#// jack 'little shit' frost everybody

[frostbitfun]

“ ah urge you to remember exactly who et is yer talking to. because while others might appreciate yer tone, ah assure you, ah do not. ” from e. aster bunnymund?

@olliesmultimuse

❅—  “ what? me? give you attitude? why i’d never! this is a personal attack against my character. are you implying that I am not living up to my very core? my essence? my center? are you saying that I, the Guardian of Fun, am not being fun? I will not take this slander, this disrespect, these lies and insults. “

“ I’m telling Tooth that you’re being mean to me again. “ 

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[satansphatass]

Pluviophile - Karl Jacobs

Trigger warnings: none

Fluff

Summary: Rain + Karl :)

***

The rain hitting the windows served as great background noise for y/n's late night study session, the steady pitter patter calm and relaxing compared to the stressed beating of their heart.

Blah blah blah, mitosis my arse- when would this be useful?

yes this is based on my irl annoyance at the school system😐

Placing their pen down they massaged their aching head, they had been working for- almost 4 hours now without break. They were bored and hungry. Like really hungry.

They collected their notes and placed their copious amount of highlighters back in their home - the highlighters were so they could seem like they had their shit together and so that it distracted people from their chicken scratch writing, but nobody needed to know that now did they. 👀

They slid off their chair and walked into the kitchen to find something to eat. Really craving some pasta or carbs they opened the cupboard doors to be greeted with absolutely nothing. Just their luck😔✋

And even worse was the fact that it was too late for delivery so they would have to starve for now. Y/n took a seat and placed their head on the wooden surface, why must life forsake them like this? 🥲

They glanced out the window- the rain looked so nice and cold forming small puddles on the grass. Eventually the temptation became too much and they excitedly jumped up from their chair and ran out the door.

They instantly relaxed, the feeling of the water running down their skin was a blissful contrast to the sweat from being in a warm room and wrapped in numerous blankets for hours on end. The rain had always been a source of comfort to them, the steady sound of water droplets was constant, reliable even.

Slowly they gazed up at the sky, bathing in the gorgeous silvery light from the moon. It really was beautiful - they had often admired it from their bedroom window as a child, wondering whether there really was a little man up there.

They closed their eyes and just breathed out, feeling the tension slowly leaving their body. Everybody always forgets to just take a proper break, a moment to themselves - no technology, just a moment to recollect their scattered thoughts.

Feeling a smile start to form on their face, they opened up their eyes to properly appreciate the rain running down their face.

There was a puddle on the ground, ignoring the rational part in their brain they followed their childish urge and jumped into it - the cold water soaking their jeans shocking them slightly. They let out a small laugh, all sounds completely blocked out from their mind, purely focused on the outdoors.

That was until they heard a car engine stall behind them. Y/n's head whipped around instantly, their wet hair whipping their face.

“What are you doing?” Karl said with a chuckle.

They were grateful that their cheeks were already pink from the cold, so that their embarrassment wouldn't be noticeable.

“Uhh, I'm- gardening-,” 😌

“Oh yeah? Where’s your garden?”

😑

bitch-

He took his keys out of the ignition and clambered out of his car, he pulled his spare coat out of the boot/trunk (idk) and rushed over to them. They put the warm coat on, on top of their soaking clothes.

“Why don’t we get you inside? You must be freezing.”

He grabbed their hand and shepherded them back into the slightly less cold house.

“It’s so cold! Who are you, Jack Frost?”

“Ye-,” he cut them off by turning the heater on and dragging them to the bathroom for a towel. As soon as he found one he dried their hair like a fucking dog.

They muttered their thanks when their head finally stopped spinning from all the shaking.

“Seriously though, what were you doing outside? It’s the middle of the night!” he uttered, voice laced with concern.

“I was bored of studying and the rain looked so nice and cold”

:) - (their face)

>:( - (Karl’s face)

“Why not just take a cold shower?”

“Bro rain hits different- let me have my cottagecore nature moment.”

Valid.

“Let’s go make you some food.” He sighed, realising that he would not win this conversation.

He walked over to the cabinets and unfortunately no food had magically appeared in their cupboards 😔💔🥀

Time to toaster bath 🏃‍♂️💨

Jk jk 👀

“When did you last go shopping?”

Unfortunately they had been more concerned with studying than remembering the last time they went and bought breadsticks.

Breadsticks fo life ❤️😌

He rolled his eyes, how were they still alive?

“Well lucky for you, I thought something like this would happen and I boughtt,” he pulled a bag/box out of his coat, “(pick a food)!”

Bruh, why not just get married right now. ???

“Your a life saver :)”

“I know.”

***

Please- this man has my heart 👀

Kinda a shit ending but I wanted to post something and I couldn’t think of what else to write :/

[awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands]

Guns N’Roses when they discover that their girlfriend is bisexual:

A/N: Requested by this anon, and I couldn’t do anything but write it because y’all know my bi ass loves some bi-positivity. Also today is bisexual awareness day, so this is a gift to all the wonferdul bi girls/ bi female presenting people ( don’t worry bi nb/ bi boys, soon I’ll do the second part for you)

TW: Mentions of sex, curse words, mentions of internalized biphobia

Axl Rose:

You were constantly afraid that your boyfriend Axl could discover your secret.

You never told him that you were bisexual, too afraid of being rejected or laughed at. Everybody knew what Axl had said on people of the community like you, in the past, and even if he was growing and changing, you were still too scared to come out.

But a part of you knew it had to be done, if there was something Axl hated was liars, many people in his life destructed his trust, also everyday you were finding more difficult keeping the real you hidden, and you were afraid it could make you two break up.

You two were cuddling on the couch, not so invested in the random movie on the TV, he looked so calm and happy, smiling every time he looked at you, kissing gently your hand. You hated to burst his bubble of happiness, but you knew it has to be done, so you decided to gather the courage, and talk to him.

“Axl, I need to tell you something.” You wanted to sound chill, but your voice was trembling a bit.

“Did something happen? Is it bad?” Axl was getting scared, even if he was trying to hide it.

“I kept a secret from you, and I’m sorry. I’m…. I’m bisexual. I’ve never told you because I was afraid you would have found me disgusting, like all the others, I was scared that you thought I could cheat on you just like your exes, but even more just because of my sexuality. But I’m not more likely to cheat and I’m not confused. I-” You broke down, salty tears streaming down your cheeks.

You waited for screams, for insults, or any bad reaction. Would he left? Would he be angry with you because you kept a secret? Would he throw you out of the house?

He did neither of those things, instead he took you into his arms, kissing your forehead.

“Shhh, baby it’s okay. I’m not angry or disappointed, I know what I’ve said in the past and I’m sorry, I’m trying to change, and I could never hate my girlfriend, I could never be angry at you for who you are. I’m proud of you! And I hope to learn more and be a better boyfriend with you at my side!”

“So is it not a problem for you?” You asked, still unsure.

He shook his head, and kissed you softly, first on your lips, then all over your face.

Slash

You and Slash were slumped on a couch, pretty drunk, in the Hell House. All the other members were too busy or passed out to give a fuck about you two, so you were talking about random shit, like you usually do when you are not sober.

You were on your boyfriend’s lap, his arms around you and you were talking about his first time having sex. You were not shy to talk about past relationships, even the sex parts.

“Wait, you were really only 14? Fuck, that’s impressive! “You said with a giggle.

“How was your first time?” He asked you, taking a long sip from his Jack bottle.

Well, your first time was actually with a girl, they one that made you realize you had feelings for other girls too, rather than just boys. But you could have just lied and tell him your first time with a boy, right? I mean you were not out to him so it was the logical thing to do.

Wrong! Your inebriated brain didn’t want to collaborate, so you just started telling him the real story.

“I was older than you, like 17 or 18. I knew her for quite some months, she was my friend, and we did it at their parents’ house. It was great, until they come back earlier than we thought and I had to jump out of the window!” You laughed hysterically, but the look of confusion on Slash’s face made you stop.

Oh, fuck! You were so screwed!

“So it was a girl?” Your boyfriend questioned, completely chill.

“Yeah, I’m bi, so I like girls too. Are you disgusted with me?” You were usually never scared, but then your heart was jumping out of your chest.

“I could never be disgusted with you, baby. I’m just surprised that my girl likes girls too, but that doesn’t mean I don’t agree with that or I don’t support you. I’ll keep loving you, no matter what.” You kiss him on the lips, too happy to say anything.

“Plus I could use that as an excuse to have threesomes with some groupies!” He added, and you punched him on the shoulder with a smile.

Duff Mckagan

You were sitting at the bar counter, when you felt Duff’s long arms around you.

“Babe, something weird happened earlier, you can’t believe that!”

You were starting to get a little worried, but Duff seemed mainly amused, so it wasn’t something too bad.

“Okay so a groupie approached me backstage…” Well know you started to  get worried and a little jealous.

“And?”

“Well she looked me in the eyes and told me that she thought my girlfriend was into girls too. I was like What the hell? And she said you totally have like this energy, I don’t know she was weird, but I want to show you to her so she could prove me her point!”

Okay, now you were super scared. Because, you were bisexual, but Duff didn’t know that. So did you had to pretend that you are straight or be honest? But what if they already knew and it was all a test?

You decided to nod and follow him, just to not raise any suspect on you. However, once you had the groupie right in front of you, you stopped dead in your tracks.

Oh, no she was hot!

Of course, you loved Duff and didn’t feel any desire to date the girl, but hell if you were not in love him, you would have hit on her tonight. She totally made your bisexual heart skip a beat.

“Oh wow, she was right then!” Duff said surprised, looking at your open mouth. The girl just smiled, happy to have proven her point and left you two.

Those words brought you back to reality, and you started to feel a sense of dread inside you, while your eyes started to get wet. Fuck, you felt horrible, Duff would have left you and you couldn’t live without him.

“Hey baby girl, hey look at me!” Duff’s smooth voice said, cupping your face.

“P-please don’t leave me. I-I swear I love you!” You were so scared and desperate, while the void inside you kept growing.

“I’d never do that sweetheart! I love you so much, and this doesn’t change anything between us!” He hugged you closer, rubbing your back.

“I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you that I was bi sooner!” You said between the sobs.

“It’s totally okay, I’m proud of you for doing it now.” The blond answered with a smile.

“By the way, you have a great taste in women, if I was not your boy, I’d be your wingman!” He joked, kissing your forehead and your lips.

Izzy Stradlin

Today was not a good day for you.

For years, you had struggled with your feelings, you tried to keep them down, to convince yourself that there was no way in hell that you could also like girls, but they never went away. You just couldn’t understand, that was not normal, you were supposed to like either girl or boys, you had to choose.

But then, thanks to a friend, you realized that what you were feeling had a name : bisexuality. You never felt brave enough to come out, and you still felt like you were “wrong”, but things seemed to be easier.

However, since Izzy became your boyfriend, you felt bad keeping this thing from him, and also to feel in that way. You were not sure if he would ever accept you or not.

“What are you thinking? You have been pretty distant today, and I’m saying that!” Your boyfriend asks, with his usual calm.

You were bad and you clearly needed to take this thing off his chest, so maybe you could have talked about it with him? Izzy was a very smart and kind man, never the judging type, but still that’s different when it is about your girlfriend.

“I’m bisexual. I think I’ve known this since I was a teenager, but I’m admitting it with myself just now. I’m so fucking scared that you could hate me, or that I could hate myself, everything is so confusing and scary. But yeah, I’m sure I’m bisexual!” You bit your lips, nervously.

“Okay.” He simply answered, getting back to play his guitar.

“Just okay? No screams, or disgusted faces? No I’m proud of you?” You were happy that he didn’t seem angry, but still disappointed with his nonchalance.

“I love my girlfriend and this won’t change anything. I’m glad you realized who you are, but I won’t treat you any different. I loved you before and I still love you now!” He was serious, but then a smiled softly.

“Well I’m so glad you feel like this, I was so scared to lose you!” You admitted.

“Nah, I would never leave you. Oh, I’m proud of you!” He said at the end, gently kissing your lips.

Steven Adler

Your boyfriend Steven was on tour, and you spent much time thinking about whatever you should come out to him as bisexual. Sometimes you felt super confident while others you just kept stop imagine the worst, you loved him so much and the thought of him leaving you would break your heart, but also keeping this secret was eating you alive.

In the end you realize that you had to do it, but in a fun way, doing something that Steven would have loved and maybe that could have helped you being accepted, and what better way to do it that with a lovely chocolate cake, your boyfriend’s favorite.

So you started to bake, picking up all the ingredients and swaying  to some random music, hoping that it would have calmed you down a bit. Once the cake was in the oven, you prepared the frosting and also decided what to write on it : a simple “I’m bisexual” with two little hearts.

The doorbell rang right when you finished decorating, so you quickly put the cake in the fridge, and opened the door. Steven picked you up with force, hugged you tightly and made you spinning, all with a huge smile on his face.

“Babe I missed you so much! This tour was awesome, but without you there was something missing, like I needed my girl to be there!” He explained, getting inside.

“Well I’m here Stevie and you can spend as much time as you want with me.” You answered, kissing his nose.

“I’ll stay with you all the time. Oh, is it chocolate cake the smell I sniff?” He asked excited.

“Ehrm… yeah but it is a surprise, so sit and close your eyes.” You tried to hide your trembling voice and with shaky hands you put the cake on the table.

The blond drummer smiled, then he frowned, looking quite confuse. You felt like every bit of air left your lungs.

“Honey, what’s this?”

“I’m bisexual, I like girls too. I wanted to tell you, but I was too scared that you could have taken it the wrong way, so I keep it a secret. However, it was too much and I felt the need to tell you, please don’t go away from me!” You pleaded scared, just to be in Steven’s arms the next moment.

“ Hey I love you, you’re my girl, and I’m very happy that you decided to tell me this very important thing! I’ll always love you, no way I stop doing that. So please don’t be scared or cry now, okay?”

You were in tears, but they were happy ones. Your boyfriend held you even closer, keeping telling you how proud he was of you.

“10 points for creativity, that cake looks amazing, can we eat it now?” You cut a slice and gave to him, his smile priceless as he realized it was a two flavor one.

A bi cake though and through.

[pallasperilous]

Piledriver

Dean/Castiel 1815 words Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair Coda, Fix-It (sort of), Grief is a weird and protean beast, Second Person POV, but also Dean POV, I realize what a tall order that is y’all but I swear it’s mad judicious {AO3 version}

You’re not really sure when you started doing it.

