#[tw: dark humor]

[ghosty-writes-23]

Incorrect COD Quotes Part. 2

!WARNING!: Suggestive (Slightly spicy) & dark humored content.

Ghosty's Notes: Some of these might be a little suggestive or contain dark humor, so you have been warned, V is my own female OC but can be read as x reader if you prefer that, also thank you so much for the recent support, I was a little hesitant to post these, but seeing how people have been liking them, I promise to make more in the future :)

Thank you for all the support, it means alot❤️

-Ghosty❤️

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V: *is watching Ghost workout with König* “They are so big and so dumb, and one day I'm gonna top them.”

Soap: “you and me both Lass.” 

*both V and Soap highfive*

----------

Gaz: “I pull women”

Soap: “I pull men.”

V: “i’m gonna pull the fucking trigger in a second.”

Price: *is looking at V horrified*

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*V is in Price’s office after a successful mission*

Price: *pats V on the shoulder* “I'm proud of you kid.”

*Alexia play daddy issues by the neighbourhood*

V: *holds back tears and voices cracks slightly* “T-Thanks sir.”

Price: *processed to give her a papa bear hug gently patting her back*

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Task Force 141 men: *sees V covered in blood, laughing with an almost psychotic grin on her face*

Ghost: *looks at V with almost hearts in his eyes* “I'm gonna marry that woman one day.

Soap: *chuckles* “Not if I do it first.”

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V: *is being help captive by Valeria*

Valeria: *is standing inches away from her face* "tell me everything you know."

V: *giggles like a school girl and would be twirling her fingers in her hair, if her hands weren't tied to the chair* "your eyes are really pretty."

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*Task force 141 + V are at their local pub after a mission well done*

Soap + V: *are sitting at the bar slightly intoxicated* 

Ghost + Price: *are playing a game of pool, but are keeping an eye on the two at the bar*

Soap: *finishes his drink* “I bet you can’t do a wheelie on your motorbike right now.”

V: *gasps and looked at him offended* “I will have you know sergeant, I bet I can, watch me.”

Gaz: *who is the most sober out of the three* “Guys, I don’t think that is a good idea.”

V: *is already pulling out her keys and is slightly stumbling to the door* “Oh please Kyle, what could go wrong.”

Gaz: *is slightly worried she is going to try and actually do it* “maybe you killing yourself for one.”

*Before she makes it out the front door V’s keys are suddenly pulled out of her hand*

Price: “I'm taking these until you are sober.”

V: *pouts but nods*

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*Both V and König are in his room, V has her legs resting comfortably on his broad shoulders as she brushes her fingers through his hair and König is cleaning his knife from his previous mission*

V: “How is your hair so soft?” *keeps running her fingers through it, pouting slightly*

König: *is thankful she can’t see his face at the moment as it would be the same colour as a tomato* “I don’t know.”

V: *smirks slightly to herself, deciding to tease him slightly and gives his hair a soft tug*

König: *lets out a groan like moan before looking up at her his eyes wide*

V: *is smirking widely before placing a kiss on his forehead* “Cute.”

König:

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Price: *takes the task force 141 men + V out on a camping trip*

Gaz: “how much further.” *is close behind Price*

Price: “not that far.” *steps over a fallen log*

V: *rests her head on Ghost shoulder as she is getting a piggyback, because she sprained her ankle standing in a rabbit hole, not even 20 minutes into the camping trip*

Soap: *decides to tease Ghost* “Do you want to switch there L.T, your looking a little tired.”

Ghost: *scoffs quietly under his mask before tightening his grip on V’s thighs slightly* “I’m fine.”

V: *starting humming a tune* “Toss a coin to your witcher, oh valley of plenty”

Ghost: “You watched that TV show with Johnny didn’t you.”

V: *smiles wide and nods* “The song is catchy.”

*By the time they got to the campsite, the whole group was sing toss a coin to your witcher*

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©Ghosty-writes-23, 2024. all rights reserved. Do NOT translate or repost my work, or make AI Bots without my permission.

[penandswords]

When topics of Her family comes up, rima has a habit of defaulting to dark humor to cope with it.

She doesn't do it ALL the time, but when she does the only HINT she gives off is a tiny glimmer in her eyes before tossing her remark out to the world.

