#<- idk how to word that without sounding like i have internalized homophobia. i really dont im just deeply fucked up in other ways

[fangparade]

honestly i rarely refer to myself as lesbian anymore but also i dont refer to myself as anything because well! going off of lived experience i um dont have any. and going off of, idk, like, who i picture myself sharing a life with in the future i dont really do that either! so really who's to say. also it doesnt matter, life is fucking short

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Kaz Brekker x male! Reader - Terribly Wrong

A/n: So this was really hard to write in a way for me but I hope you guys like it! Also, I do have a request so I should be finishing that up soon!

Warnings: homophobia, mentions of conversion therapy, abuse the reader doesn't think very good about himself, trauma, language, I think that's it? You have been warned!

Summary: Idk how to summarize but it ends in fluff so?...

(Not my image/art)

He was a goner.

Y/n L/n was a sweet man who was always happy, always cheerful, always trying to see the good in everything.

That was anything but the truth.

That was the mask he let everyone see, and no one had ever seen past it. They always wondered how he, someone who must have been a literal ray of sunlight had gotten himself thrown into the barrel. Now, they didn't think he wasn't capable at his job it was more the fact that he was always so happy and everything around seemed to glow when he was there.

They just didn't understand how he could be so... Good.

He wore the mask well, being very careful to never even give a hint that he might not be okay, that he might not be as perfect as they think. And he always stayed through everything for the Crows and their ruthless leader.

But the cord had been cut and he was at his end.

He always felt so wrong in this world. It was like there was everyone else then there was him and he just felt out of place.

He grew up in a very religious household his parents weren't very great either. He was told that homosexuality was a sin beyond anything and that it was the worse thing that you could do.

After his parent's death, he was set off into an orphanage where it wasn't any better. It was worse. They reinforced their beliefs by beating the kids, starving them, and even using mental tricks. On kids.

But at least most of the children (that he knew of) didn't have anything wrong with them.

He was- He was gay.

There was no easy way to say how he felt. When he had finally gotten out and got swiped up by Dirtyhands because of his skills for fighting and his skills with a bow and arrow he had felt... Relief.

But it didn't last long.

He started developing something for Kaz. Something wrong and gross, it disgusted him when he would feel butterflies for a guy. Especially if it was Kaz. It nauseated him to think that he hadn't gotten rid of it. The sin, the homosexuality.

And slowly the Crows were formed and he watched them all come together (including him) and that feeling didn't go away but he felt like had finally belonged somewhere.

It was fucking amazing.

But it came with a price.

Slowly Kaz and he had gotten closer and they were beyond the point where Kaz would try and push him away. Y/n, he tried but it was useless. Tell him straight to his face that you would look away from those deep brown eyes that could look cold but then had glimpses of gold in them.

His mind was in peril, it was in constant combat with itself. Swords would clash together, the sound ringing in his head. He just couldn't get it out of his thoughts. One part of him would remember the way Kaz had first brushed his hand against his and how it felt right. But the other side of him would be repulsed that he even thought that, that was okay.

He was a mess.

That's what got him so lost while he was looking over Ketterdam on the rooftop of the Slat. Looking over Ketterdam and its darkness. pondering what the fuck he should be doing, because damn it, he had no idea. He was going through his head trying to decide what part to listen to, and how Kaz had broken his mask and seen the real him. How he loved how his lips had brushed against his knuckles, how he felt like he should be burned at the stake after he had left.

Don't get him wrong though, he supported when Wylan and Jesper got together. Never flinching or cringing when they kissed or did something sensual with each other (although sometimes he would fake gag). It was just the fact that when he was the one feeling that way, his trauma would hold a leash on him. He felt like an abused dog that's always been tied up and now that he's been let free he didn't know how to live without the leash.

While he was so lost in thought he didn't even hear Kaz come up. He felt a bare hand on his shoulder and he flinches in surprise, but he doesn't have to look up to know who it is.

It's him.

"You should go inside. We have a job tomorrow."

If Y/n had not been so lost in thought if he hadn't been so pent up about the feeling of Kaz's bare hand on his shoulder. How he couldn't breathe, how he could swear he could smell Kaz's sent and it was driving him crazy. He might have realized the deeper meaning of Kaz's words, the blunt words that any normal person would have brushed off or even felt hurt by. If he had not been so pent up with everything then a small smile might have been brought to his face knowing that this was Kaz's way of caring for him.

But it didn't. And that's when Kaz must have known something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

"I don't know." He blurts out. Really L/n? That's what you say 'I don't know!'

Kaz raises his eyebrow and shifts his body so he's facing the boy.

"Care to elaborate?"

Y/n is internally screaming at himself. Why the fuck did he have to say anything? He can't just deflect or walk away from this one, time to face the music he guessed. Or he would find a way out of this one like he did all those other times. Like he always would be doing for the rest of his life. Deflect and run. It was the mantra he played in his head to keep going and it had never failed him. But there's a first time for everything.

"I don't know how-" He cut himself off. How could he explain how he felt so wrong? How could he tell Kaz it was like he was in an alternate reality every time he was with him but when he left he did something unbelievably wrong there?

"I don't know how I-I love you."

Kaz's eyes flash with something unrecognizable but he doesn't tell him to stop so Y/n takes that as a vote of confidence and keeps on talking.

"I was always taught that loving the opposite sex was a horrible thing, a sin even and I just never thought that this- whatever we have, would happen. Or last..."

The man squeeze's his eyes shut pushing back all of the memories that had hurt him, broken him even. But then a new spark ignited in his eyes, they may have broken him but they just had made this, whatever he had with Kaz stronger. They had burned the flames of hell so high that he absorbed a portion of its power. He was more powerful because of it and using what they had used to burn him he let it fuel him. And he made a choice.

"But I realize I now that they're all wrong."

Y/n turns so he's looking directly into those dark eyes that look like beautiful black breathtaking suns. And he Y/n L/n was orbiting them and he realized he always would be.

Besides, maybe Kaz would never fully understand what he had to go through, what he had to overcome. Though no one else could steal his heart the way Brekker had and he was bubbling with real happiness for once and about what the future could hold.

"They should have warned me that a certain Demjin would steal my heart. Unfortunately for them, they did not."

Kaz leans forward a bit and a small smile grace's his lips and Y/n wants to see that smile again and again and he never wants it to stop.

"Good it made my job a lot more easier."

Their noses are brushing now and he sees Kaz stare at his lips and he blushes at the thought. The thought of kissing Kaz or the thought of Kaz wanting to kiss him.

"Likewise."

And their lips slowly come together.

Words 1390

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien

[akari-hope]

So this isn’t meant to be rude, I’m just kinda lost I guess. I’ve seen a lot of ppl talking about spop’s ties to religious fundamentalism & the trauma it often causes, repression, & overcoming internalized homophobia, among other things. And I guess I’m just confused as to where those things are present in the show? The repression thing I can see (Adora makes it pretty obvious) but I think the other things are going over my head. Am I missing symbolism that should be very obvious?

soooooo i'm probably not the BEST at explaining this, but i'm gonna do my best. and bc i know these are really sensitive and triggering topics for a lot of the fandom-

content warning: discussion of religion, cults, homophobia, and conversion therapy.

for the record, i don't think it's incredibly obvious unless you as an individual have experience with these things firsthand. they're not written into spop directly, it's just a bit more coded than that. people who know will recognize it immediately, but people who don't might totally miss it. and that's bc noelle stevenson, as a person who grew up in a very christian environment, purposefully wrote it that way.

they've mentioned before that horde prime is directly inspired by real life cult leaders, and that's definitely pretty apparent. i think just about anyone could look at the level of control he has and the way he exerts it and get the idea it's "cultish". the important connecting thread here is that many evangelical/fundamentalist christian sects are, by all definitions, cults. i'm not taking potshots at your average everyday christian, i'm talking about organizations like jehovah's witnesses and the mormon church (which is the hellhole i crawled out of). these are organizations that use religion to manipulate and keep tight control over their group. you're not supposed to keep friends outside of the group. and they make sure that you don't WANT that, either. you know how mormons and jehovah's witnesses will come to your door? try to talk to you about their religion? yeah, that ain't for you - that's for THEM. that's a cult control method. you send the believers out into the world, where they try so hard to spread the Good Word, and are met with indifference and even hostility. so they run back to the group, where they feel safe, and comforted. where they're told they were so brave to go out into the scary world, with all the godless heathens. it ingratiates them further to the cult, they become more reliant on it. and tbh i don't even think i need to expand on the idea that being gay is a "sin" and you need to repent for it in order to stay in the good graces of the cult.

so, now that we've got that established, let's look at the horde. even just under hordak, we can pretty clearly see similar things happening. soldiers are raised in the horde from a very young age. they do not have any socialization with people outside the horde. loyalty and obedience is met with praise. anything less is met with punishment. the leader is treated with a level of reverence not unlike the way cult leaders are framed. we see that the horde soldiers are very much told that they're doing what's right, and adora has to confront some pretty harsh truths in order to start deprogramming from the "everyone outside of the horde is evil" mindset. and we even have shadow weaver preaching to adora, her prized student, about how catra is a "distraction". while it's not direct homophobia, noelle has said that it's meant to be a form of it, and tbh i 100% got that vibe.

enter horde prime. the cultishness and religiosity of the horde gets ramped up an INSANE amount once he enters the picture. our introduction is that even someone as "devout" as hordak wasn't good enough - he dared to become his own person, to embrace "imperfections", and that is not allowed. so he has to be "reprogrammed", to become pure again. and how is this carried out? oh, he's submerged in a pool. sounds kinda like baptism to me. all while the rest of the clones chant things like "cast out the shadows" and "all beings must suffer to become pure". which...yeah if that doesn't sound like repenting for sins idk what does. for my own comfort, i'm not gonna go too in-depth on this point, but the way catra is baptized and controlled too feels WAY too close to conversion therapy for comfort. the line "come into the light with me" really isn't even trying to be subtle.

even after catra is rescued, neither her nor adora are able to admit to each other their true feelings. adora's repression is pretty obvious, where she seems to not even consider that being with catra romantically is something she can even want. but catra's got her own version too. shadow weaver is looming over them, and even without her, catra is convinced that she can never have what she wants.

"adora doesn't want me. not like i want her."

"adora isn't messed up, not like me."

hopefully all of this made sense, or at least put some of the elements into perspective. i'm speaking mostly from personal experience here, so some of this may not be accurate to other people's lived experiences or interpretations. lots of other people have made great posts about this topic as well, going more in-depth and drawing direct comparisons between spop and parts of the bible (@/horde-princess springs to mind if you wanted to read more on this, don't wanna tag in this long post though lol).

