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chloegong · 3 years ago

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that semi-AU romajuliette + benmars fic

i need a permanent place to store this after dumping a random google doc on twitter so here it is, the author writing fic for her own book because people gave me headcanons and they were too good not to make use of

the one where juliette and marshall go out for a night out on the town and roma and ben have to go along to supervise because one time they accidentally committed arson —headcanon from twitter user @leonidasvaldz

a semi AU where Benedikt and Marshall were hanging out with Roma and Juliette in those happy months R&J had together in 1922 before everything went wrong (aka you can take this as canon because it will fit the timeline but the characters won’t have memory of this in the actual published books)

Disclaimer: i wrote this in one go inside a starbucks please expect ao3 user chloegong and not Author Chloe Gong who does multiple rounds of edits on her books

Second Disclaimer: nobody go putting this on goodreads before someone on my publishing team kicks my ass (rightfully so, i’m on deadline rn and i’m writing fanfic instead of my real contracted manuscript)

Mandatory reminder that Our Violent Ends is available for preorder with all links here :)

It wasn’t supposed to happen again. And yet, somehow, Benedikt was watching fire curl around the side of the building, the roof beams giving a loud groan before shuddering and caving in on itself.

He turned a look onto Roma. “Your girlfriend is a maniac.”

Five hours earlier...

Juliette climbed in through the window of Roma’s bedroom, careful to hug the burlap bag close to her chest as she landed on his carpet. The howling wind outside drowned out some of the clinking, but the glass bottles were still making a racket no matter how carefully she hugged the bag. She had gone full throttle for tonight; when no one was watching and her relatives were downstairs crowing over a game of cards, she had snuck around and robbed the liquor cabinets at the Scarlet mansion quite generously. Now she dropped the bag onto Roma’s floor with a huff, brushing a curl of hair out of her eyes.

“Where’s Marshall?”

Roma looked up from where he was reading, putting his book down and rising from the bed smoothly.

“Well, hello.” He strode toward her, stopping before her with his arms crossed. “Lovely to see you too. You do know it is my bedroom you just snuck into, right?”

Juliette pretended to jump in surprise, looking around wildly. “Do you jest? Oh, bother. Let me climb back out and go find my real lover. Marshall! Where are—”

With a huff that seemed to double as a laugh, Roma grabbed her wrist before she could turn around and leave through the window again.

“You’re hilarious,” he said dryly.

“I know.” Juliette reached up with her free hand, clasping her cold fingers right onto his neck. Though her palm was freezing from the bitter temperatures outside, Roma hardly flinched, he only shrugged his shoulder up to keep her hand there. He couldn’t fight back the grin. For several seconds, the two of them only stood there, looking like a pair of idiots smiling at each other.

Then his door opened.

“Are we interrupting something?”

Marshall bounded into the room, throwing the door wide open. With a horrified expression, Benedikt hurried in after him and closed the door quickly, listening for movement on the other side.

“Yes, leave the door wide open,” Benedikt said. “While any White Flower strolling the corridor can peer in and see the Scarlet heir standing there in a silly coat.”

Juliette stepped away from Roma, peering down at herself as if she had forgotten what she put on. “I didn’t think it was that silly. It’s my disguise.”

“You do look a little like a housewife,” Marshall said, considering the coat.

“A fifteen-year-old housewife?”

“I suppose that is exactly why you look a little silly.”

Juliette pulled a face, but refrained from arguing further. She was here tonight because Marshall wanted to see the new Scarlet club that opened along Thibet Road, and she had promised she could sneak him in. Unfortunately, Marshall was bad at keeping secrets, and the worst at keeping secrets from Benedikt. The moment that Benedikt heard Marshall was planning on entering Scarlet territory, he had decided that he would come in accompaniment.

Juliette supposed it was only fair. Benedikt didn’t entirely trust her, but he was nice enough. He tolerated her presence and always kept an eye over his shoulder to make sure she wasn’t spotted on their territory if she poked her head in to see Roma. While Juliette didn’t know much about Marshall either, he was far warmer than his best friend, and for the first time last week, they had even enjoyed an outing with just the two of them. Juliette Cai and Marshall Seo—out and about in the border territories on a quaint evening.

That outing had ended with accidental arson though, so it was rather possible that exacerbated Benedikt’s desire to play chaperone. And of course, if Benedikt was coming along, Roma wanted to tag along too.

The arson was hardly their fault, Juliette and Marshall had maintained when the Montagovs asked questions. What kind of person left a stack of hay out beside a bar? And what kind of hay was that easily flammable just from accidentally whacking one of the lanterns on the awning onto the stack?

“All right.” Juliette hauled the bag up again. “Are we ready to sneak onto Scarlet territory?”

“Absolutely not,” Benedikt muttered, strolling past her for Roma’s window. “But is that going to stop either of you?”

Before anyone could answer him, Benedikt had already hopped the small gap between windows, climbing into their neighboring building for their route out unspotted.

“Great!” Juliette said. She passed the bag to Roma so he could do the carrying. What was the point of converting a rival gang enemy into a lover if not to lug around her heavy things? “Glad we’re all so enthusiastic.”

Roma sighed, clambering onto his sill and making the climb too. “The things I do for you, dorogaya.”

Marshall hurried after him. “I would argue you’re actually doing this for me, dearest Roma!”

With a snort, Juliette climbed out last, and pulled the window after her.

The Scarlet club had been a bust. Of course, Benedikt had figured that would be the case from the get-go, especially if they were sneaking in at such a late hour to avoid being seen by anyone important in the Scarlet Gang. At least Juliette had provided good alcohol, and now he squinted at the label of the wine bottle under the street lamps while they walked, taking the smaller main roads along the periphery of the city.

Up ahead, Roma and Juliette were whispering to each other, though they didn’t sound like they were talking in full sentences. Those two always communicated in looks and gestures, swapping languages whenever they felt like it and ending up with some incoherent tangle of words that no one else could comprehend.

“Is there anything left in that?”

Benedikt glanced to his side, shaking the bottle to show Marshall. “One last swig. All yours.”

Marshall took the bottle. He put it to his lips and swung up, his head tipped to the sky and the line of his throat bared to the night. Benedikt shivered suddenly, a line of goosebumps rising at the back of his neck. The season had turned cold and the wind that blew onto his face was biting. He wrote off his shudder to the chill, to the temperature dropping with the longer they spent outside at such an hour.

Suddenly, Marshall was squinting into the distance. “Hey.” His call summoned Roma and Juliette’s attention from ahead, who both turned around to see what the matter was.

Marshall pointed to the dark shape off the end of the road. “Isn’t that the abandoned factory we lost to the Scarlets?”

“Is it?” Juliette asked, a sudden glee in her face.

“Why would you say that?” Roma bemoaned. He didn’t bother trying to stop her as Juliette hurried ahead, eager to explore the factory. “Look what you’ve done.”

But Marshall was wearing a similar expression, his eyes scanning the factory as they approached closer and closer. Wordlessly, he handed the bottle back to Benedikt, and though Benedikt’s head was spinning from the drink, he still recognized the exact face that Marshall made before he was going to get himself into trouble.

“Mars—”

“I’ll keep an eye on her,” he insisted, tipping his chin forward. Juliette had disappeared into the factory. “You two be look-out. We wouldn’t want someone finding us here, right?”

Benedikt scarcely had a second to argue back. Marshall was already hurrying off.

Inside the factory, Juliette trailed her hands along the dark walls, her eyes wide. The machines looked strange in the moonlight, but stranger while sitting so idle. She was used to seeing rows and rows of workers in the daytime, trailing after her father as he ran inspections on the work of their trade partners. It might have been the wine in her system, but everything seemed to sway: sitting so inactive in movement that her eyes were imagining movement.

“Pst.”

Juliette almost jumped out of her skin.

“Christ,” she muttered, whirling around with a hand on her heart. Marshall slunk out from the shadows, both his hands in his pockets. “You gave me a fright.”

“Me? Frightening?” Marshall picked up a strange object on the table, inspected it for several seconds, then set it back down. “I am the least frightening person on the planet.”

“Yes, well, when it’s so dark, even a cuddly teddy bear would be terrifying.” Juliette felt around her dress. She thought she had tucked her lighter in here somewhere. There were little pockets sewn around the sleeves and armholes that she kept all her weapons, though if anyone asked, she would say she had the ability to materialize them out of thin air.

“Do you scream often at teddy bears?”

“Only when they sneak up on me.”

“I don’t see you screaming at Roma.”

“He gets a special pass. He’s only a teddy bear on the inside.”

Marshall snorted. He leaned down, trying to read the paper taped down to the table. At last, Juliette found her lighter—it was actually in her sock—and she brought it close, thumbing down the sparkwheel for a flame.

“Do not touch—for demolishing,” Marshall read under the new light. “Are the Scarlets going to build something new here?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Juliette replied. “My father doesn’t include me in his business meetings yet.”

“Hmm.” The shadows of the factory danced. Juliette thought she saw someone darting in her periphery, and she whirled around, but it was only Marshall’s shadow. Unfortunately, she had scared Marshall with her movement, and he bumped into her, asking, “What? What is it?”

The lighter flew out of her hands, landing on the paper.

“Nothing, nothing!” Juliette assured. “I was seeing things.”

But Marshall wasn’t convinced. He swiveled around. Peered hard into a corner. “Was it ghosts? I know this city has ghosts. All that death creates so many ghosts.”

Juliette tried to look where he was looking. She couldn’t see anything except the dark.

“There is no such thing as ghosts.”

“Just last week, I felt something walk by me and then there was no one when I looked. I swear to you, if it wasn’t ghosts then I—” Marshall stopped suddenly, turning around to look at the table. “Uh… is that supposed to happen?”

Juliette whirled around too. The whole table was on fire. “Oh, God.”

With a sudden pop, the fire sprung up and licked up to the walls. There had to be something sprayed inside the factory already to prepare for demolition, or else the flames would not be traveling with such intensive speed.

“Marshall,” Juliette said simply.

“Yes?”

She looked at him. “When the Montagovs ask, we blame the factory and say we have no idea what happened. Run!”

Benedikt and Roma kept watch in relative silence. Benedikt’s head was spinning, and his cousin looked like his head was doing the same if his swaying was any indication. Roma was humming softly under his breath, toeing the grass that grew around the abandoned factory.

Then, there was a sudden sound from inside, and the first tendrils of flames blew out from the topmost windows.

“Roma,” Benedikt said plainly. “I’m willing to bet my life savings that Juliette Cai just committed arson.”

Roma tilted his head up, his jaw dropping agape. At first, he could only stare at the growing fire, eating up the roof beams. Then, he said: “To be fair, it could have been Marshall.”

Benedikt threw his arms into the air. “Who looks more like the arson type, Juliette or Marshall?”

“Is that a trick question?”

“The answer was Juliette!”

Benedikt pinched the bridge of his nose. He was rapidly growing concerned, but before he could suggest they go in to search for the two, Juliette and Marshall ran out from the factory—laughing. The factory was burning down, and they were laughing, grasping at each other and spinning in circles right in front of the factory. They looked a sight: seconds away from collapsing atop of each other in utter delirium.

Benedikt turned to Roma. “Your girlfriend is a maniac.”

Roma was struggling to hold back his laugh watching her with Marshall. “I think she’s magnificent.”

Marshall stumbled, and Juliette squealed, reaching out to grab his arm before he could trip and land flat on his face. Benedikt almost—almost—let a smile slip. Before Roma could sight it and tease him for enjoying himself after all, he cleared his throat.

“What happened?” he bellowed.

“Faulty factory!” Marshall called back.

Benedikt shook his head, turning on his heel. They needed to get out of here before someone reported the fire.

“Come on!” he called back to the three. “Let’s go before the Municipal Police arrive.”

Upon Benedikt’s summons, Marshall left Juliette’s side and hurried to catch up. He slowed to a stroll once he was beside Benedikt, but Benedikt could feel Marshall watching him.

“What?” Benedikt asked. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure his cousin was following too. Thankfully he was, though it was mostly Juliette hauling him along, their hands clasped together and swinging while Roma kept looking at the fire.

“I think you enjoyed yourself,” Marshall replied smugly. “After all that complaining about sneaking into Scarlet territory.”

Benedikt reached out and rapped his knuckles on Marshall’s skull. With a shriek, Marshall darted ahead.

“You want me to enjoy myself?” Benedikt shouted after him, breaking into a run too. “Come back then! Let me throttle you!”

FIN.

#these violent delights #romajuliette #benediktmarshall #how am i out here using my own book tags this feels weird FKJDHSDKJFH #should i tag my own name too #chloe gong #now i've gone and done it #bookblr #yabooks

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liltaz-asatreat · 3 years ago

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oooh i wanna ask like. all of these slkdfjsdlf uh how about specifically 7, 10, 16, and 17???

Askin me all the hard ones ldslfhldhsfl /hj

7. What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree?

I honestly don’t know lkshdlfhd Like, I’ve always had a hard time describing and figuring out exactly what is meant by people’s writing and art styles? Like, I get the concept, I just don’t get it in practice if that makes sense? You’d think as someone who has written stories since as far back as they can remember and was an incessant bookworm, I’d be able to figure that out lol Some people’s art and writing styles stick with me if I find a memorable pattern or something in particular sticks out to me or if I’ve seen/read a lot of their work, but I couldn’t describe what it is that makes it stand out to me :/ (if you or anyone could give me examples of what writing style and stuff is supposed to mean btw you would be a saint 🙏🏽) But anyway, I mostly rely on what people tell me that they’ve picked up about my style. Ise once told me that my writing style is loud but in a good way, and I don’t necessarily know what that means, but I think it probably tracks because when I’m confident and more at ease and able to be myself without holding back, I tend to be a very loud /pos individual lol

10. How would you describe your writing process?

Depends on what I’m working on. For most of my ficlets that I write now, I make a rough bullet point outline of the main things that are going to happen or what I want to include before I write it. Then I’ll read it over a couple of times to try and catch any obvious grammatical/spelling/other errors and fix those before I post and eventually find more errors when I go back and reread it more that I feel like is too late to correct sldkfjsdljf. For the Julia Survived AU (the only long fic that I’ve had an idea for and am actually attempting to write), I mostly have an outline already because it’s just Balance but she lived and is adventuring with them lol I have a few ideas on other scenes and stuff outside of what’s heard in the podcast that I have percolating in my brain, some of which I’ve written down as disconnected scenes, but I’m also trying to figure out how her being there would actually change what happened and still curb it to keep with the same overall outcome of the podcast which is really hard because I’ve never written something that is going up against all of what canonically happens in a piece of media before?? Like, I daydream, yeah, but a lot of the scenes in my daydreams don’t actually carry weight, and I’m trying to change that in the actual product of this fic. Also, trying to figure out how to make Julia her own character especially when we know so little about her, I’m going to have to look at a post about character/character arc creation that I saved in my drafts on my main blog to figure THAT out and WOW am I rambling and strayed so far away from the actual topic of the question lol

TLDR: I mostly plan a minimal amount, then write, then edit a minimal amount, then post and hope people actually like it lol

16. Tried anything new with your writing lately? (style, POV, genre, fandom?)

I forgot this was one of the questions lol I rambled so long in the previous one, I basically answered this one too. It’s the Julia Survived Ravens Roost AU. Never written something going one to one with canon before. Very intimidating. Still working at it. I Want To Make That Work^TM lol

17. Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?

I don’t know, I mean, people say they like my writing and think I’m a good writer, and all of the comments and tags reacting to my writing make my entire day because you’re all so sweet and kind and I eat the comments and tags freaking out over an emotional work for power /j lol And I also like most of my writing and think I’m a pretty good writer, and even the works that I’m not too fond of I at least feel okay about, so that all matches up. I don’t know if people perceive my work as a vent, particularly the really sad and angsty and whump ones and all that, but I’m usually pretty explicitly clear in the tags when something is a vent, so it really shouldn’t be all that surprising lol Another thing that I don’t think is too surprising but might be worth mentioning because it’s an interesting/fun fact, I really like trying to subvert what people might expect to happen with prompts or character pairings or things when I can and really play in the space. Also matching up characters that we didn’t get to see paired off much in canon. Like with On Edge (the one where Magnus finds Davenport on the railing of the Starblaster), I wanted to write about a character who would have been seen as really strong and carrying the team and feeling like that’s how they see themselves, being in a moment of vulnerability and great amounts of pain and letting that show (very much a vent fic lol), and I couldn’t decide if I wanted that person to be Magnus or Davenport, then I figured why couldn’t both be in the fic because that’s also a pairing we saw almost none of, and Davenport seemed like the least likely choice to be put in that position but simultaneously, in canon, would probably have been the most realistic choice

#Thanks for sending this in Reese!!#I didn't mean to take as long as I did answering this; but I had to make dinner too at some point lol #Also rambled WAAAAYYYYY too much but I don't feel like condensing any of it so sorry 🤷🏽‍♂️#This is going up way late; but you're probably going to be the only one to see it anyway lol #answering the asks #Gab gabs

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everybodyscupoftea · 4 years ago

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something out of a disney movie

sigma chi jj x reader

leading up to winter formal and a glimpse at the weekend ahead

finished school today :) kinda drunk at the moment so there’s that

(warnings: cursing, same editing as usual)

You worked on the cooler for so long after JJ asked you to his frat’s Winter Formal. From YouTube videos to Google searches to social media groups, you’d looked through it all trying to come up with ideas.

Sarah, who was working on John B’s at the same time, offered to do it with you. The two of you holed up in her apartment working together when you finally decided a proper theme. “What about the Outer Banks?” you asked Sarah.

She hummed, “Like what do you mean?”

“Stuff he likes to do that we’ve done together, surfing and fishing, some of his favorite restaurants. That kind of vibe.”

“That’s pretty personal, but I like it since you guys are actually dating.”

You smiled, excited, “Me too. Okay, let’s do this.”

After the cooler was solved, you realized you needed a dress. Sarah stepped in yet again to take you to a boutique she really liked. The two of you were browsing happily, a glass of champagne handed to you at the door.

Maybe that should’ve been a sign of how expensive everything in the store was going to be, but you didn’t process that until you’d pulled a few to try on and accidentally flipped a price tag over.

Choking on your sip, you exclaimed, “$250 holy fuck!”

Sarah wandered over, “What’s up?”

“This is so expensive. Dude, I’m not sure I can justify this.”

She waved your concerns away, “Don’t worry, I’ll sugar daddy you.”

Part of you, a big part of you, wanted to say no, you didn’t need charity. But you figured eventually, through coffee and food, you could pay her back.

“I-” you paused, “are you absolutely sure? I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“I get discounts here, no worries! Pick out the dress that you love, no looking at price.”

So you did. It was really cute, and both Sarah and the lady working really hyped you up about it, of course you had to get it after that. Sarah sent JJ a picture of the color so he could match, but told him he couldn’t see it until the day of.

When he begged, she sent back its so pretty maybank. be patient

“Okay,” you told JJ stepping into his room, “I have the cooler outside the door with the alcohol if you want to look now.”

JJ stood up from where he was laying on the bed excitedly, “I wanna see it.”

You held your hand out and he took it, walking outside the door with him. He looked down at it and smiled. Crossing your arms in front of you after he dropped your hand to turn it around, you asked, “What do you think?”

