#//also yes her eyes do 'the thing'
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I think depictions of Anya being cruel to Curly or drawing out his suffering are artful and chilling but completely miss the point of the story and her character.
I'm not saying she doesn't deserve to have that "I told you so" moment with him but not in something callous or cold. Even if that is how it happened, she'd immediately feel guilty cause at that point she's not tormenting her tormenter or even the person truly at fault. She's doing something cathartic, similar to how Jimmy likely hits Curly to release rage he can't against the rest of the crew. She'd see herself as no different when she'd come back from the moment and see Curly cowering at her. She wants someone to take responsibility but how does being cruel to the defenseless help? Why would she want the power Jimmy has over her over Curly?
The idea of her extending someone else's pain is just so against the struggles she already faces and how she can't even bring herself to cause someone pain even to help them. Her very desire is to release herself from her own suffering and I doubt she'd even fine some sort of guilty release in being cruel to another.
#anya is not a character i see taking agency or indulging in cathartic behaviors#not knowingly like i see her as a character trapped in her head and maybe in the scenario she's cruel to Curly she is envisioning Jimmy#in his place but its not a story about justice or those deserving of punishment and those not like its the opposite of people projecting#their issues on the wrong people and saying things to the wrong people and doing things they shouldn't but anya uniquely falls out of it as#she is subjected to a lot of it but it is also not something she wants to subject another person to like you are doing what Jimmy does and#placing ur rage into another persons and viewing their actions through your eyes like she'd more likely yell at him than do harm or#cause him more pain like at least make it in character#but also she clearly doesn't want to see jimmy or curly in the same light and doesnt because she still repeatedly goes to Curly for comfort#and protection and god there's like concepts that need to be applied to characters individually and then the story as a whole#we can not view the game through only one themed lens less we forget to inspect the compounding factor of Anya is so much more than girl#that needs to be allowed to go off but a woman that simply wants right to be done by her and no more harm like she doesn't want to be aroun#the suffering like idk but some of yall would just benefit from like understanding that people are inherently grey with the capabilities of#black n white thinking or actions#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#i like her the most but then again i am defensive of all women in media and hate when people change the way the character would take agency#for themselves like yes I want her to tweak out but she just wouldn't and I like seeing realistic depictions of a woman suffering the way#she is like shes not the type at the end of the movie to have a one liner but feel a shallow freedom cause she needs to realistically heal#idk but its just like there is an obbsession forming with making her character her pain and not how she handles and navigates the issue
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FAMINE: That's one deep, dark nothing you've got there, Dean.
[youtube with closed captions]
dean and his father. dean and his family. dean and how bad it is.
(via @closetoyou1970)
#spn#vid#mind the warnings on this one for real#woe! fruit of my rewatch be upon ye.#pallas calls this my 'deangirl coming out vid' which honestly. true. but those who paid attention know i've always been a deangirl.#also. after this no more deanwinchester rilo kiley amvs I Pwomise#anyway. i'm not gonna give a full commentary here but a big reason why i chose this song is that the narrator#is essentially dismissing her own problems and instead watching the problems of someone else#and i kind of wanted to play with that theme. this is the parallels show so let's do some parallels. lots of things happen to characters#that are Like Dean somehow. either in personality or circumstance. that we know or can infer happen to him. but we don't see it bc it's#not sayable. not speakable. so like for an easy one. we see meg being tortured in caged heat. she also talks about apprenticing under#alastair just like dean. so i show her being tortured [in a way that is sexualized and demon-specific] and reacting how she does#because i invite the audience to imagine or interpret that this has also happened to dean at some point. we just don't see it#so there are many dean parallels in this video. some obvious. some subtle but textual. some products of my twisted mind. but that's the way#i am using them to make my argument.#oh also: dean voice sam's eyes going black is JUST like when he used to fight with dad and wouldn't listen to me when i told him not to.#i guess also the point is that because it's unsayable. dean can't say it. dean can't even acknowledge it. and so it bleeds through#into everything in his life#that's why it's important that the song narrator doesn't take her own problems seriously. dean doesn't either.
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HELL'S GREATEST DAD ↳ from Hazbin Hotel Season One (2024): 1x05 - "Dad Beat Dad"
#hazbin hotel#lucifer morningstar#hazbin lucifer#alastor#hazbin alastor#music vids: s1#dad beat dad#my videos#anyone else think the way he was holding alastor's head twice is foreshadowing? served it to her on a plate then had it as a pic on the cak#i hope it's foreshadowing lol#he was also feeding her his eyes and shadow tentacles as spaghetti and meatballs askjdfakjshdfjkls#bro was SO MAD LMFAO#song: hell's greatest dad#charlie#charlie morningstar#mimzy#hazbin mimzy#hey hey pssst... you know those 3 cards that swing by before the slot machine?#the middle one is lucifer as the king of spades - the same card alastor was in husk's overlord flashback.#DETAILS!! I LOVE THE DETAILS IN THIS SHOW!#RIP VID QUALITY BTW#tumblr really axed this one huh#also don't get me started on the symbolism behind alastor's whole deal in this song there is SO MUCH GOING ON#lucifer is overbearing yes but all his lyrics are ''im gonna help you cuz i love you'' meanwhile alastor's are ''IM SO GREAT AND COOL''#easy. but look at the doorway behind them when he dances with her on the stairs. it looks like spidery fingers reaching out from behind#to grasp/trap her in a dark place. THE ENTIRE ''ASSISTANCE'' PART#LITERALLY PUTTING ALL THAT STRESS ON HER THEN ''SAVES HER'' AFTER#THE ''IM YOUR GUY YOUR DAY TO DAY'' HE'S LITERALLY BOXING HER IN/TRAPPING HER WHILE PLAYING FRIENDLY#and do i even have to point out the obvious ''separating you from your blood family'' thing he has going on and the whole time#WATCH IT ELKMAN I WILL KILL YOU. YOU ARE LUCKY YOU'RE MODERATELY/MOSTLY ENTIRELY LIKEABLE AND FUNNY.
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top 3 fave bbys in the burrito show (bonus SUPER LONG tags on how i feel bout the characters)
#my art#boruto naruto next generations#sarada uchiha#shikadai nara#inojin yamanaka#in no particular order except sarada is my fav- i think she shouldve been main focus- girl brings all of og team 7 together at all times#just her family history alone is very interesting and i WISH we had seen a convo with sausage boi about her uncle and just everything#but shes a pretty solid character on her own- VERY good mix of both parents yet still being her own self#shikadai is funny i really like seeing him- hes a sight for sore eyes- bro got EVERYTHING from his dad minus his eyes and maybe hair#his dynamic with boruto being besties is really fun to watch- sarada too- with both shika and sara being geniuses and all#i love inojin's simplicity and how ordinary he is.... its... realistic?#hes artistically talented yes with his ninja art stuff but everything else hes kinda... mundane? at times even bad?#Considering every other prev gen child's got all these cool stuff goin on- i like that hes just... kinda normal... i like that about him#boruto i actually do like as well- he'd make a GREAT support character- i love how big bro he is and how he wants to stand up for others#hes a lot like naruto in that way- and might be a hot topic to say this but i also like how - in his very first arc- boruto hates the hokag#not his dad but internalized that the job took his dad away from him- regardless on criticism i think that concept is really neat#i am not well versed in what the story is now for boruto- ive just kinda picked my snacks on what i wanna watch lmao#but i do wish there was more showings of slice of life for all the kids- cuz they are all really interesting- especially for prev gen's kid#>>wished they did timetravel arc with sarada so we coulda seen young sasuke & sakura interact with boruto and sarada T_T#one last note: borusara is very interesting- but i actually prefer them just being friends- at most friends with crushes on eachother#i do think its cute but i like the dynamic of it being unrequited idk its new for me i just prefer them as friends with crushes lmao#prob cuz they work as characters independently Im not really interested in ANY of the new gen hookin up- borusara is the most interesting#i mean it IS the ONLY one being pushed canonically but i like it- that boruto looks out for sarada and sarada worries for boruto#but ya i wish boruto was like mitsuki in being a side character - i think a LOT more people will find him less annoying that way#though- i REALLY want more sarada and sasuke dynamics being shown- actually the uchiha fam a TON more than what we got#they are just SUPER interesting to me lmao#im a sucker for the emo boy turns soft and has family and bonds with their kids- its one of my favourite things in media#i feel like scraping the ocean floor when im trying to find quality sasuke and sarada art pieces and story stuff#cuz ive exhausted all the content in these past what 2-3 years of knowing both boruto- and now more recently - naruto#(yes im one of those people who knew boruto before naruto- smite me)
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BRB thinking thoughts about Taigen's character, the TaiMizu ship, and a big chunk of fandom's perceptions regarding both those things.