[i-loves-my-lemurs]

Fanfic writer's director's commentary! Thanks to @candycoloredwolf for the ask! I chose to talk about my first panchulien oneshot 'Wanna Dance?'. I wrote it in a single night on impulse so there's a few grammar mistakes and other stuff I noticed upon revisiting it.

I probably went way overboard on my commentary (oops) but it was so much fun going through it all. I hope this is entertaining.

.............

*the crocodile ambassador gave him an unusually soft smile.*

After everything that's happened in the show, I feel like the croc ambassador would have warmed up to Julien quite a bit and come to respect him as a leader. Also he's trying to butter Julien up before complaining about one of his subjects.

*provided they were on their best behaviour. It had said on the invitation that it was a 'sophisticated' event, so Maurice had managed to wrangle all of the lemurs into formal wear, and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, dancing in pairs to the soft music*

Man, I just love it when characters dress up in fancy outfits and go dancing together (like in the prom episode). One of my favourite tropes in fact, so I just had to throw it in there!

*but still all this fancy partnered dancing wasn't entirely to the ringtail's taste.*

As much as I like the formal dancing stuff, it wouldn't be something Julien would enjoy, so he's already looking for an excuse to bounce and throw his own afterparty. He's only stayed so far to try and be polite and improve relations between their kingdoms or something else that Maurice told him to do.

*Clover, Sage and the rest of the mountain lemur kingdom was there, and the king and queen were happily sharing a waltz. Maurice was dancing with his sister while Prince Brodney was teaching their children the steps*

This takes place after the show's finale, but without the inclusion of the zoosters, so sort of like a parallel universe? Where Julien and Clover are monarchs together, which I think is neat. Also People tend to forget that Maurice has a sister, myself included really, and I kinda wish they'd had more cute bonding moments, so I gave then a brother/sister dance.

*even Pancho was leaning against a tree*

Aside from the main squad (excluding Mort of course) Pancho is the only minor lemur that Julien really mentions here. Almost like he was looking for him specifically. Hmmm....

*He caught Julien's eye and winked. Julien chuckled fondly.*

Casual flirt.

*"I do have a minor issue with the behaviour of one of your, ahem, subjects*

That little cough just feels like something the croc ambassador would do when he's embarrassed, or to sound authoritative, so he did.

*Julien tore his eyes away from Pancho*

"Tore his eyes away" almost like he didnt want to look away. Hmmm...

*The anxious lemur was currently giggling as he twirled his new boyfriend around*

Ah, I just want Willie to be happy and have a good time with his bf. He deserves to laugh more. New boyfriend infers that they're in the early stages of their relationship, so they're just messing around being silly and cute and having fun together.

*but Horst and Mary Ann weren't doing much better.*

Horst and Mary Ann deserve a nice romantic dance. It would be pretty awkward because she's twice his size and can only really walk on all fours, but they don't even care. They just cut their own path through the dance floor and ignore everyone else, no matter how annoyed the other dancers are because they keep getting in the way.

*"Well, they're both males!" He said. "It's completely unnatural, wouldn't you agree?"*

Oof, the croc ambassador wants that snooty monarch solidarity with Julien since he's the most popular king in Madagascar, but that ain't happening any time soon. Not with that attitude!

*Julien was lost for words. He had known ever since he was young that he liked boys. Every male in the kingdom liked boys! In fact, it was considered a little unusual if you WEREN'T interested in the same gender.*

I like the idea that homosexuality is just the norm in the party kingdom, kinda like She-Ra. People are just gay and nobody thinks anything of it and coming out is celebrated. Julien doesn't care if you're gay or straight though, he just cares for his peeps and wants them to love who they love.

*whatever their genders were*

A subtle difference between Julien and the croc ambassador, Julien says 'genders' while croc ambassador says 'sexes' because Julien is more open to the idea of gender not being confined to biology.

*Julien took a few deep breaths and tried desperately to not get angry.

"What's the problem man, they're just dancing." He remarked in what he hoped was a neutral tone.*

Julien tries to keep his cool here, a bit of his character development showing. He now knows that everything doesnt have to be a scene, so keeps his temper. It's also kind of to protect Willie and his partner though. He knows they're having a good time and he doesn't want to bring to their attention that their host doesn't like what they're doing, because he knows they'll be upset.

 *"rather not have it ruined by such atrocities being committed!"*

And this was the point where I started to hate the croc ambassador too while writing.

*"Oh, hey Julio." Pancho smiled at him. "I was just gonna-"*

Pancho was just gonna say that he was bored with the party and wanted to leave. He would have asked if Julien wanted to come with (he could tell Julio was getting bored and he couldn't have THAT), which would have been a different fanfiction entirely.

*"Wanna dance?" Julien said.*

I honestly can't remember if I thought of the title or this line first.

*He considered sticking his tongue out at the reptile's back, but ultimately decided that such a juvenile display wasn't the best way to get his point across.*

Again, character development. Julien has matured (a little) and realised that there are better, more fulfilling ways of getting revenge.

*"OK." Pancho said with a shrug, and slid his paw over to Julien's waist,*

Once Pancho can mentally catch up with what's going on, he rolls with it. In fact, he sorta likes the idea of dancing with Julien, and had been trying to gather the courage to ask him for most of the night. I wonder why...

*As they danced though, he began to feel his attention drawn to a different place: how smooth Pancho was on the dance floor,*

We all know Julien's attention span is not great, so there's no way he's going to be able to stay angry when he's too busy being distracted by Pancho's smoothness.

*He raised an eyebrow. "You just couldn't resist?"*

Not entirely subtle flirt.

*"But you know, you're not a bad pick." He patted Pancho on the arm.*

Not entirely subtle either flirt.

*"Abner over there's been missing steps and stumbling all night!" He glanced over at Abner and his wife with a small frown.*

Poor Abner, he's the one getting picked on tonight. Bit of a running gag here.

*Pancho's eyes widened and he instinctively pulled Julien closer, whether it was to shield him or to further prove the point, Julien couldn't tell, but the ringtail wasn't complaining.*

Pancho does pull Julien closer on instinct to protect him, he knows how badly homophobia would hurt Julien's feelings. Julien is just loving it though. He was more angry for Willie's sake than hurt anyways.

*"But us lemurs dance with guys all the time!" Pancho exclaimed. "I've seen you kiss four different guys at a party once! What's his problem?"

"That's what I'm saying, wait I did what?"*

Even if they weren't a couple, dancing together is just something the males would do. They're that casual. And of course Julien would go around kissing everybody at his parties when he gets drunk enough. Poor Julien doesnt remember half of what he does at parties though.

*"Oh no, I don't mind." Pancho remarked, then cleared his throat awkwardly, looking away.*

Awkward silence much? Internally Pancho is just screaming *why did you say that?!" because he doesn't know how to handle his feelings right now, especially not with Julien so close.

(For any other ballroom dance enthusiasts, what they're dancing would be a mix between a waltz and a slow dance. Like a casual, less fancy waltz that's quite easy for them to get the hang of, but still quite romantic and personal).

*"You know Julio, I don't think he's gonna notice." Pancho remarked.*

But eventually Pancho plucks up the courage. They're already dancing, he tells himself. And Julien just wants to make the crocodile ambassador mad. Julien kisses people platonically all the time so he won't question it. If he doesnt like it, say you were doing it to piss off the crocodiles. And if he does like it... well...

*"Well, I had an idea." Pancho was avoiding his gaze again."*

He's still nervous of course, but he's made up his mind. It's all or nothing, baby!

*"Lay it on me." Julien said.*

And he does! Literally!

*And holy Sky Gods.*

I was tempted to have this line be 'holy crap' or 'holy sh*t' because that's what I would say idk but holy sky gods just works better for the show's lore, and allows the story to keep a G rating.

*All thoughts of spiting the crocodile ambassador had been fully driven from his mind*

Julien just gets so caught up in the moment, he's all "what crocodile ambassador?" he just wants to keep kissing.

*Julien stroked his paw through Pancho's soft fur and deepened their kiss.*

I imagine Pancho's fur would be very soft, he's always playing around with explosives so he's bound to get his fur burnt off every now and then, and it grows back softer.

This was the first time I wrote the lemurs kissing, so it's not the most explicit thing in the world. I probably couldn't write an explicit kiss scene to save my life though.

*"Hoo-ah." Pancho sighed softly.*

Hoo-ah" is exactly what Pancho would say after having his mind blown by a kiss like that. Just no thoughts, head Julien.

*"Yeah, crocodile ambassador certainly thinks so." Pancho said, a wild grin overcoming his face*

Heh heh, Pancho's happy because he just got to kiss his crush (and he liked it!) But also because he can see the croc ambassador is pissed and he loves the opportunity to mess.

*some looking angry, some looking intrigued*

Some of the crocs are intrigued because they've never been able to be open about who they are or experiment because of compulsory heterosexuality in their kingdom. Seeing two guys just being so open about their attraction to each other would definitely help them rethink things. They've never seen gay love expressed like this and it's new and exciting.

*Julien's face broke out into an ecstatic grin.

"Yeah that's right!" He called wildly. "I kissed a guy! At your party! Boom, I like kissing guys! Ha, suck on that loser! Woohoo!"*

Oh the sweet triumph of proving a point. This rant was a joy to write, it just feels very Julien.

*He grabbed Pancho's hand and held it up.*

Grab your boyfriend's hand, hold it aloft like a prize.

*"I'm like ninety percent sure Ted likes kissing guys!"*

Haha, poor Teddy needs to be extracted from the closet, pronto. Julien just has an excellent gaydar.

* and tucked a protective arm around his daughter's shoulders, turning her away from Julien.*

I imagine princess Amy would have some questions after this, questions which her father would definitley struggle to answer. If she really wants to find out what Pancho and Julien were doing, I imagine she'd visit the party kingdom alone, and the lemurs would be happy to answer her questions. Pancho and Julien may have ushered in a new era for the crocodile kingdom and their relationship with LGBT+.

*There came a cheer from the crowd of lemurs and they all began to head off the dance floor*

Of course the other lemurs go with Julien immediately, he's their king after all and the moment he suggests that someone might not be cool with their sexualities, they're ready to bounce.

*Clover and Sage at the front hand in hand,*

Clover and Sage would definitley be behind Julien 100%. The moment he declares that they're out of there, they just drop everything to leave with him.

*some mountain lemur ladies holding hands too.*

Mountain lemur lesbians? Anyone? I just think it's neat.

*"You read my mind, Julio."

