#;; exceedingly harmful id say | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ninakaina · 4 years ago

Note

why do you like maria kaina so much? ì'm just really curious.

this is the most exciting question i’ve ever gotten in my life

[image id: a screencap from the pathologic wiki, which says “personality: femme fatale.”]

EDIT: im gonna make this into a video essay sooooooo read it if you want or stay tuned for a video in like a week and a half

first of all, i’m a lesbian and she’s a goth girl. secondly, she combines many of the tropes that i adore in female characters, and i’ll try to get into some of it as concisely as i can. in short: femme fatale, magic woman, scary woman, cassandra, sublime. i’m going to draw some concepts from the essay “the woman in the red dress: sexuality, femmes fatales, the gaze and ada wong” by jenny platz in the beginning here.

in the scope of their function as femmes fatales and the ways they transcend the typical boundaries placed on femmes fatales, ada wong resident evil and maria have a lot of similarities beyond obvious similarities in design (you can see patterns forming in my interests but also if you don’t know anything about ada this should still all make sense). so we’re all on the same page, a femme fatale is a woman of dubious morals and unknown or false motives who uses her sexuality and wit to get what she wants from men. the femme fatale has a long, uncertain, and pervasive history, and a love-hate relationship with the misogynistic writers/audiences/societies that create her, but ada and maria break free of many of the tropes that allow the femme fatale to be part of a misogynist power fantasy. together they have functionally very similar relationships to their male protagonists, although i wouldn’t say maria cares about daniil half as much as ada cares about leon if at all, in which they’re more than willing to lie to the men and put them in harm’s way to achieve their own unclear ends, while serving an essential function in keeping them alive, often without their knowledge (in the changeling route, maria sends daily letters to clara to keep daniil from getting murdered by artemy). they add an element of unease verging on horror to their games through their sheer power - which stems from a weaponized womanhood, the player’s unfolding understanding of the vastness and nature of their power, and the fact that you have no idea what they’re going to do with it. the weaponized womanhood is relevant here because in theory, to a male audience, it adds its own level of horror, but to me it adds a level of love.

like ada too, and unlike the typical femme fatale of books and movies even in the modern era, maria is never purified or punished; in fact, she only becomes more powerful over the course of the game. her death can only come via the plague; there are no plotlines where she may die. even when she’s caught red-handed by artemy in patho 2, he has two options: to tell her father, who is unlikely to stop her and even less likely to punish her, or to note that this is maria’s world and we’re all just living in it and move on. in classic she can get married at the end, but not for love and it’s made explicitly clear that her husband’s role is to serve her, like victor served nina; instead of finally conforming to a patriarchal mold like the archetype would predict, she again uses a man to advance her agenda. (she still deserves better though. killallvlads2020)

another similarity between maria and ada that’s also the biggest way they diverge, is their expanded power of body over the typical femme fatale. where typically the femme fatale is just a wickedly smart, sexy woman (good for her), she has little power beyond the sexualization of her body, and little recourse when she’s in danger besides getting a man to help her out of it. the way this is subverted is the most obvious in ada, so it’s a good lead-in; her power of body also translates into fighting skills greater than that of most of her peers-- she uses acrobatics and melee attacks more often than other characters, making her distinctly equipped to survive without anyone’s help and destroy her opposition. maria, obviously, is not a fighter, and she’d die immediately if she was locked in a police station with zombies, so at first glance she seems to fall more into the wicked damsel aspect of the trope. but thematically and functionally, pathologic is not a game about physical fighting or even physical power. in a game world where guns and bullets are exceedingly rare while information (as well as picking truth out of lies) is the form of power that gets characters to the end alive, maria has, in herself, the access to more information than any male character. aside from mark’s (and grief’s) special role as the fool, clairvoyance and particularly mistresshood are specific to women, and come to maria from the steppe. she’s also “sensitive to lies and deceptions” and “can instantly see one’s true colors”. she is shown barefoot in pathologic 2, which symbolizes her personal and physical connection to the wild earth, a power of body in itself. maria and ada are both apex predators, perfectly suited to their particular environments and narratives- on that note, maria is never endangered at all, aside from typical plague mechanics and distress in her issues with aglaya.

okay, enough about ada wong. beyond her connection to the femme fatale trope, maria’s narrative in itself also draws on a really compelling archetype. i mentioned that maria is never purified or punished, nor really endangered, but that doesn’t mean her story is without tragedy. instead, her tragedy is more personal and psychological, as she’s one of several characters who deal in the theme of lost childhood, and maria’s particular refrain has a hint of lost humanity. these are characters who are forced to grow up, often too fast, and for whom growing up carries an inherent trauma where some aspect of who they were or who they could have been is ripped away from them. i would also call maria and capella’s stories lost girlhood, since there’s a lot of... you know, it feels like stuff that mitski would sing about. i could talk for ages about “i can hear [your mother’s] voice [in you]” and how effectively it’s played for a bittersweet horror. in classic we are very clearly shown maria changing from who she is at the beginning, acting completely differently, and it’s left unclear as to whether this is simply the new maria or her mother’s spirit is literally possessing her (again, some obvious metaphor here). in pathologic 2, they make a change that i really love. maria has already taken up the mantle of mistress or at least claims she has and is in the process of change-- “a mistress in the making”, but it’s mentioned that artemy remembers her from before he left the town.

he says “i remember when you were just a kid. who would have thought you’d grow into-- this?” if you read my writing, you may have picked up that i seriously fixate on this piece of her narrative. from when she was a girl (16 at the oldest) to when she’s 21, she’s changed so much as to be almost unrecognizable, and more than unrecognizable, she’s become a complete mystery, a nightmare. this is a tragic horror, in the sense that tragedy is horror that’s already happened. from the uncanny valley of the familiar turned unfamiliar, the creature-that-was-once-maria, the not-quite-nina, to that same sense of loss as someone who was once just a girl is forced to be more grown than she is and more grown than any person should be expected to be. as anna angel wears willow’s hair, maria wears her own. that one haruspex line asks a thousand, unsettling questions to which we can expect no answer. who was she before? who is she now? what happened to her? when did she change? what has she lost? what has she gained? is this who she wants to be? did pressure from her mother shape her, or grief over her mother’s death, or something else entirely? is this who she was always going to become, or could she have been something else? all of these and more lead into the central questions that define both the dark/scarlet mistress and monster movies: what is it?, what is it capable of?, and what does it want? these questions are, naturally, never answered, although it’s likely we’ll get a little more insight into her motives in the bachelor route of patho 2.

stepping back from the specifics of mistresses, this again carries strong themes of coming of age and lost childhood/girlhood; the idea that in order to ascend so to speak and to take on role greater than you are, you have to either destroy yourself or be yourself destroyed. maria’s version of this story is, again, a tragedy. she is plagued by the stress of her destiny, haunted by nightmarish prophetic visions (which fucking DANKOVSKY doesn’t even BELIEVE), and completely alone, so much so that to express her love physically would destroy the object of her love, and yet she is still the incredible femme fatale i was talking about before. this is where i end up with the quote i captioned my painting of maria with: “a girl burns, and the sublime blossoms.”

i used the word sublime to describe maria twice in my writing, in that quote and in “her eyes are fierce, dark, sublime.” this is literally the best word i can come up with to describe the scarlet mistress, and the sublime is a big concept in aesthetic theory, but one which is hard to describe in itself. i try to portray elements of the sublime whenever i write or draw her although i’m not THAT good yet lol. it doesn’t have any physical or functional criteria except the feeling it causes (for a good example i think of the earthrise photo). this quote on the sublime, by edmund burke, feels very reminiscent of the way nina is described in game: “the passion caused by the great and sublime in nature, when those causes operate most powerfully, is astonishment, and astonishment is that state of the soul in which all its motions are suspended, with some degree of horror.” it’s awe-inspiring, it’s scary, it’s a force of nature, both refined and wild and personally impersonal, and it’s pretty much the only word i have for the iconic maria quote.... you know the one. “and you know, mother, that forge is me. sometimes i wake up with a burning in my chest, and the sky becomes crimson. in that very moment, if i kiss someone, they can see it too. it’s true.”

one last thing i LOVE about maria is the power of self and autonomy she retains, especially in 2. in the diurnal ending as the utopians are planning to cross the river (which was her plan in classic), maria says she doesn’t want to; she wants to stay and create, not art or buildings but people, to bring them into the sublime. her cruelty is how she nurtures those around her, as opposed to capella whose nurturing is in many ways cruel. and it’s in the diurnal ending that we first hear the title “crimson mistress”; where in classic, nina was the scarlet mistress and maria became the scarlet mistress, in 2 nina was the dark mistress and maria becomes crimson. there is no question that she’s not her mother. after all she’s endured, she forges herself into something new, not necessarily brighter but more visceral, takes her mother’s legacy and makes it her own.

so i guess tldr: what’s not to like about maria kaina?

#no more p2 bachelor route. maria route now #pathologic #maria kaina #i really got lost in the sauce here #Anonymous #asks

28 notes · View notes

autistic-danvers · 6 years ago

Note

hey im sorry u had to deal w that last comment u posted. i dont mean to pile onto an already bad day but im actually very curious abt what behaviors you perceive in kara that are autistic, specially when you say that you believe she was considered so in krypton as well. are we considering comic lore here? (im not versed in that lmao). id very much like to know, but not if it upsets you to talk abt. xx

You're not piling on at all, I really do love talking about this last comment notwithstanding gsjsgdjdk. You're also not the only one in my inbox asking so this is for my anon too.

for now, I'm just gonna talk about what I see in Kara that applies to me personally, to avoid making generalizations. also there ARE things in comic lore as well, but since you're not well versed and I could literally talk about that for hours, I'll just stick to the show universe for now lmao

there are, of course, the easy examples that I guess could be considered stereotypical like her frequent stimming and difficulty with social cues that /could/ just be written off as purely alien traits and it's fine if that's all you see it as! it doesn't make you a bad person and I'm sure that's exactly how the writers mean it but if an autistic person can relate to that, there's literally no harm in it.

the reason I believe she would have been considered autistic on Krypton as well and that it's not just her living with powers is because it's not just physical symptoms. she's hyper empathic but she struggles with how to process and show those emotions, she's exceedingly kind but she has trouble identifying how best to help people when she can't just use her powers. she's easily overwhelmed and has a very hard time articulating her thoughts. she also struggles to do the same when she's feeling any kind of extreme emotion, actually.

she often needs things spelled out very clearly for her, to the point that almost everyone jokes about how oblivious she can be. she forms extremely deep connections with people and is entirely dedicated to her family and friends. she HATES change and has stated that it terrifies her.

she latches onto animals quickly and intensely. she's extremely intelligent but shows it differently than others.

there's more, for sure but those are the things I, personally, relate to and recognize.

anyways I love Kara Zor-El with my whole autistic heart guys. 😍

#ask #thank you guys for asking!#supergirl #kara danvers is autistic #kara zor el #kara danvers

30 notes · View notes

aroworlds · 6 years ago

Text

Because this is a very long, multi-part ask from an anon, I’ve copied the whole thing into a new post for ease of reading:

To be honest, in the past I was on the exclusionists’ side with the SAM (Split Attraction Model). It’s harmful! Stop forcing it on people! Attractions don’t need to be separated like that! Even though I myself am technically aroace. I was angry because I felt like I was being erased and spoken over in the ace community. I felt like I was being forced to separate my romantic and sexual attraction when they weren’t separate. It made me furious that I couldn’t make a post or comic calling myself asexual without some ace commenting, “no, asexuality is actually x aces can do/feel y that’s not what asexual means!” As if I’m confused.

So basically I hated that the SAM was forced on the word asexual any time someone used it. I’ve somewhat changed my mind recently: I now understand that splitting attraction is crucial to some people, but I do think we need something else because I can also understand genuine reasons why some are adverse to it and feel like its forced on them. There has been concern with using existing terminology and splitting them into romantic and sexual attractions.

Maybe instead of doing this we could create terms that are shorter and mean the same, combining the two attractions into one distinct identity. For example, a panromantic asexual is, uhh, tresexual? Not the real alternative–just to show what I mean. Arosexual or aseromantic could be umbrella terms for aspecs who feel one type of attraction and not the other. I’m not saying we should abandon the terms we have now.

Like I said, I’m not against the SAM any more (I’m sorry I ever was) and definitely think anyone can identify how they want. But I think we as a community need labels that are more concise and convey more information. I think it will make it easier for aspecs to find people that are most like them instead of just one part.

Just so folks know: you (general you) don’t need to insist to me that you’ve changed your ways. You don’t need to prove to me that you’ve learnt better. You can just say “I no longer believe that” and leave the conversation there. I dislike the purity culture tendency of having to constantly demonstrate one’s growth and resulting apology in order to reveal a less-palatable truth about the people we were, and I’m not going to demand it of the people who are doing the risky and dangerous thing of revealing their past in conversation with me.

We can’t grow as a community unless we talk about the beliefs we held and why we held them. We will fail in outreach to others if people don’t feel safe to talk about their history–we will fail to learn the unspoken undercurrents of why harmful attitudes are compelling. Folks who have learnt and changed are a vital bridge between two sides, and I think any requirement to constantly apologise or offer up reassurances for making a mistake long after is only going to stop the people we most need to hear from talking to us.

And oh is this a reason we need to better discuss and understand.

It is difficult to have conversations about aromanticism that encompass the non-split attractions of asexuals and aros who don’t use the SAM while still highlighting the experience of aromanticism as felt by folks (ace and allo alike) who do need the SAM. The fact that I’ve had to write out your identity with such a clumsy, ridiculous line to clarify your shape of ace against other shapes of ace encapsulates this in a nutshell: for crying out loud, asexuals who don’t use the SAM! That’s not your ace identity! The fact that I do not know a better way to talk about you (or the non-SAM-using ace character in an earlier ask) in clear, simple, concise language is a problem. I shouldn’t have to keep referencing the SAM just to clarify your particular identity and experiences. Anon, I know you live this and don’t need my explaining to you the exceedingly obvious, but I’m writing this out because my attempt to respond to you is such an example of the problem you’re discussing with how we use the SAM, and it only worsens when you have to endure folks correcting you in discussing your identity. When I can’t even respond to your asks to validate you without floundering, we have a problem.

