#{ If anything happens and I get mentally ill enough to delete again?

[seginbeats]

Needed to save these three posts of Giacomo's Joker Arc.

[randomscpventblog]

Honestly it really saddens me that when I look back at my scp album (I make albums for every main fandom I’m in) all that comes to mind is how much mental distress the whole of the fandom caused me, my friends, and so many others. Seeing as Bright is still my comfort character everyone’s insistence on completely erasing him triggered my OCD so badly that I spent days, if not weeks, archiving everything in pictures, google docs, and files that I would check repeatedly multiple times a day and I was well off compared to others who suffered much worse mentally, I still have an unanswered ask in my inbox from an anon who wanted to unalive themselves due to feeling like they lost their comfort character(Bright) and I still have no idea how to respond to that.

I literally joined the fandom because I was under the assumption that since it was a Creative Commons community this type of drama and erasure wouldn’t happen since there was no company or person being directly financially compensated for anything. So I figured no one would have an issue supporting anything on the wiki but it appears I was wrong obviously. The whole Bright can’t be separated from his author argument is still absolutely ridiculous as well as anyone can engage in disgusting roleplay with any character.

But back to the fandom, the wiki users and Scp content creators dropping the character and acting all morally superior was incredibly gross and performative considering most of them were around when AdminBright was still active on the wiki and had nothing to say or qualms about using the character until AB was banned and people started turning it into an issue. Then there was DJK, who still has allegations of sleeping with a freshly turned 18 y/o and attempting to provide them with alcohol, who decided to use the lists deletion to try and get clout with his own character. Which so many people decided to switch over too completely ignoring the fact that DJK was complacent in ABs predatory behavior on the wiki and that DJK himself also has allegations against him. The only silver lining to Shaw is that one of AB’s victims is working with DJK which in its own way is odd considering how they were brought on to work on Shaw with DJK who as previously mentioned also has allegation’s of predatory behavior against him.

The fandoms response wasn’t much better you had people switching over to Shaw which they only used as a rename instead of as their own character which was what the victim wanted as they don’t want Shaw simply being a repaint of Bright. You had people here on Tumblr demonizing Bright fans for not being able to move on from the character like they were, because they somehow assumed that just because they were able to detach themselves from the character that everyone else could too, completely ignoring the fact that most Bright fans are young, mentally ill, and/or neurodivergent. Those same people would use the excuse of trying to protect the victim’s feelings and mental state’s, again completely ignoring the fact that their causing thousands of other people so much pain and distress all over using a character. Then you had people fear mongering and accusing Bright fans of potentially giving AB new victims with their usage of the character which makes no sense considering AB has completely disappeared from the internet and I doubt them flaunting the fact that they created a niche character on the internet is going to be impressive enough to get them any irl victims.

All in all this has to be one of the most distressing fandom experiences I’ve ever had, and I’ve been in a lot of fandoms. Literally the only good part was the friends I’ve made along the way, and they were the only reason I remained in the fandom for so long. Due to this experience this will be the last fandom I’ll ever join that’s a community lead fandom, because for as bad as your usual fandoms can be at least people understand how to separate the work from the company’s that create them.

[appleatcha]

Its been very, very rough. I can't bring myself to be open with the one or two people I speak to about how bad it is. If you speak to me regularly and see this, well here's my admission of guilt. I'm doing way worse than I let on.

Almost every day for a week now I write messages and record audio messages of me talking about how im really doing. But then I just delete them. I don't see a point in sending them. I feel like it would just feed into my anxiety and stress more.

I've cried at work every day this week. Over stress of life. My son struggling, myself struggling, the house being messy, the cats, it all. My main concern is my son obviously. I put spending time with him and making sure he's taken care of before anything else. But I just feel so overwhelmed. I'm constantly rushing all day. Except at work. At work I sit with nothing to do most of the time right now, and im left to sit and marinate on everything.

My brain is so stress-logged that I've made dumb mistakes at work, forgot to take the trash out for garbage pickup, left my water on top of the car today and ended up breaking my cup when it was launched off my car when I moved, forgot my sons bookbag at home and was nearly late for work rushing to get it to him.

If I let myself think about it, I crumble. And nobody wants to hear it. My friends who grew up with my husband and me aren't close enough to me to care. My husband's close friend just says "I wish i knew what to say".

The place my husband worked and died is right behind the Walmart where we live now. My son and i stopped and went inside the gas station beside it yesterday. The only time I'd been In there was with my husband. When we got back in the car I started to cry.

I feel like people think I should be angry and hateful and not care about him anymore. And I am angry. I do have days I think "fuck you". But its just not that easy. I loved him and I have no clue what was really going on in his mind. I can guess and have feelings but I just will never know.

In a recent video, Peter Monn was talking about addiction and helping people through it and he said "love isn't enough. If love was enough, there wouldn't be 12 step programs or detox programs or suboxone". And something about it just clicked in my head. And I think of my husband saying "this isn't worth being sober". Maybe what he was meaning to say was "love isn't enough."

I'll never know. I don't know if ill ever be able to open my heart to another relationship ever again. Part of me is desperate for it, part of me is desperate to stay away forever.

But the main thing is that my mental health is not great. It's not even this grand loud, chaotic energetic bad like it usually is. I'm not having full on panic attacks, telling my friends about what I'm feeling. It's a silent, calm drowning. Which I can't say I've ever experienced.

I'm not suicidal or anything like that. I could never do that to my son. I want to keep going. It's just really fucking rough. And I don't think people who are getting upset at me not responding or being active really grasp that. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, but its such a hard and treacherous path to that light. In my worst moments, I fear there is no light. That its all just ruined. But right now, I don't think that's true.

Its hard to imagine that January or even May were the same year as today. January, celebrating my one year marriage anniversary, working as a housekeeper. March, a housewife knowing something was up with my husband but not knowing what. August, an unemployed widow unsure of what happened, and December, a working single mom who happens to have been widowed, with more answers but also more questions now than I did the day he died.

Trying to take it moment by moment

[jasperjv]

Hey. So 2 years ago Connor Lavery's aka khonjin's psychological torture of me reached fever pitch in my psyche and I was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital in a severe psychotic breakdown that lasted almost 3 months. Now I'm indexed in his long story of his supposed inexplicable persecution. He thinks me, in my psychotic state, demanding monetary compensation for his gaslighting and harassment, was some kind of attempt at "cancellation" and me throwing a tantrum instead of communicating like an adult. However I deleted my entire social media presence after getting back from the hospital and haven't bothered him since. But he still thinks I did something to him.

The man is dangerous. He believes that the worst sin of mankind is the ego, so he makes it his mission to bully the fuck out of everyone until they have no self-esteem, boundaries of their own, or healthy sense of self whatsoever. The elimination of the ego however is what psychosis is, also unable to suppress the flow of the unconscious, identical to a waking dream. But when that happened to me after 2 years of mind games, he retreated into himself and framed it in the most disgusting way possible. Which you will see.

Embedded here is the first video I made myself specifically on this topic. You will see more details in a more recent video, and follow the trail I put in that video's description to get my full story. For the podcast in particular I would give a content warning for assault, sexual assault, ableism ("saneism"?) and general torture and terror.

There's nothing on God's green earth I could do or say to force him to take me seriously. I have probably half of you people blocked because just seeing anything to do with him would make my blood pressure spike. And it's high enough as-is just due to genetics. Maybe the rest of you might be able to be reached.

I'm so sick of fucking self-centered freaks trying to hold me accountable for actual psychosis because they're so desperate to blame anyone or anything but themselves for their part in tragedy. I really get gaslit about my own psychosis, and forced to prove a negative repeatedly (which we know is a lexical impossibility). I'm handed a blatant double-standard about mental health awareness and basic human decency, when in many cases I desperately need it more than most. Schizophrenia sufferers are 1% of the population. We're dwarfed by most, if not all, other mental illnesses. In this I continue to be thrown alone to the wolves. Sometimes even while being laughed at, it truly feels like. So I feel like I have to do all in my power to help make sure that this happens to fewer people than it would otherwise.