Julien pulled Pancho towards him and tried to ignore how it felt like there was a little party going on in his stomach when Pancho called him that.*

Julien really likes that name! I see it as an affectionate nickname Pancho gave him that eventually just evolves into a pet name that makes Julien a little warm and fuzzy inside every time he hears it.

*Julien's heart leapt with joy to see Willie clutching his boyfriend's hands as they danced.*

Daaaww, Julien might pick on Willie but at the end of the day he likes to see him happy. He's glad they don't have to stay at a party where their dancing is scrutinised.

*Pancho rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as they stood face to face. "I'm sorry about kissing you, I just-"*

Now that there's some distance between them, Pancho has had time to think and wonder "oh sheesh, what if I messed it up, what if he only felt like it was platonic" and he's now all embarrassed, poor leem. He's just a guy in love.

*He nodded, then cleared his throat in an attempt to get a grip on his emotions. "You know, um, while we were dancing*

And now we see Julien trying to hold it together, these two are just so precious and I can totally see them stumbling over their feelings like that.

*kissed Pancho on the forehead, giggling slightly at the other lemur's squeak of surprise.*

Pancho is the perfect height for affectionate forehead kisses, let's not forget it!

*Pancho and Julien headed onto the dancefloor together and moved their bodies to the beat.*

They would have spent the night together just dancing and vibing (and making out probably).

*Nobody there who gave them the stink-eye or who told them that they were wrong. They danced and had fun and kissed without a care in the world. Julien felt so happy that his kingdom was a place where he could kiss Pancho all he liked.*

Ah I really went to town on the "love is love" concept here, didn't I? Well, a theme is a theme.

Julien's just really happy at the place he's created. He's glad they can dance and kiss and all that jazz, and he did that, he created a kingdom free of prejudice. It's exactly how I can see the kingdom's relationship with LGBT+ going down, a place where they're all just happy to vibe and be themselves.

.........

And that's the end. I hope you enjoyed this premium insight into my writings, and if you want commentary on another of my stories, or just have random questions, then my inbox is always open :)

[ilovemygaydad]

A Wrinkle in Time AU

yes, i made a new au. yes, i’m planning to write this as a full au. sue me. i jump from thing to think like a squirrel, okay.

for now, it’s just a list of the characters and their traits (except the twins because they’re a super minor role, and i can’t bring myself to write it rn okay)

pairings: logicality, eventual prinxiety, platonic remileceit, familial LAMT

warnings: swearing, sympathetic deceit (as mx which), anger issues, lashing out, transphobia, queerphobia, homophobia, patton is called a whore one time, trans!male pregnancy, transitioning mentions, deadnaming, misgendering internalized aphobia, crying is mentioned, people are just mean as hell, mild sexism, mentioned abuse, broken families, rumors, mentions of cheating/running away with a woman (as a rumor), mentions of forcing sexuality onto others (as a rumor), mentions of disappearing, mentions of non-malicious lies, selective mutism, self hatred, internalized homophobia, and definitely more that will be added as the story progresses

summary: thirteen year old virgil murry is your typical delinquent, but throw in a dash of having two dads, one of whom is missing, a brainiac little brother who everyone thinks is an idiot, and only two normal family members. it’s a shock, really, that virgil acts the way he does, but it’s even more of a shock when three celestial beings come to take him on a journey to save his father with the help of thomas, the weird little brother, and roman o’keefe, the poster child for stable popular kid.

some random important information about this au:

it mixes up things from the book and the 2018 movie because i said so

exists in a time outside of our timeline (think ‘50s/’60s mixed with present day)

virgil, thomas, the mxs, patton, and (sort of) logan’s appearances all stem a lot from the 2018 movie’s definition of their characters with some other facts thrown in, so you can look those up to get a somewhat decent idea of what they look like

the warnings may seem like a lot, but a lot of them are just brief mentions that are repeatedly scattered throughout the story on occasion

a place for the au to go when i actually write it

everything is under the cut because this is about to get SPICY (aka really fucking long)

Virgil Murry (13 going on 14):

appearance

dark, coiled hair like his dad’s

kept short on the sides and longer on top

the longer bits are unruly and usually flop into his face and eyes

brown eyes that glitter gold and green in the right lighting

they don’t glitter often (or at all, really)

braces with purple rubber bands

a little shorter than he should be for his age

pretty normal physique--if a little bit thin

personality

very worried about his family (and eventually roman, too) all of the god damn time

hot-headed and rash with his words

the most stubborn person ever

tends to be aggressive when he’s upset/worried

easily swaps between emotions (much to his and everyone else’s chagrin, it seems)

uses anger to protect himself from being hurt/his anxiety

defensive of his brother and dad

wardrobe

his jeans are always ripped

round, vintage-style glasses (look up 50s glasses frames and you’ll get it)

he’s ended up with his sneakers being composed of more patches than the original fabric 

his hoodie is equally as worn, and he’s barely allowed to wear it to school anymore because the teachers think it’s “un[professional/becoming/sightly]”

other info

hates his appearance and personality

very smart, but his tendency to use shortcuts in school upset his teachers and lead to bad grades

good at math but not creative stuff

accepts his dads but hates his own sexuality

really misses his father

-

Roman O’Keefe (14)

appearance

pale as hell with tons of freckles

flaming red hair

super tall and thin

baby blue eyes that are super pale and pretty

very conventionally attractive

personality

very friendly

becomes protective and caring immediately

good at conversations and diplomacy

perceptive

good with words

can be kind of awkward/overbearing at times

wardrobe

clean jeans and his school varsity jacket are his go-to outfit

nice basketball shoes

his clothes are always very clean and neat

he takes his clothes very seriously--doesn’t like messing them up

other info

third oldest of his many siblings

weird family life

really smart

skipped two grades

good at the creative stuff

very gay (unfortunately)

kinda maybe has always had a crush on virgil

never believed the rumors about the murry family

-

Thomas Murry (6)

appearance

dark brown eyes and hair

a bit short and small for his age

idk what you want me to say he’s a little boy 

personality

doesn’t speak much when he’s outside of the house

difficult for everyone else to understand

his speech is highly elevated, but he doesn’t elaborate when he’s being confusing most of the time

sometimes arrogant and rude when people are stupid/unkind

wardrobe

an odd mixture of professional and casual clothing

often wears nerdy t-shirts and jeans with a blazer or slacks and a button up with a hoodie

always wears the same type of shoes (red tennis shoes with a yellow star)

other info

was adopted just before father disappeared

feels most connected with his dad and virgil

despite his high intelligence and love for learning, he didn’t start learning to read until he was actually in school because the other kids already disliked him enough as is

he tries not to go ahead in his studies for the same reason

easily frustrated by not knowing things

everyone in town thinks he’s dumb because of his not speaking much thing

ridiculously perceptive--possibly too much so

protective of virgil despite being a kid

-

Mx. Whatsit (Remy; age: old)

appearance

youthful

long hair of all sorts of colors

usually pulled into messy braids or elaborate updos

pale skin that shimmers rainbow colors in direct sunlight

unknown eye color

sharp features (almost inhuman looking)

personality

sassy and blunt

doesn’t completely get social conventions and the idea of being subtle

highly protective of thomas

kind of a bitch sometimes ngl

wardrobe

never without a leather jacket and his aviator sunglasses

everything else is literally random

usually it’s flowy dresses made out of scarves/bedsheets/fabric scraps of all shapes and colors, but sometimes he wears colorful pants and blouse-like shirts

think big top tent meets aerial silks and that’s his aesthetic

other info

uses he/him pronouns

youngest of the mxs

apprehensive of virgil at first (like a lot)

best vocalizer and materializer of the mxs

often messes things up, but he always works to fix what happens

-

Mx. Who (Emile; age: even fuckin older)

appearance

youthful, but a bit older than whatsit

pink hair that’s always pulled into some manner of curly updo

bright blue eyes

brown skin with deep brown freckles

a lot more round features and chubbiness than the other mxs

looks just the tiniest bit off of what a human should look like, but otherwise they pass fine

personality

only (or mostly) speaks in quotes, which makes them difficult to understand at times

very kind, gentle, and loving

enjoys being with the kids

doesn’t speak nearly as much as whatsit

wardrobe

purple crystal glasses with lavender lenses that are hooked to a chain around their neck

lots of very eccentric, patchwork-quilt-lookin clothing

despises shoes with a burning passion

likes wearing different colored ties on their wrists and ankles

other info

easily tired out by speaking freestyle (without quotes) and in full materialization for long periods of time

any pronouns

loves cartoons and visual medias of earth

age-wise in the middle of the mxs

--

Mx. Which (Deceit; age: too old)

appearance

dark brown skin with shimmering patches of scales scattered around his skin

the largest patch of scales covers the left side of his face

right eye is brown and left is yellow

the most inhuman looking of the mxs

tall compared to the other mxs

personality

speaks mostly in lies (aka pretty much all the time)

difficult to understand most of the time

very proper sounding

vague and cryptic

wardrobe

always wearing some sort of hat

looks like a yellow flower most of the time because of his penchant for yellow

otherwise he’s wearing a lot of black

likes wearing formal clothing and bedazzled dresses (very avant garde)

other info

he/they pronouns

oldest of the mxs

very bad at vocalizing and materializing (aka they get tired so fast)

very wise

literally just a cryptid tbh

sounds snakey a lot of the time

-

Patton Murry (Dad)

appearance

very, very pretty

extremely elegant features with long lashes and full lips

similar hair to virgil’s but neater

big, brown eyes

warm, dark skin

kind of short

a bit stocky

personality

manages to hide his upset feelings unless something is really bugging him (it’s usually about his husband, then)

incredibly kind

not extremely social due to the down’s actions towards him

loves his kids and husband so much

represses his bad emotions

hopeful (especially about logan coming back home)

wardrobe

wire-framed glasses

steel-toed boots or old sneakers

everything in his wardrobe basically falls in two categories:

nice clothes for going nice places (like dinner)

lab clothes

lab clothes make up the majority by a long shot and include

nerdy t-shirts

old cardigans

jeans

pajamas (bad etiquette, but highly convenient)

other info

(fully/mostly) transitioned (depending on how you look at it--he’d been pretty masc presenting for a while, but he got top surgery) pretty soon after virgil was born and decided he didn’t want to do that again so the other kids are adopted

often mistreated and misgendered by the townspeople

extremely smart, but people write him off as “dumb” (or a whore) because of his birth gender

loves being a doctor because people (sometimes) won’t refer to him as “mrs”

insists that logan will come home very soon (like he’s been saying for four years)

