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leo-k-102105 · 2 years ago

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i’ll type it out for people to understand better…

*christina is my stepmother

*This is like all my thoughts just going bleh lol so there is like no structure lol its long too

Christina is so freaking irritating. like she has no sort of boundaries at all.

My mother “claims she supports me” but she hasn’t said anything/used my pronouns at all. Even when i try to correct her she either is like “whatever” or she completely ignores me correcting her. My father and his wife (Christina) are a whole other level of homophobic/transphobic. (another story lol) so like my father just completely ignores my existence and he and his wife don’t care at all that i just cant handle their homophobia/transphobia/political church and how loud it is. Last time i was in there for the music, I literally ran out crying after legit 3-5 minutes because I can’t handle it. At least my mother actually cares about that part. Both my parents also still think that me being trans is “still a phase” (mother) after a whole freaking year lmao and that “you need straight friends” (father) since apparently the friends at my fathers church are like non-existent lmfao. And my mother pretty much said that I have to get over the trauma i have from HER EX HUSBAND for her to believe me. like bffr. He is a whole other story lmao. She also claim that she “still misses her Isabelle” (my deadname) and she also claims that she has been so supportive of me and that i was just mad out of spite. like 😑 and that i’m “like this to fit in” and that i’m “just a tomboy”. She brought up a friend of hers that was a female and that was a tomboy like 🙄 idgaf. my father then brought up religion and said that “he never raised us to be like this and he doesn’t believe it is right” lmao. Then the vid i apparently sent my mother mentioned suìçide (i’m not suicidal) and that i told her that and she said she loves me and nothing would change that and im confused becuz she like barely shows me that (my father never does) which is true and i told her i felt alone (and still do a whole year later).

Recap: My mother “claims” that she supports me and loves me w/ no evidence and my father and his wife are extremely religious, homophobic/transphobic assholes, and i’ve felt extremely alone w/ no one to talk to in-person because everyone seems to have their own opinions on my issue. ✨Life is AmAzInG✨——————————————

Why i feel alone 24/7

Still dealing w/ the trauma from my mothers ex (i still haven’t forgiven anyone for it)

I’ve been out to my parents for a year and them not accepting me

My mother outed me to my father w/o my permission

dealing with my eating disorder again. by myself. again.

Avoiding my father and his house in general “like the plague” according to my mother lmao (its true lol)

3 family members died within a month (one died this afternoon) and i’m scared that my father will die. Everyone on both sides of my fam have health problems.

my fathers wife used it against me. at church. to try and get me to go into the sanctuary with her. like fuck off. i didnt go obvi lol

my father and his wife think i’m faking literally everything

My mother still refuses to use my pronouns (even w/ reminders)

Parents still don’t believe me that i’m trans after a whole freaking year.

Christina (attempts) to guilt trip me 24/7

————————————

she legit said that i’m going to go chain smoke at church and thats why i couldn’t have coffee (i died) she makes legit no sense. i’m not even a smoker.

She said i would get no screen time if i dont go inthe sanctuary with her to “worship” when she clearly knows i’ll just cry when i get in there.

her and my father refuse me ear plugs because they think its disrespectful (they think that about everything)

her toxic behavior is getting out of hand at this point. Literally her own sister said that she would get me to hang out to save me from my fathers house.

—————————————

mother always keeps bringing up the past.

my mother questions why i havent gotten over the trauma she caused.

she constantly belittles my trauma over hers then she goes and talks about her. like 🖕🏻

I kept telling her that i needed to go to a hospital months before i tried 💀

I have no idea what to do about christina. she is becoming more controlling than ever.

I still have many flashback and the last panic attack i had was legit today (3/21/23)

Physical and Emotional abuse at 7-9 urs old rlly messed me up. 7 1/2 yrs later (i’m 17 now) and i am still dealing w/ the after affects of a fucking grown ass man who was supposed to protect me but decided to legit mentally torture me.

ik i rlly hate my father, but he is still my father at the end of the day. w/ all the deaths, i’m worried abt his health. He’s had health problems since i was a kid. he is kow in his 40’s. and i’m scared about him dying. idk how i would react if he did die.

rant lol i wrote this at like 11 pm

#rant #cptsd #fuck u christina #fuck u james #fuck you dad #fuck you mom #tw ed #tw suicide mention #homophobic and transphobic parents

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not-all-dead · 4 years ago

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angstpril day five: amnesia

CW: .......sad

fic under the cut

Lin opened her eyes groggily, wincing against the bright white surrounding her. She pushed herself away from the bed she rested on but fell right back down when her headache multiplied. She was vaguely aware of people around her, helping her to sit up properly, bringing her water. She didn’t recognize any of them. Once her head had stopped spinning and she’d had a drink of water, she noticed a woman beside her, holding her hand.

“Who are you?” She asked quietly, confusion coming over her.

The woman’s piercing blue eyes widened and she bit her lip, seemingly trying to hold back tears. She took a deep breath before saying anything back.

“How much do you remember? Can you tell me who you are? What year you were born?” She said, her hand tightening around Lin’s.

Lin stared at her lap for a moment, trying to remember something, anything. No matter how hard she tried, she came up blank. She looked back up at the woman and shook her head slowly.

“I don’t- there’s nothing,” She whispered, her own eyes watering now.

The woman forced a sad smile and let out a shaky breath.

“I thought that might be the case,” She said softly.

“It’s alright, we’ll help you through this. I’ll start by telling you small things, alright?” Lin nodded at the question.

“Well, your name is Lin Beifong. You were injured in a work accident, protecting civilians,” The woman smiled to herself and chuckled.

“Always playing the hero, you,” She was about to continue when Lin interrupted her.

“What was the accident?” She asked, burrowing her brows.

“Oh, Lin, you really don’t remember anything, do you?” The woman asked, to which Lin shook her head again.

“Well,” The woman continued.

“You were the Chief of Police here in Republic City. You were working in the field when there was an explosion downtown, and a building started to collapse. You’re an earthbender, you see, so you used your bending to hold the building up until everyone was evacuated. You saved a lot of people, Lin, but when it was time for you to get out of there…” She trailed off, sucking in a breath and forcing another smile.

“Your focus slipped just barely, and a piece of rubble came down on your head. It was quite the injury,” She chuckled darkly, shaking her head.

“We did everything we could to heal you. Even my mother came down and tried, but your memory… I’m afraid that’s one thing we can’t restore,” A tear fell from her eye and she laughed at herself, quickly wiping it away.

“I’m sorry,” Lin said quietly, looking back at her lap.

“What? Lin, you have nothing to apologize for,” The woman put her other hand on Lin’s cheek, forcing Lin to meet her eyes.

“I never answered your question from before,” She let out a sigh.

“Lin, my name is Kya. I’m your wife.”

Lin stumbled as they stepped onto the airship. Her balance had also been damaged in the accident, but she managed with Kya’s help. Kya gripped her arm tightly now, keeping her upright with unexpected strength. Lin turned her head slightly to give Kya a grateful smile, adjusting so she could stand up straight again.

They’d kept Lin in the hospital for a few weeks, gradually telling her more and more about her old life and monitoring her health just in case. Finally, they’d discharged her, saying she was ready to join the real world again. If she was honest, she didn’t feel ready herself, but she was glad to be going somewhere more comfortable than the hospital.

Kya had told her that they were going to the Fire Nation. She said they had family there, though she hadn’t said who exactly. At this point, Lin didn’t mind. There was already so much new information hitting her every day that it didnt matter who she met at the end of this trip. Everyone was a stranger to her now, even her own wife. She felt bad for Kya, like she deserved so much more than a wife that now couldn’t even remember her name.

“I’m sorry,” She muttered for the hundredth time that day.

Kya looked at her softly and sighed, shaking her head.

“Lin, you never need to apologize. I tell you this every time you do, and I will continue to say it; I love you, Lin, and I’m not going to stop loving you because of this. I want to help you through this, alright? There is nothing, nothing you need to be sorry for,” Kya laced her fingers through Lin’s as she spoke.

Lin looked away, ashamed despite Kya’s reassurance. She couldn’t help but think over Kya’s words, doubt growing in her mind with every repetition. How could Kya love her when she couldn’t even love herself? When she didn’t even know herself? It didn’t make sense. None of it made sense, but by now there was nothing to be done.

The airship didn’t take too long to get to their destination. A few hours in the air wasn’t all that bad when they had so much to talk about. Kya told her more about how things had been before the accident, today telling her about the time they’d accidentally adopted eight turtleducks. The story made Lin smile, but something inside of her ached. It often hurt her to listen to Kya’s stories of before, because they were just that: stories. She listened contently, though, as it seemed to make Kya happy to tell them, and if she couldn’t remember anything, at least she could imagine what it might’ve been like.

She snapped back to reality when the ship jerked slightly and Kya stood.

“We’re here!” Kya said, wide grin on her face.

Lin smiled quietly and stood up with her, grabbing the small bag of things Kya had collected from her apartment for her. Kya took her other hand, picking up her own bag, and they walked to the exit ramp. It was a sunny day outside, hardly a cloud in the sky, and there was green overflowing at the edges of the landing pad. There was a collection of people in red and orange robes standing near the end of the ramp, seemingly waiting for them.

“Is that the family you were talking about?” Lin asked somewhat nervously.

Kya nodded, pulling her hand from Lin’s to wave at the group. A tall woman with grey hair almost as dark as Lin’s waved back before clasping her hands anxiously in front of her. With her stood three young men and a young woman. The woman bore a strong resemblance to her elder, long dark hair and sharp features almost a perfect duplicate. The first of the men, seemingly the eldest, also looked like the two women, though not quite as much. He had the same dark hair and angular jaw, but his face and shoulders were broader than the women’s.

The second and third young men shared the others’ dark hair, but almost nothing else. They were also the only ones not in long, expensive-looking robes, instead both wearing plain but well-made suits. The taller of the two looked more like the first three, his skin a matching tone and build holding the same thin and sharp qualities, but he didn’t look related to them. The shorter was much broader, his skin just barely darker than the others’. There was something about him that seemed softer about him, and his demeanour was far from any of the others. He bounced on the spot as Kya and Lin approached, his excitement and nerves much more apparent than those standing with him.

As they got closer, Lin felt herself getting more and more panicked. She couldn’t even begin to guess at who they might be, and it didn’t help that none of them looked anything like Kya or herself. She glanced at Kya, who was beaming at the people up ahead. If Kya were this excited to see them, surely she should be too, right? And Kya would introduce them to her, and they’d tell stories, and she’d learn to love them again. Just like she had with Kya.

“Kya, Lin,” The older woman said with a smile on her face, snapping Lin out of her head.

Kya rushed up and gave her a huge hug, nearly toppling the both of them over. Lin stood slightly back, raising her hand in greeting when the woman turned to her. She noticed tears welling up in her eyes and looked at the ground, another wave of guilt crashing over her.

“Oh, Lin…” The woman said, opening her arms. “May I?”

Lin looked back up at her, realizing she was asking to give her a hug. She nodded and took a step forward, immediately feeling the woman’s arms wrapping around her shoulders. Lin buried her face in her shoulder, taking in her scent and trying again to remember. Her eyes watered when she still came up blank and she pulled away. No matter how many times she had to do this, it never got any easier.

The woman watched Lin for a moment before turning to Kya.

“Let’s go home, shall we?” She asked, gesturing towards a satolimousine nearby.

Kya nodded and they all filed towards the sato, Lin taking a seat next to Kya once everyone else was loaded in. The drive was not a long one, but when they arrived at their destination, Lin had to stifle a gasp.

“You- you live in a palace?” She asked, mouth hanging open as they exited the sato and started walking up the long path.

“Did Mama not tell you anything?” The younger of the two women said, laughing.

“Mama?” Lin looked at Kya, a questioning look on her face.