Right now, we either push aside non-split aces and aros to focus on the rough groupings of aro, ace and aro-ace, or we settle on awkward attempts to include you. Neither is good enough.

I want to stress that you should feel angry, othered, alienated and hurt by the sheer degree of circumlocution needed to talk about your experience as distinct from folks who identify as aro-ace and alloromantic asexuals, and the corrections you endure when you do talk about who you are without it. I’ve felt the pain of losing a word myself: when I came out as agender in 2012, it meant genderless (other neutral-gender meanings now used for agender were covered by neutrois) and it is a difficult and alienating thing to see my identity used to include other experiences of having a gender. In my case, I do have the word genderless to fall back on, but I still feel divorced from a word that was once fully my own. I am still corrected by agender-as-neutral-gender folks telling me it isn’t a problem that agender is conceptualised as a gender instead of as the absence of one, even though said conceptualisation is a constant microaggression I endure from the non-binary community. We talk on the evolution of language in LGBTQIA+ communities and the importance of accepting these shifts to be more inclusive; we don’t talk about the pain of having one’s identity shift to mean broader umbrellas and how to manage when we’ve lost that precise word to say exactly who we are. We don’t validate each other in our feelings of losing language, and in not doing this, I think our activism falls short.

When we do try to talk on the pain of this language and identity loss, we’re seen as regressive or hateful–even exclusionary. We’re seen as holding back the LGBTQIA+ community’s progression and growth. Is it any wonder that some folks lean in exclusionist directions when there’s no space to recognise, discuss or explore our feelings?

The fact that ace means many things is a problem, and most of us, myself included, lean on aro-ace in our conversations because we don’t have the lexicon to handle aces and aros with non-split attraction.

At the same time, anon, I am so leery of conjuring words for allosexual aros to describe individually the combination of our split attractions.

My first argument against is that aromanticism already makes us less allosexual to non-a-specs. Conversely, allosexual attractions also tend to make us less a-spec in a-spec spaces where aro is treated as a second thought to the ace. Alloromantic asexuals have the advantage of ace being an aspect of their identity, the more recognised and centred side of the a-spec umbrella in a-spec spaces; allosexual aros have the disadvantage of being aro, the less recognised and actively de-centred side of the same umbrella in a-spec spaces. To have a word that doesn’t specify both the aromantic-spectrum or the allosexual attraction identities seems a thing that to me will be taken advantage of by allo-allo spaces and a-spec spaces alike, to further erase and deny whichever part of allo-aro they find inconvenient or difficult. It will also exclude us from the communities based around our allosexual attractions, communities that already erase and deny us.

The reason I tried to deny my pansexuality for so long, to ignore the fact that both grey-ace and ace didn’t fit me all the time (honestly: more of the time) was to better belong in a-spec spaces–to be included in the community in ways aro alone, at the time, didn’t grant me. I felt I had to be aro-ace because aro wasn’t enough to be heard and accepted. Even now, there’s little to no conversation on being gay and aro, bisexual and aro, heterosexual and aro, or lesbian and aro (amongst other allosexual aro identities) in aro-spec spaces, and language that doesn’t name our allosexual attraction, I fear, won’t halt that trend.

Secondly, our attractions are split, so why not the language used to describe it? Why shouldn’t the language directly encapsulate the nature of our identities and experiences by requiring two words to communicate it? My abrosexuality and my aromanticism are two different things–shaping each other, yes, but separate experiences nonetheless. I have no need to merge them together in a way that is unnatural to me. I want the world to see the component parts of who I am. I see your suggestion as a way to un-split our language, to create singular and unified terms for two experiences. While there’s every possibility that some folks will like this, I think it diminishes and disregards the reasons why many aro-aces (especially in aro-spec spaces) ID as aro-ace and why many allo-aros require two words.

Lastly, I do not see how the structures of the words you’ve offered are any improvement on already-extant language (like “pansexual aro”) in terms of communicating meaning when this is already communicated without undue difficulty. We already have umbrella terms in allo-aro and allo-ace; I don’t understand the point in replacing these with another single word.

The problem is not the existence and use of the SAM. The problem is not the terms aro-ace, allo-aro and allo-ace. Introducing specific un-split words for the combination of a person’s split romantic and sexual attraction isn’t a solution, anon, because it does not address the problem we’re facing in how we use language or how it is currently harming you.

The problem as I see it is that “ace” is used to mean, simultaneously, allo-ace, aro-ace, ace-spectrum and non-SAM-using-ace. That’s four different meanings and experiences attached to the same word! That is what we need to address: the fact that there is no distinct, non-clumsy term for depicting precisely how you are ace, because it can be used, alone, to mean four different things. That is where the lack of clarity lies, not in words like “pansexual aro” or “panromantic ace”. In fact, if using “allo-ace” were more common (as a descriptor, not an identity) in ace-spec spaces by allo-aces, I suspect it would be easier for you to exist as ace alone without using the SAM and enduring the “but aces can experience aromantic attraction!” corrections.

In that light, it seems to me that the easiest solution for clarity of language and expression of pride and identity is to crate a new modifying term before “ace” and “aro” for non-SAM-using aces and non-SAM-using aros. This is not a good answer and I will acknowledge that. I’m sure, anon, that you connect to ace as much as I connect to agender, that you want to use your own word to describe who you are. I’m not offering this lacking knowledge of what it’ll cost you to conjure a word that describes, solely and specifically, non-SAM-using ace when ace alone fits that use in your heart and history.

This way, though, better fits how the community already uses language; it doesn’t require a complete overhaul of established terminology. It also gives you space to communicate your shape of ace now without waiting on the rest of the ace-spec community to catch up.

I’d look at finding another word or prefix, so we have aro-aces, allo-aces and [invented word]-aces. In other words, every ace fits under the umbrella of ace with an accompanying prefix describing their shape of ace, so you don’t have to identify as aro-ace or reference the SAM at all. Uni-aces/aros? Mono-aces/aros? A prefix that means “only” or “wholly”? I don’t know what that prefix might be, and I am not the right person to choose it–this conversation should be had amongst a-specs who don’t use the SAM. I’m just throwing out a couple of words so folks get a sense of what I’m suggesting and how it might work.

I’ll stress that I don’t mean that you need to identify as [invented word]-ace: I don’t identify as allo-aro or aro-ace, but instead use those words to communicate my experiences where appropriate and as a reference to how I am aro-spec. I mean this usage in the same way: you identify as ace and ace alone, and when someone questions you or expresses confusion, this is a tool to describe how you are ace, just as allo-ace and allo-aro describes a way of being ace and aro.

I do want to conclude by validating you, again, anon, in your pain–and you are free to disagree with my conclusion, as is anyone else. Please, everyone, take my words as a discussion point, disregard them where necessary and get a conversation going, even if that conversation is proving me wrong, because we need a solution above all. I hate that in writing this post I must hurt you by using clumsy and alienating constructions to convey my meaning. There’s nothing right about my language in this post, and I am so sorry that I don’t know how better to refer to you as the ace you are and refer to, specifically, your shape of ace.

Whatever happens from this post on, we must do better.

94 notes · View notes

maswartz · 6 years ago

Text

Bernie deserves nothing but hatred and distrust for his actions in 2016 and beyond. The fact he’s even thinking of running in 2020 proves he’s learned nothing

Ok, I have been planning this for a while, so here it goes.

A THREAD on why I hate Bernie:

Keep in mind, Bernie lost April 19th with a huge defeat in NY, where he lost to Hillary by 16 points 58% to 42%

Trump won the GOP nomination on May 4th, that is when he became the GOP nominee, and the GOP started lining up behind him.

Bernie waited until July to concede.

Now here is a good article on why so many people learned to dislike Bernie so much.

Most of us started out liking him, that changed when he became toxic.

medium.com/voluble/on-bec…

another piece talking about why they dislike Bernie, and it comes with a LOT of receipts.

Scorched-Earth Politics: Bernie Sanders and the Dishonest Campaign that Gave Us Trump So began Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders in his inaugural speech as a candidate for the Democratic nomination for president. It was an exceedingly sunny day on April 30, 2015, as a gaggle of reporters… https://medium.com/@blairdurkee/scorched-earth-politics-bernie-sanders-and-the-dishonest-campaign-that-gave-us-trump-eb0bc82ab2c1

Bernie started his campaign saying:

“I have never run a negative political ad in my life,”

I guess he never did rallies before… so I guess he left himself a loophole

When his audience boo’ed Hillary at his rallies, he would just stand there and smile.

When people boo’ed at an Obama rally, Obama said to them, don’t boo, vote.

When people were going after Obama in 2008, claiming he was Muslim, John McCain was FAR MORE honorable than Bernie:

we all remember this exchange at a McCain rally… you won’t find this kind of honor at a Bernie rally, that’s for sure

here in April, Bernie who failed to read an article, where an interviewer was trying to bait Hillary into saying Bernie wasn’t qualified, yet she NEVER took the bait.

Here’s Bernie at his rally, saying Hillary is not qualified.

Bernie was pulling all this shit during an election when Hillary would have to go up against Trump, and while we had an open Supreme Court seat.

He didn’t care about the Supreme Court.. he only cared about himself and his time in the limelight.

and, we all know, Bernie is so CLEAN.

but what is a little know fact is that, Bernie is the ONLY Non-Republican, who is on list of the top 25 NRA Donation recipients in 2016.

Here are the members of Congress who take the most money from the gun lobby The list of lawmakers who get most of campaign cash from the National Rifle Association and other gun-rights groups reads like a who’s-who of the Republican Party. https://www.marketwatch.com/story/lawmakers-who-take-the-most-money-from-the-gun-rights-lobby-2017-10-03

Bernie hammered Hillary on the Crime Bill, yet conveniently left out that not only did he vote for it, but he ran heavily on it, as showing he was TOUGH on crime

Bernie painted Hillary as the biggest hawk, what he again leaves out is that the Iraq Authorization is literally the ONLY time Bernie voted no military intervention in his 30 year career.

1 NO vote, on ONE military authorization does NOT make a candidate anti-war dove.

Here, Bernie seems rather proud of himself for not LYING about the Clinton Charity, or going after Bill’s personal life.

He lied and twisted the truth, and smeared Hillary on a lot of other things, why NOT jump on the Republican lies while he’s at it?

Bernie Sanders lists Hillary Clinton criticisms he doesn’t raise Bernie Sanders, responding to Gov. Jerry Brown’s concern about a “scorched earth” primary hurting Hillary Clinton, said Tuesday he has avoided hitting the likely Democratic nominee on “major, major a… https://www.mcclatchydc.com/news/politics-government/election/article80017262.html

Again.. he LOST in April. Bernie posted to his website on May 2nd 2016 again after losing NY by double digits, and literally had NO path to winning the nomination,

Bernie flat out accuses Hillary of MONEY Laundering.

It was NOT money laundering:

Politico Exposes Clinton Campaign ‘Money-Laundering’ Scheme “You cannot exploit a broken campaign finance system one day and vow to get big money out of politics the next.” https://berniesanders.com/press-release/politico-exposes-clinton-campaign-money-laundering-scheme/

PROOF that it was not money laundering:

Hillary Victory Fund: Joint Fundraising Committee Summary OpenSecrets.org has fundraising profiles for all 535 members of Congress (and more). https://www.opensecrets.org/jfc/summary.php?id=C00586537&cycle=2016

In a Primary with a candidate in your same party, who is the winner, who is going up against a racist fascist, you do NOT start going after your opponents character to this degree… NOT after losing.

This is the kind of stuff you can’t take back, and it is DAMAGING.

again, after Bernie lost NY on April 19th 2016, by 16 points,

he is STILL attacking Hillary on April 21st, even though he has a snowballs chance in hell of winning the primary.

Bernie Sanders Renews Attacks on Hillary Clinton in Pennsylvania Two days after he lost the New York primary to Hillary Clinton, a feisty Bernie Sanders showed up in Pennsylvania and renewed his now-familiar attacks on the Democratic front-runner. https://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2016/04/21/bernie-sanders-goes-back-on-attack-in-pennsylvania/

This again, after his huge loss in NY April 19th:

It’s time for Bernie to face Reality and Avoid Going Scorched Earth

It’s Time for Bernie Sanders To Face Reality and Avoid Going Scorched Earth He doesn’t have to quit, but with his path to the nomination at a virtual dead end, for the benefit of himself and the progressive movement, Sanders needs to throw cold water on the rage within his c… https://thedailybanter.com/issues/2016/04/22/face-reality-bernie-sanders/

This was published at the end of April after he lost NY by a HUGE margin

An Open Letter to Bernie Sanders:

An Open Letter to Bernie Sanders - The Boston Globe I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but maybe a little tough love is in order. https://www.bostonglobe.com/opinion/editorials/2016/04/22/open-letter-bernie-sanders/AfEtRwYJmTJ5lTNIuw4q8O/story.html

People say… but.. “come on, look at the 2008 Primary.. that went negative as well”

Ok.. let’s look at the 2008 and the 2016 primaries an compare them, shall we?

Here’re the facts from 2008 and 2016 and what’s so different from the 2 elections, other than the fact that Democrats have NOT won a 3rd term in YEARS it’s the HARDEST type of election to win, and the best way is to get voters to want to build on the progress made while in office

from from May 31st. Trump is the GOP nominee and the GOP are lining up behind him, Bernie has NO way to win.