That’s a fucking lie. 

You started doing it ten, maybe twenty minutes after. 

Not as a conscious thing, not like those snappy comebacks you think of the next day, or like those speeches you practice in your head and then never get the chance to deliver. (Although it seems like other people have better luck in that regard.) 

It’s more like a tic — like the way Sam used to pick at his hand, or your mom used to hum the same little bit of Stairway to Heaven offkey. (Which was kind of a trip since she’d come back from, you know. There.)

You think: I love you, too. 

 It’s just a drumbeat of syllables running in the back of your head. Might as well be shave and a haircut. Which you could use, incidentally.

It eases off a little, after the universe ticks over. You’re so fucking relieved that you basically revert to a lower life form for awhile — you’re like a jellyfish, or a fungus, or a Yankees fan. For a few minutes there, things are pretty sweet.  

Then the clock starts running again, and you and Sam are faced with the frankly fucked-up necessity of needing a hot meal and somewhere to pee. 

It kicks back in then — during the peeing, specifically, because goddamn did the dude never get over what a fucking nightmare it is to have a bladder. Like it actually made him mad. Even after he got his batteries back and was once more able to, like, effervesce fluids out of his body or teleport them to the surface of Mars or whatever, he never stopped giving you pitying looks whenever he got up to use the can. On the road he’d ask if anybody needed a bathroom break at every single freeway exit. You chewed him out once that you in fact were not a four year-old or an Alzheimer’s patient and could therefore hold it for more than twenty minutes at a time, and he looked at you with such bottomless patience and empathy that you could’ve thrown him out of the fucking car. I love you too.

Instead of a heartbeat, it’s like a piledriver hitting the ground ten feet away.  

I love you too. It rattles your fucking thighs as you wash your hands in the gas station bathroom. None of the other dudes do because dudes are fucking disgusting. This attitude was maybe part of the problem.

I love you too. You come out and the car’s moved and you have a hot second of freakout, then you see Sam’s just pulled it away from the pump and parked in the lot and honest to God (go team!) you almost burst into tears. What the fuck.

I love you, too. 

That night you do your absolute best to lobotomize yourself (not to obliterate yourself, which is a sign of progress and for which effort you absolutely deserve a round of applause from…somebody), but the piledriver just keeps on pounding away and you realize that it’s either piledrive or get piledriven. Sam’s asleep six feet away after his own inpatient procedure but you’re really fucking starting to panic so you say it out loud, anyway. 

I love you, too.

And something gives, eases off like a gas bubble turning a corner in your gut, and you pass out.

So you lean into it. You make it your thing. You figure you can either be losing your mind, or practicing, so you choose practicing. You’re showing the powers that be that you’re keeping the faith. You’re holding a torch.  You’re being the change you want to see in the world. You’ve talked to coma patients before and you’ve prayed to this asshole before and this isn’t any different. Isn’t it?

Washing the dishes: I love you, too.

Checking the oil: I love you, too.

Swinging a machete and hitting that sweet spot between vertebrae where the head just pops right off, like a Lego dude: I love you, too. 

Pulling on socks: I love you, too.

Burning that fucking jacket: I love you, too.

Not out loud, or at least, not where anybody can hear you. That would be weird.

And you know, you know, that he doesn’t hear you, either. You know that, worst of all, he didn’t even need to hear it. You’ve heard a lot of shit about unconditional love, but it’s never had any goddamn appeal to you because, what? Somebody loves you the same no matter what fucked up shit you do, no matter how you feel about them? 

That’s either (a) some seriously poisoned Kool-Aid or (b) so huge it’s useless, like giving somebody a galaxy for their birthday. You want unconditional love? Get a fucking dog. 

I love you, too.

Lately you’ve been swapping in phrases that have the same rhythm or meter or whatever, so you can say them out loud without worrying anybody more than usual. The rain in Spain does some heavy lifting for a couple weeks, then ba-DUMP-bump, tissshh! followed by the king of beers for about half a particularly shitty afternoon and then closing out with you bet your ass, which is a much better fit for your lifestyle. 

So fine, great. Life goes on. You were the subject of his unconditional cosmic love-boner whatever and getting that off his chest was all he needed to go happily fucking off into the abyss. And you’re still down here (up here? over here?), drinking coffee and hating Mondays. Awesome. I love you, too.

This is around when you discover the best match for both meter and tone yet, one so close that it doesn’t even feel like a placebo for the real phrase. It’s a whole different drug, actually. It makes you feel like a million bucks, it’s absolute rocket fuel. If the original is whiskey, this shit is meth. You turn a whole nest of ghouls into one big ghoul smoothie and then at the bar later somebody nervously informs you that you were yelling it out loud the whole damn time. 

The phrase is: go fuck yourself.

You imagine it at night, lying in the empty bed, your pulse hammering in time: him standing there, one big cow-eyed khaki rumple, and you yell: Go fuck yourself. You asshole. You bastard. You smug piece of shit. Go fuck yourself. How many times have we done this, and every fucking time you find a way to make it worse. Go fuck yourself.

I love you, too.

After a few weeks it loses its edge. You kinda knew it would, having some experience with the limits of amphetamines and your own rage-juice glands. It downgrades from a battle-cry to a slur. At some point you realize you’re not even saying it to him anymore. You’re saying it to you. Go fuck yourself.

You try to imagine him saying it instead. Go fuck yourself,  in that nutso Sam the Eagle voice that he must’ve gotten out of a box of Cracker Jacks, because it sure didn’t come complimentary with Jimmy Novak’s dry-ass mouth.  Go fuck yourself, Dean.

Somehow it’s still the nicest thing anybody’s ever said to you. 

So you go back to the OG version, and this time it feels like it settles in. You do whatever the psychological equivalent is of buying it a dog bed and a food dish and a leash, and you take it out for walkies whenever it starts to chew on the furniture. I love you, too. 

You get so used to its presence that sometimes you even forget it’s there. You’re joking around with Sam, eating sandwiches at some picnic grounds on the way to Sioux Falls for a social visit, and you say some dumb thing to him, who knows about what. Sam rolls his eyes and shakes his head in disgust as required by the kid brother certification board and snorts “I love you, man,” in the way that means how are you even allowed to exist, and you answer “I love you, too,” in the way that means I love you, too.

Sam has seen a lot of wild shit, but the look on his face after that is a brand new one to you. 

“Checkmate, asshole,” you say, in case he’s worried you’re gonna off yourself in the bathroom or something.

 You do get to say it, eventually. 

Like most things in life, it happens after you’ve totally given up, and then totally given up giving up, and have achieved the spiritual equivalent of that shrug emoji Claire sends you sometimes. When the phrase is well past thinking about, when the words don’t even carry any meaning anymore; they’re like the thought version of blinking, or swallowing. A background process, until something flies into your eyeball or you try to breathe a tortilla chip.

So the tortilla chip shows up one day. Don’t worry too much about the details here, just take it for granted that it either required a heroic effort of years that nearly broke you, or that he just showed up unsolicited on the porch like a copy of The Watchtower. Or maybe you’re both dead; seriously, who cares, because regardless — he’s there, and you’re there, and for awhile other people are there too, but eventually they go away. 

And it’s him, and it’s you. And if you hadn’t absolutely digested this thing in advance, if you hadn’t broken each word down into its atomic particles and cut and pasted them into your DNA so that 45th century forensic anthropologists from Mars could extract it from a fragment of the the mummified marrow of your left ass-bone, you might’ve said something else. 

You said: “I love you, too.”

You realize, in the moment after you say it, that you have reached the limits of your preparations. You’re a samurai with a single move; you’re the cannon in the 1812 Overture; your photo’s in the dictionary under one-trick pony and you’ve got frosted tips and you’re blinking. 

You say it again, and then a third time, and a lot of times after that. You keep saying it, for years, in varying degrees of franticness and horniness and happiness and honestly still-fucking-angriness and whatever else is on special that week. You say it to his face and to his dick and to his back and to the mere concept of him well after he’s left the room, left the state, left the dimension. Eventually you stop bothering to say anything else to each other. There are maybe half a million words in your native language, according to Sam, who uses them all, and with everybody else you keep on using the two hundred or so you feel confident about. 

But with Castiel, you make do with just the four.

I love you.

I love you, too.

[sitlalann]

30 days - Nett

Day 7: Halloween

Pd: the parts of this series don’t follow an order, so it don’t matter if you haven’t read the others

tags(?: a little underage drinking, mention of anxiety and panic attacks but is kinda cute i promise

Happy reading! or on AO3

---

“You had enough, give me that,” said Brett taking the beer from Nolan’s hands

“You are not fun, Mr. I’m too cool to wear a costume to a Halloween party”

Before making their way to Devenford to say Halloween party, and after Liam getting mad because Jack, Brett, and his old classmate didn’t invite him to the party and accusing Nolan of betrayal and fraternized with the enemy – “Don’t say fraternized it sounds weird” “Well that’s what are you doing Nolan” – Nolan was exited for his election of going like Jack Frost to the party, it’s one of his favorite movies but Brett didn’t seem that excited to pick what he was wearing.

Nolan felt that carry the stick for his Jack Frost costume was too much, and he confirmed when Brett came to pick him up with his old Devenford team jacked only with his beta gold eyes and fangs out.

“I came as a werewolf, love” the expression on Brett's face had writing pure satisfaction to contrary Nolan’s annoyed one

“No, you are a werewolf, that’s not a costume that’s just you,” said Nolan while gesturing Brett whole self “I feel so out of place and you just make it worst by being a handsome werewolf it’s just unfair” no, Nolan wasn’t putting he was just pursing hid lips

Brett was amused by the situation pilling Nolan by his side with an arm around his shoulder pecking his lips

“You make an incredible Jack Frost, that dude could never look like this” Nolan chuckle and push the taller away “shut up” Brett barely moved from his position “I had this feeling that you were the whinny type of drunk”

“Yeah sure, because two sips of a beer are enough to make someone drunk” the house was kind of packed so that was reason enough for Nolan to stand directly in front of his boyfriend “Alcohol doesn’t affect faster short people?”

“You are only 10 cm taller than me, Talbot” Nolan was about to roll his eyes when he saw the other expression “Talbot, huh?” the snicker that leaves Nolan only make Brett snort

“Well, that’s what you get for wearing a lame disguise”

“Hey Talbot!” both turn around to see a guy walking towards them “How are you dude? Haven’t seen you since you transferred to Beacon Hills!” the guy said when he reaches their side Nolan guess this was Jack, a little tipsy Jack

“Yeah, I wanted to come around, but I didn’t know how you guys will take it”

“You kidding? We don’t care you play for Beacon, I mean some guys do but I don’t think they will tell you that”

Brett chuckled “I’ll keep that in mind. This is Nolan, he is the co-captain of my team and my boyfriend”

“Hi, Jack, right?” he gives the other guy a little smile “Yeah, actually Brett has talked about you, so how long it took you to make this asshole settle?” Jack had the biggest grind in his mouth and Brett lost the little smile he had

“It wasn’t like that” maybe Nolan will take this opportunity to tease Brett a little bit “He was the one pinning after me” Jack’s laughter filled the room “No way!” he said and right after stars to laugh again

“Okay, okay, it wasn’t exactly like that”

“I don’t believe you Talbot, last time we talk you said ´you know Liam is a good captain´ and if I don’t remember bad you were the one who always bothers him”

“Oh my God, wait until a tell the guys this, they won’t let you live” Nolan was more than happy to learn this new information

“Jack hurry up!” Jack turns around to see the girl calling him “Oop! That’s my call to go, great to see you guys, enjoy the party!”

“So, Liam is a good co-captain?” Brett wanted to erase the shit-eating grind that Nolan had on his face

So Brett made the most reasonable and mature decision to avoid being tease: annoy his boyfriend.

“You don’t know what you hear baby, you are drunk, I think is better if we go home now?” Brett even manages to look, and sound concerned, the asshole “I just took two sips of that beer I’m not drunk” Nolan knew what the other was doing and he is not going to lose, he will tease his boyfriend.

“But please do tell me more about how amazing is Liam as a captain”

“Okay, first of all” he suddenly stops talking and takes his phone out of his jacket “it’s Theo,” said Brett looking down at Nolan with a frown he answers and puts the phone on his ear and Theo is speaking as soon as he picks up “What? Are you sure?” Nolan sees how the taller face transforms into a concerned one and after a moment says “Sure, see you there. Of course he is with me!” and hung up “We need to go” says taking Nolan hand and walking to the front door “Brett? What happened?” he asks knowing Brett could hear it over the music, but he didn’t get an answer nor a look, he only see the back of Brett's head.

Nolan let Brett guide them out of the house, giving out apologetic smiles to the people that were being pushed aside by Brett trying to get to the door as fast as he could.

Once they reach Brett’s car he lets him go and Nolan gets in the passenger seat, he barely manages to buckle up when Brett is driving down the street.

“Is Liam okay?” he asks and starts getting nervous because Brett starts looking to the mirrors “Yeah, everybody is okay don’t worry about that” he answers putting his right hand on the back of Nolan’s neck.

“Then what is going on?” he can feel his heart breathing a little bit harder, even when Brett stopped looking to the mirror “Your heart is betting fast” is all the answer he gets “That’s because I just got pull out from a party after your phone call with Theo and you are avoiding telling me what the hell is going on” he can see Brett uneasiness on his face when he quickly turns to see him

“I can’t tell you if your heart is beating like this, just- everybody is okay. Keep that in mind” that’s not a comforting answer and makes Nolan even more anxious, if everybody is okay and no one is dying then what is so urgent? “I got news for you; my heart will not slow down if you keep me in the dark about what is going on” maybe he shouldn’t get mad in a situation like this but his anxiety is increasing by every second

“I can’t-“ starts saying Brett but gets interrupted “Yes you can, just tell me what is it? Something happened in beacon hills? Oh no, is it Lori?” that last question makes his heart betting faster

“No! no, Lori is fine, it just- I’m scared, okay? I can’t tell you when you are already panicking, I’m afraid you’ll get a panic attack, and I will not be able to help you out of it because I need to get us to Liam house” Brett's hand was still at the back of his neck he forgot it was there until Brett starts rubbing his thumb “I don’t think not telling me is going to help me, I’ll- I’ll ground myself we been practicing that, please just tell me” Brett turn to see him, and Nolan could see how worried his boyfriend was, Nolan took the hand that was in his neck interlocking their fingers and placing it in his lap.