The callouts in 2018, the types of points of persuasion they were trying didn't make sense to me. Maybe this, though, could strike others. I'm more specific about how exactly he destroys people from the inside out. Stay the fuck away from him.

He's scared of losing his financial support from Patreon and ad revenue or whatever. I really, truly felt for that for a long time. But now I know that none of us are obligated to keep his ass afloat. It would be nobody's fault but his own if he didn't even try to heal his fucked up mindset and was just a raging misanthrope nobody wants to deal with. When you get to be my age, you become aware of all the ways to make a living. He could get disability. He could get a factory job, for instance. And that paid me an absurd amount of money. He needs to make up his mind about if he wants to be around people or not. Because he can't keep treating them the way that he does.

Oh, and if you're reading this and you happen to have any social connections with him whatsoever, for the love of God, do not let him put you on the defensive. About anything. Over and over again. It chips away at you. He doesn't have the answers. He doesn't have any objective taste like he desperately wants to think. He doesn't know any wisdoms that you couldn't get from someone who won't talk down to you.

Took me quite a while to convince him of the truth that he is only older than me by only a few months. I needed my hope in humanity and the future in order to not go and end it all. He did not give a fuck. He kept accusing me of lying about not being a naïve teenager. Just for that. Ask any well-adjusted and experienced adult and they will tell you to stay far away from people like that. The motivations that drive them to that behavior and opinion are bad, bad news.

He is intelligent, in the scariest ways. Intelligence of that type allows dysfunctional people like him to fabricate lines of logic that justify and enable the abuse they already sought to do. Literally anything can be justified with just the right kind of logic. Trust your gut. Guard your mind. It's the only one you've got.

He leads an excessively stressful life, creates his own dysfunctional world both inside and around him. I truly believe that this causes him many health problems. I've been having nightmares because of him. And as this built up and weighed heavy on my mind I got a fucking hemorrhoid. It went away very quickly after I made this video.

I'm feeling anxious as I type this. But I have to tell myself that anyone who would continue harassment of me over all the truth I've spoken is not worth my time or space. This isn't for them. It's for me, and it's for people who still have basic respect and empathy left in them.

Yours truly,

"slug"

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Thank you for explaining. It's a shame you had to go through all that. Your writing for Twilight is one of the best I've found, I love it. I hope you strongly consider coming back, I miss it so much. But it's understandable if you don't, and I know it's easy to say this from my side, but please don't let miserable people continue to meddle and control your life, thougths and art. I found your blog when I was in the worst state of my mental health and it helped me so much, so thank you 💕

The truth is that miserable, desperate people will always be willing to start wars and point fingers at others to prevent them from looking in the mirror and facing their rotten selves. That's why they get so angry at others, to try to fill their inferiority problems. Accusing others of what they themselves are.

And I'm sure if you start writing for Twilight again, you'll have many behind you, screaming with joy. Every now and then I reread the Dimitri, Caius and Romanians fics. It's a safe place for me. Know this. 🙏💘

Its sad to say I'm not the only one. This happens to lots of people every day. I worry that about the impact it could have.

I made this blog for fun, for the stories that would pop up in my head with nowhere to go. It's supposed to take us out of reality even if just for a moment. It stops being fun when it gets twisted by reality and put under a microscope to figure out what could and couldn't be in between the lines of the tiniest of details.

Whilst I'm fine with the drama and don't wish anyone ill will or anything. Its taught me a lot about boundaries that I need to have. I can't let people over the Internet make me doubt myself and my intentions. I hate that I've been accused of such horrendous things with pitiful evidence because I can now say three years later in other fandoms and in IRL. Those accusations never left the fandom. Only in the twilight fandom have I ever been accused of anything and surely that has to mean something.

I've always said it and will continue to say it. Anyone reading this, I am just a person on the Internet. Don't let anything I say impact you. Leave me here on this blog in the Internet. Don't carry my words with you unless they have a positive impact on you.

Remember, I'm here for a fun time. Not to hurt anyone. Not to antagonise or anything like that. Here for a giggle.

I didn't delete all my fics in the end because I had people telling me the very same thing. That they loved going back and some of their favourite fics were in there. As much as I was pissed off and absolutely done, in the end, I couldn't do it to those who I'm so lucky to have appreciate my work and even to this day go back for them. It warms my heart.

It feels good to be able to talk about what happened because it wasn't the goodbye I had ever wanted. I didn't know what to say but I knew I had to go for my own sake. To be able to talk about it and not panic, or feel upset about it is freeing.

So thank you for asking, and I'm glad I made a difference for someone by taking the edge off as they got through difficult times. I feel even more lucky enough to have people stick around even after. Finding such support is rarely guaranteed, and wow am I lucky to have gotten so much of it.

I'm glad my work could help you through healing and it's a blessing to think my silly little ideas in my head are kept so fondly to others. Its people like you who make this all worthwhile. ❤️

[seaurchin0]

Please forgive me for this unsolicited ask of mine, but I see you're also like me somewhat: a benign cyberstalker. Please take no offense, I don't mean it negatively really.

I'm sending this because I would like some advice.

...so, to preface, I was friends with somebody once, whom I'll refer to as "IE". IE never said they were no longer my friend, but they left all of a sudden. Unfriended me and everybody we mutually knew too. They were ill, mentally and physically. I think so highly of them, I think... I've been told my obsession is disrespectful of their freedom though by another friend. And I know I should let go, but I can't- my head won't let me. I think I care too much. IE started going into an especially bad period depression, and cut a bunch of people loose in hopes they'd feel better. According to a friend of ours, IE also did this to see if they'd be chased after... And over a year later, after witnessing them delete their discord (earlier in January I think), I finally lost it enough to chase. Really chase.

It took me quite a while to get to this point, but just over the course of several days, I now know so much about IE I know I shouldn't. Their real name, past social medias (most deleted but a few small ones just neglected), old online friends of theirs, their favorite Pokémon, and even their deceased grandfather.

Anyways, we were once also friends on an app called Pokemon Go. Do you think IE would perceive me wrongly to randomly refriend them, over a year after they vanished?

I understand if I just bothered you btw, but... Idk, just, if you have any advice I would very much so appreciate it.

Even if you don't have anything to say this, I at least thank you for reading it all.

I've been in similar situations before, and it all depends on the person, really. Is IE easy going? Do you think they would get offended? Even if you don't tell them about the stalking, do you think they would want you in their life again? I of course can't answer all of these for you, but i wish the best of luck for getting reconnected. My advice would be to not tell them about the stalking, just make something up like you happened to come across them again and wondered how they were doing. I appriciate this ask a whole lot, i of course don't take any offense and i'm keen on helping anyone out with any sorts of advice. Again, hope it goes well, i'm rooting for you anon.

