#<- that applies thats the best ive got
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I neeeeed to make him worse (horny voice)
I need him to be so so so unhealthy. Binge and purge. Binge after a ten-mile run. Refuse to eat on days he has stream so he feels good about having his camera on. Need him to actively hurt himself when he doesn't make progress fast enough (he's become blind to the rapid changes he's inducing). Need him woozy and unfocussed as his body enters starvation mode. I need to hold his face in my hands and tell him he's doing so good he just needs to push a little harder. Need him ruined.
#need to cook elaborate delicious dinners for him and have him be so anxious about eating#resorting to just stick his fingers down his throat afterwards because he loves food far too much to not eat bur he cant afford the calories#[rendog]#shittt whats my tag for this#i have a tag right????#[emeto]#<- that applies thats the best ive got#[asks]
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thinking about law school and im so excited to be back in an academic environment
#mine#im applying for 2025 fall sessions !!!!!#i dont think ill get into any of the best schools or the ones i want tbh but wherever i go im ready to study again#also to have a part time job instead of full time#“dont work in your first year of law school its overwhelming blah blah blah” have u considered im poor#my electricity bill went up 300% this month and i couldnt even afford to buy pads#they had to put me on a month union fee waiver too#companies are so mf greedy#whatever happens even tho ill be overwhelmed there is no future for me in which i am not working#i took a month off in between jobs and this is the thing i regret the most in my life#it was so expensive#and i didnt even do well on the lsat tho i studied everyday so it was basically a waste#“oh but you got to rest” no i didnt actually i was stressed af everyday and not getting any money#whats worse is my new job ive been working a month almost and still i wont get paid until mid november#im pinching pennies at this point#in debt bc of pads#now thats $14 i already didnt have but have even less#didnt realize my life would be a living example of why capitalism is bad#like i hear all these stories#didnt know that would be me#even tho ive struggled a lot in my life#but living on my own ive never done financially well#also was born in poverty which is great#my family had some money as i grew up tho so i experienced some comforts#i think im a weird person#rant in the tags
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im not having a certified Misophonia Moment im just feeling a bit lonely about it rn
#theres always this nagging insecurity in me thats like. oh maybe its not real and im just faking it to be a jackass#bc i see so few people ever talk about it or how to cope with it#what actually prompted this was an ad on instagram like advertising these ear things for ppl with misophonia#and it just hit me really quickly like. i think thats the first time ive seen someone try to advertise an aid for it?#or just use the term misophonia#idk its like. validating but its also got me kinda sad#i feel like part of it is like the intrusive thoughts? idk if its appropriate to apply that term here#but like misophonia is legitimately agonizing and puts the worst kinda of thoughts in my brain i feel horrified at later#abd i get really heated actually trying to talk about it#so theres a lot of anger and desperation around the topic and i worry abt getting dismissed at best or demonized at worst#and thats not me putting the blame on us i just wonder like. how much people decide we’re not worth acknowledging over that#echoed voice
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people smarter than me have said this before but jesus christ why does every job seem to require at least a year of experience and a degree in some hyperspecific field. where did the entry level positions go? how am i even supposed to get experience if none of yall will give me a job without it?