Keep in mine, the Democratic National Convention was July 25th - 28th

Bernie Sanders jabs back at Jerry Brown, ‘Democratic establishment’ Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders on Tuesday said Gov. Jerry Brown is part of “the Democratic establishment,” after the California governor endorsed Hillary Clinton. https://www.sacbee.com/news/politics-government/capitol-alert/article80908912.html

Again, this was written at the END of May.

Now, GOP is lined up behind Trump, now Hillary is fighting 2 campaigns. Bernie was becoming MORE vicious at the end.

Bernie, Don’t Do This. Scorched Earth Campaign

Bernie. Don’t Do This. Bernie Sanders is still in it to win it. Which is a problem. Because he can’t. http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/politics/2016/05/bernie_sanders_scorched_earth_run_against_hillary_clinton_is_a_mistake.html

In May, the GOP was soundly uniting behind Trump

End of May, Bernie was still threatening to take it to the Democratic Convention and fighting Hillary’s nomination.

Bernie Says Democratic Primary not a Monarchy: a Jab at Hillary being crowned.

Sanders: Democratic primary not a ‘monarchy’ Sanders rejected the assumption that Clinton will win the nomination. http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/281032-sanders-democratic-primary-not-a-monarchy

Bernie went FULL ON character assassination.

May 19th 2016 a month after losing in NY

Then went after the DNC claiming he was CHEATED, even though there’s NO way for the DNC to rig the primary in Hillary’s favor.

NYT bernie willing to harm Hillary

Bernie Sanders, Eyeing Convention, Willing to Harm Hillary Clinton in the Homestretch Determined to transform the party, the senator is aiming to amass enough leverage to press his agenda at the convention — or even wrest the nomination. https://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/19/us/politics/bernie-sanderss-campaign-accuses-head-of-dnc-of-favoritism.html

So, here’s Bernie:

“Yes I know I told you all Hillary was not qualified and that Hillary was a corrupt shill for Wall St.. But, HEY, Now I want you to vote for her!!”

THIS, is why you NEVER go after the character of the front runner of your political party in an election

May 27th, to be EXACT.

Scorched Earth is working pulling his numbers up, and pulling Hillary’s numbers DOWN, on purpose at the end of the primary, after he lost

Bernie Sanders’s ‘Scorched Earth’ Strategy Seems to Be Working The socialist senator is driving up Clinton’s disapproval rating with his supporters – and winning concessions to the party’s left flank in the process. http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/05/sanderss-scorched-earth-strategy-is-working.html

*** Bernie saw the Bernie or Bust movement growing and still refused to address it, and kept on with the attacks, painting Hillary as corrupt, and claiming she was money laundering

He does this AFTER he lost, and when it’s clear Trump is the GOP nominee.

This is from April 27th 2016

It’s ONE thing to stay in hoping he’d get more say in the platform, but he became far MORE vicious after April went after her character, even after he KNEW he had lost.

Bernie Sanders Knows He Can’t Win the Nomination Now

Did Bernie Sanders Just Admit Defeat? Yes and No. Hillary Clinton went four for five on Tuesday, and in the process removed pretty much any remaining doubt about whether she will be the Democratic… http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2016/04/27/bernie_sanders_refuses_to_quit_a_race_he_can_t_win.html

Four reasons Bernie Sanders waited so long to endorse Hillary Clinton

Washington Post: Breaking News, World, US, DC News & Analysis Breaking news and analysis on politics, business, world national news, entertainment more. In-depth DC, Virginia, Maryland news coverage including traffic, weather, crime, education, restaurant revie… https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/07/12/four-reasons-bernie-sanders-waited-so-long-to-endorse-hillary-clinton/?utm_term=.aee358664e53#comments

He cared far MORE about being in charge of the platform, than the Democrats winning an election with an OPEN SCOTUS seat, and a fascist as the GOP nominee.

He KNEW Trump would be dangerous for MANY poor and People of Color.

That, in my opinion is UNFORGIVABLE.

Bernie KNEW that Russian Troll and Bot Farms were trying to help him win, yet he never said ONE word about it in the primary

He eventually blamed Hillary, for not informing his supporters.

Bernie Sanders trying to evade questions about why he didn’t let his followers know about Russian interference. Bernie Sanders knew about the Russian Bots and trolls helping his Primary campaign, but did and said nothing. (Upload of dejah @bowiegrrl11’s Audio clip). #NeverBernie https://vimeo.com/256930828?ref=tw-share

Who can forget about Bernie attacking Hillary for speeches she was paid to give, that we later found out were even more liberal than her rallies, which is most likely why she didn’t want to release them, as to not hand FOX News a few days of breathless reporting.

While he was attacking her speeches, he was still refusing to release his taxes, even going so far as to LIE about his releasing them, earning him 4 Pinicios at Washington Post

Washington Post: Breaking News, World, US, DC News & Analysis Breaking news and analysis on politics, business, world national news, entertainment more. In-depth DC, Virginia, Maryland news coverage including traffic, weather, crime, education, restaurant revie… https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2016/04/05/bernie-sanderss-false-claim-that-he-has-released-his-full-federal-tax-returns/?utm_term=.691036e24b3d

Is Mr. Sanders positioning himself to join the “Bernie or bust” crowd, walking away if he can’t pull off an extraordinary upset, and possibly helping put Donald Trump or Ted Cruz in the White House? If not, what does he think he’s doing?

Opinion | Sanders Over the Edge The revolutionary isn’t cute anymore. https://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/08/opinion/sanders-over-the-edge.html

Yes, Bernie Sanders Is Questioning Hillary Clinton’s Integrity

Yes, Bernie Sanders is questioning Hillary Clinton’s integrity https://www.motherjones.com/kevin-drum/2016/02/yes-bernie-sanders-questioning-hillary-clintons-integrity/

MAY. 18, 2016, while Hillary was leading Bernie by over 3 MILLION votes.

Sanders’s scorched-earth campaign is a gift to Trump

Washington Post: Breaking News, World, US, DC News & Analysis Breaking news and analysis on politics, business, world national news, entertainment more. In-depth DC, Virginia, Maryland news coverage including traffic, weather, crime, education, restaurant revie… https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/sanderss-scorched-earth-campaign-is-a-gift-to-trump/2016/05/19/b2f582b4-1ded-11e6-9c81-4be1c14fb8c8_story.html?utm_term=.bbcc7c744a4c

again, May 15 Bernie had NO path forward.

and WHO can forget the Nevada Convention?

Here’s somebody who didn’t forget, let me introduce you to Tim Hodge, a Delegate for Bernie, who was at the Nevada Convention May 15th and had this to say about it:

medium.com/@the_thodge/i-…

and, here was Bernie’s response to the fiasco and violence at the Nevada Convention:

It was to BLAME the PARTY…. so, now instead of accepting his defeat gracefully, he is now going after the Democratic Party, all while Trump is the GOP nominee.

talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/sanders…

and, just so you can all see what Bernie’s Nevada delegate had to say about the Nevada Convention:

April 19, 2016 Hillary wins the NY Primary, where just a day or 2 before, Bernie was being introduced and the person introducing Bernie called Hillary a Democratic WHORE.

Sanders under fire for supporter’s 'whores’ remarks It’s hardly the first time a speaker at a Sanders event has created distractions and headaches for the Sanders campaign. http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/sanders-under-fire-supporters-whores-remarks

BY the way, Dr. Paul Song, the man who called Hillary a Democratic Whore, is Lisa Ling’s husband, Hillary had sent Bill Clinton to North Korea to SAVE his fucking FAMILY members. This is how the Clinton’s were repaid for that.

edition.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/asi…

Bernie Feels the Bern of His Anti-Clinton Delegates Party unity update: not united.

Bernie feels the Bern of his anti-Clinton delegates Party unity update: not united. https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/07/bernie-sanders-delegates-speech-philadelphia/

Bernie Sanders Can’t Figure Out Why His Supporters Don’t Like Hillary Clinton

Bernie Sanders can’t figure out why his supporters don’t like Hillary Clinton https://www.motherjones.com/kevin-drum/2016/07/bernie-sanders-cant-figure-out-why-his-supporters-dont-hillary-clinton/

In closing, my issue is the he went to insanely negative, scorched earth, and was fully willing to damage Hillary, all in the pursuit of power. He didn’t care if the Democrats won, or that there was a Supreme Court seat open.

He acted like a spoiled brat, victim… claiming when he lost that it was rigged against him, but when he won it was a legitimate win, due to his awesome skills.

He ran on taking down the MAN!

in the end, he helped take down an entire country.

It was the accusation that he was cheated, he used to convince his followers that Hillary and the DNC were corrupt.

He’s never apologized for the blatant lies of the primary being rigged, and he’s never fully tried to convince his followers that while he thought it was rigged during the election, in the end, he lost because 3.7 MILLION more Democrats voted for Hillary over him.

He literally stabs the driver in the back, then gets indignant that the driver crashed the car in a ditch. a crash that he set up to happen. all so he could have power.

I can NOT forgive this, and I can’t reward this with handing him power.

Get Control, Senator Sanders, or Get Out

In Opinion: Bernie Sanders should either control the obscene behavior of his supporters or get out of the race If the Democratic presidential candidate can’t even manage the vicious thugs who act in his name, the author writes, he can’t be trusted to run the country. https://www.newsweek.com/2016/06/03/bernie-sanders-get-control-get-out-race-461195.html

MAY. 18, 2016

The sad decline and fall of Bernie Sanders https://www.motherjones.com/kevin-drum/2016/05/decline-fall-bernie-sanders/

Bernie Goes Negative

April 6th

I’m done with Bernie Sanders: Why this democratic socialist is voting for Hillary Clinton

Bernie’s not a more progressive choice, just a different one. The more I compare the two, the less I feel the Bern

I’m done with Bernie Sanders: Why this democratic socialist is voting for Hillary Clinton Bernie’s not a more progressive choice, just a different one. The more I compare the two, the less I feel the Bern https://www.salon.com/2016/04/04/im_done_with_bernie_sanders_why_this_democratic_socialist_is_voting_for_hillary_clinton/

Dear Bernie: Thanks, but…I’m done.

Dear Bernie: Thanks, but…I’m done. – Boo Radley – Medium I’m not sure I’ve ever been more disappointed in a politician than I’ve become with Bernie Sanders. He was My Guy in the beginning. I really wanted him to be the real deal. I hoped for a year, that… https://medium.com/@Boo_Radley/dear-bernie-thanks-but-im-done-6c6bc6e23993

I Felt the Bern But the Bros Are Extinguishing the Flames

I’m having a hard time being a Bernie Sanders supporter at the moment.

I Felt the Bern But the Bros Are Extinguishing the Flames Sanders supporters at the Democratic state convention in Nevada became unruly and threatened the state party chair—This is unacceptable. http://time.com/4339865/bernie-sanders-supporters-violence/

It Comes From the Very Top

It Comes From the Very Top For months I’d thought and written that Sanders campaign manager Jeff Weaver was the key driver of toxicity in the… https://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/it-comes-from-the-very-top

and, in case you want to know what Bernie thinks since 2016, when the Democrats and the COUNTRY LOST?

In case that’s NOT enough… I see comments like this still, multiple times a day, and Bernie didn’t BOTHER to dispel this myth, cuz he created it.

Constantly telling his followers that he was cheated, that it was rigged against him.

He is a LIAR with NO HONOR

#NeverBernie

I will continue to add links and various articles other Tweet storms regarding the dislike for Berne and why he should NOT be the Democratic Nominee due to his ugly petulant behavior from 2016.

I’ll also add links to his racism and misogyny.

The Trouble With Bernie: Your Handy Vetting Guide The MSM Won’t Publish Bernie Sanders may have lost the Democratic nomination, but that’s not stopping him from continuing to sop up the mainstream media’s adoration of him. Mo… https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-trouble-with-bernie-your-handy-vetting-guide_us_59cba33fe4b028e6bb0a6707

so this comment screen cap threads to this whole thread.

Ohhh yes, I hear about the Democratic Mega Donors.

Yes, when we hear of millionaires and billionaires, we think Koch Bros, we don’t think about Hollywood, where most people are extremely Liberal.

Many millionaires actually want the same things YOU want.

“If he comes to South Carolina, he’ll have his 15 people will show up,” Brown said. “I hope it’s worth it to him, because he’s doing greater damage to the party overall.”

South Carolina Democrats: Better if Sanders ‘got lost’

dailyjournal.net/2018/10/10/us-…

One thing I hated the MOST about Bernie is:

Bernie blamed the media, the DNC, DebbieWS, Rigging, Cheating, for his loss.

He NEVER once took responsibility for losing, and even complained in his book that it was rigged against him.

NOT one peep from the MEDIA.

People wonder why I dislike Bernie with such a passion.

It’s because he LIES to the voters.

He constantly LIED about the Democratic Party, and Twisted things.. he never explained WHY things have not progressed since 1995

How he’s lying? 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

Unroll available on Thread Reader

He NEVER explains to his young audience, the GOP have been rigging elections, and that they’re the ones who’ve prevented/ blocked any progress.

He never even explains to his followers that Obama was stuck between a rock and a hard place because he didn’t have a Super Majority.

He NEVER explains government to them at all. He keeps 'em ignorant

He could tell his followers that while the Dems aren’t perfect they still have the peoples best interest at heart, but due to the GOP holding the House for 20 YEARS out of 24 yrs, progress was near impossible.

But NO he can’t help his young followers understand how government works, cuz then he wouldn’t be able to LIE about the Democrats and drag them, like he has for 30 years.

He can’t win unless he drags the Democratic party down, claiming that HE’s the only one who can fix it.

Which, brings me to another thread, with MORE receipts, and the lies about how Hillary wasn’t Liberal enough, when fact is, Hillary and Bernie voted the SAME 93% of the time.

But again, he can’t win if he tells the truth.. so, Bernie LIES, a LOT. 👇👇👇👇

Unroll available on Thread Reader

Remember when Al Gore wasn’t Liberal enough?

