#//But I think I might try to start putting some of that stuff out there. Because there's just so many ideas I sit on.

[razorblade180]

Ekko Location

Ekko:*thousand yard stare*….

Caitlyn:(Should I tell him? No, false hope doesn’t do any good. Especially in this case.) *looks left*

Giant mural of Jinx

Caitlyn:….Ekko?

Ekko:What could you possibly want after everything?

Caitlyn:Hopefully, an olive branch. I have to tell you something but you have to promise to not get your hopes up, or tell Vi. This is something I’m trusting with you specifically.

Ekko:And how in the world did I get such an honor?

Caitlyn:Because if it wasn’t for one act of kindness, I’d be in your shoes right now.

Ekko:…What do you have to tell me?

xxxxxx

One month later. Somewhere across the water, in a nice quaint land known for its view of the ocean and mountains, a cloaked girl bobs her head to music as she roams the back alleys streets without a care in her mind.

Jinx: 🎶Do you ever wanna catch me?Right now I'm feeling ignored. *turns corner*

Jinx:So can you try a little harder? I'm really getting bor-

Ekko:*cloaked* !?….

Jinx:…..(Just when I thought I’ve wrangled all the voices. This is a low blow, me.) *closes eyes* (Just gonna breathe in and-)

Ekko:*grabs her wrist*

Jinx’s eyes immediately shoot open to see him right in front of her. She starts looking back, forth, everywhere; her thoughts trying to rationalize this moment because what do you mean he’s real!?

Jinx:Y- wha- how? How!? Fuck everything else. How?

Ekko:Let’s just say someone offered me a little hope. Honestly it was more like wishful thinking.

Jinx:Ekko, that’s not a “how” at all! You left Zaun to chase wishful thinking? That’s alone is crazy, but not as crazy as you actually finding me! I could’ve gone in any direction and stopped anywhere yet somehow you��re right here searching in the correct city? Gasps Did you put something in me?!

Ekko:What? No! Jinx, we used to spend literal hours talking about all the places we wanted go; the sight ls you wanted to see. Sometimes you rambled so much I never got a word in to say mine!

Jinx:So you’re telling you just remembered all that ramble and started flying to the places I yapped about!? Who the heck remembers stuff like that!?

Ekko:Me!! Since when have I ever forgotten anything!? Especially stuff about you!?

The girl was too stunned to speak. Ekko told no lies and he had a point, however, what the hell? How was she supposed to respond to that? She told absolutely nobody that she was leaving and left no trace, yet somehow wishful thinking from probably the world’s most annoying enforcer and childhood memories was enough for Ekko to find her in a little over a month. Jinx could only squint at him in disbelief. Sure, she could definitely break free of grip and make a break for it, yet this moment only gave her the strength to exhale tiredly before him.

Jinx:Anyone else know?

Ekko:Nope. You think people have time to chase hypotheticals?

Jinx:So you just left??

Ekko:Told them I needed some air. Had to move quickly. You don’t exactly stay in one place for long.

Jinx:…..Alright. Out with it. I know you have some rehearsed lecture and rant you’ve prepared in case you actually somehow weren’t crazy and found m-

Ekko:*hugs her* I can tell at you later.

Jinx:You really just might be crazier than me.

Her entire body relaxed as she finally put her arms around him. Despite all odds, he really was right here. Leave it the Boy Savior to yet again foil her schemes.

Jinx:At this point I should call you Ekko Location or something.

Ekko:I this point, I should put a fucking bell on you.

Jinx:I’d still get away.

Ekko:And I’d find you again.

Jinx:Heh, yeah. *hugs tightly* You would, wouldn’t you?

[bunnygirllover45]

Hii!! I’m kinda obsessing over the Idea of Johann before he kidnapped his darling, going out to buy clothes and him just enjoying it WAY more than Darling. Like bro’s INTO it, picking out dresses and making darling do a fashion show for him?? Just wanted to put this thought out there lol. Idk if he’d actually do that but I can dream,,,, Anyways that’s all— thank you!!!!

Anon you're into some shit rn and I totally agree with you. Johann would do that 100%. TW: Darling had a past relationship that wasn't too nice, mentions of body insecurity, hints of dollification but it's Johann who are we talking about this is obvious by now.

Your past relationship before Johann wasn't the best, you weren't used to him buying you stuff so carelessly or taking you every other day. At first, it was a little hard to get accustomed to the sudden change, but eventually, you started to like it. Except for the part where you and he had to go to the clothing store. Each time Johann stopped dead in his tracks in the middle of a date to point at a cute outfit sitting in the window of a random store, a part of you internally screamed for him not to drag you inside.

