#<- person who spent their entire childhood drawing cats has a hard time understanding the how to's of drawing hoomans

[justplaggin]

well he certainly seems pleased

[laufire]

(CW for mentions of csa)

A lot of Commonly Accepted (Often Through Uncritical Repetition) Wisdom in fandom leaves me baffled, when not straight up ticked off, but one that's been on my mind lately, that never fails to bring a scrunched up expression to my face, is the idea that Bela Talbot's backstory was some last minute add-on to her character.

You might argue that the reveal was rushed since the writers caved in and killed her off against their original plan (or at the very least, earlier than). Or that using abuse is a trite way to raise sympathy for an antagonistic character. You could even say that some of the finer details might’ve not been set in stone until they sat down to write her exist, although that one is dubious. But I’m never really going to buy that Bela’s backstory hadn’t been already planned, likely in big part.

The reason why is Season Three Episode Six, “Red Sky At Morning”, Bela’s second episode, co-written by Eric Kripke himself. As all episodes with Bela were, may I add; which means he had a hand in crafting her story from the beginning, as creator, director, and writer.

There Dean, a character that has been shown as sharp and intuitive (although his success rate ain’t that great when it comes to Bela, admittedly xD), immediately pegs her as someone with Issues TM, asking “how did she get like this”. He even taunts her by referencing her father, showing off his talent to hit where it hurts by asking if he “didn’t give her enough hugs”, ‘cause he’s classy like that. This visibly affects Bela, changing her demeanor in their conversation, from more playful to defensive. Hell, I remember during my first watch in real time this moment, especially paired with the rest of the episode, was when I first thought it was possible she came from an abusive family.

Because, c’mon. This whole episode is about parricide. The monster of the week is a ghost who haunts those that “spilled their own family’s blood”. We get two other examples: a woman whose accidental car crash killed her cousin, and two brothers who killed their father for the inheritance. Clearly, the ghost doesn’t have a narrow criteria when it comes to means or culpability -which makes sense given his particular story: he was tried for treason and his brother, the captain of the ship, issued the sentence.

And just as we find out this information... Bela sees the ghost ship that foretells her death. This, paired with the insinuations about an unsavvory past and her discomfort at the mention of her father, aren’t a wealth of information, but they start to paint a picture. We now know for a fact that Bela caused the death of at least one relative (mom and dad); that she wouldn’t have needed to do it directly (she made a crossroads deal); and that she might’ve had a sympathetic motive (her father sexually abused her and her mother turned a blind eye).

That scene offers some more tidbits of information about her past that seem too in tune with 3x15 to be coincidental, and that absolutely break my heart: Bela’s “You wouldn’t understand. No one did.“ and “I’ll just do what I’ve always done. I’ll deal with it myself”. See, I always thought Bela must’ve told people, when she was a kid. That she reached out for help not just to her mother, but to everyone around her that she thought could’ve help: teachers, maybe even law enforcement; adults that should’ve being worthy of that trust and protected her. Except no one did (and the fact that her family seemed to be not only very rich but influential paints a very bleak picture that surely contributed to her cynic view of the world). So she took matters in her own hands, and sold her soul for ten years of relative safety and freedom from her abusers.

To tie it all up, her final scene in that episode offers some more moments that again, are very in line with her backstory. We see how she treats relationships as transactionals: she pays ten grand to the Winchesters for saving her life, like she paid with her soul. Dean, again, draws attention to her likely messed up past by calling her damaged, and she replies that “takes one to know one”. Terrible childhood, ammirite. The show wasn’t been subtle here: it’s telling us Bela has a terrible past, like the Winchesters do, but of a different kind that has resulted in a different kind of person. So yeah, I think all the facts were hinted at back in 3x06.

We could go even futher back and point out 3x03, Bela’s introduction. One of the very first things she says in the show, during her first face to face with Dean (a character that just condemned his soul to Hell), is “We’re all going to Hell, Dean. Might as well enjoy the ride”. Sure, it could be an incredibly fortuitous coincidence; as a writer, I’ve had those and they’re damn great. But it seems VERY lucky, and more likely to be a case of the kind premeditated, well-placed foreshadowing that Kripke excels at.

So, okay. I’ve established why I think Bela’s backstory wasn’t a spur of the moment decision. But why is there a notable narrative in fandom that it IS?

First thing first, I want to get something out of the way: you don’t have to like it even if it was planned ahead. I understand it’s a very thorny subject, and to make matters worse, it’s inherently tied to her death. You might even be fine with the what, but not with how it was dealt with (although personally, I appreciate that neither the abuse nor her death were shown onscreen. In fact, the worse violence we see Bela on the receiving end of in her run is Dean’s threats and manhandling, which seems like a very purposeful choice ngl. Even Gordon freaking Walker was gentler lmao).

But I do disagree with some extended fandom opinions on the topic, and I guess that’s what the post is about. For one, I don’t see how the show “condemned” or morally judged Bela in this scenario. If anything, they clearly wanted to make her sympathetic, AND they showed Dean as being in the wrong by robbing him of information. Dean’s opinion on Bela couldn’t count for shit, for once, because he didn’t have the full picture; because Bela had deemed him UNWORTHY of the full picture, and thus anything he had to say on her couldn’t be taken at face value (except this is Supernatural, so I guess this was a little too much to ask of some people?). I think saying that just because Bela died and went to Hell as a consequence of her deal, IN THE SAME SEASON the same happened to our co-lead, because the writers deemed her evil and irredeemable is simplistic at best, and the audience projecting their own feelings (or being unable to see past Dean’s) onto the writing.

All that said, to go back to the initial point of all of this xD: WHY does fandom seem to insist on viewing this narrative choice as some cheap last minute addition?

There might not be one explanation that fits all, but I have a few ideas. One is that, if this wasn’t planned for and hinted at from early on, some people might feel as if this “absolves” them of their previous (and disgustingly hateful and misoginistic) reactions to Bela. Others will see this as absolving Dean, and maybe even Sam to a lesser extent, for not helping her and for being callous towards her; if her tragic backstory was this artificial, rushed choice made by Those Writers, then Dean wasn’t responsible for reprehensible attitudes towards someone who deserved his compassion (and it can’t be denied that this fandom loves absolving Dean of responsibility lmao). And a lot people are probably only repeating what they've heard from others as the accepted narrative, especially those that didn't even watch all of s3 if at all (Castiel is my fave too, but seriously, s1-3 are worth it).

It’s like they’re creating this imaginary separation between Bela pre-reveal, and Bela post-reveal, to make the situation easier to themselves. See, Bela pre-reveal was this annoying bitch who inconvenienced and embarrassed our leads (not to mention dared have chemistry with them), and thus deserved to be punished for it; or, if we’re going with more modern fandom sensibilities, she can be made to fit into the shallow #GirlBoss mold, with a side of “Secretly A Lesbian And Therefore Not A Romantic Threat” flavour -the current preferred method to make controversial female characters more palatable.

The reveal throws a wrench into this narrative. “Bitch who deserves her comeuppance” is a hard sell when you’re talking about a character who survived csa. And a shallow #GirlBoss reading doesn’t work if you have to acknowledge that Bela was one of, if not the most tragic characters in the entire run of Supernatural.

She spent over half her life at the mercy of her abuser(s), hurt by those who should’ve loved her and protected her most. The rest of her life was extremely lonely, with seemingly only a cat as company, and a surface-level freedom that hid under the sentence that loomed over her head. She died without a single friend, or a simple show of kindness and compassion, without anyone bothering to fight for her. And then she ended up tortured for who knows how long until she became one of her torturers.

All of that is extremely difficult to digest. And when things are hard to swallow, people do as people do, and they try to simplify them. So, sure. Bela’s reveal wasn’t ever hinted at, it’s completely removed from her character and the person we met, and is not even worth trying to fit into the narrative. Sounds easy.

[expired-monster-craft-smp]

Vibes Dream SMP members give off (in my opinion)

Dream

Barked at people in high school ironically but it became unironic real quick

Can’t cook very well but is good with a knife, especially at a fast pace

One of those kids who either purposely spells the first word wrong in a spelling bee to just be done with it right away or tries the hardest and manages to win (there is no inbetween for this heathen)

Bites ice cream with his teeth

Has snorted pixie stix far too many times and sneezed blue after each time

Eats bananas with the peels

Wears mismatched socks

Has taken a bite out of a pool noodle because he liked the texture and impulsively bit it (ADHD things✨😌)

Walks around looking extremely high but he’s just spacin out and stuck in his head

Dreams (lmao) in Minecraft and video games in general

Will flirt with anything that moves but has no idea how to respond to compliments

Makes fun of himself first before anyone else can

Has eaten an orange peel and it wasn’t that bad in his humble opinion

Wears khaki shorts

Eats the wax part of the baby bell cheese

Doesn’t actually know what genre his music taste is cause he vibes to everything

Georgenotfound

Picks at the skin on his lip when it’s dry so it bleeds and he tries not to give in by licking his lips often enough to the point where it became a habit

Wears velcro shoes because he doesn’t feel like tying them (he knows how, he just doesn’t wanna do it)

Eats peanut butter straight from the jar

Makes that disgusting “ants on a log” thing (celery stick filled with peanut butter topped with a row of raisins)

Can’t drink milk plain, it’s gotta have some sort of flavour

Can draw a perfect straight line but his circles look Terrible

Eats cheez-its like cereal without milk

Loves making little noises so much like he walks around his house doin chores and he’s just goin “memememenownownwnkwkshskshkshskhs”

Hates wearing socks

Coloured his tongue with highlighters because they’re non-toxic

Constantly tapping his feet and hands to a song/beat playing in his head

I can’t imagine this man using a bike of any sort, so Imma say he doesn’t know how

Can’t be licked by dogs because he’s used to being licked by his cat so it makes him uncomfortable

Can actually sing pretty well but gets real nervous in front of people so he fucks it up

Sapnap

No idea how to cook anything other than Mac and cheese please help this man

Meows at cats because he wants to confuse them and laughs Way too hard when he does (his laugh is like sunshine so I’ll allow it)

Would be fantastic at braiding hair Idk why

Gives the BEST fuckin hugs EVER

When singing, he makes noises for the instrumental parts too

Wanted to play the drums at one point

Really likes pit bulls but he’s more of a cat person so he loves them from afar

Only vaguely knows how to shave his face properly without hurting himself

Opportunities for him come up out of pure luck but mans is skilled for them so it works out well almost Always

Used to or currently has a skateboard and isn’t too bad

ALWAYS has bruises appearing everywhere for no reason, he doesn’t even know where 90% of them are from

Calls his friends twinks to jokingly bully them and gets away with it because he himself is not a twink

Gets sudden bursts of energy in the middle of the night and just shimmies around a bit to try and deal with it

Favours spearmint over peppermint

Arsonist

Banned from three (3) Dave & Busters in Texas

Badboyhalo

Washes his hands after doing literally anything

Likes the bird exhibits at the zoo (specifically the penguins)

Very good at cooking, best at soups and stews

If he painted his nails they would definitely be a baby blue

Overthinks very simple things and it makes him look less smart than he actually is

Drinks tap water

Probably prefers whiskey over beer

Knows how to tap dance a bit

Surprisingly good at taking and handling shots

Steady hands

Adds extra chocolate to hot chocolate

Plays sudoku and is really really good at it (only uses pen when he plays)

Everytime he sees a Himalayan salt lamp he NEEDS to lick it despite knowing it’s very salty and he’ll pull a face afterwards

Not great at Rock Paper Scissors

Wears sunglasses inside for no reason at all, he just,,,Does

Still has a stuffed animal from childhood perched on his bed

Probably tried his hand at archery

Tommyinnit

He has no idea how to use a baby voice on children or animals, so he just talks to them normally

Wears socks to bed

His fingers are double jointed

Always starts twitching if he stays still for too long because he’s gotta move around

His shoes and have different laces and it bothers everyone but himself

Doodles on himself in class when he’s bored or not paying attention

Has really good hearing, both with pitch and volume

Can’t eat tomato’s by themselves, it’s either gotta be in sauce form or with something else

FUCKING LOVES STRING CHEESE

Terrible handwriting

Favourite part of a slice of bread is the crust

Wants to paint his nails black to be cool and edgy but his hands are far from steady and he has no clue how to paint nails

Pretty affectionate with close friends (like Tubbo and Wilbur) off stream/camera

He likes pears for some reason

Wilbur Soot

Is constantly having to decide between leaving his hair as is or shaving all of it off

