしても 繋ぎ止めるHope Of Mankind

飽きるほど見つめてきた 人類の及ばなさを それでもまだ滅びてはいない

犠牲払わぬ弱者に どんな勝機があると言う？ 向き合うべき相手とは 100年の脅威

※終わりなきCRISISの中 何度でも飛び込んで 核心の断片探す それだけがHope Of Mankind

終わりなきCRISISの中 兵を導き続け 揺るがぬ信念貫く 尽きるその日まで

無惨に散った餌食となった 有志にいつか償えるなら 命ひとつじゃ不足だろうが 地獄に落ちたその後でなら… 限りある今下す決断が 明日を創ると信じている

※ Repeat

捨てたものは限りなく 得たものは僅かでも 挑む限りゼロじゃない 可能性はまだ

Romaji version

Misekake no kibō wo toite Yume wo chiratsukase wa shinai Sanjō dake ga genjō sono mono

Toki ni saizen no saku wa Tōtoi inochi kirisutete Saki e susumu michi wo shishu Senjō no seorī

Owari naki crisis no naka Hei wo michibiki tsuzuke Nani wo sutesatta toshite mo Tsunagi tomeru Hope Of Mankind

Akiru hodo mitsumete kita Jinrui no oyobanasa wo Soredemo mada hirobite wa inai

Gisei harawanu jakusha ni Donna shōki ga aru to iu? Mukiaubeki aite to wa Hyaku nen no kyōi

*Owari naki crisis no naka Nando demo tobikonde Kakushin no danpen sagasu Sore dake ga Hope Of Mankind

Owari naki crisis no naka Hei wo michibiki tsuzuke Yuru ganu shinnen tsuranuku Tsukiru sono hi made

Muzan ni chitta ejiki to natta Yūshi ni itsuka tsugunaeru nara Inochi hitotsu ja fuzoku darō ga Jigoku ni ochita sono ato de nara… Kagiri aru ima kudasu ketsudan ga Asu wo tsukuru to shinjite iru

*Repeat

Suteta mono wa kagiri naku Eta mono wa wazuka demo Idomu kagiri zero ja nai Kanōsei wa mada

English Translation

I do not offer false hopes By dangling dreams in front It is nothing but bleak, but that is the way things are Sometimes the best policy is To sacrifice precious lives Defending until the end the path forward It is the theory of the battlefield Into the midst of this endless crisis I will continue to guide the soldiers Even if I have to abandon everything I will hold onto the hope of mankind I have stared myself sick gazing upon Humanity’s inferiority Nevertheless we have not yet perished For the weak ones who have not paid with sacrifice What sort of chances of winning are there? The opponents we must face Have been a menace for 100 years Into the midst of this endless crisis I will dive over and over again To search for fragments of the truth That is simply the hope of mankind Into the midst of this endless crisis I will continue to lead the soldiers I will cling to my unwavering faith Until my days come to an end It is cruel how the victims have fallen If I were to atone for these volunteers One life is not enough, but Perhaps it would after I have fallen into hell There is a limit to the decisions I make now but I believe we can build a tomorrow There’s no end to the things I’ve thrown away Even though the things I’ve gotten in return were few The ability to challenge is not down to zero There is still a possibility

++

Monologue English Translation

My father was a teacher. The course of my life was set in the classroom one day where my father was giving a history lesson.

Having doubts about the story of how humanity had been driven into these walls, I asked my father a naive question.

At the time, my father stayed silent, but after we returned home, he answered my question.

There were a great number of inconsistencies in the history book distributed by the monarchy.

Moreover, he had a theory that they were hiding an astounding truth.

I spread my father’s theory around to the neighborhood children.

There was no ill intention, it was an innocent act.

However, on the day in which those details were investigated by Military Police, my father died in an accident in a faraway town he had left for.

Of course, it was only ostensibly an accident. My father was killed at the hands of someone who disapproved of his theory.

Inside the walls, there are a portion of humans who indulge in a privileged life– their desires, as well as a foolish son tempted by innocent questions killed my father.

And then my father’s theory became my truth. Proving my father’s theory became my life’s mission.

Humans become titans, and titans become the walls.