Speaking about that— "You like these? These frills might be itchy on your skin though..." —yes, you were trapped inside another store again. Taking in a deep breath you stared at Johann, then at the dress he was holding. No matter how often you told him you either didn't like this style of clothing or that it wouldn't look good in it, he still made you buy and wear the stuff. Of course, he only made you wear it when both of you were alone, there's no way he'd let you look this adorable in front of someone else.

You wondered how many more clothes he could buy you, after all, even if Johann made sure to visit you almost every day, his job kept him from being with you all the time. Most of the time he kept some of the clothes in his house too, he had a 'special place for them', out of context that phrase could be worrying, but Johann was such a sweetheart behind that stoic exterior that you didn't really question it. As he grabbed another piece of clothing you shot your hands to grab his forearm, squeezing softly as you smiled up to him. "J-Johann, I don't think I'd look good on that. I have many dresses back at home too, you shouldn't buy mo—" But before you could even finish you felt Johann leaning down to whisper against your ear, his voice soft and secretive. "I think you'd look good in anything." the ghost of a smile appeared on his lips. "I've always wanted to take care of someone as precious as you, would you let me do that?" There was serious longing in his voice. From all the past experiences you had with him, you clearly noticed that ache to fulfill a role that Johann always had. Taking care of you during dates, making sure you didn't get sick, and even aftercare with him was a blissful experience. All the things he told you about feeling empty and without a purpose in life, it's like a part of him has been waiting all this time to have this, to have you. You stood stunned, questioning if you should feel even more embarrassed or prideful, he looked at you with an adoration written in his eyes that made you shiver, and you felt a little guilty at how much you enjoyed it. "Here, we can buy these and try them out at home, how does that sound?" You nodded, giving him a compliant smile as you reached to hug his arm. "Okay... thank you." One hand snaked its way around your waist, squeezing slightly as he kissed you on the top of the head, nuzzling against it. "You're welcome, baby."

[callsign-rogueone]

an unexpected visitor

cadet!Brennan Sorrengail x cadet!reader words: 1.6k 🏷: sfw (taking a break from the overdue kinktober stuff!), canon-typical injury, why do rider cadets always try to kill each other at 3am, you get stabbed, sorry, but Bren mends you up, no pronouns used for reader but you wear feminine pj's and smell like flowers <3, bren just met you but he's already down bad, naolin cameo, marbh is sassy, i just love writing lil cadet bren.

“Find Brennan Sorrengail.”

It takes you a second to place the name -- the boy in your year with the mending signet. The general’s son. He’s not in your squad, or even in your wing, so he has every right to put you out of your misery — but something is screaming at you that you can trust him, that he’ll help you. He wouldn’t have become a mender if he didn’t have a good heart, right? Surely he wouldn’t leave you to die, or finish you off himself to thin the herd.

You’ll die without his help anyway, so it’s worth a shot.

“You are not dying today. I will not allow it.”

“How exactly are you going to—”

The door swings open, and you thank the gods that you remembered which room was his. 

He’s visibly confused, probably because he doesn’t even know your name, and you’re knocking on his door at three in the morning in negligeé. He blinks at you once, twice, about to ask why you’re here — and then he spots the knife currently sticking out of your ribcage.

“Please,” you rasp, clinging to the doorway with a bloodied hand. “Wasn’t gonna make it to the healers…” 

He doesn’t hesitate, tossing his own blade aside, yanking a towel down from the hook by the door and throwing it over the bedspread, guiding you to lay down with a gentle hand on your elbow. 

You cry softly as the movement shifts the knife, and he murmurs an apology as you lay back, helping lower you down. Your eyes lock with his, and for a moment you’re entranced by the flickers of emotion in them, the minute movements of his pupils as he takes you in… you've never seen anyone with irises that color, such a warm, rich amber.

He pulls away first, focusing back on the issue at hand. “Can I tear this? I’ll fix it later.”

It takes a second for you to realize that he’s talking about your shirt. “Sure,” you wheeze. 

He hooks his fingers into the split from the knife and pulls, the fabric ripping easily. He’s quick to drape another towel over your chest, letting you keep some decency. 

You really should have chosen better clothing — you’re a little embarrassed to be laying on his bed in a now-shredded pink satin teddy and a tiny pair of shorts, but in your defense, when you got out of bed to relieve yourself, you didn’t think you’d be getting into a knife fight, and then knocking on a near-stranger’s door to ask him to save your life. 