(Inspired by @farintonorth's post related to this topic that just got my brain going brrrrr)
OK so let me just... start off by saying that I think that reducing stories to their tropes is seriously detrimental to the way some people are interacting with fiction, and while that honestly warrants its own post about the subject, I wanna talk specifically about how this affects the way some people in the fandom talk about Taigen and TaiMizu.
Because yeah, tropes are useful shorthand to refer to certain dynamics or archetypes etc, and they are indeed the building blocks to any story. But in a well-written story, characters and their relationships, actions, and motivations, are much more complex than just tropes. Because in a story that has characters who are more than just cardboard cutouts, their behaviours, backgrounds, motivations and all of that, are inseparable from the context of the overall story they exist in.
So like, sure, you can say Mizu and Taigen have an enemies-to-lovers or rivals-to-lovers dynamic. I also use those terms because it's easier. But I also think this is where things start to get a bit twisted, especially from an intertextual sense. Because "enemies-to-lovers" is also commonly used to refer to other ships in other media, whereby it tends to be rooted in an imbalanced power dynamic, such as oppressor-oppressed and bully-victim.
And while that's a whole can of worms that I won't be getting into because it can quickly derail into a whole separate sort of fandom discourse, I'd just like to make it clear that Mizu and Taigen, in particular, do not have an imbalanced power dynamic. They are not bully-victim or oppressor-oppressed. The only understandable reason why someone might actually think their relationship is imbalanced is if
A) they only watched the first episode, or
B) they cannot grasp the slightest bit of nuance in a character, or
C) they're being obtuse on purpose simply because the Mizu/Taigen relationship, or Taigen's character in general, just doesn't suit their tastes.
While yes, Taigen, along with his whole gang, had bullied Mizu when they were children, that dynamic does not exist between them whatsoever in adulthood. Whatever imbalanced bully-victim power dynamic that had once existed between them was decisively ripped apart the moment Mizu beat him in that duel in the dojo, and then completely obliterated by the end of the season.
Mizu is not a defenseless victim at Taigen's mercy. Mizu can beat Taigen's ass any time she wants (and she DOES, repeatedly in fact), and could even kill him if she felt like it. She taunts him openly and without fear ("I like your hair"; "I can beat you with any weapon you choose") and all he does is bark back, because that's pretty much all Taigen ever does. Time and time again, he yaps about how much he wants to kill her, but time and time again, his actions prove that all of it is just an empty threat. Because though his words say "I hate you", his actions demonstrate the complete opposite. He's shown how protective he is of Mizu, how unhesitatingly he sacrifices himself up for her, how loyal he is in enduring days-long torture to not give up information about her, how even when near-death and in pain, he's still willing to keep standing back up so he can fight by her side and help her win against her enemies.
And Mizu is not an idiot! She sees that too. She does not see him as a threat, an enemy, or even a bully. Especially not by the end of Episode 3, and definitely not by the end of the season. When she finds him in the dungeon in Episode 6, she smiles from relief, and doesn't think twice to take him with her. Mizu finds him, at best, an annoyance, or at worst, an infuriating hindrance on her quest for vengeance. Which is why, when Taigen is about to say, "It's a shame our duel's set for tomorrow; I have to kill you before you get your revenge," Mizu whacks him on the head without a second thought before he can even finish his sentence, and leaves him lying unconscious, face-down, in the snow.
And this further emphasises how he does not hold any power over her. There is no abusive power dynamic between them. She is more powerful than him, he knows this, and all he's ever done after they've met up again in adulthood is get his ass whooped by her, get mad about it and pester her and follow her around, get his ass whooped by her some more, and put his life on the line to protect her.
"OOoooOOoooH b-but he called her a demon at the end of Episode 7 and threatened to kill her again!!!" Oh my god. He called her that because he's calling her out on her selfishness to stay silent about her knowledge of Fowler's plans to attack Edo. Because to him, loyalty and honour as a samurai is more important than anything. So in his own brash-and-immature Taigen way, he felt betrayed that Mizu did not hold the same principles. That's why he got angry. He wasn't even that mad about letting Akemi get dragged off by the Tokunobu guards. It was about saving the Shogun and the Shogunate as a whole. That's why the first thing he does in Edo is not find Akemi, but try to warn the Shogun about Fowler's attack.
Look, I'm not defending his stupid ass, of course. Because calling her a demon especially after their cute little wrestling time was obviously rude and inappropriate, especially since words like "demon", "monster" and "Onryo" have had such a deep effect on Mizu throughout her life, and continue to contribute to her self-hatred. But like? That's the fun of realistic and flawed characters, and realistic and flawed relationships. They're not perfect, and it's why we as an audience root for them, wanting to see them work through their shit and find a way to prevail despite it all.
Also, him saying that was in the heat of the moment. He was angry, he felt like his initial belief of who Mizu was—a strong and loyal samurai, just like him—was shattered, and so he lashed out. Was it rude? Definitely. Was it immature of him? Yes, incredibly. But it's also very much in line with his character, because even though he's grown a lot over the course of the season, the show isn't over yet, so obviously his character arc is just beginning, as that is also the case for the other three main characters: Mizu is beginning to accept herself, Akemi is beginning to grow into her position of power, Ringo beginning to train under Master Eiji, while Taigen is beginning to simply be a better person.
On that note, when speaking of Taigen's immaturity, I think that's also one of the main things that people tend to gloss over when it comes to his character. Because when you boil everything down to its bare essentials, Taigen is, essentially, a boy. I've talked about this before, but to reiterate, Taigen very much behaves like an unhealed child. Even as an adult, he is insecure, prone to throwing tantrums, and is desperate to latch onto some material goal in hopes that it will make him feel better—initially he was chasing status/glory/greatness, and then when Mizu tells him that "Nothing comes from being a samurai but death," he immediately decides he wants to run away with Akemi in hopes that he will be happy.