In this world full of harsh paths, answering the question I put forth on that day is the meaning of my life, the reason why I was born.

It is for that reason that I came to lead the Survey Corps, giving commands to numerous subordinates: “Give up your life.”

Almost all humans who join the Survey Corps will die.

On their first expedition outside the walls, the probability that new recruits will become food for the titans is roughly 50 percent.

1 in 2 people will lose their life.

Just in the last 4 years, the Survey Corps lost the majority of its soldiers, and with the fall of Wall Maria, all of the results we had gained crumbled in an instant.

There is no guarantee that Survey Corps soldiers who dedicate their hearts for the sake of humanity will live tomorrow. The current condition is bleak.

However much we try to discuss our hopes and dreams, all of them will be easily crushed.

No matter how much we champion some great cause or become a sacrifice for someone else’s sake, the pay off is almost nothing.

And yet I have been ordering many soldiers to die.

I have been using gamble-like military strategies in order to fight against this cruel world.

A comrade who formerly aspired to join the Survey Corps with me fell in love with a girl from the bar we frequented, and he chose to protect her.

I too thought I could perhaps walk along that same kind of path.

But I chose the path of fighting titans over a girl I loved.

Even a person who chose a peaceful life and could spend their life happily will eventually die.

Hope? Or despair? When this small world is about to change, I am the only one who will choose my own path.

I am the only one who will choose the path I believe in.

Who is the enemy of this world?

The key that will save humanity from this despair is none other than humanity’s determination.

This firm determination is, above all, mankind’s hope.

Therefore, I have no choice but to go see the answers I want to know.

Even though I have lost my arm as well as many of my subordinates while carrying the wings of freedom on my back¹, I must continue to advance beyond the walls by fighting against this cruel world.

If we can manage to reach the basement of Eren Yeager’s home, surely we will be able to seize the key to freeing ourselves from control by titans which has lasted for 100 years.

The answer to the question I brought forth on that day is at a place right before my eyes, a place I can reach my hand toward and grab.

Everything is for the sake of my dream– my very own dream. For that purpose I have guided many soldiers, and have ordered them to die.

Mike.

Nanaba.

Gelgar.

Ness.

Eld.

Gunther.

Oluo.

Petra.

As well as every other soldier who has tragically fallen.

My one life is not enough, but eventually I will make up for it. After I have fallen into hell, certainly I will have the privilege to atone.

Certainly, without fail. But now is not the time.

No matter what it takes, I have to be present to witness the moment that the truth about this world becomes clear.

Even if I have to abandon everything.

My conviction is unwavering.

Translation note:

¹ Here the phrase 自由の翼を背負い/jiyū no tsubasa wo seoi (“carrying the wings of freedom on my back”) has a connotation of it being a heavy burden to bear. It looks similar to another phrase in Japanese, 十字架を背負う/jyūjika wo seō, which means “to have a cross to bear” or more figuratively, “to carry a heavy burden”.

[anotherererifanshippingcorner]

Medical AU - ereri week day #1

Soooo... I did a thing. So little medical, much more is this angst? and is that fluff? kind of thing. I coulnd’t get rid of this idea! Yeah, sorry.

Rating: General Audience

Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin

Pairing: Eren Jaeger/Levi Ackerman

Word count: 1960

Additional tags: Alternative Universe - Modern Setting, Medical AU (sort of), Reincarnation, Doctor!Levi, Soldier!Eren, 

Summary: One Shot for ereri summer week 2017, Medical AU

More under the cut :D

“Start from the beginning.” “Better not.” “You promised to tell me the truth!” “Yes, and I will, but if you really want to hear the full story, you need to let me decide where to begin from.” He didn’t seem convinced, his silence giving away his reluctance. The boy sighed. “Look, it’s hard. Okay? This would make anyone run away in, like, two seconds, and I don’t want it to happen with you. You have to trust me!” “We wouldn’t be at this point if I didn’t, idiot.” “Then shut up and listen!” Oh, shit. Maybe he should have counted down from ten before replying. The boy looked at him, at his clamped fists and jaw, the way his eyes kept trying to contain his frustration, but the tenseness of his body betrayed him. Seeing all that made Eren’s heart clench, angry at his own inability to speak without fear controlling him. It was all so cliché, like out of some kind of trash movie with bad actors. But the pain in his eyes was real. “Okay, just- let me-“ Eren jumped down from the bed and started pacing in the room, back and fort, to the window and back. “Okay.”  He raised his head and looked straight to Levi. And then he started talking.

