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inbarfink · 8 months

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The interpersonal conflicts between the two Membrane siblings is an incredibly important part of Invader Zim’s comedy, and also its emotional core and the characterization of these two kids. With Gaz, this tends to be, like, the primary way she interacts with episode plots. For Dib, his interactions with Gaz tend to bring out his more Zim-like traits and are the main refutation for his Terminal Case of Main Character Syndrome.

But, also, I see a lot of assertions about their dynamic in the show that are often… kinda not very accurate? Anything from ‘Gaz beats up Dib on a regular basis’, to ‘all of Gaz’s actions are Perfectly Reasonable' to 'Gaz used to be Perfectly Reasonable and then Season 2 Flanderized her'. So, I think I want to do something a bit more… comprehensive for them.

So here is...

My Big Overview of Dib and Gaz!!

I’m going to try and go over each and every one of their conflicts in the show, go over who was most likely (the most) in the wrong, how the other reacted to it, if there’s an escalation, if it feels consistent with other episodes, how I personally see their motivations… obviously like every analysis of a piece of media it’s going to be at least kinda subjective, so I would love to hear how your view of The Siblings differ from my own - but I’m going to try and be as comprehensive and well-reasoned and balanced as I can be.

"The Nightmare Begins"

Gaz doesn’t get a lot in the first IZ episode, but she does get this!

Gaz: Dib drank the last soda. He will pay!

So, okay, it’s not entirely clear if Gaz has a good reason to be mad at Dib or not. Like, yeah, as we’re going to get to with other episodes - Dib might have a Problem of eating things that belong to Gaz. But the implication here is that this was everyone’s Soda, and she’s just mad that Dib finished it. But like, someone had to drink that last soda at some point, right?

Gaz’s anger could be justified, if, for example, she explicitly asked Dib to leave one last soda for her or if Dib already drank the majority of it… but that's all speculation. From what actually exists in canon (which is just this one line), it seems rather unfair.

But also it doesn’t matter that much, because while Gaz expresses frustration and, like, a desire for horrible vengeance - she (as far as we know, at least) doesn’t really do anything about it. She just gets herself a juice and once Dib comes home she’s just talking to him like normal (that is to say, somewhat derisively, but not openly hostile).

So really, regardless of whether drinking the last soda is a legitimate grievance or not - all Gaz did was express a minor and petty frustration in a kinda melodramatic way without doing anything about it. She didn't even do it to Dib's face!

"Nanozim"

The first proper Gaz episode! And with it, a lot more Dib-Gaz interactions! And the introduction of one of Gaz’s major grievances with her brother… that she finds him annoying.

Dib: Maybe they'll let me host the show. My own episode! Gaz: I'm only 13 levels away from finishing this game so I either finish the game or make you wish I was never born.

Now, Dib should have the right to be as Weird as he damn pleases. Buuut… Gaz also should have the right to be left alone and Not be Bothered by people she finds grating. So while getting mad at Dib for just existing and doing his thing near her would be unfair, Dib is explicitly trying to talk to her - and she’s got the right to not want to participate in the conversation. Especially if she’s also trying to do her own Thing at the same time.

Note that she only really speaks out when the conversation really turns into stroking Dib’s own ego, that’s when she decides that talking to him is not worth risking her Gamer Time. And, much like with ‘the Nightmare Begins’, despite the harshness of her words - she doesn’t really do anything and Dib doesn’t really react. Making it seem like Gaz is prone to over-dramatic proclamations of vengeance but she doesn’t have much bite.

Hell, when Dib starts shoving his hands in her face while she plays. She’s not aware, or at least she doesn't acknowledge, that his behavior is legitimately out of his control. But all that leads too is… another empty threat and her leaving the living room to get away from him.

Gaz: I'm letting you live this time, Dib, but only because I'm still getting through this last level.

And when she shows up again, we have a bit of a Turnabout! This time, Gaz is the one trying to initiate a conversation and Dib is the one brushing her off so he can focus.

Gaz: Is that Zim? Is this an online game? Dib: Gaz, please. I need to concentrate.

And actually, in that case, both of them were more ‘justified’. In the sense that at least Gaz was trying to talk to Dib on what she thought was a shared interest - a game he likes and she thinks looks interesting. In contrast to Dib only wanting to talk about something only he is interested in and how great he is and all the praise he’s going to get. And Dib obviously had very good reasons to take the ‘game’ very seriously and choosing to focus over small-talk with his sister.

The problem being that Dib's pride blinds him to the obvious solution of letting his über-gamer sister who can’t be hurt from the inside by Zim take the wheel. From Gaz’s perspective he is actually more reasonable than reality, because she thinks he’s not sharing a cool game he found with her because he want to play it, rather than risking his own life because he feels the need to be the one who best Zim.

And she’s being a bit of a pushy backseat gamer herself, but not really, like, more than standards for lil gaming kids. And she doesn’t actually do anything but ask to play up until Dib is literally unable too. Although she does push him aside.

Then she unknowingly saved his life, and knowingly helped him humiliate Zim. And… should we count Gaz calling the game ‘stupid’ when she thought it was actually very important to Dib as another example of her insulting him? I dunno, all-in-all both Membrane Siblings acted relatively grounded and reasonable in IZ Character Standards. Like, this is pretty standard Mildly Jerkish Sibling Behavior from both of them.

"Parent Teacher Night"

Gaz laughed at Dib when Zim splashed him with punch

Although she also laughed at Dib splashing Zim with punch.

So really, this isn’t really specific antagonism against Dib - she just really finds petty minor acts of assholery funny regardless of who's doing them. Although I guess you can argue that she should 'side' with her brother.

"Dark Harvest"

Yet another classic example of ‘Dib bothers Gaz by ranting about something she doesn’t care about, and Gaz retaliate by being uninterested’

Dib: Incredible! You see Gaz, to defeat my enemy I must study my enemy, then become my enemy, then move in with my enemy, then wear my enemy's clothes then- Gaz: You're in my light.

There’s not even, like a toothless violent threat here this time, she’s just making it clear that she’s not interested in a way that's kinda rude.

"The Wettening"

Since I am here to discuss the antagonism between Gaz and Dib, I won’t go into much detail into this iconic scene

Outside of it being yet another demonstration of how often Gaz’s threats of physical violence usually seem more like toothless edgelordism than anything you should take seriously.

Gaz: If you wanna keep all your limbs, Zim, you will put me down, you will put me down NOW!

Our actual main focus here (outside of some mild snark from Gaz that Dib didn’t even pay much mind to)

Gaz: I'm leaving with or without you, Dib. Preferably without you.

Is what happens right after that Zim Umbrella Situation - Gaz is all set to actually make her threat a bit more than just talk

And then Dib splashes Zim and Gaz is caught in the ‘crossfire’.

And, y’know, Gaz doesn’t give a shit about Zim and Dib’s rivalry - she doesn’t see Zim as a threat and just sees Dib’s ‘fate of the world’ work as a selfish way to stroke his own ego. So while being splashed by a puddle is a relatively small slight (at least if you’re not Zim), it’s the reasoning and the fact that Dib shows no remorse or even really acknowledges what he did to Gaz that, I think, is what really sets her off.

Gaz: THAT was your fate of the world work!?! Jumping in a puddle!?! You do realize I'm gonna have to destroy you now. Dib: It was worth it. Score one for the human race! Score nothing for the Zim... thingy race. Gaz: I will destroy you.

So after this little threat, we don't really see much more antagonism from her outside of the usual snarky comments and general hostility to Dib trying to share his interests with her.

Until after Zim has delivered his ultimate defeat. That is when Gaz also unleashes her revenge.

Throwing a single water balloon at Dib.

This is really one of my favorite Gaz Revenge Moments of the entire show, because on one hand her anger is understandable and her way of getting back at Dib is technically perfectly proportional. He splashed her, she splashed him back. But the timing of when she does it just adds this angle of rubbing salt on Dib’s wounds that just makes it hurts so much more without her actually having to do anything extra.

"Battle-Dib"

Now, this is actually where you can say that there was a shift in Gaz’s character. Because while Dib eating her pizza right out of her hands was undeniably a Dick Move. I think that he clearly knew what he was doing since he did guess at that was what Gaz was upset about (he just couldn’t remember the food right)

Dib: Gaz! Help me! I'm sorry about your tacos or whatever, just help me...

It just feels like Dib thinks that being a ‘hero saving the world from the alien menace’ entitles him to his sister’s pizza, and Gaz - who refuses to see Zim as a legitimate threat to Earth’s existence and/or humanity's freedom - would obviously be enraged by this mindset.

And like, if you frame it as “Dib stole Gaz’s pizza, so she ruined his chances to get a permission slip from their dad”, it wouldn’t actually be all that bad. Again, Gaz doesn’t see Zim as a meaningful threat, and thus she sees Dib’s battles against him not as a heroic duty but a self-indulgent hobby. So she’s just screwing with the stupid thing he does for fun (and his own ego), not anything actually important.

But… the problem is that ‘ruining Dib’s permission slip’ wasn’t a one-and-done thing. In the process of ruining Dib’s attempt to get his permission slip signed, Gaz also got him tasered

And beat up in a variety of interesting ways

And dragged off forcibly by security.

So, like, even from Gaz’s perspective where Dib’s conflicts with Zim just Do Not Matter, this is way past the point that Pizza Vengeance can justify any of this. This is the first time we’ve got not just angry and snarky Gaz who makes a lot of threats but generally acts mean but proportionally so - but legit a ‘will destroy you over the slightest provocation’ Gaz.

Since this is still pretty early in the show's run, I wonder if this shift is just, like, what was always intended for Gaz’s characterization. Like, that from the get-go they wanted her to be this disproportionally vengeful and they just couldn't incorporate her actually fulfilling any of her threats into an episode's plot until then. OR if was an attempt to just make her more involved in episode plots and ‘wackier’ and more flawed (especially since this is a very rare occasion where Gaz doesn’t just deliver a Karmic Punishment, but also suffers one).

Especially, since this ‘change’ doesn’t necessarily stick to all, or even most, or her subsequent appearances.

"Planet Jackers"

Dib: Gaz, there's an alien in the house! Gaz: You mean besides you?

Really just a tiny and pretty standard interaction, between these two. A snarky and mean-spirited comment against Dib when he bothers her about something she doesn’t see as important and doesn’t want to get involved in. Pretty much the baseline for these two.

"Rise of the Zitboy"

With this one it’s really clear that we’re back to the ‘classic’ Dib-Gaz dynamic despite the 'shift' in 'Battle-Dib'. Like, Gaz is trying to do her own thing, Dib is trying to initiate a conversation about the Thing She Doesn’t Care About (Zim) and she’s just trying her best to Not Engage. Only now, instead of her usual Game Slave, it’s a book!

If anything this is toned-down from her baseline, since she doesn’t even say anything mean or threatening, she just tries as hard as possible to ignore him and hopes he gets the hint (he does not).

"Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy"

Gaz is shown exacerbated by her brother’s actions during the first flashback, but outside of a light snarky comment to herself she doesn’t really do anything.

Gaz: Not again.

Now back in the present, we see a sort of inversion of the Dib-Gaz conflicts of “the Nightmare Begins” and “Battle-Dib” by having Dib complain to Gaz about her eating something he wanted to eat!

Dib: Hey Gaz, did you eat all the cereal? I was gonna have this for breakfast tomorrow, you know! Gaz: You think you own all the cereal. Well, you know what Dib? You don't. You just don't. Dib: Look, all I'm saying is if you're going to--

If the implication in these two previous episodes is that Dib eating Gaz’s food is a regular occurrence - then she is pretty justified by acting so appalled by his comment. It’s just plain selfish hypocrisy! Or… maybe this scene implies that the Membrane Siblings ‘stealing’ food from each other and getting angry at the other for doing this is something that they both do regularly. Which, like…okay, finishing a shared box of cereal before the second person could is still not anywhere near snatching a pizza a person was planning to eat right out of their fucking hand. But at the very least it makes both her reaction to Dib finishing the soda and her defensiveness here feel a lot less justified.

And then when the time-shift happened…Well, I’ve seen some people suggest that Gaz’s non-hostile and even, like, kinda-audibly-concerned reaction to Dib’s questions about his past accidents suggest that in this timeline Gaz is a lot kinder to her poor injured brother.

Gaz: Tricycle accident when you were 3, don't you remember?

And while this is a plausible explanation. (It’s especially consistent with her ‘Enter the Florpus’ characterization. She says she’s Mean to her brother because she knows he’s strong enough to take it, but obviously Piggy Timeline Dib is not strong enough to take it).

But I don’t actually think it’s a needed explanation. Like, even at her most extreme and petty - Gaz has always been mean in reaction to Dib. Whatever it’s just being Annoying at her or stealing her food right off her hands, and whatever this reaction is proportional to the slight or totally vengeful and unreasonable - Gaz’s meanness is almost always directed at Dib as a reaction to something. So I don’t think it’s that unthinkable for Prime Timeline Gaz to also react so amiably to Dib asking her a question that she doesn’t find horribly obnoxious.

Especially since even in the Piggy timeline, Gaz is still not beyond wanting to ignore Dib

Gaz: Dib, shhh. They're gonna show the bats eating a cow!

Or go for a snarky comment when he offers her an obvious opening.

Dib: And have my plans always been this lame? Gaz: Ooooh yeah.

Although it is maybe notable that the second Past Sequence where she is present

Is actually the closest we see of Gaz express, like, genuine concern when her brother is bodily harmed. Which is notable compared to other episodes, including…

"Bloaty's Pizza Hog"

Now, here’s a Real Proper Gaz Focus Episode, and as such, it’s naturally very important to her characterization.

First things first, it’s the one to explicitly establish the fact that Gaz does not see Zim as a threat and therefore she sees Dib’s obsession with defeating him not as a serious world-saving undertaking, but as a frivolous hobby on kinda the same level as Dib sees her video-game obsession.

Dib: Don't you care that Zim's trying to destroy all mankind? Huh? Gaz: But he's so bad at it.

And that perspective, of course, informs a lot of my analysis of Gaz’s behavior through the post even before we got to this episode. I think it’s actually pretty interesting because you can totally see the internal logic that justifies that perspective - Zim is often the main person throwing a wrench into his own plans, and Dib’s motivations for positioning himself as a hero standing against his evil are partially self-serving (something that’s very easy for Gaz to see since she’s lived with him trying to play out self-aggrandizing fantasies all of her life).

But from our wider perspective as the audience, we know that sometimes Zim can be a genuine threat to the people of Earth (if not legitimately dangerously close to destroying/conquering it, at least causing a lot of localized havoc and mayhem with his schemes) and that Dib’s efforts of stopping him are not entirely in-vain, and that his reasons are… not entirely just fueled by his own ego. And from Dib’s own biased perspective Zim is always a threat just one step from destroying all mankind if not for Dib's intervention which is obviously Altruistic and Heroic. So it’s very much a matter of their different perspectives and views of the Zim-Dib rivalry causing further conflicts between the two siblings.

I mean, on a smaller scale that is why Gaz is so upset whenever Dib is bothering her when she’s trying to do something for fun. You know, kinda like here-

Both of these activities, fighting aliens and drawing little piggies, are equally frivolous in her eyes. But by constantly distracting her with talks about the Stupid Shit He Does for Fun Dib is kinda putting his silly hobbies as more important than her silly hobbies and thus his own needs above her own - which is what always gets her so upset. (But again, upset, but not doing anything but be a Bit Creepy About It).

But of course, the interesting thing about this episode is that this time, Dib’s Frivolous Hobby isn’t just interrupting Gaz’s Frivolous Hobby - it’s actually interrupting something a lot more important and with much more urgent stakes. Family Dinner Night.

Gaz: You know Dad's taking us out tonight. I picked Bloaty's. Dib: This is bigger than pizza, Gaz! This is the fate of all mankind! Gaz: You and your mankind... Dib: Uh-huh. Whatever. Look, if I'm not home in time, call this number and tell them the Mothman is caught in the spider's web. Dib: They'll know what you mean. But, like I said, I'll probably be back before the Mysteries theme song starts.

Even after being told that dad is taking them to dinner… I think Gaz is very much trying to imply “this is important to me, don’t mess it up” without being directly, emotionally honest about it. And Dib’s just totally not even considering it. Like yeah, from his perspective he is going on an Important Heroic Mission that must be worth anything else he could be doing with his time, but... he is also primarily worried about not missing his favorite TV Show and reduces the idea of Family Dinner Night to just 'pizza'.

And like, this is a very complicated family situation, isn’t it? It is understandable if Dib isn’t gang-ho about having dinner with his dad, considering what their relationship is like. And maybe the fact that he couldn’t take Gaz’s hint about this being Very Important to Her isn’t, like, entirely up to his sense of self-absorption but also to his general social inaptitude (and his Autistic Swag). But I can also understand why this is so important to Gaz and why she would still read Dib’s behavior as just pure selfishness and part of a pattern of disregarding her feelings.

(There's certainly some sort of Funky Neverending Loop of, like, Dib disregards Gaz's feelings, Gaz expresses her feelings about it in the most repressed, abrasive and/or mean way possible, Dib continues to Not Get It and disregard Gaz's feelings. Like, how much is Dib Not Getting It the fault of Gaz always letting out her feelings in exclusively in the form of snarky comments and edgy threats and how much has Gaz learned to express herself in this way as a coping mechanism due to Dib always walking over her wants and needs? It's hard to say)

So when Dib ignores (from her POV of the situation. Again, maybe Dib just legit missed the subtext) her honest desire to spend time with their dad for a change, she first reacts by… trying to abandon Dib. Instead of calling the Swollen Eyeballs as backup for him, she just destroys the number and tries to go to dinner without him.

Which… okay, this can be a dick move which is kinda way out of proportions of what Dib actually did. But remember that Gaz’s perspective refuses to see Zim as a threat. So she doesn’t see it necessarily as abandoning Dib to death, but just as an inconvenience. He’ll get out eventually on his own, he’s ‘strong enough to take it’, and that means she doesn’t need to bother with lending him a hand. “Well, if he doesn’t care about Family Night Out then he doesn’t get to go. And also he doesn’t get to watch his stupid ass show!”. Like she was thinking about it as wasting his time and not necessarily leaving him to die.

But also, like, this episode goes to great lengths to establish that Gaz is only saving Dib for the sake of her getting to eat dinner with her dad for once, and not out of concern for him. And while she might not believe Zim is actually capable of killing him, she is also pretty blasé about the idea that he’ll be harmed or tortured… unless it interferes with Bloaty’s with dad, of course.

Look at her big ol’ eyes, it’s not just an ‘eh, he can get himself out on his own’ mindset - she was looking forward to seeing him suffer horribly!

Dib himself is still being kind of a Jerk throughout the episode, even in an emergency he’s still thinking about how his little sneak-in plan will affect him in the most superficial ways.

Dib: There you are, Gaz! Looks like you'll have to tape the show for me, I made it in!

Dib: Gaz, make sure you don't record over any old episodes.

Like, this isn't even a 'Dib thinks saving the world is more important than Family Dinner Night. But Gaz doesn't think the world is actually in danger so think this is just frivolous ego stroking even though we know Zim can be a genuine danger and Dib's goals are at least kinda genuinely heroic' thing when you consider these lines. Even in a dangerous situation where the world is at stake, Dib can still find the brainspace to worry about his silly TV show but not about the possibility he'd deny his sister the precious little time they have to spend with their dad.

You can argue that trying to stop Zim is actually more important than Family Dinner Night and Dib is in the right. But Dib's dialogue also puts Mysterious Mysteries as being more important than Family Dinner Night. Because that at least gets some sort of acknowledgement from him. Gaz's only chance to go to her favorite restaurant with her favorite person in the world doesn't even get a "sorry, Gaz, but I have an Important Duty to do!", he just totally ignores it.

And generally through the episode he's ignoring and understating Gaz’s desires - even after she did actually told him right to his face what she wants.

Gaz: Come home now, Dib! Your weird obsessions are not gonna mess today up for me. I just want to go out and eat with Dad, that's all! Stop playing with Zim and get back here.

Gaz: All I want is to have some pizza...hang out with Dad, and not have your weirdness mess up my day.

So at this point this stops being some sort of misunderstanding and really starts seeming more like Dib not even trying to understand his sister’s motivations.

Dib: Come on, Gaz! You'd sacrifice the entire planet just for some pizza!?!

Which… makes sense as something that will aggravate her, especially in regards to something as emotionally important as getting to hang out with her father for once. But still, letting him get tortured is, like, maybe a tad disproportionate as an outlet for these frustrations?

But I think it's still notable that while the angle of disproportionate response to technically-legitimate-grievances is similar, in contrast to her very active acts of sabotage back in “Battle-Dib”, she only really ‘gets back’ at Dib here through inaction when Zim is hurting him (and maybe being a bit abrasive to Dib during her rescue, but Dib was also a very annoying rescuee so that one I think does kinda balances out.)

"Bolognius Maximus"

Okay, back to the simpler and shorter interactions now. We once again see Dib initiate ‘conversations’ with Gaz about subjects she finds annoying and uninteresting.

Dib: They try and say it's just a regular mountain range on the Martian surface, and it's just a trick of the light, but come on! It is so a monkey face.

And this time all Gaz does is casually ignore him.

When things start getting odd with the dogs and all, she only reacts with a snarky comment. But at this point it’s not even entirely clear to Dib that something very very wrong is happening. So I dunno who would expect Gaz to be worried about this?

Now, later in the episode, when Dib is very obviously turning into a bologna, Gaz still doesn’t give a shit.

Which I think actually matches up very well with her ‘Zim is not a threat, none of the things he’s doing/planning to do will actually pan out’ outlook. Like, lowkey she is pretty sure that this new Wacky Zim Scheme is gonna go up in flames and return everything to normal so there’s no need for her concern or interest and she can just casually enjoy the free bologna. Which is actually a fun character beat because usually the show leans toward Gaz’s attitude being kinda right - but this time she was very much in the wrong.

And like, if 'Bloaty's Pizza Hog' gave me a chance to talk about how Dib's tendency to see the Inherent Importance of everything he is interested in over any of Gaz's needs and desires might not just be a difference in perspective or miscommunication but also has an element of trying to rationalize his own selfishness - I think it's only fair for me to note this can also go the other way around.

It's easy to see Gaz's total dismissal of Zim's threat potential as just her being... you know, grounded and rational enough to see things as they are. But there might be her own emotional bias in play in here motivated by her own resentment with her brother and her own selfish desire to totally ignore and disregard him. Maybe on some level, she just can't allow anything that Dib cares about to be actually worth paying attention to, even when it seems to be literally life-threatening?

"Game Slave 2"

Obviously this episode has a lot of Gaz content, some that can invite a lot of discussion about how proportionate or disproportionate her reactions are - but we are going to focus specifically on her interactions with Dib, of course. Starting with…

Dib: Come on! Bigfoot would never say that! Gaz: Why do you have to read that in here? I'm trying to play a game! Dib: Mysterious Mysteries is on in five minutes!

This is actually really the first time where Gaz is directly, explicitly annoyed by Dib just sort of being around here. Usually her exasperation is fueled by him trying to talk to her about all kinds of Alien Stuff she just doesn’t care about, or trying to drag her into his world-saving adventures against her will, or stealing her food - but here is just doing His Own Thing in her vicinity. Like, the living room is a Shared Space, he has just as much of a right to hang out there as Gaz does.

If anything, he has more of a right to be there since he’s waiting for his show to come on while Gaz is playing her handheld video game. So if Dib reading his magazine and complaining that Bigfoot Would Not Fucking Say That is bothering her so much - then she should probably just go to her room. Then again, she doesn’t do much other than verbally complain once and it was probably more about venting out her frustrations about the game than Dib himself.

But then…

Dib: I've been waiting all night to see this! She can wait to get her stupid game! Prof. Membrane: Son, video games develop hand eye coordination, and make kids into better human beings! Dib: Okay... But only after the show is over. Gaz: You stink!

So on some level this is just the same sort cycle of conflict that is always going around these two. Both of them prioritize their own hobbies (and this time it IS Dib’s hobby, there’s not much subjectivity around this. This isn’t about saving the human race from anyone’s point of view, just about a show he wants to watch) and thinks the other one is frivolous and selfish for caring about their hobbies more. But also… in this specific context Dib is the One Being a Dick.

Just like before I sided with Dib because Gaz can play the game in her room…. We know the Membranes have a way to record shows on their TV. That came up in literally the previous episode! Dib could’ve just set his VCR to record and ‘Mysterious Mysteries’ will be waiting for him when he gets back from the mall - but Gaz’s console launch is an actual time sensitive matter. (Plus ‘Mysterious Mysteries’ is aired on, like, a weekly basis. Consoles do not release in this frequency).

So Gaz had every reason to be upset with Dib when they did get to the mall and see, like Gaz and any Gamer watching could’ve predicted, that a-half-an-hour delay in getting to the big launch event can screw up a lot.

Dib: It was a… really good episode…

And maybe I’m reading too much into it, but Dib’s reaction also feels pretty telling. You know, instead of giving Gaz any sort of apology, he’s being defensive by saying that hey, at least the MM episode was worth it? Like it is still kinda centering his interests and desires over Gaz’s.

And Gaz’s retaliation for it is…honestly relatively mild?

Gaz: Hey, Dib. I think I saw a Chupacabra or something going into that parking garage. Dib: A Chupacabra? But there isn't a goat to feed on for miles!

She just gets him out of her way so she can be left alone in line in peace, and probably hoping to waste his time on the fake Chupacabra - a tit-for-tat revenge for getting her time wasted. Which… okay, it’s unclear if she knew about how large and labyrinthine the mall’s parking lot actually was and about, you know, the colony of horrible rat people. But still, Dib was already out of the building by the time Gaz finished Murdering a Fellow Child.

At worst, he wasted like a couple of hours that he didn’t have any specific plans for anyways.

Really, since this episode gives us a glimpse into how Gaz deals with People She Finds Annoying Who Are Not Dib... it actually kinda gives the impression that Gaz... like, not just that she doesn't hate Dib specifically and will aim a similar amount of ire at any random person who annoys her in a similar way. But also maybe that she goes easy on Dib, compared to how she delt with Iggins. Which is... probably the closest we'll get in this entire journey to an indication that Gaz has any level of care towards Dib.

"Battle of the Planets"

Dib: DAD! Gaz! Come see this! Professor Membrane: Please! No more foolishness, son! Gaz: Your voice is stupid!

Dib tries to get Gaz involved in something she doesn’t care about, she insults him. Pretty standard.

"Mysterious Mysteries"

Okay, so, the first thing I want to note is the lil’ babies scene.

It seems like a really inconsequential gag but this is actually, like, an extremely rare occurrence of Gaz being mean to Dib without anything even resembling a provocation. Like, at least in that little scene at the start of ‘Game Slave 2’ she was venting because of her frustrations with the game and it was just a light grumble. This is really like the most classic inarguable example of Gaz bullying Dib.

Especially when compared to both her version of the Story and her general behavior in the ‘present day’ of the episode. Like, is portraying Dib in her version of the story as a barely coherent moron kind of Mean? Yeah, sure it was. But is it any more insulting to the actual person that it’s depicting than Dib depicting Gaz as his helpless adoring sidekick? Especially as her interview implies that she did find Dib’s version of events legitimately insulting in it's inaccuracy?

Gaz: My stupid brother did drag me out to look for stupid Zim. He didn't make that part up.

Maybe Gaz deliberately exaggerated Dib’s (and Zim’s) stupidity in her version of the story out of spite of how Dib framed her on national TV. Maybe just like Dib seemed to be genuinely under the belief that his version of Gaz is a decent reflection of reality, Gaz literally just thinks of Dib as this stupid and annoying. Either way, it’s a really an equally-matched kind of sibling assholery.

Also, speaking of Gaz’s version of events... obviously it’s not entirely clear what really happened - but I do think, when it comes to like characterization and the general tone of Invader Zim, Gaz's retelling is at least pretty reliable on two fronts; why she was there-

And why did the video cut out when it did.

So while Dib’s interactions with Gaz had that undercurrent of, like, him always putting his own interests above her own for a long time - this really is the most obvious example. Literally forcibly dragging her out of whatever she was doing for the sake of getting an extra ‘eyewitness’ to his video. And so she responded with a little force of her own.

Again, this is all from Gaz’s story, and she does tend to give out exaggerated threats of violence that she doesn’t always carry out - so I don’t think it’s out of the question for her to also retroactively make up/exaggerate the acts of violence she commits. But since this kick in the shins is by far the most probable cause for the video cutting out that we have, I am going to assume that it did happen in reality on some level. And it is a very notable example of Gaz actually inflicting direct physical violence on Dib - until now, her preferred methods of inflicting pain on him were a lot less direct.

And while kicking people in the shins is wrong, it was still in reaction to Dib forcibly dragging her along - which was probably a lot less painful, but also took a lot more time. You can argue this still follows a sort of tit-for-tat logic that a lot of Gaz's retaliations do... but also, with Gaz's second scene in this episode literally being the most Unambiguous Case of her being Mean to Dib for Now Reason

In this episode more than anything, it might be fair to assume Gaz just wanted to hurt Dib and humiliate him on National TV and there's nothing more to it.

(Also, of course, Gaz refusing to corroborate Dib’s story is one of the main reasons why he failed in that episode. But as I mentioned many times before, Gaz refuses to see that rivalry as anything serious or with more stakes than her video games. In her mind, this is about as bad, or maybe even less bad, then dragging her out to waste time by participating in this stupid show in the first place.)

"Future Dib"

Okay, so most of the other Gaz and “Dib” interactions in this episode kinda follow a unified-if-winding thread of thought so I want to start with the one that I have kind of a separate Point about:

While Gaz’s reaction was very disproportionate and unnecessarily violent, I think it’s also interesting to note that the thing that set her off was “Dib” putting his hand around her. It’s actually part of a recurring implied piece of characterization that Gaz hates being touched.

Dib: Everyone, hold hands again. Gaz: Yeah! Your lives depend on it! Poonchy: Okay! Hold my hand. Gaz: No way! Be serious!

Since Dib very very rarely ever touches Gaz, and, y’know, has known her all of her life - avoiding physical touch is probably an established boundary between them. So while that doesn’t fully justify the intensity of Gaz’s reaction, that does explain both why that set her off so much and why that’s really the moment where she starts to notice “Dib” is really acting strangely. He was really violating a boundary that he should’ve known by now.

(Going back for a sec, actually, her ‘dramatic re-enactment’ in Mysterious Mysteries also has the Dib Actor dragging the Gaz Actor by the arm. So that’s probably another reason why Gaz reacted kinda violently then as well)

So Gaz giving out more edgelordy threats to (who she thinks is) Dib is pretty standard at this point, but there is something very unique about it in this episode. This is the first time since ‘Battle-Dib’ where she actively acts on these threats to such a literal degree. And this is also combined with the ‘Mysterious Mysteries’ trend of being much more directly violent.

Like, Gaz explicitly only realized she was dealing with a Dib Robot Replica after choking it out so hard it’s eye popped out. All of this violence and pain, she was intending to inflict it on the real Dib. This is about as bad or maybe worse than everything she put Dib through back in ‘Battle-Dib’. And she's doing it with her own two hands this time.