-

Logan Murry (Father)

appearance

neglected, long brown hair

usually clean shaven (if he remembers)

blue eyes with green and gold flecks

so many freckles

tall and thin with sharp features

looks like a huge nerd

personality

very respectable and serious

overworks himself to keep his family safe and happy

a bit of a hot head and scary when angry (either he’s calm and cold or he’s gonna kick your ass to the next century)

super passionate about physics and the universe

seems cold sometimes but loves his family intensely

secretly a huge softie

wardrobe

doesn’t understand that there are clothes other than lab gear

practical shoes only

likes ties but doesn’t wear them because lab safety is key

only gets new clothes when patton forces him to

very thick glasses

other info

(a lot of this is both him and patton. idk how it got so long, but please just understand that i can’t stop myself from making logan the most badass character okay i just love him)

very coldly defensive of his husband

has punched queerphobes on more than one occasion

gets really angry when their mail deadnames patton or refers to him as anything other than “dr patton sanders”

he once literally marched into a company and screamed at the highest ranking official that his husband is to be referred to as “dr patton sanders” as it is his proper name and title, so why the hell does this letter say “dr logan sanders and mrs [deadname] sanders” on it?

never compares his and pat’s intelligence because they’re both equally smart and knowledgable in different areas, even if patton has fewer doctorates 

he might even argue that patton is smarter because he’s dedicated so much time to his fields of study exclusively, not to mention his emotional intelligence

very supportive of patton no matter what (do you sense a theme here)

was very glad that patton decided that they would adopt their younger kids because logan hated every second of the pregnancy from trying for a baby to birth

he loves virgil so damn much regardless of the emotional turmoil because the kid was such a good reward

came out as sex-repulsed asexual about three months after patton announced that he was pregnant, and patton was pissed that he hadn’t spoken up sooner so they could have tried something different to make logan more comfortable

he’ll never admit it, but hearing the kind, caring words come out of patton’s mouth made logan cry for hours because how the fuck did he find such an incredible, loving husband

disappeared four years ago and no one has heard from him since

it’s rumored that he ran away with another woman (as if there was a woman in his life to begin with)

stories also sometimes include that patton tricked him into being gay (even though he’s a “woman,” right??? people are fucking stupid), and logan ran away from that lifestyle finally

but why would dr. murry just up and leave when he had such a good family and important research to finish? things aren’t adding up, and there’s only one way to figure out what’s going on:

figure out what the actual hell thomas and the mxs are talking about

a place for the au to go when i actually write it

[alternimundi]

alternate characters as songs from revenge cuz im bored

1. helena: ignasius. gerard wrote this about the guilt he felt over his beloved grandmother’s death, and i could see ignasius feeling the same way abt his mom. (and another person eventually. :’) ) 

2. give em hell, kid: cyrus. picked by a higher power to be revived and wreak havoc on the world. lowkey makes a deal with the devil. kills people. would probably vibe with new orleans

3. to the end: ugh that’s hard because none of them are emo enough. eleni is the only one that seems capable of that level of drama besides dejan but i do think it suits eleni better. no particular reason but the deception of the highly feminized woman kinda seems like her

4. you know what they do to guys like us in prison: ...avery. do i really have to say avery? that dumb bastard would have so much fun singing this stupid song. also, it’s kind of silly and ridiculous but it was written to help a certain mx way come to terms with their internalized homophobia. its using an abstract situation to deal with very close emotions. sounds familiar

5. i’m not okay (i promise): emi, but not for the content of the song necessarily? it’s the only song that doesn’t fit into the demo lovers’ revenge narrative, which fits emi. she’s very independent and subversive but in a way that emphasizes kindness. also, the music video. 

6. the ghost of you: amelie, for the video and for the lyric “all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me (if i fall)” because it’s double sided. she successfully made sure her parents cannot follow her... but she also took away any parental influence in her life, and thus has to be completely independent because there is no one to catch her if she falls (until dejan ofc, and when her brothers grow up, and aislinn. but they all come later).

7. the jetset life is gonna kill you: dejan. fuckin. bashara. “slip into the tragedy/you’ve spun this chamber dry.” hes an empath who uses his powers to manipulate people into Slipping Into The Tragedy while meanwhile exhausting his inner emotional self. also the whole narrative of being ruined by fame

8. interlude: i’m tempted to just Leave This One Out but it is really pretty... it reminds me of when Aziri dies and is likely thinkin of Sami and the kids :’(

9. thank you for the venom: none of them are good enough. actually i think that this is malaiya’s song. “I’m just the way that the doctor made me” is a trans lyric but it also obviously applies to the girl brainwashed by evil doctors. and it would be cool if “the doctor” was another epithet of death. “im not much a poet but a criminal” is also just. such a good lyric for someone who’s supposed to be saving lives but instead is scamming and killing people. also “gimme all your poison and gimme all your pills” !!!! also i think malaiya might be trans now

10. hang em high: oooo fuck this one’s hard. i think anusha even though she’s enby just because of the line “That girl's not right in the brain!!!!”. somebody analyzed this song saying its about the female demo lovers’ time in hell and how even death couldn’t stop her from being a badass that everyone simultaneously fears and is impressed by. i think that’s pretty much what anusha is about. she also kinda shares tyftv with malaiya 

11. it’s not a fashion statement it’s a fucking deathwish: rami. ramiramirami. perhaps only because of the lyric “i’ve lost my fear of falling, i will be with you, i will be with you!”. also “this hole you put me in wasn’t deep enough”. so much of his arc is about fear and embracing who he is as well as realizing that he has a limited amount of time to Be Alive. that also makes the first line (you get what everyone else gets--you get a lifetime) pretty significant. idk it’s similar to The Song That Makes Me Cry without being quite as emotional and somewhat more uplifting. 

12. cemetery drive: oof. lowkey? basil. he has a rough time with the death of his parents, but also he has a lot of issues with self image and trying to use his words in a way that’s productive rather than harmful. “singing songs that make you slit your wrists, it isn’t that much fun”. also i think he’s sort of jaded that he likes vivaan as much as he does and moreso he believes vivaan only likes him because he views basil’s attention as a sort of conquest, which definitely speaks to the line “if you want i’ll keep on crying/did you get what you deserve/is this what you always want me for?”. like he’s proud he’s the one who got basil ghorbani to experience An Emotion

13. i never told you what i do for a living: come on. come ON. you knoooow this is ari’s fucking song. it hurts so bad, and it’s clinging so hopelessly to the thought of a happy future. this is the song version of “in another life, we could be happy”--and even if that’s ignasius’ quote, it’s ari’s lived reality as he watches the man he loves turn into a fucking mass murderer tyrant. “i can’t clean the blood of the sheets in my bed”--he didn’t put it there, but he has to live with it nonetheless. the “we’ll love again, we’ll laugh again, we’ll cry again, and we’ll dance again” that comes right before that... those are the words of someone who Knows that this life has nothing left for him. reincarnation exists in arizhivas and at this point it’s all that he can hope for. “touched by angels though i fall out of grace” is kind of more an ignasius lyric but like... it takes on a whole different meaning if you ask Who the angel is that he is referring to. ignasius is an angel... but love can’t save you. but... that whole part where he just screams “i tried” over and over and over again... that’s ari, man

[negasonicimagines]

Steam

request: Hey idk if you're taking requests, but could you write a fem Reader x ellie where Reader has fire and ice powers and one day she sees Ellie training or something and burns/freezes something around her? And like, they aren't dating yet, but almost everyone knows they have a thing for each other

notes: Rogue’s appearance is based off her look in X-Men Evolution! I totally had a crush on her as a kid, didn’t even realize it lol… I feel like this might not be quite what the requester was looking for, but I did my best & I’m always willing to do a redo!

warnings: internalized homophobia, unrequited love (not the reader), nothing else really

“Hey, E, what do you want on the pizza? I’m buying,” you offer your best friend that you happened to be in love with. She was oblivious. So oblivious. Especially for a girl who could see at least a little bit of the future.

If she wasn’t oblivious, she was hiding it well enough that you knew she didn’t like you back, so, either way, your love life was raw-fucking you in the ass with fifty Shrek dicks.

You were talking on the phone, as you were in different rooms. (With different roommates. That sucked. But Rogue was nice, and the two of you had developed a pretty good friendship.)

“I don’t really care. No anchovies, though,” she replies, and you make an embarrassingly dorky expression of disgust that you’re glad she can’t see.

“I would’ve thought that was obvious,” you tell her, but not in a mean way. Just teasing. “I’ll just get a cheese with extra sauce, yeah?”

On Fridays, students were allowed to go out and get food or order food to the house. It was a chaotic web of Taco Bell, McDonald’s, and random pizza joints.

“That works,” she tells you. Ellie seemed a bit short. (Not height wise, though she was short, she seemed short with her words this evening.) Sure, that could’ve been written off as typical Ellie… For most people. You knew better.

“Everything okay?” You wonder, a bit concerned.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” she asks, sounding defensive. Her defense is a good offense, really, so it rattles you a bit.

“I don’t know, you just seem off...” you admit quietly. You’d always been a little bit sensitive, especially when it came to Ellie, and the sharpness of how she was speaking threw you off guard. You were only trying to be a good friend, the kind of friend Ellie deserves. Not the loser with a disgusting crush that you saw yourself as.

“I’m s- I’m not off. What are you talking about?!” she snaps, and you know you’re in for it now.

“Never mind, I’m sorry.” Now, you were defensive, though you had a more retreat-into-yourself defensive mode, while she had the opposite. (Obviously, have you seen her powers?)

“Whatever. Just- Ugh- Whatever,” she replies.

“I’ll bring the pizza to you, okay?” You offer, trying to shift the conversation back to the easier, happier start.

“Don’t bother,” she spats.

“Oh. Um.. Okay.. Bye, I guess,” you respond, biting your lip nervously. You’re so nervous, you hang up before she can reply.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look that sad before... I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look sad,” Rogue comments. There was a reason for that lack of sadness: Ellie. You don’t even reply, flopping on your bed. “Whoa... What the hell is going on?”

“She’s mad at me... She’s totally mad at me... I don’t even know what I did wrong,” you explain.

“You mean Ellie? She’s mad at everyone, you know that.”

You sigh.

“It’s her thing,” Rogue adds to her statement.

“I guess. I just thought my thing was being the one person she wasn’t always mad at.”

“No, your thing is being all cute and freezing or burning something when you’re surprised or feel a strong emotion,” she disagrees.

You scoff, rolling over so that you face her.

“Cute?” You ask, though. That was rather sweet of her to say.

Rogue nods.

“Hey, do you still want to get a pizza?” she offers.

“Not that hungry,” you admit.