Everyone fell silent for a moment, stopping when Lin stood back.

“Kya?” She asked, searching Kya’s face for answers.

Kya glanced nervously between her and the older woman before grabbing Lin’s hand and pulling her forward.

“I’ll tell you everything when we get inside, alright?” She murmured.

Lin huffed but nodded and the group continued towards the palace.

Not a word was uttered for the rest of the walk. In fact, nobody spoke until they were seated around a large table in an even larger room. The older woman sat at the head of the table, the other girl to her right. The eldest of the men sat to her left, followed by the energetic one and then the tallest. Lin sat across from the tall boy, Kya between her and the younger woman. Silver plates with steaming food were brought to the table by servers, one placed in front of each diner. Still, nobody spoke.

“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?” Lin asked loudly, fed up with trying to guess for herself.

She glared at Kya next to her, who met her gaze with guilt and a mouth stuffed with rice. The energetic boy across the table let out a laugh before slapping his hand over his mouth.

“Sorry, it’s not- I’m not-,” He lowered his hand and looked down, busying himself with his food again.

This time it was Kya’s turn to let out a quiet laugh.

“It’s alright Bolin, don’t worry,” She said, smiling kindly at him.

Bolin.

Lin repeated the name in her head, trying to memorize it and match it to his face.

Bolin, Bolin, Bolin.

She felt a hand cover hers on the table and turned back to Kya. Kya drew a deep breath and squeezed Lin’s hand, flitting her gaze down the table before starting.

“At the end of the table is Izumi. She…” Kya paused and Izumi gave her a reassuring nod, prompting her to continue.

“She’s our wife. Next to her is Iroh, and this is Ursa,” Kya gestured to the girl to her right.

“Bolin is next to Iroh, and that’s Mako,” She nodded to the boy across from Lin, who gave a small awkward smile.

Lin sat quietly for a moment, going through names and matching them to faces in her mind. When she was sure she’d remember them, at least for now, she asked more questions.

“So Izumi is our… wife… so who is everyone else in relation?” She said hesitantly.

“Well, Iroh and Ursa are Izumi’s biological kids. Bolin and Mako…” Kya trailed off, looking to Mako for guidance.

He looked at her for a time before pushing away from the table.

“Could I… could I talk to you for a minute? Just us?” He asked Lin, holding his breath waiting for her response.

She looked at Kya who smiled and nodded before sliding her hair out from the table. Mako let out a relieved sigh and turned to leave the room, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Lin was following him.

When they were in the hallway, the door to the dining room closed behind them, Mako pulled Lin into a tight hug. She returned the hug, rubbing his back when she felt his shoulders shaking with sobs. They remained like that for a long time, until finally Mako pulled away. He looked at Lin with such sadness, though she thought she noticed a glimmer of hope in his amber eyes. She couldn’t help but want to comfort him, but her curiosity took precedence.

“Who… who am I to you?” She asked, watching his face closely.

He stared for a second before turning his head to the side. He let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes, steadying himself before speaking. Even so, it took another minute before he could say the word. When he did, Lin’s heart broke a thousand times over, the fear and hope in his voice a knife in her stomach. It was only one word, but it felt like so much more.

“Mom?”

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gale-gentlepenguin · 4 years ago

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ML Fic: Nathalie’s Gift Part 1

She sat up in the middle of the night.

She took a moment to let her eyes adjust to the darkness. She knew it was late, likely an hour or two away from sunrise.

She examined her surroundings until she saw him. There he was, sleeping in the chair at the end of the room. Gabriel Agreste, her boss, her ally, and the one she had fallen for, was asleep in a chair several feet away.

Ever since the defeat of the guardian and the plan to use Chloé to get the miraculous, she had been far too weak to be as mobile as she was in the past. Gabriel had set her up in his quarters, despite the mansion having dozens of rooms. He had reasoned that Adrien would never walk into his room without permission, so that it would never become apparent how her condition was deteriorating.

His logic wasn't entirely unfounded. She was constantly teetering towards the brink. Overuse of the once broken peacock miraculous has left her bedridden most days. Despite the miraculous no longer having such a negative effect now, she knew the damage was already done.

Yet he hasn't discarded her, was it out of loyalty that he felt the need to care for her despite being more of a burden? Did he perhaps start to feel something more for her as this whole debacle went on.

The later of which was unlikely, she knew better than anyone that Gabriel was far too loyal to his wife to entertain such a notion. So long as he believed there was a chance of bringing her back, he wont stop. She could never be Emilie Agreste, the love of his life and mother of Adrien. She was Nathalie Sancoeur, trusted assistant, and partner in crime.

She forced herself out of bed. Moving quietly as to not awaken the sleeping mogul.

She snagged her tablet, and the peacock miraculous that was next to it.

She moved to the office and sat in the office chair. Perhaps she could get some work done while she was awake. And should she feel the need to speak to someone, the blue bird Kwami would be a fitting companion.

She started looking through work but her mind kept wandering to one thought

So long as Emilie could be brought back, he could never love me. I could never replace her.

She coughed.

“Not that it matters, I am on borrowed time as it is.” She commented to herself.

She stopped herself as she let her own comment sink in.

She was on borrowed time.

With how she was now, how much time did she have, a few months? A year? Maybe a decade if she really tried to take care of herself. But it wasn't like she was sick with a normal illness. But would Gabriel be able to get the miraculous? Even with everything they had, Ladybug and Chat noir always seemed to best them at every turn. At the rate things were going, she would likely end up in a glass coffin as well, and if Gabriel fails...

In that moment of worry. An idea that could fix everything slipped into her brain.

It was a long shot sure, there was a possibility that everything will backfire. But she needed to do it.

She exited out of her work and went into the security feed using her tablet. She disabled the secret camera hidden in the lair below.

She started making a few preparations.

_______________________________________________________________________

Gabriel awoke to his phone’s sudden vibrating.

He quickly shook himself and looked at his phone.

“The alarm was tripped. Someone damaged Emilie’s chamber!”

The fashion mogul rushed out of the room. His thoughts were firing through his brain a mile a minute.

Who found the lair? Was it one of the heroes? A spy? Who would dare desecrate my beloved wife’s container?

The fashion mogul made his way to the secret elevator.

A purple Kwami emerged from the pocket of the rushing fashion designer.

“Is something wrong master?”

“It appears there is an intruder in the secret sanctum.”

“What are you planning to do?”

“Im going to show them the error of their ways. Nooru, Dark wings rise.”

Gabriel transformed into the villainous hawkmoth, His face covered by a silver mask, and is candy cane color scheme replaced with a purple suit.

He was armed and ready to fight should.

As the elevator reaches the bottom. Hawkmoth dashes out as soon as it opens.

He would strike quick, and take care of the intruder before they realized who they were facing.

As he approached, he stopped dead in his tracks. As he noticed someone standing infront of the Glass container.

“Hello?” The figure called out. Her voice having a familiar tone that caught the butterfly villain off guard.

As his rage diminished, he felt his vision clear and noticed the shattered glass on the floor, along with the glass container that was now broken.

“It... It can't be...” Hawkmoth’s words escaped as he realized who was standing in front of him.

“Can you tell me where I am? I woke up in this... thing over hear. Im not entirely sure what’s going on.”

“Emilie... is that you?” Hawkmoth questioned, unsure if this was a dream, or if by some miracle the love of his life was indeed back from the abyss.

“How do you know my name Mr. Masked man?”

“Nooru, dark wings fall.”

The blond woman watched as the costumed stranger revealed himself.

“Gabriel? Is that you?”

A tear spilled from his eyes as he rushed to her.

“You're here. How is... How is this possible?”

“I... I dont...” She started to stumble as she walked towards him. Her vision was starting to fade and the world was spinning.

Gabriel quickly moved to catch her as she suddenly fell.

He felt his heart panic, but he could hear her breathing. She was simply sleeping.

“Perhaps it would be best to take her out of her.”

Gabriel walked to the elevator, his wife in his arms, asleep yet very alive.

His mind had 1000 questions, but in this moment, he didn't care. He was holding the woman he loved in his arms again, and thats all that mattered.

___________________________________________________________________

“Gabriel!” She cried out as she woke up.

Sunlight was beaming from the window, it was clear it had been bright out for sometime.

She felt sheets underneath her. What she expected was a hard floor in a weird sanctum but now she felt the comfort of a room that felt familiar.

She heard the door open and looked to see her husband carrying a tray.

“Oh good, you're awake.” He spoke with soft relief.

She looked at the tray.

“Are those.”

“Lemon tea cookies. Your favorite.”

She smiled at him as he brought the tray to her bedside. Allowing her to snag a bite of one of them.

“So good!” She said as she finished her first cookie. “I feel like I haven't eaten in years!”

Gabriel’s expression faltered. She could see the pained expression as she said that.

“Gabriel... how long was I gone?” Her question verbally stabbed him.

He took a moment to process the curious expression on his wife’s face as she continued eating the tray of treats.

He looked down at his hands.

“A year and 6 months.”

She gulped down her cookie hard at the revelation.

“Wow... I've been gone for so long... Adrien must be taller then... ADRIEN!”

Emilie grabbed her husband by the collar.

“Where is Adrien?!”

“He’s at school” Gabriel answered.

Emilie blinked.

“School? You mean he is no longer being homeschooled?”

“He still has some lessons, but he was insistent on trying to go to school like other children his age. It was more ideal for him to go out than for him to be stuck here most hours of the day.”

Emilie processed that information.

“I see, I am surprised you said yes. You always said you hated public schooling.”

“I still believe the school systems are... inferior, but Adrien’s grades haven't faltered according to Nathalie. So I don't bother intervening.”

“My boy has grown up so much since Ive been gone. Wait, is he dating yet? Please tell me I didn’t miss his first crush!”

“Emilie, I am sure that you didnt miss anything. You and Adrien can catch up once you are rested and he is back from school.”

Emilie took a deep breathe.

“Okay, You're right. It will be nice to hear everything from him.”

She looked around the room a bit and noticed the vase full of roses.

“Oh, fresh roses. Gabe-y you cheesy romantic.”

Gabriel felt his cheeks go pink.

“It was... the room needed some color in it.”

“Much like those red pants you insist on wearing.”

“They are fashionable.”

“If you were in charge of candyland perhaps.”

Emilie loved to tease him about is fashion calls.

“Who is the fashion designer here?” He said with a mock stern tone.

“Speaking of fashion, that costume that you were wearing. That didn’t look like the peacock miraculous.”

Gabriel’s tone shifted to genuinely serious. He figured the time would come to answer that question.

“It is the butterfly miraculous. After your...departure. Nathalie and I investigated the temple where you and I had found the peacock miraculous. We discovered a new miraculous, one that wasn't damaged.”

Gabriel felt a twinge mentioning Nathalie. When he had rushed to bring Emilie up here, he felt guilt and relief that his assistant wasn't in the bed. He would have quite a difficult time explaining that one, even if nothing happened.

“So with that miraculous you were trying to find a way to bring me back.”

“It was a means to an end.”

Emilie processed the information she was told.

“Gabriel, I want you to do something for me.”

“Anything.”

“No more miraculous. None.”

Gabriel blinked.

“But...”

“Those jewels are nothing but trouble. It has only caused our family suffering and pain.”

Gabriel was surprised by the claim, but he knew she was correct. The miraculous have been quite the curse on the family, despite the powers they gave.

“It will take time for me to stop using it outright, there is a... situation with how I’ve been using it. Your sudden appearance and the disappearance of Hawkmoth might be suspicious.”

Emilie looked at Gabriel intensely.

“Hawkmoth? Gabriel what did you do?”

“Well... in order to try an bring you back, the butterfly miraculous wasn't going to be able to accomplish that goal. So the only way I could bring you back with certainty was to attain the ladybug and Cat miraculous.”