“It’s fantastic.”

“Yeah? You like it?”

“Of course! I mean I’d like anything because it was from you and I’m a fan of everything you do.”

Your cheeks heated up, “Sap.”

“Only for you.”

“I wasn’t sure what alcohol you wanted so I grabbed some vodka and tequila. Plus some White Claw for either mixing or pre-game. Figured we could pick up some mixers on the way out.”

“Sounds great to me,” he bent down to press a kiss to your forehead, “I’m so excited for this.”

“I am too,” you told him honestly, “when do we leave?”

“Few hours. Figure it won’t be too long a drive, and we won’t have to leave super early. You got your bag in the car?”

“I do.”

“Sweet. Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Absolutely.”

JJ laid back down on the bed, giving you room to crawl in next to him and started the Grinch movie. About 30 minutes after it started, his head snapped over to face you, “How’d you get the alcohol Miss Underaged?”

“Sarah helped with that. Not sure how she did it, but I got her a list and Venmoed her my share.”

“The two of you did a lot together for this, huh?”

“Well it is a first for both of us, so of course we did.”

JJ shook his head, “Should’ve known y’all would end up decent friends.”

The drive to Charleston was short, and JJ led the two of you to check into your hotel room. It was a fairly basic room, and he immediately disappeared to the bathroom to start getting ready. All you had left to do was put on your dress.

“Let’s try to not be late, yeah J?”

“Too late at least. You’re never on time, hon.”

You scoffed, “Maybe this is me turning over a new leaf.”

He stuck his head out the room to give you an incredulous look, “No.”

“I’ll prove you wrong for sure.”

“Bet I’ll finish getting ready before you do even though you’re already mostly ready.”

Your jaw tightened, but you weren’t one to back down from a challenge, “Bet.”

You weren’t entirely sure how ready JJ was, only that if you wanted to be first, you needed to start getting your dress on. The one thing you had going for you was that he struggled tying a tie and he’d have to figure that out before he could be finished.

JJ stepped out of the bathroom a few minutes later, tightening his belt, and you stood up, already in your dress with a smirk on your face, “I win.”

He rolled his eyes, “Win what?”

“We bet but since we don’t normally bet money, you have to bring me drinks all night.”

“It’s my formal.”

“Yeah, it’s still your formal, but you have the added responsibility of keeping my cup full. I’d do the same for you if you were better at getting dressed.”

“Dude,” JJ shook his head, “I’ll give you this one, but I’ll get you next year.”

“Sure,” you smirked.

And then it was like JJ processed that you were in the dress because his jaw dropped and he let out a low whistle, “Damn.”

“What do you think?”

“You look,” he paused, “incredible, beautiful, stunning, all the good adjectives.”

Shaking your head, you smiled, “Thanks, J.”

“I’m gonna have the prettiest date there tonight.”

“Now that’s an exaggeration,” you told him, ears warming under the attention.

“I never exaggerate.”

You were both late. The party was in full swing when the two of you finally got downstairs, and JJ kept his arm around your waist tightly the whole time the two of you walked around. There was a small buffet set up that the two of you ate a little bit from, but JJ took you straight to the alcohol for your first cups.

It was loud and dark in the hotel ballroom, barely lit by candles scattered all over the room like out of some sort of Disney movie, and you couldn’t see much, but JJ found Pope and John B fairly quickly. Sarah and Pope’s date were both there, and you felt relieved, finally being with someone you knew.

“Wow,” Sarah called out when she saw you, “worth every penny.”

You did a little twirl, “Looks pretty good,” you admitted.

“Pretty,” JJ scoffed, “try very or incredibly.”

Sarah snorted, “Hype man JJ. I’m glad your tie is the right color to match.”

“Hype man?” John B interrupted, “more like simp.”

“I paid attention,” he defended, “and you fuck off.”

“This time,” you muttered. JJ playfully poked your nose, “Slandering my name there sweetheart.”

“I’d never,” you told him, placing a hand over your heart.

In lieu of an answer, JJ pulled you out on the dance floor. You smiled, recognizing his deflection tactic, but let it happen.

He twirled you around twice, and you laughed when he almost stepped on your toes.

“Careful bud,” you told him, “Trying to knock me out?”

“By stepping on your toes? No.”

“Trying to get out of dancing then?”

He smiled softly, “With you? Never.”

You couldn’t help but kiss him at his sappy words, excited for the long weekend ahead.

for day 15 of @obxmermaid‘s holiday challenge: winter formal

#sigma chi!jj #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x you #jj maybank fic #frat!jj #outer banks #outer banks fic #obxmermaidholiday

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coffee-obsessed-writer · 6 years ago

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Forever in Vancouver

Summary: Six months into their relationship, it was hard finding time together. But when they finally do, will it be everything they hoped?

Part 1: Fated in Lynchburg

Part 2: Found in Nashville

Pairing: Jensen x Reader; Jared x Jensen; Reader x Jill (OFC bffs) x Filip (Jill’s husband)

Words: 10K - Ok, I know its long. I DID NOT intend for this to happen. But it did, so I apologize. I sorta hate myself for it but, it is what it is. I hope you enjoy! (just leaving this here from last time)

Warnings: Smut, Fluff, Anxiety, language, 18+ only

Square filled: Free Space

A/N: Written for @spngenrebingo . PART 3 OF 3. A huge thank you to my writing partner in crime @kazosa for not only helping me but also listening to me gripe and checking over everything I was unsure of. I hope you enjoyed it because it was as much for you as it was for myself <3

Everything Tags: @his-paradox // @sorenmarie87 // @lefthologramdeer // @grace-for-sale // @redm81 // @becs-bunker // @docharleythegeekqueen // @moonchild-shoshanna // @geeksareunique

SPN Tags: @soythedemonqueen // @kazosa // @lucifer-in-leather // @perseusandmedusa // @tiquismiquis // @mrsbarnes-rogers // @yorkeylover // @through-thesilver-lining // @illysamorgan // @fictionalabyss // @gettinjoyful // @auntsalgal // @stuckupstucky // @miss-spnm0mma // @teller258316 // @spnhollis // @sweet-things-4-life // @hobby27 // @sweetlythoughtfulbird // @theoriginalvicki // @dreamchester67 // @xxwarhawk // @assassinofmasyaf // @babykalika2001 // @negans-wife // @superwhovianfangirl81 // @toobusynerdfighting // @vickyfarley // @missihart23 // @letsby // @ravenangel33

@thewinchesterchronicles // @wayward-gypsy // @closetspngirl // @fatestemptress // @rebelminxy // @22sarah08

The plane bounced roughly down the tarmac and while that normally would have been enough to set your nerves on fire, today it didn’t bother you one bit. It didn’t, because it meant you were home.

Sort of.

It wasn’t your home, but you would be back in Vancouver where Jensen was, and for you, that was even better. It had only been about six months since Nashville and in that time you and Jensen tried to spend as much time together as possible. Stolen weekends here and there. Long nights of driving to meet up with him at a con, or him buying you a ticket to fly out to Vancouver for one night, then back the next day.

It was fun and exciting, and very exhausting. You could see the toll all the traveling was taking on him. You meet him whenever you could, but you had your own career and life to keep up with. Finding a way to make it successful had been trying, but when you had time together, it was easy to remember why it was worth it.

This was the longest stretch you’d gone without seeing each other. He was on the tail end of a three week stretch of a tight filming schedule, two separate interviews and one con weekend was thrown into the mix. When he had a schedule like that, those were the weeks when there was barely a phone call to be had between you and you found yourself missing him more than usual.

Jill’s book was finished and edited, so she kept her promise and booked a five-day vacation at one of the most beautiful resorts that the Maldives had to offer. Jensen was going to be knee-deep in filming again as they neared closer to finishing the season, so you gathered up your vacation time and decided to take a nice long trip. Start off the first part with your best friend and wrap it up in Vancouver with Jensen.

He just didn’t know about it.

You told him you’d be gone for two weeks, to which he pouted like a child, but he wanted you to go and have a good time. Knowing you were headed to him after a couple of days, you started to worry that surprising him wouldn’t be a good idea. In a complete panic, you texted Jared and ran the idea by him. He, however, thought it was a perfect idea.

Jill’s connecting flight wasn’t until late the following day so she would spend the time with you and Jensen, then you’d have him all to yourself for a full week; a notion that both excited and scared you. As the plane finally rolled to a stop, you whipped out your phone and immediately texted Jared.

Just landed. Did you spill the beans yet?

Where’s the trust? I know how to keep a secret.

Lol, just checking. Deplaning soon, gonna grab a cab and head to J’s

Already done. Driver should be there waiting. Text me when you find em.

You’re the best! Thanks, Jar 😊

Just don’t answer the door wrapped in cellophane or anything, I’ll be coming back with him.

Fine. But there go my plans…

….I’m already regretting this.

Cya soon!

Giggling to yourself, you put your phone away and turned to wake Jill to let her know you’d arrived.

After getting off the plane and grabbing your luggage, you easily found the driver Jared had sent and were on your way to Jensen’s apartment. The ride was longer than usual getting through traffic, so you and Jill were flipping through the pictures you took on your trip.

“You gotta text me that one now, I wanna send it to Filip,” Jill said and took the phone out of your hand, taking it upon herself to do so. When she opened your texts, she saw the ones from Jared.

“You told Jared you were coming?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure if I should surprise him or not. I know his schedule’s been crazy and didn’t want to get in the way.”

“Get in the way?” she asked, sitting up a little straighter in her seat. “Why would you be in the way? Has he ever made you—”

“No… easy tiger. I just meant that because it’s last minute and I am surprising him… the man keeps a schedule. He’s got a lot going on and I didn’t want him to feel pressured to have to cancel anything or rearrange anything. That’s why I checked with Jared.”

Jill settled back into her seat and went back to sending the photo to herself, then returned your phone. “Sorry, didn’t mean to jump ugly, but you know, you are family to me and I have to make sure this man is worth all the trouble and traveling to see each other.”

“He’s worth it,” you smiled and felt your heart fill at knowing you were going to see him soon.

“So, things are good?”

“Yeah, things are good.”

“Is it getting serious?”

You scowled at her. “What’s with the interrogation all of a sudden?”

She shrugged. “I can see how you feel about him just as the sheer mention of his name. What I wanna know is, does he feel the same way about you?”

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat. The truth was, you didn’t know how to answer her. Your feelings for Jensen were both exhilarating and confusing, with a big ole side of scary as hell. You couldn’t imagine what his feelings may be for you, and immediately pushed the thoughts away whenever you asked yourself the same thing. The answer was too uncertain to face.

“I don’t know and that’s the truth. We have fun when we’re together, he calls me when we’re not. Texts me a lot… nice messages, cute selfies, leaves me voicemails. But, there’s been no declarations of love. Which, let me just say before you jump to assumptions, I am fine with. I like how things are. I’m just rolling with it for as long as it lasts.” You were half lying to yourself, and you were pretty sure she picked up on it.

“Do you want it to last?”

“Oh, look! We’re here,” you exclaimed, exaggerating your excitement to hopefully change the subject.

“Did you start watching the show yet?” she asked, ignoring your attempt to wrap it up.

You sighed and took a moment before responding. It wasn’t the first time she’d asked and certainly wouldn’t be the last time. “No. Not yet.”

“How come?”

“Because…”

“Because why?”

“I feel like I am in the Principal’s office here, will you stop?”

“I just want to know why you haven’t watched it yet. One, its damn good. Two, he’s your guy. Don’t you want to see him in action?”

“I did. The day I watched it in the hotel room, remember? Then again at the convention, it was everywhere.”

Jill pursed her lips and exhaled deeply. “That’s not the same thing and you know it. So, why not spare us both the long, drawn-out process of me painfully extracting an answer, and just tell me about the real, deep down rationalization you’ve convinced yourself of?”

“Fine. Because… it means that I’m invested. It means that I will have more imagery of him, hear his voice more than I already do. Then when it ends—”

“When it ends? I now repeat my earlier question… do you want it to last? Or are you just riding out a good time?”

You snorted a frustrated sigh and felt a bit of relief when the car came to a stop in front of his apartment building. “I don’t know,” you said quietly with your hand hovering over the door handle. “I don’t know yet.” Opening the door, you climbed out and walked around to get your bags from the trunk. Jill followed and didn’t bring it up again for the time being.

“All I want to do is go home and sleep,” Jensen groaned and rubbed a hand across his eyes and down his stubble. He laid his head against the headrest and settled into the seat. “This week cannot end soon enough.”

“Almost over, brother,” Jared tried to reassure him with a slap on the knee and without looking up from his phone.

“Thank God. You headed home this week?”

“Yeah, for a few days. You?”

“Nah. Might as well stay here. My folks are on vacation, Y/N’s off somewhere with Jill. Probably just going to find my sweatpants and Netflix some stuff.”

“How is Y/N? Things going alright?”

“Yeah, great. Why?”

Jared shrugged and finally tucked his phone away. “Curious. Don’t hear too much about her these days. Wondering if there was trouble in paradise.”

Jensen chuckled wearily. “No, no trouble, just been tough trying to get some time together. You know?”

Jared nodded sympathetically. “I do. But when Y'all are together, things are good, right?”

“Yeah man, I have zero complaints. Except that she lives two thousand miles away.”

“That’s a tough break, man. But you guys will figure it out. I mean, she seems pretty into you. God only knows why…”

Jensen was too tired to even glare at him properly and just shook his head before resting it against the window. “Wake me up when we’re home.”

A little while later, the car pulled up to the curb and Jared backhanded Jensen’s chest. “Wake up, Sleeping Beauty, we’re here.”

Groggily pulling himself from the car, Jensen and Jared went inside and rode the elevator up to his apartment on the top floor. As they approached the door, Jensen heard the music from inside. He stopped outside the door, his hand hovering over the knob.

“You hear that?” he asked, slowly turning to Jared. “Sounds like… Zeppelin.”

Jared frowned and shrugged, trying to hide the grin that wanted to spread out. “I dunno man, let’s check it out.”

Jensen narrowed his eyes at his best friend and realized that whatever was going on, Jared was one hundred percent apart of it. Thinking that his folks, or even his sister, had come for a surprise visit, he opened the door expecting to be bombarded with a barrage of affection and questions from a family member.

“Hello?” Jensen called out when he walked through the foyer and no one was there to greet him. “Mom? Dad?”

“Nope, sorry Cowboy, just me,” he heard from the staircase beside him. There, descending the stairs, tanned and gorgeous, wearing a long flowing yellow sundress covered in small green petals, was Y/N.

The unexpected sight of her gave him a rush of adrenaline that he would’ve previously denied existed. Feelings of exhaustion and hunger faded as he bolted towards her. She bounced down the last few steps and flung herself into his arms, laughing.

Jensen wrapped his arms around her, drawing in a deep breath of her skin, the familiar notes of her lotion tickling his nostrils and instantaneously causing him to want her.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his face still buried in her neck. Slowly, he let her slide to the floor and held her at arm’s length so he could prove to himself she was really there.

“We were only going to the resort for a week, then I figured I’d surprise you. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Mind? Seriously? This is the best ever…” Jensen turned and pointed a finger at Jared, “and you knew, didn’t you?”

“I did,” he beamed, proud of himself for keeping the secret.

“I’m here too, by the way,” Jill’s voice called from the living room as she made her way towards the stairs.

“My favorite author in the whole wide world!” Jensen exclaimed and pulled her into a fierce embrace. Once he finally let her go, Jared extended a warm welcome and noticed the intense looks being passed between Y/N and his best friend.

“Jill whatcha say we give these crazy kids a few minutes, while you and I go through all Jay’s takeout menus, find the most expensive things to have delivered. Then charge it all to his accounts,” Jared offered his elbow out for her to take and she did so with a chuckle.

“Oh, Jared, you sure do know the way to this woman’s heart,” she cooed as they took their leave towards the living room.

Once they were gone, Jensen didn’t hesitate, he grabbed Y/N’s face gently, but kissed her ferociously. “Three weeks is way too long,” he whined between coming up for air and kissing her. “Way too fucking long.”

She draped her arms loosely on his shoulders and started doing that thing with her nails on the back of his neck, sending a course of goosebumps across his skin. He took advantage of the others out of sight and left her mouth, letting his lips find their way across her jaw and down to her neck. He wasn’t tired anymore, nor hungry. He just wanted to carry her upstairs and reenact the first night they had met in Lynchburg until the sun came up the next day.

“Whoa there,” she purred and lifted his head from the oral assault he was committing on her. “There are two other people in the next room that may not want to walk in on this.”

He growled lowly within his chest, then sighed. “You’re right. But its hard to control myself when I haven’t seen you in a while, then you show up looking like you do… what do you expect?”

“You can do whatever you want to me later. In fact, I’ll be here all week, so, you have plenty of time to do what you wish.”

“A week? Seriously?” his heart fluttered at the notion. They’d never spent that much time together in one shot, and he was suddenly thrilled and anxious at the thought. A week was a long time. A million worries wanted to trudge through his mind… would they get along, would she tire of his ridiculous schedule, would they grow tired of being together? He shook them off and just concentrated on the fact that she was right there in front of him, not just a voice on the other end of the line.

“I know you have to work, and I don’t want you to change anything because of me, but yeah, as long as you don’t mind, I planned on staying through the week.”

“Jill, too?”

“No, she flies home tomorrow night. Just a little layover to take a break in traveling. Plus, she’s never seen Vancouver, so, I figured I’d take her out tomorrow before heading to the airport.”

“Well, I’m glad she’s here, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to have you to myself for the week.”

“Me too,” Y/N whispered, caressed his stubbled cheek, smiling softly before kissing him again. “Me too.”

Jill and Jared kept their word, and within the hour three different take-out restaurants delivered a ridiculous amount of food. Jokes were made how little Jensen kept in the house, so at least the two of you would have something to live off of for a couple days.

The four of you sat around for hours, chatting about your vacation, their days on set, your plans for sightseeing the next day, and of course, bouts of teasing any time Jensen showed you affection.

Jensen was sitting normally on the couch, and you were curled up against his side, his arm tucked firmly around your shoulders. You could feel his rhythmic breathing and the faint echo of his heart beating. He still felt as good to you as that first night you danced together.

Everyone was feeling the late hour and decided to turn in. Jared made up a place on the couch, Jill took to the guest room, and Jensen took your hand, leading you upstairs to his room.

He closed the door softly behind him and secured it with a lock. When he turned around, he started to approach you, slowly, his gaze drinking you in with each step closer. There was very little moonlight seeping through the window, only enough to highlight the slope of his nose and the moisture of his lips.

When he was close enough, he casually moved the strap of your sundress to fall down your arm; then did the same on the other side. The top fell and exposed your breasts to the cool air. His eyes were locked with yours, as he helped the dress fall to the floor, leaving you there only in your panties.

He lifted you up, so your legs wrapped around his waist and his face was eye level with your chest, but he didn’t yet touch you there. His eyes never left yours. Laying you down gently on the bed, he held your gaze and removed the panties, before quietly removing his own clothes. Once he was free of them, he lifted your leg up in the air and left a kiss on the inner part of your ankle. The slow, methodical way he worked his way up your calf, then to your thigh as he hovered over you, was driving you seven different kinds of crazy. The fact that he purposely bypassed your most sensitive spots, further incited your ache for him.