He doesn’t seem to care at all, more worried about the wound than anything else. He’s not telling you anything, but the crease between his eyebrows and the tone of his voice as he mutters a few colorful words gives it all away. 

“Is it bad?” you rasp.

“The blood is bubbling. That means the knife went through your lung.”

“Oh,” you say hollowly. Talking is agonizing, but you feel the need to fill the silence, to make this interaction any less awkward. “This is my first time being stabbed, so…”

He huffs out a laugh. “You’re doing great. It’s serrated, so it’s going to do more damage coming out than it did going in, but I should be able to fix it. It might scar, though. I’m not that good yet.”

“I’ll take those odds.”

“I need two hands for this, so I can’t block the pain.”

“Just do it,” you beg, tears already flowing down your cheeks. “Please.”

He settles a warm hand on your side, wrapping the other around the hilt. “Ready?” 

“Yes, please just get it over with—” you try to muffle your scream with your hand, but it still slips out into the air as he starts to ease the knife back out, the jagged edges ripping your skin further.

“I know, I’m sorry,” he soothes, his thumb stroking over your rib as he continues to pull slowly, slowly… then there’s a clatter of metal hitting the floor. “It’s out.”

You almost regret asking him to remove it. The cold air of the room hitting the inside of the wound feels like your skin has been lit on fire, and somehow breathing is even more difficult than it was before; the blade was plugging the hole in your lung, and now it feels like you’d just accidentally inhaled half a glass of water. You bring an elbow up to cough into, your eyes widening as you realize that the metallic taste in your mouth is blood — and the warmth pouring down your side, too.

“Fuck, okay… I’m gonna try to fix it now. Just hold on for me. Try to relax.”

You sob in relief as the pain dulls, squeezing your eyes shut and trying to focus on anything other than the burning feeling in your lungs, and not being able to breathe. 

Layer by layer, the wound joins itself back together, leaving only a pink scar behind. Your breaths even out, your eyes fluttering shut and your posture relaxing.  “That’s it,” he soothes. “I’m almost done.”

You don’t respond, and he realizes you’re unconscious. Not an abnormal reaction to having such a serious wound, but a slightly inconvenient one: he can’t ask you what happened, or if you have any other serious injuries. 

The fabric slowly stitches itself back together, the bloodied patches disappearing along with the dried blood coating your skin. The stained towel and the red under his fingernails are the only evidence that anything had happened. That, and the bruise on your arm — though that looks to be a few days old. 

Whoever attacked you must have snuck up on you, thinking one quick stab would finish the job. If they were coward enough to take such a cheap shot at someone in the middle of the night, they’re probably dumb enough to think that would kill you. He wonders if they met their demise, and they’re currently laying dead in the hallway, or if they made an escape. You probably didn’t let them get away with this. You don’t seem like the type to run away from a fight, especially when the other person struck first, and when you’d shown up at his door it didn’t look like you were being chased, either. 

He fades away the bruise and a papercut on your finger, admiring the softness of your skin against his. You’re warm, which is a good sign that you didn't lose too much blood. 

You look quite comfortable laid out on the side of his bed, your head resting on your arm and your legs tucked up toward your chest. You probably aren’t going to wake up any time soon. It’s nearly four in the morning, anyway, and you need as much sleep as you can get after tonight’s events. 

He carefully climbs in on the other side, giving you plenty of room, and pulls the blankets over the pair of you. You stir, burrowing down into the warmth with a soft, content sound. 

He watches you for a moment, comforted by the steadiness of your breathing. Might as well get some sleep, he decides — formation is in less than three hours.

———————————————————-

Thankfully you’re an early riser. The only thing that could make this any more awkward would be if he had to wake you up. 

You yawn and stretch, cracking an eye open to see that his face is only a foot away from yours. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he replies, a light blush covering his cheeks. “How are you feeling?”

“Well, I don’t have a knife sticking out of me anymore, so pretty good.”

He exhales in relief. “I was worried that you wouldn’t remember, and then this would be super awkward.”

You laugh, sitting up. “Thank you for saving my life and letting me crash — and I’m sorry. It was pretty dumb of me to walk down the hall without a knife or anything. I thought we were safe now that we’re bonded, but I guess not.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault, it’s theirs.” He pauses. “Did you…”

“No,” you answer. “I didn’t kill him. Just knocked him out.”

Him? Brennan’s jaw clenches. “Was it that prick from third wing?”

“How did you know?”

“Lucky guess. He seems like the type to go after someone unarmed and unaware. Especially someone half his size.”

You snort. “Seeing the look on his face at formation is going to be so fun.”