Brett let out a small sight “Argent heard about Monroe” he gives a quick look to Nolan before continuing “apparently she is looking for the hunters that used to be with her” Brett could hear Nolan’s heart picking up “But it could not be you, okay? Argent is not sure by who she is looking for, she had been a hunter even before she came here, maybe is not you baby” Brett took both Nolan’s hands with his own while the other was still on the wheel.

Nolan was on the verge of hyperventilation “Hey, listen to me” says Brett “Argent doesn’t believe it’s you either okay? Or any other kid from school” Nolan was nodding trying to ground himself, trying to name in his brain the things around himself, what he could hear and feel “okay” he said a little breathy.

Brett tightened his grip on the other hands “I won’t let anything happened to you, if someone comes for you, they have to get past me first, I promise you that. No one would hurt you, you have me now, you have the pack now. You’re not alone this time, love”

“I know” Nolan’s voice was thick for the emotions

“We’ll be fine” Brett’s voice has always been calming for him, he wanted to let Brett know that he loved him in case something happens but didn’t want to remember the first ‘I love you' like that, with him scared. He will tell him, soon.

---

Hope you like it:)

take care and stay safe<3

[mosylufanfic]

Holding Out for a Hero

I’m so proud of myself, I finished a 12 Days of Killervibe prompt at the last minute!

Holding Out for a Hero

Caitlin pinched the bridge of her nose, breathing out against the burn in her eyes. No matter how she juggled the numbers, they always came out red in the end.

"Dammit, Daddy," she muttered.

The bell over the door jingled, and she jerked her head up, pasting a bright retail smile on her face. "Welcome to Jack Frost Toys!" she called out, quickly minimizing the accounting software. "Are you looking for anything specific?"

Usually they weren't. Usually, they came in, wandered around a little bit, and left. If she was lucky, they bought something before they left.

But the man standing just inside the door, snow dusting his hat and shoulders, said, "Yeah, please, I'm begging you. You're my only hope."

She cocked her head and guessed, "A . . . Star Wars toy?" There wasn't any particularly hot Star Wars toy this year that she was aware of, and she followed every toy blog and website she could find. 

He laughed, tugging his gloves off and shoving them in his pocket. "No, just a desperate nerd looking for a Puffy Penguin. My niece is three and she watches the show on repeat. I know Leo Lion is like the hot toy this year, but Maya knows what she wants. For her it's Puffy or nothin', and I couldn't tell if you had any from your website so I came down here just in case and please?" He widened his eyes at her. "Please."

Her heart melted. One of the best things about this store was seeing children find their new best friend. Second on that list was adults who cared enough about the children in their life that they moved heaven and earth to find, not just the latest hottest toy, but the toy that was just right.

She slid off her stool. "I've got some ZooFriends toys right over here. We're sold out of Leo, of course -" Everywhere was sold out of Leo. "But I've got Puffy in a variety of styles."

"Oh my god," he breathed, snatching a Puffy Penguin stuffie off the shelf and holding it as if it were the Holy Grail. "You've got them all. Elly and Slowpoke and Skyhigh - " He stared at the elephant, sloth, and giraffe toys lined up next to the penguins.

She smiled brightly. "Now this one says phrases from the show, but this one is a lot huggier if you ask me -"

"I'll take them both," he said, grabbing the talking Puffy. "Holy shit. Nowhere has ZooFriends anymore. How do you?"

She bit her lip. "Lucky, I guess." She stepped away and grabbed one of the plastic hand baskets printed with the store logo. "Would you like a basket?"

He took it. "Really? Because it's three in the afternoon on the first Saturday of December. A toy store should be wall-to-wall. Where is everybody?"

She turned away. "Amazon," she said. "Walmart. Websites, chain stores -" She shrugged and tried to laugh. "The plight of the modern small business owner. Is there anything else I can help you find?"

"I'll keep looking around," he said, studying the shelf. "So you're the owner?"

She nodded. "This store has been in my family for five generations."

He almost dropped the basket. "Five - Did they even have toys that long ago?"

"Oh, toys have been around as long as humans have had childhood! Did you know they've found marbles in Egyptian tombs? And dolls in archaeological digs. Toys are how children learn about the world, and how they start to decide their identities and practice interactions with others! They . . ." She trailed off, blushing. "Sorry, my major was psychology and I did my senior thesis on the role of play in early childhood development."

He held up a hand. "Hey, I'm the last person to shame anybody for nerding out. That's pretty awesome. You're in the right business."

"For right now, anyway," she murmured. 

"What?"

She smiled brightly. "I don't suppose you have any more nieces or nephews that need Christmas presents?"

He studied her for a moment. "Do you have any action figures?"

"Collectible or to play with?"

"Collectible?" he said hopefully.

She led him down the aisle and to the back wall. His eyes went wide. "Oh my god, you've got Max Mercury, black series." He grabbed it off the wall. "And Brainiac? This is a great section!"

She smiled. "My dad invested in these because he was hoping to bring in the collectors."

"Well, he made good choices." He picked the Braniac from its spot and turned it over in his hands, studying it closely. 

She left him to it and went back to the counter. She didn't feel like agonizing over the accounts when he was still here, so she cleaned the counter, dusted the book corner, and rearranged the ZooFriends shelf to fill in the empty spots he'd left when he took the two Puffy toys.

After half an hour, he came up to the counter with an overflowing basket, most of it action figures. With her heart singing the song of small business owners, she scanned them briskly.  His purchases came out to well over two hundred dollars. It was a drop in the bucket of her costs, of course, but it was a bigger drop than most. 

He handed her his credit card without a wince. When she ran it, his name popped up on her screen. She handed it back with the receipt. "Here you go, Mr. Ramon."

"Cisco," he said. "Please. Mr. Ramon is my pop."

"Cisco," she said. "I can wrap these if you want."

"Just the Puffys," he said. "The action figures are for me."

She grinned at him and selected a print of happy reindeer to wrap the stuffed animals. "Naturally."

He laughed self-consciously. "I'm not sure whether to be insulted or not. I promise I'm a grown-up man."

"Of course you are," she said, hands busily folding and taping. A really nicely grown-up man, too. She battled back her blush and hoped he hadn't noticed. "But I'll never look down on any adult who still likes toys."

"Well, sure, that's a good hundred and fifty dollars of my total."

"There's that," she acknowledged, setting aside the first perfectly wrapped box and picking up the second.  "But toys are important to children's imaginations. And children grow into adults, who still need their imaginations." She nodded at the Max Mercury he held. "I don't think any of us ever really outgrow the desire to be someone's hero."

"Well," he said, "you're my hero today."

She met his eyes and felt the blush rise again. "Thank you."

He grinned and accepted the bag with the two wrapped presents inside. "And come Christmas morning, I'll be Maya's hero."

She smiled. "She's lucky to have an uncle doing his best to find her the perfect present. I'm glad you came by today."

"Yeah, well, it was coming out here or spending a hundred and seventy-five dollars on eBay and hoping like hell it made it here in time." He fiddled with his wallet. "I really don't mean to be that guy, but your website is . . ."

Her face went hot and she made a business of putting away the scissors and the tape and rolling up the rest of the wrapping paper. "Archaic?"

"I was going to say behind the times," he said tactfully. "If you had web ordering, you'd be sold out of ZooFriends and a whole bunch of other stuff."

"I know," she said. "But I really haven't had the time to get a good system set up since I took over the store. I need inventory software that integrates with ecommerce and for that I need technical skills, money, and time, and I don't have any of those."

He leaned on the counter. "You don't have to tell me, but how did it get this bad? You clearly love this place and I really don't feel like you would have let it fall behind like this if you had a choice."

She chewed her lip. "My dad died in September."

Sympathy spread over his features. Not the plastic, practiced sympathy she'd seen so often, but real compassion. "I'm sorry. Was he sick?"

"He had MS," she said. "He'd had it since I was ten, and he'd always kept on top of his medication and his therapy and everything. So - " She looked down at the perfectly clean counter and wiped it off again. "So when I was away at school and he told me he was doing fine, I believed him."

"He wasn't doing fine," Cisco guessed.

She shook her head. Tears burned in her eyes again. "It probably started small. Just little things falling through the cracks. Then the cracks got bigger, more things fell through. . . ."

He nodded. "They tend to do that."

"Mhm. Then last spring, he had an assistant manager who embezzled a lot of money - "

"What!"

"They caught him!" Caitlin assured him. "But most of the money was gone, and the stress of that just sent my dad's health into a tailspin. I'd just graduated so I moved back home to take care of him."

"And I'm gonna guess you were so wrapped up in that, you didn't even realize what was going on with the store until you took over."

She sighed. "Got it in one." She mustered up a smile. "I didn’t mean to dump that on you. It's bad now, but things will come around. They always do. The holidays are the best time of year to be a toy seller."

"Yeah," he said. "They sure are." He smiled back and gathered his purchases. "I'll tell people about this place."

"Great," she said. "Here's my card, by the way."

"Caitlin Snow," he read off the little rectangle of cardstock. 

"That's me. Let me know if you have any particular collectibles you'd like me to obtain."

"Hmm?" He was looking at his phone. "Uh, yeah, if I think of any, I'll give you a shout. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," she echoed, watching him leave. The jingle of the bell over the door echoed in the toy store's emptiness.

**

Walking back around the building to his car, Cisco snapped a pic of the business card Caitlin Snow had given him. Then he dialed a number on his phone and wedged it between his shoulder and his ear as he pulled on his gloves. "Hey, Iris? Got a moment?"

"Hi, Cisco. Half a moment. My editor's breathing down my neck again about finding some heartwarming story to fill up Sunday space."

"Yeah, I remember you mentioning that. What would you say to a struggling fifth-generation local toy store owner who just took over the business after her dad's death, carries everything from ZooFriends stuffies to high-end collectibles, and knows toys backwards and forwards?"

Iris paused and he could practically hear the gears clicking. "Tell me more."

**

A week before Christmas, Cisco finally found a good excuse to drop by Jack Frost Toys again. With the name of a rare collectible action figure in his pocket, he turned into the parking lot and found it jam packed. He finally managed to wedge his little car into a space half on the gravel and climb out.

This was a good sign, right?

When he walked in the front door, the girl behind the counter wasn't Caitlin. "Welcome to Jack Frost Toys!" she called out before returning her attention to the grandma-looking lady at her counter. "We absolutely do gift certificates. How much would you like that for?"

The place was transformed. There was no other word for it.

When he'd come in the last time, it had been neat and bright and colorful, but empty and somehow sad. Now there were people in every aisle, voices ringing off the rafters. He cut down the doll aisle and almost stepped on a kid sprawled out on his belly, leafing through a colorful picture book. A little girl was staring at the Barbies as if she were deciding the fate of nations. A couple of moms were talking to each other over the Lego sets.

"It's just such a cute little place! It was getting so run-down there for awhile, but this new owner’s really spruced it up."

"I used to come here when I was Mandy's age and it always seemed like the most magical place to me. I'd forgotten all about it, honestly, but we're coming back."

Cisco smiled to himself and edged around them to the collectibles wall. 

The door to the stock room opened and Caitlin came out, arms loaded down with what seemed to be flat-folded gift boxes. She stopped short when she saw Cisco. "Hi!"

"Hey," he said, smiling at her. She was wearing reindeer antlers and her hair was up in a bouncy ponytail. "You're busy."

"We are! I'm sorry, I've got to -"

"Yeah, go ahead."

She went to the front counter and stashed the gift boxes underneath. "Allegra," she said to the girl who'd greeted Cisco as he came in. "I just got off the phone with our supplier and they'll have more wrap here tomorrow. Can we hold out?"

"It'll be tight, but we should be okay."

"Great. I'll be back to cover your break in a few minutes, okay?"

"Take your time, I'm good."

Caitlin edged back around the counter and paused to check in with the moms. She considered their questions, looked around, and plucked a few sturdy wooden toys from a lower shelf. "I really like this designer for the textures they incorporate," she explained. "Babies enjoy being able to experience different kinds of material as they explore the toy, and it stimulates their brain development. Have a look at these. I'll be right here if you have any questions."

"Thanks so much."

She beamed and moved on. 

Cisco watched her consult with the little Barbie lover and pick out a second book for the reader, as well as four or five other small interactions. It was like watching Michelangelo paint the Sistine Chapel or Einstein doing calculations on a chalkboard. She was in her element.

She came around the end of the aisle and spotted him again. Her face lit up. "I'm so glad you came by again." She threw her arms around him.

"Uh," he said. "Hi again to you too." He gave her a quick hug back.

She pulled away, blushing. "Sorry. I - I just wanted to thank you. I know the article in the paper was your doing." 

"Oh," he said. "No, that was nothing. I just called up a friend. She's the one who did the interview and that great photo - "

 Iris had been savvy enough to pose Caitlin by her display of the coveted ZooFriends toys. Cisco had noticed how bare the shelf looked now. 

" - and you were the one who made this shop so amazing that once people knew it was still here, they came."

"But none of it would have happened if you hadn't put it in motion. You said I was your hero that day for having the Puffys, but you’re my hero now.

“Pshaw,” he said. “Like you said, nobody grows out of that.”

“But not everybody does something. So. Thank you."

"Well, you're welcome." He looked around. "So you're doing pretty good, it looks like."

She nodded, beaming. "People started coming in after that article, and PalmerTech asked me to purchase toys in bulk for the families at their company holiday party. All my part-time workers are doing as many hours as they can, and I'll be able to pay the rent for January and February, and if it keeps going like this, I can hire somebody to revamp the inventory system for ecommerce." 

She ran out of breath and panted for a moment, her eyes bright.

Cisco had to smile back at her. "That's amazing."

She nodded. "I mean, we're still competing with Walmart and Amazon, and we still took a real hit from what Jay did. So we're not out of the woods, but this - " She looked around, eyes still bright. "This is going to give us some breathing room.   

"I'm really glad."

She turned her smile back on him and stole his breath. "Sorry, I'm just chattering away, and - did you come by looking for something else? Another collectible?"

"Ah - well, I was planning to ask about the limited edition Star Wars figures they're talking about for next year."

