#<- I'm “us” I'm the problem sorry
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what do you mean youre technically a detransitioner cause of terf bullshit?
it's a v long story but i detransitioned for a couple of years when i was 16/17, for multiple reasons but mostly because i fell into the blaire white/kalvin garrah chamber of "you have to be This way to be trans otherwise you're not real".
i was already Deeply insecure about myself and my 'passing' and i was led to believe that i couldn't want to wear makeup or skirts, and i couldn't choose not to have bottom surgery, and i couldn't do anything but bind for 12+ hours a day to the point that my ribcage is still misshapen. basically i thought that if i wasn't suffering enough doing 'feminine' things, i couldn't really be trans, so i should just go back to being a girl and suck it up.
the terf bullshit is because i'd seen a lot of terfs/detransitioners talking about the 'dangers' of testosterone and how it would turn me into a horrible ugly evil monster and how there was nothing worse than wanting to be a man. which combined with 'you need to fully medically transition to be valid at all' creates some very dangerous and upsetting feelings to cope with.
it also came from trying really hard to put myself in a little box before i realised that my sexuality/gender are very fluid and it's FINE for me not to have a label and just do whatever i want. when i was 19 or so i went back to using they/them (and eventually he/him) and changed my name again because even though i like doing 'feminine' things, i don't want to be seen as a woman.
tldr: i was conditioned by transphobic/terf rhetorics to think that i was being trans the 'wrong' way so i couldn't be trans at all, so i believed i must actually be a girl if i still wanted to do 'feminine' things. nowadays i am a transmasc who does feminine things because i don't give two shits about what any transmed prick thinks of me anymore.
#ramble#ok to reblog btw i'm fine with this being shared#this was meant to be a short version but this is just the whole story whoops#sorry i realised the way i phrased it sounded like i'm the detrans you see in the news#i'm Technically a detransitioner because a lot of detrans stats are people who go on to RETRANSITION#because detransition is often because of social stigma and not because you realised you weren't trans#so anyway. terfs are cancer and if you don't think their bs is harming children you're wrong#i know it's easy to say 'you should've used your brain and realised those people were wrong'#but like. when you're 16 you're SO impressionable. even if you think you aren't#especially when you're watching people who have been transitioning longer than you and you assume they know everything#i was in my mid-late teens when 'transtrender' videos were MASSIVE and i believed it!!! and i was Not nice about those people#all they made me believe was that being trans couldn't be colourful and comfy and fun. it just had to be Pain#i hope everyone who contributed to the 'you need to be this way to be trans' mindset knows how much hurt they've caused#nowadays i don't care. go and be stargender. we have actual problems to deal with not debates about neopronouns#anyway this was long. that's the story
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I used to get an arguments on facebook and it bit me in the ass enormously because it turns out that when you get an arguments on facebook habitually, you'll be interacting with a lot of other people who get an arguments on facebook habitually, and most of these people are deeply unpleasant and they will be super mean to you in really fucked up ways. so for a couple of years I just sort of dropped off ever interacting with anyone who said things that I did not agree with. I would just scroll past stuff or I would get upset about it privately and move on. I did not ever engage. and the last couple of weeks I've started being able to say things in response to things I don't agree with in ways that I feel lay out what my perspective is but do not get overly invested in "winning" or "proving" anything -- I will say my piece generally for the benefit of other people who might be reading the conversation and need to hear what I have to say. and then I will turn notifications off and go do something else.
anyway. wow. y'all heard about this? pretty cool shit.
#a friend of mine posted on her facebook page about the importance of pain management in dog behavioral problems#and some lady came in and started gnashing her teeth about pill popping and the opiate epidemic and 'masking pain'#and she was using her experience as someone who experiences chronic pain and who refuses to ever treat it.#as like a gotcha. I was just like I'm really sorry that you feel the need to deny yourself pain relief.#here is the scientific medical information that we have about the effect of untreated pain on the brain and the neurological system#here is information about how detrimental untreated pain is to the well-being of any organism#I think it would behoove you to look into some of the recent studies about this!#have a good day!#meanwhile she is like telling everyone to go screw themselves#which kinda proves my friend's point about untreated pain having a behavioral effect. ironically.#anyway
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will theo ever be happy
Maybe in another life.