He blinks at you, questioning how calm you’re being about this. You take advantage of his stunned silence, leaning forward to press a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you. I owe you one. Two, really.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he manages. 

You swing your legs over the edge of the bed, making a graceful drop to the floor and bending down to pick up your slippers -- he’d straightened them up for you. How sweet. You spot the knife on his desk, nodding toward it. “Do you want this, or can I keep it as a souvenir?”

“You can keep it. You earned it, after all.”

“Good point. Thanks.”

He keeps his eyes on the wall as you slip out the door, trying to look at anything except the amount of skin that shows in that little pajama set you’re wearing.

As the door closes behind you, he can hear you greeting someone -- not embarrassed at all to be walking down the hall in your pajamas, your slippers in one hand and the dagger in the other.

He flops back down onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling and replaying the interaction in his head, analyzing every word for any hint of deeper meaning. 

“Good morning.”

He jolts upright, snapped out of his thoughts. “Gods above, Marbh,” he pants, recovering from the shock. 

“You’re going to be late.”

Is it possible for a dragon to sound smug?

There’s a knock at the door before it opens -- Naolin. “Why aren’t you dressed?” He sniffs once, twice, his eyebrows creasing in confusion. “And why does it smell like rose petals in here?”

[ihaznoclue]

Hello I was just wondering if you can do a angst to fluff post with my baby Tamaki Amajiki. Like the reader (female) is having continuous nightmares about her past and never seemed to have a good night sleep so Tamaki as her boyfriend/soulmate helps the reader is any way possible to get her a good night sleep. Thank you! :)

Pairings -> Tamaki Amajiki x Reader

Warnings -> Nightmares?

Note -> Reader having nightmares so Tamaki is there to help to get the reader a good night sleep

Genre -> Angst to Fluff

Tamaki Amajiki

This is getting ridiculous, it had seemed you had the same nightmare over and over again and you're just sick of it to be honest.

A repeating cycle of nightmares about how your parents died in a fire that was caused by the LOV. You hated those villains with a fiery passion but right now you needed to figure out how you were gonna go back to sleep.

You were laying on your back as you started at the ceiling of your dorm room, you were a year three, which was surprising to you as you didn't think you were gonna come this far but here you are.

Your arm was resting on your sweaty forehead as you calmed down from your mental breakdown for the fifth time in a row this week...

You sighed as you sat up, you throat was a bit dry so you decided to go to the main lounge to get a drink of water from the tap, you stood right up from your comfy bed as you walked slowly to your door and opened it quietly trying not to make sound so you didn't get in trouble for going out of your dorm room.

You now closed the door as quietly walked to the elevator to take it down, you couldn't be bothered to take the stairs since you were literally half-asleep.

What if you fell and face planted on the floor and make a lot of sound to wake everyone up. Nope not on my watch.

You waited until the elevator went down and open the doors, you walked out and came straight to the sink. You opened a cabinet and got a glass cup and poured some water in the glass and then took a sip of it

Thank God. You were finally free from the dry throat that was bothering you as soon as you woke up.

You then took a couple more sips until it was empty and put the glass cup back in the sink to do it in the morning, because you didn't want to make such sound of glass and metal sink clinging to each other.

You sighed as you didn't want to go back to your dorm alone, even though your dorm room was a comfort area for you with a lot of stuff that comforted you in a type of way.

So you turned around to walk back...

"Name?"

"JESUS FUCK-!" You yelled but then the stranger covered your mouth quickly, you looked up a little to only see Tamaki

"Shh.. You need to be quiet love" You nodded as your mouth was un-covered by his hand, you were a bit scared but as you soon realised it was Tamaki, you loosened the tense in your body

"Tama? What are you doing up?" You asked, Tamaki perked at this then replied

"Oh well, I wanted to go to your dorm but then you weren't there so I figured you were out here.." He wanted to find you? This dork

You gave out an airy chuckle as you shook your head a bit "You know you can't come to my dorm you know, I don't want you to get in trouble you dork"

"Uh- Well I mean I just wanted to check up on you you know, you seemed to be tired this whole week and I just wanted to make sure you were okay, I did text you at first but then you didn't reply back as you usually do so I went to your room and didn't find you" Tamaki explained

You totally forgot to bring your phone that you left on your bed side table beside you bed, you groaned as you face palmed yourself

"I totally forgot to bring my phone, I'm so sorry Tama" You worried looked up at him, you might of gave him a fright though

"It's okay love, no need to be sorry about that. We should head on back then" Tamaki requested as you follow him down the hall to the elevator