[luescris]

tws: mentions of major depression and suicide

i dont normally do these kinds of posts. i like to keep to myself, hide things away and pretend that im happy half the time.

but the truth is. im not.

so im making this post just in case something unexpected happens to me.

i could never cause myself physical self harm ever. period. the thought alone sickens me. but these last few months have been. so very hard for me. i am the lowest i have ever been in my life. and i just thought that maybe i should make this post. just in case someone cared if i disappeared or something.

im feeling so alone. lost. and completely out of creative influence. i havent drawn or written anything real recently and i want to so very badly but. it also feels like what i do isnt good enough. it doesnt reach the numbers that i want it to and i just. im trying to improve, i really am, but its going way too slow. and I dont know what to do that i havent already tried.

im attempting to get mental help right now, but the help i am getting is different. not exactly official. its too complicated to explain, and its limited. i dont have enough money to get myself a real therapist. nor do i have the time

to those of you that read all this: thank you, but im sorry. for ruining your mood, putting this on your dash, making you worried. if no one reads this or if it doesnt get any kind of interaction though, ill just. delete it.

this isn't me trying to find help or something like that. im not. trying to vent online or something like that, or admit some terrible dark secret (though it sure feels like that). just, again, a life update. i guess.

yeah. see yall around

[mossappreci8or]

The Great Stolen Lizard Fracas, or How I Learned that Some People Will Go to Great Lengths to Fuck Your Shit Up

I’ve made all of my greatest enemies at pet stores, which is saying something because I went to Catholic school. This is because a pet store contains the entire cycle of life and death, over and over again ad nauseum, ad lucrum, and there are only two reasons compelling enough for most people to endure the job; unconditional love and pure spite. This is a story about both, but mostly the latter.

I describe this as something that “happened to me,” which is only mostly true. This is at least 30% my fault, give or take. However, at the very least it wasn’t wrong of me to assume that normally, nobody would give a shit about my posts on tumblr. That was true from the time I joined in 2009 right up until I deleted my entire account in 2014. While I find myself sort of thankful now that this record of my teenage suffering isn’t available for anyone to find anymore, I do miss the feeling of security I used to have when sharing myself with others online.

It started as many tragedies have; I got a new job. In my tiny college town there was one pet store serving most of the county. They were famously resistant to social media and banned their employees from saying anything about them anywhere online. Positions there were highly sought after and turnover was suspiciously high. This was not suspicious enough to me, however, because I wasn’t like the rest of them. No, I had been employed from the age of 9 (or so) and this made me not only a good worker, but very socially well-adjusted. I knew how to get and keep a job. The two times I had been fired already at that point were flukes.

I was hired on the merits of my (dubiously) successful aquarium keeping experience. It was a small family owned-and-run shop with an aging sump system and a mentally ill parrot as their mascot. That parrot and I were a lot alike, which is why she hated me and bit me so so SO much even though I loved her and only gave her her favorite yogurt treats and peanuts. I would call her an ingrate if she wasn’t clearly unfit to be living in such a loud, busy, smelly, and sometimes scary place with people she clearly didn’t like. The most bonding we did is that sometimes when I worked closing shifts I would whistle “Zelda’s Lullaby”, and the parrot would repeat it back if she was feeling especially generous.

I often worked with a girl who was around my age and also a student, whose name I have purposely forgotten. She was the only other employee who I felt was like me in any way. The first time I worked with her we bonded over our mutual love of bearded dragons, and wouldn’t you know it, she had one who needed a good home! A “rescue”, as she described him. She would have kept him herself, but she already had another lizard at home who was upset to have another male in her tiny studio apartment. I had already been considering adopting a beardie at that point, so it was simply a continuation of the “good” luck I had for getting the job in the first place. For $250, I could have the lizard and all of the equipment she had bought for him. A bargain!

After my first paycheck, I dropped by Girl’s apartment with the money to pick the little guy up. In the living room, about 10 feet from the front door, he was camped out under a heat lamp in a cracked aquarium covered with chicken wire. He had a single ceramic log ornament, a wooden hide, and a dish containing untouched dried food pellets and the shriveled remains of some celery chunks. Girl invited me to sit down and stay a while to not break any sort of federal or state laws together, which sounded just dandy to me. As we bonded through our perfectly legal activities, I asked her more questions about the origin of this slightly emaciated lizard with a dent in his side from a malformed rib. This was the first time she mentioned that she had stolen him.

“What, like, right out of the tank?” I asked, incredulous. Girl admitted that yes, she had! She was at a party not long ago when the hosts showed her their lizard. He had no light source, a weak heat lamp, and was only fed crickets. She could not abide this treatment, and absconded with him at the first opportunity. “Do they know you have him?” I asked, not nearly as suspiciously as I should have. The act was, after all, objectively hard as fuck.

“They might have some idea but they had a lot of parties, so it could have been anyone.” This seemed to satisfy Girl, so I let it sit and we continued to watch cartoons and not do drugs together.

I took the lizard home and took stock of what she sold me. While the little boy himself was everything I dreamed of, the supplies most definitely did not amount to anywhere near $250. That was more than half of my paycheck, and I would need to spend more just to get his environment under control. He had certainly never been to see a vet either.

As was the custom, I vented about it on tumblr. The post went mostly unacknowledged and covered by subsequent reblogs and vent posts, and I forgot all about it.

A month or so later, my Spotify listening history was mostly the same 10 songs by The Smiths. Heaven knows I was miserable then. I couldn’t figure out why, but I just couldn’t get along with my coworkers no matter how hard I tried to please them. Undiagnosed autism notwithstanding, I refused to be as casually compliant with the store’s neglectful policies for animal care. I would do things like recommend the actual, necessary treatment for an aquarium infection that happened to be less expensive than the tea tree oil they wanted me to sell people on. This type of salesmanship, as well as the constant interactions I had with people who did not view their pets as living things was wearing me down rapidly. The only oasis in this situation was Girl, who I still got along with best.

I went over to her apartment again after a shift one evening to hang out, and while passing a completely ordinary flower vase back and forth, Girl and I exchanged complaints. It was on this occasion that we exchanged tumblr usernames, and she revealed to me that for the past two months she was being stalked by an ex-boyfriend. Police had already gotten involved, but no arrests were made yet since he had not done anything the local police considered worth their time investigating. I comforted her as well as I could, thankful that I had at least one coworker who trusted me like this.

That was the last time I saw Girl. In the beginning of the following week, I was sitting through an especially dull lecture when my boss sent me a text. “Please come in today as soon as you’re available.” 

Oh, I’m getting fired, I thought.

With my heart dropped down into my bowels, I rushed to the shop as soon as class was done, eager to welcome oblivion. I sorted through all the reasons they must have, and which ones would make my parents the least angry. A middle-aged coworker who had been there for years (at minimum wage) didn’t make eye contact with me as I walked to the back office.

“Sit down.” I was used to the wifely half of the business partnership being brusque, but this time she was outright hostile. My knees collapsed under me and I sank into the plastic chair that I had done my interview on. “I want you to explain this to me.”

She was pointing to a thick packet on her desk, meticulously stacked and stapled. She thrust it into my hands, and my heart dropped from my bowels to my feet. It was pages upon pages of my personal tumblr blog in full color, with its custom layout and everything. Whoever had done this had taken the time to meticulously cut out any post that wasn’t mine, leaving the paper’s edges clean. “A customer sent this to us because they thought it was an unfair portrayal of our shop.”

I was panicking too much to fully connect the dots, but I knew that was an obvious lie. None of the posts mentioned the shop or any employees by name, and I didn’t even use my real name or location. Also, who cares about someone else’s small business enough to do this? I said nothing as I paged through the curated selections. There were posts where I talked about my desperate confusion over my coworkers’ disapproval of me, frustration with the inadequate care policies, and… things that were absolutely not work related.

Tumblr was the only place where I felt safe being “out” at the time. The town I lived in was staunchly conservative, openly racist, and locals hated the students almost universally. I was struggling with both my gender and sexuality, and this wasn’t a safe place to be doing that. I had the experiences to match, many of which I detailed for my handful of readers. In that packet of offending posts there were paragraphs about how scary it is to be mentally ill and completely unable to access real help, art about being a weird little queer, and posts about my frustration with Christianity. It clearly wasn’t just about my incompatibility with the rest of the staff or the supposed violation of their social media policy. It was about who I was as a person.

I don’t remember what I said to her because I just wanted out of that situation so badly, but before I left her office she handed me my last paycheck and looked me in the eyes. “You’re obviously disturbed, and you don’t belong here.” With that, I was virtually banned from the shop completely. I thought I heard her mutter an even worse epithet as I left, but I can’t really be certain. It wouldn’t have been the first time someone called me that so maybe I was just expecting it at that point.