He also thinks about adding some colour but never actually does

Most tea is gross to him

Everytime he puts a breath mint thats circular in his mouth, he pretends it’s a pill and he’s taking drugs because he thinks that’s funny

He does that vacant state as a joke but that really what he looks like when he’s spacing out

Likes to aggressively flirt with his male friends but if his female friends flirt with him, he gets a bit flustered

Has probably accidentally swallowed a guitar pick

Once drank two entire jars of pickle juice

Bonks his head on anything and everything

He has broken a pair of glasses by walking face first into a pole outside

Thinks kinetic sand is fun

Has passionate arguments with others about trivial and random topics like chicken feet

Can open a beer bottle with his teeth

Would accidentally pop and swallow a bracket if he had braces

Tubbo

Hates sharp cheddar cheese

Everytime he learns a new word it’s in every sentence he says for the next week or so

Ate candle wax for a dare once

Doesn’t know how to tie a tie and will probably never learn

Wanted to do ballet at one point but decided not to

He has eaten multiple flowers for absolutely no reason other than wanting to know how they taste

Starts vibrating if he’s too excited

Used to bite his nails

ABSOLUTELY DESPISES MUSTARD

Has eaten paper and says it doesn’t taste that bad

Enjoys telling his friends how much they mean to him (this has resulted in Tommy and Wilbur crying on a few seperate occasions)

Spaces out a lot and doesn’t often pay attention to his surroundings

Gets lost inside of Best Buy’s

Likes s’mores but doesn’t properly understand how to make them

Technoblade

Learned to cook purely out of spite and found it’s actually pretty fun

Constantly getting smacked in the face by trees when walking outside

Really likes apple pie

Everytime he looks at potatoes he thinks of all the hours he spent trying to win the potato war

Starts things as a joke and gets too into it

Doesn’t like the taste of most energy drinks

Has rubbed salt and lemon juice into an open wound to just,,see how it felt (he did it once and Hated it but did it again because he forgot what it felt like)

Sometimes hates how quiet he is because everyone he knows is loud and talks over him

Despite how he is portrayed in the Dream SMP, he is extremely loyal to his friends and would kill for them

Over seasons his food because he can’t taste it otherwise

Really good balance

Doesn’t like to wear bright colours, but still enjoys wearing colours

Good at knitting

Quackity

Actually fairly quiet when off camera

Will accidentally use Spanish grammar while speaking English sometimes

Country music confuses him

Doesn’t really like kids but they really like him

Can’t dance

Hardest drugs he’s ever done is second hand smoke from a cigarette and children’s Tylenol

His favourite jolly ranchers are the red and blue ones

He uses lighters as fidget toys basically

Will have a breakdown, take a bubble bath, and call himself the self care king

Dehydrated

Wants a pet rat but he already has a cat and doesn’t wanna risk anything

Constantly questions why his main source of income is playing Minecraft with two 16 year olds

Karl Jacobs

Probably ate a spider once

Would wear those socks that are like gloves for you feet where it separates all the toes

Eats ravioli straight from the can, cold

Can answer an incredibly complex math equation fairly easily but will stumble over 12x11

Loves kids so much and speaks to them in a soft voice

Tried making ramen in a coffee pot and broke it

Drinks 2 monster energy drinks a day on average

Likes to open walnuts with his teeth but doesn’t actually eat them

The embodiment of that one John Maulany joke where he says you could spill soup in his lap and HE’D apologize to YOU

Loves physical affection so so much!!!!

If he moves his wrists in a certain way, they pop Really Loudly

Fantastic at making cookies

Fundy

Lowkey actually a furry but more on like, a cat boy level than fursuit level

Drives a Honda Civic

Likes ABBA

Adds parsley to almost anything he makes food-wise

Loves garlic bread so much, he’d commit a federal crime for it

Middle child vibes

Decent at skiing

Good at singing but isn’t terribly confident

Seems responsible at first glance but in reality he’s pretty chaotic and childish

Bad at spelling

Always cuts his nails way too short so they always feel weird/hurt

Likes bracelets and rings

Thinks pastel colours slap

JSchlatt

Despite the character he plays, he’s actually really sweet

He’s genuinely that cryptic off camera as he is on camera

Can cook but chooses not to most of the time

Would probably say “what pussy size you wear” to anyone who asks him to buy pads

Not actually as intimidating as he appears to be

Lowkey would fight a child

Shuts down when someone compliments him, often using aggression as a front because holy shit they just called him handsome and kind what the Fuck-

Jokingly says his license is suspended but in all actuality he never got his license in the first place

He has two (2) extra teeth but they don’t need to be removed so he kept them

Has a stick n poke of a stickman on his ankle he got in high school

Likes physics

This is already very long, and I still plan on adding more.

[pythosart]

A big ol 2019 end of the year update

I felt somewhat compelled to write my end of the year/decade thoughts, but a warning before you read: This one’s going to be heavy, intensely personal, and long. If you don’t feel up to reading that, it may be best to skip it. I promise I’ll go back to shutting up and posting art afterwards. I’m profoundly incapable of being concise, ever, so apologies for the length of this.

2019 was a nightmare.

Some background: In mid 2016, my mother was diagnosed with a rare form of liver cancer. She was given a few months to live. She was given weeks or months to live multiple times, for almost three years. In that time my mom was in and out of the hospital, but spent all her good days living life to the fullest, starting and finishing dream projects, and keeping all of us going despite her own situation. Even when she was bedridden, hooked up to tubes and bags and god knows what, she found time to prop up her loved ones and pursue her hobbies. She even managed to develop new hobbies and interests while otherwise imprisoned by her physical state, something I struggle to do at the best of times even in my young and relatively healthy form. If there’s anything I can make of this experience, it’s that I hope to grow into even half the woman my mother was.

I ended 2018 with my final quarter at SCAD. I spent the entire quarter terrified my mom was going to die while I was away from home. It was horrific, I barely scraped by my last few classes (bless my professors’ endless patience), and immediately left Savannah for home as soon as the quarter was up. I never had room to celebrate finishing college. Any other year it would be a huge milestone, but I barely even care.

This past May, my mother passed away, after three years of petrifying suspense. It happened in the dead middle of the night, while my best friend was visiting for a con, and it still feels like a bad dream. It’s also one of the only vivid memories I even have of this year. 

I wish I had more to say on that, but I genuinely think the drawn out suffering and fracturing of my whole world left me unable to fully unpack everything that’s happened. It’s hard to even think about for long, and at times I even half-forget she’s gone. I think of things I want to show her, or tell her, or cook with her. Just the other day I kept thinking I’d tell her how much I liked endive after she showed me how to make it. I found a historical Italian cooking channel that, every time I see it, I just think of how much she’d love it. I knew she’d love Hot Fuzz but never got to show her. Little, stupid things that shouldn’t matter, but they do. They just do.

My mother and I were close, much closer than I am with my dad. Especially towards the end of her life, we had gotten closer, and I felt like I was only just really getting to know her as an equal. I still want to share my life with her, but that chance is gone.

This holiday season has been especially rough in her absence, because not only was my mom the motivational and creative force behind a lot of holiday activities here, it’s the first everything without her. We had Thanksgiving with friends and a catered dinner, instead of spending several days cooking and polishing family silver and setting the table. I won’t be making handmade tortellini with her for Christmas like we did every year. It’s the little things like that.

We’re a tiny family, with over half of us in Italy and lacking much communication due to the language barrier. Family holidays were always small, but there’s just a huge hole how, much greater than the cold numeric value of “one fewer participant.” My mom was always a driving force and a keystone in our support networks, not to mention the main line of contact with the Italian-speaking side of the family, so now the family feels so much more scattered and isolated than ever.

My girlfriend was close to my mother too, and as she’s been living with me for years now and is practically part of the family, I think she took it just as hard as anyone. Cel saw everything I did, and dealt with many of the same uncertainties and traumatic experiences I did.

A month after I lost my mother, I lost my cat too. Galileo was twelve years old, a spry old man who yelled instead of meowed, and just a wonderful cat. I got him when I was in 7th grade, after begging my parents for years to get me a cat. It was my mom who eventually overrode my dad’s hesitations, and from then on Leo was part of the family. He went through a very sudden decline over the course of a week or two, and we learned it was cancer. Feline lymphoma, I think. I had to make the call to put him to sleep, and it ripped what was left of my heart out.

Not that it needs stating, but fuck cancer.

A few too-short months later, I cut ties with a “friend,” which despite how fucking much it hurt, was really for the best. At a certain point one simply can no longer afford to waste energy on a certain kind of person. Unfortunately I’m a persistently optimistic idiot, and it took me too long to cut my losses before deep damage was done. Done to me, my close friends, and even barely involved acquaintances this “friend” dumped on relentlessly and tried to harass into spying on me. Really, if any part of this is unforgivable, it’s that.

All this was, however, a valuable reminder that it’s no good to have any tolerance for habitually dishonest people, even if they think they’re doing it to look “nice.” Chronic liars will gaslight you whether they know it or not, and trying to navigate that in an already damaged mental state is inadvisable. It was an important lesson in picking one’s battles, albeit one learned too late. I’m still holding out hope I can find it in my heart to forgive this person, if only for my own selfish sake so I can move on. I have a lot of experience living on spite, and I don’t want to make a further habit of it.

Naturally all of the above did little to curb my already inflamed pessimism about the state of my country and the world at large, but I need not expand on that, I imagine.

I suppose it would be unfair of me to leave it all at that and only mention the negative, though admittedly positivity is hard to muster these days. A few bright spots of note:

Graduated from SCAD with my BFA in Sequential Art (technically last year, but I did the ceremonial bit this year)

Tabled at Animazement with Woods. We barely broke even, but it was a great time and I plan on doing it again in the new year.

Spent literally an entire month hanging out with my two best friends, which was amazing and exactly the kind of healing experience I needed around that time of year.

Properly did Halloween for the first time in years. I made a costume I’m proud of and we went out on the town… for like an hour, because it promptly started pouring. But fun nevertheless

Started therapy. As of writing this, I’ve only had an introductory session, but it’s a start. Should have started six months ago, but didn’t for reasons to be addressed...in therapy

Started volunteering at the local natural history museum, where I spent like half my childhood. I’ll be doing data entry in collections, but that’s still cool as hell

Got a start on figuring out what I want to do with my life. It’ll involve going back to school for science within the next five-ish years, but it’s nice to have a goal. More of a goal than I’ve ever had, in fact.

Played some extremely good video games (shout out to The Blackout Club and Control)

Made a shitload of unnecessary yet endlessly fun and good AUs with my friends and my one (1) OC

Got an iPad Pro and started learning Procreate, which has gotten me drawing more

Learned a bit of needle felting

2019 was a year of getting much closer to my two best friends, and I genuinely owe them my life at this point. I don’t know where I’d be without them. Nowhere good, certainly.

Woods and Dross kept me talking to people, kept me creating, told me when I was being unreasonable or needed to cool it, heard me out when I needed it but always kept me honest. They helped me keep some creative juices flowing when otherwise I’d have been at a frustrated loss and might have given up for good. If it seems like I’ve kept up my usual art output at all, and if you’ve enjoyed the Lou content (or not, whoops... apologies to everyone who followed me for monster content) you have both of them to thank.

Even moreso, I owe my girlfriend a great deal for being there for me through all of this while she herself was suffering similarly. She and I have had our ups and downs, and been through a lot in the five-ish years we’ve been together. We aren’t the most outspoken couple, but I think our mutual understanding and pain mitigated a lot of the damage this year has done. I don’t think I could have handled it alone.

Furthermore, I really need to thank a lot of other friends and acquaintances I’m not quite as close with, but still talk to. These people especially were willing to call me on my bullshit when necessary, or just talk to me at all, about anything. Even if these acquaintances didn’t know it at the time, there’s a good chance they were dragging me out of one of my frequent existential despair spirals.

I also, weirdly, owe a lot to helping my hen Julia recover from her dog attack. That was around the time that my mom’s health was in its final decline, when I felt the most helpless and despairing. I think having even some tiny something I could do to help was like, the only feeling of control I had in life for a bit there. Julia’s fine, by the way. Still queen of the yard, top chicken boss bitch, etc. Julia was always a kind of kindred spirit with my mom, in a way. Little but not to be underestimated, gray, big personality and commanding presence… Not to mention, she was one of the first in our flock and was always my mom’s favorite. 

It would be too much to say I have high hopes or plans of any kind for the upcoming year, but I do have a list of things I want to try and do. Some of which will involve art, and the posting thereof.

