#<- could not find a food container when it was right in front of sol’s face

[whatareyoudoingwithamaserati]

brainfog is so silly what do you MEAN I can’t make sentences

[saturnsummer]

worthy.

When Sol gets a GPA of 2.02, the study group (and Joon Hwi) comes together to cheer her up. 

notes: another prompt by @thenerdywriter ! i wasn't sure if you meant it like this, but i hope you are satisfied! thank you for your prompt and your trust! i do apologise for the wait!

not much fluff or cliche romantic scenes, but just simple things that i hope when you read, remember your worth and never be defeated. you are worthy, loved and deserving to be appreciated. :) inbox always open!

for anyone who have sent prompts and asks, i thank you for your ideas! i have read through all your asks and am so excited to begin writing, but please understand if i can’t reply you as fast as i hoped! so sorry for this, i’ll try to address my inbox faster!! any mistakes or incorrect information will be taken responsible by me. enjoy!

edit: everyone, please don’t cry on this omg I’ve made 5 people comment their tears now and im terribly sorry for the tears.. I meant for this to be a light hearted story but looks like everyone is crying,, I’ll try not to make people cry now..

original prompt: where joon hwi and the rest of the gang shake some sense into her (sol a) about her self-esteem. 

words: 2787 words

Sol is downstairs at the lounge, holding a clear bottle of soju. She takes another swig from the plastic bottle, hoping that the alcohol can numb her heart like it does to her head. It burns, and she’s turning woozy, but she grumbles and takes another swig. 

2.02. She’s passed, at least. But she can’t help but feel upset. She wasn’t upset that she couldn’t score as well as Yeseul or BokGi, but upset that she’s satisfied with these low results. No one is going to hire her, even less offer an internship while looking at her track records. 

Sol worked her ass off for this exam. She nearly died, if it wasn’t for Yeseul’s reminders to eat. Even her cold stoned face roommate bothered to place bottles of water on her desk. Yet, after all this... 

“Why are you still up?” She hears Joon Hwi ask as he takes a seat next to her. She stays silent with a grim expression and turns away. Joon Hwi was the last person she wanted to see, especially when she’s in such a bad mod. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks as he catches her arm just as she’s about to chug her soju. 

“Everything.” She slurs. “You know I’m not even upset with my GPA? I’m upset of being happy with my shitty grades.” Joon Hwi sighs, attempting to grab her bottle away.

“I should have never came to study. I should have never tried to prove myself to be Dan!” She scolds louder. Sol knows she’s drunk in front of her best friend, but she can’t control herself. She doesn’t care. 

“Kang Sol...” Joon Hwi stands up, grabbing her bottle away from her. “You’re drunk. Go back.” 

“I don’t belong here, anyway.” Her slurs catch Joon Hwi in his steps. 

“I never once belonged with any of you. Being with all of you just drags you all further. I should just stop burdening you all with my questions and rot in a corner. Besides, no one would care.” She softly says, her voice filled with regret and guilt. 

Sol has always felt this way. Ever since she was young, Dan was always the star child. She got top grades while Sol got through in the middle rankings. Dan was always more popular, prettier, smarter. Sol learnt at a young age that no matter what, she would always be overshadowed by Dan. 

Thus, she learnt to be quiet. Only ask questions when she really needs to. Stick to familiar people. Only be loud when told to, and blend in in every situation. She learnt to depreciate herself, because no one appreciated her in the first place. 

Joon Hwi wants to shake her. He wants to write an entire dissertation on why Sol belongs to Hankuk. He wants to show her what he sees: a smart, caring, passionate lawyer-to-be. He wants to show her what he sees when she testified for Professor Yang in court. A confident, woman knowing her morals and rights.

“Kang Sol.” Joon Hwi says, pulling her up by her wrist. Sol pushes him away, but her touches are sloppy and weak. Sighing, Joon Hwi knows that it is useless to argue about her grades and her worth when she’s not even half conscious of what she’s doing. 

He grabs her coat lying on the couch, finding her phone and plans on calling Yeseul. But it’s past 1am, but he doesn’t want to trouble Yeseul. Sighing, he contemplates calling her roomie but reality smacks when he realises she’s home. Noticing how Sol is slowly nodding off, giving in to the fatigue, it leaves Joon Hwi not much of an option to carry her back.

Fishing the room key out from her coat, he takes special care in carrying her, sweeping his arm under her knee and lifting her slowly as to not disrupt her from falling asleep. The key card is in between his fingers as he slowly and quietly makes his way up to her dorm. He thanks the deities above that no one caught him or interrupted him. 

Tapping the key card, a standard ‘beep’, he pushes the door with his back, and takes care to get him and her into the dark room. He can barely see anything, especially since he has no hands to on the lights, but he makes out his way in the small room using the moonlight and what he can tell. 

Joon Hwi knows which side Sol sleeps, knowing from her stories that include her rolling from the bed up to the desk. By now, Sol was sleeping soundly, a slight snore escaping her. Gently, he sets her down on her bed and reaches to take her shoes off for her. Hanging up her coat that he placed on top of her whilst he was carrying her, he finally pulled the thick blanket over her.

But he didn’t leave just yet.

“I never once belonged with any of you.”

Sol’s words echoed in his head more than he thought it would. He stopped and bent down silently by her bed side, taking a few moments to wonder to himself just how and why does she feel so unworthy.

He grabs her bottle of water from her bag, before putting it next to her phone, which is on the table. Knelt on the floor, he observes the slow rise of her chest and the way her eyes flutter and nose twitch when Sol sleeps. Just how can someone like Sol think she’s any less than what he sees?

“You belong here in Hankuk. I’ll show you just why.” His whisper barely audible, as he brushes away a stray hair on her face. With that, he takes his leave and sneaks back to his dorm. (Without getting caught)

-----

The next day, after two painkillers and a big bowl of hangover soup (left mysteriously by someone at their pantry), Sol is headed to study group. She is running a few minutes early than their scheduled timing, but she’s surprised to find the group huddled in hushed whispers. 

“What are you all looking at?” Sol asks, as she sets her book at her usual corner opposite Joon Hwi. BokGi lets out a startled yelp and Yebeom clamps his mouth shut. Sol isn’t surprised to see Jiho crowded there, but is even more shocked to see Sol B crowded with them too. If it was anything, Sol B wouldn’t crowd around and discuss things, unless it concerned herself, or benefitted her grades.

“What...” Sol leans over and raises her eyebrows. Yeseul’s eyes dart nervously and she breaks into a smile. The rest of the group just shuffles back to their seats murmuring under their breath.

“Nothing, unnie! They were just discussing on what to order for lunch.” Yeseul says as she walks over to Sol and takes her bag and books from her, before setting it on the table. “Unnie, shall we get coffees?” Yeseul escorts her out of the room before Sol could react. Sol assumes that it’s due to her hangover that Yeseul is suggesting coffee, thus just following and getting a cold brew and assorted drinks for the others. 

When she returns, they distribute the drinks and start discussing on what to study. 

“Noona, do you have anything?” BokGi asks, a little too enthusiastically. Sol is taken aback and lost for words. She usually just follows whatever the rest want, since answering her questions will take hours. Joon Hwi gives a sympathetic smile. 

“How about you share with us about a recent case? Remember the one that Professor Kim liked in particular?” Joon Hwi suggests. Sol grows quiet. Her? The worst student? Sol let’s out an uncertain laugh.

“Ah, me? I rather my roomie shares. She did better than me.” Sol says, then prepares a fresh document for note taking on her laptop.

“I didn’t do well.” Sol B says quietly, her eyes emotionless as usual, leaning back into the chair. “You did the best. Go on.” Sol is stunned and just nods uncertainly. Taking out her case notes and her reports that she submitted, she nervously discusses the topic on hand. She sneaks Joon Hwi a couple of questioning stares but he only pretends to not catch her eyes.

Everyone is enthusiastic, asking questions and when Sol is stumped, they jump in to help her. They suggest ideas and Sol has never felt so energised by their energy before. She find it fishy how Joon Hwi just sits back and she can feel him smiling whenever she makes a point right or figures out a missing link.

An hour later, when they are done expanding on Sol’s case and discussing, they break for a late lunch together.  Yebeom enters the room with bags of food, as usual over ordering. As they pass out containers of jjampong and jjajamyeon, Sol’s eyes light up when she saw the only thing that mattered in the whole order: her beloved pickles, in doubled servings. 

What Sol doesn’t expect is for JiHo to dump his packet of pickles on her container of noodles. 

“JiHo-ah, why...” Sol is dumbfounded for a moment as JiHo opens his pack of noodles to stir. JiHo only pushes up his glasses. 

“You can have them, noona.” Sol is even more dumbfounded. This was the first time JiHo has called her noona. She didn’t care for the honourifics, and JiHo could call her by her full name for all she cared. But hearing those words from Seo JiHo’s mouth, just made her think everyone was utterly suspicious today.

“Okay, everyone is being weird. What is this?” Sol announces, hoping her tone came out fun, with no hints of anger. 

“Nothing! We just know you’ve been feeling stressed, so JiHo decided to give you his share of pickles, right?” BokGi quips up, as he dives into taking the sauce to pour over the tangsuyuk, before Yebeom and him argue over pouring or dipping. 

Sol, still feeling suspicious, breaks her chopsticks just as Joon Hwi picks up a pickle from her plastic saucer to put on her noodles. Her eyes dart from his chopstick to his face, but he just nods at her pickles, expressions hard to read.

Sol crunches on her pickles, but it does nothing to soothe the feeling that everyone was aware of something, but her. 

-----

The rest of the week was a puzzle piece that Sol could not fix together.

She woke up everyday to a new message by Joon Hwi, sometimes sending her funny videos, or a simple “let’s get through this together”. She woke up once to her roomie handing her breakfast and coffee. It just didn’t click in Sol’s head to see the cold Sol B hand her a sandwich and coffee.

Their group chat was undoubtedly noisy, but even more so now. Something in common was how the more chatty ones would ask Sol for advice or chat and strike noisy conversations. She was used to the chaos, but she definitely didn’t feel used to having the attention on her.

As the group had earned different internships from small and large firms, Sol was going to be left in school alone, still applying and hoping for one to come her way. Her study group knew about it, and instead continued to encourage her about it. They avoided talk on their internships, and actively tried to help Sol. While Sol was grateful, she couldn’t help but wish that they would just act normal and not worry about her.

She chose to meet them for breakfast on the day of their internships. The meal was noisy as usual as they ate their sandwiches and gimbaps. They were dressed smartly in their suits with their briefcases. Sol made a fuss over everyone looking smart on their first day.

“Hurry up and eat, you’re going to be late for your internship!” Sol scolded BokGi as he and Yebeom threw comments back and forth. Everyone was off for theirs and ready with their jackets and bags. Walking with them to the door, she couldn’t help but feel like a mom to her kids, sending them to school.

“Noona! Check your table later in the libra-” Yebeom gleefully mused before BokGi clamped his mouth shut and JiHo (with much irritation) smacked his head silently.

“What?” Sol asks, turning to Joon Hwi, who was turning redder by the second. Joon Hwi closes his eyes, the same way he does when he’s embarrassed and looks away from her.

“Listen to Yebeom and check the table.” He says, finally looking at her. “We’ll see you for dinner then.” Waving a quick goodbye, the group walked away from her towards the carpark where they separated to the bus stops or in the direction of the train station.

“O-Okay…” she mutters, still confused as she carries her books and bag to her usual table at the library. She would have went to sulk at Professor Kim’s office for a while, but she instead chose to head straight to study. Professor Kim had enough on her plate and she wasn’t ready just yet to face Professor Kim with her mood.

There, at her table, lies her stack of books.

Normal, nothing out of the ordinary. Huffing out, she slumps her bag on her table, gathering the post its on the bar above the table. Most of them were just plain comments, like how she had to stop slamming her pen into her hand (it distracted students) or move out of the library cause there aren't enough seats. Opening her book on civil code, she was ready to start drilling her head before meeting Professor Kim. 

Then she spots an envelope, hidden between the pages of the book.

Carefully, she picks it out and looks on the cream white paper, the only ink on it her name, written in neat handwriting. She could recognise Joon Hwi’s handwriting anywhere. A slight scoff escapes her lips and several students turn in annoyance. Realising that this was probably not the best place to be in, she grabs her books and bags (and the post its) and leaves the library. She heads to the empty study room, where she knows she’s be comfortable at.

Opening the flap, she slips out numerous slips of paper, varying degrees of length and sizes. Some words were neat, some were a little messy.

-----

To: Unnie <3

Sol-unnie, you know you’re smart, right? Your grades may not show that you are the best, but I know you are! Whenever I hear you discuss a case with the study group, I know you’re trying your best to memorise and improve. Don’t give up, unnie! I will support you till the end!

- Yeseul 

To: Sol-A noona

Yah, noona! You have to stop injuring yourself, okay? You gave us a really big scare the last time when you started nose bleeding in the midst of study group. Noona, don’t look at your grades anymore! If a man like me can get through law school so far pretty well, you can too! Fighting, noona! 

Noona~ you’re really talented. The fact that you scored so well during the criminal law test and managed to spot the comma just shows for amazing you are! Noona, don’t be discouraged... seeing you discouraged makes us sad too. Your favourite dongsaeng is here to help you! 

- BokGi and Yebeom 

To: Kang Sol-A

You can do it. Review your cases before classes. Get your internship.

-JiHo

To: Sol-A

Live up to your name, will you? And sleep on a regular schedule. 

- Roommate

To: Sol

Sunbae, remember me? Stop doubting yourself and trust yourself. You’re smarter than you know and fit for court. I will support you from wherever you are. I’m grateful for you, for supporting me all this time. I think Dan would be proud of you, and so will the cookie Byeol. 

Sol, you are worthy in my eyes. So stop undermining yourself. You belong in Hankuk next to me. You can’t give up now.

-Joon Hwi

-----

Sol lets a smile creep on her face as she lets a small blush rise to her face. Holding her letters to her heart, she closes her eyes, reminding herself of the past week and her friend’s efforts to cheer her on. She knew no doubt it had to be Joon Hwi who convinced everyone there to write for her despite their busy schedule. For even Sol B to help out and bother about her, it warmed her heart to have her support.

Picking her book, she pinned her hair up as she started drill into her book with a new found confidence, fuelled by her friends supporting her. But most importantly, she felt worthy. She felt loved. She felt confident. She was hopeful.

(Everyone thinks she’s worthy in their eyes, but one just thinks she’s perfect.)

[merigreenleaf]

Unexpected Inspiration Series: Concordia’s Art Magic

Blythe could only assume that if Adair was holding a paintbrush, the jar in his other hand must contain paint or ink. Then again, it was Adair. It could just as likely be grape jam. And to think, she'd finally got herself unsticky from Sol's glue fiasco this morning. With some trepidation, she held out her hand. Adair dipped the tip of his brush into the jar, then drew a quick blue swirl on her palm. At least that solved the mystery. It was, in fact, paint. "I wouldn't call a paint smudge much of a glow." "Give me a minute." This time Adair didn't return the brush to the jar and instead held the tip of the bristles just far enough away that they tickled Blythe's skin. She fought back the reflex to close her hand so she wouldn't disturb whatever it was he was trying. When nothing happened for a long while besides Adair gazing intently at her hand, Blythe mouthed to Etri, "What's he doing?" Etri tapped his finger against her wrist, calling her attention back down. She had expected nothing to change and hissed a sharp intake of breath when it had. The swirl was still there, but now there was an aura of purple about an inch away from her skin. When she moved her hand, the strange glow stayed with it. Etri leaned closer for a better look. She pried her eyes away in time to catch Adair looking pleased with himself in an embarrassed sort of way. "So all Weavers' hands look like this?" "Yeah, but not just our hands. Picture that covering your entire body and you get a better idea of how we glow." Blythe made a face and wiped her hand clean on the paint-stained cloth he handed her. "Blech. I'll pass." -Excerpt from an early draft of Colorweaver (Book 1)

Concordia as a whole is filled with artists, craftspeople, inventors, and creative hobbyists. The culture has art at its center and almost everyone joins in, even if it's just a way to pass the time rather than as a vocation. It's a drive passed down from generation to generation and the reason for this is that art magic runs deep in the blood of Concordians. History and myth have blended together into stories telling of how the first Concordians-- several struggling, displaced groups of people who joined together to survive-- asked for help in driving away a threat and to help keep their small population safe. Legends say that the constellations came down from the sky to teach magic to the people. Centuries later, these magics have become the nine types of art magic in Concordia.

(Info about the art magic below!)

Here are the types of magic. These are represented in the moodboard from left to right, top to bottom.

Wordweaving (Glow color: red) These Weavers work their magic into words, both spoken and written. These are the poets, the storytellers, the actors, the writers. They're the ones who can affect emotion or, in the case of my morally ambiguous main character, influence someone's thoughts for a short time. This is probably the most dangerous or easily corrupted of magics, but considering the tests that go into becoming a master artist and the checks in place after someone does, this hasn't been a huge problem. (Dray has just made it a problem by avoiding any real training, which is also not a usual thing-- nothing Dray has done with their magic is correct, if you get down to it, and it means that they are going to have Consequences sooner than later. But I digress.) Another example of how this magic can be used is in the scrolling marquee in front of the theater the characters visit in book 1.

Colorweaving (Color: purple) These are the artists whose tools are ink, paint, pencil, charcoal, etc. They're essentially illusionists with the ability to make what they draw/paint move around on whatever they're using as a canvas. Adair has this magic and while he'll sometimes use this to make animated paintings, his career as a cartographer has him creating interactive maps. As the series progresses, he figures out that if he paints on himself or someone else, he can change their appearance. He may even work out something that Colorweavers have forgotten they once knew how to do: by drawing on the air, it's possible to create a believable 3D illusion.  

Timberweaving (Color: dark green) Woodworkers and carpenters, obviously, but their magic does more than just allow them to make sturdy creations from wood. Not that this is anything to scoff at-- this is why the oldest Artisans' houses haven't fallen over despite being built on stilts and almost every generation adding a new room or even a new floor. This magic can also make wood as buoyant on air as it would be on water and is a frequent way transportation is built. Not all vehicles hover a few inches off the ground, but this does include the "float-wagons" my main characters call home. Those are something of a cross between a motorhome and a house and can be driven (albeit slowly) around.

Terraweaving (Color: orange) These are the Weavers who work with stone and clay, sculpture and pottery. Way back in Concordia's history there was a Terraweaver who used to sculpt trainable dog-sized animals to give companionship and help to those who needed it. Not just by way of a service dog-- one of the things she made for a gardener friend was a pet that doubled as a planter. The more traditional ways of working this magic are the ability to work stone as though it were soft clay and putting their magic into buildings to make them more steady and solid, much like the Timberweavers, or to make them resist fires.

Oreweaving (Color: red-violet) These Weavers frequently have chemical or heat magic and often use this to etch, shape, and manipulate metals. They're the jewelers, the smiths, and are probably the most "inventor" group of the bunch. Sol tends to use his light/heat magic in a similar way to how the arcane metalworkers would (softening and shaping metal in his hands), so there's some overlap here in terms of heat with the glassworkers. The reason for this is Oreweaving was originally a kind of lightning magic. You'll still find it used as a kind of "battery" when an Oreweaver works with a different type of Weaver on a project. This could be to extend the life of the magic in something else, because eventually all magic inside a creation will run out and need to be recharged, or it'll be a backup battery. Concordia relies on wind, water, and solar power, so magic is only ever a backup or a way to store power they already have.

Savorweaving (Color: pale green) The Weavers who work with food and drink. What they cook doesn't burn, produce stays fresh longer, herbs don't lose potency or flavor after they're dried, food keeps longer or can be made to be more filling. They're the reason Concordia has the equivalent of refrigerators. These artists can also influence the taste and strength of flavor, and I bet they can look at a person and guess what their favorite foods might be.

Glassweaving (Color: gold) This magic involves heat and/or light. These artists are the reason why Silveridge has so much stained glass! As well as using this to make super-strong glass, some Glassweavers use this magic directly by putting it inside glass globes to be used as lamps. Portable heating, like something to keep in your pockets to keep your hands warm? Probably also had a Glassweaver involved. Concordia's mail system is via pneumatic tubes that run about twelve feet off the ground, and while a few different kinds of art go into creating these, the tubes themselves are made of magically-influenced glass.

Songweaving (Color: blue) This magic involves sound and voice, although in terms of pitch and changing how you sound, not the verbal influence of the Wordweavers. I have a character in later books with this magic who can make her voice sound like anything, as well as throwing it so that the sound appears to be coming from somewhere else. This is also the reason that Concordians are able to record sound and music, as well as amplify it or play it at another location simultaneously.

Threadweaving (Color: blue-green) These are the fiber artists, the spinners, weavers (small "w"), knitters, tailors, etc. They can put their magic into clothing and fabric to make it warmer or cooler than it would otherwise be. (This suits Concordians well because current fashion calls for lots of layers of embroidered fabrics and they live in a warm climate.) This can also make clothing protective, usually against things like weather, but it is also how the Protectorates are able to stay safe without needing to wear something heavy that would look like protective gear. Remember the floating homes I mentioned earlier? Some of these are propelled via large fans, sort of like a hovercraft, but some are made with sails on the roofs. Whether it's land or sea, these sails can propel the vehicle forward even if there isn't much wind and can quite likely store some of the wind for later, should it be a still day.

Not everyone in Concordia has magic particularly strongly: some are only good at never burning what they cook, some have simply a pleasant singing voice, some are above average at writing poetry. Sometimes these people will make this part of their careers, sometimes it'll only remain a hobby they enjoy. If the magic is particularly strong, though, it requires additional training and those people are considered Artisans. There isn't a lot of difference between an Artisan and a craftsperson when it comes down to what they create; the only real difference is that an Artisan has magic as an extra tool, so their end results are different. Considering no two artists ever create exactly the same thing anyway, this means that there has never been more importance placed on the Artisans versus craftspeople. Each person will only ever have one type of art magic; even if they carry several types in their bloodline, one will be dominant and only this one will be usable. Each of the nine types of art magic has its own color that glows in both the artist and the creations they make. Only those with decently strong magic can see this, but it does mean that a lot of people, clothing, objects, and locations in Concordia have almost a stained glass look to them if it's something you can see. Part of the reason buildings in Silveridge are made with white stone is because of these glows. Silveridge is where a large percentage of the Artisans live, so it became a tradition to build and paint in white, then add colorful embellishments. Otherwise think about how badly paint colors might clash with the glows used to create the things in the city! Even if most people aren't really aware of how magic glows, they've embraced this aesthetic. Concordia, and Silveridge in particular, is all about aesthetics.

These are just some examples of what each kind of magic can do. Concordians are always coming up with new ideas-- sometimes those ideas work great, sometimes they fail spectacularly. Either way, the artists and craftspeople are constantly creating. Their art magic allows for greater technology than their world might have had without it. Concordia freely trades their creations, so most of their world has access, as well. At some point I'll talk more about Galanvoth, the country that considers itself Concordia's competition. 

-------------------------------

This moodboard is for @homesteadchronicles theme of “craftsmanship” because how could I not talk about Concordia and their art magic when most of my series involves this. :D In the future, I'd love to talk more about the Artisans, the history of Concordia’s magic, and just more world building stuff in general.

Tagging my series list! Let me know if you want on or off the list, it’s all good. And as always, please add me to any writing tag lists you have, whether you’re on my list or not. I love reading about writeblr projects. :)

@homesteadchronicles @ageekyreader @lynnafred @the-gay-hufflepuff @oceanwriter @desperatlytryingtowriteabook @muffindragon227 @theguildedtypewriter @toboldlywrite @wchwriter @dreameronthewind @shadow-maker @pen-for-sword @loopyhoopywrites @emptymanuscript @madmoonink @perringwrites @megan-cutler @elliot-orion @thatwriternamedvolk @indecentpause @writer-on-time @ravenpuffwriter @siarven @musicismymoirail @lady-redshield-writes @bluemartlet @reeseweston @worldbuildingwren @hiddswritingrefs @cay--scribbles @focusdumbass @enasroterfaden @missrobinswritings @joshuaorrizonte @zofiehelen @kainablue @kalis-scribbles @inspirited-goddess

[shackermanwrites]

Lifetime

Summary: When everything’s falling apart in your life, and you don’t know what to do anymore, maybe asking the universe for something isn’t a bad idea after all. In which Sol Reader finds herself in another reality after begging the universe for something. Everything is going well not until she was put into Levi’s squad.

Chapter 5 -> Chapter 6

Lifetime Masterlist

Before the sun even starts to set in the sky, you were already wide-awake staring at the wood ceiling above you. You barely got any sleep since you basically stared at the same concrete last night for hours. Rest just doesn’t like you, does it?

You slowly pull yourself up from your bed. Rather than wasting the time that you have in your hand you decided to start your day early. You fish through your closet to grab a pair of uniform and essentials you need before heading outside to take a quick shower. The shared bathroom for girls is not that far from your room, so you took your time to walk and gently kick some small rocks along the way.

As you walk outside the building, you can’t help but appreciate and smile as the cold wind hugs your body. It's already October that is why it is often chilly, especially early in the morning and at night.

You went inside the bathroom and entered a cubicle to shower. It was hard at first to contain yourself as your skin made contact with the cold water that almost made you scream as you shiver.

You took your precious time to clean yourself that the sun was already set when you exited the bathroom. There are also some people now on the grounds carrying woods, sweeping the leaves the fell on the ground, basically starting the day.

The peaceful scene beside you as you walk kept you company for a while that you didn’t noticed that a person was running towards behind you.

“Sol!” you turn your head to see Jean running towards you. He is holding some clothes and towels and his essentials.

You stopped walking to let him catch up. Both of you are wearing your uniforms except for your jackets.

“Morning Jean you're up early?”

“Morning, fucking Eren kicked me while he’s asleep that’s why I woke up earlier than usual.”

“Well, so much for having a roommate. Good thing I don’t have one.” You cheekily smiled at him as the two of you slowly stroll.

-

Your body fell in your bed while you let your jacket cover your face. You just realized that it’s still too damn early to even do things. You still have two hours before training starts.

Lazy as you feel, you manage to pull yourself up and marched your way outside your room to wake Mikasa up before meeting up with jean since both of you decided to go the market rather than spending the time in the dining hall to eat breakfast.