The former actress listened as her husband explained how he became a super villain for the sake of getting the jewels.

“Unbelievable.”

“I admit, explaining it makes it sound a lot worse than it actually is. I planned to fix any damage caused once I got the jewels”

“And what if people found out your identity!? You would have been thrown in prison and left our son an Orphan!” Emilie pointed her finger in his chest.

“It was the only way I could think of to attain the miraculous. How else would I have been able to confirm the miraculous were in Paris?”

Emilie was ready to let him have it. But she felt herself calm down. She had to admit, in a weird way, it was quite romantic. Something out of a tragic romance novel.

“I should be angrier with you, but I know if the situation was reversed and I had a way of bringing you back, I would have likely tried the same thing, albeit in a smarter way.”

Gabriel felt a bit of relief seeing his wife not so cross with him.

“So we figure out how to orchestrate your ‘Defeat’ and then we say good bye to the miraculous for good.”

“We will plan it out when you are completely better. Though this does raise the question. How are you back?”

Emilie pauses, she tries to think back.

Protect the Agreste family... no matter what.

She heard that phrase echoing in her head. But she couldn't figure out why. Who said that to her. Why is everything so fuzzy?

“I don't know... I remember hearing glass shatter, and a flash of blue. But the next thing I remember was... seeing you.

Gabriel looks at her, he could tell from her eyes she was telling the truth.

“I will look into that later. In the meantime, you should rest. I will check on you in a few hours.”

He moves the empty tray from the bed.

“Wait.”

Gabriel stopped.

“Get Adrien here. I want to see him now.”

“Dear, he is in school. It will dismiss in a few hours. Besides you should rest.”

Emilie got up from the bed.

“Nonsense. Ive been resting long enough. I am sure Adrien can miss a few hours of school. I want to see my baby boy.”

Gabriel wanted to find some way to dismiss her request, but he knew he couldn't say no to her. She was far to headstrong and determined... and man did he miss her.

“Okay, I will have his driver go an pick him up.”

“You aren't going to pick him up yourself?”

“Emilie I have work to do. Besides that is why we have...”

“You can take some time off to bond with your son. Seriously, you need to stop putting up walls Gabe-y.”

Gabriel took a calming breath to compose himself.

“Very well. But do use this time to rest.”

She moves to kiss her husband.

“I promise.”

Gabriel’s expression turned into a soft smile.

“I will be back with our son shortly.”

Gabriel left the room to go pick up Adrien.

Emilie smiled as she moved to vase of roses. She picked on up and sniffed it.

The rose in her hand began wilting and shriveled up.

She looked in the mirror.

“Everything went perfectly.”

______________________________________________________________________

End of part one

(Should I continue? Let me know your thoughts)

#nathalie sancoeur #ml #miraculous ladybug #ml fic #miraculous fanficiton #Gabriel agreste #emilie agreste #ml angst #hawkmoth #adrien agreste #Nathalie's gift #Nathalie's gift au

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alijaymtz · 3 years ago

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Its been years since ive been here, it seems like this is the only place where i feel irrelevant and disconected from the real world.

A lot has changed since I last wrote how I felt.

I moved, began college, and live with my father.

Ive said it before but there is no person I hate more than that man, he does things and then forgets the damage he caused but instead he knows how to guilt trip others.

Im currently studying psychology, and through the study of it ive been able to categorize my father with borderline personality disorder. I doubt he’ll ever know nor will i ever tell him.

I’ve learned to mask myself, my depression, my anger, my personality, when im home with him. Everything disapoints him. There are times that he forgets telling me to tell something to other people and then I am left in a negative place. “But you told me to tell them” ...”I never said that, IN MY LIFE IVE NEVER SAID THAT” ...

Its been two days since ive told him im styuduing to become a psychologist, today, while driving home from the gym, he asks me if I have some type of mental disorder in a joking way. I tell him “yeah, I am bipolar.” but according to several tests we’ve been reviewing in class. “yeah that makes sense” he says “I noticed since you left me when you were young”.

When I was a child my father used to abuse my mother, hes done several crazy and traumatizing things, he broke her ribs, punched her, kicked her on the ground, for small things like burnt food or her complaining he returned home at 2 am. Back then my mother, who I think was brave, decided it was no longer safe to live with my dad because he began beating my older brother just as much as he beat my mom.

She picked a bag, dumped in mostly my clothing and my brothers, and we headed straight to the police. Unfortunetly, they were unable to help us. So we went to the embasy, and they sent us to a shelter for women. Over the next few years I lived in shelter homes, foster homes, but safe. At one point I lived without my brother and mother but was happy, and safe.

My mother was sent by court to return to Mexico, so we packed up and came with her. My dad staying behind “as the bread winner” or whatever. We lived in a small one bedroom with no beds or other furniture but we were happy... Untill my dad came. For a while he seemed content, unbothered, but a few months later he returned to his demonic state.

He would not only hit my mother to the pulp, my brother, now he did it to me too. He began to fear we were becoming Mexican and began to teach us the muslim way. Through the dicipline in his feet, he’d kick us untill out noses bleed then a few minutes later kiss our cheeks and talk to us kindly about our mistakes. As a child, my mother spoke spanish, my father english. Now i was introduced Urdu, Arabic, and was expected to learn whole texts and prayers in minutes.

It was always like that, yell, hit, kissing cheeks. Sometimes he would break things in between.

When i turned 17, my father had left for the first time in years to his homeland in Pakistan. He was gone for 3 months and during that time my brother, mother, and I sat almost every night planning how we could disapear because no matter what we did or how we did it, he’d always find us.

My mother had gotten surgery while my dad was away, we spent a long time with her in the hospital. We had days were we wouldnt eat, sleep, or do anything other than sit. But we were happy.

One time, before he left, He cut my mother with a knife ,In my room while I saw him stab her. I didnt want that to ever happen again. Another time, my father was mad my mom brought up him bringing a nehibor lady into the house while we were in school and she was working, but somehow he flipped it into “Jelousy” because there is no other reason why a wife would say something about it...He was so mad he beat my mother after her chemo. For weeks she couldnt move, she was in my room with the lights off and bearly eating because he wouldnt let us take her any food. But we could hear her moan in pain. Another time, he beat my brother into the street, the whole neiborhood came out to see. He dragged my brother into the stone floors and picked up a rock about my brothers head size. I swore I saw him die. I was pulled into a house by a lady and her daughters tried to calm me down as I couldnt breath. I prayed he was alive.

A few hours passed and my father was looking for me, he knocked on every door. I sneaked out and returned home.

So, the point to this is the following. When my dad returned from Pakistan, i closed the doors and made no sound. He couldnt come in. He would just leave after a while. He knew we were inside. I felt my breath becoming loud. He could hear. He left.

For the next few days he would come and talk to my mom, who said “the kids don’t want you in” followed my “I brought gifts”. My mother who was still walking with a cane, felt pitty for her husband, who had been sleeping in a motel for days. So, she let him in “for a few hours”. Feeling the room shrink i sent a help messege to a cousin of mine whom told her mom. In a matter of minutes a car popped infront of the house with three aunts and one cousin, they demanded I go with them.

Without looking at my brother, I saved myself. For two months I lived with my aunt and her 4 kids. I cleaned and she would tip me in order to help me pay for psychiatic help (she also paid it). One day my mom showed up and told me she would do anything for me to return, i never asked how bad things were in those two months for them. I made a list asking her to go to therapy with me, for him to not look at me or say a word. I went back. He was calm a whole year, not one word was said to me. I didnt leave my room and I swear my skin went from olive to pale yellow skin for the time I spent in there.

So today, he said “I noticed since you left me when you were young”...”Because a normal person wouldnt do that”.

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a-libra-writes · 4 years ago

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Could you do ⛅ 💎 💥 💤 and 🌸 with Aberama Gold? You can delete this if you want to cause idk if I sent this beyond a deadline. And if you do it you can choose one of the emoji, I liked them all lol so I'm fine with whichever one you want. Thank you so much, I love how you write for Aberama so it would mean a lot if you do write the headcanon. Not that I'm trying to guilt trip you into doing it, not my intention at all. I just really live your writing and wouldn't be hurt if you didnt write it.

aaghh sorry i took so long with this!! stupid work grumble grumble save me. I hope u didnt think I deleted it haha, I like Aberama a heckin lot. Glad you like how I write him! OK LETS GO LONG BOI

⛅ Sunset HC

He loves watching the sunset. Once you got to know him, this didn’t seem so strange. As the afternoon began to end, you’d notice him glance toward the sky no matter where you two were, and he’d be a little more distracted if it was an especially clear, beautiful day.

Getting such pretty sunsets wasn’t too common in London, or any city, which is why he preferred being out in the country.

Aberama used to think by himself during these times, but he began to like it when you joined him. He’d have you sit on his lap and chat with him - and if that was too embarrassing - at least sit beside him. During the colder months he’d wrap his jacket around you (and probably put the hat on you too, because you’re too cute).

When he’s feeling particularly sentimental, he’ll tell you all about how beautiful you look with the golden and red colors shining on your eyes and skin. He’ll sweet talk you until the moon comes up.

His favorite sunsets are the fiery orange and red ones that are scattered with clouds. To him, they look like a glimpse of heaven... he often thinks these are the only looks he’ll get of that place.

💎 Marriage HC

It was obvious when he was smitten with you, and more obvious that he wanted something more long-term. He’s actually quite a romantic man, in spite of his occupation, and he wanted to make a life with you. He thought you were just perfect.

And yes, he was a bit into the age gap.

Your wedding was modest, but surrounded with family and the reception is lively. Plenty of dancing, drinking, music and laughter, and his family put together a new wagon that was decorated in flowers and vines, just for you. Aberama couldn’t keep you out of his lap or his arms the whole time.

Depending on your preferences, you either had a small cottage in a village or you stayed with his family in the wagons. Due to his jobs, Aberama would disappear for days at a time, sometimes a week or more. He’d come home, tired and a mess - sometimes injured - but he always gave you a kiss and hug before washing up. He preferred to be clean and in a change of clothes before holding you again.

He doesn’t discuss his jobs with you, period. He doesn’t want you getting tangled up in them, and he’s expressly forbid his men and Bonnie from discussing it with you. Even if it frustrates and worries you, he doesn’t budge on this decision.

If you didn’t know Romani, he’d gradually teach you. Since he wasn’t around all the time, Bonnie and his daughters would help.

He’s very delighted that you get along with his children, especially the younger girls, who don’t remember much of their mother. As much as he’d love children with you, he’d understand if his were more than enough.

Bonnie sees you as more of an older sister figure than a mother - since he still remembers his mom - but you two still get along great. You’re usually patching him up after a boxing match or cooking him filling food. He’s glad you made his dad happy, but could you two please stop being so sappy in front of him and his friends? Thanks.

Once Tommy meets you and realizes how much Aberama dotes on you, he makes a point to invite you to gatherings together. He hopes you’ll calm the man down or act as a pacifying presence. It ... sort of works. While he is in a better mood with you on his arm, he’s also far more likely to bash the teeth out of any man who disrespects you.

He’ll bash the teeth out of his own men if they dare the same thing, and that’s if they’re lucky. Bonnie doesn’t tell you, but he’s seen his father send more than one man to a ditch for insulting you and your family (especially if you were non-Romani).

No matter what, he’d be protective of you, but it would happen behind the scenes. He wouldn’t want you to feel like he was being possessive or suffocating, so he’ll have a guard or two quietly watch your home when he’ s away, and he’ll deal with the before mentioned troublesome men on his own.

This has led to situations where you go to him in a panic, saying a strange man has been following you and standing around the house. He grabs his gun and investigates and ... it’s one of his idiots. “Be more careful, would you? Just go the fuck home, I’m here anyway.”