The doors opened and went inside, you forgot how there were lights in the elevator but luckily you could see Tamaki's face instead of seeing him in the dark

"Um.. Love? Have you been crying?" Tamaki asked, you gave a confused face so he pointed to your cheeks where you had dried up tear stains from your breakdown earlier before you went down

"Oh.. Um it's fine.. I just had a little crying session earlier no biggie" You back the topic down but Tamaki was worried if something happened to you so he came closer

"Uhh- Tama.. Hun? What are you doing-?" You were then interrupted by him rubbing your cheeks that seemed to get rid of the tear stains, then he seriously looked at you

"You had another nightmare didn't you?" Tamaki asked then his eyebrow furrowed in worry, you couldn't bear to look at him in the eyes now

You didn't tell Tamaki about your nightmares that seemed to keep you awake most of the time but he didn't think it was going on forever he thought it was just one night

"Love.. Look at me"

God you loved that nickname, you always seemed to melt at it, you then seemed to melt into his hand that was staying on your cheek as you started to cry again

"Y-Yes I did.." Your voice cracked as you answered, look at him with sad eyes, he instantly pulled you in for a hug, a tight one to let you know you were safe and cared for

He petted your head to calm you down a bit which worked, the elevator doors opened as he took your hand in his as he guarded you to his dorm room

"Wait.. Tama, we will get in trouble If-"

"I don't care.." Tamaki replied

You never saw this side of Tamaki until now, he was more confident to speak as you gave him a reason to be confident but right now he was being confident for you and you only

You didn't say anything after that as he opened his door as led you in, his room was basic but looked comfy, his bed was big for the both of you

"Lay on my bed, I'll turn off the lights when you are on the bed then I'll come over" Tamaki spoke

You walked over to the bed and climbed on it as you crawled to the front and tucked yourself in, his bed was comfy and smelled good.

The lights turned off as you felt tense again as you felt alone until you felt hands wrapping around you as you heard shifting on the bed. Tamaki was tucking himself in now as he placed your head near his chest to hear his heartbeat

His strong arms were wrapped around to make you feel safe and secured

"Try to go to sleep, you really need it, I'll be here to help you if you have the same nightmare again. Now sleep" He said as he kissed your forehead

His heartbeat....

His soft breathing....

His warmth....

This feeling felt nice..

It felt good..

You felt peaceful

and it was all because of

HIM <3

-A<3

[literaticat]

It took me a while to stop crying and resolve to help people who will be targeted (starting 1/20/25). I am also trying to reconnect to even a scrap of joy, by tiptoeing back into writing. But...I keep analyzing my WIPs through the lens of how That Guy will be making half the country feel, wondering, "Is X funny enough? Is Y topic too serious?" Help?! Is it worth writing/querying anything that's not totally escapist? Are there genres that should just stay in a drawer right now?

No need to wait until January to help people! :-)

As to the writing piece: I think you are overthinking it. And hey, I get that! Half the country is still somewhat in "reeling mode", it hasn't even been a month, no need to make any huge decisions or change the course of your writing life or fret about queries that you aren't ready to send anyway right this second. Give yourself some grace. Do some deep breathing.

Nobody knows what the future will bring.

Hey, maybe people will want to read more than they ever have and publishing will thrive across all genres. Maybe there will be an unforeseen trend of books about cowboys in space or something that will make a genre flourish that we haven't ever even thought of before!

Or, maybe the tarriffs will eff publishing up so badly we won't need to worry about ANY genres anymore. Maybe he'll sell us all to Daddy Vladdy for a nickel or start Civil War II and we'll all have to become resistance fighters. (Or, maybe we'll get lucky and the meteor will come; that might be better, because I don't have much to offer in the way of actual resistance fighting unless the troops need children's books or cookies!)

But since none of those lines of thinking are particularly helpful or healthy, maybe let's not focus on speculating about all the random possible scenarios. It's too much! Your brain will break!

Here's what is within your purview: YOUR LITTLE CORNER OF THE WORLD. That includes your work, yes, but also your home, your family, your personal behavior and habits, your physical and mental health, and the well-being of your communities (both literal, like, the people who live near you, and figurative, the people near you or even across the country or the globe with whom you have shared values, etc)

I'm not an expert obvs, but I do feel like, when I stop "reeling" and thinking about whatever bizzaro outrage some politician is perpetrating and start thinking about what tangible things I can do to help support MY LITTLE CORNER OF THE WORLD, I feel a lot better. More useful.