Plus, the reason that she’s reacting like this isn’t because Dib was stealing her Pizza or being generally inconsiderate to her - it’s really just for being weird and annoying (which, in this context, means ‘start to scream randomly and freak out’). So that feels a lot less justified.

Then, of course, her reaction to finding out that she has been beating up a robot half-to-death is to use it as a replacement for her brother. Which has several different implications going on here about Gaz’s relationship to Dib:

First things first, I want to note that this episode ends with the implication that Gaz left Dib to be stuck in that cell for, like, the rest of his life until he died of old age or something?

I mean, yeah, obviously it is a ‘non canon’ jokey ending that gets totally ignored by the next episode. But the way I always took these snapback ending is as, like, obviously they probably didn’t actually happen in whatever passes for ‘canon’ in Invader Zim - but the events are still indicative of what would’ve happened in terms of worldbuilding and character actions. So while this episode isn’t telling us that Dib has literally died of old age after spending his entire life being beat up by a monkey for Zim’s amusement. This episode is telling us that if that did happen, Gaz would make no effort to save him, ever.

This is notable because of how it contrasts with the previous episodes, or at least my interpretation of them. Like I said, my assumption has always been that Gaz doesn’t care about the Zim-Dib rivalry and sees it as frivolous nonsense because she doesn’t see Zim as a threat. And thus, her general refusal to help her brother was less about outright hatred of him and waiting to see him gone/hurt, and more about just thinking he can handle that walking joke on his own and there’s no need for her to waste her Precious Gaming Time on this.

This is very much supported by ‘Enter the Florpus’, both in what Gaz literally tells Dib right to his face and in the sense that when Zim does prove to be a credible threat to her world and to her family - she joins forces with her brother with minimal complaints. But of course, ETF Characterization don’t always apply to 2001 Series Characterization so while I prefer this reading partially because it allows ETF Gaz to feel more consistent with Main Show Gaz - I also I feel that Main Show has enough implications to point to this characterization and motivations on it’s own and I want to draw attention to it.

But here… this is Gaz theoretically ignoring Dib’s plight for literal decades. At this point this isn’t something that can be explained as ‘she doesn’t think she needs to bother with it’. Like, at some point it should’ve been clear to her that even if Zim isn’t a threat to Earth, he is certainly torturing Dib somewhere. This really seems to be direct evidence toward the idea that Gaz just doesn’t not like her brother at all and wishes that he was gone.

And also I want to discuss what exactly Gaz turned the Robot Dib into - an abusable servant. Something that fulfills her needs while passively enduring her random acts of cruelty.

So… is this what she would like Dib to be? Like, maybe I’m just looking at it from the totally wrong angle. Maybe it’s just a matter of ‘well, if you have a Robot Servant, you’d obviously want it to serve you. And if you’re an angsty preteen with anger issues, you’d like to have something vaguely human-shaped but non-sapient to take your frustrations on’. Maybe it’s got nothing to do with Dib. But… like, this Robot is still Dib-Shaped. So I feel like the implication is that she’s using Robot Dib as a proxy of what she would also do with Dib if he was, like, mind-controlled or something?

And that’s… not really the vibe I’ve gotten from Gaz’s interactions with Dib so far? I mean, maybe I won’t go as far as to say that she actually likes him - but I thought about it more in the sense that she just wanted Dib to leave her alone most of the time. That for her an ideal situation would be more if he did his own thing and she did her own thing without his ‘weirdness’ barging in and bothering her all the time.

This is just really… I think that might be the ‘Meanest’ Gaz has ever been in my book. Like I know that there’s Another Certain Episode that people often put up as “The One Where Gaz is Really Mean to Dib” but I think that it's more Complicated than some people give it credit for. So, like, I’ll get there when I get there. But here we actually have the Gaz who physically attacks Dib over the slightest provocation and, like, actively hates him.

It’s really one of those things that make me, like, kinda question my analysis so far. I mean, is this meant to be another attempt to shift Gaz’s character because meaner and more violent characters are more fun and wacky to write? Is it just a matter of the IZ writers prioritizing wacky escalation and cartoon violence and Dib suffering over giving Gaz consistent motivations? Or have I been just totally overly generous in my analysis so far? Like, maybe I was totally off the mark trying to look at which of Dib's actions seem to set Gaz off?Maybe we were supposed to understand that Gaz was always beating Dib to a pulp off-screen since the start?

But... I dwelled on these thoughts for a while and I think that my usual read of Gaz’s character is maybe not consistent with this episode, but it is consistent with a majority of the episodes she was featured in. Which is not something I can necessarily say for a reading that just centers ‘Future-Dib’ above all else. This level of physical violence here is still very unusual for her, even in episodes where she is more cruel to Dib.

(And the idea that she just legit hates her brother and wishes he was gone… honestly, yeah, that can go either way...)

"Abducted"

Especially considering this is the very next episode with any sort of Dib-Gaz interaction!

Gaz just walking off while Dib is being, well, abducted can work pretty well if you assume that Gazthinks that obviously whatever is flying this thing

Is some sort of incompetent idiot and she doesn’t need to bother with the annoyance of saving Dib because he can handle it on his own (and she would probably be right).

But… it can also work just as well if you assume she doesn’t give a shit about Dib and would be happy if he’s gone forever.

"Dib's Wonderful Life of Doom"

Dib: How I am I still the only one who sees Zim's an alien? I mean, come on! Come on! COME ON! Gaz: Why do you have to have a head? Dib: Gaz! I want you to see this. Today, things are gonna change. I'm gonna do… something! I'm not just gonna sit back and watch Zim get away with his… his… things he do! Dib: I mean— Gaz: "Things he "DO"? What's your problem?

And we’re back to Gaz not being directly violent or even threatening violence, but just being snarky in a kinda mean way. Still, there’s maybe less of the justification for her exacerbation with Dib this time. Because this time he wasn't technically bothering her at all! Dib was lecturing another kid before she started insulting him. I think the implication was that she felt he was embarrassing her, but I still feel like that's a lot less justified.

Still, it’s not like her words seem to significantly hurt Dib, and she is at least able to share a laugh about Zim’s ridiculous behavior with him. (although with ‘Parent-Teacher Night’, there is also the implication that she would’ve also laughed at Dib in any sort of inverted scenario).

"Tak: The Hideous New Girl"

So for Dib and Gaz’s first interaction in this episode, we have this:

And well, kinda like the ‘Wonderful Life of Doom’ interaction, what Gaz does here is pretty mild in the grand scheme of things- but her reasoning also feels not very justified.

I mean, yeah, she was annoyed by the sound of them yelling, that sucks. But Dib has a right to yell in the shared living space of his own house. But… also, I suspect that she sprayed him with the soda less as a punishment for being annoying and more as a direct result of what he said just before.

Dib: Thanks, Gaz. He was really…

She wanted to make it clear that she was not shooing Zim out to help him. She did it for her own sake. Because Dib keeps making this mistake of thinking of Gaz as his sidekick and that her goals and wants align with his and obviously that causes her a lot of exasperation and wasted time. So I think she was more lashing out at this hypothetical future scenario than just Dib annoying her in the present.

Next up, we have the scene by the Evil Weenie Stand.

Gaz: Be quiet. I wanted to let you know that my brother is trying to break into this building through some secret entrance. Weenie Clerk: We... we have chili beans. Gaz: I just though it'd be funny to see him get beaten up by security.

So, Gaz actively trying to get Dib grievously injured just because it’s funny is actually... kind of an unusual thing for her. Like, as I’ve said previously, she’s usually a very reactive character. Even when her actions are at their most disproportionate and least justifiable, they are usually at least somewhat motivated by Dib’s actions… unless the implication is that the reason why she’s here in the first place is because Dib dragged her out here to be his lookout and she's looking at a way to get back at him for that.

That scenario feels most likely to me, and obviously that wouldn't justify ratting out Dib and enjoying his pain - to me it's kinda on the same level as getting Dib tasered and dragged off by security for stealing her Pizza... But also it's notable that this time, she actually gives up on the idea pretty quickly. If you wanna be charitable to Gaz, you can say she wasn't really serious about the security thing and was just making an edgelordy joke and honestly... with her characterization, I think it could go either way...

Interestingly, once she gets a decent look at Tak and her plans, Gaz becomes a lot more cooperative. I mean, she still grumbles about the idea of saving the Earth. But, like, she doesn’t argue when Dib says the disk is ‘theirs’ when she was the one who found it and she doesn't put up any resistance about joining Dib in seeing Zim’s base. Compared to how previously she’d at best be really abrasive about it and at worst would have tried to actively sabotage Dib and/or cause him physical pain as revenge for prioritizing himself and wasting her time.

That works very well with the idea that Gaz’s whole problem with Dib’s obsession is that she just doesn’t see Zim as a threat. Obviously after coming face-to-face with Tak, she can see she is much more of a Legitimate Threat to Earth than Zim is. So even if she’s not necessarily emotionally invested in saving the world, she can tolerate it a lot better if she can see that it is indeed something more than Dib’s extremely self-indulgent ego-stroking hobby.

"Backseat Drivers From Beyond the Stars"

Gaz finds Dib annoying, Gaz goes to vent to her dad about it, Gaz is told to give her brother another chance, Gaz finds Dib annoying again and just leaves. This is a very Mild Gaz compared to what we had in the previous few episodes, closer to my initial read of her. Like, she doesn’t even insult Dib to his face this time. She finds him annoying, so she leaves!

"Dibship Rising"

Well, I… have made the decision to not discuss Gaz’s attempt to destroy all mankind in length, even though Dib is, in fact, technically part of ‘all mankind’. I just think this scene is more about her relationship with her dad then it is about Dib.

Gaz: That didn't wipe out all life as we know it! YOU LIED TO ME, DAD!!

The actual crux of Dib and Gaz’s interactions in this episode are once again - Dib’s obsession with halting the Irken Invasion of Earth has led him to also inconvenience Gaz (this time, by causing a lot of noise and being late to dinner), and Gaz is, like, mildly abrasive as a result and ignores him a lot.

"The Voting of the Doomed"

Dib: Willy's a drooling moron! As sole defender of Earth, I've got to do something! Gaz: I wish Willy was my brother.

Yet another case of Gaz insulting Dib unprompted (since he was talking to himself rather than to her. She just happened to be within listening range.) And also another implication that her problem with her brother is that he’s embarrassing? I think that’s how we’re supposed to read that line? "Willy would be a better brother than you cause he's less embarrassing!"

"Gaz, Taster of Pork"

Okay, now this is the big one. This is the episode that I’ve seen a lot of people in the fandom cite as being, like, the One Where Gaz is Really Cruel to Dib. And, like, I’m not gonna pretend like Dib doesn’t suffer a Lot in this episode (maybe even past the point that I find it particularly funny to rewatch) - but also the dynamic going on is a bit more complicated than just ‘cruelty’?

Because this is also probably also the episode where Dib is at his most asshole to Gaz as well. I mean, he literally used her as a guinea pig (... pun not intended) to experiment with a spell he thought might be beneficial but was worried about the consequences for himself if it wasn’t… but apparently did not extend that worry to his sister - and thus, the entire conflict of this episode. Like Gaz is entirely in the right to be mad about being ‘blessed’ with Pig-Sense without her consent. Both with Dib’s false narrative about wanting to give her superpowers for her own sake

Dib: No! I only did it to give you super powers because you're the greatest sister ever!

And when she does actually learn the truth.

Dib: cast the spell on her because I wanted to see what it would do before trying it on myself!

Like, maybe that doesn’t perfectly justify taking and destroying Dib’s personal property, or potentially shoving mashed potatoes into his eyes, or repeatedly threatening him with her man-eating plushies, or encouraging a Pig Demon to punish him in some terrible supernatural Pig Demon way...

(While it would certainly be too much to ask Gaz to forgive Dib on the spot and advocate for him when she just found out he’s been lying about his motivations all along and used her as a guinea pig. The dialogue implications of this scene is that the Shadow Hog wouldn’t have done anything to Dib without Gaz’s encouragement.)

It's still important to remember that what Dib did to her was pretty terrible on it's own and was entirely unprovoked!

Then there are a few other factors to consider here, like Gaz’s constant violent threats towards Dib. Which I usually just chalk up to being edgelordy venting unless there is a clear indication of Gaz acting or considering acting on them (like with the mashed potatoes example above) because in most episodes Gaz is mostly all-talk and Dib usually does not take them seriously. But here… although we don’t see Gaz do even like a quarter of what she threatened to do to Dib - we do see Dib acting as if the threats are 100% real and serious.

Zim: I'm going to destroy you all, Dib! Today! I've got it all set up. Dib: Uh huh, that's nice, Zim. It can't be worse than what my sister's gonna do.

Which does make them feel a lot more 'concrete’ than in most episodes. Like maybe she would’ve beaten him up if they did fail to cure her or if the Shadow Hog wasn’t there to offer an Alternative Punishment Method for him?

But like… I think it’s closer to a proportional response than getting him tasered for stealing pizza or literally beating (a robot she thought was) him with her own two hands because he yelled in an annoying way? Like, what Dib did was really shitty and Gaz has a right to be upset about that on some level!

Then there is the other complicating factor - Membrane. Like, while Dib was Not Having a Good Time in that episode - up until that last sequence with the Shadow Hog, Gaz was suffering a lot more for a much longer period of time. The ‘Pig Mouth’ curse has cost her not just her ability to eat most foods but also most of her hobbies, her freedom, her privacy, her dignity. And it’s clear that she blames Dib - the catalyst of this whole event - for everything that has stemmed from it.

Gaz: You will pay, Dib! You will pay!

But even though what Dib did was certainly a Dick Move… like, it is Membrane and his scientist team that really did the worst by Gaz. Dib only turned to his dad out of a sincere belief he could help, Membrane was the one who decided to announce Gaz’s condition to the world and quarantined her for life and sold the rights to make a goddam movie out of her.

So if Gaz is lashing out at the mistreatment she suffered throughout this episode, she should be at least just as mad at her father as she is with her brother, right? But instead she seems to be totally chill with him, just eating pizza together. Even though his apology for her is honestly as shitty and self-justifying as anything Dib would’ve come up with.

Professor Membrane: Sorry about imprisoning you and turning you into a media freak, honey! It was in the name of science and... hey, where's your brother?

So I think that might imply that Gaz has a massive bias against her brother, causing her to channel a lot of unrelated frustrations just at him.

…Or maybe more likely a massive bias in favor of her dad. You know, she does love him a lot - to the point that ‘getting to actually spend time with him’ is like one of the few things that can get her motivated to get Involved in an episode’s plot. And she also has some serious reasons to be frustrated with him (in this episode especially, but also outside of it). And instead of trying to, like, untangle the complicated contrasting emotions she feels about her dad (a process which would be complicated and hard for anyone, but especially for an extremely emotionally repressed 11 years old), she just channels all of the negative ones unto Dib whenever possible.

Which, like, doesn’t make blaming Dib for things he didn’t actually do more justifiable, but it does make her motivations for doing so more complex than just “idk she hates Dib like everyone else does”

"The Most Horrible X-mas Ever"

And our very last Dib-Gaz conflict for the post! (I didn’t expect it to run this long I swear) Starring Bitey the Vampire!

Dib: You stare at that dog every Christmas, Gaz! Come on, already! It's creepy. Gaz: Three Christmases ago, that dog ate the head off Bitey the Vampire! You said so yourself! I haven't forgotten. Dib: Well, fixing an alien spaceship is hard enough without you distracting me.

The interesting thing about this conflict is how similar it is to ‘Gaz, Taster of Pork’. We once again have Dib being an inconsiderate dick to Gaz for the sake of an experiment and then lying about it to try and avoid her ire, knowing that her reaction would be both violent and extreme. Just this time instead of Gaz herself, it’s her treasured sentimental possession.

Dib: Okay, Gaz. I think it's time I told you. The dog's innocent! I used Bitey the Vampire for a teleporter experiment and switched his head onto a fly's body!

Which, you know, at least he isn't overriding Gaz's bodily anatomy this time but... like... Dib must've had so many other options for his 'Teleporter Experiment'! I guess that without specific details we can't know for sure, but I really can't think of any real justification why he would have to use his sister's doll for this experiment and not one of his own toys or even, like, buy something cheapo from the dollar store or something? Maybe you can come up with some explanation of why it had to be Bitey, but it really feels like another demonstration of Dib's thoughtlessness and inconsideration.

I almost wonder, if, y’know, the show wasn’t cut so short - if this was a deliberate attempt to emphasize this aspect of the Dib-Gaz dynamic for the episodes going forwards. You know, give some more justification and context to Gaz’s anger at Dib - even as her responses to it continue to escalate.

Although I guess beating Dib up like that in retaliation to ruining one of her beloved childhood toys and then lying about it for years isn’t like… the most disproportionate thing Gaz has done? I mean it is kinda bad, but also she has certainly done worse during the course of this list!

Also a quick shout-out to Dib complaining about Gaz distracting him by just like… standing in his vicinity quietly - when Gaz’s most common problem with Dib is him distracting her by talking at her constantly and generally being actually disruptive to her concentration.

(Some more general points in this episode are Gaz once again trying to abandon Dib at what he feels is mortal danger. Which, like most of these interactions could be read as her just underestimating Zim and thus not thinking he is in actual danger... or just legitimately not caring if her brother lives or dies. And Dib trying to take credit for Gaz repairing the ship, and threatening him with More Violence over it. First one is a pretty common sight at this point and the letter is a pretty quick interaction when they're both pretty jerky to each other.)

So… what is the main thing that I feel like I’ve learned from making such an extensive analysis? Well, I think in a way, all of those General Fandom Conceptions of Gaz that I talked about at the start… none of them were fully accurate, but also none of them are, like, entirely inaccurate either.

You know, sometimes Gaz’s reactions come off as mostly harmless edgelordisms, and sometimes they’re totally disproportionate and/or violent, sometimes her behavior comes off as reasonable or at least understandable, and sometimes she’s just another person in Dib’s life who wants to punish him for being weird. And there was an escalation in her actions over time, but it wasn’t really just in Season 2 - and it coincides with a whole lot of factors that make it more complicated than just ‘Flanderization’; the increased focus on both Dib’s negative traits and the comedy of his suffering, a general need for escalation with newer plots, and a need for her to be more involved in narratives - especially as her initial role as Someone Dib Can Talk To has become kind redundant as the writers have become more comfortable with the idea that Dib can just talk to himself like a weirdo.

The most… uncharitable reading is that Gaz’s characterization is just plain inconsistent. The writers didn’t have as clear of a vision of who she is compared to Zim or Dib, or maybe they just didn’t care enough to keep her in-line with the vision of what she was supposed to be - so her level of meanness, violence and hatred towards her brother just kinda fluctuate depending on the needs of the narrative or the joke, or what aspect of Dib's character they wanted to highlight.

Y’know, even though this was always meant to be an analysis of both Dib and Gaz’s relationship with each other - it also became a bit of a Gaz Character Analysis along the way. Because Dib’s slights against Gaz can fluctuate on levels of intensity, but they are very consistent in terms of reasoning and motivation. It is pretty much always a result of Dib’s Terminal Case of Main Character Syndrome … but also about his social isolation and general inability to communicate with others and the fact that Gaz, even at her meanest, is still more likely to tolerate him talking about his interests than basically anyone else in the world

You know, I do want to emphasize that Dib’s inconsiderate attitude can also be understandable and relatable in his own way, just like Gaz’s reactions to him. I ended up focusing on Gaz more and more as I was writing this post because I kinda assumed Dib’s motivations were more self-evident in the fandom both because he’s more of a main character and because he’s more open about his emotions compared to Gaz. And also… because it would’ve been too repetitive to go over “Yeah, Dib has a problem remembering other people have needs and interiority but he is also deeply lonely and desperate for positive attention” for basically every episode. Meanwhile, Gaz’s reasonings seem to… fluctuate a lot more.

I think my reading of the situation is a bit more positive than just ‘Gaz was written in a careless and inconsistent way’, because inconsistency… can also be a deliberate character trait. You know, a lot of people are kinda inconsistent in their reactions to things. There’s no reason why Gaz can’t just be characterized by her capriciousness. Especially when you consider the angle that she’s misdirecting some of her anger at her father or the world in general at Dib - so you’ve got maybe like a baseline of mild annoyance which is what she actually feels towards her brother in a vacuum. But every so often she is so much crueler because she is using him as a vector for a bunch of other frustrations and stress, some vaguely related to him, some not at all.

I think even the kinder Gaz we see in ‘Enter the Florpus’ can fit into that, if you take her words here not as just a statement of how she’s been all this time…

Gaz: Oh, uh, normally, you crying on the floor is hilarious, but come on. Dib: It's all my fault, Gaz. Why aren't you saying I told you so? Gaz: 'Cause making fun of you is no fun when you're this sad. You're my brother, man. I only torment you because I know you can handle it. I've done way worse than throwing you in a space prison. This is nothing. Get up!

And more of her, now seeing her obnoxious brother at his lowest point, suddenly coming to a realization that she doesn’t hate him as much as she thought she did.

And… okay, another challenge in analyzing all of these interactions is… I’ve been trying to look at all of the Membrane Sibling’s faults and flaws from as balanced a perspective as I can muster - but it’s also important to remember the context in which they exist. When I call out Dib or Gaz for being assholes, this is not necessarily a condemnation of their character. ‘Invader Zim’ is a show all about Flawed Messed-Up Assholes. And it’s also fundamentally a comedy show about the entertainment value in cruelty. If Dib wasn’t sometimes a selfish little egomaniac and Gaz wasn’t an asshole prone to violent acts of ‘revenge’... they just wouldn’t be good ‘Invader Zim’ characters, you know?

Really, between all the different episodes and all the times Gaz was more or less justified, more or less cruel… I think the overall picture that is painted of two very imperfect kids having understandable-but-also-shitty-reactions to the bad hand they were dealt by the world. Dib’s sometimes selfish disregard for Gaz’s interests and wants is maybe understandable considering how basically no one cares about him so… he might as well care about himself, right? And Gaz’s frustration with this disregard and constant egoism is also understandable… but also at some point it becomes kinda disproportionate. And sometimes it becomes really disproportionate.

And that’s just like… that’s just what the Membrane siblings are.

#invader zim #iz #iz analysis #dib membrane #iz dib #dib iz #dib invader zim #iz dib membrane #invader zim dib #gaz membrane #gaz iz #gaz invader zim #iz gaz #iz gaz membrane #invader zim gaz

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ms-oswald · 1 year

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timeless | chapter four

author's note: almost reaching the end with this one - the chapter was a little bit tougher, still emotional, but hopefully it's worth the read :) Lots of love and stay safe 💕

The new year came and went, the season rolling towards its end as the city rested under its temperamental weather.

Some time had passed since the coven gathering, the events having become a simple dusted memory.

Though that night was bittersweet, it had allowed Finan to lead the semblance of a normal life, engorging himself within the depth of her embrace.

Becca had followed, wanting nothing more than to gift him the simplest of joys.

It carried them through the holidays, and over the lasting months of winter.

And however strong it was built, cracks were starting to shake the foundation to its core, crumbling under the weight of fear and anger.

Survivors were still being assessed for damage.

“Marcus.” Her voice carried across the wide room as they were the only ones left. “What do I owe this surprise visit, brother?”

The man in question had been sitting in the crowd, hiding himself at the corner top of the class while silently watching over Becca’s teaching. She had only noticed his presence when peering over her students, taking a mental note of the present volume.

Breath stuck to her throat, she shook off the uneasiness and went on with her lesson of the day, focusing on her work.

When it came time to dismiss them, her brother had walked down the steps towards her, slowly until the room was empty.

“Am I not allowed to visit my little sister and see her in action?” He tried to tease, adding a little amusement to his tone of voice.

She saw right through it, knowing that his visit held a bigger agenda.

Becca loved her brother; he was one of the very few parental figures in her life she had a good relationship with. They bantered and fought like any other siblings, but at the end of the day, she knew their bond could withstand even the worst of storms.

“Marcus.” She pressed on his name, pushing him to reveal his reason for the sudden appearance.

Standing in front of her, he sighed, giving up the pretense. “I’m here because I’m worried about you.”

She frowned at his words.

They were close but it never meant they were always talking to each other. They each led their own lives, which meant they were apart from each other more often than they were together. It was confusing enough to have him show up out of the blue, it was worse when he seemed genuinely concerned for her.

“Have you been spying on me?”

“I don’t have too to know what’s going on. You’ve been the talk over the holidays. We’re all worried.”

She dismissed him as she started packing her belongings, clearing her desk as fast as she could. “No need to be troubled, I have everything under control.”

He scoffed, his body tensing at her apathetic reaction. “Really? Does having everything under control include the nightmares you’ve been having, little sister?”

As shock dawned across her features, he proceeded with an answer to her silent inquiry. “Finan came to see me… You two haven’t been speaking, he says. Some kind of couple’s quarrel I gather?”

The grip to her bag had tightened, her gaze diverting elsewhere as she swallowed the lump in her throat. “It is none of your business.” Once again, she had tried to push her brother away, not wanting to be stuck in her current position any longer.

He grew annoyed at her demeanour, not understanding why she was taking things so lightly. She was struggling - he could see it, and yet she remained poised, too stubborn to concede.

“You made it my business when you’ve willingly been giving away your life for a bloody curse that does not concern you!” The increased vocals had caught her by surprise. Dropping her bag, a light thud reaching the desk, she turned back to him, eyes wide.

She remained still; he continued.

“You woke up with a sliced throat Rebecca! She almost killed you!” At the mention of the nightmare that had torn the couple apart, she held onto herself; hands on her stomach and gripping at her shirt, as if to stabilize her body in its stance. She looked down, avoiding Marcus’ worried stare. The bile had come back, an uninvited guest, crippling her.

He let out a heavy breath, the tension following suit. He tried to become calm, noticing she was starting to crack at the seam. “Finan told me what happened. You need to stop this madness. I know you love him. But you must stop.”

She tried to swallow, though it did nothing but trigger tears stalking the corners of her eyes. She couldn’t look at her brother, and so she stood still, her head down. “I can’t let her win.”

And she didn’t need to turn to him; he knew her like the back of his hand. He approached her, hand on her shoulder. “She wins when she kills you, sister.”

Anger was surging, like an ember; the plea for her abandonment was dragging her patience thin, the way you drag a child away from amusement.

She pushed his hand away, finally lifting her head to him as bitterness scraped her tongue. “Then help me, brother.” The tone of her voice insinuated mockery of the title before switching to anguish. “Help me get rid of her. As the oldest in the next generation, you are powerful. Help me. I beg you.”

His shoulders dropped, beaten down by her plea. Had the situation been different, he would’ve offered her anything she needed.

But the consequences were too dire to meddle in the affairs of the old witch.

It wasn’t worth his risk.

And so, he had no choice but to solemnly turn his only sister down. “You know I can’t.”

She bit down the inside of her cheek, forcing herself to suppress her tears. She grew irritated instead, forsaken once again by one of her own.

“You’re just like the rest of them, then.” She breathed in deeply, holding onto her bag as she looked away, no longer able to hold her brother’s pitiful gaze. “Just go. I’ll finish this on my own.”

He was unrelenting, praying that she would get hold of some sense of the danger she was walking into.

“What happens if you fail? What then?”

She was about done putting her paperwork in her bag when she suddenly stopped at his words, the syllables of failure ringing in her ears. “I won’t fail.” She closed her eyes, a part of her ever so slowly succumbing; her hands gripped onto the desk, knuckles white from the strength, not ready to give up. “I cannot fail him.” Her breath was shaking, following the subtle tremors of her body.

He sighed as he ran his hand through his hair.

A moment’s passed, the silence hung heavy in the air as he watched her, heartbroken.

He leaned against her desk, hand on hers, a brotherly gesture she had missed.

He spoke gently, wanting to make her see what her stubbornness was causing.

“He is miserable. It doesn’t look like he has been sleeping and last I saw him, an elephant could have fainted at the amount of bourbon he was drinking.” He saw her jaw tightened - his words were getting through, creating cracks in the hopes the pieces would shatter. “He misses you, and he is terrified of losing you. Why can’t you understand that?

“I understand it, Marcus-”

Irritation had reached him, the stems pricking him.

“You just don’t care, is that it?”

And so now, she lashed out. Her voice carried across the wide classroom as she turned her body to fully face her brother, vexed and saddened. “Of course, I care! That’s why I’m doing this!” She went back to her bag, picking it up and ready to walk out. “Now if you’ll excuse me.”

“The witch won’t stop until you are dead. Know this.” She had her back to him, walking out when she halted in her steps. She then turned around, finding her brother standing right by her side.

“As long as I can defeat her, I don’t care what she does to me.” She stepped forward, staring him right in his eyes, her pain apparent in her pupils. “What she did to him was inhumane. It is cruel.”

His words had left without a thought attached to them. They had slipped out too quickly, unable to be caught in time. “No crueler than the reason she cursed him?”

She clenched her jaw, falling in disbelief at his remark. “Screw you-” She was ready to leave him again, but he caught her, his hand catching her arm and forcing her still.

He regretted it just as quickly as they left, retracting his words with an apology. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” He lifted his hands up in a sign of a retreat before dropping them with a heavy breath escaping his lungs. “You’re my little sister, Rebecca… I’m just scared you’re out of your depth here.”

She still hadn’t caved into his worries, too angry to be subdued by his pity. “Which is why you’re helping me? Or is that still out of the question?” He didn’t speak up; she hadn’t let him. “Don’t say you are concerned for my safety when none of you are offering help.”

Once more, a sibling tantrum had taken over, distancing brother and sister from their bond - temporarily.

“I’m sorry I don’t want to be haunted and tormented for the rest of my life and beyond. I have a wife and children to think about!”

Stubbornness ran in their family, the trait clinging to her like a child. Though, it wasn’t reason enough for him to give up; he wasn’t going to lose his sister over a fight that had started before their family was even born. “Drop whatever you’re doing and reconcile with him. Let this go.”

And just as such, she remained headstrong, not ready to give up - she still had a case to be heard.

“What if my dearest sister-in-law was in his shoes? What then? Would you still be so adamant to drop everything and leave her be?”

Disappointed she stooped so low, he looked back at her with the sentiment covering his features. “That’s not fair.”

“Exactly.” She stood her ground, not withering away from the upset gaze she was receiving. “I don’t care if she gets me as long as he is free from her. That’s all I want.” Her gaze then softened, the echo of Finan’s pain resonating through her bones. “He needs it. He can’t keep going on like this.”

Once again, he sighed, exasperated, as his head dropped in thought. Becca knew her brother well enough to see the gears in his brain turning, contemplating.

It took a moment, and she let him be, her stance loosening away from the tension.

He ran his hand down his face, his right arm standing at his hip. From the ground, he tilted his head back up to her, his chest letting out one last breath before gifting her with the possibility of a new avenue.

“Sacrifices need to be made if you want to succeed. Plead your case to them. Don’t do this on your own.”

She furrowed her brows, her own thoughts connecting the dots to his remark. “You mean-”

He nodded at her question, his shoulders joining in a composed shrug. “If she did it and invoked chaos, why can’t you do it as well and call for order?”

He shared a comforting smile as he backed away, ready to leave.