Big if on this one, but I’ve also recently started therapy (only took me half a year to work up to making a phone call after the first failed attempt took all the wind out of my sails) and I have…maybe not high hopes, but hopes, for that doing something to help. I should have started therapy two years ago, but the second best time is now, etc etc.

I have a lot of New Year’s resolutions, beyond the usual “get in shape, drink less coffee, blah blah” that I’ll try and write up a little list of separately. Most of them are art-related, so you all will be there to watch me swing and miss I PROMISED I’D TRY TO BE LESS NEGATIVE. New Year’s resolution #1: Maybe don’t make so many self-deprecating jokes.

Anyway, I don’t know how to end any wall of text, be it an OC worldbuilding screed or something serious like this, so... I guess, love yourself, cherish your friends, know when to put your own needs first and when to put your friends’ needs firster. One of the things my mom taught me in this past year or so is that relationships are what you make of them, and that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. Be generous, be genuine, don’t be a doormat and don’t lie to people you care about, even if it seems kinder in the moment. Savor the time you have with those close to you, and spend time doing things you love. Cliché, maybe, but cliché can still be true. Happy new year, everyone. I sincerely hope it will treat us all better. 2020 may just be an imaginary change of numbers, but I like to think it really does wipe the slate in a way, and make room for all of us to do what we can to be better. Speaking of which, vote. For the love of all that is good, vote.

--

A little bullet list of New Year’s resolutions, because it’s nicer to look at

Try to get back in shape (of course) - That 30 days of strength thing was good while it lasted, despite my joints hating me

Learn some new recipes, preferably with fewer carbs, you Italian ass

Keep a physical calendar and stick with it for at least a few months

Learn at least one new skill by the middle of the year, whether it’s art-related or something else

Start writing more. Don’t have to share it, but try. Write down ideas somewhere other than Discord where they’re easy to lose

Either reopen Patreon or figure out how ko-fi works. Even if it’s for no money, just to have structure and goals.

Do Animazement again and try out some new product types

Go to SCAD career fair with a decent portfolio

Get better about spending, by whatever method works

Attend some art classes at the local collectives, doesn’t matter what

Play more video games. I swear I only played like three new things this year 

Read more classic literature and nonfiction, at least one book per month. I’ve been really enjoying Agatha Christie’s works and am about to start Guns, Germs, and Steel

Read more comics. Basically just consume more media

Do Halloween again, better this time

See friends in person more

Practice accepting whatever shitty thoughts show up and then letting them go, rather than dwelling on them

[ahiddenpath]

Therapy Talk

This is about as trite as it gets, but so far, therapy really has been a journey, and I guess I wanted to share my thoughts?  Sooooo read on if you’re interested in hearing about cognitive behavior therapy.

 The short version, because I’m sure some of you have read it before, is that all kinds of tough stuff has happened to me since 2017.  The job I started in January 2017 is demanding and stressful.  I was injured and more or less immobile for 10 weeks, there was a string of deaths in my family, I was a victim of credit fraud, it’s just been crappy.  When my grandmother passed in summer 2018, whatever was holding me together through everything else... snapped.

I stopped doing the things I enjoy and was perpetually exhausted.  My short term memory began to suffer, until I found myself throwing out dilutions and solutions I made at work over and over, because I couldn’t remember if I had added something to the mix just seconds before.  

There was no single event that pushed me to consider therapy.  A dear friend has been suggesting it for years because of my anxiety and my difficult childhood.  I thought it sounded like a good idea... but who has the time, right?  I wasn’t putting off therapy because of pride or money.  It just... didn’t seem important enough to warrant 90 minutes of my life with travel every other week.

I’d say that, so far, therapy has been a string of personal epiphanies.  The first was that I was finally ready to fight for a chance to start feeling better.  I think that, deep down, people who have the insurance/financial means for therapy aren’t avoiding it because of the time commitment.  I think people avoid it because they are aware that it will be difficult, and sometimes unpleasant.  Humans often deal with difficult memories and behaviors by ignoring or compartmentalizing them, and therapy shines a spotlight on our problems.  And once we’re aware of our damaging behaviors, we have to learn to correct them, which is about as fun as it sounds.

What I’m trying to say is that starting therapy and committing to doing the work my therapist suggested was a huge step.

The next thing I learned was that I have far more control over my emotions than I realized.  I’ve always thought of emotions as something that... just happen to you.  You choose what to do with them, but the emotion itself is beyond your control.  It turns out that this is only half true!  Basically, you can’t control that certain behaviors and situations elicit an emotional response from you, but you can control how long the emotional response lasts.

For example, let’s say that a coworker does something that causes me to feel anxiety and anger.  Before therapy, my brain would be... almost held hostage by those emotions.  I would lose focus and motivation at work, and then I would go home miserable, carrying those negative feelings with me.  I wouldn’t lash out or do anything destructive, but I’d carry those awful emotions for hours, souring entire days.

Through cognitive behavior therapy, I’ve learned to manage these situations.  In a scenario where a coworker upsets me, I’ll think: I’m feeling a strong emotion.  What is it?  Why am I feeling it?  What should I do with it?  Usually, the answer is to focus on my work and let it go.  I’ve also learned that, while we’re told to leave our home lives at home (ie, don’t snap at your coworkers because you fought with your spouse that morning), we’re rarely told to leave your work life at work (ie, don’t mope around the house because a coworker upset you).  Anyone who has learned to do the former can learn to do the latter, myself included.

Once you understand that you’re responsible for how long you hold on to your emotions and allow them to influence your behavior, the improvements start quickly.  I’m doing so much better with this, so I’m happier overall than I was before therapy.  The problem I’m having now is that continuously monitoring every strong emotion is exhausting.  My therapist keeps telling me that I have to pursue my hobbies- writing, reading, video games, singing, guitar, drawing, painting, playing with my cats, exercising.  She calls them my coping skills, the things that maintain my sanity and sense of self in the storm of work and all the crappy life stuff.

I won’t lie, I always thought that I was able to do those things because I’m hard working and diligent.  I didn’t think they were improving my mental health; I saw them as extra credit, things I managed to do despite having a full time job and social obligations.  But when life starting wringing me dry, I stopped engaging in them, and the mental stress started piling up.

The reason I’m writing this is because I’m starting to reach my third little epiphany.  Now that I’ve agreed to 1.) make myself vulnerable and do the work and 2.) manage my emotions, I’m ready to reclaim my coping skills.  I’m ready to stop allowing excuses like “I’m tired,” and “It’s been a long day.”  Exercise is the first thing I’ve tried to reclaim.  I’m also paying more attention to what I eat and cutting back on sugar.  After all, I can’t recover my energy if I don’t care for my body.  Sleep is another huge factor- late nights will kill your oomph the next day.  However, I’m the type that passes out if I try to stay up, so I’ve mostly been moving bedtime up half an hour XD

I started reading and editing the next two chapters of After August.  It hasn’t been much, but it’s a lot more than I have been doing.

What I really want to say with all of this is...  If you’ve spent years considering therapy and have the means to go...  Well, I haven’t been doing it long, and I already see improvement.  It’s not magic- you have to do a lot of difficult, uncomfortable work- and it’s not instantaneous.  But at this point, about three months in, I’m... optimistic that things will continue to improve.

And that, I think, is worth the time and the work.

[siverwrites]

Press Start Letter

AO3: Siver

There are some pretty big groups here, so I’ll try to keep things short. Prompts are just possible starters. As long as the DNWs are avoided it’s all good! Really can’t go wrong taking anything from my Likes list. A lot of found family vibes happening in this batch so anything in that vein in particular is great.

All requests are for fic or art. Art: Interactions of some sort: emoting at each other, talking, sharing some activity, taking a walk, hugs are always welcome, soft things, whatever suits the pair/group

Likes: fluff, hurt/comfort, comfort, missing scenes, friendships, long-term friendships, close relationships of any sort whether romantic or platonic, familial bonds, found family, sickfic, AUs, fandom crossovers or fusions, angst with a happy end, bonding, cuddling/hugs/holding, banter, mutual care and support, emotional bonding, loyalty, pre-canon, post-canon, reuniting, slice of life

DNW: NSFW, non-con, dub-con, underage relationships, unrequested ships, infidelity

Ghost Trick

I love this game, its characters and pretty much everything about it, so whatever you want to do will be great I am sure. New timeline mysteries and missing memories are always welcome where it makes sense. Alternate timelines and what-ifs are cool to explore. Fluff, comfort, family found or otherwise and friendships are always a go. Any combination of these characters is more than welcome too!

Alma & Emma: Friends! Mom-friends? Knew each other before the girls were born? Is Alma Emma’s beta-reader?Is a certain detective husband merely a great inspiration and Alma is endlessly amused?

Alma & Sissel: That cat is Strange shenanigans. Alternatively Alma knows and teamup times of any sort! Or just some good old comfy cat times

Cabanela & Jowd: Close friends (or more), partners. Determination and loyalty. Really can’t go wrong with anything and these two. Case fic? Just time spent together? Mutual insufferability? Nothing like it!

Cabanela & Kamila: Best weird cool uncle! Best cool niece (whether kids are a what do situation for Cabs or not). How do they spend time together? How does he spoil her rotten?

Cabanela & Missile: Loyalty to the max--of course they get along. Anything cute/fun for these is welcome. Dog snuggles! Dance lessons! Rookie Detective Missile is on the case bark bark!

Cabanela & Pigeon Man: I’m always down for anything during the year they worked together. Alternatively what the heck might pull them together in post-game?

Cabanela/Jowd: No infidelity please. So, this could be a no-reset scenario, something during the game events–ch.9 and ch.15 stuff is always great. Or on a less angsty route, it is the ot3 or some kind of happy V. but Alma’s simply not involved if they’re at work, she’s at work, or a trip or she’s on a trip, etc, so the focus is on their end.  Fluff, bonding, banter, travel, domestic stuff, on-the-job antics either at the station or out on a case.

Cabanela/Jowd/Alma: Post-game. All the polyamory fluff! Domestic fluff, travel fluff, vacation fluff, road trip, picnics, beach trips, train trip? etc. Go for a date whatever a date might entail for these three. Hugs, snuggles, and love.  Light angst is fine too, as long as they get a happy end.

Jowd & Lynne & Memry: Detective group/mentor shenanigans. Likely chicken.

Jowd & Pigeon Man: Old friends. Anything from their past working together, or new timeline working together! Jowd’s gotten strange. There’s a meteorite. PM is intrigued.

Jowd & Sissel: Detective and Ghost Cat. Working together!

Kamila & Amelie: Anything friendship is good. Current ages or future fic/art when they’re older!

Lynne & Memry, Lynne/Memry: The Odd Girls working together drawing all the oddest cases!

Pigeon Man & Blue Doctor: Who is the Blue Doctor. How long has he been around? How might they meet and what do think of each other?

Rindge & Lynne & Memry: Odd Girls + trying-to-be-normal Rindge in an odd world. Contrasts! Clashing ways of working that manage to work!

Sissel & Missile & Lovey-Dove: The animals just hanging out doing animal things. The animals getting on a mission of their own?

Cabanela: Anything Cabanela being his sparkly determined Cabanela self. Something during his five years goal? Day to day life? A hobby? Post-game fun times? Just. Cabanela.

Crossover settings are cool too. Some other settings that I like born of Discord Talks:

FFVI: Half esper Sissel? Magic infused Cabanela with the Empire working in secret? Jowd suplexing a train? Returner Lynne somewhere back there? General Final Fantasy VI shenanigans with these characters. World of Balance? Reunions in the World of Ruin? Opera Cabanela. More info here https://archiveofourown.org/series/1169099 or here: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1196335 or here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16407494

Ivalice: Viera Cabanela! Nu Mou (Tactics Nu Mou specifically) Jowd and family! Anything here. I am more familiar with Tactics versions but anything goes. Fluff? Intrigue? Mist frenzied Cabanela and after effects–maybe the first time Jowd’s seen this happen, and particularly startling from the usually controlled Cabanela who relies more on magic?

FFX: Summoner Jowd, devoted guardian Cabanela who hates this whole process, but isn’t about to leave Jowd. Something during the journey? Something with Yunalesca? Even shortly after it’s all over but they have this new world and old scars to contend with?

Crystal Chronicles: No idea what races they’d be but if there’s something fun to be had here, fly at it. Lilty Jowd? Yuke Cabanela (got that tall bird thing going)? Something more fitting? Something something miasma, something crystals. A moment in their caravan journey?