“You say that now...” Rogue remarks with a teasing smirk, and you find yourself smiling again.

“Yeah, yeah…” you admit. “We’ll split the cost.”

“It’s, like, ten dollars,” she argues.

“Let me,” you request, giving a bit of a pout and some puppy eyes.

“Fine...” She concedes, turning away a bit. You don’t notice, but her face reddens slightly.

When the pizza gets there, Rogue can feel Ellie’s glare burning in the back of her head as you both answer the door. You seem unaware of Ellie’s observations. Rogue keeps it that way.

She knew Ellie fractured your surprisingly fragile heart so quickly, because you weren’t as subtle about your feelings as you probably thought. Rogue looks at you with a sigh. She’d give Ellie (who is even less subtle, somehow) a similar look, one without the same longing, if she wasn’t afraid of being blown up.

However, neither of you would ever believe the truth if she told you.

Rogue sighs again.

“Everything o-?” You stop yourself, not wanting to piss your other close friend off.

“I’m alright,” Rogue tells you reassuringly, hesitantly putting a gloved hand on your shoulder as the two of you walk back to your room with the pizza.

If Ellie’s glare was hot before, it was the fucking sun, now.

That time, you do feel someone looking at you. Rogue urges you forward before you can see who it is, though.

“You’re a good friend, Y/N. You know that, right? That you didn’t do anything wrong?”

Rogue offered to share a bed with you tonight, to watch something together on Netflix and pass out after eating so much pizza. You’re nestled under her arm as you both watch Black Mirror. You’d watched it all with Ellie, but you enjoyed re-watching Fifteen Million Merits with Rogue.

“But I must’ve, she was so mad…” you whimper sleepily. “She hates me now, like she hates everyone else, I know it. Why does she hate me, though?”

You don’t know when you fell asleep, but you wake up, still in Rogue’s arms. She looks at you almost reverently.

“How can you stand to be so close to me? If I accidentally touch you, even for a moment, I could-”

“I trust you. You’re my friend, you’d never hurt me,” you tell her, going to check your phone.

Ellie hasn’t texted you or anything. You didn’t even want an apology, you just wanted your best friend. The one you were in love with.

Later, you sit in the library, playing chess by yourself.

“Why are we even giving him a tour? He’s not going to be living-” Ellie is suddenly cut off. She sees you. “Hi.”

“Um, hey,” you reply, so eloquently. The white pawn you’re holding burns to a crisp with your nerves, and you drop it, hissing in pain. A man in a red and black super-suit is accompanying Piotr and Ellie. Deadpool, you remember Ellie describing him.

“Y/N, this is Wade, or Deadpool. Wade, this is Y/N. She is pyrokinetic and cryokinetic,” Piotr explains.

“Whoa, so you literally play with fire? And ice?!” Wade asks, actually sounding impressed.

“I’m not the only one here,” you mumble, and Ellie narrows her eyes at you. You roll your eyes at her, now a little pissed off. She gets to be an asshole to you, but you say one thing that brushes hands with self-deprecation and she’s going to act like it’s so offensive.

You know you’re acting like an over-dramatic brat, but, hell, you had a right to be dramatic.

“Let us proceed to the training room, shall we?” Piotr offers.

“If these two got even the slightest bit angstier, I think the world would implode. Let’s go!” Wade decides enthusiastically.  

Ellie, Piotr, and Wade leave.

“So, when did you two break up?” Wade asks Ellie once they’re out of earshot.

“Excuse you?”

“Sadly, Ellie and Y/N never dated,” Piotr sighs.

“Sadly?!” Ellie asks.

“What?! They act like they had a terrible breakup!” Wade is astounded, clearly.

“I’m not-! I don’t-!  She’s a girl!” Ellie protests.

Wade huffs out a laugh, and Piotr gives him a stern look.

“Nah shit she’s a girl, puddin’.”

“Language,” Piotr scolds. “And-”

“Are you trying to say something, Douchepool? Because I can say things, too. And by say things, I mean burn you to ashes. Try regenerating then, you used condom,” Ellie snarls, stomping away. Her feet leave scorch marks in the floor and smoke curls off of her shoulders.

“Dear goodness,” Piotr says.

“So, she- Oh… Oh shit!” Wade finally gets it.

“Obviously,” Piotr grumbles, and the two continue. They had been giving Wade a mini-tour as while he wasn’t going to be an x-man, he agreed to help them more regularly. 

“I did a dumb thing,” you later tell your own mentor, Emma Frost.

“And what could that be?” she asks.

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” you grumble at the telepath.

“Well, from what I can tell, someone was strangely over-dramatic and lashed out at her best friend for no reason. And that someone wasn’t you. So, I have no clue what you did that was so dumb… Except for investing your feelings into someone so in denial of her own identity… And then continuing to become closer to someone far more open about her interest in you… Ah, I’ve said too much. Let’s talk about your grades, hmm? You seem to be doing very well.”

You look at her with wide eyes.

“What do you look so look so surprised for? You have almost all As,” Ms. Frost informs you with a smirk. “Speaking of almost, I really do think you can do better in History.”

“I’ve got to go,” you say, striding to your dorm quickly. You needed to talk to Rogue, and then Ellie.

Conveniently enough, they’re trading blows outside your door. It’s kinda hot, but you don’t want Ellie to hurt Rogue, or vice versa. (Especially vice versa.) Steam rises off of you, your hot and cold powers both presenting at once in excitement as Ellie shoves Rogue. Then, you remember that you also care about Rogue and don’t want her to be seriously hurt.

“Hey! What the hell?!” you yell your inquiry in hopes of gaining their attention. Ellie’s fist stops just inches before reaching Rogue’s chiseled cheekbone.

“I can explain. She- She just said that- And Wade, before- And I- I-” Ellie stammers, looking embarrassed at being caught.

“Looks like you can’t fucking explain. There’s no excuse for any of your behavior, no matter who much you or Piotr like to pretend,” Rogue snarks.

“Shut up, Rogue,” you defend Ellie, and they both are shocked at your boldness. “We all have our faults, we all make mistakes. One of my mistakes being that I led you on last night. I- I don’t like you like that, Rogue. So, lay off Ellie. It wouldn’t impress me either way.” At your confession, Rogue sighs in what you sense is prepared acceptance. Ellie looks a bit smug. “And Ellie: You can’t act like I’m yours if you’re not gonna step up. You can’t be jealous of someone nice, someone brave like Rogue making advances towards me if you’re not going to.”

“I- Like I- It’s hard to accept that I like you when I haven’t even accepted that I like girls, period,” Ellie bares her shame. You’re filled with remorse at not being more understanding of her plight. “But I do. I’d do anything for you, you’re my best friend. You’re more than that to me, I think you always have been. I’m- I’m sorry I didn’t see it, even when everyone else did, apparently.”

“Huh?” You understand what she says, mostly, but the last bit confuses you. Everyone else?

“According to Rogue here, there’s even a goddamn betting pool. We’re both idiots,” Ellie scoffs.

“I’m less of an idiot,” you playfully defend yourself. “I knew I like-liked you. It was a whole thing. But, then again, I had a conspiracy theory in my head that you knew about my crush and were so uncomfortable at the thought that you were just pretending you didn’t,” you admit.

“You too?” Ellie replies, gaping.

“I’m gonna go in the dorm and let you two finish this conversation… See you around, Y/N,” Rogue, who you’d honestly forgotten was there, sullenly speaks.

“See you around, Ro-” The door slams. “There goes my other best friend. Can’t have you both happy with me at the same time, I guess,” you joke, but it stings.

“I’m sorry,” Ellie apologizes. “Really. I was scared of myself, of being even more of a freak, and I took it out on you when you saw it.”

“I guess I can let you off with a warning, but next time I’ll have to write you a citation,” you tease, and she snickers.

“What a good girlfriend,” she replies, only the tiniest amount of snark to it.

“I’m your girlfriend?” you wonder hopefully.

“Only if you want to be, but I just figured-”

You kiss her, ice seeping from your extremities. The ice freezes on the floor as it spreads, but melts on your new girlfriend’s cheeks as they increase in temperature, Ellie just barely losing control of her own powers. Steam rises again, now from where you touch each other.

She pulls away from you.

“That’s one way to make things steamy,” she taunts, but her expression is the purest of smiles as her eyes meet yours, water vapor still rising from where your foreheads are pressed together.

[stevenstamkos]

WHICH FIC?? That sounds like exactly what I like to read lol...

i dropped the link under the cut of an earlier ask! but also if the whole “fucked up avengers” thing really gets you going, i’m in the middle of reading another fic in the same asshole universe. idk how it ends but it is ALSO painful and deals with getting over internalized homophobia

Never Too Late For Love by sineala

Fandom: Marvel Ultimates Rating: Explicit Pairing: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Word Count: 98k Summary: Steve has always believed that a soulbond is a blessing -- a rare and beautiful miracle, joining the thoughts and feelings of two people forever, from the first time they touch. Steve knows he's not going to be one of the lucky ones. He knows Gail isn't his soulmate. But he loves her, even if they're not soulmates, and he's going to do right by her. After the war's over, he's going to marry her, and they're going to settle down. They'll buy a house. They'll have children. He'll see his family again. Maybe Bucky will live next door. It's going to be a good life. He doesn't need a soulbond. He'll be fine without one.

Then Steve wakes up sixty years in the future to find that his wonderful life has moved on without him. His family is long dead. His fiancée married his best friend. And the only purpose he has left is leading the Ultimates, a misbegotten team of superheroes with flaws too numerous to count. Steve hates everything about the future -- but most of all he detests Tony, flashy and flirtatious, who embodies everything Steve hates about a world he never wanted to live in.

And, oh, yeah, Steve has a soulmate after all: Tony fucking Stark.

[soft-butch-cassidy]

Thank you for the super long and detailed answer to my ask (also I just saw I wrote bug instead of big in mine whoops). Idk what exactly the Tumblr thing with the flags is, but I don't see how ace and lesbian flags are on the same level? I definitely agree that the lesbian flag should be included, but it's not quite on the same level as "stand-alone sexualities" (which is probably a bad way to word it but idk any better way). Like, in a pinch lesbians can use the gay flag, but preferably not? 1/

I don't agree with the part where asexuality isn't a full sexuality, and that ace people aren't hurt or kicked out over their sexuality. I know people who have absolutely been hurt over being ace, who get kicked out or hurt or killed because they "don't have a purpose if they won't fuck/reproduce". Definitely not on the level of gay/trans/etc people, but it definitely happens. I don't know much about the community tho, it's very well possible that it sucks balls. 2/

For me personally, my asexuality is a huge deal and like, the primary aspect of my personality. My lack of attraction to others (sexual, romantic, aesthetic) is a big part of who I am so I don't like people dismissing asexuality or implying it's not a big deal/doesn't belong in the LGBT community (tho I'll always be LGBT because I'm nb too). I hope none of this sounds rude, I'm trying to understand your side but I'm autistic and bad at empathy stuff so I find it hard to compare that stuff. 3/ 

Without getting into “are aces really lgbt” discourse (which I really.... don’t wanna get into At All) I can talk about the ace community. I’ve seen it from both sides. Like I said in the other post, I identified as asexual for several years before realizing that it was internalized homophobia and compulsory heterosexuality. 