You like buying and looking at things that will catch your attention, while Jean just likes to stroll around the town area. That is why spending your time in town is equivalent to your hangouts. Back in the orphanage, there were not many people in there since it is located in a secluded area that is why you always visit the town if you had the chance. A thirty-minute ride from the headquarters is nothing compared to a four-hour ride from the orphanage.

“Mikasa, are you decent? I'm coming in.” You knocked on the door before opening it. You saw Mikasa adjusting the strap in her thighs while sitting on the side of her bed.

“Hey, good morning. Jean and I are going to town to look at some things in the market. Wanna join us?”

“Ah, I wish, but I have to go to the library. I need to return some books.” She replied while dusting off her jacket.

“Oh, that’s fine, ill see you in training later.” Mikasa smiled at you while she waves her hand as you exit her room.

People never really liked Mikasa in your training days, they are intimidated by her, and you can't deny that so were you. She was and still is seen with a book in her hand. The moment both of you had a first conversation always brings a smile to your face.

It was the day when you saw a book lying around the bench after your morning training. You thought that someone abandoned their book there, but you still waited for half an hour for its owner to retrieve it, but no one came. You brought the book to your dorm and read a couple of chapters. The book was so good and catchy to you, so you sketch on the book's first page. Later that night, you read it while eating dinner at the dining hall and that was when Mikasa approached you, saying that it was her book. She ended up liking the sketch you made on her book when she saw it and after that, she always sat with you.

“Took you long enough. What did you do there make out with Mikasa?” Jean teased as soon as you approached him.

“Yeah we did actually, idiot. Let's go were wasting time I want to buy some pens.” You didn’t think twice when you grab Jean’s wrist and drag him to the stables. Both of you ran like your lives depend on it.

You can't admit that this is basically a waste of time. Instead of sleeping and eating breakfast, you choose to stroll around the market to pass the time. You can't help it, in your trainee days you were basically worked up, there was no time to even breathe, you were waking up at 4 am and trained the whole day like a mad man until 6 pm and after that, you need to do specific tasks given to each person. The job can be cleaning stables even in the dark, cleaning the dining hall, lighting up torches around the headquarters, and even arranging rifles and guns to the storage room.

It was exhausting.

Both of you ride along with the cold wind that softly kisses your face and strands of hair. You glanced at Jean and it was the same with him. His eye is strictly glued to the road.

-

“Damn it Jean, just grab anything that you like, and I’ll pay for it, dumbass.” You muttered while you put bread in a paper bag provided to you.

“You sure? How much money do you have right now? I’ll pay you back when we get our pay, I promise Sol.” He didn’t even hide the apologetic tone from his voice while he eyes the bread and pastries in front of him while he rubs the back of his neck.

Both of you grew up in the orphanage, so Jean grew up without anything but luckily for you, your aunt has money and it is more than enough. She left you tons of money even when you were still a child, not that you can buy something from it back then, but she said that it could help you start when you grow up.

And here you are buying unnecessary things.

“Yeah, pay me by kissing Eren.” You replied as you wait for him to finish picking whatever pastries he likes.

“Please don’t joke like that next time.” He scrunches his nose, feeling disgusted by your remarks.

“Oh shoot, let's buy something for Mikasa too. She went to the library so she won't be eating breakfast too.” You quickly grabbed another paper bag and grabbed some bread and some sweet pastries for Mikasa since it is her likings.

You don’t know, but you suddenly thought of Captain Levi at the back of your head. It's not like a bad thing to get bread for him but you also consider that he is now your Captain and it would be weird if the three of you are eating some nicely baked slices of bread and he is just there watching the three of you devour it.

You stared at the foods in front of you as you carefully choose what you should get for him.

“You could never go wrong with cheese bread.” You mumbled under your breath.

-

You arrived back at the headquarters 10 minutes before the call time. You don’t need to stop by your room since you only bought food and a couple of pens.

On the other hand, Jean needed to went to his room back since he bought hair gels and a jacket that needed to be put away before training, so here you are silently sitting on the bench in front of your Captain’s office.

Absentmindedly, you gently swing your feet on the ground kicking small rocks.

“Reader.”

You straightened your back and stood up from your seat to face Levi. You didn’t even notice that he’s here. You didn’t hear any footsteps.

“Captain Levi, Good morning I'm sorry if I was sitting here.”

You carefully pick up the paper bags sitting on the bench while looking around to find other bars.

“Well idiot, they are here for a reason. Follow me, we will have a short meeting before training.” He tilts his head to the side, signaling for you to follow him.

You obediently followed him, staying behind him while hugging the bags in your chest.

Heart beating really fast as you were nervous about the training. You heard rumors that the Captain can be very rough when it comes to training since being in his squad only requires two training a week so it is acceptable that he will make the most out of it.

Both of you stopped at the familiar office you were in yesterday. The same smell and atmosphere of the room greeted you as soon as Levi opens the door for you.

You softly smiled at him before entering his office.

Instead of sitting in front of his desk, he ordered for you to sit on the couch before disappearing from your sight.

The office is quite spacious. There’s his office desk with two chairs in front of it, a couch with a small glass table, there are also two doors which you don’t know where it leads.

Not long before Levi came back with several papers in his right hand and pens on his left hand.

“Where are the others?” He put the pens and papers on the table and sat beside you, which caught you off guard.

You're not uncomfortable, just nervous especially being around him.

“Mikasa is running errands, but she’ll be back any minute now, sir and Jean went back to his room to drop his uh well hair supplies.” you didn’t know how to put the last words you said, so it made your tone of voice awkward.

You didn’t hear any reply from the Captain so you shift your gaze to the bags sitting on your thighs.

It's probably the best time to give it to him.

“Sir-“ you start before looking at him.

He was sitting casually on the couch, arms folded in his chest and lazily looking directly in front before turning his head to meet your eyes.

“Well, Jean and I went to town earlier, and we bought some foods for ourselves and for Mikasa so I also got you this.”

You handed him the bag, but he only exchanged his gaze to you and the bag you're holding.

‘I knew this was a bad idea.’ You scolded yourself in your head.

“It's cheese bread. This is good, especially in the morni-“ you didn’t finish your sentence when he cut you off.

“Why?” he softly asked you.

“What do you mean why? Its food captain.” Maybe it was a bad idea to also get him something since he can see it as an unprofessional act but being generous to things you can afford is something you should do.

His eyes did not leave yours for a couple of seconds before he slowly took the bag from you.

“You don’t have to, don’t do it next time, brat.” He rolled his eyes at you before peaking into the bag.

Levi felt uneasy and new to the feeling of being included in something. He grew up providing things he needed for himself without anyone’s help. That is why a small gesture, especially from a person he’s not closed with made him sentimental.

He didn’t have to say how thankful he was for that small gesture since you already figured it out while looking at his eyes.

Soon, Jean and Mikasa arrived at his office. You gave the bag to Mikasa as soon as she sat beside you on your right side while Jean sat beside Mikasa.

“Brats, take a paper and a pen in front of you and write your name and some shit, just write a sentence, anything.” He ordered to the three of you.

Jean was the first to get his hand on the papers and pen so he passed it to Mikasa and you being the last one to have a piece.

The three of you leaned forward to the table to start writing that is assigned to you.

‘Sol Reader, headquarters, I wish I could paint again, trees, flower.’

The three of you handed it to your Captain, and he immediately inspects it.

“You call this writing Kirstein? Unbelievable, even my horse can write better than you.” He hissed at him, causing Jean to lower his head in embarrassment.

It was only between yours and Mikasa’s paper. He holds the paper with each hand exchanging glances between it.

“Kirstein and Ackerman, go to the training grounds and don’t stop until I say so. Reader, stay here I need to talk to you.” He said in a casual tone.

You stayed seated while they gave him a salute before exiting the room.

“I don’t normally do this, but I figured that I have no choice. You have the best handwriting among the three of you and I needed an assistant when doing paper works and running errands. I hope you're okay with that?”

It's fine for you. You would have gladly and wholeheartedly accepted the task given to you.

But his voice, he was challenging you. With the tone of his voice and the way he narrows his eyes while looking at you, you are confident that he thinks that you cannot do it.

‘Motherfucker’

“I’ll even start today.” You hardly replied to him.

“Who said that you would start tomorrow?” Levi stood up from the seat and marched over to his desk, grabbing a shit ton of pile of papers.

“Deliver this to Hange’s office and make sure to do it quickly.” He stated as he placed the pile of papers in front of you.

‘Easy, I’ll show you that I can do this.’ You thought to yourself before starting to run errands.

-

You can’t do this anymore.

You placed your hands on your knees while you try to catch your breath.

The stock office is on the fifth floor of the building, and you are currently walking down the stairs after retrieving the papers Levi wants you to get yet your sore feet and calves are preventing you from doing so.

It is now 5 in the afternoon and you have been running errands the whole day now without a break.

You thought that you were only bringing papers for a couple of persons but no. You probably met all of the people in headquarters since you have been running all day delivering papers from Levi and getting papers for him.

‘Get this paper, deliver this paper, retrieve this, retrieve that, request for this request for that.’ It was the only words that came out of the Captain’s mouth the whole day.

You didn’t have the time to eat and drink, and you're so close to forgetting how to breathe.

You put your thoughts aside and pushed your body to walk down the stairs as you try to ignore the pain you're feeling throughout your whole body.

Maybe it was a bad idea to agree but thinking about it now, you also didn’t want to rat out Mikasa into this.

As soon as you reached Levi’s office, you didn’t bother knocking on his door before entering.

“Took you long enough for that one, do you min-“

You didn’t let him finish his sentence. You were already tired and just wanted to get this done.

“Can you just give me all the papers and I will deliver them in one go? Please just give them to me and I will make sure that it will get to them before the sun sets.”

Levi noticed the softness in your voice, not to mention how exhausted you look right now. He was surprised that you were not quitting despite running all day carrying piles of papers.

This doesn’t usually happen every day, he just wanted to test your patience and it is a surprise to him that you're now mad at him for bossing you around.

“I was about to ask if you mind having tea with me, sit.” He ordered while pointing to the chair in front of his desk.

You were taken aback by the words that came out of his mouth. You dragged your feet towards his desk and sat on the chair obediently.

You watched him pour tea on a clean white teacup with a gold lining on top of it.

“You're don’t for today. I'm honestly impressed that you manage to stand still.” There was no hint of mocking on his voice.

“I can manage more running but not just like this, sir. I need breaks too. I'll do better next time.”

You might have thought that you said something wrong by the sudden change of Levi’s facial expression. If your guess was correct, he was confused for a moment.

And you are right.

“You're unpredictable, Reader.” He shakes his head slightly as he places the teacup in front of you.

“I'll take that as a compliment sir, but I can assure you I feel the same about you.”

Carefully picking up the cup, you smelled at a hint of the fresh and bitter scent of the tea. You gently blow on it to cool it down a bit before sipping on it. The taste of bitterness welcomes your thirsty tastebuds.

“You can go back to your room after that. I'm calling it a day.” Levi grabbed another pile of papers from the floor and he immediately read the first paper while holding a pen in his right hand.

You watched him as he concentrates while he reads the paper and how his eyebrows are gently furrowed and how he absentmindedly plays with the pen on his hand by rolling it with his index finger and thumb.

“I bet I could already make a building with how much paperwork you have.” Those words left your mouth without thinking of it.

You cover your mouth as you look at him.

“I'm sorry sir, it's just you have lots of that, and it looks exhausting.” You shrugged your shoulders before drinking your tea again.

“Tch, that is why you're here, brat.”

You don’t know why but those words made you smile like a kid who just got their first toy. The feeling of being needed consumes you, and it makes you happy.

“Well then, I will do my best. Thank you for the tea captain.” You gently placed the cup near his and gave him a salute before exiting his office with contentment feeling in your heart.

[broken-clover]

AU-gust Day 5- Post-Apocalypse

Ah. Um. Okay. This one is...sad. I mean I guess it kind of is by nature because of the theme? I wanted this to be upbeat and I feel like I missed the mark by a longshot. Wound up crying when I wrote this and tbh it’s probably half-coherent but here please take it. I promise I’ll do something less...this, next time

A massive bonfire lit up the tepid night, licking at the sky with every breeze and stick tossed onto it. Though he could make as big a fire as he wanted with just his hands and a little magic, Sol found a subtle beauty in nurturing a small kindling until it grew powerful enough that it only needed to be contained, swiftly gorging itself on whatever it came across and standing up to buckets of water that once would have been able to smother it a dozen times over. Almost like raising a child, in a way, though at least fire was easier to keep an eye on. And less raucous.

“Hey, old man!”

Speak of the devil. Sol shook his head with a smile and glanced over his shoulder. “Yeah? Thought you were supposed to be harvesting with your dad.”

Sin’s hair was as wild as it had ever been, though it took a little bit longer now for it to scrape the ground than it did before. It seemed easier and less labor-intensive to let it grow out into a shaggy mass nearly as tall as he was before lopping it all off. Sin used to be so intent of keeping it short at all times, but one could only go for so long being so hypervigilant before it turned to boredom and apathy. The only reason he even cut it at all was because of how he would trip over it while hunting and doing chores.

“I wanted to see if the fire was almost ready.” He pushed some of that messy hair back over his shoulder. “Besides, harvesting is boring, I’d rather help with the fire instead of having to carry stuff.”

Sol sighed, prodding the edge of a fire with a stick. “You’re nearly five billion years old, and you still complain about chores like a toddler.”

“Learned from the best!” Sin smirked back.

He was going to fire a retort back, but he could practically hear a little voice in his head chirping ‘Just let it go, Frederick. You know he’s just trying to get a rise out of you.’

“You’re right, you’re right.” He mumbled to himself.

Sin crossed his arms and huffed. “Fine! I’ll sit over with uncle raven then!”

The pale-haired man turned as sin approached the log he was on. “I’m afraid I won’t make for the best of company.”

“Still better than the old man! You use a lot of big fancy words and don’t yell at me when I slouch!”

“Sol!” A voice called from somewhere behind. As expected, when he turned towards it, he found Ky and Dizzy following, each carrying a large basket of greens.

“Figured you’d be longer. The brat didn’t exactly make it easier for you.”

“Well, I suppose a little mischief is alright for tonight.” Said Dizzy. “We were still able to find enough in the field for all of us to have plenty.”

Ky nodded. “And still plenty of leftovers, too. Little bit of mashed fruit, some potatoes, that cheese Raven made three years back, we have a lot! So make sure everyone eats well tonight. Not like we have to save it for anything.”

The man’s expression remained bright, but Sol’s fell. He looked back upwards. The midnight sky was a pale blue, hardly darker than midday. He couldn’t remember when it was truly dark enough to see the stars. Even the moon was little more than a vague crescent. At least the weather was tolerable, even with their hardy bodies, the days had become too hot to withstand, even in the underground bunker they’d shared for the last century or so. The sun was growing bigger and bigger every day, practically enveloping the sky. The few hours of ‘night’ were the biggest relief they got, so it made sense to make the most of what they had left.

Dizzy put her basket on the ground and began pulling out cobs of corn. “Where is Axl?”

“Said he was going on a grocery run.” Replied Ky. “I’m not sure what era though.”

That got Sin’s attention immediately. He sat up stick-straight. “Ooh, he’d better bring back something really good! Chips?”

“Mmm, shame he can’t go back to my time and bring back some of the treats I had in my youth.” Raven said wistfully. “Would probably attract too much attention.”

Sol idly thumbed at the dented lighter in his pocket. He’d run out of cigarettes, and had nothing to occupy his mouth. “He’ll be back whenever, not like he has any sense of deadlines. Just our luck, he’ll skip right past-”

As if on cue, a deep black abyss spiraled in the air nearby, crackling and popping for a moment before someone hopped through, carrying several bags.

“Right on time!” Axl cawed, raising a hand and walking over. “Glad I didn’t miss the party. I brought the food!”

Sin leapt out of his seat and scrambled towards the man, eyes shining. “What did you get? What did you get?”

“Easy, mate, I brought enough for everyone.” The plastic crinkled as he pulled out a variety of different things- packaged hamburgers, snack cakes, fresh fruit, and other things Sol didn’t bother taking note of. He only moved to catch a package of cigarettes as they were tossed to him.

“Maaan, this is much better than being stuck with vegetables!” the youngest’s eyes shone like he had been presented with a priceless treasure. “Jeez, how long’s it been since we’ve seen plastic bags? I think those all broke down ages ago.”

“And to think, people always used to say how wasteful they were, and how long they would take to break down.” Raven quipped, with a blithe little smile. “And now they’re impossibly rare relics.”

“Glad to provide!” Axl did a little bow. “Today, we enjoy the last swiss rolls in existence! Technically speaking.”

The feast started up soon after. Makeshift pots were set up for boiling vegetables, the leftovers were reheated over the fire. Axl’s food was bizarrely pristine alongside everything else, but nobody treated it as anything peculiar. Merriment followed the food, though it mainly just amounted to idle chatter and reminiscing.

“It’s delicious! Very well done.” Ky beamed, though Sol just knew it was bland, at best. “Corn’s so much different than it used to be, but I’m glad we still have that much. Reminds me of that one banquet, uhh, when was it? I seem to be blanking...can’t think of the millennium. I know there were still people back then, does anyone else remember the one with the corn sculpture?”

“Hmm.” Dizzy said. “Was that the one where Leo fell into the courtyard fountain after he drank too much?”

Ky thought for a moment in silence. “...Leo?”

“Scruffy blonde guy, had his own dictionary?” Sin offered.

“It was the first time you were king.” Added Sol.

“First...ah! Now I remember.” He nodded. “Goodness, that was forever ago. It’s hard to keep track. If I told my childhood self that someday I would become the ruler of thirty-five separate nations, I don’t think I would have believed it.”

“I tried once.” Axl replied, between bites of corn. “You thought I was bonkers. Kid-me said the same thing. Guess I don’t blame ‘em. I can hardly believe it sometimes. And I’ve been at this forever!”

“Mostly forever.” Corrected Raven.

“Oh sod off, birdie. B’sides, I could make words mean whatever I want ‘em to. There’s six of us! Who’s gonna stop me from saying ‘cold’ means hot and ‘hot’ means freezin’ your balls off!”

“Alright, alright, settle down.” Ky interrupted him. “We’re not here to fight. We’re here to celebrate. Sin, could you please pass me a hamburger?”

Sol couldn’t take this anymore. “I’ve gotta take a smoke break.”

They all seemed confused by his sudden outburst, but let him leave without too much trouble. He found a place in the wooded thickets that was secluded, where nobody but him could see the way his fingers trembled as he pulled a cigarette from the pack and lit it.

Not even the animals were there to judge him. He couldn’t remember the last time those had existed, anyway.

So when the dead reeds began to rustle, he nearly jumped out of his skin. That was stupid of him. It had to be one of the others. Knowing his luck, it would be Sin, pestering him with enthusiasm and trying to drag him back to the fire, or Ky, with those big, soft, sad eyes that still managed to be able to throw him off guard.

“Chief?”

Shaggy blonde and dirty red bobbed in between the reeds, until Axl emerged right in front of him. How many centuries had he owned the same bandana?

“Chief, what was that about?”

Sol huffed, taking a long drawl of nicotine. “Jus’ needed a breather. I told you.”

“Don’t you toy with me.” The other’s voice softened. He pulled out a cigarette from his own pack.

“Didn’t know you smoked.”

“I’ve done just about anything that can be done.” Replied Axl. “I’m serious. What’s wrong? Why did you run off out of nowhere?”

He didn’t want to start a fight, not now. But even at a time like this, it felt preferable to admitting his feelings. It felt like a boulder was on his chest. “How can they be so…”

“So…?”

“So...happy? We can’t take anymore of this. Even if the sun doesn’t consume the planet tomorrow morning, the heat will incinerate everything on the surface and then some. How can they find it in them to celebrate? I know that whole family can be naive, but you and Raven-”

“Sol.” Axl cut him off, softly but firmly. “We know. They all know.”

The answer seemed obvious, but it still felt like a blow to the chest. Sol kept his expression hard and unreasonable. “You’re bluffing.”

“I’m not.” He said back. “God, why would I lie to you now? It’s the last bloody day in the world, what do I have to lose anymore?”

The space went quiet. The weight only seemed to grow heavier.

“You know, I’m older than the rest of you.” Axl sighed in dismay. “So, so much more. I’ve done this before. Never been this kind of fun, though. I guess I just needed to get hamburgers? Hehe…”

Sol refused to meet his gaze, instead focusing on a glowing bit of ash as it fell to the ground. “You don’t have to be here, y’know. Unlike the rest of us, you can just bail.”

He was met with a slow shake of the head, a patient smile, and sagging shoulders. “I’m an old man, chief. I might not look it, but I’m the oldest thing in the universe. More than you, and Sin, and even Raven. I’ve seen the universe begin over and over again, and every step of it after.”

“And?”

“And I’m tired. I’m really tired of all of this. I’m done. The universe is falling asleep, and I finally want to fall asleep with it. The end of it all is the one thing I’ve never allowed myself to see. It was so tempting at times, but I knew that, even with all of my abilities, I was only capable of living once. I tried changing time. I tried seeing what else there was in the universe. But it all came back to this. Just a handful of people, waiting for it all to end.”

The way his jaw clenched made Sol nearly bite through his cigarette and break his teeth. “Were you the one to tell them, then?”

Another shake. “They’re smart, Sol. I didn’t have to tell them anything. I’d feel so lucky, if I were you. I couldn’t think of anyone better to spend so many eons with.”

It wasn’t right. None of it. But no matter what, Sol knew it didn’t matter. He could spend every last moment of his life screaming and clawing in an attempt to change anything, but there was nothing he could do now. Just a moment of silence before the apocalypse.

So he followed Axl back to the fire. Sol put on one of his rare smiles and hunkered down to chat, regaling dozens of lifetimes with the only people who knew could understand what such an existence was like. The rise and fall of nations, births and deaths and the many long years in between. Wars and peace and prosperity and poverty. Hope and love and crushing despair and the ever-flicking light of human spirit that let them carry on so long, even as the world had begun to end.

Sin ended up falling asleep first, slumped against his mother. Raven and Dizzy and Ky had followed suit eventually, huddled under blankets as Sol glanced between them and the fire.

“Don’t you want to sleep?” He asked his only companion. “I can take care of putting this out.”

A hand slid around his waist. “I want to be with you. Just a little bit longer.”

Sol managed a smirk. “Seems like a waste. You could use it for sleeping.”

He felt the hand trembling slightly, and cling to his clothing. “Is it...is it bad that I’m afraid of being alone for this?”

“No.” Replied Sol, wrapping his own arm around Axl’s body. “It just means you’re human.”

[thewhumperinwhite]

Just for fun: Soulmate AU

I was reading a fanfic about an au where you’re born with a mark representing your soulmate somewhere on your body and i was feeling sappy, and this uhhh.... got WELL out of hand;;; So I’m gonna post it in two parts because otherwise it’s longer than I’m comfy putting in one tumblr post. (i’ll put it as one complete piece in ao3 when it’s complete, though.) Also, i wasn’t even sure this would be that whumpy when i first had the idea but UH

Please note!! This oneshot contains a fairly graphic suicide attempt. I’m tagging it accordingly, but please err on the side of caution and be safe.

TW for: suicide attempt, gore, implied parental abuse, drowning, mild internalized ableism, underage whumpee (at this point Kent is 17, Sol is 19 and Pax is about 21).

@whumpitywhumpwhump

----

Sol Michaelis has two soulmate marks instead of one—an eye with a slash through it sits just under his collarbone from the day he’s born, and then when he’s two a second one slowly filters in, twin patterns of three lines around each of his wrists, just above the veins, in delicate summer-sky blue.

To be honest, Sol doesn’t think about it that much. He’s got too much to do, always—he’s in every sports club where they’ll let him play on the right team, and he always has to force himself to study if he wants to do good in school; he doesn’t tell anyone because his dad’s a genius so he can’t let anyone know he’s stupid, but it takes him three times as long to do anything as he knows its supposed to, always. It doesn’t leave any time to think.

About three times a month, he has nightmares about drowning, where he braces his hands and tries to push up out of the water but there’s a big hand around the back of his head and it holds him under, and he wakes up gasping for breath, pinned down against his sweaty pillow by the feeling that it’s his fault, that he deserves it somehow, that it’s only justice.

He honestly believes they’re just normal stress dreams, and they usually don’t stick in his head that long. And he’s always so busy. He’s busy in high school and then all of a sudden he’s busy surviving instead, busy finding jobs he hates and doing them as many hours as he can, and just barely making rent and food money, and he really doesn’t have time to think about soulmates.

And then in the middle of a workday he drops an entire tray of dishes because his wrists are on fire.

----

With the caveat that they have never met, Pax Field sometimes resents their future soulmates.

There’s a specific flavor to feelings when they aren’t yours—you’re not quite feeling them, you just know they’re happening, in some room and brain you aren’t actually a part of. But you can’t ignore them, either, no matter how much you try. And Pax always tries. Their own feelings are plenty without worrying about the feelings of absolute strangers, thank you very much. And they’re never good feelings, or at least hardly ever; always cold prickly sorrow-embarrassment-shame around their wrists and hot itchy anxiety-fear-loneliness over their heart.

Occasionally at night, when Vic is out doing unethical science or whatever and they’re alone, they put their hand over their heart and rub the skin there, or they massage their wrists as softly as they can, and try to—feel outward, which they’re not sure is even possible; whisper into the skin of their wrists that this stranger should fucking relax, fucking lighten up a little. Once they woke up from a nightmare—unrelated to soulmates, presumably, since it prominently featured Vic—and rolled over onto their stomach so they could press both wrists against their heart and bury their face in their pillow and cried, hard, because they didn’t know what was happening but they knew it wasn’t fair and they also knew there wasn’t anything they could do about it. Then they woke up in the morning and did their absolute best to forget about it, because they don’t know these people and anyway they aren’t going to waste their time on things they can’t change.

But they’ve never felt anything like this.

It’s a Friday evening and they are, by the grace of god, alone in their apartment, which means no one has to see them stagger and then fall hard onto their knees in the middle of the hallway, staring at their wrists.

The little blue marks there don’t look any different, which seems insane, because they have never ever been more sure that something is wrong.

It isn’t like being in pain—it isn’t like being in their own pain. It’s like seeing a car accident on the news and hearing your phone ring at the same time and knowing you can’t get there fast enough, but you run out the door anyway, because you can’t do anything else, you can’t do this, you can’t lose him, he can’t do this.