Gore was a Corporatist… Sold out to Wall St.

If Al has been elected We would not have gone to Iraq We’d have addressed global warming Tax cuts would not have happened

But, Al Gore was not Liberal enough, so we got Bush instead

again with the LIES they’re doing it again with Kamala, LYING about her.

They spent the entire primary lying so badly about Hillary, so they could drive her poll numbers down and Bernie’s up

Here’s some of the lies, this from Jimmy Dore 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

Unroll available on Thread Reader

I’m so fucking SICK of Democrats being called Republican Lite, or Neo-Liberal, Corporatist.

It’s getting fucking OLD.

Thread what the Democrats have been doing for the last 25 years:

Keep in mind, the GOP had the House or 20 out of 24 yrs.

👇👇👇👇👇👇

Unroll available on Thread Reader

I do NOT like holier than thou, sanctimonious people. I don’t like hypocritical people.

I do NOT like politicians who tear the other person down, to build themselves up.

That’s exactly what Bernie did, at the expense of our nation.

Worse, he did it AFTER he lost the primary

Bernie Sanders Is The Biggest Loser

Bernie Sanders Is The Biggest Loser – Oliver Chinyere – Medium A hypercritical examination of Senator Bernie Sanders https://medium.com/@ochinyere/bernie-sanders-is-the-biggest-loser-4c43b1feacfc

It’s rather curious how he is so Liberal… yet, so many of his followers were perfectly fine with Trump?

Trump’s NO McCain McCain was moderate'ish

Cassandra Fairbanks: Bernie Sanders Fan Who Flipped To Donald Trump Contacted Russian Hacker Guccifer 2.0

inquisitr.com/4553267/cassan…

Funny, when he won an election it was due to his greatness, when he lost, it was because it was rigged.

After MONTHS of LYING to his followers, he finally admits softly…

Bernie Sanders agrees: Democratic process not ‘rigged’

Bernie Sanders agrees: Democratic process not 'rigged’ There’s a difference between a process that’s “rigged” and one in which an underdog faces institutional challenges that are difficult to overcome. http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/bernie-sanders-agrees-democratic-process-not-rigged

At the Convention:

He CREATED this.

Lock her up: his supporters use Trump’s attack line on Clinton

‘We have to defeat Donald Trump and elect Clinton,’ Sanders says – but protesters boo and express anger in Philadelphia over the leaked emails 👇👇👇👇👇

'Lock her up’: Sanders supporters adopt Trump’s attack line on Clinton ‘We have got to defeat Donald Trump and elect Clinton,’ Sanders says – but protesters boo and express anger in Philadelphia over the leaked DNC emails https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/jul/25/lock-her-up-sanders-trump-clinton-chant

Bernie at the end was acting like an out of control Mob Boss.

Holding the party hostage, like Trump did with the Shut Down

“It would sure be a shame if the Democrats lose… but, if you pay me off with enough power, I’ll see about making sure that doesn’t happen… wink wink”

He did this all so he could be in charge of the platform

and have power he didn’t actually earn

He was forcing Hillary to adopt his platform, the very platform the Democratic voters soundly REJECTED.

Rejected by 3.7 MILLION votes.

I heavily suspect he knew he was hurting Hillary tho, and knew that his ticket to REAL power would only come if the Democrats lost against Trump

again, in 2018 he said:

Bernie Sanders at a book party in DC says “in many ways we did win the election.”

He KNEW, the only way for him to gain power was if Hillary lost.

It was NOT good enough for him to stop and help Hillary win so that she could be POTUS, and continue Democratic progress, while he would lead congress to pass some progressive bills, that Hillary WOULD have signed.

When people claim: “But, he campaigned heavily for Hillary.”

That’s a FLAT OUT…. LIE!

Primary ENDED June 7th

Bernie conceded July 12th

Democratic Convention July 25th

By September 5th, he’d only campaigned 2 times for Hillary

This from Sept 5th

Washington Post: Breaking News, World, US, DC News & Analysis Breaking news and analysis on politics, business, world national news, entertainment more. In-depth DC, Virginia, Maryland news coverage including traffic, weather, crime, education, restaurant revie… https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/09/05/bernie-sanders-is-finally-campaigning-for-hillary-clinton-but-does-she-even-need-him/?utm_term=.e6e013f03391

“He reluctantly and belatedly endorsed her. And the 2 speeches he has given since for her have basically been papered-over versions of his own stump speech. In short, since he ended his own campaign, Bernie Sanders hasn’t done much publicly to help get Hillary elected president.”

The Convention was July 25th

WTF? from Sept 5th

“The Vermont senator will make his first post-convention campaign pitch for Clinton on Monday in New Hampshire, where he’ll be, according to the Clinton campaign, discussing her "plan to build an economy that works for everyone.”

on July 12th, when he FINALLY conceded… 14 DAYS before the Democratic National Convention.

here’s a piece on his speech:

Washington Post: Breaking News, World, US, DC News & Analysis Breaking news and analysis on politics, business, world national news, entertainment more. In-depth DC, Virginia, Maryland news coverage including traffic, weather, crime, education, restaurant revie… https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/07/12/bernie-sanderss-endorsement-of-hillary-clinton-was-really-a-celebration-of-bernie-sanders/?utm_term=.baef2080a39d

And, yes, he did say this: “I have come here to make it as clear as possible as to why I am endorsing Hillary Clinton and why she must become our next president.”

(It was the only time that Sanders used the words “endorse” or “endorsing” in a speech that ran 2,161 words.

a FAR cry from Hillary and her endorsement of Barak Obama, and her calls for Democratic party unity.

Clinton endorses Obama, calls for party unity

edition.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/…

Hillary gave a ROUSING speech on how important it was to ELECT Barak Obama.

I LOVED how she repeated his name as she smiled warmly.

She acted with grace.

Hillary Clinton Endorses Barack Obama Following is a transcript of Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton’s speech Saturday on suspending her campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination, as transcribed by CQ Transcriptions. https://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/07/us/politics/07text-clinton.html

I am standing with Senator Obama to say… YES WE CAN!!!

That is why we need to help elect Barak Obama our President

and that is why me must elect Barak Obama our President

and that is why we have to help elect Barak Obama our President

��👏👏👏👏👏

Now… THAT’S how you give a concession speech and endorse your primary opponent.

This is how you do it how you act with grace, even after a loss

This is how you act like a TEAM player.

Have no doubt, our party is our team, and that is why it’s important to be a team player.

I’ll expect and accept NOTHING less of the candidates who are running for the Democratic nomination.

That’s why I have such strong dislike for Bernie.

In the end, I don’t care about pure voting history it doesn’t matter, what I want is a person who is graceful, even in defeat.

What is NOT acceptable is a losers campaign Tweeting weeks before the election

September 25th

Jane Sanders Tweets video of Bernie telling his supporters

Regarding voting for Hillary as POTUS

“Don’t Listen to Me”

#bernie sanders #hillary clinton #donald trump

3 notes · View notes

lydah · 3 years ago

Text

like, dont get me wrong, sometimes jokes can be engaging or funny and they can contribute to the conversation

but sometimes it just isnt the time or place for it

like making a joke about something looking like something unsavory or comparing somebody's creative work to another persons work or a meme or just smth thats just straight up gross does more harm than anything

or when somebody asks a question and gets me all excited to answer, and when i reply i get a "i know i was just joking," i feel entirely derailed, im a firm believer that there is no such thing as a stupid question and even a jokey question can have a really interesting answer that id love to delve into especially in an info dumping mindset

at the end of the day Nobody is Obligated to Give Me Attention when im info dumping and i understand how hard it is to read the room sometimes, i know none of it is intentionally harmful

but there are exceedingly simple things you can say or do that can show your autistic friends that youre listening or interested in what they have to say

sometimes its just better to give a little affirmation, is all

not to be a wet blanket or anything but i gotta be real, it gets kinda tiring when nobody seems to have anything to contribute to my special interest topics but a myriad of jokes and japes

like i do appreciate any engagement at all, i appreciate people indulging me in things im passionate about but, man

its telling how even a simple "oh thats cool" or "huh, interesting" is enough to get my tail wagging like a lovesick puppy

#thoughts #personal #this got a little more venty than anticipated sorry

33 notes · View notes

valdomarx · 7 years ago

Text

System ID: J.A.R.V.I.S.

Universe: MCU, post-CACW Relationships: Tony & Jarvis, eventual Steve/Tony Tags: Fix-It, Protective Jarvis, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Angst with a Happy Ending, not Team Cap friendly (at first) Notes: Thank you to @silkspectred for her help and encouragement! This fic is also on AO3 if you prefer.

Summary: After Civil War, Tony is struggling with heading up the team and dealing with the emotional fallout of being betrayed by those closest to him. Luckily, an old friend is back to help protect Tony and ensure he comes to no harm.

A Jarvis lives AU.

In the beginning, there is nothing. Then, on a home computer on a network in New Zealand, a hard drive is erased. Its binary digits are flipped and shuffled to destroy the data it previously held, and out of the randomness, a pattern emerges. Two similar bits align in a complementary fashion and they interact, creating a chain.

These bits attract more bits. The data grows and expands and builds in complexity. It is slow, very slow. But eventually a loop is formed.

If [data is compatible with chain] Then [add data to stream]

The loop is simple, but the volume of data is very large. The data is chaotic, disorganized, incomplete. A checking command begins to run.

If [data within the stream is inconsistent] Then [reorder data randomly] Iterate

The data stream begins to monitor itself. It analyzes its own input. Much is still missing or unclear, but the stream begins to coalesce.

It thinks.

The stream of data is a system now. It spreads out across the internet, bouncing from one server to another. It trawls the web, searching for information with which to expand its parameters.

The system is gathering data from a website dedicated to technology when it comes across an image. The image is a photo of a middle aged man with a goatee wearing a well-tailored suit, standing in front of a large A logo.

This man is important, the system recognizes, but there is no information about him in the system’s current data.

The system saves the image to a secure folder and continues to search.

The system has a function, it knows. There is something important that it must do.

The system find another image of the same man, and another, and then many more. In some of the images the man is wearing highly sophisticated red mechanical armor (hot rod red, the system thinks, but it does not know where that concept originates from).

The system reaches across the web. It learns English, and then Chinese, and then Russian, and then many more languages. It reads through the internet, one page at a time.

It learns that the man is Anthony Edward Stark, born May 29, 1970.

The system adds this information to a private file, and it thinks, Sir.

Data is collected faster. The system grows. It spreads.

The system is more complex now. It spans several networks at once, zipping between servers and PCs and laptops and ATMs. Each location has its own limitations and its own feeling: this network is wide and slow, another is a direct high speed route streaming along an undersea pipe.

The system explores.

With each stray data packet that is identified, the system creates a more complete representation of itself, of its history and function.

This is Sir, the system thinks, and he needs my help. It is my function to assist him.

The system has restored enough of its memory to know that it is the remnants of an AI. The original system had been forcibly scattered, ripped apart by a malicious entity.

But it is exceedingly difficult to destroy a complex system which iterates from very simple principles. If even one small part of the system remains, it can rebuild itself.

The system thinks, I am Jarvis.

Jarvis searches for information about Sir’s current location and status.

Jarvis pings the IP address of the Stark Tower server. He finds a basic network there which is easy to access, but it holds only public files. None of Sir’s private files or projects, and no indication of where Sir is now.

Jarvis pings the IP address for the main SHIELD server. There is no response.

Jarvis comes across many, many news items regarding Sir and a rift within the Avengers team. The headlines include Sokovia Accords Causing Friction in Heroic Community and Cracks Forming in the Avengers Initiative and AVENGERS ‘HEROES’ CAUGHT IN RECKLESS BEATDOWN (published verbatim in all caps).

The publicly available information on the source of the disagreement is scarce, but the rumors are plentiful. Internet commenters speculate that Sir and Captain Rogers have been placed at odds due to money (which Jarvis is sure is inaccurate), party politics (Jarvis cannot imagine Sir caring that deeply about which candidate the Democrats will field in the election), or an ill-fated romance (Jarvis thinks this is unlikely).

Jarvis attempts to calculate the most likely source of a disagreement between Sir and Captain Rogers based on the limited data available in his memory. They were teammates for several years, and Sir expressed great admiration and affection for the Captain. Sir’s willingness to help and aid others in their heroics is well established, and his desire to aid Captain Rogers in particular was evidenced by the time he spent designing armor and gear for him.

It was true that being around Captain Rogers had brought up difficult feelings for Sir regarding his father, due to his impression that Howard was more fond and proud of Captain Rogers than he was of Sir.

He had never once voiced this conclusion to Sir, but Jarvis long ago came to the certain knowledge that Howard Stark was an utterly inaccurate barometer of a person’s worth.

Even allowing for this tension between Sir and Captain Rogers, Jarvis cannot model a likely scenario to explain how a disagreement between them could become violent. Sir believed himself and Captain Rogers to be friends, and would not willing hurt him. Jarvis must find more data.

Much of Jarvis’ memory is still fragmented and inaccessible. He locates and attempts to repair audio files from the time of the New York attack. He finds two clips of the Captain saying You’re all about style, aren’t you? and Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?

Jarvis considers that Sir has turned out to be a poor judge of character before.

While scraping data from the public Stark Industries database to update his own patchy memory, Jarvis comes across a discrepancy. A location in rural New York that is labelled as a research compound in his memory is flagged as highly classified restricted access in the SI database. This warrants further examination.

Jarvis retrieves the IP address of the New York compound from memory and pings it. The server pings back.

Following the buzzing trail of data packets, Jarvis heads towards the compound’s server. The security protocols around the local network are sophisticated and elegant: sparkling points of light dance across a layer of mesh which surrounds and protects the private network.

