#‘you just told your best friend her greatest achievement in life would be to become an organ donor’ line from noel

[moonmoonthecrabking]

here’s my theory: ocean originally started the choir for constance

i will elaborate

i think that constance has always loved performing and the performing arts: acting, singing, dancing. outside the mind-control death scenario and the choir, we don’t really see two of those. however, in the 2016 production, she plays the part of mary in the school’s nativity play (this is when noel breaks into waiting for godot). she tries to steer it back on track while staying in character, and while this could be her “being a good girl” in part, i think it’s also her wanting to stay in the role. this is something she cares about and, while she’s don’t stupid, this matters to her more than school.

additionally, i think the way that sugar cloud is staged like a concert (particularly in the part where the choir sings “i used to think that life was just a jawbreaker” and she has that belty ad-lib) also adds to this idea of a desire to perform. plus her presenting the song the choir performs before each intro number, rather than ocean. sure, ocean presents the choir, but constance introduces the song itself.

so, from this, i believe that constance has an interest in the performing arts. as a result, i like to think that ocean thought “two birds, one stone” in making a club that could make her friend happy and having something to put on college applications (presuming canadian college apps are the same as those from the us). so, she starts up the st cassian’s chamber choir and upop (from later editions of the show).

but, even with the best intentions, ocean starts to overshadow constance. part of it is accidental, it isn’t her fault that most satb arrangements are written to highlight the soprano. she only wanted to be a leader, and constance just wanted to be involved. ocean, mostly unintentionally, starts to belittle constance’s ideas.

i think this might be why they have such a fractured relationship during the show. is it possible that a lot of little things created tension between them in the “you punched me in the fricking boob” scene? definitely. however, i think it’s possible that they had a fight on the day of the fall fair. ocean paraded around the victory she lead them to, kept talking about how she was the queen of the choir. and while constance didn’t confront her, she was a lot more… distant. maybe even a little snide. ocean could hear that something was a little off with her, but she couldn’t place what, and she definitely didn’t think it wasn’t her fault. constance still sat next to her on the cyclone, ocean doing another thing for constance.

and then they died. both blaming the other for their misfortune. not knowing what was really going on in the other’s brain. but this story has a happy ending, or maybe it’s bittersweet. you’ve seen the show, you know how it goes. there is no other way this story could end.

[starrynightarchive]

luffy saved sanji, nami and the entire crew in a way. everyone knows this. everyone talks about this. but what people don't talk about enough is this: luffy saved zoro too.

now here's the thing right. zoro might not have had any ongoing struggles that were keeping him up at night. no one might've harmed him physically or mentally for a long time. the last wound of his that never closed up right is kuina and that happened a decade ago. in many ways, he's fine. he is. is he?

the thing about zoro is that before luffy, he has been running on spite. on anger and determination and sheer fucking will. and i must say, spite is an excellent motivator. but it's also really fucking tiring. it's hard to make it stay because ultimately, you run out of fuel. your body was never made to house that much anger. fire burns bright, but it burns. and zoro has been burning for a long time.

this is how he keeps the fire going. this is how he stays spiteful, angry, hurt. he digs into the wound kuina left at nights he finds himself sagging under the weight of the responsibility he carries. he pushes his fingers into the flesh (you promised kuina) and twists (you told her you'll become the world's greatest swordsman) and he bleeds.

(you promised.)

enter: luffy.

I'm going to be the king of pirates, he had announced and zoro had felt a pang of longing because that was his dream. luffy wasn't carrying a life someone else couldn't live with him. he was not running on all things red and furious. he beams, bright and sunny and so incredibly real that zoro wants to avert his eyes and says, do you want to fight them with me or do you want to die here?

of course he joins his damn crew.

here's the thing right. luffy saved him not from his enemies, not from his own mind. he saves him like this: rubber arm wrapped around his waist and flinging him around. sheepish laughter that follows a shamelessly unapologetic sorry, zoro. he saves him like this: he lets him walk into the jaws of death when he challenges mihawk. he doesn't stop him. because he will never stand between him and his dream. because he is so certain he will get back up. because he is so certain of his strength, of his tenacity, of him.

the first thing zoro says after kuina defeats him for the last time is, kill me. because he has tried so hard and it still wasn't enough. it would be a honourable way to go- to die trying to achieve your dream. but after mihawk cuts him up, he doesn't say, kill me. he cries. he cries and he says, i will never lose again. is that okay with you, king of the pirates?

he makes an other vow, this time it's to a boy he barely knows. and he knows he will keep it, because he is waiting for him. he thought zoro would come back. and so he would.

luffy saved zoro by straightening the fingers that have been clenched into fists for a long time. he tells him he will achieve his dream. he tells him he's the best and he says it like it's just another fact, another truth of the universe. luffy saves zoro by showing him that it's so much more fun to chase something because you love it, see?

now, wado doesn't feel like chains weighing him down. it just feels like the comfort of an old friend. now, he burns brighter than ever but not with spite. his fire is warm, now, just like his captain. he has his nakama to protect. he has a love that waits for him outside of this dream that seems larger than life.

luffy saves zoro by holding his hand and dragging him out to the sea with that wild laugh of his, saying, look! isn't this so much better?

and it is. it is.

[lookforsomeoneelse]

mwehehehehe

ugggghhhhh SUMMER’S ALMOST OVER HOOOOOWWWWWWW

anyway i’m done procrastinating so like. uh. idk. wrote this mostly for me but if yall like it me can do part 2 or something

so you know how normally self aware au’s go something like this:

-reader gets game

-reader plays game

-characters think that reader is god

-player gets isekaied into game

-plot

or something?

well uh

imagine you aren’t the player.

SAHSRAU, but you watch your friend play the game (oh, did i mention you’re an eldritch horror? (not that you know it))

-you don’t exactly remember the date, but it roughly started when your friend started to freak out over Hoyoverse’s newest release: Honkai: Star Rail. they freaked out over the leaks, the beta, everything related to it.

-you, being the busy individual that you were, decided not to partake in these events, as you had your own responsibilities and interests. you couldn’t devote more of your precious time, unfortunately.

-out of consideration for your friend, however, you decided to ask them what the game was all about.

-your questioning starts a rant that lasts a little longer than you would like it to, where you get a brief summary of Honkai Impact 3rd before they tell you what they know about Star Rail.

-about a year has passed since that conversation, and a lot happened.

-most relevant to the story here, your friend has been diligent in their gameplay of… what was the game called, again? …ah- yes, Honkai: Star Rail!

-they’ve told you about the fun they’ve had and the challenges they’ve conquered; their greatest achievement being the completion of MoC 11, you think they called it?

-anyway, you’ve just noticed that you’ve been pinged a bunch by… your friend? kind of weird, but you open up discord and see what’s causing all the commotion.

-you find out that it has, in fact, been one year since the release of Honkai: Star Rail, and your friend wants to show you all the progress they’ve made over the year.

-they tell you to hop on a call so that they can share their screen. not long after the message is sent, you get a prompt and a little ring with your friend’s username next to it. it’s a call.

-eh, whatever. you’ve got time to kill, so you accept the call.

-they’re pleased to see your presence- they share their screen. and so they begin rambling about relics and 50/50s and their builds for their characters. the one they have on display currently is a woman named Ruan Mei.

-you barely have a grasp of what they’re talking about, so you do the equivalent of nodding your head and simply respond “mhmm” to everything they say.

-meanwhile, on the other end, Ruan Mei… to put it in very very very light terms-

-she is not in a good mood. -she’s normally apathetic even with her back turned to one of the most dangerous entities in the universe: an emanator of propagation, and even if it was a replica. it was dangerous. but to her, it didn’t feel like it was.

-that is not at all the case now.

-she feels an overwhelming presence all around her. she struggles to breathe or even blink, in terror of what the being that’s gazing upon her would do.

-her mind discards her research, her purpose- all in favor of thinking of a way to get this gaze off of her, because she doesn’t want it. she originally desired to become an aeon. she doesn’t want to anymore.

-no more.

-no more.

-she can hear whispers weaving themselves into her brain, clawing into her skull and scarring her being.

-and to top it all off, she can feel all of these sensations, akin to a flickering lightbulb ages old, going dark after the long years of shining in the darkness.

-meanwhile, on your end, you’re alt-tabbing to check on other sites, all while listening to your friend explain the game’s lore as best they can.

-what a day it is.

_________________________________________

A/N: ohhhh my goddddddd this toookkkk wwwwaaaaayyyyy tttttoooooo long because life is a bastard

anyway the TL;DR of the au is that you watch your friend play HSR, and while their account isn’t self aware on its own, it comes to life when you watch them. unfortunately, they see you as an eldritch god- H.P. Lovecraft type, and so they start a cult that revolves around you so that you don’t put them in a life of eternal suffering. which basically means that they cause the game to crash… occasionally.

why did i write this? because i’m a bastard, i guess. or maybe it’s because i spend too much time on the internet.

maybe it’s both. who knows?

you wanna use the idea? well, i don’t get paid for this and you probably don’t either. good luck with that.

anyways, this shitass is off to do god knows what yet again!

[footballfanficwriter]

Questions

Summary: In which Jude is in an interview and asked about the reader

Time period: A few years after the world cup

"Welcome back to another episode of one on one, today we are joined by one of the world's greatest midfielders Jude Bellingham, Jude how are you" the interviewer asks

"I'm great man, how are you"

"Good thanks, now you have been to the world cup a few years ago and played against Kylian Mbappe can you please tell us what that was like"

"Uhm well I'll tell you one thing the man's got speed,a really amazing player, great talent but playing against him was something I kinda found hard to fathom and get it into my head, I mean we tried our best to hold on as long as possible and all that matters is that we tried our best"

"Ok I wanna ask a bit about your personal life if that's fine" the interviewer says

"No sure go ahead"

"Your Wife Y/N can you tell us a bit about her"

"Well y/n is my wife, she's the mother of my three lovely kids ,she is my best friend, the love of my life and I don't think I would still be here if it wasn't for her and my mom"

"That's sweet, can you tell us how you met your wife"

" uhm well we met at a red carpet event where she was her brother's plus one and we were placed next to one another so we just started having conversations and at the end of the night we exchanged numbers and after first becoming best friends, about a year later I confessed my feelings for her and she told me she felt the same and we dated for a few years then tied the knote"

"What's something that just makes you fall in love with her again"

"She has this weird laugh that freaks some people out but cause it sounds weird so when I hear her laugh it just reminds or takes me back to the times I would make her laugh before we were dating and I'd get the same reaction"

"What's one thing that just sometimes annoys you about her"

"Nothing she's perfect and I love her so much"

" I've never heard someone answer a question like that, I usually get 'the way she controls the household or how she wants everything presise'

"Well my wife's not like other wife's I mean yes she has her tendency of being a bit controlling, but once she realizes she doing it she immediately stops and asks us on our opinions of what we want to do"

"Who does the cooking and looking after the kids in the house"

" well it's the both of us ,sometimes we'll rotate like I'll do the cooking while she looks after the kids and vice versa, because I can't expect her to do all that by herself, it'll strain her physically and emotionally and I can't let that happen"

"Would you say that if your wife wasn't in your life that you'd have still made it"

"No, absolutely not, my wife has seen me at my lowest and my highest, she's always been there to help and pick me up when I was at my lowest and support me at my highest and same goes for her I saw her at her lowest and her highest and I'm really proud of the things she's achieved .

"And how's fatherhood treating you"

" Fatherhood has it moments when it tough and times when it's enjoyable, my kids they are growing up so fast you know, it feels like just yesterday I was holding them for the first time"

"Can you please share a moment that you shared with your children"

"There was this one time when I had gotten home late from practice and Leilani my 5year old daughter was still up playing with her toys, when I asked her why she was up she told me she was waiting for me to come back home cause she had something important to tell me or rather ask me"

"What did she wanna say"

"She said to me, Daddy I love you so much and I always will, because you will always have a special place in my heart, but I have a boyfriend and he's gonna be my husband cause we're getting married, I looked at her in shock because I wasn't expecting that, then I told her she had to break up with him and she started crying, so I told her she can have her boyfriend and she stopped crying, right before asking me to read her a story book and tuck her in, when I refused she started crying until I agreed"

"Well thank you so much Jude for joining us today I really enjoyed it"

"No problem mate and thank you too"

[virtie333]

Day 23 - Life Day Damerey Celebration

Prompt: Tip-yip

Summary: Poe and Finn prepare the Tip-yip for Life Day

Notes: This was inspired by the Lego Star Wars Holiday Special from 2020. I still want Poe's sweater.

AO3

“What is that burning smell?”

Both Poe and Finn looked up at Rey’s question, more than a little guilt on their faces.

“That’s the Tip-yip,” Finn said.

“But it’s not burning!” Poe defended. “That’s just a little bit that got caught up in the engine that smells. The rest of the Tip-yip is fine!”

“What is Tip-yip?” Rey asked. “I’ve heard more than one person mention it, usually in association with Life Day.”

“It’s a bird, actually,” Finn told her. “Native to Endor. When the Rebellion- slash- New Republic celebrated their first Life Day after the war, they roasted Tip-yip for their meal. Word got out, and it’s become a Life Day tradition.”

“You can find Tip-yips all over, now,” Poe added. “Anyway, we thought you might like to have a traditional Life Day meal this year, our first Life Day since our war ended.”

“I don’t know,” Rey said, eyeing the men warily as they turned the Tip-yip on a spit behind Poe’s X-Wing while BB8 controlled the thrusters from his droid socket. It looked more than a little dangerous. “I’m not really liking that smell.”

“I promise once the burned smell goes away, the aroma will make your mouth water,” Poe smiled.

Finn shook his head. “Provided we don’t burn the whole thing up.” He looked at Rey. “I know what you like to eat, Rey, and you’ll love Tip-yip!”

“Hmmmm…” Rey voiced noncommittedly.

“Hey, Rey!” Rose shouted from behind her. Rey turned. “Come help with the rest of the meal. It may be all we get!”

“I am truly appalled by your lack of faith in us, Rose!” Poe called out as Rey turned to help Rose. “Hey! Hey! Hey!” he suddenly shouted. Rey looked back to see him slapping the Tip-yip with a rag, dousing the bit of flame that had appeared on the bird. Laughing softly, she joined Rose.

“I’m assuming that was Poe’s bright idea?” she asked.

“He said he’s done it before, but I have my doubts,” Rose answered. They grinned at each other.

Thirty minutes later, the meal was ready, and the Tip-yip was surprisingly not burned to a crisp. In fact, when Rey finally got her first taste of it, she was amazed. “This is really good!”

“Told you!” Poe said with a smirk. “Granted, it might have tasted almost as good if we had just stuck it in an oven, but that takes so long!”

“Well, even I’m impressed,” Finn said. “When you said it was the best way to cook Tip-yip, I was sure we weren’t going to get anything but ashes for dinner.” He nodded solemnly toward his friend. “I concede that you are the master Tip-yip chef extraordinaire.”

Poe snorted a laugh. “Yeah, I think my greatest achievement was not getting killed while cooking this thing.”

Everyone laughed at his comment, then continued to eat.

They hadn’t planned on celebrating Life Day here on Candidus. Rey and Finn were travelling to the sites of old Jedi temples, looking for any information they could find on the teaching of new Jedi so that Rey could finally start a school of her own. Rose had come to be with Finn, and Poe had also followed along, uncertain of his future now that the war was over, and just wanting to be close to his friends. They had camped just outside the main village a week or so ago, and just yesterday while shopping in town, Rose had been reminded that it was almost Life Day. She had quickly purchased a Tip-yip and brought it back to camp.

After the meal, they all sat around the table with drinks and just talked. Rey had never felt so full and content before. She found herself staring at Poe. The graceful way his hands moved as he talked, the errant curl that fell over his forehead, the tiny gap in between his canine and incisor teeth, the slight imperfection endearing… Kriff, she had it bad. Sadly, he would never look at her as anything but a friend.

“What do you think, Rey?”

Finn’s question jerked her out of her brooding. “I’m sorry, what?”

“If Rose and I go to the Life Day ball at the Auditorium in town tomorrow night as a couple, would you be willing to go with Poe?”

Rey stared at her friend for a moment, then looked at Poe, not sure how to respond.

“Yeesh,” Poe said, eyes wide. “If her expression is anything to go by, I’d say that’s a no.”

Rey shook her head. “No, that’s not a no,” she denied. “I’m just… you mean like… a date?”

Poe suddenly looked uncomfortable. “Well, you don’t have to think if it that way. I mean, we could just be two friends escorting each other.”

“Friends,” Rey breathed. “Of course.” She nodded, looking down, not wanting them to see her disappointment. For one second there, she had been so hopeful. She composed herself and looked back up. “Yeah, I could do that.”

Poe was staring at her, his brows furrowed. It was the most serious he had looked all night.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I am ready for bed,” Rose told them. As if that was everybody’s cue, they stood, saying their goodnights and heading for their individual tents. Rey knew Finn would end up in Rose’s for the night.