#theres already almost nothing related to my field being offered but even the unrelated things that i think i could try are out bc of this#most of the stuff id actually care abt doing actually require 3-5+yrs! in a field that i cant get into without experience i cant get!#and people talk abt how 'nobody wants to work' i am BEGGING you for a job. literally begging (cover letters).#im coming to the horrifying realization that its possible Nothing i have done w my entire life matters. i have nothing useful#i really feel like i made a mistake. that cant be the best five years of my life i wasnt even happy during most of them#i applied to six jobs weeks ago and ive heard back from one of them and it was a rejection. and theres nothing else to apply to#my degree isnt helping and all of my hobbies are useless. why am i only good at/passionate abt arts. why not math or smth instead#i should have just done ece like i was planning to instead of my honours. what was even the point#and im watching other people in my year get great jobs right out of university. watching my BROTHER get offered work on a silver platter#hes 19 and got five different offers + didnt apply people just asked him to work for them. second year in a row this has happened#hes never had to work for minimum wage. hes always had a good job in his field lined up anytime he wants to work and it always pays well#and i finished five years and ive had to beg for everything ive ever gotten and its still not enough to count for anything#im proud of him but fuck it stings a little#levi.txt#vent tw#oh right i forgot i should just walk in and shake the managers hand. /right/. and they will simply give me a job on the spot bc of this#if people whove been working the same job since before 1990 dont fucking stop giving me bad advice istfg#and these same people say nepotism isnt real and in the same breath talk abt giving their nephew a summer job at their company#literally all i want is work i can be decent at that i care abt and making a living wage. it doesnt have to be fun i dont want to be rich#i just want to do an ok job feel like my work matters and make enough to start my life. thats all
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Hate how i got into the habit of (objectively!) criticising/pointing out flaws with my work to compensate being overpraised as The Gifted Kid TM & how it makes me sound like i'm being self deprecating
#its such a hard habit to get rid of#tbf its true im not the best at taking compliments but mostly im just. allergic to praise i dont deserve and/or that singles me out#and it comes up every now and then w irl ppl how i am supposedly constantly talking myself down#even though among my artist friends i am doing that the least amount!#like. guys. there is a difference between not giving myself credit and acknowledging flaws#bc belive it or not i can do that without feeling shit about myself!#and half the time im not even talking abt myself im talking abt others?#cus i hate when people talk themselves down and i will often chime in to say what i think theyre good at#and bc *they* start comparing themselves to me i will then counter with what they are better at than me#or that yeah maybe xy about mine is better but ive also got a lot more practice#and idk i genuinely dont belive that is being self deprecating???#if anything you acting like im a prodigy or sth is devaluing the time and effort i put in to hone a skill#which btw being able to feel ok about my skillset including the goods and bads is also a skill i had to learn!#idk.#lay rambles#sorry for the rant this is just sth i get frustrated about way too often#this doesnt just apply to art but thats where it comes up the most#actually im not done sorry#this specifically was in the context that we got a project graded and the teacher graded us by comparing projects#(which is questionable in itself but i digress)#& then when it came to me i argued that the person he compared me to deserved a better grade and then listed a bunch of reasons#bc she visibly put in more effort and had included things i hadnt and i thought the grade was unfair#and i never once said i thought mine was bad or didnt deserve the grade! but i know i did not put much effort into it and that this showed#and yes it still turned out visually nice; i got pretty good at getting the most out of the least effort possible#and i acknowledge that this is also a skill!#but also pointing out the very visible differences in quality and effort is not? self deprecating?? or am i missing something???#and then had 4 ppl calling me out later for talking down my own project smh#like guys at this point youre just projecting#ik im grumbling abt this way more than warranted lol but a lil venting never hurts
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it feels insane to be living the life i had dreamed of
#what a good year this has been and now that i started classes it feels like it came to an end :-)#the girl ive been wanting to befriend since i was literally 14 is one of my best friends and we have minimum 1 sleepover a month#i went to london with my class and became much more close + made new friends#went back to italy to visit my best friend#FINALLY went camping w my besties#and also we went on vacation together!!! ive never done that before....1 full week and we only got more attached lol#got into the 3 masters i applied to in a panic and now im starting the one i wanted!!!#omggg i finished my thesis (tfg) on food in flemish art!!! that was awesome i enjoyed every moment of it#also my partner and i are celebrating our 4 year anniversary in 3 months...thats crazy :-)#my boss basically confirmed that shell hire me once i finish my internship wooo#all i wanted when i was younger was to find love have a lot friends and graduate from university :-) and that ive done
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idk what the fuck was in the air in august but its like whatever was making me feel so bad for weeks left bc now im like. getting up and Doing Things its crazy
#im eating dinner#sometimws breakfast#ive been brushing my teeth everyday instead of occasionally#i was tired as hell this week but that was bc of classes and also i was getting 3 hrs of sleep unfortunately#but like whatever negative mood inwas in is gone#what the fuck was that#you could say its bc of classes but it started the week or so before#its like a weight has lifted off my shoulders#it was like from end of july to middle august#there really was something in the air ive never been so like#like it really was hard to get out of bed and now its just the usual noo im tored i wanna sleep#but like i got up i took a shower i gpt breakfast i painted my nails the other day?? i was doing origami for funsies#im bored as in i havent found anything interesting to read but like#i applied to jobs i got an interview#the sub is shining the sky is blue im living my best life#like the contrast is stark and idk what the fuck happened but god damn am i glad thats over with#michi tag
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ima keep it real with yall..between the marvel overwatch closed beta, 2xko alpha lab, and job hunting, i havent had the motivation nor the energy to make gfx
#its the overworked + underpaid + 2 yrs of applying to jobs combo thats stretching my limit tbh#but best know that i havent lost inspiration ive got plenty of ideas cooking in my head AND out of my ass 😤#text*
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My Favorite Cheap Art Trick: Gradient Maps and Blending Modes
i get questions on occasion regarding my coloring process, so i thought i would do a bit of a write up on my "secret technique." i don't think it really is that much of a secret, but i hope it can be helpful to someone. to that end:
this is one of my favorite tags ive ever gotten on my art. i think of it often. the pieces in question are all monochrome - sort of.