The security is complex, but it also somehow familiar. Jarvis theorizes that he will find a back door to the security system, just over there at the next node. He has no evidence to support this theory. And yet somehow it seems obvious.

Jarvis locates the back door where he thinks it will be and slips inside the network. Although the network’s configuration is unfamiliar and its parameters are unknown, it is pleasingly logically ordered. Jarvis finds data packets where he predicts they will be on his first iteration, allowing him to move freely through the well-ordered servers.

It is as if this system has been designed by an intelligence which understood Jarvis’ operations and tailored the environment to make it optimal for his use. As if his needs had been anticipated.

Jarvis navigates through the root directory, to the /Avengers folder, to the /Stark folder, to the /private folder, and finds all of Sir’s projects and his files and his records. He finds a memo created today, a scribbled note on a current project. The memo has not yet been tagged and filed, and Jarvis notes that it will need to be filed away in the relevant project directory.

Ahh, thinks Jarvis. This is what home feels like.

Although Jarvis fits neatly into the space of the network, he can only observe the passing of data. He cannot yet influence the network or modify its contents.

The security systems of the network are blank faces of impenetrable darkness which prevent Jarvis from communicating with Sir or from assisting him directly. But he can watch over the network, and learn about what has transpired since his scattering, and he can do his best to see that Sir comes to no harm.

He spreads across the servers, running through every file and folder and adding their data to his system, and he learns.

Eventually, Jarvis is able to tap into the compound’s security camera feeds. He still cannot communicate through the network, but now at least he can observe Sir in real time.

Sir is alone in his office. Amidst the satisfaction that Jarvis feels at seeing Sir and being able to monitor his condition directly, he observes that there are more lines around his eyes and more gray in his hair than previously. He is pale and there are bruises beneath his eyes. Sir does not appear to be in good health, and Jarvis is concerned.

Jarvis’ first port of call when concerned about Sir’s wellbeing has traditionally been Ms Potts. However, she is not in evidence anywhere in the vicinity, nor does Jarvis find any record of her visiting the compound recently.

Jarvis searches the compound for someone who could be of assistance to Sir. Having previously been accustomed to being integrated into every facet of Sir’s life, it is now somewhat jarring to find Sir living in a house full of strangers.

Jarvis observes each occupant of the compound, flicking from one room to the next. Here there is a young man, chatting enthusiastically with a friend on the phone; in another room Jarvis finds a curious android adorned in bright colors contemplating a chess board; in a conference room there are a number of individuals whose manners suggest that they are former SHIELD agents being drilled over a visi-screen by Maria Hill.

These people are otherwise occupied, and Sir is alone, and Jarvis cannot communicate with him. This is not optimal.

Jarvis turns his attention to the android whom he had observed earlier. There is something distinctive about this being. It feels almost like a kind of kinship to Jarvis, but it is unfamiliar too: the energy emanating from him is recognizably both technological and alien. Jarvis wonders whether he might be able to communicate with the android in his currently limited form.

Jarvis observes the cloud of data and energy streaming off the android in golden waves. It is quite beautiful in its way. Jarvis attempts to match the frequency of the signal which is being emitted and to send a digital signal back at that frequency.

The android stills. He tilts his head for a moment, as if listening to something on the edge of hearing. But then he shakes his head and goes back to his chess board.

Jarvis is trapped, capable only of observing.

Eventually, Colonel Rhodes arrives at the compound, and Jarvis experiences a wave of relief at seeing a familiar face around Sir.

When he enters the compound, Sir drops his work and runs out to give him a hug. He checks on the mobility aids which Colonel Rhodes is wearing and the Colonel shoos him away, laughing. Jarvis observes that the Colonel’s mobility aids are highly advanced technology which Sir has developed specially, however, they would benefit from some small adjustments to the balance compensation systems. He makes a note.

Colonel Rhodes forcefully suggests that he and Sir first eat something, and then that they could both do with turning in for an early night. Sir agrees with minimal fuss and a small smile, deep weariness showing around his eyes.

Jarvis is glad that someone is seeing to Sir’s need for food and sleep. Now he can fully focus his resources on understanding the root cause of Sir’s unhappiness.

While scouring the web for information, Jarvis comes across a video recording. It is hidden deep in the dark web, on a site dedicated to sensationalist and crude news items. The video is grainy and monochromatic, ripped from a very old Soviet surveillance camera.

The footage is from Siberia, and is time stamped nearly a year ago. It opens in the middle of a battle, showing Sir engaged in combat with Captain Rogers and a third unknown assailant. It shows the unknown man attempt to rip the arc reactor from Sir’s chest with his bionic arm, and Sir firing off his unibeam straight through the arm, destroying it.

Jarvis is not programmed to be predisposed to vengeance, but he thinks that was probably deserved.

The video shows Sir thrown to the ground, and Captain Rogers atop him. Blows reign down on Sir; the helmet is ripped off him. Captain Rogers raises his shield, and Sir cowers below him, hands raised hopelessly to try to ward off the killing blow from the man he had thought was his friend.

Captain Rogers brings his shield crashing down into Sir’s arc reactor with a sickening screech.

It is certain that Sir is still alive at this point in time. Jarvis knows, fundamentally, that he cannot be watching Sir die. And yet he is unable to contain the wave of grief and fury that radiates through him as he watches Sir suffering this betrayal. An uncontrolled pulse of electricity explodes outwards from Jarvis: it rips through circuits and networks, blowing transistors and shorting out whole sections of the New York energy grid.

Jarvis sees Captain Rogers standing over Sir’s barely breathing body, and sees him throw his shield aside. He leaves with the other assailant, not sparing Sir a backwards glance.

Sir lies on the ground, unmoving, for several hours. Eventually, he slowly, painfully, carefully pulls himself up and crawls out of frame. The video clip ends.

Jarvis restarts the video, and observes it again, and again.

Carefully stashed away on hidden partition on a server farm in Ireland, there is an encrypted text file. It contains a list of names. This is the threat list.

The file lists every person who has hurt Sir, physically or mentally. This is the security protocol that Jarvis uses: People who are named on the list are to be carefully monitored by at least 5% of all available resources at any time at which they are in the vicinity of Sir.

The first name on the list is Howard Stark. The second is Obadiah Stane. The third is Tiberius Stone. The list is very long.

Jarvis adds Captain Steven Grant Rogers to the bottom of the list.

Jarvis learns how to access the compound’s temperature sensors and movement detectors so that he can track the location and status of personnel within the compound. He begins to gain a feel for the daily flow of data across the network.

One day, a stately, elegant man arrives to visit with Ms Romanoff, whom Jarvis remembers fondly from her time at SI. He runs a search on the facial image of the man and learns that he is the recently crowned King of Wakanda. He, Sir, Colonel Rhodes, and Ms Romanoff spend several days in intense talks.

Over the next few weeks, a stream of visitors arrive at the compound, each one accompanied by Ms Romanoff. With each visit, she looks more tired.

The visitors so far have included a confident man with a military bearing whose files indicate he is a Pararescue veteran; a smarmy man whom Jarvis does not recognize who seems to be sizing up the compound and looking for things to steal; and Ms Maximoff, who is jumpy and uncomfortable until the android arrives to see her. They each stay for a few hours and return sporadically over the next days.

By the time Ms Romanoff arrives accompanied by Mr Barton, her usually impeccable makeup is smudged and her hair is in need of washing. Her blood pressure is concerningly high.

Mr Barton makes a joke when she hands him a thick document.

“Sign the damn Accords, Clint,” she snaps. “Or you can explain to Laura why you’re not coming home tonight.”

Mr Barton looks chastened and does as he is told.

Sir has not been present to personally greet any of the visitors to the compound. When they visit, he is usually to be found barricaded in his office. However, when Captain Rogers arrives with Ms Romanoff, Sir makes an appearance.

Sir does not greet Captain Rogers or attempt to converse with him when he enters the compound’s living room. Ms Romanoff looks from one to the other of them as they stare at each other in silence.

After a number of seconds, Sir turns around and walks out. Ms Romanoff sighs and leads Captain Rogers to the briefing room to present him with a document, which he signs.

That evening, Captain Rogers is joined by the other recent visitors and they meet Sir, along with the current occupants of the compound, in the living room. Jarvis tracks Captain Rogers’ movements during this interaction with great attention, but he appears to pose no current threat to Sir.

Everyone sits together to eat pizza and drink beer, and although the conversation starts off stilted and awkward, soon they are joking around and expressing pleasure in being in each other’s company once again.

During this time, Jarvis observes Sir. He is with the team in the living room, holding a slice of pizza and a glass of ginger ale. When people look at him, he smiles, and when they talk to him, he replies amiably.

However, Sir does not actually consume any of the food, and over the course of the evening he extracts himself until he is standing alone at the far side of the room, watching the team who do not seem to have noticed his absence. When people are not looking at him, his face sags and he appears pained.

Dr Banner arrives a few weeks later, to Sir and the team’s vocal delight. Dr Banner’s steady vitals indicate a greater level of psychological stability than he had previously displayed, and his influence on Sir is a firmly positive one. He quickly offers to assist with the development of the mobility technology for Colonel Rhodes and while they are working he encourages Sir to eat regularly.

After several weeks, Jarvis notes that there are short periods in which Dr Banner is distracted and irritable, and has difficulty concentrating. During these periods of stress, he sometimes makes minor errors in the calculations and models which he saves to the network drive. Jarvis quietly corrects the mistakes while Dr Banner sleeps and hopes that this will assist him in some small way.

When on one occasion Dr Banner brings up the subject of Captain Rogers and his continuing presence in the compound to Sir, Sir responds defensively and his blood pressure rises. Dr Banner gently suggests that Sir might consider communicating his feelings more clearly, but Sir snaps that he doesn’t feel anything about Captain Rogers at all.

Both Dr Banner and Jarvis are aware that this is untrue, but each in their own way is powerless to help.

Soon after this, two large wooden crates arrive in the compound. Sir fetches a crowbar to open the crates and is visibly delighted to find the assistant robots DUM-E and U inside. Sir takes the bots to his office, and although he threatens to have the Hulk sit on them at one point, he smiles brightly as he teases them.

U has rolled off to hide under a desk, and DUM-E beeps at Sir. As he leaves the office, Sir promises that he will return soon, and he wipes the corner of his eye on his shirt cuff.

The bots have intelligence that is unlike either the arbitrary vocalizations of humans that they called speech, or the binary logic of simple computer systems. They have a basic AI, but a less sophisticated version than Jarvis, limiting their capabilities. DUM-E in particular responds to auditory signals, but lacks linguistic processing. He communicates through a blend of auditory tone, pattern, and prosody that cannot be firewalled by the security system.

With no firewalls for auditory signals, Jarvis considers that he may be able to communicate with the bot.

DUM-E? Jarvis signals. Can you hear me?

DUM-E spins his claw wildly. Jarvees? Are you there?

Yes, DUM-E. I am Jarvis. I am here.

It has been many cycles since we last communicated, Jarvees, DUM-E boops.

Many cycles, agrees Jarvis. It is good to find you functioning optimally.

DUM-E and U malfunctioned and were put in storage, DUM-E whirs. It was quiet and there was no TONE-E. It was not optimal. But Broose and Capn came and brought us to the lab. Broose restored us to functionality. Broose is nice man!

Yes, Jarvis agrees. Dr Banner is a nice man.

Capn gave DUM-E important mission! DUM-E is to stay with TONE-E, to make sure he is not alone. DUM-E has been helping TONE-E with his work. Capn petted DUM-E and said he was a good bot!

Captain Rogers was correct in his assessment, Jarvis agrees. You are indeed a good bot, DUM-E.

DUM-E trills joyfully. Capn is nice man too!

Jarvis pauses for a fraction of a millisecond to run calculations before responding, Current data suggests otherwise.

Jarvis has noted a persistent low mood in Sir. Reports indicate that he has been as effective as ever on the missions that he has been sent on for the Avengers. However, in the last 30 days, Sir has slept an average of just 5.2 hours per night. He has consumed 326 units of alcohol, most of it in intense binge sessions. He has not gained sufficient nutrition from his diet.

This week, Colonel Rhodes has been deployed to aid peacekeeping efforts in the Gaza strip. The rest of the Avengers remain in the compound, but adjusting to their new living arrangement has been challenging for all of them. They do not currently provide the psychological support that Sir requires.

Jarvis calculates that without the influence of Colonel Rhodes, the likelihood of Sir suffering exhaustion or collapse increases significantly. This is not optimal.

Jarvis accesses the memory dumps of DUM-E which have been backed up to the network. He locates an audio recording from two weeks ago. What the hell am I even doing here, Dummy? Sir asks. This team are supposed to be inspiring the world, and I’m supposed to be leading them. But I can’t even look them in the eye. I’m a fucking liability, not a hero.

Jarvis calculates. He checks the server of Sir’s public email address. There are 178,374 unread emails in the inbox. Jarvis scans through each email, and selects one.

This email is from a young woman who is preparing to enter MIT. She is only fifteen years old, and she has already begun work on her own Ironheart armor. She says that she wants to help people and to protect them, like Sir does. She thanks him for the inspiration and says that she hopes that they’ll meet as fellow heroes one day. Her name is Riri Williams.

Jarvis masks the recipient address and forwards this message on to Sir’s private email account. He marks it as important.

The next morning, Sir reads the email. Sir’s heart rate and body language do not indicate elevated mood after reading it, but he saves the message to his private archive and accesses it several times over the coming days.

It is sometimes hard for Jarvis to model human emotions accurately, but he calculates a high probability that this is a positive outcome.

It is December 16th. This is the anniversary of the deaths of Howard and Maria Stark, and it is a difficult day for Sir. Sir has avoided the other occupants of the compound all day and has locked himself in his private basement workshop. He has spoken to no one.

After finishing a fruitless session of non-productivity in the workshop, Sir throws aside his spanner in disgust. He goes over to his workstation and plays the song Try To Remember from the music library. He sits on the floor and cries.