As I sat in my car and cried, I took stock of what had just happened. The obvious lie, the open bigotry, the specificity of the post selection… the one other person involved in this that knew of my tumblr. Though she never actually followed my blog, Girl was the only person who could have done this. But why? Hadn’t we been getting along great? What had I done to her to deserve this?

The post. The one post I made about how bad the lizard’s equipment was and how disappointed I was to find his diet being neglected. That must have been the last straw for her. I realized it was shitty to leave a post up like that about a friend, but I had genuinely forgotten about it until that moment. She would have had to scroll through hundreds of posts to get to that. And she did. And she got me fired about it.

It occurred to me that if she would go that far, this might not be the end. She had proof that I had bought a stolen lizard from her and while certainly nobody with authority would have really cared, I couldn’t let that type of lax thinking influence my online security anymore. That’s what got me there in the first place. I immediately nuked that entire blog account and made a new one with a fresh email address and new name. Her blog was the first on the block list. I stopped telling people about my lizard and the very distinctive name he came with for a while, hoping to never encounter his original owners.

Much later, I found out that not long before I was fired, Girl’s ex broke into her apartment through a window. Understandably, she didn’t feel safe living there anymore and turned in her two weeks notice to the pet store, presumably along with my blog posts, and disappeared. In retrospect, I think he might have been trying to get his lizard back, but instead the little guy lived out the rest of his life in my care. I haven’t heard from anyone involved in this for years and am completely free of the consequences so it’s just funny to me now, but I did also have a few small victories in the situation. I’m told that the parrot still sings “Zelda’s Lullaby” from time to time.

[galaxythreads]

Hi! Love your work! Out of curiosity, what’s your writing process behind writing a fic? I’m inspired by you to actually start writing a long chapter fic, but I’m a little intimidated by the whole planning process and actually writing it out. May I ask what’s your personal process for planning and outlining a long fic? Do you just use bullet points or use a spreadsheet? 

Also, may I ask what’s your opinion on how many words someone who wants to improve in writing should write in a day (or your personal word count goal for a day) ? Or maybe just general tips on having motivation and determination to finish a fic?   

Thank you so much for reading this and once again your fics are literally my comfort food and thank you so much for your amazing contribution to the MCU fandom. Your talent is out of this world. :)

hi! thanks for asking. My door is always open for writing asks. Thanks so much for reaching out and being brave enough to ask these questions. I know that can be a little scary. Also so cool that you're working on trying to write a mulit-chapter. The first one is always so nerve-wracking.

My process is this:

I start with an idea. Sometimes it's a scene that I think would be cool, other times it's a need to see two characters talk to each other about their feelings in depth. sometimes I look at fandom tropes getting passed around a lot and then try to figure out how to do it in a way that will stand out. Peter Parker's field trip to SI was something I thought about for a long time before realizing I should do it as a hostage situation.

Anyway, so the idea spawns life and I start thinking about how it would work and then I do one of two things:

I start writing.

I plan some to see if I want to start writing.

In YSFSLWFTCA, I wrote the scene where Clint can understand chitarian as Loki is interrogating them about Thor before I did any planning. I poked at the scene a lot and eventually threw it into my junk document because I didn't think it would work. (I never delete anything. I firmly believe you can always recycle something later). A few months passed, I kept thinking about that scene so I planned out how the story was going to go and I realized I really liked it. Then I wrote chapter 1.

Sometimes I just write chapter 1 and it works perfectly and life is happy and then I plan the rest of the story.

Other times I plan the story first, sit on it, and then start writing. That was the case with And See Me. I had the entire thing planned a few days after finishing Look Closer (c l o s e r ) I just didn't start writing.

Here's a post about how I plan.

(I never plan one-shots, by the way. Those are always a fly by the seat of my pants kinda thing. Genuinely, I did not know that Peter had a bomb on him when I started writing Look Closer (c l o s e r ))

--

Plan is done. I know where I'm going. This is good. Often this is when I will post the first chapter. I never finish my fics before posting, much to the frustration of a lot of people, but that is something I have seen people do. I kinda just. Want comments. I love the community. That's why I've been writing on ao3 for so long.

After the first chapter is posted, I start tackling the second. And then I set a goal for myself. How often do I want to update this fic? Once a a month, twice a month? every week? I do not care? Because that sets up a writing schedule.

If I'm going to update every week, I need to drop my chapter count to about 5-7k. That means I need to hit about 1k words every day. But what usually happens is I have like two days of the week I write 5-10 pages and then I write another 5-10 pages later.

For a while, my goal has been to post every other week. Obviously, I am. Not doing that right now. (Hi, I suffer from multiple mental illnesses.) I wrote a chapter and then edited it in the span of about 10 days.

---

Also, may I ask what’s your opinion on how many words someone who wants to improve in writing should write in a day (or your personal word count goal for a day) ?

Um. Idk. I generally don't have a word count goal unless I'm struggling with the chapter. I do writing by time increments. I write for 1-3 hours every day usually. Sometimes that means 500 words, sometimes it's 2-4k. I hate word count goals. If you know you're going to write, I feel like it's more important to dedicate time to it rather than focus on a number. You'll stress yourself out.

I remember during 2020 whumptober, the worst writing experience of my life, i tried to write 3k every single day. I was miserable. I ended up in tears more often than not because reaching a word count felt impossible. Writing for an hour, regardless of how much you get done? That is easy. You know you're going to be there for a whole hour. It's just you and that document. If that means you get one sentence, amazing. Leave it at that.

So my advice would just be to set aside time a few days a week (doesn't have to be every day) to write for a minimum of 30 minutes. Don't focus on words. You will see progress like you won't believe because of the consistency over time, not a word count. I don't write every day. I didn't write today, in fact. It's important to take breaks so you don't burn yourself out, which is why I don't live by the write every day rule.

But if you really, really want to improve as a writer, you have to read. You need to find authors you love and figure out why you love them. What is it about their craft that is so enticing? You need to read books/fics that are top tier because they will be a master class on writing more than anything I could say would be. When you find the writer that makes you want to write, that is the author whose work you need to rip apart to figure out what they're doing that you wish you could do. (and you will be able to do it. the secret to good writing is mimicking other authors)

I read a lot and as I'm reading, I try to focus on not just what's going on, but how it's going on. What words the author is using to describe things, the sensory information we're getting, how xyz sound was described, the way emotions are written. That has improved my writing a lot.

I will say it again: Good writing is just mimicking other authors until you know what you're doing. Then you keep mimicking because that's just what authors do. we learn from each other constantly.

--

"Or maybe just general tips on having motivation and determination to finish a fic?"

I would recommend trying to aim for a multi-chapter fic that is on the sorter end, like 30-40k (150-230 pages) at first. It's just a lot easier to push through that than a full 70-200k (300-600 page) monster. Once you get one done, it will be so much easier to motivate yourself to finish the next one because you already finished something.

Finding people you can talk to about it helps a lot too. I have mutuals I complain to about plot problems.

I guess for me, the relief of not having to work on something kind of becomes a primary motivator for me toward the end of a fic. I want it over so it's over. Yes, I'm really excited to share the ending, but I also just want to be done with the fic XD

Idk. Rereading the fic helps. Trying to figure out why you wanted to see it to the end. Ultimately, you want to write this. You're allowed to write this and you should. No one will write that fic the way you do, and that is the point. The excitement you feel about writing this fic will still be there in a year when you're tired and you're not sure if you want to finish it. That's why fics get finished after years of hiatus, because the author found the excitement again.