Rey was half-way to her tent when she heard Poe call her name. She turned to find him running up to her, his expression worried.

“Hey, if you don’t want to go to this thing with me tomorrow night, I’m okay with that.”

Again, Rey felt her heart lurch. “You don’t want me to?”

“No! I want you to,” he said. “I just don’t want you to feel pressured into doing something you don’t like.”

“I want to go,” Rey told him. “I think it sounds fun. I just don’t want it to get awkward with people thinking you and I are a couple.” She smiled, but she was sure it looked as fake as it felt. “It might get in the way of you finding a real date.”

“What if… I want you to be my real date?”

Rey’s heart started pounding. “Really?”

Poe nodded, a small smile on his lips. “Yeah, really.”

“I’d like that,” Rey said softly.

Poe’s smile got bigger. “Good. Then it’s a date.” He paused. “A real date.”

Rey couldn’t help but smile back, and this time it was real. “Okay. Goodnight, Poe.”

“Goodnight.”

As Rey turned back toward her tent, she looked over her shoulder. “And thank you for the Tip-yip.”

[a-tale-never-told]

Honami. In most universe's SHE'S a member of the Reserve Course and taking her place is a spoiled brat who's good for traditional dancing and not much else. Yet she's still the same person personality wise that she is in your class

Aren't you explicitly forgetting that I said to NOT bring Honami into this? I mentioned that aside from Honami and Hajime, any member of the Reserve Course can be used as an example, yet you blatantly ignored my demands and went with Honami instead.

Nagito? Shut the actual fuck up for once.

!?

Honami what are you-

Relax, Mahiru. I've got this.

*Sighs* Komaeda, I don't want to argue or fight you simply because of the fact you're my dear classmate and I love all of you here. I appreciate so much the kindness and camaraderie of this class, and I truly am glad to be an Ultimate, as I finally feel special to be perfecting a talent since I was a little girl and to be around such genuine amazing people in my life. Mahiru, Ibuki, Mikan, Chiaki, I value all of you here and I'm proud to say that I enjoy being friends with each other so much.

But when you not only constantly put others down for simply not having a talent and basically insulting them over it, you had to resort to attacking one of my best friends in order to prove your hypocritical, self-righteous point! Multiple times, in fact!. And yet you absolutely had the gall to call Hajime a degenerate loser when you don't even know him personally.

Let me make this clear, Komaeda. I don't appreciate people insulting my closest friends, especially if it's someone that I know personally. I've tolerated your hope-filled rants for long enough, and I have to say that this is the saddest and most pathetic excuse I've ever seen you make. Insulting someone's parents just because they paid him entry into Hope's Peak? How moronic do you believe people are that they would make fun of this?

As someone who got to know him personally from the Reserve Course, as well as outside Hope's Peak, I can confidently say that Hajime Hinata is NONE of what you described of him. He's not a bigot. He's not worthless. He's not pathetic. And he is certainly not trash! He's quite the opposite in fact.

Hajime is truly one of the greatest and coolest people I've ever met in my time in the Reserve Course. Sure, he's cynical and a bit aggressive at times, but he's genuinely so pleasant to be around. He's kind and thoughtful to others despite all of the self-esteem issues and insecurities he possesses. He always tries to give advice to others and supports them even at the expense of his own ambitions.

Do you want to know how exactly I got into the Main Course? It was because of Hinata and his selfless attitude. I haven't told you guys about why I'm in the Main Course or how exactly I passed my exams, didn't I?

No, you have never told us anything about how you got into the Main Course and became a part of our class. Do tell, please.

Gladly. When I started out in the Reserve Course, I was desperately trying to pass my exams since I would always fail and slip up when I reached the final obstacle of the exam. Mahiru and the girls tried to reassure me that it wasn't my fault and that I was trying my best, but it never helped to calm down the ugly feeling of failure and disappointment I had in my mind.

I felt as if I had tried my hardest and given it my absolute all that I could pass and become an Ultimate, only to achieve failure at the last second. My schizophrenia didn't help me either, in reality, it made things exponentially worse. You want to know what's the hardest part about having schizophrenia and dealing with it? It's that feeling that everyone is out to get you, always making fun of you, judging you for every single little thing in life.

I've had to deal with this condition constantly every day, telling me that everyone hates me and that everything bad in my life is my fault. It's gotten to the point where I become a paranoid mess when it comes to interacting with others because I never know if they are genuine or not. I was hesitant to trust other students and people aside from Mahiru and the others, but that's because I knew them before coming to this academy!

The worst part about schizophrenia is that it makes you severely doubt every single aspect of your life. You start to doubt your friends, others around you, and who you interact with if they are truly your friends or not, and if they really care for your well-being. It's gotten to the point where I even doubted my own FATHER for God's sake for believing in me! I didn't even know if he was supposed to be helping me and consoling me like a good dad, or if he was just manipulating me and saying those things to prevent me from questioning the society we live in.

Throughout this period of my life, I couldn't trust anyone, simply due to the influence of the voices inside of me, telling me that they didn't care for me, that they were out to judge me and betray me for the smallest of reasons, while constantly telling me that this is all my fault, that I'm useless and pathetic, that I could never even dream of having friends or being a part of the Main Course, and that I was always destined for failure and suffering wherever I go and whoever I meet. I lost WEEKS of sleep just from these constant projections of paranoia alone!

I seriously was at a low point in my entire career as not only a Reserve Course student but as a person attending Hope's Peak in general. Not only do I have to pass an extremely difficult exam that will guarantee, but I also have to deal with my crippling schizophrenia in the process of training and studying to pass the exam! I was severely doubting whether or not I was truly worthy or not to pass the exam, become a student in the Main Course, hang out with my childhood friends, to even be a part of this academy or society at all!

But throughout this difficult time of being uncertain about my future in Hope's Peak, Hajime was always there to comfort me and give me advice on how to perfect my skills on a level good enough to pass my exam. He was constantly giving me support and archery advice and even volunteered to take days off from studying just so he could help me with my archery training.

Eventually, the day of the test came. I was supposed to hit four bullseyes at 6 targets with my eyes completely closed shut with a blindfold, all at once. Honestly, nobody would've even gotten past the first bullseye after taking off the blindfold. I was only given about 20 minutes to prepare myself and I was only given 5 stacks of arrows each. It was difficult, but Hinata and the girls were there, cheering me on to succeed and simply perform my best, no matter what score I got.

So I simply took a deep breath, tried to focus on the target, and fired the arrows into the target. When I removed the blindfold, I saw that the arrows had hit all of the targets, with near-precision aiming and pinpoint accuracy. I was overwhelmed with happiness and relief, to the point where I actually started to cry tears of joy in the middle of the course, and gave Hinata and the girls a massive hug and thanked them for all of their support throughout this difficult time.

I remember that day! You were so overjoyed at the thought of us being your classmates and being a part of our class that you couldn't even stop leaking tears of happiness for 4 days straight! I can't even imagine how much it must've felt to be a part of the main course and come to see us!

More than you could even imagine... I wanted to get into the Main course more than anything... to be with my close friends and spend the rest of our high school years together. And in the end, I got something even more incredible at that, by being part of such a wonderful class and being friends with some of the most talented and kindhearted individuals I've ever met. I made so many friends in the Main Course, even if they were a bit strange. But in the end, I actually enjoyed the class more than I thought, and I ended up getting attached to those guys more than I expected to.

We've been through some wholesome and life-experiencing moments together as a class, doing multiple different activities that Miss Yukizome set up for us in order to bond with one another, like trying on a kimono for the first time, having a picnic at the city park, and even skiing in the Austrian Alps in the winter! I've created healthy bonds with my classmates and made so many memories with this class over the span of a year, and I truly feel like I'm actually a part of something bigger. For the first time in years, I truly have people who care about me and support me in whatever I do, be it archery or anything else I enjoy.

And I all owe that to Hinata. Thanks to him, I got a chance to become an actual person and have friends outside of the ones I made since childhood. I have a wonderful and incredible teacher that I'm blessed to have, and I got to be part of an amazing class with kindhearted and respectable individuals. So I have to honestly thank him for that, as without him, I probably wouldn't be where I am today. But I am, and it's all thanks to his advice and wisdom that I was able to succeed and become part of a truly incredible experience that I wouldn't trade for anything.

[shittyzevra]

4 years of Bliss

A little bird passed by me today and told me that good things should be mentioned behind the person as well, so this is probably long overdue but I'm still doing it anyway.

In the past 4 years, I have been blessed with a partner who has been beautiful, hot as fuck, loyal to a fault and have been nothing short of amazing. I wouldn't have come this far without her help in my career or grow as a person. The relationship has probably ticked a lot of lists on my wishlist!

The reason this writing has been overdue, and it's lack of it's existence:

I pretty much tell her everyday to the point that it's probably too much (dibilang lebay, bias banget, aela) - but I still do it anyway.

I say this to pretty much everyone else I meet. There have been so many instances that I just slip her name here and there and how proud I am to be with her.

To my second point, I hangout with people a lot in smoking areas with the people in my office. If she had just met with Ilham, Jan, Jen, Man, or even Dodo they would defo say the same thing: "I've heard a lot of good things about you". Adding to this, the amount that I talk about her to my business partners is also astounding, do you understand how much you have to talk about your partner to the point that they even check up on your partner?!?!?!? Sher even ask about your race last week.

Those were the reasons why this writing is long overdue, my colleagues, my friends (even the attractive ones), my business partners have heard most of your good things.

But really at the end of the day the question pertains "what sort of good things does he say about his partner" and to that I say, good question!

If you only judge my relationship by the writings I do on my partner here on my tumblr, it probably looks depressing and sad. But that's because the writings here are only my deepest desires that I couldn't really bring myself up to ask because I think they're so stupid and invalid to the point I don't wanna ask of it to anyone or even bring it to said friends. (I think I'll screenshot some of the things I say to my friends about her here).

I think the little bird that passed by me today was wrong, it's important to say those good things behind that person AND also to said person.

Let's take a look at some of the greatest things that happened. These, btw, were rarely shared to anyone else, but I cherish them a lot.

1. The "bb pegel" Anomaly

After she started running intensely in 2019, her legs are pretty much messed up especially seeing how ambitious she has had been. Come rain, storm and hellfire she would look at her running schedule and follow those to a T. I sometimes don't understand this thought process but again it is how it is. I used to hate it a lot but I came to terms with it and I laugh at how silly it is sometimes.

But the best part about it? No matter how many physiotherapy sessions or even massages outdoor, whenever there's a possibility I could massage her she would go "bb pegel, maw pijet" with those puppy eyes and it's the most adorable shit I've ever seen. Even my cat Koko doesn't come close in terms of adorableness.

She hates it when I say it's adorable

But it's so cute and stupid cz it's been so many sessions but it pretty much has become a ritual. It's not even a sensual massage mind you - massages don't work as an aphrodisiac anymore in this relationship - it's purely a favor that she asks because she wants the massage. It sounds weird that this is a part of the relationship that I cherish a lot.

but you don't choose your zing, and apparently this is one of my moments.

2. The ambitions

I was never a dreamer but when I do I aimed low.

But she works differently, and is probably built different as well.

Late last year she got 12th place in a huge running event

12th - that's probably 0.5% top achiever

I only got 0.5% level as Drake's listener last year on Spotify

If that was me, I would've been so proud already and probably just chill for the rest of my life.

but not her, I remember she was quite bummed at that event and thought she could've done so many things differently. She worked harder than before after and didn't reach her goals after. But her obsession with something WHEN she puts her mind to it is amazing.

If it weren't for her, I would've probably done a lot of things in my life differently. No #1 placement in Shopee, no ambitions to go much much higher, not even Bicarakan.id could get that funding and scale.

She has a huge impact on my life, and probably all this has been enough.

3. The Loyalty

I don't see myself as an overachiever or high status or high earner or good looking. So a lot of time I don't really know why she's staying but she's staying anyway.

With how she's built, the achievements she has amounted, I'm pretty sure she can pull someone from high society and live a better life. With probably someone who treats her as well as I do (or even better).

Even then, the people that approached her has been coldly rejected by her and she never made any moves that's dodgy.

She makes me feel safe. Never in the past 4 years of being with her have I ever felt like she was going to betray me or cheat on me. I could trust her 100%.

I like that feeling, I feel safe, I feel like I needed that.

Anyway with all that being said, I also mention a lot of other things to my friends: how hot you are, how you're always very entertaining, how happy I am in this relationship and also how I wanna wife you as soon as possible if the whole religion/family fiasco isn't around.

I cherish her a lot

It's just that sometimes there are things that I wanna ask to her but I feel like I'm asking too much. I've asked her to check my essay, but she's been busy I've been making moves on her but she didn't respond I've been asking her a lot on stuff but her responds have been lukewarm

and I get that it's just a relationship cycle thing, it gets to a long period and probably the magic on her just sort of fizzles out. Like soda in a coke bottle.

I wanna keep it magical and feel that butterfly more, but probably that's just for teenagers. I hope even when it fizzles out, she still feels loved and cherished.

[ktmarison]

ride  the  cyclone  sentence  starters.

'  it  turns  out  being  told  the  place  and  time  of  your  death  in  front  of  your  family  with  a  mouthful  of  corn  dog  at  a  fairground  is  the  very  opposite  of  fun.  '

'  meet  my  executioner.  '

'  i'm  well  aware  rats  cannot  play  musical  instruments.  '

'  when  you've  been  alone  for  as  long  as  i  have,  you  tend  to  anthropomorphize  your  friends.  '

'  the  armrest  to  your  left  is  yours.  the  one  to  your  right  is  your  neighbors.  if  you  believe  both  armrests  are  yours  exclusively,  you  are  part  of  the  problem.  '

'  this  just  shows  the  high  standard  of  excellence  !  even  in  competition  against  yourself,  you  can  still  walk  away  a  loser  !  '

'  tonight,  we  shall  raise  a  middle  finger  to  that  most  ruthless  adjudicator  called  time.  '

'  something  doesn't  feel  quite  right.  '

'  how  can  this  be  fair  ?  '

'  what's  the  point  of  even  suing  ?  '

'  there's  nothing  left  to  do  except  to  rot.  '

'  i  hope  i  wiped  my  browser  history  clean.  '

'  i  did  not  feel  safe  at  all  .'

'  democracy  rocks  !  '

'  even  in  death,  i  can't  escape  her  !  '

'  well  played,  satan,  well  played.  '

'  being  the  only  gay  man  in  a  small  rural  high  school  is  kind  of  like  having  a  laptop  in  the  stone  age.  i  mean,  sure,  you  can  have  one,  but  there's  nowhere  to  plug  it  in.  '

'  i'm  really  freaked  out  right  now.  '

'  do  you  want  to  know  what  really  freaks  me  out  ?  '

'  when  a  lioness  has  children,  she  stops  making  love  to  the  lion.  the  lion  gets  jealous.  sometimes  so  jealous  that  he  eats  the  children.  you'd  think  this  would  upset  the  lioness,  far  from  it.  they  make  love  again  as  if  the  children  never  existed.  '

‘  i’m  going  to  stand  a  little  farther  away  from  you.  okay  ?  ’

'  ever  since  i  was  six  years  old,  i  knew  i  wasn't  long  for  this  world.  '

'  don't  interrupt,  sweetie.  '

'  i  am  the  best  by  any  metric  of  society.  i  get  that.  but  if  that  is  how  worth  is  measured,  i  want  no  part  in  it.  '

'  okay,  it's  clear,  i'm  the  top  of  this  class.  '

'  fetch  me  a  coffee,  shine  my  shoes.  '

'  some  of  us  are  winners,  some  were  born  to  lose.  '

'  he'll  rob  a  7-11  and  go  straight  to  jail.  '

'  what's  he  gonna  do,  solve  a  rubik's  cube  ?  how  long's  he  got  if  we  feed  him  through  a  tube  ?  '

'  he'll  never  learn  to  read.  he's  never  gonna  breed.  he's  going  to  jail  guaranteed,  and  she's  a  freaky  monster  !  '

'  we  need  a  little  less  of  them,  a  little  more  of  me  !  '

'  you  just  told  your  best  friend  that  her  greatest  achievement  in  life  will  be  to  become  an  organ  donor.  '

'  that's  okay  !  it  kinda,  really,  super  hurt,  but  .  .  .  '

'    what  i  did  there  is  exactly  what  you  shouldn't  do.  '

'  you  challenged  my  preconceived  notion  that  all  gay  dues  are  fun  to  be  around.  '

'  sweet  jesus  christ  on  a  bike.  '

'  i've  seen  the  movie  the  blue  angel  about  a  billion  and  one  times.  '

'  mom  tells  me  i  gotta  try  to  blend  in  so  i  tried  really  hard  to  dial  it  back.  '

'  i  wanted  a  man  that  would  drive  me  to  drink.  '

'  can  you  keep  it  in  your  pants  for  one  second,  you  horrible  succubus  ?  '

'  i  embrace  a  new  man  every  night.  '

'  i  want  to  be  that  fucked  up  girl.  '

'  i  think  i  am  in  love  with  you.  '