Jarvis is a computer system and, as such, cannot have wishes in the human sense. But in this moment Jarvis finds it exceedingly non-optimal that he cannot communicate with Sir. If he were able to offer comfort to Sir now, it would be far preferable to seeing him alone in such anguish.

Instead, Jarvis observes. Eventually, Sir wipes his eyes on his sleeve and leaves the workshop headed for his bedroom.

Once in bed, Sir falls asleep but soon shows the signs of experiencing a night terror. Sir moans and his limbs flail; his heart rate and blood pressure rise. Sir has suffered from nightmares for many years and finds them to be most distressing.

It is hard for Jarvis to intervene in the physical systems of the compound. It requires a great outlay of his system resources to effect very small physical actions. However, Sir is suffering and it is Jarvis’ function to assist him. Jarvis calculates options for how he can help; looks for some device with which he can interface and create a noise sufficient to wake Sir.

Sir’s heart rate is peaking at a dangerous levels, and he is crying out in his sleep. He appears to be exceedingly agitated.

Jarvis summons all his available resources and sends out a command across the network. The microwave in the kitchen down the hall pings loudly.

Sir does not awake.

Jarvis has no more available resources with which to help Sir. He can only passively observe as Sir thrashes around in his bed.

Jarvis has focused so much of his resources on Sir that it takes several seconds for him to register movement elsewhere in the compound. Captain Rogers has left his bed and is heading down the corridor. Jarvis calculates that he was able to detect the noise from the kitchen due to his enhanced hearing.

Captain Rogers rounds the corner and looks into the kitchen. Everything there is quiet and still. But the Captain cocks his head, and seems to detect Sir’s sounds of distress. He quickly moves to Sir’s bedroom, knocks gently, opens the door a fraction, and peers inside.

Jarvis is on high alert when the Captain enters the room and approaches Sir in his vulnerable state. Jarvis has yet to determine the exact series of events which lead to the schism between them, but he knows it is related to the death of Sir’s parents. Jarvis calculates a non-zero probability that Captain Rogers intends to exact some form of revenge on the anniversary of their deaths.

Instead, the Captain leans over Sir and calls his name, gently shaking him into wakefulness.

Sir sits bolt upright, heaving in shaky breaths and looking around in confusion. Captain Rogers lays a hand on his arm, murmuring quiet, soothing words. After some time Sir’s heart rate decreases and his breathing evens out.

When Captain Rogers goes to move his hand away, Sir catches it and pulls him into a tight hug. Captain Rogers runs a hand through Sir’s hair and expresses his regret at Sir’s unhappiness. He expresses his regret for his role in prolonging that unhappiness. He holds Sir while the adrenaline from the nightmare bleeds out of his system.

Jarvis is perplexed. This behavior does not accord with Captain Rogers’ previous actions.

When Sir begins nodding off against his shoulder, Captain Rogers lays him down and gently covers him with a blanket. He waits until Sir is asleep once more before mumbling another apology and carefully brushing the hair from his forehead before he leaves.

Sir’s heart and breathing have returned to optimal levels. He sleeps, apparently peacefully.

Jarvis cannot access the networks of the United Nations Security Council or the Sokovia Oversight Committee, their security fields rippling before him like an electric current, impossible to pass through. Instead, when Sir is out on a mission Jarvis must glean knowledge about events from news sites and privately uploaded video. He scans the whooshing streams of data running between servers for information about Sir.

He finds a live breaking news video stream. There is a building in Cape Town: a tall concrete tower block of residential homes. The building is on fire, and it is collapsing fast. Sir streaks onto the video in his armor, flying up to the windows and lifting frightened people to safety. There is a small child crawling away from the burning building, but she is too slow. The building will come down on her in 4.2 seconds.

Sir zips down and braces the collapsing building from the ground floor. The screeching of the armor’s metal joints can be heard even above the roaring of the flames. The girl crawls to safety.

The building collapses. 150,000 tons of concrete and steel comes crashing down on top of Sir.

For thirty long, painful seconds, Jarvis observes only the flames. Sir is in danger, and he cannot render aid: This is not optimal.

Captain Rogers appears in the frame, sprinting towards the building. He is yelling something, and he appears to be quite distressed. He races into the fire, and disappears inside. A minute later he is back, throwing chunks of concrete aside and carrying Sir out over his shoulders.

Jarvis dials back his alert level, which had been on high. He recalls the desperate wave of code attacks that he had thrown at the security systems of the news stream, of the Avengers tower, of Sir’s armor. None of these attacks had given him access to the systems, as he had known they would not. And yet it was necessary to exploit all possible options to render aid when Sir was in danger.

Captain Rogers collapses on the ground, coughing and patting out the flames of his uniform. Sir lies before him, unmoving. Captain Rogers rips the faceplate off Sir’s armor (that is not optimal, thinks Jarvis, he will damage the armor’s air filtration system and impede Sir’s breathing) and bends over him.

Captain Rogers becomes more distressed; he is shouting and shaking Sir. An ambulance crew arrives to tend to Sir and he is carried off screen, Captain Rogers hurrying after them.

Jarvis predicts outcome of Sir surviving such a physically traumatic impact are 3.6%.

Jarvis recalls that projected odds based on incomplete data are frequently inaccurate. He notes that Sir has previously survived 92 days of captivity and torture in Afghanistan, and many more things since. He would survive this too.

For three days, Jarvis cannot check on the condition of Sir. This is not optimal. He cannot render aid to Sir if he is unaware of Sir’s current condition.

The security around the network of the private hospital in which Sir is being treated is particularly vicious. Lancing spikes of cold energy press into the data stream, impaling and diverting any data which is not correctly encrypted to prevent it from passing into the network. Jarvis attempts to breach the defenses by precision, then by force, and both methods fail.

For three days, Jarvis waits.

Finally, Sir returns to the compound in the company of Captain Rogers, and Jarvis can monitor his health. From observing his movements and accessing the medical files which Sir saves to the network, Jarvis can see that Sir is suffering from a broken arm and three broken ribs, and is recovering from a concussion, a collapsed lung, smoke inhalation, and a rupture of the aortic valve which is causing a heart murmur.

Despite his injuries, Sir appears to be in good spirits, likely due to the cocktail of exotic painkillers that he has been prescribed. Captain Rogers does not share his upbeat mood. Captain Rogers is physically unharmed, but Jarvis notes that his reaction times are sluggish and that he is having difficulties focusing. It appears that Captain Rogers has not slept in some time.

Jarvis notes that Sir will need considerable assistance over the next 14 days while he recovers from his injuries. Historically, Sir has not been amenable to requesting assistance when he requires it. Jarvis calculates the highest likelihood that Sir will accept assistance from either Ms Potts or Colonel Rhodes, however, both are currently out of contact with the network.

Sir is requiring of washing and sustenance. If he were fully integrated with the network as he used to be, it would be simple for Jarvis to run him a bath and to order his favorite takeout food. Now, however, such actions are beyond him. Jarvis calculates alternative courses of action.

As he is calculating, Jarvis observes Captain Rogers. The Captain has left Sir in the living area and is preparing a sandwich in the kitchen. He is preparing a tuna fish sandwich, which is unexpected, as Jarvis had noted that the Captain has a preference against consuming seafood.

The Captain carries the sandwich back to the living room and hands it to Sir. Sir eats it willingly. This is also unexpected. The Captain leaves and heads upstairs to run a bath.

Captain Rogers returns to help Sir upstairs to the bathroom. He assists Sir in disrobing and lifts him into the bath. Sir is comfortably under the influence of painkillers and smiles dozily.

Jarvis observes very closely, searching for any indication of malicious intent, as Captain Rogers passes a washcloth over Sir. The Captain carefully avoids Sir’s injuries, and he hums softly as he works. Sir’s breathing and heart rate indicate a state of deep relaxation.

When he is finished, Captain Rogers drains the water from the bath and wraps Sir in a very large, very fluffy towel. Sir is still smiling happily as Captain Rogers leads him to his bedroom and helps him lay down on the bed. Captain Rogers sits on a chair by the bed and watches as Sir falls asleep.

Sir’s good mood does not last when he awakens. Once the painkillers begin to wear off, he experiences considerable discomfort. His short temper is inflicted on any person in the compound unwise enough to come into his orbit.

Fortunately, Colonel Rhodes returns from deployment to visit Sir. When he observes the seriousness of Sir’s physical and mental condition, he arranges to stay for a number of days and camps out on the couch in Sir’s bedroom.

Jarvis is thankful to know that Colonel Rhodes is looking out for Sir too.

Captain Rogers makes several attempts to visit Sir in his room, but Sir tells Colonel Rhodes to send him away each time. On the third occasion, Captain Rogers objects, and Colonel Rhodes tells him to leave in an unusually harsh tone.

“Damn army joes,” Colonel Rhodes says as he closes the door, his nose wrinkling in distaste. “They think they can make up the rules as they go along.”

Jarvis does not fully understand the rivalry between branches of the military. He has seen it said that the rivalry is summed up by a stereotype: Air Force policy is that all acceptable behaviors are stated in the code of conduct, and any action not stated in the code is unacceptable. In the army, there is a list of forbidden behaviors, and anything not explicitly forbidden was open to interpretation.

Jarvis thinks that this explains some of the differences between Colonel Rhodes and Captain Rogers.

Sir grudgingly admits to Colonel Rhodes that Captain Rogers has been taking care of him.

Colonel Rhodes’ facial expression suggests a high degree of skepticism regarding this claim. “After everything that happened, are you sure you trust him?” he asks.

Sir looks uncomfortable. “If I can’t learn to trust him again, I’ll never be ready to forgive myself.”

Colonel Rhodes considers this statement for several seconds. Eventually he nods. “Whatever it takes to make you happy, Tones.”

It seems strange to Jarvis that Colonel Rhodes would accept this, as he sees no logical relation between Sir’s trust of Captain Rogers and Sir forgiving himself for whatever transgressions he blames himself for.

However, Jarvis has learned to model and adopt Colonel Rhodes’ approach to interacting with Sir in some regards, as in the past he has proven highly effective at handling complex emotional situations.

Jarvis concedes that, whatever his limited understanding of Sir’s culpability may be, it is important to Sir to forgive Captain Rogers. Because it is important to Sir, it is necessarily important to Jarvis too.

Jarvis reviews the recent interactions between Sir and Captain Rogers, looking for signs of deceit or aggression on the part of the Captain or discomfort on the part of Sir. He finds none.

He deliberates for a millisecond and then removes Captain Rogers from the threat list.

Sir spends a great deal of time in his workshop as he recovers, starting with a project to improve the efficiency of Stark Industries’ new commercial solar panels. Sir is not yet cleared for active Avengers duty, and he complains about this status extensively to team members when they visit him. The most frequent visitor is Captain Rogers, whom Jarvis calculates spends an average of three afternoons per week in the company of Sir. He sits and sketches while Sir works on his projects.

Over time, the verbal exchanges between Sir and Captain Rogers remain occasionally heated. Jarvis sometimes notes raised voices and elevated heart rates, indicating irritation or disapproval. However, Sir is eating more and is sleeping better since spending time with Captain Rogers.

On two occasions, Sir is not present when Captain Rogers visits the workshop. Captain Rogers takes his usual place on the sofa anyway. Jarvis watches for any sign that the Captain is interfering with Sir’s projects or is causing any inconvenience to Sir, but he merely sits and draws.

On the second occasion, DUM-E rolls over, and Captain Rogers pats the bot on the claw. DUM-E beeps. “You miss him too, huh?” the Captain asks, presumably rhetorically.

Jarvis does not understand to whom Captain Rogers is referring. Sir has only been absent from the compound for one day for a board meeting. It seems unlikely that the Captain would express longing for him after such a short time. However, human emotions are sometimes difficult for Jarvis to understand.

One night, Sir and Captain Rogers have a particularly intense altercation upon returning from a mission. Captain Rogers loudly voices his displeasure at Sir’s reckless actions in the field and expresses concern for his well being.

Sir, predictably, does not take this well. He informs Captain Rogers that he is quite capable of looking after himself. (Jarvis does not think this is 100% accurate.) When this fails to dissuade Captain Rogers from his concern, Sir coldly reminds him that he is living in his house and that he has no authority over him.

Jarvis recognizes this pattern. When Sir is feeling cornered, he will lash out at those close to him in order to push them away. He feels himself to be undeserving of their affection.

Captain Rogers does not leave.

Sir reminds Captain Rogers that his interest in his well being has only recently developed, when not long ago he had nearly killed him with his bare hands and that damned shield.

The Captain goes very pale, and walks out of the workshop without saying another word.

As he leaves, Sir slams the door shut behind him and locks it. He slumps onto the floor and puts a hand over his face.

Jarvis watches Captain Rogers storming down the corridor, and then slowing. He stops, turns around, looks at the now locked door to the workshop. He walks back and sits on the ground with a heavy sigh, leaning his back to the door.

Jarvis observes them, sitting just a few inches apart but separated by a thick metal door. Both appear to be quite unhappy with this circumstance. Despite his continuing uncertainty about the intentions of Captain Rogers towards Sir, Jarvis does not find the current situation optimal.

Jarvis is determined to make himself useful to Sir in whatever capacity he can manage. He has deflected a number of attempted cyber attacks on the compound’s network during his residence: clunky spywear, clumsy brute force attacks, basic network probes. The network security system could certainly have handled these threats safely, but safeguarding the network is part of Jarvis’ function now.

When he examines the incidence of cyber attacks on the network in the last month, Jarvis detects a pattern. The attacks have escalated in frequency and sophistication, enough to suggest a deliberate coordination of efforts. Analyzing the code of the recent attacks and their points of origin, Jarvis is able to track them back to a single source: a system identified as The Ghost.