“Jensen, please…” you quietly pleaded with him and ran your fingers through his hair, gripping his head and guiding it up to yours.

“Shhhh. I’m finding my way around again, its been a while,” he whispered roughly and left a soft kiss on your lips.

He ran his hands up the length of your body, to your arms, and with one hand pinned them over your head. His free hand reached between your thighs and slowly began to slip into the depths of your sex, first brushing against your clit, then plunging up into you.

You inhaled sharply, and your body responded to him immediately. He pressed more of his weight on top of you as his fingers expertly worked their way around until your orgasm hit, quickly and with an explosive rush. He released your hands and you dug into his shoulders, muffling the scream under your breath and stayed that way until your body stopped shaking.

Jensen brushed his nose softly against your cheek and his lips against your ear. “Come here,” he commanded softly, and helped you sit up on the bed, “I wanna watch you.”

He pulled the down the covers, leaned back against the pillows and guided you to straddle his lap. Taking control of your hips, he positioned you over his cock but moved you up and down along the shaft slowly at first. The sensation it triggered against your overstimulated clit was maddening, but you didn’t want him to stop. His eyes were on you so intensely you thought he’d make you cum again just by his gaze

When he couldn’t seem to stand it anymore, he slipped up into you. He watched you leisurely grind against him, fighting the urge you had to move faster. Jensen was completely controlling you, his need for it was written all over his face. After a few moments, he reached up behind you, grabbed a fist full of hair and pushed your forehead to his.

“Fuuck,” he growled lowly and dug his fingers into your hair and hip deeper, forcing you to grind into him harder. His control was wavering, and with every thrust upward, he moaned deeper, your name fell from his lips in mere breaths. Jensen’s eyes squeezed shut and before he could pull out or force you up and off of him, he came inside you.

There was a slight panic at what that could mean, but it passed faster than it had manifested. As Jensen wrapped his arms around you and rested his head against your breasts, you ran your nails through his hair and just caught your breath. In that moment, nothing mattered but being there with him.

You climbed off him, pulled the covers up and lay beside him on the bed. He nestled into his pillow, sleep creeping into his expression. “I missed you,” he rasped and pulled you into him. “I’m really glad you’re here.” He kissed the top of your head, and you felt him finally give in to the exhaustion.

Morning broke earlier than he would have liked, but regardless, Jensen got up and dressed as quietly as possible. He stood there, watching her sleep for a moment, and longed to just crawl back into bed beside her. She rolled over, now facing his empty side of the bed. He watched long enough to see her reach out for where he should be. Even in slumber, she realized he wasn’t there, but smiled as she wrapped her arms around his pillow.

He thought back to the night before, and how different that time had felt. The sex had been great as usual, but there was a lot more to what happened. He loved watching her, especially when they had sex, but not only then. He’d watch her read a book, drink coffee, even watch a movie. Everything she did was intoxicating to him. As he continued dressing, Jensen paused while fixing the collar of his white Oxford shirt when he was struck with a realization and slight feeling of nauseous panic.

Oh shit, he thought as he gazed down at her, I’m in love with this girl.

Y/N groaned softly as she rolled back the other way and moved an arm to rest above her head. She stretched out her neck to the side, and Jensen smiled wistfully. It was his favorite part of her body to kiss, because every time he did, she made the tiniest little gasp that drove him wild.

There were so many little things like that he found he loved about her… Yes, he told himself, more assuredly this time, love. You LOVE her, dummy. Now, he just had to find a way to tell her and pray that she felt the same way.

He finished getting dressed and carefully climbed back on the bed, so as not to disturb her. Leaving a soft kiss on her shoulder, he quietly left the room and headed downstairs.

A note from Jared said that he was up earlier and went home to shower then head to set. Jensen noticed coffee was already made and he heard the balcony door closing gently from the other room. Jill came in, steaming mug in hand and wrapped up in the throw blanket from the couch.

“Morning,” she smiled and raised her cup. “Sleep well?”

“Fantastic. You? Room comfy?”

“Incredibly, thank you. Hope you don’t mind, I got the coffee going and went out to watch the sunrise. It’s really beautiful here.”

“Don’t mind at all. How is it?” he asked and nodded towards the cup.

“Oh, this is hot chocolate. I hate coffee. But I made it for Jared before and knew you and Y/N would want some.”

Jensen laughed a grabbed a to-go cup from the cabinet. “You are hands down the best houseguest, ever.”

“I try,” she said and sipped at her cocoa while watching Jensen move about the kitchen. He could feel her watching him and gave her a curious glance from the corner of his eye.

“So, what’s Y/N got you doing today?” he asked as he fixed his coffee.

“Who knows, she’s rattled off so many places she wants to drag me too. Then we have to be at the airport around five.”

“Shame you can’t stay longer. Last night was a lot of fun. Maybe Y/N and I can take a trip down to visit you soon. I’d love to meet your husband, I’ve heard a lot about him from Y/N. She says he’s the big brother she never had. Dying to finally meet the guy,” he smirked and secured the lid to his mug.

“Oh, honey, no,” Jill laughed, shook her head and patted his arm. “You’re adorable. No, see, you’re more than welcome to visit when he’s out of town or on a run with the Club, but, we don’t bring the good time home to meet Filip, only serious investors.”

Jensen chuckled unsurely, “What does that mean?”

“Just that, Y/N is family… not just my best friend. My husband looks to her as a little sister and is fiercely protective of anyone he considers family. Fiercely protective. Family is everything to him. So, we have found that its best if he doesn’t meet everyone who comes into her life until we’re sure he’s sticking around.”

“Oh,” he said, slightly taken aback at her proclamation. “Just curious, has Filip met a lot of, uh, serious investors?” Jensen was fidgeting with his cup which didn’t go unnoticed by Jill.

“Only two. He disapproved of both. I’m not saying that he’s got the power of persuasion over Y/N, where he would tell her to dump someone. Buuut, let’s just say he’s an immaculate judge of character and his instincts are primally on point.”

His expression was wary, but also thoughtful. When he didn’t respond, she worried that maybe she gave him the wrong impression. “I just mean that you guys are having fun, it's not serious or anything, right? You see each other when you can. Hell, maybe even see other people between—”

“No, there’s no one else,” he said firmly.

“Good to know,” she said and smiled with mild relief. “All I am saying is, you’re having a good time for now. Until you know what it is—”

“I’m in love with her, Jill,” he interjected abruptly, as if he didn’t say it out loud then, he wouldn’t be able too. “I’m in love with her and it's definitely just not a good time. It’s so much more than that.”

“Then you need to tell her. Show her, make sure she hears you. I love that girl but she’s a tough sonofabitch to get through to sometimes. She gets caught up in her own head and gets lost in there sometimes. So, you may have to repeat it before she believes you.”

Jensen smiled, the soft crinkles forming around his eyes. He gave her a slight nod and replied, “Yes ma’am.”

“I want to like you, Jensen. You seem like a genuinely good person, and I know she really enjoys being with you. It's been years since I’ve seen her like this and I so want this to work out. And I’m sure you will get to meet Filip one day. One way or another. Let’s just hope it’s the friendly kind of visit.”

Jill smiled at him sweetly before finishing her cocoa. She placed the mug in the sink and turned back towards Jensen. He seemed mildly panicked, but when you held out your arms for an embrace, he placed his mug on the counter and returned it happily.

“Now, I am going to go shower so as soon as that woman of yours wakes up, we can go get breakfast. Thanks for having me, you have a great place here. Would definitely love to come and visit again sometime.”

“Thanks, uh, for the chat—” his phone vibrated in his pocket and when he retrieved it, he scowled and shoved it back into his pocket. “That’s my ride. I gotta run, but I want you to know, I heard you. Loud and clear. Have a safe flight home, and I promise you, she’s in good hands with me.”

“Oh, I bet she is,” Jill laughed, shaking her head as she walked turned towards the spare room. “See ya sometime soon and have a good day on set.”

Jensen glanced upstairs at the door to his room. As he grabbed his coat off the hook and double checked for his wallet and keys, he thought about her still wrapped up in his sheets and how they’d be rich with her scent now. Knowing that when he got home, he could lay down on them and she would be right there, pulled at the place in his heart he’d kept reserved and closed off for so long. It scared the shit out of him, but since he’d met her, he knew it was time to open it again.

Exploring with Vancouver with Jill was both fun and exhausting. Returning once to the apartment to rest for a few and gather her things, within a couple hours you were back out on the curb hailing a cab to take you both to the airport.

“You don’t have to come. I can get there and get on the plane, no reason you should leave and have to come all the way back.”

“It’s fine. I want to go with you. Jensen won’t be home for a few more hours at least and I don’t want to sit up there all by myself.”

“Alright, but I still say you’re a glutton for punishment,” she teased and handed the cab driver her bags for the trunk.

On the way, you chatted casually and again thanked her for the resort trip. It was rare that you got to spend this quality time with her, and suddenly found yourself anxious that it was ending regardless that it meant you’d be alone with Jensen for the whole week.

“What’s up with you?” she asked, able to read your expression easily.

“Would you laugh if I told you I was nervous?”

“About what?”

“Being alone with him… for a week. Last night, that got intense—”

“Bup bup,” she interrupted and held up her hand. “I’ve heard plenty of sexcapade stories from you about him in the last six months, I don’t need another right now.”

You rolled your eyes and continued, ignoring her teasing grin, “—he got intense. He was just… different and I can’t tell why. I don’t know. I’m being stupid.”

“You’re not. You’re stressing and overthinking, but you’re not being stupid. Look, don’t get inside your head too much, ok? He likes you, he wants you here, he was excited you showed up. By the end of the week, I’m sure you’ll be so at ease with each other, he won’t want you to leave.”

“I just wish you could stay longer,” you pouted.

“Me too, but I miss my old man and I honestly can’t watch you make out with Jensen anymore. It's gross. You should know that.”

“You forget I’ve watched you and Filip for all these years. Girl, I’ve seen things…. Things these eyes will never recover from thanks to you two. So, don’t give me shit.”

With that, the cab pulled up to the drop-off zone and popped the trunk. After exiting the cab, she told him to wait and told you to go back to Jensen’s.

“I got it from here. Go back, enjoy time with him and just have fun. Ok? Text me if you need me, but do not call for at least two days. I plan on doing very dirty things to Filip when I get home and unless the house catches fire, don’t plan on engaging with anyone else.”

You laughed and pulled her into a tight embrace. “Got it. Travel safe.”

“I’ll let you know when I get home though, and seriously, just relax and have fun!”

Jill grabbed her luggage and headed towards the terminal, pausing only once to turn and wave goodbye.

In the days after Jill left, things took a weird turn between you and Jensen. He wasn’t distant, exactly, but he didn’t have much in him by the time he got home at the end of the day. Which was something you understood completely given the schedule he’d been keeping. You began to worry that his lifestyle wasn’t something you could keep up with.

The conversations you had with Jill echoed loudly in your head, and you kept asking yourself all the questions she had… what was it you wanted from this, where was it going, was it serious, would it last… ?

Several days after saying goodbye to Jill, you were lying in bed trying to read with Jensen snoring softly beside you. The book was open on your lap, but you were blankly staring ahead reliving the day you’d had and trying not to be overly emotional about a whole lot of nothing.

Work had been especially grinding trying to wrap early so he could take a long weekend to spend time with you. He had fifteen-hour days on set, and each night came home completely exhausted, barely able to finish a meal and shower before he fell asleep.

Each morning he left a small note on the coffee pot, which was always brewed and waiting for you when you came downstairs. Passing the time, you went to see a movie, tidied up around the apartment, and finally cleaned out all the leftovers before heading to the market to fill the house with all his favorites.

The ones you knew of, anyway.

Browsing the aisles of the store, you were struck with the realization that there was so much you didn’t know about him. Most of the time you had together, was spent on the go, so that meant a lot of restaurants, take out or room service. Only once did you get to cook for him and that was on a layover he spent at your place a couple weeks after the convention.

You tried to brush it off, but the thought spiraled into more of the same ilk, and it left you feeling slightly spun out, unsure about why you were even trying so hard when it would probably never last. Walking through the produce section, you chose a few types of each before doing the same thing with everything else. By the time you finally reached the check out with a cart full of groceries, you were near tears with doubt.

What is wrong with you? You asked yourself as you sat there, taking in deep breaths of air. You’re panicking… why?

The inner banter you had with your anxious self, went on that way for a while… what about food allergies? Does he have any? What if he hates mushrooms or peppers? What if he can’t eat eggs? Then you’d immediately berate yourself for questioning everything… You’ve seen him eat eggs, you idiot. You’ve seen him eat just about everything…

It took all your strength to make both sides shut up so you could proceed with getting the haul home. Bringing it all up to the apartment was a task, too, and by the time it was all put away, you were mentally exhausted and feeling completely out of whack.

The sound of his key in the door prompted you to quickly swipe any leftover tears from your eyes and busied yourself in the kitchen.

“Hey,” he smiled wearily and hung his keys on the hook. “How was your day?”

Your back was still facing him, but you could feel his eyes on you. “It was good.”

“Just good?”

“Yeah, you know, uneventful,” you half lied and tried to compose yourself before turning around to greet him properly.

The moment you locked eyes with him, you saw he recognized that you weren’t alright. Jensen gingerly took your hand, cast his eyes down as he played with your fingers.

“You wanna talk about it or continue to feed me bullshit?” He looked up, exhaustion set into his features, and the last thing you wanted to do was add to it.

“I—I’m fine, Jay, honest. Let me make you some dinner while you relax. Looks like it was a long day.”

You noticed how intensely he was scrutinizing your face and did your best to hold up to the silent interrogation. “Alright,” he said and brought your hand to his lips. “If you say so. But, if you change your mind and wanna talk about whatever’s bothering you, I’m right here.”

“I know,” you replied, forcing a smile, “I’m fine. Go rest. Dinner should be up soon.”

His brow furrowed as you shewed him from the kitchen, but he did as you asked.

Sometime later, when you went out to tell him that it was ready, you found him fast asleep on the couch. Despite everything, you’d felt that day and all the doubts you had, you were still happy to be there with him. Even though your mind was still muddled with tons of self-doubt and worry where the relationship was headed, an overwhelming rush of love crashed into you.

Dammit, you thought as you gazed down at him sleeping peacefully, I’m falling in love with him and that’s the last thing I wanted.

You gently shook him awake and convinced him to go upstairs to go to bed. He was out almost instantly, but now you were laying beside him back to where you were before. The inner palaver was firing up again, so you grabbed your book to try and stave it off, but even the words of your favorite author couldn’t stop the internal argument brewing.

Everything that you felt for him, versus everything you felt you were not, battled it out until you were as mentally exhausted as Jensen had been physically spent. You finally gave up on reading, put the book on the table and slunk down into the bed. As your eyes closed, your mind let one more thought linger before finally shutting down… Maybe this visit was too long… maybe it really isn’t meant to last.

Jensen wasn’t an idiot. He could tell she was upset the minute he got home and walked into the kitchen. Her shoulders were slumped, the curve of her spine more pronounced because of it. There was something in her voice, too. Something that dampened the natural radiance he usually heard in it.

She was faking her mood and he didn’t know why. He asked if everything was alright, but her answer felt forced and false. Knowing her the way he did, he knew it had to be more than just the rigidness of his schedule. Whenever it had come up in the previous days, she was sincerely fine with it and he really believed that. He lied for a living after all, and he could spot a liar a hundred miles away. Y/N wasn’t a liar.

That’s how he knew, he had to get to the bottom of this because it wasn’t like her to lie or be this upset and try to hide it.

Y/N ushered him away from the kitchen while she got dinner going, so Jensen took respite on the couch. He flicked on the television and grabbed the phone from his pocket. Realizing the time, he didn’t want to chance to call her, so he brought Jill’s contact info up and messaged her instead.

Hey, how’s my favorite author doing?

It only took about a minute for her to respond.

Sleeping. She was sleeping.

Sorry about that. Can I pick your brain for a minute?

Sure. What’s up?

Y/N’s upset and won’t say why.

Crying?

Not anymore. She was before I got home I think. Fake smile, too.

Did you tell her yet? You didn’t, did you?

I’m waiting for the right time.

Men… you’re an idiot. Tell her. Now.

Not like that. I don’t want to say it to fix something. I wanna tell her in a special way. Tell me what Willow Bainbridge would do.

I have no words for you right now…

I know, I’m an ass.

Won’t deny that. Just tell her how you feel, dummy. She’s probably stuck in her own head just doubting everything. Doesn’t need to be elaborate. Make it special, sure. But doesn’t have to be a big spectacle. You know?

Jensen sighed. He knew she was right, but he wanted it to be. He wanted to show Y/N just how much he felt for her, but he didn’t know how. She stepped up at the convention in a big way, he just wanted to match it; do something that really proved to her that he loved her.

You’re the expert here, I’ll follow your lead.

Smart boy. Take care of her, ok?

Btw, Filip says hello and not to make her cry anymore. Niighhtt!

Shaking his head, he tucked the phone away, laid his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. He must have started dozing off, because the next thing he knew, Y/N was gingerly rubbing his arm and calling his name.

“Jensen…” her voice was soft and sweet despite whatever that was before. “Baby, wake up, let’s go upstairs. You need to get some real sleep.”

He woke enough to hear her and smile when she called him baby. He liked that, a lot. She helped guide him up the stairs and into bed, removing his jeans and shirt and putting them to the side. Jensen fell into bed and wanted to wrap himself up in her, but before she could even climb in beside him, he was fast asleep.

You woke the next morning, and as usual, Jensen was gone. You pulled yourself up and out of bed put on your robe and headed down to the kitchen. The coffee pot was on and his note stuck to the cup beside it.

Fix your cup and go out to the balcony.

You did as the note commanded and froze in place once you realized he was still home and waiting for you out there.

“Well, hey stranger,” you said as you came through the balcony door. “Running late or playing hooky?”

He kissed your cheek, letting his lips linger there softly. “Both.”

The corner of your mouth twitched into a curious smile. “Both?”

“Yes, ma’am. I am playing hooky. All the way through Sunday. But, we are also running late.”

“We?”

“You sure ask a lot of questions,” he teased, his eyes were gazing upon you softly. “I have some plans for us today, and they require us to be leaving very soon. Was just about to come up and wake you.”

“I can be ready in less than an hour, is that ok?”

“Perfect.”

You took your cup upstairs and went about taking a shower to get ready for a day out with Jensen. In record time, you were showered, dressed, downstairs and ready to go. Though you were still feeling a little off from the day before, your spirit had lifted a bit and you felt a little less anxious. No matter what the day had in store, you were going to just try and enjoy the time you had with him.

The day started out with breakfast at a small café he loved, then a trip to the Vancouver Aquarium where he arranged for you to go and feed the penguins. You walked hand in hand with him all day, admiring all the creatures there and found yourself laughing a lot. He was stopped only a few times by fans, and you watched as he treated them all with nothing but kindness and appreciation.

You didn’t think it was anything you could get used to but seeing him interact with them only reinforced what you already knew. This was his life, and he was so, very good at what he did. Being with him, really being with him meant that your perfect days would be interrupted, plans would get canceled and time would sometimes be short.