As he turned around and went for the classroom door, she stopped him, her own anxiety reaching the surface. “Marcus-”

He sensed the tears crawling to her irises, the colour shimmering under the weight of the water. Her voice cracked, her heartache resonating towards him. “Why is this happening?”

Walking back, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in protectively; the bear hug was the brotherly gesture that would always bring her comfort.

This time around however, she was left with a dissatisfying aftertaste that clung to her, wearing her heavy.

“I don’t know, dear sister. I just hope you win this fight. For your sake.” He pulled away, his eyes finding hers as he shifted his head down. He remained gentle, wanting now to ease his little sister’s ache. “You are right. The man deserves peace.” And then, something shifted; the air surrounding them was suspended with a slight rift - invisible to the naked eye, though he still sensed it.

It left a ghost of a smile covering the right corner of his lips. “Something tells me you will be recompensed for this.”

His goodbye left her confused, his words haunting her without understanding their meaning.

Once he was out of sight and she stood alone, her gaze fell to the clock that hung above the door.

Her legs grew weak. She took a seat, her bag dropping to the ground.

She leaned over, her elbows resting on her knees with her fingers grasping at her hair.

Closing her eyes, the events that led to tonight were finding their path into her sight, blinding her. They hadn’t spoken nor seen one another since the night he walked out on her, since the night she had woken up with blood spewing from her throat.

It had been weeks.

She reached for her neck, rubbing the lingering ghost of discomfort that coated her skin; she had been forced to relive the death of Finan’s first love.

And it destroyed him.

Playing it over, and over again took its toll.

Tears had smothered her cheeks, sorrow imbued into their purpose.

She had become a spectator of her own show, the scene displaying itself in all its gory details.

It had happened in the middle of the night, all too rapidly. The way she woke up in terror, unable to breathe as she clutched at her throat, blood seeping through from the deep cut of a dagger, down her body to the bed sheets.

She tried shaking the violent images away, the soreness still resounding over her limb.

Her amulet had protected her from instant death, the simulation growing weaker until it disappeared.

But it was the scene that followed that turned out to be more painful than its predecessor - Finan had walked out, furious and horrified.

The clock was quietly ticking away, the only sound vibrating within the walls of the wide room, becoming a haunting melody to her ears.

The longer it went on, the heavier her shoulders felt.

She couldn’t bear another minute dropping while being apart from him.

Without a second thought, she picked up her bag and ran for the door, desperate to shorten the stretch of time that separated them.

“How did you find me?”

“Locator spell.”

She was standing by his side, facing his profile while he stared at his drink. Her words didn’t get a reaction out of him, which she half-expected. “You went to Marcus behind my back…” It was more of a statement than an accusation, or even a question.

And yet, nothing came of him; from his glass, he simply looked up, his eyes landing on whatever the screen was displaying above the bar.

She sighed, taking a seat next to him. She took a minute, fidgeting with her fingers as she looked around; the tiniest of smiles was itching across her lips.

“This is where we first met…”

“I guess it is.” It was barely a mumble, though loud enough for her to hear.

He remained distant, avoiding eye contact with her.

He was still hurting.

He took a sip from his beer, giving himself the chance to look around as well - wanting to wander at anything but her.

He wasn’t strong enough to face her; having brutally cut ties was one of the hardest thing he ever had done and it still gnawed at him from the inside out.

“Please, come back home.” The gentle plea was laced with grief.

Finan was expecting more light chit-chatter to dissuade the tensing thickness that had wrapped around them. Such awkwardness was strangling them.

He tightened his grip to his glass, her words making his shoulders stiffened.

He was dying to go back to her, but lost the courage to do it.

He took another sip, letting the bitter liquid sit on his tongue before he swallowed. He still didn’t lift his head up to her. Instead, he was looking down to the counter, the corner of his eyes meeting her hands that rested on her lap.

“The night we met.” He wasn’t thinking about what to say, his mind having taken over his will to speak. “I felt like a different man… Like I was alive again, truly alive, and not just some poor soul wandering through the passing centuries.”

He closed his eyes, gathering his strength to keep going. He felt like he was going to crumble and disappear under the rubble, his heart giving out from how deep his love for her ran in his veins. His mind then went back to the night they met, the impromptu connection that formed the second they had laid eyes on each other. “You gave me something that night that I still carry with me every single day. And yet, the closer we got, the deeper we fell-” He bit down on his tongue, trying to stop himself, but part of him pushed him out, the words stumbling. “I can’t help but wonder if all this was orchestrated by her, if…”

By the end of it, she was in tears again, holding back a sob that lodged in her throat.

She leaned towards him, placing her hand above his, the warmth of it humming against her skin.

He turned his head just enough to see the interaction, still unable to meet her.

“We met because Fate made it so. Not because of the curse.” She then reached for him, her fingers delicately placed under his chin, turning his head to her. He had shut his eyes, pained scribbled furiously across his face.

Her heart ached.

She let him be, leaning closer as she spoke only to him. “When I first saw you, I don’t know what it was, but I just- it was like the world disappeared. Like it was just the two of us left. This makes me believe she had nothing to do with that night. That was us. Just us and no one else.”

“How are ya so sure?” He had pulled away, the weight of her words growing heavier.

Her fingertips grew cold from the lack of touch; it pained her.

She pulled her hand away, though her body remained close to his, adamant.

“Because I can feel it.” Her nose itched, the urge to cry coming through like a wave. “I feel it in everything we do. It overwhelms me, and it’s exhilarating… It’s all from here.” She placed her hand on his chest, right over his broken heart. “There is no more powerful magic than that.”

He sat still, the warmth of her touch sending chills down his spine, his heart rate accelerating.

“Finan, look at me.” He finally moved on his own, his head tilting to her, though his eyes only reached the counter once again. She remained gentle and patient. “What are you thinking about?”

He struggled to put the words out, his heart squeezing itself tight, suffocating from his mind’s wandering thoughts.

“I-I lose the women I love… What if it’s part of the curse?”

He finally gathered whatever strength he had left to look at her, meeting her eyes at last. They held sorrow, mirroring his own browns, though a drop of lingering panic had seeped in, curling itself with his words. “You almost died. I was holding you in my arms and ya were d-dying.”

He stopped, catching his breath.

She was quiet, still - waiting.

“I cannot go through that again.” His eyes went to her neck; all he could see was the blood tainting her skin, freshly rolling down into oblivion.

It broke him.

She had noticed where his gaze landed. She diverted his eyes back to her, her fingers resting against his cheek.

“And I am scared of losing you as well. You’re not alone in feeling like this.”

He said nothing.

Instead, a moment of silence encircled them - a few seconds too long before she eventually broke it. “When Marcus came to see me, he mentioned there is another way.”

“What do you mean?”

“I need to invoke some higher power…” She shared an attempt at a comforting smile, a little something to hopefully ease the discomfort that had been inhabiting him. “We’ll be alright, my love.” She gently ran her fingers through his hair before stroking his cheek, a tender gesture he quietly welcomed. “We’ll get through this. Just please come home.”

She pleaded to him once again, despair leaping. “Come home to me.”

He was still hesitant; the fear had taken hold of him and so he thought it best to leave her be.

Becca grew annoyed, irritated at his lack of determination.

“Be selfish, Finn!” Her voice was just loud enough to catch some of the other’s attention, the ones closest to them in the vicinity. She breathed out and lowered her tone. “You’re allowed to want your freedom. To die at last and never having to wake up again. To be mortal… Be selfish with me. Come home.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat, drowning his insides with such ache. Tears in his eyes, he could only look away from her, the back of his head facing Becca.

He stayed mute.

The straws were falling - she was hanging on to the last one, splinters covering its body, close to breaking.

She clenched her jaw; his silence forced her out.

She walked away, her heart breaking, the shards cutting her deep.

Finan saw her leave, her feet leading her to the exit and out of sight; it filled him with dread, regret soaking in his blood.

Had she finally given up on him?

The pain of possibly losing her had coated the depth of his soul, his own self unable to breathe from such suffocating thoughts.

Watching her walk away had made it worse.

Abandoning his drink, he ran for the door and out onto the streets, hoping she hadn’t disappeared completely out of his life.

Hit with a cool breeze, he found her facing the street at the edge of the sidewalk with her head down.

She had fallen apart, silently crying as woe overtook her limbs.

He watched her, remorse crowding him.

Ever so gently, he walked to her. Once he stood close enough, she turned around, having sensed his presence.

The sight hurt him.

“Finding other ways to tear me down?” Her tone was bitter, the sentiment coating the back of her throat.

“Bex.”

She stepped back from him, her hand resting against his chest. “No. I’m not done.” She remained tearful, her emotions spewing out like an overflowing sink. “We’ve been at this for months now, why the change of heart? And don’t tell me it is because of her because she has been coming at me from the start and you never ran.” Her voice trembled, just as her body was against the cold night.

He frowned, hand scratching at his beard. “Bex, she almost killed you. Do you not realize what this would have meant had she succeeded?”

“Yes, I know. I’m not as blind as you or my brother think me to believe. I know what she is doing, or at least trying to do.”

The sour look in her eyes forced him to turn his head away from her, tears reaching his own hues.

Her sullen behaviour had finally caught up, the chaotic swerve of emotions forcing her to the ground.

She understood his pain, the fear that grasped him by the throat; if he was letting it win, why was she still fighting?

She tightened her hold around her coat, crossing her arms over her chest.

The bitterness that coloured her irises had been replaced by angst, a tortuous feeling crippling her heart.

“I don’t think I can keep fighting you on this…” He tilted his head to her, still without a word as her mouth moved for more. “You keep pushing me away and I feel like I won’t be able to hang on any longer. It’s like I’m standing at the edge of a cliff and one more push and I fall over.”

She became a blubbering mess, like a teenager hyped up on hormones and over-heightened senses.

She hugged herself closer, holding a firmer grasp to the fabric of her clothes. “You can’t leave me, Finan. Please don’t leave me over this.”

They locked eyes, her plea cutting his breath short.

“If not for me, at least, for yourself. You can’t-”

She was growing impatient; letting go of her waist, she ran her fingers through her hair, her feet marching to him. She lifted her head up, her gaze set on his as hurt trapped her. “Finan, I love you.” She leaned closer, just enough to feel his breath as she whispered against his mouth. “Come back to me.”

He felt her press her lips against his, the kiss moving slowly, tenderly. It was almost shy.

She then pulled away, feeling just as broken as the night he walked away. They stood still for a second, the lingering stare squeezing the air that floated between them.

He placed his hands on her cheeks, wiping her tears away and placing a kiss at the top of her head before resting against her forehead.

But it was only in passing, her cries still controlling her body as she mumbled under her breath her undying love for him. She broke away from his stare, her head dropping straight to the view in front of her. “Don’t leave me, don’t you dare leave me.” Her hands into fists, she had been lightly hitting him. It was a simple tug against his chest. He let her be, openly giving her the outlet she needed as he pulled away, though his hands never left her as they held her upper arms. He watched her intently, his heart never recuperating from the overdrive of emotions powering through them. “I know you love me, so please stay.”

Had he been further away, he wouldn’t have been able to hear the supplication crawling out of her.

Being selfish had cost him.

And he was terrified of doing it again, even though every cell in his body scolded him, pushing him to jump and take a leap of faith. To succumb to his want and simply be with her, amidst the chaos growing around them.

“Bex-”

The simple mention of her name, rolling down his tongue, carried such weight, such fright and dread, such terror.

She peered at him, catching the glint of sorrow in his eyes. She understood him; it was the way he had called out for her, it was all too evident, all to clear to miss.

Because she felt it too.

“I know.”

He wrapped his arms around her, bring ing her back to him as she did the same, clinging on for dear life before they eventually parted.

The way home remained quiet.

Back at her place, the atmosphere within them still shifted between tension and awkwardness. They weren’t sure what to do now.

They were standing apart, just looking at each other, trapped in the stillness of their home.

Watching her attentively, he could see the gears in her head turning, her posture giving it away. “Do you want some tea?” She was nervous, the emotional breakdown from earlier having gone through her at a rapid pace, leaving her with an estranged aftertaste.

“Sure.”

She took in his calm demeanour - unbeknownst he was dying inside, still ripped to pieces at the heartache they were drowning in.

She turned her back, walking to the kitchen, and went for the kettle while grabbing two mugs and putting them out.

She sensed him move about until she heard the shower turned on.

Out of his sight, her shoulders slumped, head dropped as she leaned towards the counter, letting the hiss of the boiling water cover her ears.

He had slipped away, needing a moment to recuperate himself and a hot shower would help clearing the tension carved in his muscles.

Under the running water, eyes closed, his mind wandered to the moments he got to live with her, wanting to feel again like they were anybody else with no threat or doom looming over them. Like their world wasn’t ending and they were simply a normal couple going through a rough patch.

Whether the recollections were lighthearted, romantic in nature, or even the ones that soaked in lust, he buried himself within the past months, wanting to get away from his predicament and the last couple of weeks.

The nightmares had swaddled him, the fabric of fear and paranoia gripping him like second skin.

He feared for her life and had thought that walking out, running away, would make all of this stop.

He should have known she wouldn’t given up.

How could she, when all she ever wanted was to grant him his freedom? The thing he longed for the longest, but never the most.

Not anymore.

Once done, feeling like he was waking up from a long sleep, he walked out to find her at the kitchen table, a simple wooden round and small enough to contain two seats; one for her, one for him.

She was lost in her thoughts while staring at her cup, the steam floating and roaming around.

He silently joined her, the air thick with tension.

Taking a seat, he sipped his tea, the warm liquid running through with a new wave of physical renewal pecking him.

She didn’t move, her body sticking to her chair, her eyes away from his.

He watched her, his pulsing heartbeat vibrating within him; there was a subtle beauty to her sadness, and he couldn’t look away. It moved him, the feel of her grief stretching him to the ends of the earth, grounding him as her vulnerability reached the deepest part of his soul and shaking him awake.

It was beyond everything he’s ever known.

He saw her strength, but she was barely hanging on by a thread.

The realization, the seismic events that had occurred in these last few months - he was wrong.

He was so wrong, he cursed at himself.

He loved her. With everything that lived inside him, he adored her.

And it pained him to know he was the cause of her sorrows.

“I’m sorry.” His apology was spoken as a whisper, his voice still carrying weight to her ears.

From her mug, her eyes lifted to him. She was no longer angry, only empathetic. “You don’t have to apologize-”

“Of course I do.” His shoulders had dropped, his back resting against the chair, defeated by his own self. “Becca-” He exhaled deeply, running his hand through his beard before his arm fell to the table, his fingers gripping at his mug while trying to find the courage to relive that forsaken night.

It took a minute, but he eventually found his footing and kept going.

“I thought I had lost ya. I thought I was reliving one of the worst moments of my life.” He stopped, the memories of his past crawling into his skin with a ghosting ache. “I lost her, I lost my wife- now you-”

Once again, he cut his breath short, the last of his words hanging, like a noose around his neck. He turned away, his head facing the darkened view through the kitchen window on his right.

She had remained quiet, waiting ever so patiently for him to say his piece.

He swallowed the bile lodged in his throat, wanting to erase the decaying imagery from his mind.

His voice was hoarse when he spoke again, his gaze finding hers once more. “I told you, months ago, that I wouldn’t run if she got to you, that I would stay and not let her frighten me, but-”

“That was before she tried to kill me…” The compassion in her voice over took him, beating himself further into the ground.

“Aye.”

She leaned against the back of her own seat, hands on her mug as her fingers played with the string of her tea bag.

“I’m sorry for being a coward, for running away. I should’ve stayed-” The pace of his heartbeat was accelerating, matching the growing rhythm of his knee shaking.

“You’re not a coward.” She was still sympathetic, yet hurt.

“I left ya-”

“And you came back.” Her hand reached for him from across the table. The movement was quickly met by a quiet breath out of his mouth. “You’re here with me.”

“I’m so sorry.” He could feel the lump in his throat rising up with force and speed.

“Stop.” The word was gentle, wanting to calm him.

She got up from her chair and approached him just as he pulled her in. She sat on his lap, her left leg crossed over while the other dangled, her toes touching the floor.

She ran her fingers through his hair, still misted from the shower, until she held him by the jaw, her nails scratching softly at his beard.

She met his eyes, the dark colour drowned in guilt and self-wreckage.

It tore her apart.

“Oh, my love…” She muttered softly between their lips, wanting nothing more than to ease the misery that was haunting him.

She then kissed him, her lips pressed desperately into his.

His arms curled around her, pushing her closer to him, needing to erase any traces of open space between them.

She whispered ‘I love you’s’ within their shared breaths, revitalizing him like fresh air into his lungs. The caress deepened as hunger and longing thrived rapidly, catching up to them after weeks of being apart.

It was consuming every part of him.

He tightened his grasp around her, the pressure of her presence creating relief flooding through his veins.

From her lips, he then trailed down to her neck, attaching himself to her limb with desperation as he kissed every inch of her exposed skin.

She let him be, knowing it was reassurance that she was alive and not injured, that she was safe and sound in his embrace as she held onto him, bodies coating in heat and desire; the pulse residing under her jawline was the nectar to his survival.

The rest of the night had been soaked in adoration, in the dire need of drowning into each other and yield under bruising passion.

The couple fell back into their own little bubble, the rest of the world pushed far away.

It was just them; entangled in Fate’s strings, bound to one another.

He was lying on his back, his head placed at the junction of her chest and her left upper arm where her hand brushed his hair softly. His head tilted towards her, resting at the swell of her breasts, the sound of her heartbeat becoming the soundtrack to his lull state as a lazy smile formed on his lips.

The simplest of joy; he closed his eyes, memorizing the music that played through his ears, engraving the notes into his own heart.

She was on her left, her leg wrapped around her lover’s stomach, the sheets barely covering the naked skin.

Her nose against his hair, she breathed him in, the scent soothing her into pure calmness.

His left hand on her right thigh, he caressed her limb in an absent-minded manner; both of them savouring the elegance of this little interlude.

Her right arm, joint with his, their fingers kissed intimately while resting in the crevices between their bodies.

The moment stretched, their breaths were dancing under the silent melody.

Even the gods themselves, watching from the heavens in wonder, defined this moment as a masterpiece; the painting was etched under kaleidoscopic light, the movements of the brush calling out for romance as colours were formed by the tenderness of a lover’s touch. It could have been depicted by one of the greats; the tangle of limbs, the quietness of the seat, the posture of models sitting to be memorized in an everlasting picture.

It was tantalizing, alluring to the naked eye, how such simplicity could be bathed in pure, unadulterated, sense of love and devotion.

The warmth seeped through the bed sheets, lasting effect from the carnal heat coating the flesh.

And then the new day was rising, gracing its skies with the hues of budding spring.

They eventually fell back asleep, the heavy breaths evident in the air.

Though light shone above them where the window faced the bed’s headboard, the curtains still protected them from the sun’s glow, gifting the couple further moments of peace.

It was just them.

The universe’s tied shifted, as if the world momentarily stopped turning on its axis, gifting them peace.

Later the same morning, a few hours passing, they were still lying in bed.

Becca was the first to escape her slumber; she had woken up with sudden hunger cramping at her stomach.

She attempted to slip out quietly when she felt an arm snaking its way around her, pulling her back in just as quickly.

The smile came on naturally, glowing across her. He sneaked in closer, tickling her as he pressed soft kisses against her naked skin, from her breasts up to her collarbone before he lingered on her neck, and eventually meeting her lips.

She sighed into his touch, the feel of his hands traveling around her body making her forget for that one moment what she wanted to do.

She happily sunk into the sensation until hunger had cried out, echoing inside her.

She gently pushed him away, nudging her nose against his before she left her bed.

He watched her move as she grabbed his discarded shirt on her way out, her naked backside disappearing from his view.

He readjusted himself on the mattress, resting his back against the headboard, his chest bare with the sunlight warming him from behind.

He couldn’t help the smile that glued to his lips. Once she came back, it had widened, his heart swelling at her appearance; her hair was messy, his shirt hung from her body with her legs naked, the lingering traces of his hands imprinted on them. He could still feel the ghostly pressures of her limbs around his hips, over his shoulders, and the taste of them lingering sweetly across his tongue.

She stood in front of the bed, holding a spoon on one hand and on the other, a small pint of ice cream.

Finan frowned, intrigued by her choice of food. “Ice cream for breakfast?”

She sported a small smile, playfully challenging him. “Mhmm. Want some?”

A gentle gleam on his face, he stretched out his arm, calling for her. “Come here.” She shyly approached him until she was close enough to be pulled by the hem of his shirt, making her sit comfortably on his lap. She scooped up another serving and presented the spoon for him to eat; he took a bite, his stare stuck to her. He teased, the playful look in his eyes, palpable. “You’re a menace.”

She matched his energy all too easily. “That’s why you are naked in my bed.” She then took another mouthful of her dessert, letting the utensil linger between her lips, taunting him.

His eyes dropped to her mouth, his own going dry. A low rumble from his throat escaped him, his hands reaching for the shirt. “You look starved.” He pulled her closer until she was flushed against him, her breath tickling him. “Your fault.” The low whisper she shared invoked a smirk across his face. “Another round before lunch?”

Not giving her the chance to answer, he slowly wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her firmly, while his eyes never left hers; it had become a staring contest, some amusement to add to their morning.

She then yelped out of shock when she was so suddenly pushed against the mattress, her legs almost dangling off the bed as he hovered above her, still holding the small tub with one hand.

Giddy as a teenager, she chased his lips for a kiss until she felt something dripping on her skin.

She gasped, the sudden feel of the cold sending shivers down her spine. She quickly pulled away while trying to grab the dessert from Finan. “You’re making a mess!”

The moment of bliss had then been suddenly interrupted by a knock on the door. The laughers died out, Becca’s gaze moving away from Finan to where the sound had come from as it repeated.

Reluctant, she moved away, forgetting about the way she was presenting herself to the intruder.

Opening the door, she had the breath knocked out of her, shocked to see who stood in front of her.

“Mum.”

And just like that, the whole world came crashing down as time was torn away from its suspense, proceeding to weave its way through the universe and forcing the couple back into reality.

Her mother stood still at the entrance, her eyes peering over her daughter’s dishevelled look from the mess in her hair down to the large shirt she as wearing, forcing Becca to tug it further down to hide her embarrassment though the cloth was big enough to conceal any unwanted attention. The elder’s gaze then shifted to the background where she saw Finan, half-dressed himself with only sweats, as he leaned against a wall with his hands joint at the front while he sported a discerning look straight back at her - as if ready to jump, to defend Becca.

The daughter grew timid at her mother’s inquisitive look until the other woman spoke, wanting to bypass the moment she had obviously disrupted. “Rebecca.”

When she was about to speak, she stopped.

Something had changed; the aura was brighter around the couple, warmer.

Something new had come upon them.

The young witch jumped, desperate to cut the lingering short. “What are you doing here? Did something happen?”

“No, well not really…” Becca looked back at Victoria, confused. “One of our elders had a vision of you. With her-”

“You were worried about me?” Furrowed brows, she was touched, an estranged feeling she was never able to associate with her mother.

Victoria ignored her question, the grip on her bag tightening as she gazed down. “Your father wanted me to bring you this. From her purse, she pulled out a ceramic urn encrusted with nordic symbols.

Becca gently took it in her hands, the item rough and old between her palms. “Freya’s urn?” From the urn, she lifted her head up back to her mother, not understanding the reason for the gesture. “How?”

“Marcus told us.”

She scoffed, leaning slightly against her door. “Didn’t waste any time, did he.” It was more of a comment than a question, a remark Victoria ignored, her heart tugging at her chest when quickly glancing between the couple again.

“You’re really going through this…”

It was stated as a matter-of-fact, her mind settling into an ungodly reality.

But like her, Becca was stubborn and determined, not wanting to give up. “Yes.”

Victoria’s gaze shifted up to Finan again, long enough for a swallow.

The thread tying the couple was strong, something she had hoped would never be.

From the Irishman, she looked back at her daughter, worry slowly scribbled across her facial features. “Are you sure about this? Do you understand what this would entail?”

“I am. And, I do.”

She sighed, her shoulders dropping as she knew she had lost the fight. “Then may the gods be with you.” She attempted reaching out, her hand placed on top her Becca’s, the affectionate gesture coming off as green. “Good luck, Rebecca.”

“Thank you, Mum.” She had a sad smile on her face, sported simply across the one corner of her lips.

Her mother grew hesitant, not sure on what to do next until she eventually pushed herself to walk away, giving her daughter one last look, tinted in sorrow, before leaving.

Once gone and the door had closed softly, Becca’s eyes turned back to the urn. It stood tall despite its small size and lightness, as runes were scribbled along the ceramic surface calling for the goddess to all witches.

She was lost in thought, her fingertips tracing the valuable artifact - believed to have disappeared from mortals and witches alike - until she felt Finan standing behind her, his arm around her shoulders as he gently pulled her in, kissing her hairline. “Ya alright?” His tone was low, worrisome.

“She cares…” She was speaking more to herself than anyone else, realization slowly dawning on her.

“Bex, love?” He remained concerned as he squeezed his hold on her, the frown on his face meeting the urn she still held. She lifted her head up, the sweetly nickname bringing her back to him, giving him a small smile of comfort. “I’m fine.”

“Ya sure?”

She nodded, humming in response. She then leaned again him, head against his chest where his warmth soothed her trough the twinge of pain that resided in her.

She felt him press his lips on the top of her head before letting her go. He grabbed the shirt she wore, tugging it his way, a teasing glint in his eyes catching her attention. “Come on, I think I know how to cheer you up.”

She chuckled at his comment, thinking he would be leading them back to the bedroom; he knew where her mind had gone, a playful grin plastered on his face. “Get your mind out of the gutter!”

Laughter had slipped from her tongue as she gave him a light backhand slap against his chest. She placed the urn on her kitchen table before reaching for the fridge, desperate to nibble of her dessert again.

Once the small chocolate pint stood in her hand, she took a seat on her counter with Finan quietly settling between her legs and watched her eat with appetite, a subtle grin capturing his lips.

From a spoonful seeping into her mouth, she lead the utensil towards him, giving him a bite while purposely leaving a trace of the ice cream on the tip of his nose. A low groan escaped his chest at her antics. He leaned in, pushing it back to her as he left his own stain. In response, she only giggled while he kissed her nose before she, herself, wiped away the small mess she left on him.

His hands, resting on her thighs, were stroking her skin tenderly, his mind focused solely on her; she reached for the cross he wore around his neck, her fingers tracing the Celtic patterns silently. His eyes stayed on her, in awe and taking in the features she bore while lost in thought once again.

Her arm stretched out, he reached for it, placing small pecks across her limb until he pulled her to the edge of the counter and went to kiss her lips.

She let him take the lead, her legs tightening around him as she fell into his loving caresses.

And slowly, they turned hungry. Small open mouth kisses traveled to her forehead, down her closed eyelid, and then down to her cheek before reaching her lips again. All the while, she revelled in his touch, loving the way he held on as his hand traipsed to her hair with the other slid under her shirt, his thumb brushing at her flesh.

She whispered sweet nothings to him, begging him with her life to ‘never stop’, to never end the tortuous pleasure he gifted her, to hold on and never let go; she strengthened her grip on him, the scenery shifting to simple wanton desire.

Desperate to give in to her craving, he pulled away, asking her softly with a lustrous voice. “Whatever it is you need to do. Does it have to be done today?”

“No. We don’t have to do anything today.” Her words were honey, sweetly coating his skin as she placed her hands on his cheeks, stroking his beard. He rested his head upon her chest as she curled her arms around his shoulders, her fingertips wandering on his back ever so gently. “Good.”

She felt him smile against her shoulder, leaving her to mimic the sentiment as she closed her eyes, his scent overwhelming her in the sweetest way.

The gleam lingering, she spoke to his ear, earning a low chuckle from his throat. “I would still like to eat as I am a bit peckish.”

“And you would think having such a substantial meal for breakfast would have been enough.” The cheeky tone made her laugh.

“I will not apologize for wanting something cold and sweet after a hot, hot night.” She teased, her fingers grasping a handful of his hair from the back of his head. He reciprocated her tone, taunting her. “Then bring that pint to bed, love.”

He grabbed her, pulling her off the counter. Just as he turned around, wanting to walk away, he slipped and swiftly fell straight on the floor, his back sliding across the cabinet doors. Having been in his arms, she ended on the ground as well, her legs over his as a heavy laugh escaped her lungs.

She resettled on his lap while Finan caught his breath. She placed her fingers under his chin, tilting his head to her. “Are you alright?”

A small smile on his lips, he caught the amused look on her face, making him chuckle lightly. “Yea, I’m fine. Was that funny to you?”

“Very funny.” She giggled once again, the sound slipping with her words, until it eventually died down, pushing herself flush against him. She ran her fingers through his hair, her hand trailing down his cheek. “Are you hurt?”

“No.”

She kissed him sweetly; a pleasurable groan came out of him as a response. “Mhmm, that’s better.” She repeated the gesture, his gentle smile growing wider. He wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her as he laid her down, her back resting on the kitchen rug.

A devilish smirk painted across his face, his eyes met her own as she felt the hem of her shirt pushed up.

A low grumble coming from the back of his throat, he spoke against her lips. “I’m starving, love.”

He nipped at her bottom lip, and felt his teeth against the pulse point on her neck. Her heart raced against her chest, anticipating where he would move next with heightened senses.

Her voice quivered, her words stumbling across her dry throat. “Lunch?”

His chuckle vibrated across her naked stomach, trailing his lips down her body as he looked up to her, the spark in his eyes igniting lustful cravings of his own.

“You read my mind.”

It was the dead of night when they reached their location.

The moon was casting her glow across the field, the couple bathing under her light.

Getting out of the car, they remained quiet as their hearts tremored within their chests, slight fear shadowing their movements.

Finan, closing the door, walked over to her quickly as he reached out for her hand. “Do you need me to come with you?”

“No.” It was softly said with no intended harshness, only simple tenderness.

“Does it really need to be done?”

She could hear the worry in his tone and feel it in his grip, her hand squeezed in slight fright. “I’m at the mercy of the gods, Finn.” She met his gaze, wanting to offer him nothing but attempted comfort. “I need to do this if we want their help.”

He exhaled a shaky breath, bringing her hand to his lips. “I wish you didn’t have to.” The gentlest of kiss, she watched him with renewed conviction.

“I know… I’ll be fine. Just wait for me here, please.” She couldn’t let him see what she needed to do, not wanting him involved in the specifics of the ritual.

He brushed strands of her hair away from her face, his eyes trailing across the couple of primroses that were embedded in her locks. His sight shifting back to her, he sighed once again, calming down the trembling inside him. “Be careful. I beg ya.”

“I will, I promise.”

He kissed her, his lips lingering against her own as he readied himself to let her go. However reluctant, he eventually did and pulled away, his gaze meeting hers once more as his heart ached.

He stood by the car, waiting as she disappeared from his sight, her body meshed within the darkness of the woods.

She held only a flashlight as a guide, her other hand pre-occupied with her wrapped up ingredients. Her steps bringing her further away from prying eyes, she was led to stand by a small stream, the running water creating some melody to the quiet surroundings.