(Like, how about instead of doomscrolling, I actually take that time and put my impotent rage to use pulling out the dying tomato plants and getting the yard ready for winter? How about instead of crying into my pillow, I gather a bunch of stuff to donate to a local charity? OH LOOK, I FORGOT ABOUT THE NEWS FOR A WHILE AND GOT THINGS DONE AND MADE MY CORNER OF THE WORLD BETTER! And now I'm tired and can take a nice shower and watch something silly on TV and go to sleep! Yay!)

What I'm saying is, AFTER you do the deep breathing and give yourself grace and all that stuff -- maybe DON'T think about your WIPS through the lens of "OMG what horror show is that freak in the white house doing" or "what will random terrible people think about what I'm doing" -- but rather, think, how do *I* feel about what I'm doing?

We have limited time on this earth -- do you WANT to spend your time on this? Will working on this bring you joy? Does the idea of writing it excite you? Will it reading it bring other people in your communities joy, or hope, or escapism, or important information, or inspiration, or *something else positive*? Those are the kinds of projects you should focus on, imo.

Obviously I have no clue what "Trends" will be coming up in the future, or what the publishing landscape or the world will look like at all -- but I DO SUSPECT that what we will need the most is books that bring something positive to the table. Whether that means a book full of pure delight/escapist entertainment, or reminders about what is beautiful in the world and special about humanity, or tools to help people enact change, or fuel for the next generation of rebels and resistance fighters, or whatever it is.

And, I think that "something positive" could come in the form of fiction, nonfiction, and pretty much ANY genre or category.

(Probably not a great time for extremely bleak / hopeless books, and certainly not a great time for books that you yourself are not passionate about. Writing and publishing is hard enough - don't do the projects that are a misery on top of all that!)

[fragileinthemaking]

hii, i hope youre doing well today and i was curious about some things about your ed (possible tw later?). I've been in your situation (somewhat, not to this extent) and am currently bul1mic with exercise as the form of purging/slowly healing idk. I wanted to know first of all how do you manage to burn more than 1k calories in a day because that is literally INSANE, I never thought that its possibls so I'm really really curious about your methods.

I also wanted to know your opinion on healing and the ed itself. Do you wish you never had one, do you hate counting c@ls, do you miss your life before the ed? Did it help you in any way (did you notice physical changes)? Are you experiencing any health problems because of it, are you dizzy or yellowish, have you ever fainted? Do you feel proud when skipping meals or anybody points out something ab the ed? Do you wish to heal but don't have the courage/will to, are you forced into healing, are you comfortable in the ed and want to continue and not start a healing process? How do you feel when you overeat or can't exercise the c@ls out? How do you feel about the future, do you wish to continue like so, do you wish to heal or neither of them?

I know it's A LOT of questions actually and I'm really sorry about it, I will explain now. When I was deep in my ed I never actually thought about it and what is going on with my life and I'm genuinely curious as to how it sounds and how my perspective was, I'm really trying not to offend you right now so please don't answer to anything if I'm offending you in any way!!

Hii I'm fine with any questions but damn that's alot (not in a negative way just alot of words and im bad at reading large groups of text)

First of all tw for ed stuff anyone that doesnt want to see this

with the burning 1k c4ls. my (almost) daily exercise typically burns around 500-700. secondly im a minor, im in school, pe is a legal requirement and that burns between 300-900 depending on what we do so combining those i can burn up to 1600 a day or if i do my normal stuff for twice as long that can also reach 1000 which i sometimes do on weekends when i have more time.

healing is something which if you want i highly encourage you get. i wish i had never gotten one, i wish i had never started counting c4ls, i wish i had spoken to someone before it got worse. i no longer feel like im able to get help and ive gotten myself to deep in the rabbit hole to get my mindset out so if you want help and its never to late then do it. get the help you need ill support you all the way.

i hate counting c4ls. i only eat in public when i have to and i always have to secretly look at the c4ls and hope nobody sees. ive written them on my hand afew times when theyre really random numbers and have been questioned about it so just had to lie to my friends which i hate doing. life before an ed fells like it would be so much more free and i would be more careless and do whatever i want without wondering how many c4ls in burning/gaining from that activity. if i could go back to when i started having an ed i absolutely would and change whatever i can to not end up like this.

the only physical symptom ive had is my stomach getting smaller but im waiting for the day my thighs / ass (idk what a more appropriate name would be) get smaller as they make me insecure. im not sure if its from having an ed but im almost always dizzy espescially when i stand up to fast. ive never fainted or been yellowed.

when i skip i dont feel proud more like im doing something correct and nobodys ever pointed out an ed but if they did i would deny it but secretly be proud someone noticed. i dont want to heal. i might have in the past but currently i have no plan to. i want to continue my ed without help. (my mindset is just 'if its a problem its your job to fix it' and i dont want to fix it). ive been put in counselling which has 6(i think) sessions left but if they think im really bad then i might be put in actual therapy. ive hinted about an ed with things like 'i often skip meals' and 'i just forget' or 'i dont have an appetite' and secretly hope they might catch on and get me help.

when i overeat or cant burn the c4ls i just feel sick and like im a failure. theres not really anything else i just feel bad and like i failed at having an ed. for the future my main goal is to reach my ugw and stay there getting lower if possible but not higher unless i really want help.