And it's a big step, acknowledging that he doesn't truly want greatness, but had always just assumed it was his only path to a good life. But it's clear he still hasn't really figured it out. Because if he did run off with Akemi to get married and live in the countryside, he still wouldn't be happy. Because he still doesn't know who he really is, or what it is he really wants. Marriage at this moment is the last thing he needs, and as he is now, he would be a pretty awful husband. A simple life would be good for him, but would he be good at a simple life, when he still has so much he needs to work through?
So anyway, what I'm getting at here, is that he's trying and he is learning and growing. So yeah, he is flawed, but honestly? So is Mizu. And the funny thing is that they're flawed in very similar ways.
Because Mizu is also an unhealed child. That's why she's so angry all the time. That's why she pushes people away. That's why she, just like Taigen, is so happy when given the chance to playfully wrestle in the forge, laughing and rolling around like children without shame or pretense.
Again, this shows there is no imbalance between them. They had grown up together as peers from the same town. And while Taigen had had the upper hand back then, because he'd had a gang of other kids with him, that is definitely not the case anymore. Today, they are equally flawed, equally strong, equally skilled swordsmen, and equally bull-headed.
However, yes, Mizu is definitely leagues more mature than Taigen. But she still holds a lot of childhood wounds that mirror Taigen's own. And we see this especially in relation to her mother. Similar to Taigen who had an abusive and alcoholic father, Mizu's Mama was an opium addict and had hit her, berated her, had shaved her head without her consent as a child, and as an adult, had constantly emotionally manipulated and guilt-tripped her. Mizu's love for her Mama was what had driven her to a path of vengeance in the very beginning. And when she'd found out Mama was still alive, she had wanted nothing more than her Mama's love, and it was this alone that pushed her to agree to the marriage with Mikio in the first place. And now, knowing from Fowler that her birth mother is someone else entirely, is what makes her agree to keep him alive and haul his ass to London to seek answers.
Thus, integral to Mizu's self-hatred is also Mizu's intense longing for love and family. Just like Taigen, whose pompousness comes from his insecurity about being the son of a poor fisherman, Mizu's goals are also shaped by who her parents are. Remember, her vengeance is not against just anyone who's corrupt or evil, but specifically against the men who she believes had assaulted her mother, the men she believes had made her a monster, the men she believes had abandoned her to die and continue to try to kill her. Her vengeance is against a father, on behalf of a mother. In The Tale of the Ronin and the Bride, Mizu is not merely the Ronin, the Bride, or the Onryo, but also the Child.
This is also why Ringo is so good, not only for Mizu, but for Taigen as well. Ringo is wise and caring and considerate, but above all, he is in tune with his inner child in ways that Mizu and Taigen are not. He is always earnest and positive, he sees the world with childlike wonder, but is not naive or blind to its ugliness. His whole life has been a battle. Ringo brings out the best in Mizu, consistently acting as her moral compass and conscience, and Mizu's choice to save Akemi in the final episode is only because she promised Ringo that she would. Because it's the right thing to do. Ringo inspires her to be a better person, and to think outside of her narrow-minded goal of revenge. At the same time, Ringo also brings out the best in Taigen. While at first Taigen had looked down on both Mizu and Ringo ("Half-limb to a half-wit"), by the end of the season, he's proud to have Ringo as a friend and ally, he listens to Ringo's advice ("What would Master do?"), and asserts to the fucking Shogun that Ringo is a worthy warrior to have by his side.
Okay, I've gone on a bit of a tangent here, but my main point is that Mizu and Taigen are incredibly similar. They are equals. They are both flawed, unhealed children who are chasing some impossible outlandish goal in hopes that it will fill the void in their hearts. They also both have a long way to go in terms of character development if they were to ever build a healthy romantic relationship (either with each other, or even with anyone else). So while I believe things will be rocky (because duh, it's a story, we all live for the drama, etc), I think with Ringo's help, they'll get there eventually.
#blue eye samurai#blue eye samurai meta#mizu x taigen#taigen x mizu#taimizu#taigen blue eye samurai#mizu blue eye samurai#meta dissertations.pdf#im not a taigen defender. but i AM a taimizu truther#wank.mp3#sorta#fandom.rtf#shut up haydar#like i KNOW we all love mizu and want her for ourselves but cmon. let's be real here for a second.#ahem. hear ye! put down the delulu for a mere moment!#and ask thyself. why am i beefing with this pathetic bald man? a man who is the definition of a wet rat?#thus. my brother in nerd ass shit. i beg thee put down thy weapon. this man is not worth beefing with! he is literally... just some guy.#yes...he is bitchy. however! he is also a loser obsessed with mizu. remember this. he is not thine enemy. but simply...one of us.#also lmao like jokes aside lemme be clear. you ARE ALLOWED to hate taigen and taimizu all you like!!!! feel free to do so!!!!#but please just acknowledge it's like. a preference thing. like it's just not your cup of tea! thats A-OK!#but please dont insist that the ship is toxic unhealthy abusive etc#but if you still feel the need to do so. then for the love of god just tag your posts as anti-[insert whatever here] so it helps ppl mute#i knew how to tag shit as anti-makorra since i was fourteen! 😭 like it's basic courtesy cmon
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Go play pretend on your own (Patreon)
#Doodles#Helix#Dexter Favin#Coraline#The Beldam#The other side of this coin <3 Call him out but this time make it unfriendly hehe#I talked last time about the daring rescue!! I do love the daring rescue in Coraline AUs ah same thing with the Camp Camp Coraline AU haha#Burst in through the door! Those poor hinges!#It is a bit funny imagining him crawling through the tunnel in a hurry and kicking the doors open all winded haha <3#It's all very serious of course Max needs help! Stuck behind the mirror from disobeying perhaps?#I was pretty hard on him last time that he'd just Immediately give up his soul for cheap tricks but like - would he?#Yes he's reckless and foolish but he's also stubborn and prideful and hates being told what to do so there's that lol#Which does he want more! The high or his freedom to refuse? I could see it going either way#And for Dex's sake I would hope he'd refuse! As if he hasn't suffered enough eye trauma (eventually)#Ough the thought of him starting to say yes and getting one button eye in and then rescinding his yes ouch#Doomed to have one eye no matter where he goes ah 💔#Anyway - Dex!!! Watch I'll make another one with the ideas mentioned here and then talk about more ideas in those tags pft#Since agreeing with him didn't work how about shaming? ''Go away you're no better''#She really is going hard on him like ''What's your angle? You get him back and then what? Will that actually fix anything?''#Very much pulling from Dexter's meetings with Max at the Institute there hhhhhh as if I needed more feelings about it#Eco_Mono did such a beautiful job playing Dex - so much to consider hehe - but there was one question that I can't stop thinking about#''Why would you want him back?'' and Dexter didn't really have much of an answer - he was barely more than a concept at the time!#Having had the opportunity to see his character grow into himself has given me Such brainworms about that question ♥♪♫#Very want to explore it <3#In the meanwhile it's fun to pit these two against each other haha what an odd matchup ♪#I've only barely drawn the Beldam before now that I think of it! And I think only in her final metal-spidery form never in her mid form here#She's fun :D And so tall! Dexter finally feeling small for a change haha#Her having to fight adult selfishness would be quite interesting I think - something tinged with but not quite the same as loyalty#She can relate to the possessiveness at least hehe I'm sure he'd appreciate the comparison
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what would megumi’s life have been if he was actually raised by the zenin from day one? like either gojo lost the custody battle or they were able to scoop him up before gojo ever reached them. i doubt they would want to keep tsumiki with them so she’s not there for little baby megs.
i think it would be really cool to see a zenin raised megumi interacting with his fellow classmates when he attends the school, not to mention the contrast between him and gojo. like on paper they both should have gotten the same treatment-being pampered and spoiled rotten but we also know that the zenin think that hurting little kids makes them stronger so it would be super interesting to see megumi realise that the stuff that happened to him wasn’t normal and for gojo to have a guilt trip bc he wasn’t able to help megumi when he needed someone to help him the most.