A small altar stood further into the darkness, leaves and vines engorging the stones with the shadow of the moonlight seeping through ever so shyly. It was old in its age though never forgotten. Carved into the stone was the goddess of witchcraft, beautifully designed as if she was here herself; her stature stood tall, her long hair braided twice as they hung by her left and her right, knots hovered above her the way of a halo and at her feet rested her feline, watchful and protective of its owner.

Becca took her place, sitting on her knees, and opened her bag to fetch out her required items.

She started with a small athame, unthreatening in its design though still lethal in its purpose, the small urn her mother had brought her, runes contained in a drawstring pouch, three candles and homemade honey.

And then, hanging around her neck alongside her stone, was the Celtic cross; a piece of Finan.

The moon stood high above the altar, creating the perfect space for her ritual; it was as if the gods knew she was coming.

From the flowers intricately woven into her hair, she also placed a handmade bouquet on the altar, as well as the honey, pouring it into an offering bowl.

At the deity’s feet, previous offerings still lingered all around, making Becca’s seemed trivial.

Looking over her surrounding, taking everything in as she prepared herself to take on the next step, she inhaled deeply and closed her eyes.

Six seconds later, she breathed out, her body slowly relaxing.

Looking down, she picked up the first runes-carved candle and started calling out for the goddess in all her might as she lit up the wick.

To the second candle, one breath later, she repeated the process and called for Freya a second time; light came to be once again.

To the last one, one last breath later, Becca called out Her name again and was ready to light up the candle. Instead, it had done so by itself, on its own volition.

A gentle breeze glided through, its wind waking the leaves. The snow had started to melt with the shift of the seasons, making way for the grass to peak through the white coat.

Sitting up, she brought her hands to her lap, palms up.

Her amulet’s glow grew within the darkness, the purple hue giving purpose to her call.

And then, head up towards the carving, the language of the gods reverberated through her vocal chords, her words chanting and summoning the divine for a favour.

The force of the breeze increased, just a note above its predecessor, Becca’s hair following its dance.

She shut her eyes once more, her spell floating through her with plead. Her blood pumping rapidly through her veins, her magic swirled inside her the way a babe makes its presence known inside the womb.

As a humble servant, she called for balance, for strength, for help; to undo the chaos that had seeped its way through the earth, and to restore peace and heal Mother Nature from the disdain that was caused.

Her voice trembled within her throat, her body quivering from her words.

She reached for her runes, pulling three pieces; the gods were listening.

Becca continued with another breath slipping through her lips.

Dagger in hand, Freya’s urn sat in front of the young witch, its carcass void until soaked with drops of blood.

She then removed her amulet, holding it by its golden chain as it slipped inside the cup.

The Celtic knots had joined the ritual; borrowing Finan’s cross, she offered it to the goddess for a blessing, begging for peace to the owner’s soul. And just like her stone, the cross slipped inside the urn, coated within the witch’s power.

Tears had started their act, staining the corners of her eyes before silently trailing down her flushed cheeks.

An itching started to carve itself on her back, emanating a wail which escaped her with shortened breaths. Her spell interrupted, she could feel her birthmark burning her skin in searing pain, the symbol glowing in ember.

They were testing her willingness to sacrifice, she thought.

She could feel it.

The affliction deepened into her bone. She leaned forward, grasping at the hint of grass as her fingers dug through the earth with the muffled cries dripping through clenched teeth.

She could only push through - and so she did, with her heart racing, the muscle ached from the weight of the ritual.

She picked up wear she left off, calling for the gods once again in supplication.

The wind still alive with fervour, wrapped its arms around her, somehow easing the sting she was imbued with.

And then, for a split of a second, she felt naked - as if her powers had gone into the void and disappeared.

The candles shut off as quiet surrounded her, eerie and deadly.

The pain covering her shoulder blade was dissipating though left a ghostly trace of ichor running down her back.

And then, nature’s voice came back; the water of the stream brushing the rocks, the leaves grazing the trees, the crickets creating their music.

The wind had gone.

It was done.

Catching her breath, she sat back up with her head falling back. Her eyes met the night sky, the stars shining just a little bit brighter above her.

From up above, she then turned her gaze down to her hands, etched in blood, as they rested on her dress.

She remained still for a moment, her mind empty from thoughts while her eyes never left the scarlet stained skirt.

A little sniffle made it through the air, she rubbed her nose with the back of her hand, her cheeks dry from tears.

Flapped wings caught her attention.

Under the dark skies, she lifted her head up to meet a bird perched on a tree branch.

The falcon glanced downwards, its eyesight fixated on Becca; chills ran down her spine.

It then flew down, gravitating towards the god’s shrine where its sharp talons echoed against the stone as it marched towards the bowl full of honey.

A gentle song from its chest, she watched the predator bending over the offering, its eyes staring as its beak hovered above it, the sweet nectar filling its nose with delight.

One dip in, the bird then turned towards the bouquet.

The falcon lingered; between the ambrosia and the flowers, it did not seem offended by such gifts.

Anticipation arose in the pit of her stomach.

The animal then turned to her, tilted head as its sharp eyes stared at her with another song escaping its mouth. It was a gentle coo, melting into the night.

Becca awaited patiently.

Then majestic wings spread wide and far apart, the falcon’s head lifted up, calling at the present constellations; she slightly jumped at the suddenness of its movement, but none the less remained put, still waiting for the final verdict.

The bird, giving its attention back to her, stepped forward with its claws still on the ground. It stood in front of the urn, the head falling to that direction before leaning towards the rim, the beak disappearing inside.

The strings of her amulet and cross came into her sight; attached to its mouth, the falcon dropped both necklaces onto the woman’s lap.

Her sacrifice had been accepted by her god, her connection to Freya established.

It watched her, noticing tears layered across her irises. It gave her one last song, an affectionate coo, before backing away.

It moved to the altar again, pecking at the honey another for taste, before flying away and disappearing into the woods.

Becca stared at the jewelry pieces that covered her hands, her emotions getting the best of her once again.

She silently cried, overwhelmed by the events of her night. Her body growing heavier, she leaned forward until her forehead rested atop the wet grass with her arms wrapped around her stomach. She thanked the goddess, her whispers carried through another wave of gentle breeze, its hands drying her cheeks.

Once she felt well again, once relief was slowly grasping at her bones, she sat up and reached for the water bottle that rested inside her bag. She poured the liquid over her hands and dress, wanting to wash off any signs of the ritual before meeting up with Finan again as she did not want to scare him.

She cleaned her cuts, her stone, his cross, and proceeded to pick up her stuff, leaving the candles, honey and flowers behind.

She then undid her braid, removing the primroses that stood in there, and delicately placed them along side the bouquet.

She took one last moment for herself and got up, ignoring the weakness in her knees.

After almost digging a hole into the ground from his constant pacing, Finan finally saw her come back.

The suspense of waiting finally washing off him like a storm, ease gripped at him as he ran to her. The second she was at arm’s length, he pulled her in and curled his arms around her, nestling his nose into her hair.

And the second she was pressed against his chest, she dropped her bag, her arms instinctively wrapped around his waist, seeking comfort.

“Are ya alright?” He spoke with a soft undertone, the words almost muffled against her head.

“Mhmm.” It was all she could muster. He placed a kiss at the top of her head before pulling away slowly, wanting to look at her properly. “Is it done then?”

She nodded, exhausted.

“The empowerment ritual worked. All we have to do is wait for the call.” Her arms fell by the sides of her body as she offered him a tired smile. “She will let us know when it is time.”

Without a word, he leaned forward and pressed his forehead against hers. Heavy breaths out from his lungs, his thoughts were rapidly racing.

She felt the tension in his shoulders, the frown upon his brows. She did not move and only spoke, her voice low within his breath. “What are you thinking about? What’s on your mind?”

He took a moment before answering her. “You… You’re on my mind.” He broke the embrace, wanting to look at her again. The worry was palpable, tingling at her fingertips as they ran through his hair before settling across his jawline, stroking his beard. “She’ll find us out, won’t she?”

Becca nodded, her hues glued to his own; she could never tire of his eyes, of their emotional depth. “She will, and to be honest, I don’t care.” She quickly kept going, having seen his lips pursed to speak up. “They accepted my offering, Finn. I’m in.”

Sadness still rested in his brown’s, breaking her heart. She slid her arms to rest around his neck, brushing his nose with hers. She spoke softly. “Trust me. Have faith in me.”

“I do, Bex.” He kissed her, a simple stroke of his lips against hers. “I just don’t want all of this to take you away from me.”

Her doubts were crawling back into her mind, small whispers blowing through the wind, taunting her unworthiness to the cause. Day and night they haunted her, but after tonight, she had hoped they would vacate and vanish into thin air.

Another stroke of lips to lips, she lingered into him, tightening her hold around his neck as she felt his fingers digging into her waist, desperate.

Same as her.

And so she reluctantly pulled away, her hands trailing down to rest on his chest. Heartache in her stare, she looked up at him, her emotions seeping through her voice. “I know. And I don’t want all of this to take you away from me either.”

“God, I love you.” He kissed her once more, the caress harsher and held with anguish as he clung to her.

She fell into his embrace, her knees buckling under the weight of the world. Her fingers grasped onto the fabric of his jacket, knuckles whitened at her strength. With a hint of despair, the melancholic feeling crippling her, she whispered her own declaration, her own feelings for him pouring out of her. “I love you too.”

He pulled away, his thumb tracing over her swollen lips. “I know ya tell me not to be worried. But I can’t help it… What if it’s not enough?”

She smiled at him, a simple and small upward curve from her left side. “Then I’ll find another way.” She was pushing through her fear - for him. “I’ll do whatever it takes. I’m not giving up.”

A moment of silence hugged them close. His eyes trailed from her own, down to her lips before settling over her amulet, the purple stone remaining in the dark without its glow, coupled with his cross.

He smiled.

“It suits you.”

She reached for the lace of the necklace and pulled it off, the golden crucifix shimmering under the moonlight.

“I like it better on you.” She placed the item around his neck, the cross resting on top of shirt.

He kissed her forehead once again, both of them ready to leave and head back to the cottage.

Stepping back to the car, she stopped herself at the ghostly sound tickling her ears. She peered around her, not seeing anything despite the haunting calls.

Furrowed brows, she turned her head back to Finan. “Are you hearing this?”

“Hearing what, love?”

She tried to decipher the noise, her eyes searching all around; her arm stretched towards him, she was reaching for him out of instinct. He quickly came to her, holding her hand while she remained elsewhere, her focus devoted to the faint calls.

A slight gasp escaped her.

“A babe, I think? I thought I heard a child…”

Finan looked around as well, confused. “There is no one but us.”

She shook the sound away, giving her notice back to the present as she started walking.

But once again, she stopped; a crinkle, a crunch of steps upon leaves pulled her away. Her hand still holding on to Finan’s, her halt echoed to him. He turned to see her back at him, her sight facing the woods.

A pair of golden flecks caught her attention. She stared into them until the figure came out of the shadows.

A wolf was staring at her, a mother with her cub. Her heart stopped, the colour of her cheeks draining.

How could she have known that her spell had summoned the animal, the distant call having been carried by the wind across the forrest? She stood still, forgetting for a moment where she was; Finan noticed, giving him worry. “Bex?”

She could not hear him, her focus solely placed on the gentle beast.

The cub, playful in its small size, was running between its mother’s legs and nibbling at her paws, her fur, anything to attract her attention. The longer Becca stared between both wolves, she could feel her heart starting to pick up its pace, racing against her chest as her breath was unable to leave her lungs.

“Becca?” Finan tried to follow her stare but saw nothing but void.

Only when he squeezed her hand, did she seem to have propelled back into reality. “Is everything okay? What were you staring at?”

Her eyes had remained on the mother, until the wolf nodded her way and disappeared with her babe in toe.

They held many meanings, representing two sides of the same coin. The question was, which side would befall on the witch and her lover?

“N-Nothing.” She turned back to him, shaking off the ill feeling creeping on her back. She placed her free hand on her stomach, swallowing the burdening nausea that left her perturbed.

Meeting Finan’s gaze, she gave him a reassuring smile, desperate to leave.

“Let’s go home.”

---------------------------

a/n: for those who watched BTVS S6E01 (Bargaining), the urn described in the chapter is pretty much based on that one :)

xoxo,

@fangirlninja67, @gemini-mama

#the last kingdom #finan #finan x oc #tlk fanfic #finan fanfic #finan the agile #tlk #mark rowley #finan fic #tlk fic #the last kingdom fanfic #Photo by Ksenia Yakovleva on Unsplash #the last kingdom fic #finan x ofc

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beastofhearts · 2 years

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So...Shazam 2 was a fun lil disaster

Like I really like the core ideas the movie had (Billy abandonment issues manifesting and affection the relationship with its siblings and the whole deities trying to come back) and laughed quite a bit during the movie, but I dont think the execution was as good as it could been. Definitely not as good as the first one but still I would suggest you to see it when it comes to streaming services

Spoilers below

1) I think it would had helped the audience understand some decisions and allowed the emotional scenes be more impactful, if we had seen the character’s as themselves instead of seeing them as adults. We need to remember these are teenagers...and in some scenes the adult versions doesn't make much sense.

2) Regarding the last one. I also think it would be nice if the writer also remembered they are kids. Look I love unicorns but if a black horse with a horn comes rushing at me... I wouldn't stay put with a big smile. I love Darla, I really do. But let her have more emotions than “ :D”

(That being said. I love the design of the unicorns. I think they are based on Karkadann? -persian unicorns- which is a nice surprise! Others monsters designs are a bit more rough but I still enjoy my mythological beast ♥)

3) Athena... Athena baby what im going to do with you. 3.1) What are you doing on a high school if you are 6.000 years old? What are you gonna learn if that something you decided at the END of the movie? is a school really the place to learn about humanity? 3.2) She mentions Freddy “saving her” from the bullies as the reason as to why she saves him from the dragon, but the bullies really never targeted her... they were annoying, yes, but not hostile. At least to her, they were dicks to Freddy. 3.3) Why are you crushing...on a ... baby, compared to your age? Actually, why are you acting like a teenager at all? Like I just need one line, a “I been asleep for most of my life” excuse here

Again, I really like the character conceptually and I love the idea for her power, but she seems lost all the time and very out of place compared to her sisters and I was given no reason why. However and though I admit im not the biggest fan of romance subplots, I tough the dynamic between her and Freddy was very sweet.

Actually, I think all 3 sisters are interesting! I would had loved to expand on their loss, their imprisonment and their discussion a bit more before everything went down like it did. I would also loved to know if Ladon was sentient or not. He seemed to kill Hespera in his own accord but we don't know why he did it (and why with the tail when he has two good claws) ... I would also had liked for Athena to try to reach out to him while he was trying to scare her.

... I hate that he used his “paralyzing fear” for like 10 minutes and decided not to strike once. Moving at the pace of a snail. (But again, Freedy coming to save Anne was *chef kiss*)

4) The dream sequence with Wonder Woman really wasn’t well executed. It didn't had any service (it does not foreshadow, doesn't show or explain anything new) except conveying the wizard message. It took time away from other things that would had benefit from a longer time. In general, I do not know how I feel about Wonder Woman here. It only very conveniently solves one problem but back pedals all the consequences we had during this movie.

And hey, I know its unrealistic to think Shazam would be dead for longer than 2 minutes but giving Athena back her powers? why?

And that's it! Other than that I think I don't had any troubles with the movie. It was fun, packed of action and had good emotional moments and I specially like how this is direct consequence from the last movie!

#Shazam #fury of the gods #Shazam: Fury of the gods #reviews

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hybrid-royalty · 2 years

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Continued from [X] @ladamedemartel

After making her exit, Aurora detoured from her journey to her hotel. Normally, she’d have taken this task on herself, but she had told Klaus that she was leaving to make herself pretty, and if she returned wearing the same clothes, he might wonder what she’d been up to instead of what she’d claimed. Aurora did not wish to give his suspicions anything to latch on to, especially when he was justified in having them. So rather than undertake the task herself, she turned to mortals. It was easy enough to compel a group of tourists to continue to sit outside the café, watching the entrance to the Mikaelson Compound to see if Klaus would move his siblings to another location, or, worse, see them wandering out under their own power to hide themselves from her sight to conspire to trick her.

The mortals reported nothing of the sort when Aurora returned in a fresh black dress. Though she’d sauntered in to have it expertly hug her figure, he didn’t even bother to look up at her as she made her entrance. Some what annoyed, she stopped, barely halfway into the room. “Do you really think that I’m so simple that I cannot want more than one thing at a time?” she scoffed. She turned then, hoping to find wine waiting but instead finding only a decanter of bourbon. While it was not her beverage of choice, Aurora poured herself a glass. She was going to need it if this is how intended to spend the evening.

“I will not apologize for valuing my own safety as the highest priority. We could hardly revisit our relationship if we’re both too worried about Rebekah.” She took a long sip of the bourbon, disliking the way it burned in her throat. “You know Niklaus, I dressed for you to take me out, show me your city, not have a row with you for doing exactly what you would have done in my position.” Another sip. This one burned less. She could give him a row. Perhaps they ought to have it out if only to cure him of this sullen disposition. Aurora had met so many tortured artists over the centuries, been muse to many of them, but she had now desire to allow Klaus to live in that mood.

“And besides, if either of us can accuse the other of leaving once they had what they wanted, I believe I am owed that. Not once, not once in a thousand years, even after you learned of compulsion, not once did you question what had prompted my sudden change of heart?” It was out there now, out in the open. She could twist the knife. She could tell him that she’d once thought him smart enough to figure things out over the years. It was the truth. After the compulsion had broken, after she’d started to come back to herself, she’d thought that he’d come back to find her with sweet apologies for Elijah’s treachery. He never had. Aurora rolled her shoulders to try to shake that thought off before it could take root. No, she didn’t want an argument. Neither of them would win. She forced a strained smile to her face. “But that’s the past. Are you going to take me to dinner or shall I find something myself?”

"What was I meant to think Aurora? Your love for me burned as bright as your ambition." A row was exactly what Klaus was in the mood for, anything to get out the negative energy threatening to consume him from the inside out. Learning of his brother's treacheries from nearly a thousand year ago, at the beginning of everything, had shaken him to his core. The fact that Elijah had stood by his side ever since, never once coming clean - the good and moral brother currently lay desiccated and justly so.

"You had no issue risking death to get Rebekah's blood in your stomach, because you wanted to be a monster so badly - despite my repeated warnings against it. So was it so farfetched that I believe Elijah when he said you abandoned us when my father came calling? A life of running did not seem to fit you at the time."

Klaus was far more frustrated with his brother in all of this, but he could not help but spit it in her direction. Emotional regulation was not exactly his forte. The unholy trinity had run from them, but as far as he'd known it was their idea. Aurora had been his first true heartbreak, a scar that had never healed.

#moved this out of legacy #ladamedemartel

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littlesniggy · 3 years

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Hiii!!!! i can't understand it but i like ichiji so much kwfjwjfjd help. There's just something so attractive about him🥺....... anyway, i'm happy whenever i find something about him that you wrote, you write so gooooooood, i really love it!!

so i want to ask a scenario where he is "jealous" (i don't really think i can feel jealous, but maybe he likes marking territory? something like "yeah my s/o is perfect look at her but don't touch what's mine"), so... a nsfw scenario where he is "jealous" about something his brothers did with his fem s/o, maybe they were trying to flirt with her in front of him, and then ichiji wanted to make it clear to her and everyone who she belongs to

whatever you think fits best i'm sure i'll love it💕

thank you and have a amazing week💕

Hey Anon! Thank you so much for requesting! Sorry it took me so long to write this but I was quite busy with work. As you said yourself, Ichiji probably doesn't get jealous but he can be quite possessive. So, here it is! I hope you enjoy it!!

Warning: 18+, nsfw, dirty talk, slight degradation, overstimulation

Pairing: Ichiji x female reader

Word count: 2.5k

“And he really thought he could beg his way out of this!” Niji laughed, his deep voice echoing from the cold walls. His two brothers joined in, mocking laughter that showed no sympathy for their victims. “And did you see this woman? Trying to negotiate her way into becoming one of our servants. Who did she think we were? Some kind of charity?” Yonji mocked, wallowing in the thought that he was the one ending her miserable life.

Ichiji was simply sitting there, a cocky smirk on his lips, arms crossed in front of his muscular chest. He enjoyed this mission no less than his siblings but he was a little disappointed that you haven’t been here to greet him. Where were you anyway? He didn’t want to show it but he was annoyed that you weren’t by his side.

“By the way, Ichiji, where is Y/n? Thought she would already be waiting here for us to come back.” Yonji chuckled, his eyes looking around in hopes of finding her.

“For me.” Ichiji corrected him.

“Huh?” Yonji raised an eyebrow, not quite understanding what he was getting at.

“She should’ve been waiting for me. Why would she be waiting for the likes of you?” his overly confident voice made it clear he thought he was better than his brothers, not even imagining that you could possibly find either one of them attractive.

“So we can have a look at her, too? Stop hogging her like you own her.” Niji agreed with his younger brother. Ichiji huffed, finding it amusing how Niji really thought he needed to hog

you. He didn’t even bother considering to answer and he didn’t even need to; he felt your presence way before you even turned the corner, his grin widening even more.

“Y/n!” Yonji greeted you. Ichiji could practically see his eyes popping out at the sight of you. You smiled at him politely but didn’t pay much attention to him. Ichiji’s ego grew with every step you took and with every look you didn’t give them. They were nothing more than thin air to you.

“Finally. Where have you been? You know I don’t like to be kept waiting” The oldest Vinsmoke brother scolded you and pulled you onto his lap the second you stood in front of him. Surprised, you let out a yelp but didn’t complain, giving him a long and deep kiss, hearing the whistling from his two brothers.

“Where is my kiss?” Yonji joked yet his eyes told Ichiji that his brother wouldn’t mind it if you actually sat down on his lap and did so. His arm around your waist pulled you even closer to him, a challenging grin on his lips. “Don’t get too cocky, Yonji. She would never stoop so low to even touch either of you, let alone kiss.” The green-haired male scowled at his older brother, not too pleased with his answer.

Niji chuckled next to him, shaking his head. “I think that’s for Y/n to decide, isn’t it?” he opposed, his eyes wandering over your sitting form. Ichiji didn’t like the way Niji talked to you. Who did he think he was? Who did both of them think they are? The oldest brother looked at you, the cocky grin slightly warning when he started talking to you. “Do you want to let yourself get fucked by them, Y/n?” he asked straight forward. You felt a little overwhelmed by this sudden change in atmosphere around you and Ichiji’s grin didn’t make it any better.

“O-of course not.” You stated, feeling slightly uncomfortable now being the center of attention. “Bet she would answer differently if you weren’t here….” Yonji’s voice had dropped an octave, making you shiver. What was going on here? You felt Ichiji’s body tense up a little, knowing full well he wasn’t pleased by his brother’s comment. “S-should I leave?” you asked uncertain, trying to search some other emotion in Ichiji’s face other than disgust towards his two younger brothers.

“No. On the contrary. I think they were actually just about to leave…” his voice didn’t leave any room to argue, even Niji and Yonji realized that their brother wasn’t joking. Niji, the slightly more reasonable one, stood up first, shaking his head in slight disbelief. “Calm your panties, Ichiji. One could think you’re actually jealous.” Niji grinned at his brother. Ichiji didn’t respond, he simply watched how Niji stuffed his hands in his pockets before stalking away, calling for Yonji to follow him. “If you want to spice things up for a change, you know where to find me, Y/n.” you heard Yonji call out before both of them left the room, leaving only the two of you.

There was silence for a while, making you feel more and more anxious. His grip around your waist never wavered, his nails digging into your sides almost painfully.

“Ichiji, I-“ you started but he wouldn’t let you finish your sentence. You weren’t even sure to begin with what you wanted to say. You just wanted to say something.

“Take your clothes off.” Ichiji’s cold voice cut through the air like knife, a fearful yet pleasant shiver running down your spine. His arm left your waist, leaving you room to get off his lap. Slightly awkward, you got off and stood in front of him, feeling his eyes from behind his glasses on you.

Your hands went up, brushing against your chest when you started unbuttoning your blouse, trying to be sexy and seductive. With each button your opened you revealed more and more of your delicate skin, your fingers caressing your cleavage when the blouse was half open.

“I said to take your damn clothes off, Y/n. Don’t make me repeat myself again.” His reaction confused you. Normally, he enjoyed it when you played around a little, seducing him with the skin you revealed but today seemed to be different. His brothers must’ve somehow gotten to him. Maybe he was simply horny? You didn’t know but you didn’t want to stress his patience not more than necessary.

Pleased, he watched you get rid of your clothes, leaving you in nothing more than the suit you were born with. Then, there was silence once again. The room was cold, getting cooler by the second, the more he didn’t move or give you any more orders. You pulled your arms around your body, small goosebumps being visible on your skin.

“Who told you to cover yourself? Are you ashamed to stand in front of me all naked like this? Would you rather Niji or Yonji or maybe both be here and see you like this?” he got up from his seat, stepping forward to stand in front of you, his body heat radiating from him, drawing your own body towards his. You wanted to press your body against his, to feel his muscles against your skin but you restrained yourself.

“No.” you answered, looking up at him from under your eyelashes. The grin was still on his face but it was cold and calculating. “No….that’s what I thought. Bet you fantasize about them fucking every hole you’ve got until you’re nothing more than a moaning, sweating mess, begging to be the cum dumpster for them. Isn’t that right, Y/n?” his words made your heart ponder in your chest and your sex become wet. You rubbed your thighs against each other unconsciously, licking your lips at the thought.

You weren’t actually interested in either of them but the way he said it, with the way he was observing you – you couldn’t help but feel aroused.

“Liar.” He purred. Ichiji lifted his hand underneath your chin, making you look directly at him. “Do you think they can satisfy you the way I can?” he purred, his thump brushing against your bottom lip.

Your tongue darted out to wet your lips, licking over his thumb in the process. “No.” you voice sounded raspy, your chest moving faster the more he stared at you, making you feel oh so vulnerable. “Of course not.” He said, shoving his digit past your lips before moving it in and out of your mouth.

“Who is the only one that can turn you into your true self, the needy whore you know deep down you really are?” He withdrew his thumb, giving you the room to answer his question. A quiet moan left your lips, your thighs pressing together. You felt how your juice slowly started running down your legs, being smeared all over your skin by rubbing your thighs together. “You are…” you whispered.

“That’s right…” he growled before pushing you back, you stumbled against the table but couldn’t react fast enough; he was already pushing your upper body down onto the surface, the cool wood scratching against your back. Ichiji spread your legs to reveal your dripping core to him. A pleased grin spread across his lips when he took off his gloves and brush his digits against your sex.

Another moan, this time louder, erupted from your body at the touch and your arched your back, lifting your legs up to place your feet onto the surface. “Whore…” he commented and pushed two digits past your folds; wet sounds could be heard when he started moving them in and out of your body, his second hand resting on your knee, pushing your legs further apart.

You felt heat rise up in your body, being so exposed, so spread open to his eyes and touch. Even if you wanted to deny how needy you were you simply couldn’t; the wet sounds your cunt was making was betrayal enough.

Ichiji added a third finger, curling them upwards, changing the angle this way and making you arch your back once more, throwing your head back in pleasure.

“Whose whore are you?” you heard his raspy voice but couldn’t quite comprehend his words. He pulled his fingers out, leaving you empty and wanton, with no friction to satisfy your needs. “Whose whore are you?” he insisted, his hand that was buried inside your cunt just moments ago came up to your other knee, spreading them even further apart; your whole body on full display for him to see.

“Yours…” you panted, moving your hips up and down, shamelessly begging for his touch. Ichiji’s grin grew even wider at your response, cockiness and confidence dripping down from his lips. “That’s right….and whose cock do you want?” he leaned forward, pressing his clothed bulge against your arching core, moving against your wet entrance.

“Ichiji….please!” you panted at the friction, moving against him in a desperate attempt to get what you want.

“Whose. Cock. Do. You. Want?” he emphasized each word with a thrust, his whole body seeming like a blanket that was covering you.

“Fuck! Yours, Ichiji! Yours! Now please….! Please fuck me already!” you pleaded, voice almost a whine.

“Just because you begged so nicely.” He growled. You felt his hands leave your knees, taking off some of the strain that had been building up in your groin area. You panted when you felt his hands between your bodies, his knuckles brushing against your sex again while he opened his pants, taking out his hard dick, a silent sigh escaping his lips at the gained freedom.

Instinctively, you inched closer to the desired body part, feeling how the tip of his dick already pressed against your entrance. “I’ll make sure you never even think about another man’s dick.” He growled before his hips snapped forward, burying himself deep inside of you in one smooth go, your natural juice being the perfect lubrication.

You moaned out loud, wanting to wrap your legs around his waist but his hands were faster, pushing your legs apart once again, his warm palms pressing against your knees. “Leave them open.” He demanded but not leaving room to argue anyway. He was in his element when he started fucking you with a rough and fast pace, the loud sound of skin on skin echoing through the otherwise empty room.

“Goooood-!” you moaned, eyes shut tightly, concentrating on the intense feeling he was giving you. “I love your dick!” you panted, moving against his hard thrusts ever so slightly, wanting to feel him even deeper. Ichiji watched your messy form underneath him, satisfied with you becoming undone like this. But he never doubted himself in the first place.

“Of course, you do.” He panted, the cockiness never leaving his voice though as he picked up the pace, ramming his dick into you like a madman – and you loved all of it!

“Ichiji!” you moaned, voice becoming louder, no shame about who might hear you outside this room. Ichiji himself was quiet but he felt pride at your moans, being completely aware of his two younger brothers standing not to far away from the closed door, listening to your lustful moans and probably jerking off to it – and they couldn’t have you which was the best part, really.

The more he hammered into you, the more you felt your climax build up inside your lower stomach, your insides feeling as if they were on fire, intensifying the feeling of his dick rubbing against your inner walls with each thrust. “Gonna….gonna…..gonna cum….!” You panted, not being able to form coherent sentences anymore. “Already?” he chuckled, halting suddenly in his movement.

Confused, sweaty, and desperately you looked at him, heaving from the fast pace he was fucking you with. “Don’t stop….I’m so….I’m so close!” you pleaded, shuffling underneath him. But Ichiji didn’t move. Instead, he just looked at you, standing completely still, his dick still buried deep inside of you. Restlessly, you tried to move against his dick but he wouldn’t let you, holding you in placed.

Your walls clenched around him, trying to suck him in but failing miserably. “Ichiji….” You whined, your form a panting mess. You tried to concentrate on his dick that was filling you out in just the right way; just one inch deeper and he would press against your g-spot! Why was he doing this to you?

The more you thought about how good his dick felt inside of you, the more you felt your climax build up inside your lower belly again, moaning in desperation and pleasure alike. Ichiji watched with fascination how you seemingly still got closer and closer to your orgasm, just with him being inside of you!

“You love my dick so much that you cum just by it being inside of you?” he teased, his words finally pushing you over the edge. “Ichiji!” you almost screamed when your walls tightened around him. This was his cue; he started thrusting into you again, fucking you through your orgasm like there was no tomorrow.