#theo#jack#confusing and alienating everyone who only followed me after i started drawing furries by referencing my old nonfurry character dynamics#but this got me thinking about theo's only happy endings and how they all involve jack...#who i'm not drawing right now. oops. sorry fella#oh theo... see what happens when you're separated from your emotional support tramp#you start committing crimes against nature and people get worried about you#real answer: probably not in amaranthine but who knows WE'RE NO WHERE NEAR FIGURING OUT AN ENDING HAHA#i could ramble for another thousand paragraphs about why he probably won't be happy in amaranthine but to summarize:#1. trying to do crimes against nature for insane reasons#2. only “positive” relationship is an evil parasite who is using and manipulating him#3. only person he talks to about his problems is a dead body#4. no jack to keep him stable... so far. i want to add him to the story but that's a long way off#but if you want to make A version of theo happy you can play our game Wishbone (once it's done...). he's in it because of course he is.#my draws#asks
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I feel like I should say since there's been a recent uptick in a lot of communities I'm in/see stuff from a lot of white people pretending to be Asian, but you are not welcome here if you are in anyway stealing from Asian cultures for clout or the aesthetics of it
This includes if you're white and you give your self inserts Asian names, I truly do not care if your f/o is from an anime, you should not be using an Asian name under any circumstances. I hate that whenever I see someone using an Asian name online, I feel like I have to start searching their account to see if they're actually Asian or just a white person who likes the aesthetic of it bcs far too many white people will use Asian names here just bcs it sounds cool, with no regard for the actual cultural meaning behind it. Meanwhile actual Asian people will be mocked for their names, or treated like their names are too hard to learn to pronounce, or discriminated against based on their names
Asian cultures are not a fun little costume for people to dress up with. They aren't just a nice aesthetic, they aren't just a thing you can borrow from bcs you think it sounds cool
#my posts#selfship community#anti asian racism#like it's definitely a perpetual problem of white people not seeming to realize asian names are like#a thing that are tied to culture and identity#but it's gotten crazy lately with people pretending to be asian online for clout#just in the past like 3 weeks of things i've seen#we had the white woman pretending to be a japanese woman on comic twitter#the white woman who pretended to be korean to get a 'ownvoices' book published#(who btw. named herself kim chi. you cannot make this shit up)#and then the white guy pretending to be japanese to try to justify his hate of the new assassin's creed game using stuff around yasuke#like it's so draining. i hate how much this is a never ending problem#i hate how casually white people will use asian names#like worstie. i am a korean woman. but i am whitepassing and mixed so i never use korean names for my self inserts#bcs i have the privilege of looking white and people generally only knowing i'm asian if i say it#it feels inappropriate to me for me to name my self inserts a korean name#bcs that would then mean they experience the world in a different way than i do#even being whitepassing bcs of the way people treat korean (and other asian) names#if you are white you have no fucking right to asian names#idgaf if your f/o's an anime character. stay away from asian names bcs they are not yours to dress up in#vent a little bit sorry team#i've been dealing with white people doing this shit and being assholes to me about it for well over a year now. it's exhausting
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Finally was able to finish season 4 of Doom Patrol and I am. Dead.
Larry and Rama 5ever
#my art#sketchy sketch#doom patrol#larry trainor#Mr 104#Rama#I fell in love with Larry the second he was introduced and then they made his story so ghhhh so for me#please watch doom patrol if you haven't#it didn't deserve to be cancelled#and I almost DIED when sendhil ramamurthy walked in as larrys love interest#perfection after perfection with this show#rama had to speedrun his whole character growth and problems but it's fine he was still perfectly positive for larrys negative#anyway yea#I'm gonna try not to stress about drawing real ppl so used 0very little time for ramas face sorry
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Was forced to watch a truly incredible (derogatory) thing recently.