Allow yourself to be excited and silly about it. You're about to start a project that will take up a lot of time. Make a playlist, make collages, do fan art, talk about the fic on your blog, just embrace that you're working on this and you'll have so much fun. That's the important part, not finishing it. It's having fun on what you do work on. And I know that's not helpful, but try to bare that in mind.

I don't know. I don't have that much advice on motivation to finish, even though I probably should? I just don't think about it, so I don't know how I consistently plow through fics. I try to have something in every chapter that makes me go ">:)" because then I want to finish that scene and then I rinse and repeat that process for every chapter, so there's always something I want to reach.

Hopefully, this is a little helpful. Please feel free to bug me more with questions if you don't think I answered something properly, or you just have more questions. I really don't mind writing questions. I'd rather be helpful than not.

--

"Thank you so much for reading this and once again your fics are literally my comfort food and thank you so much for your amazing contribution to the MCU fandom. Your talent is out of this world. :)"

you deserve every good thing in this world. thank you. <3<3<3

[kh4]

why are you on a twitter byf?

hi, youre actually not the first person to tell me this tonight! i Also have no idea why im on a blacklist. i want to clear some stuff up because i was told this three (3) times. i dont exactly like that i have to reply to this publicly because i dont even make personal posts but i think this whole thing is out of hand and has been for a while.

im putting this under a Read More because its long and im finally able to air out some of my feelings about the situation.

TLDR: devin has lurked and kept tabs on me for three years and its exhausting that i have to address it like this of all places. if you need proof or anything feel free to dm me.

this is soooo. okay so i met this person in 2019 from the best of my memory because ive been trying for about an hour to get onto my old blog but i cant remember the login at all, and she and i had done a few dms just about whatever. and then she wanted to make these two kin doubles who hated each other or something be friends again, please note we all shared the same kin, and stirred up some problems.

then, after this happened, her host (or she did? regardless she admitted that she was involved in the creation) had made a callout blog for one of them despite my attempt to steer this off from happening, and i was ignored. i think my last message to her directly, and im not kidding here, was in jan 2020 (three full years ago!).

after this i made the choice, for myself, to soft her on tumblr. i no longer wanted anything to do with the situation, i think kin drama is stupid and im sure it was more personal than kin things from what she had told me, but i had no intention of being involved further. or know any of these people. like at all. after i softed her, she made a post about taking a hiatus after she deleted the callout blog and thats it from what i know about her tumblr because it was deleted soon after iirc.

8 months later she tried to follow my twitter, and i recognized her. i considered it a lottt, but i really didnt want that kind of energy stirring up things again in my life because 2020 was an absolute fucking Disaster of a year enough. so i softed her from my twitter because of this for my own mental health.i havent had a direct message with her since early 2020.

i know nothing about her, her life, anything because i wanted as much distance from that whole situation as possible. i didnt get to know her well enough with her to call her my friend or anything, and everything that happened so soon after we did start talking really made me not feel like i wanted to be friends or get to know her better if this was her vibe. she has made posts about missing me, when i feel as though i never warranted the title of friend at all because she basically just vented to me a couple times before this started and i didnt and still dont have the energy to deal with that kind of person.

i have found out, however, she has fucking LURKED me likely for three years. shes posted about how ensemble stars reminds her of an ex friend (which, she didnt get to know me enough to be my friend, and its pretty obvious this post is about me because my special interest is ensemble stars) and i got into it in mid 2020 so she shouldnt possibly know i ever got into it without lurking me. its some creepy shit ill be honest with you.

she knew and made posts about how my psychotic ass had delusions about being w/ilbur ds-p from nov 2021- mid 2022 because i like. Was in a horrible state and related to how self destructive he was or whatever but i got better and got my life together and dont do that at all anymore. i dropped it and i have most terms blacklisted (and the series itself) because it reminds me of those racist assholes and also of a horrible time in my life im still recovering from.

i have no fucking clue how this could affect her or she would even know. seeing as this was wayyyyy beyond the time i knew her. however this proves she was lurking me to myself and people who know me personally… we're all insanely confused. shes had no reason to keep up with anything about me for three years and im pretty much sick of it haha. ive been quietly freaking out over how scary shes been acting about me and whatever idealized version of what or who i was she had assumed during the very short time i knew her because i didnt want to start anything.

thank you for reading this. i hope this stops soon because i dont want to keep dealing with something thats happened 3 years ago and it happened because i didnt even want to be involved in things. its just unfair and makes me feel insanely uncomfortable im still a hot topic for her even though she hasnt messaged me or anything since following my twitter and being softed. it makes me feel weird and its just weird to me.

[paradoxicalcurio]

Okay, let's break some shit down! I recommend just skipping over this post unless you're one of the three dozen or so people with enough personality issues to create callout blogs.

Okay, let's take this apart bit by bit.

>cries about getting blocked, calls it "selfish"

It is selfish. I don't know what the fuck happened to the concepts of communication and respect, but it seems like a lot of people don't follow them anymore in favor of completely avoiding anything that makes them even a little uncomfortable. All I want is the chance to clear up misunderstandings before they explode into situations that draw uninvolved people in. I try to give that to people, after all!

>antagonizes people in IMs people who reblog callout posts instead of unfollowing them

Related to the above point. I definitely wasn't 'antagonizing' or 'harassing' anyone, I was politely pointing out the corruption inherent in callout culture, which so far you have failed to convince me is fake. And if you happen to see this, Soy, just know that it's only a matter of time before someone tries to cancel you.

>brings up neurodivergence for no reason

Bitch, we both know that mentally ill people make prime bullying targets. Don't try to pretend otherwise.

Maybe if you actually read the callouts or followed what you preached you wouldn't be on your 10th block evasion blog.

Why would I want to read a bunch of uninformed accusations based on misunderstandings, exaggerations, carefully cropped screenshots taken out of context, and outright falsehoods? I've seen enough to know the basic formula. And it's quite bold of you to accuse me of trying so hard to block evade, when there was only ONE incident that only occurred because I didn't realize the person, who was following my Nerissa blog, had my OC blog blocked until AFTER the fact, and tried to bring that up only to have the door slammed in my face. There are plenty of other reasons to delete and remake blogs, such as wanting a fresh start, or in my case, because of DEPRESSION. So this accusation only proves my point about misunderstandings and falsehoods.

Maybe don't gloat about following someone who was outed for being manipulative and turn around acting like the people mad at you for going "all callouts bad".

This brings me to another issue I have with callouts: I can decide for myself whether someone is bad or not. I don't need someone who's already biased against the person trying to convince me that they're Satan. And also, you remember that dumpster fire with all the trans women being targeted, reported, and harassed, just a few weeks ago? Yeah, that was callout culture. Even if I believed you people had everyone's best interests at heart, it is way too easy for bigots to use this tool to turn public opinion against marginalized people.

at this rate you're going to defend someone who actually did something akin to sexually assaulting someone with concrete proof-

I highly fucking doubt that. Especially since you people don't care about concrete evidence.

-and then double down while acting smug before deleting your blog and coming back again so all the people who blocked you before need to re-block you.

See my above point, re: more likely reasons for deleting and remaking. And if that does happen, those people won't need to worry, as I'll have already done my part and re-blocked them first.