"I don't think I'm going to be able to order any of those until March, but I can definitely get your contact information."

"Oh. Okay, sure. But actually it was an excuse."

Her brows crinkled. "An excuse?"

"I really wanted to come by and see if you wanted to go get coffee or something. Sometime." He looked around. "I mean, maybe not right now because it's still December and you're slammed, which is great, but - "

"I'd like that."

His stomach filled up with warmth, like drinking an entire mug of hot chocolate. "You would?"

"Very much." 

They smiled shyly at each other until Allegra called out, "Caitlin? A little help?" She had a line that stretched halfway down the doll aisle.

"Oh!" Caitlin said. "Uh, I should - "

"Yeah! Go. I'll hang around until you're free, and then I'll get your phone number."

"Okay." She gave him one last smile before rushing up to the counter and opening up a register. "I can help who's next over here! Oh, sweetheart, that's a great choice. Your best friend is going to love it."

Cisco watched her for a moment, smiling to himself, and then turned to browse the collectibles. She'd been right, he mused. The holidays really were the best time of year to be a toy seller.

FINIS

[takamakisu]

Alright lads it's time for more rants from Jazz because as always, I have a lot to say. Gonna talk about Makoto's characterization in Scramble.

So. I do like how she's not nearly as prominent as in the base game and everybody gets more of a chance to shine. Her and Futaba being super in the forefront admittedly had me kind of tired of them. I really like Makoto's sisterly relationship with Akane as well; being able to relate with having a father in the force and not really having him around. (Gee Makoto, how come Atlus lets you have TWO little sister figures?) That being said, I do have issues with some of her writing.

For one, she's SO snappy to Ryuji. Holy shit. And it's for really trivial things?? Like when Akane was streaming, Makoto commented that she was like that as a kid, and Ryuji replies "You were a streamer as a kid?" to which she tells him "I'm gonna hit you" and he freaks like "WAIT NO." Beach trip when they're eating Makoto comments she tries not to eat too much on trips because she's worried about gaining weight. Ryuji tells her she'd have more power in her punches if she did which like.. absolute king. Literally he just "even if you do gain weight it'd just make you stronger" and she AGAIN threatens to hit him. Ugh. She basically takes Mona's role in antagonizing Ryuji and it's really upsetting to watch.

Then they brought back the dumb "Makoto gets scared and has an emotional breakdown, clinging to Joker" gag. That wasn't funny the first time and bringing it back is really annoying because it's like they're shilling shumako yet again (nothing new i suppose). Makoto being scared of the dark is literally just used to make her look cute and scared and it's not actually plot relevant or used to develop her character at all. (What WAS funny though, was Makoto telling Zenkichi that she and Joker were "just friends". I guess Atlus decided "y'all can't get along about romance so we will not give you any" KABSJSJSJ) Makoto has literally killed a god, her screaming for Sae over getting scared by a soda can is a liiiittle ridiculous.

Worst thing though was the hot springs scene where she beats up the boys after a misunderstanding. You'd think that after all they've been through, she'd be willing to believe them when they said it was an accident, but nope! Seems she learned nothing after beating up Ryuji in base game. I'm more willing to give this scene a pass because it's OOC behavior for the sake of humor, but man...

Jack Frost scene when everybody was goofing off she tells them to "stop being idiots let's get back home". God Makoto, they're kids. YOU'RE a kid. Let them have some fun, for gods sake. .

So basically she's better in this game in that she's not nearly as Important™ and she does have some genuinely good dynamics with Akane but in a lot of ways she's actually even worse than base game: she's a lot meaner and for what?

Makoto, take a nap.

[razorblade180]

OC test:Speech!

[everyone shall be put in front of crowd and say something. Think of it like rallying troops, orientation, declaring war, whatever. The crowd is 500 strong.]

All the characters stand on a stage, overlooking the wave of people. Jacquelyn stands behind a podium with a microphone while everyone waits their turn.

Jacquelyn:Ummmm, sup? Not much for speeches so I’ll keep this brief. I don’t know what problems you all have, your background, or where you’re heading. What I do know is I’m down to listen to all of it. A traveler loves a good story, so make it your best.

The crowd of people seem a bit caught off gaurd, yet enlightened. They lightly clap and nod as she bows before letting Sienna take the spotlight.

Jacquelyn:Good luck!

Sienna:(How the hell do I follow that up!?)

Sienna:*clears throat* Yo, my name is Sienna Frost. The lovely lady before me was my mother if anyone was wondering. I might have two sets of ears but I assure you, story time isn’t my favorite thing. You wanna show me who you are, then do it instead. As far as mine goes, don’t worry where I’ve been. Just watch where I’m headed. I just might surprise you.

She held up a peace sign and made her exit, leaving the crowd with nothing to say. It would’ve felt like going against her words. Jael came up next. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. The girl chose to back away then began to float up to draw everyone’s direction.

Jael:Remember, on the ground or in the air, look up to me.

That’s all she said before leaving. All the characters were absolutely stunned. Even Carmine. She was sure she’d be the only one to say something wild. Yujin awkwardly walked up next. People immediately started to smile and seem pleasantly surprised.

Yujin:By the looks of some of you, I take it you see my mother’s face in me? That’s fine, it’ll make this easier. Yujin Xiao Long, the girl that’ll be in future text books. Until then, watch me do my thang!

She gave the crowd a prideful smile and a fist bump into the air to hype them up. The crowd did it back and cheered. Tenzen used that energy and added it to his own charisma, choosing to stand on the podium.

Tenzen:Yeah! That’s what I’m talking about. Those with heart of fire and wild dreams, stick around! We’ll have the time of our lives! Never stop doing what you want!

The crowd got even more hyped as him and Yujin high fived before running off stage into the crowd itself. Everybody was given a high five and watched both leave as they laughed. Nick was next to go up. To get their attention, Nick made a glyph in the sky that made it snow. A quick change in the crowds attitude was immediately noticed as they stared at the dignified young man show his usual charming smile and kind eyes that made the women blush and most of the men jealous.

Nick:Good evening, I’m glad to see everyone so lively. As heir to a company you would think I’d be good a speeches. To be honest, I’m panicking inside right now. I made it snow, who just does that!?

The question got the crowd to laugh a little. Jealous faces unknowingly got a little softer.

Nick:Anyways, I just wanna tell everyone here that no matter the situation, lean on me. If not, then those you care about and have better spending habits. Hehe, I think I’ve said enough. Thanks and I hope you all have a good time listening to everyone else.

Crowd:(He’s so polite...)

Snowflakes crew:(There he goes, charming the masses like usual.)

Summer walked up next. Much like her twin brother, a glyph formed in her hand that quickly mixed with fire dust in her clothing. The warm of brace of embers flew out of it like a flicker camp fire that was drawn toward the snow. The gentle blend of fire and iced danced in air around the crowd, leaving them amazed. Summer was no stranger to a crowd or a stage. This might be her easiest test yet. The girl sung a simple word that enchanted everyone like a siren spell. “Mirror~”

Summer:I hope you all enjoyed that little tease. I typically like to warm my voice before addressing an audience so I though of that on the fly. Anyways-

The crowd interrupted her with applause. She hadn’t even spoken what was on her mind and they were hooked! Summer chose to accept it and made her way off the stage. It was even easier than she thought. She turned to Veronica and stuck her tongue out. The faunus responsed by flipping her off and walking away.

Eliza:You’re not making a speech?

Veronica:No, I hate people and do this sort of thing too much. I’m goons go draw or some shit. (Summer can’t say she had a better speech if I never do one.)

Valerie:Wait, this is optional? Guess I’ll leave too.

Eliza:At least day a sentence you two!

Both girls rolled their eyes and walked up together.

Veronica:Sometimes being the change you want and the change the world needs are two different things entirely; acknowledge way and take the step forward, not backwards.

Valerie:A jack of all trades is an ace to no one. Not that it’s a bad thing. Just find the other playing card.

The girls waved to the crowd and went off. Valerie started thinking, which card was she? Nick clapped for the two of them like he always does. Eliza took the opportunity to step forward. A snap of her fingers negated all the semblances still at play. Eliza took a running start to hop off the stage and land with a mighty thump that started a wave of sprouting flowers. This was beginning to be more of a talent show then a public speaking test. What was once winter had turned into spring!

Eliza:Sorry, but I think being eye level and warm with you all is far more appealing. I doubt many of you have heard of the a Marigolds but that’s fine. All you have to know is I’m the one who will elevate their status. Playing nice with others isn’t my strongest quality but fairness is. If by any miracle fate comes to join us together for a purpose, I promise I’ll stand by to the very end and pull out all the stops. I simply ask to put in all the effort you can as well.

A gust of wind came by and swept petals into the air as Eliza did a curtsy. As far as theatrics go, it was show, but more than that. It was the truth. A fair and honest truth. Like a gentle breeze on a spring day. Sparrow stood up to go next.

Sparrow:I....do not care about outcomes.

Crowd:.....What?

OCs:Yeah, what?

Sparrow:Good, bad, surprising, or boring; those concepts don’t apply whenever I’m sailing across the seas with passengers and crew mates. Everything that happens is apart of epic journey. Now I’m not gonna stand here and act like I’m anything special, because I’m not. All the same I am a captain and a damn good one at that. For those who passing through life with ambition in their hearts and freedom through their veins, sail with me. You might just be surprised. Thank you for your time.

The ex-military man put on his captain’s hat and walked away, never looking back at the crowds faces. All he heard were the footsteps of those who dared to follow him. The allure of his words reached some of the young men and women. 500 became 450. Kovu felt nervous, but a bit more confident as he went up to go next. All the women, children, sons and daughters, he looked at them in a different light because of Sparrow.

Kovu:Before Sparrow went up here I had the idea of talking about my family and how they motivate me to do my best. While that is true, now I can’t help but sing a different tune. This isn’t my first time with a microphone in front of my face and it probably won’t be the last. It’s what happens when you’re a Belladonna and your other mom is a top rate huntress. Still, it doesn’t feel real that I should get a microphone and a podium because of that; I’m just a regular guy. Being down there feels more comfortable to me than being up here ever will. Average strength, intelligence, normal qualities, but I guess that last one is debatable.

Carmine:Yeah, you dork!

The crowd and Kovu chuckled at the call out. Carmine didn’t know people too well, but she knew Kovu well enough to know when he’s being hard on himself. She spoke up more for his benefit than anybody else.

Kovu:The point is I’m stunned that despite me just being some normal person, I’m very thankful for the fact that you all stand before me to listen. That’s what motivates me most. Thanks, I’ll keep doing my best.

The crowd happily applauded for him. No fancy tricks or even something to leave the biggest impression. Just a boy who made a speech. On a stage full of giants in their own right, having Kovu being so relatable was a breath of fresh air in its own way. Carmine gave him a thumbs up and finally stepped forward. She ignored the podium entirely, choosing to project her voice to all who looked. The commanding yet calm presence she gave off was already at play.

Carmine: Once upon a time my mother Ruby Rose saved the world. She did it with strength, intelligence, and kindness above all. Her dream to protect others fueled her keep striving towards a happy ending. That same compassion wasn’t paid forward unfortunately and my mother suffered a loss some time later that nearly broke her. My mother wasn’t a very religious person until that incident from what people tell me, but it helped give her peace of my. Everyday she prayed to her god for the strength to press and breathe new life into her symbolically. Until one day it became literal. She asked her god for strength and he gave her me. I’m hopes and dreams given flesh. Not just hers, but I’m yours too. *points to the crowd* To all of you good people wanting peace and needing a defender of your normal life, pick whatever god you worship and thank him for me. To those who decide to rot the world they live in with hate and malice, choose a god and make your peace when you meet me. My name is Carmine Arc Rose, the greatest huntress, no, the greatest huntsman in general to ever walk Remnant. I’ll move forward first to keep you all safe. See you at the finish line, eventually.

Her body faded away into rose petals that were carried into the wind. She was never there to begin with. Carmine had more important things to do. The crowd once again fell silent as the petals kept scattering. All the other testers were at a loss for words themselves, except Kovu.

Kovu:Oh boy, as blunt as ever. To think she’d declare her standing among them like that? She might’ve just told them out right how far away they are compared to her.

Yujin:That was badass!

Sienna:More like cocky. She said she’s the greatest huntsman ever. What does that make her mom?

Kovu:The greatest hero. There’s a difference between the two in Carmine’s eyes. Try not to bring it up though. It’s a can of worms she won’t answer. Ruby is no doubt a Great huntsman but....Carmine has feelings about that title.

A petal gently fell into his hand before taking flight again. Aero still silently resting in the question tree with Carmine sleeping under it. Her little brother fast asleep in her lap. An exceptional huntsman yes, but an even better big sister.

[hireath24]

Everything Wrong with ACOFAS: A Rant  Part Four

Disclaimer: This is the fourth and final part of this series and will continue from pages 151 to 229. Part one can be found here. Part two can be found here. Part three can be found here. These page numbers come from the UK paperback edition of A Court of Frost and Starlight. This is my own opinion of the book - the writing, the grammar, the characters, etc. I won’t be commenting on anything that may have been plagiarized or that has been ripped off from the history of other cultures as SJM has a tendency to do. However, if there is something you pick up on about these subjects, feel free to comment them and I will add them to the post with credit. If you disagree with my opinions, I’m sorry and hope you see the error in your ways.

Page 152: ‘...felt like a decadence.’ I’m sorry, felt like a decadence? That’s not how you use that word.

Page 153: Feyre is drawing Rhys in the nude and all I can think of is draw me like one of your french girls Jack. 

Page 154: Whilst I’m happy that SJM is showing everyone suffering from a hangover because of all the drinking they did in the previous chapter, I want to know why Feyre couldn’t just use her magic to get rid of hers. And everybody else’s. If she’s said that she could use her magic to remove the pain of grief, why can’t she do this? 

Page 155: The paragraphing in this book is so messed up. I’m going to type out this little bit exactly as it is printed in the book, look: ‘But two massive figures filled the archway of the dining room, and Rhys paused.

Azriel and Cassian, having crept up on cat-soft feet, were also wearing their Illyrian leathers.

And from their shit-eating grins, I knew this would not end well.’ What is this? It’s such a mess. 

Page 155: ‘Tradition indeed.’ 