When he comes back he acts like he chased off some scary robber and you play along and give him plenty of kisses.

Basically, you two have a very loving, sappy marriage that makes people forget he’s one of the deadliest guns-for-hire in England.

💤 Napping HC

Aberama hardly ever naps, but he can fall asleep anywhere. You have no idea how he does it. He can do sitting in a horse, leaning against a wall or standing up.

His “technical” naps are when he gets back from a job in the middle of the afternoon. He’d been up for days at that point, and he collapses on the couch and tells you he’s just going to rest his eyes for a few moments. You eventually gently wake him.

Still, he much prefers to fall asleep next to you. After staying up for an ungodly amount of time, he’ll let you drag him to bed, only if you promise to lie down by his side.

When he sleeps, he reminds you of a cat with how he tucks his head down and curls into himself. Often his face twitches with expressions, but only for a moment.

💥First Fight / Making up HC

Your first fight is also what your subsequent fights and squabbles have been about: The danger of his jobs, and what little you know about them. Aberama wouldn’t give in, curtly telling you there was zero reason for you to be involved.

You knew about these “jobs” while he courted you, and you didn’t delude yourself into thinking he’d stop after you married. But this time he came home with two bullet wounds, and he was gone for two weeks. Couldn’t he at least have sent a man to tell you he was alright? Or where he was? That he was hurt? At least that?

Aberama just dismissed you, which he so rarely did, as he was just as tired and frustrated... Not to mention the wounds. He hoped in the morning, you’d understand, and both your moods would be better.

It wasn’t. You were still pissed, so he left, insisting he’d be back.

You fumed, but began to worry. What if you were too harsh, especially since he was in such bad shape? Maybe he didn’t want to worry you, or maybe someone was on his trail and he didn’t want anything coming back to you. He always kept you and his daughters out of his messes. Maybe ...

Your mind began to race, and you were feeling frustrated and emotional all over again. You decided to go look for him, it wouldn’t be hard. Right as you opened the door, Aberama was walking up to the doorstep. He had bought your favorite flowers and he quickly pulled you into an embrace.

While he still thought he was doing what was best for your safety, he understood your worry and recognized he was dismissing your concerns. He said all this, giving you plenty of kisses and apologies.

He wanted to make love to you to show you how truly sorry he was but those bullet wounds were kind of, you know, painful as all hell. Aberama was still gonna go for it but you insisted “cuddles until that’s healed”.

🌸Kissing HC

There’s no such thing as chaste kisses or pecks unless he’s truly in a hurry. He feels so much for you that those just seem inadequate displays of affection.

Whenever he kisses you, he wants to properly show his love, although it never does seem like enough. He’ll hold the small of your back and bring you closer, because you always have to be close when he does this. If there’s not many people around, or better - none - he’ll start at your neck and work his way to your lips.

The kisses on your lips are always deep, and you feel yourself pressing back against him. If he has to say goodbye, he’ll make sure it’s longer, and he’ll promptly kiss your cheek and promise to be back soon.

Even when you’re just parting for a few hours while he goes to the boxing ring or you leave to town, he’ll pull you into his embrace and give you a firm kiss. “Behave yourself, dear.” “Aberama, I always tell you that.”

It’s kind of nauseating to anyone who watches, Bonnie has long learned to just walk away

To be sure, it’s very jarring for some of his men to see their terrifying boss turn to his wife, give her a sweet kiss, then turn to them with a sharp gleam in his eye, like he’s daring them to say something.

At home, he often gives you stray kisses on your neck, your cheek, your hand, whatever suits his whims at the time. In bed, even if you aren’t making love, he wants to give you several kisses goodnight. When he walks into the house and you’re already asleep, he’ll give gentle kisses that won’t make you stir. He hopes you can feel them in your dreams.

#aberama gold x reader #aberama gold #libra headcanons #i keep thinking about his perfect hair why did they cut itttttt

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h3l10tr0p3 · 5 years ago

Text

Bnha Spoilers Chapter 232-235 ahead:

Shigaraki Tomura's Past

This is an analysis of what we know as of yet about the boy born as Shimura Tenko.

The Shimura Household-

Shimura Koutarou, son of Shimura Nana (7th OfA holder, and All Might's mentor) is a successful businessman who owns a two-family home, invites the parents of his in-laws to stay. The joint family consists of- Koutarou, his wife, his in-laws, his (elder) daughter Hana, his son Tenko and their Corgi Mon-chan.

From the start, Shigaraki describes this family as a family of his Father- Koutaro, and not the family of the eldest in the household (the in-laws). It gives us a clear idea of where exactly the authority lies and how much of an influence he holds over its members.

The family is a really well-off one: Two cars, a two-stored suburban condo with a seperate study, a lovely backyard, and they have a pet dog. Shimura Tenko was far from poverty.

Let's look at the members

The Grandparents

Clearly, they love Tenko and Hana a lot, and dote upon their grandkids as grandparents are wont to. But they are 'adults' the same as Tenko's father and Tenko's mother.

When Tenko keeps craving for approval and validation of his dreams to be a Hero from an adult figure, they their try to distract him into psuedo-satisfaction (with his favourite food) or try to (mildly) guilt-trip the boy so that his dreams and his 'inconvenient' calls for acceptance remain buried under the 'happy and peaceful' suburban dream that they seem wary of breaking (and it seems like they are wary of provoking the final authority in the family, Koutarou)

These kind of actions are incredibly commonplace and it happens all the time - this doesn't make their actions excusable though, only relatable. But from another point of view it implies that the grandparents are meek and might actually be afraid of Koutarou for either of two reasons- his known history of violence or the instability of his character (more on this later).

The Mother

She is also caring and loving just like her parents- she takes care of Tenko, is incredibly worried about his allergies. rushes after Tenko when The Father pulls him away to punish him, and finally confronts him when he has gone way too far. But Like begets like, environment moulds character. Thus, she too is another meek personality who cannot stand up against the overbearing authority of the patriarch up until the last moment where violence gets involved. She too is undoubtedly aware that Koutarou can indeed get violent and grim- and this makes her the cautious parent, the stopgap, trying to keep the children in line so that the Father doesn't have to resort to drastic measures. Thus, despite all the love she can shower her son with, she never once supports Tenko's dream. Again, it's understandable. It's cause she knows very intimately what happens to the families of Heroes - she married the man who came from such a family. Instead of supporting Tenko, she asks him if he is sure of it, perhaps trying to seed doubts in his mind, perhaps being sympathetic to his wishes. But rven when Tenko repeats he likes to play Hero and was really happy when his friend compared him with All Might (showing us once more how deeply rooted the currently retired Hero was in Tenko's childhood)- the mother never really encourages Tenko's dream.

When Tenko asks if his dad hates him for being possibly quirkless, she says it isn't so. It's just that his father knows how hard a Hero's life is. And that's that.

You can see that longing for approval in Tenko's eye and the disappointment that follows when the words he yearns for (You can be a Hero) remain unsaid once more. Up till now, 3 people, 3 adults out of 4 have denied this dream and the last adult, The Father, is vehemently adverse to it.

"Children can be surprisingly self-centered and straight forward"

Let's take a small break here from the family members- here, we see one of the two monologues that has been repeated in the chapter 'Children can be surprisingly self-centered and straight forward'. Ngl, I thought this was Shigaraki commenting how his friends Mikkun and Tomo-chan repeatedly left him out when they played together. But the sequence of scenes, gives me a different idea.

From what I gather, it is Shigaraki saying that 'Tenko' as a child, was self-centered and straight-forward. Because right after his conversation with his mother he should have felt dissuaded from continuing with his dream to be a Hero, it has already worried his mother, grandparents and sister, and possibly led him to believe- that his father hated him. However in the very next panel, we see Tenko has gotten into trouble for persisting with that dream and getting into trouble for playing 'Hero'. Shigaraki, as an adult, has begun to condemn that idea in retrospection- going as far as to alienate himself from the past by reffering to his own childhood self with a generalization - 'children'. (There is an alternative reason for this)

Self-centered because Tenko didn't think of the grief and unease of his family when he continued to dream;

Straight-forward because Tenko doesn't have the complex rationale of an adult to support his dream. He selfishly wishes to be a Hero, not for anyone else, but only for himself - there is no other reason for it. A child shouldn't have anymore complicated reasoning for it either.

But Shigaraki clearly considers this his own folly for giving into such emotions at that time.

The second time where this line is repeated when The Father comes up threateningly towards Tenko with the intention of punishing him.

Contrary to the previous use of thia line, here it implies that there is a different subject as the panel moves directly from Hana to Tenko. Which brings up two possibilities -

The line is meant for Tenko himself again. But it doesn't seem to fit.

It is meant for Hana.

Before I explain how it is directed towards Hana, let's return to the Shimura family

Hana

For a few chapters, Hana has been portrayed as Tenko's only true sympathizer and supporter who takes his side in the world of dream-crippling 'Adults'. Although she is maybe only 2 or 4 years older than Tenko, Hana has the wisdom that becomes the first-born, elder sister- she displays incredible emotional intelligence and understands her family dynamics well, probably from past experience. She knows that their Father would get mad at her if she openly declares her intentions to become a part of the Hero-Sibling duo with her younger brother, so instead she tells him that he wants to become a housewife like her mother - a very tactical answer indeed. I suggest so, because in turn it again subtly hints at how fearsone the Father's temper can be, which in fact gets so bad at times that Hana does not take any chances of tempting this ire by suggesting any profession other than that of a Hero. Saying 'housewife' is safe. It keeps her in the clear. From this itself, we can interpret that she values her self-preservation, and is prepared to bend her morality for it

But exactly how far will she go to protect herself? We get that answer very soon-

To evade punishment from the Father, Hana, makes Tenko the scapegoat by suggesting that he was the one who roped her into commiting what was forbidden. It put majority of the blame on Tenko's poor shoulders. Was it cruel of her? Yes. Dud she want to do it? No. Why would she do something so cruel to him if she didnt want to see Tenko hurt then?

The answer is simple-

Hana probably did not think things your escalate so far. Yeah, she probably imagined her Father would be incredibly pissed and take it out on Tenko, but she didn't think it would go down the road of physical violence. What she did was not right, absolutely not. But can we really blame her for it? This is a child, we are talking about. By nature children are afraid to enrage authority, and Hana is no different. She was self-centered in what she did. But did she lie? Not really. Her wording might seem to the Father that it was completely Tenko's idea, but 'he wanted to see it', is not a lie. It's straight-forward. Tenko did want to see the photograph once he was told about it.

From what we have ascertained to be the common vein in all the members and how they have each failed Tenko in their own way is the Father. Either they are sympathetic of his past or afraid of his temper- the later being more prevalent and pronounced in it's effects. Tenko too, at some premature level, understands that all this happens because of his Father's Authority. Thus comes the second idea which was repeated twice-

"The house that my Father built"/ "This house was the one my Father built"

This line is always mentioned in conjunction to Tenko's punishments and can be said that Shigaraki considers his Home a Punishment in itself too.

This idea is reinforced with this simple statement.

"It only itches at home"

The implications of this are perhaps more grave. This instance mentioned is by no means Tenko's first punishment. Tenko has gone through enough of them to have come to anticipate the emotional pain (and on one instance, physical) with every misdemeanour he commits. The cycle goes from his Dream to a Misdeed, to Home, to Punishment to Pain. It's a water-tight assembly line. No surprise why Tenko would come to think of his Dream as a Source of Pain later on. But at this point in his childhood we see how the flowchart cements the aspect of Home = Punishment.

We know (or at least conjecture) that the dermatitis that affects Shigaraki might be a side effect of his quirk as it has begun at such a young age. With that logic, it isn't a leap to say that since his quirk's effects Only at his Home (his source of Pain), it is a Protective Response. Shigaraki's quirk is Decay. It activates to Decay noxious stimuli - like pain. Like his Home.