Someone "So Rima are you visiting your family for the hoildays?"

Rima: "OHH AM i getting Kidnapped again?"

[harveybwabbit92]

[Fall of Earth au: At a random tavern Akari has snapped she is ranting and raving at Dan (Seven) and Shin (Zero) about how awful it is to be living on Earth in it's current state and how everything and everyone is out to kill them!]

Akari: By the way, look at this. See those guys over there? The guys who work in the silver mines? See what they’re eating? Ribs doused in hot sauce! They eat hot, spicy foods every meal of the day. Do you know why? Because their palates are so completely fucking dulled from inhaling poison gas 12 hours a day down in the mines. That’s all they can taste. You know what that kind of diet does to your guts? Constipation, cramps, dyspepsia, liver disease, kidney disease, hemorrhoids, bowel inflammation. They literally die from their own farts.

[One of the miners gets up from the table, farts loudly, and then collapses dead on the floor]

Akari : And, oh, oh, you wanna see more death? All we gotta do is get up and walk out the front door.

[Akari leads her father and brother out of the tavern. And into an alley, there is a dead body lying on the ground]

Akari, pointing at a corpse: That is this town’s mayor. I didn’t know this town even had a Mayor, but apparently it did! He is dead. He has been lying there, dead, for. three. days. No one has done a thing. Not moved him, not looked into his death, not even replaced him with a temporary appointee. For the last three days, the highest-ranking official- Outside of myself and the sheriff, in this town has been a dead guy. Oh! Look at that! Look at that!

[as Akari has been talking…]

Akari: And now a pack of Gubila-minor are dragging the body away as if to illustrate my point! Bye! Bye, Mr. Mayor! Have fun becoming kaiju shit! Bye! frak’sake!

[Akari, Dan and Shin return to the tavern and go back to their table]

Akari: That, my dear family, is the New Earth frontier. A disgusting, awful, lawless, radioactive cesspool of despair and frak all of it. I want out!

--------------------

Being apart of the ultra frontiers guild automatically puts Akari above the authority of any sheriffs or wardens in charge of any the small towns or settlements scattered around the Frontier, within reason of course. Guild members can't use their rank to overthrow the person or persons in charge of the town (though there have exceptions...), They can't hold the mission hostage to demand more payment, and can't use the guild's name to commit crimes.

Gubila-minor are just that, miniature version of Gubila. for some reason there are some breeds of kaiju have evolved and minimized to human size, researchers theorize it's to get at prey that can hide in smaller and cramped spaces that the larger Kaiju can't fit in. They're usually referred to Kaiju-minor. Some of them can be tamed and are usually used for riding, farming and pack-animals for caravans.

[lil-s4t4n]

As a kid, I used to get Lisa Frank and Anne Frank mixed up.

Child me : Where’s the Anne Frank coloring book?

My Parents : 👁️👄👁️

Sometimes I feel bad for my parents.

[itsjeonjk]

You can eat them. They're actually real peanuts they're just made to look suspicious. Actually please eat them it was really hard to make that box.

● ┊💬 𝗝𝗞 answered a comment from ﹫for-yun !

there's clear hesitance in jeongguk's reaction to yunjin's words, arms crossing over his chest as he eyes the gifted can of peanuts that he had once handled like an active bomb. "why are they made to look suspicious ? " his voice is laced with confusion and a little bit of playful suspicion as he eyes the younger girl. "they won't do anything to me right ? because if you attempt murder on the golden maknae i can only guess what would happen to you."

yet, despite his words, he reaches out for the snack and slowly opens them to peek inside the can.

[and-everybody-clapped]

Ok there’s something fucking hilarious to me about the movie Antichrist. Kid sees his parents having sex and immediately jumps out a fucking window

[silvcrignis]

The kind of getting sent to your muse at some point if you’re dating Keira Black:

[ghosty-writes-23]

Incorrect COD Quotes Part. 1

WARNING: Suggestive (Slightly spicy) & dark humored content.

A/N: some of these might be a little suggestive, so you have been warned, Also V is my own female OC but can be read as x reader if you prefer that.

Thank you for all the support, it means alot❤️

-Ghosty❤️

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Ghost: *see’s Soap and V do something extremely dangerous and sighs* “God give me patience for these two.”