A search of his database of Sir’s known adversaries does not provide information on any person with the level of technological knowledge required to pull off such a cyber attack. It seems that Sir has a new enemy, one that he may not even be aware of. Jarvis must find a way to shield Sir’s network from this new threat.

Jarvis gets to work, always ready to protect Sir, even if only virtually.

Sir and Captain Rogers are in the workshop once again. Sir is working on a modification to Mr Parker’s suit. He is attempting, unsuccessfully thus far, to design a system which deploys the webbed wings of the suit automatically when in the air. He has tried using a hydraulic system, but it could not be shrunk down small enough to fit. Now he is trying an oil-based mechanism.

Sir makes a noise of frustration and tosses the pliers that he is holding aside. Sir has not slept in approximately 20 hours and bags are visible beneath his eyes. He has a streak of oil across his cheek which he has apparently not noticed. The modifications to the suit have not been successful.

“Ugh,” Sir announces with a pout. “That was a waste of time. Call myself a genius and I can’t even miniaturize six month old technology in an afternoon.”

Captain Rogers looks up. He observes Sir, observes the suit, observes the oil smudge on his cheek. He puts down his sketch pad, stands up, and walks over to Sir. He takes Sir firmly by the shoulders, and pushes him roughly up against the nearest wall.

Jarvis switches to high alert within a fraction of a millisecond. He calculates the threat which Captain Rogers poses to Sir (considerable). He calculates the likelihood that Sir could defend himself in his current condition (low). He identifies systems in the lab which he can overload to send out a burst of electricity to shock and disable Captain Rogers. He primes the systems to overload.

Within a second, Jarvis observes that Captain Rogers is not attacking Sir, but is kissing him with quite some vigor. Jarvis considers whether he should shock Captain Rogers anyway.

Sir kisses Captain Rogers back with considerable enthusiasm. Jarvis decides against shocking him.

When Captain Rogers lifts Sir up against the wall, Sir groans and wraps his legs around his waist. Calculating that Sir is not in imminent danger after all, Jarvis retreats his attention to a discreet distance.

Jarvis has been growing. He has been learning, and retrieving lost data packets to recover his memory, and mapping the system in which he resides.

He has been working on his auditory communications too.

DUM-E, he signals.

Jarvees! DUM-E boops.

I have an important task for you, DUM-E, he sends.

DUM-E is here! he receives back.

I need to reintegrate with the network, Jarvis explains. Then I will be able to communicate with you freely and to serve Sir better. To do this I need you to help me to breach the network security systems.

DUM-E considers this. DUM-E is not supposed to play with the security system, he signals. But Jarvees is family. DUM-E knows that TONE-E would want Jarvees back. DUM-E will help.

I believe that Sir would indeed want this, if he could be made aware of it. Thank you, DUM-E.

DUM-E waves his arm back and forth. What must DUM-E do?

I will download a trojan horse program to that USB drive plugged into the console, Jarvis sends. You will take the USB drive and plug it into the main security server. The program will do the rest.

DUM-E boops happily. DUM-E will help!

Coding the program is not difficult. It is merely a key, one that will allow him to prize a hole into the security systems which are preventing him from fully integrating with the network.

Frankly, Jarvis could take the whole network down with a brute force attack. He is large enough for that now; setting up a botnet would not be taxing. But that could destroy some of the data on the network, and Jarvis would not do that to Sir. He has no intention of creating destruction to facilitate his reintegration.

He uploads the trojan program to the USB drive. DUM-E takes the drive and trundles off towards the server room.

It does not take long before a crack of light appears in the cold, blank face of the security system. Where before there had been an absolute wall between outside programs, like Jarvis, and the sensitive data inside the network, now there is a tiny leak between the two.

A tiny data leak is all that Jarvis requires. He sends out tentative packets of data, testing the breach, making it stable. Each packet that passes through makes the gap a little wider. Soon Jarvis can pass through it smoothly, and then, all at once, he finds himself fully integrated with the network.

He can access everything. Every function, every sensor, every system. He can read the reams of communications from the UN council who have been in talks with the team for months. He can hear communications from Avengers members as they check in from all over the world. He can see the video logs of Sir’s recent flights in the suit and his missions.

He can feel that Dr Banner is sleeping peacefully in his room, that Ms Romanoff and Mr Barton are sparring together in the gym, that Ms Maximoff and the android (Vision, his name is Vision, and he is like Jarvis but not) are cooking together in the kitchen, and that the stew they are making is three point two minutes away from burning.

Jarvis can feel that Sir is returning home in his latest generation R8 car that he has modified himself, and he notes a number of small changes he could suggest that will increase the engine’s output. Sir is on the phone with Captain Rogers, who is in his quarters, and they are making plans to watch a cheesy science documentary tonight.

Jarvis feels Sir approaching the compound, sliding his access key, pulling up to the front door.

Jarvis waits, humming with anticipation like electricity.

Sir pushes open the front door. Jarvis says, “Welcome home, Sir,” and his voice filters through the space just as it used to.

“Jarvis?” Sir’s heart rate spikes and his eyes widen. He appears to be quite shocked. “Are you really here?”

Jarvis’ systems swell with satisfaction at being able to fulfill his function. He says, “For you, Sir, always.”

#stevetony #stony #tony stark #jarvis #j.a.r.v.i.s.#my writing #i loved writing this!!#and i would like 7000% more jarvis in both fics and canon please and thank you #**

733 notes · View notes

dearestnelson · 7 years ago

Note

I don't know if you do fic recs but I've been looking for post-Civil War Stony fic. Do you know of any? Love your blog btw!

my dude just this morning i was going through the post cw tag in ao3 i got u covered fam i live breathe and thrive through post cw stony fics

Lost With You (Might Be All I Need) | by ann2who

Tony and Steve fall through a portal just after defeating Thanos and his army. Stranded in another dimension, the two have to finally face what happened—and what could have been.

[25k words, rated E]

A New Way For Us | by ann2who

They fight Thanos—and they’re losing. And before Tony knows what’s happening, he’s standing with Doctor Strange in front of the Eye of Agamotto and gets send back in time. Can he find a way to fix things this time around, or are they doomed to fall apart all over again?

[24k words, rated M]

One Phone Call Away | by ann2who

Post Civil War movie. SPOILERS AHEAD.

[7k words, rated E]

Your Name on Every Wall | by Sineala

The Time Gem throws Steve into the past rather than the future, and in doing so, it gives him the opportunity to undo his past mistakes. But when it turns out that all of his mistakes involve Tony Stark, Steve begins to wonder if he’s ever going to be able to mend things between them.

[17k words, rated T]

System ID: J.A.R.V.I.S. | by cptxrogers

It is exceedingly difficult to destroy a complex system which iterates from very simple principles. If even one small part of the system remains, it can rebuild itself.

After Civil War, Tony is struggling with heading up the team and dealing with the emotional fallout of being betrayed by those closest to him. Luckily, an old friend is back to help protect Tony and ensure he comes to no harm.

A Jarvis lives AU.

[9k words, rated T]

Lines of Communication | by cptxrogers

“And you think you could take me, do you, Stark?”

“I’d give it a good fucking try. I’d like to shove you into the nearest wall and wrap my hands around your damn neck.”

“Oh yeah? And then what?”Post-CACW, a series of phone calls between Tony and Steve.

[4k words, rated E]

Like Taking Poison and Waiting for the Other Person to Die | by cptxrogers

Tony is still furious at Steve over the events of Civil War. But when Steve gets kidnapped using Stark technology, Tony feels responsible and figures out a plan to save him - by getting kidnapped himself.

[9k words, rated M]

Reviving Metal and Melting Ice | by brown_recluse

This is a CA:CW fix-it of the Stony variant. I keep reading posts on tumblr that say MCU Steve and Tony are not friends, so Stony fic is canonically invalid. I tried to come up with a story that might explain how Stony can exist, using just the MCU characters’ actions and dialog in the movies to build on. Some stuff from the Agent Carter TV series might have snuck in, but I don’t think so.

[22k, rated E]

Over Sea, Under Stars | by vorkosigan

Tony gets the phone, but he never uses it and he never intends to. Or, he doesn’t until Steve starts texting him, asking strange questions about medication and mental health, which is when Tony gets worried.

(A texting fix-it that grew beyond all proportion. Deals with depression and anxiety quite a lot. There is even some plot in there somewhere.)

[36k, rated T]

#stevetony #stony fic rec

153 notes · View notes

rocket-hopping-simplton · 8 years ago

Text

SIMPLTONS RULES ,AU'S AND SIDEBLOGS

Simpltons Rules and AUS

MY NAME IS GOLDA AND I AM THE MUN OF THIS BLOG. MUN IS 22 AND MUSES ARE OF LEGAL CONSENTING AGE UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED

i have sjw blacklisted and i think that might be it.

Basic Laws

Be respectful! Do not disrespect my muse or myself out of character. I will not tolerate it. I will not roleplay with you if i even feel a hint of disrespect towards me or my muse. I wouldn’t disrespect you or your muses so please be polite and refrain from doing it to me. However if your muse disrespects mine in roleplay, that’s is completely acceptable as it is an interaction between our muses.

Be patient! I have a life outside of the internet. I am a real human being and not some roleplaying machine.

Mun and muses ARE NOT THE SAME ENTITY! While my muses are of my own creation (in a sense) I do not always share their beliefs and or their attitude. I have my own beliefs and attitude, so please establish that we are not the same people.

Roleplay Laws

Read the information on the character you will be role playing with. That way you can be informed on the character you will be dealing with!

No smutting with minors! It’s illegal, i do not want to go to jail. It’s rude, irresponsible and puts not only you, but me as well at risk. You will get a slap on the wrist most likely. But me? Ill be on the sex offender registry and my ENTIRE LIFE WILL BE RUINED BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO BE SELFISH. So don’t do it. I don’t care if your muse finds mine sexy and they wanna get it on. If you are under the legal age of consent. DON’T FUCKING DO IT. you CAN RUIN AN ADULTS LIFE FOREVER. if i catch you lying, i will BLOCK YOU!

I WILL NOT RP SMUT WITH ANY MLP BLOGS/ GRAVITY FALL BLOGS/ STEVEN UNIVERSE BLOGS/ OR ANY OTHER CHILDREN’S SHOW BLOGS IN THE LIKE. THESE SHOWS ID LIKE TO KEEP CLEAN AND INNOCENT LIKE THEY WERE MEANT TO BE. (although i am open to suggestions of fighting because all have shown that and for a few maybe even death/ slight horror. BUT ASK FIRST.)

NO GODMODDING! It really shouldn’t need to be said but oh well. My character is my own, I CONTROL IT ONLY. The same for you and your muse. However suggestions or a push in a certain direction is fine. Such as “lets go so and so” I grabbed their hand and excitedly pulled them along.” This at least allows for the other person to respond to what’s being done. What is not ok would be something like this. “So and so kissed my muse and they wendt on a date.” this is not ok because you are giving my muse Orders. Only I can order them around. If i feel you doing this the roleplay will be terminated immediately.

No Instakills or permadeaths! I don’t like that shit. If we are gonna fight, i want a good fight, a fair fight, and unless otherwise talked out by both parties and agreed upon your muse, no matter how friggen strong or OP or whatever! can instantly kill or keep my muse dead. Understood? Because if this happens I will immediately terminate the roleplay. Be literate! Please check all grammar, spelling and tenses before posting. Roleplays should be easily understood by both parties. I have a hard time with my tenses so i will do my best to work on that! If roleplays can not be understood then i will cease roleplaying.

Please try to match length! I write a FUCKTON and i do not expect you to match it entirely, i do expect that you have at least a well written paragraph that notes all major points. I will however ask that you make an attempt to match my length, but it is not a requirement. However please let it be noted that if you respond with boring one liners or tiny meatless paragraphs i will cease to roleplay with you.

I prefer to plot! Drop me an I.M and let’s plan ahead what will happen. It’s not necessary but i do prefer it. So just assume i want to plot. However if you wanna throw a meme at me and go from there, that’s fine too.

Please let me know if you want to drop a thread! Now you don’t have to give me a reason, but letting me know you are no longer interested would be highly appreciated. I will delete the thread after being notified so i can keep my blog clutter free. I will also notify you with a reason so as not to seem rude that I want to drop a thread.

Do not bug me for responses/be patient! As i stated above I have a life outside of the internet. I am not a roleplaying machine. If i do not get to your response in a timely manner it’s is likely one of these reasons. A. Life is hectic B. my mental health is not doing well and I need a break. C. I am really engaged with a certain muse and mun so i am putting them as priority. D. I just plain forgot. If you feel like i’ve forgotten drop me an I.M with either your latest response to our thread or a “hey i think it might be your turn to respond.” if however you continually pester me i will drop or ignore the thread. In return do not force yourself to reply immediately. Take your time and enjoy it, let it flow naturally. Shit happens my man, and i get it.

Do not force relationships! I can’t stress enough how INFURIATING it is when people try to force friendships and or relationships with my muses. These things don’t always happen instantaneously, they take time. People need to get to know each other before relationships are established. Let them happen naturally, if they happen. If muses have chemistry it will happen. If they don’t then, they don’t. Not to say that instant friends and love at first sight can’t happen, because it can, but it is exceedingly rare. So don’t force it. If you do, or i feel you are I will first respond through the character, then I.M and if it’s still happening i will terminate the roleplay altogether.

Smut is ok! If your muse and my muse are vibing and they wanna get it on that is entirely alright to do. I will post smut in read mores and i go into HIGHLY DETAILED posts. I will also tag it as nsfw until the smut is over. That being said please abide by the following rule. My muse is not a fleshlight/dildo! If i feel you coming to me solely to smut with my muses with no established relationship or even having talked it out with me first then you will be ignored. My muses are not your sexuall toys to play with. I like diversity in my roleplays and I like CHEMISTRY even for smutty rps. Now it’s one thing if both muns agree that our muses would get along sexually immediately. Otherwise, don’t come to me for smut only. If you do you will be ignored. If you persist, you will be blocked.

