#[ on them HHH but i fucked up my sleep schedule so bad today that ]

[dolgelo]

[ oo i almost forgot today is this blog’s anniversary !  I created this blog during June 2016, but the very first IC post didn’t arrive till the first day of July of that same year -- which is crazy. to another blog bday, i guess !  with misturu as my guide... and still being dubious, after years and years, about my weird choice of an url ahahah ]   

[lobotomiez]

ok i was trying to avoid this but ive been tagged for it like 6 times i dont even remember everyone who tagged me

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

last

1. drink water

2. phone call my friend eden bc joya and i went outside but she didnt have her swipe card to get back inside and i dont have access to their dorm so i called eden to come let us in but she didnt actually need to bc some ppl came by and opened the door

3. text message one of these 🙌🏻 to my class group’s chat abt our paper

4. song you listened to “my old ways” by dr. dog

5. time you cried WATCHING LOVE, SIMON

ever

6. dated someone twice? not even once

7. kissed someone and regretted it no ive only kissed 2 friends when we were drunk

8. been cheated on nope

9. lost someone special not,, really? ive lost ppl but i wouldnt call them special

10. been depressed lol

11. gotten drunk and thrown up yeeah only once tho i think?

fave colours

12. peach

13. forest green

14.  probably lavender

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends uhh i think so?

16. fallen out of love nope

17. laughed until you cried yah

18. found out someone was talking about you nope

19. met someone who changed you i guess so 

20. found out who your friends are yeah

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list not in the last year

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl all...

23. do you have any pets my kitty!

24. do you want to change your name no

25. what did you do for your last birthday uh.. i think nothing.. one of my friends brought me an arizona and stopped by for like 5 mins.. at least i think that was my last birthday?

26. what time did you wake up today first alarm went off at 9:00 but i didnt get up until 9:36 or so and then was late to class but the professor was later so it didnt even matter 

27. what were you doing at midnight last night probably sleeping

28. what is something you can’t wait for spRING BREAK IM GONNA GET A TATTOO IN SEATTLE AND HANG OUT W JOYA AND EDEN!!!!

30. what are you listening to right now ladada by dr. dog !

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom uhh my cousin’s name is thomas does that count?

32. something that’s getting on your nerves my finger wouldnt stop bleeding so i put a bit of tissue and tape on it and its kinda annoying in a more general sense my skin is annoying as hell these days its so dry on the lower half of my face but kinda oily on the top and im breaking out rly bad rn!! even tho im on an acne med!!

33. most visited website probably this hellhole

34. hair color boring brown

35. long or short hair short but im gonna grow it out to a bob length which is still short but long for me

36. do you have a crush on someone idk if its a crush but i think this guy in my music class is really cute his name is sam

37. what do you like about yourself uhhh not a lot my guy but i guess my music taste

38. want any piercings? i would love a bunch of ear piercings all over and maybe a lip piercing 

39. blood type red

40. nicknames uhh none exactly one (1) person is allowed to call me tess and its None of u

41. relationship status single and unloveable 

42. zodiac gemini

43. pronouns they/them or she/her irl 

44. fave tv shows its always sunny in philadelphia, the office, psych, monk, i also rly like ap bio so far idk if its a fav yet but i enjoy it 

45. tattoos soon!!!! it’ll be a hand holding a flower

46. right or left handed right but i can do stuff w my left too 

47. ever had surgery uhh wisdom teeth

48. piercings norm ear piercing and septum 

49. sport what the fuck is a sport

50. vacation i went to the netherlands and then germany in like 2013 that was really fun 

51. trainers shoes? i almost exclusively wear boots namely my docs or converse or birks if its warm out

more general

52. eating nothing rn but i just had dinner which was a sad tasteless pad thai, broccoli, a slice of pizza, an eggroll, and some cereal (welcome to college) 

53. drinking water

54. i’m about to watch probably something on youtube but i also need to look at the course schedule for next semester bc i have an advising  meeting tmrw and i have no clue what i want to take 

55. waiting for ?? spring break

56. want a slushee sounds so good rn

57. get married yeah probably

58. career a psychiatrist hopefully or something similar

which is better

59. hugs or kisses i love hugs but i also havent had a Real kiss so idk but also im weird abt mouth hygiene so there are very few ppl id be ok w kissing so anyway hugs i guess

60. lips or eyes uhhh both? nice lips are important if ur gonna be kissin em

61. shorter or taller i dont care actually

62. older or younger this question is creepy, cancelled

63. nice arms or stomach all arms are nice and all tummies are nice

64. hookup or relationship relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant usually hesitant but i can be a troublemaker if im in the right mood

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger lol no

67. drank hard liquor helllll yeah

68. lost glasses dont wear them but never lost sunglasses or anything

69. turned someone down yeah

70. sex on first date lmao

71. broken someones heart i highly doubt it 

72. had your heart broken nope

73. been arrested no

74. cried when someone died yeah,,,

75. fallen for a friend nno

do you believe in

76. yourself lmao

77. miracles no,, i believe some wild shit happens coincidentally??