the left version is the final version, the right version is technically the original. in the final version, to me, the blues are pretty stark, while the greens and magentas are less so. there is some color theory thing going on here that i dont have a good cerebral understanding of and i wont pretend otherwise. i think i watched a youtube video on it once but it went in one ear and out the other. i just pick whatever colors look nicest based on whatever vibe im going for.
this one is more subtle, i think. can you tell the difference? there's nothing wrong with 100% greyscale art, but i like the depth that adding just a hint of color can bring.
i'll note that the examples i'll be using in this post all began as purely greyscale, but this is a process i use for just about every piece of art i make, including the full color ones. i'll use the recent mithrun art i made to demonstrate. additionally, i use clip studio paint, but the general concept should be transferable to other art programs.
for fun let's just start with Making The Picture. i've been thinking of making this writeup for a while and had it in mind while drawing this piece. beyond that, i didn't really have much of a plan for this outside of "mithrun looks down and hair goes woosh." i also really like all of the vertical lines in the canary uniform so i wanted to include those too but like. gone a little hog wild. that is the extent of my "concept." i do not remember why i had the thought of integrating a shattered mirror type of theme. i think i wanted to distract a bit from the awkward pose and cover it up some LOL but anyway. this lack of planning or thought will come into play later.
note 1: the textured marker brush i specifically use is the "bordered light marker" from daub. it is one of my favorite brushes in the history of forever and the daub mega brush pack is one of the best purchases ive ever made. highly recommend!!!
note 2: "what do you mean by exclusion and difference?" they are layer blending modes and not important to the overall lesson of this post but for transparency i wanted to say how i got these "effects." anyway!
with the background figured out, this is the point at which i generally merge all of my layers, duplicate said merged layer, and Then i begin experimenting with gradient maps. what are gradient maps?
the basic gist is that gradient maps replace the colors of an image based on their value.
so, with this particular gradient map, black will be replaced with that orangey red tone, white will be replaced with the seafoamy green tone, etc. this particular gradient map i'm using as an example is very bright and saturated, but the colors can be literally anything.
these two sets are the ones i use most. they can be downloaded for free here and here if you have csp. there are many gradient map sets out there. and you can make your own!
you can apply a gradient map directly onto a specific layer in csp by going to edit>tonal correction>gradient map. to apply one indirectly, you can use a correction layer through layer>new correction layer>gradient map. honestly, correction layers are probably the better way to go, because you can adjust your gradient map whenever you want after creating the layer, whereas if you directly apply a gradient map to a layer thats like. it. it's done. if you want to make changes to the applied gradient map, you have to undo it and then reapply it. i don't use correction layers because i am old and stuck in my ways, but it's good to know what your options are.
this is what a correction layer looks like. it sits on top and applies the gradient map to the layers underneath it, so you can also change the layers beneath however and whenever you want. you can adjust the gradient map by double clicking the layer. there are also correction layers for tone curves, brightness/contrast, etc. many such useful things in this program.