(Please excuse the horrible squiggly lines)

Why does this happen sting occur then?

Instinct. Quirks are physical abilities which heavily relies on instinct - which explains why Bakugou is so flawless in his control, he is 'pure instinct'; or why All Might had very little difficulty is mastering OfA - the answer is Instinct. In Tenko's case, it is the instinct to Protect Himself. Because right after he throws the ball and looks at his hand, his Father storms in with a brutal intent. That Sting is his Quirk telling him to Protect Himself. It isn't dog hair, or some indoor allergen that makes him hurt. He hurts because pain is the most powerful noxious stimuli that can incite a protective response.

It has a psychological as well as a physiological effect on Tenko. He hurts because he expects it. It's his body's way of telling him that 'If you dont use your quirk now- you'll hurt even more".

After the Father has hit Tenko. A new emotion takes the position of 'stimulant' for his quirk and that is

Hatred

In here, Tenko throws a ball for the Dog and immediately after he feels a sting. At first it seems as if it might actually be from the Dog. But it doesn't make sense. Tenko says that it gets worse only inside the House, not outside it. Yet in this one instance, he feels a particularly violent sting not just outside the house, but also AFTER he as stopped touching the Dog. It isn't the post-monsoon moisture either which is making him hurt, his narration doesn't really serve as a clue as to what causes his allergy, it simply lends the vividness with which Shigaraki remembers this important moment in his life.

Another thing to notice. Shigaraki never once says "This is the Home my Father built"

He says House. Shigaraki has deliberately used House here, because he doesnt feel any familial warmth from this place anymore, and hasn't for a while now. Instead what he feels from this 'House' is pain and denial.

I am gonna break character here just to scream about this part. (*takes deep breath*)

Okay...

Children-

Not Child. But CHILDREN. PLURAL. FUCKING PLURAL.

NANA SHIMURA HAD MORE THAN ONE CHILD.

Koutarou is not her only child!! She has another child!!! And any fucking guesses who?

MIDORIYA INKO

Both All Might and Izuku have agreed (indirectly at the very least) that Midoriya Inko has a likeness to Shimura Nana. SHIGARAKI AND IZUKU ARE COUSINS. I REPEAT. THEY. ARE. COUSINS!!

I don't give a fuck if this doesn't turn out to be canon. The manga reader can give me documented fucking proof and say it to my goddamn face that Shigaraki and Izuku are not cousins, Dabi is not a Todoroki, Inko didn't accidentally marry the biggest baddest evil legend of Quirk Era. I am gonna spit at their faces if they dare to feed that horseshit to me after THIS level of FORESHADOWING.

((Edit: Some Corrections and more Useless TRIVIA ABOUT CONNECTING SHIMURA KOUTAROU AND MIDORIYA INKO))

Okay, now to end this shitty long post!!

The Father

We are meant to hate Koutarou. We do hate him - he has imposed the absolute law of his will upon an entire family and terrorizes them with his temper. We should hate him. But then we are given a snippet of his past- A boy whose mom was hardly there for him and his sibling(s?), who left them behind to fight some evil guy without choosing her family and ultimately choose her duty as a hero over her family. But despite having this animosity towards his mother, Koutarou wishes that Nana had hated him, instead of loved him so much. He says so because then it woukd have been easier for Koutarou to whole-heartedly hate his mother for leaving them behind. But she truly, selflessly loved him - he understands that and still doesn't forgive her, because he wanted her to selfishly choose her family above everything else. Her absence has left a hole in his life that he cannot fill with hatred, nor with love - he is caught in this infuriating middle where he laments his short temper against Tenko, but also fears that his own child might be ripped away from his family again because of Tenko's dream. Heroics has taken the most important things from Koutarou's life and he doesn't want to see it happen again- he is prepared to go to any lengths to prevent that from happening. But he acknowledges that violence was a step too far. He blames his mother for his insecurities and fears of losing his family again.

In fact, Koutarou's desire for a complete family is so immense that he solely bought that two-family house for the exact reason he could invite his in-laws. He even calls them 'Mother' and 'Father' directly, as if they were his own. It doesn't fill that gaping hole in his heart that yearns for Nana, but it's atleast something.

Koutarou is not a good person. He is not meant to be, he is supposed to be relatable like so many bad guys in the manga - Everyone is a Hero in their own lives, everyone believes what they do is (if not right, then) for the better.

Fear drives Koutarou to extreme actions and cruelty. And I am convinced that whatever Tenko will have to suffer in the future due to his father will also be a byproduct of his immense fear of losing his family.

Does this imply that Tenko hates his Father?

Paradoxically, no. Although Tenko says he Hates everyone it isn't so for Shigaraki. Shigaraki keeps the 'Father' hand closest to Himself. Even when Bakugou knocked out the 'Father' hand, that itself was enough to spike Shigaraki's temper. He didn't have any recollection of his family then, but he still held on to it. Shigaraki, much like Koutarou himself, doesn't hate their parent - but is lodged in an in-between. For Shigaraki he is seeking his Father's approval even when he is long gone, he is carrying forward the misinterpretted hatred of Heroes by being a Villain set out to destroy everything. Out of everyone in the Shimura Family, Shigaraki constantly keeps craving the acceptance of one Adult Figure, and whose acceptance would mean the most? Obviously the one who held most Authority, whose opinion matters most. His Father.

Tenko may have decayed his family's everything but their hands. We know from previous chapters that he might have been handled with other equipment instead of direct skin contact because his family members were afraid of his power. But, instinctively again, Tenko wanted their physical contact so dearly that his quirk ended up decaying everything But their hands.

The Hands were the only things left because Tenko's power couldn't bring itself to destroy his last chance of physical contact with his family.

#shigaraki tomura #bnha shigaraki #my hero academia shigaraki #bnha #mha #spoilers #bnha spoilers #bnha manga #manga #meta-ish #i tried #i tried really hard #long ass post #WHAT THE FUCK TUMBLR #YOU BUTCHERED MY POST #I DIDNT WRITE IT IN THIS RETARD SEQUENCE YOU LITTLE SHYET

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wilhellmine · 4 years ago

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Get to know me - Alphabet

DAY 24 - X

1) X-files

My most fav TV show when I was a child... yeah, I was so scared while watching this, but I couldnt help myself :D And the song... it scares me to this day, I swear :D And Fox was probably my first crush ever... hes just so weird and cute and thats obviously a combination that affects me in the worst way XD ... Like... every man I like is weird and cute XD

2) x (slash)

Yes, this letter is hard :D So! As you probably found out, Im a shipper, and for some reason, I ship only boysXboys, I dont know why, the only girlXboy ship I like is Chloe and Lucifer... I never found that interesting to ship girls with boys, maybe its too... normal for me :D and I actually realized that I dont even have a fav girlXgirl ship... O.o

3) Xythrax

Have you seen the movie Heavy Trip? If you didnt, then go and watch it, its awesome! A total "must-to-see" for everyone who likes metal music and fun :) Xythrax is my fav character of this movie :)

4) Xerox

Oh yeah, I once worked at a xerox-shop, where we selled painters, colours and stuff and xerox-ed things for people. It was kinda fine, except for my dumbass colleague, who wanted me to leave, but yeah, he apparently didnt know me well :D because once something is MINE, then its MINE and Im never letting go, so he was trying for 3 months to scare me, make me angry, make me cry, he yelled at me, he and his wife also stole money and stuff and tried to put the guilt on me! Luckily, our boss was a inteligent person and he didnt like my colleague at all, so he named me as a leader of our shop instead of him, which probably was too much for my colleague and he rather stopped selling stuff and finding new customers, so we needed to close because of him :( but it was a good experience for me, not only as a profession, but it also taught me to deal with people who arent behaving nice to me.

5) XIII. Stoleti (XIII. Century)

A great Czech band that has songs about vampires, werewolves, gothic stuff etc :) Try to listen to it, I like it a lot :)

Oh... and thats all, I really couldnt think of anything else for this letter...

#get to know me #get to know me alphabet #who i am

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ravenaveira · 5 years ago

Text

Wow, people really went ham in the notes of this post

I thought I wouldnt get a response buuuuut surprisingly I did, so its only fair that I respond back now

This response is to @super-ana-maria specifically

NaruSaku had a chance, Kishimoto said in an interview afte chapter 700 that he did not knew with who Naruto should end up with Sakura or Hinata.

Show me proof, the only time he mentions NaruSaku having a chance is when he said he once considered whether or not to CHANGE his original intended ending and make NaruSaku canon instead, he thought against it and stuck to his original plan. It was just a thought that crossed his mind because of popularity, not because he himself wanted it. If he did, why would he go against his own wife who wanted NaruSaku? clearly his opinion on which pairing to make canon was far different from hers and everyone else at the studio who also wanted NaruSaku. Kishimoto ignored ALL of them. If it were ever a serious consideration from him he would have discussed that with them the way he told voice actors early on in the anime that SasuSaku would be together in the end.

Heres snippets to back up everything I mentioned

Read the bottom paragraph, Kishimoto explains that Hinata and Naruto were always intended to be married from the start, NaruSaku was never set in his mind.

This is from Anime news network discussing what I mentioned about his wife and many of the anime staff being upset by his, keyword HIS decision

I know people say he contradicts himself here saying from the middle he decided NaruHina but then another interview he says from the beginning but that doesnt mean hes lying one way or the other, maybe he decided NaruHina early on but wasnt concrete set on it until the middle, what he says afterwards solidifies that theory

From the middle of the story? Hm! What sealed this decision for you? I think what made me realize it was partly because, if you really look back and think about it, Hinata always supported and acknowledged Naruto, even before Master Iruka. She had the ability to see beyond his reputation and see the true person inside. I think I started realizing that they were meant to be.

So it pretty much falls in line with what I said, he had the idea early on but he didnt realize they were meant to be until the middle of the story, which would explain why it had so little development in the beginning.

SasuSaku however never had this issue and every interview about them has been consistent, Kishimoto and the VAs both say SasuSaku was decided during the early stages of the anime and it shows as out of all the couples they’ve had the most focus out of all of them, even the MCs.

Unfortunately I cant find the proper source to this but this is still basically what was said. There was a time he considered NaruSaku but decided against it because making her fall inlove with Naruto at this point would make her a terrible woman, which makes sense because she’d only change her feelings after Naruto became the village hero. That wouldnt feel very genuine and come off very shallow. Sakuras heart has always belonged to Sasuke, she was devoted to him even after he chose to walk down the path of darkness. So to suddenly have her fall for Naruto after being so devoted to Sasuke once he became a hero would make her seem like a terrible woman. She only loves Naruto now that hes a hero, not when he was a nobody. This wouldnt feel like love, it would feel like a rebound and alot of people wouldnt like it because of the message it’d send.

Imagine you rejected a nice guy who was a loser and everyone hated him thats been pining for you since you were kids. But you never had any interest in him but instead liked someone else. You love this guy for years even when he goes down a dark path you stay devoted to them up till your teens and continue to only see the nice guy as your friend. Suddenly he becomes very successful and everyone loves and respects him now and hes no longer a loser. Now you suddenly see him differently and decide you love him now instead of the other guy you've loved all these years

Wouldnt you think that looks pretty shallow? doesnt that send the wrong message? you’ve never been interested in this guy UNTIL he became successful, now you suddenly realize you love him. Its exactly what Kishimoto said, it would make Sakura a terrible woman.

Naruto told his father that Sakura was his girlfriend, in the 4th databooks entry one on Sakura it was stated that she waa conflicted emotionaly between Sasuke and Naruto.