78. love at first sight i mean u could be attracted to someone at first sight and then fall in love w them if u develop a relationship w them but its not love if u’ve never even talked to them

79. santa claus i wish

80. kiss on a first date ??? how does one “believe in” this it either happens or it doesnt 

81. angels nah 

other

82. best friend’s name emma + a lot of others i consider best friends

83. eye colour brown/hazel

84. fave movie oh shit,, maybe love, simon 

85. fave actor hhh... charlie day??

i tag whoever wants to do this bc its rly fuckin long

[fluffyllamas-23]

I…have some regrets

Day whatever of sickdays   I think it’s day 5? But I honestly can’t remember lol

Prompt: Your character did something, but now it’s coming back and biting them in the butt. 

This is so much longer than anything I’ve written lately lol enjoy my peeps.

Shiro and Allura had been flirting back and forth for months now.  It was obvious to everyone that knew them and saw the two interact, that they liked each other very much.

Finally, after weeks of psyching himself up and convincing himself that she most likely wouldn’t say no, he asked her out.  To his relief (and surprise, honestly), she said yes.

Since they were both college students, and their schedules were so different, it took them a while to nail down a day that worked for both of them.  

Shiro had been looking forward to it the days leading up to their date.  

School had been beyond stressful these past few weeks - between all of the projects, papers and tests that his professors had assigned, he had gotten very little sleep.  His immune system had suffered - his apparent penance for all the sleepless nights - and he woke up the day of the date, head pounding and throat aching.  

“No.” He groaned, hiding his head under the pillow.  Not today.  Not now.  Not when he was finally, finally, going out with her.

He had been waiting so long for this.

Typically when he got sick, he could feel it coming on for days in advance, but this had come completely out of the blue.

He felt weak, and heavy and achey and cold.  It was then that he noticed he was shivering, and no matter how deeply he burrowed into his blankets, he still couldn’t get warm.  

He needed to kick this thing before he saw her, because there was no way in hell he was canceling.  

Shiro forced himself out of bed for some medicine.  

“Good morning…well, afternoon, sleeping beauty.” Hunk greeted him, looking up from his laptop when Shiro walked in the kitchen. “What time is it?” He rasped. “One…are you okay?” “I’m…uh…not feeling too great.” Hunk slammed his laptop shut.  “Do you need a doctor?” Shiro rolled his eyes. “I’m fine.” “I just…you never admit when you don’t feel well.  It’s gotta be pretty bad then.” Hunk frowned. “You’re shivering too.  Fever?” Shiro rubbed his forehead.  “I think.  I was going to grab some medicine and go back to sleep.” “Hey, isn’t your date tonight? You gonna cancel?” Shiro scoffed.  “No.” “You look like shit.  Sound like it, too.  She’s going to be so pissed if you show up sick when you should be in bed.” “I’ll be fine.” He said, waving Hunk off.

Luckily, he wasn’t coughing or sneezing, and he hoped it would stay that way.

Shiro took some DayQuil, and then walked back into his bedroom and collapsed into bed. He sent Allura a ‘Looking forward to tonight ;) I’ll see you at seven’ text, set his alarm, and then promptly fell asleep.

When he woke up, he didn’t feel any better. While that sucked, and he was hoping he would have felt a greater improvement, he didn’t feel any worse.  So that was okay, he guessed.

He glanced at the clock, rubbed a hand over his face, and forced himself out of bed.  He would have rather stayed in bed, and he knew that he should have postponed, but he had been waiting to take her out since the moment he met her.  He wasn’t going to let his stupid immune system screw with his plans.

Shiro stepped into his bathroom, pressing a hand to his face to gauge how warm his skin was - he was no longer shivering, which was an improvement.

Thirty minutes later, he was standing on her stoop, waiting anxiously for her to open the door.