I support people who identify as asexual. It is a valid orientation, the experiences of asexual people are real, and there are some who have faced on a personal level some form of discrimination and harassment for it.

But the ace community is a homophobic nightmare. There’s a lot of “holier than thou” attitude for not experiencing sexual attraction. As though having attraction somehow means a person cannot think about anything besides having sex at any given moment. There is a lot of homophobic, nearly religious ideology that eerily echoes phrases from the abstinence programs my mother made me attend at her church when I was younger. Things like being “pure” for not having sexual attraction, that sex (especially gay sex) is “sinful” and that ace people are better than other people. 

The ace community aggressively hijacks pro-lgbtq posts that don’t include them, even if the post is specially talking about another group. I don’t have a link to it right now, but there was one post going around where the OP said something along the lines of supporting girls who are learning that they like girls. OP was then attacked by a few members of the ace community for not being inclusive. There was another post from a while ago where the user said they hoped the zombie apocalypse virus was an STD, because then ace people, children, etc would be safe. As though rape weren’t a thing, as though sex is bad and people who have sex should die, as though people with STDs are bad. It was....... really bad. Not to mention the whole “allogays” thing. Which I don’t wanna get into either. 

I’ve also seen some horrible, awful posts from people in the ace community about the victims of the Pulse shooting. Things like if they were asexual they wouldn’t have been murdered, that asexuals were attacked as often as gay people, etc. These were posted like.. in the days following it. Not weeks after. These were posts made as the news was breaking that nearly fifty people were murdered for being gay. 

I get it. I do. Asexual people want their orientation validated; we all do. They want awareness, they want respect. But the ace community (I’m not sure if it’s as bad on other websites or IRL) is nightmarishly homophobic. That’s where the difference lies, in my perspective. Asexuality as an orientation and an identity, and the ace community as a collective. 

[0ceanrose-blog]

SQ Meta: August Is Emma’s Gay Guide

It sounds wild ok but hear me out 

My interest was piqued when August was brought back into the plot after so much time without him. It’s easy to forget that he is the only person who was with Emma in Storybrooke from the very beginning–the one who took her through the wardrobe. So I spent some time understanding his role in Emma’s story and also elaborated on the inexorable connection between fate and belief throughout the show. There are a few different points here so I hope my argument flows somewhat logically haha

August Is Emma’s Gay Guide: The Two Wardrobes 

First, to just prove my point about August as a gay guide, I’ll go over the meaning of the wardrobes… because wtf are they about unless it’s a coming out metaphor right

1. August’s father built the wardrobe (closet) that baby Emma is put into by her parents. She traveled from her home to a strange new realm called Internalized Homophobia Earth. Through the seasons, we get to see her character development.

2. Then in 6x11, Emma asks Wish!August to build her a new wardrobe so she can travel from a strange land (the epitome of homophobia–where she is her parents’ perfect princess) to her self-made home (Storybrooke–where she is learning to accept herself).

August Is Emma’s Conscience 

Not only is August Emma’s gay guide, he also represents her conscience–the force that guides her to make right decisions for herself. Whenever Emma wandered from her fate, whether as a child or an adult, it was always August who put her back on track. Though he left Emma as a baby, he said that he still “kept tabs on [her]” (6x11), and there are two instances in her life where we see this occur:

1. In 6x11, young Emma had run away from her group home and was living on the streets. August is the one who inspires her to find her path again. He gave her his interpretation of the Ugly Duckling story, saying “if we believe in something strongly enough, we all have the power to change our fate.” This establishes an important connection between belief and fate. 

2. The next time August appears in Emma’s timeline, he is convincing Neal to abandon Emma in order to set her back on her destined path to be the savior. I’ll bring this up again later.

With these 2 examples, we can put together a picture of what exactly the meaning of “fate” is on this show. While August is encouraging Emma to change her fate of being an “ugly duckling,” he is also directing her towards the specific destiny of becoming the savior. So the writers’ message is that people can have multiple fates. The one we end up with depends on the choices we make, but some fates may be better for us than others. Much like real life, we are all dealt a hand of cards, but what matters in the end is how we play them.

So, with the end of the six-season arc approaching, this famous exchange from 1x20 is super important and I see two meanings in it. 

Emma: “How does this story end?”

August: “With you believing.”

Meaning #1: Emma’s pursuit to beat her fate of dying will be accomplished by simply believing in herself. The Ugly Duckling → Swan journey will finally be complete! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Meaning #2: Correct me if I’m wrong (seriously, please do), but I don’t recall a time where Emma explicitly expressed belief in KiIIian. However…there was a big moment in the finale of Season 5 where Emma says these exact words to none other than Regina Mills:

I mentioned earlier how destiny and belief are intimately connected, right? So it’s not hard to see the significance: Regina is a part of her destiny–her right destiny–and now she just needs to choose to pursue it.

August and Hook Are Antagonists

The scene in the Wish!AU where we meet Old H00k holds much more meaning than I originally gave it credit for. So lets dive into this.

Background: Emma and August have just found the magic tree that they need to make the wardrobe, and Emma’s telling him about her destiny to die. As she holds Gideon’s sword in her hand, she says, “this sword… this is what will finish me.”

Immediately after this statement, we see a sword being held to August’s throat.

Remember, August is representing 1) Emma’s sexual journey and 2) her conscience which guides her on the right path. Thus, H00k himself is being shown here as the “sword that will finish” Emma, if she does not choose to change her fate of marrying him.

I love that this is portrayed comically. Wish H00k proclaims that he is “rescuing” Princess Emma; but as we know, what he’s really doing is preventing her from building the wardrobe (closet) that she needs to escape. In present day Storybrooke, the real H00k wants Emma to believe that he is her happy ending…he prevents her from coming out as queer; prevents her from pursuing her destiny with Regina; and also prevents her from pursuing her savior destiny–which was shown by him holding onto the shears (remember the dead look in Emma’s eyes when she hugged him after he apologized for it? Yeah, this is why).

Moving on… just as August directed Emma away from Neal early on in her life, August is now being used to guide Emma away from H00k – her two big male love interests. An important example of their antagonism was when August gave H00k those storybook pages showing that he killed Emma’s grandfather. It caused a lot of… what would you call it? Distrust, unbelief?? between Emma and H00k.

To wrap up, it is absolutely not a coincidence that this Wish!AU scene occurred in the same episode where Emma says to Regina, “We make our own fate.” Emma is approaching the realization that she has control over her fate. As discussed earlier, fate is tied in with belief. It goes without saying that the right destiny for Emma to pursue is a future with someone she can believe in, and who has unwavering belief in her. 

The Ugly Duckling Metaphor 

Ahh ok this is really the cherry on top of my post. For background to the dialogue here, Emma just realized that it was August who told her the Ugly Duckling story as a child. 

August: “When you picked Swan [as your name], It made me happy. I figured it meant that you got it. That you were on your way to becoming the person you wanted to be.”

Emma: “I don’t know if I totally got it… I don’t know if I still do…. But, I think I’m on my way to believing I can make my own destiny.”

When I watched this scene, I genuinely did not understand what Emma was talking about lol. Why would she not be confident that she has fulfilled her dream of becoming a swan? She is a strong hero, a loving mother, she has family and friends by her side, she is in a soul-sucking happy relationship…what is missing from her that she is not yet the person she wants to be?

The only explanation I can think of is that this conversation, as well as the whole Ugly Duckling story (which is Emma’s journey), is a freaking giant metaphor for coming out!!!! duh right

Whew that’s all I got yo. thanks for hanging out ❤

——————————————————

Bonus:

This idea didn’t fit neatly in the post, but I thought it was worth sharing!

As we know now, Emma’s last name was born out of that conversation with August when Emma was a kid. It’s very significant that the writers held off on telling that story until just before the engagement. If the wedding were to go through, tradition holds that Emma would change her name from Swan to J0nes…. right when she’s about the complete her journey from a duckling to a swan? 

idk about you all but I think that feels like bullshit ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[softgrungeprophet]

i have been thinking more about flash, and eddie, and their separate gay-coding

this is not a post making an argument it’s just me re-evaluating some of the stuff i had decided on when i wrote "I hate you but I don't hate you”

Which is to say, I think Flash was probably STILL in the closet when he died. He sure was in Space Knight, at least. So Flash has been in the closet, even to himself, for a really long time. It's scary, and his life is so weird, so clinging to that... is like... It's this one normal thing in his life that he can have a normal, terrified reaction to. And it probably takes him until V starts taking separate form from him to really, really accept the fact that he might actually be gay. Not just bi, either, like entirely gay, overcompensating his entire life, really fucking up his relationships with women, etc. Definitely not coming out to anyone any time soon.

And I mean, here’s the thing, he’s rolled with jokes here and there. As far back as Remender’s run. Probably a coping mechanism. Joke about it so you don’t have to think about it which DOES fall in line with how he copes with uhhh literally everything. (I still hate the “don’t ask don’t tell” joke)

And as we all know, he’s had a crush on Spider-Man since high school.

Eddie, I think, was in the closet for a while just cause, like i mentioned in this post (link) he wanted to be good enough for his father so bad. but once he started... you know... being in a relationship with an alien blob... it was like... Being gay? not such a big deal actually. I think he maybe came out to himself (not necessarily ever out to anyone else) during Lethal Protector. But he was/is in a relationship with a slime, so it's like. Well.

I think Eddie's also an incorrigible flirt regardless of who he speaks to, and can tell when people think he's hot. He's got a gaydar. Of course. IDK if he's gay or bi. He has been pretty strongly gay-coded, fairly often, and currently is what I would call a bear (does Cates know? that they made Eddie into a muscle bear?) But the extent to which he really, really loved Anne is also pretty strong. though that doesn't necessarily mean he cannot possibly be gay AS I have noted many times, since it's possible to love someone and even think you are in love with them but then maybe have some realizations about yourself. (ha, am i projecting? maybe)

Regardless he likes men, and aliens. He is a xenophile, and that is really what is most relevant. He is a symbiote-fucker.