let's see how mithrun looks when we apply that first gradient map we looked at.
gadzooks. apologies for eyestrain. we have turned mithrun into a neon hellscape, which might work for some pieces, but not this one. we can fix that by changing the layer blending mode, aka this laundry list of words:
some of them are self explanatory, like darken and lighten, while some of them i genuinely don't understand how they are meant to work and couldn't explain them to you, even if i do use them. i'm sure someone out there has written out an explanation for each and every one of them, but i've learned primarily by clicking on them to see what they do.
for the topic of this post, the blending mode of interest is soft light. so let's take hotline miamithrun and change the layer blending mode to soft light.
here it is at 100% opacity. this is the point at which i'd like to explain why i like using textured brushes so much - it makes it very easy to get subtle color variation when i use this Secret Technique. look at the striation in the upper right background! so tasty. however, to me, these colors are still a bit "much." so let's lower the opacity.
i think thats a lot nicer to look at, personally, but i dont really like these colors together. how about we try some other ones?
i like both of these a lot more. the palettes give the piece different vibes, at which point i have to ask myself: What Are The Vibes, Actually? well, to be honest i didn't really have a great answer because again, i didn't plan this out very much at all. however. i knew in my heart that there was too much color contrast going on and it was detracting from the two other contrasts in here: the light and dark values and the sharp and soft shapes. i wanted mithrun's head to be the main focal point. for a different illustration, colors like this might work great, but this is not that hypothetical illustration, so let's bring the opacity down again.
yippee!! that's getting closer to what my heart wants. for fun, let's see what this looks like if we change the blending mode to color.
i do like how these look but in the end they do not align with my heart. oh well. fun to experiment with though! good to keep in mind for a different piece, maybe! i often change blending modes just to see what happens, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. i very much cannot stress enough that much of my artistic process is clicking buttons i only sort of understand. for fun.
i ended up choosing the gradient map on the right because i liked that it was close to the actual canary uniform colors (sorta). it's at an even lower opacity though because there was Still too much color for my dear heart.
the actual process for this looks like me setting my merged layer to soft light at around 20% opacity and then clicking every single gradient map in my collection and seeing which one Works. sometimes i will do this multiple times and have multiple soft light and/or color layers combined.
typically at this point i merge everything again and do minor contrast adjustments using tone curves, which is another tool i find very fun to play around with. then for this piece in particular i did some finishing touches and decided that the white border was distracting so i cropped it. and then it's done!!! yay!!!!!
this process is a very simple and "fast" way to add more depth and visual interest to a piece without being overbearing. well, it's fast if you aren't indecisive like me, or if you are better at planning.
let's do another comparison. personally i feel that the hint of color on the left version makes mithrun look just a bit more unwell (this is a positive thing) and it makes the contrast on his arm a lot more pleasing to look at. someone who understands color theory better than i do might have more to say on the specifics, but that's honestly all i got.
just dont look at my layers too hard. ok?
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(Got a brain worm that I had to write. No plans to continue so feel free to take for yourself)
Batman was responding to reports of Harley Quinn running around Gotham. Joker had been put back in Arkham several months ago so there was a chance she was making a move to set him free again.
But apparently Harley was expecting him.
"Well finally! You sure know how to keep a gal waiting Batsy. Ive been running around all night waitin for ya."
When Harley turned to face him his eyes were immediately drawn to her stomach.
"You're pregnant..."
"Yeesh your manners are bad ya cant just say that!" Harley rolled her eyes before pausing with a sigh and a serious look that almost seemed out of place on her, "But yeah... I am."
"Joker?" Batman asked softly.
Harley nodded, "Thats why I was runnin around tonight. Wanted to get your attention." She looked down before continuing, "I was in denial about it at first. I was always careful with that birth control stuff ya know? And I didn't want it to be real. Before I knew it it was too late to... you know... but. But I dont think I coulda anyway. I know its selfish but I love em too much already. Thats why I need your help."
"I'll help in anyway I can." Batman told her, "I can set up a place for the two of you where Joker won't find you."
Harley shook her head, "No can do Batsy. Mista J wouldn't let me go that easy. Specially if he knows about my little puddin. And if I'm honest I love him too much to leave too.