Even though Pax knows while they run into the bathroom, slipping and sliding on nothing and having to catch themself against walls and doors, that whoever “he” is, he already has.

They saw this in a movie once, where someone had to warn their soulmate about a murderer or some fucking dumb thing. So it probably doesn’t even work, and their soulmate’s going to bleed to death on expensive bathroom tiles before Pax even gets to meet him.

But they can’t not do anything. They turn the shower all the way to hot, and the sink all the way hot too, and they close the bathroom door behind them and stuff a towel underneath—and the bathroom mirror still isn’t fogging up quick enough, so they breath on it, hard, too, even though that’s objectively dumb. Then they stand at the sink, staring at their own wild-eyed reflection as it fogs out, one hand clamped white-knuckled around the opposite wrist, which burns with pain that’s so much worse for not being theirs.

 ----

It doesn’t even hurt that much anymore, actually.

Well, it does—it stings like a really terrible papercut, except much deeper and almost the whole length of his forearm. But it’s getting easier to ignore, even when he makes fists and squeezes to make the blood come out faster.

Kent kind of thinks, at least based on the movies he’s seen, that you’re supposed to strip naked before you do this, and he knows that would make the least mess. But he’s in the bathtub, and he’s stripped down to his boxers and a t-shirt, so it shouldn’t be too hard to clean up, anyway. And the maids are mostly older ladies, or young ones working through college, and stuff, and he’s too embarrassed to let them see him naked, even if he never has to know about it. He’s sitting cross-legged on the floor of the bathtub, with his hands in his lap, so the bottom of his boxers are getting wet and sticky, but that’s getting easier to ignore, too. The blood is bright against the white porcelain, by far the most he’s ever seen, and it’s hard to look away from. Kind of pretty, even.

His heart is going a little faster, now, and he thinks he might be sweating. He squeezes his fists again. It’s taking longer than he thought it would.

Maybe he should make another—

People are looking at him.

Kent sits bolt upright, looking around the empty bathroom. He has a sudden urge to hide his arms behind his back, and he thinks he can feel an embarrassed flush in his cheeks.

“I-I,” he says, like he’s going to try to explain, even though he has no idea what he would say.

“Oh, god,” the brown-skinned boy with the round face and black hair says. He’s on the floor in the middle of a big kitchen. There are people around him but Kent can’t see them as well. It isn’t like looking through a window, or like the boy is here with him; it’s simply the new experience of seeing clearly into a room he is not in.

“Call for help,” the darker-skinned person says. Their hair is long and lose around their shoulders in tight waves. It’s dyed a violent pink. They’re staring into their bathroom mirror with more intensity than Kent has ever been looked at with, and they must be mad at him; he grabs one of his wrists and squeezes it with his other hand, makes blood bubble out and gush over his hand and onto his leg.

“Fuck,” the black-haired boy screams. He’s kneeling in front of a metal dishwasher with a foggy reflective surface and he throws himself towards it, grabs the sides of the dishwasher with both hands. “Don’t!”

Kent loosens his grip, panting. He’s staring straight ahead, seeing the blank tile wall of his own bathroom and the industrial kitchen behind the black-haired boy and the bathroom behind the person with pink hair. His heart is pounding now, rabbit-fast, in a way that’s starting to feel scary.

“Don’t do that, baby,” the black-haired boy says, and his voice is shaking like he’s in pain, even though Kent knows, somehow, that he can’t be, that Kent would know if he was hurting.

“Who’s in the house with you?” the pink-hair-person barks, and Kent shakes his head, because his father is home but his father can’t see him like this, he can’t, he’ll make sure Kent doesn’t die so he can drown him himself. “Call for help!”

Kent shakes his head again, harder, trying to scoot back away from them, except they aren’t really here so there’s nowhere to go.

He’s lifted his arms, now, holding one wrist in the hand, and now there’s blood down both his forearms and slick on his legs, soaking into his boxers and the bottom of his t-shirt, and he’s—beyond embarrassed, scared, doesn’t want them to see this, doesn’t want anyone to see it.

Kent doesn’t think of the golden sun that’s always sat on his chest, over his heart, and he doesn’t think of the smaller slashed eye beside it, because he is not thinking of much at all, but he’s always been glad they were easy to hide under his clothes. Not because he was ashamed of them, but because if no one else saw them they were his and nobody else’s. Sometimes those marks are the only parts of his body he likes, the only parts he never wants to hurt.

Both marks are warm, now, but the rest of him is becoming cold so fast that Kent doesn’t notice.

“Oh, god,” the black-haired boy’s voice says again. He hits his fist lightly against the dishwasher, like he wishes he could come through it, and Kent stares at him, because he’s lovely, and he’s sad, and it’s Kent’s fault.

“I-I—” he says quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“God damn it,” the pink-haired person says, and their voice is wild, almost a roar. Then they say, “Where are you?”

Kent shakes his head. “I—I don’t—”

“Are you in the city?” they snap. Their hands are braced on the bathroom sink, and they’re lovely too, and Kent didn’t mean—he didn’t think— “Hey!” they snap their fingers, eyes blazing, and Kent crashes back to earth with a start. “Are you in the city?”

Kent nods helplessly.

“Where?”

Kent blinks rapidly. Their eyes are so bright that he mumbles an answer before he’s even decided if he wants them to know or not.

“I’m calling an ambulance,” they say, diving for the pocket of their sweatpants.

“That’s near me,” the black-haired boy whispers. “That’s near me, that’s near me, I’m coming to get you!”

Kent balks, scooting back in the blood along the bottom of the bathtub, shaking his head rapidly. “You—you can’t,” he says, and then his mind goes blank with terror, because more than not wanting to be seen in bloody boxer shorts, “My father is home!”

 ----

Sol only kind of hears this, because he’s already scrambling to his feet and wrestling his apron off over his head.

“You can’t just run off in the middle of your shift—” his boss starts, and then cuts off because Sol’s apron has just hit him in the chest.

“Then fire me,” Sol says, and he takes off across the restaurant floor at a dead run.

The address is ten or eleven blocks away—the restaurant where Sol works is right at the edge of the fancy part of town, and the blue-eyed boy’s house is in the heart of it. Sol doesn’t have a car, but it makes objective sense to wait for a bus or run to the train station. He does not consider this for even a second.

Sol runs, hard, his work shoes pounding on the pavement in time with his breath, and it doesn’t occur to him that it’s a summer night, still hot, or that he’s wearing his binder, or that the sidewalk is crowded with strangers who yell and dart out of his way. He doesn’t see any of them, doesn’t feel his ribs aching, doesn’t feel anything except that the blue lines on his wrist are pulsing—warm one second, like he’s going the right way, and cold the next, because his soulmate is dying.

Sol is drenched in sweat by the time he grinds to a stop in front of the tall fancy apartment building—and he knows immediately which one it is, because there’s an ambulance parked out front with it’s lights flashing.

Sol rounds the side of the ambulance and the stretcher is halfway in, and he stumbles sideways and almost falls—but he can feel the warm pulse in his mark and the boy on the stretcher gasps and moves, arching his back slightly.

The EMT about to shut the ambulance door turns at the sound of Sol’s pounding footsteps, looking alarmed, and Sol raises his arm and waves it over his head.

“He’s my soulmate!” He pants, holding his arm out so the EMT can see the mark, pulsing and flickering in a way that makes panic burn the back of Sol’s neck, but definitely giving off a soft glow. “He’s my soulmate. We’re soulmates.”

The EMT frowns, and then opens the door back up and lets him clamber inside.

Sol’s never been inside an ambulance before; it’s cramped, with two EMTs hovering on either side of the stretcher, now staring at Sol, but Sol barely sees them because the boy on the stretcher is looking at him too, and there’s blood everywhere—they’ve put tourniquets around his arms, but only just now—and Sol loves him.

Sol holds up his arm, still panting, hard. The paramedic on the boy’s left frowns at him, then down at the boy, and then tugs the collar of his t-shirt down.

There’s a big yellow sun over the boy’s chest, glowing bright and steady, like it’s mocking the weak stutter-pulse of the glow at Sol’s wrists. Sol flushes, feeling almost embarrassed, like his mark is showing off.

The EMT sighs and gestures for Sol to sit down.

The boy on the stretcher gives a little gasp. His eyes follow Sol when he awkwardly arranges himself on the little bench next to the stretcher, bright blue and reflective as glass. The EMT on his right leans over to scribble something across the boy’s forehead with a black marker—“TK” and the time—and the boy blinks at Sol around the EMT’s arm, his lips slightly parted.

“Hey,” Sol says softly. He wants badly to take the boy’s hand, but it’s covered in blood and he’s worried he’ll hut him. He pats his knee awkwardly instead, and the boy gasps again, sounding punched-out and rough but not pained, exactly. “My name’s Sol. I’m one of your soulmates.”

“I’m sorry,” the boy whispers, staring at Sol, and it sinks into Sol’s belly like a punch, and he gasps, hard, because he can feel it, not like it’s his own but still so strong he can taste it: shame and guilt and heart-fluttering panic.

Sol folds forward, the wind knocked out of him, and lowers his head to touch his forehead, as gently as he can, to the back of his soulmate’s bloody hand.

“I’m not mad at you,” Sol whispers, and he hears the boy gasp again, his breath starting to come in hard quiet sobs. “I’m not mad, baby, I’m not mad, I’m not mad, I’m not mad.”

[fanfic-scribbles]

Broken Pieces

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Summary: Being broken once doesn’t mean you stay broken forever. Sometimes you just need to find another way to fix yourself.

Quick facts: Romance – Bucky Barnes/Reader to Bucky Barnes/Reader/Steve Rogers – Nondescript Reader

Warnings: Fluff, saaaaaaap, Reader meets Bucky as ‘James’ so that’s what they call him throughout the fic

Words: 10,603

Prompt: “You don’t have to fix me.” // “No one is trying to fix you.” for @barnesrogersvstheworld Challenge Challenge

A/N: Written for a lovely writer’s lovely challenge. The prompt is in there, I swear, it just sort of ended up that I got an immediate feel for the scene it came in and then decided to write about 7k words leading up to it. Oy vey. Sorry for the length, but I do like this one. When I do Steve/Bucky/Reader I tend to go with Steve and Bucky being established and bringing the Reader in, (naturally), so I wanted to try something a little different and have Reader be part of the couple before they become a throuple and so this happened. Anyway, please enjoy!

    There’s a man sitting outside your shop.

He’s hunched over, and with the sky still dark in the early morning hours he gives you pause. You’re not sure if he’s waiting for you to open or if this was just the best place he could find to sleep…or if there’s another reason. You walk closer, but he doesn’t budge, and he’s just far enough away from the door that you square up and go for it. He doesn’t so much as look up when you unlock the door, and even when you’re inside locking it back up again he doesn’t seem to have shifted at all. Poor guy. Maybe you’ll take a cup out to him later.

You get caught up in working to make sure you’re ready for the day and forget about him while you put out supplies, start the coffee, and set up the tables. When it’s time to open, Lin, your baker, opens the door on her way out and not seconds later does the bell chime with the first entry. You come up from under the counter and face a man who…looks somewhat familiar. But you don’t have time to place him right now; even working in a coffee shop it’s rare for you to find someone up before the sun because they’re enjoying a slow morning.

“Good morning,” you say. “What can I get for you?”

His brow is furrowed and messy dark hair hangs partly over his eyes, but he scans the display case. His face doesn’t change when he looks back at you. “Just coffee,” he says. Then, quietly: “Please.”

“All right, that’ll be–” When he holds out the money you take it and count out the pile of change. Perfect, down to the last taxed cent. “Any room for cream?”

“No.” Then: “Thank you.”

You smile to yourself and get the man his coffee. When he takes it and sits down, you think you have a second to go check for that other man from earlier. You fill up a small cup, grab a broken muffin, and go outside. Unfortunately, the sidewalk is empty. When you go back inside though, you see your customer, hunched over his table and– ah, so that’s why he’s familiar.

You roll your eyes and make a mental note to take this cup for yourself, since you obviously need it. But though you place the cup on the counter, you take the muffin over to the man, who snaps his eyes up when you set it down. “I didn’t mean to startle you,” you say by way of apology. “Are you hungry? This one came out a little mangled, but I don’t want to waste it.”

His shoulders ease down a millimeter and he stares at the muffin for several seconds before he takes it. “Thank…you.”

“Don’t mention it,” you say, and leave him in peace.

He starts showing up every day, at the same time. After the first week you start asking him if he’d like to come in when you do. Nothing is set up but it’s better than sitting on the cold ground. He shakes his head and waits, and the same routine occurs. You open up, he orders a single coffee he does nothing to doctor, and you give him a pastry that didn’t come out quite right. When Lin catches a glance at him on her way out one morning, though, those ‘misshapen’ pastries become a little…

“Lin,” you say and wait for her to look at you. You hold up the heart-shaped croissant and she casts her eyes down in guilt. “I can start charging extra for these if you want to keep making them. Otherwise…”

“Has he– has he mentioned them?” she asks.

“He, uh…did a double-take?” you say, because he had certainly given you a weird look yesterday when you had handed it to him without even glancing at it. Lin looks mildly pleased, until she sees your face. Then she ducks her head.

“You’ve seen him!” she says.

And, yes, you can understand that. However. “Lin.”

“Okay, fine,” she grumbles.

“Maybe just ask him out?” you suggest gently. “Because it’s definitely a mixed message if I’m the one handing it to him.”

“Okay,” she says but the way she looks askance is–

You groan. “Who put you up to this?”

“I’m no snitch,” she says and slings her bag over her shoulder. “Anyway, I’m, um, late. Bye!”

You don’t even get to ask her what the hell she’s late for at (you check the clock) six in the morning, but unless she quits overnight you’ll be able to subject her to scrutiny tomorrow. As it is you treat your other employees to that gaze and while a couple of them are innocently confused, a notable suspect cracks almost immediately.

“Lin said he looks nice!” Melissa says.

“It doesn’t matter,” you say. “Thank you for your concern. I’m fine.”

She frowns, because she does know better than to just believe you. She’s worked here the longest, and she can be too headstrong for her own good sometimes. You have a chart in the back for ‘x days without a customer altercation’ just for her. Thankfully, today, she backs down.

“She also said he’s really, really cute.”

You sigh heavily. You’re going to have to make a chart of your own: ‘x days without wanting to fire all of my employees.’

“So is he?”

At this rate it’s going to be ‘0’ for a long time.

~

“Good morning,” you greet your new doorstop. He doesn’t respond, as per usual, but you flash him a smile as you unlock the door. “Would you like to come in with me?”

At this point you just wait for his response as a courtesy; it’s always a quiet, “no thank you.” However today he lifts his head and watches you. “Could I…help?”

You freeze with the door halfway open. “You’d like to help me open?”

He inclines his head. “If it’s okay.”

“Of course. If you want,” you say. There’s an awkward pause so you smile and add, “There’s a non-malformed pastry and extra large coffee in it for you if you do a good job.”

He smiles. It’s a small thing but it’s the first real relaxed expression you’ve seen on him. Lin was right– he’s beautiful. He gestures for you to walk in. “After you. Boss.”

You laugh but show him in. While you set up behind the counter you have “Bu– Sol– …just…call me James” take down the chairs and make sure the tables look nice. By the time you have the displays and coffee ready, James has buffed the tables to a near shine, the chairs are placed perfectly around each one, and even the napkins and cream containers are set up. All that and you still have ten minutes before opening.

“Wow, I think I even have time to have breakfast this morning,” you say and, hey, that’s a thought. “All right James; what would you like?”

“Same thing,” he says shyly. “Please.”

You grab the best looking croissant and fill the largest coffee cup you have with his preferred blend. After a moment you grab yourself a drink and make a breakfast sandwich (maybe you’ll entice him by the smell) and go to the table he has, as always, chosen. “For you,” you say and put his food in front of him. “Do you mind if I join you?”

Already a bite in, he glances at you, then the seat across, and shakes his head. You sit down, secure in the fact that over in this corner no customer is going to see you and think they can get in early. You breathe a sigh of relief. “Thanks for your help today, James. I never get to enjoy my breakfast anymore,” you say and take a bite.

To your pride, he does look taken by your sandwich. “It’s the least I could do,” he mumbles and scarfs his food down. A big guy like that can’t possibly subsist on coffee and one single croissant, but you don’t press. Even though you want to.

“You don’t have to. Lin is great at what she does, but not everything turns out perfect and I hate to waste things,” you say. “So it’s kind of a favor.”

James snorts. “Her food is perfect.”

“Yesss!”

You look to the side. James doesn’t look too concerned that Lin is hanging out of the back. His eyes barely flick at her and back at his drink, and you wonder if he knew she was there. Not that it matters; you give Lin your best glare and she wilts behind the wall. “I was just coming to say goodbye! Have a nice date! I mean– breakfast! I meant breakfast!” She then hefts her bag onto her shoulder and books it out the back.

You sigh and shake your head. When you look up again, James is staring at you oddly. “I’m really sorry about her,” you say. “She’s a good person but she and some of my co-workers try to set me up. All the time.”

He looks utterly mystified. “Even with some unwashed vagrant who just started showing up?”

You shrug. This has been going on too long for you to feel embarrassed anymore. “You’re not that bad. But…that’s what they think my dating life is. I guess.”

He looks mildly alarmed. “You shouldn’t do that. You don’t know if someone’s safe.”

You smile at the chiding tone. Apparently protectiveness is such an inherent part of him he can’t help but be more expressive now. “True,” you say. “And don’t worry; I’m not exactly…jumping at the chance to be with just anyone. Not being in a relationship is better than being in a bad one.” You leave it at that and so does James, seemingly content to sip his coffee while you finish your breakfast in the peace and quiet of a relaxed early morning.

~

This becomes your new normal. Eventually James doesn’t even ask anymore; he just follows in behind you and silently sets to work, every single day. You do get him to try the sandwiches, among other things. You also offer him a proper job helping out but he declines. “I’m a free agent,” he says with a ghost-like smile. You’re missing something but you don’t think the joke is yours to get.

On the less positive end (for you), being a fixture means you stop noticing him so much. Especially when it’s an odd time and the shop is empty and you’re dealing with an asshole on the phone who can’t see your nonverbal ‘I’m going to break a coffee cup and shove the pieces down your gullet’ warning signs. You slam down the phone in frustration, lean your elbows on the counter, and start rubbing your temples to prepare for many more headaches to come. It’s not even seven yet; how is this day already going so poorly?

“Headache?”

“People need to fuck off,” you mutter. You hear a broom stop and realize who you just said that to. You don’t know James’s stance on swearing, but you wince and turn anyways. “Sorry,” you say to his startled expression.

He actually cracks a smile. He ducks his head fast and goes back to sweeping, but that oncoming human-induced migraine goes right away, and you think that this morning isn’t going so badly after all.

~

Melissa and James have met briefly, but he’s never stayed more than ten minutes after she comes on shift. Lin, however, might actually be in love with him.

“Can I let him in in the mornings?”

It’s an innocent question after a few minutes of good-natured bickering while Melissa pretends to ignore the both of you, but you drop your pen. Expenses are boring anyways, but there’s no explanation for why you react to her question with such a…well, you wouldn’t call it a violent start (god, no) but if you had feathers they’d be ruffled. And you have no idea why.

“Uh…” Lin shares an odd look with Melissa, who stops washing dishes. “Sorry; I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No! No,” you say to her, and you tell yourself to get your shit together. “No, it’s fine. In fact you should; he’s fine to come in and there’s…there’s no reason he should…wait outside. For me. It’s fine.”

Her eyebrows go way up. “Uh huh.”

You slump. “I don’t know why I reacted like that,” you say. “I guess I just like seeing him when I come in.”

Again, Lin and Melissa share a look. “Stop it,” you warn them.

“Don’t get so defensive,” Melissa says, lips curling up. “It’s nice to have friends too, you know.”

“Yes, it is good to have friends,” you say. You then pretend you don’t see the next look they share.

You do, however, reset your personal counter to zero.

~

It’s cold and raining hard enough to fill your ears with the cacophonous sound of water crashing upon pavement. Still, a familiar shadow looms by your door and as soon as you see him you run forward, despite slippery ground and endless puddles. Shit, shit, shit; you should have told Lin to let him in.

“Come on,” you tell him and unlock the door as fast as you can. You get inside and turn to lock the door behind him, but he doesn’t follow. You toss your umbrella to the side and frantically motion for him to come in.

He looks down at the floor and then to you, squinting when the wind bursts and blows rain sideways. “I’ll get the floor dirty.”

You roll your eyes and– because the rain is starting to come inside– you grab the front of his shirt and yank him towards you. He stumbles but doesn’t fall, and you slam the door shut. You flip the lights on low and James is– “God; you look like you jumped in a lake,” you say. “You’ve got to be freezing.”

“I’ve been colder,” he says, like that’s a reasonable defense. The water must have flooded his brain.

“Lin!” you call out. She scrambles into view, phone in hand and one earbud dangling precariously. “Do we have any spare towels?”

“Yeah,” she says and drapes the cord over her shoulder. “Do you want me to bring them to you?”

“No, just go get them out,” you say and motion for James to follow.

This time he does so without protest, though when you have your resident drowned rat sitting down in the bright lights of the kitchen, he stares sullenly at the watery trail. “I’m going to have to mop all of that.”

You roll your eyes and Lin snorts as she hands him the first towel in a pile. “I’ll give you a good enough breakfast to make up for it,” you say and glance over at the backpack he’s started carrying around. “Do you have a spare set of clothes?”

“Shirts,” he says and uses a new towel to squeeze some excess from his sleeve. The fabric wrinkles and sits awkwardly on his arm.

“Hopefully they didn’t get too soaked,” you say as an idea slowly worms into your head. It’s not a great idea, on first glance; in fact it’s probably terrible, but…you already trust him with your shop, your employees. That’s so much more than this.

Lin waves her hand in your face. “Ground control to Major Tom.”

You flinch back from how close she is. She starts to apologize but you say, “I’ll go start the coffee. Lin, give him something really good.”

“Everything Lin makes is really good,” James says.

“A man with excellent taste!” Lin says, chest puffing out with pride and she goes to check on whatever she has in the oven.

“Suck up,” you say.

James gives you a sly smile and a wink.

~

He’s damp but he has a hot drink and a pile of food in front of him. You don’t know what he said to Lin after you left, but apparently she melted like butter on a hot muffin. He eats, seemingly unconcerned with anything else, and you– well, you literally mind your business. The rain slows down over time but the morning is fairly quiet. Even the first rush is less than usual, which gives you plenty of time and reason to send a quick text.

James is still nursing his drink when Melissa stumbles in, fumbling with her umbrella and right on time. As far as you’re concerned, at least– James lifts his head to look at the clock and he frowns at what he sees.

“Thank you,” you tell her as she passes by.

“No problem-o; just give me a minu–” She stops and faces James. “Oh geeze, James, you really got caught in it, didn’t you?”

“It’s just rain,” he says like a sulking child and hunches over his cup.

Melissa rolls her eyes. “Yes, yes, you big manly man you,” she says and gives him a very dainty pat on the shoulder, earning herself quite a dirty look.

While she goes to set her things down, you square up your courage and approach him. He stares at you, waiting, but you’re not sure how to do this. In the end you blurt out: “Do you trust me?”

He gives it some thought. “Mostly,” he decides.

For a man as stand-offish as him, it feels like a stamp of validation. “Then come with me. Melissa’s going to watch the shop and I’ll take you to where you can dry your clothes and have a hot shower.”

He blinks. A few times. Then his forehead creases. “Are you…sure?”

You nod. When all is said and done and Melissa is handling the counter and you have your things ready to go, you hand James the umbrella. He gives you a weird look so you say, “You’re taller.”

“I’m already wet.” He tries to hand it back by pushing it at you. “You’ll get wet just by being near me.”

“I don’t know what you and Lin have been talking about, but I don’t actually melt when I come into contact with water,” you say. “Besides that, you’re not dripping anymore, which means if we keep you from getting wetter it’ll mean less water on my floor, and my jacket can handle…” you gesture at him, “–this. Now take the damn umbrella.”

He takes the damn umbrella and the two of you make the trek down the street to your apartment. It’s a little awkward; James is stiff and you’re trying so hard to ignore it, but the rain is coming down enough that you need to pack in together. Thankfully, you make it to your place relatively quickly.

When you step inside, James does a double-take that you’ve become accustomed to. “Yeah, I know,” you say and shrug off your jacket. Fresh starts don’t come without a cost.

“When did you move in?” he asks and looks around. Not that there’s much to look at in this room besides a couch and a coffee table. And your kitchen, with mostly bare counters, aside from the obligatory coffee maker, which…actually you can’t remember the last time you used it. Whenever you want a cup you just go to the shop to get one, or you’re already there. Most often the latter.

“A year or so ago,” you say, even though it’s been more now. “But I got really busy opening the shop and ever since then I spend more time there than here.” You clear your throat and go to open the laundry closet to gesture at the stackers. “Ta da. Washing, drying; soap is on the shelf here. And the bathroom is right down the hall.”

He inclines his head. “Thank you. But…”

You wait. “But?”

“Why are you letting me in your home?”

It’s a good question. Thankfully there’s an easy answer. “I let you in my home every morning,” you say. “At five am. I let you around the biggest investment I ever made, around people that I need to look out for. This?” You wave dismissively at the space. “I sleep here, do laundry, and take showers. You can too, if you like. Just let me know.”

He’s silent and completely blank for several seconds that feel like minutes. Then he takes a shaky breath.

“Thank you.”

~

He comes in every morning with Lin now. You’re not sure what he does while she bakes, but she gushes about what a good listener he is, and he seems content to join you in the front when you get in. In the first few weeks you have to prod him about whether he would like a shower and a nap, and he always shifts nervously at first before inevitably acquiescing. When you get comfortable enough to just hand him your keys, he soon gets comfortable enough to start asking you, and eventually all he has to do is walk up to you and hold out his hand for you to drop your keys into his waiting palm.

One night though he comes around while you’re home. The soft knocking gets you up and checking the peephole to see the surprise visitor. James looks wet and miserable– odd, since the sky is clear– and as soon as you open the door you’re met with a stench that makes you gag. “Oh my–” You cover your mouth and nose with your hands. “James, did you fall in a sewer?!”

“Something like that,” he mutters, head down. “I’m sorry, but can I–”

“Please.” You move aside so he can get through and you eye the muddy (please god let that be mud) footprints he leaves in his wake.

“I brought my own soap,” he says.

“Do you want bleach too?”