Read the paragraph of the first photo I mentioned, he says he intentionally sprinkled little NaruSaku nuggets as a red herring, which was successful because many people fell for it despite seeing Sakura still being wholeheartedly devoted to Sasuke.

Prior to being a sasusaku fan, this is my OTP not NaruSaku, I’m a Naruto fan first of all and the fact that Naruto did not pay any attention to Hinata(the girl confessed her love and he forgot about it), Kushina wanted for her son to be somebody like her(Sakura is like her, Minato said it) and Naruto convinced Sai, that he loves Sakura and Sai guilt tripped her into a fake confessed, only for later on in Naruto the last, *cought* Hinata the last *cought*, for all of this to be nothing more then a lie and him turning into a scumbag, for the line that he told Sakura: “I hate people that lie to themself”, well Naruto lied to himself for what 7 years?

I wont argue with you here, even I think that was bullshit. Dont get me wrong Im not really defending NaruHina because personally idgaf about the ship and really dislike her thanks to that god awful ending and how SP is trying to shove her down our throats and try to turn her character into someone she isnt. So Im not defending NaruHina Im just pointing out the facts. NaruSaku NEVER had a chance, unless you wanna count that brief consideration a chance.

The anime ended up with ….a wedding, like a cheap SHOUJO story, in which the girl gets everything she was. So saying that Naruto is a shoujo story is basically the truth.

The manga ended in a better note with Naruto being the Hokage and living the life he wanted.

Again I wont argue there, thank god Kishimoto ended the story with the Boruto movie, something he actually WROTE and wanted to make. Because if he had ended Naruto with The Last, that would have been one of the worst endings in Shounen history, a Shounen literally turned Shoujo for its ending.

Dont get me started on how the anime ended on a fucking wedding we already got in the movie and not the ACTUAL FUCKING FINAL CHAPTER OF THE MANGA.

How TF do you animate 699 chapters worth of content and then literally skip the final fucking chapter 700 in favor of a fuckin novel rehashing an already shown wedding. Tell me how that makes any fuckin sense, it doesnt, its like SP forgot they were animating a Shounen and thought they were doing a Shoujo at the end. And people have the nerve to complain the manga ending was bad.

Thank Kishimoto for the manga and staying focused on what Narutos ACTUALLY about. The anime spit on Narutos legacy and basically turned from the Shounen about Naruto, to a Shoujo about Hinata.

Dare somebody to tell me Im wrong, you know Im not.

#naruto fandom #response #anti-narusaku #again just in case #anti-naruhina

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taetaesource · 5 years ago

Text

Getting a divorce with changkyun

- the both of you met through a mutual friend

- you knew your friend through work and she is friends with changkyun since elementary school. Changkyun although debuted as an idol, he was very quiet and introverted since young so his friends always try to match-make him with girls they know. Changkyun would usually show up for the blind dates out of obligation.

- he wasn't very interested at first, he merely talked to you and walked you back home out of courtesy. But you were interested. You honestly thought he was cute and a good catch so you tried to be more active. Asking for his number, initiating new topics when the convo died down with his one line replies, texting him after the blind date.

- eventually the both of you got together. Things were rather slow with him and most of the time, it was you who is doing everything but it didn't feel like it or you just didn't take notice of it.

- he was very busy with his schedules and world tours. He really didn't have time for you.

- but what kept changkyun staying was that you were always there whenever he had little pockets of time. He was always thankful that you were patient and tolerant of his schedules and lack of time with you. Because of that he thinks about you and makes it a point to buy gifts for you whenever he has the chance to when he's on his tour.

- his relationship with you is no secret to the company and the other monsta x members. They know you but were not particularly close with you because changkyun was very low key. He doesn't talk about you or the both of you often.

- in some sense, your relationship with him was stable. And eventually, the both of you got married when monsta x was slowing down and group activities were reduced.

- the wedding was lowkey as well, just a private one with family and close friends. The news was not leaked to the media so there was no reports or coverage about it. Deep down, you were a little affected as you have always imagined your wedding would have at least made it into Allkpop or a Koreaboo article.

- By then, monsta x were living separately so you could easily move in with changkyun.

- the group was still active but not as busy anymore so he could spend most of the nights with you if he doesn't have much to do in his studio.

- but he was always at his studio making songs or jooheon or his other rapper/producer friends will be there with him and he doesnt come home till dawn.

- sex with changkyun is great. He is gentle with you and will accommodate to you. Sometimes you can't wait to get your hands on him, he would have no problems allowing you and taking you there and then - in the kitchen, in the toilet and sometimes in the car if he's sure that you won't get caught. He is the type that wouldn't say no to you in most cases and in all aspects of life not just sex.

- But whenever you raise the topic about kids, Changkyun's answer is no even though he does not say it out loud. He will say that now is not the time, the both of you should wait for a little while more, now is too early to think about such a great responsibility.

- when you started pushing it a little bit more, and got a little more aggressive about wanting kids, changkyun got a little worried and started to take a step back.

- at first, he would make sure to use protection or if you insist on him being inside you raw, he would make sure to pull out even though you have been trying ways to sneakily have him cum inside you.

- when he realised that it's dangerous to have sex with you because you are determined to have his baby, he started avoiding sex with you.

- that's when you started arguing with him all the time. "Is it because you are sick and tired of me?" "You don't love me anymore right? That's why you don't want to have sex with me?"

- "i am just tired ok? I am not in the mood for sex and that doesn't mean i don't love you anymore?"

- "then why don't you want to fuck me?" "You don't want to start a family with me because you don't love me"

- in the beginning he will fuck you out of guilt or because he just wants to stop fighting with you. But over time, he got sick of trying to explain himself.

- he avoided going home and stayed in his studio with work as an excuse.

- this worsened your doubts and anxiety. You were beginning to act crazy and paranoid, calling and texting him a million times a day. And when he didn't answer or reply, you will throw a fit the moment he comes home or replies you.

- you started making frequent unannounced trips to his workplace with part of you thinking that he might be cheating on you.

- changkyun was surprised at your first visit. He was with one of the managing director of starship discussing the debut song for the new starship boy group when you entered. The both of them were taken aback and changkyun had to do a brief introduction that you were his wife and the atmosphere was awkward. "I will leave the both of you alone since your dear wife came all the way down to spend time with you. I will catch up with you again changkyun," the director left without finishing his discussion with changkyun.

- changkyun was a little disappointed but he wasn't upset with you. He told himself that he could take another time to talk to the director and since you are here, nothing could change anymore.

- "so what brings you here?" Changkyun's tone was soft. "Sorry i didn't know you were busy with the director. I guess i came at the wrong time." "Nah, it's fine," changkyun just shrugged it away. And you relaxed after he has shown no anger or irritation.

- you ate with changkyun and watched him do his work. You loved how he looks when he's working, very attractive and charming.

- when he caught you staring at him, he said without looking away from his screen, "why are you watching me like that?"

- "i love you", you simply said. He giggled a little and signalled for you to come over and you sat on his lap. He kissed you before continuing his work with you sitting on him. You took the chance to take things further and eventually got him to pin you to the wall and fuck you from behind, on the chair and over the table.

- subsequently, changkyun seemed to notice that your repeated visits to his studio always ended with sex and it was an unhealthy pattern. After all, that is his workplace and he is still for no children.

- but his rejection of you became another trigger for the longstanding quarrels between the both of you.

- "i don't understand why you gotta be here all the time? This is my workplace for god's sake, there are people watching. Could we please keep our issues till we get home?"

- "i don't understand why you gotta be like this to me all the time?"

- "i am trying to tell you this is my workplace?? I have to maintain a level of professionalism?"

- "ya who knows? Maybe you are keeping some other girl here"

- "what are you talking about??"

- instead of babies, now whenever the both of you argue, you will bring up suspicions and accusations of changkyun having an affair or hooking up with other girls.

- to avoid arguing with you, changkyun minimised his time at home and will try to go home for a quick nap or shower during the hours when you are out at work.

- eventually, you got tired of it too and did not say anything anymore when you see him at home.

- all forms of communication broke down between the two of you and it's like as if the both of you are living as separate entities.

- you knew that you had to clear things up with changkyun but so much time as passed since the both of you failed to communicate that nobody knows how to make the first move anymore. Nobody saw the point in making the first move anymore too since you two might end up fighting again.

- you texted changkyun first asking him if he was free tonight if he could come home earlier because you wanted to talk to him.

- the both of you sat at the dining table at home. "I think we have to talk about our next steps. What we should do with our relationship moving forward.." you broke the ice first. Changkyun simply nodded.

- "i think the whole issue came from the fact that you didn't spend enough time with me? You were always telling me that you need to work, you stay long hours at your studio and i don't know for sure what exactly you are doing, who you are with...."

- "hey, i always tell you that i'm going to the studio, i'm going to work. My work has always been very long hours and unpredictable. It has been like this since debut and you knew that when we first knew each other."

- "yes i know that but you are no longer the same to me. You are always impatient with me and you even stop wanting to get close to me. It's very difficult for me to not think that you might have another girl...."

- "hey hey, wait. I've never cheated on you. This is one thing i need you to get this clear. Never have i done anything like that."

- "then why do you avoid me?"

- "because everytime we came close we end up arguing over stupid things? And i got sick and tired of arguing?"

- "if you didn't behave like you didn't love me anymore, i wouldn't have to argue with you."

- "i didn't say that i don't love you or do anything at all? You are the one being paranoid."

- "if you have a wife who wouldn't want to talk to you and have sex with you, you will be paranoid too."

- "i didnt not want to talk to you or have sex with you ok? I just don't want to do that because we always end up quarreling?"

- "you should make an effort, not give up and ignore me."

- "i did?? But you always end up twisting my words or being paranoid about me having another woman?"

- "if you love me, you wouldn't stop trying"

- "stop threatening me or guilt-tripping me or whatever you are trying to do with this stupid "if you love me, you wouldnt whatever shit". Love is not one way and i get tired of making effort when all you do is accuse me of cheating when all i ever do was to take a step back to stop arguing with you."

- changkyun was very frustrated and he was literally raising his voice and speaking like a bullet train. He is not the kind of guy to lose his cool. You were already crying and this was the first time you've seen changkyun so frustrated, you knew you have pushed him to his edge.

- the both of you sat there in silence for a long while.

- "so what do you want to do now?" Changkyun asked after he has managed to calm down and return to his usual tone.

- you paused for a long while. "Let's get a divorce", you said without looking up.

- "okay, let's do that," was all you hear from Changkyun. He said it in his soft and deep voice. It sounded like he also had this in mind but also regretful.

#changkyun #monsta x scenerio #monsta x smut #monsta x fanfic #monsta x imagines #monsta x i.m #monsta x

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accendimi · 5 years ago

Text

Sometimes {Self Para}

Sometimes the past catches up. Sometimes one will continue to run from it.

Sarina never stayed in one place as long as she had in Swynlake. She had never recognized as much as she had and stayed.

She never caused as much destruction and stayed. But the fact was people had worked their way into her heart and Sarina had stayed.

She had stayed too long because infront of her door stood her eldest brother. Clad in all his brilliant favourite fucking blues.

"Go away Harrison." Sarina muttered walking around him and unlocking her door.

"Its not that easy to send me away sister do you realize how much time we've spent looking for you. How much we worry about you." Harrison had pushed his way in and Sarina wasnt even surprised.

Her heels clicked as she walked into the kitchen grabbing herself a beer. She didnt care if it was 10 am here it was 5pm some where else and for the guilt trip that was about to be-

"We lost them too. We went through everything you went through but you weren't the one abandoned. We were. Not only did everyone lose their parents we lost our sister."

"Good for you." Sarina took a swig hoping up on the counter as she kicked her legs back and forth.

"How can you be so nonchalant. We miss you. We want you back. You could do so much good. Or you could just stay in contact." Harrison tried again walking closer.