So I have a fanfic that I’ve half written (no idea if I’ll ever finish it—I’d love to, it’s just hard to find the time) about EXACTLY THAT that I talked about in this post for an ask game.
That being said, that entire thing happens from Tsumiki’s perspective, and I agree with you—I don’t think the Zenin would have ever actually taken her too. They don’t want her. She’s not Zenin. She’s not a sorcerer. They only bought Megumi. For the most part, Megumi is absent from that post, and you asked about Megumi. So this is what I think would happen on Megumi's side of that post I linked.
It comes down to two things:
1. He is never, ever happy with the Zenin.
2. He never lets go of his sister.
Megumi’s old enough to remember Tsumiki when the Zenin take him away. He's old enough to love her. And I think that Megumi loves very quietly, but he also loves very violently. He wouldn't let his sister hold his hand on the walk to school, but he would sacrifice himself for her future.
I think the Zenin took him from his sister, and I think he kicked and screamed and wasn't strong enough. I think they thought he would forget her eventually.
And then I think he bit most of the Zenin Clan.
At the end of the day, what Megumi wanted was the one thing the Zenin were not willing to give him. They were never like the Gojo clan, they were never going to pamper him, but there are a great many things in this world that they would give the Ten Shadows finally returned to them. But they would not give him a non-sorcerer, non-Zenin sister who would only be a weakness to him. They refused to let him have any contact with his sister, and that was the source of a lot of what soured.
Any Megumi that was taken in by the Zenin would have been taken in to Naobito's household directly. He would be announced as the one who finally inherited their most cherished technique, and he would be declared heir, and the Zenin would call him beloved for it.
They would keep him in a room that was large and empty and almost always dark, and he wouldn't be allowed to decide when he slept or woke, and the door would always be locked from the outside. They would give him a wardrobe of expensive clothes that he hated, and he would never get to pick which of them he wore.
Megumi would hate them. He would hate all of them.
He's just not the type to be comfortable with or enjoy the adoration of others--especially when it's not backed up by genuine love. Megumi is someone who very much values sincerity and depth to emotion--it's one of the reasons why he seems to respect Yuuji so much. Yuuji is a good person who follows through with what he says. He's not just going to talk about wanting to save people--he's there making the sacrifices as he does it.
The Zenin do not actually love him. And he knows it. He's experienced love before, and this isn't it.
They love the idea of him. The fantasy of him that lives in their heads. He has no interest in being their little god prince to contend with the Gojo's own. He knows who he is, and it's not this. He wants to go home. He wants to find his sister again. He doesn't want to do this anymore.
And I think that's a feeling Megumi never escape: he just didn't want to do this anymore.
Megumi would feel like a bug pinned beneath glass in the Zenin compound. He would constantly have people managing him--when he ate, what he ate, what he wore, when he slept, when he woke, when he trained, what he did. Having to become a jujutsu sorcerer signified an inherent loss of control, but it's nothing compared to the sheer objectification that he goes through when the Zenin have exclusive control over him.
He has no power of what clothes he wears. How his hair is styled. His schedule, his diet, the people he speaks too--he's suffocating and the Zenin are just increasing pressure on him.
I don't think Gojo ever thought that would be Megumi's life.
We’re gonna just have this imagining exist in the same world as the Tsumiki centric fic described in the linked post, and in that, the reason why Gojo never took him in was because he didn’t know Megumi had a sister. He showed up, saw the divine dogs, realized Megumi had the Ten Shadows, and decided he couldn’t do this. He was a mess. He was grieving Suguru and Haibara. Megumi looked just like the man who killed Riko, and apparently inherited the fucking Ten Shadows of all the goddamn things. The Zenin would lose their shit, and Gojo didn’t have the energy to fight and told himself he didn’t need to, because if Megumi was the Ten Shadows he’d be cared for like a prince with the Zenin. He turned around and left and spent the rest of his life with Megumi in the back of his mind, always nagging him with whether he made the right decision. It wasn’t until Maki got there and made a few worrisome references to Megumi's standard of living that he started to really worry that he had made the wrong one, and it wasn't until he found out about Tsumiki that he knew it was the wrong decision.
It's like this: The Zenin hurt Megumi in every world.
It would be bad no matter what, but it really gets bad because Megumi refuses to stop trying to get back to Tsumiki. She's his sister. They didn't have anyone or anything in this world, but they had each other, and he couldn't let these people just take her away. He’s feral about it. He refuses to fit the mold they keep trying to cram him in. He’s trying to scale the walls to escape. He’s increasingly desperate and angry and the Zenin are getting more and more frustrated the longer he fights them. He’s the heir to the clan, and he can’t stop trying to leave it to get back to some random girl who isn’t his real sister and isn’t someone they’ll ever allow him to have.
It gets bad.
They put him under increasingly strict levels of control. He’s constantly being trained, which means he's constantly being hurt. He’s not allowed to speak to anyone without the clan head’s approval. He is under absolutely constant guard after he manages to get over the wall and halfway to his old neighborhood before they catch him again. Tsumiki’s name is not allowed to be said aloud, or his old name. He forgets his name used to be Fushiguro, but he doesn’t forget Tsumiki. He doesn’t let himself.
I think it escalates until it hits a breaking point. Megumi becomes increasingly self-destructive and non-responsive to everything they try. They push him to extremes that start risking permanent damage.
I think Megumi would try to hurt himself, eventually.
He wouldn't be in his right mind. He's in the most shit situation possible. He's undergoing pretty severe abuse. He'd be at the end of his rope from the lack of control over his own life, and he'd be spiteful as hell towards the Zenin. And the only thing he has to hurt them with is himself.
As a character, Megumi has always considered his own sacrifice as an acceptable means to the end of getting back at someone. Mahoraga, intrinsically, requires him killing himself as a way of killing someone else. He'd hurt himself if it was the only way he had of hurting them.
Naobito would cover it up. He'd never, ever want the rest of the clan to find out that it happened. It was already bad enough that Megumi openly hated them--he couldn't have the Zenin seeing any vulnerability in what was meant to be their most powerful member. He'd put Megumi in total lockdown until he could make it all go away.
Then they'd make a deal.
A binding vow. Megumi could never purposefully hurt himself again. He could never again try to leverage his own safety against the clan.
And in exchange, Tsumiki would be taken care of.
The last time Megumi saw his sister, she was on a sinking ship. They were running out of food, money, options--he doesn't know if she even has food anymore. He doesn't know if she lost the apartment or if there's still running water.
They're not letting him see her. But they are letting him take care of her. He can sacrifice another piece of control over himself, and she'll never have to worry about money again. They'll pay for her housing, her food, her education, for her every desire for as long as she lives. The trust the Zenin set up for her will be a generous one, and it will be managed meticulously by a trustee who can make sure she'll be provided for until she's old and grey. And Naobito will vow to never hurt her or send someone else to hurt her. She'll be safe. She'll be taken care of.
Megumi makes the deal.