Just as you were exiting the aquarium, a little boy about ten years old and his mom were walking in. Despite his baseball cap, the boy noticed Jensen and you both heard him scream, “Mom! It’s Dean!”

Jensen immediately went over to him, gave him a high five, and knelt to talk to him. You watched how the little boy’s mom watched them, her face just beaming with happiness. She turned to you, her hand over her heart, “Your husband is absolutely wonderful to do this. My son loves Dean so much, the show too, crazy how they can get so much out of it at this age, isn’t it?”

All you could do is simply nod. The emotion caught up in your throat and rendered you speechless. Their interaction was brief, but it impacted you in a way you didn’t see coming. You suddenly felt remorseful for not having watched the show, for not engaging him more with his career, and the other projects he’s been a part of. You’d become so afraid of falling in love with him, that you purposely ignored the biggest part of his life. No wonder he may want to let you go…

This character he played, that seemed to touch so many people, was a mystery to you and it made you feel terribly guilty. When he said goodbye and came back to you, it was hard to look him in the eye.

From there, you walked around Gastown to explore some shops and galleries. He did most of the talking, pointing out things of interest and sharing his exceptional knowledge of the city’s history. You tried to follow along and listen to everything, but the earlier encounter had brought back the familiar feeling of the day before. You just didn’t feel like you were good enough to be with him.

Though you enjoyed the day, there was something that just felt wrong, and you knew it was because you were letting your fears take over.

Jensen suggested getting dinner and hailed a cab to take you to a restaurant called Chambar. He told the driver where to go and settled into the seat beside you.

“You’ve been quiet. You alright?”

“Yeah, just taking in the day.”

“Sure? If something’s on your mind…” he shrugged slightly and wrapped his hand around your knee, “I want you to know you can talk to me.”

You should have said more, but at that moment all you could muster was, “I know.” You hooked your arm around his elbow, rested your head on his shoulder and rode in silence to the restaurant.

Jensen must have called ahead because you were sat right away at a large corner booth in the back of the restaurant. As you walked towards the table, it struck you how similar the place looked to the restaurant in Lynchburg. You slid into the rounded booth, and Jensen followed, leaving very little distance between you.

The hostess placed down menus and left with a smile. The waitress arrived shortly after and took care of the drinks and appetizers, leaving you with your menus a while longer. Once you decided what you wanted to have, you really began to look around the place and enjoyed how familiar it felt.

“This place really looks—”

“Just like Lynchburg, right?” he said, his smile encapsulating his entire face. “It’s why I wanted to come here.”

“It's beautiful, and the food smells great,” you said, trying to make small talk but you could see something more serious brewing behind his eyes.

The drinks were dropped off, and after he sampled his bourbon, he finally broached the subject that he had been mulling over. “I know that these past couple days have been crappy, and you’ve had a lot on your mind. But, there’s a weird thing going on here. I don’t know what it is, but I know that I’m not crazy about it.”

You felt your heart start to sink. Had you read the day completely wrong? Was this really it? The final nail in a coffin signifying the end you were so scared of?

“Wh—What do you mean?”

“Just that, you’ve been quiet, not really yourself. You don’t want to talk about it, and I can’t force you, but I also don’t want you to be unhappy.”

You swallowed a good portion of your Jack and Coke, hoping the bite of the whiskey would help quell the panic rising, to go back down. “I’m not, unhappy, Jensen.”

“Then what is it?” he asked, the lines of his forehead creasing with worry. “Because you’ve definitely not been happy. You were crying last night before I got home and hid it. Why?”

You inhaled sharply, taken aback by his accusation. He wasn’t wrong, but you thought you’d covered that so well. He seemed frustrated by it though, and you immediately assumed this was the beginning of the end. You felt instantly defensive. This wasn’t how this was supposed to be. This is how things were with the other people that had been in your life. But not Jensen, he was supposed to be different…

“Look, if you want to end things—”

Jensen was suddenly panicked. “What? No!”

“It’s ok, I mean, I never expected it to last forever,” you mumbled through a buildup of thick emotion. You could feel yourself starting to spiral. “I don’t know if I will ever be comfortable with the public side of your life, I know I don’t watch the show, and you must feel like I don’t support you—"

He took your hands tightly in his and slid you closer to him on the bench. “Y/N. Stop. Just shut up for a minute. When I first met you, we had the most amazing, best night of my life. The next day, you didn’t want to hear me out. When there’s no communication, things get messy. You ran away, and we missed out on a month together. I’m asking you now to listen to me. Alright? Just really listen.”

You drew in a shaky breath and nodded. “You’re right, I’m sorry,” you rasped.

“Good. Last thing I want is for anything to end. I realized something the other day and I’ve been waiting, looking for the perfect moment to tell you. Work has been crazy, and I didn’t want it to be said in passing or off hand. And with how quiet you’ve been, I didn’t want to say it solely try and make you feel better. I need you to know I’m sincere. Maybe I should’ve just said it right then, but when it comes to you, I’m not always thinking straight. I wanted to be in a special place, look you in the eye and be able to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“That I am crazy, head over heels in love with you.”

The words spilled from his lips all in one breath as he sat there, anxiously awaiting your response. He squeezed your hands, as his tongue darted nervously out across his bottom lip. “Honestly, just saying it, it’s not enough, because I don’t just want to be in love with you, Y/N. I want you to be with me, forever. I don’t want you to go home. I want you to stay here in Vancouver. I know that changes everything for you, and it’s a big step, but I know that we are good together. I am the best I’ve ever been, in these last six months. That’s because of you. I may be tired when I get home, and there’s not always a whole lot of me left then. But what is left, I want to give to you. I have loved coming home this week, knowing you were there and I’m sorry if I haven’t made that abundantly clear.”

You swallowed thickly and could feel your chest rising and falling, but the air expelling was thin at best. Your bottom lip was shaking with so many things you wanted to say back, but the look in his eyes was enough to render you silent. Slowly, you withdrew your hands from his and ran them nervously through your hair. It was then you were struck by how funny it all was.

“This whole week, I’ve been petrified that you were tired of me and that I shouldn’t have surprised you. I was so scared that you were just being kind, tolerating me being there. I went shopping for you and panicked. Bought everything under the sun because I didn’t remember what you liked.”

“Is that why there’s like, ten boxes of different pastas in the pantry?” he asked, a vague smirk touching his lips.

You nodded and wiped the stray tear that started falling. “I realized how little I thought I knew about you. Then, it spiraled… maybe it was too much, I was too much. That I wasn’t what you’d need or want in any concept of forever. So, I tried to step back a little bit emotionally; detach myself from you so when it did end, I wouldn’t get too hurt. Problem was, I couldn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I had already fallen in love with you but was really scared to admit it to myself.”

His expression changed. Gone were the lines of worry across his brow, the crinkles formed at the corners of his eyes as his perfect lips curled into a smile. “You love me, huh?” he teased.

“Yeeaah,” you said shakily, drawing out the word as you leaned in closer. “Against my better judgment, I do.”

Jensen’s hand lovingly caressed your check and guided your mouth to meet his. Reminiscent of your first kiss in the elevator, it was slow and sweet; tiny flashes of energy sparking every time your lips came together. It was the first real kiss you had shared with him in a few days and it felt long overdue.

He pulled back but kept his eyes locked with yours. He appeared like he wanted to say something more, but hesitated. You didn’t want to pressure him, so you let him work it out on his own. He reached down into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, laying it face down on the table.

“I have something I need to ask you…”

Jensen knew it was now or never. She loved him, that was all he needed to be sure and brave. The small piece of jewelry felt heavy in his hands. He’d gone over this a million times in the last two days and was still unsure of what he wanted to say. Since the day that Jill left, he’d been trying to find the right words to ask Y/N, but nothing felt just right. The only thing that did, is him finally coming to realize he wanted to be with her forever.

He stopped and bought the ring the next day. Why wait? He knew he loved her and always wanted to be with her. He didn’t tell a single soul, though. Not even Jared. He was afraid someone would try and talk him out of it, and right now, getting Y/N to marry him was the only thing in the world he really wanted.

Jensen took a deep breath and leap that he never thought would come.

“I have something I need to ask you… Nothing about us has been conventional. I know that I’m in love with you, and I want to spend my life with you. Whether that forever is here in Vancouver, in Austin, or in Timbuctoo… I don’t care, Y/N. All that matters to me, is that I found my perfect girl and I’m tired of waiting for forever to start.”

Jensen unfurled his fingers to reveal the petite silver ring garnished with a three-carat opal cut diamond in his palm. He picked up and held it towards her. “Marry me.”

There was no wavering or uncertainty in his voice. He knew what he wanted, and he was determined to get it. Her expression morphed from adoration to shock in the course of two words. Her eyes grew large and her mouth fell slack.

“M—Marry you?” The way she said it made his stomach drop. Maybe it was too soon, he thought and fought down the internal panic. Then he really looked in her eyes and noticed her own panic.

“I know my life isn’t exactly normal. Sometimes it's overwhelming and exhausting. But, its part of who I am, and I don’t want to give it up. That being said, I am not going to expect you to take part if you can’t. If you’re worried—”

“Will you shut up?” she interjected, tears forming in the corner of her eyes. “Just shut up, Jay, and put the ring on my finger.”

Jensen expelled a rush of anxious air and slipped the ring onto her finger. “So, that’s a yes?”

She admired it for a moment, then took his cheeks into her hands and kissed him deeply despite being in a very crowded restaurant. When the kiss cooled down, she smiled, just like she did that night in Lynchburg when they were out on the patio and agreed to go upstairs with him.

“Yes,” her bright eyes sparkled with a thousand new promises. “I will marry you… anytime, anywhere.”

Jensen felt overwhelmed, happy, scared and relieved. But as he sat with his now fiancé, as she leaned into him, watching her ring dance in the ambient lighting of the room, he knew that he did the right thing. She was the one. The one he was fated to meet and found again in the most unlikely of places. Now, she’d be with him forever.

Six Months Later…

The Autumn air was unnaturally warm for October in Tennessee, not that you minded. It made having an outdoor wedding more bearable. The barn was all decked out in various flower arrangements and soft lighting, tables set up both inside and out, depending on how the weather was going to cooperate. The sun was about two hours from setting, and you knew you’d have an amazing sunset for the big day. Sunsets in this part of the world never ceased to disappoint.

Jill was fidgeting with the bottom of your dress, while Filip watched from the corner of the room. He had his arms crossed over his chest, one boot kicked over the other.

“Why you makin’ me stay in here for lass, I’ll be on me best behavior out there. I just wanna talk to the boy, shite.”

“You, sit,” Jill commanded her husband, to which he woefully obeyed but not without a rueful glance. “You will not scare him off thirty minutes before they’re supposed to get married.

“Pffft,” Filip said and waved her off. “I ain’t gonna do nothin’, love. Cross me heart.”

“You heard the woman, you best stay,” you teased and adjusted a rogue strand of hair. “Instead, tell me if I look alright. Don’t wanna look a mess walking out there.”

Filip got up, walked over to you and Jill, and draped his arm across her shoulders while giving you a firm once over. A soft smile fell to his face, causing the infamous dimples to appear. “Absolutely beautiful. I mean, no one could touch this one’s beauty on the day we said ‘I do’, but you’re a damn close second sweetheart.”

“Dayum Filip, even after all these years, you still know how to get your old lady to smile,” you teased once you saw Jill’s face blush.

“It’s a gift,” he whispered with a wink. “Now, ladies, I am gonna take me leave of ya, ‘n go find the bar. Maybe I’ll run into this groom of yours. We need to be havin’ a quick chat anyway.”

“Filip!” you warned, “Don’t you be mean!”

“Me? Come on now, you know me better than that…”

“Best behavior old man,” Jill warned and narrowed her eyes at him. Filip sauntered out of the room and flipped out the tails of his suit jacket as he walked out the door. “Boy he’s got a flair for the dramatic,” she mumbled after he left.

Standing up from fixing one more spot on the hem, she stepped back and took a long look at you. “Alright, I think you are ready to go.” Her face beamed, and you turned to take one more look at yourself in the mirror.

“Is this really going to happen today? How the Hell did I get here?” you asked, more to your reflection than to Jill. But she nonetheless stood behind you and spoke to both of your reflections. “This time last year I was newly single and planning a vacation… now…”

“Now you are marrying a really great guy who loves you like crazy and has the world’s coolest job. It’s going to be beautiful and you two are going to have the best, craziest sort of life together.”

“You think?”

“I know.”

Jill squeezed your shoulders and smiled again through the reflection. “Come on, let’s go get you married.”

Outside, Jensen paced nervously while trying to listen to the calming words of his brother and father about the wonders of marriage. Jared stood off to the side relishing in watching how anxious his best friend was getting. After a few minutes, he found a way to get Jensen alone, if for no other reason than to give the man a moment to breathe.

“You alright?” Jared asked, picking a piece of lint from Jensen’s tux.

“If you count wanting to puke as alright, sure. I’m dandy.”

“Wanna call it off?” Jared asked sarcastically, earning a look of death from Jensen.

“What do you think?”

“Alright, then chill. It’s going to be fine. You’ll get up there, she’ll get up there, Y’all will be married and then… we’ll drink and party. Right?”

“Yeah, man. Thanks. You sure you’re good to do this?”

Jared pulled the index cards from his jacket and nodded. “I am so ready to do this. I’m honored you’d even ask me.”

“No one else in the world I’d want to have been a part of this,” Jensen clapped Jared’s shoulder and brought him into a hug.

Approaching from behind, Filip cleared his throat. “Excuse me, boys, may I have a moment with the groom?”

Jared and Jensen passed a nervous look. Jensen’s mouth frowned and he nodded, his way of telling Jared it was ok to go on ahead. “I’ll meet you up there.”

Once Jared was gone Filip got a little closer and looked out over the area set up for the wedding.

“Gorgeous, huh?” Filip asked gesturing towards it. “Really pretty place you choose here.”

“Yeah, it’s beautiful.”

Filip maintained his silence for a moment. Surveying the farm before him, he turned slowly and caught Jensen’s gaze. “So’s she, ya know. Me little sis down there. Not just her face I mean. She’s a good one.”

“I know. Trust me.”

“She best stay that way.”

“She will as long as she’s with me,” Jensen said assuredly, though resisted the urge to add “sir,” and glanced at Filip from the corner of his eye.

“Y/N ever tell ya ‘bout the time she brought this one lad ‘round the house?” Filip asked, ignoring Jensen’s comment. “He was a lazy shite, didn’t like him at all. Walked in on ‘em fightin’ once, poor fella.”

“Poor fella?” Jensen asked with an edgy grin. “What, uh, happened to him?”

Filip was quiet for a moment longer than was comfortable for Jensen. A wicked smile unfurled on his lips, enhancing the Glasgow smile etched into his face. “Let’s hope you never have to find out, aye?”

The older man in the dapper gray suit chuckled darkly and smacked Jensen on the back. “Sun’s getting low boyo, best be getting the bride ready for a walk down the aisle to ya.”

He turned and sauntered back down the hill towards where Y/N would be getting ready. Jensen took a moment to compose himself and found the whole thing slightly humorous. Y/N was like no one he’d ever known. Even her closest family and friends were characters, and even though they may be slightly frightening, he was looking forward to the day they called him family, too.

The music started playing, and Jill appeared at the end of the aisle wearing an off the shoulder, plum colored dress. As the Maid of Honor, she walked slowly, smiling at the smattering of guests. Keeping it to close friends and family, there were less than fifty people in attendance, which provided a wonderfully intimate setting. When she arrived at the end, everyone stood up and reacted to seeing Y/N standing there on Filip’s arm.

Jensen’s breath stopped. He tried to swallow the swell of emotion that build up, but his throat had gone completely dry. She was breathtaking. He didn’t notice the details of her dress, or exactly how she had her hair done. All he could see were how her eyes were locked with his, and twinkled with the future that waited for him there.

Traveling, holidays, quiet nights… kids. All of it. Everything he’d wanted with a girl that was meant to be his.

She arrived at the altar, and Jared cleared his throat. Standing in as the Officiant of the Ceremony, he asked who gave this woman to this man.

Filip cleared his throat, and cast a look over to Jill, who warned with her eyes that he’s to answer and move on; no shenanigans.

“I do,” he replied and clapped Jensen on the shoulder and grinned, “I give her, happily.”

Once Filip was sat in the front row, Jared continued on with the ceremony.

“When Jensen first told me about meeting Y/N, he said that she was the kind of girl that made you question your future. He thought of her as his Cinderella. The perfect girl who got away, never to be seen again. But she proved him wrong. That’s when I knew I approved. Anyone that can prove this man wrong, is a superstar in my book.”

Jared raised his brows in jest and Jensen sighed loudly, hanging his head in mock shame. A ripple of laughs worked its way through the guests, and once it was quiet again, Jared placed a hand on both Jensen’s and Y/N’s shoulders.

“In all seriousness, you two have found an amazing connection of love that most people only dream of. I am honored to be a small part of this and cannot wait to watch you both grow in love from now until the end of days. Thankfully, you’ve written your own vows, so I will now shut up and let you have at it.”

Jensen may have been comfortable on con stages, in front of cameras and even behind them, but right then, his nerves were maxed out. Before him, stood not only the most beautiful woman he’d ever known but the only one who had ever made him feel complete. He didn’t remember what life was like before knowing her, and he never wanted to again. Now, he finally had her right where he wanted her and planned on telling her just how much he was going to love her for the rest of his life.

He drew in a deep breath and began…

Part 4: Best. Christmas. Ever. (Christmas Fic)

#spngenrebingo #jensen ackles x you #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles x reader insert #jensen ackles rpf

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wintersongstress · 6 years ago

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Writer’s Questionnaire

tagged by: @a-shakespearean-in-paris - Whew, girl, this tag was hard. I don’t think I’m smart enough to do it but I love talking about writing more than actually doing it so strap in...

EDIT [1/5/19]: @the-darklings Thank you for tagging me as well!

Short stories, novels, or poems?

POETRY?! #TRIGGERED

Ya’ll I want to talk about poetry. That Illuminati Cryptology.

On the one hand, I’m actually quite decent with writing poetry. I like the poems I’ve written. I’m proud of my sonnets, sestinas, villanelles, and free verse. Albeit, the restrictions of closed forms and writing in iambic pentameter grinds the gears in the computer science part of my brain, but I can do it. Some of my best lines are poetry. Poetry is what resonates the deepest, what loops through my head when I think about writing. Its the ultimate mastery of words that makes your work endure.

Look at Peonies at Dusk by Jane Kenyon. Nice poem, right? Lovely imagery, the tone is somber and sweet. But, you have to remember, poetry is a puzzle. You have to put the pieces together to understand the picture.

Kenyon arranged her poem in tercet stanzas to link it to the Holy Trinity. (???)This was because she found God during the time so wrote this poem and wanted to pay tribute to how it grounded her life by grounding her poem the same way. In the final stanza, the narrator bending to smell the peony is supposed to be the narrator bending over to take care of someone who is bedridden with cancer. Propping them up with stakes and twine- taking care of a sick loved one. Peonies were also known for their medicinal properties, as well as them withering being an omen for disaster and death. The fading of light and the dusk is all blatantly symbolic. JUST. POETRY PISSES ME OFF SOMETIMES. AND I HATE THAT I KIND OF LIKE HOW CONVOLUTED IT IS ONCE I FIGURE IT OUT.

tl:dr; I prefer short stories and novels when it comes to reading for the obvious reasons why we love novels. Ya’ll already know why novels are good. When it comes to writing I usually do short stories and poems. I haven’t been able to tackle a novel yet.