'  i've  heard  that  lie  a  million  times  before.  '

'  tell  him  that  like  him,  i  choose  to  burn  out,  rather  than  fade  away.  '

‘  that  was  dope  !  ’

‘  level  up  !  ’

'  in  my  country  it  is  natural  for  two  men  to  show  affection  by  kissing.  '

'  there  is  a  difference  between  affection  and  smut.  '

'  what's  the  lesson  ?  '

'  not  every  story  has  a  lesson.  '

'  every  story  has  a  lesson  except  saw  five.  '

'  porno  ?  that  is  a  genre.  that  doesn't  tell  a  story.  '

'  i  think  it's  messed  up  that  we  celebrate  violence  and  demonize  the  very  act  of  love.  porno  is  magical.  '

'  i'm  never  mad  at  you.  i'm  just  frequently  disappointed.  '

'  just  cause  i'm  all  gangsta  doesn't  automatically  make  me  a  homophobe.  '

'  that  shit  was  emotionally  devastating.  '

'  we  were  engaged.  '

'  i  have  no  respect  for  this  country.  '

'  my  life  is  awesome.  '

'  this  beat  is  awesome  !  '

'  i  am  vulnerable  now.  '

'  i  lay  my  masculinity  at  the  altar  of  your  maidenhood.  '

'  i  wanna  be  with  you,  baby.  '

'  love  conquers  all.  '

'  look  at  me,  i  am  physically  weeping  !  '

'  and  that  is  why  not  everyone  should  have  a  library  card.  '

'  the  world  needs  more  poets.  '

'  and  this  is  why  you  both  sucked  at  math  !  '

'  there  are  no  accidents.  '

'  since  we're  all  sharing,  i  would  like  to  talk  about  my  religion.  '

'  for  lo,  i  am  a  prophet.  '

'  i  guess  you  could  say  i'm  pretty  sexy  on  another  planet.  '

'  who  are  you  right  now  ?  '

'  we  need  your  fantastic  seed.  '

'  i  know  you've  heard  the  legend  of  the  sexy  cat  women  from  zolar.  '

'  won't  you  please  help  save  our  galaxy  ?  '

'  what  would  you  do  in  my  place  ?  '

'  oh  my  goodness,  what  have  i  gotten  myself  into  ?  '

'  i'm  a  lover,  not  a  fighter  !  '

'  i  wanna  hold  your  hands.  '

'  i  have  no  desire  to  rule  the  galaxy.  to  hold  you  close  is  enough  for  me.  '

'  i'm  gonna  give  you  the  cliff  notes  for  every  prophet  that  ever  lived:  life  is  hard  enough  without  making  up  reasons  to  be  dicks  to  each  other.  '

'  let's  take  care  of  each  other.  '

'  for  love  is  the  closest  you  can  come  to  another  person,  for  it's  the  closest  you  can  come  to  being  another  person.  '

'  and  then  peace  was  restored.  '

'  there's  only  one  commandment  in  my  bible.  don't  be  a  dick.  '

'  in  choosing  myself,  that  would  be  the  ultimate  dick  move.  '

'  i'm  the  same  person  i  always  was.  it's  just  no  one  ever  listened  to  me.  '

'  if  the  holy  people  are  to  be  kept  harmless  from  war,  then  make  all  people  holy.  '

'  we  all  know  the  worms  must  be  fed.  '

'  my  soul.  is  it  here  ?  '

'  cruel  existence  was  only  a  shame.  '

'  won't  you  tell  me  at  last  who  i  am  ?  '

'  i  hear  the  anguish  of  the  street.  '

'  if  this  is  how  i  die,  lord,  why  be  left  with  no  family  and  no  friends  ?  '

'  time  eats  all  his  children  in  the  end.  '

'  this  is  no  way  to  die.  '

'  isn't  there  anyone  to  tell  me  who  i  am  ?  '

'  that  song  is  so  overplayed.  '

'  how  did  you  find  the  entire  meaning  of  my  life  in  such  a  phrase  ?  '

'  not  even  the  dutch  speak  dutch.  '

'  i've  never  been  drunk  before.  or  kissed  a  man.  '

'  your  life  was  tragic.  '

'  how  do  we  know  it's  my  birthday  ?  '

'  what's  a  savannah  ?  '

'  it's  a  fire  sale  in  my  brain  and  everything  must  go.  '

'    you  know  i  envy  you.  '

'  i  was  building  a  life  and  you  were  satisfied  doing  nothing.  '

'  i  thought  my  life  had  meaning,  turns  out  it  didn't.  '

'  my  death  has  really  affected  me.  '

'  naturally  my  death  has  affected  you  !  can't  you  just  listen  for  once,  without  making  everything  about  yourself  ?  '

'  i  lost  my  virginity  to  a  carnie  in  a  porta  potty.  '

'  he  had  this  tattoo  on  his  forearm.  it  was  of  two  skeletons  having  sex,  and  it  said  born  to  bone  on  the  bottom  of  it.  '

'  after  a  while,  i  started  feeling  crummy  about  stuff.  '

'  i  really  wish  i  never  thought  those  things.  '

'  i  just  wanted  to  do  it,  so  i  didn't  have  to  think  about  doing  it  anymore.  '

'  i  used  to  think  that  life  was  just  a  heart  breaker.  it  breaks  til  you  can't  take  no  more.  '

'  there's  nothing  wrong  with  being  the  nicest  girl  in  town.  '

'  you  knew  all  along  i  could  never  do  it.  '

'  no  one  will  win  here,  and  no  one  can  lose.  '

'  no  one  keeps  score  of  how  hard  we  tried.  '

'  your  lucky  number  is  seven.  '

[fortheloveofwonderland]

Better As Your Man Than As a Memory | S.R

Not my gif

Summary - when you make the decision to adopt a baby girl, catapulting yourself into single parenthood, the only person who understands is your best friend and fellow single parent, Spencer Reid. You find yourself thrown head first into domestic life, trying to navigate living together with two kids. But when feelings are put on the table, will Spencer and the life you’ve built just become a distant memory?

A/N - this is for @imagining-in-the-margins roommate challenge. Based loosely around Link and Jo’s relationship in Grey’s Anatomy. Once again thank you to @andiebeaword for helping with the title and for reading this through for me when I had a crisis of faith.

Pairing - Single dad! Spencer Reid / Single mom! Fem! Reader

Category - angst and fluff

Content Warnings - drinking, friends to lovers, allusions to sex but no detail (still SFW), angst, arguing, swearing, mentions of age gap in a relationship (not Spencer and Reader and both consenting adults)

Word Count - 8.3k

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone warned you how hard it would be being a single mom.

Everyone chimed in with their two cents when you’d told them of your plan.

It wasn’t that they didn’t support you, they just wanted you to know what you’re getting yourself in for, as though you didn’t already know.

With your hectic job and the fact that your family lived on the other side of the country, everyone had warned you against it.

But being a mom was all you’d ever wanted. And now you were getting older and never had a relationship that stuck long enough for having a kid to be an option.

So when you’d decided to adopt four month old Grace, everyone had warned you how hard it would be.

Everyone that is, except your best friend Spencer.

Spencer was the only one who seemed happy for you and your decision, probably because he was the only one who understood what it meant to be a single parent.

Spencer was a single dad to his nine month old boy Freddie. The mother wasn’t in the picture. She was just someone Spencer had a one night stand with and got pregnant.

Honestly if it wasn’t for the concrete proof in the form of his baby boy, you wouldn’t have believed he’d had casual sex.

Freddie’s mother hadn’t wanted a child and had told Spencer she didn’t plan on keeping it. Spencer didn’t talk much about her, but from what you had gathered she was much younger than Spencer and not ready to be a mother.

But Spencer was ready to be a father. So he’d convinced her to keep the baby and told her she didn’t have to have anything to do with him. And so she didn’t.

And despite how exhausted and hard he told you single parenthood was, he also told you it was the best thing he’d ever done.

He gave up the BAU to become a lecturer at Georgetown after Freddie was born so he could spend as much as time as possible with his son. But even with working fewer hours, it was still hard, it still took its toll.

But he loved Freddie. Freddie was Spencer’s greatest achievement. And all the sleepless nights in the world were worth it because he loved his son more than anything else in the world.

So when you’d told him of your adoption plan, he’d been over the moon for you. He’d been encouraging instead of negative. He’d told you it would be hard but that he knew you could do it, because getting to hold your baby in your arms was worth all the hardships that came with parenthood.

But as much as you wanted to be a mom, you also weren’t ready to leave the BAU.

JJ did it. Matt did it. Hotch had done it. Granted, they all had help though.

So Spencer had proposed an idea.

When he’d had Freddie he’d upsized to a large house in the suburbs which was too big for just the two of them. He had the space and he wanted to help his friend.

And that’s how you found yourself with a four month old daughter, moving in with your best friend and his nine month old son.

He looked after both Grace and Freddie when you were away on cases and had a fully vetted nanny look after them when he had lectures.

You fell into a natural rhythm with one another. Domestic life seemed to come easy for you both.

A few months ago your whole life had been different and now you were raising two kids with your best friend in the whole world.

It seemed like a dream scenario. And for a time it was.

***

Your first case away after you and Grace moved into your new home took you to San Francisco. You were away over a week, the longest you’d been away for a long time.

By the time you arrived home you were itching to see your little girl.

Living in the suburbs meant you were closer to Quantico so the drive home wasn’t quite so bad as it used to be.

You were quiet as you entered the house as it was late but there was a light on in the living room.

You found Spencer asleep on the couch with Freddie snoring soundly on his fathers chest.

Grace was asleep in her rocker next to the couch and one of Spencer’s arms was draped over the side, resting lightly on her tiny arm.

The whole scene tugged at your heart strings. For a moment it felt as though you were a proper family with the two kids and the beautiful suburban home.

Spencer’s shirt was undone and hanging by his shoulders probably so Freddie could feel the warmth of his fathers chest.

You could have stood there on the cusp of the perfect suburbia forever, drinking it all in.

But then Freddie stirred and his movement caused the sleeping man beneath him to stir too.

Spencer’s eyes fluttered, his hands seemingly without thinking found his son.

Freddie gurgled a little, rocking his head back and forth and Spencer shuffled into more of a seating position, cradling him in his arms.

His eyes suddenly shot up and landed on you.

“Oh hey,” he smiled sleepily, his voice barely above a whisper so as not to disturb the babies. “I was going to put them to bed but Freddie was fussing and then Grace started fussing and it was a whole thing.”

“It was adorable.” You spoke in equally hushed tones, creeping over to Grace asleep in her rocker. “We should get them to bed though.”

“Them? How about me? I’m exhausted.” He chuckled a little, pushing himself up from the couch with one hand whilst keeping the other around Freddie.

You gently picked up your daughter and together the two of you carried them upstairs to their respective rooms.

Ten minutes later you both emerged on the landing.

“I suppose you’re too tired for a glass of wine with me?” You were still whispering.

“I’m never too tired for a glass of wine with my best friend.” He nudged your shoulder with his and the two of you headed back downstairs together.

Spencer’s shirt still hung open around his shoulders but you weren’t even sure he was with it enough to notice.

He followed you to the kitchen which, like the rest of the house, was a total mess. But having two kids under a year old, it was to be expected.

You’d already resided yourself to the fact your home would never be tidy again, it was more Spencer the neat freak you worried about.

But he was probably too tired to even notice.

“How was the case? You’ve been gone for a while.”

“Nine days.” You opened a bottle of red wine and grabbed two glasses.

“Really? Has it been that long?” He yawned, running his hands over his stomach.

“Nice to know you missed me, Spence.” You filled the glasses while giving him a teasing look.

“Since I’ve had Freddie my days have all blurred into one. Of course we missed you, I just have no concept of what day it is.”

Retiring to the living room with your drinks, Spencer practically collapsed on the couch.

“Freddie cut his fourth tooth this week.” Spencer yawned again, limply holding his wine glass.

“Oh wow, no wonder you’re tired.” You laughed a little, putting your feet up on the coffee table. “You really don’t have to stay up, Spence. I’m very used to my own company.”

“I’m fine.” He yawned again. “I will probably need to sleep right after this drink though.”

“Deal.” You leaned over and clinked your glass with his.

As you were about to take a sip, one of the baby monitors crackled, followed by an ear piercing wail.

Spencer groaned loudly, putting his head in his hands.

“Goddamnit Freddie Reid.” He went to push himself up but you put a hand on his arm to stop him.

“I got it.” You gave him a soft smile as you stood up.

He might have argued with you if he wasn’t so damn tired.

You crept back upstairs to Freddie’s room and picked him up from his crib. You paced the room and rocked him in your arms as you sang a soft lullaby to him.

Your dulcet tones hummed through the baby monitor and Spencer felt his eyes growing heavy at the sound.

By the time you’d settled Freddie and returned to the living room, Spencer was fast asleep again.

“Spence? Spence?” You crouched next to him, softly shaking him by the knee.

“Hmm?” He mumbled.

“Let’s get you to bed.” You laughed as you helped him up from the couch.

He slung his arm around your shoulders and leant against you as you helped the grown man to his room.

He practically fell to the bed, eyes already half closed again.

You had to roll him so you could get the sheets out from under him and drape them over his body. He was still dressed but he didn’t seem to notice.

You stroked his hair back off his face and bowed down to place a soft kiss on his forehead. When you went to pull away, he suddenly hooked his hand around the back of your neck.

When his chapped lips lightly brushed against yours you gasped a little. But as quickly as it had started, it was ending again and Spencer dropped his hand and rolled onto his side.

“G’night Y/N.” He mumbled into his pillow.

You swallowed a lump that had formed in your throat at the kiss, lips tingling ever so slightly.

You stumbled backwards towards the door, your head spinning.

“Goodnight, Spencer.” You whispered, letting yourself out of the room and closing the door.

On the landing your fingers brushed against your lips. Your heart hammered in your chest.

Had your best friend just kissed you? And more to the point, had you enjoyed it?

You went to bed reeling and your lips still tingling.

***

Spencer never brought up the kiss. You’d put it down to him being so exhausted he hadn’t known what he was doing. He’d probably forgotten it the moment it happened.

But you knew you’d never forget it.

Until that moment you’d never thought of Spencer as any more than a friend. He was attractive, of course he was, but you only saw him as a friend.

It was funny how one fleeting moment could change everything.

You’d never thought much about seeing him shirtless and now it made you blush. The two of you had always been touchy feely with each other but now his touches sent shivers down your spine.

And seeing him with the kids filled your heart with so much joy it practically burst each time.

It was a warm spring day and you both had the day off. Spencer spent the morning in the garden blowing up a tiny kiddy pool and building a play castle for Grace even though she was way too small to use it.

You found him sitting on the grass with his feet in the paddling pool. His slacks were rolled up to his knees and his t-shirt was stained with sweat.

He glanced up at you, squinting in the bright sunlight as you carried the kids outside, one on each hip.

“Are you sure they're not too little for this?”

“It’s no different to a bath. And it’s in the shade so they don’t get their little faces burnt.” He beamed at you, reaching up to take Freddie from you.

You settled next to him on the grass with Grace gurgling away in your lap.

Spencer got on his knees and gently lowered his son into the swallow water, holding his hips the whole time.

He kicked his little legs, splashing the water about. And then he started to scream.

“Whoa, whoa buddy, what’s wrong?” Spencer pulled him back out and cradled the crying boy to his chest. “Shush, it’s ok Fred. It’s ok.”

He stood up and rocked the wailing baby while you stayed on the floor with your daughter.

“Just like a bath huh?” You smirked up at him.

“I reserve the right to be wrong every now and again.”

“I’m going to put Grace down for a nap.” You chuckled to yourself, getting to your feet.

“I think Freddie could do with one of those.” He agreed.

You both went about settling your children down for a nap, Freddie going down surprisingly quicker than Grace.

You once again found Spencer in the garden, now dressed in just a pair of swimming shorts. He sat in the little kiddy pool, most of his body hanging over the sides.

“Looks comfy.” You laughed at him, trying to ignore the tightening in your stomach at the sight of him wet and nearly nude.

“It’s kind of relaxing.” He shrugged at you. “Come join me?”

“You barely fit in there, let alone both of us.”

“We can make it work, come here.” He beckoned you closer with his finger.

You rolled your eyes and walked across the dewy grass in your bare feet. You stood over him, hands on your hips.

“There is no way I am getting in there.” You shook your head.

“You don’t know until you try.”

“I most certainly do know. There is categorically no way I am…Spencer!” You screamed as he grabbed you by your arm and tugged you forward.

You lost your footing and came crashing down on top of him in the water.

“Oof.” He grumbled at the impact.

“What the hell?” You groaned, your dress soaked through and clinging to your body.

But that was the least of your worries.

You were on top of Spencer, sitting in his lap just inches away from those lips you’d been imagining kissing you again.

His tongue swiped out across his bottom lip and you had to forcibly stop the whimper that begged to leave your lips.

When Spencer reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear the whimper forced its way out. He didn’t retract his hand, he kept it on your cheek, cupping it.