“Ichiji…!” you panted, feeling how his ministration turned your whole body into one sensitive nerve that was about to rip apart. “I’m not gonna stop!” he chuckled, pressing himself deep inside your dripping cunt. “I’ve told you before that I will make sure that you’ll never think about another man’s dick ever again…”

#one piece #op #op ichiji #Vinsmoke ichiji #ns.fw #Ichiji x reader #Ichiji imagine #Ichiji x female reader #x reader #x female reader #female reader #op imagine #op x reader #op x female reader #Vinsmoke niji #Vinsmoke yonji

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bitsandbobsofwriting · 3 years

Text

The God of Magic just wants humanity to be happy and thriving;

Version 1, Good!Merlin

INTRO

(Version 2, Dark!Merlin)

“You’re late.”

From their place in the bushes, the gang can see a wide grin break out on the woman’s face as she raises an eyebrow:

“You’re always getting distracted by pretty flowers or interesting conversations, how was I supposed to know that you’d be on time for once?”

Her voice somehow sounds like an ocean in a storm, ear-splittingly loud as the sound cuts right through them to the core, but also a gentle stream, soft and clear and soul-cleansing. The gang struggle not to flinch in their confusion.

Merlin chuckles slightly, shaking his head as he softly replies:

“Ah, I see, you were expecting me to be late, so you told me to turn up half a candle-mark before you intended to get here.”

She raises an eyebrow and nods:

“In the hopes I wouldn’t have to stand around and wait too long,-”

She shudders slightly as her face falls, though she manages to look beautifully intimidating even with a slight scowl on her face:

“-you know how much I hate it up here, on dry land.”

Merlin nods. He looks around him passingly, and the gang tense as his eyes rove over their hiding place; their fear is quickly replaced with shock (and even more confusion) as it strikes them that they’ve never seen Merlin look so relaxed, so at ease. He finally looks back to the woman:

“Hmm. I may not agree with you on that, but I understand. I could have met you at Avalon, you know.”

The woman frowns even more, and the gang can see Merlin tilt his head in question, even more so when she replies:

“I... wanted this conversation to be private, away from the prying eyes and ears of Mother and our Siblings.”

Merlin’s shoulders tense, and Arthur can vaguely see the outline of his hands clenching tightly in his pockets as his cloak billows in a sudden wind. The knights, Gwen, and Morgana all look to each other in confusion, Merlin had never spoken of siblings before, in fact, they’re fairly certain he specifically told them that he’s an only child. This woman was so drastically different from Merlin in appearance, they couldn’t possibly be related by blood. Perhaps she means "siblings" in a similar sense to how the knights are brothers?

A tense silence passes between the two, but it’s quickly broken by Merlin letting out a deep, bone-weary sigh, his relaxed demeanour completely dissolved, and looking to the floor, mumbling:

“What’s this about, Ava?”

The woman, Ava, the gang now know, lets out a sigh of her own, tilting her head and waiting for Merlin to look at her again before speaking, her voice sounding more consistently soft the more she spoke, as if she needed practice to regulate her volume:

“I think you know, Em.-”

(”Em?? I guess that could be a shortened version of ‘Merlin’, but... not really.”)

“-Time is running out, existence is threadbare as it is, and only getting worse with each passing day. The world is splitting, cracking down the middle; magic is running thin-”

Everyone feels Arthur tense at the mention of magic, even more so at Merlin’s non-reaction to the word. Though everyone is already understandably on edge by the way the woman speaks as if the world is ending around them, and they hadn’t even noticed:

“-and we are starving. The fates of The Bane-”

Mordred manages to stop himself falling backwards, but his sudden shaky breath earns him a concerned glance from Gwaine, crouched besides him:

“-and The Darkness have been avoided, if you do not move forward now, then when? With every day you stall, you plan, you stand idly by and wait, we choke on the gaping emptiness of a world that is leaking.-”

Merlin holds up a shaking hand to stop her, his other running through his hair in frustration as he murmurs:

“I know, I know-”

The gang watches with tense, morbid curiosity as Ava cuts him off, her expression both annoyed and sympathetic:

“I don’t think you do, Em. You haven’t been home in years. Could you stand it? To be God of Magic with no Magic to be God over? No universe to hold dominion over?”

Merlin scoffs slightly and walks to the side in his frustration, and the gang can see the melancholy annoyance on his face, plain as day. It’s almost enough to make them forget that he visited Ealdor just last month. It’s definitely not enough to distract them from the fact that she had called Merlin a God. The God of Magic, of all things. What the fuck??:

“I don’t hold dominion over anything I just... am.”

Ava rolls her eyes:

“That’s not the point and you know it. Mother sent you to fix the problem, to stop the purge, to encourage the Once and Future King to bring magic back and start the Golden Age. He has been King for years, but you still act as a servant. You are a God, Em, assert yourself. You could fix the world with a click of your fingers, but you wait for the humans to do it for you.-”

Merlin interrupts her slightly impassioned speech with a deep huff and a shake of the head. From where he now stands, the gang have a healthy view of his side profile, and they can see the emotions warring on his face: frustration, grief, desperation:

“That isn’t... that’s not what I’m doing-”

She rolls her eyes again and the gang are vaguely aware of a distant crack of thunder as she gestures sharply with her hands:

“That is what you’re doing. You’ve become too attached to these... mortals.-”

She steps towards him, cradling his cheek in a soft, elegant hand as her face morphs to one of complete and utter sorrow:

“-You’re setting yourself up for heartbreak, Brother. Human lifespans, the lifespan of your precious Golden King, are but a blink of an eye compared to ours; they will all wither and die and fade from you, and you will be left with your grief forever.-”

Her other hand lifts to settle comfortingly on his shoulder, and the gang can see a single tear slip from Merlin’s lowered eyes:

“-Do what you came here to do, and come home, to Avalon, we miss you, Em, the family needs you back.”

Merlin stills for a few moments at her desperate plea, but then steps back, shrugging her hands off gently and wiping the tear from his face:

“No. I... I’m doing this properly. Mother understands my fondness for humanity, that’s why she sent me, and I’m going to do it properly.”

Ava huffs out a gentle laugh at his determined expression, shaking her head slightly in fond disbelief:

“How can you love them? These... humans, when they slaughter your creations, when they don’t even know what you are?”

Merlin smiles softly, his eyes gazing into the trees as he quietly responds, his voice full of enough adoration to take the gang's breath away, to temper the twinge of fear and betrayal that had been swelling in Arthur’s lungs:

"I love them because they don't know what I am. It's nice, to be human; to walk among them, being loved and hated and respected and touched as if I were not more than they could ever possibly comprehend. Humanity is... made of juxtapositions. Their existence is contradiction upon contradiction, weaved together and held with emotions so large I can scarcely understand how they're contained in such little bodies. I've been alive and watching them for millennia, lived side-by-side with them for almost three decades, and they still surprise me. To walk among them, to see them come to terms with this universe that We made for them, to see how desperately they crave knowledge, exploration, experience... it's beautiful. The way they love so fully, the way they find meaning and importance in every grain of sand, every ray of sun, every tuft of fur on every creature, it's humbling. It's astounding."

Ava has a soft smile on her face, looking as if she could listen to her Brother ramble about his love for humanity for decades. She shakes her head slightly, letting out a gentle sigh as she asks:

"Then why won't you save them? The Gods will starve without magic, but humanity will starve without the Gods."

Merlin pauses for a moment, his face scrunched in concentration as he tries to think of the right way to verbalize his thoughts.

The gang stare on in unconcealed bafflement; the realisation that Merlin is some kind of God brings less fear or anger than they think it should. Maybe it’s the shock, or maybe it’s the reverent way he speaks about them. Either way, they stay still and silent in their hiding place, and eventually Merlin’s face settles back into a soft smile as he looks to his Sister:

"I wish to see them save themselves, not because We need them to, but because they want to. Because their desperation to explore this universe will one day outweigh their misguided hatred of magic.-"

He nods decisively, repeating in a confident voice:

"-I wish to see them save themselves."

Ava sighs once more, stepping toward Merlin and putting her hand back on his shoulder:

“Your wishes may soon become... irrelevant. We’re dying, Emrys,-”

Arthur struggles to hold in a gasp at that. Emrys. He knows that name. Apparently it’s the name of a God, and not just some secret sorcerer who took a fancy to Camelot and deemed himself it’s protector. Lancelot’s eyes widen, though he manages to hide his shock well; no one else is focused on anyone else’s reactions, all internally freaking out.

Mordred is pale and breathing shallowly, being the only one in the group who had already known the full truth. Percival looks to be in shock, he grew up with the stories of Emrys, but to learn that Emrys was a God? That Merlin was said God? Not what he was expecting out of this little trip. Gwaine, Gwen, Morgana, and Elyan look worried, seeming to have pushed aside their shock in favour of being concerned over Merlin’s safety and sorrow. Leon stares upon the scene with scholarly-looking curiosity, hiding his apprehension and shock well. Arthur’s expression is... unreadable. Ironically, the only person capable of knowing what he was thinking just from looking at him was currently having an incredibly terrifying conversation with someone who is also presumably some kind of God(dess).

“-time is running out. I know that you don’t want to, but... it might be best to tell them the truth. You adore your humans because of their ability to love, do you not think they love you enough to forgive you your deceptions?”

Merlin clenches his jaw, and it’s the anguish on his face, paired with his almost-whispered words, that breaks their hearts:

“I... no. Just because I love them does not mean they love me back. I’m just a servant, Ava, I’ll never be important enough to be forgiven, God or not; I’ve lied to them for over ten years.”

She sighs, letting a tear of her own fall as she quietly responds:

“Emrys, you undervalue your worth, they don’t-”

“No. I don’t. You’re right, I have one life-time with them, with... with Arthur, and then I’ll lose them, and I’ll spend the rest of eternity grieving. I refuse to taint the already short time I have with them by having to watch them grow to hate me. I refuse.”

Merlin frowns as Ava rolls her eyes fondly, a victorious smirk on her face:

“If you would let me finish. They don’t hate you now, despite learning what they have just learnt, and you have yet to tell them of all you’ve done for them. Their love for you will only grow, Brother.”

Merlin tilts his head and raises an eyebrow. The gang take in a collective gasp at the realisation that she knows. And has likely known the whole time.

“What are you talking about?”

Ava’s smirk just grows, and she looks to the bushes the gang is hiding in, seeming to make direct eye-contact with a panicking Arthur as she speaks, he voice echoing unnaturally through the clearing:

“You can come out now.”

At her words, Merlin’s head whips around to stare at where she was looking. He opens his mind, allows his magic to stretch around him, and his skull is immediately full to burst with echoes of Mordred’s earlier, and ongoing, warnings, as well as the overwhelming presence of The (former) Darkness, The Once and Future King, and the others. He takes a stumbled step back, hand covering his mouth and tears spilling from his eyes as he becomes more and more convinced of... well... his time being tainted.

The gang stand and shuffle out of the bushes slowly, eyes trained on the floor and hands clasped in front of them tightly. It’s Merlin’s quiet, cracking “No...” that has them look up, paling at the absolute heartbreak on his face.

Lancelot and Gwaine give him weak, though genuine smiles, holding their hands out placatingly, but they halt their movements forward when Merlin just copies them pace for pace, moving away from them.

No one notices Ava rolling her eyes, not until she steps behind Merlin and puts a halting hand on his shoulder, stopping him from moving further away.

Merlin whips his head around, and another loud clap of thunder sounds out, much closer than the other one, quickly followed by a sudden downpour of frigid rain. The gang look to the sky in confusion, and Mordred desperately tries to reach Merlin through the mental link, offering comfort and reassurance; Merlin doesn’t seem to notice, the rain falling harder and harder as he almost fall to his knees, speaking in a desperate voice to his sister:

“Why... why would you... you know what this means. Why... why would you do this?! Ava?”

She rolls her eyes again, seeming to glow effervescently under the rivers of rainwater running down her face and over her clothes. She forces Merlin to turn and look at the gang, holding her hands on his shoulders to stop him from backing away (or collapsing in his grief) :

“Look at them, Em. Do they look angry to you? You should have some faith in the humans you claim to love so much. Look at them.”

Everyone in the gang gives Merlin varying levels of strained smiles; though Merlin, in his panic, is unable to tell that the strain is from concern and guilt, thinking that it was instead from hatred. He falls to his knees, his eyes shut tight enough to give him a headache and his hands clamped over his mouth in an effort to hold the sobs in.

Gwen and Morgana are the first to rush forwards, not paying the slightest bit of attention to Merlin’s... sister or the knights as they collapse to the floor in front of their friend, not sure whether to keep their distance or try to comfort the distraught man... God.

It’s his next choked sob that urges them to move once again, and the girls pull Merlin into a hug, tears of their own gathering at his agony. He freezes at first, then tries to pull away as lightening streaks across the sky, the violent bursts in sync with his choked breaths. When Gwen strokes a soft hand through his knotted hair, and Morgana pulls him further into her lap, muttering “We’re not leaving you, Merls, not ever, we love you.”, he relaxes slightly.

The thunder and lightening cease, but the rain still pours as Arthur stares over the pile of crying bodies to the woman, whose eyes seem to be growing brighter and brighter in the deluge. She stares right back at him, and The King jumps slightly when her voice echoes through her head, despite her still face:

“My brother has lost enough, please do not shatter his heart.”

Arthur nods once, before following Lancelot’s lead to the others, the rest of the knights not far behind them as Ava disappears. Whether she walked away without noticing or simply faded into the rain, no one knows, but no one really cares either. Soon enough, everyone is gathered around Merlin, stroking his back softly and whispering comforting promises over the sound of the rain. When Leon is the only one to notice Mordred’s eyes flash golden as he summons a shield above them, he simply shrugs his shoulders and refocuses his attention on muttering reassurances in Merlin’s head.

His breathing slows after a while, as does the rain, though everyone panics slightly when they see Morgana frown as she strokes the hair away from his face, revealing flushed cheeks and closed eyes. Mordred’s eyes flash golden once more as he presses a hand to his forehead, though no one lets the shock distract them for too long, latching on to his relieved tone:

“He’s just asleep, that would’ve taken a lot out of him. We should get him back to Gaius.”

The knights all stand, stretching and cracking joints to try and rid themselves of the cold stiffness that had settled in their soaked bones. Morgana stays on the floor, clutching at Merlin in her lap desperately, like he could slip away at any moment. When Arthur leans down to pick him up, she shoots him a glare, her own eyes glowing as the wind picks up once more, whipping through the clearing in an obvious warning. Arthur takes in a gasp, but shakes the surprise from his mind as he settles a soft hand on his sister’s shoulder:

“I... look, we’ll talk about this later, and I promise you’re going to be safe,-”

He glances up to an equally defensive looking Mordred:

“-all three of you, but Mordred’s right, we need to get him home and warmed up.”

Morgana hesitates for only a second, but the concern (and love) in her brother’s eyes sway her, and she nods, ever-so-carefully pulling her arms from around Merlin and helping Arthur get the younger (or... much much older) man situated in his arms before standing up.

The trek back to the castle is a fairly short one now they don’t have to worry about being quiet, and the rain has almost completely stopped by the time they make it to the citadel gates. It’s late, so the only people they come across are the occasional guard. But The King resolutely ignoring them as he carries his unconscious manservant through the corridors, his closest friends and advisors around him either openly crying or blinking away tears... well... it’s something that very much screams “DO NOT DISTURB US DO NOT SPEAK OF THIS IMMEDIATELY FORGET EVERYTHING YOU HAVE JUST SEEN”.

Elyan runs ahead to wake Gaius and warn him, so by the time everyone gets to the Physician’s chambers the fire is roaring, a patient pallet has been moved in front of the hearth, and Gaius himself is bustling around, preparing various concoctions and tinctures and blankets.

Merlin’s still shivering form is laid on the pallet, and Morgana shamelessly uses her magic to pull the heat closer and dry out his clothes. Mordred sits protectively close to the servant, one hand subconsciously close to his sword, the other resting on Merlin’s shoulder. Gwen settles between him an Morgana, and the knights figure that with her complete non-reaction to the magic... she probably already knew, she was smart like that. Gaius finally makes his way to Merlin’s side, tipping a gross smelling potion down his throat and running a hand through his hair, frowning worriedly down at his ward.

Not a single word had been said since they entered through the castle gates, and Arthur is the first to break the silence, sitting on Merlin’s other side, opposite Morgana, and settling an almost accusing expression on his sister:

“You knew, didn’t you?”

She looks up at him, somehow appearing powerful and intimidating despite being soaked through and shivering:

“I knew he was... powerful, I didn’t know he was a God.”

Gaius’ head whips around quickly, and Arthur is surprised at the questioning horror on his face:

“A God?? There must be some mistake, Merlin is powerful yes but he’s not-”

Mordred’s quiet voice interrupts him, though he doesn’t look away from the unconscious man as his fingers twitch over so slightly closer to the hilt of his sword:

“I knew. Though if I’d known he felt so... if I’d known how he felt, I would have spoken to him about it sooner, I apologise.”

Everyone looks at the group’s youngest member in shock, almost speechless, but Gwaine stutters slightly before clearing his throat and trying again:

“So... that was real, Merlin is a fucking God.”

Mordred nods absent-mindedly, eyes flashing golden as he presses his hand to Merlin’s forehead once again, frowning. Arthur’s brow creases in concern and he leans closer to Merlin:

“What is it? Is he ok??”

Before Mordred can reply, Leon speaks up, his voice tired, but strong:

“If he’s some... powerful God, then why is he hurt in the first place? Shouldn’t he be able to resist any sort of injury or sickness??”

Mordred shakes his head, finally looking away from Merlin to gaze at the group surrounding him. He looks doubtful at first, but when he sees the genuine concern on everyone’s faces, especially from Gaius and Arthur, he sighs and speaks softly:

“It’s difficult to describe. Merlin could access the full range of his power and do anything, if he wanted, but it’s draining and complicated when stuck in a human body. He himself is a God, yes, but this form is still vulnerable and mortal; he can get injured, and sick, he can die, or at least the body can. Merlin tends to repair this body when that happens, instead of moving on. He... likes it here.”

Everyone nods, understanding at least a little, though Gaius and Lancelot look the most shell-shocked. The room goes silent once again, and Percival, sat on the floor against the end of Merlin’s pallet with Elyan and Gwaine, is the first to speak, his voice shaking and sorrowful:

“He really thinks so low of himself. He’s a God... and he was terrified of the thought of us hating him, as if such a thing were even possible.”

Gwaine curses under his breath and Leon restarts his slow pacing around the room before he stops suddenly, turning to face the others with a look of anger on his face:

“Well of course he thinks it’s bloody possible. He’s right, we treat him like a fucking servant even though he’s one of our dearest friends, and half of us talk about the evils of sorcery on a near constant basis. He’s the God of Magic, of course he’d think we would hate him.”

Everyone is taken aback at Leon’s rage, though no one can deny that what he’s said is true. Leon is... quietly protective of everyone in the group, and it’s a time like this that reminds all of them that he had known Merlin just as long as Arthur had, and definitely held a certain brotherly affection for the younger (uh... yeah, whatever) man.

The older knight sags slightly, seemingly realising how exhausted he is, and pulls a chair up next to Arthur before collapsing in it, head in his hands. Arthur pats him on the back a few times before looking back to Merlin’s now thankfully not-shivering form, taking in a deep breath and nodding his head decisively:

“Well, we’ll just have to show him that it isn’t possible. I... we need to show him that he’s... important to us. Loved.”

Morgana just raises her eyebrow at The King, but doesn’t say anything as Gaius mutters a tearful “My poor boy.” under his breath. Elyan stands from his place on the floor, moving to perch on a bench behind his sister and setting a comforting hand on her shoulder as he softly speaks:

“He needs to know that we want him to stay here, with us.”

Percival shakes his head slightly, looking conflicted:

“Wouldn’t that be... cruel? That woman... Ava, was right. We’ll all grow old and die and he’s a God, he’ll live forever and he’ll grieve. Isn’t asking him to stay selfish?”

No one has an answer, and the room grows silent, everyone stewing in their own tense thoughts, trying to weigh the pros and cons, trying to measure exactly how selfish they were willing to be when it came to Merlin.

The sun rising over the horizon and peaking through the uncovered windows is what wakes everyone (bar Merlin) from their fitful sleeps. All of them had been plagued with odd dreams and nightmares through the night, so despite their exhaustion, they were grateful to be awake.

No one said anything though, waking one by one and pacing briefly around the room in an attempt to cure themselves of the aches gained from falling asleep in such awkward positions.

It’s still incredibly early in the morning, so thankfully none of them are needed for at least two more candle marks, but it’s Lancelot who breaks the silence first, clearing his throat and looking down at his best friend:

“It wouldn’t be selfish.”

Arthur looks up to him, noting the bags under everyone’s eyes and the tear tracks no one had bothered to wipe away:

“What are you talking about?”

The knight runs a hand through his hair, sniffling slightly and taking a deep breath before he stares around the room, making sure everyone was awake and paying attention as he spoke:

“For us to tell him we want him to stay, it wouldn’t be selfish. You heard him, he loves it here, he’s desperate to stay, he loves us. He still has at least thirty years worth of memories to make with us, and yeah, maybe that’s not a lot in the grand scheme of the immortal life of a God, but it’s more than the ten he’s already got. We can’t take that away from him. He... he wants to be here. Telling him to leave just to alleviate our own guilt... that would be selfish.”

Everyone looks a little doubtful, bar Mordred, and it’s him that Arthur turns to:

“Mordred? You knew... what he is, which we are still definitely going to have a conversation about by the way, what do you think?”

Mordred sighs, biting his lip for a moment before finally ripping his gaze from Merlin’s still unconscious, but now healthier looking body:

“He is more than any of us will ever be able to comprehend. You still see him as just Merlin, he is, but he’s also much more; he is Emrys, the saviour, the God, the Guiding Light. He is magic itself, woven into the fabric of the universe. He inhabits every space, and no space at the same time, he exists in every grain of sand, every drop of ocean, every speck of sky. To... to assume that he is not capable of deciding what he wants is an act of unforgivable hubris. If he stays, who are you to demand he leave and name yourselves selfish, when he has not deemed it so?”

Arthur pales slightly at Mordred’s words, as does everyone else. Gwaine seems to be taking it in his stride, and Lancelot seems less surprised than Arthur thinks he should (definitely something to question, but not right now), but before anyone can say anything, Merlin twitches, a low groan escaping his throat as his brows crease.

Everyone moves quickly, gathering around his bedside in a huddle. Morgana, Mordred, and Gwen are grateful to still be sat in their seats, and if they weren’t so busy worriedly leaning over Merlin they would be rolling their eyes at the way the others were pushing and shoving to be at the front. Gaius elbows his way to be stood by Merlin’s head, a cold compress in one hand and a grey looking potion in the other.

Morgana strokes a hand through Merlin’s hair and the frown on his face eases; he blinks his eyes open, swallowing before grimacing at the taste in his mouth and groaning again. Gwen leans over his head, smiling as she settles a hand on his warm cheek:

“Morning sleepyhead. How are you feeling?”

Merlin just groans again, rubbing his shaking hands harshly into his eyes as he says, his voice dry and painful-sounding:

“Ugh. Like Arthur’s aim got miraculously better.”

Arthur rolls his eyes and flushes slightly, but before he can defend himself Merlin bolts upright, taking in a deep, ragged breath, eyes wide. Mordred focuses a concentrated expression on the side of Merlin’s head, but Arthur ignores it as he reaches forward, settling a hand on the dark-haired man’s shoulder and muttering his name:

“Merlin?”

Merlin’s breathing only gets deeper as he whips his head around to stare at Arthur. The blonde tries to smile comfortingly at him, but Merlin barely seems to notice as he scrambles back on the bed, only stopping when he comes into contact with Leon behind him.

Mordred’s face morphs into a concerned frown at Merlin’s terror, and now his tears, so instead of waiting for the man to calm down enough to let them explain, he rushes forward, grabbing the back of Merlin’s head and forcing their foreheads together before he can pull away. He shuts his eyes tightly, muttering some sort of incantation under his breath. Merlin gasps loudly and Mordred groans, holding their heads together for a few moments before collapsing back into his seat, clamping his hands over his eyes as if trying to press a headache away. Merlin slumps back against the warm body behind him, and Leon just about manages to catch him in strong arms before he falls to the floor.

This had all happened in the space of a few moments, and when the two of them still, the others unfreeze. Arthur turns on Mordred:

“What did you do?? What was that?!”

Mordred groans again, looking up blearily, first at Merlin, who seems to be in a similar state to him, leant against Leon, and then to Arthur:

“He wasn’t calming down, so I shared my memories. From when we met at the edge of the forest yesterday, to just before he woke up. It’ll take him a little longer than me to sort through them.”

Arthur nods and Morgana looks impressed, and everyone looks to Merlin again, waiting for him to pull the hands from his eyes and talk to them, look at them, anything.

He finally seems to relax his muscles and Leon rubs his hands up and down his arms softly; despite the fact that he’d been warmed by the fire, the knight was still oddly worried about Merlin being too cold. He lets out a deep breath, lowering his shaking hands as he slowly raises his teary gaze, staring at Arthur:

“You... you want me to stay?”

Arthur ignores the tears dripping down his cheeks as nods desperately, forcing a soft smile on his face as he sniffles:

“Yes. Please. We don’t want you to go, we don’t hate you.”

Merlin launches himself at Arthur and the only thing stopping The King from falling back from Merlin’s surprising weight is Percival’s hand on his back. Arthur wraps his arms tightly around Merlin’s middles, turning his head to press a kiss to the other man’s temple as he tries to get his tears under control; he completely ignores the others in favour of muttering into Merlin’s hair:

“It’s alright, Merlin. You stay here, with us, as long as you want. We... I, love you. Stay, please.”

Merlin just sobs harder, gripping the back of Arthur’s tunic as he kneels on the bed, his response stuttering and barely understandable:

“But- but I’m-”

Arthur just hushes him, stroking a hand through his hair and giving everyone else in the room pointed looks. They all crowd around Merlin again, placing comforting hands on his back and shoulders and arms and hands. Mordred whispers his adoration in Merlin’s head, and Morgana presses a kiss to the nape of his neck, all in the hopes of convincing him that the memories he had were true.

His breathing finally calms, and Arthur shuffles to the side so he can sit down next to him, not daring to remove the arms from around his neck or push him away. Merlin pulls away himself when Arthur settles, but doesn’t move far, and there’s no space between them as he hastily wipes the tears from his face, staring at him lap, cheeks flushed. Arthur takes his hand slowly in his, but Merlin still doesn’t look up, so Morgana kneels in front of him, placing her hand on his knee softly and saying with a teasing smirk on her face:

“You know, if I’d known that my teacher was The God of Magic, I might’ve complained less at the studying you make me do.”

Merlin finally looks up at her, a weak smile on his face, and Morgana winks at him. It’s Gwaine who tries next, settling on Merlin’s other side and sighing loudly:

“Forget the God thing do you know how many pranks we could’ve pulled if you’d told me you had magic?? Can’t believe you’d take that opportunity from me, all of you.”

He gives Mordred and Morgana jokingly offended glares and they roll their eyes, though their attention is quickly drawn back to Merlin, whose hands are clenching tightly in his lap. The room goes dark all of a sudden, and a glance to the window would tell them that the clear morning was suddenly overcast, thunder rumbling in the distance as rain slammed against the glass. Arthur squeezes Merlin’s hand and quickly, though gently, shoves Morgana out of the way, kneeling in front of Merlin and lifting his chin with his free hand:

“It’s fine, Merlin. We’ve all got a ton of questions but everything’s going to be alright, I swear. In fact, I’m glad we found out, it was cruel of us to make you live in a kingdom where you aren’t accepted, but that changes now, I promise.”

Merlin stands suddenly and walks between them, taking a deep breath before turning suddenly a scowl on his face:

“It wasn’t her choice to make, it was mine, and she took it from me.-”

With every harsh the thunder grew closer and the glass in the window frame shook more violently:

“-I was going to tell you after you changed your mind about magic because it had to come from the heart. You can’t change the Kingdom just for my sake! I wanted to do it properly and she took that from me because she was bored!”

Everyone rushes to say something in an effort to calm him down, both for the safety of the windows and his happiness, but Arthur’s blunt-

“Why?”

-stops them in their tracks. Merlin looks to him sharply, though Arthur is grateful for the thunder quietening down as he replies:

“What do you mean why? Why what?”

Arthur huffs out a gentle laugh, shaking his head in disbelief:

“Why can’t I change the Kingdom for you? You’re important, you’ve touched so many lives in so many wonderous ways; that in itself tells me that magic isn’t evil, so why can’t I change the Kingdom for you?”

The thunder stops and the rain slows to a gentle patter as Merlin tilts his head, his scowl of anger morphing into a sad, confused frown as he responds in a small voice:

“But... I’m just a servant. You’re not doing it out of fear, so I’m still just... nobody important.”

Arthur just laughs again, walking towards Merlin and settling soft hands on his shoulders, grateful to feel the others close to his back:

“You have never once been just a servant, Merlin. Something tells me you’ve been saving my life, and this Kingdom, since the day we met, so even if it had no effect on anyone else whatsoever, I would still change the law. Because you are a good man, and you are important, and you deserve it. Compared to you, it is us, who are just human.-”

Merlin frowns again and Arthur rolls his eyes to stop him arguing:

“-Just... give me another hug, and accept it. You idiot.”

He can feel someone (probably Morgana) thump him on the back, but he doesn’t turn around, eagerly returning Merlin’s hug when the brunette wraps his arms around Arthur’s middle tightly. The King presses closer, uncaring of what his audience thinks of him for the first time in his life (probably because he has a feeling that they’ve known of his... affections, longer than even he has) and mutters his question into Merlin’s ear:

“We... I love you, Merlin, more than anything. Will you stay with me?”

The King is vaguely aware of his First Knight whispering “I told you so, idiot.” behind him, but all he cares about is the sensation of the God, more ancient and powerful than anything he could ever comprehend, nodding into is neck.

THE END!!

I really enjoyed writing this, and I hope y’all like it!!

Link to the Dark!Merlin version (I warn you, it’s hella angsty) is at the top!! :)

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itsthemoofacewriting · 3 years

Text

It’s heaven in your arms

Well, this is just a clusterfuck of emotions. Let me lead you down the path of grief and mourning only for it to end with a bed sharing trope.

I have no idea if there are even people that like the original trio together romantically, but I was really vibing, so hopefully I can convince some of my regular readers to take the plunge.

If any of my ZoNami readers are here, I’m doing the requests you all sent in – I swear!

I’m not sure what to expect from posting this, so I’ll say this once pre-emptively: if this isn’t your cup of tea, you know where the door is, please leave quietly.

Summary: It may have been two years since Ace’s death but, for Luffy, sometimes it still felt like just yesterday. Or, sometimes, something beautiful can blossom from a place of hurt. Rating: T

You can also find this on AO3 and FFN.

Nami awoke, eyes burning from lack of sleep and mouth dry. It was still dark outside, and she grumbled to herself at waking up so early, but it was no use. She wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep until she had a glass of water. She swung her feet off the bed, clumsily trying to find her slippers before getting up. It was warm outside, so she didn’t bother with anything other than her pyjama top and shorts.