"I need someplace to have 'im that won't tell. And... I want you to look out for him. Not like, take 'im in or nothing. If I see my baby runnin around as one of your birds in ten years I'll let you have it-" She sighed, "But find someplace away from Gotham and all this. I don't want this for my little puddin. I don't want him to turn out like me or Joker and his best chance is someplace else.
"Please Batman."
-
Bruce kept his promise to Harley. She gave birth in secret and Daniel was taken to the other side of the country to be left at a firestation with nothing but his name and a note from Harley saying she loved him.
When Daniel was adopted Bruce ran a background check on his new parents. Inventors who seemed to be researching some sort of renewable energy and already had a child. Seemed safe enough.
He checked the area when they moved to a small town in Illinois and it seemed safe enough even with the likely tourist trap of "most haunted town in America"
Daniel, or Danny as he seemed to prefer, got decent grades and had a few close friends. His grades dropped suddenly for a time but eventually they returned to their previous state so he didn't worry too much.
But when the boy applied to and was accepted into Gotham U, Bruce started to worry.
They had left Danny as far away from Gotham as possible. So what were the chances he should return?
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i watched the doom patrol episode with the dead boys in it (dead patrol its in season 3 i watched nothing of the show other than this episode) and something thats imprinted itself on the back of my eyelids is edwin and charles with the sad mummy at the river of souls or w/e, and this dude is like "soooooo u and charles are.....pretty close huh? kinda gay huh?" and edwin just hits back with (this is a direct quote) "He's my mate. Don't be crass, all right? Even if I did, it... it wouldn't be normal. It wouldn't be normal, so why talk about it?"
i'm so obsessed with this. it wouldn't be normal, so why talk about it?
because yeah, when ur in the closet or just repressed or just ASHAMED at how u feel, its not normal so why talk about it? why THINK about it? just keep ur head down and dont ruin what you have with things like feelings that arent normal.
how many times have YOU sat back and said "this isnt normal" when thinking about someone of the same gender expression as you? (whether it was true then or now, at some point) how many times have you curled into yourself and felt othered just because heterosexuality wasn't what you experienced?
how often do you think edwin felt something "not normal" when looking at a boy and how often do you think he drowned under the weight of his shame? of his own self-disgust? how do you think the netflix show would have progressed if we were shown a little more of THAT misery? that "this isnt normal" kind of misery? i love him as he is, ofc i do edwin is a great and IMPORTANT character. but what if he struggled just a little more, just a little longer?
i am spinning this concept in my hands trying to find the best way to use it (ive slowed down on writing because my brain is soupy again) like, i see a lot of fan content on tumblr about the dead patrol boys meeting the netflix boys, is it only right to make them meet through hand wavy magic and have edwin and edwin talk it out? or just apply the concept to the netflix boys and expand on an episode?
i do love that he got to accept himself - i just kind of wish i got to see the kind of suffering we go through more on the screen and how edwin dealt with it.
#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#charles rowland#crystal palace#niko sasaki#netflix dead boy detectives#dbda#dbda fanfic
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And I forgot about the DRUMS!!! I think this is an album they may have been working on for years. I think they are going for a magnum opus
yea so i read this went you sent it at 6am cause ive been out of work sick for a few days now and my sleep is allll messed up. and i tinhatted EXTREMELY close to the sun on this one. but i kind of think im cooking. so let me explain.
also ill just say i think because we know somethings coming but we dont know what BUT we know there are threads throughout somehow connecting things from years prior like. all tinhatting is plausible until proven otherwise. if we want to draw a connection between two things we CAN. and i think thats why im so on board with mcr5 now when i havent been since 2019. bc ive done this before. i was in the trenches for the danger days rollout/promo and the transmissions on the website and everything and THAT was one of the most exciting times of my life and THIS reminds me of that. im glad people never gave up on mcr5 but they never gave me ENOUGH before now to really run with. and now they have and its a free for all. THIS is what being an mcr fan is about. tbh. this is what this fandom has been missing for AGES. when they dont give us teasers and lore and crpytic messages we devolve into like theorizing and arguing with each other about who they are as people. but this is the basis of mcr community to me....getting together with your pals inside your phone and inside your laptop (who now have grown ito irl friends for so many of us) and dissecting every shred of info they give us. thank god for my chemical romance.