[transpersian]

hi, I came to your blog from the masterpost because i was wondering about all the broken links and if you’d deleted the posts. please forgive me if i’m out of line on any of this especially seeing as i’m a stranger, and feel free to ignore this ask if you don’t feel comfortable answering.

firstly, i want to say that i’m so sorry about your situation at the moment and the state of your mental health. as someone who also has bpd i can understand the long term devastation and the piling up of things making that so much worse. I’m glad you made the choice to separate yourself from something that’s causing you more pain and stress, and I hope that it helps you heal. my heart goes out to you.

not gonna dump on you here or anything, but i’m someone who has reached out to an abuser of mine after years had gone by, and reconnected. i forgave this person and we are still in contact. while I don’t excuse their abuse or forgive those actions specifically, I have grown enough to understand that we were both very young and very mentally ill, and we have both grown and learned a lot since then.

i tell you this because i very much empathise with your decision to speak with poppy again. from reading what happened to you, it’s clear you never got any closure and I hope that you at least gain that from her if nothing else.

my take on poppy is that she is very fragile and doesn’t do well coping and treating her mental illnesses. i empathise with her jealousy and feel of being abandoned or replaced. she doesn’t seem to me like an irredeemable or bad person, but she has done some very bad, abusive and inexcusable things that she needs to take accountability for. personally, i do not think she is healthy enough for a relationship at this time and especially not a poly one. she MOST DEFINITELY should not be in a parental or caregiver role to anyone, especially not those significantly younger than her. (zena, on the other hand, gives me huge TOXIC ABUSER DO NOT INTERACT OR APPROACH EVER signals, but that’s just my personal impression.)

sorry, i am rambling at this point but the original point i was trying to get across here is that the anons in your inbox telling you you’re a bad person or an abuse apologist for being in contact with poppy need to try to understand that the situation is so much more complicated and nuanced than what we are seeing from the outside. you’re doing what you need to do to heal and i believe that you should be free to do so without judgement (as long as you aren’t causing any harm, which it doesn’t appear that you are as of right now).

talking to her doesn’t mean you’re excusing what she’s done to you or even forgiving it, and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re excusing the horrible things she’s done to her child.

thank you for sharing your story, and thank you for being a safe space for survivors and others that have been hurt. you seem to me like a very strong and compassionate woman. take care of yourself, melina. your kind heartedness and inner strength have given me hope as a survivor of sa and abuse.

Thank you, anon.

I don't get asks like this very often these days. You wouldn't believe the number of asks I've gotten literally accusing me of betraying all of the people who trusted me (including and especially the survivors) literally just because I "wanted to ERP" with Poppy, which is... mind-boggling.

Even some of my own (former) friends don't understand what you've said here. So I needed this.

Thank you. 💜

[zee-has-commitment-issues]

Zee, I would like to start by saying sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up horrible things talking about drama, you being “famous” from the asks, and your past. I had no idea, and I shouldn’t have said anything at all. I am so very sorry. Next, I am so angry on your behalf that any of this happened to you. This is horrendous. No one, especially not an adult, should have done anything like that to anyone (especially not a minor). There is no excuse for her behavior. 1/?

Hello again, my darling.

I want to start off by saying that you have nothing to be sorry for. You didn't cross any boundaries. If I really felt uncomfortable answering, I would have kept it to myself and deleted the ask. You didn't pressure me into posting anything I didn't want to. This story needed to get told somewhere, anyway. I've been keeping it to myself for too long.

I told you it was batshit, and I hope I delivered.

I wouldn't call myself blameless in this story. I was manipulated, yes, and I was groomed, yes, but I'm not completely blameless. Or at least I don't think I am. Idk maybe it's just the leftover mental illness saying that, I wouldn't be surprised.

I don't feel much joy in art anymore. It brings me back to a time I'd like to forget. I found my love for writing again, and that is enough for me. The fact that I'm writing something that I've posted and people enjoy is enough for me. I don't know if I will ever find joy in art again, which is a shame because I was really fucking good at it, but c'est la vie.

Yeah, people finding me was really fucking weird, and really fucking scary. I stopped tagging my friends and family in posts and I changed my fucking name. It hasn't happened in a while now, and I think I'm probably safe. The last time it happened was last year. Someone on my college campus recognized me, so that was really fucking awkward.

I'm thankful to my family and friends and my therapist for getting me through it. Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without them. I hope y'all understand what I mean now when I say that Dani is like one of my limbs, lmao. I genuinely can't live without her and she kept me sane throughout a lot of this - reminded me that I was allowed to have negative feelings about it.

Once again, darling, don't worry about it. You didn't do anything wrong. If I truly felt uncomfortable answering, I wouldn't have. There's a little "delete ask" option that I could have used. I'm not mad, or hurt, or re-traumatized or anything. It was a shitty situation, and it had a shitty aftermath, and I'm living with the consequences. It taught me lessons about life. Lessons I probably didn't want to learn, but needed to. And now y'all know a little more about me.

I'll leave you with this comment from Dani because I think it perfectly sums up what the fuck our lives were like in 2021:

We were fucking teenagers. And we still are.

[dayseternal-blog]

Hi days! I know you're the best person to go to for some NH fic recommendations. Can you share with us really angsty NH fics? I've read White Lillies, that amount of angst is revitalizing I LOVE IT!!! big thanks!!!

HELLO

For how fluffy NaruHina is, there SURE ARE A LOT of shippers who LOVE NARUHINA ANGST.  I’ve been asked for angst recs far more than any other type????

I will now compile every angst fic rec I’ve ever made into one long list.  (folks can see if there’s anything I’ve missed 🤓)

NARUHINA ANGST

“A Place In The Sun” by ihaveastorminme - Rated M for smut and depictions of violence, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete.  Naruto realizes that he’s not enough to love her.  He’s not enough to save her, either.

“A Fate Worse than Death” by Caelestia - Rated M for smut, ABO Canon-Divergent, One-shot.  Naruto, improperly socialized and traumatized as a child, rejects his inner Alpha, which has devastating consequences on his family and marriage.  “A Risky Bet” is its fluffier follow-up.

“Girl No 10″ by meeiwen - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto makes a mistake with a dancer one drunk night.  Years later when he meets her again, he begins realizing his perfect life is a lie, but he’s too late to fix it. Angst if you want to know what dying feels like warning.

“if this is love (why does it hurt?)” by ClairvoyantDreamer1011 - Rated M, Friends with benefits Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Hinata knew many things about Naruto Uzumaki. She knew that his heated glances meant ‘I want you’; that lingering touches whispered 'please’, and that the sight of his back to her screamed 'leave’. But she couldn’t tell you what they were to each other for the life of her.

“If You Said You Loved Me” by destiny’s sweet melody - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, One-shot.  Naruto begins to realize he took her feelings for granted and now he’s too late.

“The Ring that Binds” by softwind - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete.  Naruto and Hinata are married.  So why is Naruto calling “Sakura” in his sleep?

“Why would innocent little Hinata be out dressed like that?” (One-shot) and its follow-up “On Any Given Day” (Long One-Shot) by @utsus - Rated T, Canon-Divergent. Hinata tries to move on from Naruto, right when he realizes he wants to keep her.

“For the Future” by @utsus - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. Hinata understands this better than anyone else. Naruto is easy to love.  (I actually just hate the ending a lot.  That’s what puts this on the list).

“Gilded Butterflies” by Kid Crisis - Rated M for depictions of violence, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Tenshi, beautiful prostitute of the Villa, realized from a very young age that people seem to do nothing but empty her, and not even Naruto seems capable of convincing her otherwise.

“Serenity Prayer” by @katarinahime - Rated M for smut, substance abuse, PTSD, and depictions of domestic violence and non-con, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. When their fairytale endings smash to ugly pieces, Hinata and Naruto help put each other back together.

“Common Side Effects” (Naruto’s POV) by @katarinahime & “Medicated” (Hinata’s POV) by @szajnie - Rated E for smut, substance abuse, mental illness, and depictions of violence, self-harm, and attempted suicide, Crime/Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto and Hinata, in a struggling relationship, must confront the pain inside before they can love each other.

“In Another Life” by theGeneralissimo - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. In which Naruto listens to his mother’s advice and marries a girl like her. And lives to regret it.

“Mistake” by Cherry1315 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto falls apart, and, unfortunately, Hinata has to pick up the pieces.

“Until the Day I Love” by BluBlooThalassophile - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Everyone is recovering from the war.