“Very funny.”

As soon as he’s in the bathroom you break out a mop and cleaner (you weren't completely joking about the bleach) and go to town until that smell is covered by chemicals. For good measure, you wipe down the front of the door and prepare a fresh bucket for whatever your bathroom looks like.

When James comes out he’s wearing fresh sweatpants, no shirt, and has a towel draped over his left shoulder and arm. You can’t see much of that half, but you can see some pretty thorough scarring peeking out over his (nice, really, really nice) chest. “Do you think a backpack can go in a washing machine?”

“I think it’ll be fine,” you say. You watch as he places a hand over the spiderweb scars and he shrinks back. “Um. I have a robe you can use if you want.”

“Really?” he asks. When you nod he looks relieved. “Thanks. Do you have a mop?”

“All ready to go.” You gesture at it. “I changed the water and everything.”

His forehead crinkles. “You– oh.” He looks at the floor and frowns. “You should have let me do that.”

“I’ll let you do the bathroom,” you say. He doesn’t look appeased so you use the mop handle to shove the bucket across the floor to him. “Get your laundry going and mop the bathroom; then you can have the robe.” You just weren't sure he’d want to keep it once he saw it.

~

“Do you have bunny slippers to complete the look?” James asks dryly as he comes back out of the bathroom tying the sash. He’s wearing one black glove, you can’t help but notice, but he looks a lot more relaxed. Also, the black is accentuated nicely by the bright pink. “Also, why the hell is this thing so big?”

“David bought it for me as a gag gift one year and that was the only size they had, or so he said.” You put your book down. “Joke’s on him– it’s really comfortable.”

“It is.” He rubs the sleeve between two fingers of his ungloved right hand. “Soft. Who’s David?”

“He works afternoons.”

“Ah.” James then stands there awkwardly. Probably because the couch is all he takes when he’s here.

You get up. “Hey, are you hungry?”

“Sort of,” he says hesitantly. “But I can get my own food.”

“That’s fine. However, if you want to help me out…” You dig in your freezer and pull out a few boxes to show him. “Melissa recommended this brand to me and I bought a bunch of dinners when it was on sale, but it’s just not doing it for me. If you want them, they’re yours.”

James looks at you like he’s trying to see if you’re hiding something. Then he says, “Okay. Thanks.”

“Re-thinking how much you trust me?” you ask jokingly and put the food back.

He smirks and lounges on the couch, making that fluffy, ruffle-y robe look real good. Comfort suits him, you think. “How do I know you’re not a serial killer?”

“You’ve seen how much time I spend at the shop,” you say. “I barely have five minutes to stab someone, let alone get rid of a body.”

“Right.” He pauses. “Too bad– this place really looks like it’s just for chopping up bodies.”

You stumble on your way to the linen closet. “Hey.”

James laughs.

~

That’s how James comes to live with you. Unofficially, and not all the time, but often enough that you get him a spare key. He then starts contributing in…strange, but not unwelcome ways.

“Here,” he says and opens his arm over the masterpieces on the counter.

“Oh my god, you made cupcakes?” You immediately dig in. They’re so good and you haven’t eaten since morning.

“Yeah,” James says, a pleased smile forming on his face. “Don’t worry; I bought my own supplies.”

Like you’d care if he raided your bare pantry. You swallow. “Yeah, no, I’m pretty sure I don’t have a box mix.”

The way he crinkles his nose is familiar– you see it anytime you discuss anything even remotely food-prep related with your baker. “It’s not from a mix.”

The look on your face must speak for you. “I can cook.” He rolls his shoulders and looks away. “And Lin’s been giving me pointers on baking.”

You think you might be willing to spend more time in your apartment if James is going to be here.

~

James has something to tell you.

Unfortunately you’re afraid if you let him come out with it on his own, you’ll be old and gray and he’ll have formed into a literal ball of tension. So you’re going to ask him about it. You want to, at least, but you wonder if his secret is that he’s psychic because as soon as you decide this he becomes impossible to get one-on-one.

As soon as you have a minute to sit down, he’s gone. When he comes in, he stays with Lin. When you try to get him at the door he escapes out the back, despite you getting Melissa to run interference.

The final straw comes when you go to bed without seeing him and wake up much the same– but you do see the neatly folded blanket on the couch that tells you he was here.

You sigh and take a moment to write a quick note.

‘James, I won’t ask you about whatever it is you don’t want to talk about. You don’t have to sneak around. I’ll leave you alone.’

You sign your name and leave the note on the blanket.

When you get to work you’re unsurprised to see James isn’t there. Lin, however, slumps with disappointment when you come through alone. “Is he not coming today?”

“I don’t know,” you say and toss your keys on the desk.

“Did…did you guys have a fight?” she asks warily.

“Not that I know of,” you say. You make sure your jacket is firmly on the hook and start for the front. “I’m going to put the music on early; is that okay with you?”

“Oh boy,” she mutters under her breath just before you leave her radius.

But she doesn’t bother you for the rest of the morning, and apparently she also gets the word out, because even Melissa and your new employee Devika leave you alone. That, or they can feel the annoyance seeping from you. It’s not the way you’d like to be, so you try to keep to the back as much as possible.

It’s stupid. It feels stupid. James’s issues are his own and you don’t need to feel so upset over it, but the feeling creeps over you throughout the day and tendrils around and around until you finally realize just what is making you feel so strongly, and it’s not that James is avoiding you for reasons unknown. It’s that you know the signs, and the first person you’ve felt almost completely safe with in a long, long time is going to leave soon.

Fuck.

~

“Hey. I need to tell you something.”

You blink your eyes open to nearly utter darkness and James, barely lit by light from outside. You squint at him. “James? What time is it?”

“2:24,” he says.

You struggle to sit but you wake up. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. We gotta talk,” he says and sits on the edge of the bed.

“You couldn’t wait an hour for me to wake up?” you ask and really squint when he turns on the bedside lamp.

“I’ve been chickening out of this for long enough.” You smell the coffee before he hands it to you. “Here.”

You take a sip. Not bad. “I didn’t know I had any coffee in the house.”

James snorts. “You didn’t. You’ve never even used that coffee maker.”

“I think I have.” You try to remember. “Once?”

“The manual was still inside.”

“Oh.” You take a few more sips, but the more you stall the more James looks like he’s about to bolt. Eventually you sigh and put– well, accidentally slam– the cup down. “James, if you want to leave, you can. You don’t owe me anything.”

“I know. I don’t want–” His eyes bug out and he has to center himself. The way he then looks at you is…flat. Resolute. “You're going to want me to leave. And that’s okay. I’m…I’m thankful. You’ve been good to me, even though I’ve done nothing to deserve it. Done everything to not deserve it, actually.”

“Are you the serial killer out of the two of us?” you joke.

“Does assassin count?”

You can’t laugh, because he’s not joking. He’s really not joking when he tells you about it. About how he fell to nearly certain death but was…not saved but retrieved; and how he was tortured and brainwashed and then ordered to do terrible things as ‘The Winter Soldier’–

“Hey,” you say, a strange memory tugging at your brain. “Isn’t ‘the Winter Soldier’ the guy who tried to kill–”

James holds out a book and opens it. You recognize it as an old textbook, but what’s inside is more important. It’s his face, taking up nearly an entire page, and the caption just above his thumb reads “Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes–”

“What the hell.” You’re really glad you put the coffee down but there’s only so much you can take in at– you look– three in the morning. But if James is telling a tale he’s really selling it. Especially when his left hand catches your eye and you realize it looks like metal. You grip it and it is metal, but he lets you pull and poke at it and then he curls his fingers around your hand and holy shit.

You let go and pinch the bridge of your nose. Too. Early. “James, are you all right? Is someone coming to hurt you? Do you need to go into hiding? Will you come back?”

He blinks. “You– I–” He frowns. “I just told you what a monster I am and you’re worried that I won’t come back?”

“Yes,” you blurt out, awash in relief that he doesn’t want to leave, it’s just that he might have to. Somehow, that does make it better. And worse. “Do you need me to buy you a plane ticket?”

“Jesus Christ.” He rubs his face. “You’re unreal.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” you say. “And I’m not the one who decided to make the confession of a lifetime by rousing someone out of bed at two in the morning.”

He’s quiet. So are you. Honestly, part of you is wondering how easily you’re believing this, but– that’s James’s face, and that arm is– and Captain America had that press conference to vouch for the Winter Soldier’s innocence, and is this any weirder than aliens and global conspiracies?

“It’s a lot,” he says. “I’ll give you a few days to think about it.” He gets up and, before you can say a word, slips out of the window. The last you see of him is his hand, glinting in the light.

~

You’re sitting at James’s table and staring at his face in the book when you hear a gasp from behind you. You jump out of your skin and turn in your chair to see Lin gawking at the photo. “I thought he looked like– but– oh my god, what if he got the serum too?!”

Right. Captain America fan number one; how could you forget. You rub your temples. “Before you get too deep into the conspiracy rabbit hole, sit down and let me explain.”

She plops down and stares at you attentively. You can only hope she doesn’t have anything in the oven. Regardless, you do your best to recount what James told you, and include some of his stories. Lin reacts mostly how you expect her to.

“Poor James,” she says and holds her heart. “When Captain America came back there were a lot of conspiracy theories about how the same might have happened to him; the camp he was held in did a lot of–” She cringes. “But it…makes sense that they might have got some of it right.”

“Mm hm.” Sense. Right.

“Is he in trouble? Do we… will we have to fight Captain America?”

You open your mouth to reassure her, only to realize that she doesn’t seem to need reassurance at all. “You…sound a little too excited at the idea.”

“Oh, he would destroy us,” Lin says, still too excited in your opinion. “But it would give James time to escape and–” she sighs with longing, “–what a way to go.”

You hope James comes back soon. In the meantime, you’re going to look up some good therapists. It sounds like everybody here needs one.

~

James is standing outside the shop, slightly bent but not completely hunched. It’s not raining, but it is foggy out. He watches you approach, like he’s just waiting for the moment you’ll tell him to beat it.

“You have good timing.” You unlock and hold open the door. “Lin said she’s going to be experimenting today.”

He hesitates but then stands up straight and walks in ahead of you.

He doesn’t talk about leaving again.

~

James is fiddling at the sink when you finally get rid of a very friendly customer. You toss the paper they left without giving it a glance and since it’s a quiet period, you start working on making notes for ordering. You can feel James staring at you and you think you know why, so you ignore him.

“He was nice.”

Bingo.

“He was,” you agree, not lifting your head from your notebook.

“He was flirting with you.”

“I noticed,” you say, but James’s tone is flat enough to draw your attention. He’s as focused on the cup he’s drying as you were with the page you were writing on.

“Then why don’t you…” The silence stretches on and that dish is getting to be very dry. “Respond?”

You sigh. “Did the girls put you up to this?”

“No. I just…” The ceramic cracks in his hands and he flinches.

“It’s all right; it’s just a cup,” you say and scan for blood. Nothing, thank goodness.

“You didn’t even let me say anything,” he grumbles and pulls his hands open to stare at the big broken pieces.

“Either I’m psychic or you’re predictable.” You point at the door to the back. “The big trash can just inside has a better bag.”

“Okay.” He dumps the shards inside the remainder of the cup for the time being. “But you…you’re good.”

He’s trying to express something and you’re not sure what. “I’m a lot of things,” you tell him.

“You’re a good person,” he insists. He finally looks at you, eyes narrowed even though he says, “You deserve something like that.”

That’s a loaded sentence, but you know what he means. “I’m a lot of things,” you repeat. “And…there’s no such thing as deserving. At least, I hope not.”

“You and me both,” he mutters and you snort.

“If I deserve anything, then I hope I deserve to go after what I want.” You’re tempted to move closer. You lean on the counter to stop yourself. “I’ve had people who thought they ‘deserved’ me. Or parts of me. But it doesn’t work like that. Nobody really gets what they deserve, I don’t think. But sometimes that’s a good thing.”

“Are you sure about that?” James’s voice is strained like he’s on a wire.

“Emphatically yes.”

There’s silence, and staring, and not much else for several seconds. Maybe even minutes. James, eventually, awkwardly, slinks to the back, cup in hand and an unintelligible excuse leaving his lips. You get back to work and are unsurprised when you go back to shut off the lights and find that you’re utterly alone.

You are surprised when you get home and he’s there. He gets up off the couch and comes up to you before you can hang your coat.

“What if I want the wrong thing?”

You try to mentally catch up to where he is. Failing that, you ask, “Who says it’s wrong?”

“Me.”

“Then is it really wrong?”

He moves even closer– so much closer; breath-hitting-skin closer. “I want…to believe that people get what they deserve.”

He looms over you, eyes wide, almost wild, and yet you have never feared anyone less. You swallow that overwhelming thought, because you know exactly what he means. If only he was talking about Hydra. “Say and think what you want but I’ll never believe you deserve what you think you do. You deserve soft blankets, and cups of good coffee, and pastries.”

His nostrils flare and his lips press together tightly. He has to compose himself. “I’ll never be tame.”

“You’ll never be soft,” you correct. “Not completely. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have those things. If you want them.”

His throat pulses like he’s swallowing a rock. “I want a lot.”

“Then ask.”

~

He never does– not directly, anyway. He tilts his head when you’re dealing with an irate customer and stands down at your signal. He asks if you need anything from the sandwich shop. He leaves for a few days and comes back with flowers, and stares at you to see if you like them. He puts his hand on your shoulder, light and ready to leave, until you lean into his touch.

The day he first bends down to kiss you, he stops just before he reaches your lips, until you let out a breathless “uh huh,” and then he doesn’t leave for a long time.

It’s not perfect. You get snappish; he broods and disappears. But at the end of the day you apologize or he comes back and the two of you twine together at night.

It’s not perfect, but you’d be hard-pressed to think of anything better.

~

There’s a man standing outside your shop.

He’s tall and incredibly well built, but hunched over himself like he holds the world on his shoulders. When he sees you coming, though, he stands up straight and smiles like ‘tired’ doesn’t exist. It’s almost impressive, how quickly he flips that switch.

“Good morning,” you greet the stranger as you start to unlock the door.

“Morning,” he replies, like it’s mid-morning instead of a barely broken dawn still in the midst of shaking off the dark. “What time do you open?”

“Not for another hour I’m afraid,” you say and glance in.

“That’s all right,” he’s quick to reassure you. “I can wait.”

“I’ll see if I can’t move a little quicker,” you say.

He shakes his head. “It’s fine; there’s no rush.”

“All right.” You step inside and hold the door just a crack. “But if I come back to open up and find out you’ve been lured away by the siren call of Starbucks then I’m going to be very upset.”

You shut the door on Captain America’s laughter.

You go through the door to the back to put your things down. James and Lin are at work frosting something. You hesitate and wonder if you should ask him aside when he, still concentrated on his piping, says, “I know.”

“What do you want me to do?” you ask. Lin is so focused she’s not being nosy, so it’s technically just the two of you right now.

“If he asks…” James stops and sits back. He sighs. “Never mind; I’ll talk to him. Just…do what you normally do.”

You kiss his cheek. “I’ll run interference if you need it.”

“What’s going on?” Lin asks, blinking as she’s broken out of the zone by the realization she’s lost her assistant.

“The love of your life, ‘Captain of your heart,’ is here,” you say, watching James’s face. He snorts, but his flat expression doesn’t change at all.

Lin gasps and drops her piping bag right onto the cookie she was working on. Well, there’s your breakfast, at least. “How’s my hair? Do I have–” Lin catches sight of James and does a 180. She slumps. “Wait, do we actually have to fight Captain America now? I’m not ready for this…”

James does lighten up when he looks at her. “Why do you think you have to fight him?”

“To give you a head start,” Lin says. “By the way, if you ever need a different place to lay low, I have a trench coat, a wide variety of wigs, and a go-bag stashed in my hall closet.”

She goes back to frosting like she hadn’t just made you (and James) stare agog. You and James then share a look. He opens his mouth to speak.

“If you’re not going to run, though, you need to get back to work.”

You smile when James rolls his eyes. “You heard the boss,” you say and squeeze his shoulder on the way out, only letting go when your feet take you too far.

The morning progresses…normally, if not easily. Captain America is your first customer of the day and he is entirely pleasant. He boasts that he didn’t even think about going to Starbucks and you give him a free croissant for a reward. However even if you somehow didn’t  know why he was here before, it becomes painfully apparent when he sits down and goes on watch more pointed than a cartoon hunting dog.

The clock ticks and you go about your day, tending to customers as they come and go. It’s after Lin has left when James finally puts the poor guy out of his misery– by coming in the front door and plopping down right across from him. You get to be witness to Captain America almost being taken out by a heart attack. You and one other customer, but she looks more interested in her coffee than anything around her.

Or so you think. You can’t hear the conversation James is having with his old friend but that doesn’t stop you from checking in. Frequently. However at one point you happen to notice your other customer staring intently at them– and then she makes direct eye contact with you.

Shit. She stands, paper cup in hand, and saunters towards you. You wait, but just as soon as she gets to the counter, James slides between you and it.

Even with him blocking her there, you can feel the tension ratchet. When you peer around him, it’s mostly what you expect– Captain America is out of his seat and crouching like he expects to fight. The woman, however, simply looks up at James with a single raised brow.

“I just wanted a refill.” She raises her cup.

James doesn’t move. “Bucky?” Captain America says warily, edging closer. Nobody backs down.

You poke James in the back but he still doesn’t budge, so you sigh and reach over his shoulder to hold your hand out. The cup is placed in your palm and you take it over to the coffee machine. When you bring it back, though, you notice a problem. “James, I cannot get this over you. Scoot three inches to the left, please.”

He moves so infinitesimally you’d be willing to bet he somehow followed your directions down to the centimeter. However it’s enough space for you to give the woman her drink.

“‘James?’” comes from startlingly close to you and you turn to find Captain America encroaching on your space. Instinct kicks in at that point, so hard that when James tries to move you hold him aside with one arm.

“Sir,” you say, maybe a little sharp but you hate having too many people behind the counter, especially when they don’t belong there. “Are you one of my employees?”

“Um…no?” the captain says uncertainly.

“Then you need to step back from behind the counter.” You narrow your eyes at him when he doesn’t move. “Now.”

He backs up a step, bewildered. “Yeah Steve,” the woman says. “Employees only.”

You don’t look at her, but ‘Steve’ does, and he then follows an invisible line to the aprons you have hanging in the front. James has one, of course, though he never wears it, and that must be what the captain sees. “O-…oh.”

“Do either of you need anything else?” you ask. Politely.

“No,” the woman says. “In fact, I think we’ll be leaving for the day. Steve?”

Captain America looks set to argue, but he looks at James and…softens. Almost unnervingly. You don’t know why it puts you on edge, but you stay so even when the captain swallows anxiously. “Can we…come back tomorrow?”

James nods but remains a wall of tension. As soon as they're out the door you tug at James’s shirt until he turns and you can wrap your arms around him, and he can do the same to you.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles into your shoulder. “But I–…it’s…a lot.”

“It’s okay,” you say. You’re going to say more, but over James’s shoulder you see Captain America looking in the window, and the expression on his face punches you in the gut. ‘Heartbroken’ doesn’t begin to cover it.

Even after James slinks away to the back and Melissa comes in just in time to help with the rush, you can’t stop thinking about it.

~

You get a clearer picture the next day, when Captain Rogers comes alone and he and James have a conversation filled with more awkward pauses than actual words. However when James stands up and turns to leave, the captain looks at him with unrestrained longing, and James’s face is an absolute mess of tangled emotion.

Well.

You don’t freak out or panic, though. James has never made you feel anything less than loved and wanted and even with Captain Rogers apparently taking an extended vacation in your town, you don’t feel threatened.

James’s nightmares get a little worse, though, and you both weather it the best you can. Even one night when he cries out, “STEVE!” and shoots up in bed. You hold him until he stops shaking, and neither of you mention it after the fact.

It takes you a week before you find the courage to bring up the issue. You corner James in the back while he’s waiting for the muffins to come out. “We need to talk. About Ca– about Steve.”

“Now?” James glances at Lin but she’s wearing headphones. He looks at the oven and sighs heavily. “Okay.”

It’s not like this is comfortable for you either, but you’d rather have it done and over with. “So you two were…”

“Yes.”

“Do you not…”

James looks at you and frowns. “It’s…complicated.”

Obviously– however. “How so?”

He slips his hand in yours and grips. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“Then don’t,” you say. He stares at you blankly, so you squeeze his hand. “I’m not going anywhere, and I know you aren’t either. If you want him, tell him. Maybe he’ll be okay with it too.” He inhales sharply and you kiss his hand. “I know what you think but I believe you deserve good things, like love. More than that, I believe you deserve to go after what you want.”

He shakes his head, but squeezes your hand in return. “You always say that. One day you’re going to tell me ‘no.’”

“Only when it comes to special desserts Lin makes for me, cake thief.” You back off. “Now get your boyfriend to stop looking at us with the sad puppy eyes; my heart can’t take much more Sarah McLachlan bait.”

~

You don’t see the conversation but you know when it happens. Mostly because, yes, the sad eyes do stop. Instead, they become lovelorn towards your shared partner, and grateful towards you. And Capta– Steve– starts showing up in…other…places.

Like your couch, where he sits like he’s always been there. When he sees you staring though he scrambles up. “Hi, uh…Bucky’s in the shower.”

“Okay.” You set your things down. “Would you like something to drink?”

“No thank you,” he says politely but stands awkwardly. “How long have you and Bucky lived together?”

“I don’t know exactly,” you say and get yourself something. “I started off offering my place for him to shower and nap and he just started sticking around.”

“This is your apartment?” Steve looks surprised as he scans the place. “It’s very…”

“Sparse?” you suggest dryly.

“Minimalist,” he says politely.

James snorts as he comes out of the bathroom drying his hair and wearing only his favorite sweatpants. “I told ya– serial killer.”

“I bought something!” you say and gesture at the little decorative setup on the counter with the cute pig statue and vase of fake flowers. Both James and Steve look at each other like they’re incredibly unimpressed. “You two deserve each other,” you say and fold your arms.

Steve’s eyes soften as he looks to James and they don’t lose much of that fondness when he looks at you. “Thank you,” he says earnestly. “For being okay with this.”

“I’m okay as long as you are,” you say. “I’m not sure how much you know about poly relationships…”

“A little,” Steve says before you can go on. “We’re a ‘V’, right?”

You stare at Steve. You look at James, but he’s also staring at Steve. So you go back to staring at Steve.

Steve fidgets. “I’ve been reading.”

“You’ve been reading?” you repeat. Not that you’re an expert, but you feel like the guy born in the 1910s now knows more than you.

Steve flushes red. James rolls his eyes, drapes the towel behind his neck, and goes to sling his arm across Steve’s shoulders. “Yeah, he’s a fucking nerd. He took a suitcase of books to basic.”

Steve’s face whips to the side. “How do you know that?!”

“Read it in a book,” James quips and kisses him.

And so it starts. Sleeping arrangements are awkward at first and take some time to get right. Steve apparently has a place to stay but after the first several days of you two trading James back and forth like reasonable divorced parents, they give up the ghost and just stay with you. Apparently Steve’s place is on a level less than your ‘serial killer hovel.’

“I never called it a hovel,” James says. He then steals your laptop from right under your fingers and slides a plate in its place. “No work at the dinner table,” he says and walks away.

“At least save it!” you tell him, maybe snapping, but it took you almost an hour to make that damn spreadsheet do what you wanted. Steve is smiling though so you direct your fading ire at him. “Your boyfriend is annoying.”

“Your boyfriend can be very annoying,” he says and smiles wickedly. “Just wait until you get sick.”

Sleeping doesn’t get much less awkward yet. Steve tries to bypass the issue by taking the couch, but after a couple of days it seems cruel that he can’t ever lie with James, and that he’s all scrunched up.

“I can’t take your bed,” he says.

“Maybe we can share?” you suggest and look at James for the okay. “It’s a really big bed. And has a pretty, not-serial-killer comforter.”

James rolls his eyes so hard he hurts himself.

The first run of this plan hits a snag, though, when all three of you very suddenly discover that James does not like being boxed in in any way. It takes so long to calm him down and coax him back to bed that you pass out on the other side of Steve while he comforts James.

The next night you and Steve awkwardly (because that’s the name of the game now, apparently) work out a system where James is always at his preferred side while the two of you trade who takes the center.

This falls apart, again, because Steve also does not like being in the center at all. Not that he tells you this, no; you just go to sleep on Steve’s other side and wake up ensconced by him and James. It freaks you out at first, but Steve has left room between the two of you and James’s arm is wrapped around your middle.

You keep up the farce for a little while, until you decide you’d rather save Steve the effort and you the daily morning heart attack, and you just never switch again. After that, it actually becomes easier to get comfortable. James still spends time with you and Steve separately, but you all go to bed together. It’s weird, but it works.

Steve stays while his friends cover for him back home, but there’s not much for a supersoldier to do, so he hangs around.

Mostly with you. “Since we’re both dating the same person, we should probably be friends,” Steve says and you can’t fault that logic. So as James keeps more to the back with Lin, Steve starts to take his place in the front. He sets up the tables, learns to make coffee, and keeps you company during the slow periods. Going to bed together becomes easier; you stop shrinking away from him, and one day you wake up with his arm across you and James and you don’t panic.

Naturally, that’s the day Natasha Romanoff and Sam Wilson show up to take Steve away for some reason or another. They use your back office to discuss it and the end result is that Steve hugs you goodbye. Then he hugs and kisses James goodbye.

“He’s in good hands,” James says even as he tries to curl up within you that night. “And I…I don’t fight anymore.”

“He’ll be fine,” you say, even as you curl around him and try to ignore how cold your back is.

Two days pass like an eternity, but on the third night you come home to find James snuggled up on the couch with Steve, who looks like he never left.

“Hi,” he says, smiling at you warmly. “Everything went well.”

“Good. That’s…good,” you say, arms itching to wrap around him and check for yourself. You hold back, though, and let your heart settle.

~

James still has bad days, even with Steve and you both. Maybe because of it.

One such day (night? Morning? You’re not sure anymore) he’s sitting on the floor in front of the couch, where you sit and dry his hair with hands you have to force yourself to keep steady. Rain beats against the windows and Steve sits next to you now, warm and present, but Bucky still feels like a live wire under your hands and you’re terrified he’ll run back out into the storm again, but that this time he won’t come back when Steve asks.

“You don’t have to fix me.”