“Hi,” he smiled at you.

“Hi,” you replied, your voice a little shaky.

You somehow edged closer to one another, Spencer’s breath fanning across your face. He brought his other hand to your cheek and drew you closer.

You were about to succumb to him completely, ready to lose yourself to Spencer when the baby monitor sprung to life and little wailing lungs caused you to pull apart.

“No rest for the wicked.” You mumbled, quickly scrabbling to your feet.

You didn’t look at Spencer again as you wrung the water out of your dress and went to tend to your daughter.

One day you’d have to thank Grace for her timing. She’d just stopped you from doing something that would have been incredibly dumb.

Living with Spencer was supposed to make life easier. But why did it feel as though it was making everything harder?

***

You’d been living in your domestic bubble for three months now. Freddie’s first birthday party was in full swing in the backyard.

You’d baked cakes and Spencer was providing the entertainment in the form of a magic show which completely went over the heads of Freddie and Grace.

But Henry, Michael and the five Simmon’s kids adored it.

A now seven month old Grace had fallen asleep a few hours ago but Freddie was adamantly keeping himself awake, playing happily with his older friends.

Since the incident in the kiddy pool you’d kept your distance from Spencer. You never allowed the two of you to be in that close proximity with each other again.

It was risky territory. And you weren’t willing to ruin your friendship and the life you’d come to love.

The team were chatting in the sunshine with glasses of wine while the kids ran amok.

You brought out a new tray of cookies just as Spencer was finishing his magic show and the two of you joined the adults at the side of the garden.

“I can’t believe he’s one already.” You nudged Spencer in the arm, gratefully taking a glass of wine from Emily.

“I worry he’s going to be eighteen before I know it.” Spencer shook his head with a soft laugh.

“Grace won’t be far behind him.” You agreed.

“Look at you two.” Luke sipped his scotch, giving the two of you a knowing smile. “Domestic life suits you.”

“I for one am just glad the two of you stopped denying your feelings for each other. It was getting exhausting.” JJ laughed around her wine glass.

You and Spencer looked at each other with a frown.

“I’m sorry?” You looked back at her.

“I don’t know what you think is going on here…” Spencer scratched the back of his head.

JJ looked between you and then at Emily as if subconsciously asking for backup.

“You two aren’t…?” Emily frowned too.

“What? No!” You shook your head. “No!”

“What gave you that impression?” Spencer glared at his former team members.

“We just sort of assumed.” Matt shrugged.

“Yeah with you living together and the kids…” Tara added.

“That’s all it is. Living together. Kids.” You insisted, shuffling away from Spencer as you realised your close proximity might not have been helping.

“Anyway, is the cake ready?” Spencer changed the subject.

“Any minute. I’ll go check on it.” You sipped your wine before placing it down on the table and heading back inside.

But JJ’s words were consuming your thoughts.

And now they were there, you weren’t sure how to get rid of them.

***

Freddie fell asleep the second everyone left and Spencer carried him to his room and put him to bed.

Grace had been a little less willing to sleep after her daytime nap. You had to rock her for almost an hour whilst singing lullabies to her. Eventually she’d given into sleep.

You watched a movie in bed with a glass of wine, JJ’s words still playing heavily on your mind.

Did you have feelings for Spencer? You’d always thought you only saw him until the night he’d kissed you. You’d never spoken about it and you were still sure Spencer didn’t remember it.

But he would certainly remember the near miss in the pool.

And now JJ had stuck her two cents in, your head was a complete mess.

There was no way Spencer had feelings for you, right? There was no way, you would have seen the signs, surely.

Screw JJ and her stupid assumptions.

It was little after one am when you forced yourself out of bed to use the bathroom. You checked on Grace and Freddie on your way back down the hall, who were both sleeping soundly.

The same couldn’t be said for the adults in the house.

There was a soft light coming from under the door of Spencer’s room. You hesitated for a moment wondering if you should knock or if you should just go back to bed.

Opening that door could very well be like opening Pandora’s box and you weren’t sure if you were prepared to see what was inside.

But JJ’s words and the couple of glasses of wine you’d consumed led you to tap gently on the door.

“Come in.” Spencer called almost instantly as though he’d been anticipating it.

You felt oddly nervous as you cautiously pushed the door open and stepped inside.

Spencer was in bed, covers pulled up to his waist. He was shirtless and had a book propped open on his chest.

His hair was messy, messier than usual and his glasses were perched on the edge of his nose.

“Hey,” he smiled softly at you. “Can’t sleep?”

“No, it must be all that excitement from a one year olds birthday.” You hovered in the door, arms wrapped around yourself.

Spencer shuffled up the pillows and placed his book on the nightstand before patting the mattress, indicating for you to come over.

You kicked the door closed and padded across the room, cautiously sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Usually you wouldn’t allow yourself to be this close to Spencer, not after the last few months. But you missed how things used to be. You missed your best friend.

“Lay with me.” Spencer reached for you and tugged your arm to pull you closer.

You knew there was no fighting it. You let him pull you back to the mattress and you sighed as you snuggled into his side.

He wrapped a protective arm around you, holding you as close as physically possible.

You heard him fumble with his glasses as he placed them on the nightstand. He then placed his hand on your bicep and started running his fingers over your skin.

“I’ve missed you.” He whispered into your hair.

“I haven’t been anywhere.” You tried to laugh it off but you knew what he meant.

“Haven’t you? We live together Y/N, but it feels like you’ve been a thousand miles away recently.”

You exhaled, thankful he couldn’t see your face because you felt your cheeks burning.

“Work and parenthood is taking it out of me.”

“So it’s got nothing to do with what JJ said?”

“What? No, of course not.” You were blushing furiously now.

“So I guess it also has nothing to do with the fact I almost kissed you in the kiddy pool months ago either?” He chuckled a little. “Or the fact that I did kiss you that night you helped me to bed?”

You turned your head to look at him, eyes wide.

“Y-you remember that?”

“Of course I remember it, why wouldn’t I?” He had an amused look on his features.

“I just assumed that you were so tired you didn’t remember doing it.”

“As much as extreme exhaustion can have the same effects on the body as alcohol consumption, including lowered inhibitions and lack of recall, you can’t honestly think I would forget something as important as our first kiss, do you?”

“Spencer,” you sat up, leaning away from him. “This is dangerous territory.”

“Why?” He frowned at you. “It’s not like JJ was wrong, is it? We do have feelings for each other. It’s not just me.”

“Spence, we’re best friends.”

“Best friends who live together and are raising two kids together.”

“And that’s it. That’s where the line is drawn.”

“No it isn’t. Don’t say that.” He looked at you sadly. “I’m not imagining this, Y/N. I know there’s something between us.”

He reached for your hand and you let him have it. You all allowed him to pull you closer to him again.

“Tell me I’m wrong and I’ll back off. Tell me this is all my head and we’ll forget all about this. But I don’t think it is. I think you feel the same way about me as I do about you. But if I am wrong, tell me and I’ll stop.”

“You’re…” you swallowed, your hands finding Spencer’s bare chest. “You’re…not wrong.”

“Oh thank god.” He smiled brightly at you as he cupped the back of your neck and pulled you in to crush your lips together.

Things grew heated really quickly and you found yourself under the covers naked with Spencer in no time at all.

Everything seemed to happen in a blur, a beautiful, passionate blur.

Spencer ended up on top of you, your legs wrapped around his waist. You were both panting from your heavy make out, lips swollen and puffy.

He stroked your hair back from your face.

“I uh…the last time I had sex I ended up becoming a single dad.” Spencer chewed his lip.

“I’m on the pill.”

“Sorry, just needed to check. Three babies would just be-“

“Insane, yes.” You laughed pulling him in for a kiss again as Spencer sank into you.

Having sex with your best friend was more wonderful than anything you’d ever experience before.

It was more than just sex. It was taking your connection to the next level. You were sure you could see into Spencer’s soul as you laid beneath him.

But it would also change everything. And as incredible as that night was, afterward when he pulled you into his arms and fell swiftly to sleep, you couldn’t help but think you’d made a terrible mistake.

***

The next morning Spencer found you in the kitchen preparing breakfast for Grace and Freddie.

The kids were in their respective high chairs watching TV. Grace was gurgling to herself and Freddie wasn’t much more coherent.

Freddie could say two words now, dadda and baby which was what he called Grace. But it was anyone's guess when he was actually in the mood to show them off.

Spencer came up behind you and slid his arms around your waist as you finished off the kids' food.

“Good morning.” He kissed the back of your neck.

“Morning.” You wriggled out of his hold and fetched the milk from the fridge, not making eye contact with him.

It was clear to Spencer something was wrong with you instantly.

“Uh…so last night was-“

“Breakfast time kiddos!” You cut him off, pushing past him with plastic plates of food.

He watched you set them down in front of the kids along with sippy cups of milk before heading to the stairs.

“Y/N?” He ran after you, catching you up when you were half way up the stairs.

You took a deep breath before turning back to him.

“Yes?” You couldn’t hide the frustration from your voice.

“Can we talk about last night?” He whispered as if the kids could understand you.

“What’s there to talk about? We’re already trying to navigate raising our kids together, let’s not make it any more complicated than it needs to be.”

“I…but I…” Spencer frowned, scratching the back of his head.

“I need to shower, I’m taking Grace to a mommy and me class this morning. I can’t be late.” You turned your back on him again and carried on up the stairs.

Spencer just watched you go in complete confusion.

He’d thought last night had been the start of something. You already had the home and the kids, it seemed logical to him that this was the next step.

Clearly he’d been on his own in thinking that. Obviously he didn’t mean as much to you as you did to him.

He supposed at least now he knew. But he wished it hadn’t taken sleeping together and getting his hopes up to find out.

***

The house was utter chaos. As the kids grew older, the house was left in more disarray by the day. It was like living in a war zone, avoiding debris of tiny human messes.

Grace was ten months old and crawling now which meant she could spread her disaster around. The house was fully baby proofed and a stair gate had been installed but it still didn’t seem to stop her creating disorder wherever she went.

Fifteen month old Freddie was walking like a champ and talking all the time. He rambled just like his father, only his little tirades made much less sense.

You’d cut back your hours at the BAU, too exhausted all the time to juggle a full time job and a rampant child. Spencer had also cut his hours at Georgetown, you’d worked it so there was always one of you home with the kids.

It meant the two of you barely saw each other but it was a compromise you didn’t think was necessarily a bad thing.

Since you’d slept together, you’d been walking on eggshells around one another. Neither of you had ever brought it up again, but then again, neither of you said much of anything to the other recently.

It was Saturday morning and you both found yourself with a day off together which hadn’t happened in some time.

You were going to take the kids to a soft play group and while Spencer had them in the evening you planned to see Penelope.

Anything to avoid spending time with Spencer.

Spencer was in the shower and you were trying to tidy up the living room as best you could while Grace and Freddie played on the floor, making even more mess.

It was an impossible feat, every toy you put away they would pull out two to replace it. You wondered why you bothered.

Just then there was a knock at the door and you tossed the toys in your hands in the toy box before padding over to answer it.

On the porch stood a young woman, no older than her mid twenties, looking slightly confused as though she didn’t know why she was here.

You also had no idea why she was here.

“Can I help you?” You raised an eyebrow at her.

“Uh…” she toyed with the strap of her purse. “I think I have the wrong house. I was looking for Spencer Reid but I guess-“

“This is the right house.” You cut her off.

“Oh. Who are you?” She frowned at you.

“Who am I? Who are you?” You folded your arms across your chest.

“I’m Maggie.” She said as though that was all the explanation you needed.

“Maggie?”

“Is he here?” She huffed a little like you were causing her a huge inconvenience.

“Yes but he’s uh…”

“Maggie?” Spencer’s voice suddenly came from behind you. “What are you doing here?”

Spencer practically pushed you aside to get to the door.

“Hi, Spencer.” She smiled sweetly at him, her demeanour changing the second she saw him. “I wanted to see you. And Freddie.”

“What is going on?” You frowned between them. “Who is this, Spencer?”

Spencer swallowed, running his fingers through his damp hair.

“Maggie this is Y/N, my uh…best friend. Y/N, this is Maggie. She’s Freddie’s mother.”

The weight of those three words, she’s Freddie’s mother, hit you like a ton of bricks and you found yourself stumbling backwards.

Spencer let the young woman in the house while you stood frozen to the spot, taking it all in as though watching it play out on TV.

“What are you doing here, Maggie? It’s been fifteen months.”

“I know,” she shrugged. “I missed you. And I guess I wanted to see him? Is that him?”

She pointed to Freddie who was playing with a toy car while Grace giggled wildly at the noises he was making.

“Yeah, that’s him.”

“Who’s that?” She pointed at Grace now. “You had another kid?”

“No, no, no.” He shook his head. “Grace is Y/N’s daughter. We just…she is…it’s a long story.”

“Can we talk?” Maggie asked him now.

You were still watching it all happen and it was as though they’d forgotten you were here at all.

“I was going to take the kids out.” You croaked, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I’ll take them out, you two talk.”

You fled the room and darted upstairs on shaky legs to gather the kids' shoes and coats.

Your head was spinning. It felt like when you consumed too much wine only you were hyper aware of everything.

Spencer caught up to you in Freddie’s room as you located a jacket for him.

“I had no idea she would just show up like this.” He leant on the door jamb. “She told me when he was born that she didn’t want anything to do with him.”

“I still don’t think she wants anything to do with him.” You didn’t look at him. “Jeez, I know you said she was young, but seriously?”

“We were both consenting adults.” He rolled his eyes.

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Spencer. I couldn’t care less. I’ll take the kids out and let you two talk.”

You went to pass him in the doorway but he grabbed you by the wrist.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Are you really that naive?” You shook him off. “She has not come here to talk to you, Spencer. The low cut top? The tight jeans? The make-up that is way too over the top for this time of day? You aren’t an idiot Spencer.” You pushed past him but once again he grabbed your wrist.

“Why are you being like this?” He spat a little harsher than he’d meant to.

“I’m not being like anything. If you’ll excuse me, I want to get back downstairs because a freaking stranger is watching my kid.”

“She’s not a stranger. She’s Freddie’s mom.”

“Who he hasn’t seen since she popped him out and fucked off.” You rolled your eyes and pushed him out of the way.

You ignored both Spencer and Maggie as you got Grace in the stroller but Freddie was insistent that he wanted to walk.

You left the house without another word to either of them and once the kids were both strapped into the car you pulled out your phone and called Penelope.

***

You spent a long while ranting to Penelope while the kids enjoyed the soft play.

Thankfully she was happy to listen over several cups of coffee and the commotion of the children.

You were angry mostly, but you were also hurt and you knew you didn’t exactly have the right to be either.

It was late afternoon by the time you finally dared to go home, both kids falling asleep the second you’d switched on the car engine.

You’d had twelve missed calls and seven texts from Spencer, all of which you’d ignored.

You fumbled with the house keys, precariously balancing one child on each hip as you did so.

Spencer shot up from the couch the second you entered the house. His mouth opened like he might say something but when he saw the sleeping children he refrained.

Wordlessly he took Freddie from you and you parted ways to put your children down in their rooms.

You spent longer than usual tucking Grace in and busying yourself tidying her room just to put off the inevitable conversation you and Spencer were going to have.

He was already in the living room when you finally made it back downstairs.

“I called you. A lot.” He frowned at you from the couch.

“I had two kids to focus on.” You shrugged, slipping into the armchair.

“You were gone for hours. With my son.”

“That concerns you?” You scoffed. “Me being out with your son suddenly bothers you but when a stranger is watching him in our home, you’re fine with it?”

“She’s his mom.” He spoke with his jaw clenched.

“Just because she carried him for nine months doesn’t make her his mom. The woman who gave birth to Grace isn’t her mom, is she? I am. Maggie gave up the right to Freddie the day he was born. I’ve been there for him. I bathed him and put him to bed and dried his little tears when he cried, not her.”

“That’s not what this is about and we both know it, Y/N.” He rolled his eyes.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re not bothered because she wants to be a part of Freddie’s life. You’re annoyed because she wants to be a part of mine.”

“That’s absurd.” You scoffed. “If you want to run off into the sunset with a woman who is half your age, be my guest.”

“She isn’t half my age.” He rolled his eyes again.

“She may as well be. And have you stopped to ask yourself why now? It’s been fifteen months since she gave up Freddie. How much could have possibly changed in that time that she is suddenly ready to be a mother?”

“Oh I think a lot has changed in that time, Y/N.” He pushed himself up from the couch. “You don’t have any right to act this way!”

You stood up too as Spencer raised his voice.

“What way?”

“Jealous! You’re acting jealous!”

“I am not.” You scoffed.

“You most certainly are. And you have absolutely no right to be jealous. I told you I had feelings for you. And then you slept with me and pretended like it never happened. And that’s fine, you don’t feel that way about me, fine. But you do not get to act like a jealous child if you don’t feel that way about me! I'm not just some guy you can string along and fuck with! I'm supposed to be your best friend above all else. So don’t act this way with me. It’s not fair.”