Back then, you were a doctor. I remember spotting you, with the corner of my eye. One moment you were there, standing, with your white coat, hands in your pocket, expression blank, hard gaze pointed on a young couple probably in their mid thirties, delivering god know what dreadful news, judging by their faces. The next, you were turning, and I was too scared to meet your eyes. You need to understand that I didn’t know you. Not back then. Not like I know you now, not with the things I’m now aware of, the things I felt and experienced. Now it easier, and harder in a whole, new different way. Back then… you were an illusion. A dream. You were blissful unawareness, and I didn’t know if it was the same for you. Because I didn’t know you, but staring at you made me feel nostalgic. Like looking through the album with photos of your childhood, only ten times worse. So I did what I had to do. I looked away. But the following day I was back at the hospital. And the day after, and the one after that, and again and again, until one day I didn’t even make it through the front door. I stopped on the street, facing the building. “You came here every afternoon at the same hour in the last two weeks. You’re starting to draw attention.” I was stuck. I stuttered words I barely understood, and you simply stood there, with your back against the concrete, looking at me. I know I seemed ridiculous, but I could I explain something as crazy as that to someone I didn’t even know if I wasn’t sure about what that was myself? Of course I made a fool out of myself. “I- I- I like this place.” You used your bitch face on me -raised eyebrow, twitching lip, bored look. “You like hospitals?” “Yes- I mean, no. I come here because some of my friends have been hospitalized.” “Someone from your military squad?” It took me some time to notice that I was, in fact, wearing my uniform. I didn’t use to have it on me when I went visiting, but sometime it happened, and the day of our first talk you caught me with it. I wasn’t having any of it. The only thing I was thinking about, in that moment, was that you recognized me, somehow. And that was exactly what I told you. “Yes. Missions often end like this. So you- you saw me?” “Pretty hard not to, strolling around with that uniform.” “Yeah but, surely I’m not the only one in a military uniform strolling around.” I felt smug, giddy even. You fell silent. I wasn’t used to the way you distanced yourself from people when they got something right about you that you didn’t what to show -when you shut down and take all your colors and warmth with you. You noticed me and I was so happy that I didn’t know what else to say. “A soldier is a soldier. If it didn’t turn out to be you, I would have made a complaint about the bratty one with the uniform haunting my ward.” “I’m- I’m sorry, I didn’t realize-” “No, you clearly didn’t.” You were terrifying. We stood there, in silence, and you kept looking at me as if you were expecting me to say something. It didn’t come to me that maybe you wanted me to go away. I went to open my mouth to say that something -anything, really-, but then someone called you. “Doctor Levi! I got the papers you needed!” A woman came from behind me, jogging towards you while picking at me with curious eyes. “Good work, Riley. Let’s go back inside.” “Yes, doctor.” She did as you told her, looking back just once. You followed her right away, but before disappearing, you stopped and turned. I remember thinking there was something on you face, in your eyes, like you didn’t want to talk. But you did. “Until next time, Mr. Soldier.” I smiled. I knew you were probably making fun of me, I knew since the moment I opened my mouth to speak to you, but nothing mattered. Nothing did, except you, and the fact that I could finally give a name to that face -the face and eye and hair and nose and cheeks and mouth and arms and legs and body and words that haunted me and my dreams. Doctor Levi. Levi. You could have been a baker, a mugger, homeless, I wouldn’t have cared. I came back. Every day. And you were there, outside, waiting -each time for different things, but sometimes you would forget to build up you excuse, which I thoughtlessly reminded you of. One time you didn’t take it well, didn’t meet with me the day after, and I learned my lesson. Even so, you were there. And we started talking until you had to get back to work. I told you my name, but you liked teasing me, calling me “Mr. Soldier”. Every morning I woke up knowing that I would see you, tell you things, bring you snacks, losing me in your eyes and keep hoping… It didn’t happen. I saw you in a bar, I was off duty, night out with my fellow colleagues. We were at a table, you close to the counter with your friends, I guessed, arm around a woman’s waist, looking for a free spot, maybe. You surveyed the entire room. Hell, you probably saw me, but like the first time, I couldn’t meet your gaze. I felt like I was going to vomit, couldn’t stop shivering from disgust. So I did the same thing I did months before and looked away. I was young, I was a wreck, I kept that failure in my heart. I would like to say that I had not, even for one second, been angry at you, but that would be a lie. I had. But it was just that -there was this bitter feeling, this wrongness, but I couldn’t pinpoint it, and that made me feel so frustrated. I didn’t go back to the hospital, and then me and my squad were deployed for another mission. I took all of that with me on the field, I kept being reckless, and that got me killed. Or, however, badly injured, so badly that the last things I remember are bullets, pain, shock and screams, a hand in my hair, then nothing.