A young person on twitter, adamant that transandrophobia doesn't exist on the grounds that 'no one is killing/raping/assaulting trans men'.
Several people responded, including some linking articles about murders and assaults on trans men and a couple op-ed style pieces of trans men talking about their own experiences.
Said young person responded with "I'm not reading those its triggering and I'm a minor"
So let me see if I've got this correct, you are knowingly refuse to acknowledge reality because it's upsetting to you and then you're going to turn around and deny that very reality because you refuse to acknowledge it because it's upsetting?
#like I'm sorry but willful ignorance is not a winning argument?#transandrophobia#its things like this that really have me convinced that we're never actually going to fix this shit#i was talking to the woman who runs the lgbt center i was going to#shes been running it in some capacity for about 30 years now#and she was saying that ever since they reopened after covid they have a problem getting people to keep coming#and its mostly because young people will come a few times and then something makes them uncomfortable and they never come back#but the things that make them uncomfortable are things like 'a homeless kid came to get a shower and a meal'#or 'the donated instruments in the music room arent good enough quality and they dont want to use poor people instruments'#those are both real examples btw#i hate to be the one to say it#but you cannot form community if you refuse to be uncomfortable sometimes#op
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When you absolutely despise something a lot of people like, and no matter what way you look at it you cannot see the appeal, but you know you can’t talk about it in public or else you’ll get dogpiled to hell and back, so you just kinda sit there frothing at the mouth like this
#spaghetti speaks#minor blood#I know this image is typically used in positive contexts but it felt fitting here too#Also you probably know what I’m talking about if you’ve spoken to me before#The AM speech but aimed toward this one particular series because the rage it causes is GRAHH#it had so much potential#it could’ve been so so good#YOU COULD'VE KEPT THE PILOT PLOT INSTEAD OF INSTANTLY ABANDONING IT IN FAVOR FOR ONE OF THE WORST ROUTES A STORY CAN GO IN#I’m so mad because I WISH I could like it#I WISH I could make art for it- the character designs are fun to draw#but I’m not a fan of it#I have a visceral hatred of the series and its creator#but I’m alone in the opinion#minus my friends who agree with me#but I just#I don’t understand#I feel like if it was made by a bigger studio- people would hate it as much as me#Steven Universe was written significantly better than it- I’m sorry#SU got so much shit for years- this is praised everywhere I see#I could explain every single problem I have with this series and people will defend it#it’s so popular despite nothing being resolved or making sense#The people behind the studio were revealed to be shitty to employees but no one cares because this series got a new episode#GRRRRRGHGGHH#I hate the characters- I hate the nonsensical plot- I hate the plot holes- I hate the villain- I hate the wasted potential#I’d hijack this series and make a Snoot Game type thing if I could- my autistic ass will make this better#I'm not arrogant I’m just saying the writing is on the floor and it doesn’t take much to just fix it up and make it pretty#I’m ranting#sorry#I’m very passionate about things like this#Inorganic killers
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Since i only talk about Hades and Dionysus in this account, let's talk about Dionysus
I saw someone saying that they thought Mr D in the books takes on the appearance and personality of Bacchus at camp because in Greek myths he is described as "young, handsome and seductive"
Have you ever stopped to think that some of the Greek gods were described as young because that was the beauty stereotype of the time? And now they no longer need to be stuck at a certain age?
#“but in Apollo's trials he becomes younger and his personality changes” you don't need to be children of Athena to understand why#please use your brain Rick Riordan doesn't need to explain everything#“oh but I don't think Jason Mantzoukas is handsome” i'm sorry to say this but is kind of your problem?#Cabin twelve is still very full thanks for asking#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson#pjo series#pjo tv show#pjo#percy jackson and the olympians spoilers#mr d pjo#dionysus#pjo dionysus
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deep breaths......deep breaths.....stay calm......