You slow, and let the towel fall over James’s head. He sounds as tired as you feel, weary to the bone. You drape yourself over his back.

“No one is trying to fix you,” Steve says and wraps his arms around both of you.

“If you say it’s because I’m not broken I might deck you,” James mutters.

“I was going to say it’s because no one’s qualified,” Steve replies smartly.

There’s a moment when James is so silent you’re afraid he’s taken it to heart, but he turns his head to scowl at Steve. “Asshole,” he says and Steve grins.

You roll your eyes. “Yes. You both are,” you say, and when Steve and Bucky exchange a look you consider making them sleep on the couch. So maybe you are kind of an asshole too. But Steve is right in one way– no one in the world is qualified to deal with either of them. But you’re going to do your best regardless, because they do no less for you.

~

“Are you all right?!”

The answer is a resounding no, but you’re shaking too hard to respond. The car that almost hit you is gone but Steve is almost frantic, holding you tight enough that it’s almost too tight, and too many people are standing around, probably drawn by the sound of squealing tires and accompanying sight of near-bloodshed.

“Let’s– go,” you stammer, gripping Steve’s arms. He’s gone under the radar so far and you don’t want to be the reason the veil lifts.

“Okay,” he says and helps you up. “We’re almost home.” His arms linger around you. “Do you want me to…”

“Just let me lean on you,” you say, and he does. He holds you close while you make your way home, and he doesn’t let go even while James frets. He doesn’t let go for a long while.

~

It’s a peaceful night. You’re all on the bed, watching TV, and James and Steve both lie on either side of you with their heads butting together in your lap while you play with their hair. James gets up at one point to make some popcorn, and everything is normal. Until you look down and see Steve, completely relaxed with your fingers in his hair, and you can’t look away. His eyes flick to you and then stay as his head tilts curiously.

“Hey,” you say, smiling slowly. “When did I get another boyfriend?”

Steve’s eyes widen marginally, but his smile can only be described as ‘comfortable,’ and James chuckles as he settles in next to you.

“Don’t worry– he grows on ya,” James says and kisses your temple.

“Yeah,” you say, sweeping your curved hand down the side of Steve’s face. His eyes flutter shut in response. “He really does.”

~

Captain America’s retirement and succession come as a shock and Steve stays away while the world reels, but Sam Wilson soon becomes the country’s most controversial sweetheart and Steve, already fading into the background, comes home. And life goes on. For everyone.

“What am I going to do?!” you wail, safe in the company of only Steve and James. Lin’s acceptance into Le Cordon Bleu had been an absolutely delightful announcement that culminated with you taking every employee out for a celebratory dinner, and you’re ecstatic for her, truly. It’s just…

“Maybe Ed will want to go full time?” Steve suggests gently, referring to the temp you have on hand so that Lin can take a day off every now and then.

“He can’t work full time.” You hold your face in your hands. You have time, plenty of time, but Lin is so good in every way that trying to replace her is going to be impossible.

“I have an idea.”

You sit up and Steve sits back. James sits there, lips slightly pursed and head bowed even though his eyes glance up and down. You give him the time he needs, until he finally says, “I could do it.”

“Really?” you blurt out.

He nods. “Lin’s taught me a lot; I know how to make just about everything you sell, and you couldn’t even tell which one was mine the last time Lin had you test.”

“I wasn’t– I meant– I know you can do it,” you say. “But…you want to?”

He frowns hard for a moment, and then relaxes completely. “Yes. I want to do this. If– if you’ll let me.”

“Okay,” you say, some of the panic leaving you. “Okay.”

~

It’s early but not too early. You’re still in bed, savoring the feel of a day off. Bucky has left the bed, probably to get some coffee, but Steve is still draped over you, deeply asleep. The sun creeps through the window, crawling over the desk on the far end of the room, over Steve’s logo designs, and up the bright blue wall you all just painted a few weeks ago. You admire the color, squint at a streak you missed, and then stare at the desk top. You’re tempted to go steal a look at the papers, but you’re honestly too comfortable.

Steve squeezes your midsection and places a sleepy kiss to your shoulder. “No peeking,” he mumbles and moves up closer.

His hair tickles your neck and you squirm. “How did you know?”

“You haven’t been subtle about it.” He yawns. “Where’s Bucky?”

“I don’t know. Abandoned us for coffee probably.”

“How rude.”

“I know, right?” You pat the empty space. “You get to cuddle me but who am I supposed to cuddle?”

“You could cuddle me,” Steve says.

You wiggle, but his grip doesn’t allow for much. “I’d have to turn around.”

“Oh. Moving is out.” He shoves his face into your shoulder. He mumbles something else but drifts back off to sleep and you’re about to follow him when you see something odd on the side table that you haven’t noticed before now. Along with the lotion and books and odd knick-knacks that have accumulated over time, there’s a cup. A coffee cup, mostly white but for lines of jagged silver, and there’s a tiny flower peeking over the lip. You’re not sure if it’s real or not, but it’s pretty.

James sets his coffee cup next to it and you're struck by how similar the two mugs are. “Is that cup from the shop?” you ask, staring at the one with the plant.

“Yup.” James runs a hand up and down your arm. “I broke it, but…it’s still good. Just needed something else to do.”

“Oh.” He gets back into bed, somehow sliding under you without disturbing Steve, and just before you doze off again you ask, “Why silver?”

“Gold’s too bright, and I like it fine,” he says and wiggles his metallic fingers. He kisses your head. “Go back to sleep.”

“M’kay,” you say, and you do.

It’s not perfect.

It’s better.

[viren-reader-love]

What would you think about doing one where there is a Pentarchy-wide conference of dark mage guild chapters, and the reader is a fellow mage from another country. Viren and Reader don't meet often, but when they do, they predictably end up drinking, arguing vociferously over the details of their methods, and ultimately hooking up. This occasion is no exception.

There you go! I had a lot of fun writing this :D

Hope you like it.

(Ao3 link)

.............................................................................................................................

Devil or angel? I can't make up my mind

Which one you are, I'd like to wake up and find

Devil or angel, dear, whichever you areI miss you, I miss you, I miss you

Devil or angel, please say you'll be mine

Love me or leave me, I'll go out of my mind

Devil or angel, dear, whichever you are

I need you, I need you...

===

The salty air refreshed your lungs. In the distance, hues of green added color to the crystalline blue infinitude of the ocean.

"Land ahoy!" yelled the first mate, watching the horizon from atop of one of the ship's poles.

"Aye!" Replied the captain, turning the hem. You felt the ship move to the right as it approached the island ahead with a new speed. 

Clutching tight to your shoulder bag, carefully not to lose the precious relic that it contained, you tried to control the butterflies in your stomach. You knew Viren would be there and this simple fact made all those memories resurface. 

Every Mage Fair was the same. Excessive drinking, followed by vociferous arguments about your conflicting opinions and different methods to understand dark magic that, somehow, always end up with you and Viren waking up in the same bed.

Well, not somehow. You knew exactly why it happened. No matter how many lies you told yourself during the invariable hangovers that followed, the attraction you felt for Viren was too strong to be labeled as unintentional, or a simple drunk mistake. 

Despite everything, you were starting to get attached.  Why? Was the only question in your head. Why him? 

Romantics will say it is because opposites attract each other and write countless verses of the ardent passion they can ignite. But they forget about the ugly parts that come afterward. At least that was how it had been for you.

The fair would end, Viren would escort you to the pier and you would sail back to Evenere with only a simple goodbye. No last kiss, not even a hug. And the days that followed were even worse. The letters you would exchange were made by cold and impartial words concerning your duties as High Mages, nothing more. 

As the ship approached the bay, you took one deep breath mentally making a promise to yourself. 

This had to end. 

Today was the day things would change.

===

New faces from all corners of the five kingdoms passed by. The smell of spices and delicious food perfumed the gentle summer breeze and everything was a cacophony of colors, laughs, and songs. 

Elaborate stands dotted the hills as far as the eye could see, each signboard announcing something more interesting than the last. Fireball contest, Antiquery Boutiques, Mirrors of Illusions...

Your feet stopped in front of The Blushing Troll - Bar and Inn, where you and Viren would predictably end up after the Pentarchy High Mage reunion. Despite being only the beginning of the afternoon, the bar was crowded and a line was forming on the outside. 

The large door opened and you spotted Agata, the barkeeper, dragging chairs outside to accommodate her costumers. "Hey, y/n!" she waved.

You smiled walking to help her with the heavy chairs.  "Hi, Agata. Nice to see you again."

"Nice to see you too friend. So, rumor has it that Evenere will blow our minds this year," she winked gesturing to your bag. "I'll prepare a big celebration. Want me to save the romantic suite for you and your hot boyfriend. Or you'll stay at the usual room?"

Your cheeks turned scarlet, knowing fully well she was referring to Viren. "For the last time, he is not my boyfriend."

Agata cackled. "Alright cookie. And I ain't a barkeeper," she playfully punched your shoulder. "See you two tonight alright?"

It was no use insisting on this topic. Agata could be as stubborn as Viren sometimes, so instead, you chose to focus on your earlier promise and said goodbye, resuming your walk to the meeting point where the other High Mages were expecting you. 

===

Two guards stood like statues before the imposing construction that marked the entrance of the Pentarchy Meeting Point. 

"Hold. Present yourself," one of them ordered, gesturing for you to stop.

"Lady y/n. High Mage of Evenere," you said, giving the guard your invitation sealed with Evenre's royal symbol.

The guards then stepped aside, giving you free passage to the seemingly endless white steps that lead to the Meeting Point, located atop the tallest hill.

Almost out of breath, you finally arrived. Burgundy flags with the bright red symbol of Dark Magic hanged over the five chairs, binding the kingdoms, so vast and diverse, with one common interest. 

All the other four mages were already in their sits, except for Viren. "Lady y/n," he bowed. "So glad that you are finally here. We are all very anxious to see what big surprise you have for us," he said with his usual charming tone that made your knees go weak. 

"Well, then I won't keep you waiting any longer," you managed to reply with the formality this situation required, despite the memories of your hot nights with Viren flashing before your eyes.

Walking to the center of the room, your gaze was still glued on him as you began your speech. "Fellow mages, today is a historic day. For generations, dark mages across the five kingdoms used the knowledge passed down by our ancestors to improve humanity's ways. We no longer suffer from famine, deadly plagues or fear the threats that come from Xadia. And, as I'm sure you all know, this was only possible due to the struggles of one man: Ziard ."

The mages of Neolandia, Del Bar and Duren hummed in agreement, but Viren listened to you thoughtfully and you smirked, certain his not easily impressed frame would melt away soon. 

"Everything Ziard new about dark magic was written in three journals. Two were found by Lord Viren but the third was destroyed when Ziard was brutally murdered by Sol Regen. Or so we thought," you paused.

Reaching for your shoulder bag you retrieved a leather journal,  worn-out due to the merciless time. "Here, I present you the last journal of Ziard."

Gasps emerged from the other members, but Viren's reaction was priceless. Even if you hated to admit, you adored his enthusiastic face.

He darted up. "May I?" he gestured to the book and you nodded, letting him take it.

"That is remarkable," Viren mused, carefully turning the thin yellow pages. "Imagine all the secrets it contains, all the lives we could help with this! I don't know how you manage to locate it, but congratulations y/n."

His sharp frame softened when he said your name and for a moment, you thought your head was deceiving you with his sudden kindness. Did he-- did he just complimented you?"

However, this moment was short-lived as Viren continued to speak. "It was about time Evenere did something to contribute to this Dark Mages society. Katolis will be forever grateful for your donation."

"What?!" You said offended.

"Of course! Surely you didn't think the journal would stay with you. Once I return to Katolis I'll provide copies for you all."

"How dare you?! I found it, therefore it's staying at Evenere. You can have the copy," you replied, blood starting to boil. 

"The journal belongs to Katolis' archives, with the other two originals," Viren took a step forward.  Not intimidated, already accustomed to this type of argument, you took a step as well.

"Katolis is not the center of the world Viren. It can not concentrate all knowledge about dark magic."

"So we must hide it in the depth of the swamplands?!"

"Fellows, fellows!" the mage from Neolandia caught both of your attention. "There is no reason to start a war over this. I say we vote to decide who keeps the journal. All agree?"

You two nodded, heading back to your seats but never letting your intense glares drop.

"Now, all of those in favor of the journal staying in Evenere, please raise their hand," declared the mage and to your astonishment, only you voted in favor.

===

With large gulps you drained the beer from your large mug, slamming it against the balcony of The Blushing Troll.  

After your glory was snatched from your hands, you had to sit through the rest of the afternoon and watch Viren and the other brag about their discoveries and theories and, of course, Viren had to bring a three-dimensional presentation. Again! 

Mind in a frenzy, fuming, doing your best not to let rage overtake your actions, you powered another drink and turned back for the hundredth time to see Viren, also drinking and enjoying the evening with the other High Mages. 

"Look at him," you said to Agata, "so full of himself. Think he's the greatest mage that ever lived. Bet two silver coins that after a few shots, he's going to start crying and saying he loves them."

You moved to fill your sixth...seventh cup? But Agata stopped you. 

"Alright cookie, that's enough for tonight," she said, taking the mug from your hand.

Ignoring her, you snatched a bottle from a random person, taking another big gulp. "This was supposed to be the year of Evenere. This was supposed to be my moment," your drunk nagging continued, "he already has Zirad's staff and killed the king of the dragons. Why can't he let me be on top for once."

"Huh, interesting," Agata tilted her head, looking at Viren as well, "he always seemed like a bottom to me."

"No, totally. Bottom confirmed. But--" you shook your head, realizing where this conversation was going. "Focus Agata. Ok? Focus. I'm being wronged here."

"Cookie, are you sure the journal is the only reason you are mad?" she asked with a kind, motherly tone. 

Yes, you were mad about the journal. Heavens know how hard it was for you to find it, and letting this relic be part of Evenere's public archive would be good for the local mage community. 

But there was something else, a deeper feeling that intricated like a spider web, trapping you in it. 

You were caught between the duality of strongly hating and desperately wanting to cave in to his charms. Every time your gaze found him your body screamed. It begged for you to kiss him, to have him underneath you right now. To bury your face against the side of his neck and just nuzzle in it. To hear his moan, paint and gasp against your ear as your hips rocked and his hands squeezed you tight... 

Yet, every time your head would also say no, remembering how cold the morning after could be. How he would treat you like a stranger and how every little thing was reason enough for a fight. 

It was like being on fire while still being frozen. 

"I just don't know anymore. I think it's best if I called the night." 

Getting up, you asked for the keys to a room, not caring if they were the usual, or the special suite, or just the keys to the storage room. You just wanted to lay down, close your eyes and wait for this terrible day to end.  

Stumbling down the corridor, spiling your drink everywhere, your weak legs betrayed you. You see the ground coming fast, but only a second before the painful impact, a pair of strong, familiar arms held you.

"For heaven's sake, how many drinks did you have?" Viren's face twisted, probably smelling the intoxicating smell of booze that you weren't sure anymore if it was yours or his.  

Your hands tried to break away from his embrace but, instead, they just staid there, feeling the curve of his muscles.

"Just a--" a hickup cut your words, "just a few. I'm fine."

"I have never seen you this drunk. You are not fine," Viren insisted. You squinted, trying to discern if his face was actually worried, or was your vision that was getting blurry. 

And right when you were about to repeat that you were fine, nausea crawled your throat. Arching, you stained Viren's boots.

"Means nothing," you pointed a weak finger at him while wiping your mouth with the hem of your sleeves. 

Viren huffed. "Alright. Let's get you out of here before you ruin somebody else's boots too." Sliding his arm under your legs, he then carried you bridal style to the Inn of the Blushing Troll. 

===

Sitting on the toilet, face slouched on your palms, you watched Viren take a tiny bottle containing a thick pink fluid from his side pocket.

"Drink it," he ordered. "This potion will stop your nausea."

"I know what a sickness-killer is," you replied snatching it from his hand. The thick fluid descended your throat like honey, immediately extinguishing the bubbling feeling in your stomach.

Viren raised a brow at you. "Feeling better?"

Out of spite, you crossed your arms and looked away. "A little too sweet for my taste. I prefer my version of the potion."

He scoffed. "Unbelievable. I get out of my way to help you and this is how you thank me? You are even more annoying when you are drunk."

"If you despise me so much, why are you doing this??" your tone was deadly serious and a heavy silence fell. 

There was a tremor in your hands as your heart pumped hard against your ribs. Your eyes stared at him, frightened of Viren's response yet eager to hear it. 

But Viren's features were a conflicting mixture of gapes and choked words.  And anger sneaked into your blood like poison as the silence increased. Yanking your hands into his shirt, you brutally pulled him closer.

"Answer me," you growled. Noses almost touching, Viren's hot breath mingled with your fuming. "Answer me!" you repeated.

Viren slumped, burying his lips in yours. His fingers dug into your hair as your mouths moved wildly, kissing each other hungrily. He started to pull you forward, guiding you out of the bathroom.

When your legs hit the bed, you climbed over him.  Lust pulsed throughout your entire being as Viren laid beneath you, staring back with the same need.

"I'm going to rip that answer out of you. I'm going to make you say it." You said before kissing him again. Tongues plunging, sliding deep while hands ran along every inch of your bodies.

Going lower Viren hurriedly helped you unbuckle his purple broach and remove his vest. He started to pull his black shirt up, but you stopped him. Pushing his arms over his head, you let them stuck there, exposing only his chest and face. "Keep them there," you sensually said. 

Leaning, you brushed your mouth against his but denied another kiss, moving to suck and bit the side of the neck.  Your skin shivered as it brushed against his beard.

Viren started to push his hips up, moaning quietly in your ear. You moved to remove his boots, pants, and underwear and your whole body blushed at the sight of his throbbing cock, curled, touching the base of his stomach.

You just... stared at it. 

"Y/n..." Viren said your name in a weak cry. 

"I think I should leave you like this," you said with a devilish smile.

"WHAT?!" It sounded more like a sign of desperation than a question and you simply love it. 

"It's what you deserve anyway..."

"Y/n!" Viren started to hustle, trying to take his shirt off but you quickly stopped him, mounting him again. 

"You're not moving until I hear you say it." You repeated. It was hard to control your urgers to stripe your clothes and just own him, ride him until he came undone.  But you simply had to hear him say it. 

If he loved or hated you, you simply needed to hear it. 

You began to move up and down slowly. Your pants grinding against his erection provided a blissful friction.

"You terrible...ahh!--ssstubborn...aaah--sssexy wonderfull," Viren managed to say between his heavy pantings, "I--I"

Your body increased the seep and an animal sound escaped him. "I need you I want you y/n please!" 

Finally, the words came out of him in a desperate begging. Not being able to hold your desires any longer, you yanked your clothes off. Viren untangled himself from his shirt and adjusted himself on the bed. Grabbing you by the waist, he put you back on top of him, shoving his cock inside you.

A deep moan snaked out of your throat as you felt that gratifying pressure. You laned forward and between sloppy kisses and pantings, both of your hips moved, going deeper, harder. 

“That’s it...come on...so good...," you said, gaze glued on Viren's wobbly, melting face. 

"Y/n yes....I need you...AH!" 

As your bodies attacked each other, stripped from all pride and shame, you reached sheer ecstasy. "I'm yours..."  you whispered, mind in another plane, every nerve like a bolt of lighting as Viren also gasped in his orgasm.  

Resting your foreheads together,  still interlaced, you both relearned how to breathe, letting the hotness of your climax slowly fade. 

===

The morning came. A sharp pain smashed against the walls of your skull like an angry tide, and the rays of sunshine were enough to burn your retinas as you waited in line to bord the ship that would take you back to Evenere.

Even with this cursing hangover, the events of last night played clearly in your mind. Every action, every word. What remained unclear was the truthiness of it all. 

Wich was why you didn't wait for Viren to wake up. You couldn't take him saying everything was another drunk mistake again. It would hurt too much. 

The plank fell with a heavy thud, bridging the pear to the boat. But before you could take another step, you heard Viren's voice calling for you.

"Y/n. Wait!" 

You never thought you would see Viren in such a state. The browns and whites of his hair were tangled in a ridiculous mess of impossible angles, his beard, once neatly in place, was now all fuzzy and puffed. His shirt was wrongly buttoned and the lace of his boots still undone.

"Viren what on earth are you--" 

"Stop," Viren raised his hand. "I need you to just stop and listen without interrupting because if you do I-- I don't think I'll ever regain the courage to say this again."  There was a deep fragility in his gaze and his voice didn't carry the usual confidence. Worried, you let him take you to an isolated corner.

After a deep inhale, Viren continued. "Y/n, what I said last night, about wanting you...it wasn't just the reflection of alcohol. I, really, truly want you.   You understand magic in a way so different from mine. But it is challenging, it is exciting! And when the realization of my feelings for you finally came, I panicked. I was scared to have someone new in my life. Because in these last years, all the people I ever loved seemed to get hurt. My wife, Queen Serai... Harrow. Even my relationship with my son is falling apart!"

Viren closed his eyes, breathing deeply again before holding your hands. "I was scared that if I brought you into my life, I would somehow end up hurting you. So I tried to push you away but it was so, so hard. Every time we met I just wanted to hold you, have you next to me. And it was in this fruitless attempt to protect you that I ended up hurting you even more. It was stupid I know. Can you ever forgive me?"

Your hands moved to gently cup his face. Viren easily leaned forward and your lips met in a kiss. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that a thousand words could never be. Viren's hand rested below your ear, his thumb caressing your cheek as your fingers ran down his spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left. The soothing sound of the ocean mingled with the beating of your heart, strong and passionate. 

Pulling away, you looked up and Viren's frame was renowned.  There was joy, and you could feel the love that played in his subtle smile and soft gaze. 

"Does that mean you will stop criticizing my way to do magic?" Viren asked.

"Only if you promise me you won't bring another three dimensional for the next year's fair. That trick is getting old Viren."

"It's my trade mark."

"No, it's not."

"How about we discuss this at breakfast?" Viren suggested. "Maybe we can plan a presentation together. Perhaps travel in search of another relic for Evenere..."

"Yes. I would love that," you replied.

So hand in hand you two head back the Blushing Troll. Things had finally changed and you knew, for now on, it wouldn't be easy waters, but for Viren, you would continue to sail, both ready and excited for the start of this new chapter in your lives.

[talyn-the-warlock]

(Little idea I had based on the Chronicon! Let's assume it's mostly true for a moment, shall we?)

MCLXXVII, Forthcoming

Two years and seven months after City-fall...

Talyn was grateful they were moving again. 

The system was on fire. Cabal in Loyalist colors were all over the Sol's celestial bodies and their satellites. They must have consolidated the core worlds by now, Legionaries in shining gold gunning down anyone who stood in refusal of the Emperor’s delighted nihilism. Even without the might of their fleet, the universe’s fate had been sealed. Decided in the end by a single Guardian. The Hero of the Red War, the...Shadow of Earth, was power-mad. They had been fully seduced by the offerings of the opulent Emperor of the Cabal. Shiny trinkets and bits and baubles and wine had been more than the home they had done so much to protect. Regardless, their fury was still undeniable- and they were on a rampage. Ikora Rey had almost destroyed Mars in her blaze of glory, and Zavala had accepted his end in bitterness. Without leadership, with a foe from within, the City had been reduced to ashes in days. Earth was lost. Nowhere seemed safe, but Talyn and the fifty souls in her command had an option they were willing to gamble on. She had been certain if they stayed away from the carcass of the Reef, a freighter of their size would be able to slip by unnoticed in the asteroid fields between her dead home and the Jovians. She was wrong. Calus had sent his hunting parties far wider than she had anticipated. No matter her cunning or her care, they had found her. It embittered her to no end. 

She knew the hounds had her scent. There was no way the Shadow of Earth hadn’t given his new minions every single Tower override frequency, Dead Orbit’s included. Part of Talyn relished the idea of a fight after all this flight. Her Light still burned as bright as the setting sun, but she was alone in it. With only one Lightbearer aboard and limited ammunition for their meager forward cannons, the Fermi Paradox wouldn’t have lasted a picosecond against a heavily-armed Cabal carrier. If it was only her life to lose, she’d have tried. But fifty precious souls with only one death apiece hadn’t the teeth she did. Running and hiding was all she could do to keep them, now. The only way they could evade the Loyalist’s advanced sensor grids was to set down in a hollow asteroid and kill all power except the bare minimum needed for life support. The last ninety-five hours had been a hell of nervous waiting. They were no more than prey. Barely-cycled air hung stiff and thin in the frieghter’s cabins, each breath only just enough to fill the lungs. Slow suffocation had married in misery with tight rationing. Any hope of scavenging the Awoken’s ruins or harassing Fallen skiffs had been dashed by the Cabal’s harsh sensor sweeps. The ship was only stocked with enough food for a week, if each crewman ate one slim meal a day. Each of them had lost a frightening amount of weight, faces growing gaunt and constantly plastered with anxiety. None more than Talyn herself. She refused to partake in any of the freeze-dried delicacies aboard. If hunger took her men, they were a life snuffed forever. If it came for her...she still had her Ghost. Talyn had decided she would starve a hundred times before a single one of her people did. She continued to commit to it, even as the Cabal gave up and warped away to harass other, fatter prizes. 

The clawing pain in her stomach shot through each of her thoughts as she tried to stay awake. Fatigue was a beast the Light had no hope of pushing back. With zero caloric intake and barely a wink of sleep, Talyn was approaching her limit. Even as the engines coughed back to life and her ship limped the long black in search of opportunity, she struggled to maintain her grasp on conscious. Perhaps she was grateful she couldn’t see herself, for she looked just as she felt. Her hair had grown long, unbrushed and knotted behind her head in more of a tangle than a bun. The starlight eyes that used to be bright and full of wonder now barely stayed open, ringed in dark circles. Her fieldweave’s blue had faded, the armor dented and scratched from a hundred thousand final blows she had suffered. Even the cloak laid over her shoulder had grown to fray at the edges. Talyn had grown to rub it between her fingers as a ritualistic comfort, which did nothing to help its state. It was the least of her troubles. So long as she could see the sigil emblazoned on it, she was satisfied. The Broken Nomad had given her this last gift, after all. Her end had sent Talyn away to drift the old paths. Her best friend’s sacrifice was all she had in her knapsack. Perhaps it wasn’t just this piece of herself Soren had given, but the title as well. Talyn certainly felt the namesake. Perhaps she could ask the original Broken Nomad If she was worthy, when she saw her again in her dreams. 