That was alot of questions but i feel like this is a place where i can talk about whatever(especially my ed) without anyone judging me or knowing who i am. im glad i could think about my ed on a deeper level other than just 'hmm weight be gone pls' so like thanks?? idk i hope i answered everything i might have missed a question. im always open to any question anyone has i just like talking to people and getting to know them.

[y-rhywbeth2]

@chexala Astarion and Shadowheart both seem very disconnected from the arts (probably because of the Trauma) and it makes me wonder which (if any) they were into Before, and which (if any) they might get into After. Maybe this is also why they are both into personal aesthetics, since it's basically the only "art" they had any access to or control over during their Ordeals.

Sharran doctrine isn't big on creation or positive self-expression, and the depressing horrors of living as a vampire's slave would also put a dampener on creativity and joy, yes. Especially because the whole thing with elves prizing art is about how it's an expression of life and being alive, which both the religion and undead would take issue with.

Elves' most valued artforms in order from most to least: Magic -> Music -> Poetry and Literature -> Sculpture ('Shaping' if you're an elf) -> Tattooing -> Cooking (Those are the big ones. Theatre, philosophy, engineering and textiles is also fine, as is any self-improvement or skill you commit yourself to. No arts except song and dance have been cited in courtship though. Painting doesn't count as an artform itself).

Astarion does have some creative hobbies that he's into: tailoring and embroidery, literature and, going off of EA, he possibly writes poetry (might be quoting). Going off of his playing with human organs as props and dramatically re-enacting Poe, he might be a theatre nerd. As an elf he should probably be able to pick up singing naturally. He also likes playing with knives in a flashy manner, and that's... technically an art. While I'm not entirely sure how this stuff is handled by elven diaspora (although he references Evereska, so I'm not sure the degree to which that applies to him): As a 30-something, Astarion would only 'recently' be at an age in elven society where he'd be expected to start a formal education ('magistrate' is not a career in Baldur's Gate, it's more jury duty for high society, so it's not an indication he had a job or commitments or even a formal legal education), and (particularly as at least half-silver elf) probably have been left to his own devices to play around with hobbies and skills and work out what he enjoys. He also complains about art and artists at any opportunity, but these tend to be in response to paintings and painters, which he probably associates with Cazador and paintings don't count as real art by elven standards anyway.

Shadowheart was only a child before she was kidnapped, so her 'before' was probably drawing, exploring creative hobbies, and gardening and singing with her parents (music and caring for houseplants being important elfy things to impress on one's children. She does like her potted plants that she drags to all our camps. Maybe she enjoys bonsai and landscaping (or will, if she has the opportunity.)) She likes books. As a priestess who would be singing hymns, and one who voices horror upon realising that she was likely sent undercover as a bard and forced to sing, Shadowheart can sing she just doesn't want to. Dancing is part of Shar's image/thing, so I'd imagine there's some dancing in her faith too. But I don't think singing and dancing outside of specific forms and times meant to honour Shar were on the table. Arnell is excited to try and catch up on all the parenting opportunities he missed over the last 40 years, like dad jokes, I can imagine him also reintroducing her to elven culture and trying to teach her some songs, which Shadowheart will probably be happy to humour. Her mother is also teaching her recipes, so experimenting with cuisine is on the table as well.

I think song and dance are 'loud' expressions that are a bit too flashy and personal for either to be comfortable with. I think, if they're in a good moon, they might humour dancing, in private. Trying to serenade them if you romanced them will likely earn you a playful mocking. Selûnite Shadowheart might try singing for fun, later in life. Astarion has one line where he's humming something in the middle of combat, which is probably the closest you're getting to hearing him sing.

They'd be big on aesthetics regardless of trauma, since it's an elf thing. Personal aesthetics as a form of self-expression are also particularly important to moon elves. I imagine that side of them might actually get more focus in the future, assuming Shadowheart doesn't stay with Shar, considering reclaiming autonomy is a big part of both their arcs.