Trails Series: The cast in Zemuria! Dominion Cabanela undercover in Arc-en-Ciel. What might his stigma be? Knight Alma of the Gralsritter assigned with Cabanela. Crossbell Chief of Police of Jowd separated from Alma some years previously to some disaster (like the manifestation of Cabanela’s stigma) and doesn’t know the other two are alive, along with his daughter Kamila who’s learning all she can about orbal tech. Reuniting! Hermit Pigeon Man orbal scientist and contact for Jowd? Is Lynne a Detective under Jowd or a Bracer? What of Memry? Other ideas entirely!

Trails in the Sky | Sora no Kiseki

Anything in any of the three Sky games or something in between them. Missing scenes, scene extensions, travel along the roads, airship travel times, etc. Ample opportunity for anything in the Garden in 3rd. I love these characters, their world, their relationships or potential for.

Estelle Bright & Cassius Bright: Any kind of father-daughter bonding time. Pre-FC, post-SC before she and Joshua set off, post-return to Liberl, anywhere something can fit really.

Estelle Bright & Olivier Lenheim | Olivert Reise Arnor: Estelle is perpetually and understandably exasperated with him, but what about a quieter moment? Parting ways after SC, or some encouragement at some point during SC for Estelle, or Estelle catching Olivier in an off moment (example: like their talk about the dreams from Luciola).

Estelle Bright & Tita Russell: Sisters! Anything showing a sisterly bond is great.

Julia Schwarz & Mueller Vander: They share the same role with drastically different charges. Relate to one another in some respects? Do some training? Commiserate? Encourage through some similar worries for Kloe and Olivier respectively?

Kevin Graham & Ries Argent: Kevin is a dumbass and is lucky Ries is patient for this self-deprecating fool. More seriously anything about their relationship is good during 3rd or post-3rd (nothing that could spoil Cold Steel III or IV please)

Olivier Lenheim | Olivert Reise Arnor: Just Olivier being Olivier during his Liberl travels either when he’s alone or while he’s with the group, whether it’s outrageous Olivier or quiet time Olivier with a hell of a long road ahead of him on this battle he’s chosen.

Kloe Rinz & Julia Schwarz: Beyond their bond as knight and princess I think they love each other platonically. Sisterly? Something showing their close bond. Helping each other out? Julia protects Kloe but Kloe protects her back in turn? Talks of duty but also personal wants?

The Legend of Heroes VII | Zero/Ao no Kiseki

These games hit my found family buttons hard. Anything portraying some kind of relationship among these characters is awesome. Any combination of these characters is more than welcome too!

Elie MacDowell: Explore Elie’s thoughts and feelings on everything that’s happening in Crossbell. What about her personal feelings on the Croises and betrayed by Mariabell? Her feelings on her own standing and what she wants?

Cecil Neues & Ilya Platiere: They’re an odd friendship and both married to their work but they make it work. Anything exploring their friendship or the time while Ilya was hospitalized--hard on both of them in different ways.

Elie MacDowell & Tio Plato & KeA: Girl’s day out! Aidios knows they could use one. Some kind of Mishy involvement is a bonus (or a necessity in Tio’s eyes).

Lloyd Bannings & KeA: Lloyd is the daddest of dads. Lloyd and KeA time of any sort is good.

Lloyd Bannings & Randy Orlando: They’ve both lost family but they can be brothers for each other. Supporting each other

Randy Orlando & Tio Plato: Big brother Randy and little sister Tio? They both lost their childhoods. Something to relate on?

Rixia Mao/Ilya Platiere: While Ilya clearly cares for Rixia, Rixia’s love may be one-sided (for the time being at least, perhaps more in the future?). Rixia’s thoughts and fears while Ilya is hospitalized. Once awake, Ilya’s concerns for what Rixia really wants and her place--she belongs with Arc-en-Ciel and they both know it

Sergei Lou & Alex Dudley: Past working together or connections in current time. Wildly different personalities but Dudley still listens to Sergei. Anything exploring their working relationship, or anything exploring them off the job on break.

Sergei Lou & KeA: Grumpy uncle Sergei cannot resist the charms of KeA. Anything familial (possibly despite himself) between these two.

Shizuku MacLaine & KeA: Let these kids be happy. Give them a good time together.

Wazy Hemisphere & Noel Seeker: The temporary SSS members, outliers that never quite fit the same as our core four. They’re completely different in personality but how might they connect at least for a little while?

Randy Orlando: Always interested in anything exploring Randy’s struggles with home and family and where his place is (the night he runs away included!). He belongs with SSS but it’s hard for him to see. Also appreciate how casino owner Drake looks out for him. He’s cared for even if he can’t always see it!

Trails of Cold Steel | Sen no Kiseki

Following the theme of these games, bonds! Old bonds, new bonds, forming bonds!

Elliot Craig & Fie Claussell: They don’t get much interaction in-game all told, but I have a special soft spot for a budding friendship between them. School days activities or something during the month they (and Machias) spent in the Celdic area between CS I and II?

Fie Clausell & Instructor Beatrix: Fie finding comfort in Beatrix’s presence. Beatrix looking out for her.

Olivier Lenheim | Olivert Reise Arnor & Alfin Reise Arnor & Mueller Vander: Olivier is Too Much. Alfin is Too Much. What is a Mueller to do when he’s got both of them around?

Olivier Lenheim | Olivert Reise Arnor & Alfin Reise Arnor: Alfin is very much Olivier’s sister. Little sister and big brother shenanigans! Or maybe something welcoming him back to Erebonia?

Olivier Lenheim | Olivert Reise Arnor & Mueller Vander, Olivier Lenheim | Olivert Reise Arnor/Mueller Vande:  Gen or romance slant. I’m good with either or one with shades of the other. I enjoy Mueller and Olivier’s closeness and how they contrast each other. Olivier’s more eccentric and flamboyant nature, but also his more serious side. And Mueller’s regular exasperation with him, but also his care for him. Being there for each other. I’m fond of the little things like how Mueller always calls him Olivier even in Erebonia when Olivert’s identity is known and public. Heimdallr fun or trouble (Olivier…). Planning against Osborne. Look after a tired Olivert? Something during the civil war when they’re in the west?

Principal Vandyck & Instructor Beatrix: Both are more than they appear. I loved the Instructor teamup in the last part of CS I and these two have a history. Explore their connection, or reminiscing. Would also be interested in their activities during Trista’s occupation.

Towa Herschel & George Nome & Angelica Rogner: Anything exploring their friendship, or perhaps something during their time as the proto Class VII or their memories of that time in comparison (or contrast) to the new Class VII?

Mueller Vander & Elise Schwarzer: Elise is sliding into a similar role for Alfin as Mueller for Olivier. Maybe he can give her some advice? Or the two stand by while their respective charges/friends are <vague gesture> That. One way or another the siblings are a handful and Mueller and Elise know it (and if forced into honesty wouldn’t have it any other way).

Pyre

Another case of give me all the found family joys. Daily activities while they travel? Post Peaceful revolution activities? (Note: I’m good with any of the _ae options for Vagabond girl for naming purposes)

Big Bertrude & Volfred Sandalwood: I adore their close friendship and that it came about from Bertrude’s unrequited love, but it’s okay, better than okay! Anything between them in their history, or during the Nightwings travels or post revolution would be great.

Big Bertrude & Sir Gilman: Big snakes and little snake. Grump and enthusiast. Awkward mutual (grudging?) respect?

Jodariel & Sir Gilman: Contrasts in everything from personality to size. Something exploring that would be great

Tariq | The Lone Minstrel & Big Bertrude: We don’t see a lot of interaction between them. How do they get along? What stories might they share? An appreciation for music or something to tolerate? What does a day in the blackwagon look like between them?

Tariq | The Lone Minstrel & Sir Gilman: The Moon and the Wyrm. Music and Knighting. Just these two interacting somehow

Vagabond Girl & Jodariel: Jodariel going mom-mode on _ae? Or just a big hug? _ae being far more enthusiastic than Jodi is used to these days?

Vagabond Girl & Sir Gilman: So much energy!

Volfred Sandalwood & Sandra: So much potential for interaction as a reader. And snark. And an unimpressed Sandra. But on some things they can maybe agree...

Volfred Sandalwood/Tariq | The Lone Minstrel: Something gentle for the tree and the moon who somehow fell for him, any time period

Ti'Zo: Imp doing imp things. Anything Ti’zo will make me happy

FFVI

All that travelling time is ripe for more interaction or character exploration. Equally interested in what they might be doing after the world is saved too.

Cayenne Garamonde | Cyan Garamonde (FFVI): Where does Cyan go when the world is saved? What is a new home for Cyan? Alternatively a look at Cyan’s time during the year between the World of Balance and the World of Ruin

Celes Chere (FFVI): Opera Celes! Celes time away from the party after Vector. Celes after the world is saved--what does she do, where does she go?

Edgar Roni Figaro & Setzer Gabbiani: King and Engineer in a mechanical moving castle? Pilot of the only airship? They could have some great talks. Maybe some proposed airship upgrades?

Thank you for anything you do!

[dinoswrites]

for kai -- 16, 39, 44

16. Which does yourcharacter idealize most: happiness, or success?

This is the first time she has seen her father since she wassix years old.

Twelve years have changed him—though she wonders now howmuch of that is her flawed memory of him, young as she was. Some part of herstill expected him to tower over her, perhaps—to scowl down at her from somegreat height, and ask her why she is covered in dirt.

He is still taller than her—and he still stands straight asan arrow, though she doesn’t remember him having such a belly. But he’d neverhad the warrior’s bulk the other children’s fathers carried, and his hands areworn from quills and shaking hands, not from spears or mending sails.

She has no memory of him bending to scoop her up. No memoryof him bending at all.

Part of her honestly had started to think he wasn’t evenreal—that she’d just sprung from the earth, fully-formed, and imagined adistant father who sent her away to learn about magic in somewhere cold,somewhere far from the sea of her childhood memories.

But here he is. Standing in the doorway, staring at her witha blank expression, as if he expected some wild-haired child, covered toe toknee in mud and sand, instead of a young woman with perfectly ironed pleats inher skirt.

She breaks the silence first. “Hello, Father,” she says,with a perfectly poised curtsey.

That seems to snap him out of it. He blinks only once beforehe strolls into her little room, his gaze finally falling to the things she hascollected there. To her bed, immaculately made—to her books, neatly lined up onthe shelves.

His gaze rests on the bonsai on her desk, drinking in the meagresunlight from her window.

“What,” he says, “is that.”

It’s a tiny tree,moron. She bites the inside of her cheek. “My first year botany project wasto—”

“I read your reports,” he snaps. “Why do you still have it?”

She stares at him, incredulous. “They were just going tothrow it out after the project was complete,” she answers, slowly. “I asked ifI could keep it. My instructor agreed, since it was an old tree, and my gradesfor the semester were exceptional.”

He scowls at the plant as if it has personally offended him.

When she grows tired of watching him do that, she asks, “Whatbrings you all the way across the ocean, father?”

“Good news,” he tells her, though his scowl only deepens. “Thereis an opening in Princess Akeakamai’s retinue for a witch with some skill withplants. Of course I was happy to report to her mother the Queen that you haveperformed adequately in that regard, so the position is yours.”

She wrings her hands, catches herself doing it, and letsthem hang by her sides again.

“Your instructors needed to be persuaded to accelerate yourgraduation.” He reaches down to adjust her quill at her desk, so it is lying ina perfect parallel line with the windowsill. “They did not understand theurgency of the matter.”

Accelerate hergraduation? “Urgency?” she parrots, frowning in confusion.

Her father exhales through his nose, short and irritated. “Theprincess is eight,” he informs her, “andspoiled besides. Her mother allows her whims to flit where they please, insteadof demanding focus of the child. It is entirely possible that by the time wereturn, she will have lost all interest in plants and this opportunity willhave been wasted. You must return as quickly as possible so you can make themost of your chance.”

Her heart starts to race, frantic in her chest. “My chance?”she asks, faintly.

“To impress her. She’s a child, I assume it will be easy.Throw some sparks in front of her face, turn her parrot gold, they like thatsort of thing.”

Judging by her time spent with the younger children at theschool, she’s pretty certain that would make most children cry. She’s toooverwhelmed to inform him of that, however.