As annoying as it was to be awake so early, it was peaceful. It was a quick shuffle across the deck and into the kitchen, where she filled her glass hastily, already thinking about getting back into bed.

That last thing she expected when leaving the kitchen was the sight of Luffy sitting on the railing, facing the ocean with his feet kicking over the edge. Reckless as always it seemed.

“If you fell, no one would be around to save you,” She lectured.

His shoulders hunched; she’d surprised him it seemed, but he didn’t react as she’d expected. There was no carefree laughter or beaming grin as he told her not to be a worry wart. Instead, she received a muffled, “You’re up.”

Without looking at his face she didn’t know how to take that but his whole attitude was off, and it had alarm bells going off in her head. The comfort of her bed a distant memory now as she walked over to the railing to join him and settled her glass of water beside herself.

The words on the tip of her tongue vanished into the night air when she finally caught sight of his face. His eyes were red and puffy, his face pale despite his constant tan and drawn. It was an expression she’d never seen on his face. He looked defeated.

He looked tired.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head, just as she’d expected him too and uttered out a quiet, “No.”

“That’s okay, but I’m going to sit here,” she told him. He could sit in silence if that was what he wanted, but she wouldn’t leave him, that wasn’t an option.

She took his hand in hers because whilst he may not want to speak, he’d always been a tactile person and she couldn’t just sit here and not do anything when there were tears still running down his face.

They sat in silence, only the sound of the waves hitting the ship could be heard with their thighs pressed snuggly against the others and his hand clasped in hers, a thumb absently roaming over the skin of his wrist. His tears had resided for the time being, only the stray one falling every now.

She felt like she was sitting with a deer, trying not to spook it because it felt like any wrong move would have him scampering away.

Well, that was until he pried his hand from hers and she was going to say something until his head feel heavily against her shoulder and an arm wrapped around her body. That was all she needed to let herself relax, no longer worried about scaring him away as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders to pull him closer.

It was another long moment of them sitting like that until he whispered in her shoulder, “It hurts.”

“What hurts?”

He was silent but the tears were back as she felt them soaking into her pyjama top.

“I had a bad dream.”

“Yeah? What about?” She encouraged softly.

“About him.” His voice cracked as he said it and his shoulders shook.

There was only one him she knew of.

“It played in a loop, and I couldn’t do anything.”

Although she was being fed the information in dribs and drabs, it wasn’t hard to piece it together. She waited for him to continue but the long pause told her he wasn’t going to.

She thought about what she’d want in that moment, if their roles were reversed, what she’d want from the other person sat with her, so she settled on, “I only met him briefly, tell me more about him. What was it like growing up with him?”

He was quiet and for a moment she didn’t think he was going to respond, that maybe that wasn’t what he wanted at all.

“He hated me when we were younger,” he said wetly, fighting through tears to talk. “I caused trouble, couldn’t fight and cried a lot. He called me cry baby all the time.”

“He didn’t when we met him in Alabasta though.” She remembered how he’d looked at Luffy, eyes full of adoration and voice warm as he asked the crew to look after Luffy for him.

He huffed out a laugh at her words, such a stark contrast to his normal boisterous laugh.

He told her everything. How Ace had gone from despising him to accepting him as a brother along with his other brother, Sabo, how they’d caused trouble together and had the best times together. How he’d made Luffy’s childhood a happy one.

It made her ache. Because as he talked, selfishly she thought about her own sister. How devasted she’d be to lose her, someone that felt like her other half since before she could remember, knew her better than anyone else, who she could talk to about anything. It was hard to explain a sibling relationship to someone without one, there was a different feeling to, you felt it in your core.

Mostly, she thought about how hollow she’d feel.

It felt like an unspoken rule that siblings were for life. You knew that parents were older and that they’d pass at some point in your life, but not your sibling. It felt like they were meant to be with you for life, that you’d grow old together and have each other’s backs no matter what to the very end.

She supposed that was part of the grief.

Although she didn’t know the ins and outs, even now Luffy was edging around his dream and what’d happened back then, she knew the key details - how Ace had jumped in front of him to save him. How Ace had died before his eyes. Even if she suspected there was more to that moment than what she knew, it was traumatic enough.

Another tangled chain to unwrap from the knotted ball of necklaces that was grief.

Ultimately, she didn’t need to know what the dream was about or what’d happened back then, because the picture she had in her mind was vivid enough and she knew how he felt. Watching someone slip away before your eyes, helpless as you watched them go and wishing you’d done something different.

Her heart bled for him as he spoke, words blurring into his tears, she could feel her own eyes prickling as sadness overflowed.

Hands clumsily wiped at her face and belatedly she realised Luffy had stopped talking. “I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he said.

Without thinking, she wiped his face in return. “It’s okay, I’m glad I get to share this with you.”

She cupped his face and she meant it as a soothing gesture, yet it seemed to have the opposite effect. Watching his face crumple before her eyes was so much worse than how she’d imagined it when his face had been buried in her shoulder. He was so expressive all the time that she shouldn’t really be surprised, his lips quivered and those big eyes scrunched as he tried to hold back his tears.

“I know I still have so much, and I should focus on that…”

“But that doesn’t make that little part feel any better?”

“Yeah.”

“I know. It’s not going to either.” He nodded glumly at her words, staying silent and she suspected it was because he couldn’t form words. “You love him. That’s not going to disappear no matter what happens.”

She continued because she needed to say it, to let him know this was okay before she the moment passed, and he locked this all away to deal with another night. “You’re allowed to mourn him, you’re allowed to feel sad without feeling guilty, but when it overwhelms you, tell one of us, okay?” She paused, thinking over her words, before adding, “And even when it doesn’t overwhelm you and you just want company, come find us.”

“Okay.” He sounded choked up, more so than before.

She brought him back into a firm hug, running her hands up and down his back, letting her words sink in and giving him a chance to speak or cry more if he wanted to.

His next words told her they were done for the time being.

“I don’t want to go back to sleep,” he said.

She didn’t have to ask why. She still woke up sometimes in the middle of the night, tears in her eyes as she relived all different versions of Bell-mère’s death, each worse than the last. She knew that he feared having to relive his worst nightmare over again or catching even a whisp of his brother behind closed eyelids, taunting him over the fact that that would be the only way he’d ever be able to see him again.

“I don’t either,” she lied smoothly, “We could raid the fridge-” Sanji would understand- “or I could show you a new card trick or we could go draw on Zoro’s face. He’s probably up in the crow’s nest and he sleeps like a log.”

Luffy grinned, it didn’t reach his eyes like it normally did but that was okay, it was an improvement on the solemn expression from before. “Usopp just bought new markers!”

They both turned at the sound of heavy footsteps and the very person they’d been planning to mess with was stood only a few steps away.

“Why do you two look guilty?” He looked suspiciously at them both.

Neither of them answered, but she saw the moment Zoro noticed Luffy’s face and took in his red, puffy eyes and worn expression. His demeanour changed instantly, he looked serious, and he didn’t say anything more as he joined them on the railing, pressing up to Luffy’s vacant side and taking his other free hand into his- he could probably feel that it was wet from Luffy’s tears.

The ocean lapped silently against the ship and whatever plans her and Luffy had made seemed to be put on hold as he stayed sat on the railing, but that was fine with her, she was happy to sit there with him in silent support.

“It should’ve been me,” Luffy finally spoke, voice sure but only a whisper.

Those were heavy words, she imagined how often that thought circled around in his head and how hard it must have been to finally say it out loud.

“That’s stupid,” Zoro said.

“Zoro,” she hissed. For his blunt words and because Luffy looked on the verge of tears, it made her heart crumble all over again.

“Ace loved you a lot and he didn’t do it for you to think that; he wouldn’t want that. It was his choice and he made it and he’d do it a hundred times over.”

He made a good point, she knew that, but a tough love speech felt too soon.

“Zoro’s not stupid all the time,” Luffy defended weakly, smile wobbly.

Maybe not.

“Oi.”

Nami shook her head, smiling slightly at their antics. “Unfortunately, I have to agree with you. Shall we agree it’s a 10% smart and 90% stupid?”

Zoro tried to look miffed, although it was betrayed by the smirk tugging at his lips. He knew what she was doing, trying to lighten Luffy’s spirits, so he let it slide.

“Well, we can’t draw on Zoro’s face now-” Zoro glowered at her- “but if you want an extra challenge, we could get Usopp or Sanji.” They were light sleepers; she knew he’d be up for the challenge.

Luffy smiled, nodding tiredly and stifled a yawn that had her and Zoro sharing a quick look between them.

“You can sleep with me if you want,” Zoro offered nonchalantly and Luffy perked up at that.

She should leave them to get on with it. They’d made their arrangements already and in the back of her mind, she knew she should, but Luffy’d told her so much, it felt callous to just palm him off. And maybe, somewhere deep down she didn’t like the thought of being left out. Maybe.

The words were out before she’d properly thought them through.

“You can both sleep in my bed.”

“Like a sleepover!” Luffy said and his eyes brightened, a shimmer of what normally resided there returning.

“It’s a one-time offer and no one tells Sanji!” Nami warned even though Luffy looked considerably lighter and Zoro was smirking at her. She didn’t doubt Zoro would store that away to use against Sanji later, but she’d deal with that then. And if he decided to blab, she’d then have the perfect opportunity to charge him, and he wouldn’t be able to say a thing.

The walk to her room was quiet, only the sounds of their shoes thumping against the deck with every step, getting louder and louder as they got closer to her room. She wondered if she’d regret this. What if she’d made it awkward? She should’ve just let Zoro and Luffy bunk together.

Opening the door felt heavy, like something awful would be waiting for her on the other side. Instead, there was just a dark, muted room to greet her and the awkwardness she felt doubled to the point she wondered if the other two felt it too. She wasn’t sure if she was thankful or not that Robin was still asleep, facing away from them.

All those thoughts were put to rest as Zoro and Luffy moved past her, seemingly more than comfortable with this arrangement than her. Zoro shucked off his boots and settled against the far side of the bed so his back faced the wall and Luffy kicked off his flip flops, his hat already sat safely on her bedside unit.

“Absolutely not,” Nami whispered fiercely, hands on hips and they both peered up at her quizzically. “I’m not sleeping on the edge only to wake up on the floor. Zoro, swap.”

“What, so I can wake up on the floor instead?”

“You can sleep anywhere!”

Luffy had snickered at their bickering, watching them go back and forth until he seemingly grew bored of that and stretched his arm out to wrap around her waist. As his arm snapped back, he dragged her with it, she collided with the both of them in her bed. Like a true rubber man, Luffy looked unbothered although she was fairly sure she’d kicked him, but Zoro wheezed behind her as she’d winded him with her elbow.

“That hurt!” Nami moaned.

“Think before you do that!” Zoro grouchily whispered.

“There we go, now we’re all cosy.” He ignored them both, nestling down into the bed as his arm reached across Nami to rest over onto Zoro.

“Luffy!” She squawked, rosy faced. “Move over! You have all that space!”

This was not what she’d had in mind when she’d invited them… into her bed. Although she didn’t have a massive bed, she’d thought they’d at least try to keep their distance, she hadn’t expected this. Luffy was so close she could feel his breath on her face and his hair brushed against her forehead, no doubt mingling in with her own strands. She could feel Zoro spooned behind her, his own arm outstretched across them both and she was only now just considering how appropriate her pyjama shorts were. Which was ridiculous, it was only those two.

All of this didn’t feel right, they were there for Luffy, he should be the one in the middle not her. He should be the one squashed between them, safe and warm and feeling supported, not her. Yet one look at his face put all of that to rest. You could still tell he’d been crying; the puffiness would take a few hours to go down, but he looked relaxed, the tormented and weight in his expression gone.

He looked content.

And that was enough right now for her brain to shut off, thoughts pushed to the back for another day, and have her burying into the warmth from the two bodies next to her with the knowledge that everything would be okay for now.

----------------------------------

This was meant to be a one-shot, but it’s now a two parter at no one’s request. I’m writing/editing the second chapter right now; it’s on its way.

I used to ship LuNami hard when I was younger, but I think I’ve lost my ability to write them romantically nowadays… unless you throw in Zoro and then it’s back on apparently.

I write and edit all my pieces by myself, so if there’s any errors, please excuse them.

Thanks for reading.

#zoluna #Luffy/Zoro/Nami #LuffyxZoroxNami #LuNami #ZoNami #zolu #opwriting #opfanfic #One Piece #Luffy #Zoro #Nami

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princeanxious · 4 years

Note

Why would you hide the Villain remus and Janus thing in the tags, I'd read the hell outta Hero Virgil turned Villain

you mean this??? shdbic aaa Yeah I want to write it, but i also want to write a lot of things. xD but this is def one of those things i’d love to write a short-ish one-shot about just so I can write it.

can you imagine? Virgil, young and anxious, manifesting powers of the light and dark variety, able to manipulate shadows and summon electricity with such fine precision because he’s spent so long fretting over accidentally hurting someone with it that he refused to even dare try and step into the hero scene until he was 150% certain that he’d trained his powers to disconnect from his emotions so that he’d never have an outburst that could even harmlessly shock or scare someone. He’s so in control over his powers that its to an insane degree just because he wants to make sure he cant hurt anybody on accident.

(complete ramble continued under the cut bc boy howdy this got so long it might as well be its own short one-shot)

And, he’s worked so in depth with his powers because of course he can’t just suppress them!(Suppressing electricity based powers doesn’t get rid of that energy, it just makes that constantly generating energy stay put and build, which makes it even more dangerous when it’s finally released, so suppression is a no go) So of course not only does he work extensively with learning how to control his powers, but also how to healthily use them and expend his energy safely, effectively, and skillfully as he grows into them. Might as well push your limits of learning just how much your power can do if you have to learn how to exist safely around others by controlling it, right?

So, by default, by the time Virgil is both old enough and confident enough in his powers to consentingly apply for registry to the worlds heroes association, he’s both insanely skilled with his powers, and also insanely talented(the equivalent to a child prodigy, not that many people in charge of the worlds hero association believe that, though.). The people who had been interviewing him believed the same, thinking him to be just another super teenager boasting about his skills when they couldn’t even sense his power, thinking that what little power Virgil did have was not even worth bothering to report anything substantial about the interview. That he’d oughta go try the villain’s headquarters, because at least they take in wandering powerless for henchmen all the time.

Virgil, feeling pissed but not quite enraged yet, because what teenager wouldn’t hate it to be so invalidated and demeaned at being out right dismissed as a threat, let alone considered more of an invalid for not having powers, starts to display his power.

First it’s the main interviewer’s phone that they’d been glancing boredly at, drained suddenly of all power. Then it’s the landline of that specific room, then it’s the lamp, the computer suddenly shuts off with zero warning and nothing of it turns on. The lamp in the corner of the room goes dark, bulb by bulb, and the printer in the room dies. Virgil’s eyes are glowing violet but he hasn’t moved any more than the annoyed twitch of an eyelid. the light’s overhead turn off, leaving the lights in the hallway still on, leaving the remaining light in the room coming from the single window in the room and the open doorway.

He reaches up a hand, and snaps once, and shadows swallow up the light over the hallway and the window, acting as a wall from the inside and out.

Now the only light in the room is his glowing eyes.

The second interviewer is struggling to summon fire from her hands to light the room, but it doesn’t work. The energy she’s using to summon the fire is immediately sapped by Virgil’s force, there isn’t even a spark. The first interviewer can feel Virgil’s power now, it’s bright and burning. It’s like he has a core in the middle of his being like a sun’s core because its storing so much power, and the only reason they can see it now is because Virgil’s using his power. He has so much control that even on a nonphysical level it’s nearly tangible, the way that they can see his shadow powers conceal even the existence of his power, now that they know what their looking at.

In mere seconds, this kid has tipped the world on their head and put the fear of god into them, an undetected yet undeniable threat in the making.

They watch his eyes tilt with his head, and the distinct sound of the entire building powering down is unmistakable, shouts of surprise and confusion due to the failure of the buildings many fail-safes failing to trigger. And then, with another snap, all power is restored to normal in the blink of the eye, all machines and lights are functioning perfectly, not an irregular shadow in sight, and all at once Virgil reads as a normal human teenager, not a whiff of power to be sensed. He looks pretty peeved, though.

“Maybe I will try my luck at the Dark Side then, at least they care about the people that look to be taken in. Let me know if you changed your mind, I’d love to have a do-over. With a different set of interviewers, mind you.” before he walks out of the interview room, off to blow off some steam legally and safely.

Imagine his outrage when a week later he’s served a summons to court, deeming him a “Threat to Society” and “better left in jail until the court can be convinced of his good nature” because he’s an “out of control juvenile gifted with an unprecedented amount of power that he couldn’t possibly control without strict legal supervision and interference and cannot be trusted to continue to exist as a normal citizen until the W.H.A deems it safe.”

Faced with possible lifelong inprisonment and zero control over the rest of his life because an association of supers think that they know better and that he’s some stupid teenager that was set loose on the world with means to only cause catastrophe and devastation, or freedom at the hands of some ambiguously grey moral decisions every once in a while and being treated as a normal human being even if he has to be a henchman to another super for a while?

The decision isn’t a hard one to make.

So imagine his surprise when he’s not only accepted into the Dark Side after being respectfully asked to demonstrate the full extent of his power and his control over it, but instead of becoming a villain’s henchmen, he instead gains the full title of Villain(with another Villain(Janus) stepping in to mentor him and show him the ropes of the rules and everything), and even further: Gets his own henchmen assigned to him.

A pair, Patton and Logan.

Patton has a partial shapeshifting ability, but it only really lets him turn into a big frog man, making him perfect for doing any of the main heavy lifting for the team, and also perfect for protecting Logan when under attack. He’s built like a himbo and is absolutely 100% a himbo, heart of gold, super strong, buff dad bod, the whole sha-bang.

Logan has a power that is one part linked with memory, one part linked with technology. His brain can retain information like a computer databank, and he can get any misfunctioning technology to work if he can get his hands on it or a connection to it. He avoids all the quirks that interfere or damage real databanks and technology(like magnets, water, and short-circuiting) and can semi-directly connect with devices he is familiar with, without having to hold/touch/look at one.

All together, they have the beginnings of a well rounded team: the brawns, the brains, and the leader with plans and the power to make it happen. Even before finding out their reasons for coming to the dark side, Virgil becomes ride or die for them. (And honestly, they’re also pretty ride or die for him too, not even starting with the fact that they’re both like 26-27 and Virgil is an 18 year old anxious mess that had to make the decision over being the bad guy or losing any and all autonomy for the foreseeable future, which is gonna fuck up any kid and young adult’s brain. So, lowkey adopt him as a younger sibling even though he’s the boss of them and just barely taller than them.(Virgil is a tol lanky boi, and while Logan, standing at 5′9″, is but an inch shorter than Virgil at the start, Virgil still has growing room and peaks at about 6′4″ by the time hes 22. Patton at his normal height is like 5′6″, but frog man height is like 8′3″)

Oh, and they definitely make the Worlds Hero Association regret not taking Virgil’s existence kindly, Big Time.

#sanders sides #virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #luka writes #luka write this #janus sanders #supervillain vee au #ask to tag

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franniebanana · 3 years

Text

CQL Rewatch - Ep 19

Wow, Wei Wuxian looks so rough here. He’s spent some time under the knife (with no anesthetic), and then after that, he has just been waiting around for Jiang Cheng. It’s been seven days since Jiang Cheng went up that mountain. And of course Wei Wuxian is worried about him. What if something happened on his way down the mountain? What if he’d been captured or killed by the Wens? All the while, he’s basically defenseless here in Yiling (iirc). He’s sweating profusely, clutching at his middle—it’s possible he’s even suffering from an infection due to the transfer surgery. Seriously, the poor guy!

I love the visuals here: all these cloaked figures just filling this tea house, and not another soul in there other than the waiters. It’s both comical and heartbreaking the way that Wei Wuxian tries to immediately nope out of there, because he knows it’s a trap right away. Even with his Golden Core, I don’t know if he could have escaped them all—there were too many Wens, including the Core-Melting Hand. This part always really gets to me, because it truly is the first death of Wei Wuxian. It’s the death of who he once was: that smart, quirky, rascal of a youth, who made a very honest oath that essentially guided him to this point.

No joke, the first time I watched this, I was like, “Is that Lotus Pier? How tf did he get there?! How much did they change the story?!” And then a few seconds later, I realized this was a super sad dream/vision that Jiang Cheng was having and I channeled all my anger into sadness. This part is also super depressing. He has this vision of this happy family: his mother laughing, his father kissing his hand, just the picture of love. But it’s so far from what he had growing up, and you just realize that his greatest desire was really to have that happy family. But his parents are dead, he’s lost just about everyone at Lotus Pier—it’s so heartbreaking.

God, he just looks so broken! I’m sad now.

So even though I know the cost of Jiang Cheng’s happiness is Wei Wuxian giving up his own Golden Core, I still feel so happy here, seeing Jiang Cheng feeling like himself again. It’s because Wei Wuxian knows Jiang Cheng’s heart truly that he could offer up his own future so that Jiang Cheng could have a better one. I also just love this shot of Jiang Cheng kowtowing to the Immortal One, thanking her for healing him, and the camera pans past him, showcasing the beautiful scenery again. And then he walks down the mountain path with such a spring in his step! I love it!

I love that Wei Wuxian is still able to use his mind and play to their weaknesses. Wang Lingjao is extremely superstitious and fearful of the supernatural, and just the idea that he could haunt them scares the shit out of her. It’s just very cool to me that with all the abuse he endures, he still maintains a clear head and is able to fight back with his wit. This is yet another reason why I get annoyed when I see Wei Wuxian characterized as an idiot or someone who isn’t very smart. He proves his wit in just about every scene, so I don’t know why he gets this reputation in fanon. I feel like it’s derived from some overused yaoi/shojo trope where the “girl” has to be less smart than the “guy.” I don’t know how many things I’ve watched and read with a scatterbrained (but not charming) female lead—it’s overused.

This is so cool, because Wei Wuxian is scared out of his mind—he’s terrified of being left to die in the Burial Mounds. He’s heard all the stories: people don’t return, their souls get torn apart, etc. But what is cool is that he turns everything around and makes this place his source of power. He’s the man who conquered the Burial Mounds. It’s very satisfying to see that. FYI, I’m not going to talk about how he falls for like 20 minutes.

But I do think it’s really cool how the dark spirits catch him (and that’s all I’ll say).

This part still gives me major chills: you hear so many people calling out Wei Wuxian’s name, and then a “Wei Ying” breaks through. My breath always catches in my throat the first time I hear it. And then you hear it again, and the other voices have faded away before you hear it a third time. And that all feels nice until the screaming starts, which is hard to listen to, let alone hard to watch Wei Wuxian go through the mental turmoil.

Lan Wangji is back, bitches! He’s got a new title, a new headdress, and he’s hotter than ever. Jokes aside, though, this entrance is beyond epic. Other than that tiny glimpse of him in the last episode, it’s been ages since we’ve seen him, and it’s so satisfying that we get this great entrance, walking up this enormous staircase. Obviously by this point, I’m ecstatic to see him (it’s been way too long). Everything about this scene is great, from his entrance, to the way he uses his guqin as a spiritual tool, to the way he and Jiang Cheng are now a team. I don’t think there’s an awful lot of comradery there, but they have a common goal: find Wei Wuxian.

So we’re not really used to seeing a ton of emotion from Lan Wangji. Even when he’s annoyed, he doesn’t tend to show it. But, man, he is pissed here. Because of the magic of fiction, he’s probably heard the Wens’ conversation as he was walking up the stairs, so he heard them mocking Wei Wuxian (and the Yunmeng Jiang Sect), and he is not happy about it. He even uses the Chord Assassination Technique right off the bat against at least two of the Wen soldiers. Lan Wangji means business, and he’s not leaving until he gets what he wants.

The other great thing is that he doesn’t even need to come up all the way. He defeats them at a distance, while he’s still on the stairs. And the power and respect he commands is so great that they all know him by his face.

What Wen Chao does here is so relatable. His girlfriend is freaking out, having nightmares, convinced Wei Wuxian is going to turn into a ferocious ghost and haunt them until they lose their minds, and he, of course, rationalizes: they’ve sent so many people to the Burial Mounds and none of them have ever come back. In other words, “You’re being ridiculous.” But when he turns away from her, you can see the fear in his own eyes. When something spooky happens, my first step is always to rationalize—there’s a logical explanation for most things, right? And it always makes you feel better to rationalize it to someone else, but when you’re alone and thinking, your mind starts to wonder, your imagination starts to go wild. It’s easy to psyche yourself up in the dark and quiet of the night.

There’s this really gorgeous cello version of “Wuji” playing during this scene—it’s so beautiful, so moving, hitting me right in the feels. The look on Lan Wangji’s face when Jiang Cheng is telling him about how he and Wei Wuxian were supposed to meet in Yiling, how he thought Wei Wuxian had abandoned him to meet up with Lan Wangji in Lanling—he looks so defeated there. Defeated despite taking down the Qishan Indoctrination Bureau. Defeated because he hasn’t found who he’s been searching for. And then he holds Suibian so tenderly and lovingly—I’m emotional, okay?

It’s really cute and heartwarming to see Jin Zixuan starting to fall for Jiang Yanli. We’ve known for quite some time how Yanli feels for him, so it’s quite satisfying to see his walls come down as he starts to care more and more about her. He becomes protective of her. When she gasps at the hanging head at the gates of Qinghe, his instinct is to hold her—of course, he stops himself, but it’s very obvious that he wants to comfort her physically (and not in a dirty way, get your minds out of the gutter).

I love the dichotomy here: on one end, you have Jin Zixuan asking Lan Wangji where Wei Wuxian is, while you have Jiang Yanli echoing that on the other end with Jiang Cheng. Jiang Cheng can’t answer—he’s crying, trembling, emotionally responding to his sister without speaking. And Lan Wangji can’t speak either. His lips part, but no words come out. Again, you get this great sense of defeat from him—he’s completely at a loss, but he can’t or chooses not to show those emotions.

It’s also interesting how they kind of clipped the reunion between the Yunmeng Jiang siblings in favor of showing the conversation between Jin Zixuan and Lan Wangji. In my opinion, it’s to remind us of the reunion that isn’t happening right now—the one that should have been—the one between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian. And why isn’t it happening? The conversation reminds us that he’s still missing. I don’t doubt the importance of the Yunmeng Jiang siblings in this story—they are obviously instrumental to the plot and to Wei Wuxian—but it’s choices like this where the writers/scene directors remind us that the relationship to focus on is the one between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji, and not Jiang Cheng, holds onto Suibian, the only remaining item that is most spiritually connected to Wei Wuxian. Isn’t that interesting?

“A-Cheng, you’ve grown up. As your sister, there’s nothing I can do but worry about you.” Such a wise line—such a sad line. This really brings out how powerless she feels in the lives of her brothers. She’s a bystander, she has no influence. All she can do is watch and worry, and nothing either of them says or does will change that. It’s something we as parents and caretakers and guardians at some point have to admit: we can’t control our children’s lives, we can’t control those we take care of. Once they reach a point in their lives, it’s them who has to make their own decisions. They must thrive on their own, they must fail on their own. And all we can do is watch and worry and hope for the best. God, Yanli breaks my heart.

Me in bed when I watch a scary movie any time of the day.

She does crazy so well, though.

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |

#cql #the untamed #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #jiang cheng #jiang yanli #jin zixuan #wen chao #wang lingjiao #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #cql rewatch #ep19

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futurewriter2000 · 4 years

Text

Heartless - pt. 8

A/N: This is turning out so good.

“Finally.” you breathed out, closing the door behind you as you threw your heels off your feet and felt the softness of the rug beneath you.

You were leaning on the door, quietly, just trying to wrap your head around Sirius, around Marcus, around your family, around your back that continued to scorch your whole spine after the fall. It was killing you- you barely even walked in your heels when you were with Marcus but now it was over. This night can finally be over.

“I’m home!” you shouted at the living room but it was empty... empty and quiet. “Hello?” you walked into the kitchen, looked through the window on the balcony and left upstairs. You checked your parent’s bedroom but nobody was there. “Where is everybody?” you asked yourself and left to James’ room, knocking on the door and opening it slightly. “James?”

You stopped when you saw him sitting next to Sirius, who was holding an ice pack on his eye, getting more blue and purple by the minute.

“What the hell?” you asked, taking a few more steps in.

Sirius looked at you with an empty look in his eyes; guilty? Remorseful? Sorry?

James was glaring at you, only you with resentment, with hate, with rage and with anything that would make him explode at you... and that made you scared.

It didn’t take you to put two and two together.

“You told him?” you looked at Sirius with disbelief, feeling shame and anger mix together in you.

“Of course, he told me!” James exploded, storming his way to you and stopping an inch away. “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!!”

“WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?! HE KISSED ME!!”

“YOU’RE SMARTER THAN THAT! YOU KNEW THAT IF DAD AND MUM FOUND OUT THEY WOULD KICK HIM OUT!”

“THEY WOULDN’T FIND OUT! YOU WOULDN’T LET IT! I WOULDN’T!”

“THEY COULD! HE CAME UP TO ME WITH BLOODY HANDS! BLOODY KNUCKLES! WHAT DO THEY THINK IT WAS?! Oh, sure. Sirius just punched a bloody tree because you broke his heart-”

“Hey-” Sirius stood up but James turned sharply to him and pointed his finger at him.

“You shut up, you bloody traitor! She’s my sister! MY SISTER! MY TWIN SISTER and YOU couldn’t keep it in your pants!”

“It was not like that!” Sirius shouted back, whether that as from anger or guilt.

“You both fucking betrayed me-”

“Fuck you, James! If anyone here betrayed me, it was you!” you pushed your finger at him, once, twice, maybe a few more. “Constantly over the years! So what if I snogged your best friend!? What are you gonna do? Punch me too? Give me a blue eye?”

“I wish I could but you know I would never!”

“Can’t share your best friend, James? Huh? It’s not like I had to share you and my whole family and friends with him because of you?!”

“And I had to share my whole bloody life with you! I just wanted something mine! My life is mine! My best friend is mine! Sirius is mine and not your friend! I had to share Marcus and Nina and all of our childhood friends with you! I had to share my room, my toys, my food, everywhere we went as kids, you had to be there! It was annoying! When I met Sirius! He was mine! Remus and Peter are my friends! They are in my life and you don’t get to have that, (y/n)! I want at least a little bit of life that is mine and not ours! Is that so much to ask without you having to be jealous of it!”

“JEALOUS!?!” you scoffed. “Do you know how selfish you sound, right now?! They weren’t your friends, Marcus and Nina and the others! They were our friends! We met them together! We were friends together! And I’m sorry that I was sorted in your house! I’m sorry I was born one bloody second after you! I am sorry that all my bloody life I HAD TO SHARE MY LIFE WITH YOU TOO BUT THE DIFFERENCE IS JAMES THAT I LOVED SHARING MY LIFE WITH YOU!” your voice started to get raspy and loud by every word you spoke, tears filling your eyes. “You’re my fucking brother, James! Siblings are supposed to be there for each other but you left the moment you met that asshole and you pretended like I didn’t even exist- and the moment- THE MOMENT I MET LILY YOU HAD TO TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME! SO DON’T TELL ME YOU WANTED A LITTLE BIT OF LIFE THAT’S YOURS WHEN YOU TOOK MINE!” tears started to pour from your eyes as sobs escaped your mouth. You turned around because you didn’t want to face him after saying that, not when you looked such a mess and Merlin! The pain was so high in your lower back that you wanted to lay down but how could you lay down after such a heated argument.