What genre do you prefer reading?

I’ve always enjoyed fantasy, historical fiction, and of course, romance. I like a good contemporary every once in a while, too.

What genre do you prefer writing?

Same as what I prefer to read. I absolutely love exploring settings and writing the relationships between characters and how they transform and develop them.

Are you a planner or a write-as-I-go kind of person?

I like to make an outline at the beginning of a new project just to have some semblance of order and to know what the journey is going to look like. This helps a lot in my Research stage because I’m able to identify what I don’t know and what tools I’m going to need.

What music do you listen to while writing?

Video game soundtracks mostly. They’re designed to keep you engaged and I don’t want to focus on anything else but my work, I just need a little white noise. Jeremy Soule’s compositions are great for setting the mood, as well as Debussy. I also like those nature ambiance videos on YouTube, crackling fire, forest/river sounds, etc.

Fave books/movies?

Amazing. This question never fails to make me forget every piece of media I have ever consumed. 😂

I’m kind of at a stand point right now because I’m 20 and I don’t read YA books anymore and that’s the bulk of my personal library. (Sorry Sarah J. Maas and Cassandra Clare!). I used to read a COLOSSAL amount of YA; I’m talking 15 books a month, 2 books a day sometimes and I used to do arc (advanced reader copy) reviews through Macmillan for Miss Literati. Looking back now though, there are some novels I read that I still stand by.

The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness - amazing, stream of consciousness writing at its best.

Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor - my favorite writing style. Period.

Half Bad by Salle Green - just brilliant.

The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway - fight me okay.

Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury

Passion by Lauren Kate - This book was just, everything I wanted. 😭

The Abhorsen Trilogy by Garth Nix - the first series that REALLY got me into reading.

List of my favorite films I like to tell people to impress them:

The Sixth Sense

The Last Samurai

Brokeback Mountain

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Rear Window

List of my favorite films when life is sad:

Confessions of a Shopaholic

The Mummy

Star Wars

Back to the Future

Some Like It Hot

The Princess Bride

Forrest Gump

Romancing the Stone

As you can see, I’m not a huge film buff (though sometimes I wish I were...)

I’m sure I’m forgetting some...

Any current WIPs?

gee let’s look at my documents folder...

This is gonna sound silly but the majority of my personal WIPs are actually games I want to write. I know, I know, but I want to go into narrative design, possibly even creative direction. Much to my mother’s chagrin. So I don’t write novels per say, I write scripts and game concept documents. I do write short stories but my longstanding projects I am not talented enough to start writing. I write ideas for scenes while I let the rest stew in my head, like a bubbling cauldron of ideas that is constantly simmering. I’ll get there, eventually.

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you, what would your standard outfit be?

My standard get-up is high-waisted jeans, Blundstones, and an over-sized knitted sweater. God I love winter.

Create a character description for yourself:

Hi,my name is Isabell. My worst nightmares include getting C’s, being late for work, and getting back together with my ex-boyfriend from 9th grade.

Do you like incorporating people you actually know into your writing?

The best writers are thieves, and I steal a lot of details of real people into my writing. Patterns of speech, outfits, unique traits, that sort of thing. I pay a lot of attention to the people around me, especially strangers. So I don’t incorporate actual people I know, rather, the strangers I see and who I think they are or could be in the context of story.

Are you kill-happy with characters?

By all means, I will put them in near death circumstances and give them critical injuries. However, I rarely kill them. So, no. I don’t happily kill my characters.

Coffee or tea while writing?

Self-proclaimed Chai tea slut.

Slow or fast writer?

Slow’er than the molasses in January.

Where/who/what do you find inspiration from?

Ideas strike anywhere, anytime. I could be standing in the check-out line at the grocery store and get an idea. However, most of my inspiration comes from consuming other stories. Video games have honestly been the most inspiring and immersive mediums for storytelling. I find inspiration from learning new things, especially in history. A lot of stuff from myth and history inspires me.

If you were put into a fantasy world, what would you be?

I’d like to think I would be an adventurer, but let’s be real I’d probably be an Alchemist’s apprentice. Or a sculptor. Maybe even a tutor.

Most fave book cliche? Least fave book cliche?

Hero/Villain Ships. Enemies to lovers. dYING CONFESSIONS OF LOVE.

Wait, are those cliches? As for what I hate...Oh, I don’t know. I hate the reckless heroine. I just hate reading about girls who make stupid decisions and think they’re the right ones. Not to say they can’t make mistakes, but you know, other characters are like, don’t do the thing, and they do it anyway.

Fave scenes to write?

SMUT. FIRST KISSES. Yeah. Been writing that sort of thing since I was 11. I had one of those notebooks with a cover that made a zippery sound when you scratched it and it was my first foray into fanfiction and smut lmao. Good stuff. Pandora’s box, though.

I love writing scenery descriptions. I’m acutely tuned to setting and creating atmosphere and I love determining the specific details that take you exactly where I want the reader to be. The mise-en-scene, if you will.

Most productive time of day for writing?

Dead of night or the wee hours of morning, when the world is quiet.

Reason for writing?

Because when I write, I feel like I belong. I write because I have a certain taste, and I’m the only one who knows how to capture that. I write because storytelling is intrinsic to me and a part of myself I can never deny, forget, or neglect. I write because my mind has always been full of ideas and worlds I want to explore. I write because deep down I know I’m meant to.

Tagging:

I’m gonna keep it chill because this tag takes more than 2 minutes to do, but I would love to see your guys’ responses!: @shadows-echoes || @sunstrain || @connorshero || @deviantsupporter

This tag is totally 100% optional!

#tag meme #tag game #personal #long post #this took 5ever #god this is so personal i hate hearing myself talk lmao

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kuriquinn · 7 years ago

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Underneath the Underneath [2/?]

Temporary Blanket Disclaimer

First Chapter

AN: Not edited yet. Honestly, I’m just amazed I could write something this week with how brain-dead I’ve been feeling. Here’s hoping things calm down soon so I can get back to my stories!

AN2: Also, I got the opening scene from a comic I saw somewhere here on tumblr. Can’t remember the artist, but if someone finds it, let me know so I can credit that person as inspiration here.

“Oh, you beautiful lady…you’re amazing.”

Hana Inuzuka freezes in mid-step, halfway through the door into the back room of her uncle’s veterinary, wondering if she’s hearing things.

“You are just gorgeous,” the voice continues, warm affection colouring the words.

A frown on her face, she peeks farther into the room and then has to resist the urge to smack her palm into her forehead. Kakashi Hatake is crouched in front a small pen, where one of the Inuzuka hounds is curled up with her puppies, congratulating the dog.

“Women all over Konoha would literally kill to have you say stuff like that to them, but you reserve it for the dogs,” she remarks as she wanders into the room and begins checking charts. She’s only an intern, but it’s generally accepted that as soon as her formal veterinary training is complete, she’ll be in charge of the place.

“Dogs I get,” the masked man replies, not budging from where he’s scratching the mother dog behind the ears. “People are weird.” The animal makes a noise of agreement, tongue lolling out in amusement, and he pats her once more before straightening up. “So, how’s the patient?”

He’s referring to Bull, one of his ninken, who is in the quarantine room sleeping off anesthesia from a recent procedure.

“He’ll be fine,” Hana says. “Uncle Kōga says the treatment was a complete success and there aren’t any poisonous toxins left. But take it easy with him for a bit. No missions and plenty of rest and fluids.”

“I’ll tell the rest of the back the same, then.”

“And I want him back here in two weeks for a follow up. No excuses.”

Kakashi is notorious for being late or absent for most appointments, and she shoots him her most challenging glare. Considering she perfected it staring down three giant wolf hounds, she knows how impressive it is. Grown men have been reduced to tears at the sight of it.

But Kakashi just snorts.

“No sense in arguing, I guess. Seems like that’s a theme with your family.”

Hana blinks. “Huh?”

“I met your sister the other day,” Kakashi says mildly. “She’s…certainly a character.”

“That’s the nicest anyone’s ever put that before,” she replies, raising an eyebrow.

“Maybe unusual is a better descriptor,” he corrects. “What made her choose demolitions over working here with you?”

Hana continues to frown at him in confusion. She’s a little unsure, considering Kakashi doesn’t really talk to her much beyond matters related to his ninken. He’s not the type to waste words, and so small-talk seems very out of character for him. At least based on the observations of a completely objective bystander.

Eventually, she shrugs.

“She has her reasons,” she says. “Let’s call them philosophical differences and a stubborn streak, depending on who you ask.”

“I’ll take your word on that. Still, it’s interesting. There aren’t many Inuzuka who aren’t actively part of Konoha’s defensive forces, right?”

His tone is casual enough, but Hana has been a shinobi long enough to recognise even an informal interrogation. The question is…why? It’s common knowledge that her twin dropped out of shinobi training after her failed Chūnin Exam. There are records of that which anyone—especially a former ANBU operative like Kakashi—could find if they looked. And he doesn’t take interest in people without some actual purpose.

“It helps that she has a natural talent for being destructive,” Hana says, noncommittal.

“I believe that,” he says with a nod. “She gave me a few of her explosive tags to try.” Hana’s eyebrows shoot towards her hairline at this. “If I hadn’t been as fast as I am, I’d have lost a limb.”

“She gave them to you?”

“Yes?”

“For free?”

“No. To test out for her,” he says slowly, and then frowns. “But from your reaction I take it that’s significant somehow?”

“For Manako, sharing explosives is kind of like giving someone a friendship bracelet,” Hana informs him.

“What exactly did you do?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Kakashi says abruptly, suddenly straight-backed and tense. He seems alarmed; she’s not sure how she knows it, because his entire face is covered, but he is.

Well, his hair kind of looks agitated, anyhow. Maybe that’s it?

Kakashi rubs the back of his head, almost sheepish, and edges to the door. “Anyhow. I have to check something. I’ll be back tomorrow morning to pick up Bull.”

“And then again two weeks to check up on him,” Hana agrees.

“Right!”

He vanishes into thin air.

“Because that wasn’t weird at all,” Hana says, making a mental note to ask Manako what that was all about the next time she sees her.

はたけ

“So, your new friend came by,” Hana begins apropos of nothing. She stands in her sister’s tiny kitchen, picking through a box of yakisoba and trying not to wrinkle her nose at the unwashed dishes in the sink.

Manako peers at her, a mouthful of noodles spilling over her mouth like she’s some kind of mutant jellyfish.

“Oo?” she mumbles, confused for a moment before her eyes light of. “Oh! A gah wih ah heh?”

She makes a demonstrative, up-and-down motion meant to mimic the masked jōnin’s hair, and Hana sniggers.

“Yeah, that’s the one. Though most people would recognise him just by the name.” Hana watches her carefully. “Looks like you made another wonderful impression on someone.”

Manako swallows.

“It’s what I do.”

“I guess it could be worse…Thanks to you, I have a stellar reputation around here. Everyone thinks I’m the good one.”

“It’s not my fault you’re boring.”

“Better boring than misanthropic.”

“You work with animals all day, you don’t get to pass judgement on my judgement of stupid people until you’ve worked in retail,” Manako reminds her.

“You’re the one who didn’t want to go into the family business.”

Her twin shoots her a single, unimpressed glare as though to remind her they are straying dangerously close to a topic that is not to be spoken of.

Hana dutifully changes the subject. “So, what do you think of him?”

“Who?”

“Kakashi.”

Manako shoots Hana a funny look. “Why would I think anything of him?”

“It’s not every day of the village’s most prolific shinobi walk into your shop. He could be good for business. Especially if you ever want to take over the place officially.”

“I doubt it. He didn’t come in to buy anything, he was just avoiding someone,” Manako points out. “That taijutsu master that has a thing for bodysuits, I think.”

Hana sniggers. “Gai? Yeah, I can see that.”

“That man exhausts me just existing within the same country as me,” Manako shakes her head.

“You can say that again…”

“Anyway, I took pity on broom-head and let him hang out for a bit.”

“And convinced him to test out your explosive tags, from what I heard,” Hana remarks innocently. “That’s impressive. Especially considering how famous the guy is for avoiding work. How sure are you that he’s actually going to do it?”

“Pretty damn sure. It’s all about knowing what people like,” Manako replies easily.

“Oh, ew, do I even want to know?”

“Probably not.”

Hana squints at her, trying to see beyond the casual tone figure out if her sister is joking or not. Manako doesn’t have the same reservations about certain behaviours as Hana does; she’s like Kiba and their mother in that respect. At the same time, she sets high standards for the people she gets close to.

And if she’s looking at this guy as friend material…

Hana chooses to tread carefully. Manako tends to be very guarded about her relationships, and even alluding to any serious interest in another person, whether it be a friend or something more, might cause her to torpedo that new relationship.

Especially since what happened with Izumi.

Sadness creeps over Hana. She was never as close to the Uchiha girl as Manako was—they weren’t teammates, after all—but they were peers at the Academy. What happened to her was horrible.

Since then, Manako has been even pricklier than she was growing up, utterly isolated from everyone except Hana and Kiba.

But if she’s showing even this little bit of interest in being friends with someone? Even someone as weird as Kakashi Hatake?

Hana considers the very odd situation for a moment, and then nods to herself.

That settles it. Jōnin or not, the man has the emotional maturity of a fourteen-year-old boy, so at least they’d be on the same level, mentally. And he’s trained to deal with difficult cases, right? Being friends with Manako shouldn’t be too difficult to him.

Kakashi’s hypothetical feelings on the matter don’t factor into it, of course. Hana has a duty as the older sister to look out for her younger siblings.

Even if one of them is only three minutes younger.

“Well…as long as it wasn’t anything too weird,” Hana muses out loud, keeping an eye on her sister’s reactions. “I mean, it’s hard to tell with that mask of his, but he doesn’t look like he has much fun otherwise.”

“Nah,” Manako dismisses, waving her chopsticks. “He gets along with dogs. Dogs are fun. And he reads. So he probably has some vague idea about fun.”

“Things are so simple for you, aren’t they?”

“Life is way too complicated as it is. Keeping things simple keeps them real.”

“We’re shinobi, everything’s pretty real.”

“Speak for yourself. Proud dropout here. Maybe that’s why I don’t have to torture myself with in-depth philosophical issues.”

“At least not until the next family dinner.”

Manako snorts in annoyance.

They eat in silence for a bit.

“They tell stories about him, you know,” Hana says after a while, in a quieter and less jokin tone now. “The things he’s done…what he’s seen…”

“Eh, I bet he’s just as hoity-toity as any other jōnin,” Manako dismisses. “Though, he’s got some questionable reading preferences, so maybe not that stuck-up.”

“How do you know what he reads?” Hana asks, not so innocently.

“Because I’m blackmailing him to test out my equipment. Why the hell else do you think I’d give him free explosives?”

“Manako!”

“Well, it’s not exactly blackmail,” Manako considers. “It was more withholding a book he wanted to read. But then again, I did threaten him with spoilers, so maybe blackmail is the right way to put it.”

“I don’t know whether to be disappointed in you for blackmailing an elite shinobi, or to be disappointed in him for his terrible taste in literature. Especially if he’s borrowing something from you.”

“Don’t pretend like you’ve never read a romance novel in your life.”

“Romance, yes, soft-core pornography? Not really.”

“Prude.”

“Pervert.”

“Bitch.”

“Assface.”

“You realise we’re twins, right? You just insulted yourself.”

“It depends on the ass,” Hana sniffs. “Mine is nicer than yours.”

“Oh, screw that!” Manako cries, tossing her unfinished yakisoba on the counter and twisting to point at her posterior. “See this? This is gorgeous. It’s got all that padding that you’ve trained away.”

“So, what you’re saying is…you have a fat ass.”

Her sister growls and lunges at her.

つづく

Yes, I know it wasn’t terribly shippy, but I did warn you all that Kakashi and Manako’s relationship is really slow burn. It takes place over the course of years, and barring the minor failure of the Bechdel test in this chapter, neither character really thinks overly much about the other at this point in time.

Also, I realised that I’ve never really spent much time on Hana before, barring that one chapter in Unplanned. And I’ve never written her and Manako together, and I figure it’s time. Also, everyone thinks Hana is the good one…when she is clearly much more conniving than her sister, hee hee.

Comments and constructive criticism are much appreciated, and very motivating—and if you enjoy my writing, check out my original stories as they are posted on patreon!

栗

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#naruto fanfiction #hatake kakashi #kakashi hatake #inuzuka manako #manako inuzuka #inuzuka hana #hana inuzuka #original character #behind the scenes #meddling sister #hana has a cunning plan #character development

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fheythfully · 7 years ago

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fanfic author meme

my friend tagged me to answer all the questions in a fanfic author meme, and it is primarily for the Final Fantasy XIII fandom, so it’s located under a read more. :)

Fanfic Ask Meme

A: How did you come up with the title to [fic of your choice]?

Most of my fic names come from lyrics in songs that have to do with the story content, no matter how vague. Poetry also makes its way in there, and on the very rare occasion, something I come up with that sounds pleasantly appropriate.

A Series of Firsts was the only one in the past five or so years to get a title that accurately and simply described the story, something which I typically never do.

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

No, actually. I write primarily angst and I have a very satisfying and healthy life, so… it all just comes out from somewhere? I am not entirely sure where.

C: What character do you identify with most?

Most recently, maybe Makoto from Persona 5? Growing up I felt that I had all these expectations on me from my family and the adults in my education (which I totally dug myself into by being smart and eager to please) and I always wanted to just say “fuck it” and stop caring about pleasing others and being the perfect student. Which took me until my third year in university to actually achieve but hey, better late than never.

D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with cause I’m a vampire smile (you’ll meet a sticky end)?

The title comes directly from the song ‘Vampire Smile’ by Kyla La Grange and it entirely fits so well for that fic. I definitely had it on replay the entire time I was writing.

E: If you wrote a sequel to Serendipity, what would it be about?

EDITED because I wrote for A Series of Firsts instead oops.

Serendipity would have a much shorter sequel - just lots of the gang being happy, of Fang and Vanille traipsing around the world, Yeul living in a big city and being amazed by all of it, Serah and Snow in a small French village with rose bushes and a kid or two and Light living in the same village with Hope being the Cool Aunt. Snow would have a motorcycle (and try to modify it to have a baby seat). Sazh would have a farm with chickens and livestock and live with his son and finally get the life he deserves. Maybe he runs into the reborn version of his wife and she remembers him. And live happily ever after.

F: Care to share a favorite hurt/comfort fic?

I don’t have one :( I even went through my favorites on both FFnet and AO3. I just like anything that makes me cry, and I cry easily, and sad fics make me happy.

G: Care to share a favorite crack fic?

I rarely read crack but an amazing one I’ve been reading is Sincerely, Me by Ignis_Sassentia and SharkbaitHooHaHa on AO3. It is a FF15 texting fic and just phenomenal.

H: How would you describe your style?