BASICALLY my headcanon has completely reversed.

Sidenote

Symby, as we know, was romantically attracted to Peter/Spidey, and is in love with Eddie, and probably loves/loved Flash romantically as well. Not sure about Mac. Lee...is complicated. It may have been in love with Lee but it would have been a very Stockholm Syndrome-y kind of love considering he was abusive from the get-go. Then there was Tel-Kar... who dominated it entirely. So, probably not a lot of emotions there. And it sounds like Peter taught it human emotions anyway, or at least, the words for them... But I think klyntar are probably capable of feeling love even without humans.

The symbiote seems to be mostly attracted to men but it also has shown attraction toward people its hosts are attracted to (Beck).... It's queer either way because this is an agender space slime we’re talking about.

(internalized homophobia and also mention of the gay-bashing flashback from Bunn’s run)

@ Marvel....

hire me to co-write a post-space knight “What If...” canon-divergent comic (or novella...) about Flash Thompson and the symbiote returning to Earth together, being Andi’s mentor/father-figure, and Venom reconciling with Eddie over their extremely fucked up past that no one ever thought was important enough to address apparently.

Like I GET it. Those comics fucking sucked and no one wants to think about them, and Costa’s run is pretty obviously in direct opposition to them. But in a company that supposedly values continuity, something as severe and damaging as the pointless re-characterization in The Hunger (2003, NOT 1996) needs to fucking be addressed? What the hell happened to Eddie that he went from his state in the early-mid 2000′s to calling it “darling” and “love”???? Like, I get it Costa. I do. But shit, man.

GotG gave us the purification for the symbiote itself, to return it to its older self (and then some) but Eddie was never, ever given that character development. Probably cause once he gave Toxin up, no one wanted to write about a boring, extremely emotionally fucked up Normal Human (never mind his Olympic athlete levels of physical fitness)

...

I got WAY off topic but it annoys the hell of me that The Hunger and the story where Eddie auctioned the symbiote off and The Last Temptation happened and then no one ever addressed any of the extremely fucking serious issues they used as shallow fodder for their grimdark edginess.

2000-2010 was a fucking time, huh.

I hate comics

(I love comics, but I hate them)

[sillymarils]

ok here’s a masterpost of my reactions to 4x5 now that I had time to rewatch the clip, analyze, and organize all of my thoughts warning it’s hella long

Yousef and Even 

So i talked more about this theory here (x) here (x) here (x) here (x) and here (x), but to condense it, I basically think that Mikael was the one who Even tried to kiss, but Yousef was the one who flipped out on Even for doing that, not Mikael himself (and yeah I’m on the bandwagon that Mikael actually low key wanted to kiss Even back but is still in the closet and was dealing with internalized homophobia). So there are things I didn’t talk about yet though:

Even’s projection of his dilemma of his bipolar disorder through the narrative he creates about Sonja having a metal leg; maybe Yousef does the same thing and projects his own guilt over hating on Even by making Mikael the one in the story. 

When the Balloon Boys enter SYNG, Mikael enters but then leaves in the next shot. It seems odd that he’d leave so abruptly, but maybe Mikael still has feelings for Even and seeing Even with another boy may have been just too much for him (and for this reason Mikael may or may not have instigated to the fight). 

Even doesn’t stop singing because Mikael enters, because like he probably didn’t even see Mikael?? I didn’t even see Mikael at first, so I doubt Even saw him. No, Even saw Yousef, and Yousef was the one who Even seemed terrified of. Sure, he may have just connected Yousef with Mikael and the shit of his past, and jumped to the conclusion that if Yousef was here then Mikael would be too, but if Yousef truly didn’t play as big as a role in what went down, then I don’t think Even would have had such a raw emotion / reaction as he did if he saw Yousef (and not even Mikael). Even was looking straight at Yousef, and his eyes didn’t really glance at the others, and his terrified reaction was because of Yousef. 

Who started the fight?

There are multiple theories that I have about what exactly happened, because obviously we’re not seeing something (indicative of Sana not knowing all of the circumstances) and the show is intentionally being vague about the details. From this I can assume that Julie wants to hide something until bam! Shock reveal, and all of our previous presumptions will no longer have credibility. And so far from what I’ve seen from the fandom (specifically from the ugly side of the fandom), many are automatically blaming the Balloon boys for starting the fight, which is racist and prejudiced, because Isak and the Boy Squad were just as likely as the Balloon Boys to have started the fight. Like that part of the fandom is doing exactly what those bathroom bitches were doing, assuming that the Balloon Squad started the fight because of homophobic reasons. Plus, by making Isak the one to be hurt, Julie’s probably fooling us into sympathizing with the boy squad, until she can pull the rug out from under us and reveal that they started it.

Isak and Even go outside, they see Mikael, and Isak goes to confront him because he recognizes him, and knows that something went down between him and Even, and says something along the lines of “you missed your chance with Even and he’s mine now” or “hey you missed a chance on a friendship with a really great guy!!!” or Something like that it may seem out of character because Isak is now so comfortable with his sexuality and his relationship with Even but Isak is impulsive and is not known for thinking through his words before he says things. Besides, Isak doesn’t know the full circumstances of what happened between him and Even, just knows that Even is hurt from what happened, and considering Isak just witnessed Even nearly combust (and god knows what Even’s face looked like when he did ultimately see Mikael outside), it would be completely understandable that Isak would be in a protect Even mode. 

Elias’s “drittunger” or “brat” comment would also make sense in this situation, like without that comment we would assume that Mikael and the others started the fight, but Elias makes it sound that it was Isak and the boys’ faults that the fight took place, because why would he say they were childish if the Balloon boys started it in the first place? It doesn’t really make sense unless we assume that the Boy Squad started it. 

So here is the sequence of events as I see it: Isak confronts Mikael→ Mikael gets upset and jealous so punches Isak→ Jonas sees and, being the best friend that he is, goes in full out defense mode (this is why Jonas was fighting specifically Mikael, he wasn’t going for anyone else but Mikael) → Mahdi and Magnus jump in, and Mutasim and Adam try to break it up, and Mikael tries to hold back Elias when Sana comes out. Maybe Mikael felt guilty over hitting Isak and thus tried to stop Elias before any more damage can be done, but it’s kinda unclear why he still continues to fight with Jonas after Elias backed off. But Jonas was pretty aggressive and maybe Mikael was simply defending himself but not being on the offensive. 

I’m still not sure why Mahdi vs Elias was the main focus when Sana first comes out to witness the fight. 

maybe the fight wasn’t even started by Isak or Mikael, but Magnus when he sees that these were the boys in that video who asked Vilde for nudes. Maybe all of this is wrong.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Why wasn’t Yousef in the fight?

So Yousef’s behavior was extremely fishy. The behavior most relevant to the fight is the fact that he wasn’t there??? Sure, he could have just not wanted to be near Sana atm, a point I will expand on in the next paragraph, but maybe there’s more to it? Maybe it has to do with his history with Even. Yousef is best buds with the Balloon squad, if he knew there was a fight, he would have been right alongside them and supporting them. Or, he may want to break the fight, but he certainly wouldn’t ignore the fight all together. Maybe he knew that if he saw Even, his emotions would get the better of him, and cause him to lash out. It is still sitting weirdly with me when he goes over to Elias and the other boys and they immediately walk out to join Mikael. If he was simply telling them that Mikael is in a fight, then would he not return with them outside after warning Sana that Elias is in trouble to make sure they were alright, instead of going to make out with Noora? In fact, how did he know that Elias was in trouble, if he only just told them to go outside? Seems like a set up to me. I just don’t know what game he’s playing at. I just hope that whatever he’s doing and how much of an asshole he may seem like right now, that he redeems himself because his chemistry with Sana is incredible and nothing Julie throws at us will convince that that boy isn’t completely enamored with Sana.

Yousef’s reasons for kissing Noora

Yousef and Sana. Let’s address the elephant in the room, shall we? Yousef made out with Noora.

So, why exactly did Yousef kiss Sana’s best friend?

Do Yousef and Noora have chemistry? Yeah, but more of a brotp kinda of way. I don’t see any sexual or romantic tension between them, and kissing each other was a way for both of them to hurt Sana, because they were both upset with her.

Yousef thought that Sana inviting him to karaoke was because she wanted to spend time with him. That’s why he walked in such a happy demeanor, until he is face fell as he took in the situation. Imagine what was going through his head when he walked in, saw Even standing up there, singing away, and Sana smiling at him (both Even and Yousef). Imagine him feeling so betrayed at Sana, for numerous reasons: 1. He opened up about his falling out with Even, an extremely sensitive subject for him, and finding out that she knew Even, was friends with Even all along, and never thought to mention it?? 2. Yousef probably thought that Sana inviting him to karaoke was just a ploy to get him and Even to make up. He sees it as just a setup (even though we know differently; even if Even wasn’t there, Sana would still invite Yousef because she!! Likes!! him!!!), and is hurt that Sana didn’t invite him simply to be with him.

Yousef was definitely a ticking bomb of emotions when we add the old feelings stirred up when he sees Even again, and the fact that he may have only just realized Sana defriended him from FB (idk when he found out but :/ ) on top of the feelings of betrayal he had in response to Sana. His kiss with Noora was probably a way to distract himself from Sana, just to feel anything except what he was feeling at the moment. Noora probably just happened to be there, and was convenient. 

Why did Noora kiss Yousef?

Noora had just found out that her best friend, her confidante, had been lying to her face, every single time she went to Sana to get out what was on her mind, every time she talked about what happened with her and William, and Sana didn’t tell her that he had moved on and had already found a new girlfriend. Sana has her own reasons for this, obviously, because she wanted to protect Noora from the truth. But Noora also feels a bit betrayed by Sana, because isn’t honesty the best policy? In what way is it Sana’s place to be making decisions about how much Noora knows? So, add those feelings of hurt by William already moving on in addition to the betrayal she feels from Sana and you get a girl who is feeling very lonely, as she just officially lost her ex and lost the trust she placed in her best friend. 