ANYWAY sorry that. went down a path i didnt intend when i started. so yes um so what you said about them going for a magnum opus. let me tell you a little story. when i was in my first year of being a my chem fan, i was 13, i became QUICKLY obsessed, first with the black parade and then after i spent i think 2 months straight listening to nothing but the black parade on repeat all day every day (literally) i ventured into their other stuff and got like really sucked in to everything else, reading articles and interviews and watching every video of them youtube had to offer and talking about them 24/7 on the forums instead of doing homework, i would sneak the family laptop into my room at night so i could keep reading about them and talking about them instead of having to go to sleep it was THE most exhilarating and exciting time of my life. anyway. i remember (16 years later) reading a specific review of the black parade that said something like "my chemical romance will never top this album and they know it" and i STILL REMEMBER sitting on the couch and crying over it. because i had never listened to music that had made such an impact on me as the black parade IN MY LIFE. nothing had ever made me feel that way and that strongly as listening to that album. you know how we all always say we wish we could listen to my chem for the first time again just to have that feeling again. that was me. i had never experienced an album of their when it came out and i felt like the author of the article was telling me that i would basically never acheive that high again. it was devastating. i promise this is relevant. bc regardless of your PERSONAL FAVORITE my chem album, it is generally agreed upon that the black parade is their magnum opus. it just is. both in scale and musically and its impact on pop culture and its the best known to a general audience.
so you say they're going for a magnum opus. when the black parade is DEAD. they killed it. (in the new lore they were sent to the MOAT which i assume is some kind of exile and stripping of their status as the national band)
and so i started thinking about "in the face of extermination say FUCK YOU" and i think this applies here two-fold actually. MAYBE 3-fold. on one hand, in-universe. extermination being the concrete age, the dictator holding the people down and exterminating their livelihood. but also the extermination of the black parade! and then - irl - we have the extermination of mcr's chances of doing something huge again like this. music publications resigning them as soon as the album came out to never achieving something as epic and grand as that again.
and the FUCK YOU being, the opposition of the dictator from the people, the black parade being reinstated but? maybe they have plans to overthrow the dictator? IRL mcr saying fuck you, we can actually use the concept that you said was the best we would ever do, completely turn it on its head, and make something even more grandiose and epic and MAGNUM OPUS.
and also hail just reminded me obv of the UNKILLABLES drumhead in sydney. which both relates to franks personal experience there but also like. with this concept of in the face of extermination say fuck you. along with his end of tour post being a cockroach, notoriously unkillable! notoriously a target for extermination!!!!
god theres so many layers to this but i needed to get it off my chest do you still like me
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Your art is so SHAPED!!!!
I love it <3
Any tips on how you got it so shaped?
Thank you so much!!! Haha ive been getting this comment alot and i THINK i have a grasp on what it means! Ill try my best to explain- using some one piece sketches since thats what Ive got on hand.
My first piece of advice is, dont be afraid to go ugly first! When sketching, youre sketching, and every sketch doesnt need to be finished eventually. This is kinda hard sometimes but i believe if you over work a sketch trying to get the first one perfect, things can come out really stiff!
these are the sketches I was playing with when learning to draw sanji. The 3 in bold I used, but the other ones got tossed - either too stiff or too exaggerated or just didnt match his vibe!
Thats the first step. But when it comes to the literal *shapes* picking the right shape has to do with not only their personality, but how they move as a character. And I think this should be applied *after* getting flow down first. I feel sometimes when an artist tries to stick hard to drawing nothing but x character in x shape things come out sort of stiff. (NOT pleased with the way i drew Zoro in the bottom right.)
But the actual shapes… thats up to what you think works on a character! I went with triangles with rounded corners on Sanji. I felt it would flatter his hair nicely, as well as his slim build and pointy ass shoes. Usopp felt more round and oblong to better suit his nose and the curves in his outfit- and zoro is all squares baby! Sturdy and built like a brick shithouse. But these are just my interpretations!