...it had never ceased to amaze Araevin that [his fiancée's] heart had turned to him. He had no gift for songs of love or dances beneath the stars, not compared to a dozen other noble-born lords and princes who had wooed her...

The traditional elven courtship of dancing and composing songs that has already been mentioned: if you can't dance, and worse, can't sing, your dating pool shrinks significantly.

But also in light of my realisation that elves have a lot in common with birds, I'm now thinking of birds with their courtship songs and even more specifically, dancing. On one end is like swans and seabirds who do their dancing as courtship and as greetings between mates (which makes sense for elves who spend a lot of time apart the same way some seabirds do: Araevin up there hasn't seen Ilsevele for almost a year. This is normal, although intermittent check-ins are at least appreciated.)

But on the other hand of bird dances as courtship: elves doing bird of paradise type nonsense. Build me a stage and do a funny little dance with your brightly coloured feathers in funny shapes, or I shan't be impressed.

[off-mozzarella]

A lil something for Whumptober day 10: blow to the head

[canisalbus]

you say machete has to be closeted then why's he always wearing them little heels

Maybe he thinks he's a tiny bit nicer looking in them.

[vaguely-concerned]

I was just ambushed within the turbulent halls of my own mind by some headcanons about rye ingellvar's childhood that did 15000000 points of psychic damage to me and my heart personally and also made me almost sure of how I want to play it all at the end (very very differently from how I imagined going in!). some 'oh holy fuck this changes everything' rocking my own world bullshit going on in my neurons right now I'm reeling

[icewindandboringhorror]

I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent

[thefanciestborrower]

Small personal rant thing about how the vore community can be about preds sometimes don’t mind me. 

I’m just....gosh I’ve been thinking about this for a while but I think I finally figured out why I’ve never been a fan of a lot of the preds in a lot of little vore posts and maybe why I was so hesitant to relate to the pred side of things in general. It’s that preds don’t tend to be treated as people by the community. Now please don’t get me wrong I’m not accusing anyone of anything or saying everyone does this but like, I very seldom see pred stuff where they’re more than ‘oh boy I sure do like eating people’ or ‘oh no I have eating people instincts and my friends look tasty’, and other similar things. While these aren’t inherently bad tropes by any means, they tend to be the only defining thing about pred characters. Perhaps they have hopes and dreams, but their personality itself is reduced to how often they eat people and how much they like it. You’re either a willing pred or a nervous pred or a protective pred who eats absolutely everyone in sight all the time always, and it feels...de-humanizing almost? Like, I’m not sure how to put it in words, but I see it the most when I post about ‘pred’ OCs. People just wanna know how many folks they can eat at once or what their favorite kind of prey is. And yeah that’s fun information I get it! But....outside of that people don’t care much. I see more stuff about the personality of prey characters and how they go about their day to day lives in whatever setting than I do about preds (though there’s still some issues with how prey are often portrayed as well I think). I’ll make a new oc and people instantly assume pred or prey based on how they generally look or behave. Oh, this guy is a little more shy? Must be a prey! And like okay I get it, but sometimes it feels a little disheartening you know? Especially since I would consider myself on the pred leaning side of things. 

Even in the fandom content I create I don’t feel like I can post much about the extensive aus I have because, while vore is a part of them, it often isn’t actually the real focal point! But if the pred isn’t eating someone or thinking about eating someone at all times then whats the point right? Plus, ima be honest, a lot of the descriptions of how it feels to eat someone I see on here are just...weird? Maybe it’s just me because I am a little less sappy than most people lol, but I feel like it goes beyond sappy and gets. Weird. Very easily. And that weirdness comes mostly from the pred side of things from what I’ve seen personally. 

Honestly idk what I’m really trying to say, but I just needed to say something you know? Again I’m not like, trying to call anyone out or point fingers or anything! A lot of the tropes I mentioned are even things I enjoy! I’ve just seen too many characters be reduced to just eating people and I felt like I wanted to say something about it. 

[arolesbianism]

Thinking abt Sif Odile duo looping au again and I wanna be able to plot everything out more coherently but act 5 eternally looms overhead and boy I do not wanna look up

[nomairuins]

like i wouldnt mind like. Not having new linear games post 5 its judt that sims 4 wasnt even supposed to Be The Sims 4 it was a last minute pivot and the base code is so outdated and was broken On launch so like. i just wish we could have the final actual sims game be like. one that was always intented to be a major sims release AND be intended to be so long term . yk

[keeps-ache]

buttered noodles 💫💛🍜

[biracy]

Tbh I should probably take a break. I almost definitely won't but I should, yknow