“You look beautiful.” Shiro breathed when she finally did.  He handed her the bouquet of wildflowers, and she immediately blushed and shot him a shy smile. “Thank you. These are gorgeous.  I’m going to go put them in a vase - would you like to come in?” He nodded, stepping inside as she walked back into the kitchen.  He watched as she walked away, his eyes drifting down to her slim waist and then down to her ass. She looked over her shoulder at him, a smirk on her face and he flushed. His eyes immediately snapped to the ceiling, and she just laughed.  “Shiro, you naughty, naughty man.  Were you staring?” “Who? Me? No, never.” She chuckled, and disappeared into the kitchen.  When she returned, she wrapped her arms around him and nuzzled into his chest.  “I’m really looking forward to tonight.” “Me too.” He rasped, wrapping his arms around her.   She frowned and looked up at him. “Are you alright? You sound…off.” “I’m okay.” Her eyes searched his face, and her frown deepened. “You’re pale.” He sighed in defeat. “I’m a little..under the weather, but I’m fine.” Her face fell.  “If you’re not feeling well, we can always reschedule.” Shiro shook his head frantically.  “No.  Really, Allura, I’m fine.  I don’t feel that bad, promise.” Allura eyed him warily.  “You’ll tell me if you start to feel too bad, right?” He nodded, but had no intention to do so.  “Yeah, I promise.” She let out a sigh.  “I don’t know…we can always stay in.  I don’t want you to get worse.” “Allura, I’m fine.” “Okay, okay! I’m sorry.  I’ll leave you alone.” She grinned. He grinned at her.  “Are you ready to go?” She nodded, a smile crossing her face.

They had gone to dinner.  Shiro didn’t eat much, and although Allura noticed with a pinched expression, she stayed silent.  Then they went to see a movie - Shiro definitely kept nodding off, and again, Allura noticed but said nothing. Currently, they were currently grabbing a cup of coffee.  

Shiro had steadily felt worse over the course of the night, and he was doing a terrible job of hiding it.  

“Shiro.” Allura said softly, reaching forward across the table to put her hand over his.  “You’re looking really miserable.  I really think it’s time to get you home.” He wretched away from her, burying his nose and mouth in a napkin. “Hhh…hiiH’TSHH! Hih’tSHH! Hihh’ktSHH! *snff* I’mb finde.” She shot him a sympathetic look, and stood up from the table. “You’ve been sniffling and sneezing all night.  Come on, you can’t be feeling well. You promised you’d tell me if you felt worse.” He sniffled, eyes filling with tears.  “I’mb sorry.” “Why are you sorry?” She frowned, standing up.   He blinked the tears away and then cleared his throat.   “I ruined the date.  I’mb sohhh…hih…hiiH’TSHH! *Snff* Sorry.” Her eyes softened.  “You didn’t ruin the date.  I had a great time, I’m just sorry you’re not feeling well.” He just sniffled.  Allura put a hand between his shoulder blades, and he stood up.

She moved her hand so it was on his lower back, and they walked out of the coffee shop.

“Oh shit. It’s raining.” She hissed, crossing her arms. It wasn’t just raining, no, it was a torrential downpour. It was cold out, too, and Allura hadn’t brought a jacket, instead she was just in her jeans, boots, and short-sleeved, flowy blouse.   “Here.” Shiro croaked, and draped his jacket over her shoulders. She looked up at him with wide eyes.   She tried shrugging “Shiro, no.” “Dond’t fight mbe ond it, Allura.” He sniffled. “You’re sick. If you get caught in the rain, you’re going to get really bad.  Let me go grab the car and bring it around.” He shook his head.  “Ndo.  I’ll be finde, if we have to end the date early, please let mbe have this. Besides, I dond’t wandt you to catch andythindg.” She sighed, an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. Despite how awful he looked, he was wearing such a hopeful expression, and looked so cute, that she couldn’t say no.  “Okay…but I’m wrapping you up in a blanket and making you tea and soup when I get you home.” He nodded, pinching the bridge of his nose and stifling a flurry of sneezes.  “*Snff* Deal.” “I don’t like this.  I really don’t like this.” “It’ll be finde.” He promised.

He took a deep breath, and then stepped out into the pouring rain.  Immediately, he was soaked, his black shirt clinging to his body.  His hair was plastered to his forehead, droplets of water falling into his eyes.  

He regretted his decision instantaneously, but made the two minute walk to his car as quickly as possible.

*

Allura’s place was closer, so they went there instead of going back to his place.  She immediately sent him upstairs to take a hot shower, and then called Hunk.

“Hey, Allura!” He greeted her. “Would you be able to bring Shiro some clothes to my place?” “What have you two crazy kids been up to?” He asked suggestively. She rolled her eyes.  “We got caught in the rain, and he’s really not feeling well.” “Shit, is he okay?” “Uh…not sure? He will be, though.  He just needs some dry clothes.” “Yeah, I’ll be there soon.”