“Hidden From Sunlight” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. How different could Naruto’s life be when the girl that seemed 'barely around’ is truly hardly around at all?

“Powerless” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated M for depictions of violence and character death, Mystery/Crime High School/Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. His family’s past can’t be taken at face-value, and it comes clawing back to hurt him in ways that are out of his control. DELETED FIC.

“21 Days” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated E includes dub-con, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Anonymous internet friends decide to meet up IRL and give each other their first times.

“April - Too Late/Missed Opportunities” from “Still Falling for You” by @chloelapomme - Rated T, College/Modern AU, One-shot. After her 3 years away for college, Naruto decides to confess.

“June - Honor/Sacrifice” from “Still Falling for You” by @chloelapomme - Rated T, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto marries Hinata, the girl of his dreams.  If only she loved him back.

“you totally almost killed me that one time (it’s okay I still love you)” by @itachiboutit - Rated G, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Complete.  Naruto, a promising baseball player, returns to Konoha Prep, and, without so much as even a “long time no see,” hits a ball into Hinata’s face. (This isn’t really angsty…but I get really upset in Ch. 4 and cry a lot every time.)

“Because I Love You” aka “Arranged Marriage AU Take 2″ (Same fic) by @magmawrites - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. A canon divergent fic in which The Last never happened and Hinata Hyuga was promised to another.

“Asylum AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites - Rated M, Modern AU, One-shot. What’s to say what’s real and what isn’t? The only thing that’s valid and true in all universes is their love for one another.

“Dreaming of AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites - Rated M for implied suicide, Modern AU, One-shot. Naruto dreams of her. He grows to love her. Dreams are nice. Too bad reality is a nightmare. (Most likely a continuation of the Asylum AU.)

“Memory Loss AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites - Rated M, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, One-shot. I LOVE YOU. Will I ever hear those words from your lips again?

“The Path We Walk” by @tenney-shoes - Rated T, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. With his memory of the past five years missing, Naruto never expected to be married to Hinata, and now he must navigate through the maze that is their life together with no memory of how he got there.

“Easier For Me” by @tenney-shoes - Rated T, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, Two-shot, Complete. How will Hinata handle waking up with no memory of how she got there?

“My Escape” by @marimare-writes - Rated T, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto wakes up from a coma with no recollection of life after graduating the Academy. Hinata, anxious and with a secret that will change both of their lives, struggles with what to do.

“Consolation Prize: Through Her Distorted Mirror” by mysterious intentions - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete.  Her love is taken lightly, as if her heart could change so easily.

“Good Luck” By LovelyLori - Rated T, Flowers/Ballet AU, Two-Shot, Complete. A Japanese ballet company arrives in Naruto’s town.  Can love transcend language barriers? (I spent HOURS looking for this one, it totally breaks my heart.)

“On the outside looking in” by @char-lotteral - Rated E for smut, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto’s in love with his best friend’s girlfriend fiancee.  And he’s not moving on.

“Sincerely, Uzumaki Naruto” by @bkgsbby​ - Rated T, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. After his wife leaves him a week after giving birth to their son, Naruto moves back to Konoha. He adjusts to life as a single father, with the help of his friends and surprisingly, his old crush.

“Road to Redemption” by averagejane497 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto’s made a lot of mistakes in his life, especially concerning the women he loves. Maybe this time he can get it right.

“You’re the One” by AnimeloverNUMBA100 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. After 4 desperate years, Hinata finally asked Naruto out. He decides to give her a chance, but his feelings for Sakura has never faded. Hinata is slowly losing hope as time goes on…and she soon chooses to leave him.

Untitled by @randomprose - Rated G, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. Prompt: Hinata finds out that Naruto told Minato that Sakura is his girlfriend.

“Jitters” by ncfan - Rated T, Canon-Compliant, One-shot. He has her heart but he doesn’t even know it.

“The Red Umbrella” by ncfan - Rated G, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. As the rain hits her, Hinata thinks about what she doesn’t have, and what she’ll never have now.

“Duplicity” by GoldKing - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Uzumaki Sakura wants to know why Hinata’s children are blond.

“My Favorite Night” by @peppercornpresses - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Hinata harbors deeper feelings for Naruto after three years of being his roommate. When he starts dating Sakura, Hinata decides it’s in her heart’s best interest to turn the other way, and leaves Naruto for good with a heart-breaking secret in tow.

“The Loving Type” by @peppercornpresses - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. A few years have passed since the Fourth Shinobi War, in which…Rookie Nine steadily advances in rank. Naruto gets engaged. Hinata leaves Konoha. And Kakashi schemes for days.

“Blurred Lines” by @vegebulsoup - Rated E, Police / Cops and Robbers Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Detective Naruto Uzumaki is having a hard time staying focused at work due to an elusive, dark-haired beauty.  (Starts off fun and smutty, grows angsty).

“I want you to cry” and its sequel “Road of Tears” by Devahhole - Rated E for graphic murder, dub-con/non-con, and smut, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. A sociopath blinded by revenge runs into his greatest opponent.

“Absolute” by @ssa25 - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. She was his kind, shy and innocent friend. Until she wasn’t. He was her pure, beautiful and unrequited love. Until he wasn’t.

I’m very glad that you enjoyed my “White Lilies” fic!!  Here’s everything I could think of for you to cry or stress out over.

SAD READING 😢

[shishibloomy]

Hello! I love the Shishigumi and they don’t get enough love! I was hoping you could, if comfortable, how the Shishigumi members react to their s/o having a mental disorder (anxiety/depression etc.) and what they do to comfort them/how they react and or feel. If not then delete this :)

Ill stick with the anxiety/depression stuff cus thats what I’m most familiar with.

Ibuki I feel like Ibuki would be one of the best people to have with you if you’re going through an anxiety attack or a depressive episode.  He’ll be there with you through every thing and he’ll know how to balance letting you take time to rest but also getting you up to get you moving.  I think he would also appreciate that you’re showing this side of yourself to him and being vulnerable.  He’ll probably start opening up to you more as well and it’ll be more time for both of you to bond. Talking is going to be very important for him. He's had to hide his struggles behind the mask of being a strong lion so having someone he can open to is going to be refreshing for him; he might end up talking more than you because he feels so comfortable with you.  After the first couple of times of it happening, he’ll figure out a routine for you that will get you up and running. If you're having anxiety doing something, he'll be there with you through it all. If it gets very bad, he'll give you the comfiest hug in the world until you stop feeling so anxious. He keeps your hand in his and squeezes it to let you know that he's there with you. He's honestly a giant lion teddy bear, and one thats happy to be cuddling with you too.

Miguel

With Miguel, his first thought will be to get you up and active. He'll make sure to only do as much as you're comfortable with; he just doesn't want you to fall into a rut. He'll take you to walks and low impact workouts and use them as an opportunity for you to open up to him about whatevers going on with you. His usual intense gaze softens up incredibly; he doesn't want you to feel intimidated from him. He does a lot of comfortable touches that help you relax, like keeping your hand in his or rubbing your arm. If the two of you are walking somewhere, he'll have his arm wrapped around you the whole time and keep you flushed against him, it's especially nice during the winter time. Even though he tries to get you more active, he'll also be doing so much for you during this time. If you don't feel like eating, he'll make something for you that you'll like; if you're laying down somewhere and you need to go somewhere, he'll just pick you up and take you somewhere. If you have issues with anxiety, he'll work with you ot build up your confidence... by getting you to work out more. Not because it's anything related to your physical appearance but working out in a gym infront of people will make you more comfortable. He'll be with you the whole time so if you start getting very uncomfortable, you can tell him and he'll stop.