Noora most likely knew that Sana has feelings for Yousef, as she only brought up the topic of Yousef around Sana, and wanted Sana to hurt as much as she hurt. Noora is not a particularly malicious girl, none of the girls really are, but the circumstances make her actions understandable (not justifiable, but understandable). Sana’s intentions were good, but that’s just what makes the situation complex, something the Skam never fails to convey. That’s exactly what Skam does, it shows the complexity of human emotions and experiences, and shows that there are always multiple perspectives to a situation, and that one perspective isn’t necessarily better than another. I’m sorry I’m just really in love with this message even though it happened to be conveyed through sad circumstances for Sana. :(

The Vilde Problem

Sara and Vilde. Ugh. Enough said. I’m just so angry at Vilde right now wtf someone needs to call Vilde TF OUT. There’s also the question of broke the news to Noora that William has a new gf,  and I have a feeling it was Vilde. In the trailer, Noora breaks Vilde’s pearls, but maybe Vilde broke the news to Noora, since the reversal is kinda signifying an inversion of the events. Like, Even was hurt in the trailer, but the inverse of that is Isak getting hurt, which he did in the episode. Also applying this inversion to Vilde, Eva falling on Vilde’s pearls may reveal that Vilde is the one who is actually going to fall for Eva because cmon Vilde is gay. However, making lesbian Vilde canon in no way will make up for the shit she has been pulling. Being gay does not protect you from being prejudiced against others. Being gay doesn’t excuse her from being racist. Julie better give this message, and fix the brokenness of the girl squad in this season, because the female friendships are extremely unstable, and the female friendships were basically the point of seasons 1 and 2. Now, though, Sana cannot go to them for anything, because she’ll just be judged. (or maybe she’ll just feel like she’ll be judged, but in reality the girls will support her and try to understand where she’s coming from ? hopefully? this would be the ideal way to fix this shit tbh)

Other observations

HOLY SHIT I JUST THOUGHT OF THIS so in the trailer for the next half of the season, there’s a glimpse of someone running hands through a boys hair. A lot of people just kinda assumed that it was Yousef, but the hair is much to long and too light to be Yousef’s, so what if it’s Mikael’s hair instead!! And what if it’s not something that’s happening in the future, but it’s actually the Reverse (haha the reverse always comes into play since the s4 trailer): it has already happened in the past!! I think we may be getting the true, unfiltered events of Even and Mikael’s (and by extension Yousef’s) history

In her relationships with both Yousef and Noora, Sana has chosen to omit the truth in hopes it will spare or protect them from harsh feelings. However, we learn through this clip, that hiding the truth just creates miscommunication and misunderstandings, and ultimately more damage to relationships. 

Sana has literally hit rock bottom. She is going to be kicked off the bus, an act that her very own friend (Vilde) contributed to, one of her best friends got hurt (and its her own fault, or at least what Sana believes), her best friend is mad at her, her crush is mad at her, her bf and crush deliberately hurt her by making out, hahahah im in so much pain 

[doriansbutt]

3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 11, 12, 16, 19, 20, 25 for whoever you feel like talking about!

For Nicos :) under a cut for length wowzers bowsers 

3. What would some of their cutscenes look like?When you talk to him right after getting to Skyhold, he’s cheery and excited about the new base, though he does express his regrets about Haven and will ask how the newly named Inquisitor is holding up.  He’ll be really shaken after Adamant, especially if he was brought along and experienced the Fade. After Halamshiral, he’ll talk about how he really hates the Game and the Inquisitor will have the chance to joke with him about it…4. What would their romance route look like? Would they be romancable?He’ll be available to a male of any race.  He can be just a casual fling or it can become more serious.  It’ll be slow going at first bc of his past and the big kinda setting off point/locking in the romance will be initiated when the Inquisitor tells him he loves/thinks he loves him.  Nicos is gonna freak out and leave.  The Inquisitor can go after him (if he wants the romance to, yknow, be a thing…also if he wants Nicos to still be a companion) and talk to him.  If he chooses to let Nicos stay gone, he’ll do just that and will not be a party member anymore.  If the Inquisitor goes after him, they’ll talk.  Nicos will express his fear about relationships and that he just needed some time to think on his own (and to have his sister tell him he’s being a butthead for running away) and he’ll ask the Inquisitor if he still wants a relationship.  Here’s where the romance gets locked in (or out).  If the Inquisitor says yes, Nicos will say he’s not ready to say the L word yet, but maybe soon.  And shortly after, Nicos becomes more affectionate and open about their closeness and is just a big dork in love.5. If they romanced someone as Inquisitor, would they still fall for that person as a companion? How would that play out? How would they react to that person being romanced by the “new” Inquisitor?If both Nicos and Dorian remain unromanced, they’ll become a thing.  It’ll start on missions and stuff as they share a tent and whatnot (see next question for a lil banter) and yeah that’ll just be a thing.  Cute background boyfriends.  If the Inquisitor romances Dorian, Nicos doesn’t really grow in the relationship sense–meaning he just only has one-night stands and kinda just sleeps his way around Skyhold.

6. Write some of their party banter (in reaction to major events, scenery dialogue, or just shitting around. Askers can specify for which character/event, or leave it up to the writer).Cassandra:                     N: So, Seeker of Truth.  That sounds impressive.                     C: Perhaps.  It is not without merit.                     N: Can you do any cool tricks?                     C: Tricks?  I do not think I would call them tricks, but yes.                     N: You can do tricks, but it’s…not magic, right?                     C: No, the Seekers do not use magic.                      N: Got it.  No magic tricks, then.  So you can’t, like…pull a rabbit out of a hat or anything?                     C: I fail to see how that would be useful.                      N: What if a mage pulled a rabbit out of a hat??                     C: I would like to stuff you into a hat right now.Cassandra (romanced):            N: Ah, isn’t it nice out today, Cassandra?                     C: It is rather warm for once, yes.                     N: The sun is shining, the bees are buzzing, the flowers are blooming. [sighs]                     C: …yes.  It is a lovely day…                     N: And love is in the air.                     C: I don’t know what you’re talking about.                     N: Oh, please.  Look—that flower over there is the color of his eyes, right? C: Stop that….and no, it is not.                     N: See?  This is why he and I could never work.  I can’t even remember the color of his eyes!                     C: [pause, then quietly] that flower there is closer to his shade…Cole:                     C: Why do they call you Nat?  Your name is Nicos.                     N: My initials are N-A-T.  It’s just a nickname.                     C: You wear it like a mask.                     N: That’s…uhm…                     C: Hiding, hoping they don’t ask, it’s simpler if—                     N: Yeah, Nat is simpler than Nicos.  Yep.  That’s why they call me that. C: You’re scared, but they’re your friends.  They won’t hurt you.N: I’m more scared of getting eaten by a bear right now.  Let’s just…focus on the task at hand, okay?Dorian (if Inquisitor is not in a romance with either):                     D: I heard you fell asleep outside again the other night.                     N: Oh?  Oh, yeah.  It was comfortable, no worries.                     D: Truly?  Is that why you kept stretching your neck the next day?     N: No one disturbed me.  No one shoved me out of the tent in the middle of the night.  No one complained I was taking up too much space and he simply had to look his best so ‘let him get some beauty sleep’.                     D: I was drunk and you rolled on top of me.  These tents are small enough without your bulk taking up half of it.                     N: Uh, huh, right.  If you hate it that much, you can sleep outside next time. Dorian (romanced by Inquisitor):                     N: You know—                     D: No.  Don’t want to hear it.                     N: What?  Oh, come on.  I’m sure there’s some things you haven’t tried.       D: No, this is not up for discussion.                     N: Why?  You never know!  He might like it!                     D: I appreciate the offer, but I can do just fine on my own, thank you.             N: Fine, fine, have it your way.  I just think there’s more ways to—                 D: Sweet Maker…Cassandra: Please…stop talking.                      Bull: I liked where this was going.                      Sera: You can tell me, Nicos!                      Blackwall: Someone muzzle him…                      Varric: [chuckles] Time and place, Pup…                      Vivienne: Like a child…                      Solas: Some things should remain secret…                      Cole: …He was talking about your hair.

7. What would be on their tombstone in the fade (what is their greatest fear)?idk how to really phrase it but he’s just afraid of his father being proven right in his beliefs about Nic’s “lifestyle” aka his dad is horribly homophobic and so nic deals with a lot of internalized homophobia and he’s scared his dad was right about everything?8. What kind of Inquisitor would drive them to leave the Inquisition/confront them about their actions (what gets their approval low? what does that scene look like)?Someone cruel, someone who doesn’t care about the little guys, someone selfish…also someone who keeps prodding again and again about his past and not respecting his privacy in that situation. And the scene is just the Inquisitor finding out that Nic and his merc company just up and left without word.  They’re just gone.9. Where in Skyhold would they be found? (e.g. Cole is in the tavern rafters, Leliana in the top of the tower, Varric in the throne room, etc.)In the tower that later becomes either the mage or Templar tower.  Before it’s fixed up, he’ll be up top, watching the horizon.  Afterwards, he’ll be inside interacting with desks or bookshelves, etc.11. How would they grow as a person? How would they compare at the end of the Inquisition as a companion to who they were as the Inquisitor?As a companion, he learns that he’s not wrong.  He meets and befriends all sorts of different people, some a lot like him, and that really helps him.  There’s people just like him and there’s people who accept him for him and they’re all living their lives and doing good so he can too.  There’s not much difference between romanced companion!Nicos and Inquisitor!Nicos.  If he wasn’t romanced (or there’s no background romance with Dorian), he’s kinda a little more hardened.  He believes that he’s never gonna be more than a one-night stand in the “romance” department, that he’s just kind of a plaything so if there’s no romance, he keeps that attitude.12. Do they believe the Herald of Andraste is really the Herald of Andraste?Nah.  He doesn’t really believe in the Maker, so by extension he doesn’t really believe in Andraste?  He won’t like discourage an Andrastian/faithful Inquisitor, though.16. What would the Fear Demon say to them in the Fade to try and discourage them?Basically just anything about his father or the people who really messed him up when he was 18…just telling him he’s wrong for who he is.19. Once Corypheus is beaten, what do they do during the party? Do they stay with the Inquisition, or go somewhere else? What could the Inquisitor do to convince them to stay?He’ll stay with the Inquisition for a while (permanently if romanced). His merc company will move on eventually, once they find a new job now that they’re done helping save the world and shit.  If he’s not romanced, he’ll plan to join them when they leave.  If he is romanced, by either the Inquisitor or Dorian, he’ll stay and follow them wherever.20. How do they react to learning abominations can retain their consciousness and identity, and even live peacefully with their spirits/demons, as seen in Stone-Bear Hold?He’s definitely confused.  He doesn’t understand like basic magic, it’s just not something he can easily wrap his head around, so finding this out really just kinda leaves him very confused.25. In the alternate reality, if they were corrupted with lyrium, how do they act? What’s their attitude about the end of the world/their inevitable death?He feels an odd sense of bravery.  He knows he’s gonna die soon, one way or another.  There’s no hope for him, but he can go out guns blazing so to speak, so he’ll do whatever it takes.