Shiro was too exhausted, and felt too weak to stand upright in the shower.  He found himself sitting on the floor, his back against the tiled walls with his head back as the hot water hit his body.  He was shivering hard, his teeth chattering as his body trembled.  He wanted to get out, dry off, and bury himself underneath a mountain of blankets, but he was too achey and heavy to stand. He had been coughing almost incessantly, and it was making his chest burn.

Ten minutes later, the water had gone cold, but still, he couldn’t bring himself to stand up. The congestion had gotten worse - both in his head and his chest, and he felt miserable.

There was a knock on the bathroom door, and then Hunk poked his head in.

“Hey, man.  How’re you doing?” Shiro frowned, confusion going through his fevered brain.  “Hundk? I thought…amb I at Allura’s?” “Damn, you’re really out of it, huh?” Hunk asked, eyebrows furrowing together. “Yeah, you’re at Allura’s, she just asked if I could bring you over some clothes.  Ready to get out? You sound like shit, I could hear you coughing from downstairs.” Shiro just groaned.  Hunk shut off the water, and hissed when some of it hit his hand.  “Why is the water so damn freezing? You’re just making yourself worse, what the fuck, man?” Shiro sniffled.  “It was hot at first.”
  Hunk helped him out of the shower, and wrapped a towel around him.  “Okay, are you able to dress yourself? I’m really not down for doing that.” Shiro nodded dazedly after a beat, and Hunk nudged him towards Allura’s bedroom. 

A pair of sweats, long sleeved shirt, hoodie, underwear and fuzzy socks were folded up and sitting on her duvet.  

Hunk left to give him some privacy, but told him to call for him if he needed help.

“How is he?” Allura asked anxiously. “Not…great.” Hunk sighed. “He was sitting on the floor of the shower with icy water beating down on him.” She groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose.  “I knew that it was a bad idea for him to give me his jacket.  Do you think he’s feverish?” “Oh, absolutely.  I didn’t check, but I was helping him out of the shower and I could feel the heat radiating from him.  He’s really out of it, too.” They heard a weak and raspy “help” coming from her room. When Hunk opened the door, he burst out laughing.  

“What?” Allura asked. “I feel bad for laughing, but…hey, buddy.  You good?” He asked, crouching in front of Shiro.  

Shiro had managed to get his underwear on correctly, but that was it.  He had pulled one of his sweat pant legs over both of his, trapping them.  His shirt was around his neck like a scarf, and his head was trapped in the sleeve of his sweatshirt.  

“Help.” Shiro croaked, swaying lightly in his spot.  Hunk and Allura pulled Shiro to his feet, and then sat him on her bed.  Hunk fixed Shiro’s sweats, and Allura fixed his shirt and sweatshirt.  He immediately flopped to his side, coughing miserably.

“He sounds really bad.” Allura grimaced, putting a hand on his cheek. “Oh shit.  Yeah, he’s burning up.” Hunk glanced at the time on his phone.  “I would stay and help, but I need to get to work.” Allura put her hand on his shoulder.  “It’s fine.  Thank you, Hunk.”

*

When Shiro opened his eyes next, he glanced around the room blearily.  He had no memory of anything after parking in Allura’s driveway at the end of their date.  He was in her bed, he presumed, buried underneath a thick pink duvet. He pushed himself to a sitting position, and slumped back into the pillows.  

He felt worse than he remembered, so much so that it nearly brought him to tears. 

Everything felt wrong. 

His entire body hurt, as if he’d been been ran over by a semi truck, and then dragged through hell and back. His head was aching, in fact, he was pretty sure he was getting a migraine.  He was stuffed up, too; it felt like his head had been filled with sludge, and he had a constant, deep-seated itchy tickle in his sinuses. He could feel the congestion in his chest crackling with each inhale, and he felt an incessant urge to cough.  He shouldn’t have gone out in the rain yesterday, he should have just let her bring the car around.

“Shiro?”  Allura asked softly. “How are you feeling?’ He whimpered pitifully, lying back down, closing his eyes.  “I have sombe regrets.” She got onto the bed next to him, and he immediately cuddled up to her and put his head in her lap.  She began carding her fingers through his hair. “Yeah, I’ll bet you do.” She sighed. “I’m going to go get you some medicine, okay?” He shook his head, grabbing onto the bottom of her shirt.  “Ndo…dond’t leave.”

“Okay.  I’m not going anywhere.” She said softly.  They lapsed into silence, the only sound being his congested and ragged breathing.