Page 156: Everyone keeps going on about how wealthy the Night Court is and I still don’t understand where they’re getting their money from. Do the people of the Night Court have to pay tax? Does Rhys have an amount of money that he puts back into Velaris for the upkeep of it? And why is Feyre saying that ‘paperwork could wait’? Uh, no. No, it can’t. The people of her court can’t spend the Solstice like she is because their homes are wrecked, they’ve lost family members. Feyre abandons her duties as High Lady to fuck around with friends and we’re supposed to believe that she’s a decent ruler? I don’t think so.

Page 164: ‘What is.’

Page 165: So Rhys upset Tamlin when he went to go and yell at the poor sod over in Spring Court a few chapters back and it upset Tamlin so much that it made him throw out all of Lucien’s clothes because he ‘wishes to remain in solitude’? So, basically, this was all Rhys’s fault and he doesn’t face any consequences for it. 

Page 167: I’m so happy that Elain is making it very clear that she doesn’t want a mate, but I wish Feyre would stop going on about how good of a male Lucien is to her. And she says to Elain ‘You couldn’t say a single word to him’ as if it’s Elain’s job to make him feel comfortable? Elain wants nothing to do with him! Feyre needs to stop pressuring people. 

Page 167: ‘Solstice. It was Solstice.’ WHY

Page 168: Aaaaand they’re drinking again. Feyre abandoned her work for friends and alcohol. I’m not okay with it but I’m even less okay with how common and casual wine is used here. 

Page 169: ‘Tell me what.’ 

Page 171: ‘Illyrian babies indeed.’ 

Page 172: Do you remember a couple of years ago when high school AUs were all the rage in fanfiction? That is what this book reads like, only high school AUs managed to make me cry on a few occasions. 

Page 172: So it’s an ‘Illyrian custom’ for the heated shed, birchin, and a bunch of naked warriors ‘sitting in the steam, sweating’. But... Why? And can somebody please tell me what a birchin is? 

Page 178: One of the characters gets red sexy underwear as a present, which is fine. But in a kid’s book? No, no, no, no. No!! A twelve year old could be reading this! What the fuck? 

Page 179: ‘Against the onslaught of Nesta.’ Wow, SJM is really trying her hardest here to villainize Nesta. 

Page 184: ‘rare, vibrant paint from the continent.’ This line was just thrown in here without any explanation at all! Why is the paint rare? How did Azriel get it from the continent? Why is it only available on the continent? 

Page 193: These last couple of pages really did it for me with Cassian’s character. He follows Nesta home after she says she doesn’t want him to? He yells at her and tells her to ‘go somewhere else’ even though he knows she can’t? He reaches for her hand after she’s told him many, many times to leave her alone? This is creepy. This is stalker behavior. And if they get together (which we all know that they will), this is fucking borderline abuse. It’s controlling and toxic and unhealthy, which could be said about all of SJM’s romances but heigh ho. 

Page 194: What is ‘faelight’? 

Page 201: ‘Would it indeed be a gift for you?’ 

Page 201: Also, why is the mountains with the stars the Night Court’s symbol? What’s the history behind it? 

Page 201: Feyre’s toes have ‘curled’ three times in this book and I’m just thankful that the Fae can’t develop arthritis.

Page 202: I can’t... I can’t read this sex scene. I can’t do it. It’s too much. ‘My breasts turned achingly heavy.’ OH MY GOD. Not only is this a kid’s book but.... It’s also just disgusting. 

Page 202: ‘Brazen possessiveness.’ This can’t even be read as sex positivism  anymore. It’s violent, possessive smut. Did somebody say BDSM? (Wait, wait. BDSM requires consent and safe words.) Also, if you want to write about sex positively then talk a bit about protection? And consent? And making sure that everyone is comfortable? And for goodness sake, don’t add this to a kid’s book. I made a post that goes into more detail about this here.

Page 204: ‘How you let me do such naughty, terrible things to you.’ FUCKING WHAT?! DO I EVEN NEED TO EXPLAIN HOW BAD THIS IS?!??!

Page 205: ‘Undiluted, utter predator’ You cannot look me in the eye and tell me that this was SJM’s attempts at adding in some sex positivity. To be honest, I’m, starting to think that this whole book was just fan service. SJM knew that her readers wanted the wall scene and here we have a whole book dedicated to the build up of it. NOTHING HAPPENS IN THIS FUCKING BOOK!

Page 206: Rhysand just climaxed at a picture of his child. 

Page 209: It’s incredibly sweet that Rhys bought a house for Feyre. Really, no, it is. And the ‘build a nursery, Feyre’ is also sweet. But A) the money side of things needs explaining. B) Why does nobody want to be at the House of Wind and what’s the point of even having it if nobody uses it? C) Rhysand bought Feyre a house when many of his people are currently homeless due to the wars... Right. 

Page 211: At this point, Rhysand should just leave Tamlin alone. I don’t care what his intentions were. And seriously, is this the way that High Lords act with each other? There should be guards there, there should be people there to protect their own High Lord. There should be advisors and- What does the Fae government look like? What are the rules? Is there a jail? A judge? The High Lords act like spoiled, rich children. 

Page 214: ‘Alive. It was all alive.’

Page 214: Mor has an estate that sits on ‘three hundred pristine acres.’ I want to know the geography of the courts. Yes, I know, we have a map. But that’s all we have. I want to know about borders (and if there are physical borders that need to be guarded to stop people from coming in to separate courts). Is a passport thing or even papers required to travel between courts? Buckingham Palace has 39 acres of land, including what it sits on. Did SJM do any research? There are whole countries smaller than three hundred acres. 

Page 215: ‘She didn’t want to take his joy away from him. Anymore than she already did.’ Mor feels guilty about her sexuality because she won’t be with Azriel and, somehow, fans of the book are okay with that. 

Page 222: This may just be me being stupid but I’m confused about ‘Illyrian.’ Rhysand said their children would be Illyrians, Feyre calls him an Illyrian baby. They wear Illyrian leathers and follow Illyrian customs but here: ‘Some part of him was Illyrian still. Always would be. Even if he wished to forget it.’ What does this mean? I’m so confused. 

Page 222: Do you know what might be a better act of feminism then having girls train to fight? Having the boys of all the camps be allowed to leave. Being allowed to stop fighting and go and have families. 

And that’s it from me, folks! I’ve read this book twice now and my opinion hasn’t changed. It’s boring, problematic, addresses things very poorly. It’s too sexual, there’s too much talk about alcohol and sex. And it really did nothing at all. 

Thank you for joining me on this little series! It’s definitely been interesting. Again, if there’s anything that I’ve missed then tell me and I shall write it in. I may do this again with more of SJM’s books but it’s surprisingly time consuming. 

[shirtlesssammy]

3x10: Dream a Little Dream of Me

Then:

The show keeps reminding us that Dean’s going to Hell, so enjoy his pretty face while you can

Now:

Bobby stalks his house at night. He’s suddenly attacked ---and we flash to him in a motel room, unconscious. A maid wanders in and finds him. He’s inside his mind fighting whatever haunts him. 

Dean finds Sam getting day-drunk at a bar. Sam laments the fact that he tried saving Dean. Dean settles in beside his brother and orders a “whisky, double, neat.” 

Sam is beside himself thinking about where Dean’s going, and what he’s going to become. “How can you care so little about yourself?” Sam wonders. (WE ALL WONDER.) Dean’s saved by a phone call and the brothers rush to the hospital to find Bobby comatose. The doctors don’t know what’s wrong with him. 

(Ooh, I forgot that Cathryn Humphris wrote this episode. So good.) 

The brothers look around Bobby’s motel room. Sam finds his murder board in the back of the closet. They find an obit of a doctor that went to sleep and never woke up. Bobby must have been looking into the doctor’s death. 

Dean heads to the doctor’s office and interviews his lab assistant. Apparently the doctor was an expert in dream and sleep disorders. The lab assistant doesn’t really want to talk. She already talked to the other detective, the “very nice, older man with a beard.” 

Dean threatens the woman with a trip down to the station. The assistant swears she didn’t know anything about his side experiments. Dean bluffs his way into getting the doctor’s research. Good job, Dean!

He next heads to one of Doctor Greg’s test subjects. Dude offers Dean a beer, and Dean accepts. Hmm, I’m questioning your professionalism as much as the dude is Dean. Anyway, turns out the guy can’t dream. The study was the first time he had a dream since he was a kid. The guy didn’t continue with the study. 

At the hospital, Dean and Sam meet up. Sam brings research on the African Dream Root that was part of the dream study. This stuff has been used for dreamwalking (but not like Jack and Kaia dreamwalking…). It lets someone wander in someone else’s dreams. With enough of the root and practice, you can start to control things, changing dreams. “Killing people in their sleep,“ Dean suggests. YEP. 

The boys wonder why Bobby is still alive. 

We get a glimpse into Bobby’s dream. He’s barely holding on. BOBBY. 

The brothers theorize who the killer is --probably one of the test subjects. Sam laments the fact that they can’t talk to Bobby about the case. Dean suggests taking the dream root. They realize that in order to do that they need Bela.

Later, Bela arrives at the motel. Sam’s there alone. Bela almost instantly turns on the sexy time, and Sam is VERY responsive. 

Alas, it was just a dream and Dean wakes Sam and tells him he was making some “serious happy noises.” OH SAM. 

Dean wants to know who Sam was dreaming about but Sam wont tell. Let’s take a moment and add that Dean’s guesses are: One (1) Angelina Jolie. Two (2) Brad Pitt. DUDE, quit projecting so hard. 

Anyway, Bela arrives, much to the discomfort of Sam (and his pants). 

She’s brought the African dream root for Bobby. Dean puts the root with the Colt in Bobby’s safe and kicks Bela out of the room. Sam awkwardly bids her adieu. 

 The brothers concoct their dream potion to save Bobby. It includes some of Bobby’s hair.

They drink the concoction and feel no change. Sam then notices that it’s raining. It’s actually raining upside down --and they’re at Bobby’s house. It’s cleaned up. They start walking around calling for Bobby. 

Sam tells Dean he’s heading outside to look. He walks outside and it’s sunny and the birds are chirping. And when he tries to go back inside, the door won’t open. Dean can’t hear him from the inside either. 

Dean continues to wander the house. He wanders to the back closet and finds Bobby.

Dean tells him they’re using dream root to share his dream, but Bobby’s locked firmly in Dream Mode. He’s more focused on the flickering lights in his house. “She’s coming,” he pants. And his wife walks in, bloody and terrible. Oh Bobby :( She asks him why he stabbed her to death. He pleads for her to understand that he didn’t know about monsters back then. OOF. Hard stuff. 

Meanwhile, Sam’s walking through a laundry detergent commercial.

The doctor’s former test subject suddenly shows up, whacks Sam with a baseball bat, and then declares himself “a god” in the shared dream. Well, that ALWAYS ends well on this show!

Dean pleads with Bobby to let go of the nightmare Karen who’s pounding and wailing on the other side of the door. “I’m not gonna let you die,” Dean promises, because Bobby’s “like a father” to him. BRB WEEPING. Bobby uses the power of FILIAL LOVE to control the dream, and the pounding stops.

Sam, Dean, and Bobby snap awake at the same time (preventing Sam “Head Trauma” Winchester from getting another blow with a bat). 

Later, Dean asks Bobby about Karen. THIN ICE TERRITORY! “Everybody got into hunting somehow,” Bobby explains. Sam breaks into the soulful moment with an update on the dream dude. Jeremy Frost is a genius whose dad whacked him in the head with a bat as a child. Jeremy never dreamed after that - not until he started using dream root. Now he can trample into people’s dreams with a bit of their body - like hair, or in Bobby’s case, saliva. Bobby sipped some beer when he talked to Jeremy. Dean looks abashed. He….MIGHT have drunk a beer at Jeremy’s as well. Now that both Dean and Bobby are targets, the stakes are raised. It’s time for operation STAY AWAKE.

Two Days Later

Dean is EXTREMELY GRUMPY. It’s been two days, they haven’t found Jeremy, and he is missing his sleep desperately. #RELATABLE Bela and Bobby continue to work the case from the hotel with no luck. At the end of his tether, Dean pulls the car over and settles in for a snooze in the danger zone. He’s going to confront Jeremy on his own turf. Sam swipes one of Dean’s hairs and prepares to join Dean’s dream root nap.

They wake up in the car, still in the woods at the side of the road. Suddenly, Dean’s movie reel mind spins up a gentle song and soft autumn colors and THERE sits Lisa in a clearing. She’s wind-rumpled and gorgeous, dressed in soft yellow and waiting for Dean at a romantic picnic in the park. 

For My Heart Aches for Dean Science:

Excuse me while I cry in Dean’s face for thirty minutes. Sam did not expect his brother to be so damn soft. “I’ve never had this dream before,” Dean protests.

Lisa blinks out and Jeremy peeks around a tree. It’s chase time! The dream transitions to the hotel hallway, now papered in a forest print. At the end of the hallway is a door that leads to a dimly lit room. Inside the gloomy room, Dean sits at a desk. 

Other!Dean greets himself (very polite) and tells himself that it’s time to talk. “I’m my own worst nightmare,” Dean smirks. He GETS the symbolism, and it’s BORING. Except that Other!Dean immediately peels away Dean’s bravado. He tells him that Dean is dead inside and worthless (and we bundle this man up into blankets and plop him into therapy!)

Dean can’t make the apparition disappear, and Other!Dean quickly takes control. The door slams, trapping them inside the hotel room. 

Sam wakes up back in the Impala and tries to wake up Dean, but Dean’s turned into Jeremy. Jeremy explains that he killed the doctor so he can keep using dream root and DREAM. He binds Sam to the ground.

Other!Dean continues to say every terrible thing Dean thinks about himself and it is HARD. TO. LISTEN. TO. THIS. SHIT. Everything about Dean is patterned after his father, and geared towards protecting Sam. There’s nothing TO Dean, Other!Dean argues, other than being “Daddy’s blunt little instrument.” 

Dean snaps at last. “My father was an obsessed bastard!” he shouts. And the fight begins. “I didn’t deserve what he put on me, and I don’t deserve to go to Hell!” DEAN!!!! BRB weeping some more! Dean shoots his other self, but what should be a moment of psychological triumph quickly goes south. Other!Dean wakes with black eyes and Demon!Dean gleefully tells him that there’s no escaping his fate. He’ll die, go to Hell, and become a demon. 