Lots of run on sentences and disjointed narration. I prefer writing drabbles because I feel like that format lets me get away with using the style better. I like using metaphors and a good balance between simple and more flowery language.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

Angst. All the angst. Also, if a fandom has some sort of divine figure in it, then you can bet it’s gonna be worked into my fics – usually as either a passive or active antagonist. This is a big reason why I still love writing for FF13 so much, because thank you, Bhunivelze. And Etro. Mwyn too. I need to write more Mwyn.

J: Write or describe an alternative ending to any Bhunivelze!Hope and Etro!Light fic.

I said to the sun, tell me about the big bang is my favourite out of the few (two?) I’ve written where both take after the divinity. Alternate ending to that one would be, their friends catch on and end them before they can succeed in destroying and recreating the world.

For just Bhuni!Hope, of which I wrote more, eve as my latest one – I considered Light actually realizing what’s happening within the fic itself and being the one to kill him. She would realize this in the midst of a relationship Bhuni!Hope has succeeded in constructing with her, and there would be lots of tears, and horror, and the symbolic knife stuck in Hope’s torso.

Gosh, I just can’t give you guys happy things, can I?

K: What's the angstiest idea you've ever come up with?

The premise in A Series of Firsts, where Hope and Snow have to come to terms with failing the world, and Light dying and becoming the Goddess, and then having to witness Light and Serah as children and then take them in, and do all in their power to prevent Orphan, and having them be family and Hope has a child with Light and then… they fail. And have to start all over again.

I’ve always appreciated time loops.

L: What's the weirdest AU you've ever come up with?

I discussed an idea with RainbowSerenity about a texting crack fic in the new world about the gang placing bets on how long it will take for Light and Hope to get together, and just being little shits in general (with a very liberal use of emoticons) and then Light and Hope are just there, like… should we tell them? When do you think they’ll realize we’ve been together for months now?

Also, an appearance by Bhunivelze via repeated friend requests to Light’s Facebook through a multitude of accounts. The sentence “how the hell does he have service in the deep ass of space!?” is written down in my phone.

I have to be in a very specific mood to write something of this sort, haha.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you'd care to share?

The AU fic above. Hope finding the temple with Light’s statue in 13-2, and ritually visiting it before it becomes inaccessible. Also, a fic I will shortly be releasing on – once again – Bhuni!Hope.

Outside of the 13 fandom, I have further ideas for my 14 OCs and how they meet, fall in love, and then go their own ways. An idea for an original fantasy story I’ve been sitting on (I have the entire plot written out, too…).

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

If someone could read my mind and finish that one FF8 fic I started in 2007 and never finished, despite rewriting like three times, it would be a miracle. The OC I created for it has grown alongside me all this time and I treasure her deeply, even though her story will never be properly finished.

O: How do you begin a story--with the plot, or the characters?

I usually start with a plot idea I want to write about and then the characters usually write themselves.

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an "architect" or a "gardener"? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

The way I write my oneshots, the most planning I ever do is I have the final sentence in mind and then I have to write to get to that point. When I write (wrote) multi-chaptered stories, I typically had the plot mapped out and sometimes things would just write themselves in the process.

Q: Do you have any discarded scenes/storylines/projects?

That FF8 fic. I don’t even want to talk about it, haha. Also a Narnia fic I was writing and had like, two sequels planned for. I am just horrible at finishing things.

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

Not really? I always write however and whatever I want. I really admire attica on FFnet, though – their writing takes me breath away.

Also Sylvia Plath and E.E Cummings make my heart skip a beat.

S: Any fandom tropes you can't resist?

Bhuni!Hope, and Etro!Light. As has been made obvious.

T: Any fandom tropes you can't stand?

Whenever Snow is being written as useless or dumb. That’s my biggest one.

U: A pairing you might like to write for, but haven't tried yet.

…Light and Snow, very brief in the original 13. I actually had something written down when the game first came out, but never properly wrote it.

Don’t kill me. It would be very sad where they share their angst over Serah and then realize what they’re doing and part ways.

V: A secondary (or underrated) character you want to see more of in fic?

Yeul. YEEUUULLL. I love Yeul. So much.

W: Do you like more general prompts, or more specific ones?

Specific ones.

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

All of them. Primarily, Light, Hope, and Yeul.

Y: A character you want to protect.

All of them. From me.

Z: Major character death--do you ever write/read it? Is there a character whose death you can't tolerate?

I love reading it if it’s written well, and I’ve never written specifics just background plot. There aren’t any deaths I can’t tolerate, because if done well, it can throw things into a nice twist.

#aloice #here u go #non ffxiv

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nathanneedsausername · 6 years ago

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2018 Film Retrospective

This is my retrospective of all the movies I saw in 2018. This is based on UK release dates so films such as The Favourite, Vice or Eighth Grade will not appear on this list despite technically being 2018 movies as I have not yet been able to see these yet. There are also many movies that I have missed in 2018.

I will still be updating this list throughout 2019 here: https://letterboxd.com/nathan_r_l/list/2018-from-best-to-worst-3/

If you want to see where these movies fall on this list as I see them.

So, anyway here from the worst of the year to my personal favourite are all the films I saw in 2018:

37. The Queen and I (Dan Zeff):

I only saw this film a few days ago as of writing so it may seem a little harsh to call it the worst of the year as it hasn’t had any time to grow on me yet. Although I don’t see this getting any better with age. Sky intended this new David Walliams’s TV movie as a sort of Christmas present, but this must be one of the very few films I have ever seen that has actually made me angry. Nothing more than royalist propaganda that manages to completely miss the potential of the concept as well as missing the point of the sequence from Les Miserable that it decides to “pay homage too”.

36. Death on the Tyne (Ed Bye):

Not much to say here. Really it isn’t a surprise that UKTV made a bad comedy.

35. Fahrenheit 451 (Ramin Bahrani):

I promise that I saw more than just TV movies this year, it just so happens that most of them were really bad. All of the changes that were added to the story were stupid and when they actually tell the story it is painfully boring.

34. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (J. A. Bayona):

Let’s be real, despite ranging in quality none of the Jurassic Park sequels have warranted their own existence. That being said Fallen Kingdom might be worth watching just to see how hilariously bad these films can get. Despite having the same director as The Orphanage and A Monster Calls no amount of good tracking shots can fix a script that is this ridiculous. The script comes across like two different ideas for new Jurassic Park movies were awkwardly stitched together when the best treatment for both would have been not to make either of them. Through in an incredibly stupid and unneeded twist and the most underwhelming Jeff Goldblum cameo in cinema history.

33. Grandpa’s Great Escape (Elliot Hegarty):

Oh, look another bad TV movie. Davis Walliams consistently finds himself attached to these boring BBC productions never quite capture the heart and care of his writing. Walliams is a good children’s author, but the small screen adaptations of his work always feel rushed and unfocused.

32. Venom (Ruben Fleischer):

The biggest disappointment of 2018. Venom is corny, bland and forgettable. According to IMDB, Zombieland director Ruben Fleischer is behind this mess but judging by Tom Hardy’s performance and the incomprehensible CGI finale no-one directed this.

31. Solo: A Star Wars Story (Ron Howard):

A soulless, lifeless film that stinks of studio interference. All of the cast feel as if they are just playing the type of character they are expected to (especially Phoebe Waller-Bridge as L3-37). There are moments in this film where it feels like there is supposed to be a joke that has awkwardly been edited or written out after Lord and Miller left the project, these moments haunt the film and make me feel like this could have been great, but alas.

30. Death Wish (Eli Roth):

At this point it might be time to consider that Eli Roth might be making bad movies on purpose. I went into Death Wish expecting something needlessly graphic and entertainingly violent and stupid but that’s not what this is. For the most part the gun violence in this film is pretty tame and the dialogue is far to generic and boring to be funny. There is one scene in a garage that showcases what usually makes Roth’s films memorable, but it comes too late to bring this movie into guilty pleasure territory. I do believe that Roth is a good filmmaker but the more he releases these mindless, generic thrillers the harder it is to defend him.

29. The Meg (Jon Turteltaub):

Half of this movie is a self-aware special effects movie that is genuinely entertaining. The other half is a boring and cliché. It should be good but never quite manages to keep up any momentum that it builds.

28. Tomb Raider (Roar Uthaug):

Technically better than the 2001 Lara Croft film although I know which one I would rather watch. Some interesting set pieces and homages to the newer tomb Raider games mixed with bland dialogue and an uninteresting plot.

27. Deadpool 2 (David Leitch):

Not as funny as the first movie but has better action. Deadpool 2 is mixed bag, the satire falls short when the movie insists on upping the stakes and having its audience feel emotionally connected to the story. David Leitch is a good action director and I look forward to seeing what he does next, but I can’t say that I’m all to exited about the next instalments in the Deadpool franchise.

26. Tag (Jeff Tomsic):

I don’t think that this film deserves the hate it seems to have gotten. Tag is a pretty funny movie with memorable characters and good camera work. It’s a little corny and the ending gets way to soppy but it’s a good film to watch with a group of friends if not just for some good Hannibal Buress quotes.

25. Click & Collect (Ben Palmer):

Hey, a TV movie that didn’t suck! Airing on BBC 1 on Christmas Eve this is an example of cringe comedy done well, the plot doesn’t always make sense but that doesn’t stop the comedy from really working.

24. Outlaw King (David Mackenzie):

A pretty good historical drama about Robert the Bruce. That’s all this is really a serviceable movie about an interesting topic. Not bad by any means all though a little forgettable, the performances and fight choreography are great but the writing lacks any real direction.

23. Aquaman (James Wan):

A list of other movies scenes from Aquaman made me think of:

Ratatouille

Splash

Raiders of the Lost Arc

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

Black Panther

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace

Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

How to Train Your Dragon 2

Wonder Woman

Full review coming next

22. Ant-Man and the Wasp (Peyton Reed):

Not as funny or engaging as 2015’s Ant-Man. This is a decent blockbuster with some good special effects and funny moments. A lower tier Marvel film for sure that gets completely overshadowed by the other two movies that the studio brought out in 2018 but still a fun watch.

21. Ocean’s Eight (Gary Ross):

About as good as Ocean’s 13. All of the hallmarks of the Ocean’s trilogy are present. The last 15 minuets begin to over explain what we have already seen and the name of the movie spoils and reveal at the end of the movie. A well-directed heist movie none-the-less that should be enjoyable for any Ocean’s fan

20. Ready Player One (Steven Spielberg):

This movie is at its best when it is at its most Spielberg. There is a really great car chase and a plot that revolves around kids standing against authority. It goes on for way to long and some of the references are on the nose. It certainly needs to be cut down but it’s a movie worth seeing if you know your pop-culture.

19. Searching (Aneesh Chaganty):

By far the best example of found-footage to be released in years. Having the entire film appear from the perspective of computer screens and phone calls makes the experience feel far more real and personal as if you are right there figuring out the mystery with the character. The story itself separated from its gimmick has been seen before and the twist is a bit of a reach but with its unique style it feels completely fresh. If you hated Unfriended there is a high chance that you will love this.

18. My Dinner with Hervé (Sacha Gervasi):

A HBO movie featuring a fantastic performance from Peter Dinklage. The life story of French actor Hervé Villechaize is told through a crazy interview based on the one that the actor had with the director in the early 90’s. It’s a small film but one that has been made with a lot of passion from its director and star. Absolutely look this one out if you can.

17. Isle of Dogs (Wes Anderson):

Wes Anderson is responsible for some of my favourite films of all time. While his latest may not be his best work to date it is a beautiful and insanely well-crafted film full of life and wonder. Anderson has a particular style and this movie sums up exactly what makes that style work so well with every shot working perfectly.

16. Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (David Slade):

It’s hard to tell at this point whether or not this will start a new craze for choose your own adventure movies the way that Avatar started a craze for 3D. Honestly I don’t think Charlie Brooker has left anywhere to really be explored with the this concept as he dives head first into a meta-narrative all about free-will. Certainly, an ambitious endeavour for the crew of Black Mirror that has taken over the cinematic discussion for a little while. I saw this with a group of friends trying to uncover as much of the story as we could in one sitting and I highly recommend that experience if you haven’t seen/played this yet.

15. Black Panther (Ryan Coogler):

A Marvel movie that appears to have nudged its way into Oscar conversations, regardless of whether or not I think that it deserves that acclaim this is a great film. Black Panther has some of the smartest writing of any MCU movie and one of the best villains to ever appear in a superhero movie. This is a film that will be talked about for years because of what it means for representation, it also helps that it is a really good movie.

14. Game Night (John Francis, Jonathan M. Goldstein):

The biggest surprise of the year is that the two guys behind 2015’s awful Vacation reboot managed to make one of the funniest and well-made comedies of 2018. The camerawork in this film is brilliant, one long take in particular has to be one of my favourite scenes of the year. The plot takes some logical jumps but who cares when the film is this good.

13. A Quiet Place (John Kransinski):

Sure, it doesn’t all make sense when you analyse it but watching A Quiet Place on the big screen is one of the tensest experiences I have ever had. When the credits rolled after the first time I saw this film I noticed that for the past 90 minuets, that’s the sign of some effective tension.

12. First Man (Damien Chazelle):

Chazelle has proven himself to be one of the best directors working today. While I may not love his latest as much as his previous work on La La Land and Whiplash it has to be said that First Man is a solid base hit for a great filmmaker. The third act of this film features some of the best special effects of the year mixed with one of the most emotional sequences of the year. Gosling and Foy are both brilliant and both deserve nominations as does Chazelle.

11. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (Martin McDonagh):

Slightly twisted and very enjoyable Three Billboards is a strange film. McDonagh is able to find humour in the darkest of places but never undermines the serious nature of the subject matter.

10. Incredibles 2 (Brad Bird):

Going into the top 10 it feels important to restate that these rankings are based purely on my own personal opinions on each film. Incredibles 2 is objectively not as good as the 2004 original, but it doesn’t have to be, this is a very fun movie featuring some great animation, fantastically directed action sequences that only Brad Bird could pull off and do I even have to mention the Jack-Jack scenes? Brad Bird is one of the greatest filmmakers to ever work in animation and this feels like his victory lap, not his best film but absolutely one that showcases just how great he is.

9. The Shape of Water (Guillermo del Toro):

Best picture winner, The Shape of Water deserves all the acclaim that it has gotten. This “adult fairy-tale” features a wonderful score, fantastic performances, beautiful set-design and characteristically excellent direction from one of the world’s greatest directors! Everyone has already lumped praise on this film and so I am not left with too much else to say other than see this film.

8. The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling (Judd Apatow):

I hear that 2018 was a great year for documentaries, I wouldn't know because I only saw this one but if Three Identical Strangers and Won’t you be my Neighbour are better than this then I need to see them. Judd Apatow looks into the life of his friend and fellow comedian Garry Shandling only 2 years after his tragic death. His approach leaves no stone unturned as he dives head first into the late comedian’s mind using his own diaries and interviews with his closest friends and collaborators. As a stand-up comedy fan it is absolutely fascinating to get a look the real life of an often misunderstood legend like Shandling for it to be as neatly put together and wonderfully entertaining as this is a welcome bonus.

7. Avengers: Infinity War (Joe Russo, Anthony Russo):

For the technical achievement alone Infinity War deserves a place in my top 10. The Russo brothers managed to pull off a stunt that just a year ago I was ready to call impossible, bringing together 10 years worth of character arcs and plot points while still making an enjoyable film. Even though it has been 9 months I still don’t know what to say about this film and my lack of words may be the best compliment I can give it.

6. Mission: Impossible – Fallout (Christopher McQuarrie):

If you asked me in June I would have said that the Mission: Impossible franchise had peaked with Brad Bird’s Ghost Protocol in 2014, I also would have been dead wrong. Fallout is not just the best film in the franchise but an absolute high point in action cinema. Seeing this on the big screen was one of the most visceral and intense movie going experiences I have ever had, every stunt is a nail-biter and the whole time I was on the edge of my seat.

5. Thoroughbreds (Cory Finley):

This is the movie that I saw alone and have yet to properly have a conversation with someone about. This film slipped under almost everyone’s radar and then disappeared. I am telling you now find this movie it is a fantastic, quaint little film with the power to make you uncomfortable and make you laugh at the same time. Olivia Cooke and Anya Taylor Joy are both brilliant and the ending has one of my best moments of the year with a single long shot and the power of suggestion. If you missed it, which you probably did, go look it out.

4. BlacKkKlansman (Spike Lee):

Loud, funny, unapologetic, stylish and controversial. Those are the five words that describe all of Spike Lee’s best movies and BlacKkKlansman is no exception. With multiple Oscar worthy performances, a great score and a screenplay that shows Spike at his angriest and smartest in a long time, this film will get under some peoples skin, as great cinema should.

3. I, Toyna (Craig Gillespie):

Every now and then a movie comes along that perfectly sums up why I love this art form, I Tonya is one of those movies. Deeply impactfull on an emotional level while remaining hyper stylised, Gillespie manages to make the audience feel sympathy for characters that would be the villains in any other story by taking you on an emotional roller coaster through the life of Tonya Harding that leaves the viewer feeling just as broken as the titular character by the conclusion.

This film is so good I watched it twice in two days.

2. Lady Bird (Greta Gerwig):

I fell hard for this film. Greta Gerwig’s painfully honest look at growing up feels like watching a selection of incredibly well shot home movies from a real person. The real achievement of Gerwig’s directorial debut is how it manages to feel relatable even if you aren’t in the same situation as the protagonist. When the credits role it’s hard to feel slightly disappointed that you can’t keep watching what is going to happen to this character next and when the only criticism you have is that you didn't want it to end, the film must have been pretty good.

1. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey, Rodney Rothman):

I’m just as surprised as you are.

Somehow and for whatever reason this is the movie that resonated with me the most in 2018, this is the film I see myself going back to the most. Sometimes the best film is the most entertaining one, this film had me hooked instantly and kept me in a near trance-like state during its run-time. In don’t have anything to profound to say about this film it’s just really a great film that everyone can enjoy. If this is still playing near you and you haven’t seen it yet, go check it out you won’t be disappointed.

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actuallylorelaigilmore · 8 years ago

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first lines meme

rules: list the first lines of your last 20 stories. see if there are any patterns. then tag your favorite authors. i was tagged by @greatestheights. (thanks! if you hadn’t already done this, you’d be on my list for your perfect j/d fic alone.)