All the recent thoughts. The recent nostalgia. The thought of the action figure she had safely tucked away in her room.

"Just come with me and we will figure it out. As a family. It's what Mom and Dad would have wanted." Harrison stated leaning against the counter. "Look I get it if you're still hurting. We are too but theres these really good family therapy sessions we can go to. And we settled in his town that is magic friendly. I have a wife and a kid. The twins are taller than you now. You're missing out on so much."

Sarina hummed at the thought before jumping off the counter. Her brother was too close and she wouldnt be blocked in by him.

"Good for you Harrison. Really good for you. But I'm not looking for any of that."

"You're not looking for a family?"

Sarina wasnt looking to be the one dropped before she could drop them.

"Look at me in the eyes. Tell me you dont want to help people. I asked around. Yeah some people called you a bitch. Some said you were nice."

Those some people were her people and that was all. She was nice to them because she wanted to be not because she had to be.

"You can't expect me to have to make a decision right now. Surely you arent trying to force my hand?" Sarina challenged with another swig of her drink.

"Meet me at Hatters at 7. I'll have a decision for you then." Starting upstairs Sarina didnt wait to listen if he let himself out. He better let himself out.

Staring at her empty room Sarina glanced down the hall where Mike's stiff had been.

A ghost of her past. Letting someone in who eventually had to leave.

Grabbing her suitcase Sarina tossed all of her clothes in. A few sentimental items she came with and then the action figure she had bought at the comic shop.

She could give it to Harrison to give ti the twins but that would involve seeing him again.

Sarina wasnt planning on being in Swynlake that long.

Yanking her suitcase out she walked out of the house leaving the keys on the counter just in case Harrison was stupid enough to believe she was coming back.

Stopping off at The Court she left a brief message for Roscoe and Des. Telling them who exactly was a demon in town. Leaving a phone number for them to call if they ever needed saving again.

Until then. Sarina was just saving herself.

#self para

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amazingmichelleman · 5 years ago

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Tell me your opinions on BatB 2017 (it's one of those things where left to myself I'll dislike it, but I am capable of flipping a mental switch and appreciating a bunch of things about it. ("Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes."))

i know its been like 15 years since you sent this but here we go. I liked the beauty and the beast live action movie for three main reasons. 1.) more detailed individual character growth 2.) good updates to the music 3.) gastoni mean, everything that people complain about is totally right, theres a lot of wonky stuff in the movie but idk i still just think its funand as a note before i start getting into it, i realized one big thing i liked when i watched linsay ellis’s video on youtube when she complained bc there wasnt very much romance but THATS WHY I LIKED IT LOL. the movie is more concerned with belle’s and beast’s individual character growth than their romance AND TBH if this movie had gone the way of maleficent and purposely shunned romantic love for the power of platonic love honestly that would have been a MUCH stronger plot line. beast and belle had real bff vibes. ah what could have been...

ok so 1.) character plots. this was a very 50/50 split bc gaston and beast got well developed arcs, belle only got like half way through hers before it was dropped, and the servants was like.....you didnt even try did u.gaston ill get to later, but the beast i loved cause he had more lines where he was just being chill and not sad or angry, unlike in the original. his story was very much about unlearning toxic masculinity and stopping the cycle of abuse from his dad, and i thought that was way cooler than the “changed by belle’s love” trope. they seemed a lot more like friends and shared common interests in books. and like. when beast scoffs at belle cause she likes a “girly” book like romeo and juliet but then she catches him reading it and enjoying it later? thats good stuff man. thats gooood stuff.

and just like. the song where hes singing to his mom “not until my whole life is done will i ever leave you.....” AND THEN HIS MOM DIES AND HIS DAD LEADS HIM AWAY reblog uf u crie evry tiem.... and then when they go thru the book thing and he’s like Oh Paris I Love Paris What Shall We See First!!! an absolute cutieBelle’s story really started going somewhere and im mad that it just ended like “figured out my origin story so guess im cool now” like no. they had a really good line in the song that went “i was innocent and certain, now im wiser but unsure” and then that’s never resolved! like belle has always been such a cool character who didnt let beast walk all over her and when he finally figured out her boundaries, thats when they could start to communicate like hello?? awesome woman alert and you just let that drop?? and everyone says that belle’s backstory abt her mom wasnt needed and theyre probs right but the scene where beast is like Paris?! meanwhile belle brooding in the background. good stuff. belle’s song, the plague doctor, her dad being forced to leave his wife behind.........................good food man good foodand the servants everyone has talked abt. the whole “it was our fault the beast was abused” nonsense, plus in general their line abt “whats a servant without serving”, and that evil village lady reuniting with cogsworth and its played off as a joke, like why do you gotta do these good men and woman dirty like that2.) music?? good!!!! good music. days in the sun? good. gaston song?? good!! kill the beast!!! so good. it was all good.3.) Gaston!!!!!!!!!! a problematic fave wow!!! i think what really makes him good is the actor choice. i generally dont care abt actors so i dont know anything abt the man, but he seems like a good guy ya know. if the actor was sketch playing a bad character id be like ew but cause the actor seems nice and hes playing a bad character im like whoohoo!! is that weird? idk whateverGaston’s descend into evilness is like. the character arc of the decade my man. the way you expect him to do his douchey thing in the beginning like in the original, but he’s actually not that bad, and u know he DOES have a point abt spinsters not able to thrive in this time period, like guilt tripping not cool, but he didnt say “women shouldnt read!!” so thats a step upand he like. genuinely wanted to win her over by helping her dad. like he really tried but belle’s dad really pushed all his villain buttons man! so he did a bad thing like not cool dude. and then!!!! then he’s got to stick with it and defend himself against the townspeople. they’re not madly in love with him so he’s got to MAKE them that way. the way he turns around that conversation was SO good and roping lefou in against his will and jumping on the kill the beast thing to save his own skin. and from there he’s just gotta keep going!! he’s gotta hunt down the beast not just for belle but for himself and his standing in the village. like i just thought that whole spiral was done SOOO well. best part of the movie tbh. and even tho lefou’s sexuality was problematic, it really added to his and gaston’s arcs of one person becoming evil and their close friend jumping ship on the situation bc they know that their loved one is wrong.so like. yeah. live action beauty and the beast, man.

#onceuponymous #beauty and the beast #batb2017 #but yeah it was for sure a wonky movie in general #i feel the same way abt maleficent too #good stuff i liked but over all ehh

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quixoticstxrs · 5 years ago

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Moving On

Written for the Singles AU I have with @xjinyoung, a one-shot of Jaebum moving past the death of his wife. TRIGGER WARNING! Death

Jaebum stood in the bedroom doorway with his hands in his pockets. Jinyoung had agreed to give him space, to take the kids out for a day trip while he focused on what he had to do. The house was quiet now, and he let it be. He let memories take over for one final time. Laughter. Tickle fights. Disagreements. Backs to each other. Words that shouldn't have been said. Words that were cherished. Soft kisses. Passionate and deliberate love-making. Her warm smile and deep eyes. Tears of joy and pregnancy tests. Lazy Saturdays. Choosing baby names. Planning for the future. Packing for the hospital. The bedroom still looked like she could walk in at any minute. Her jewelry box, photos, shoes, robe all virtually untouched aside from dusting and cleaning. He took a deep breath and walked to the bed, sitting on the foot of it heavily. It had been six years since his wife died. He had never really gotten over it, he had never really gotten over her. It was no ones fault. Perhaps that was what made it so hard. The bleeding simply wouldnt stop after delivering their son. He was there. He watched it happen. Heard the machines, heard the concern in nurses voices, the sudden urgency in everyone's mannerisms as his son was suddenly not the priority. He was in shock, she looked so frightened, like she knew, like she was slipping away. He remembered the tightness of her grip on his hand, the way she started crying and getting more and more listless. He was helpless, could do nothing. And when the nurses ushered him out of the room he felt like the world was spinning. He could feel his blood pumping through his veins and hear the rush of it so overwhelmingly loud, the only sound above it was the smallest cry of his son from the delivery room. Six years later, here he was. Jaebum looked around the room with tears in his eyes and put his head in his hands, remembering the months afterward. He didn't go home until after the funeral. What was supposed to be a very joyous time in his life was completely turned on its head. He never held any animosity for his son, for Daejoon. It wasn't his fault, and he was even more robbed than Jaebum ever would be. At least Jaebum had several years with her. Daejoon would never have a single second with her. He was never even seen by her or held by her. The first night he stayed in the house again, just him and Daejoon, he had the crib set up next to the bed. All the photos had been put face down. He couldnt bring himself to look at them. He had to be strong for his son. Daejoon cried for hours, refused to sleep. Nothing would comfort him. It was a sort of hell. He was exhausted, emotional, just wished for sleep. At length, he simply blocked out the crying and fell asleep despite his urges to try and calm the baby. A year passed before he knew it, then two, then three, four, five, six. Then everything changed when he took Daejoon to the park that day, meeting Jinyoung. Jinyoung brought happiness back to him, the feeling of companionship, the feeling that he still had a life to live outside of work and raising a child. Jinyoung reminded him that he was still alive. He didnt really know what he was doing when he asked Jinyoung to start dating. He had never been with a guy in any capacity. But that's why he was here now. He needed to make room for this new person in his life, who would share his bed and his dresser, his towels and his bathroom. Jaebum moved over to the dresser and opened up the top drawer that had always been hers. He hadn't opened it in six years. He ran his fingertips over the silk and cotton fabrics of underwear, bras and pajamas and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he whispered, delicately pulling out a handful of the garments and holding them to his chest, fresh tears forming in his eyes. "I'm not trying to throw you aside." He pressed his face into the pajama top that he had pulled out and collected himself. He sat the things into a box and pulled it closer so he could access it easier. He cleared out a drawer, then another, and as time went on, it got easier to dull his senses and simply focus on the task. Once the dresser was empty, he moved to the closet, pulling out each of her dresses and tops, pants and skirts, adding them to a new box along with her shoes and belts. A third box was needed for her jackets and hats, and another for her purses and wallets. He kept only one thing of hers, a baseball cap that he had gotten her on the very day they found out they were going to have Daejoon. He wanted to give it to Daejoon. He knew Daejoon would love it and cherish it. Once the boxes were taped up and the jewelry was placed into bags, he called his mother. She agreed to sort all of the things and decide which go to donate and which were to be discarded. He had already told his mother that he was seeing Jinyoung, and she had been over the moon about it, saying that it was indeed time he moved on. He was thankful to her. Once the call was made and the bedroom cleaned, he went to his bedside table to remove the very last thing, but probably the most important thing to remove. It was a picture of him and his wife laughing. He took the photo and walked it to Daejoon's room, setting it on the top shelf on his wall, where all the other photos were of him and Daejoon, and now Jinyoung and Mei. He looked at the photo of himself and Riko for a long time. "You were my first love, and that will never change. Thank you for loving me and Daejoon, and watching over us. I have to say goodbye now." He took a wavering breath and looked away, wiping the tears from his face and walking from the room. It gave him some sort of finality to close the door, even if he didnt need to. The day was almost gone, in a few minutes Jinyoung would probably be back. He decided to shower after doing a final once-over of the bedroom, and let himself really break down for the first time after her death. He cried for a long time, until he couldn't anymore. Saying goodbye was never what he was good at and this was the hardest thing he ever had to do. But at length, he felt a peace come over him. Reassurance that everything would be alright. And when he greeted Jinyoung, Mei and Daejoon at the door, his smile was freer, and the kiss he gave Jinyoung was unhindered by any reservations or guilt.

#lots of angst and emotions #lots of sad shit #jb is having a hard time.#singles au: moving on #a one shot

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cowandcalf · 6 years ago

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Danny and Rachel Meta

This meta has been born because of this post and some other Danny and Rachel posts, discussing the same thing.