“I don’t understand,” she says. “I have—I have seniorprojects to finish, I have to stand the examinations, my honours botany finalis still ongoing and won’t be complete for another—”

“What don’t you understand, girl?” he snaps, turning on hisheel. He stares at her incredulously, as if she has said something entirelyunexpected. “I sent you here to learn something useful, you have vexed me at every turn by excelling at makingplants grow, of all things. I have come to inform you that I have a place foryou, at court, and you stand there as if I’ve told you to jump in the oceanduring a storm.”

He steps towards her, and she suddenly feels very small. Asif she really is that girl, covered in dirt, with him towering over her, lipcurling in distaste.

“Your examinations start in three days,” he informs her. “Afteryou complete those, I am taking you home, where you will finally be of use tome.”

He storms out of the room, leaving her standing there, heartin her throat, and her blood rushing in her ears.

39. Has yourcharacter ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (orunaffected)?

She is playing with Cinis while he rolls on her lap, bellyexposed, and in his excitement he bites her hand a little, not even hard enoughto draw blood.

“Ouch,” she says, very softly, but her fond smile doesn’tfade.

Julian, sitting at his desk, nearly launches himself acrossthe room, sending papers flying.

“I knew it,” he blurts, “that demon cat bit you, didn’t he?Let me see it, is it infected—”

Cinis hisses and darts away as Julian takes Kai’s hand. Thecat hides under the couch as Julian turns her hand over and over, browsfurrowing as he probably looks for some kind of gaping wound.

“Julian,” she says. Her voice has grown less rough in theweek since she found Cinis, but she still finds herself speaking softly, hardto break the habit.

“Where is it,” he grumbles. “Where—”

“Julian,” she says again, holding up her other hand. “Thisone.”

He tries to grab that one, but she pulls it away at the lastsecond, grinning. “I’m fine,” she tells him, when he reaches for her handagain. “Just playing.”

Julian blushes a little. His shoulders slump, and he letsout a fond, if somewhat embarrassed sigh.

He messes up her hair, and then regards the glowing eyesstaring at him from under the couch. “I’m watching you, Matchstick,” he warns,without any real threat backing his words, before turning and going back to hisdesk.

44. How difficult oreasy is it for your character to say, “I love you?” Can they say it withoutmeaning it?

She and Asra are sitting on the step of the baker’s shop,pressed close together to give room for the line of people slowly gathering tobuy bread. They are splitting a loaf of pumpkin bread between them, while thecrowd passes them by.

He is telling her a story—something about his childhood,with Muriel. Faust is helping him, supplying one-word prompts when he getsdetails wrong, though he often stops and argues them with her. And she can’thelp but laugh every time, as the snake and the young man seem to have eachremembered the event entirely differently.

“You did not tripthe guard,” Asra says, “I did, with a spell.”

Trip! Faust insists,waving back and forth in the air. Me!Trip!

“It was a spell,Faust,” he insists, laughing, his cheeks dimpling. “You were so small you couldhardly trip me!”

He’s barely touched his half of the loaf, he so absorbed inthe story, and the subsequent playful banter with Faust. She’s been eating hersas slowly as she can, too happy to let this moment play on as long as possible.And it’s a nice enough day—not too hot out, the sun shining, a cool breezewinding up through the streets of Vesuvia from the docks.

The sun is in his hair, in his eyes. They’re sitting soclose that he’s pressed up against her—and as he and Faust disagree on theorder of events, his arm slips down around her, resting comfortably at herwaist. As if they always sit this close—as if being pressed together, no spacefor anything but old stories and laughter between them, is the most normalthing in the world.

There are silver flecks in his purple eyes. So small thatthere’s no way to notice them, without sitting this close. They make her thinkof her old stone magic lessons, in a tower in a place far away from here, aplace so very different from where she sits now. Lepidolite—for tranquility,for calming the mind and aiding focus.

How odd, she thinks. There’s nothing tranquil at all abouttheir surroundings—someone is arguing the price of a loaf of bread with thebaker, trying to barter him down, their argument almost drowning out Asra andFaust. The crowd is a dull roar around them, a never-ending whirl of colour andnoise and life in the background. Asra himselfis loud, and bright, and wild—he wears shining bangles on his wrists, thebright coat she’d bought him, and he uses sparks of illusion magic to aid inthe story, to try and show Faust what reallyhappened, even as she adamantly refuses to believe him.

All this colour, all this vibrant activity—none of it ispeaceful. It has nothing in common with all the meditation gardens from hertextbooks, or the reflecting pool at her aunt’s shop.

She’s never felt more at peace in her entire life.

“Asra,” she says.

“Yeah?” he turns to regard her instead, so she can trulystare into the depths of his beautiful, complicated, impossible eyes. Is sheimagining it, or is she the only thing his restless gaze seems to linger on, thesedays?

I love you. Sheknows it—she’s known it for months, now.

But still, even though she knows, the words do not leave the safety of her heart, the insideof her throat.

“Let’s say Faust tripped the guards,” she says instead, herstomach twisting with disappointment in herself.

Asra doesn’t notice. His eyes twinkle with amusement, and heinclines his head. “Alright Faust,” he says, “you somehow grew five feet in aheartbeat and tripped the guard. Singular.”

Many! Faustinsists. Six!

Asra laughs. “Two.”

Seven!

She rests her head on Asra’s shoulder. His arm curls alittle tighter around her, pulling her somehow closer still, as he and Fauststart to barter on the number of guards chasing Asra and Muriel, while theirpumpkin bread grows cold in their hands.

[siarven]

My OCs!

Sierra Craye

From: Monster

Sierra is nine years old, very sassy, often grumpy, and she’s befriended the monster under her bed. It keeps annoying her and she keeps annoying it back, it’s like she just got another sibling she never wanted. If anyone hurts it though they’ll have to deal with her, and nobody wants that.

Ava Elyssa Nichols

From: Dreams and Shadows

Ava is eight and her life revolves around Ben, her older brother, since her parents are both very bad at taking care of their children (they’ve got their reasons, still doesn’t help anyone though). Now Ben is gone, though, and Ava has no idea how to cope with that. Ava is afraid of the darkness and the monsters it holds, and she loves the family cat Amber with all her heart. I have a lot of plans for her ;)

Benjamin Alec “Ben” Nichols

From: Dreams and Shadows

Ben is twelve and the whole reason why his family hasn’t broken apart yet. He didn’t really have much of a childhood because he instead takes care of his sister, depressed father, and science-obsessed mother all the while excelling in school because he thinks that people expect that of him. And now he’s dying, more or less. Basically, he just needs a break.

Kiyera Sy

From: Dreams and Shadows

She’s fifty-seven and has given up on life after losing both her lover and her son. The only thing that#s keeping her going is taking care of the city’s abandoned pets and the carrier pigeons. She moved to Merreadon some twenty years ago. Before that she spent most of her life as a pirate queen fighting the very empire she now lives in (and despises, more and more). She sort of adopts both Ava and Ben halfway through the story.

Fiyare

From: Dreams and Shadows

Fiyare is probably five hundred years old, or older. She was once human before becoming a Guardian. She’s assigned to the Nichols family, and kind of failing at protecting them. It’s not really her fault, but she still feels like it is.

Azrae

From: Dreams and Shadows

A Natah (godlike being in the destruction category); God of Death, basically. They protects the Fallen and makes sure that they find their way. They’re on the nonbinary spectrum and prefer they/them/their or she/her. Ava can channel their powers. They basically helped raise Iuri even though they never asked for it, Iuri just chose them.  Azrare doesn’t understand what Iuri likes about them so much but since they loves Iuri (in the family sort of way... or is it?) they don’t question it. Azrae spent thousands of years in perpetual loneliness, not even really realizing that they were lonely, until Iuri decided to be adopted by them. And that was that.

Iuri

From: Dreams and Shadows

A Nanaël (godlike being in the creation category); Lady of Fire. She’s basically everyone’s favourite, exuberant, happy, upbeat. Nobody understands why she chose Azrae of all people, the gloomiest gloom to ever gloom. But since they’re both happy that’s all that matters. Ava can channel her powers.

Mikaën

From: Dreams and Shadows

A Nanaël (creation); Lord of Order. He’s the leader of the Nanaël but has sort of given up in reent years since every child he’s chosen during the last 300 years was either taken or killed by the Asim (the sort of magic-users). Ben can channel his powers, and he only chose Ben because Fiyare told him so and he trusts her.

Luzire

From: Dreams and Shadows

A Natah (Destruction), Lady of Chaos. She strongly dislikes being forced into roles she hasn’t chosen herself. She’s also completely bonkers and wants to destroy the universe. Ben can channel her powers. She’s been imprisoned since she brought on the last apocalypse. She’s not quite as imprisoned as everyone seems to think she is but she is still in there and hasn’t yet found out how to escape. Alasayr is her right-hand-man because she’s not powerful enough to contact her other friends allies.  

Alasayr

From: Dreams and Shadows

A once-human, now demon, who’s responsible for all the problems, or at least most of them. He’s Luzire’s right hand.

Ilien

From: Firewings/Feuervogel

He’s the Mist Rider, a mythical demon slayer. He’s very old, not quite six hundred years old (since the story takes place over a couple of years I’ll leave it at that). He hates his brother with all his soul, hates the demons, loves his dead little sister more than anything else, feels responsible for everything and loves Lirhin, his adoptive daughter, the way any father would. He does a lot of wonderful things but just as many horrible ones, for reasons only he himself knows. I’ve carried him around for roughly three years before I started writing firewings. He’s my problematic son and I love him.

Lirhin

From: Firewings

Adoptive daughter of Ilien. Her parents are dead and Ilien saved her. She’s very rebellious, makes a lot of mistakes, rights many wrongs and is overall a very active person. I love her as much as I love Ilien, but I can’t talk too much about her because most of it is the story anyways.

Jouka

From: firewings

Oh, Jouka, my boy! I’d almost forgotten you… damnit, now I want to write firewings again. Jouka is basically the most trustworthy, calm, amazing person ever, and he’s chosen problematic fav Lirhin as his project. He can also heal. Of course, he has his demons, too, but who doesn’t? Definitely a cinnamon roll :D

Alienor

From: Firewings

Oh, Alienor… She’s Jouka’s younger sister and can talk to animals, she’s also really good with languages and runes and so on.

Jeanna

From: Firewings

From timid girl to badass warrior rebel queen… I love her. She lost her mother and older sister when she was very young, and after finding out about a few things runs away to find herself a better home. Also she hates Lirhin very passionately. She’s a very tough from the outside and it might take years to get close to her but once you’re there she’s totally a softie. She doesn’t care if you like her and she’s mean to everybody, get used to it. If you’re her friend she’ll protect you from everyone, though. She’s also very bi.

Razouk

From: Firewings

He has the problem that everyone around him manipulates him, and that he’s probably not strong enough to withstand all of them because if everyone does it that’s pretty hard. He also has the problem that he’ll never be as good as his sister, at least not in the eyes of his master, whom he tries to please always and in any way possible. Too bad if you don’t even really know who your master actually is.

Arrick and Meena

From: Firewings

The crown prince and princess. They’re fighting to keep the country together while their father lets everything fall apart. Live is hard but they’re harder, and they’re also working harder.

Rheon

From: Firewings

He cares very deeply about his people, being City lord of a larger city… only problem: The King doesn’t do anything and everything gets worse and worse. What could be better than a little rebellion to put things right?

Skye/Lucifer (I’ll change her name when I get back to this writing project… at first the story took place on earth, when it was only Lucifer. Now that it’s another world entirely her name makes little sense.)

From: Morning Star

Lucifer Reborn, only she has no idea. She’s sixteen, typical teenage rebellion phase, sassy, aggressive, quickly angered, impulsive and sometimes even manipulative – but at the same time incredibly kind, and generous if she thinks you deserve it. Only problem: She’s the daughter of two preachers whose church is based on the vilification of Lucifer, and she’s spent most of her life knowing that something is deeply wrong with her but has no idea what. So, basically everyone who hates Lucifer knows who she is, why she has no idea at all, just very bad self esteem and a cynical personality. She’s aro-ace.

Meera

From: Morning Star

Skye’s mother. She just wants her daughter’s best and has no idea (how could she) what she’s actually doing to her. She’s kind of bad at letting go and accepting that Skye has to find her own path. She’s also one of the leaders of the rebellion, but not the mind – she’s the heart, the one who keeps everyone human, who’ll have to make sure that this rebellion doesn’t end up making everything worse than it was before.