[peevishmandible]

The kids are having a hard day. Well. Mostly my son. He’s overwhelmed and grumpy and sad and clingy and bored.  I... am guilty and annoyed and there is no booze in the house to have a drink with lunch and I am drinking water instead and that’s HEALTHFUL ISN”T IT but damnit, I could use something harder.  Anyways. I know he’s going through some shit right now. He got really thrown off kilter at swim lessons last night because his regular instructor - who is kind and understands he has DCD and ADD and HELPS him - was gone and subbed out for a younger one who isn’t as kind and doesn’t listen to the kids. He was all keyed up at night time too, couldn’t sleep and had to have me go lie down with him so he could tell me all his babby stories - he plays babies, you know with stuffed animals? Little ones that he can wave and fiddle with. Very complicated story lines and powers that they have and he can play with them - and talk about them - for hours. He was super manic and didn’t want to be left alone so I had to stop watching my show with my husband and go up there to him and chill with him. He calmed down alright and was fine through the night and this morning but getting him to clean his room set him off. I understand it’s hard for him, and I understand that going under the bed was scaring him, but we fixed that, and no matter if it’s hard he does need to learn to do these things. I’m breaking it down into simple tasks for him and we took a break but he IS doing this. Maybe if he realizes how much fucking work it is to clean his crazy dragon hoard room he’ll put things where they belong instead of... god, I don’t even know what he does with half the stuff. It’s all just THERE. ON THE FLOOR. EVERYWHERE. I found a vaccuum attachment hoarded in his toy box along with a can opener? I mean. I know he likes to paly with that stuff, it’s fine, but. Damnit, I just need to get through to him and figure out how he can keep his fucking space at least SORT OF organized.  Not that I’m good for that. My house is a disaster. I’m a slob. I have just... piles of THIGNS and STUFF everywhere. I have space to put everything. I have places for most things, or I could make some. It’s not space. It’s me. I feel really bad for my husband and I feel bad for my kids, too. I was a decent mum when they were little and I just had to do everything for them but now that they’re learning and need to get this shit on the go themselves I’m just a horrible example and a bad teacher.  So yeah I’m feeling pretty shit today but I’m trying to fend that off by cleaning. We got some nice stuff done, my daughter has been very helpful, and the boy is doing math sheets to keep him occupied - he really enjoys doing them, asks to, even. My girl just came and asked for one, too.  We’re going to make cookies now, and then I’ll take them for a walk. Because we need to get out, we need to get cranberry juice and some motherfucking lavender oil, and if we can I’ll stop at the Mediterranean place they like and get the lemony herbed fries they like and we can just sit there and chill. If it doesn’t rain for one bloody evening I”ll take them out walking with the dog and we can hunt for pokemon. If not - board games. I am certain that all the fucking video games and tv I’ve been letting them induldge in is affecting them adversely and that’s... well. That’s my fucking fault. Anyways. Tire them out, and they can sleep in their own rooms tonight. I”ll try to string up their special lights for them so it’s a treat. Maybe my son will be able to feel ok that way. Maybe they can camp out together. I need a break.  Oh and? Mama’s bringing home some drinks, too. Because she is GOING to get to chill and watch her show tonight, and she’s GOING to do it with her husband that she is never the fuck alone with anymore. Unless something happens like a kid gets hives, or gets sick, or gets scared, or gets angry, or husband doesn’t feel like doing anything.  A few weeks ago we finally had some time alone while the kids were swimming to talk - I had been getting the feeling that he might not switch back to days when his boss returns to the country in September - that he’d still need to manage the overseas team. He got quiet and said he kinda felt that his boss was implying that that was what he’d want.  Look his job, it’s what he enjoys. He’s good at it. It’s a VERY good job. Amazing. Everything we have is due to this job and we both really like his boss. But the night shifts. Hhh. It was sad at first and weird, then it got better as we were used to it and found a way to play the glad game for perks of the new schedule and not having to commute - that saves him a ton of time, stress, and money - but. It’s starting to be sad again. We can’t fucking go or do anything really, this summer. How can he ever take ANY vacation time - not that he does very often, and he still talks w the office when he does - when he’s on this sleep schedule? We’ve been hoping and planning that when he switches back to days we’ll be able to take our first family vacation in like, 5 years? And go to Edmonton and get a hotel with a pool and just do family stuff while he readjusts to day schedules but how can we do that if he’s going to stay on nights? It’s been almost half a year of this now? It definitely will be come September if it isn’t already. I feel very sad about the possibility that it might continue.  Hhh. Ok, I’ma go eat some toast, drink some water, make some cookies, go for a walk, chat with the kids, and do nice things and be grateful and as happy as I can. No more moping.