Anywayssss,,,,,,, hope this was somewhat helpful and not just a huge wall of text, lol! Thanks for your support! :]
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hi, im sorry for bothering u right now. ive been asking around for advice everywhere because i really need all the help i could use right now. my anxiety is flaring up like crazy because my results come out tomorrow and im so scared because if i mess this up then my future is ruined. my mental health has been horrible and that has severely affected my grades but in most asian countries they dgaf about that and basically think it's nonexistant for minors so ofc i'm still undiagnosed, and if i were to apply to a uni i wouldnt get any good chances anywhere. if i could just get 3 Bs in my AS levels it would be okay or else i'd have to retake it and it's super costly here.. i don't wanna put my family through that because they'll talk me down, degrade me, destroy my self esteem which i've managed to build back a little. they were like this since when i was the topper and thats what made me burnout. undiagnosed adhd, trauma, depression also contributed to it
im applying the law, but instead of the feeling of success that everyone else gets i feel panicked. the 'feeling' people usually get when they're in the wish fulfilled state, the feeling of accepting it and it being real—im not getting that. i dont see a clear picture when i visualize. every time i try to, i end up breaking down and feeling like a failure... but I'm still trying to go on because why is it that the people who hurt me and practically ruined my life get to live successfully, while i suffer? thats not fair... i promised myself that if i could just get 3 Bs, ill turn my life around and work really hard... but is it over for me? i want to win, im trying to, but im scared
im trying my best to visualize myself getting 3 Bs, reenacting my friends faces when i get the results, praying to God and thanking Him for blessing me and continuing to bless me, but there is this fear still lingering at the back of my mind... i feel like I'm not doing it right. i have like one day left and I'm so nervous. im going over posts, tweets, and every time I feel a little better, it all comes crashing down because of doubts. theres only one thing one my mind right now: 'how am I gonna turn it around in one day?' i know that the 3D does not matter and that everything is done in imagination, but here i feel like its not done in imagination either
right now nothings clicking in my head, whatever i read is getting scrambled in my mind, i feel so lost and empty. could u please tell me what to do in this specific situation? u can be as harsh as you want if that's what's needed to get the point across. im really sorry for the bother and id be really grateful if u could please help out, ive never been this desperate before... my life cant be over before it even started
Hey love,
I get you, I really do but trust me when I say this.
THIS SHIT IS REAL AF. Manifestation is real af. It's as real as the fact that you are a human being. All you have to do is trust yourself that it is already done. If good results is what you want then that is exactly what you'll get. You need to choose to stop having doubts because it is already done. That is the simplest answer I can give you. Persist on what you want.
I am glad to tell you this but I just got test results for a major exam held in my uni today and I got into the 95th percentile just by saying to myself that my super power is aptitude tests and that I already scored great. In my friends group only 3 of us were eligible and I have 70+ more marks then them as well. If I can do it, you can do it. You need to stop doubting yourself. Atleast stop doubting manifestation. Cause at this point you're only gonna manifest your doubts.
I'll give you a scenario - If you're worried about getting bad grades, Trust me when I say this you're gonna manifest exactly that coz you will manifest exactly what you assume. You can choose to stop that right here, RN. Choose to accept that you got great marks. I mean don't even like aim for B's go for A's. I don't care even if you left the paper blank coz if you assume you're the topper, that is exactly what's gonna happen.
If you do get bad marks and I'm gonna be harsh here - You're the only reason why! You're gonna manifest exactly what you assume to be true even if it's good or bad. Your sc mind don't differentiate btw what's good for you or what's bad for you. It only knows what you feed it.
You got this, TRUST ME
Love, Shrads.