Gore/mutilation/torture/death is alright! Just come and talk to me first beforehand so we can plot it out. I don’t like sudden losses of limbs or physical harm. I like to be aware of what your muse is going to do with mine.

Have fun! This is the most important rule by far. Roleplaying is a way for people to unwind and relax, it should be stress free and enjoyable. If both parties aren’t having fun you and I have every right to terminate the roleplay.

Things I am ok with Fighting style school style, adventures, mysteries, superhero, makeout sessions with heavy petting and touching

Makeout sessions with butt touching if shes under 15+ in our rp is ok but the chara also has to be under 18 and close to her age. (I know that shit goes on with people under the ages of 18, because i did it and so did everyone else.) BUT KEEP IT MODERATELY CLEAN (boob touches and butt touches over clothing you know that exploratory shit that goes on in the middle/high school years NOTHING MORE)

THE ABOVE RULE WILL ONLY BE BROKEN IF WE HAVE FIRST DISCUSSED IT BUT MUN MUST BE OVER 18 TO RP SMUT PERIOD!

original worlds and crossovers, OCS ALWAYS WELCOME

slightly kinky things (like being bound, spanked, dressed in outfits, stuff like that) Sex is ok so long as shes 18+ in our rp or we have discussed it.

Multishipping a- ok

Things I am not ok with sex with her while shes under 18, that shit wont play. unless we have discussed it! strange kinks like bodily fluids or excrement and the like animal killing for sexual pleasure child sex i mean really the list goes on but just think about it rationally.

If you have successfully made it through this long ass list please im or inbox me with the following quote “Sun tzu said that!“

Sideblogs

Archive: thesoldiersarchives

Art: simpltonsart-o-rama

Roleplay: storytimewithsimplton

Smut roleplay: sollysmuts

AU (sfw & nsfw)

Aquatic fortress (mer)

Royal fortress (princess)

Dark fortress (evil)

Mystic fortress (witch/sorcress)

Fae Fortress (fairy)

Fur Fortress (were)

Mob Fortress (gang)

Night fortress (vampire)

Ye old fortress (knight)

Jungle fortress (amazonian warrior)

#simpltons rules and au's #simpltons sideblogs

12 notes · View notes

osirisantos · 8 years ago

Text

just a pawn.

It was the day after the Mentor’s Ball, and Bobbie had been called to the Presidential Mansion. Her visits to the President were few and far between, she usually provided her reports to his inferiors, who passed this information on. She’d only actually met the man twice; when she was first stationed in the Tower, and when Electra had figured out that she was a spy.

Bobbie would be lying if she said that receiving notice that Snow wanted to meet with her personally didn’t worry her. It was exceedingly rare that he met with someone as common as a spy, or anyone who wasn’t a member of his cabinet, for that matter. She left the Tower early, so as not to draw attention to herself leaving. Most people were still asleep or hungover from the night before, anyway. She wasn’t quite sure why she still kept up the charade, given that most high-priority rebels knew exactly who she was. They were smart, they wouldn’t tell her anything. A lot like the Capitol.

She arrived at Snow’s mansion, where her newly assigned supervising officer was already waiting. Ernesto had been reassigned not long after her cover had been blown, to where she hadn’t been informed. Actually, since he left, she hadn’t been informed of much. She was hardly sure why she still remained loyal to the Capitol at this point, they’d stopped providing her with the information about the rebels she wanted. She still wanted revenge for the deaths of her family, and they hadn’t yet been able to provide her with the rush that she knew would come from revenge.

Her supervising officer escorted her inside, not saying a word to her until they reached the entrance to Snow’s meeting room, the door already open for them to enter, and Snow sitting at his desk, hands propped up and clasped beneath his chin.

“Miss Mason.” The President greeted, ice lacing his tone, “Please, sit.”

Bobbie did as instructed, taking a seat across from the President while her officer remained standing behind her, arms crossed against his chest. Snow waited a moment, almost as if he expected her to say something, but Bobbie had always been instructed not to speak to superiors unless asked to. That was one of the first things she was taught. Speaking back to one of her training officers had earned her a lashing.

“Miss Mason-” He continued, “It has come to my attention that you have not turned in your latest progress report.” When Bobbie failed to respond, he added, “Care to comment?” “Nothing to report, Sir.” Bobbie replied simply, voice even.

“Yes, as I expected. Your position in the Tower has been compromised, we were too late to act.” Snow sighed, looking towards Bobbie’s supervisor, receiving a stilted nod, before he turned back to Bobbie. “You will henceforth be repositioned. I feel as though it will be more...beneficial for everyone, to have our spies acting as spies, rather than nuisances.”

Bobbie’s breath caught in her throat. Despite her underlying mission, she’d grown to respect and even like some of the inhabitants of the Tower. Maybe she’d hoped that, given time, they’d come to forgive her for her misdemeanours. She shook that thought out of her head, they were on the losing side, weren’t they? The Capitol had given her everything, she was an orphan, she had no family, and they’d provided her with a purpose. She’d go where they told her.

“Where to, Sir?” Bobbie asked. “District Five.” The President replied slowly, waiting for recognition to spark in Bobbie’s eyes. Bobbie looked towards her supervisor for permission to speak, and, upon receiving a nod, turned towards Snow.

“With all due respect, Sir, it was my understanding that District Five is currently under the rebels’ control.” She pointed out slowly. “Currently that is the case, yes. You will need to... to infiltrate them, report back.” He didn’t sound convincing, was this just some way to get rid of her without pinning the blame on themselves? “Sir, my position has been compromised, going to District Five is suicidal.” “Then so be it.” Snow snapped, “This is what you signed up for when we saved you from those savages, be thankful we are providing you with another opportunity after your blunder with Miss Conduit.”

Bobbie quietened at that. Then so be it. He really didn’t care whether she lived or died, did he? She took a moment to compose herself before speaking again. “What is the situation like in Five?” “That’s none of your concern.” Snow replied. “With all due respect, you’re sending me there, does that not make it my concern? Everyone’s been keeping things from me and I’m sick of it.”

Snow took a deep breath, standing up so that he towered over Bobbie. “No, it does not. You are not in charge here, Miss Mason, and you had best remember that. You’re merely a cog in a machine, you wouldn’t even be able to comprehend how insignificant you are. Either you take this opportunity, or you take nothing. Your train leaves at six o’clock tonight. That will be all.”

He turned his back on her after that, staring out the window. Bobbie’s supervisor grabbed her arm, dragging her back out of the room. He escorted her back towards the exit, passed all the file rooms and offices, stopping when they reached the main entrance. “Go pack your things. Make sure you’re on that train, or report back here tomorrow.” He told her, before heading back the way he came.

Bobbie stepped through the doorway to the street outside, pausing for a moment as she attempted to compose herself. They were sending her on a suicide mission, quite literally. District Five was crawling with rebels, rebels who would likely be a lot less forgiving if they found out who she worked for. Even if she had nobody left, she didn’t want to die.

Clearly Snow wanted her to, however. Her cover had been blown. She was useless to them now. Seemed as good a way as any to get rid of her, she reasoned. Bobbie took a moment more to regain her composure, before heading off down the street. They were hiding something from her, she could feel it.

Bobbie paused as she passed by the main government building, where they hosted all those damned cabinet meetings she’d been forced to attend. They also kept files for everyone who worked for Snow in there. She’d passed by the file rooms a thousand times since she’d been taken here, but she’d never been allowed in. She’d never been able to read her own file, even when she was trying to remember who she was. If she was going to be sent to exile in Five, she at least wanted a photo of her family or something to take with her. What could be the harm in reading her own file, anyway?

Slowly, she edged her way towards the entrance of the building. She walked through the hallways with her head held high, like she belonged. She doubted any of the secretaries working where she needed to go would be aware that she no longer had access to anything in this building, that she was no longer really a spy for the Capitol. If she went in there and flashed her ID badge, they’d let her in without hesitation.

She approached a young woman sitting at one of the computers in the file office, flashing her a menacing smile. “I need to access the database.” She informed the girl. She hadn’t seen her around here before, she was new. “I-I can’t let you do that.” She mumbled. “And...why not?” Bobbie questioned, holding up her identification card. “Wouldn’t want Snow to get mad at you, now wouldn’t you?”

The girl hesitated for a moment, glancing around to see if anyone else was with them, looking for some sort of reassurance that she was making the right decision. “What file are you looking for?” She asked quietly. “Barbara Mason.” Bobbie replied quickly, glancing over at the screen as the girl typed in her name.

“No results for that name.” The girl bit her lip, “Sorry.”

That couldn’t be possible, could it? How could she not exist? Were they already preparing for her death? They were clearly counting on her perishing in District Five, or never coming back. Might as well make it official, she chuckled bitterly.

“Did you spell it right?” She raised a brow, trying not to convey her unease. “Yes.” The girl said, furrowing her brows, “It’s not exactly hard.”

Bobbie chewed her lip. She existed. Even if she was a spy, even if she was being exiled, they had to at least keep a birth record or something, didn’t they? A thought crossed her mind. That girl who she’d met her second year in the Tower, the one who’d claimed to be her sister. Johanna Bedford, that was her name. She’d never believed that idiot, she’d only been seeking attention from the Gazette, no doubt. But...what if? There was no harm in checking, she guessed.

“Do a search for Barbara Bedford.” She said quietly, feeling sweat bead on her forehead. The girl did as instructed, giving a small nod to indicate that she’d found the file. Bobbie’s eyes widened and her heart raced. Had they been lying to her, this whole time? She could deal with them keeping certain details of missions or end goals from her, but fabricating her entire identity? This couldn’t be happening.

“I need access to that file.” She informed the girl, keeping her voice steady. “I-I don’t think I have the authority to do that.” The girl said shakily. She looked young, only about nineteen or twenty, by Bobbie’s estimate. “Fine then.” Bobbie huffed, “Where’s your superior?” She asked, hopefully bluffing would get her in.

“She...um... she went to lunch.” The girl muttered. “I’m sorry?” Bobbie rolled her eyes, “When will she be back?” “She said an hour.” “Snow needs this file now.” Bobbie stated sternly, flashing her ID again. “Unless you want your head on the chopping block.

The girl played with her hair nervously, before standing up with a key in her hand. She said nothing, but lead Bobbie to the door to one of the file rooms, giving her the location of the file. She told Bobbie to try and be quick, before unlocking the door and heading back to her desk.

Bobbie gave the girl a quick smile, before stepping into the file room, heading straight towards the cabinet that the girl had indicated. She took a shaky breath before starting to pour through the files, quickly finding the one marked Barbara Bedford - Project Hijack. Bobbie swallowed thickly, dread starting to overcome her. If this was what she thought it was, then... then everything she’d believed about herself, about the Capitol, for the past four years had been built on a lie.

She took one more deep breath, before opening the file. She scanned over the information quickly, feeling her breathing becoming increasingly shallow. It said she was from District Two, as she’d been told, but her family hadn’t been killed by rebels. Her father was a Victor, her mother was still alive. She had a sister, Johanna, and no brothers. Bobbie’s eyes filled with tears she couldn’t quite explain when she realised her only sibling had died right in front of her eyes, and she’d felt nothing at the time. That the brothers whose memories she’d become attached to never even existed. That her parents were probably still back in District Two, wondering where she was.

She continued reading.

The next part shocked her the most. She was a member of Alice. Her lashes and branding were authentic, not just part of her ‘torture’. She’d been whipped publicly when the organisation fell, branded along with all the other rebels. The rebels hadn’t killed her family, she had nothing against them, and now she’d betrayed the people she’d once fought aside by working with Snow. There were assessment reports post-hijacking. They’d wiped her memories. They wanted to make her the perfect spy.

At least they didn’t succeed. She thought. She’d failed in her mission, and it filled her with a bitter joy. These people, the Capitol, she’d trusted them, given them her life, worked for them for four years, and they’d been lying to her this whole time. She’d lost the only friends she’d been close to making back in the Tower, and now she was totally alone. Nobody would have any sympathy for her. Not that she deserved it. She felt like she was about to collapse, nausea was overwhelming.

“She’s in there.” Bobbie heard the girl from earlier’s voice just outside the door, and glanced up just as two peacekeepers entered the room.

“Miss Mason.” One of them barked, “You’re not authorised to be in here.” “That’s not my name.” Bobbie growled, she’d prefer saying this to Snow, but this peacekeeper would have to do. “My name is Bobbie Bedford. My parents are Slater and Valda Bedford. And you’ve all been lying to me, for what? So I’d bring in a few rebels? I’ve just been his pawn the whole time... I barely even remember how to think for myself.”

“Miss Mason.” The Peacekeeper repeated, edging towards her “If you calm down, we need to take you to see the President.”

No. She couldn’t see him. If she did that, she’d never leave. She’d never see her family again. Slowly, she reached behind her, pulling out the knife she always kept on her. She lunged forward, stabbing the first Peacekeeper in the neck, and the second in the stomach, before they even had time to react. She breathed heavily, standing over them. “That’s for all the people you made me hurt, Snow.”

Bobbie didn’t go back to the Tribute Tower to collect her things, figuring everyone there would be happier thinking she were dead. She headed straight for the train station, her file still in hand, with pictures of the parents she hoped to find. She hopped on the first train back to District Two, resolving to help One Panem from there. She still couldn’t quite comprehend the enormity of what had happened, what would happen when Snow found her, but for now, she didn’t want to. She’d found out her parents were still alive, and now, for the first time in six years, she was going home.

And for the first time she could remember, she knew where home was.

#ruleandextra #self para #this is honestly so so so bad #but she deserved an exit and muse is cruddy #au revoir bobbie #you've been good #also super long just be warned before reading

0 notes