In the end, the deal's what sort of breaks him.
Because he doesn't promise to stop looking for her, but the Zenin manage to make it a part of the terms anyway. When they approach Tsumiki's mother with the offer to be her family's beneficiary, they include a requirement that Tsumiki be moved to another city entirely with no forwarding address given. She needs to be somewhere that Megumi can never find her again.
The Zenin keep the old apartment. They pay the rent every month. And the next time Megumi manages to make it off compound, they let him make it all the way there before dragging him home. They let him see the empty apartment with all its empty rooms.
Naobito wants him to know that Tsumiki's gone. He wants him to know that he'll never find her again.
He tries to run a few more times after that, but he never makes it very far. He doesn't have anywhere to go.
In the linked post, Megumi finds Tsumiki, just once. She's on a class trip. He's on one of his very few and far between allowed excursions off the compound grounds, and he sees her in the crowd and recognizes her, and he ducks away from his escort before anyone can stop him.
She remembers him. He didn't think she would do that.
She tries to save him. He didn't think she would do that either.
She still loves him. And he was always too afraid to hope she would do that.
It goes the same way it did the first time. There's a car, and the Zenin shove him in it. She's on the outside, and he's trapped within, and he wishes she didn't scream so loudly when it happens. The sound never seems to leave his dreams.
His sister still loves him. Naoya hits him in the back of the head. He wakes up, and it was like she was never there at all.
But they hit him harder, after. Like they're trying to beat the memory of her out of him. He has even less freedom, when he already had next to none at all.
But he still has a sister. He has a place to go that isn't here. He just has to figure out where that is.
He wouldn't really have anyone in the Zenin clan. Most people are just... weird about him. Naoya's violently abusive. Naobito's weird and violently abusive. Everyone wants him to be someone he's not.
Maki would be his favorite.
He doesn't care about whether she's got cursed energy--his sister didn't have any. And she's obviously strong. She doesn't treat him like a divine blessing or try to force him to act a certain way. I think they would have genuinely liked each other, but kept each other at a distance. They're both trapped in an abusive situation and keep themselves safe by keeping everyone else at arm's length.
He would have been happy to see her get out, though. He would have told her that she could have his spot as heir or head or whatever when she came back if she wanted it. She would have told him that if he ever got out... well, fuck it. They could be something then. Family. Whatever the fuck they weren't allowed to be here.
She would have told him she's sorry, and she would have meant it. The only one she she regretted more than Megumi was Maki. He would have told her not to be, that if she dared to be sorry for getting out that he would never forgive her, and he would have meant that too.
I think his relationship with his own techinque would be very different in a world where the Zenin raised him. In canon, his issue is that he doesn't view himself as someone who could be powerful or win in the long run, but in this world, all he ever hears is how powerful he is. Pride of the fucking Zenin. The most powerful of them in centuries. Meant to rival Gojo fucking Satoru himself.
I think his real issue would be controlling it.
His technique would be a source of negative associations for him. It's the reason why the Zenin took him away. Most of his interactions with it have involved getting beaten and hurt by either his family or a high-level curse they shoved him in front of. I think he'd have a lot more firepower under his belt than at the start of canon, but he'd have less of a fine tuned control over it.
He lost control over his own life because of his shadows. It think that would manifest in struggling to control his own shikigami at times. he's not as in-sync with them as he is in canon.
Eventually, he'd go to Jujutsu High. He would be the only one in the first year class at the beginning, just like in canon. And he'd finally meet Gojo Satoru, the man he's supposed to topple.
He looks at Megumi really goddamn weird.
He's... enthusiastic. About. Teaching. He guesses. And constantly asking prying questions about the Zenin, but not in the sort of way he'd expect from a rival. In the sort of way he'd expect from someone concerned about him. Which is stupid. And annoying. And weird. He keeps a distance from everyone. They've all heard about the Zenin clan heir, and he has no interest in having to fit or break whatever mold they've already cast him in. He's better off on his own.
Maki's there. She's cordial where other people can see it, and in private, she takes care of him in a way that's terrifyingly close to familial. He's not sure if he likes it. He's not Mai, and she's not Tsumiki, and they both want someone they can't have.
She isn't sorry she left. She is sorry she left him. He can hate her for it all he goddamn pleases.
Of course, if this is in the same world as the linked post, Megumi finds Tsumiki again. He finds her in Sendai.
He gets to keep her, this time.
Gojo Satoru, of all the goddamn people, intervenes and becomes his sister's benefactor. It's super fucking weird. He won't stop looking at Megumi strangely. He won't stop insisting that he didn't know he had a sister, like that matters.
That would sort of be the first time in a long time that life actually gets better for Megumi.
I think he would ask to go by Fushiguro again, once he asks Tsumiki what his name used to be. He'd ask her if she minded it, him taking the name again, and he'd ask the rest of the school to call him Fushiguro instead of Zenin.
Predictably enough, Naobito loses his shit when he finds out, but it's not nearly as big of a pain in the ass as he thinks it is? Because Gojo intervenes.
Gojo keeps intervening.
It drives Megumi nuts, because if anyone was supposed to hate him, it was this guy. If anyone was supposed to be against him, it was this guy. This is the guy he was supposed to rival. This is the guy who killed his shitheel bio dad.
Gojo's just... good to him. He keeps him safe. He keeps him safe from his own goddamn family, and that's--no one's ever done that. No one's ever protected him from the Zenin.
The Zenin try to remove him from the Tokyo campus and move him to Kyoto the second they find out Tsumiki's there, and Gojo just... says no. It causes an uproar, and he doesn't fucking budge. It's treading dangerously close to him kidnapping the Zenin clan heir, his refusal to let them remove him from the Tokyo campus, and he doesn't care about whatever problems it causes him.
Megumi's his student. He doesn't want to leave. So Gojo won't let them take him.
He personally goes to Kyoto and collects him, the one time the Zenin force him into a car and move him when Gojo's off on a mission. He tells the higher ups to get fucked. He changes Megumi's student I.D. to read Fushiguro, and he causes problems for Yaga and the assistants until they start calling him Fushiguro as well.
Megumi's different with the other students once his sister is there.
He's more connected with them. He becomes best friends with Kugisaki and Itadori. He gets closer with the second years. He's visibly happier, and it sort of casts in sharp contrast how unhappy he was before this.
And Gojo? Gojo's so goddamn sorry. He didn't know megumi had a sister.
The thing is that now that both Tsumiki and Megumi are on campus, it sort of haunts Gojo with what could have been. They're both fantastic kids--funny, smart, resourceful. And it's painful watching them try to rebuild what was taken from them. And it could have just. never happened. Because he could have saved them both. He could have been their family.
It's sort of painfully obvious the Zenin abused Megumi, and it fucking haunts him. He doesn't even have to read into Megumi's behavior--he sees it happen, right in front of him, with how they try to control him and push him around. He wants to kill them for it. He wants to hate himself for it. He could have saved Megumi and he just. He didn't.
He wishes he did.