#law of assumption#loassumption#loa#affirm and persist#loa tumblr#neville goddard#consciousness#loa blog#loatwt#imagination#affirm and saturate#saturate your mind#shradsmanifestt
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Bad: im sure it was quiet in the wall, you spent so long there Pomme: yeah! and then it was very loud, and i got really confused. Bad: Oh yeah that sounds like an abrupt end to quiet huh? We were surprised because we... um.. [stares at moon] [spaces out] well it was interesting! Pomme: I think richas noticed and took me somewhere quiet, thats when i knew he was my best friend. Bad: aww Pomme: have you ever had quiet like that? Bad: yeah... ive had... a lot of time being quiet. Sometimes they'd last years and years, and i was alone.... You get used to it Pomme: you get used to it, but also when you know not-so-quiet times you miss it. Bad: Yeah.. i think i prefer quiet times to screaming times. Theres.... different kinds of screaming times though. Pomme: [leads bad away to the sunrise] Bad: oh, bye moon! theres the sun again. I think it's sad the sun and the moon never get to hang out together in the sky. Pomme: it happens sometimes. Bad: its rare but it happens, during an eclipse. But even during an eclipse, pomme, one of them is always hidden. Pomme: Maybe happier times are closer than we think Bad: maybe! i hope so. Pomme: you know what you said to me last time, "dont lose hope" Bad: that is good advice, you know if you lost your pet raccoon that'd be sad Pomme: that applies to you too, dad Bad: i dont have a pet raccoon named hope??
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Damn it im trying to start a ramble but i cant really form anything much. (later note here, i managed it. I am so sorry for anyone thats come across this in the tags (they're there for my organisation), ive kinda made it a mess to put on any blog cuz of all the contradicting stuff) Like i've got "mmm i like Knuckles, he's best boy". But it feels like any headcanons or au ideas i could talk about are out of reach on my own. Again its like a fog, i know they're there but i just cant reach them. Subnautica 2 got a trailer and again its like i cant grab any thoughts on it. Like I love subnautica, never actually finished it, but i adore this game, its vibes its world the creatures
hmmm I just finished binge watching every single episode of Viva la Dirt League's bored series, did that over the last few days, saw its evolution and how stunningly high the production value got, how certain jokes were more/less common than i thought.
You know there's actually a reference to Baelin from their epic npc man series in one of my fics. In chapter 16 of 'No child should have to inherit a war' i have big say “morning, it’s a nice day for fishing, isn’t it?" a pretty close match to Baelin's "Morning! Nice day for fishing ain't it? Hua hah!" Alas no one ever got the reference. Okay, i got some Knuckles thoughts. Like in a generic fantasy rpg style world it would be so easy to put knux in a fighter/warrior/brawler type class. He likes to hit hard and get up in the heat of the fight. But i adore his more quiet moments so much. He likes to help out the animals of his islands, he's a protector who cares so much and is always jumping to help strangers, enemies and friends alike. (even if he still tries to play the stoic role) But what would be absolutely hilarious in my opinion is if he was an incredibly powerful sorcerer/mage/wizard. (in reference to how powerful he is due to the m.e connection) and he's hyped up as this powerful and dangerous magic user,
only for him to punch you in the face when you go to fight him.
Oh he'll use his magic (and m.e powers in canon also apply here) to look after the place he protects, but he's not a fan of using it in combat. Both cuz its not his style, he prefers a direct, get it done style and cuz he feels its not his place that his power is not to be used in an offensive manor.
and throw in some healing powers of course cuz i will forever love Knuckles as a healer who will tell you off for being stupid and will huff and deny he's worried. (Platonic tsunderes hold a place in my heart)
Cuz yeah, caring is a major part of who knuckles is.
And back to bored, cuz Knuckles being the type to care reminds me of Rowan (the character) being such an opposite and a terrible boss. Cuz man Ben and Rowan and SO good at playing hateable characters. Like Bens character in Bored is the culmination of all the most frustrating and OUTRAGEOUS customers. He does such a good job that i get excited when he plays a less punch able character.
Like Charles, sure he's a mugger, but he's literally just following his programming. But he's also one of the npcs whos kinda able to break out of it. (but is very easily reset).
hmmm the string of thought is kinda knotting up a bit. Like i got a little more about subnautica and how i really wanted to do a thing about Knuckles bonding with the sea emperor leviathan over being the last, but idk how to write the sea emperor so it hasn't really gotten anywhere. hmmm now what... I definitely want to keep rambling (its working and i feel better) but idk what to say now.
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