Eren kept his gaze out of the window. Levi didn’t say he was sorry about what happened back then, and Eren didn’t want him to. “This is it?” “Of course not. That was just one of the lives I can remember clearly. I chose it because from then onwards, you seemed to see me. Like you were remembering, too.” “Did I?” “Remember me?” Levi nodded. “Well, it’s complicated. Yes, I think, but it was more like a sensation, nothing like now. But, Levi, we always met. Always. Every life, every different time, we met, and sometimes it worked, sometimes didn’t. Those were the worst, and a couple of days ago I was grateful you didn’t recall them, because then I was forced to recall them too. But you’re right. I need to let these memories go, and you are the only one who can understand enough of this stuff without maing me feel crazy.” Eren came to terms with the idea of reincarnation a long time ago, but Levi was still slowly trying to accept the whole thing. He remembered -just, not everything and not all their lives. But he knew enough of them to finally understand, much more than Eren did when he was a soldier and felt captivated by the very same man because of strange dreams and cloudy feelings. Now… Arms circled Eren’s waist from behind and he sighed happily, backing against Levi’s body without fears. “I finally get why you’re so moody when I hug Isabel.” Eren pouted, trying to ignore the wave of embarrassment that hit him. “That’s not being moody, that’s irritation.” “Same thing.” Lips began caressing his neck, and he felt goosebumps run along his arms. “No, you make me sound like a woman.” “Mmh.” Little kisses left randomly on warming skin, the blush spreading well beyond his cheeks. “So, in one of our lives I swung that way?” Eren didn’t even try to hide the laugh that escaped him. He turned around, never leaving Levi’s arms, and met his gaze. “Apparently. I did see the ring. You didn’t wear it at work, so...” “He didn’t wear it at work.” Eren shrugged his shoulder, not looking at him. “Eren.” “Yeah?” He felt a hand under his chin and his head was raised until Levi could look at him in the eye again. “Whatever happened, they dealt with it. Whatever will happen, we’ll deal with it.” “But it’s always us, Levi. Always. Don’t you feel like those times are still here, somehow? Like they are some kind of debt we left to ourself in the present?” “They are not.” “But do you feel it?” Levi knew what Eren was talking about. It was like a never-ending cycle, it didn’t matter what made their previous lives different than this, or the next ones. Yeah, it didn’t. “Sometimes. But we can’t keep feeling those decisions. Those are not ours anymore. This? What we have now? This is ours. We don’t have to let all of those memories go, but we need to find a way to live with them.” Eren closed his eyes, shoulders leaning forward. His forehead bumped lightly with Levi’s, and the shorter man tightened his arms around him. “I wish I could stop them from popping in my mind, sometimes. But then I wouldn’t have you, and that’s more terrifying than all of those memories together.” “Yeah, I love me too.” Eren cackled at that, opening his eyes. He brought his hand to Levi’s face, caressing his cheek, and it was his turn to close his eyes. “Thank you.” Levi knew Eren wasn’t just talking about their chat. He titled his head up and let the younger man lean down to kiss him, sweetly, oh so sweetly, his lips barely there. Levi loved it when Eren treated him like he was precious. After all those lives, after all that pain and occasional happiness, there was nothing they could express with words anymore. So he didn’t say anything, and only deepened the kiss.