#jjk#fushiguro megumi#fushiguro tsumiki#gojo satoru#zenin clan#zenin maki#also featuring in this au: itadori absolutely torn because his best friend's long lost brother is extremely pretty and he HAS to be in#violation of some kind of bro code. the boy is in crisis. there he is. enrolled in fucking wizard school. his best friend tsumiki finally#found her long lost brother. said long lost brother proceeds to give him his gay awakening. he's fucking sweating. kugisaki stop laughing#gojos latent desire for fatherhood has been violently awakened in this and no one is safe. he's everyone's dad now. no one wants this.#yuuta in africa: sensei it's three am why are you calling is everyone oka--what do you mean what color do I want you to paint my room. what#room. what are you talking about.#yuuta keeps getting the weirdest goddamn updates from japan and he thinks he's having a stroke. what do you mean zenin-kun is fushiguro-kun#and he has a fucking long lost sister and gojos possibly going to gently kidnap him. is it kidnapping if he wants it too but the people who#has custody of him doesn't. what do you mean he needs to come back and help maki kill her entire family. maki explain your words explain#yes word of god megumi is also yuutas boy in this one i decide this for no other reasons than i want this#it's not the same way as in sea glass gardens. Maki just said some worrying things when yuuta first met him and he decided to keep an eye#out for him. he didn't seem all that happy. and he seemed alone. yuuta didn't want him to be.#megumi's sort of blindsided because he went from being raised in a clan where he was barely a person to having a bunch of medically insane#people decide that his wellbeing was their personal crusade. like. no one ever cared about /him/ before this. they just wanted their idea#but not who he really was. he felt like he was screaming and no one could hear it. then suddenly these people he barely knows are like#okay so we're going to punch your shitty bio uncle and also set his car on fire. yes we will call you by the name that makes you most#comfortable. yes we will help you get a new wardrobe full of clothes you're actually comfortable in.#he hadn't heard his own name in years. he's just been the ten shadows. never fushiguro. only rarely megumi.#everyone calls him fushgiuro at the school. his sister calls him megumi. he sort of wants to cry about it but he doesn't.#his shitty uncle shows up and makes a big stink about him being called zenin and inumaki and panda keyed his car. is this what love is.#is it a keyed car.#Low key he does NOT know what's going to happen the first time the school goes on break because gojo keeps making comments about how#megumi's not going back to the zenin compound and he says it like a joke but. he may not be joking. is he not joking. is. is megumi being#kidnapped. again. this is getting statistically improbable. did gojo just. decide. to keep him. when did that happen.
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Day 238 | id in alt
Not her fault she makes nails sound like bullets, Shoko. She's just existing.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#itadori yuji#shoko ieri#ieri shoko#idk which way it goes at this point im tired#Kugisaki holds her nails she is shown imbueing the nails last second sometimes.#if she was to do that more often then we would've seen some damn holes in some people because of the nails#she hits those things HARD and they go fuckin FAST bro#rewatching and the nails only get like one or two frames before they impact. them bitches GONE#Toji's gun watch out you gotta contend with a girl thats jusy batshit#woe slightly better quality shoko upon ye#she just always has ti serve. I ALWA HAVE TO MAKE MY SHOKO PRETTY BUT ALSO FUCKED UP HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND#her eyes are wide but you dunno i will make her eyebags so bad they're a feature#if yall have the vibe of “shoko wouldn't react like that shes more laid back.”#bro....shoko had to retrieve the body of the maid probably#guns bullet holes y'know that thing so ofc shed be weary y'know#traumatic responses are weird. even in the most laid back of people. you get me on that? hope so LMAOOOO#low quality Kugisaki beloved is just how it be
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“Of course you have an Other Brother,” he says, waving off her denial as he opens some nearby cabinets. “Who else would I be if I wasn’t?”
Small WIP sketch of the Other Brother from IDKSomethingClever99’s fic “Mari in the Pink Palace”!!! OMORI and Coraline are my two biggest interests ever so this fic was like winning the lottery for me. Not to mention how good it is… please go read it ragh
#omori#omori au#omori sunny#coraline#this fic cured my artblock and writing block partially too is there anything it can’t do#Idksomethingclever99 what are you PUTTING in this thing it’s like a drug in the best way possible#Anyway this is a really lazy and terrible other brother design… I had so many other ideas for his outfit#I had wanted to keep the bug motifs the other mother has in her outfit as well as referencing the recital#Cause. You know#mari’s perfect world#Where he gets good at the violin lmao…#But I got lazy so here was a very simplified design I made#Fingers yearned for rest couldn’t draw complicated ideas I had…#Anyways anyways love this fic#So much#god#i fucking love how mewo is portrayed too#She’s like a weary mother trying to give some tough love to her kids landkrk#She’s such an asshole but I say that affectionately#Not to mention the fact that she didn’t info dump like the cat did in coralline to mari because she was more focused on getting her home-#-and safe from the beldam than actually telling her what he was doing… christttt#And yes I will still call him the beldam#Them??? Idk djdjdjej#I also love how all the other friends are gahhhh… I can’t WAIT to see their other forms when mari’s getting the eyes#Fun fact this drawing was originally meant to be a redraw of that one scene with the cocobugs#Since it’s super pretty and I wanted to draw it#But it’s not in the fic yet (next chapter I think?) and the author takes a lot of creative liberties which I LOVE so I wanna read the scene#First before attempting to draw it#But I really hope they lean into the uncanniness of Sunny of all people surrounding himself with bug imagery#Since that goes against what mari knows about him a LOT and will further cement that something is NOT RIGHT with this guy
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3l!grian is frequently depicted as a tragic figure and sometimes i wonder if we even watched the same series
#like yes he is tragic. every character in the series is tragic but i think hes easily the least tragic of the winners#(except maybe cleo. i have my own thoughts about how cleos victory plays into her core themes and why its not as joyous or triumphant as#cleo the players and the fandom at large make it seem that i will have to make a real post about at some point)#grian dies Laughing. he smiles and calls it a dual victory before the final fight. his last words are “its been amazing.”#to me Grians arc is about how he came in with this sense of mirth. had it ripled away by the reality when his joke gets Scar killed.#and then rediscovers it as he learns that the horror of their circumstances doesn't need to keep him from delight#plus also ive never seen a man more delighted to explode three of his friends#ill also bring up that Martyns lore has Grian involved in the games explicitly to COMBAT the angst#that Grians inherent silliness and joy makes the players less hopeless as they meet their endings#and theres obviously parts of martyns lore i can take or leave but this is one area where Eyes and Ears lines up very well with what actions#the characters take and so im happy to bring it up#unlike other parts such as “limlife pearl and cleo retained more trauma between seasons than any player has before”#which i do directly refute as it doesn't seem to line up with the way the characters act and the story plays out#thats for another post though#my point here is 3l grian was having the time of his life and i think there are some fanon interpretationd that disregard that#which theyre free to do im definitely someone who has ignored canon plenty of times in the past (glances at worm)#but i think this is the sort of thing that makes the canon more interesting and compelling#anyway. um. rambled longer than i meant to there#grian#trafficblr#3rd life#3rd life smp#3lsmp
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Sibling Shuffle: Asks & Answer!
Sorry for the late response lol
I’m still a bit busy so sorry if the art for this one looks a little off…
You got it in one, @cyrajack7!
I’ve mentioned before that Tempo is my favorite character from the Archie comics, so I wanted to include her (especially with how heavily the timeline - or at least the start of it - in my AU is based on Archie Mega Man).
———— (I tweaked her design slightly. If anyone has any constructive criticism, I’m always open to it! )
————
Lore: Since Blues didn’t run away in this AU, he met Tempo with her original personality. (I can explain myself as to why that is in another post, if you guys so desire.) I can imagine that her enthusiasm startled him a bit, but once he got used to her, he was more than happy to call her his friend.