Okazaki

From: Morning Star

My baby… he’s the psychic, the dream-boy, the only one who can save Alun – the only one who can save God. Only problem: He’s the shyest person that has ever been and is so deeply afraid of people that it’ll take everything he has to do this. He’s also very broken, deep down, lived in an orphanage most of his life and is currently the apprentice to a cartographer because he’s excellent at drawing and memorizing things. He has to learn that he can be the active one for once, too, not just let everything happening to him without putting up any sort of resistance. He’ll find a lot of great friends really soon though.

Echo

From; Morning Star

Skye’s childhood friend, and, like his name says, he sometimes thinks that he’s just Skye’s echo, too. He spends most of his time protecting Skye from her (often bad) choices and standing by her side. Only, he has to realize that he’s his own person, too, and that he deserves happiness as well. He quickly finds the perfect best friend in Okazaki thought!

Harmony

From: Morning Star

He’s a war leader. Great name for a war leader, right? Only, the name is kind of fitting, because while Harmony is an excellent warrior he also has so much heart. He might be the only one who can save Rayden from himself, and thousands of lives. He has a very dark secret, and he’s very gay. He’s the knight in shining armour, basically, the saviour, the hero with a heart of gold.

Rayden

From: Morning Star

Rayden is the Emperor’s only surviving son and heir to the throne. He’s also really, really horrible, but he wasn’t always that way. He’s a monster and he knows it, and he knows that his choices and those of his father led him here. He thinks that he’s irredeemable and maybe would be in the eyes of everyone else. Only, there’s also Harmony, and Harmony believes in him.

Willow

From: Morning Star

Willow is in her eighties or so, the Healer from Skye’s home village. She raised Meera, Skye’s mother, and is basically the only one (apart from maybe Echo) that Skye trusts completely, with everything. She helps Meera, and Skye, and is generally incredibly generous and warm and calming and helpful. She’s also very broken, deep down.

Icarus

From: Morning Star

He chose the name himself after feeling like he didn’t deserve his old one. The most broken of them all, incredibly old, immortal, and the only one whose mind didn’t break completely during Lucifer’s torture. He takes care of her other victims, and he hates lucifer with a burning passion for what she did to them, and to him. He’s the only one with a sense of self. He’s waited for Lucifer’s return since a few thousand years, but now that she’s back he has to see that Skye isn’t Lucifer. That she any help she can get, especially since every single one of Lucifer’s enemies knows who she is, while she doesn’t. The only way to find release for himself and for the Others is to help Skye save herself, after all.

Hawk

From: Morning Star

Roughly 250 years old. Mischievous, playful, always up for a prank. He needs to realize that sometimes you need to take responsibility to achieve anything in life. He might need to help Lucifer, and Cassandra.

Cassandra

From: Morning Star

Lucifer’s childhood friend. Roughly two and a half million years old. She’s the one who has to re-unite the Icari and the Oresh (similar to angels/demons) before they tear each other apart in the worst war the world has ever seen. She needs to realize that she has to do that, not Lucifer, even if she’s still very nostalgic. She’ll never forgive herself for not saving Lucifer, even though she really tried. Hard. She’s also bi. 

Kieran

From: Morning Star

Lucifer’s childhood friend. Roughtly two and a half million years old. Looks like he’s twenty-seven. He loved Lucifer, once, and blames basically everyone else for what happened to her. Most of all God. He’s very broken, and very lost, and though he thinks that what he does is for the best it really isn’t. Someone stop him, please…

Oh man, so many characters. And these are only three projects! I’ll add Icicle Soul, Burning Skies and Sky Citadel later, I think…Also not all those characters have stuff in their tags yet. I’m working on that :)

[thistlepath]

stuff about Aggy

this is for that meme i rebloged a bit ago, i was asked to answer “all of them” for a character of my choice. this is gonna be kinda long.

What is your OC’s favorite color?

Dark purple :3

Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect?

No, he’s not very materialistic and hasn’t had much of a chance to collect anything anyway.

What kind of things is your OC allergic to?

As a Carlec he’s automatically incapable of eating plants or dairy without getting really, really sick if that counts.

What kind of clothing does your OC wear?

Basically pink pygamas and a cape, that’s just how Carlec dress.

What is your OC’s first memory?

A vague memory of some kid being annoying and him scratching their face way back when he was about 7 or 8.

What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite?

Favorite: their version of turtles, he thinks they’re cute and they like to eat his /least/ favorite animals.

Least favorite: it’s a tie between a type of fish that enjoys trying to eat kids that fall into rivers and a type of beetle that enjoys trying to eat dead, dying, and/or injured unconscious critters and people.

What element would your OC be?

Fire, i think. He can be destructive and horrifying, but also helpful and fun :D

What is your OC’s theme song?

Hmm… there are a lot of them XD

maybe i’ll post a list later.

Do you have a voiceclaim for your OC?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5m_W31hDeU

He’s jeremy.

What deadly sin would best represent your OC?

Wrath. Definitely wrath.

What are your OC’s hobbies?

He likes to make dye, dance, and rip the legs off of beetles :3

How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they?

That depends, most of the time he’s /incredibly/ hot-headed, like murderer levels of hot-headed, but if he really, /really/ likes you he’s incredibly patient and understanding.

What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.?

male. weird Carlec sexuality that most resembles a combo of bisexuality/pollyamory (i don’t know all the different sexualities and such, if there’s a name for that i’d be happy to hear it) but is basically the Carlec version of being straight. mountain/marsh Carlec :3

What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods?

He likes to eat beetles and large, winged insects. If you only count food he can eat safely, his least favorite food is turtle. They’re too cute to eat and he doesn’t like breaking their shells.

If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why?

Probably a turtle, though an Alvean bird would also be pretty cool!

What does your OC smell like?

At the very beginning of the story: dried blood, mildew, and an odd acidic smell that builds up on Carlec when they’re unhealthy.

After a while of being outside and a nice change of clothes: dead leaves, dirt, and just a hint of blood.

How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job?

Currently he doesn’t, he’s working to get his /freedom/ back, he isn’t getting paid. He wants to be a dye-maker like his mom once all of this is over, it’s been his goal since he was little. He /really/ doesn’t want anything to do with mining, he’s spent long enough trapped without sunlight and warmth, thank you very much. He also doesn’t want to be a hunter.

His current job is basically escorting an idiot and an old lady from point A to point B without them getting murdered, it’s fun when he gets to threaten people or fight wolves, but it’s mostly just walking around (at first.)

What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths?

Hmm. the Carlec have this idea where you basically have to /earn/ having a soul, and doing stuff that makes their deity upset with them starts to slowly destroy their soul. Murder is one of the things that makes her angry, and he keeps getting put in situations where he basically /has/ to kill people. He’s terrified that by the time he dies he’ll be so far gone that he’ll just disappear. It doesn’t help that he’s almost entirely sure that if he /doesn’t/ fade away he’ll end up as some kind of ghost.

He also has a fear of deep, fast water :3

What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song?

Carlec music is nothing like any human music i’ve ever heard, so it’s a bit hard to pick out different styles and such. He likes happy music being sung by groups, which sounds a bit like if you crossed a choir, a barbershop quartet, a bunch of purring, mewling cats, and a bunch of little birds together and had them sing pop songs.

If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do?

He’d be absolutely terrified. Our world is incredibly foreign to him and i seriously doubt people would have a very positive reaction to him. Plus, unless he ended up somewhere really warm and humid he’d likely get sick pretty quickly. He’d find some place to hide and then stay there, to scared to come out for anything but food.

What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves?

Well. he just got out of prison and now has to babysit an insensitive, ignorant Alvean and a grumpy old lady, he’s convinced that he’s missing a chunk of his soul, his dad died while he was away and he didn’t have a chance to say goodbye, he’s constantly anxious and lashes out at people violently when startled, he feels incredibly uncomfortable in the center of attention but also feels like he has to be the most intimidating, loud person in a room to feel safe… the list just goes on.

He really doesn’t like being interrupted or asked stupid questions.

What kind of student were they/would they be in high school?

If the teacher was nice he’d be incredibly respectful and work very hard to do well. if they were a jerk (or he saw them as one) he’d be a rebellious little monster, seeming to do everything in his power to either get them fired or get himself kicked out of the class.

What is a random fact about your OC?

He wears his cape over his right shoulder to hide the lack of spines on his upper arm. He’s asymmetrical, something that isn’t too uncommon when Mountain and Marsh Carlec mix, but that’s still incredibly uncommon in the general population. He was teased for it as a kid and is still insecure about it.

What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living?

He tries to be optimistic, but a life of bad luck and being treated like garbage has kinda made that hard.

What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them?

I was bored one day and ended up coming up with a scene of a token-evil teammate finding out their mom was super sick and trying to hide their panic and sadness from their team because their merciless, sadistic reputation needs to be upheld, dang it! And i wanted to draw it. I used a random generator to get the basic idea of what the Carlec look like (slender, delicate build..same height as the average human..reddish/grayish brown skin..muted black hair..very large ears..giraffe-like spots on arms and legs..large, brown/red eyes..colorful, modest clothing.) and made a ton of potential designs for him before eventually settling on one that’s very similar to how he looks now, just with smaller ears, more spots, slightly different hair, and a slightly different face shape. I never ended up drawing that scene, but i decided to keep him anyway. His personality started out as a manipulative, sadistic, just about irredeemable monster with the redeeming qualities of “he loves his parents” and “he /eventually/ cares about his teammates.”

Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why?

His mom. After the events that caused his issues she was the only person who really stuck with him. His village decided he was possessed and thus dangerous, his dad disapproved very vocally of his decision to become a maker instead of continuing his training as a hunter, and his best friend/fiancée eventually betrayed him. His mom never stopped supporting him and believing that he could get better.

Hmm. Aggy’s weird in that once he cares about you he /doesn’t stop caring/ no matter what you do, so i don’t know if his friend can be counted here? If so, then definitely her. She was one of two actually good things in his life, then she had him sent to a human prison for murdering a pair of assassins. That place was absolutely /horrible/ and it was probably the worst thing that could’ve been done for his mental health.

If she doesn’t count, then probably the first prisoner he ended up killing while in prison. That idiot trying to kill him is what set him firmly on the path towards what he is today, if that hadn’t happened the queen probably would have had him released years ago.

What kind of childhood did your character have?

A not very nice one. Way too much being treated like some kind of monster, too much of his parents arguing about him, too many former friends avoiding him, too many injuries, and nowhere near enough support, love and guidance.

What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions?

When he’s nervous he tends to swish his tail back and forth like an angry cat, and also often bites and chews on things when they’re available.

If those count, then i suppose so? I don’t know a whole lot about the subject.

Not at the moment, but he used to have a bit of one to this special drink the Carlec have at parties. It makes people more energetic and cheerful, then incredibly tired as soon as it wears off. The Carlec have a lot of parties, so most have at least a bit of an addiction to the stuff.

If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose?

Hmm. he’d just have somebody else chose it if he could, but if he absolutely had to choose it’d be something along the lines of “i promise i won’t haunt you guys. Probably. I’ll have to think about it.”

Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?

No. he’s pretty much done with romance after what happened with his Ex. there’s a chance that someone could change his mind with enough time, but it’s gonna be difficult.

He’s not sure about having kids, but he doesn’t think there’s much chance of it anyway if he never gets married.

What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory?

Most traumatic memory: his entire village turning on him and his best friend in the whole world not only not defending him, but making sure he gets punished even more harshly than he would’ve otherwise.

Favorite memory: this one’s more vague, it’s stuff that happened almost every day and kinda blurred together, but it was all equally amazing as far as he’s concerned. Waking up every morning, warm and safe in his comfortable, cozy home. Spending several hours making dye with his mother and laughing with her about how it had somehow gotten all over their hands and faces while his dad went out hunting. All the little things that he had to go without for so long.

If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be?

Freedom, of course.

Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why?

Hahahahahahahaha

Aggy’s got this thing, it happens sometimes to Carlec who’ve been through something traumatic, where he’s constantly on edge and automatically reacts to perceived threats with violence. It’s incredibly difficult to keep under control, and even when it is it often just builds up until they eventually snap and get even more violent than they would have otherwise. In serious cases the Carlec will seem more like a feral animal than a person, luckily Aggy doesn’t have it that bad but if things continue the way they have he’s gonna get there within a few years.

What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?

He used to love helping with the music for parties, he’d play bells and sing.

How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?

His imagination is a bit caught up with imagining horrible situations he could end up in, potential escape routes for every room he enters, and stupid nicknames for everyone he meets.

What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?

To go home and be happy. That’s his main goal at all times, ‘make sure this goes well so i can go home’, ‘save [insert person here] so i can redeem myself so i can be happy’ etc.

