#—always ally

[izfims]

It's sugarcoat smau taglist open?

hi yes! the taglist is open again :)

pls lmk if you wanna be added<3

[beepboopappreciation]

Is this anything

[laughingcatwrites]

As a reminder that good exists out there, a coworker recently confessed to me that he found out his child is questioning their identity (kid's gender redacted for this post). The kid is keeping it from him, so he can't say anything to them or show that he knows, but he's doing his best to get mentally prepared and educated so that he'll be ready whenever his kid does feel comfortable enough come to him.

For context, this guy is a big, bulky middle aged dude who loves sports and typical outdoor "manly" activities. As his coworker and friend, I know he's a kind and sweet teddy bear of a person, but his kid probably views him as a stern, authoritarian figure, the way most teenagers view their parents. His family lives in a conservative area, so I'm sure between that, their dad's looks and interests, and the fact that their dad is a Figure of Authority, the kid is worried that they won't be accepted.

But you know what? When he found out about his kid, the first thing he did was reach out to his closest queer friend and ask for resources for parents of questioning children. His biggest fears are that his kid will be bullied or discriminated against and won't feel comfortable enough to be themself. His second action was to find himself a mentor in another parent who went the same situation (kid coming out in a conservative town). The other person is preparing him for some of the struggles his kid may face and the fights he may need to take on as a parent to make sure his kid is safe and treated well.

Something I want to emphasize for people focused on language as the primary method of allyship is that when we spoke, he used some outdated terms and thoughts about gender and sexuality. That does not make him bad. These were the terms and thinking used about questioning teenagers when he was growing up and he never needed to learn more current ones. But now that he does have that need, he's throwing himself in head first because that's his kid and he's darn well going to make sure that his kid feels welcomed and has a safe place to be themselves even if they never come out to him.

[macksting]

I've met him in person btw and he's a fucking sweetheart

[ID: Text-intensive Twitter thread from the Shapeshifters chest binders Twitter account in reply to a post by artist and author Ursula Vernon. Vernon says, A non-zero number of you apparently did not know that The Last Unicorn was a book before it was a movie. It is by Peter S. Beagle. It is made of spun glass and fairytales and iron knives and there are individual lines that I would give my lungs to have written. Shapechangers replies, I saw him every year at NYCC for several years straight, bought something at his table, asked him to sign it, and we spoke. He remembered me from year to year, no small feat at that con. He remembered which stories he'd told me. One year I came back with a different gender on. He squinted at me a bit and said thoughtfully, "I've seen you before in this place." All I had to say was, "last year you told me the story about the inoshishi." And his face cleared, and he leaned in with a grin and told me about a German guitarist who he traveled with, twice. Who transitioned between the first and second time, so he'd gotten to meet this person all over again on the second round. It was a wonderfully kind way to let me know that everything was fine. I was fresh out of the closet and I needed that, and maybe he could see it. The Last Unicorn is the best book in the world and I will defend it and its author til I die. the end. /end ID]

I don't usually talk about celebrities; artists, when I do, and I'm keenly aware that one needn't be a good person to be a hell of a heartwrenching artist. But Peter S. Beagle has written a few of my favorite things in the world, he's an excellent singer and filker, and this Twitter thread was dreadfully important to me. I don't want it going away as Twitter becomes Shitter, because it's so often bad news, isn't it? It's important to me to share trans joy.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[thetisming]

amatonormativity: a romantic partner should be the most important person in EVERYONE'S life

NOT amatonormativity: MY romantic partner is the most important person in MY life, but i understand this is not the same for other people

allosexnormativity: EVERYONE should have sex and sex is something EVERYONE needs/wants/should want

NOT allosexnormativity: I PERSONALLY enjoy sex and love having sex because it makes ME feel good, but other people dont feel the same and that's okay

platonormativity: having friends is important for EVERYONE and EVERYONE needs/has/should have friends

NOT platonormativity: having friends is important to ME and I PERSONALLY love having friends, but there are people who dont and theres nothing wrong with that

faminormativity (is that the word?): family is important for EVERYONE and EVERYONE needs to have their family

NOT faminormativity: family is important to ME and I PERSONALLY need my family with me, but other people dont feel the same and i understand that

lovenormativity (again, not sure if this is a word): EVERYBODY feels love and there's something wrong wiith you if you dont

NOT lovenormativity: I PERSONALLY feel love and love people, but not everyone does and that's completely okay!

NOT amatonormativity: i dont have friends/have any desire to have friends, i am happy with other relationships/no relationships at all

NOT platonormativity: i dont have any desire to be in a romantic relationships, and i am happy with my platonic relationships

NOT allosexnormativity: i like hooking up with people and having one night stands or friends with benefits

NOT faminormativity: i care about my family deeply and am close with family members

NOT lovenormativity: i feel love for people i care about

it's not normative to personally enjoy something, so long as you respect that other people simply arent like you and aren't going to like the same things as you. taking down normativity is a two way street, allos and aspecs need to do it. support your local aros, aces, apls, afams and other aspecs today! remember to challange all normativities, and to not enforce other normativity by saying how bullshit other normativities are!

nothing is universal. romance is not universal. sex is not universal. friendship is not universal. family is not universal. love is not universal. nothing is universal.