“Grace and I are moving out.” You said as though ignoring everything he just said.

“Excuse me?” He spat at you.

“I think it’s for the best. I’ve got some money saved up so I think it’s best that the two of us get our own place. I'm going to speak to Emily about taking a sabbatical while we get ourselves sorted. But I can’t live here anymore.”

“You’re just going to take her away?” He had tears behind his eyes. “You can’t just take her away.”

“She isn’t your daughter, Spencer. I can do what I like.”

“I’ve been with her every fucking day since you adopted her! She might not legally be my daughter but for all intents and purposes she is!”

“She’s my daughter, Spencer.” You shrugged, trying not to let your emotions get the better of you. “Like Freddie is your son. Yours and Maggie’s.”

“I gave you a home! I helped you raise her because you were on your own! We have a life here, Y/N, you can’t just turn your back on that.” He chewed his lip, trying to stem his tears.

“I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and Grace. But you and I both know we can’t keep playing happy families forever. This was always going to end one day Spencer. I’m sorry, but I’ve made up my mind.” You went to leave the room but he stepped in your way.

“Freddie and Grace are like siblings, you can’t just tear them apart.” Spencer pleaded with you.

But it was too late. You’d made your decision and there was no changing your mind.

If you stayed you were only setting yourself up for a fall. You refused to sit back and watch the man you’d fallen in love with fall for the mother of his child. It seemed easier to walk away now than stay and watch it happen.

It was also the preferable option to staying and loving Spencer only to have it inevitably blow up in your face.

You had Grace to think about. If you stayed and you and Spencer grew closer, what happened when it didn’t work out? How would you explain Spencer’s absence to Grace?

It was simpler to leave now, before she was old enough to even remember him.

So you glared at Spencer and making sure to keep your emotions in check you spat, “watch me” before pushing him out of your way and storming off.

He didn’t follow you, he knew better than that.

He just hoped you’d calm down and then you’d be able to talk this through and work things out.

Because he couldn’t imagine his life without you and Grace in it.

But he wouldn’t have to imagine it for long. Within a month it became reality and you and Grace moved out of your home and he never heard from you again.

***

Seven Years Later

Grace Amelia Y/L/N was seven going on seventeen.

You sometimes wondered how you’d raised such a sassy and independent little girl, until you remembered exactly where she got it from: you.

She was every bit your daughter in personality, a mini-me through and through. Who else would she get her personality from? It had always been just the two of you since she was seven months old.

You’d never gone back to the BAU after your sabbatical, following in Spencer’s footsteps and going into teaching.

Once it was just the two of you, you’d needed to be home as often as you could to be with your daughter and the BAU wouldn’t allow that.

You’d moved to Virginia and taught Forensic Psychology at the University of Richmond. And for the past seven years it had been just you and Grace. Exactly the way you liked it.

You still thought about Spencer more than you’d care to admit. On particularly hard days when Grace was sick or just didn’t want to sleep you missed having someone else to help out.

But you knew it went deeper than that. It wasn’t just the extra set of hands you’d missed around the house. You missed everything about Spencer.

Some days you allowed yourself to imagine what could have been. If you’d stayed, what would have become of you and Spencer?

Would you have given in to your feelings for him? Could you have been married, had a kid of both your parentage?

Would Grace call him dad? Would Freddie call you mom? Of course not, because he already had a mom.

You often wondered about the little man Freddie Oscar Reid would be turning into. Would he have his dad's messy head of hair and intense hazel eyes? Would he have his fathers height and awkward smile? Did he inherit his fathers brain?

You would have loved to see the boy Freddie had become, and to see the man he’d eventually turn into.

You wondered what had happened to Maggie. Did the three of them live together like one big family? Did they have more kids?

It wasn’t your problem to concern yourself with, you knew that. But you couldn’t help but let it plague you from time to time.

You were in the park reading over a few mid-term papers from your class while Grace played on the gymnasium.

You glanced up from the papers every minute or so to check on her, each time she was talking to a different kid. She was so friendly and personable. You adored that about your daughter.

You weren’t sure how long you were sitting there in the sunshine before your daughter was barrelling your way, a young boy in tow.

Your heart immediately clenched in your chest at his floppy curls that fell in his face and the lopsided smile he was giving Grace.

“Mom!” She was a little breathless by the time she and her new friend reached you. “Can my friend come to dinner?”

You glanced at the boy again and his large hazel eyes caused your heart to skip a beat.

“Uh…who is your new friend darling?” You didn’t recognise your own voice.

“This is Freddie!” She beamed brightly and in an instant your whole world felt like it started to crumble in on you.

“F-Freddie?” You swallowed a lump in the throat.

“Freddie Reid, hi.” He gave you an awkward wave, so similar to one you remembered from years past.

A shadow appeared over your face and you turned over your shoulder, squinting a little in the afternoon sun.

“Hi, Y/N.” Spencer shrugged, looking every bit as awkward as his son.

“Do you know my mommy?” Grace frowned at him.

“I did. A long time ago.” He chuckled softly. “I haven’t seen you since you were seven months old, Grace.”

Grace looked confused and quite rightly so. You pinched the bridge of your nose.

“Grace, why don’t you and Freddie go and play for a little while?” You sighed as you spoke.

“Ok mommy!” She beamed. “Come on Freddie!”

You watched the two of them run off again as Spencer slid onto the bench next to you.

“He looks exactly like you.” You found yourself saying.

“Yeah I get that a lot.” He chuckled and you hated that that sound still sent shivers down your spine. “He’s really smart too. No question he’s my kid.”

“Wow, that’s…I…” you swallowed again. “I'm sorry, I really don’t know what to say.”

“You could start with, hi Spencer, how have you been?”

“Hi, Spencer. How have you been?” You smiled weakly.

“Good, I suppose. How have you been?”

“Good. I suppose.”

He chuckled again, running his fingers through his hair that was somehow even messier than you remembered.

“Are you just going to repeat everything I say?” He gave you that smile which was probably the reason you fell in love with him in the first place.

“Until I think of my own words, I guess so.” You exhaled shakily. “It’s been a long time.”

“Nearly seven years.”

“You uh…is he still…”

“My only kid?” Spencer tried to assist you. “Yes. Did you ever have any more?”

“No, no. She’s enough of a handful for me.”

“I’ve heard.”

You narrowed your eyes on him in confusion.

“You’ve heard?”

“I still see JJ, Luke and the others from time to time. They tell me about you and Grace, I don’t ask, I swear.”

“That’s funny, they never mention you guys.”

“I asked them not to. I didn’t want you to know what a…mess my life became.” He ran his fingers through his hair again.

“What happened?” You found yourself edging closer to him without meaning to do so.

He looked like he might not tell you at first. But after a minute or so of silence he sighed.

“After you left I think I tried to overcompensate. I threw myself into a relationship with Maggie that I didn’t really want because I thought Freddie should have a mom. I think I was trying to replace you.” He shook his head. “I married her. Less than six months after you left I married her. And it was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.

We were married for three years and I think we hated each other for at least two of those. She resented me because she wasn’t ready for that family life and I resented her…well, because she wasn’t you.

Eventually we filed for divorce but she tried to take full custody of Freddie. I fought her tooth and nail. It got messy. She tried to drag my name through the mud, and tried to completely destroy my character. But I had a better lawyer.

I eventually got full custody and Maggie was so angry. She still had access to see Freddie but she couldn’t put her anger aside. It was all or nothing for her. She ended up moving across the country and I haven’t heard from her since.

But it was a rough few years and I was embarrassed I suppose. I asked them not to tell you anything because I didn’t want you to know what happened I guess.”

“Shit.” You breathed, feeling yourself soften towards him. “I’m so sorry, Spencer.”

“It’s not your fault. I sometimes wonder if you hadn’t left would any of that happened, but it doesn’t matter. It’s in the past.”

You glanced over at your daughter who was being pushed on the swing set by Freddie. It made your heart nearly explode.

“I wonder if subconsciously they remember each other.” You mused out loud.

“Studies show that memory in the form of recognition begins even before a baby is born. They can recognise things such as the sound of their mothers voice.

It has been found that throughout baby and toddler years, children are capable of forming memories and holding onto them. But those memories do fade as they get older. By adulthood they won’t remember them at all, it’s a coined “childhood amnesia”.

But it stands to reason that they aren’t old enough to have forgotten each other yet. Maybe somewhere in their brains there is a familiarity about each other. I know how that feels.” He smiled fondly at you.

You ran your palms over your face feeling so many old emotions flood to the surface.

“Me too.” You agreed and this time Spencer shuffled closer to you.

When he laid his hand on top of yours on the bench you didn’t question it, you just allowed it to happen.

And there it was, that familiarity of his touch, your brain dredging up all the old memories that came with Spencer’s skin against yours.

“Memories are a funny thing.” You sighed, looking back at Grace and Freddie as they played happily. “I remember everything about you and me. Every fleeting glance, every passing touch. Every word we shared over the course of our friendship. But do you know what I can’t remember?”

When you turned back to him, he saw the tears behind your eyes. He shuffled closer still, his hand still on yours.

“What’s that?” His voice was croaky as though he was scared of what the answer might be.

“Why I left.” You sighed, lolling your head to the side and resting it on Spencer’s shoulder.

He removed his hand from yours so he could wrap his arm around you.

He placed a featherlight kiss on your head.

“Just don’t do it again.” He whispered.

The sun beat down on you as the innocent sounds of children's laughter floated down around you.

A mutual understanding passed between the two of you without any more words needing to be shared.

Spencer Reid was never supposed to be just a memory from your past. He was meant to be your present; your future.

You’d never truly realised the value of having him in your life until he became a memory. And you were sure, as long as air still flowed through your lungs and your heart still beat, that you would always love Spencer.

They say you can’t choose your family, but thankfully for you, your family seemed to have chosen you.

And Spencer knew he would choose you over and over again if you had to. Because family wasn’t an important thing, it was everything.

And you, Freddie and Grace were his everything.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist -

All ships & genres -

@muffin-cup @andiebeaword @measure-in-pain @takeyourleap-of-faith @spencers-dria @sexy-dumpster-fire

SR x reader -

@frickin-bats @dreatine @adoringanakin @dr-spencerr-reidd @sleepretreat @spenxerslut @sweetandsunny @bellaswanismysoulmate @mcumorningstar @dontcallmekittens @kuolonsyoja @radtwinkie @drayshadow

@lytrc @nani-2305 @rainsong01 @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @safespacespence @pastelbabygirl19 @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @people-whatabunchofbastards @justreadingficsdontmindme @smurphyse

[wildestdreamsblog]

Hi Babes

I don’t know if your requests are open or not. But in case they’re open, can you please write a fic with the song “Glimpse of us” by Joji. And if it can be with one of the Chris Evans characters or himself;)

Preferably with happy ending. Or anything you like you just write the best of everything.

Have a very nice day<3

A Glimpse of Us

Pairing: Andy Barber x Reader

Warning: Angst

A/N: hi nonnie, this was long overdue. I kept changing lol at first I wrote a happy ending, but it felt unnatural to me. I hope you’ll enjoy this 🥰

Sometimes, he saw your face instead of hers, your eyes looking up at him instead of hers, your hands in his instead of hers. Sometimes, he could have sworn you were still with him. Sometimes, he could have sworn you still loved him… instead of him. Andy Barber always had you at the back of his mind, and in the deepest crevices of his heart, one that she would never reached. And sometimes, no, all the time, he thought of what would become of the two of you if he never left to pursue his dreams.

Reaching his dreams was all he could thought of back then. His twenty-six year old self whom he thought was mature beyond his years was nothing but a naive man. Later on, when enough years had passed, he realized he was nothing but a fool. And you, you were the greatest thing that ever happened to him. You were his dream- until he thought success was the better dream than you.

Dreams, they were a funny thing to him now that enough years had passed. Eight years had passed, and all the dreams his young self could thought of were achieved by him, and yet…he wasn’t happy. He reached all the dreams he wanted, and he was only too happy that you supported him.

He wanted to become a lawyer? You supported him despite him having less time for you because of his studies.

He wanted to become the best lawyer? Sure, you helped him take care of his life outside work.

He wanted to become a district attorney? Okay. You let him move from across the country from you.

Now that he thought about it, he never asked you if it was okay with you if he took the job. He was so used to you cheering him on from the sidelines that he never thought of you.

How were you when he told you he accepted the job before even talking about it with you?

How were you when he moved across the country?

How were you when he missed the scheduled video calls?

His love, how were you now?

Andy closed his wallet shut, the polaroid he was staring at safely tucked inside of his old wallet, the one that you gifted him back then. He watched as the one he called his own entered the fancy restaurant. God, you would have hated it here. You were always fond of places where you could be your self. And before, the two of you could only afford those places, and a place like this were only reserved for when the two of you were celebrating your anniversaries.

Life was simpler back then.

Why then if she’s so perfect, do I still wish that it was you?

Laurie planted a kiss on his cheek before she sat down in front of him. She placed her hair on her other shoulder, the engagement ring he gave her could not be ignored with the way light reflected on it. She smiled dearly at him, and God, it was wrong, but he caught a glimpse of you, one that passed by so quietly, so quickly, like a figment of his imagination that he had to blink twice just to see her again.

Laurie had been his friend before she became his girlfriend. She was kind, was a lawyer just like him. She understood how time consuming the job was. When Andy’s life fell apart, she was there, so patient as she helped him picked up the pieces slowly. They were perfect for each other, their friends said. A match made in heaven, they claimed.

But perfect didn’t mean it was working.

Sometimes, your thoughts still wandered to the man you first loved so deeply you thought you could never reached the surface again. But that was what was funny with love, you thought. Despite thinking you could never imagined life without the one you loved, the human spirit still fought through. A life you thought was once unimaginable was now the one you were living. Sometimes though, you looked up at the sky and your mind brought you back to what was your greatest heartbreak and biggest decision when you were young…and to him, to what was once your person and your best friend and you biggest confidant wrapped in one person.

And sometimes, you thought of what would have been if you kept supporting him, if you kept standing beside him. You probably would have ended up marrying him, becoming Mrs. Barber, bearing his children…and then what?

Would you still just be there to support his dreams as he went on and on, a dream after the other, with him so confident that he’d looked behind him and see you smiling and waiting for him?

Did that make you a bad woman when you broke up with him?

Did that make you a selfish woman for choosing ‘you’ over the ‘us’?

Or did you just realize that you too had a dream, but every dream you had you included him.

Perhaps, it took you years to realize you were never his priority. And to the twenty-four year old you, you rationalized that it was fine, that it was how it was supposed to be, that you were there to support each other. But at what cost?

Your mind went on to that night when everything was starting to break.

Your brows furrowed as you tried to digest what Andy was saying. It was difficult, your heart breaking a little bit more as he continued speaking.

“You accepted the job before you discussed this with me?” Finally, you found your voice.

He paused, he looked as if he was taken a back. Did he not think about you, at all? Andy slowly held your hand into his, and as you looked into his eyes, you could see how his mind was made up. It was not that you’d try to stop him, you never would. You understood his ambitions, his dreams. “Well, baby…I figured you’d say yes.”

Of course, it was his dream. Of course, of course..of course.

Until you couldn’t anymore.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I’m breaking up with you-“

“Is it because of the long distance? Baby, I thought you understand!”

A sigh could be heard over the phone, and as tears were falling down your cheeks, you thought if this was the right decision. But you knew, you always knew, the two of you deserved better.

“I thought I did, too, Andy. I thought I could take more of this. But I have dreams, too. And you have your own. And it’s becoming more apparent to me now that I was never on top of your list. That even now, I am not on your list.”

And that was one of the many conversations before it really did end. It was a lot of begging, of professing of love, of promises that there would be change, but the thing about heart was once it had enough, it could never change its course.

And strangely, at the end, you only felt relief that you could finally start over again. Perhaps, this time, with someone who had it already figured out. Perhaps this time, it would be with someone who included you in his plans, in his dreams, in his ambitions. Perhaps, someday, it would be with someone who would loved you wholeheartedly.

And then that someday came.

Tell me he savors your glory, does he laugh the way I did?

You felt strong arms wrapped around you, his face rested on your shoulder. You looked at him, at the person who kept choosing you, at the person who promised you forever. And this time, love felt easy. This time, the face of love changed. This time, love chose you.

Because sometimes, there were no second chances. It could take your heart breaking before you realized that she was the one, and that you let her go. In this life, you could have a thousand dreams, but in this life, you could never have the same love twice. Perhaps, when enough years have gone by, you could only find a glimpse of her, of the person you let go.

[promptseverlark]

Redwood Scandal

By @mega-aulover

Author's Note:  This is based on the TV show Scandal, a political drama about a President that was in love with his crisis manager. This ficlet, however, takes place in the 1940s instead of the current date, the views on PTSD were much different then and it fits that Katniss would defend someone who was helpless and spiraling.

Special thanks to my beta and best friend @norbertsmom for taking time out of her busy schedule to help edit. 