“No. You don’t get to cry because of that. You risked Sirius with that- now I get Sirius to do this but you? You, (y/n)? I thought you were smarter than that.”

“I am smarter, you fucking twat.” you turned around, glaring at him. “I took care of your drunk arse when you came home last night! I cover for you, every single time meanwhile you don’t give me a single think in return. Because let’s be honest here, James. If it wasn’t Sirius, you’d snitch on me the moment mom and dad would come home!”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“Yes, you would!” you pointed your finger at him. “That’s why I don’t tell you stuff. That’s why I don’t trust you at all. That’s why none of you knew about me! I was like a ghost here! I was depressed for a year! A year of dark thoughts! A year of just wanting to end my life- you all didn’t even care to see! I slept throughout the day and you called me lazy! I ate too much and you all started insulting my weight. I didn’t eat at all and you didn’t even see. I cried every bloody night for a year because I hated my life and YOU WEREN’T THERE! YOU WEREN’T THERE JAMES BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO SELFISH BEING YOU!” you shouted again. “You didn’t help me when I needed you. When I asked you to help me with my grades that were dropping, you blew me off. When I asked you to help me- you didn’t even listen. You didn’t even give me the chance and then I stopped asking you! But Marcus was there-” you now looked at Sirius, glaring at him. “That summer Marcus noticed! He was the only one who noticed and to me he wasn’t just some guy! He was the person who saved me from myself! And he wasn’t some guy! He put an effort into writing me every week to check up on me and he made me happy-” you looked back at James, who was watching you with a questionable look.

“You weren’t depressed. I would notice.”

“Well, you didn’t. Just like you never do.” you let out a laugh. “You know, it was funny to me when Sirius fucking noticed that I was taking more pills than I should. He even noticed that I was getting to my bad habits of taking pills to numb not only my back pains but to sleep through the days because I didn’t want to live them- and then Marcus finally came to England and I was happy. I was so happy because he just knew and he took care of me when nobody else could.”

“You’re not a kid, (y/n)...” he tried to find more excuses but it all came out weaker and quieter.

“I was a kid.” you said, putting your hand into your purse and pulling out a pack of pills, throwing them at James and letting them spill on the floor. “I was a kid who ate those to fall asleep faster and harder but you didn’t notice. You didn’t know. Nobody knew. Nobody knew what was going on with me. You knew about Sirius though. You knew what was bugging him and Remus and Peter and half of the Quidditch team but you never bothered to to check on me.”

“You looked well! I never worried about you because I know you’re strong!”

“WELL, I WASN’T JAMES! Some days I just wasn’t strong! Some days I just wanted to die!

“Then why didn’t you tell me!”

“BECAUSE YOU AVOIDED ME! For your life that I was “stealing” away from you! The one that we had to share!”

“That isn’t fair.”

“No. It really isn’t, James. I listened to you whine all the time and I’m sick of it.” you felt another stabbing pain in your lower back, up your spine and to your head until you felt your head spin. “FUCK!” you let out a groan, holding to your hips.

“What’s wrong?” Sirius and James both tried to walk to you but you managed to keep yourself up and sober.

“Nothing.” you hissed at them. “Leave me alone- I’m going to Nina’s for tonight.” you said and left the room. You made your way to the bathroom, grabbed two of your dad’s painkillers and threw them into your mouth.

With that taken, you took a few more just in case and made your way out of the house.

You weren’t sad anymore. You weren’t angry either. You were just a storm of so many emotions in one small body. You forgot your jacket, you were in crocks with no socks and no purse- you were just storming away into the unknown. Not to Nina’s because Nina was in Cuba with her family, but you couldn’t go to Marcus either because of tonight, so instead you just walked with extreme back pain and cold wind on blowing against you.

“Hey, there pretty lady!” you heard someone behind you but you only started to walk faster.

Great. One more thing you needed was catcallers and men out on the pull.

“Oh, where are you going so angry so fast.” he ran to you but you sneaked away from him.

“Leave me alone.” you grumbled, your lips trembling from the cold.

“Ah- come on.” one pulled you by the arm, meanwhile his friend appeared next to him. But as he did pull you, you only slapped his cheek, hard.

“I said leave me alone, you freaks!” you shouted, shoving him away and trying to wriggle your wrist out of his hold.

“Oh, she’s a feisty one, John.” his friend smiled behind him.

“We like them feisty, don’t we Will?” the other, John, said pulling you closer to him, where you could smell his reeking breath.

“If you don’t let me go now, you will regret it.” you seethed, taking a hold of your wand and gripping it tight around its core.

The two men laughed hard and you could feel the man’s grip tighten around you but when you did, you immediately pulled out your wand and stupefied him- both of them until they were passed out on the ground.

Blowing out a strand of your hair that fell, you walked towards them and looked down on their pathetic passed out faces. “Only weak men pray on women.” you kicked one of them with your crock and made your way to where you were going.

By now, you already knew where to go. You would just make a round down the field until you would come back to the nets your dad hung a few days ago. You’d maybe sleep there for the night- not sleep. Just be there and think in peace, without anybody knowing or disturbing you. It would be just you and the sky and the tree. Maybe a few mosquitos to give you company.

Your back sent you another jolt of pain, up your spine to your head. You had to stop at the edge of the woods, holding yourself against the tree trunk. You grabbed the bottle of pills and tried to pull it out but jolt after jolt it kept entering your head, making the night go darker and blurrier. The next thing you knew, your hand slipped from the trunk and you were on the ground, falling, tumbling amongst the trees and the branches. One scratched your face, thorns dug deep into your stomach. You tried to stop but everything hurt and you couldn’t stop tumbling down. Lights, stars, trees and the last thing you saw was the tree trunk you were approaching with extreme force.

“No, no, no, no, no.” you dug your nails into the dirt, trying to stop yourself from colliding, pulling out the grass by its roots but it didn’t help because the next thing you knew was a strog force to your chest and then... it was dark.

#sirius black #sirius black imagine #sirius black imagines #sirius black x reader #james potter #james potter imagines #james potter imagine #marauders #marauders imagine #marauders imagines #marauders x reader #marauders era

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asphyxiateher · 3 years

Text

Only Monsters Come Out at Night *Chapter Update*

Chapter 7: The Devil Within Summary: Desdemona has been neglecting her health ever since she murdered her best friend but when the three women she's been bonded to come for a visit, she finds out all sorts of vital information that strengthens the bond she shares with them. Bela has a plan that may or may not piss off her mother but she swears it's for the good of their family. A/N: Thank you all so much for your patience and overwhelming support! I originally intended to end this book with this chapter but with all the comments I've been receiving, I've enjoyed fleshing out my characters even more and adding more to the story than I intended and I love how its turning out so much! I should have more time to work on this story next week since I requested some much needed time off from work. Anyway, please enjoy and thank you all again!

Desdemona doesn’t know how long it’s been since the incident with Veronica occurred. Ever since it happened, she had been plagued with guilt that eats away at the core of her soul and it seemed impossible to want to do or think about anything else. All she wanted to do these days was linger in the shadows and let the darkness consume her. Her mind is slipping away into nothing, her body slowly deteriorating because she refused to eat, and all she had left was the promise of death as she barely held onto life by a breath. Veronica’s lifeless eyes still haunted Desdemona every time she tried to close her eyes and it made her feel sick to her stomach all over again when she replayed the events of that fateful night. She tossed and turned as the images of Bela, Cassandra, and Daniela feasting upon her best friend’s corpse played in her mind, praising her for the kill as they did so, and the guilt churned within her even more. She wanted to be punished for killing her best friend, she deserved to die and so she lay in the room Alcina transferred her to and decided to rot alone where nobody could see her. Lady Dimitrescu’s daughters assumed that a change of environment would alter Desdemona’s self-destructive behavior, so they moved her to the room next to Bela’s since it was spacious enough to enjoy her other hobbies. Alcina and her daughters soon realized that their human plaything still refused to take care of herself properly and Alcina warned her daughters that if they did not do anything about it soon, Mother Miranda would have another vessel for her ungodly experimentations. This would explain the frequent visitation from all three girls, but today’s visit somehow felt different to Desdemona when she felt their presence outside of her door.

Desdemona sighs when she hears the familiar knocking on the door, a surprise to her at first since Alcina’s daughters didn’t embody politeness. The door swings open and Bela is the first face she sees as always, her sisters following her the moment she steps in and drops off a tray of food. Daniela used to tease her about the untouched trays of food they would walk into but now it was a little worrying. The last thing any of them wanted to do was to put down their favorite human plaything. Cassandra’s eyes linger on the untouched trays of food building up in the corner and rolls her eyes but refused to make a comment in case she offended her pet.

“Tsk, tsk, Desdemona, what shall we ever do with you? We are attempting to accommodate your needs yet you spit in our faces when we demonstrate kindness. That’s quite unfair.” Bela says with a frown as she gives Desdemona a once over, her brows furrowing when she realized the human’s condition was starting to worsen a little.

Desdemona exhales and closes her eyes for a moment before she slowly turns to face all three women. She wants to be furious. She wants to scream at them, throw something in their faces and make them feel small and insignificant but nothing can drown out the sorrow that has swallowed her whole. She opens her mouth to speak but the extreme thirst she feels burning in the back of her throat causes her voice to crack and it seemed nearly impossible to form words because of it.

Cassandra notices how dry her lips are, so she picks up the goblet of water from the tray and walks over to Desdemona’s prone form on the floor. She had been annoyed with the mild inconveniences her pet’s behavior had created but now she was legitimately concerned for her well-being, a concept that had seemed foreign to her. Cassandra loved and cared for her sisters but to care for mortals and the other people Alcina preferred the company of outside of family was beyond her. Still, she felt the need to show Desdemona tough love because she cared.

She kneels on the floor beside the smaller girl and roughly yanks her by the collar so she could force the human to sit upright. Desdemona doesn’t fight it, but she isn’t happy about being touched when she just wants to lay in this room to die. She wonders why they don’t just move on to the next best thing when she is just a passing interest anyway. Her mind is quieted when Cassandra tilts her head and gently compels Desdemona to sip the water continuously. “This is an improvement, Desdemona. As much as I would personally enjoy forcing this water down your gullet, you are in a fragile state and I would hate to break you, pretty thing. Why do you humans neglect self-care so much? I will never understand how you mortals function like this.” Cassandra tells the smaller girl, an arm now wrapping around her waist possessively as she pulls her tighter against her chest. Bela looks mildly annoyed by the action but doesn’t say anything.

“You will never understand, I’m sorry to say. If you’ve never experienced grief so great that it feels like a tidal wave of pure misery coming down on you, and you suddenly feel yourself being pulled to the bottomless depths of despair that it becomes difficult for you to try and come up for air, so rather than fight the inevitable you let yourself sink because it’s easier to accept your fate, then you will never fully comprehend what I’m going through.” Desdemona replies quietly, taking a few moments in between sips to speak.

Daniela eyes her curiously after she says this and then her eyes flick over to her eldest sister, who seems to have pulled out Desdemona’s phone before she decides to kneel beside Desdemona as well. The rambunctious sibling didn’t want to feel left out so she decides to sit herself on the floor next to her pet, her head resting on Desdemona’s shoulder as one of her hands gripped the younger girl’s thigh. Desdemona was too weak to fight her off but the dark whispers in her mind were soothing her, reminding her that Daniela’s touch was supposed to be comforting. It didn’t matter how depressed she was over the fact that she killed her best friend in order to save Daniela’s life; the bond she shared with all of them made her feel at ease at the same time and this stirred conflicting emotions within her.

“Help us understand you, Desdemona. Why can’t you seem to move on from this moral dilemma of yours?” Bela asked, showing the other girl her phone and on the screen were all the photos she had taken with friends, family, and strangers she had met at bars and work. The one picture Desdemona couldn’t take her eyes off of was the picture she and Veronica had taken when they were in middle school. Veronica had just gotten her braces and Desdemona was going through her awkward Hot Topic phase and once again, tears began to well up at the fond memories she had with the girl she had betrayed and murdered in cold blood. Veronica Joss was the best friend she had ever had in her life and Desdemona killed her. How could she ever move on from that?

“You don’t get it and you never will. V was my ride or die, and I betrayed her to save your sister’s life. I haven’t known any of you for more than three weeks and the girl whose corpse you desecrated was somebody I had known since I was a little girl. We fought with each other, we loved each other, and we made each other stronger through the years. She was there for me when I came out to my parents as a lesbian, which apparently isn’t a big deal over here, but it was huge for me where I come from and where I come from, stupid people protest bakeries that sell gay pride cookies but defend a cake decorator’s decision to deny gay people service just because of who they love! Veronica kicked a girl’s ass for me when she tried to touch me when I wasn’t ready to be touched. I destroyed a guy’s car with spray paint, my keys, and glitter when he cheated on her with someone she thought was her friend. Veronica put her life on hold when I became depressed our senior year of high school and helped me overcome one of the worst phases of my life. I graduated because of her and you know what I did to repay her for her years of friendship and unwavering loyalty? I fucking killed her and for WHAT!?” Desdemona yells out, angry tears now spilling out uncontrollably. She has the urge to shove Daniela off of her because her presence was now overwhelming, her presence a reminder that Veronica was dead and there was nothing she could do to bring her back. She glances over at Daniela and her heart stops at the sight of Alcina’s youngest looking down at her with a sad smile on her face, almost as if she looked…remorseful. She feels their connection vibrate with an emotion she can’t seem to place, and it makes her uncomfortable because she knows she has every right to be enraged but looking into Daniela’s glowing yellow eyes, guilt quickly takes over.

Bela doesn’t look bored but the neutral expression on her face bothered Desdemona a bit. Cassandra had the decency to look away for a moment although she was certain it was because Cassandra still didn’t fathom why she felt so strongly about the way things went down recently.

“You are the first human to ever share their experiences with us, you know. When we first met, you were driving me and my sisters wild with a lust we had never known before. We intended to kill you at some point but when we tasted you and you shared with us gifts that no one had ever given to us before, you unknowingly created a bond I know that you can feel. We feel what you feel and it is foreign to us, and I’m sure you can say the same about what you’re feeling whenever you’re near us. I…would, however, like to know more about you, I find myself completely enthralled by your history. The bond between us is growing stronger and I must confess, I’m enjoying the slow development of our relationship immensely.” Bela admits hesitantly as she points to pictures on the phone that she finds interesting.

Desdemona blinks at the revelation. They were all homicidal maniacs that reveled in the misery of others. They killed people for either fun or sustenance and here they were telling her how fond they were of her! The absolute nerve of them all! She should tell them off, attempt to run away and get maimed by Lady Alcina Dimitrescu or something! She shouldn’t put up with any of this, not after she killed Veronica in favor of Daniela. Why can’t she summon the willpower to do the things she wanted to do instead of listening to the stupid dark whispers that have completely numbed out whatever rational thoughts she had left?

“Why do you care? I have nothing to live for anymore; I lost the only people that ever mattered to me, and I just don’t have the strength to carry on anymore. I should bore you, waste your time, and possibly piss you off until you finally snap and kill me like you wanted to. Why jump through all these hoops just because you’re lonely and you don’t understand how friendships or romantic relationships work? Why don’t you kill me already?” Desdemona presses. She’s disappointed that this doesn’t elicit a reaction out of Bela but both Daniela and Cassandra are now paying close attention to how they’re interacting with one another.

Bela smiles at that so she puts down the phone to pull out a journal from her satchel that she brought with her. She carefully hands it over to Desdemona and Desdemona raises her eyebrow at the fact that the journal clearly belongs to her mother.

“Why are you giving me this?”

“I want to tell you a story but it involves my mother and how we were created. You may think that we don’t know what love is but we do. We come from drastically different backgrounds, we’re not even the same species, but we have something in common, Desdemona Hawthorne. I want you to listen and pay close attention because we don’t get attached to mortals or form deep bonds with just anyone; you are special to us, Little One and by me sharing our history, we will strengthen our bond and we will have a better understanding of each other. Our love will truly stand the test of time of that I can assure you.” Bela replies before launching into the tale of the four lords of the region, Alcina’s origins, and Mother Miranda’s history and why she continued to experiment on unwilling specimens in the region. Cassandra pitched in when she could. Daniela surprisingly contributed to the conversation more with her knowledge of the Four Lords; she wholeheartedly spoke about Donna Beneviento while she spoke about the other two lords of the region with great distaste. As Desdemona listened to their tales, she found herself eager to learn more, especially when Bela spoke about Miranda with a bitter tone to her voice. There was clearly a rift between her mother and this Miranda figure and Bela made it clear that Alcina looked up to the other woman. There was something to the way Alcina’s daughters frowned whenever Miranda’s name was mentioned and Desdemona herself felt the bond between all of them quiver with fear when they explained the nature of Miranda’s experimentations.

This woman was going to great lengths just to revive her dead daughter, and it did not matter how often she failed, she kept going. Even with Alcina aiding Mother Miranda, Bela suspected that Miranda would throw them all under the metaphorical bus just to cover her tracks.

“You don’t trust Mother Miranda, do you? When she released the lycans on the villagers, it sounds like you think she’s ready to sacrifice the only capable people that have been useful to her if it meant saving her own ass. Why do you feel that way?” Desdemona finally asked when the oppressive silence that followed her tales became too much to endure.

This information she learned…it was tremendous. Just one look at Lady Dimitrescu, and Desdemona wouldn’t have pegged her for a jazz musician or a winemaker, but she was all of that and more. Despite Alcina’s wicked nature and the cruel way she treated her servants, it astounded Desdemona that none of the girls were biologically hers yet she adopted all three of them when she formed a bond with them. If Desdemona were to be perfectly honest, she didn’t think Alcina was capable of love but…her overprotective nature of the girls made sense. While none of the murders or horrifying way they process their wine using maiden blood were in any way justifiable, they were apex predators at the top of the food chain doing what they must in order to maintain survival. They were no ordinary family, but the dynamics were the same and Desdemona can see by the way Bela holds her mother in high regard that they clearly know what love is.

“No, I do not trust Mother Miranda and I fear for my mother’s safety. When your group stumbled upon the village while we were out scouting for leftovers, we were ready to kill you all and have our way with you thinking you had been sent by Miranda to dispatch my mother. It turned out you were foreigners from another land, complete strangers to us and the other lords and the relief I felt knowing that you never even met the revered cult leader of the village was immeasurable. She’s incredibly dangerous, Desdemona, and no matter how often I tell my mother that we ought to cut our ties with her, she will not heed my warnings. While my mother is powerful, she cannot take Miranda on alone and the only other lord we can possibly convince to side with us is Donna Beneviento.” Bela finishes, feeding a spoonful of soup into Desdemona’s mouth. Desdemona didn’t realize how long she’d been distracted but her stomach felt full and looking down, Bela had been feeding her the entire time they had been talking. She was flabbergasted at how they were able to coax her into eating again after starving herself for a few days and she didn’t even notice that it had been happening the entire time. The dark whispers in her mind are telling her to calm herself, that her mistresses were taking care of her in her time of need and that she needed to be grateful. Desdemona obliged, surprisingly, and willfully took another sip of her water that Cassandra had at the ready for her.

When Desdemona slowly breathes in and out, there’s a renewed energy she hadn’t felt in days and the other women must have felt that sudden spark as well through their shared bond when they all turned to look at her.

“Well done, sister, look who’s back. There’s that familiar glow of yours that I’ve grown to love so much.” Cassandra says chuckling. She pushes aside Desdemona’s hair to reveal her collarbone and plants a gentle kiss on the exposed skin.

Daniela excitedly cups Desdemona’s chin and forcefully turns her head to the side so she could kiss her. It was sloppy and a little wet but Desdemona found herself kissing the other woman back just as enthusiastically. Daniela pulls away giggling but pouts when Bela stands up, pulling Desdemona to her feet as well. Bela delicately plays with Desdemona’s fingers for a moment before she raises a hand to cup Desdemona’s cheek. Once again, Desdemona’s inner turmoil from before has vanished and she leans into the touch, causing Bela to smirk. The blonde woman pulls Desdemona closer to her and presses a kiss to her lips, a kiss that leaves Desdemona wanting more. She had wanted nothing to do with them after recent events but here she was letting them touch and kiss her like they didn’t tear Veronica’s corpse apart after she had killed her.

Thinking back on her best friend’s death, Desdemona attempts to step away from Bela but the eldest sister kept her in place and hugged her closely. Because of the height difference, Desdemona’s head fell just a bit under Bela’s breasts and this made it easier for Bela to stroke her hair and whisper sweet nothings to her as if her pretty words could erase her horrendous actions. Maybe it was due to the fact that their bond was strengthening but Desdemona was starting to feel more at ease as her mind once again begins to slip away into nothing.

No longer could she resist the call of Lady Dimitrescu’s daughters whenever they were near her and the inner voice in her head that protested their actions was silenced, dulled, and ignored. In that moment, she wanted nothing more than to please them and to do whatever was asked of her. The traumatizing memory of Veronica’s death was starting to fade away as happiness begins to seep in the longer she remained in Bela’s arms. Desdemona was losing herself, no longer willing to fight the women she was now bonded to and there was nothing she could do about it. She wanted nothing more than to be embraced and loved by Alcina and her daughters as the feeling of being needed and wanted by these exquisite creatures overpowered everything else in her life. They chose her, she was their chosen one, and nothing could top that.

When Desdemona sighs and slightly pulls away from Bela, she looks up at Bela adoringly, a stark contrast to how she’d been behaving and treating them from earlier before, and Bela looks relieved. She leans down and kisses Desdemona, her arm encircling her waist as she dips her to kiss her even more deeply. When they break apart, Bela smiles at Desdemona and notices the glazed look in her eyes.

“You’re changing, Little One. Until the time comes for your final transformation, we’ll need to keep our wits about us. Either we’ll assist Mother Miranda in finding another vessel to revive her daughter or we’ll be taking her on with hopefully one of the other Lords on mother’s side. Daniela, I need you to write a letter to Donna Beneviento and invite her over for a wine tasting, I’m sure that woman could use company right now. Cassandra, take our dear little Desdemona and clean her up in the bath. We need her presentable as we propose our ideas to our dear friend Donna. We cannot risk Mother overhearing our plans.” Bela says as she passes a dazed and confused Desdemona over to Cassandra. “Do you truly think Donna will be able to help us in any shape or form? I think going behind mother’s back is truly a disastrous idea.” Cassandra tells Bela as she carefully lifts Desdemona and carries her bridal style.

“We cannot risk Miranda betraying our mother first. She’s become reckless as of late and there’s no telling what that woman is capable of. She destroyed the village using the lycans, who’s to say she isn’t planning on sacrificing us all for her own benefit? Either we find a successful vessel or we prepare ourselves to fight; Desdemona’s transformation is nearly complete and we’re going to need her if we plan on luring more people out here.” “What are you going to be doing while we make preparations, Bela?”

“I’m going to make a few inquisitive phone calls to the innkeeper that led our beloved Desdemona over to us. As much as I would love to see Mother put down Miranda once and for all, it would be easier to lure in more victims with great potential. I do not want to see our family fall, not after all we’ve been through and not after we’ve found a loving companion to keep with us. I…love Desdemona, I would like to continue exploring these new feelings with her but not with Miranda behaving the way she has been as of late. You may not see the danger behind her actions, but I do and I will not stand for it.” Bela says determinedly, as she runs her fingers through Desdemona’s thick tresses. Desdemona had fallen asleep in Cassandra’s arms, an effect of the drug she had slipped into her food. They needed to make their case presentable, and Donna’s input would be invaluable, even if she disagreed with their actions. There’s no way Miranda’s actions weren’t suspicious to anybody else so she had to see for herself if the other lords were continuing to follow Miranda’s orders blindly. She loathed to think so little of her own mother, but Alcina’s been trying to prove herself to the other woman for so long that Bela thinks the the effort just wasn’t worth it anymore. They were going to present another vessel to Miranda and if the ritual failed, then they would plan their attack. However, if this next vessel somehow succeeded in reviving Miranda’s daughter, then they could finally cut their ties with the woman and live on peacefully in their castle away from all the bullshit politics. Bela just wanted her family to remain safe, and with Desdemona now bonded to them as their fledgling, Bela had a lot to lose should their plan fail but she was now more determined than ever to make sure their plan worked. She’d never known love outside of family before but this connection with Desdemona opened her up to a whole new world of feelings waiting to be explored and she wasn’t going to lose that. Not now, not ever.

#resident evil village #resident evil 8 #RE8 Village #RE8 #mine #only monsters come out at night #chapter update #chapter 7 #bela dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu #Alcina Dimitrescu #bela dimitrescu x ofc #daniela dimitrescu x ofc #cassandra dimitrescu x ofc #Lady Dimitrescu's daughters

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austennerdita2533 · 3 years

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Hey!

I love Penelope Douglas for sure check her out! She writes some of the best smut tbh. I’m working my way through her devils night series right now-I’m on book 2. It’s good so far, definitely dark though. I’m interested to see how she goes about a redemption arc for the character Damon right now I don’t think he deserves one but I hear such good things about his book, Killswitch, but that’s book 3 so I will see how it goes. I definitely recommend Birthday Girl from her though I loved it and the couple from it are my favorite age gap could I’ve ever read. I find myself still re reading some of their best moments.

I am slightly embarrassed by Credence though so I hope it doesn’t bother you too much if you read it. Just so you know before going into it, it is about her and her step uncle/cousins. To be fair they are not blood related and very distance to the point she didn’t even know about them. But she does call him Uncle Jake during a sex scene, and the two others call her cousin during one too. There’s also a MMF scene with her two cousins. But on top of that there is a sexual assault scene (it does get stopped but the intent is there)-personally I wasn’t a fan of how she inwardly dealt with that scenario it felt like she was blaming herself for it instead of holding the other character accountable. Uncle Jake also does kiss her when she is still 17. So if any of that makes you uncomfortable don’t read it.

I’m so happy you liked the atlas six as much as I did. I can’t believe we have to wait until next year for the sequel to see what happens. It’s too long!! I also liked Callum the least, I still appreciated his character though and what he brings to the story I just wasn’t a fan of his, probably because of his problems with Libby/Parisa. Plus his powers terrify me-as someone who likes to have full control of my emotions the fact that someone could just change everything scares me. I also loved Nico he is my typical character that I love the whole I’m an asshole but soft and caring for the people I love gets me every time. Parisa is my queen though I’m obsessed with her. Like I’m literally in love with her, I wish she was real so she could be with me instead. Not that she would because I’m broke have 0 magic or power to give to her, but still. But I have a thing for power hungry women so I was gone the second I met her. But anyway if she was real she could destroy me or do anything she wanted to me and I would say thank you. Reina I also love and agree she could destroy the whole planet and one day probably will. I just love how she is there and wants all that knowledge but also doesn’t give a fuck about anyone else. Tristan also grew on me I’m still not completely sure how much I like or don’t like him yet he gets annoying sometimes because he is constantly in his mind about his alliances but I also love how loyal and caring he is. Libby is my girl!! I also relate to her as well since I was an outcast and battled inadequacy and all that (you and I must have some stuff in common!) Out of all the characters I relate to her the most and am rooting for her so hard-also because the author made her from Pittsburgh and I’m also from the area so I felt personally attached. But Olivie just did an interview and said Libby is getting a corruption arc and I am so excited about it!!

Okay ships- so I will be honest and I think it’s an unpopular opinion but oh well-I am a nicolibby stan. They have every single dynamic that I love in a ship and they could potentially be my favorite book couple of all time if that is the road they are being taken. Honestly I was obsessed with them from their first interaction so i have it bad for them. Obviously I know they were not romantic in this book but the potential (at least for me) was there especially in some of their quotes in the end. I fully believe they are soulmates though-even the author said they were born on the same day and feel like their other half is missing in an interview once-whether that will be platonic soulmates or romantic soulmates I have no idea and I could see either happening. My heart will break if it is platonic but it’s okay I can just live in my own little head about their potential.

But I get the idea and also like both libbytristan and NicoGideon and could see those happening instead of nicolibby too. I wouldn’t say I would be mad about it either-I do like both just to me the potential of nicolibby works more for me! My only thing about libbytristan though is I’m not sure how much of their tension/feelings are real (like did any of it exist before Parisa put the idea of the other person in their thoughts to lead to all the feelings.)

Weirdly enough since they probably my least favorite characters I also adore Tristan and Callum together. Their dynamic just works for me.

And I love Parisa and Dalton too and I’m so interested in how that relationship pans out because they have some stuff to figure out. But they work well together and honestly they are just so sexy together so I’m down for it. Although I do ship myself with Parisa more than her and Dalton but I’m biased.

Honestly though all the ships are wide open though so I’m curious to see what ends up being endgame. But omg yes the twist I was not expecting it-I’m so excited for the rest of this trilogy!!!

In other news though I finished up the ravenhood series. I know you said you either read it or it was on your tbr. But god I loved it. That series broke me and then put back all the pieces. If you haven’t read it and want to feel both heartbreak and happiness I highly recommend it!

Oh and don’t apologize for babbling as you can tell I also babble!!

-ACOTAR anon

Hiiiii sweets!

I've been sifting through a bunch of summaries of Penelope Doulgas' work on Goodreads and there's a bunch of stuff there I think I'd enjoy. I'm all about good smut. I didn't realize she had that many books. I'm excited! Thanks so much for the rec! I love dark romances/erotica every now and again so I'm also going to have to dive into the Devil's Night series at some point.

Oh, and idk if you know about it/read it but a couple of my friends told me about the Crossfire series by Sylvia Day a while back. It's BDSM, like Fifty Shades, but supposedly loads better. I don't know if you're into that but I figured I'd just throw it out there anyway. The smut is supposed to be steamy. I haven't read it yet but I do have the first four novels on my Kindle (where they've been sitting, unread, for about 2 years now)...so that's something haha.

And please don't be embarrassed about Credence. Seriously, the most wonderful thing about reading is you can go wherever tf you want in your imagination. No one can stop you. There are no rules. No restrictions. You can be whomever or whatever you want to be for a while, morality notwithstanding. One of my favorite things about books is that I can experience the most bonkers, outlandish out-of-this-world stuff that I'd never dream of wanting/liking in real life. It's liberating!

Thank you for the trigger warnings, though. I appreciate that. None of them sound off-putting enough to keep me from reading it. (Tbh, I want to read it more now.) I've read loads of books where characters marry or have sex with their cousins or siblings *waves at ASOIAF, the Secret History* so it doesn't bother me. I've also read most of Lolita and all of My Dark Vanessa by Kate Russell, which both romanticize pedophilia in disturbing degrees, so it takes a lot to put me off. If curiosity could kill then I'd be long dead by now. Hell, sometimes I will purposely read things I know will upset me to my core. What can I say? I'm a weirdo. 🙃

I DON'T WANT TO WAIT A YEAR FOR BOOK 2 OF THE ATLAS SERIES, EITHER. AHHHHH. How am I going to make it that long? It seems so far away!