He needs to hurt critters and fight people and kill things. He gets super anxious all the time, and that’s the one thing he’s found that helps him calm down.

He’s willing to do a whole lot of things. He won’t hurt anyone he cares about, and he’d prefer not to die, but other than that he’s pretty much gonna do anything to get what he wants.

What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do?

Well.

He eats his food raw. He kills people. He torments small creatures. There’s a lot of stuff he does that most people wouldn’t.

What would your character do with a million dollars?

Use it to try to free one of his old prison-friends and then give him whatever’s left. Carlec don’t really use money.

What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can?

He’s currently homeless and has no possessions other than the clothes on his back and a knife.

Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with?

Well, if he’s free to have a night out in the first place he’s probably home, so most likely some kind of party, his party outfit, and either his team or his parents. He doesn’t have many friends :D

What does your character do when they’re angry? Why?

Attack things. Make things hurt. Cause whatever pain he can in whatever made him angry. It makes him feel somewhat better.

Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from?

Not really, it’s hard to scratch a Carlec through their scales, and it takes a lot of damage for an injury to show through them after it’s healed. If he were human he’d have scars all over from fights, running through dense forest, falling in a river and nearly dying as a kid, etc.

What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said?

Oh, that’s hard. Aggy loves to offend people, it’s one of his favorite hobbies.

How does your character react/ accept criticism?

That depends on both what’s being criticized and how the criticism is given. It could be anything from quickly accepting it and asking for advice to /literally/ killing you.

If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza?

Well. almost literally /nothing/ on pineapple pizza is edible for him, so he’d react pretty badly. Whatever this ‘something bad’ is has to be pretty bad. He’d eat it, but would clearly hate every second of it and would get really, really sick afterwards.

Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works?

He would immediately believe it was real and quickly hide it in the safest place he can possibly find.

Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle?

Not really, he could probably make little stick-figures, but that’s about it.

What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult?

Evr, Aggy’s mom, was very loving, supportive and comforting, she was his mentor and primary source of advice, help and positive social interaction.

Kven, his dad, started out the same. Unfortunately Aggy becoming ‘possessed,’ deciding to be a Maker despite clearly being a natural Hunter (that’s a huge deal to a lot of Carlec), and losing his cheerful, friendly attitude kinda messed up their relationship. He was usually either angry at him or ignoring him.

He doesn’t know Rili or Tin very well, they married his mom about two years after he was kicked out.

Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush?

The closest thing to candy the Carlec have is this super sweet nectar that they make into drinks or soak meat in, and it’s literally made to give anybody/anything that drinks it a sugar rush. When Aggy drinks it he gets even more jumpy than usual, but also super giggly so it seems like he’s having fun?

If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?

He’d be horrified and depressed, this means that he won’t get his chance at redemption or see his family again. He’d do everything he could to both prevent/delay his death and get home as soon as possible, desperate to see Evr again and at least say goodbye.

[paranoiakrp]

         CITIZEN FILE RETRIEVED: MAE JINSOL ...

STATS

name / mae jinsol d.o.b. / 10.31.93 age / 25 pronouns / he/him job / layabout societies / monstrous › possession groups / n/a

TW: violence, blood, infidelity, possession

WHATS YOUR WEIRD?

that mae jinsol. there’s something off about him.

have you heard? it wasn’t a cat that scratched up the mae family’s nanny. it was that jinsol boy. it’s so strange. he’s only ten, isn’t he? what could’ve possessed him. something’s not right with him. have you seen the way he stares?

have you heard? they say some kid fell out of the second story window, but nobody was playing. jinsol pushed him. and he just stared and stared, until the teacher pulled him out of the room.

have you heard? they say jinsol set his own house on fire. he’s so fucked. seriously.

have you heard? have you heard? have you heard?

jinsol has. to match the echoing inside of his own head. blackouts and waking up in the middle of the forest. clothes too thin, bare feet numb, arms torn raw from bramble bushes. an ache in his head. dried blood underneath his nails. it’s like sleepwalking, but worse. childhood memories suppressed. washed over in too many pills and the forced concept of religion.

an urge for violence that creeps up his spin. a reckless abandon. a will to catapult himself out of his own body. lost memories. lost time. a shift in setting, a shift in personality. his body moving unbidden (or is it bidden? maybe he’d like it to, after all). electrical surges and rattling objects and jinsol can’t remember any of it happening. 

mae jinsol has always been off. it’s hard not to be when he’s gripped with possession. when he shares his body with terror, uninvited.

WHATS YOUR STORY?

there’s a box locked away in a safe. inconspicuous. it holds too many papers. the carboard’s bent. a disfigured crumple near the edges. the safe’s locked away in the mae family home. an illustrious looking building. as illustrious as any building can be in a offshoot suburban sort or town. but the family is an important one, connected to the mayor. or, the man of the mae household is. mae youngchul. known for his charismatic nature and ability to put out fires while simultaneously sweeping anything less-than-pretty underneath the rug. no bones left out in the open in the soot-scattered aftermath. long buried in a makeshift grave, a toppled tombstone of easily palatable lies.

layered away are bundles of papers, documents. letters with thick, waxy letterheads. contracts and secrets spilled on fading ink.secrets meant to be kept out of sight. secrets that can be built up to construct the twisted life of mae jinsol.

it starts with a birth certificate. the first lie of jinsol’s life.

born to mae youngchul and kim kyunghee. 

the painstakingly handwritten letters underneath that immediately betray the truth of the situation. secretive whisperings drawn out at the tip of a pen. hidden romance. fun and games, and then not. then she’s pregnant. an apology letter. she’s unimportant in the grand scheme of the town. religious, despite being a married man’s mistress. infidelity, a sin. until you repent, then it never seems to count anymore. jinsol never really understood that. but he’s yet to be born, so it doesn’t matter what his slow-forming opinions are.

i think i need to keep the baby. i don’t have any other options. we need to place him in god’s hands. with all my love,

and here, the name is smudged. lost to time. but her name isn’t relevant to jinsol’s story anyway. mother by birth and not much else. not that it was her fault. not that he even knew for the grand majority of his life.

but with elaborate lies comes elaborate stories. 

the deed to a house, worn and water stained near the corners, in a provence shoved even further out in the countries. bowed apple trees and the promise of pure air ushered in on the coast of an ocean. the papers confirming that a sale has been made for the same property ten months later. 

pregnancy checks and health documents for a woman who is, decidedly, not kim kyunghee. but that’s not the story. the story around town is that her health was declining. she needed better air. more room. and she was spirited off while waiting for the baby to come. there are rumors, of course. some that circle around the truth, or accusations of plastic surgery. 

jinsol’s birth mother is a footnote. the legacy she leaves behind are suspect love letters, and a receipt for a hefty deposit placed into her bank account the day before she left town. 

wonder what happened?

but that question fades with time, too.

jinsol’s life is built from lies.

the house is sold, kyunghee returns with a wailing baby. colicky and fitful. he is hers. they all swear up and down. 

after that there’s paperwork and tax forms for a stay-in-home nanny. because it’s presumably hard to face a child your husband had out of wedlock. jinsol is passed off, and jinsol is largely unwanted. a man who’s focused on a career, a marriage broken and held together with layers of tape. his eyes still wander. despite his circumstances, jinsol is their only child. 

as he grows, his personality doesn’t mellow. he’s fickle and small. sickly, with wide eyes that read peculiar and unsettling when he stares. he has a temper. there’s a few scattered pictures of jinsol as a child in the box. posing awkwardly near his mother’s elbow. a length of space between them. discomfort, something that looks unnatural in a picture with a four year old. 

his nanny raises him. proof is in the forms tied tied with fraying rubber bands. documentation of what they’d done on the day-to-day, or if something went wrong. notes between her and his parents. 

there’s a home video of his birthday party at the park. the tape is scuffed and jumps with static. his parents aren’t there, but his nanny is along with a few similarly aged family members. he looks to be around seven, eight. he’s sitting in the grass, pulling up tufted handfuls while the other children jump and scream. eventually, fingers and hands climb up tp his head, press against ears. an angry expression. and a heavy toy truck locked in his grip as he winds his arm up and brings it down on top of the child nearest to him. the camera shakes, tumbles, clicks off.

the payments to the nanny stop by the time jinsol’s ten. 

there’s also a letter from the doctor, and another receipt for a large sum of money directed into another account.

a detailed account of pain and suffering, costs for potential cosmetic surgeries in the future. slivered gouges left by tiny nails in a fit of fury along arms and face and throat. 

why did you do it, jinsol? 

but jinsol doesn’t know. he’d wanted to, at the time. there’s a build up sometimes. something that compels him. he can’t remember it now, exactly. the sensation as a child. how very easy it was to give in. to let that curiosity for the macabre take over. but jinsol doesn’t remember a lot from his childhood. like spilled paint across a canvas. colors bleeding into each other, until it’s nothing but a blurry mass, a dependency on others’ second hand accounts. 

the lies build.

another receipt. a signed, makeshift contract. a payout to the head of a school and another teacher detailing a nondisclosure agreement. it was all a big accident, don’t you know? how that boy fell out of the second story window.

jinsol wasn’t smiling down at him at all.

gossip is diluted overtime. but strangeness sticks. 

he plays by himself in their home. there are only a few scattered pictures to document his life during this time. his crumpled, forgotten drawings are tucked away too. faces with gaping holes for eyes. intensely scribbled out masses of color. jagged lines, and trees that bubble bright with fire underneath a twelve year-olds unlearned hand. 

his dad tried to occupy his time. keep him out of trouble in a disinterested second-hand sort of way. there were days spent with family he was being pawned off on. and he’d turn a blind eye toward the next girl his father wanted to chase, a slow-growing understanding of infidelity that’s hard to nail down entirely as a child.

he’d get a playdate if they had a kid, too. 

more receipts. a fistful, by now. failing report cards when he got into high school. slips from the principal. missed blocks of classes, and one time jinsol didn’t come home for a week. didn’t go to school either. that time’s lost to a void, but most people called him a stubborn runaway. 

but jinsol never had many friends. just a reputation, and enough money doled out to him that he could pretend like he might’ve whenever he got lonely enough for it.

it was his third year of high school when he pushed the limits too far. when his father snapped. 

there’s another deed, for another house. bundled with it is an insurance payout. a chunk of small-town political documents that have the edges burned off, dusted with soot. the other’s are missing.

their home engulfed in flames. jinsol’s hands smelled like gasoline.

he’d been smiling. his father saw it. 

more lies.

it was a gas fire. a miracle everyone got out alive.

ignore the burnt tips of jinsol’s fingers, and ignore the charred edges of his bangs.

to ensure that this goes according to plan, send him away.

there are stubs for a train ticket, one way. a hospital far enough off where nobody might run into him. if they did, it would ruin everything. after all, his father told the town they sent him away, off to america to study abroad. a blatant lie, but what’s one more too add to the pile?

not that they discovered anything but a seemingly deranged teen. they gave him scripts anyway. enough to zone him out. a detached sort of consciousness. his father wasn’t okay with that, the no definitive answers (who cared about the pills). not for the typical reasons, like jinsol’s well being. he was angry, a destruction of his property and apparent documents. the tipping point, a selfish reaction. so he kept him there, under the supervision of a long-care doctor. 

three and a half years later, and they said he was cleared to go home. that he was cured. or as close as he could be.

there’s a medical report confirming this. confirming his lack of outbursts, that his leaning toward violence has diminished. that he keeps to himself. that the medication must have made a difference. that his father should keep him on this continued regimen. 

so he’s sent back. but whatever unholy thing inside of him isn’t gone. pulled away and dormant, a lulled state under a medical cocktail. 

it is, perhaps, unsurprising that eventually, jinsol weans himself off of them. the pills. handfuls of them stashed away in boxes and loose floorboards. but the act of this, along with the consequences, take drawn out years to come to fruition. there’s still that excuse, that he studied abroad. his suspicious lack of english language skills don’t add up well with the story, but he’s an outlier of a person now. who cares to ask?

for a while, he’s cured. strange still, perhaps. an intense desire for attention, something undoubtedly born from being removed from his life and removed from his own self. growing up all but estranged from his own parents. he spirals. 

another receipt, paid off small town police for parties thrown too loudly. he tries to make up for lost time, an added urgency of recklessness. 

it continues on. 

he’s forced into the small college in town, if only for an excuse that he should be doing something. his grades are still terrible. he’s not sure what he wants to do with himself. what he cares about. everything’s confusing.

and then it builds when the blackouts start again.

the beginning of the year, and a new snow dusted the ground. the crackle of dead, frozen grass underfoot. jinsol can feel it, because he isn’t wearing shoes. it burns through the soles of his feet. an ache he can’t escape. body shivering, a bag of bones clacking together unruly. swollen knuckles and a bloody nose in the middle of a meadow. 

he doesn’t know how he got there. 

but he doesn’t tell. he doesn’t want his father to send him back there. he doesn’t want to lose his mind again. not in that way.

he wakes up again two months later in his own bathroom. there’s blood on his hands, underneath his nails. pools of it across the floor. he scrubs everything down with bleach until his skin’s raw. body trembling. nauseous, inescapably nauseous. he’s already dry heaved six times, but it refuses to leave him.

he won’t tell.

more lies.

jinsol isn’t sure who he is. a collection of lies stitched together. a being that isn’t whole. a paper-doll cutout of a man.

but selfishly, he continues on. he reaches out, an attempt to grasp at people. anchor them to him. a strangeness settles over him. his own paranoia. his own doubt. shapeless memories, a voice that sounds like his own rocketing around his skull. goading and vile. 

jinsol can’t run from what’s in his own mind. 

it’s a secret.

but his father always loved secrets. maybe he’d be proud of him.