Of course, since this is still based on the original storyline, bad things happen…
…but that means they get to become friends all over again. :)
#sibling shuffle au#answers#mega man au#mega man classic#my art#blues light#tempo lalinde#megaman#It’s like when you have a close friend that you haven’t seen in forever & when you next see them they’re totally different#except not really because time & distance aren’t the only factors here#I’ll upload the reference sheet for her & her family when I get the chance#story-wise they’re awkward for a bit before they’re besties again but it DOES happen#My art#lore#Also yes Blues can still do the eye thing
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god. every time i watch tss/tps i forget they use the valiant to filter the air at one point. like 10 and martha look excited about it (probably masking INCREDIBLY hard holyshit. martha having to deal with unit using it as a weapon in the sky to fight back after she had to deal with a YEAR (that no one else at unit remembers!!!) of seeing it in the sky while it was being used to destroy everything and everyone around her.) and like. 10's made immediately aware that unit repurposed it for good so he understands what's happening but like. jack harkness. who is not usually working directly with unit. who is probably trying to figure out what the hell is going on while trying to keep his team safe bc he can come back from the poison so he's the only one out there. looking up. seeing the fucking valiant with NO OTHER EXPLANATION as to why the hell it's there. like. one of the (many) times you kinda wish dw was more than pg bc i would've killed to just have like. a reference to him or his reaction. martha getting a text from him that's just "WHAT THE FUCK"
jack harkness deserves to be able to drop the one f-bomb a season of a pg13 doctor who. he’s literally perfect for it. and goddd. jack and martha friendship that exists in my mind forever. i know they’re in contact, i know this. if only because Who Else can they talk to about half of this stuff. off-screen in my mind martha gets to call jack when everything is done, and he’s glad the poison is all gone, assumes the doctor did A Thing, but he’d really like some clarification on the valiant and also. maybe clone martha called him at some point to try and lure him out and eliminate him as a threat or something. which would be a fun thing for the two of them to deal with!
imagining martha on the phone with him explaining that the valiant is for unit’s use now. (in a way that’s like. she is trying to tell herself this is Fine, too.) explaining that she just died in her own arms in a way, and she has no idea how to process that. i think they should get to hang out and decompress together, i really do.
#do i think post-children of earth jack at one point couchsurfed at martha’s. yes. yes i do.#i think he’s also the only person to know that her faked death to get away from unit *was* faked. (besides mickey. who is with her on that#) they’re traumabonded. theyre besties. i dont make the rules.#not to bring up miracle day but god you just know miracle day was one of the most stressful thing to happen to martha in. a while.#i wonder if jack got in contact with her and told her he was dying but she just couldnt get to the team. they were moving too fast and she#had so many people to help and. she’s freelance now which means no unit eyes on her but also no extensive resources.#martha jones i think about u forever and ever. come back to the show…….. tell me what youve been up to all these years. i wanna know…….#ask
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Since the dental Tribble has been on a strict no kibble, no crunchy, no chewing diet. (In a week or so she'll be allowed to use her teeth again a bit more, but no one wants to see a dog get dry socket.) Spouse feels that canned dog food (perpetually on hand to make into pupsickles) is not experienced as filling enough, and we do know that Tribble has done better on grain inclusive foods for the past decade, so... the rice cooker has been simmering with chicken stock rice too bulk out the canned food all week, and Matilda and Benton have both gotten a fair bit of overflow rice as a treat.
Unconnectedly, tonight happens to be my first night alone as the sole human all evening in quite a few months. Matilda has been doing her job of enforcing bed, of course, but I can also rely on other humans to help make routine happen if she's too tired to be on it.
If I was worried that Tilly hadn't worked out her evening routine enforcement functions before now, I shouldn't have been. I don't think I've ever seen a dog so excited to move the evening along towards the part where dinner and the good cookies are.
#Matilda#australian cattle dog#1 year#the things I'm trying to achieve feel so embarrassing sometimes#like the complex and flexible but not too flexible pressure to do things that are good for me at intervals in the evenings#and yes yes yes it's just that old insecurity again#I grew up literally being told that the audhd was just my special burden to overcome in secrecy: the internalized stuff is not surprising#but it also means I'm watching her cues fairly carefully#and she's now completely reliable to alarmed tasks and mostly reliable to totally uncued pesterbot reminders#it's probably time to work on other grounding behaviors and really practice DPT more but I'm just really admiring my dog's progress so far#she had her first dog reactivity 2: building basic social skills class Tuesday and barely reacted to the five other dogs in class at all#by which I mean that she stared and leaned once#answered her leave it#and relaxed enough into counterconditioning to be rolling all over the floor and grinning delighted at me by the end of class#I'm beginning to see the shape of her grown self coming out#and I think I see why people are willing to go back and keep raising puppies from this breed of incredibly awful adolescences#it's a good shape. strong. very prone to getting distorted over a few generations if a breeder isn't keeping an eye on it#I can see what she's going to be like when she's put on some more emotional development#and I'm really beginning to look forward to it
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i havent even watched legacy yet but that fucking kh world did some.. unexpected things to me
#beep boop you want fries with that#kingdom hearts#re:kh#re:ddd#sora#quorra#tron#riku#was trying to redesign rinzler’s helmet bc god. its. kinda fucking boring. leaning into the beast more#also teh helmets eyes are supposed to look angry when its down and sad when its up. bwaaa#i heard rinzler acts like a cat. thats soemthing to look forward to when i watch the movie. grins.#the three dots are supposed to be the classic t. btw.#theres four you just cant see the last one.#made sora look more liek his space paranoids look because he needs to retain the 80s swag.#this reads like a change log.#and my good friend quorra. idk if i’ve even posted that redesign b4.#yes im making her quote the ur my pockets eddie post#i think she needs to chew on things. maybe she should maul clu with her fucking teeth.#shes so unorthadox girl to me. do you see my vision.#also dw about riku falling or paralelling tron or anything hes fiiine.#speaking of the falling art. its old. so its inaccurate to how i draw riku now#before my brain was huge basically.#its so funny how i drew this much art for legacy like. i love tron 1982. i havent watched legacy yet but i feel like im gonna hate it.#the kh world was okay but it had a lot of potential and. uh. made me a BIT insane at the last part in sora’s story (EXPLODES)#also this post is tagged re:ddd for. reasons. dw about it.#ANYWAY GN ITS 1 AM. RUNS AT MACH SPEED.
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forehead pussay
#ALSO JUST DO WE’RE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE THE THING ON HER TONGUE IS NAWT CUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it’s fire (shout out to jennifers body for having that image permanently ingrained in my brain)#(also shout out to katy perry for having a similar scene in bon apetit bc that music video was my queer awakening)#I know I’m gonna fucking hate this piece when I wake up tommorow but it is what it is#nvm I’m already seeing the issues o my god 💀💀💀💀#ok yes I copy pasted the horns and earn. what abt it?#the eyes however were both hand drawn and I feel like you can tell 😭😭#not in a good way#bullshitting
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This week on "CJ needs to gush about DAO": Morrigan's dark ritual.
I adore Origins because depending on how serious you take roleplay, every decision you make is a thread that leads back to your origin, and in this case of the ritual, who you choose to romance can have a major impact on how you handle this choice.