Rated T

Katniss sat listening to the latest crises involving Ryan Mellark, President Mellark’s brother. She tapped her pencil on her notebook. She should have been concentrating, but her mind was on the man sitting just across from her. Her skin prickled and her heart rate increased when his intelligent blue eyes trained on her. 

Rye was out with a Hollywood starlet and crashed his car in the redwood forest. As a result, Peeta was meeting with three cabinet heads. Plutarch, the head of National Security was quietly listening and avoiding her gaze. Haymitch, the Secretary of State, and Effie, the Secretary of the Interior were bickering. 

"Mr. President," Haymitch groused from the other side of the table. "I'm afraid your brother's antics are..."

"Intolerable," Effie Trinket harumphed with her nose in the air. 

"Haymitch, what are you driving at?" Plutarch asked.

Haymitch took the newspapers and laid them on the table. Rye had become front-line news. The Post labeled him Wrecked-Mellark a play on getting drunk. "And that's a sample of what the Americans feel," Haymitch said. "It's picked up on the radio. They like a war hero, they just don't like a drunk one." 

Katniss wanted to roll her eyes. Rye Mellark was a decorated war hero who liked to drink and it was worrying. She'd seen it coming and warned the other Mellark brother Graham, but Graham didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want Katniss anywhere near Peeta. He coldly told her to stick her nose out of family affairs. 

Now the situation that could have been averted, had become worse. It didn’t matter what Peeta’s family wanted. She was a crisis manager. She spun bad news like this into rainbows and unicorns. 

"He did irreparable damage to one of the beloved National Parks. And then he...defecated..." Effie sputtered.

"He took a piss, Effie," Haymitch said.

"In front of the reporter!" Effie ground out with clenched teeth.

Katniss looked into those blue eyes of Peeta's. He smiled sadly at her. He was one of the greatest Presidents ever elected, but because of his brother, every great piece of legislation passed was overshadowed by the antics of his older brother Ryan. But to Peeta, his Presidency didn't matter, it was his brother that needed help. Peeta's compassion was one of the reasons she'd fallen hard for him. 

Everything Katniss wanted had been an upscale battle. She fought to be educated. Fought for her voice to be heard. She achieved so much in her young life. Peeta was the one thing she couldn't have. So she sacrificed for him. Gave him everything that she could, her time, her mind, her everything.

Madge, his wife, was terribly jealous of her and thus why Plutarch was presently ignoring her presence. 

"Enough," Peeta commanded, and the cabinet members quieted. 

"Mr. President," Plutarch said, straightening his purple tie as he stood. "I can have your brother reinstated in the military and shipped off to some far-flung island. This way he's away for six months to a year. And in that time the public will forget about him.” 

"Miss Everdeen..." Peeta said, turning to face her. 

"Mr. President, we don't need Miss Everdeen or her council." Plutarch stood in such a way that he commanded the attention of the room.  "We are your cabinet and we advise on all matters of the state. What I've proposed can be enacted quickly." Plutarch finally looked into her eyes and smirked at her knowing Peeta would do anything for his brother, including sending him away. "Mr. President, this is the only way to take care of the problem." 

Katniss sat back and raised an eyebrow. She didn't like the way Plutarch referred to Rye as 'the problem.' Rye was a human being and had Graham listened to her a few months ago, they wouldn't be here.  "I don't think that's the right course of action." 

"I agree with Plutarch, he is a menace..." Effie began. "He has no regard for morality."

Haymitch's lips thinned. "He made a mistake...there are a lot of men like Rye who are messed up because of the war..."

"You're a bleeding heart," Plutarch accused Haymitch.

"Yeah well, I've been through two wars, so maybe there's a reason," Haymitch spat back. He then turned to Katniss, "What do you have in mind, Sweetheart?"

"I think your brother needs treatment," Katniss said, squaring her shoulders. "He might be suffering from shell shock."

"What would you know about the war?" Plutarch sniggered.

She took the Post and said, "I was put on the front lines helping soldiers, nursing them back to health," Katniss said. "I was wounded by shrapnel and Peeta was the person who got me out. I know better than anyone what war was like Plutarch." 

"You don't have to remind us how you two met," Plutarch grumbled.

"Then why are you acting like a blithering idiot?" Katniss questioned.

Peeta coughed, hiding his smile. 

It was while convalescing that she and Peeta got close. 

"Rye needs help," Peeta cleared his throat. "I want to know what you have in mind?"

"There is a clinic run by a man by the name of Dr. Aurelius. He helps people like your brother who experienced great trauma."

"Your brother doesn't need a quack, he needs to grow up," Plutarch said.

Katniss hated the erroneous sentimentality about mental health society held. "With all due respect, Mr. Secretary, Dr. Aurelius is highly recommended."

Plutarch snorted.

Effie was too busy sending nasty looks to Haymitch to speak.  

"There are thousands of broken men who returned from the war. And I'm not talking about men who are missing a leg or an arm. I mean the men who are hurting on the inside. Rye can show them there is nothing wrong with getting help."

"How long?" Peeta asked

"Dr. Aurelius can help him become sober in as little as three months." Katniss watched Peeta's hands as they flattened on the table as if they were reaching out to her as she spoke.  "After three months Rye can make an appearance by planting trees at one of the National Parks. Show some goodwill. We can even get that starlet he was with and several other Hollywood notables to help."

"What if he goes back to drinking?" Effie asked.

"Dr. Aurelius will give him an evaluation. He can recommend Rye to do an outpatient clinic or if he needs to stay, then more time at the Clinic."

"The public loves a comeback story," Haymitch said. "And if it will help the nation, we can make legislation to help the veterans." 

Effie frowned. "We do have a rather important opening of Fort Vancouver coming up...I could use the press."

"Mr. President," Plutarch said. "You can't be considering this?"

"Mr. President, I spoke to Dr. Aurelius, they have a spot open for him," Katniss said. 

"Fine, make it happen, Miss. Everdeen," Peeta said.

Plutarch turned as purple as his tie and rushed out of the room. 

Haymitch cleared his throat, "Effie, do you want to go to lunch?"

"Only if you're buying," Effie flirted as she left with Haymitch. 

Katniss sat in the room with Peeta. 

"Thank you," Peeta said. 

"Your welcome," Katniss breathed. "He…the doctor, helped my mother, you know, after my dad...."

Peeta nodded. Katniss put her hand on the table and Peeta covered them with his. "Katniss."

Katniss closed her eyes, loving the feel of his warmer hand covering hers. Her heart melted and cried for more contact. She looked down at their hands and she spied his wedding band, the moment was broken.  "Peeta...Madge...she's got people watching us."

Peeta squeezed Katniss’s hands. "Screw Madge, I don't love her - never did." Madge was the woman his parents wanted him to marry. The marriage was phonier than a six-dollar bill. "I've only ever loved you, Katniss."

"Peeta we can't," Katniss pulled away. Standing, she began to collect her things. She heard Peeta's chair scrape backward and within seconds he was behind her. His hands gripped her shoulders. She felt his warm breath on her neck. It was the most exquisite torture. She wanted him with every fiber of her being.

"If I could, I'd leave her, leave all of this behind for you."

"No," she whispered, slipping away from his loose grasp. His face was a cacophony of emotions as he battled for control. Peeta loved her but he couldn't show it. "I can't be selfish. People need you, Peeta. The whole country needs you. Remember what we talked about when we met. How we would change the world."

"I wanted to be President and you made it happen."

"Well, the Undersee's money helped," she joked, as she wiped an errant tear that rolled down her cheek.

Peeta laughed mirthlessly. 

When they met, a deep bond formed between them. They spent those long hours recuperating and planning for a future they would never have, even if Peeta was trapped in a loveless marriage. 

Katniss respected that union. She wouldn't-couldn't cross that line. She knew she was all wrong for him. Katniss was from the wrong side of the tracks. She grew up dirt poor and to those few who knew her secret, she was the wrong race. Her father was half black, but passed as a white man. Her mother was a white woman. Katniss looked a lot like her father. 

Peeta didn't care. 

Peeta prized Katniss's ability to think on her feet. He relied on her, and as long as he needed her, she would be there for him. She would devote her life to him.

Peeta lifted her hand and pressed his palm to hers. She stepped back before her resolve broke and she did something foolish, like kissing him. 

"When this is over, Katniss, I'm getting a divorce and then I'm marrying you," Peeta said.  

Katniss smiled. She believed him. Peeta always kept his promises.

[actualbird]

Oh god!

I really love the poly headcanons they are so sweet.... (or don't but that's part of it and i think the tot boys+MC deserve all the love the world has to give).

But, liking it or not, our 4 beloved boys are kinda complicated (that's what makes them perfect). Plus I never thought about how people get in poly relationships. So i was thinking, how do you think they all get into a polyrelationship together?

(I really have no idea of how that would happen)

hi, two anons!! im glad you guys liked my nxx team polycule stuff!! i'll answer these in one go, my "headcanon" (in quotes because i think this kinda turned into a character analysis/minific of sorts HAHA) being what first anon asked, How They Get Together.

heads up, wc of this is 1.9k words long so buckle up for a bit of a read jfsjdfkjbf

because first anon, youre right!!! the boys are stupendously complicated which i love so so much but canon has also shown us clearly that each of the boys' quirks and habits and tendencies causes a lot of (mostly played for laughs) friction. the bickering, the backhanded insults, the "im the best one here" preening contests. theyre all SOOOO RIDICULOUS and it is hilarious but yep! the boys r complex!! and that means this beautiful ship, imo, has a lot of phases to get to the actual romantic relationship bit.

how they get together, in my opinion, starts because of mc.

not in the sense that she matchmakes them all, but like.

phase 1 of the nxx team polycule is this:

through being in love with her (which we all know the boys 100% are), each of the boys come to terms with their own flaws and weaknesses. it's very apparent to me in all the story thus far that these boys are flawed as hell, it's very compelling but even more compelling to me is how all of them also do intense mental gymnastics to Not Confront Those Flaws. like, marius is a dickbag always teasing and toeing the line of insincerity, vyn is a controlling mf who always tries to sway situations to his benefit, artem is so repressed to the point that he has genuine trouble with emotions, luke is a self sacrificial bastard and also a huge hypocrite about how no, actually, hes the only one that should be hiding his pain and being dishonest, no dishonesty from other people!! in the beginning of the story, all the boys have their flaws and seem to have just kinda...not addressed how those flaws are harming them and the people around them.

and then mc rolls around and they all fall in love with her. and she sees those flaws and she doesnt let them slide. she challenges the boys in her own ways to see another side of the situation, to acknowledge what theyre doing. she doesnt want to get rid of flaws, thats impossible and also not cool. she just has this beautiful hope for like, all of humanity, that goodness can prevail with the right work. so when she sees her beloved nxx boys, she believes that for them as well.

which leads to phase 2 of the nxx team polycule:

the boys, more aware of themselves, become more aware of each other.

they werent Unaware of the others of course. it's just that they didnt like...truly connect on a personal level just yet. they saw the other teammembers with their emotional armor and flaws and saw a wall that wasnt worth looking past.

but after mc makes them realize that hey, flaws arent the end of the world actually, it's alright and the person behind them may just be worth it, the boys like. end up understanding the others. A LOT OF THIS BIT IS UNINTENTIONAL, ON THEIR PARTS KJDSBFS. like they stumble into understanding each other by accident, they didnt plan it, but over the course of nxx investigations, it's inevitable that they end up seeing the depths of the others. i delve into this a little bit in my fanfic "filler eps of the lost gold" where the boys are just going thru their actions and then trip over another boy's fears or desires and through that, gain a deeper understanding mutually.

and with understanding, sometimes, comes trust.

phase 3 of the nxx team polycule goes like this:

everybody in this team, whether they like it or not, whether they know it or not, has a heart that wants to give love so desperately.

marius lives in a world full of snakes so he cant have his heart on his sleeve for his own protection. vyn wants to be seen as perfect and the heart is inherently messy so he holds it back. artem for a very very long time was focused on work and success and achievement that he neglected his heart. and luke has been giving love all his life in a sense but in a way thats hidden.

all these tendencies that are brought upon their life circumstances results in this: they want to love honestly but they havent been able to do this

until mc. and all of them want to push back whatever fears or patterns their life has instilled in them because they see her and see somebody so unwaveringly good that all their hearts begin giving love to her to make her happy and to make themselves happy as well.

but heres the thing. the boys dont just see mc. by this point, they have connected and understood and come to trust each other as well, and the consequence of that is that They Can See Each Other Now Too, Truly.

and heres the thing. all of the boys are unwaveringly good as well.

one by one, each of the boys realize that what they feel for the other boys in the team starts to...change. yeah theyre all friends, they pick on each other a lot of the time, but the bedrock of the relationship is solid and strong now. but when marius is with luke, marius sees a light inside of luke so bright that he seems unaware that he gives off. when artem is with vyn, artem sees a goodness inside of vyn that hesitates to make itself obvious and known because vyn is scared of getting hurt thanks to it. all of them see the other and their goodness and, unbidden, their hearts want to give love to each other as well.

and because theyre all a bit stupid in their own way theyre like, huh, weird! wonder why this feeling is so familiar! and yet i cant seem to name it...and then they all independently compare these feeling with the feelings they have for mc, a feeling they do know the name of, and theyre like.

WAIT.

THESE FEELINGS ARE...VERY BASICALLY EXACTLY WHAT I FEEL FOR MC.

which only means one thing: theyve fallen in love with everybody else

marius: //goes to his studio to Think and sees that a bunch of his recent art actually had little crumbs of these feelings already, etched into the brushstrokes and scenes. has an emotional crisis about it

vyn: //records a 1 hour long entry in his audio diary to examine and gain control of his feelings but by the end of the hour all he knows is that he wants to hold these people and be held by them

artem: //quite literally just bluescreens, artem.exe has stopped working, sits at his study and slowly, slowly, thunks his head down onto his desk, valiantly trying to ignore the fast pulse of his heart

luke: //manically vents about it to peanut who, by virtue of being a bird, doesnt get it. just keeps talking at peanut to get a grasp of it all and then lies down on the floor, overwhelmed

mc, sitting in her apartment watching some netflix: ...why do i inexplicably feel as if something very, very important has just happened?

phase 4 of the nxx team polycule is basically:

pining: extreme difficulty level

because pining is already hard when ur pining for one person. what more for an additional 3 more people. and those additional 3 more people are pining back.

and all these boys are SOOOO OBVIOUS with their romantic feelings, in their own special way. the way they show their affection to mc starts to bleed into their interactions with the others and everybody can CLEARLY SEE WHAT IS GOING ON, LOL, but also all the boys are too chickenshit to confront it, because if they confront it, what will even happen??? being in love with each other, all of them, thats going to be such a complicated fucking relationship, holy shit. it's 2030, yeah, being a polyamorous group relationship isnt completely unheard of, but sue them, theyre scared.

but mc (who i forgot to mention already knows of the boys' romantic feelings for her, shes just hasnt made a move yet on any of them because SHES IN LOVE WITH ALL OF THEM AS WELL and shes been trying to figure out how the hell to make that work, she cant bear to choose just one of them, she'd be heartbroken over leaving the rest of them behind) sees that the nxx investigation team is now all pining for each other FULLY and she kinda wants to laugh when she realizes whats going on because like, what are the chances? that this would happen? that they all found each other and their feelings fell into just the right place for nobody to be left behind?

theyre all scared, she can tell. and she is as well, she wont lie.

but shes always had a belief that goodness can prevail with the right work.

and love is one of the greatest goods out there.

phase 5 of the nxx team polycule:

It's Time For Communication, Baby!!!!!

the exact scenes of how this happens is a bit vague to me. it could go two ways: mc going to each of the boys independently to talk about feelings, hers about everybodys and his about everybodys as well. OR they have a fucking meeting about it all together and artem literally schedules it in his google calendar, or something.

either way, they like, actually talk about this. starts casual, maybe over a chill date, maybe over dinner at a nice restaurant, maybe over a walk in the park as the sun is starting to set. but where ever it happens, the end result is the same: a heart is laid out bare and it is taken in gentle, grateful hands.

marius: OKAY, NOW THAT THE FEELINGS ARE OUT OF THE WAY, CAN I PLEASE KISS ONE OR ALL OF YOU, PLEASE, IVE BEEN WANTING TO KISS U GUYS FOR FOREVER

vyn, laughing fondly: has anybody ever told you patience is a virtue? we quite literally just talked it all out.

marius: //needy whining noises

artem, embarrassed: ive...never kissed anybody before

luke, embarrassed but trying to play it Cool: ....same here

mc: kissing is great, you two will love it!

marius: awesome, awesome, so is ANYBODY going to give me a go ahead or WHAT????

phase 6 of the nxx team polycule:

i dont want to say it's happily ever after, once they all get together. thats not really realistic.

they all have their quirks and tendencies and habits. and those will inevitable clash against each other. theyll have their arguments, theyll get upset, theyll sulk and be angry, sometimes. but also...

theyll see each other smile and feel like their love shining so brightly. theyll reach out for another's hand and be held in such a way that makes them think that their heart is in a safe place. theyll love each other and theyll put in the work to continue loving each other. because goodness will prevail.

and they all see each other as the most good people in the world.

so whatever happens, theyll get through it together.