Free

Free suddenly becomes so serious with his s/o. Yes he is reckless himself but when it comes to someone he cares about, you bet he's going to watch out for them. He drinks and does a lot of silvervine, but in front of you he'll never do it because substances like that can make depression and anxiety worse. If you want to just lay down and not do anything, he's going to take that as an opportunity to lay with you and cuddle you. He's going to be talking to you a lot to keep your mind active and it's going to be the randomest things ever (most of which he got from Agata). He just wants to laugh with you and hear your happy voice again. He's not the best at talking about his feelings but he's going to try and open up so that you feel comfortable talking to him. It's going to be stuff like "I know shit sucks sometimes but it'll get better babe." Also, expect his regular affection do increase even more. If you're making breakfast, he'll hug you from behind the whole time or try to make it for you; if you're doing stuff in public, he'll never let go of your hand; he's going to be giving you kisses every minute too. He wants you to feel very loved the whole time.

Agata

Agata is someone who wants to be more comfortable talking about his feelings so when he sees you going through some depression or having anxiety, he'll spend a lot of time making sure you're feeling ok and asking how you're doing. He doesn't want you to have to hold everything in like he had to and pretend like everything was ok. He's very sensitive about things so he'll pick up right away if you aren't feeling ok. He's going to try to get you to play a lot of really fun, feel good, or goofy games with him. Think Mario Party, Animal Crossing, Minecraft, Roblox, etc. He'll bring you a lot of snacks you like and some new ones both of you guys havent tried before so you can eat them together. After you start opening up to him, he'll start telling you how he feels as well. He wants to bond with you and also let you know that you aren't alone in your feelings. I imagine him as someone who also has issues with anxiety stemming from all his pressures to be a strong lion so you’ll both be helping each other in situations where you’re anxious. Lots of hand holding, standing close together, whispering in each other’s ears. You’ll both eventually forget others are there because you’re both so focused on each other

Dolph

Dolph ends up being a leader to the Shishigumi when their actual leader isn't there so he has experience from members who occasionally come up to him and talk him (specifically Agata). He seems like someone who's very intimidating but when he wants to, he can be the sweetest person ever. Whenever you talk to him, it feels very intimate because he keeps very intense eye contact with you. He doesn't do it intentionally but he wants to feel connected to you; if you feel uncomfortable he'll tone it down a bit. Dolph will listen to you a lot and then if you ask for advice, he'll give some. He wants you to know that he's listening to whatever you're saying and that you getting better is the most important thing to him. You'll find him bringing up times when he's had similar issues and how he went through them and survived; he wants you to know that whatever it is that has you depressed is only temporary and you'll get through it. When it comes to your anxiety, he's also like Ibuki in the sense that he's a giant lion teddy bear that you can hug and hold whenever you get anxious. He's going to use his scar as an example; even though he has it over his face, he manages to get through public interactions.

Dope

Dope will know right away that you aren’t feeling good by reading your body language. Even if you don’t tell him, he’ll ask you if everything’s ok and offer you lots and lots of emotional support. He wants you to feel absolutely comfortable telling him everything so he can do something to help you feel better. If you thought that he was good with his words before, he comes to a whole other level to make you feel better. If you talk about yourself in a deprecating way, he's going to correct you right away. It might feel irritating at first but he wants to change your negative way of thinking and eventually you'll notice that you have less deprecating thoughts about yourself too. Until he notices that you start acting like you did before your depressive episode, he's going to dedicate time for you every day where you open up to him about how you're feeling. He'll also make sure to ask you if you want comfort or solutions so he doesn't say anything that might upset you if you just want to vent. If you want solutions, he'll sit with you until you two figure out what works best for you.

Hino

Hino is the king of self care and it’s going to reflect when he helps you during a depressive episode. If you aren’t feeling up for doing anything, he’s going to make sure you’re taking care of your personal hygiene. When you wake up, he’ll do a routine for you (face wash, brushing teeth, putting on some moisturizer and sunscreen) so you feel pampered. He wants you to feel good and fresh physically even if you aren’t feeling the best mentally. He’ll do the same at night and will get new products for both of you to try out; some of them are luxe and some are more silly (face masks that bubble when you put them on and sheet masks that have funny faces on them). He’ll be showering you with compliments the whole time, and they’re all genuine ones; none of those superficial ones. He’ll bring you some new clothes to try on, it’ll be cute outfits he picks out for you and all of them fit perfectly. Even though this all seems a bit materialistic, he does it all while giving you a lot of emotional support too. These things are just extra stuff to help you feel better because it’s things he likes himself and he wants to do things both of you can enjoy together. I imagine Hino as a very artistic person too so he’ll do art activities with you. Lots of painting how you’re feeling and writing out your feelings in poetry. He’s going to make sure you don’t feel the pressure to make your art look perfect and he’ll share his to show you that your art can be anything you want it to be. If you get anxiety in public, just take him anywhere with you and all the attention will be on him. He will make sure to build up your confidence so that you don’t need to rely on him all the time too and Hino is the best person for a morale boost.

Sabu

Sabu is better at telling you're feeling upset than Dope is. He has his years of experience under his belt and him being quiet means he listens more. You don't even realize it but he's been listening to a lot of the little things you say and from that he picks up that you aren't in the best state of mind. Before you even tell him, you notice that he starts doing a lot of things for you to make your mood better. Whatever he doesn't say with words, he shows with his actions and right now it's that he wants you to feel better. Once you do tell him and open up to him, he makes an effort to try and talk more to you. Similarly to Dolph, he'll mainly listen and then only talk if you ask him to. He's not used to talking about his past so it's going to be a new thing for him to be so open about it but he'll do it so that you feel comfortable. It'll still be short answers but you know that he's trying his best to open up. If you're having anxiety, Sabu will be your silent supporter through all of it. If anyone in particular tries to mess with you, he goes back to his intimidating self and will get them to back off of you right away. Just imagine a scary, scarred lion intimidating someone while holding his s/os hand.

Jinma

When you tell Jinma about how you're feeling, his first train of thought is to find the best therapist in the BAM that you can talk through all of this. He wants to help you through all of it but he knows he has his connections and he could find someone way more qualified. Even if you do go to a therapist, he'll still make sure to check on you through everything. If you really enjoy nature, he'll find the best nature area that the both of you can go to together. If you want to eat something good, he's going to find the best and most exclusive place and somehow manage to get you reservations the day of it all. Whatever you want, he's going to know where to get you the best one of it. If he doesn't know where to get it, he'll know someone else who will. If you're dealing with anxiety issues, he'll make sure to talk to the best therapist and figure out ways to get you comfortable in situations that make you anxious. He'll also try his own things by taking you to places with him so you get more comfortable being in new places. Of course nothing dangerous like gang deals but if he hears about a new place to check out, he's definitely making you tag along so that the two of you can experience it together.

[strawberry-cowmilk]

♡•rules for requests•♡

(I might change this page in the future)

I take requests if they're open, my bio will always say whether it's open or closed. Currently, I write for obey me only.

general rules

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that obviously means nothing romantic involving luke, no I am not aging him up either

anything that could be seen as glorifying something that should not be glorified (like abuse)

yanderes

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mcs with certain (mental) conditions/illnesses

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clarifications

About the spamming: If I notice in all my notifications there's multiple asks back-to-back with little or no other notifications in between, anon on and similar sentence structure, I will get suspicious.

About the (mental) conditions rule: I am not confident enough in my ability to write accurate representation for some of these. I don't want to post something with 69 misconceptions on accident.

About the 'don't overly sexualise' rule: To clarify, overly sexualising in my book means you are asking or implying for me to basically portray the character in a way that only shows their sexual traits as being their whole personality. Also sexualising something completely innocent (like just wearing a mini skirt, no actual sexual act involved) is a hard no here.

extra info

I want as many works of mine to be inclusive, therefore I will not mention Mc's gender in a post unless you clearly state you want Mc to be a specific gender. With clearly state I mean you put something like 'f!mc please' somewhere in your submission

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