A voice cut the tense quiet just as restless sleep threatened to overtake her. “Captain, we’ve got a vessel on sensors!” 

Talyn snapped herself back to awareness, rubbing one of her eyes with the back of her glove. Where was she? Settled in her captain’s chair, raised just slightly above a dozen or so bridge crew. A bulbous viewscreen showed the night before her, plastering the entire far wall with the light of stars they hadn’t the fuel or food to travel to. It was one of her officers who had spoken, a woman with mousy hair and a dark complexion. She had thrown Talyn a look of anticipation over her shoulder. What do I do now?, it said. These people still looked up to their only Guardian. They trusted her, took her orders, followed her guidance. No matter what state she was in, Talyn would die her last before she dissuaded these people of the last of their hope. She had to speak, even if her voice was cracked and edged. “On screen.” 

The view of the stars before them zoomed in, dialing closer to a vague shape nestled in the Milky Way. As it came into clearer view, Talyn recognized it as a ship. Not just any ship. This was a vessel she knew all too well. One she had ransacked on behalf of a spy order long-dead. One she had visited for game after game of Taken-hunting and Dredgen-slaying. The cylindrical shape and fins on the front making it look like a polyp were all-too familiar. The absence of its peculiar cargo was not. It floated still, hanging suspended in the vacuum like a fly stuck in molasses. Without the Haul, the thing looked so small. A tin can, kicked along dusty sidewalks like a piece of forgotten trash. She sought confirmation for what she already knew. “Is that…?” 

“The Derelict,” the mousy woman assured in a grimace. “Looks like she’s stalled out, we’ve got zero engine readings.” 

Her curiosity piqued. Was he gone? Had he abandoned his little mobile home? It looked next to new, not a ding or scrape in sight. Talyn needed answers for the questions it raised. “Structural integrity?” 

“Hundred percent,” her helmsman piped up in a gruff Exo crackle. “I’m not reading any damage, but...her fuel line ain’t running. She’s running on empty, ma’am.” 

The thought made her smile. It was petty, but the idea of Eli being stranded and out of luck like she was filled her with awful delight. His plan to outrun the end had been for nothing, after all. He’d run out of steam, unable to persist forever in the ways he always postured he would. She hoped he was hungry. 

Just as she was about to inquire further, her comms officer spoke up. “Ma’am, we’re...getting a hailing frequency,” the butch Awoken said. “I'm...pretty sure it's him. Should I put it on screen?” 

Talyn had been so numb since she’d lost everything. Trying only to keep strong for her crew, she’d refused to feel anything but grim determination to see another day. It changed in an instant. Something struck a match inside her, and ignited a pile of long-collected kindling. It turned from a spark to a holocaust of barely contained rage in seconds. He wanted to talk, did he? Why? To make platitudes at her, lay smooth words across a dagger-tongue before running it through her chest? To call her “sister” again and again, even though they shared no kinship? He would act as a snake when at such a disadvantage, plucking her fragile heartstrings like a harp. He would lie, just like he lied to Orin. He would make excuses and play to her sympathies. Talyn could already hear him tell her that he was right. Eli would say that they were all drifters now, and in the end he foresaw they were one in the same. If only he knew this Talyn wasn’t the same woman he’d tried to play all those lost years ago. This one was wiser. Stronger. Angrier. More, this Talyn knew precisely why the City hadn’t been able to stand against the onslaught of Calus and his betrayer Shadow. Any great empire falls when it fractures. Eli hadn’t cared in an iota what lines he was drawing in the sand when he enticed prospective Dredgens with shiny toys. He didn’t give a damn how it had all fallen apart when nobody was there to keep the disillusioned from dropping everything and running. It was all his fault. His selfish hubris had brittled the unity they’d used to slay Crota, and Oryx, and Ghaul. Now he was alone again, and he was a fool to believe he’d find quarter with someone he had stolen everything from. Her eyes grew dark, hands gripping the sides of her chair white-knuckle. Her crew were waiting for orders, and she gave them in a shaking hush. 

“Reject the hail,” Talyn shuddered. “And divert all power to weapons.”

The Exo tapped his console quickly, and a pair of cannons went live and locked on with an alarm flourish. He almost sounded sad. “...say the word, ma’am.” 

She only hesitated as long as it took to try and remember the Broken Nomad’s face. When she couldn’t find it, the words were effortless. 

“Open fire.” 

[englishvisualnovels]

The Story of Two Overbearing Sakuras and Their Lighthearted Love Triangle — Sakura Sakura Launches on Steam

Developer: Hiqosoft Publisher: Sol Press Release Date: November 19, 2018 Platform: Windows Age Rating: All-Ages & 18+ Price: $34.99

Note: This post contains links that lead to NSFW content.

Earlier this week, Sol Press released Sakura Sakura on Steam. A free demo for the game is available on Steam and the Sakura Sakura promotional website.

The Steam version of Sakura Sakura is all-ages, but Sol Press released a free patch which adds adult content to the game.

Relevant Links:

Where to Buy (Digital): Steam (18+ Patch)

Official Site (Demo available)

Features, via Sol Press:

Step into the shoes of two different protagonists each with their own love triangles.

A romantic visual novel featuring a Japanese voice cast.

Relive touching and hilarious CG scenes with the CG Gallery feature.

Listen to your favorite tunes from the game in the Music Gallery.

Synopsis:

The Dorm Guardian vs. The School Guardian

Tohru Inaba has always dreamed of living a co-ed life. That’s why, when he finally managed to transfer into the renowned Rintoku Academy, he immediately fell head over heels for two Sakuras!

Nanako Sakura’s classes are strict, but at home, she turns into an overbearing mother.

Sakura Kirishima may seem cold and unfriendly, but she is always ready to lend a helping hand as the class representative.

These two girls are outwardly indifferent to Tohru, but put the three of them together and sparks begin to fly.

In the sakura-colored season of spring, two fussy Sakuras have been caught in a light-hearted love triangle.

The Internet Friend vs. The Childhood Friend

"You know how romance games always give the main character that best friend who tells him about the girls? I want to be that guy."

Naoki Fuse, the self-proclaimed best friend, is always ready to tease Tohru about his situation with the two Sakuras.

But, unbeknownst to him, he is one side of yet another light-hearted love triangle.

Akira Nitta has been Naoki's friend since before they could read and write, and is now finally living under the same (dorm) roof as him.

Kurumi Tachibana used to be Naoki's MMO raiding partner, but they were separated before she ever got a chance to meet him in real life or tell him how she felt.

"I understand him better than anyone else."

Akira and Kurumi have Naoki stumped for the first time in his life. And so, Tohru finally gets a chance to see things from the other side.

The curtains rise on this desolate showdown for love.

Cast:

Nanako Sakura Voiced by: Izumi Maki

(Known roles: Chihiro Shindou from ef - a fairy tale of the two., Chizuru Tachibana from the Grisaia series, Komaru Kamikita from Little Busters!, etc.)

The kind dorm mother of the Tsukimi Athletics Dorm who wakes the students up every morning. She cheerfully makes breakfast every morning just for Tohru Inaba, but not out of special consideration for him. Rather, it’s because the other two residents, Naoki and Akira, usually skip breakfast. Coincidentally, one of her concerns is that those two have been skipping their practices as well.

She acts as a parent to Tohru, supporting, encouraging, and scolding him as he works to become an official member of the Fine Arts Club. At school, Nanako transforms into a strict and imposing homeroom teacher, with a firm line drawn between the two roles.

However, since witnessing Tohru being fussed over by Sakura, the vice president of the Fine Arts Club, her mood at the dorm has been noticeably worse.

Nanako specializes in general housework, honed from her time living alone, and cooking simmered dishes such as nikujaga, curry, and hot pot. Her hobby is gardening, and she devotes her spare time to protecting her garden by weeding the dorm's backyard. She goes on walks in the middle of the night to count the stars whenever she is upset, something she has been doing ever since she was a little girl. Because of her youthful appearance, she is often treated like a child, unbecoming of her status as a teacher. Lately, she has been spending more and more time looking up at the sky from the dorm's backyard.

Sakura Kirishima Voiced by: Yukari Aoyama

(Known roles: Bunwa Kaku from the Shin Koihime † Musou series, Kazuki Kazami from the Grisaia series, Orgel Seira from Chaos;Head, etc.)

The class representative and cool beauty in the next seat over. When the other Fine Arts Club members protested Tohru's entry into the club, all it took was for Sakura to say, “I will take responsibility,” to convert them into unanimously approving.

At Rintoku Academy, which is already renowned for its art programs, the Fine Arts Club stands above the rest. And Sakura is the only person capable of wrangling the prideful members of the Fine Arts Club into working, to the point that 3 club advisors have lost confidence and quit in the past year. Despite only being the vice president of the club, her words’ influence rival that of the teachers, and she is not taken lightly by anyone.

That is the reason why, when Tohru naturally lines his up desk with Sakura’s to share textbooks or when he invites her to eat lunch together, their classmates get restless. However, as Sakura is the only person who can get the problem children of the Tsukimi dorm to fall into line, she is also the only one capable of being their class representative. Her natural leadership dwarfs Nanako’s, who is still a novice teacher, causing the latter to often feel discouraged.

Sakura dislikes people who are spineless, waste words, or can't keep promises, those of whom greatly outnumber the people she likes. Despite Tohru being all of these, she becomes his guardian when it comes to club activities, looking out for him. But what her clubmates understand least of all is why she gets so fired up when it comes to the Tsukimi Dorm Mother, Nanako. The two often collide in a rivalry over teaching Tohru about the academy's customs.

Akira Nitta Voiced by: Yuka Kanematsu

(Known roles: Hiyori Oofusa from Dracu-riot!, Moukaku from the Shin Koihime † Musou series, Shamsiel Shaharl from the Funbag Fantasy series, etc.)

The real-life childhood friend who finds the idea of an Internet childhood friend ridiculous. Akira dreamed about marrying Naoki when she was a little girl, earnestly devoting herself to him and spoiling him... and then doing a complete 180 when she realized he had turned into a sloth because of her. Her current number 1 wish is to erase those years of puppy-love devotion from her memory.

Just as Naoki managed to enroll in Rintoku through the kendo program, Akira enrolled through its gymnastics program and thus also lives in Tsukimi dorm. For reasons unknown, she no longer attends practice and instead skips to play baseball and table tennis with Naoki. Whenever he asks her why she keeps skipping with him, she simply replies, "Why don’t you ask the leotard?"

To Akira, Kurumi does not even register as a rival. However, when Kurumi drags Naoki into conversations about Internet games and dating sims, she becomes determined to steer him away, beginning another hopeless battle for his affection.

Akira follows a strict day-to-day diet and is afraid of body weight scales. She often says, "I wish my stomach would stay closer to my back." She is also obsessed with household appliances and has spent the last six months steadily saving to buy a ‘cute refrigerator’. Her favorite food is popsicles and her dream is to have a refrigerator stocked year-round with perfect rows of sparkling popsicles.

Kurumi Tachibana Voiced by: Yui Sakakibara

(Known roles: Ayase Kishimoto from Chaos;Head, Hamaji Yakumo from H20: Footprints in the Sand, Navi from Dragonar Academy, etc.)

The Internet childhood friend who refuses to lose to a real-life childhood friend. Six years ago, hallo made huge waves among hardcore gamers as one of the first big MMORPGs. Kurumi and Naoki met there and formed a party, shedding blood, sweat, and tears together for more than two years. However, right before they could clear the final dungeon, the game ceased operations and the two were suddenly forced apart. Kurumi had planned to confess to him and ask for his contact information once they cleared it, but it seemed her first love was not to be.

All she knew was that Naoki lived in the same region as her. Kurumi was a shut-in at the time, but she took that day as an opportunity to change. She learned how to be fashionable, took up more club activities, started studying, and became an outgoing person. She had no intention of letting her first love end the way it did.

Two years Naoki's junior, Kurumi was recognized as a genius for the sensitivity portrayed in her art and rose to the top of the Rintoku Academy affiliate school she attended, allowing her to take part in the Rintoku Academy Fine Arts Club’s activities. Through Tohru, she recognized Naoki as the person she had been looking for and, consequently, has started picking fights with Naoki's real-life childhood friend, Akira. However, she gets nervous and loses her ability to speak in front of Naoki, resorting to extremely formal language. When she played hallo with him, she lacked the courage to confess outright and instead kept wandering around the entrance to the final dungeon.

[talesofthemultiverse]

The Interloper

The Keldons weren't the best of company, but one couldn't deny their bond.

As Solfrid nibbled at the carved off pieces of colos meat in front of her, the tent was filled with uproarious laughter, as the humans and elves scattered at the tables around her challenged each other to feats of strength and might.

She sighed. Despite their initial hostilities, the Keldons were kind to her when she first came to Dominaria, offering her food and shelter in a harsh, cold, landscape. But maybe a harsh, cold, landscape would make her feel more useful in the world.

"Hey Sol!" A cheery, pale gray elf happily sat down next to her, before tilting her head. "What's wrong?" "Oh, hey Reise," she replied wearily. The towering figure next to her was one of the first to welcome her to the country, albeit with fiery weapons instead of her passionate words. "It's nothing, just... a little out of place. How have you been?"

"What? Oh sweetie..." she suddenly embraced her, taking this moment to steal a bit of meat off of Solfrid's plate. "Do you want to maybe talk about it?"

Solfrid shrugged. "I dunno. Might just eat and gather berries later..." She pushed around some greens on her plate as Reise took another bite of her meat.

"Awww, c'mon Sol." She said, taking a break from her food crimes to look her in the eye. "You know that you can talk to me, right?"

As Solfrid looked Reise in her warm, hazel eyes, she felt her slight smile and caring demeanor make her cheeks redden, before she looked away timidly. "I... I think I'm good."

Reise's general aura of glee faded. "Oh. Well, just keep in mind that you can always talk to me, okay?"

"O-of course... thank you." "You're very welcome." Reise was much more sympathetic than the others, yet was still as likely to take up arms for a cause. She wasn't the most influential of Keldons, but she was able to give her a place to feel safe in a strange and unfamiliar world. Reise quickly tore into her colos meat as Solfrid ate her greens, the former hastily going to arm wrestle with some of the others after her meal.

Solfrid made her way outside, frost coating the patchwork ground of dirt and sprigs of grasses. She wasn't a fighter. She never was, raised to frown on any form of hostility. But Keld decided to challenge her beliefs, with a culture founded on war and combat. She learned about the past of Keld, how many historical Keldon practices involved things she couldn't imagine, and how the Elves of Skyshroud became synonymous with the Humans of Keld, with the most prominent figure becoming the Warlord Rahda. Since her ascent through the hierarchies of Keld, she has helped to shake off some of the more problematic elements of Keldon culture, despite fervent opposition. But even with her dive into Keldon lore, she felt... disconnected. In a universe full of countless other worlds and cultures, she managed to travel to the one place that was almost completely against everything she stood for. She didn't belong in a country of warmongers.

She sat down, a lone weed flowering in front of her. Her hands cupped around it, and a thin veneer of frost wrapped around the stem, surrounding the many petals, extending them into a more familiar form. Kaldhiem never had many flowers, but her favorite one of the few there were was the Edelhvit. A symbol of connection and dedication, the Edelhvit is usually given to a cherished loved one as a sign of commitment. She wished for the bond that it symbolised, and a stray tear fell down to form a perfect frozen drop in the center of the flower.

As she sighed deeply, the sounds of a hunting party leaving the tent entered her ears. They were off to find a stray gargadon, for meat or for mount. She wiped her face, leaving the frozen flower to try and find a berry bush to harvest. While leather and steel were Keld's bounty, the fruit was a diamond in the rough, not yet completely domesticated, yet containing a tartness that made any food served with it that much richer.

As she began to collect the small, round berries, she heard the jovial band begin to canvass the tundra. Nothing new. The ground crunched under her footsteps, as she unconsciously followed the hunting party on her search for bushes to harvest. It wasn't until she saw something out of the corner of her eye that she realized she was following them.

A glint out of the corner of her eye was the only sign she needed to know that she wasn't the only one traveling throughout the Keldon wastes. In an instant, a wall of frozen water raised between the group and the lone figure, the arrow that was loosed being embedded in the ice.

The figure that stared at Solfrid was undeniably from off-world. Her long, jet-black hair hung down in from her serene, unyielding face, a scowl painted unceremoniously on it. Clad in red-and-black leather armor, she gritted her teeth, and the arrow meant for the Keldons exploded, leaving chilling rubble where a wall once was. She took another arrow out from her quiver and nocked it, aiming it not at the Keldons, but Solfrid's heart.

Another wall of ice made short work of the arrow, and vice versa, before the strange woman began to send a volley of shots flying to the confused hunting band. While a snowy wind was able to tilt the projectiles off-course, Solfrid knew that she couldn't stay on deflection duty forever. She focused, before sending her own blast of ice and snow towards the assassin. While it was easily dodged, it gave her time to get closer to the archer, as she yelled out to the Keldons to go back to the camp and start to pack. Upon her 'closer inspection' of the arrows before, she saw that they were barbed on the end, making it impossible to pull them out without an accompanying chunk of flesh. Nothing that would be fun to deal with.

"Who are you?!" she yelled.

"Are you in any real position to ask?" The words were spit at her, closely followed by another arrow.

As ice filled the air from the impact of the arrow, Solfrid broke into a mad dash towards the woman, before having to set up another wall and doing it again. With each shot fired she further closed the distance between the two, until she was close enough to unleash a powerful cloud of snowy mist that enveloped the hill. Before long, a small light began to cut through the haze, as a halo of flaming arrows implanted themselves in the ground to clear the assassin's vision. But before she could take in her surroundings, a column of ice collapsed upon the assailant.

The moderately timid woman knelt down upon the frozen prison that she had made for the archer, and frozen tears began to drop from the corners of her eyes. This woman had a chaotic energy about her that she had only heard whispers of. A lone point in her past that had haunted her since her time as a young girl. The Kannah were amazing storytellers, and such stories were exactly what she was afraid followed her to Dominaria. As tear by tear fell onto the frozen surface of the column prison, a rhythmic shattering sound got louder and louder.

A wrought iron chain with spikes interspersed onto every few links broke through the ice, leaving jagged edges that scratched at the skin. The crimson-and-jet-clad assassin snarled, like a feral beast, looking up towards the protector of this band of raiders. She’s not one of them. Her clothes aren’t the cold leathers of the Keldons, but soft furs that warm one’s very soul. Her hair is of the golden sun, while the Keldons share their hair with the volcanic ash that littered the land. The Keldons were towers among the people of Dominaria, let alone in all the planes, but she was less than average, among their standards. Who was she? Were she a weakling, the tribe would make short work of her. Yet her hands weren’t as calloused and rough as the others. She couldn’t be a Keldon. But why was she here? Garna’s Lieutenant said nothing about an interloper. No matter. There wasn’t any rule against killing people that weren’t the target.” And it would be fun to watch her writhe.

As she stepped out of the pillar, the sound of tears hit her ears sharply. Her bow was in her hands in a flash, before sending a bolt into the blue, followed by the chain. As the spikes dug into the ice, she ran parallel to the face of it, before jumping and letting the momentum swing her up onto the platform behind the interloper. She pulled a knife out from her belt and gave it a slight toss into the air before a frosty blast sent it skidding onto the wastes. Before she knew it, she was dropped onto the ground with a hard thud, along with the fateful crack of a rib.

“Damn you…” she grimaced, before smiling wildly. “I’m going to enjoy flaying that pretty skin off of your body…”

Solfrid’s bloodshot, teary eyes dug into the assassin. “Why are you coming after me?” A wave of cool shot off across the ground, before sealing the woman to the ground. “I did nothing wrong you—”

“Sol!” A familiar voice echoed across the tundra. She turned her head to look at Reise before the arrow turned to shade and pierced through her chest.

As the arrow hit its mark, the elf in the corner yelled “Solfrid,” her voice breaking midway through the word. She couldn’t see the archer dissipate into a smoldering pile of ash out of her peripheral, her focus pointed on Solfird’s body crumpling on top of the pillar.

She clambered up the pillar quickly, as she was fairly familiar with how her friend constructed her sculptures. Upon a quick inspection of her body, and tearing the soft cloths from her skin, she determined that the arrow never penetrated the skin, but managed to leave whatever mark it made internally. Reise hefted Solfrid up onto her shoulders, and carried her back to the camp.

When Solfrid awoke, the same hazel eyes that looked at her earlier at dinner melted with satisfaction. “Sol, you’re awake!”

As she sat up, a sharp pain hit right below her heart, causing her to slump back down. “Gah… what… what happened? Where is she?”

As Reise stroked her golden locks, a wave of calm washed over her. “Shh. Don’t stir too much, you need rest in order to heal.”

“She got away…” a sigh escaped her as she laid back down. “I couldn’t stop her from…”

“Nobody is hurt, Sol,” Reise interrupts, “The hunting party was able to retreat before she could injure anyone, and she must have knew that reinforcements were coming because there was no sight of her after I took you back here… It’s safe.”

“...I...o-okay…” Solfrid muttered, not believing the words that she spoke.

Reise leaned over her, the hand that was combing her hair now resting against her cheek. “...I don’t want to see you doing something that stupid again, okay? I… I care about you, and it’d tear me up if you threw your life away doing something dumb…”

Solfrid flushed at the contact, hastily squeaking and nodding in agreement.

“Good… I hope you don’t mind me being around, cause I’m the one that’s going to be taking care of you for your recuperation.” Reise stood and walked away. “Oh and the hunting party got a gift for you, given you saved their lives.”

As she said that, Solfrid’s eyes wandered onto a colos-wool stuffy, ironically, of a colos. The craftsmanship was atrocious, but it was somehow adorable, in an absolutely horrifying sort of way. The Keldons weren't the best of company, but one couldn't deny their bond.

[pjo-hoo-nextgen]

The First Quest Part VII

Lunch was always a busy time in New Rome. Partially because students of all ages were eager to enjoy their breaks from studying. Rowdy kids darted about poking fun at each other while simultaneously enjoying the endless supply of amazing food. 

As promised Andy was determined to inhale everything that even remotely smelled good. Of course Maria challenged him in while the others were much more particular in what their meals contained. The conversation was light hearted for some time and it was clear to any observer that the kids were happy to simply enjoy each other’s company.

“Tell me all of the details on how you guys won.” Thia leaned forward eagerly.

“Okay so-” Andy took another bite of food, “It was totally awesome- I mean Eli did this cool animal thing-”

“Andy just shut up and keep eating.” Eli rolled his eyes. “Sol and I can explain in less than half the time it’ll take you to chew.”

Sol snickered and high fived Eli. Andy just frowned and kept eating as told.

“As the human pig was saying,” Eli continued, “I managed to pull off a pretty crazy flank. I don’t think I’ve ever shape shifted so much in my life before. I kept to the trees as a bird and then rather stupidly crawled as a beetle across open terrain.”

“You could have been stepped on.” Grey frowned in disapproval.

“Anyways, no one had a clue Eli was doing that. Meanwhile I’d managed to set up a trip wire system.” Sol’s eyes glistened excitedly. “We had no defense at all. It lured all of the other team into the woods but they got snagged in every trap you can think of.”

“For the record I warned Jaxon you would set up a tricky defense but the idiot just wandered into it with our entire offense.” Maria shook her head still seemingly stuck in disbelief.

“Ouch. You’re not gonna let him live it down are you?” Thia winced, she knew her cousin was going to hear about this for years to come.

“So once the offense went bye-bye Andy lead a charge down center that drew out the defense.” Eli grinned recalling the incident, “I snatched that flag and bolted.”

“He turned into freaking Usain Bolt.” Andy boasted.

“I wish I’d gotten to see it. That sounds amazing!” Thia couldn’t help but feel proud of her friends. Being part of the younger group they usually got their butts kicked, it sounded like a glorious and sweet victory.

“Can’t say it wasn’t incredible.” Grey admitted.

“Eli what’s the glare for?” Maria frowned looking at the younger boy with confusion. Eli’s gaze had narrowed on someone behind them. 

“I’ll be back. I have a score to settle.” Everyone watched as Eli stood before turning to see what he’d locked onto. Thia’s heart skipped a beat as she realized who Eli was going to confront. 

“Eli, don’t. Leave it.” Andy seemed to make the connection at the same time Thia had.

“That’s Austin right?” Eli asked with fake innocence. “The guy who keeps being a jerk to you? I’ve seen him kick around some younger kids too.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Thia shook her head eager to avoid a large conflict, “we should find something to do. Maybe we can raid the armory for fun.”

“Of course it matters. I don’t like bullies.” There was no convincing Eli to change his mind once it was made up. 

“Oh no.” Grey mumbled. He perched anxiously on the edge of his seat. The group of demigods watched with tense expressions. It seemed, at first, that Eli was merely going to talk to Austin, but Austin had other ideas. Eli must have said something Austin didn't like because one moment he was in front of Austin and the next he was slammed into the nearest wall. 

Maria was the first to respond. The entire room had gone silent at the sudden commotion. Eli turned the tables quickly, shoving Austin into a table. Onlookers scattered as did their plates of food. Maria caught Austin by the back of the collar and pulled him off of Eli. 

At first it seemed that the fight was over until three of Austin’s friends came to his aid. Things escalated until an all out brawl was ravaging the dining hall. Eli had transformed into a snarling wolf. The hair between his shoulder blades stood on end as he sized up the fight. Andy was grappling with one of the smaller boys. He took a pretty brutal beating before Sol came to his aid looking like the human torch and very angry. It was a good  thing her clothes were all fire proof. Grey had moved to get some of the smaller Roman kids out of harms way while Maria made quick work of Austin’s other two friends.

Eli made a crucial mistake diving in too early on Austin’s flank. The attack was countered quickly and Eli was pinned, forced to return to his human form. Thia had been helping Grey but a gleam of gold caught her peripheral. Austin had pulled a knife on Eli who was staring wide eyed at the blade and struggling to hold Austin’s hand at bay.

“Grey...” Grey didn’t hear her concern but there wasn’t time to gather his attention. She was the only one who seemed to have noticed.

Eli didn’t dare take his eyes off the blade but he needed help. Most of his  strength had been used transitioning back and forth between forms. Only the others were currently preoccupied with their own struggles. Slowly Eli’s leverage began to decrease but just when it seemed his shaking arms would give out on their defense the body on top of him was gone.