[chocolate-brownies]

Her baby is colicky. That’s how it begins. The only way Manoush Zomorodi’s infant son can be soothed is when she walks him in his stroller through the streets of Brooklyn. She walks for hours. Any noise sets him off, so even talking on her flip phone is off limits. She grows bored. She finds herself spacing out, her mind wandering in a way she hasn’t experienced since childhood. Years later, she has a new job as a radio reporter. She’s given the chance to host her own show. It’s called Note to Self, about how technology is shaping our lives. She sits down to brainstorm. You know, as many ideas as you can dream up. No idea is a bad idea! There’s only one problem. She has no ideas. She tries to think back to a time when ideas came easily. And she remembers: those long walks with her son. Before her smartphone. When she was bored. That’s how Manoush came up with the Bored and Brilliant challenge, in which she asked her listeners: Will you join me in a week-long experiment? Will you change your digital habits, get bored on purpose, and see what happens? Twenty thousand people signed up within 48 hours. I sat down with Manoush to find out what she and her listeners learned. 

Q. Why do you think boredom can be a good thing? 

Our parents always said, “Only boring people get bored.” So you think, “If I’m bored, I’m insufficient!” Then when we have our own kids, we’re told we have to make sure those little minds are constantly stimulated. We think boredom is something to be avoided. But we’ve gone to an extreme, which is that technology means we don’t ever have to be bored. Because all those little cracks in our day, those moments of walking someplace or waiting in line for coffee or sitting on the subway, are filled with our phones. The moment we get that uncomfortable feeling, we can immediately be distracted with texting or scrolling. So once I started to notice I was never bored anymore, I wondered: Is that a good thing? What would happen if we got rid of boredom entirely? Would we be missing something? 

Q. What did you find out?

I discovered that neuroscientists and cognitive psychologists are coming to understand that boredom is actually very important because it’s the gateway to mind-wandering. And allowing your mind to wander—some people call it daydreaming—is necessary to your creativity. It’s the time when you take one disparate idea and another disparate idea, and you smash them together to make something new. When you’re bored, you find the space to ask, “What if?” It ignites a network in your brain called the default mode, which some scientists refer to as the imagination network in your brain. 

Daydreaming is the time when you take one disparate idea and another disparate idea, and you smash them together to make something new.

Q. Is the default mode the same thing as being on automatic pilot?

So yes, physically you’re on automatic pilot, right? You’re folding laundry or you’re walking or you’re not doing anything that requires focused attention. And so you click over into the default mode, and you just kind of space out. And it turns out this default mode is where you do your original problem solving—including something called autobiographical planning. This is where you look back at your life, you build a personal narrative, and you plot out the steps to reach where you’re going to go next. When I learned this I was like, Well, what if we changed our digital habits? Could we make ourselves more bored on purpose? So I came up with this seven-step program (see page 56) to do just that. 

Q. But doesn’t it seem like the state we really want is “flow,” where you’re totally immersed in what you’re doing? 

Yeah, but how do you get into flow? You don’t just snap your fingers. I always think of how, when I was a kid, I’d draw and then two hours would be gone. And I’d be like, “What just happened?” It was this wonderful feeling of having lost yourself in time and space, and I wanted to feel like that all the time! But how did I get there? It requires the proverbial blank page. It requires me to feel the discomfort of “I don’t know what to draw. But there’s nothing else to do. All right, well, I’ll just start with a circle.”

And then suddenly the minutes fly by. And what I hear from young people is that the moment they could press on and get away from the bored and into the flow, that’s the moment where they’re like, I’m just going to check Instagram or get on Snapchat. 

Q. You say our desire for novelty is an urge that’s as hard-wired as our desire for sugar or fat. While it’s great that technology makes it easy to find out what’s new, what’s the flipside of that? 

I think of the food analogy in relation to information overload. I personally am a glutton for news and information. I just want to read everything. But what is the point in stuffing my brain with all this new information if I’m not going to use it somehow? For many people there’s also this insatiable appetite for social connection. Getting a “like” or a “favorite” is like having a piece of candy. It tastes so good! But you’re going to be hungry again really soon. So where’s the nourishment? Where do you find the satisfaction so that you’re not swiping, swiping, swiping…? 

Q. It’s like we think our phones are helping us stay connected to people, but there’s a paradox there.

Yeah, like today we connect on Twitter or Facebook. OK, that’s a connection. But would I recognize you in real life? Would we be happy to see each other? Would we be able to sit down and have a real conversation? It’s OK to be connected to a lot of people on social media platforms, but I want to make sure we don’t lose sight of real connection with people. Like right now you and I are having lovely eye contact. You have these beautiful blue eyes and cool cat glasses. When you see someone eye to eye, and you’re on the same wavelength, and they totally understand what you’re talking about? That’s connection! And you can’t do that in a text. 

Q. One of your listeners equated his phone to a baby’s binky. Another described theirs as a four-year-old in need of attention. How would you describe your relationship with your phone? 

I would say codependent for sure. The phone needs me because that’s how it makes money for all those free apps. But I definitely need the phone. I mean, my son right now is with my husband getting an X-ray on his foot. We can be in touch all day long. My phone tells me where I need to be in the next half hour. I have all my interview preparation in my phone. So don’t get me wrong, I love my phone. But what I’ve also realized is that I have compressed time in a way that sometimes my body cannot keep up with it. 

Q. Before I read your book I was kind of smug, thinking: I don’t have a problem because I’m just using my phone to be productive.

Our phones mean we can always be planning, always be productive. And I think we forget that being reflective actually helps us be productive because it helps us set goals. If we haven’t taken the time to sort out what’s important to us, then when we respond to an email, we’re letting other people set our goals for us. We’re confusing productivity with responsiveness. You know, computers have infinite capacity. Human beings do not. And that’s been a hard lesson for me to learn, particularly as a type A person who has so many things I want to do. It’s hard to get the meditation stuff into my life. 

Q. So do you meditate? 

I’m trying. I’ve started many times, but it’s very hard for me. I used to think I was the world’s worst meditator. But when I heard you’re supposed to fail over and over so you can just start again, I was like, Oh, I can do that! 

Q. One of the habits you asked your listeners to change was to stop taking pictures for a day. What advice do you have for parents like me who take a ton of pictures because we want to capture certain memories?

Part of being a parent is knowing that these moments are super fleeting. But why can’t we be OK with the fact that we’re not necessarily going to remember a certain moment? That’s why we’ve gravitated toward Facebook: because no chapter ever has to end. No one passes out of your life. Why not? It’s a sad thing when you lose touch, yes, but things do come to an end. Life comes to an end! So I’m really trying to be more comfortable with the idea: You’re right, you won’t remember it, and that’s why every moment deserves to be savored, because the ride is short, and it’s not easy. Who told you it was going to be? Nobody. 

Q. So do you think that we’re at a turning point in understanding the way technology might be interfering with our ability to space out and savor the moment? 

I would not have said that when we started the Bored and Brilliant project. But I took all the data that we collected, and I also did a ton more research. And I do think people are starting to understand that the idea that tech is always going to make things better is a utopian ideal—it’s not reality. There are fundamental questions about the next chapter of the internet. And while we wait for regulation or new business models or maybe it’s a Hippocratic Oath for software engineers, that’s all going to take some time. Meanwhile we have immediate work we can do on ourselves, on self-regulating. That’s something we have to teach ourselves and teach our children in schools. The people who participated in the Bored and Brilliant challenge were able to reduce the amount of time they spent with their phones. But more importantly, they created habits—like keeping their phones out of sight, and not using them while in transit—that made them more likely to connect with their own thoughts and with other people. 

You have to sit and be uncomfortable and go deep. That’s hard, but that’s where the good stuff is.

Q. You’re a fan of the tiny hack. Can you think of one small step that you would suggest people try? 

I guess it would be to realize that we have to schedule time for reflection into our lives. What we’re discovering is that the constant connectivity and easy access to information and other people means that we have to prioritize things that we’ve never had to teach before like eye contact, conversation, reflection, boredom. Because the future economy will require you to sit with a problem and work it through and not move to distract yourself with something else. You have to sit and be uncomfortable and go deep. That’s hard, but that’s where the good stuff is. 

ILLUSTRATION BY CAROLE HENAFF Bored and Brilliant: The Seven-Day Challenge

Here’s a chance to take a week to see whether you’re injecting enough space into your life.

Day One: Observe Yourself

First you’ll check your digital habits—and most likely be shocked by what you discover. 

The important thing is to accurately report on how often you check your phone. What are you checking—email, social media, missed phone calls, the weather? Do you read on your phone? What do you read—those long emails from your mom, The New York Times, or hashtags on Instagram? When do you pull it out most? Or is it always in your hand? Are you alone, or do you use it when you’re in a meeting or with another person socially? Do you take it to the bathroom with you?

Day Two: Keep Your Devices Out of Reach While in Motion

Keep your phone out of sight while in transit—so, no walking and texting.

When you are on the bus or walking down the street, you’re not doing nothing. We think of these moments as unproductive, inefficient, or lost if we’re not checking our mail or doing other tasks.But these are ideal times for letting our minds wander. 

Day Three: Photo-Free Day

No pics of food, kitten, kids—nada.

Take absolutely no pictures today. See the world through your eyes, not your screen. Instagrammers, it’s gonna get rocky. Snapchatsters? Hang in there. Everyone is going to be OK. I promise.

Day Four: Delete That App

Take the one app you can’t live without and trash it. (Don’t worry, you’ll live.)

Ask yourself: “Is this product serving me or hurting me?” When I asked myself that question, I knew I had to delete Two Dots, the game I stayed up playing well past my bedtime. I wanted to delete it. And yet the process was literally nauseating. This was by far the hardest challenge for the original Note to Self listeners who followed the Bored and Brilliant program—myself  included. But if I can do it, so can you. 

Day Five: Take a Fakecation

You’ll be in the office but out of touch.

Decide how long you need. An afternoon? An hour? Twenty minutes? It’s up to you. If there’s no way your boss will let you off the grid for an hour or 20 minutes, set aside time for yourself tonight. The important thing is to set a fixed period and to stick to it. 

Day Six: Observe Something Else

Reclaim the art of noticing.

Go somewhere public and stay for a while. It could be a park, a mall, the gas station, a café, the hallway at work or school. Once you get there, hang out. Watch people or birds or anything that strikes you. If you feel uncomfortable lingering in a spot to observe, then you can do this exercise while walking. Just make one small observation you might have missed if your nose were glued to a screen. 

Day Seven: The Bored and Brilliant Challenge

Use your new powers of boredom to make sense of your life and set goals.

Step I. Identify an aspect of your life that you’ve been confused by, avoiding, or downright terrified to think about.

Step II. Set aside 30 minutes where you’ll be completely free from distraction. Store away your phone, tablet, laptop, or any other digital device. Put a generous pot of water on the stove and watch it come to a boil. Or find a small piece of paper and write “1,0,1,0” as small as you can until the paper is full.

Step III. Immediately after you’ve completed Step II, and are mind-numbingly bored, sit down with a pen and pad and put your mind to the task of solving the problem identified in Step I. If you are a visual person, feel free to draw. If you’re a list maker, make a list. The point is to come up with new ideas and get them down on paper. 

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