#just include the fucking cc. whats the fucking problem#this is the dumbest shit i've ever read i'm sorry#either include it or painstakingly hunt down and find every link if you're going to make me go through and click all of them#why should only one of us have a horrible time
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every time i exit like, an exchange writing period, and i no longer have a deadline, i start to become dizzy with "i should be writing right now--no writing??? i do NOT need to be writing right now??? cannot be right?????? writing??????"
anyway i've decided to use a poll to make you all into people who can create a deadline for me (and also i've started using habitica and want to try to write a LITTLE daily). there's no guarantee this is the one i'll actually go with given i've asked this like SIX TIMES in the past few months but this time it is a poll and also this time i'm trying to start writing daily again, so maybe this time it'll stick, idk??? so:
#bangs my head against a wall. sorry i keep using you all to judge interest to then judge whether i want to write something.#i am running into this problem where a lot of my wips are either busy waiting because they're for zines so i can't actually post them#i'm out of exchanges i actually wanna join until recursive opens to authors#and i really DO want to write something without deadline it's just that that's scary.#SO. i am like. out here trying to hold myself accountable i guess?#if it helps the one i'm currently MOST likely to write is the space heist i just have to figure out how to plan it#however if there's a bunch of interest in any of these i'll probably do that#especially since several of these are like. active wips. they Have Writing.
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every time I hear someone say "oh you have to listen to Dear Evan Hansen it has such good mental health representation" I cry in Next to Normal
#next to normal#and yes this is based on a true story#generally I dont try to juck anyones jum so I of course didn't tell that person what I was thinking at that moment#and if someone found Dear Evan Hansen a useful text in terms of their own mental health journey who am I to discredit that#but this is the internet and I am back on the ntn train#in a way it is my saf autumn musical#and yes I am a survior of the 2017 Tony Awards why were you asking?#no but seriously#it is so interesting how many narrative devices Dear Evan Hansen took from Next to Normal#but turned them into a less complete piece#like Gabe in ntn is a representation of unadressed grief and trauma and the family has to accept that he will never be really gone#and connor is just...idk not fully thought out?#idk I'm rambling#but also#how the love story between Henry and Natalie means something#Natalie sees her parent's relationship and desperately doesn't want that for herself and Henry at the same time also stand for#a piece of normalcy that seems attainable#you don't sit there and think hu why is there this completely separate love story thrown in there?#it mirrors the problems#and dear evan hansen#do I even have to say it#I thnk the thing I resent it most for is that it has a love story#naja#I'm of listening to net to normal some more#sorry I someone who really likes deh stumbles accross this#I feel like espechially musicals can be something that can be so personal#and I don't actually want to contribute to more stuff like#ew why do you like this when theres xyz that is so much better or morally purer or whatever#I guess what I do want to say is: if I had a nickle for everytime they made a musical about mental health where theres a ghost on stage and#the sister of the dead kid falls in love with a funny guy while her family is falling apart
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right now i'm very torn between "taking critique is important as an artist and it's not an attack on me personally" and "people commenting about my same face syndrome under my posts upsets me an unreasonable amount and i wish they would stop doing it"
#ramble#sorry i am not having a good art day today#i'm TRYING i promise#this is 100% a me problem and i hate it#i think it's because when i have a Problem with my art. i need to fix it INSTANTLY#and that's not how art improvement works#idk why it gets to me so much i can't explain it#even if it's polite and means well it makes me feel weird and i don't know why#maybe because i thought i was way better about it than i used to be but right now i'm getting it way more#yes i know posting art means you have to take people's opinions#but how do i say 'please do not leave lengthy critique under my art that i make for fun when i didn't ask for it' w/o sounding like an ass#i just feel like. i would never go to a fic and point out all the writing mistakes in the comments if the author didn't ask for it. idk#i'm fighting really hard not to yell 'IT'S MY ART STYLE' bc that's not an excuse obvs
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Okay but also, "What, you saved their lives so he kicks you off the ship? Where's the logic in that, huh?"
Like do we think Mariner was really talking about T'Lyn or do we think she was doing some projecting there?