Sighing in relief Eli rolled to his feet to find Austin with the blade no longer in his hand and his body stuck in a nasty choke hold by Thia. 

“Enough!” The voice was familiar and Eli turned to find his father pulling apart Andy  from another kid.

“Let me at him!” Andy growled.

“Maria drop them,” Jaxon emerged from the gathering crowd his face stern. Eli concluded he must have heard the commotion and told on them.

Maria had two of the other kids under control. One had her foot on his chest and the other had his head tucked under her arm. With great effort she let them go. They were wise to scramble off. Sol had calmed down and was now standing with her hands tucked in her pockets.

“Thia let him go,” Eli realized with a start that she still had Austin in a choke hold. The kid’s face had gone blue from lack of oxygen, “you’ll kill him!”

Eli pried her away from the bully and watched Austin’s chest rise and fall slowly despite being unconscious. “He tried to stab you.”

“I noticed.” Eli laughed.

“All of you head to my office.” Eli cringed at the sound of his father’s voice. “You’re lucky I’m the one here and not Reyna. She’s already furious.”

“Oh no.” Andy mumbled. “We’re dead.”

“Maybe it won’t be too bad?” Maria tried, but they all knew that if Frank was this angry they were in hot water already. 

“Grey and Jaxon, both of you are free to go.” The two boys were wise enough not to argue. The rest of them unfortunately followed Frank from the dining hall like a bunch of lost puppies. Eli and Thia lagged behind the rest of them knowing they’d get the brunt of the lecturing.

“Thanks for not letting me get stabbed.” Eli sighed.

“No problem.“

“You okay?” Eli frowned studying her.

“I kind of wanted to do that for a while. Hurt him back you know? But I didn’t like it. It didn’t feel right.” Eli was reminded once again that Thia hadn’t done anything that aggressive before. It would make sense she would be frightened by her own strength. He couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty since he started the whole mess.

“Well thanks anyway.” Eli gave her a small smile. “I’ll make it up to you if we make it out of this alive.”

“We’re dead you know that right?” Thia glanced at Eli and smiled in return.

“What’s new?” 

[broken-clover]

Illyria Aquarium AU

I think I’ve mentioned I have way way too many ideas when it comes to this series, and that also includes AU’s! I never got around to writing it, so maybe it’ll be fun to toss out some ideas instead of letting stuff collect dust in my docs.

-Not exactly a standard Mermaid AU, instead it focuses on the titular aquarium, which more-or-less functions as a sanctuary for various types of mermaids (or ‘mer’) for them to be taken care of and studied.

-Dr. Asuka R. Kreutz is the owner, director, and board head, but god help you if you actually see him come out of his office because that’s usually a sign that someone screwed up royally if he has to come intervene. He’s a shut-in in just about every sense of the word, but somehow everything still manages to get done.

-(Correction: The interns get everything done)

-Dr. Aria Valentine, Sr. is a big well-known marine biologist who’s worked with mer for decades alongside Dr Kreutz, at least until she moved on to solo work. Most recently, she did a study on two lionfish-types, Elphelt and Ramlethal, at least until part of her home facility collapsed, which forced her to find new homes for them and talk to her old friend for the first time in about ten years.

-In the process, she also kills two birds with one stone when she finds that the aquarium has a need for a temp worker.

-Enter: Aria Valentine, Jr., known as ‘Jack-O’ by anyone and everyone due to her love of candy and all things spooky. She grew up watching her mom’s studies, and has inherited a similar enthusiasm. She’s poured over books and mom’s research notes, but ultimately she’s in no way prepared for all the advanced biology stuff since she doesn’t have a doctorate, so she’s mostly responsible for giving everyone food and managing toys, general housekeeping and making sure none of the mer have killed one another.

-Axl’s the senior temp, which basically just means that he’s been there longer. But you’ll be damned if he ever actually shows up on time for his shift. The only reasons he hasn’t been fired yet is because 1, they are chronically understaffed, and 2, he is ridiculously good when it comes to some of the ‘trouble spots.’ For some reason, even the shier mer seem to take a shine to him. He and Jack-O get along positively swimmingly (lol) which is good, because sometimes when things go bad the two of them are stuck working ridiculous shifts and need to be able to get along.

-Dr. I-no (formally Dr. Ringo, but don’t call her that if you value your life) is one of the marine biologists, even though she doesn’t really seem it at first. Sure, she’s positively brilliant, but she’s also got the dirtiest mouth of anyone you’ll meet and has no filter (so obviously, she isn’t allowed to do the kindergarten tours) and is kind of an asshole. She isn’t completely heartless, though. She’s prone to being easier on Jack-O and offering her advice, and ultimately, she does care very deeply about the mer she’s in charge of keeping healthy.

-Nobody knows where Dr. Raven came from. He’s surrounded by rumors. All that can be confirmed is that he and Asuka have worked together for basically forever and he was around back when the Aquarium first opened. He’s scrawny and creepy-looking, has white hair, and talks like an old man, but he can also lift more than everyone else so there’s a rumor that he’s either unkillable or some sort of cryptid who really likes mermaids. Despite that, he’s actually really friendly, even if he seems to get into a lot of accidents and injure himself without really noticing or caring. It does help that he’s also the human doctor on-site, and knows how to patch up his own wounds.

-That’s it. That’s the entire staff. They have a lot to take care of but they can’t find many people who are both qualified and interested enough to do anything outside of temp work. So things going wrong is remarkably common, though fortunately, nobody has been killed yet

Mer Residents

-Sol is presumed to be a sunfish-type, which confuses everyone on multiple fronts. He’s a lot faster than he looks, and he’s also far more aggressive than a mola has any right to be. Most sunfish are chill and relaxed, and Sol can and will attack his tankmates unless he’s sleeping or tearing through his dinner. This does not, however, stop Axl from trying to befriend him, with Jack-O often having to pull Axl back at the last second before Sol can bite off his hand.

-Ky is basically the aquarium’s equivalent of a mascot. He’s an electric eel, but he’s incredibly well-mannered and good-looking, so he’s very often a star attraction for visitors, and appears on a lot of promos and ads for the facility (and yes, they do also have plushies of him at the gift shop. Jack-O bought one her first day and keeps it on her desk). He can easily get exasperated by the more rowdy fish, but still likes to socialize. He and Potemkin get along well, and he’s got a weird rivalry/friendship with Sol that on occasion results in the sunfish getting zapped.

-Nobody is exactly sure what Sin is or where he came from. He looks kinda like an eel and he’s got the blonde hair, so it’s presumed Ky is one of the parents. He’s a lot stronger than Ky, though, and doesn’t like to sit still, so Sol often needs to be enlisted to catch him for any number of reasons. Sin just kinda appeared one day and with an eye injury, so the staff taped on a waterproof patch. He still gets around okay, though he’s a bit dense, so on numerous instances he’s bumped into his own tank wall.

-Potemkin is a whale shark, and the biggest mer by far (though humorously, he’s considered on the small side for his species) and even though he could knock down the walls with ease, he’s a very relaxed fellow who prefers making drawings on the tank floor and playing with his super-reinforced toys than causing any kind of trouble. Since he’s so calm, he’s often used to try and encourage better behavior with their more troublesome residents, which is doubly useful since he’s hard to beat up if it doesn’t work out.

-Faust is a spiny seahorse, but like Sol, he moves far too fast for one. They also have to be very careful what tank they put him in. It isn’t that he’s asocial- in fact, he’s so over-social that it makes all the other mer uncomfortable. He seems half-convinced that he’s a biologist too, and likes attempting rudimentary ‘checkups’ on his tankmates. He even managed to get his hands on an aquarium labcoat, and he won’t give it back under any circumstances. His favorite toys are hats of all kinds. He has a collection.

-May is a bottlenose dolphin, and she has won the unofficial ‘most destructive’ award. The girl does not know her own strength, and has shattered a tank wall out of sheer excitement on more than one instance. When she isn’t causing damage, she tends to cling to Johnny since they were transferred there together, but she does also play with the other younger mer, like Sin and Bridget.

-Johnny is a grey reef shark, and also the smarmiest punk among all of them. Most of his time is spent either attempting to seduce female mer, or stealing anything remotely shiny and hoarding it. To keep his entertained and minimally destructive, it’s a common game to hide shiny coins in his enclosure or hidden inside of containers for him to find in ‘treasure hunts.’

-Baiken and Anji are a pair of koi who generally keep to themselves. Baiken was initially brought in after being found stuck in a dam, which resulted in severe damage to their eye, arm, and fin, all of which needed to be amputated. They’ve got a prosthetic arm and fin now, but it hasn’t done much for their temperament, and they’re rather sour and surly, preferring to keep away from crowds. They are a biter, and have caused fights in the past.

-Anji is basically Baiken’s opposite, which is good, since he seems to be the only one they can stand. He’s the arsty type, and likes to do little dances to flounce his fins whether or not there are people watching. He can be a bit mischievous, so it’s advised not to let your guard down around him. 

-Chipp is a rainbow trout-type that somehow became convinced that he’s a koi. He mostly tries to follow Baiken and Anji around, but Baiken inevitably gets annoyed with him and chases him off. He is also a troublemaker, but more out of stupidity and too much curiosity rather than malice. He is one of the more sociable, though, and a very friendly fellow who’s good at making friends, as long as they can put up with his seemingly-endless energy.

[expressandadmirable]

Wait For It

Death doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints It takes and it takes and it takes And we keep living anyway We rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes And if there’s a reason I’m still alive When everyone who loves me has died I’m willing to wait for it I’m willing to wait for it

To Aviva’s surprise, no-one protested when she broached the topic of a detour to Corneria during their flight toward Onrac. In fact, Cid immediately brightened at the idea of stopping for some real Cornerian street food. The stalls in Crescent Lake were good, and the strange magical food maker on the Highwind was adequate, but they both knew the food in their home city was the best in the world.

They agreed on a single afternoon’s visit before continuing on their journey, allowing enough time to run their errands but not enough to distract from the task at hand. Upon landing as unobtrusively as an airship could land on the outskirts of the city, Wilhelm immediately departed for the Academy libraries, while Maergrahn wandered at a more leisurely pace in search of a guidebook and souvenir stand. Sol opted to remain aboard the Highwind, ostensibly to stand guard but truly to take advantage of the peace and quiet. Grummer, armed with a list of recommendations from Aviva, peeled off on a quest to buy the largest hookah he could find; watching his back until he disappeared onto a side street, Aviva and Cid began their epicurean quest.

After an animated debate over the best tavern, stall or food cart in the city, Aviva acquiesced to Cid’s desire for bao and followed her through the press of the central market toward a brightly-coloured shop with a large open window set into the front. A round-faced Human stood in the window, calling jovially to passersby; though she eyed the pair as they approached, her suspicious expression quickly crinkled into a smile when they reached the counter. “What can I getcha?”

Cid ordered for them both, rattling off her request with the ease of a regular, and Aviva realised she had probably been so before destiny stole her away. The shop owner, however, did not recognise the towering Lefein as the friendly little Gnome from up the street and seemed greatly impressed by her knowledge of the menu. Cid flushed, though whether it was due to pride or a pang of nostalgia, Aviva could not tell.

“Okay, you win,” Aviva mumbled through a mouthful of bao as they meandered around the edges of the market. “This was the right choice.”

“Told you!” Cid wobbled her head, confident in her decision yet pleased nonetheless by the Tiefling’s vote of approval. “I used to come here all the time with my papa. He tried to make it at home sometimes, and it was good, but it was never as good.”

“Your papa’s back at the shop by now, yeah? Are you going to go see him?”

Cid stopped abruptly, her face darkening, and it took Aviva a step to realise she was no longer at the Lefein’s side. She turned as her friend shook her head. “No. Not yet. I…” Her eyes flicked down to her still-new form, then back to the Tiefling. “I don’t think I’m ready to have that conversation.”

Aviva nodded, quietly regretting her choice of topic. “Okay.”

“I think I’ll go by the shop, though?” Cid mused aloud. “Have a look? Make sure everything’s okay?”

“Change the sign in the window?” Aviva offered with a small smile. “‘Gone to save the world’?”

“I won’t have to change the sign if he’s there!” Cid laughed, her face losing some of its worry. She shifted her gaze to the wide flight of stone steps at the far end of the market, leading up and away toward a broad cobblestoned square. “I think I’ll head there now. Check in on him.” She brightened further as a thought occurred. “Maybe I’ll write him a letter and slip it under the door.”

“I think that’d be nice.” The Tiefling tilted her head. “Do you want company?”

Cid shook her head. “This is something I need to do by myself.” She softened. “Thank you though.”

“Always.”

“I can meet up with you after, though? At your mama’s shop?”

“That’s where I’ll be.”

Lapsing into a brief silence as she finished her bao, Cid gestured to the stone steps, her expression distant. “If the breeze blows the right way, you can smell all the food in the market from our shop. Sometimes I would leave my window open at night so the smell of baking bread would wake me up in the morning.” Her eyes shone as she spoke. “If papa saw the window, he’d go out and buy bread for our breakfast. Every time, he would tell mama to blame me for putting the idea in his head.” Another silence. Then: “Maybe I’ll buy him some bread, too.”

Giving the Lefein an affectionate pat on the shoulder as she passed, Aviva tracked the mass of white-blonde hair as it faded into the chaos of the market. The same market she had visited her entire life, utterly unchanged in her absence. She debated paying a visit to her old haunts, catching up with friends and comrades, but abandoned the idea as soon as it came to her. Cid was right. Those conversations were too complicated for one afternoon. If there was a next time, she would have them then.

She lit a cigarette and started walking, somewhat absently, turning away from vendors hawking their goods and entering her own personal labyrinth of alleys and back streets, the press of shadowed walls as intimate as a lover’s embrace. The city of her childhood stood exactly as it always had, raucous and vibrant, a living thing. Did it know? Did it have even an inkling of the darkness encroaching on the world? Did it know what she and her friends had been through to save it? To save everything? It did not matter. It was their destiny to fight, perhaps to die, in the service of the world. She wondered who would remember them.

All at once, the alley opened onto a familiar boulevard and the leather shop stood before her, shuttered and quiet. It, too, had not changed, though it stood in stark contrast to the rest of the shops along the street, all of them bright and open for business. It had never been an impressive structure, lacking the attractive half-timbered design of its neighbours, its only distinctive feature the faded purple door at its centre. But it was home.

Her heart hurt as she stared at the building that once housed her entire world. One day, as a child, she had come home from school to find vulgar words and the crude depiction of a bull scrawled across the lovingly painted door. She could no longer recall which cruelties the vandals had chosen to leave, only the badly-hidden defeat on her mother’s face as she resigned herself to repainting the door -- again. Now, its colour dulled with time, that door held only a simple sign announcing to customers that the shop was closed until further notice and apologising for the inconvenience. She almost rolled her eyes. Only her mother would apologise for closing her own shop.

Slipping through the alley to their tiny back courtyard, she left a stone from the banks of Crescent Lake on the Goddess’ altar before letting herself inside. The workshop air was thick with the scent of leather and dye, her mother’s constant perfume. She continued into the shop and rounded the stairs to the flat above, taking a deep, steadying breath before ascending.

The inside of the flat was as dim as the shop below, but her eyes had never minded the dark. The kitchen and living area were as tidy as she had left them months ago, cleaning late into the night to soothe her anxious mind as she teetered on the precipice of destiny. She ran a hand along the smooth wood of the kitchen table, feeling a pang of absurd disappointment; some small part of her had hoped to see signs of life, some evidence her mother had returned, safe and sound despite everything. It was a foolish hope, she knew. The house was empty.

Fishing a ratty canvas bag from the linen closet, she set about gathering items from throughout the flat. A spare belt, extra trousers and tunics (why not take advantage of living in a cabin with drawers?), new violin strings, a blanket she had missed, a stoppered glass vial filled with ash. She surveyed the instruments in her room, finally selecting the left-handed guitar and throwing a capo, glass slide, spare strings and a number of picks into the bag. Having another avenue for music ought to keep her busy for awhile.

The flat was not large, consisting of an open kitchen and living room, a small storage room mostly filled with leather supplies, her room, and her mother’s room. She had stopped thinking of it as her parents’ room fairly quickly after her father’s passing, but she wondered if her mother ever had. Tapping arhythmic patterns on the doorknob to quell the sudden surge of anxiety, it took her several full minutes to open the door.

She had not looked in on her mother’s room before she left Corneria months ago, but she was not surprised to find it immaculate. Much like the shop below, her mother had somehow known she would be gone for some time and had left nothing out of place. The stack of thick gold bracelets was missing from the dresser, which she found oddly comforting; it meant her mother was wearing her favourite jewellery, wherever she was. She considered lying down on the bed, crawling under the covers as she had done so many times when she was little, but she did not. The bed had only been safe because it contained her mother’s arms. Instead, she picked up the item she wanted from the bedside table and made a hasty exit, closing the door firmly and definitively behind her.

The roof. That was where she wanted to go. To see the city as she knew it best, to sit in her favourite spot and let music drift over the slate and thatch and terra cotta like smoke from a hearth. Slinging the guitar across her back and the bag over one shoulder, she opened the shutters of her bedroom window and clambered out, up, and over.

The roof was the only place the lack of change seemed natural; aside from the chimneys and the rainwater tank at the far end, there was nothing to see but flat stone, sun-warmed and inviting even in winter. Settling cross-legged near the front lip of the building, she pulled the guitar into her lap and retrieved the slide from the bag. The guitar was badly in need of tuning, and the strings would soon need to be replaced, but she did not mind. It was an opportunity too precious to waste.

* * *

“Lux? Umm… Aviva?”

The Tiefling palmed the strings of her guitar, her ears pricking up at the sound of her name. The sun was low over the bay; evidently, she had lost track of the hour quite awhile ago. At least it had given her plenty of time to think. She stood, fighting off the feeling of pins and needles in her legs and at the base of her tail, and poked her head over the edge of the roof to see Cid looking at the shop in confusion. “Hey honeybee!” she called, grinning at the face tilting in her direction. “Come on up! The back door’s open, and if you go through--”

And then Cid was beside her on the roof, iridescent angelic wings folding and vanishing against her back.

Aviva blinked. “Or, yeah, you could do that. Showoff.” She smiled as Cid giggled. Letting it fade, she considered her first question; then, softly: “Did you see your dad?”

“No,” Cid sighed. “Shop was closed. But the sign was different, so he must have been back recently. I wrote a letter and left it under the door, then went for a walk in the Garden District. Nothing’s in bloom, but it’s still pretty green. It was nice.” She looked out over the rooftops. “It’s beautiful up here.”

“Best view in the city,” Aviva declared with a broad wave of her hand. “I’ve probably spent more time up here than anywhere else in the world.” She let her arm fall back to her side. “It’s weird to be back, though.”

Cid cocked her head. “How so?”

“I don’t know.” Aviva shrugged. “I guess I expected something to be… I don’t know,” she repeated. “Different.”

“Yeah,” Cid agreed quietly. “Everything around here is the same. It’s us who have changed.”

For a long moment, neither spoke. Then Aviva cleared her throat. “I’m not sure I ever just… thanked you. For coming with me in Deepgift. Or maybe I did, but it doesn’t feel like enough.” She chewed her lip. “I know it didn’t… I didn’t… Well, it could have gone better.” She offered a lopsided grin as Cid snorted, then removed the slide from her finger and reached for her friend’s hand. “But I don’t think I could have held out without you beside me. I don’t know if I could have said no, and ‘no’ was the only right answer I could give. You helped me do that.”

Cid squeezed her hand, her fingers long and graceful, her grip warm. “I know you still feel guilty. But it was my choice to go. You’d have done the same.”

Returning the squeeze, Aviva smiled. “That’s what Elerian said, too.”

“Well, maybe you should start listening!”

A huffed laugh. “I’m learning.”

“I know.” Cid paused, mulling over her words. “And, honestly? Really, truly honestly? Jaxa sort of… did me a favour, if you want to look at it that way. This me feels like the me I’m supposed to be. I feel good like this. I feel… right.” She shrugged. “Would have been nice to find a mellower way to bring that about, but.” It was Aviva’s turn to snort. Cid fell silent for a beat, gazing out over the city. “I don’t blame anyone for being sad. We feel what we feel. It’s just a lot to shoulder when I’m also trying to figure things out for myself. I’m the same, but I’m different. It’s a lot to think about.”

Moving to sit, Aviva tugged on Cid’s arm to join her. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Following the Tiefling’s lead, Cid plopped down beside her, stretching her legs out and leaning back on her palms. “I don’t know. I’m still sorting through a lot.” She squinted into the distance as she thought. “It was nice to be unknown in Crescent Lake. People stared because I’m a big tall Lefein, but not because they knew who I was. I didn’t have to answer any questions, didn’t have to explain what happened. I could just be… alive.”

Aviva winced, but said nothing.

“Being back here is different,” Cid continued, a confused frown playing across her features. “Like you said, it’s all the same, but I’m different. Everything is right where I remember, but I see it differently -- I mean literally, it all looks so much smaller now, so much further away. I knew the lady in the bao shop, but she didn’t recognise me, and now I’m not sure mama and papa will recognise me. I’m not sure how to feel about that.”

“We feel what we feel,” Aviva murmured. “For what it’s worth, I bet your parents will recognise you. Family has a way of adapting to change, even big change, and a daughter creating a new body certainly ranks up there -- and, to be fair, the concept of building a new body isn’t entirely outside your mama’s wheelhouse. What’s important is that they’ll love you no matter what you look like, or how easily you fit into their chairs.”

Despite herself, Cid chuckled. “At least their house in Scanderimus has you-sized rooms. The flat above the shop here is just a you-sized attic my parents converted into a them-sized home. I’ll have to sleep in the workshop or something.” A sudden cloud passed over her face as she realised the painful symbolism of her statement.

“They’ll figure it out,” Aviva said with a confident nod. “They’ll find a way to make it work. It may not be a quick or easy adjustment, but they’ll make it. They’re your family and they love you. Just like we do.”

“Yeah,” Cid breathed, the corners of her lips twitching just slightly. “I know.”

“Can I show you something?” Lifting the guitar from her lap and setting it aside, Aviva reached into the canvas bag. “My family has had it my whole life, and it’s the main reason I wanted to stop in Corneria. Just for this.” She produced a thick, flat object and held it out to Cid, who accepted it delicately and turned it over to look.

Behind a thin pane of glass, two Tieflings smiled, hand-sketched and lovingly painted. The man, tall and broad and sporting a short braid in his plum-coloured hair, had an arm wrapped around the woman’s shoulders, his face angled toward her with an air of playful adoration. She, petite and incredibly pregnant, had been captured mid-laugh, pressing a hand to her belly for support as she nestled herself against his side. Her hair was dark, braided over one shoulder, but the hue of her skin and the curve of her horns mirrored the Tiefling on the roof so precisely that her identity was impossible to mistake.

Cid exhaled slowly, holding the wooden frame with reverence. “Your whole family.”

“Yeah. My papa’s best friend Pippa drew this as a gift to them -- the week before I was born, though she didn’t know that part at the time. I was born a couple weeks early, and she used to joke that if she’d waited just a few days, she could have included me in the picture properly.”

“Your papa was very handsome.”

“I’ve never met a man who could surpass him.” Aviva’s smile was soft and fond. “My mama was twenty-two when she had me, and the age I am now is the age she was when she lost him. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.”

Resting her hand on Aviva’s knee, Cid nodded sympathetically. “That’s a heavy thing to sit with. I know how much you miss him. And her.”

“It made me realise something, though. There were people who thought she wouldn’t make it, that she’d just waste away without him. But she had me. We got through it because we had each other… just like you, and Halei, and Grummer, Wil, Maergrahn and I will get through this because we have each other. Because we’re family. A weird, found, slightly dysfunctional, but ultimately loving family.” She flushed. “It sounds kinda cheesy when I say it out loud.”

“That’s okay,” Cid grinned, her own weight seeming to lift just a little. “I like it anyway.”

Suddenly, something hard bumped into Aviva’s low back. She yelped in surprise, twisting with arm raised and ready to fire, but she stopped before she could gather the magic. “Well, look who it is!”

A large ginger cat stared back at her, utterly unfazed by the prospect of being roasted by magical flame. He stepped forward as Aviva lowered her hand, pressing his head into her palm. “My starman.”

“You know this cat?” Cid asked, stunned. “This is the cat who used to come into the shop and knock all my things over and nap in the sun!” She laughed in delighted shock. As if knowing he was the subject of their conversation, the ginger cat turned his attention to Cid, rubbing against her outstretched hand. “Is his name Starman?”

Aviva shook her head. “Nah. That’s just what I called him sometimes. He’d come sit up here with me and we’d stargaze together, so he became my starman.” She stroked his back as Cid scratched under his chin. “But it’s a pretty good name. Good to see you again, buddy.” He purred in response.

For a few minutes, they lavished attention on the ginger cat, until Aviva finally sighed. “We should be getting back, it’s near dark. I kind of wish we’d decided to spend the night here, though. We could go dancing.”

“Dancing?” Cid raised a brow. “What kind of dancing?”

“No kind, just dancing. For fun. There’s a club not far from here that a friend took me to once. I went a few times by myself after that; dancing alone is surprisingly fun if the music is loud enough.” Aviva smirked. “You did say you wanted to try new things.”

“Maybe next time.” Cid stood, brushing off the backs of her legs. “How do we get down?”

“You mean you can’t just fly us down?” Aviva asked, feigning her best innocence.

Cid gave the Tiefling her best withering look. “I can only do that once a day, cheeky.”

“Alright, alright.” Aviva strapped the guitar to her back and led the way from the roof back to her bedroom, guiding Cid through the window and latching it behind them. When they exited the back door of the shop, the ginger cat was waiting for them on the cobblestones, yawning widely before twining around Cid’s legs. They each offered him some parting scratches in turn, then made their way through the alley and out into the street.

A thin sliver of moon rose to greet them as they ambled toward the edge of the city, the Lefein and the Tiefling, the angel and the devil. Throwing an arm over Cid’s shoulders, Aviva serenaded her with a ballad she’d heard in Crescent Lake, adding in just enough drama to make her friend squeal with laughter. They must have seemed a pair of professional drunkards, supporting each other so early in the evening, but Aviva did not mind. Sometimes a bit of silliness was called for.

“Don’t look now,” Aviva muttered as the houses began to alternate with small plots of farmland, “but I think we’re being followed.”

Cid tensed, ready to reach for the gun at her hip, but when she peeked over her shoulder, her expression softened. “Starman!”