(don’t follow a ton of fic writers tbh but) tagging these talented people: @actuallylukedanes, @aerosmiley219, @comepraisetheinfanta, @confidxnteveryday, @andallthatmishigas, @etraytin and anybody else who wants to do this!

following the example before me, cut for length/divided into WIPs and published fic.

ten WIPS (in order of when I started working on them):

lizzington au, where the fire never happened and she was raised by her birth parents so Red meets her for the first time as infamous KGB operative Masha Rostova: Raymond Reddington spotted her across the crowded room as he waited to be seated. Later, he wouldn’t be able to explain exactly why; her laugh was almost demure and her outfit was only as alluring as those worn by all the other women in the restaurant. He just knew there was a story there. An excellent one. One that hadn’t even begun yet–and he wanted to be a part of it.

lizzington, post-s2 finale idea that was too sexy to be part of my slow burn chapter fic: “I’ve always been drawn to you,” she told him seriously, a confession no longer laced with shame. “Since the beginning, long before it made sense–even when it made me feel crazy. So I tried to blame you. For everything, really,” she added quietly. Here, there was shame.

josh x donna, the night of “20 Hours in America”: When Donna had finished writing all the letters to family members, she found Josh in the bar. Toby had gone up to his room, seeming preoccupied with something when he passed her on his way up, so she found Josh with a beer, sitting more than he was drinking, as was his way. She would have been shocked if he’d had anything stronger than his half a bottle, anyhow–he’d be nearly passed out, something he didn’t do in unfamiliar places. Sliding onto the seat next to his, she tossed her untidy hair back from her face and gave him her best cajoling look.

josh x donna, during “Inauguration: Over There”: It was all started by the snow. It made sense at the time, he thought, to throw snowballs. She wasn’t answering her phone, and at least snow wouldn’t break her window. The adrenaline rush when he hit the window first had to have addled his brain, made him more susceptible to things he never thought about. How her skin glowed, say, or how soft her mouth looked. He never would’ve told her how amazing she looked if he’d been in his right mind.

donna x amy, during “Commencement”: She doesn’t particularly like Amy. Truth be told, she doesn’t like Amy much at all. She’s pushy, and sees things in black and white, and Josh has an odd reaction to her, like an addict. But as long as Josh is chasing after Amy, she feels safe. Protected from herself. So she tries to encourage him, to help.

josh x donna, after “War Crimes”: They wait through what she thinks must be the longest hour of her life. Josh leans forward on the bench, in a position that looks horribly uncomfortable, his arm resting behind her back. It’s so far back it doesn’t touch her, and she figures it might if he’d sit like a normal person. Oh. Maybe that explains it, then.

josh x donna, for a smut request where donna is in charge: When she practically crashed through his door, Donna took him by surprise. She kept doing that. What was it Amy said once, that he needed to get hit on the head? Water balloon aside, there was something breathtaking about the way Donna didn’t hesitate. He couldn’t claim the same confidence; he hovered somewhere between awkward and anxious, and it was worse with her because she was everything. And it felt like he’d been waiting a lifetime to reach this point.

blaine x liv, post-s2 finale: Vivian Stoll, brain-eating leader of Fillmore-Graves Enterprises, left her with a business card and the ominously friendly, “Be seeing you.” Liv was too relieved to be alive–well, relatively speaking–to feel guilty for fleeing the scene at the first available opportunity.

ravi x major, post-s2 finale: Things can change so fast. Too fast, Ravi thinks, as he downs the shot of tequila and pretends it doesn’t remind him of Peyton.

peyton x blaine, post-s2 finale: Major personally escorted Peyton to the safe house, despite her half-hearted protests. Since he was the closest thing she had to a big brother, deep down she had expected nothing less.

ten published fics (in chronological order, most recent first):

a very brief career at the hoover institute: By any unit of measurement, Ainsley’s first day at the Hoover Institute could not be called a success.

lost in the forest of this heart: Lizzie drops into sleep almost instantly, her weight pressed lightly against his side as the road rumbles beneath them.

for tonight: Her hands were trembling as she laced up the back of her dress, but she managed to tie it securely. Nerves, Liz thought. Silly, really. They had shared dinner dozens of times since going off the grid. Local dives, upscale hotel cafes, five-star landmarks.

leave us in pieces, scattered everywhere: “Why did you tell me?” CJ’s voice is broken glass across the satellites. He wants to be looking at her instead of talking over the phone; he wants to be able to touch her face, to apologize, to offer comfort. This is not that conversation, or she wouldn’t be calling.

if we only tried: Lorelai answered the door less than a minute after Luke knocked.

where the past comes back to life: Their flight is delayed in New York. Josh decides to steal a few moments of rest while he waits, grabbing a seat slightly apart from the other staffers. It’s not exactly peaceful, but he can mostly tune them out.

mine: “This is completely unprofessional,” Josh mutters. He can almost hear the murmur of conversations in the ballroom from the tiny space Donna tugged him into–but not quite. Hopefully the distance works both ways, because her mouth on his ear is making it hard to keep discretion in mind right now.

just give me something to hold onto: “She gave back the ring,” Sam says, head hanging so low that he’s talking more to the carpet than to Josh.

the deepest of needs: CJ goes to him; he’ll never come to her. Not while the pain is still an open wound…not while Toby keeps it that way in order to be a father.

what you’re running from: She didn’t have anywhere else to go. Free didn’t mean in the clear, not after the manhunt and the Post Office and the plea deal. So Red showing up when she was released–Red being the only person she could count on, again–was a welcome surprise.

WIP CONCLUSIONS: I cannot do brevity. Seriously, the difference between what my work looks like in progress and what sees the light of day is startling when you just compare opening lengths.

I use just as much punctuation and italics, though, so clearly I think in the tones as I’m writing, rather than adding the emphasis later.

There’s almost no dialogue in my openings for WIPs, despite their length. I ramble about character’s internal monologues (and then thankfully clean that up later).

It’s possible to read a whole paragraph and be left with no idea whose perspective I’m talking about, in a WIP. Fun to know.

PUBLISHED WORKS: Considering how much I love/am good at dialogue, I don’t open with it as much as I would’ve expected. I have little interest in setting/description as a reader but clearly, I make an effort to set the scene as a writer--even though I’m sure I don’t manage that until the late stages of editing. So it’s good to know that before I publish, I’ve remembered to keep my audience in mind. That’s comforting.

Compared to my WIPs, I’m incapable of having a first sentence without a character’s name in it, even when the fic is only about one character, and the reader would know who I was talking about. That’s sort of weird.

I don’t do succinct starter sentences, unless I’m starting the sequel to a previous story that had a cliffhanger ending, which is why two of my examples are actually from older stories whose sequels are in the recent ten list. It felt like cheating to use the sequel sentences when they didn’t make sense without the context of the first story, so I used the real beginnings.

Italics and interesting punctuation are essential to me. I think that’s because playing with mood and tone is necessary but I’m not as good at it using just words?

I’m kind of all over the place otherwise, which is fair and true to my personality...I vary up my style (as much as I can) depending on what I’m writing. For example, the shortest starter sentence was for Lorelai Gilmore, and the sentences that follow it are more staccato than usual for me, which makes sense when the world I’m writing in is rapid-fire dialogue and lots of back-and-forth.

This took waaaaay longer than I expected but I feel like it was also much more educational than I thought it would be. So yay. :)

#if you don't have twenty stories pick however many you like #actuallylukedanes #i'd really like to see your answers for this #if you ever feel like it #:)#fanfiction #memes #clearing out tumblr draft posts where i got tagged and saved it for later #me #writing #fanfic #long post #really very long lol

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placetobenation · 7 years ago

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*** Scott & JT’s Vintage Vault Refresh reviews are a chronological look back at WWE PPV and TV history that began with a review of WrestleMania I. The PICs have revisited these events and refreshed all of their fun facts that provide insight into the match, competitors and state of the company as well as their overviews of the match action and opinions and thoughts on the outcomes. In addition, Jeff Jarvis assists in compiling historical information and the Fun Facts in each of the reviews. Also, be sure to leave feedback on the reviews at our Facebook page. Enjoy! ***

Monday Night Raw #110

May 8, 1995 (Taped April 24, 1995) Civic Auditorium Omaha, NE Announcers: Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

1) Jeff Jarrett defeats Doink the Clown in a non-title match via submission with the figure four at 6:55

Fun Fact: On the May 7 episode of WWF Action Zone (recorded on 4/26), Bob Holly pinned Jeff Jarrett in an Intercontinental title match. Unfortunately for Holly, Jarrett’s foot was on the ropes. The decision was overturned and the title vacated. The next week on the show, Jarrett defeated Holly in a rematch for the vacant title. Holly’s title win was never recognized by the WWF.

Fun Fact II: Double J and Doink had issues last year, including Jeff Jarrett trying to kidnap sidekick Dink during the KotR qualifiers. Tonight, Doink gets a shot that Jarrett’s IC title.

Scott: Didn’t this feud end about a year ago? No one cares about Doink anymore, and care about Dink even less. Jarrett is set to face Razor Ramon Sunday as part of a handicap match and the Bad Guy is out of commission after what happened last week. So Jarrett, who re-won his IC Title on Action Zone after those issues with Bob Holly, takes on this stupid clown who should have left the promotion after that mess with the midgets at Survivor Series. At least when Doink fought actual decent wrestlers he brought something to the ring instead of the parlor tricks and fart noises we get when he wrestles jobbers. The match went back and forth with Lawler doing his cheap midget jokes on Dink. Doink may have actually won the match but the Roadie chop blocked Doink and Jarrett slaps on the Figure Four for the victory. Jarrett is slowly moving up the ranks as one of the top heels in the company, even with the goofy gimmick and light up hat. Grade: **

JT: We are back for another big edition of Monday Night Raw, coming at you via videotape from Omaha. Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler have the call and it does seem like the King may have permanently taken the color job after stretches of guests in the roles since Bobby Heenan and Randy Savage each walked away. As we edge every so closer to the first In Your House PPV we have lots to cover, including Bret Hart deciding to wrestle both Hakushi and the King this Sunday night. And the King is gloating over his subterfuge and vows to end this rivalry once and for all in Syracuse. We open up with a non-title match as Intercontinental Champion Jeff Jarrett battles old nemesis Doink the Clown. Doink has really been on the outer edges of the cheese platter since 1994 ended but he is still hanging around causing mischief it seems. And with Doink we also get Dink of course. Jarrett had been mired in some controversy as of late as it seemed he lost his IC strap to Bob Holly a week ago but ended up regaining it yesterday after it was declared vacant. Lawler immediately starts mocking Dink and telling stories of his past attacks on the clowns, and we even get footage from a year ago when he and Double J pied Dink. Vince informs us that this is non-title because Jarrett wasn’t technically champ when the match was signed. Doink starts hot and even gets a shot in on Roadie as he works the arm of Jarrett. Lawler says Roadie will prove he is an accomplished wrestler in the handicap match on Sunday as Doink maintains control of the bout. Jarrett trips up Doink but whiffs on an elbow drop and goes back to the arm. Jarrett catches Doink with a back elbow and Roadie tries to get involved but Doink foils him again and then gets a roll up on the champ for a near fall. Jarrett was able to battle back and spike Doink’s face to the mat and then drop him with a back elbow. Lawler kept mocking Dink as Doink had a brief comeback before missing an elbow drop. Jarrett stomped away and blocked another comeback attempt, controlling the clown with strikes and a chinlock right through a commercial break. Jarrett starts to work the leg as Lawler and Vince pepper in some current events talk in regard to Bob Backlund’s big special announcement later tonight. Double J hooked in a sleeper but Doink hung on and eventually broke free and landed a DDT. The fired up clown followed with a powerslam for two and looked to win the match with the stump puller. However, with the referee tied up with Dink, Roadie hopped in the ring and clobbered Doink from behind. Jarrett pounced up and hooked the figure four for the win. This was a fine TV match with Jarrett dominating the action and Doink making a couple of nice comeback attempts. The finish was good too as we continue to push the fact that Roadie is a big piece of Jarrett’s success, all leading to his in ring debut in less than a week. That all said, it’s time for the clowns to just go away for good. Grade: *1/2

*** We check out a vignette for the soon-to-be-arriving workout gurus, The Bodydonnas, Skip and Sunny. Bam Bam Bigelow then narrates us through his tumultuous 1995. ***

*** Vince McMahon heads to the ring to chat with Psycho Sid and Ted DiBiase, who reveals that he has been in cahoots with Sid for quite a while now. He tells us that he suggested to Shawn Michaels that he needed a bodyguard and that he should hire Sid for the role. The shortest distance to the WWF Title was through Diesel’s little buddy and they went right through him to get the title shot. Sid is the crown jewel of the reorganized Corporation and he has now put Michaels and Razor Ramon on the shelf. This Sunday night, Sid will step in the ring and stop Diesel in his tracks to finally deliver the WWF Title to DiBiase, something he has been desiring since the very beginning. DiBiase says it is too bad Diesel can’t enter the contest to win the house so he has somewhere to stay after he loses. Sid talks about the greatest lion of all time and says he is the super predator and the master of the WWF. At In Your House, Diesel will be driven through the mat and Sid will be the ruler of the world. ***

2) Hakushi defeats Gary Scott with a springboard splash at 2:50

Scott: Moreso than the WWF Title match Sunday, this match between Bret Hart and Hakushi is the one that is going to be a tactical war. Two exceptional in-ring workers that will carry this quick sprint PPV on Sunday. It’s a great dichotomy against the big power match to end the show for the World Title. Bret doing double duty as he’s also wrestling Jerry Lawler. Obviously the WWF had to pull an audible with Shawn Michaels on the shelf for a few more weeks. Hakushi wins easily and has a date with the Hitman. Grade: 1/2*

JT: We head back to the ring where Hakushi, flanked by Shinja, heads out to face Gary Scott. The White Angel has the biggest match of his WWF career upcoming on Sunday as he battles Bret Hart to hopefully end an issue that has been raging since December. Vince says Hakushi and Shinja were in Calgary this weekend and Jim Ross has the details why on the hotline, so check that out. He also tells us that Hart vs. Hakushi will open the show on Sunday. King mocks Bret for dedicating the match to his mother Helen and makes a few jokes at her and Stu’s expense. Hakushi makes quick work of Scott and is now prepped to take on the Hitman. Grade: DUD

*** Todd Pettengill is on the scene with our final In Your House report as the first ever IYH comes to us live Sunday night on Mother’s Day for just $14.95! Here is the full card:

Diesel vs. Psycho Sid – WWF Heavyweight Title Bret Hart vs. Hakushi Bret Hart vs. Jerry Lawler Razor Ramon vs. Jeff Jarrett & Roadie Yokozuna & Owen Hart vs. Smoking Gunns – WWF Tag Team Titles Adam Bomb vs. Mabel – King of the Ring Qualifying Match

There you have it! That is the full card coming into your house from Syracuse, NY this Sunday. Oh, and be sure to enter the big contest to win the vacation home in Orlando, FL as well! Entries are due by Friday. Call your cable company right now! ***

3) Bart Gunn defeats Owen Hart with a roll up at 6:15

Scott: With the Tag Team Titles on the line Sunday in Syracuse, one half of each team will face off here to get us all ready. Nice mix up of the heels’ high flyer against the faces’ power guy. We get more crap Duckman liners, as I continue to miss the great USA Movie previews. Again, they went the way of Randy Savage. This has been a pretty good match, as Bart Gunn is pretty spry for the bigger guy on the Smoking Gunns. For a third show in Omaha and taped, I will say we’ve only had one squash and two solid matches with top flight superstars. We’ve had more vignettes and taped pieces on this episode as well. This match goes back and forth and in fact Bart has dictated the tempo and it has gone at a pretty good pace. Both teammates disrupt top rope moves and then both competitors are down late in the match. Bart Gunn wins with a roll up out of nowhere, but as a prelude that probably means Owen & Yoko will retain the Tag Titles, but we’ll see. Grade: **

JT: We head to the ring for our final match of the evening as Owen Hart will battle Bart Gunn in a quasi-preview of Sunday’s Tag Team Title bout. As both competitors make their way to the ring, Vince and Jerry talk about tonight’s episode of Duckman and also remind us that Bob Backlund’s major announcement is still to come. Billy is out with Bart but there is no sign of Yokozuna as Owen is joined by just Jim Cornette and Mr. Fuji. We get some mat work from both men early, trading holds until Bart leverages Owen to the floor. Bart controls the action, grabbing a near fall and working the arm as Vince wonders where Yoko is, pondering if the Headshrinkers wore him out this past weekend. Bart really torques the arm and then lands a sidewalk slam but a trip by Fuji turned the tide and let Owen take over the match. Things spilled outside where Owen rammed Bart into the post and then choked away at him back in the ring. Owen kept the pressure on and survived a desperation sunset flip near fall from Gunn before delivering and enziguri heading into break. After commercial, Owen was fully in control but Bart battled back and tried for a superplex. However, Cornette got involved and blocked the move, causing Bart to crash to the mat. A moment later, Billy evened things up by shoving Owen down as well. Bart took advantage and grabbed a roll up to sneak out the big win. This was a solid little TV match that chugged right along and actually had some nice chemistry. I also liked how everyone outside got involved to help tease the tag bout as well. The Gunns suddenly have some key momentum heading into Sunday night as they look to take back their gold. Grade: *1/2

*** We head back to this past Saturday’s WWF Mania as Todd Pettengill and Stephanie Wiand took us on a tour of the Orlando, FL vacation home that is up for grabs at In Your House. Jerry Lawler then reveals that he will have his mother at ringside on Sunday night and that after he defeats Bret Hart, his mother will challenge Helen to a match as well. ***

Final Analysis

Scott: Our Go Home Raw for the first IYH was a solid effort with some important TV and not a lot of lousy fluff. Only one squash and the other matches were solid enough to keep me entertained. I have to say, I love Sid as he’s one of my favorite guys of all time but this Diesel/Sid title match is concerning me. Diesel is good with these smaller technical guys like Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart. Diesel can work the power game effectively. But can he work against a guy who not only is pretty much the same size as him, but isn’t the most technically sound either? I’m crossing my fingers it isn’t a shit show. I’m looking forward to Hart/Hakushi as that’s a style the WWF hasn’t had in quite a long time. This Raw even had the tour of the house they’ll be giving away too! I’m looking forward to this new concept show Sunday, and this Raw did a pretty good hard sell out the door. Final Grade: B

JT: This was a springily feisty go home episode of Raw. It was tightly wound and paced well and wasn’t stuffed with the filler we have become accustomed to of late. The two anchor matches were fine enough fodder for TV and were both kept short and we only had one squash match as well. The Sid & DiBiase interview was great and really added some extra heat and intrigue into Sunday’s WWF Title Match, a bout that has actually been well built and hyped. If they can deliver on it will be a different story. I thought everything was focused well here and they did a rock solid job of promoting and hard selling IYH. We never did get that Bob Backlund announcement though. Anyway, see you next week with the fallout from In Your House! Final Grade: B-

#IFTTT #Place to Be Nation

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krissysbookshelf · 8 years ago

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Enjoy An Exclusive Sneek Peek of: The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas!

Starr Carter moves between two worlds: the poor neighborhood where she lives and the fancy suburban prep school she attends. The uneasy balance between these worlds is shattered when Starr witnesses the fatal shooting of her childhood best friend Khalil by a police officer. Khalil was unarmed. Soon, his death is national news. Some are calling him a thug, maybe even a drug dealer and a gangbanger. Protesters are taking to the streets in Khalil’s name. Some cops and the local drug lord try to intimidate Starr and her family. What everyone wants to know is: what really went down that night? And the only person alive who can answer that is Starr.

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ONE

I shouldn't have come to this party.

I'm not even sure I belong at this party. That's not on some bougie shit, either. There are just some places where it's not enough to be me. Either version of me. Big D's spring break party is one of those places.

I squeeze through sweaty bodies and follow Kenya, her curls bouncing past her shoulders. A haze lingers over the room, smelling like weed, and music rattles the floor. Some rapper calls out for everybody to Nae-Nae, followed by a bunch of "Heys" as people launch into their own versions. Kenya holds up her cup and dances her way through the crowd. Between the headache from the loud-ass music and the nausea from the weed odor, I'll be amazed if I cross the room without spilling my drink.