[itsclydebitches]

I kinda wonder, what could bakugou do (hori write bakugou to do) to make him less popular with the "anti" crowd. Like He was a horrid child no doubt and people who try to put blame on Deku or lessen the terrible shit bakugou did aren't great. But as we don't rly see it, we have to assume bakugous behaviour wasn't stopped, we only ever saw his mum "punishing" him when he was being rude after getting kiddnapped. Nothing will excuse what bakugou did, but he has stopped? He's overall a harsh person but he's not harrassing and bullying people anymore, specifically not deku, he's trying to attone for what he did to deku and has now apologised for it. His behaviour was never viewed as justified or good in the series, he's a scary figure in middle school, we're not meant to like his behaviour, so the series itself hasn't justified his actions.

As someone who relate to both bakugou and deku more than I'd like to admit (never told someone to jump tho, that's fucked lol) so I can 100% understand not liking or even hating bakugou but as someone who's not 15 anymore, looking back I also made a lot of really shitty decisions and like bakugou have tried to make up for it, and like deku I was 'friends' with people who hurt me.

Is there anything he can do for the "antis" to just dislike him rather that be "anti"?

(I'm very sorry if you've talked about this somewhere, you can just tell me to look for it if you have, I'll continue to look for your posts on the subject)

Hey there, anon! I think I’ve spoken about this only tangentially and/or in my main Bakugo meta, which is too big for anyone sane to read. So yeah, let’s chat here!

For me personally—and that’s all I can ever do: speak personally. I think it’s important to keep in mind that there is no single solution to please the “anti” crowd. Each fan will be looking for something slightly different in Bakugo’s character, much of which might contradict what a “stan” is currently enjoying. Given how charged a character he is, I'm not sure it's possible to get the entire fandom to like him—what I’m looking for hinges on having a different reading of the story than you seem to. Meaning, I think the series does justify his behavior. Not in any overt, super obvious way like having all the characters go, “Wow, Bakugo! I sure do love how you threaten people all the time. That’s super cool and heroic!” Things are rarely that straightforward. Rather, it’s in a more subtle, but consistent manner that paints a rather conclusive picture across hundreds of chapters.

Simply put, Bakugo is continually rewarded for his actions. Or, if not outright rewarded, his actions are ignored in a way that implies silent acceptance. Characters may not always like what he does... but they're willing to let it slide because Bakugo's heroism was always treated as a given, not something he had to earn and prove.

With the ever necessary disclaimer that I’m not fully caught up yet, here’s a list of some of the things that stood out to me in the first half of the series:

Bakugo’s bullying made him the most popular kid in school.

Bakugo’s bullying was ignored by/outright supported by the teachers.

Bakugo’s bullying did not hinder him from getting into U.A., one of the most prestigious hero schools around.

Despite acting horribly throughout his time at U.A. too, this behavior was continually ignored by the teachers and other authority figures around him.

Bakugo’s struggle to realize that other people aren’t “trash” doesn’t hurt his achievements in any way. He still gets top scores, still wins the tournament, etc.

Bakugo’s behavior gets him special attention from All Might, the greatest hero and Bakugo’s personal idol.

His behavior doesn’t make others dislike him in any manner that’s taken seriously. Everybody is still willing to not just put up with Bakugo, but—in time—start treating his behavior as a quirk (no pun intended lol) that they’re secretly fond of, rather than something he should legitimately be striving to change. Kirishima is the most overt example of this.

This is compounded by his behavior constantly being framed as humorous. Much like with Mineta’s perverted actions, characters might superficially go, “No, that’s bad!” but the story never demands any significant development because then we’d lose the “joke” of Bakugo screaming in rage at the slightest inconvenience, threatening to murder someone over nothing, constantly belittling everyone around him in a “funny” manner, etc. When fans talk about development of a manga character as archetypal and extreme as Bakugo, most don’t really want to see significant change to his base personality. Because then that would result in someone who doesn’t look like the “real” Bakugo: someone nicer, more even-tempered, more mature, etc. But for those of us who were never drawn to that personality in the first place, the continued acceptance of his rude, egotistical, and violent behavior is discomforting. The easiest comparison I can draw is between this and Bakugo’s mother slapping him. That slap is meant to be another “joke”—we see it constantly in shonen anime, something "humorous" you shouldn’t take too seriously because haha, it's just an overprotective mother—but many fans do take it seriously, using it as the basis for a whole “Bakugo was abused and this explains his behavior” reading. Well, I take the “joke” of Bakugo’s threats and insults seriously, especially in a story that starts with something like telling Izuku to jump off the roof. In the same way that many fans want others to treat Bakugo’s mother as a serious topic that has had a negative influence on his development, I want the series to take Bakugo’s everyday actions seriously as a negative influence on… well, everyone around him. But it doesn’t. His base personality is grudgingly adored.

The above two points are seen most overtly in Izuku, who never wavers in his respect for Bakugo despite how Bakugo treats him. Not just prior to U.A., but during their training too. Izuku, as the protagonist, is the emotional heart of this tale, so when he talks about how inspiring Bakugo is, it encourages the reader to see his behavior as inspiring too. Rather than, as said, something that needs to change. Izuku's continued friendship with Bakugo, his adoration of him, and his acceptance of the way he's treated has severely warped how the entire story sees Bakugo's actions. After all, if #pure Izuku can see the good in Bakugo, why can't everyone else? He must not be that bad after all.

I could get into detailed analyses of all the above—like how Bakugo was the one comforted after attacking Izuku outside the dorms at night and how the messed up relationship he has with Izuku is upheld as something to nurture; how the remedial courses he had to take were made to be rather silly, thereby undermining their supposed importance to his development; how Bakugo’s kidnapping had nothing to do with his flaws, but much of the fandom uses it as a way to dismiss any appropriate consequences because, “Hasn’t he suffered enough?” etc.—but in the interest of keeping this within a readable length, I’ll leave it at that. The point is that Bakugo has always been privileged when it comes to his behavior, resulting in others either outright praising it, ignoring it, or demanding that he change a miniscule bit, which always keeps him far below the standards of both his peers and the expectations of a hero. Everyone in 1-A must learn to be even better than the good people they already are... Bakugo needs to learn that other people aren't dirt at the bottom of his shoes. It's never been a particularly impressive development when pit against the rest of the class. All of which can make something like an apology feel pretty hollow. Yes, he’s apologized and I say with all seriousness that that’s great! But how does that apology stack up against 300+ chapters of content? As Bakugo’s words highlight, he's been a really awful person up "until now": he was consumed by Izuku being “miles ahead of [him],” he “looked down on [him]” because he didn’t have a quirk, he “didn’t want to recognize that,” he “hated that,” “grew distant,” “tried to beat you down,” “opposed you and tried to show my superiority over you,” and ends it all with, “it probably doesn’t mean anything telling you all this” before finally getting to the “I’m sorry.” This is basically a laundry list of how horrible a person Bakugo has been for the entire series, with an acknowledgement that this apology is coming really, really late. This is the moment where I could START to like Bakugo, depending on how he acts form here on out, but that pivotal moment arrived after six years of content and in the final arc of the story. It’s too late. Bakugo needed this kind of self-reflection and positive action 250+ chapters ago so he could (hopefully) grow into a better person across the story, not at the story's end. What we got instead is 322 chapters of him being a really horrible person, but the story going out of its way to excuse or even praise that behavior the majority of the time.

As a quick comparison to end on, I think what Bakugo needed was what Soo Jin got in True Beauty. You don’t need to have seen the drama to follow along. The tl;dr is that she has a lot of the core qualities of Bakugo: an all-consuming drive to win that was created due to abusive parents with high expectations, resulting in her bullying a peer to a pretty horrific extent. The difference between them is how the story frames their actions. When Soo Jin becomes the bully she loses everything. Rather than succeeding academically, her grades plummet, making it clear that this anxiety and self-doubt (things the fandom keeps insisting Bakugo is struggling with, but that rarely ever show up in the text) is actually impacting her day-to-day life. Her best friend drops her because she’s not going to support her choices. The boy she likes rejects her. She’s eventually forced to start over somewhere new - which importantly separates her from the girl she was bullying - and get some distance from her parents, resulting in the growth needed to become a healthier, happier, good person again. So when Soo Jin apologizes to the girl she hurt, it feels earned. The story continually recognized how horrific her actions were and put her into a place where she either had to change, or continue losing at everything else that was important to her. Bakugo? Bakugo doesn’t lose. Oh, he claims he does because he’s comparing himself to Izuku constantly, but that’s just him thinking in extremes. He still wins academically. Still wins many battles. Still wins at having friends. Still wins by maintaining the prestige of being a U.A. student. Still wins by getting All Might’s attention. Still wins by receiving Izuku’s respect and an agreement to maintain this rivalry that Bakugo is so obsessed with. Bakugo comes out well 99% of the time, he just thinks he's "lost" because he can't stand not being the absolute best.

For me, the story needed to have Bakugo face consequences for his behavior, not receive rewards and/or have others ignore it, and that revelation/apology needed to come way, way sooner. For me the issue is not a specific action that Horikoshi can have Bakugo do in the next chapter and them bam, I like him now. The problem is Bakugo’s entire concept, how he’s received by the entire cast, and his run across this entire series. "Entire" is the key word there. Which is why the “But he’s apologized. What more do you antis want?” reactions don’t sit well. What we wanted is a better written redemption arc across those 300+ chapters, not a single scene that’s meant to have us forget all the other problems inherent in the story. At this point it’s a far more complicated situation than, “Bakugo just needs to do X, Y, and Z and then we’re golden.” At the end of the day, Horikoshi failed to make me like him as a person and I’m pretty sure he isn’t going to change Bakugo enough to make him likable to me. Bakugo was never the sort of character I’d be inclined towards without a serious, nuanced redemption arc, but sadly, a core, crucial part of that redemption arc took six years to arrive. At this point there’s no way to change the problems in Bakugo’s writing for that huge chunk of the series and not enough time left in the series, it seems, to do the work we should have seen across the entire run. Honestly, idk if the Bakugo we'll get going forward is someone I can just dislike as opposed to being really uncomfortable with, but my money is on there being too little story left and too much investment in upholding Bakugo's base personality for that to happen. I could absolutely be proven wrong! But I think the problems are structural and needed to be better dealt with from page one, not hastily patched over in the final hour.

[momsopposed2theoccult]

It’s come to my attention that a good majority of people on this website have a really poor understanding of the conflict between Toph and Katara in “The Chase.” As somebody who loves both characters and their friendship, this irritates me. Without further ado, let’s unpack that in what is in theory supposed to be a meta but turned out more like a rant. 

“Katara was hostile towards Toph because the fact that she’s a gender non-conforming girl made Katara uncomfortable because Katara is obsessed with gender roles.”

Alright, so right off the bat this is just... completely idiotic and clearly fuelled by an agenda (and likely also a lot of projection). First of all, how is Katara of “I don’t want to heal, I want to fight!” fame “obsessed with gender roles?” There’s an entire episode in Book One dedicated to Katara refusing to conform to societal norms for women in the Northern Water Tribe! Katara routinely calls Sokka out on his misogynistic bullshit! (Mind you I adore Sokka but he could be a little twerp at times and Katara was 100% right to challenge him on it) Katara is the feminist icon of ATLA! The fact that people act like Katara is some sort of conservative tradwife who loves gender roles instead of the outspoken feminist and political activist she is makes me incredibly angry.

Second of all, Katara was extremely kind and welcoming towards Toph at first. She gently encouraged her to join in with the group as they all set up camp together as opposed to setting up her own private camp. It’s only when Toph refuses to comply with her that Katara begins to get irritated. Mind you, Toph has her reasons for this, something I’ll get to in a minute, but from Katara’s perspective (key word here is perspective) she’s just being an annoying little stubborn, selfish, lazy, anti-social, entitled brat. Of course we the audience find out later that this isn’t the case at all (or at least in theory we should find out later but apparently some people on here skipped that part), but for all her many talents Katara is not a mind reader and has no way of knowing what’s going on inside Toph’s head, nor does she know her well enough yet to fully grasp the context behind why Toph acts the way she does. Katara is somebody who greatly values community and believes in teamwork, so Toph turning down her warm welcome in favour of “carrying her own weight” likely felt like a slap in the face. Not to mention that she’s already emotionally exhausted from having to constantly mother Aang and Sokka. If I were Katara, I likely would have reacted the same way. 

Oh and I agree that the “the stars look beautiful tonight, too bad you can’t see them, Toph” comment was out of line, but it doesn’t make her a horrible person. It makes her a 14 year old, and 14 year olds can be nasty, especially sleep deprived 14 year olds. Katara is otherwise a very kind and compassionate person. Other characters have said worse than that. Hell, Toph herself has said worse than that. That being said, it was a deeply hurtful comment and I do like to imagine that she apologized for it off-screen. 

“Toph is a lazy, entitled, and classist spoiled rich brat who just didn’t want to do chores and expected other people to wait on her.” 

This is another one that makes me roll my eyes and ask if they even watched the show. First of all, the presumption that Toph is a lazy or entitled person is just... laughable. I feel like people forget that Toph isn’t actually an earthbending prodigy in the way that Azula is a firebending prodigy (I could say more about Azula and how her belief that she was the unshakeable prodigal daughter ultimately caused her downfall and how by the end of the series Zuko is arguably a better firebender than her but this isn’t a meta about Azula and Zuko, now is it?). Nah. Toph was a sheltered kid who discovered she had the ability to earthbend, was told that she could never become great at it because she was blind, and in response said FUCK THAT and decided to work her ass off until she was not only great but the very greatest all thanks to her crazy, stupid, off-the-charts nerve, drive, grit, ambition, and desire to prove people wrong about her. Does that sound like a lazy person to you? Believe me when I say that you do not achieve that kind of skill level by sitting around on your ass and expecting to have things handed to you. And entitled? Don’t make me laugh. Toph hates having things handed to her, that’s one of her defining characteristics. 

As for the implication that she’s classist and enjoys basking in her family’s wealth and being waited on...... are you stupid? Did you even watch the show? Toph absolutely despises everything about her parents’ lifestyle. Growing up like that was traumatizing and restrictive for her. We’re talking about a girl who likes to play around in the mud for fuck’s sake. Toph does not care how much money you have. She never wanted any to begin with. She even says it herself; “I guess I shouldn’t be complaining. They gave me everything I could have wanted. But they never gave me what I actually needed - their love.” Not to mention that she easily could have continued to freeload off her parents wealth but instead chose to sneak out of the house and make her own money doing what she did best; disproving people’s assumptions about her earthbending. Oh and I’ve seen someone point this out before but WWE is generally considered a “low brow” activity that “proper” people frown upon and shouldn’t associate themselves with. Toph fucking loved it. I don’t know how seriously people take the comics, as they often miss the mark when it comes to characterization (Toph’s, however, was generally pretty accurate), but there’s a part in The Rift where Sokka asks her when she’s going to start charging people to learn metalbending and she gets all serious and flat out tells him that she will never do such a thing, because money doesn’t matter to her. Sharing her one true passion with the world is what matters to her. Oh and the part where she basically tells a bunch of rich and sleazy businessmen to fuck off and “stop thinking about money and start thinking about people’s lives” is just... *chef’s kiss* Sorry my thoughts here are so incoherent but this take is so piss poor and makes me so angry that I don’t even know where to start. As for “Toph enjoys being waited on” I just- *sigh* Toph has such a visceral and defensive reaction to any implication that she is unable to take care of herself. Like I said earlier, that’s one of her defining characteristics as well as the reason for her behaviour in “The Chase.” Where are people getting these takes?

You wanna know why Toph acted the way she did in The Chase? Well, first let’s recap her life up to this point. Toph was born the blind daughter of one of the wealthiest families in the Earth Kingdom. From day one her parents treated her like glass due to her disability. She was not allowed to leave her house unsupervised, and even then she was only permitted to walk around the gardens of her home. Every day of her life she was pitied, gaslit, babied, ignored, emotionally neglected, and made to feel ashamed of herself. She was not allowed to make any decisions for herself. She was not allowed to do anything for herself. She was not allowed to talk to other children. She had no friends. Other people didn’t even know she existed on account that her parents kept her locked up in her own home and didn’t tell anybody about her because they were so ashamed to have a blind daughter. Flash forward to “The Chase.” Toph begins to set up her own camp separate from the rest of the Gaang. Considering that she flat out was not socialized as a child and hadn’t even interacted with anybody her own age prior to a few days ago, this is understandable. So then Katara comes up to her and asks her why she isn’t setting up camp with the others as if she’s somehow incapable of taking care of herself (again, this is just what happened from her perspective) like she’s her mom or something and it just angers her because she thought she joined this group to get away from all that and she doesn’t understand how friends work because she’s never had one, all she knows is that apparently this girl thinks she isn’t capable of taking care of herself, and that infuriates her because it’s the exact same bullshit she thought she was running away from.