#lower decks#star trek#star trek lower decks#st lwd#lwd#beckett mariner#t'lyn#I'm just saying we KNOW she's gotten kicked off ships in the past#and we know she uses her instincts to solve problems#the parallels are 👀👀#anyways sorry for spamming the tags#I'll go to bed now#I just have so much to say
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My biggest fear is my parents secretly thinking I'm ugly
#i'm just a girl#im being dramatic#so dramatic#just girly things#im just a girl#just girly thoughts#hell is a teenage girl#mild vent#vent#sad thoughts#it's okay though#tw depressing thoughts#alone with my thoughts#thoughts#girly post#girly things#girly stuff#girly#just girly posts#girlhood#girl problems#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#girlblogger#girlblogging#girlrotting#whisper girl#this is what makes us girls#depressing life#tw depressing stuff#sorry for being depressing
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#us election venting beware:#i am actually a bit annoyed at all the people that told me i was just being pessimistic and it's not healthy to think the worst of people#when yet again we have proven the worst of people wins#and even if it doesn't win (it will) it is still so significantly mobilized and out there#like i know it's not helpful. but i TOLD YOU. everyone thought it wouldn't happen and it DID.#just like nobody thought it would happen THEN and i was apparently the only one around me who saw it coming.#now can we PLEASE take this problem SERIOUSLY and get off our fucking asses and admit it's fucked out there??#the core of our system is bad. it is rotting and the proof is in this joke of an election#so can every white liberal get off my ass for 'bringing down the vibe' or whatever?#you people have been LAZY for a long time. you have been comfortable and unmotivated and been doing NOTHING.#quit focusing on doing your best by voting and get the fuck out there and disrupt. radicalize!#'common sense' is not enough and it never was#i hate to say it but believing the best in the masses in this deeply racist country will disappoint you every time#and i can't believe so many people fell for it again!!!!#i know it's unfair but#i'm finding it really difficult to sympathize with people in my community who are sad and disappointed#when i watched you do NOTHING for YEARS#(not for the people that are actively in danger. my heart breaks for you. i will not stop fighting for you. you didn't deserve this.)#i have never believed that people are fundamentally good and i'm sorry if that's mean but it's just not true#people are fundamentally neutral and you have to WORK to push them towards 'good'#and for too long the pushing has been going in the other direction. but 'pushing' at all is uncouth to you people i guess#get over your decorum. get over your morals that mean nothing. no one else is playing by your rules. DO something. CARE MORE.#sorry. i'm angry. i am filled with rage. and it is mostly directed towards the white intellectual elite.#to anyone who is blindingly furious i see you and i am with you lmao.#to anyone that wants to say 'i told you so' you are so valid.#we keep going.#futhermore: 'it's only four years. we'll recover.' BITCH#ONLY four years? that's four years of DAMAGE that will really hurt people in the meantime#and set up a whole host of problems for the future! the courts my god.#four years of bullshit policy and shit we will have to spend years untangling just to get back to even thinking about making any progress
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SHAMELESS US ↳ S04E07 | a jailbird, invalid, martyr, cutter, retard, and parasitic twin | dir.: gary b. goldman.
#shameless us#tvedit#tvmoviegifsdaily#mlmsource#gallavich#ian gallagher#mickey milkovich#ian x mickey#filmtvcentral#tuserpurple#dailycolorfulgifs#mine#mine:gif#bylrndgm:notst#i'm sorry but#i am rewatching shameless for the first time in 10 years WOOHO!#AND yeah like i got the idea to make gifs#so backstory: gallavich was my FIRST queer ship EVER. it made me feel the ANGST the PAIN. the SORROW for the very first time#and it was so painful to watch (THAT S3 episode i'm looking at you)#... and now! ten years and many queer ships later - i will make my obsession with gallavich everyone's problem#yk they were meant to be endgame (TM) just bcs mickey's first line in S1 WAS “GALLAGHER”. I go feral everytime i remember that#queue
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