Sam’s in dire straits. He’s still bound to the ground, with Jeremy hovering above him with a baseball bat. In a moment reminiscent of Princess Bride, Sam metaphorically switches the sword to his right hand and reminds Jeremy that he ALSO took dream root and has control of the dream. Jeremy’s dad barges out of the forest, a screaming terror of a parent, and Jeremy’s eyes go wide. Sam whacks Jeremy with the bat while he’s distracted, and both Sam and Dean’s dreams dissolve. They’re back in the waking world, in the Impala. Jeremy’s threat has been neutralized. 

Later, Sam and Bobby debrief in the hotel hallway. Bobby’s glad Sam saved them, but wonders if Sam’s psychic abilities came into play. Ummmm definitely not? Probably definitely not? Almost certainly definitely possibly. 

Dean’s having trouble tracking down Bela. Bobby wonders why she was helping them in the first place. “Flagstaff,” Dean explains. This doesn’t make sense to Bobby - he just cut her a good deal on a sale there, that’s all. It dawns on the Winchesters that they may have been played. They head to the hotel safe to discover the Colt missing. 

At the Impala, Dean asks Sam what he saw in the shared dream. UM NOTHING. Dean also says he didn’t see a damn thing! He was just focused on trying to find Sam. Bbys plz. Dean clears his throat awkwardly and confesses (in a tone one might use to confess to wearing ladies’ undergarments) that he doesn’t want to die. Sam promises to find a way to save him. Dean flashes back to his dream one more time, just so it’s seeped into our hearts. We see Demon!Dean taunting Dean about his fate. Demon!Dean snaps his fingers, a cruel grin on his face, and the episode cuts to black.

Mister Quoteman, Send Us a Quote:

No one can save you, because you don't wanna be saved. How can you care so little about yourself?

Thanks for the news flash, Edison!

Dean. I love you

What are the things that you dream? I mean, your car? That's Dad's. Your favorite leather jacket? Dad's. Your music? Dad's. Do you even have an original thought?

You can’t escape me, Dean. You’re gonna die. And this? This is what you’re gonna become!

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[tessatechaitea]

The Invisibles #4

Is this how idiotic social beliefs are purged from assholes?

I don't understand the people who want less politics in comic books. We need more politics in comic books! Except what I don't really understand is using the word "politics" when they're actually angry about discussing social ills. Except I really do understand what they mean when they refer to social issues as politics. Certain people refer to being compassionate and kind and inclusive as "political correctness" because they can't imagine being compassionate or kind or inclusive until the cost of not being those things adversely affects them. So they think people only believe in being that way if it confers some kind of selfish advantage, usually in the political arena. And thus actually being a compassionate human being becomes political to them. Also, can we just stop arguing about how comic books used to be when they've always been about making the world a better place and there have always been comic book fans who found that political because they were terrible people? A terrible person reading a comic book where Batman stops some bank robbers can feel good about the story because they know they'll never rob a bank. But when Batman deals with some social ill, the terrible reader might see themselves reflected back at them in the villain of the story. Suddenly, to them, the story has become political. How dare the comic book company choose the other side which is just a political difference and not a basic human decency issue! And they never think, "Maybe, like Batman, I should also try to do better?" No, instead they send a letter to the publisher demanding that the publisher change the stories they tell so that they don't have to take a long, hard look at themselves. Ideas are political. If you think a story about Batman breaking the bones of The Joker's henchmen because The Joker is robbing banks isn't political, you're kidding yourself. You're just not looking deeply enough into the story and the systemic problems in Gotham that creates a demand for henchmen that are desperate enough to work for a maniac who could murder them at any moment while also having to worry about a man in a bat suit nearly killing them for working for the maniac. How is a billionaire going out at night dressed as a flying rodent to beat up poor and mentally ill people not political? How is any Superman story not political when it's about an immigrant to America embracing his new country and trying to make it a better place for everybody? If you actually think you want comic books to not be political, you're telling on yourself. You're just saying that you're the type of person who doesn't want to read criticism's about our world that might make you feel guilty about your selfish attitude. The Invisibles is an old comic book which came out 26 years ago and it couldn't be more political. But then it's dealing with magic and the irreality of reality, so if you're dumb enough, you can probably pretend it's not political at all.

This issue begins with a Books of Magic trading card.

At the end of the last issue, Tom told Dane they were going to climb to the top of the skyscraper with the magic pyramid on top and leap off. It was going to teach Dane about the finality of life and not really kill him. But when this issue begins, they seem to have put that off for the moment. Instead, they've stolen a sports car, driven it out to some sleepy little UK pasture, and begun a game of catch with a Frisbee. Tom starts rambling on about how his time is up and he's going to die because he's a warrior sorcerer and his time is up and he can see the shape of his life and it's super small and everything sucks but it also doesn't, you know? Dane barely listens to him because he's now full of life again and he just wants to do the things people who feel alive do. I don't know what those things are because I just sit in barely lit rooms reading terrible books from my youth and finding reasons not to begin writing my second module for my role playing game, Places & Predators. I should take a break and call my mother! I'm back! I also ate and watched an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation and an episode of Community and lay on the couch with Gravy.

Gravy's head is behind mine and not inside mine because we don't own a teleportation device and, if we did, we wouldn't be so careless with it.

The next day, Tom and Dane head off to jump off of a skyscraper. Tom will presumably be doing it for real because he's tired and he's done his part and he thinks Dylan Thomas is a fucking asshole who can't just let a person die in peace when they're ready to go. I mean, lay off me, Dylan! I'm fucking dying here! This isn't about you and your fear of death (which, ironically, is probably why you drink so much and why you'll be dead at 39). Dane smokes some blue mold which will probably allow him to fly or bounce or something. Sometimes I think about the angst of youth and then I think about how optimistic and embracing Quiet Riot was of the youth and youth culture and it just makes me fucking smile, man. That wasn't supposed to be a non sequitur. That was just a reaction I had to Tom telling some bystanders witnessing Dane's drug induced realizations, "It's drugs. Dope. They're all on it nowadays. With their computer games and violent videos and swear words. We had The Bible and a nice apple when I was his age." Tom is being smarmy and telling the adults what they want to hear. And, especially with reference to their video games, it made me think of Quiet Riot who didn't care what adults wanted to hear. They knew what the kids needed to hear. And it wasn't just "Being a teenager sucks and we get it and the world is garbage!" Their message was often "We see how things are different for you and how you cope differently than we did and we fucking get it man and we approve and you're going to be all right. Your doing good, kids." Most of you probably only know "Metal Health" and "Cum on Feel the Noize" so you're thinking, "What the fuck are you talking about?" But some of you also know "Winners Take All" and "The Wild and the Young" so you fucking know what I'm talking about.

This reminds me of The Last Temptation of Christ.

The problem with books that revolve around Jesus is that I truly can't tell if they're making a statement about secular life or if they're truly reinforcing the opinion that Jesus was the son of God and the only truth you need to know about Jesus is that he was resurrected. Was Jesus preaching about being good on Earth because it was the salvation of your soul and your way into heaven? Or was Jesus literally trying to tell everybody to give unto Caesar what is Caesar's because this shit don't matter, bro. Fuck Earth and Earthly conceits. Should every action taken on Earth be concerned with your spiritual self and your relationship with God and getting into heaven? Because I'm tempted to see The Last Temptation of Christ as a parable for secular life. Are we all Christ in the desert being tempted by the devil away from our true calling? But if all the regular trappings of society are illusions and lures away from whatever it is we should do, what is there really? What would a person do if they didn't have a career? Or a spouse? Or a mortgage? Or a child? Not falling for those temptations isn't enough, right? So what's the next step? Sacrificing your own desires for the common good of the world? But what common good would that be if people aren't supposed to fall for any material temptations?! What are we striving for if we aren't striving for everybody to equally fall for the same societal illusions?! What is the magic asking of us?! To just burn it all down to prove that we weren't fooled by any of it?! How is waking up outside of The Matrix better than living within it?! Show me my fucking cards before you ask me to jump off the top of a skyscraper is what I'm saying! You know what? I think that's what Jesus asked God the night of the Last Supper! Jumping off of a skyscraper to get Dane to pierce the illusion of reality and see what lies beneath is way better than giving him a red or blue pill. The Matrix pussed out, even though it had this scene from The Invisibles as a perfect example of what it was doing. Dane survives the leap and finds himself in a four color comic sci-fi pulp novel cover. The world has changed and he's not sure what to do. So he goes to the address of the Invisible College that Tom gave him. He's finally ready to report for duty. Dane meets the other Invisibles: King Mob, Ragged Robin, Boy, and Lord Fanny (which would have gone right over my head in 1994 and possibly only made it into the comic book because the editors didn't know quite enough British slang). As far as drag names go, Lord Fanny is proper good. Meanwhile, some shadowy guy answers a phone call from Orlando (probably exactly the Orlando you're thinking of because why not? He/she was good enough for The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen). They discuss raiding an Invisibles safe house they've discovered. But the non-Orlando guy on the phone can't direct it because he's got British politics to do.

Back in 1994, I also wouldn't have understood what this door with the 10 on it was telling me about the person on the phone.

Dane decides to stick with The Invisibles as Jack Frost and they make their getaway before Orlando and the Prime Minister's Myrmidons break into the safe house. All they find is a chalkboard that reads, "Big Brother is watching you. Learn to become invisible," and a pink grenade with the word "smile" printed on it in ransom letter letters. And that's the end of the first story arc. The Invisibles #4 Rating: A. I'm seriously getting angry at my 23 year old self for not continuing to purchase this series. It's hard to remember exactly where I was at that time in my life that caused me to stop reading it. I'm sure I liked it. Maybe I just had trouble remembering it from month to month. Or maybe I just missed Issue #6 at the comic book store (I never had anything put on hold. I'd just show up on Wednesdays (unless it was Thursday back then? I can't even remember that!) and pick up my books (I didn't even ask the store to hold a copy of the Death of Superman for me. The clerk, Jeff, just happened to hold one for me anyway. He probably thought I was super cool or something)) and so just forgot about the series. Maybe I'll pick up the collected edition whenever my local comic book store reopens. Although if I show my face in there, they may try to get me to buy comics that were placed in my pull box after I cancelled my pull box. See, they weren't getting comics from Diamond for over a month and I just decided it was as good a time as any to stop buying new comics. So I cancelled my pull box. But what if, in their mind, I was still on the hook to buy all the comics for the weeks that Diamond didn't ship?! That would be fucked up and, knowing me, I'd instantly cave and say, "Oh yeah! Okay! Sorry! Sorry! I'll purchase all of this shit I don't want anymore just so we don't continue this awkward conversation!"

[modestmuses-a]

SHIPPING INFO !! ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSE SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG.

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER?

on here, my current favorite ship is probably ekko x ava with @bystcrdust​, if only because i don’t have a lot of other ships!  although, they are very cute.

for general otps, i also like snufkin x moomin, cindy slam x timmy of a thousand masks, and brit crust x sheldon lee.  (that last one was born of me joking around and then accidentally getting invested.)  but none of those ships have actually happened on this blog!

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO WRITE WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?

just about anything, barring smut and pregnancy.  i’m not very picky otherwise!

honestly, i would love to write more one-sided stuff for angst reasons...  but i need more actual two-sided ships as well.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

it depends on the age of the muse, honestly.  for teenager muses, i tend not to go for age gaps more than 1-2 years.  like with ekko being 16 and brit being 17, i kinda have them closed off to muses who don’t fall in the 15-17 age range.

but then with 18yo muses like snufkin and ivy, i’m willing to go a little older (not younger, for obvious reasons), like into the early 20s or so.

then there’s the joxter, who regularly crushes on people 20 years older than him, but he himself is 41, so.  basically, and i think this is true in real life as well, the older somebody is, the larger the age gaps that become acceptable are.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

ha!  extremely, unfortunately!  i have a very difficult time just jumping into ships without feeling out the chemistry between both the muses and the muns.  i find it way easier to ship with people i can actually talk to and plot with.

that, and my muses are very picky with who they end up with, too.  so many of my muses are difficult to get close to and really get to know without massive development.  like cyborg noodle being a massive ball of paranoia and brit needing to learn to value other people and not be so stuck up.  cindy slam is also very difficult to get in a healthy ship due to her anger issues and destructive tendencies (both towards herself and others).

i really do want more ships on this blog for someone other than ekko for once, but the muses...  they just don’t cooperate.  i want to ship all the aforementioned characters with someone, but i feel like i won’t be able to find anyone patient enough for it...  everybody wants their ships and they want them NOW.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NSFW?

i don’t really write anything that could be considered nsfw, so i’m not really sure!  i’m just going to piggy back off of the answer of the person i stole this from and say that anything beyond heavy making out, like if the characters start feeling each other up and taking their clothes off and stuff, probably counts.

WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?

ekko x cora x christophe is an ot3 i have going with pagan ( @delinquentborn​ / @martyrnot​ ), which is fun because it’s the first ot3 i’ve ever had on this blog.  we haven’t done that much with them yet, but i like them nonetheless.

i also like the potential dynamic of snufkin x jack frost (rotg) and i’m looking at all these jacks like ship w me you cowards...

but really, there are very few people i’m not willing to ship my muses with.  if there is chemistry there, i am usually willing to give it a shot.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?

like i said, it’s easier for me to ship with plotting, so i would like to talk about it a little bit first, generally.  however, i’m not opposed to ships happening organically through threads, either.  it’s just going to take a long long time to get some of my muses to the point where an organic ship happens, haha!  if you want to ship, it’s better to ask me so that i can start trying to nudge them in that direction, since 80% of the time, they will adamantly oppose going there on their own.

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?

ship more-or-less.  i’m aromantic myself, so romantic stories aren’t something that i absolutely need.  i do feel a little bit left out of the fun at times, but the rpc’s over-reliance on romantic plots grates on me sometimes.  sometimes, a bitch just wants to see something original.

so, no, i definitely wouldn’t consider myself ship obsessed, and if somebody approaches me only with the intention of shipping, it is extremely off-putting.