[sistercara]

being a trans woman is always being one step from being they if you slip up

[bobbinalong]

matching cuts courtesy of steph (tim's not allowed to cut his own hair anymore)

[vethbrenatto]

Game Changer + Season 5

[getonmybookshelf]

(@oqmemphis thank you for this spectacular new meme template)

[izfims]

i thought i was seeing things when i saw user izfilms publish something WE MISSED U 😭💔💔

LMAOO this made me giggle thank u anon 🥰

[nelkcats]

The Doctor

After years of fighting crime and being a hero, Danny decided that he wanted another profession, something else to do with his life. In the end he decided to be what he always needed: A doctor.

Thanks to Frostbite's teachings and help, Danny managed to become a successful and efficient doctor quickly (although he definitely hated normal medical school), with experience in all kinds of beings (from all kinds of dimensions, he couldn't just be a human doctor, what's the point on that?)

Since his universe didn't need a doctor for heroes and Frostbite was enough for the ghosts he decided to... be a traveler doctor, or something similar, help other dimensions. With the help of the Infinite Map he always traveled where "he was needed", and thanks to Clockwork he always escaped before they could question him.

The Justice League was very confused about who was randomly showing up to heal them. Sometimes by force. But Danny didn't care about the consequences, after all, they need him. And it's kind of funny that he's referred to as "The Doctor" in their files.

[darksouls2-gendercoffin]

I know it comes with the territory in Souls games, but I always get a little wistful and sad when I reach Altus Plateau and the Roundtable Hold starts to empty out. depending on how you handle things with Diallos he’s in and out of the hold a couple times, and Ensha doesn’t tend to last much longer once the player’s reached western Liurnia, but Corhyn can just… leave. admittedly this prompts an interesting quest line with important lore, but realizing Corhyn can get up and leave and then (depending on quest timing) realizing Rogier died in his sleep while you were away, seeing Fia goad D into making a move and then leaving the Hold after dealing with him, it’s just…sad.

the Dung-Eater arriving initially got me hoping that a few more people would gradually trickle in but that’s not the case, and by the end of the game it’s just you, Hewg, and Roderika alone in an area that once felt if not crowded at least comfortably busy. there were people living here, there were rooms conspicuous for their emptiness rather than that being the norm.

the Hold always feels a little bit like a once-bustling space that’s long since been emptied, but when you first get there there’s this slightly hopeful atmosphere of those glory days possibly returning as you and your new comrades supposedly work toward the same task. that’s the point, obviously, but it’s still sad to see it die—to see this former communal space where (it’s fun to imagine) these brave and stalwart people gathered to discuss their journeys, trade resources or help each other out, and confer over battle strategy, become desolate and lonely again.

the Hold is a place full of potential, and it really cultivates a ‘wow, I wish I could’ve seen this place when it was full of champions working together’ sort of feeling’. it feels like it’s part of a history of chivalric romance and epic quests, and seeing it reduced to a burning empty husk only underlines how far it’s fallen. I really love it there. it’s silly, but I wish we got to see it when it was at the height of its usage back in the Tarnished’s heyday.

[mangofanarts]

In limited life, Scott's water bucket clutch when he's hit off the clockers tower will always be important to me btw. No one talks about it, but like, look at how high up Scott is and he's climbing even higher to get away from the arrows trying to hit him.

And then an arrow DOES hit him!! And he's falling - he quickly puts the water bucket in his inventory, but like if he failed this water bucket clutch then- no one would be upset or disappointed in him over it. It's such a high height.

But, he actually manages to do it. He manages to water bucket clutch when hes about to hit land!! And he survives.

Afterwards, he swims and runs - with Martyn behind him, reassuring him that he's on his side more or less. No one talks about it but it's so impressive to me and remains in the corner of my mind

[royalarchivist]

Missa: [Finds a book Fit wrote for Phil and stares at it in silence for a long moment]

Missa: ...Ok, Fit is talking to Philza. Should I... should I know what they're talking about? I mean, I mean no– it doesn't worry me, it doesn't worry me. I'm not a jealous guy. But maybe they've talked about this [the situation with Bad] and know something?!

Missa: It's like– it's like seeing his cellphone. No, I'm not going to read it, I'm not going to read it. No no no, no. It's like looking at his cellphone, no!

[to-be-a-dreamer]

I’m not gonna lie it took me a full 24 hours to figure out why “Kristen Applebees kills 90 people in senior year” was so funny because even though my ears heard “senior year” my brain autofilled “junior year” so I thought the whole entire joke was just lying about Kristen’s kill count and I was really confused why it broke the table and also the fandom as hard as it did