V: *overhears him* “don’t you mean strength there sir.”

Ghost: “if god gave me strength you both would be dead.”

Both Soap and V: *gulp*

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König: *gives V a beaded friendship bracelet he made* “so you can have a part of me, when your on your mission”

V: *is on the verge of ugly crying under her mask as he placed the bracelet on her wrist* “I will protect this with my life.”

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Alejandro: *pats Graves on the shoulder giving him a knowing look* “I hate seeing you like this.”

Graves *has a confused look on his face* “Like what? I'm not upset.”

Alejandro: “no in person, I hate seeing you in person.”

*Dead silence*

V: *covers her mouth to hide the fact she is laughing under her mask and fails terribly*

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V: *does something idiotic and stupid that Ghost warned her not to do.*

Ghost: *sees V get hurt* “I don’t care, I warned her that if she hurt herself I wasn’t going to help her.”

Voice over: “but ghost did really care as later that night he made sure her injuries were too serious and lightly scolded her before giving her one of his hoodies to wear and played with her hair until she fell asleep*

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Ghost: *takes off his mask revealing his face in front of everybody*

Price: “It's good to see you again, Simon.”

Soap: *lowkey checking ghost out*

Gaz: “not what I expected.”

V: “Why is everybody in this group so goddamn pretty, it makes me feel like a trash gremlin.” 

Ghost: *puts his mask back on*

Soap: “don’t worry V, you will always be our trash gremlin.”

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Price: *walks into the briefing room looking for V* "can I have my sweater back"

V: *looks at him innocently* "only if I can have my virginity back"

*Cue whole briefing room goes silent*

V: *laughs before sliding his hoodie off and hands it to him* "here you go sir"

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Soap and V are at the pet store, looking for collars for the new squad dog teddy.

Soap: “Okay we got everything, let's go already, wait where is V?”

V *is in the collar section, looking for a choker chain*

Soap: “why are you looking at choker chains, you don’t have a pet?”

V: “how do you know that sergeant” *smirks slightly under her mask and grabs the one she is looking for and places it around Soaps neck before giving it a slight tug*

Soap: *grunts and stumbles forward* “What kind of dog is it?”

V: *giggles soft before taking it off and grabs another in the same size* “ones that need to be house trained, now let's get out of here before Price rings us and asks why we are taking so long”

*Bonus*

*later that week in training Soap see’s both König and Ghost sporting what looked like dog choker chains around their necks*

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*The 141 men + V are in the common room, relaxing after training.

V: Spread me apart, lick me with your tongue, grab my sides, and eat my cream and that is how you eat an Oreo cookie.”

Soap: *chokes on his drink* “bloody hell woman.”

Gaz: *is laughing at soap’s reaction* 

Price: *gives her the disappointed dad look* “Really V.”

V: Oh come on captain it was funny.

Ghost: *is cleaning his gun but does chuckle at her joke*

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Gaz: “does anybody else notice that people that liked to be choked, hate being tickled.”

V: *feels slightly called out and starts sweating and nervously laughing* “haha, that's oddly specific there Gaz.”

Gaz: “It's like they are completely fine with you cutting off their oxygen supply, but as soon as you try to tickle them, they will kill you.”

V: *looks at him dead serious* “Maybe some people hate being tickled.”

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©Ghosty-writes-23, 2024. all rights reserved. Do NOT translate or repost my work, or make AI Bots without my permission.

[mostly-funnytwittertweets]

[sleepy-moss09]

have some MS Paint doodles to brighten ur day (TW: Swearing, fire, dark humor(?))

[chancetried]

Quiet down girl you finna attract the titens attention @~@

[reddit-007]

On being a scientist Click Here ...

[itsjeonjk]

No phone call! Unless you answer the questions! Your phone will be taken up upon entry of your jail cell! Which is at a secret location that has yet to be decided!

- @for-yun

● ┊💬 𝗝𝗞 answered a comment from ﹫for-yun !

is.. hm. is that how that works? it thought you get the phone call before. but what do i know? do i look like i've ever been arrested? don't answer that.

a secret location too?? this sounds more like a mafia business or something than a police interrogation.. should i be preparing myself to be tortured too?