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?

yeah!  i don’t want to close myself off to what other people have to offer and miss out on all those sweet dynamics, so i keep myself open.  at least, as open as i can be, given the way my muses are. :/ 

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?

well, in the case of league of legends, i don’t actually like any ships that i can think of.  all of the popular ships bore the absolute shit out of me, even the canon ones!  not a fan of rakan/xayah, honestly.

for my other fandoms, though, i already mentioned snufkin x moomin, cindy x timmy, and brit x sheldon.

i’m also partial to joxter x fillyjonk, and between them and brit x sheldon, you can really tell i’m a slut for opposites attract ships, haha!

for ava’s demon, i was always most partial to ava x odin, although i like ava x maggie quite a bit, too.

and then of course, lain x arisu.  i’ve made like... many amvs with those two.  i watched a trippy cyberpunk anime with themes of identity and mental illness, and the only thing i took away from it was lesbians. ;)

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?

well, first, if there’s a ship you think would work, just ask me about it!  then, if it’s a muse that’s tricky with trusting people, find a way past their barriers. :^)

TAGGED BY: i took it

TAGGING: @supraxstcllas @magicxecustos @sanmen and anyone else who wants to!

[mst3kproject]

521: Santa Claus

Ever since they included a Christmas episode in the first Netflix season, I have been slowly coming to terms with the fact that this blog will not live long enough for me to do all the Christmas movies on Christmas.  Might as well get on with it. This one goes out to @casualcollectorlightme.

It’s Christmas Eve, and Santa Claus is setting off on his annual trip to take gifts to the children of the world.  He’s anticipating trouble: a demon named Pitch has been ordered to stop him.  If nobody gets any presents, then the children of Mexico won’t see any point in being good, and will turn to evil en masse!  Can Santa, with his friends Merlin the wizard and Vulcan the smith, thwart Pitch’s wicked plot and save Christmas?

My favourite thing about this movie is its weird portrayal of Santa, and for once I actually can explain why it fascinates me.  If you’ve ever seen the movie Mothra, you probably had a good laugh at the bit set in the foreign land of Rolisica, which shows us what Japanese people in the 60’s thought Americans were like (if you haven’t seen it then for heaven’s sake do so – it’s funny as hell).  Santa Claus is kind of a whole movie about that, because when it was made in 1959, Santa wasn’t really a thing in Mexico.  The film was an attempt to import him, and so we get to see our beloved Christmas traditions through the eyes of a people who aren’t very familiar with them.  

We begin with a tour of Santa’s workshop, which is not actually at the North Pole, but floating in space somewhere above it.  In American Christmas movies the toy factory would be staffed by elves, but this one goes for another short, energetic option: children from around the world, in the form of a parade of offensive stereotypes embodied by tone-deaf six-year-olds.  This is very strange, not only because they all seem to be singing in the snow rather than working, but because we find ourselves unavoidably wondering who these kids are.  Where are their parents, and how did they end up in Santa’s custody?  Are they orphans he took in, or is this some kind of mass kidnapping operation?  Do they get an education?  What happens to them when they grow up?

When you give it a moment’s thought, however, this setup actually makes more sense than elves.  What the hell are elves, after all?  Where do they come from and why do they work for Santa?  Nobody ever asks that, because it’s just part of the mythology (and when movies do try to offer answers they’re almost always weird and disappointing).  You might as well ask why the Easter Bunny is a rabbit. That’s just how it works.  If you haven’t grown up hearing about it, though, the idea that orphaned children get raised by Santa, helping to bring joy to the rest of the world… that's messed-up, but it works.

The same applies to Santa’s collection of magical surveillance equipment, which looks like something out of a Salvador Dali sugar high. American Christmas films, like the classic Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer or even Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, rarely go into how Santa sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake.  Again, he just does.  Because Santa was something new to the Mexican film-makers, though, they felt like they had to explain it.  Their attempt tried for whimsy but took a wrong turn and ended up smack in the middle of fucking creepy.

It’s creepy in several ways, too.  I mean, the giant lips that speak in the voices of children’s wishes are an awful image, but there’s also the fact that Santa is spying on you directly.  He’s watching your dreams.  He’s listening to your whispered conversations.  He’s reading your fanfiction.  The Three Naughty Boys discuss how they don’t believe in any of this and Santa speaks to them, informing him that he knows very well what they’re planning!  Santa is Big Brother, always watching – and this is true of the ordinary concept of Santa Claus, too!  We sometimes make jokes about this but it seems harmless to us because we never delve into the details the way this movie does.

This thread of explaining things we don’t normally think need explanation runs through other areas of the movie as well.  Why does nobody ever wake up and see Santa Claus?  Why don’t our dogs bark at him?  Because he’s got a sleeping powder and a magic flower that can make him invisible. If that were as far as it went, then it wouldn’t be too strange.  I can see similar things appearing in something like a The Santa Clause sequel… except that there, they would probably have been made by the elves.  Since Santa Claus does not have mechanically (or dentally) gifted elves, it needs to provide another origin. Hence the inclusion of Merlin the Magician and Vulcan the Smith, which seems like a weird juxtaposition of mythology to us, but as far as the Mexicans know they’re all ‘American’ so they’re close enough.

Santa Claus also feels obliged to confront the awkward question of class differences.  Santa is supposed to be an egalitarian figure: he doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, only if you’ve behaved yourself.  Poor kids should therefore get just as many presents as rich kids, which is manifestly not true in the real world.  Most American movies just pretend everybody is middle-class and ignore the issue completely.  Santa Claus tries to do something with it and the results are once again, weird.

There is, for example, the never-named Rich Boy who is tired of toys and just wants to know his parents love him.  Santa makes his wish come true by drugging Madre and Padre into heading home from their Christmas Eve out, and the question of whether he got any other gifts is never brought up.  The nearest thing the movie has to a main human character, however, is adorable little Lupita, whose father is out of work.  She wants a doll for Christmas and frankly any doll will do – she struggles with the idea of stealing a rag doll from a craft market, but puts it back, and Santa rewards her by bringing her a doll her parents could never afford.

And that’s nice, but what message does it send to all the well-behaved children in the real world whose parents can’t afford to buy them anything fancy?  That they weren’t good enough?  That they didn’t write a nice enough letter or say a nice enough prayer?  That Santa just doesn’t give a shit?  There’s a reason most Christmas movies don’t touch on this.

The specific doll Santa brings to Lupita also kind of bugs me… it’s just not a good present for a child like her.  Lupita is around five or six years old.  She needs a doll she can cuddle, play with, and carry around with her, like the one from the market.  The one she gets is as big as she is and wearing a fancy dress.  That’s not a toy, that’s a piece of décor.  It’s the doll that sits in the rocking chair in your grandmother’s living room and which you swear you can see move out of the corner of your eye. It’s not huggable, if she takes it anywhere it’ll get dirty or broken, and there’s a cynical part of me that thinks her parents probably sold it the next day so that they could buy food or pay the rent on their hovel or something.

Then there’s Santa’s adversary.  American Christmas movies pit Santa against bad weather, other supernatural entities like Jack Frost, and ordinary grouches like Phineas Prune.  In this movie, the villain is the devil.  This does, I guess, make a certain amount of sense, since Santa is dedicated to rewarding well-behaved children while Satan wants to collect the souls of the wicked, but we’re just not used to this meeting of religious and secular imagery.  Christmas is a Christian feast pinned to the ass of a much older Pagan solstice festival and it has never managed to really do away with this duality.  Most people keep the Christian and folk sides of Christmas pretty separate, but here we see them collide head-on.

Finally there’s the stuff that’s just plain terrifying.  Like the creepy laughing reindeer.  Or the rather complicated explanation of why Santa must make it home before sunrise.  When the sun comes up, the mechanical reindeer will turn to dust, leaving Santa unable to return to his palace in outer space.  What will happen then?  Why, he’ll starve to death, because Santa and his helpers subsist on sweets made from clouds and stardust, and cannot digest normal food!  Wait, the toy-making children, too?  What does happen to them when they grow up?  Can they return to Earth and start eating burgers like the rest of us, or do they remain children in Santa’s bondage forever? I told you this movie was weird.

Santa Claus is not as enjoyable in its own train-wrecky right as its Martian-Conquering cousin, but it is my favourite of the MST3K Christmas episodes. The movie itself is cheerful and the host sketches are a positive delight.  I particularly love everybody’s joy at the terrible Secret Santa presents, and their all-inclusive seasonal song that distilled tumblr to its essence decades before tumblr ever existed.  The very best part, however, is the awesome Christmas mods they did for the bots.  I love the snowglobe in Tom Servo’s head, and here I am once again helpless to articulate why it’s so damn funny. 

[frzntrx]

Another FrozenTricks fanfic I just thought of,

Maybe part of another longer fic I’m writing about them, I haven’t decided yet,

Implied smut here, enjoy!!!

(Loki's POV)

The door slammed, startling Elsa and I out of the movie we had been watching on the tv with her little sister Anna and her husband Kristoff.

Anna had requested Titanic, Elsa had sighed

"Always the hopeless romantic huh baby sister?"

"Damn straight." She teased back, sticking her tongue out.

But it actually wasn't as sappy as I thought it would be...

Maybe because it was actually based on a real and very tragic event in earth's history, but it wasn't as stupid as I thought it would be,

Towards the end, when Rose was on the tiny door looking down at Jack helplessly, having not been strong enough to be able to pull him up, a single tear appeared on Elsa's cheek, and she laid her head on my shoulder,

I frowned,

I wasn't used to her losing her control like this... even as slight as it was now…

Usually she had a strong confident facade... I knew she had to because of what happened with her family... she almost killed her sister twice, but this was... new.

It was around this time the door banged against the door, effectively startling everybody in the room,

"BROTHER!!!! TONY STARK HAS DECIDED TO START A TRADITION FOR ALL OF US WHERE WE GO ON A BEACH VACATION TO BOND!!! PACK YOUR BAGS!!! WE'RE HEADED TO FLORIDA!!! ITS A ROAD TRIP!!!!!" Thor bellowed excitedly, I rolled my eyes.

"As if he'd invite me." I murmured,

"No no he did!" Thor said happily, my eyebrow raised,

"Why?"

"I told him me and Lady Elsa probably wouldn't go if he left you out!"

I rolled my eyes, there it was... it wasn't about inviting me... it was keeping others from ducking out.

"As much as I appreciate the gesture brother, I'd rather not... frost giants can't stand the heat, you know that..."

Elsa's eyebrow shot up,

"Lo you know I'm going right?"

I frowned,

"You're one too... why are you going?"

"Because it's an all expenses paid vacation and Anna and Kristoff were invited too by association so I figured what the hell, it's sister bonding time at least... a little warm weather won't kill me, it's the Florida keys Loki, the water will help I promise..." she said matter of factly.

I hesitated,

"I don't know..."

"Pleeeeease!!! When have I ever asked you for anything?!? You're my best friend!"

"Literally last week... you begged me to make you peppermint hot cocoa even though it's almost March because you didn’t feel like getting out of bed.”

"Oh come onnnn!!! Pleeeeease!" She pleaded,

"Pleeeeease!!!" Anna joined in,

"Oh not you too Anna... don't you dare." I groaned,

Then Elsa looked at me with those big pleading eyes, and I groaned,

"No... no no no you're not gonna get me with that... not again."

But she looked away, hurt, looking like a puppy that just got kicked, heartbroken and I sighed,

"You know what... fine... fine. But if we die from heatstroke it's you guys fault."

"YES!!!!" Elsa cheered, giving Anna a high five,

"ROAD TRIP!!!!"

____________________________________

We were almost there when I heard Elsa humming to a song that was playing on her iPhone.

"I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan..."

Then Anna smirked and joined in,

"Welcome to the land of Fame Excess, am I gonna fit in?"

Then all the other ladies on our team started singing with them, and even Thor Kristoff, and Steve joined in, I rolled my eyes,

"I hopped in the cab here I am for the first time... look to my right and I see the Hollywood sign!

This is all so crazy!

Everybody seems so famous!!!"

I continued to ignore everybody else on the bus, reading,

"My tummy's turning and I'm feeling kinda homesick, too much pressure and I'm nervous!

But then the taxi man turns on the radio and the Jay-Z song was on!"

I looked up for a moment to see Elsa and Anna right in my face, the rest of the people in the bus dancing in their seats

"Oh my Norns... what...?" I laughed

"And the Jay-Z song was on

And the Jay-Z song was on!!!"

They paused, all looking at me expectingly, I sighed, giving up.

"So I put my hands up they're playing my song and the butterflies fly away!!!"

They all cheered and continued along with their almost scream singing

"Nodding my head like yeah!

Moving my hips like yeah!

Put my hands up they're playing my song and I know it's gonna be okay!

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah yeah!!!

It's a party in the USA!!!

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah yeah!!! "

"It's a party in the USA!!!!!" Elsa belted, and the others cheered and whooped and hollered.

Then the bus stopped,

"Okay guys we're here!" Banner called to the back.

Stark actually had managed to buy an entire private island somewhere in the Florida keys not far from key west, said it was going to be an biannual two weeks each spring break and summer vacation tradition, I had said that we're grown adults we don't have spring break or summer vacation anymore but he shushed me.

Everybody piled out of the bus.

Anna was the first to break the awed silence with a squeal of glee as she rushed excitedly to the little tiny house she and Kristoff would be staying in.

I rolled my eyes,

"So the lovebirds Anna and Kristoff obviously have their own little honeymoon-slash-love nest vacation cabana since they can't keep their hands off each other for literally a second or they'll burst into flames or something..."  I said,rolling my eyes and picking up my bags,

I expected to get a room to myself...

But stupid Stark had other ideas apparently.

"What do you mean Elsa and I have to share a room?!?" I shouted at Stark,

"You're both Frost giants? Nobody else wants to have to deal with the air conditioning turned up all the way all the time..."

That... actually made sense...

"But why not send her to stay with her sister? She loves her ice powers why not?"

"Because Anna thought that Elsa would feel awkward with them making out all the time," Stark said

I grimaced,

"Actually that makes sense... I wouldn't want to see my brother making out with his girlfriend who HAD to tag along either..." I sighed, glaring at Thor and Jane cuddling on a porch swing type thing on the beach, watching the sunrise.

It was sickening.

"Well... I guess if I had to share a room with anybody I'd rather it be her than any of you guys anyways no offense."

Banner huffed,

"How is that not offensive?"

"Because I'm sure you don't wanna see me all the time either?"

He frowned,

"Yeah I guess you're right... it would be kinda awkward having to sleep in the same room with some other guy... at least if it's not like a brother or a cousin or something..."

I sighed, This was going to be so awkward...