“Danny deserves better.”

My answer to this sentence: “Rachel deserves better, too.”

If you’re interested to know why I write this, read on.

Some rambling first.

There are a lot of posts on Tumblr right now with the content of the discussion what's going on with Danny and Rachel. I answered to this post today to express my view on this situation. I won't discuss the question if Rachel and Danny will be back together. We don't know that, and it makes no sense at all to freak out about a fact, that's not there yet.

No one knows what's going to happen and I don't jump to any conclusion just because of the sentence that says: "…and Rachel and Charlie evacuate to Danny's house, where the ex-spouses reminisce." Meaning they walk down memory lane – nowhere it's written that they are back together and until I have proof of what is really happening, I don't freak out and I definitely don't abandon the show.

I don't run for the hills because it gets difficult. My fangirl is seriously involved in the love for my OTP. I see myself as the guarding of my OTP (Do you think I'm crazy? You're right – I am!) I need to take care of them. Who does that when everyone thinks that it's time to leave just because it gets a little bit rough and bumpy?

So, everyone who talks for ages about the fact that they want to leave this show, let me tell you something - just leave and save yourself from more harm. Because the funny thing is, everyone sticks around despite their threat. I don't know why they have this masochistic streak but apparently, it suits them.

So, Danny and Steve going through a rough time. I'll stick around, meaning I'm glued to their hips, looking out for them and I fix things, because who else is gonna do that for them, if not fangirls and fanboys? Yes, yes, my view is always a lot different and yes, of course, I always respect all other opinions. I'm just so astonished how little it takes for so many to throw in the towel with the intention to leave – but at the end, they all stay.

Also, an important point, that gets swept lightly under the carpet is the fact, that McDanno should be end game. I've never ever read anywhere that CBS and Lenkov have promised to make McDanno end game. I live with this fact that McDanno never will be end game canon-wise. At least not in the proof of Steve kissing Danny, holding hands and having sex, living an open, happy relationship.

My intention for this meta is to explain to myself why Danny and Rachel end up in this corner where they are building a friendship. There's more understanding between them, more gentle feelings and somehow a new and deeper respect.

Rachel and Danny Meta

I can easily switch angles to have a different view to look at the characters. This meta shows the canon side.

There are facts, concerning Rachel and Danny that you can't ignore. I don't understand why people see Danny as the kind one in this relationship. So many always point out that Rachel betrayed him and that she's the bitch. Rachel always stands as the mean woman who has created this living hell Danny has to live in every day.

I beg to differ.

I want to have a better look at all of this. And yes, at the end it always, always ends with McDanno – with Danny's love for Steve. But I'm not there yet. So, the McDanno endgame is already there, but you have to find it, buried in a huge stack of not revealed love.

Rachel is marked as the mean woman by Danny's side. Yes, it's true she put Danny through some incredible mean shit and some of her actions left scars on Danny's heart and they never will properly heal. But Danny – Danny did the same damn hurtful thing to Rachel. Danny betrayed Rachel in the same, terrible way and I even dare to say that Danny's action forced Rachel to act in the way she did.

Danny and Rachel are both responsible in equal parts for the failing of their marriage. Both are 50% responsible, not one percent less. They met, they fell in love and their relationship ended in a disaster with the result to be divorced.

I dare to say that Danny is the one who drove Rachel away. Bad things happened back in Jersey during their years where they were together, trying to live a life, raising Grace.

There's a key scene that shows a big part of Danny's commitment. This scene enables a deeper look into the way Danny has treated Rachel during their relationship. I will interpret from this key scene in 1.24 where Danny forsook his whole family for his job, for his boss and his best friend, his partner – he chose Steve over his family. That's a fact.

I see a pattern here, showing off in this one scene. Danny promised something and he couldn't keep that promise because something more important at work came up. So, he decided and chose work and his partner instead of his family. And that's how Danny is wired.

I assume Rachel and Danny were madly in love and it was a firework of passion. Rachel held Danny's heart in her hand. But Danny is a dedicated policeman, a detective and so far, I've witnessed time and again that Danny's job always comes first in a case of emergency.

I'm sure Rachel couldn't cope with the fact that Danny lived for his job. I'm sure their fights were hard and rough and filled with bitterness and destroyed hopes because Danny was and will always be dedicated to his job. Grace got born and I'm sure the love for her could fix some of what was already gone between Rachel and Danny. In the end, they only fought and discussed and tried to guilt trip each other.

Danny loves deep and loyal. He's born to be a detective and he lives this passion with every fiber of his body and his soul. He also wants to have a family and a wife. Danny loves to give his people what they long for. He wants to make them happy and to satisfy every need. But Rachel's love for Danny has been ground down to zero in the cruel grindstone of daily life being the wife of a detective.

Let's go back to this key scene in 1.24.

Stan is away abroad for a business trip. Rachel is unhappy with Stan and after the incident with the Sarin Danny ends up in the hospital and somehow their love sparks up anew. Danny has never got over the fact that another man could steal his wife away from him. Danny wants her back and even though he knows that Rachel is married, he sleeps with her.

This is an egoistic move from him and also a primitive way to show off his masculinity and the need to measure his stamina with Stan. This wasn't all about Rachel, this was more about who's cock is bigger and who's the better Alpha to get back the female mate. Danny won. He was happy about that. Rachel was ready to get back together, despite what they have gone through. She has hope again. And Danny uses this for his own way to get her back. He talked a lot about how terrible they are at communicating. There was a time where Danny didn’t like Rachel AT ALL.

Danny does the first thing his testosterones longs for. He gets Rachel pregnant. He breeds her. I know, this sounds very harsh, but that's Danny too. He needs to mark his territory. I guess that's the same way Grace was conceived. They had hope, they wanted to try again after maybe a huge fight when they were in Jersey and still a couple.

Danny promises Rachel he wants to be together with her. He was even astonished when she told him that she was pregnant again. If Danny didn't want another child, he could have used a condom for crying out loud. He didn't.

Okay, they agreed to move back to Jersey although Danny was involved in a case and he knew Steve needed him and he was a member of Five-0.

And there's the other thing I don't like about how Danny handles a difficult private situation. He doesn't talk and he doesn't inform.

If he had left with Rachel, how would he want to inform Steve? Chin? Kono? He had planned to leave that very evening. The flights were booked. Would he just have told Steve over a lousy phone call? Abandon this ohana with a wave to say goodbye?

And he promised Rachel and Grace that he would be there, that he would meet them at the airport. Rachel carried his unborn love-child and Danny knew what he was running into – again! He sent them off to the airport and Rachel waited, again, for Danny to fulfill his promise.

And this is still something I can't really overcome: Danny stood his family up. He broke a very important promise and right there and then Danny turned into a super mean and super huge asshole. NO ONE DOES THAT WHO ALWAYS EMPHASIZES HOW IMPORTANT FAMILY IS.

Danny abused Rachel's trust.

Danny abused Grace's trust.

Danny abused his unborn child's trust.

Danny didn't call to tell why he couldn't make it.

Danny didn't call at all.

He didn't call Steve to say that he's going to be a father and that he has planned to leave Hawaii for good – like right this fucking evening.

And that's a way Danny must have treated Rachel always back in Jersey. He promised a lot of things that he couldn't keep. He missed birthdays, anniversaries, important meetings, family gatherings, Graces first school day – whatever. Danny has done that, he broke promises and he just did it again.

Rachel is fed up with his way to treat his family and his children. She boards the plain alone and right there she makes a decision. She can't go through such insecurity again. She leaves Danny the moment she gets on that plane.

Danny shows further into the show that he doesn't involve Steve in very important decisions. He just plans something in his head and someday he tells it and acts on it (retirement). On the other hand, he gets very furious if someone does this with him too – the letter Steve wrote to tell him he's on a secret mission and Danny's in charge now.

I assume that Danny wants to do right by everyone and keeps quiet as long as possible only to upset both parties who are involved. Danny is afraid to disappoint his people only to end up in a disaster because he doesn't have the courage to just tell what's on his mind.

And then there's the fact that he loves his job so much, that whatever he does, his job comes first. Always. Rachel had to experience in a very tough and hurtful way that Danny is not reliable. He says things he can't keep (always referring to this key scene) but I'm sure she has hoped now with the second child on the way, Danny might have changed.

Danny hasn't.

And I'm sure Rachel also was afraid that she has to raise her second child alone because if Danny doesn't show commitment now, he never will. And I guess that's why she chose to tell him, that Charlie wasn't Danny's child. And I can understand Rachel. I really do.

And I guess Danny abandoned Grace and Rachel back in Jersey, too. There were always more pressing matters to deal with. There was always a case to be handled. Rachel had to rise Grace most of the time alone. And right here, the fact that Danny didn't fucking care to be there for his children shows why Rachel moved to Hawaii.

Danny's fucking asshole move to not show up as he has damn promised shows that he's not interested in his kids! Yes, that's my translation and I'm sure that's also Rachel's translation.

And maybe that happened back in Jersey. So Rachel takes Grace far away because Danny was never, or rarely around to be with Grace. That's a fucking wake up call for Danny! He has to move too if he wants to see his daughter who always came second because first there was always his job.

Because if Rachel was ready to get back together with Danny, after all, they have been through, is because she still loves him so fucking much that she's willing to try again. And what is Danny doing? He slaps her face and spits on her trust. That's how it has happened.

Danny knew now he has to pull his head out of his ass and get moving to not miss the growing up of his daughter. That's why he moved to Hawaii and he becomes a very dedicated father. Danny messed up big time. He has to try better. And that’s when we meet him on the show. As a dedicated father.

And then there's also McDanno.

Because Danny is always ready to follow Steve wherever he goes.

There's a Tsunami threatening to hit the beach. Grace gets handed over to Kamekona so Danny can be with Steve, till the bitter end if he has to.

Danny signs up to rescue Steve from North Korea with the chance to never get back and to see his daughter again. He does it for Steve.

Danny is always ready to risk his life for Steve. He always worries about Steve. Steve. Danny's world is only whole when there's Steve.

And that's Mcdanno.

Danny doesn't say 'I love you' to his women. He does say it to Steve.

After Rachel there is Gaby. With her, he experiences what it means to be together with someone who is dedicated to his job. He doesn't like it. It didn't work.

Melissa is kind, nice and Danny likes her. But he can't say 'I love you' and he can't really get involved.

But of course, he's lonely and he wishes to have someone by his side.

In the meantime, he risks his life for Steve time and again.

Steve is the center of his life, even if he always tells everyone it's Grace. No, it's not, because when there's a threat he gets Grace safe and dives into danger with Steve.

Danny is deep, deep hidden in the closet. He's gay for Steve, or his gay but with no chance to come out. So, he lives a life of all the gay men who are buried under tons of guilt, shutting down their needs and living on with the repression of their true nature. They try to be a husband and a good father. Coming out is no option.

And now Grace and Charlie are bigger, growing older and Danny has calmed down. He gets older too and Rachel is still around. They still love each other. They know each other for years and Danny is lonely. They grew closer over their worries when Grace had her accident. They are parents and they are bonded. It's convenient to be together and there's still this feeling that connects them.

Danny loves Steve but he has no chance to be with him. He chooses the second best. He chooses the mother of his children because she's again divorced and alone, too. Why not try and maybe to be good friends? Maybe more.

But to end this and to make a full circle. Danny hasn't been a good husband to Rachel, not always. And he hurt her many times and Rachel has learned to deal with the pain and the betrayal. And the end they hurt each other, but somehow, they made peace.

And that's at least something.

And that's where they are now.

Thank you very much for reading. I hope this all made some sense.

#meta #danny and rachel #h50 #danny and rachel meta #personal opinion #cowandcalf writes #mcdanno #trying to get to the bottom of things

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