The ginger cat chirped, trotting forward when they paused and pressing his body against Aviva’s shin. She crouched to run her hand over his back, peeking up at Cid with a coy smile. “Captain… He appears to have followed us home. Can we keep him?”

Frowning in thought, Cid folded her arms. “I don’t know… What if someone doesn’t like cats?”

“Every good ship needs a cat,” Aviva countered; as if to emphasise the point, the ginger cat flopped on the ground, showing his belly as he stretched his front paws expectantly toward Cid. “And besides, if Maergrahn has a duck, I don’t think anyone can say boo.”

“That’s a valid point,” Cid conceded. “Do you think he’ll try to eat the duck?”

“This lazy little shit?” Aviva scoffed. “The only reason he learned to hunt is because I couldn’t feed him every day. He was made to be a housecat.”

“Well…” Cid mused, making a show of indecision, then broke into a grin. “I think we have room for one more. Welcome aboard, Starman.”

The ginger cat yawned.

Life doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints It takes and it takes and it takes And we keep living anyway We rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes And if there's a reason I'm still alive When so many have died Then I'm willing to wait for it I'm willing to wait for it

Love doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints It takes and it takes and it takes And we keep loving anyway We laugh and we cry and we break and we make our mistakes And if there's a reason I'm by her side When so many have tried Then I'm willing to wait for it I'm willing to wait for it

(Femslash February is over, which means it’s Morgan March! It also happens to be the birthday of one of my dearest friends, Morgan’s player @stufflaalikes, so this story is a birthday gift to her. Featuring some heart-wrenchingly beautiful Lux family art by Sol’s player @b-e-m-l-t.)

[pendulumprince]

IT’S EPISODE 19. LET’S SEE WHO CAN SCREAM LOUDEST.

SPOILER: ITS ME. IT’S ALWAYS ME.

After the recap/opening

OKAY PLAYMAKER’S GOT FIREWALL AND DECODE ON HIS SIDE OF THE FIELD

HE’S GOT 2000 LP

AKIRA’S GOT 3900, AND THAT CRAZY GUARD DOG MONSTER

BLUE ANGE, KITA, AND SHOICHI WATCH ON IN TENSE ANTICIPATION

GG NOTICES BLUE ANGEL

AKIRA ACTIVATES HIS MONSTER’S EFFECT

BRINGS FIREWALL DOWN TO 1500 ATK

PLAYMAKER PLAYS A MAGIC CARD

TAKES OUT BOTH OF AKIRA’S MONSTERS

AI’S ALREADY BRAGGING

FIREWALL AND DECODE GET ALL THOSE SWEET ATK POINTS BACK

AKIRA’S TRAP IS ALSO DESTROYED

PLAYMAKER GOES IN FOR THE ATTACK

GETS AKIRA DIRECTLY

HE’S DOWN TO 1100 LP

BLUE ANGEL IS HIGHLY CONCERNED

BUT AKIRA’S GOT A TRAP

HE TAKES OUT DECODE

AND

SUMMONS HIS ACE

THE GATES OF HELL OPEN UP??

THREE COMETS FLY UP INTO THE SKY???

AND THERE’S THAT FREAKY BITCH NOW

AT 0 ATK

AI IS TERRIFIED OF THIS MONSTER

BUT AT LEAST HE KNOWS 0 ATK= A PAIN IN THE ASS EFFECT

AND AKIRA ACTIVATES IT

IT GAINS 1500 ATK FOR BOTH MONSTERS IN AKIRA’S GRAVE

SO IT’S AT 3000 ATK

PLAYMAKER SETS A FACEDOWN, ENDS HIS TURN

AKIRA TAKES HIS

GOES IN FOR THE ATTACK

PLAYMAKER ACTIVTES HIS TRAP

EQUIPS IT TO FIREWALL

SO FIREWALL ISN’T DESTROYED

“BUT YOU STILL TAKE DAMAGE!”  AW DAMN THERE IT IS

PLAYMAKER’S DOWN TO 1500 LP

AKIRA ACTIVATES HIS MONSTER’S OTHER EFFECT

SUMMONS A TOKEN

AND HIS ACE GOES UP TO 3500 ATK

AKIRA SETS TWO FACEDOWNS

PLAYMAKER TAKES HIS TURN, AND

AKIRA IMMEDIATLY ACTIVATES HIS TRAP

AND WHATEVER MONSTER IT’S EQUIPPED TO

CAN’T BE DESTROYED BY BATTLE OR CARD EFFECT LMAO OKAY

And… apperently…

When there are monsters next to all of his ace’s links…

He can send his ace and all those monsters to the grave

And deal damage

"equal to the equipped monster’s ATK”

Ah ha

Ha ha ha

WHAT A PAIN IN THE ASS

AI IS MAD

I AM TOO BUDDY

He and Playmaker talk things over…

PLAYMAKER ACTIVATES A SPELL FROM HIS HAND

IT ALLOWS A MONSTER IN DEF TO DEAL PIERCING DAMAGE

AI IS SO HAP

AKIRA, NOT SO MUCH

PLAYMAKER GOES IN TO TAKE OUT AKIRA’S TOKEN

AND

AND!!

AKIRA ACTIVATES HUS TRAP!

AND IT BRINGS DAMAGE DOWN TO 0

THE TOKEN IS DESTROYED

HIS MONSTER GOES BACK DOWN TO 3000 ATK

PLAYMAKE ENDS HIS TURN

AKIRA TAKES HIS

IT’S A MAGIC CARD

AND APPERENTLY THIS ONE’S CRAZY??

IT’S GONNA “STOP PLAYMAKER’S STRATEGIES”?

HE PLAYS IT

AND…

IT’LL PROTECT HIS MONSTERS FROM BEING DESTROYED IN BATTLE OR BY CARD EFFECTS

SO HIS ACE LITERALLY CAN’T BE DESTROYED AS LONG AS THOSE TWO CARDS ARE ON THE FIELD

AKIRA GOES IN FOR THE ATTACK

TARGETS FIREWALL

IT ISN’T DESTROYED, BUT

BY THAT MAGIC CARD’S EFFECT

DAMAGE DONE BY A TINDANGLE MONSTER IS DOUBLED OMGGG

SO PLAYMAKER’S DOWN TO 500 LP

AKIRA SPECIAL SUMMONS A TOKEN

HIS ACE GOES UP TO 3500 ATK

AKIRA ENDS HIS TURN

“OH NO~!” I FEEL THAT, AI

Playmaker goes over all of Akira’s traps and magic cards

As well as his entire strategy

AI IS SLIPPING OUT

“Stop panicing. Are you really an AI?”

OH, IS THAT MORE FORESHADOWING VRAINS?!

“You’re fine if he breaks apart our passionate friendship?”

“There is no friendship between us.” LMAOOOO

“You’re colder than an AI.”

“I don’t need warmth from people. Why don’t you act like an AI and explain the cards?”

Okay but technically, Ai isn’t a person? WAS THAT A TRANSLATING/SCRIPT GAFFE OR WAS IT MORE FORESHADOWING

“FINE! I’LL TALK LIKE AN AI! ‘Stupid’ is a forbidden word. Our odds of winning are less than 5%—“

“No, our odds are much lower. But I’ll say one thing. If you’re worried that I’ll lose, you don’t need to. Because I definitely won’t lose. Not until I uncover the truth with my own hands.

This deck contains my feelings for the past ten years. I will find the truth."

SORRY FOR ALL THE QUOTES THIS WAS JUST AN A+ SCENE

PLAYMAKER TAKES HIS TURN

DRAWS

He looks at what card he drew…

Sets it facedown

Ends his turn

Akira thinks this means he can’t do anything

BRUH. DON’T BE SO IGNORANT. YOU DON’T KNOW HOW WILD THAT CARD IS.

“Looks like you can’t do anything. But that is your destiny. Stop your revenge. Let me handle this, and return to your normal life. That’s what’s best for you.”

Omg you should know you can’t reason with this dude

“Go to school. Talk about the future with your friends.”

Okay I distinctly remember this from the preview last week, how Playmaker just can’t bring himself to do all that mundane shit.

“The days of youth are irreplaceable. Spend it with your friends. You’ll cherish these memories in the future.”

Okay but, he’s not wrong

Blue Angel continues to watch…

“By being obsessed with the past, time is passing you by. Don’t let happiness slip away right in front of your eyes.”

Okay, he’s REALLY not wrong.

But we know Playmaker’s gonna come in with some angst-filled counter

“Just like I did…”

Um what you mean

“BROTHER!”

AHHH BLUE ANGEL IS HERE

COME TO TALK SOME SENSE INTO HER BRO

AKIRA IS SHOOK

Alright, now SHE wants to hear what happened 10 years ago

Don’t we all.

Blue Angel tells Playmaker how much Link Vrains has chanced since he came around

She doesn’t know what she’s dueling for anymore, but feels like finding out about the incident might give her some purpose

CMON AKIRA

SPILL THE BEANS

WHAT. DID. SOL. DO.

“… I’ll tell you what happened.”

“An incident occurred ten years ago. It’s called the 'Lost Incident’. Six children went missing one-by-one. A certain organization kidnapped them.”

GG jumps in

“Yes. And one of the six children is…”

“No way! Was it you, Playmaker?”

“Stop it, Zaizen. I don’t want others to tell my past.”

SO

PLAYMAKER’S GONNA CONTINUE THE STORY INSTEAD

“After we were kidnapped, we were imprisoned separately."

FLASHBACK TIME

Playmaker wakes up in that cold white room

With the warm, likely artificial light of his Special Person shining down on him

And in front of him was the VR headset

“The room contained nothing, except for VR equipment. The VR showed a duel arena. We were forced to duel there.”

AND EVERYTIME HE FLIPPING LOST

HE’D GET ELECTROCUTED AND SLAMMED UP AGAINST THE WALL

Okay so

There was a black screen in front of him

It’s… some sort of organic looking sequence

IT’S AN EYEBALL

A GIANT EYEBALL

AND IT’S GROSS

Okay so he’d be given food

“We could only eat, sleep, and duel. This repeated everyday.

Everything was based on dueling. If we don’t win a duel, we don’t get to eat.”

WHO DID THIS.

WHO.

“When could we leave? How long could we live? We just kept dueling, because we knew nothing.”

Blue Angel looks ready to throw up. “How horrible… who would do this to children?”

SHOICHI IS SO. FUCKING. ANGRY. HOLY SHIT SON TAKE A DEEP BREATH.

“No one told us where we were or how long we’ve been held captive.”

And Akira jumps in. “But half a year later, the incident suddenly ended.”

Okay, back to that room

Yusaku’s knocked against the wall for the umpteenth time

A screen appears before him

That eyeball is watching

And…

“You can go home. You gave it your all.”

AND

THAT’S WHEN THE DOOR OPENS

AND THE PARAMEDICS RUSH IN

So the kids were rescued

“But no one knows the culprit. The incident was covered up, so the media didn’t raise a fuss.”

“Brother, do you know Playmaker’s identity—“

WHY WOULD YOU ASK HIM THAT HERE

But they don’t

“Because the country’s S Rank protection program protects the victims information. Playmaker’s identity isn’t stored there.”

“Zaizen, do you really think we were saved? We weren’t saved! I have the right to know what the incident’s mission was.

First, that incident tore my life apart. I’ll learn the truth and reconnect my life that was torn apart!

Second, that incident deeply hurt us and our families. Some still haven’t recovered from the shock. I’ll learn the truth for them and their families!

Third, during those hellish days, when my heart was about to break…”

AHHH, IT’S HIS SPECIAL PERSON

“Three. Don’t forget to think of three things. Three things to live. Three things to go home. Three things to defeat the enemy. By thinking, you can still live.”

Okay, but. WHAT ENEMY.

“Who are you? Where are you?”

“I’m beside you.”

“You’re locked away, too?”

“You can go home. You can go home soon.”

“I can leave?”

“So don’t lose hope. Think of three things.”

Okay, back to the present

“Whoever kept encouraging me wasn’t among the rescuees. If he’s still captured, I have to rescue him! The incident from ten years ago hasn’t ended for me!

Zaizen, I don’t have what you talked about. Since my life was cut short, I have no future to talk about with my friends, or irreplaceable moments.”

“So I guess I’m not your friend…” Don’t worry Ai, y’all are gonna get there.

“After the incident… to heal the wounds in my heart, I received treatment for years. I also tried hard to forget that incident.

"But no matter how much time passed, I couldn’t forget.”

SO HE HAD TO RECIVE THERAPY AND WAS STILL PLAGUED WITH NIGHTMARES AFTERWARD.

“Those horrible memories were burned into my eyes, feasting on my heart. It became my flesh and blood that I couldn’t dig out.

“When I realized that, I decided to face my own destiny. If you think revenge is worthless, that’s fine. But there are things I am destined to do to move forward.

"I investigated the incident and found something. The Lost Incident had another name: Hanoi Project!”

SO THAT’S WHY HE’S FIGHTING THE KOH

Okay okay, that makes sense

Akira jumps in

“I see. But that’s the extent of your knowledge.”

“What do you mean?”

“The name of Hanoi Project’s mastermind is in this data."

“WHO IS IT?!"

Lmao, love how the episode ends there

Preview time!

So Playmaker and Akira continue to duel

Because the motherfucker doesn’t wanna name the project’s mastermind, for soME REASON

[havekiddoswilltravel]

Why Families Should Visit San Juan, Puerto Rico Post Hurricane Maria

Spring Break Adventures to San Juan with Kids

The Island of Puerto Rico is still recovering from Hurricane Maria which devastated much of the tourism industry. My husband and I visited San Juan in May of 2017 just months before the category 5 hurricane left our favorite resort there in ruins. We were sad to see that the San Juan Ritz is still closed as of our April 2019 trip to San Juan.

Why San Juan: While Puerto Rico is still in post hurricane recovery mode, it’s in much better shape than the last time we visited one-week post Hurricane Maria, as a departure port for our Adventure of the Seas 7 Night Caribbean Cruise. While we homeschool our three younger children, our eldest daughter’s Spring Break landed dead smack in the middle of two dance team commitments for our kids. Thus, we ended up with just 4 days and 3 nights to pull off a getaway. Last month, I took advantage of a Jet Blue deal to Santo Domingo for kid 1’s mother – daughter 13th Birthday yes trip. Three weeks prior to Spring Break, I scored another Jet Blue deal out of JFK, this time to San Juan, Puerto Rico. Though we live in Connecticut, we’re always willing to drive to NYC when we score deals out of JFK that make flying as a family of six more reasonable. Thank you, Jet Blue.

How we got there: Once again, we booked a 5 am flight out of JFK, but this time decided to drive into NYC the night before in order to enjoy a Dominican Sushi lunch at Mama Sushi. Yummy. If you’ve never tried platano maduros on sushi and don’t want to travel all the way to Dominican Republic or Puerto Rico to try this delicacy, I highly recommend a road trip to Manhattan to Mama Sushi. We found out about Mama Sushi via Facebook and Pero Like and decided that our departure out of JFK gave us a perfect excuse to enjoy this restaurant. We spent the night at a Marriott near JFK and were up at 2:30 am and ready to drive to the airport. Going through the TSA pre check security line was a breeze and we were sitting at the same departure gate that kid 1 and I had used 2 weeks prior for our mother daughter yes trip to Santo Domingo.

Where we stayed: On prior trips to San Juan, we’ve stayed at the San Juan Ritz Carlton, the Marriott Resort & Stellaris and Casino and on this trip decided to try the Hyatt House which I booked via AirBnB. We booked at 1 Bedroom, Bay View Suite with a separate living room and full kitchen that comfortably accommodated our family of 6. As our children are getting older, I’m finding it more difficult to book hotel rooms that work for our family without breaking the bank. The Hyatt House Airbnb rate came with breakfast and access to the bigger pool at the Hyatt Place property across the street. Daily parking for our rental car was $14.00 per day which is less than half of what we’ve paid at other San Juan hotels. In addition, the parking was conveniently located and always had plenty of open spots.

Where we ate: We’re big foodies. If I’m honest, we plan many of our family trips around affordability, interest and food. There are many places that other people have high on their travel bucket list, that I have no interest in visiting due to bland and dull food options. Just saying, food is important to our family and Puerto Rico didn’t disappoint.

Some of our favorite Puerto Rican meals were had at the Kiosks at Luquillo Beach which is located about 30 minutes form the San Juan National Airport. These uniquely Puerto Rican food shacks – restaurants are lined near the beach and offer a diverse offering of food and drinks.  You can sample everything from traditional Puerto Rican Fried Street Food to traditional Puerto Rican dishes with at times a bit of Dominican flare. You will also find fusion Puerto Rican, Seafood, BBQ, Peruvian, Mexican, Pizza, and all with Beers and Mixed drinks. The hours of each kiosk are varied and while we visited twice during our 4-day trip to San Juan, realized that some are also seasonal. Our favorite kiosk was #38 Edelweiss which has local Puerto Rican food and a sit-down environment which views of the beach located behind the kiosks. We had the best chicken mofongo of our entire trip at this dining establishment and the rice and beans were plentiful and perfect for our four children. The kiosks are located on the ocean side of route 3 in Luquillo, adjacent to Balneario Monserrate and just five minutes east of El Yunque National Forrest. We also enjoyed shopping at the souvenir shops located at the kiosks including Monkey Threads #30. My husband purchased a really cool and unique pair of hand carved wood sunglasses at Monkey Threads, as he had forgotten his in the car at home.

We loved this area so much that we returned one evening at sunset and oh my goodness, this is a must. We enjoyed snacks and drinks by the shore while having the entire beach almost to ourselves. The kids enjoyed a sunset swim and we had to drag them off the beach before we were left in the dark. This ended up being a highlight of our Puerto Rican adventures.

Bebo’s BBQ – Bebo’s is a must for adventurous frugal families looking to feed a large group with traditional Puerto Rican food on a budget. It is a typical local take out and dine in (open air) BBQ that offers a little of all of our favorite Puerto Rican foods. There is no menu and the employees don’t speak English, but it is so worth it for affordable and authentic food.  You can’t beat getting a whole chicken for $10.  It’s so close to the airport that we stopped by for a second time on the morning of our departure and ate chicken right out of the container while sitting in our rental van.

Bebo’s BBQ - Address: Calle Marginal Rt. 26, Carolina, Puerto Rico

Vagon – We had dinner here on our first night in San Juan after a full day at the beach in Luquillo. The kids were exhausted from a 5 am flight out of NYC and a full day of swimming at the beach and pool and we were so glad that we found this unique eatery. We arrived at Vagon at 6:41 pm and they closed at 7 pm, so we were glad that we found a parking spot for our rental van right out front. We had read reviews stating the parking could be challenging in the area. The servers were attentive and the food came out quickly. We had a variety of tacos and nachos while enjoying the music playing and people watching. The ambiance of the outdoor seating area and food truck inspired kitchen was eclectic and a fun way to kick off our San Juan adventures. They have other locations in Santurce, Dorado, Caguas and Hato Rey.

Vagon - Address: 302 Calle Labra, San Juan, Puerto Rico

Piu Bello – We had been to this small restaurant on a prior trip to San Juan when we stayed at the Ritz San Juan and we would walk one block to Piu Bello for rice and beans when we didn’t feel like catching an Uber to other restaurants. While the Ritz is still under construction post Hurricane Maria, we decided to head to Piu Bello right from the airport for “breakfast” upon landing in San Juan. Piu Bello offers breakfast, lunch and dinner at an affordable price which a location conveniently near the airport.

El Jibarito – We've been to El Jibarito several times and wanted to return with our kids because we love the decor and ambiance. Some call it a tourist trap because you can get better food and bigger portion sizes at other restaurants outside of Old San Juan, but if you are looking for typical Puerto Rican cuisine in a child friendly environment, then I would recommend El Jibarito. I like to have the pastel and oja and my kids always get white rice and beans. I say: go at least once.

El Jibarito - Location: 280 Calle Del Sol, San Juan Puerto Rico – Viejo San Juan

Metropol – While many think that Metropol is Puerto Rican food, it’s in fact a mix of Cuban and Puerto Rican cuisine. The restaurant is massive and can accommodate large parties. The food portions are huge and it’s easy to share dishes. If you’re staying in Isla Verde and have a craving for Cuban, I highly recommend that you head to Metropol. Once the Ritz San Juan is open again, this restaurant is located within walking distance of the resort.

Metropol - Location: Avenida Isla Verde, San Juan. Additional locations throughout the island in Barceloneta, Caguas, Dorado, Fajardo and Hato Rey.

Bistro Café – During a prior adult only trip to San Juan, the concierge at our hotel recommend Bistro Café for breakfast and oh my goodness, all I can say is that I wish that I could bring them home to CT. I’m a huge foodie and could eat breakfast for any meal. The food and the service set this restaurant apart from others in the Condado area of San Juan. We spoke to a gentleman who was sitting near us and informed us that this is a local’s secret restaurant after a night out. This restaurant is a bit more expensive than others that I’ve recommended, but it’s worth it.

Bistro Café - Location: 29 Calle Jupiter Avenue, Isla Verde, Puerto Rico

Café Manolin Old San Juan - This traditional, old school diner in Viejo San Juan is a must for an affordable, simple and retro breakfast in the heart of Old San Juan. You’ll find a nice mix of tourist and locals enjoying the free coffee refills and breakfast sandwiches at the breakfast counter.

Café Manolin - Location: Calle San Justo #251 San Juan, Puerto Rico

Senor Paletas – We stood in a long line full of locals one evening and immediately knew that we were at the right place for traditional Puerto Rican Paletas (popsicles). Oh my goodness! Amazing! Every flavor we tried was better than the last. The paletas were fresh and like no other. There are two locations, one in Old San Juan and another in Condado.

Downtown Creamery – Fajardo, Puerto Rico. We enjoyed delicious and natural Puerto Rican Ice Cream and dairy free sorbet at this creamery after enjoying a day swimming in the ocean in Luquillo.

Ikebana – We were sad to find out that our favorite Japanese – Puerto Rican Fusion restaurant located in Old San Juan was closed after the hurricane, but were happy to come across this restaurant located in Guaynabo as an alternative. We had a rental car and it was a quick 10-minute drive there from the Hyatt San Juan. We love platano maduros on our sushi roll and were happy to get to enjoy it on our last evening on the island.

Ikebana Sushi Bar - Location: Ebano Street Suite #3 Guaynabo, Puerto Rico

Additional food recommendations:

La Bombonera in Old San Juan.

Stop & Go in Condado.

What We Did:

Day 1: Even though our Spring Break trip was a short 4 days and 3 nights long, we were able to pack so much into our time in San Juan. As aforementioned, we spent our first day on the island swimming and eating our way through Luquillo Beach. We enjoyed the afternoon swimming at the hotel pool and had a light dinner (or cena as Puerto Rican’s call it) and went to bed.

Day 2: The morning began with exploration of Viejo San Juan (old San Juan). We parked for $3 for the entire day in a public parking lot located near the Paseo de las Princesas. We walked the ocean side trail all the way to the old gate of San Juan. From there we journeyed to the El Morro and explored the fort and exhibits. If time permits, bring a kite, as the hill in front of El Morro is a perfect location for kids and big kids alike to fly a kite. The cobble stone streets, colonial architecture, shops and unique criollo touches of El Viejo San Juan, are a blast with kids. We cooled off by eating piraguas (Puerto Rican shaved ice) and then worked up an appetite exploring the beautiful historic streets. We then went to Fortaleza Street to explore the many shops, restaurants, Cafés and take pictures under the colorful umbrellas. Look out for hombre arana (spiderman) and watch him climb onto nearby balconies. We then walked from Calle Fortaleza to our secret sea glass beach and spent a good two hours in search of sea glass. San Juan never disappoints when it comes to seaglass. Our afternoon consisted of swimming at the hotel pool and a short nap before heading back to Luquillo for snacks at the kiosks and a sunset set swim. I can’t believe that we almost missed this experience because we were tired. Our kids had an absolute blast swimming in the ocean as the sun set and enjoyed having the beach almost to ourselves. This is a must do for anyone traveling to the San Juan area with kids.

Day 3: This day was all about El Yunque National Rainforest. We’ve visited el Yunque prior to Hurricane Maria and despite knowing that portions of the National Forrest including the welcome center are still closed due to hurricane damage. El Yunque is the only rain forest in the US National Park system and a one of a kind nature experience for families with kids. We arrived early because we wanted to enjoy the views from the top with fewer clouds and less crowds. Due to several of the popular trails still being closed, the trails can get crowded later in the day. There is no entrance fee and the park rangers that we bumped into were friendly and helpful. This is key due to the welcome center being closed. El Yunque is still worth a visit, even with limited trails and lack of a welcome center. There are paved trails that lead all the way to the top of the mountain. We experienced sun, humidity, rain and clouds. It was a perfect learning experience for all of our kids. We hiked the Mount Britton Trail to the tower and the Yokahu Tour. Make sure to wear sunblock, insect repellent, a rain jacket and water proof shoes. After enjoying the beauty of El Yunque, we stopped by Luquillo once again for yet another meal at the kiosks and a meal. Can you tell we love Luquillo. Our time in San Juan was coming to an end and our kids wanted to enjoy every last bit of sun and pool time. We let them swim until sunset and then went to our room for showers and take out for them, while hubby and I got dressed for an adults only dinner out. We wanted to enjoy Puerto Rican fusion sushi prior to flying home the next morning and were able to head out to Ikebana Sushi Bar for our last dinner on the island.

Where to shop:

I was on the lookout for the traditional Puerto Rican leather flip flops of my childhood which are now hard to come by on the island. I spent hours looking in shops in Old San Juan and ironically found two pairs in the gift shop Just outside of El Yunque. I was so excited.  Old San Juan is a great area to visit boutique, galleries and other unique shops, full of locally made art, crafts and gifts. Every visitor to San Juan should visit Ole, a family owned hat store located in Old San Juan. Tourism dollars are crucial to the revitalizing of the island post hurricane Maria and I loved being able to use our Spring Break to do our part to support the local economy.

About Ruth: I’m a wife and mami of 4 active and globe-trotting kiddos. I’ve always loved a good adventure and truly believe that it’s possible to travel with kids. Join me, as I share our adventures and inspire you to get out of the house with your kiddos. Whether you’re planning a family vacation, a road trip or a trip of a lifetime to an exotic destination, I’ll share insights, trip reports and information that will inspire you. Check back often to stay up to date on things to do with kids at your next travel destination.