I wasn't expecting to share a room with anyone... I pretty much sleep in the nude in spring and summer because otherwise I'm burning up... being a frost giant and all...the temperature in America was a big change from Asgard or even Norway, so I didn't bring any pajamas...

If I had known...

I shook my head.

"Fine... I guess I'll just have to endure it..."

____________________________________

I pretty much passed out when I got all my stuff up to our room, Elsa had apparently beat me there because all her stuff was there, but she wasn't.

Which was a relief because I just wanted to take a nap... it was too damn early.

I was awoken at around 11 by the light being flicked on, and I was blinded, because I had closed the shades to block out any unnecessary heat.

"Okay OW!!!" I shouted, sitting up and rubbing my eyes,

"Oh my god Loki I'm so sorry! I didn't even know we were sharing a room I just came in here to change into my swimsuit! Like I had no idea where you even were!"

Oh... it was Elsa.

I sighed, covering my face with one arm, to block out the light until my eyes adjusted.

"Yeah... sorry... Stark said since we're both frost giants it'd be best... because otherwise whoever either of us roomed with would be freezing all the time." I finally removed my arm from in front of my face and saw her just standing in the doorway awkwardly.

"That... makes sense." She said, her cheeks slightly flushed,

"What?" I asked, confused She turned away,

"N-nothing."

Then I looked down, shit.

This looked really bad...

"Oh... uhh damn... I'm not nude I swear! I just took off my shirt because it's too damn hot here..." then she sighed in relief and turned back around.

"Okay good."

It was strange... she acted like... wait.

"Question..." I asked,

"Yeah?" She said,

But I hesitated,

"Nevermind... it's too awkward... you'll think I'm creepy or something."

"No no it's okay! You're my best friend!" She said cheerily smiling hugely.

I looked up at the ceiling to avoid looking at her face,

"How many men have you made love with?"

She was dead silent.

I looked back at her and she was flushed even deeper red now.

"You know what never mind I'm sorry I asked... that was out of line... it's just you were acting strange and I thought since we were friends it would be-"

"None."

I blinked,

"You're kidding...?"

"No... I was... waiting... for the right person... the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with...

But it's obviously not gonna happen now so... that's why."

I was genuinely curious now,

"You had feelings for someone?"

"Yeah... a long time ago... back when we were kids... I had a crush on this boy... I promised myself I'd wait until then... but obviously it didn't turn out that way so yeah..."

I thought for a moment...

It was just me and Thor that she and Anna hung out with  as far as I knew...

Of course she'd go for Thor... he was strong.. brave... handsome I supposed people would consider him handsome.

He was the kind of man every straight girl wanted.

Hell even some that weren't.

Nobody would go for a scholarly type beanpole like me.

To her I was like her slightly older brother...

Destined to be stuck as her best friend, forever...

I looked at her, in her turquoise bikini that was held together by just a knot tied in the back...

Damn... that was a pity...

I sighed, and sat up,

"So are you coming?" She said,

I raised one eyebrow,

"The sun is trying to light a fire and you're asking me to join you and the others to boil alive in the ocean?"

She laughed,

"No the others are having lunch at this seafood place by the beach, except Anna and Kristoff, they're out on a sailboat somewhere, so it'd be just you and me..."

Hmm... it was tempting... anything would be good to keep from burning alive to a crisp, and I was kind of bored being holed up in this hotel room all day.

But I was still agitated that she had a crush on Thor and never told me... I thought best friends were supposed to tell each other stuff like this?

You never told her you loved her, how's that for double standards, why should she tell you stuff like this when you won't even tell her? I thought,

Because I didn't wanna scare her off... shut up brain.

So I shook my head,

"No... I'm okay... I think I'll just read."

She shrugged,

"Suit yourself."

And then she was gone...

I shrugged and started reading this book I had packed that she had gotten me for Christmas last year of a giant encyclopedia type book of earth's natural history, she thought I'd find it interesting... and surprisingly she was right.

About 20 minutes later I get a text message from her...

I ignored it at first, assuming she was trying to beg me to join her again, but then my iPhone dinged again signaling another message had arrived and I groaned, turning over to open my phone.

Whoa...

It was a selfie, as midgardians called it...

But she was naked as the day she was born. It wasn't showing much, just her head neck and shoulders... but damn.

My hand covered my mouth in shock.

"Uhh..." I murmured,

Wrong person...? I texted back,

It was quiet for a moment, then...

You think so? 😘

No fucking way... now she was just messing with me.

Rude.  I texted back,

It's only rude if you didn't feel the same way... you wouldn't have asked earlier if you weren't curious... now get down here 😈

Damn. Caught red handed.

Thats mean...  and anyways I'm not up for some one night stand with my best friend okay... if you don't like me that way I'd rather not ruin what we have going on here thank you for the offer though. 😒

I hated to do that... but I wasn't up for heartbreak... I had dealt with enough of that to last two or three lifetimes.

Oh come on... you really think this is about a fling? You gotta give me a little more credit than That Lo...

I huffed,

I know who you were referring to when you said that earlier... and I'm not up for rebound I'm sorry.

I turned off the ringer, assuming that she would give up and I could finish reading the page I was on at least and then hop in the shower and maybe relive this ache in my-

But then immediately I get a text notification

Clearly you don't if you honestly think Thor is my type... you know me better than that... 😒

I was really annoyed now, why wouldn't she just stop... it almost hurt having to do the right thing for once in my life...

Then it's somebody else... either way I'm not interested...

I immediately got a text,

Its you you idiot... it's always been you... god for someone who's supposed to be so smart you really are clueless...

I dropped my phone in shock,

What...?

Then she sent another of those dirty selfies... this one actually showing a bit of her cleavage.

I was almost salivating.

Underneath it there was a text

Now that you've got Mr. Noble Prince Charming out of your system... you ready? 😏

I gulped,

This was really happening..,

oh my Norns...

my childhood self who silently worshiped the ground she walked on rejoiced.

Be right there 😘😈

"Oh Norns what do I do?!?" I hissed under my breath,

I mean I had made out and made love with girls before... and a couple guys along the way as well...

But my heart always came back to her...

She was my dream girl.

My mother would tell fairytales to Thor and I when we were children, and I always pictured her in my mind...

Obviously now that we were grown it was a LOT different... it was more than just pure innocent puppy love now...

Of course it wasn't as pure as it was when we were children.

Now carnal lust was involved too.

I groaned, disgusted with myself... she deserved better...

She deserved better than a villain, former or not.

But I wasn't going to pass this opportunity up either.

I had waited too damn long, and I had neglected my needs for too long over the past few years to turn back now.

So if she wanted me to be her first... she'd have me...

As long as she wanted me I'd stay with her.

I gulped, I was as giddy as a young boy again,

I stepped out of my shorts and into the blinding light outside.

[humblebeex2]

The stranger across the dance floor - Chapter 12: Literally nobody

Chapter 12: The reason why Sasha was there to interrupt the dinner date was revealed and Rhys and Jack have a little angst. 

Read it on AO3

The girl fumbled the hem of her sweater. Her strained, tiring eyes, her tighten jawlines, her digits trembled with overwhelming emotions, with fear and with inner struggling. Was it right to be here or even to have waited outside the coffee house in the first place? Before her, Rhys sat with elbows set on his knees, his head hung low between two stiffed shoulders. Occasionally, those metal fingers were brought up to rub on the back of his neck. They sat there, quiet, confused, no one said a word to each other, as if they both feared of being the one who started the conversation, and being the one who got blamed for whatever this was, something ugly and long overdue. Twenty minutes has passed, the fidgeting and occasional stirs turned to light and sobbing sound from the girl on the couch, Rhys raised his head slightly, almost stealthily to look at Sasha in the eyes. And that was all she needed to burst out. Rhys had thought to himself, he couldn’t let his guard down to Sasha at any cost, the moment she became Vaughn’s girlfriend, she was the friend at bay, out of touch, unavailable, the exhibition in the museum which you can only look but can never lay a hand on. But in this moment, what could he do other than holding her tight, let her tear rolled on his shoulder, wrapping his lean arms around her head to block the crying sound? And he did just that.

- “I did something… terrible…” – She sobbed.

- “And I’m about to… so help me god! Sasha, tell me now!”

Rhys’ grip tightened harder as the girl’s sob louder without his knowing, he kind of guessed what this was about, and if he guessed right, it would be such a cruel thing a person can commit. Rhys prayed that he was wrong.

- “I break up with him, with Vaughn…” – said the girl with weeping voice.

So it’s true, she really did that. Was it mutual? Was it solely from her? Was his bro get hurt terribly? Was it Rhys to blame? No, it couldn’t be. He has nothing to do with this, he hasn’t met the couple for a few weeks. There was nothing that he could be held against for this, wasn’t it? All of the sudden, none of this mattered anymore, Rhys realized, what’d done has been done. His arms loosened, falling to her shoulder so lightly, his spine was still stiff and straight for her to lean on. Good lord, her shampoo fragrance found its way to straight to his nostrils again at the most unwanted time ever, Rhys shook his head out of the all so familiar haze, he cupped her face in his hands, tilting it up to meet his eyes directly, but couldn’t muster a sound. The tensed, accusing eyes bored on her like he wanted to explode her head with anger.

- “Because…” – She muttered – “Because of… that afternoon, Rhys.”

- “I don’t follow”

- “When… I borrowed your laptop, then I knew… Well, I didn’t know, but I guessed that I might be something more than a friend to you…”

Rhys wanted to deny, he wanted to tell her that it wasn’t true, that he didn’t like her anything more than a normal friend. But to do that equals lying, to a dead matter no less. There is no point in denying that now. He just sat there, next to Sasha, with his face buried in the hands, hoping the thing that he feared the most wasn’t happening right now.

- “From then on, I can’t look at you the same way. I know Vaughn is also very good to me…”

- “ALSO? Like there’s somebody else has been good to you the way Vaughn did? And don’t you say me, because it’s ridiculous what you’re saying, Sasha…” – Rhys was furious.

- “I know, I know!”

And the girl was crying in all seven languages again, and Rhys was obliged to comfort her, and he knew that it wasn’t the good time to say things from the brain, rather listen to what her heart had to offer. A few moments later, she was ready to talk again.

- “I tried Rhys. Don’t you think I know how out of line I’d be if I had a thing for you?”

Rhys’ mind went into space, the place where stars and the black mass entwined, from what he could comprehend, Sasha left Vaughn for him, because she now clearly “has a thing” for him. The confession hits him, sure, he had girlfriends, but isn’t this the time when miracle happens? When the girl he was dying over for months likes him back? Too much that she has to break up with Vaughn, given an uncertainty of how he would receive her after what she did to his best friend? Then, she was closer than ever, with closed eyes, she pressed her lips on his own. Rhys gasped but did nothing to stop. Only when she was ready to deepen the kiss, into something more than just an impulsive act, something intentionally, he realized this could be the end of his friendship with Vaughn.

- “No no no no no… I can’t. We can’t! Nothing can ever happen between us, Sasha. This is wrong.”

- “Not in a million years?” - she asked

- “Not… in a million years.”

She was disappointed for sure, he could tell by the way her eyelids fell shut, squeezing out those last tear drops, by the way she threw her head back, smiling, sniffing, wiping her cheeks with the heels of her hands. And that picture of the girl once he adored, once he wished nothing more than to have her, to be hers, broke his heart into pieces, but he told himself to be strong, to push it all aside, for it was no longer valid to pursue.

The night was long and cold, Rhys tucked Sasha in his bed, and ready to spend the night on the couch or the hardwood floor when he heard the telltale sound of the vehicle that was there few hours ago. Rhys sneaked his way to the attic window to look down. He was right.

*

- “So…”

- “So…?” – Rhys took the half-finished cigarette from Jack’s finger and brought it to his mouth.

- “You fuck her?”

- “Jesus!” – He coughed hard at question – “uhmm… what if I did?” – The smugness in his voice teased Jack the way he knew himself it wouldn’t be good, but he did it anyway, just to see how far it’d go.

Rhys got shoved back to the wall, and chocked by Jack’s forearm, the lit cigarette fell unceremoniously onto the snowed surface.

- “Then you leave me no choice but reminding you of who you belong to.”

The hoarseness in Jack’s voice scared Rhys but at the same time, it did something for the young man’s lower abdomen. Jack turned Rhys around, his cheeks got bitten by the frost, reddened and cold, his weak wrists were grasped and held behind his back.

- “Why are you making this hard for us, Rhysie? I thought you graduated from college or something? Aren’t you supposed to be smart?”

Rhys had never seen Jack this frustrated, he couldn’t muster any response but the back-throat whimpering while one of Jack’s hand grabbing the back of his neck, threatening.

- “Once you get fucked by… heck… the moment I laid my fingers on you, you’re marked, cupcake. You belong to no one else but the greatness that is Handsome Jack.” – Jack grinded his hips to the other man, showing the dominance, and Jack liked it when Rhys’ response was all breathy, whining.

Handsome Jack is aggressive for sure, everybody knows that. But his actions were hard to explain lately, especially this very moment. He couldn’t even comprehend what he was doing in the place like this, at this hour, and to this helpless man. But he started to feel and understand the root of all these shenanigans. Jack was scared as hell. Rhys could be tiny, clingy, desperate in his arms, could be his to torture, to do whatever the hell he wants. But Jack never once owned his heart.

Rhys struggled to loosen Jack’s grip on his wrists with little success. Until a tear started to form in the corner of his eye.

- “I… belong to no one, Jack.”

The talk-back struck Jack like a slap in the face. How dare? After all that time, he’s still literally nobody, Jack was indignant at the ungrateful former waiter, but he was angrier at himself and the funny universe. The greatness… that is Handsome Jack, what a joke! All muscles were loosening, Jack took a step back, and Rhys almost fell on his knees. Fine, if the young man wanted to play hard to get, then Jack will make him feel sorry for not making things easier. There is only one outcome of this, which is Jack will walk out of this winning. Without a word more, he turned and walked towards the vehicle. The young man’s eyes followed him, not knowing whether to fear or to relief.

*

- “Maya, are you in bed? Or hovering some god-damned clubs at this hour? Hey listen, the board’s idea is not actually that bad. I’m doing it. But tell them they owe me big time. What a bunch of wankers. You know Rhys? The club kid. That’s the stuff. Fucking call me when you get this. Shit!”