Callum is the most terrifying of them all right now, imo. I think that's why I disliked him the most. Like you, it shook me to my core to imagine someone like him being able to toy with my emotions. I have a tendency to detach, to keep my emotions pressed close to my chest so that I can't be manipulated or hurt, and the idea that someone could have power over them, over me in that way is...no freaking thank you! I would put as much space between him and me as possible. Most of the Atlas crew had the right idea there. He does bring a lot to the story, though, like you said. I have a feeling he's going to be one of those characters I "love to hate" as the series progress. I might even grow to "hate to love" him, idk. He's just such a shady bastard! And so judgmental/mean to the girls.

I'm with you on Parisa, by the way. She's the kind of conniving, ambitious siren of a woman I can get behind. She has a similar vibe as Katherine Pierce on TVD. I mean, there's nothing in her arsenal she won't use and I love how she weaponizes her beauty. It's delicius. She's unpredictable. Definitely the type of character who inspires "scared and aroused" energy any time she walks into a room. Like, she could choke you and instead of crying you'd just ask her to do it again...harder lol.

Reina has the same kind of "no fucks given" attitude I have because I genuinely don't care what people think of me, either. I'm just here to do my thing. Be nerdy. Learn. Whatever. And Nico is my fave for the same reason as you--the asshole who only has soft edges for those who matter to him. *heart eyes*

Omg, Libby is going to have a corrupted arc? AHHHHH. That's going to be amazing, I cannot stinking wait! I was sort of hoping she'd go dark so now that it's confirmed I'm even more pumped. Also, I think you and I have more in common than either of us realized. I'm from the Pittsburgh area, too! How wild is that? Maybe there's something in the water here and that's why, like Libby, we've both felt inadequate and like outcasts at different points in our lives? Olivie might be onto something here...🤔

The thing that's been so cool for me about this series so far is that there are a bunch of potential pairings I could get behind. And I kind of like that it's not clear cut right now. Most series I know who I want together or who will be together like halfway through book 1. I like that I don't know have firm preferences and am still open. That's novel. Not to mention fun!

I don't blame you for shipping Nicolibby so hard, though. They're definitely one of my top contenders for a romantic pairing. They have that enemies-to-lovers element with witty banter that I always gravitate toward. And you're right about Libby/Tristan. I don't know how much of their connection was manufactured because Parisa intervened, either. That'll be fun to puzzle out moving forward. And Callum/Tristan should NOT be a ship I like but they have a palpable something that I can't put my finger on. I've got my eye on them, for sure.

The Ravenhood series is still on my tbr. I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed it so much, though! It's rare to read something that just ticks all your boxes. The next time I'm the mood to binge a series I'm gonna have to pick that one up. :-D

I've been trying to clear out my backlog of ARCs lately. (Not possible because I'm getting more on the regular - as in constantly haha - but I'm trying.) I just finished Wish You Were Here by Jodi Picoult, which has a Sliding Doors premise that is set during the pandemic where the main character has a parallel life experience (one, where she's in the Galapagos Islands on vacation when the shutdown hits so she's stuck there with strangers, alone, not speaking the language; the other, where she's in Manhattan with her surgeon boyfriend and recovering from COVID). It's intense but so, SO good! Picoult is such a good writer. Anything I've read by her has been moving, with rounded and real characters. I haven't been disappointed yet. I so recommend her.

Oh, and if you're into nonfiction/biographies at all I finished The Splendid and the Vile by Erik Larson not long ago, which is about Winston Churchill as well as those around him, and it was fantastic! Read more like fiction. I loved it. I am no longer surprised it was on all the BEST lists for 2020.

#anonymous #darling acotar anon #replies #the loveliest of lovely people #ashlee bree talks books

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mcrmadness · 3 years

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This is just me talking about (my) asexuality and aromanticism and mainly about how I figured I'm aroace. I'm from Finland and recently turned 30 so my experience and "lgbt+ history" might not be what you know it as, especially if you are not from Europe, or if your native language is English.

Also this is highly personal, so I doubt anyone here will have 100% same experience. But that's fine because remember: we're all individuals here and these are NEVER universal. You're still valid even if you wouldn't relate to what being aspec is to me.

It might be IS a long post so beware, but I've just been feeling like writing down some thoughts so here we go...

What I have been able to track is that I was 17, in 2008, when I first stumbled upon the term "asexuality". I don't remember exactly how, but I just remember reading about it and immediately going "yeah that's me". But what I do remember is that no one talked it being about sexual attraction. Basically how understood it was: asexuality = sex-repulsion.

I was 17, and somehow I knew I was sex-repulsed, but at the same time also thought I'm just a minor, so it's normal to be sex-repulsed. But even after turning 18, I don't recall ever feeling sexual attraction. I didn't think of myself as a "late bloomer" but just as someone who just has no interest towards sex. At some point I became really anxious of men, however. Nothing has ever happened to me* but still I, for some reason, developed terrible fear of men. I'm afab and just did not want to be seen as an object, and it made, still makes me, terrified to think someone might look at me and have Emotions. I know that we can't control our brains, I mean, I can't look at someone and force myself to feel attraction - just like those who do feel attraction, can't force themselves to stop feeling attraction. They can only control their actions. But yeah, I also had horrible (sexual) intrusive thoughts due to my generalized anxiety disorder at some point, which did not really help. They got a bit better when I came into terms with my asexuality and aromanticism, but sometimes they still come at me and it's never fun, but at least they're not as strong as what they used to be.

*(Unless if you can count that as sexual harrasment when, CW, I was 11 and a classmate was "into" me and tried to touch my face and talk "sweet things" to me but made it into a show despite me being uncomfortable and usually crying cos as a neurodivergent I didn't know how else to react.)

But anyway, back to the topic. So for years I understood asexuality as sex-repulsion, but I guess it's because I, well, am a sex-repulsed ace. So if I'm sex-repulsed, why would I then look at someone and feel something if I'm repulsed by the thing anyway? Like, it probably can't get any simpler than this :D And I know today that it's not as simple anymore. But that was 2008, at school (in ~2005) they only talked about gays a little, on one page in a sex.ed. book that otherwise was maybe 100 pages long. Only one page. About gays. And it was basically "Some boys like boys or some girls like girls and it's totally fine." and that was it, but the overall assumption was that everyone likes someone. And also there were no romantic orientations. Liking someone = both sexually and romantically. Not liking = not a thing except when you were depressed or otherwise mentally ill, or autistic or mentally disabled (which is a SUPER ableist take btw). I don't remember teachers ever talking about this, but it could also just be my adhd, maybe they did mention, but I just don't remember. At least in my notebooks there is no mention of this, everything was very much heteronormative and amatonormative, and also there was only two genders. I don't remember ever hearing about transgender people, apart from foreign documentaries and in them they were always portrayed as some shocking freaks of the nature, and loads of wrong terms were used. And this is still the mid and late 2000s we're talking about!

So this takes us to the other part aka aromanticism. Back then asexuality was not only sex-repulsion but also merged together with aromanticism, because people didn't talk about romantic orientations yet. So asexuality was not only sex-repulsion, but also you simply just not wanting a relationship. Again, nothing about attraction, just someone who did not care about sex nor relationships. A "forever single", if you will.

This was already annoying me a lot back then because I was really annoyed by sex "running the world". I was so angry because why is asexual the only sexuality that doesn't like sex? All the other sexualities had the assumption of them always wanting to have sex. Like, even think about someone who is straight, you hear that someone is straight, and you automatically assume(d) that oh they're into sex too cos why wouldn't they be. This was really driving me nuts because I was sure there are people who want to have a partner, but never want to have sex! I was still experiencing crushes, and I knew for sure it was nothing sexual, so it annoyed me that just because I'm asexual, it means I can't have crushes. That's why I actually called myself as "asexual bi" for a while, because "bisexual" indicated I would have not been sex-repulsed and I wanted to point out that I'm NOT into sexual things, at all - and remember that this was still the late 2000s or early 2010s and I had not heard of romantic orientations yet! So I was up to something, there just were no terms for that yet! Today that would be called bi-/panromantic asexual.

I haven't been able to track the exact date or even year when did I figure out I'm aromantic, or when did I hear about romantic orientations for the first time. From the messages I've been able to find, I was already in my early 20s. Aka somewhere around maybe 2011-2013. In those, I have still been wondering what I am or if I even want to have a relationship, not being really able to tell what I wanted or didn't want. Again, no one told me romantic orientations are about ATTRACTION and not about whether you have commitment issues or not (this as a half-joke, cos I have severe commitment issues with everything :D I need to feel free!).

Anyway, I do remember my key moment with aromanticism, or the "aromantic awakening" as you could call it too, was when I was 17 or 18. Or maybe I was older? I don't know, I have time blindness. Anyway, I had this one online friend I had a "crush" on (I think it was just undiagnosed adhd's person hyperfixation) and I even told her about it. Everything just is super shady, from those years, I was not really on my best and there are so many overlapping memories that feel like different alternative universes instead of memories on a same timeline. Anyway, I just remember at some point thinking about this girl and I thought about some "romantic" stuff, like kissing, and I just remember my brain going "NOOOOOPE!" I had wanted to meet with her some day so bad, but when I started thinking about actually meeting with her, I started to nope the fuck out. All I had in my head was awkward embarrassing "first kiss" scenarios from movies and I just was not having it! I basically went "lol I guess I'm aro too, then XD" but I still don't remember when did I have this realization. Was I 17? Or was I, say, 22? I guess I need to go through my old MSN Messenger and Skype convos some day to investigate this further because I really want to know. I couldn't even find anything from my Tumblr from those times (I registered here in 2011), but I don't know if that's just me not tagging or Tumblr search functioning normally (aka it never finds anything).

But yeah, I am touch-repulsed. And kiss-repulsed, and romance-repulsed, too, (unless it's my OTP we're talking about). I'm still not exactly sure if I'm touch repulsed because I'm aromantic, or if I'm aromantic because I'm touch-repulsed. I only know that because of my sensory issues (I'm neurodivergent), I have never liked touching nor being touched. Even as a little kid I hated hugs and never liked sitting on anyone's lap. I only tolerated my parents, mainly my mom, because they were my safe place as an extremely shy baby/toddler/kid, who was especially wary about men. I can't explain the latter, but there was something about adult men that caused me (as a baby) to hide my face against my mom's shoulder if they talked to me. I did that to everyone I didn't know, but especially to men I didn't know. No idea why.

I also remember how my siblings loved to sit on people's laps and were always climbing onto their laps, and I didn't like this. And once my (late) grandma was so touched when she asked me if I want to sit on her lap (I was maybe 5-7?) and I agreed just to make her happy. I still remember how it felt, and I did not like it at all, but it still made my grandma so happy that I THINK she almost cried when she told my mom I actually agreed to sit on her lap. I'm not sure how real this last part of the memory is because I was so young. But I do remember thinking I do that for a change because I knew my grandma would be happy.

So yeah, my touch-repulsion is not exactly a new thing but just something that has been a part of my personality forever. But is that the core reason for why I only feel aesthetic attraction? I never look at people and feel like I wanna touch. More of the opposite, the idea of having to touch them or them touching me makes me go "eeewww". If you have seen that video of a gibbon shaking their whole body after seeing a rat in their exhibit? That's what I feel like when I think about touching or being touched, in just any way, also platonically.

The only time I feel "sensual attraction" is when I see photos or videos of animals. The urge to pet a tiger is insane. But the feel of another human's skin or muscle (or hair or whatever) is very repulsive to me.

I still remember how disgusting it felt to e.g. sit on a cousin's lap. We sometimes used swings like this, and somehow I was aware of it not feeling nice, but still not doing anything about it cos it also was okay? Only later I have realized I really, really loathe the texture of human skin. Or the warmth and overall feeling of a human body. For example, I was at least 7 or younger when I sat on my cousin's lap while we were sitting on a swing and STILL, after over 20 years, I have that all in my body memory. I remember how the thigh bone felt under my legs and how freaking disgusting the muscles felt inbetween. Also at school, on the 1st grade, we often had to walk in a line of twos after the teacher and hold the pair's hand so no one gets lost. My then-friend had so ridiculously dry skin that the only thing I could think of was how I felt like throwing up because the skin on her palm felt so damn disgusting. I still can feel that in my hand when I think of it. That's one of my "core memories" from 1st grade - how disgusting the human skin can feel like.

I don't think I have ever felt actual romantic attraction towards anyone. It's really difficult to differentiate because as I mentioned, I get those people hyperfixations easily. I guess it's the same hormones but I never really want to do anything with them? I guess it's the emotional intimacy that "attracts" me and what gets me excited, but I'm still not exactly sure what emotional intimacy means to me. I don't exactly fall into the QPR category either, in a way I wish I had a best friend whose best friend also I would be, and that neither would have anyone else who is "better" than the other one. But the only intimacy there would be emotional intimacy, nothing else. And I need my freedom so I wouldn't move in with any human being, either.

Sometimes I've thought my "ideal partner" would be a robot because if I get annoyed, I could just turn it off and stuff into a closet and leave there, and if I felt like not having a "relationship" anymore, I could just remove the harddrive and destroy the robot, or both. That way I would be the only one with the memories, and I wouldn't have to worry about someone out there knowing things about me, things that only the closest can know, and I'm really afraid of letting anyone close in case it won't work (also with regular friendships) because I can't stop thinking about how much I wish I had that MIB memory cancelling device so that they would again know almost nothing, or at least much much less about me. There's already one friendship that ended a few years ago and I still keep thinking about how I wish I could take everything back and how I wish they delete(d) all the files and drawings and stuff I sent them. There are so many things about me I wish I never told them, now as we are no longer friends. Back then it felt like "of course this is gonna last a lifetime!" but turns out that nope, not all friendships will.

I guess it's time to stop rambling. This post is really long already. If you read it all the way here: congrats. And thanks. You probably just wasted your time but... that's on you I guess :DDD But yeah, some thoughts from a 30-years-old aroace who has been aware of their identity for at least or almost 10 years now.

#mcrmadness' deep thoughts #asexuality #aromantic #aroace #aspec

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flying-elliska · 4 years

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Skam France Season 6 Review

It’s that time, I guess. My feelings are, like many, mixed. I think I enjoyed the season more than most people here, but the ending was a massive let down. Overall it boils down to this : Skam France is great at moments and very bad at structure. A lot of my issues with the season is what is not in it. I saw so much potential that never quite materialized, and it left me frustrated. At the same time, Lola is a really cool character, her arc is really interesting, her relationship with her sister is one of the best things they’ve ever done, and the actors killed it. Loved La Mif, discovering other sides of Eliott, the urbex backgrounds, and Maya. A lot of fascinating character moments. This is definitely my second favorite season after s3 - at times I even thought it would equal it. Sadly, though, Skam France will remain a bit of a one hit wonder for me. Because they are so good at bringing up problems in a nuanced layering way - be it addiction, grief, eating disorders, internalized ableism, racist microagressions - but when it comes to resolving what they brought up, they default towards a ‘let’s all be nice to each other, hug or kiss, love saves the day yay !’ story. Which is, when you claim to deal with real world issues, simplistic, immature, and at times quite offensive. It works for s3, which is at its core a tale of self-discovery, self-acceptance and romance. But niceness doesn’t solve racism, and family problems aren’t solved with a hug, and addiction recovery doesn’t hinge on having someone to kiss, and the series came dangerously close to implying that at times.

All in all, this is a show that often manages to be both brilliant and terrible at the same time. At least it’s not dull.

Positives/Negatives/Meh breakdown :

Positives :

- Sisterly love : My favorite thing without a doubt is the relationship between Lola and Daphné. Flavie and Lula killed it. Almost all the clips that made me cry were the ones with the both of them in it. At the beginning their rivalry is so relatable to me : the responsible sibling who takes on too much burdens and is too controlling and parentified vs. the problem sibling who acts out to express the issues the rest of the family are repressing - i have been in both of those spots. you can see how they slowly realize that the gap between them didn’t need to be there, that it wasn’t their fault, that it was the result of their parent’s bullshit and even shittier circumstances. seeing them make little gestures to recognize each other’s pain, to nurture each other, to give each other support, but also to tell each other some unpleasant truths, was so incredibly powerful. Relationships between sisters can be just so...complex, and loving, and petty, and jealous, and supportive, and feral, and annoying, and understanding, and ugh, they made me feel all of that and more. I have a sister, and I have a relationship like that with her, and this season gave me some very important perspectives. Really, relationships between women aren’t explored enough, and this season really did this one thing excellently and if only for that, it deserves to be watched. That moment where Lola talks to Daphné about her self destructive tendencies...so important. I am so happy that Daphné was the one finding Lola in her tower of solitude, and the moment where she says ‘you pay too much attention to what other people think, Lola’ was the emotional turning point of the season for me, because it was Daphné recognizing Lola really cared behind her mask of coldness, but also that she was hurt by that and that she needed to love herself regardless of the love her parents didn’t give her ; and also that she heard Lola saying it to her and that it inspired her too, so there is this amazing reciprocity. It was so powerful, I’m still reeling from it. And it was a beautiful full circle from the beginning of the season.

- Family of outsiders : the urbex gang was such a wonderful new group this season. It was bound to be tricky getting us to like this new generation, and I think they did a pretty good job. Even tho I wish we got to know them a bit more, they were all intriguing and interesting on their own, and the vibes of Lamif as a whole were just so fun and lovely. Loved the neuroatypical vibes I got from Sekou and Jo. Love that they introduced a trans guy character. Loved Maya as group mom. And seeing them warm up to Lola was really sweet. The social media of them hanging out was more or less the only good social media we got this season lmao. The urbex thing was a great symbol for Lola finding a home with the outcasts, a bit on the fringe of society, and the start of acceptance, of bringing her in from the cold. Maya and Lola’s relationship fit in that really nicely, especially the bits about them talking about their shared experiences of grief, and my favorite scenes with them is showing Lola that her scars can be beautiful and that her rough experiences are part of who she is. The way she didn’t take Lola’s bullshit was great, and even tho I think their relationship was rushed, overall they really fit well together. Love Maya’s character as a concept in general, this funky purple haired lesbian environmentalist with amazing sense of style, and I really hope we see her again in upcoming seasons. And finally, I also really liked Eliott and Lola’s friendship (except for the ending) - the fact that they understand this darkness that they share, but that Eliott has succeded in climbing over it, and so he can give Lola support, understanding, guidance. I loved that we got to hear a bit more of his perspective on mental illness, the good and the bad times, that we saw his passion for movies become more real. I loved the fact that they bonded over creative things and photography, too, and that she found a safe space in the video store. And even tho it wasn’t resolved properly, the scene where he comes to get her and punches Aymeric really made me cry. Also, BASILE. Best bro in law ever. Their scenes together were so homey and warm and sweet. They will have such a good relationship in time. Overall, I really like how central friendship was in this season, shown as so powerful and important. They could have done more with it but I love a lot of what we got. I am just a sucker for found family, man.

- Lola herself : I know she was a controversial character right from the start. She’s been called manipulative, selfish, out of control, toxic. And honestly at times...maybe she was a bit. I still love her. She is just so interesting to me. The lack of compassion towards her in the fandom was seriously depressing at times, and often felt like a symptom of something I’ve seen in a lot of different fandoms, ie the capacity to only tolerate moral ambiguity when it’s attached to attractive white male characters - and to only tolerate mental illness symptoms when they can be romanticized. In the end, she’s a struggling teen from a deeply dysfunctional family who’s had a very rough life, of course she’s not going to be well adjusted. All in all, I think she’s so brave, and she is a fighter. I adored her feral energies in the trailer. I also really liked her blunt honesty at times, even if it was sometimes hurtful and excessive. I think because I have the opposite tendency to be afraid to speak my mind, I really dig a character who isn’t afraid to speak the ugly truth. Even though, again, ‘the truth’ isn’t always cut and clear, and what Lola is often doing instead is listening to ‘depression voice’ who tells her to believe the worst in people. I find that fascinating, because in my experience, yes, depression comes with this terrible lucidity that makes you see through a lot of bullshit but at the same time, is distorting your perspective because of fear and shame, and kicking that, and disentangling your perception from that fatalism, is very complicated. I loved how genuine she was, how mature too sometimes through the pain, more mature than she should have been. It was rough watching her relapse, but I think the portrayal of addiction was pretty very well done overall, not romanticized and explained in a very coherent way. I wish the show had given her a bit more of a clearer view of her inner thoughts towards the end and let her apologize a bit more. And a clearer realisation that her parent’s lack of well expressed love didn’t doom her. But...yeah Following her really made me question my own - more hidden - self destructive impulses, linked to family shit, that pushes me to sabotage and isolate myself. Like Eliott said to her - it’s really a lifelong struggle. I think overall her arc was pretty satisfying, learning to step away from the edge, letting people in, seeing that she isn’t alone, accepting she deserves better and that her failures don’t doom her. That it is about getting up and trying again. Love her using her mother’s camera and wanting to get a phoenix tattoo, a perfect symbol for her. Also Flavie was amazing, she’s got a bright future ahead.

Negatives :

- No follow up to the assault storyline : The thing that I am, without any single doubt, most mad about, is the fact they didn’t bring up the sexual assault again. Along with Charles’ rape apologism, this creates a very dubious pattern of trivializing the issue ‘as long as it’s not real rape’. The fact that the morning after immediately turns to Elu drama is what sort of started my disconnect from the season, and the fact that they don’t bring it up afterwards even once made me angry. I think Lola, before going back to the hospital, should have told someone about the abuse she endured there, and should have told someone about Aymeric, even if only to acknowledge she wants to be done with that part of her life. Aymeric is like...Lola’s biggest villain, in a sense, he is a horrible predator but he also somehow represents her worst impulses, that part of herself that tells her she doesn’t deserve better, and I think that as a character, he was interesting, and he should have been adressed/exorcised better. If Lola was a real person, of course, she would probably have to deal with this in therapy, down the line, later, but as a story, never adressing this again left it unfinished. And this is really the kind of event you NEED catharsis and resolution for. Otherwise, it’s irresponsible.

- A generally overstuffed and disjointed structure : My biggest problems with this season are about what isn’t and what isn’t it. I liked most of the clips, I don’t have an issue with them going dark, strangely enough, but the way they were put together was just...messy. Like many people have said, too much stuff not properly adressed. Palm of most annoyingly useless subplot, the whole Tiff thing. Yes, it was cool comparing her clique to Lamifex and Lola realizing she wants nothing to do with those shallow fake bitches. Sekou hacking her account to replace it with pigeons, amazing. After that though, it should have been DONE, and in general, it should have taken a lot less time and attention. Comparing Tiff’s social media addiction to Lola’s issues felt like some trivializing bullshit. The whole thing was just so annoying. It would have been good if it had led to some discussion of social inequality but like...not this shit. Char, equally useless (although, cool actress, cool style). Another MASSIVE problem is the lack of follow through on big clips. A great thing about SKAM, usually, is that it shows you the aftermath of big moments - characters lying in bed, cuddling, talk to their friends, crying in the shower, etc. It allows the viewer to breathe and really get into the character’s perspective, to be comforted and process drama, and for the emotions to resonate better, to have space to develop richly. Here...we had Lola brush off her assault, we saw nothing after Daphné got her back from the tower thinking she could have killed herself, we learned that they had money problems and the father didn’t go to work and then that was never adressed again and the light was turned back on by magic (????), we saw Eliott go on a major bender and didn’t really see how he got better, etc. Big lack of introspective clips in the latter part of the season took me out of Lola’s head. It was all stressful and breathless, all intensity and no pause like one grating high pitch note instead of music, it felt oppressive, with poor contrast, and very badly paced. It made everything blur together and feel less relevant. The problem with that is it really takes you out of the story ; it’s hard to care when you know whatever is happening might not have a resolution, and it doesn’t put you in the shoes of the character. This was compounded by how mediocre the social media was, when it is usually used to bridge in the gaps. And then to finish : the structure was so uneven, especially in the second part of the season. Towards the middle we had some very short episodes with very underwhelming endings, and Vendredis that felt like non events, and there wasn’t a lot happening - and then, bam, ep 9, drama overload, almost like misery p*rn, and then a super rushed resolution in ep 10. Like they cared more about twists and giving the opposite of what was expected instead of solid coherent narrative and rhythm. The romantic back and forth felt repetitive as hell too. All in all, it made for a very unsatisfying live watching experience, pretty sure anyone who didn’t watch live would like it a lot more.

- The last two episodes : Really, I could have overlooked all the problems with the season if they had given us a good ending, but...they really really didn’t. And contrasted with last season, where my problems were focused on the middle, for me the ending is really the worst part of this season. I didn’t dislike the controversial club clips, I liked having the insight into Eliott’s insecurities, but they should never have brought those up if they weren’t going to let him adress them properly. Having everything go to shit in Lola’s life at once felt like overkill - they really should have solved those problems earlier, and then dealt with a few ones properly, showed us Lola freaking out on her own, and taken out the bullshit at the high school. Thierry slapping her was also too much, he could just have said these clumsy things. She could have distanced herself from Maya instead of pushing her away again. Also, they really should have had this happen in episode 8 again, and given us a proper resolution. While the tower sequence was incredibly powerful, I pretty much liked nothing after that. It was so annoying that Eliott brushed off Lola’s apology because while he wasn’t wrong that he decided to get drunk himself, she still needed to apologize and actually state that she wanted to get better so she didn’t hurt her friends, so as a resolution it was very mediocre. Thierry recognizing they should have given Lola the choice to go the hospital was a step but really not enough. And the moments with Maya were cute sure but mostly cheesy and unearned. Same for the ending clip. Mostly it’s such an unsatisfying farewell to the old generation, and it really feels like they wanted us to force to move on - didn’t want to properly recognize the end of an era, gave us almost nothing about their BAC or their future plans, etc etc. Also, letting Charles talk and having Arthur and Alexia kiss again ? SO BAD. UGH. I will be forever disappointed they didn’t give us a Multi POV or at least sth better on social media. And not having Eliott’s POV or at least a real Elu conversation (pretty much all season...) so frustrating I will never not be bitter about that. So yeah. The season started so powerfully but went out with a whimper instead of a bang. That whole ‘romantic love solves everything!!!’ shtick...very undercooked tbh.

Meh :

- Mayla’s development : I wanted to stan them SO BAD. Like, wlw in skam (that doesn’t turn into a panphobic mess?) YES, all the way yes. Maya and Lola had great chemistry, great dynamic. I loved their first few clips, the kind of confrontational flirting, the boldness, it was like...damn girls ! we love a non useless lesbian ! But...somewhere along the way, their relationship really suffered from the wacky plot structure. They should have shown us more bonding before we got to the angsting (esp during first urbex night). Also, their first kiss was sweet but I hated the ‘you’re my addiction’ line and that kind of put a damper on it. I liked the scenes where they open up about difficult things, the love Maya showed to Lola’s scars, the dandelion symbolism was lovely, but it wasn’t balanced enough with other stuff, and I felt Maya was way too stoic at times. And I really, really didn’t like the ending, honestly. They kept a good balance all season showing Lola wasn’t relying entirely on romantic love, that her family and friends were also important - but saying ‘i’m okay as long as you’re here’ at the end...honestly that sounds unhealthy and codependent as fuck. I really wish they’d done a more subtle, taking it slow ending for them.

- The financial issues : Again a storyline with much potential that wasn’t dealt with properly. It’s really good that we got a main that wasn’t from an economically priviledged background. Especially it felt very relevant to Daphné’s storyline, with the shame she felt at her friends seeing her place, the pressure to make it work, tying into her ED, etc etc. But cutting off the power, the father not working going nowhere...it’s like the plotline meandered and then vanished into thin air. Instead of that, they could have given us a scene of Daphné freaking out over the bills like in OG w Vilde, keeping the focus on her for that plot because she’s the most affected ; and then in the end of the season the father taking them over from her and telling her he’s found another job and that those things shouldn’t be her responsibility. That would have been relevant, instead of just...a loose end.

- Family issues : The Lecomte family dynamic seemed fascinating to me at the start. The mom being this shadowy complicated figure. The inability of the father to deal with anything. Daphné being parentified, Lola becoming the symptom child. They could have done a lot with this, but in the end, it felt like it was brushed aside too easily by saying the mom sent letters so she wasn’t too bad and Thierry is making breakfast so he’s trying. Not enough. I wanted them to let Lola acknowledge she deserved better and that their parent’s crap wasn’t on her. That her mom should have looked for help and the other two shouldn’t have pretended everything was okay. In general, there is way too much pressure to overlook toxic parent behavior and I wish they’d been clearer about this.

- Mental health portrayal : Some parts of it were really good. Showing Daphné’s ED, letting Eliott talk about his episodes and relapses, showing some of the dark sides of depression and addiction. They just needed to show more of the recovery, because that is often the representation that they lacked the most. I don’t blame them for showing the bad sides of the mental healhcare system (which is terribly outdated and dysfunctional in France, I’m speaking from experience) but they should have shown the good too. Like do they find recovery boring or something ? Because as a person w MI, that’s actually what I’m dying to see, and they’ve been a real letdown in that department. I also think they should have acknowledged that the Lecomte family has mental issues as a whole, that the mother should have gotten help, and the father probably needs it too (still think they should have gone to therapy as a group lol).

- Elu and Eliott’s development : Honestly, not a big fan of how they wrote Lucas in s5&s6, in a lot of clips he was the angry guy with a temper, I miss s4 Lucas who was so compassionate and showed real growth and emotional intelligence. Here it just felt like they were fitting his character to plot needs, and it’s so sad for a character who had such an amazing story development. Now, I loved the glimpses of domestic Elu we got, how Axel and Maxence really showed the intimacy that had grown between them, they really felt married with all the nonverbal conversations and touches, that was sweet. But it’s so annoying that they hinted at Lucas’s insecurities and Eliott’s lack of communications and just brushed it away with ‘oh they love each other they will be okay’ sure bitch but then show us how ? that’s the interesting stuff ? it really feels sometimes like the writer(s) didn’t like how strongly the fans focused on the romance when they wanted to be talking about MATURE dark stuff not that frilly fluffy romance shit *eyeroll* male writers who think they’re above that stuff is so annoying as is the conflating of dark and mature - anyway. Again I liked seeing Eliott in his element this season, he is really thriving, with his movie and the video store, and that made me very happy. I don’t think it’s unrealistic he didn’t make a lot of friends in uni - French university can be so isolating, there isn’t a campus or a vibrant social life like in the US, it’s a very common experience to feel lost and isolated for newbies and it was also my case - but ? Sofiane ? Idriss ??? They could have found a better excuse to implicate Lamifex in the movie making tbh, like Jo egging him on about her passion for directing or whatever, and Sofiane could have been there chilling with them it would have been so cool. I just wish Eliott would have had more of an arc like Daphné did. It wouldn’t have taken much, and since he is my favorite character, I will never not be disappointed at all the wasted potential.

Yeah so in the end i think this was a very good story they didn’t entirely give themselves the right storytelling tools to tell. Like there is something in the way they prioritize certain moments over others that...I just find very frustrating and weird. So...flawed, but still very interesting overall.

#skam france #skamfr s6 #lola lecomte #mayla

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