For context, my canon run is with a female Tabris who romances Alistair and keeps him as a Grey Warden, and is close friends with Morrigan. It's more in character for my Tabris to reject Morrigan's ritual and not even bring it up to Alistair, which would result in her leaving him behind while she makes the ultimate sacrifice in killing the archdemon... however, agreeing to convince Alistair to do the ritual with Morrigan is the only choice in the entire game where I break roleplay because I'm selfish and weak and I want Tabris to live.
I have a lot of strong feelings about the ritual, like it hurts me. It makes me want to chew on furniture. I can talk about it until I can talk no more. I so badly want to be strong enough to remain in character and reject the ritual.
Let me explain: Tabris survives an origin that deals with sexual assault. She gets kidnapped on her wedding day, she watches the other kidnapped women and her husband get murdered, and then is too late to save Shianni from being assaulted... and Tabris carries that trauma with her throughout the entire game.
If the way to save her life is to ask the two most important people she cares about; one being her lover and the other being her best friend; who she knows hate each other, to have dubiously consensual sex in order to make a baby to absorb the old god soul... she's saying no. The last thing Tabris would ever do is put someone into a sexual situation where consent is at all dubious after what she saw happen to Shianni and nearly happened to herself. She'd rather die than force that upon Alistair and Morrigan.
That's what I mean when I say origin affects everything; I know some will side eye that with "Really? Your warden would rather die than let Alistair sleep with another woman? It's one time, and Alistair agrees to it, so no one needs to die?"
Let me be clear in saying this isn't a "Morrigan slept with my man" issue. Sure, that part's awkward and it sucks, but that's not even breaking water tension, let alone diving into the deep waters to the core of the issue.
For my Tabris, this is about betrayal, consent, and accepting fate.
The person offering Tabris this deal is someone she thought of as a trusted friend who has actually been lying to her the entire time. It doesn't matter what Morrigan's intentions are now or if she genuinely wants to save the wardens. She knew from the beginning why Flemeth sent her with them, she admits as much. She knew a warden would need to make the ultimate sacrifice and then leveraged that to get what she wants. Morrigan waited until the night before, when Alistair and the warden learn one of them has to die to defeat the archdemon, and took advantage of the high running emotions and possibly the fear of dying to make the warden agree to her ritual.
At least, that's how my Tabris interprets this confrontation. She feels betrayed by someone she came to love like a sister and went out of her way to help Morrigan with her mother upon learning what's in Flemeth's grimoire. And then that someone tells her no one needs to die, she just needs to convince Alistair to sleep with her... which is a huge fucking problem.
The Alistair and Tabris romance is slow; it took a long time for either of them to be comfortable with being emotionally vulnerable and trusting each other with basic intimacy, let alone sex. Tabris is mortified at the idea of putting Alistair in this situation. Not only would it feel like a betrayal on her part to ask that of him, but she knows the last thing Alistair ever wants to do is father a bastard who then goes on to grow up without him. How could she possibly ask him to do that?
Then you consider that ritual or no, there isn't a guarantee that they'll survive anyway. Say they do the ritual and Tabris dies anyway; she made Alistair sleep with Morrigan in order to save her and then she died anyway. Or if Alistair dies then Tabris gets to live with the fact that the last person Alistair was with was a woman he hates because she asked that of him… and either way, Morrigan gets to walk away with what she wanted.
Tabris led the group, and she's accepted that if Riordan dies [which he does] then she'll be the one to make the sacrifice, even if it means breaking both hers and Alistair's heart.... except she doesn't because I'm a coward who doesn't want to lose her because my worldstate isn't good without her in it but I also refuse to lose Alistair so I just pretend it plays out differently in my head it's fine-
But... that's how I play Tabris and view the situation. My friend @pi-creates and I have discussed the dark ritual at length. While I play a Tabris who romances Alistair, Pi plays a Mahariel who romances Morrigan, so we have vastly different interpretations of the ritual itself and Morrigan's intentions.
Which yeah, it makes total sense that someone who romanced Morrigan with a different origin, and has the option to do the ritual with her rather than asking someone else to do it, wouldn't see this the way I do.
To quote Pi: "Playing as a male warden in the Morrigan romance makes the whole situation feel different, and maybe it’s because she’s presenting it differently due to the emotional connection, but it feels more like she’s opening up about her initial instructions (that she had been given by Flemeth) and offering a solution to avoid the possibility of death. And for my Mahariel, the constant threat of sudden death has haunted him from the start – he caught the blight and was ripped away from his clan (something he did not want to do in the slightest), got forced into a Grey Warden ritual that could kill him, was forced into a battle that could kill him, going on this whole quest that he never wanted but has now become responsible for regardless of his thoughts on the matter… the dark ritual may be one of the few moments where he is presented with an option to decide if he wants to walk into certain death, or take actions of his own volition to stop it.
"The idea of the ritual still feels like a dodgy thing to do since the ultimate outcome is unknown at that point, he’s taking Morrigan at her word that it will save the warden and that this child would be unharmed, just with an old god soul that she isn’t exactly clear on why she wants that and is determined to runaway immediately after the battle to secure it properly. It could be interpreted that it’s purely a preservation thing, but I’m biased to wanting Morrigan's intentions to not be power based.
"But also, taking part in the ritual isn’t as outlandish for my warden since he and Morrigan have already been involved in an intimate relationship. It’s the future of the ritual that is scarier – the idea of this old-god baby, and the idea of Morrigan insisting that she’s leaving afterwards when Mahariel and her have a loving relationship. He’s hurting, but he doesn’t want to die, he doesn’t want Alistair to die, he doesn’t want Morrigan to leave, he definitely doesn’t want pregnant Morrigan to leave on her own… it’s complicated, but for completely different reasons."
And I find that fascinating. I want to know how other players approach this part of DAO, what origins they play, and who they romanced. Seriously, this is an invitation to anyone reading to share their thoughts.
What about a warden who doesn't even have Alistair in their party because they made Loghain a warden? Is there anyone out there who has Loghain do the ritual with Morrigan and why? What about male wardens who don't romance her? Do you choose to do it with her anyway, or do you ask Alistair or Loghain to do it? Do you tell Morrigan to fuck off with the ritual? Why? Who makes the ultimate sacrifice in that case? And what about Morrigan herself? How do you interpret her intentions/motivations? I want to know.
I'm telling you, this is a discussion that gets me excited, as most discussions about DAO do.
#dao#dragon age origins#alistair theirin#dao alistair#dao morrigan#da morrigan#tw: sa mention#long post#i love origins so much#every time i replay i end up on discord having this discussion with pi because it makes me *emotional*#and yes this is why i was looking up alistair's dialogue about a dead warden before#also want to clear up that while i am harsh on morrigan based on how my tabris feels i don't hate her or anything i love her#morrigan's one of my favorite characters and that's why the whole thing hurts like... tabris was happy for her to come along with them#since she still didn't know alistair well and felt more comfortable with another woman around even though she never felt threatened by him#and for them both to be her closest companions like.... it's a lot to take in#and its not like tabris is totally in the right here- she doesn't tell alistair it's an option when it could be argued that she should've#but like i said i've never actually turned down the ritual because i love my warden too much... i just close my eyes#and pretend there's an alternate solution where Alistair and Tabris do the ritual and they have the old god baby instead sksksks#that way no one has to sleep with someone they hate and alistair gets to be there to raise his child. it's fine everything's fine sksksk#i don't care if it doesn't work that way okay it's the only way this works out better for everyone... except maybe morrigan but still
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