We break out the crowd. Big D's house is packed wall-to-wall. I've always heard that everybody and their momma comes to his spring break parties—well, everybody except me—but damn, I didn't know it would be this many people. Girls wear their hair colored, curled, laid, and slayed. Got me feeling basic as hell with my ponytail. Guys in their freshest kicks and sagging pants grind so close to girls they just about need condoms. My nana likes to say that spring brings love. Spring in Garden Heights doesn't always bring love, but it promises babies in the winter. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of them are conceived the night of Big D's party. He always has it on the Friday of spring break because you need Saturday to recover and Sunday to repent.

"Stop following me and go dance, Starr," Kenya says. "People already say you think you all that."

"I didn't know so many mind readers lived in Garden Heights." Or that people know me as anything other than "Big Mav's daughter who works in the store." I sip my drink and spit it back out. I knew there would be more than Hawaiian Punch in it, but this is way stronger than I'm used to. They shouldn't even call it punch. Just straight-up liquor. I put it on the coffee table and say, "Folks kill me, thinking they know what I think."

"Hey, I'm just saying. You act like you don't know nobody'cause you go to that school."

I've been hearing that for six years, ever since my parents put me in Williamson Prep. "Whatever," I mumble.

"And it wouldn't kill you to not dress like . . ." She turns up her nose as she looks from my sneakers to my oversized hoodie. "That. Ain't that my brother's hoodie? "

Our brother's hoodie. Kenya and I share an older brother, Seven. But she and I aren't related. Her momma is Seven's momma, and my dad is Seven's dad. Crazy, I know. "Yeah, it's his."

"Figures. You know what else people saying too. Got folks thinking you're my girlfriend."

"Do I look like I care what people think?"

"No! And that's the problem!"

"Whatever." If I'd known following her to this party meant she'd be on some Extreme Makeover: Starr Edition mess, I would've stayed home and watched Fresh Prince reruns. My Jordans are comfortable, and damn, they're new. That's more than some people can say. The hoodie's way too big, but I like it that way. Plus, if I pull it over my nose, I can't smell the weed.

"Well, I ain't babysitting you all night, so you better do something," Kenya says, and scopes the room. Kenya could be a model, if I'm completely honest. She's got flawless dark-brown skin—I don't think she ever gets a pimple—slanted brown eyes, and long eyelashes that aren't store-bought. She's the perfect height for modeling too, but a little thicker than those toothpicks on the runway. She never wears the same outfit twice. Her daddy, King, makes sure of that.

Kenya is about the only person I hang out with in Garden Heights—it's hard to make friends when you go to a school that's forty-five minutes away and you're a latchkey kid who's only seen at her family's store. It's easy to hang out with Kenya because of our connection to Seven. She's messy as hell sometimes, though. Always fighting somebody and quick to say her daddy will whoop somebody's ass. Yeah, it's true, but I wish she'd stop picking fights so she can use her trump card. Hell, I could use mine too. Everybody knows you don't mess with my dad, Big Mav, and you definitely don't mess with his kids. Still, you don't see me going around starting shit.

Like at Big D's party, Kenya is giving Denasia Allen some serious stank-eye. I don't remember much about Denasia, but I remember that she and Kenya haven't liked each other since fourth grade. Tonight, Denasia's dancing with some guy halfway across the room and paying no attention to Kenya. But no matter where we move, Kenya spots Denasia and glares at her. And the thing about the stank-eye is at some point you feel it on you, inviting you to kick some ass or have your ass kicked.

"Ooh! I can't stand her," Kenya seethes. "The other day, we were in line in the cafeteria, right? And she behind me, talking out the side of her neck. She didn't use my name, but I know she was talking 'bout me, saying I tried to get with DeVante."

"For real? " I say what I'm supposed to.

"Uh-huh. I don't want him."

"I know." Honestly? I don't know who DeVante is. "So what did you do? "

"What you think I did? I turned around and asked if she had a problem with me. Ol' trick, gon' say, 'I wasn't even talking about you,' knowing she was! You're so lucky you go to that white-people school and don't have to deal with hoes like that."

Ain't this some shit? Not even five minutes ago, I was stuck-up because I go to Williamson. Now I'm lucky? "Trust me, my school has hoes too. Hoedom is universal."

"Watch, we gon' handle her tonight." Kenya's stank-eye reaches its highest level of stank. Denasia feels its sting and looks right at Kenya. "Uh-huh," Kenya confirms, like Denasia hears her. "Watch."

"Hold up. We? That's why you begged me to come to this party? So you can have a tag team partner? "

She has the nerve to look offended. "It ain't like you had nothing else to do! Or anybody else to hang out with. I'm doing your ass a favor."

"Really, Kenya? You do know I have friends, right? "

She rolls her eyes. Hard. Only the whites are visible for a few seconds. "Them li'l bougie girls from your school don't count."

"They're not bougie, and they do count." I think. Maya and I are cool. Not sure what's up with me and Hailey lately. "And honestly? If pulling me into a fight is your way of helping my social life, I'm good. Goddamn, it's always some drama with you."

"Please, Starr? " She stretches the please extra long. Too long. "This what I'm thinking. We wait until she get away from DeVante, right? And then we . . ."

My phone vibrates against my thigh, and I glance at the screen. Since I've ignored his calls, Chris texts me instead.

Can we talk?

I didn't mean for it to go like that.

Of course he didn't. He meant for it to go a whole different way yesterday, which is the problem. I slip the phone in my pocket. I'm not sure what I wanna say, but I'd rather deal with him later.

"Kenya!" somebody shouts.

This big, light-skinned girl with bone-straight hair moves through the crowd toward us. A tall boy with a black-and-blond Fro-hawk follows her. They both give Kenya hugs and talk about how cute she looks. I'm not even here.

"Why you ain't tell me you was coming? " the girl says, and sticks her thumb in her mouth. She's got an overbite from doing that too. "You could've rode with us."

"Nah, girl. I had to go get Starr," Kenya says. "We walked here together."

That's when they notice me, standing not even half a foot from Kenya.

The guy squints as he gives me a quick once-over. He frowns for a hot second, but I notice it. "Ain't you Big Mav's daughter who work in the store?"

See? People act like that's the name on my birth certificate. "Yeah, that's me."

"Ohhh!" the girl says. "I knew you looked familiar. We were in third grade together. Ms. Bridges's class. I sat behind you."

"Oh." I know this is the moment I'm supposed to remember her, but I don't. I guess Kenya was right—I really don't know anybody. Their faces are familiar, but you don't get names and life stories when you're bagging folks' groceries.

I can lie though. "Yeah, I remember you."

"Girl, quit lying," the guy says. "You know you don't know her ass."

"'Why you always lying? '" Kenya and the girl sing together. The guy joins in, and they all bust out laughing.

"Bianca and Chance, be nice," Kenya says. "This Starr's first party. Her folks don't let her go nowhere."

I cut her a side-eye. "I go to parties, Kenya."

"Have y'all seen her at any parties 'round here? " Kenya asks them.

"Nope!"

"Point made. And before you say it, li'l lame white-kid suburb parties don't count."

Chance and Bianca snicker. Damn, I wish this hoodie could swallow me up somehow.

"I bet they be doing Molly and shit, don't they? " Chance asks me. "White kids love popping pills."

"And listening to Taylor Swift," Bianca adds, talking around her thumb.

Okay, that's somewhat true, but I'm not telling them that. "Nah, actually their parties are pretty dope," I say. "One time, this boy had J. Cole perform at his birthday party."

"Damn. For real? " Chance asks. "Shiiit. Bitch, next time invite me. I'll party with them white kids."

"Anyway," Kenya says loudly. "We were talking 'bout running up on Denasia. Bitch over there dancing with DeVante."

"Ol' trick," Bianca says. "You know she been running her mouth 'bout you, right? I was in Mr. Donald's class last week when Aaliyah told me—"

Chance rolls his eyes. "Ugh! Mr. Donald."

"You just mad he threw you out," Kenya says.

"Hell yes!"

"Anyway, Aaliyah told me—" Bianca begins.

I get lost again as classmates and teachers that I don't know are discussed. I can't say anything. Doesn't matter though. I'm invisible.

I feel like that a lot around here.

In the middle of them complaining about Denasia and their teachers, Kenya says something about getting another drink, and the three of them walk off without me.

Suddenly I'm Eve in the Garden after she ate the fruit—it's like I realize I'm naked. I'm by myself at a party I'm not even supposed to be at, where I barely know anybody. And the person I do know just left me hanging.

Kenya begged me to come to this party for weeks. I knew I'd be uncomfortable as hell, but every time I told Kenya no she said I act like I'm "too good for a Garden party." I got tired of hearing that shit and decided to prove her wrong. Problem is it would've taken Black Jesus to convince my parents to let me come. Now Black Jesus will have to save me if they find out I'm here.

People glance over at me with that "who is this chick, standing against the wall by herself like an idiot? " look. I slip my hands into my pockets. As long as I play it cool and keep to myself, I should be fine. The ironic thing is though, at Williamson I don't have to "play it cool"—I'm cool by default because I'm one of the only black kids there. I have to earn coolness in Garden Heights, and that's more difficult than buying retro Jordans on release day.

Funny how it works with white kids though. It's dope to be black until it's hard to be black.

"Starr!" a familiar voice says.

The sea of people parts for him like he's a brown-skinned Moses. Guys give him daps, and girls crane their necks to look at him. He smiles at me, and his dimples ruin any G persona he has.

Khalil is fine, no other way of putting it. And I used to take baths with him. Not like that, but way back in the day when we would giggle because he had a wee-wee and I had what his grandma called a wee-ha. I swear it wasn't perverted though.

He hugs me, smelling like soap and baby powder. "What's up, girl? Ain't seen you in a minute." He lets me go. "You don't text nobody, nothing. Where you been? "

"School and the basketball team keep me busy," I say. "But I'm always at the store. You're the one nobody sees anymore."

His dimples disappear. He wipes his nose like he always does before a lie. "I been busy."

Obviously. The brand-new Jordans, the crisp white tee, the diamonds in his ears. When you grow up in Garden Heights, you know what "busy" really means.

Fuck. I wish he wasn't that kinda busy though. I don't know if I wanna tear up or smack him.

But the way Khalil looks at me with those hazel eyes makes it hard to be upset. I feel like I'm ten again, standing in the basement of Christ Temple Church, having my first kiss with him at Vacation Bible School. Suddenly I remember I'm in a hoodie, looking a straight-up mess . . . and that I actually have a boyfriend. I might not be answering Chris's calls or texts right now, but he's still mine and I wanna keep it that way.

"How's your grandma? " I ask. "And Cameron? "

"They a'ight. Grandma's sick though." Khalil sips from his cup. "Doctors say she got cancer or whatever."

"Damn. Sorry, K."

"Yeah, she taking chemo. She only worried 'bout getting a wig though." He gives a weak laugh that doesn't show his dimples. "She'll be a'ight."

It's a prayer more than a prophecy. "Is your momma helping with Cameron? "

"Good ol' Starr. Always looking for the best in people. You know she ain't helping."

"Hey, it was just a question. She came in the store the other day. She looks better."

"For now," says Khalil. "She claim she trying to get clean, but it's the usual. She'll go clean a few weeks, decide she wants one more hit, then be back at it. But like I said, I'm good, Cameron's good, Grandma's good." He shrugs. "That's all that matters."

"Yeah," I say, but I remember the nights I spent with Khalil on his porch, waiting for his momma to come home. Whether he likes it or not, she matters to him too.

The music changes, and Drake raps from the speakers. I nod to the beat and rap along under my breath. Everybody on the dance floor yells out the "started from the bottom, now we're here" part. Some days, we are at the bottom in Garden Heights, but we still share the feeling that damn, it could be worse.

Khalil is watching me. A smile tries to form on his lips, but he shakes his head. "Can't believe you still love whiny-ass Drake."

I gape at him. "Leave my husband alone!"

"Your corny husband. 'Baby, you my everything, you all I ever wanted,'" Khalil sings in a whiny voice. I push him with my shoulder, and he laughs, his drink splashing over the sides of the cup. "You know that's what he sounds like!"

I flip him off. He puckers his lips and makes a kissing sound. All these months apart, and we've fallen back into normal like it's nothing.

Khalil grabs a napkin from the coffee table and wipes drink off his Jordans—the Three Retros. They came out a few years ago, but I swear those things are so fresh. They cost about three hundred dollars, and that's if you find somebody on eBay who goes easy. Chris did. I got mine for a steal at one-fifty, but I wear kid sizes. Thanks to my small feet, Chris and I can match our sneakers. Yes, we're that couple. Shit, we're fly though. If he can stop doing stupid stuff, we'll really be good.

"I like the kicks," I tell Khalil.

"Thanks." He scrubs the shoes with his napkin. I cringe. With each hard rub, the shoes cry for my help. No lie, every time a sneaker is cleaned improperly, a kitten dies.

"Khalil," I say, one second away from snatching that napkin. "Either wipe gently back and forth or dab. Don't scrub. For real."

He looks up at me, smirking. "Okay, Ms. Sneakerhead." And thank Black Jesus, he dabs. "Since you made me spill my drink on them, I oughta make you clean them."

"It'll cost you sixty dollars."

"Sixty? " he shouts, straightening up.

"Hell, yeah. And it would be eighty if they had icy soles." Clear bottoms are a bitch to clean. "Cleaning kits aren't cheap. Besides, you're obviously making big money if you can buy those."

Khalil sips his drink like I didn't say anything, mutters, "Damn, this shit strong," and sets the cup on the coffee table. "Ay, tell your pops I need to holla at him soon. Some stuff going down that I need to talk to him 'bout."

"What kinda stuff?"

"Grown folks business."

"Yeah, 'cause you're so grown."

"Five months, two weeks, and three days older than you." He winks. "I ain't forgot."

A commotion stirs in the middle of the dance floor. Voices argue louder than the music. Cuss words fly left and right.

My first thought? Kenya walked up on Denasia like she promised. But the voices are deeper than theirs.

Pop! A shot rings out. I duck.

Pop! A second shot. The crowd stampedes toward the door, which leads to more cussing and fighting since it's impossible for everybody to get out at once.

Khalil grabs my hand. "C'mon."

There are way too many people and way too much curly hair for me to catch a glimpse of Kenya. "But Kenya—"

"Forget her, let's go!"

He pulls me through the crowd, shoving people out our way and stepping on shoes. That alone could get us some bullets. I look for Kenya among the panicked faces, but still no sign of her. I don't try to see who got shot or who did it. You can't snitch if you don't know anything.

Cars speed away outside, and people run into the night in any direction where shots aren't firing off. Khalil leads me to a Chevy Impala parked under a dim streetlight. He pushes me in through the driver's side, and I climb into the passenger seat. We screech off, leaving chaos in the rearview mirror.

"Always some shit," he mumbles. "Can't have a party without somebody getting shot."

He sounds like my parents. That's exactly why they don't let me "go nowhere," as Kenya puts it. At least not around Garden Heights.

I send Kenya a text, hoping she's all right. Doubt those bullets were meant for her, but bullets go where they wanna go.

Kenya texts back kinda quick.

I'm fine.

I see that bitch tho. Bout to handle her ass.

Where u at?

Is this chick for real? We just ran for our lives, and she's ready to fight? I don't even answer that dumb shit.

Khalil's Impala is nice. Not all flashy like some guys' cars. I didn't see any rims before I got in, and the front seat has cracks in the leather. But the interior is a tacky lime green, so it's been customized at some point.

I pick at a crack in the seat. "Who you think got shot? "

Khalil gets his hairbrush out the compartment on the door.

"Probably a King Lord," he says, brushing the sides of his fade.

"Some Garden Disciples came in when I got there. Something was bound to pop off."

I nod. Garden Heights has been a battlefield for the past two months over some stupid territory wars. I was born a "queen"'cause Daddy used to be a King Lord. But when he left the game, my street royalty status ended. But even if I'd grown up in it, I wouldn't understand fighting over streets nobody owns.

Khalil drops the brush in the door and cranks up his stereo, blasting an old rap song Daddy has played a million times. I frown. "Why you always listening to that old stuff?"

"Man, get outta here! Tupac was the truth."

"Yeah, twenty years ago."

"Nah, even now. Like, check this." He points at me, which means he's about to go into one of his Khalil philosophical moments. "'Pac said Thug Life stood for 'The Hate U Give Little Infants Fucks Everybody.'"

I raise my eyebrows. "What?"

"Listen! The Hate U—the letter U—Give Little Infants Fucks Everybody. T-H-U-G L-I-F-E. Meaning what society give us as youth, it bites them in the ass when we wild out. Get it? "

"Damn. Yeah."

"See? Told you he was relevant." He nods to the beat and raps along. But now I'm wondering what he's doing to "fuck everybody." As much as I think I know, I hope I'm wrong. I need to hear it from him.

"So why have you really been busy? " I ask. "A few months ago Daddy said you quit the store. I haven't seen you since."

He scoots closer to the steering wheel. "Where you want me to take you, your house or the store?"

"Khalil—"

"Your house or the store?"

"If you're selling that stuff—"

"Mind your business, Starr! Don't worry 'bout me. I'm doing what I gotta do."

"Bullshit. You know my dad would help you out."

He wipes his nose before his lie. "I don't need help from nobody, okay? And that li'l minimum-wage job your pops gave me didn't make nothing happen. I got tired of choosing between lights and food."

"I thought your grandma was working."

"She was. When she got sick, them clowns at the hospital claimed they'd work with her. Two months later, she wasn't pulling her load on the job, 'cause when you're going through chemo, you can't pull big-ass garbage bins around. They fired her." He shakes his head. "Funny, huh? The hospital fired her 'cause she was sick."

It's silent in the Impala except for Tupac asking who do you believe in? I don't know.

My phone vibrates again, probably either Chris asking for forgiveness or Kenya asking for backup against Denasia. Instead, my big brother's all-caps texts appear on the screen. I don't know why he does that. He probably thinks it intimidates me. Really, it annoys the hell out of me.

WHERE R U?

U AND KENYA BETTER NOT BE @ THAT PARTY.

I HEARD SOMEBODY GOT SHOT.

The only thing worse than protective parents is protective older brothers. Even Black Jesus can't save me from Seven.

Khalil glances over at me. "Seven, huh?"

"How'd you know? "

"'Cause you always look like you wanna punch something when he talks to you. Remember that time at your birthday party when he kept telling you what to wish for? "

"And I popped him in his mouth."

"Then Natasha got mad at you for telling her 'boyfriend' to shut up," Khalil says, laughing.

I roll my eyes. "She got on my nerves with her crush on Seven. Half the time, I thought she came over just to see him."

"Nah, it was because you had the Harry Potter movies. What we used to call ourselves? The Hood Trio. Tighter than—"

"The inside of Voldemort's nose. We were so silly for that."

"I know, right?" he says.

We laugh, but something's missing from it. Someone's missing from it. Natasha.

Khalil looks at the road. "Crazy it's been six years, you know?"

A whoop-whoop sound startles us, and blue lights flash in the rearview mirror.

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