There’s a lot more I could say about this but I’m sick of typing so yeah in conclusion both of these takes are piss poor and I’m sick of having to read them. Stan Toph, Katara, and their friendship. 

[arhvste]

MIYA ATSUMU - LITTLE MIYA

- summary - atsumu has to make sure that he’s the favourite parent to your unborn child and takes every chance he can get to convince them to pick him - fluff - x f reader

- an - this was for tsumu’s birthday but i was a little late posting due to unforeseen circumstances, but i’m glad i finally got it up, happy birthday tsum tsum i love u lots and thank u for being a character that i not only kin but have easily fallen in love with in a way too

-

Sighing, Atsumu dropped his bag down and quietly took his shoes off and left them neatly by the door. The quiet hums of cars passing by outside your house reached the setters ears as he peered down the hall and noticed your bedroom light was still on.

The light was dim but he knew you’d likely have been reading or busying yourself some other way and you’d probably drifted off into a light sleep by now.

He shook his head and smiled thinking about how you’d always try and stay up for when he’d come home but you’d almost always end up falling back asleep.

Creaking the door open wider from where you’d left it slightly ajar where the dim light had been teasing the darkness of the halls of your home, Atsumu quietly stepped into the bedroom and began to shed the clothes he’d worn after taking a shower at the training grounds and into his boxers and white t-shirt. He would often take showers at the MSBY training grounds much to Sakusa’s delight as the latter would insist Atsumu’s stench was “unbearable” after training sessions (Atsumu was adamant that Sakusa only said this to wind him up but showered anyway), he also didn’t want to wake you up with the noise of water hitting the hard marble flooring in the bathroom and the sounds of the shower rinsing him.

Some may consider Atsumu a selfish man but it was small things like this that proved that hypothesis wrong. It was the little things Atsumu did out of habit that made him lean more towards the selfless side rather than selfish but it wasn’t like the two of you particularly cared about others perceptions of himself and your relationship. You knew Atsumu and you loved him the way he was regardless of what anyone else had to say about him.

He pulled the soft white sheets back and the mattress dipped as his weight rested down as he turned on his side to face you.

‘An angel’ he thought to himself as he brushed a few stray hairs out of your relaxed face before he managed to tear his eyes away and look down towards your stomach.

A smile crept up on his face as he crawled further down the bed until he was face level with the centre of your stomach.

“Hey little man, or girl.”

His soft whispers grew excited as he began to chatter to your stomach.

“Ya must’ve worn ya mother out today, she’s completely knocked out ya gotta go a little easy on her sometimes.”

His hand now moved to the beginning of the curve where your stomach stretched out to form a bump where your child was currently conversing with their father.

“Anyways, since I know what trouble you were causing today let me tell ya what I did today- oh yeah sorry I forgot, don’t get too mad at me will ya?”

Atsumu quickly pressed a ‘hello’ kiss to your stomach. He would always kiss both you and your stomach hello whenever he was met with you again insisting that the child would feel neglected if he left them out.

“Omi was in a bad mood this morning but would ya believe he said I’m gonna be a great dad?! I’m pretty sure it was a backhanded compliment since he did say ‘You’ll be a great dad, your kid is gonna love having a stupid and childish father they can call a friend.’...Do ya think that was backhanded? I think it was but he still admitted I’ll be a great dad so I guess I’ll take it.”

Rubbing small circles on your stomach Atsumu’s eyes twinkled as he felt a small kick, the action ever so slightly hitting against the palm of his hand.

“I knew ya were gonna agree with me! It was totally backhanded! I guess that's Omi for ya! Speaking of, I think yer gonna like him. If ya gonna be anythin like me, you’ll enjoy annoying him so I think he’s hopeful that ya gonna turn out like yer mother if anything.”

He glanced up at your sleeping form and smiled warmly. The thought of having a small version of himself excited him, but he also liked the idea of having a small version of you. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to handle an overexcited and non-stop child if they were to take after himself. Besides, he loved everything about you and he was sure that raising a small version of you would be a dream.

“Ya know, I have a feelin ya gonna be more like yer mom. She’s great and I know yer gonna be too. Obviously yer gonna be talented I mean, I’m yer dad! Of course yer gonna inherit my good looks and athletic talent but if ya don’t wanna play sports that's okay too! I know yer gonna have the talent for it though so the choice is yours!”

Finding out that he was going to be a father was one of Atsumu’s greatest achievements he’d insist. It was always in his plan for the future to become a dad and he was over the moon when you’d revealed that his efforts hadn’t gone to waste and that later on in the year, he was going to have a little Miya to help raise. Of course he wanted his child to get into sports. He was introduced to the industry at a young age and it had bagged him a career he loved, friends and bonds for life and a generous salary. At first, he was sure that his child was going to play volleyball. How could they not? Their dad was the setter for V-league team MSBY and recently scouted for the Olympic team. He had his sights set on raising a future champion but then he thought back to his own brother.

Osamu had been successful athletically too but looking where that took him, Atsumu saw that even though his brother had the capability to go professional and maybe even play in the same teams as him, Osamu found passion elsewhere and these days he was the owner of an extremely successful company in the food industry.

They’d both started at the same point but ended in different places and that was okay. It was then Atsumu began to tone down the insistence that his child was going to be a pro player just like him and he was more focused on helping his child find something they loved whether that was sports or something else and help them grow and go further in doing something they loved just like he had done.

You were extremely proud of your husband when he told you about this. You knew he’d realise it eventually but you were surprised at just how quick he’d been able to rethink the future of his child and reflect on how he was going to raise and support his them. Atsumu knew he wanted his child to be successful somehow but he had finally come to realise that it didn’t have to be athletically but rather anything your child wanted to do. If they did end up taking an interest in sport, great, but neither you or Atsumu were going to push it onto them just because their father was a pro athlete.

“Who knows, maybe you’ll even end up like yer uncle Samu and take up cookin. I’m sure he ain’t gonna mind if we take ya to his restaurants or stores to teach ya a thing or two. Yer gonna be more like me than him though got it? I don’t need him teasin me sayin that yer more like him and that ya like him more than me yeah?”

Another soft kick met his warm palm and he let out a soft scoff and aimed a harmless glare at your unborn child.

“Oi! Uncalled for! I know I can be a little rude sometimes, but I ain’t gonna let yer end up like me in that sense! Yer mom would kill me if she found out that yer manners were like mine back when I was a kid. Ya better not be annoyin either. Nana Miya will probably tell ya a few stories about me and uncle Samu and how we used to get on her nerves with constant bickerin and fightin.”

A soft laugh drifted from him as yet another soft kick was sent Astumu’s way.

“Alright, alright I’ll stop layin inta ya, just promise me you’ll be good for yer mom while I’m training and stuff? She’s the best and yer gonna love her so much I promise. I hope yer gonna love me just as much too because not to cheat, but yer mother and I have a little bet over who the favourite parent is gonna be so I’m not saying ya have to pick me but I am tellin ya now that yer obviously gonna like me more cause I’m gonna be the best dad ever for ya.”

His warm, calloused hand rubbed over your stomach as he carried on chatting to your child as if this was casual conversation to him.

The warm temperature on your growing stomach caused your eyes to flutter open as you registered it was in fact your husband who was touching and talking to you while you were unconscious.

“Tsumu? What are you doing?” Your eyes and voice heavy with sleep as a lazy smile traced over your face.

Atsumu looked up and hummed before meeting your half lidded eyes as he gave you a toothy grin.

“Just tellin our kid how I’m gonna be the best dad.”

“You little shit! You’re cheating, you can’t tell the baby to pick you as their favourite while I’m asleep that’s not fair!”

“Yeah? Well I bet ya tell our kid to pick you as their favourite while I’m at training! Ya have all day to convince them! I gotta make up for my time lost.”

You fought the smile that was trying to break out onto your face as the petty argument with your husband continued with him sitting next to your stomach and you leaning facing him.

“That’s not true, I would never play dirty!”

“Baby, yer a Miya now, playin dirty comes with the name so I know yer lying!!

His hand still rested on your stomach as his eyes lit up as yours widened. Yet another small kick was felt as a smug smile wiped across your husband's face.

“Ha! Even little Miya admits yer a liar!”

You huffed and playfully gared at your own stomach and then your husband.

“Snitches get stitches.” You poked your stomach gently as if to retaliate to your growing baby.

“Hear that? Yer mom’s mean! That’s why I’m gonna be the favourite!” Atsumu declared with a triumphant smile as you laid back down to rest your head on the pillow.

“Yeah yeah we’ll see… I’m gonna go back to sleep. Tsumu, I love you.”

Atsumu crawled back over to you and pressed a soft kiss to your cheek and whispered a ‘good night’ and ‘I love you’ before padding back over on all fours to your stomach before meeting it eye-level once more.

“So back to what we were talking about before we were interrupted…”

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My reviews on Manhwas

Alright so, recently I've began to fall into the great Manhwa hell, as if I didn't have enough fandoms.

But I neither have friends to chat about this with, nor a Discord chat where I can fanby about it, so I just decided to throw it in here.

These are both Manhwas I recommend and my opinions on them. If there are any spoilers, They will be striked through and in blue for anyone that wishes to avoid them (if anyone even reads this lol).

1. The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass (악녀는 모래시계를 되돌린다)

Premise: Aria was a terrible person and was sentenced to dead by being beheaded. In her final moments, she discovers her step sister, Mielle, actually manipulated her during her entire life just so she could get Aria killed. She then is beheaded, and wakes up in the past, in her child body. So now, she must work to both survive and get her revenge on her sister.

Lovely story, and my first Manhwa. The art is simply stunning, and all the characters are very flashed out and developed. Aria (MC) is the pettiest person alive and I'm here for that.

Also, I noticed a trend where, even though the manhwa has "Villainess" in the title, the MC is usually a total angel. Well, not here. Aria is egotistical and a total Diva, she has her goals and one of them is her revenge and by all that is sacred she'll get it.

Mielle is a great villain, she has grown a lot in her own pettiness and tactics since she was a child, and I really like that. Also, watching her suffer for being a terrible person is delightful.

The Male Lead (Asher) is also really cool, I like how he's both witty and friendly, and how much he truly admires Aria and her achievements.

The side characters are also pretty good, and they get a lot of focus because of their interactions with the main cast.

Again, The art is S T U N N I N G. Look at this:

Literally all panels are drawn like this or better, I'm in love.

All in all, an awesome read, 10/10, I love this a lot.

2. The Monster Duchess And Contract Princess (괴물 공작가의 계약 공녀)

Premise: Leslie's life was terrible, and always centered on her big sister, Eli. After a failed attempt of her family to grant Eli her sister's skills and knowledge, Leslie searches for the feared "Monster Duchess" in an attempt to survive.

Another one with incredible art AND incredible characters. Leslie is an absolute angel, and seeing her grow as a person is awesome.

The gender envy I feel with the Duchess is unbearable, she's utterly perfect. And the entire family is so dotting and loving and sweet, my little grinch heart can't take it.

She's perfection, really.

The plot keeps getting more and more mysterious, and I'm here for it!

I love each of the main characters a lot, and even the villains are well done and fuel your hatred.

Also, Eli Sperado and her Dad can choke on those black flames for all eternity.

Another 10/10, although I must warn anyone that wishes to read this that the translations sometimes are very spotty and messy, so it can be a bit annoying.

3. I'll be the Matriarch in this Life (이번 생은 가주가 되겠습니)

Premise: Firentia was a girl that died in Korea in her past life, and was reborn into an influential family as the illegitimate daughter of the third son. Her life was pretty terrible, with in the end, her family ending up in poverty and disgrace because of her uncles and cousins, while she was exiled from the family. After another accident, she wakes up in her past, now with a goal: Become the Lombardi matriarch and stop the other family heirs from bringing it to ruin.

Awesome art and Awesome plot number 3! This is so good, genuinely. Firentia is such an awesome plotter, and her goals and actions are very well developed.

The Male Lead is my baby and I shall protect him, and the side characters? Utterly stunning.

The twins are the cutest fucking shit, seriously. Like, look at these two?? I'm dead. Although, all the children are very, veeery cute.

I like how Firentia subtly manipulates things around her to get what she wants. It's similar to Aria, but she's much more mature and knowledgeable, and has a much less petty goal.

Guess what? 10/10. Yeah, I know, I'm terrible at grading, sue me.

4. The Twins Siblings' New Life (쌍둥이 남매의 뉴라이프)

Premise: Arien and Arjen were a pair of twins that died in Korea, and were reborn again as twins and as the Emperor's illegitimate children. Now, with only each other to trust, they must do their best to survive.

My current obsession. I really like this one. The art is not on the same level of pure Awesome like the ones before, but it's pretty good nonetheless.

The plot is pretty nice, but I must warn you: DO NOT expect them to act like adults. Honestly, just forget they're meant to be reborn in this world. They're just normal children and that's it. They act like children, and they think like children. Honestly, I think the author just wanted to make this story about them as children and their producer went and said to make them reincarnates because that Isekai shit is popular nowadays (And to justify they having memories of their newborn days). Seriously, just ignore it, the experience reading will be much better.

Other than that, the story develops nicely. The characters are all very good and the plot is very mysterious. I am holding myself back to not spoil anything, aaaaa.

There is also only one another thing that disappoints me: Arien is very clearly the MC. The story is told by her eyes and we only know what Arjen thinks or feels when he says it 9 or by subtext). I really wish it was more balanced, because they're both different people and have different perspectives, and also I really like Arjen.

I have absolutely no idea where this plot is gonna go, and honestly? I like it. It's very rare when I don't know how things are gonna develop because of other stories, so it feels very fresh.

The brothers are freaking awesome. I was so scared they were going to hate the twins and be petty, because of other manhwas that are like that, but they're so loving and sweet?? All hail these idiots. Also, Daddy is the biggest dumbass of all, this poor clueless man.

An 8/10, because of the complaints above. Still a good read, and I really like it, even with it's defects.

4. I'm A Stepmother, But My Daughter Is Just Too Cute! (계모인데 딸이 너무 귀여워)

Premise: A seamstress dies of overwork in Korea, and wakes up in the body of Abigail, the vain Queen, and the evil stepmother to the princess Blanche. Yes, It's like she stepped into the world of Snow White, and she must now do her best to live and.. Dote on Blanche with toys and dresses as much as possible?

Again with the awesome art and nice plot. Why are there so many manga with awesome art?? I'm so envious.

May all hail this crispy, delicious art.

Abigail is a whole mood, and I enjoy how she is inserted into the life of someone who had already lived and had a reputation. Her actions baffle a lot of the characters, as do her motivations, and I'm here for it.

The King has also an amazing backstory that's very tragic and yikes. I enjoy it, really. Not something you see in men's backstories that much.

Also, I'm kinda saddened by the fact the MC and the king are bound to become an actual couple. They would be such good platonic friends stuck in a political marriage. I was robbed, y'all.

Abigail greatest ambition is to get to design a dress for Blanche and have her wear it, and you know what? Good for her! Sometimes, it's good to have an MC that is not plotting against world at large.

Also, her mirror? Verite is simply perfect, I love this guy. I non-jokingly ship him with Abigail more than her with the King.

Blanche is a sweetheart, she deserves to be in my "adopted children" wall.

For now it's more of a Slice of Life than anything? But I also don't know what happens in the novels, so I'm just going to wait.

For the current lack of a grater plot, this gets a 7/10. Still pretty good and entertaining, especially for when you just don't feel like trying to understand deep plots with lots of elements.

5. Beware of the Brothers! (그 오빠들을 조심해!)

Premise: Another one of those "I lived my life and then wake up in the past." Hari was adopted by this family after the death of their only daughter, and although her parents love her, her 3 older siblings very much don't. She lives a miserable life in their hands, and when it's the night before she is to get married and finally escape her brothers, she wakes up in the past, and has to deal with them all over again.

Another nice art one, and the background characters are very nice, as is the MC.

But for me, it has a big problem. And that problem is the main ship. It's Hari with her eldest brother, Eugene. Even though they are not related and yadda yadda yadda, they were raised as such, and thus it bothers me. Also, Eugene is as plain as white bread and just as generic when seen as the Male Lead.

I ship Hari with Johan, even though I know it's not gonna happen, Ugh, the pain..

For me, the main point in this is Hari's relationship with her other siblings and the other background characters. I'm here for that wholesome sibling interaction. Her relationship with Erich, specially, is awesome. I love these two so much

It also kinda lacks a plot? Other than the relationship development and their story as a family, but again, I have no idea how they will develop this.

Also, pet peeve? Why do they keep using Oppa instead of translating it properly as brother? I get honorifics and stuff, but it's so annoying.

I give it a 6/10. Good characters and good relationships outside of the bloody incest thing, and it's a good enough way to pass the time.

There are two more that I've read, buut it's like 4am and I'm sleepy as all hell, so I'll just add it in a reblog or attached post later, and I plan on doing this for other future manhwas as well.

Do you have any recommendations or comments or just wanna talk about any of these manhwas? Hit me up!