#// *but i swear i wanna be here. i just cant get myself to fuckin write at all

[monmuses]

gonna make the post here before i forget, but - semi-hiatus! again. im just struggling writing juice wise, and i cannot, for the LIFE of me, get myself back on here full-time again with more priorities. i might remake my blog in the future, might not, idk. i just ... im struggling, man.

i will admit, the dip in activity i had in april when some shit went down has left a stain on me mentally that i dont want to really go into, but a few close mutuals know what im referring to. i'm personally having much more fun with friends again, being able to play with people and just moving away from tumblr from time to time.

i promise this isnt me leaving or anything, but with working & getting ready for college again, i dont know if my activity will come back as much as it did earlier this year. im happier, im just in writer block hell. nothing anyone here has done or anything in particular that has CAUSED me to not be here as much as i want.

for now, ill occasionally answer asks while i work on my queue & threads to fill it back up again. hopefully, i can get it started again, but for right now, please do add me on Discord for better comms!! lmk who you are when you do add me:

[zooone]

mutual love!!!! inspired by @gaytoadwithapopcicle (anon love will come tomorrow,,, ,.,,.,.,.,, im tirired)

@lyssys - oh my goodness where do i even begin. um. the whole reason why im even here???? the whole reason why i love logging onto tumblr?????? the whole reason that im inspired????? uh. hello??? literally greatest person ever. ive said this before but they remind me of mumza and niki... as caring and sweet and open as mumza and as beautiful and empowering as niki!!! the best of the best... huge inspiration for me,,, and im lowkey still shocked that she was my first mutual and she (wonderful amazing beautiful lyss) asked me (rambling bozo) to be moots! but nonetheless it was absolutely amazing ofc!! i worship them soso much. deserves the world <33

@sardonic-the-writer - insanely similar to lyss'- where do i even begin. i used to literally freak out to your amazing writing. again, v v surprised that they (absolutely cool, insanely talented sardonic) asked me (someone who used to reel over their work and inhale it like air) to be mutuals!!! aaa i remember when they first asked,,, i recently hit 100 nd was playing guitar when i saw them ask to be moots! i had to put my instrument down so i caan get up and jump w joy :)) but anywho very very talented! and accepting as well, i dunno how they were able to withstand me and lyss spamming them w scrunkbut /affectionate. also the whole reason i have like half of my mutuals :DD couldnt have done it w/o u man :)

@gaytoadwithapopcicle - MY MANNN!!1!!!!! my pal my guy my brotherein my homeslicicle my bro...... another instance in which i got rlly happy when they asked to be moots!!! like okqoabajwjsjwmwnwbsmdm this insanely cool person wants to befriend me???!!!?!???? i was shocked, to say the least. but toad is so so so cool!!!!!!!!! im exteemely flattered to be their first mutual and i hope i made a well first impression of how it feels to have a moot!! but v v v kind and sweet and respectful!! i feel v safe and welcome in their dms and theyre the coolest absolutely

@harbingerofheartbreak - yet another moment that i was shocked when she asked to be moots (man, i really am a fuckin loser, huh? /pos) honestly one of the most, if not the most, talented writer i know. the grammar they use is immaculate whilst also being still comprehensive,,, the way they show emotion is picture perfect,,,,,, and to say that way she writes stories to flow so well it blows me away is an understatement!!!! if they released a book id be the first to buy /hj,,, but aside from their amazing talent, they're also so so so sweet too! v supportive of others work, and wont hesitate to be the sweetest ever!!! aaaa i love em sm :)) <33 /p

@gh0st-b0ys - a huge issue i have w myself is that i often think im too annoying, by ghostly never made me feel like that. id post something absolutely idiotic, and still get happy when they would like it!! didnt matter what it was, as long as i get a like from them, everything is alright :)),,,, also they said that they idolized me?!?2!1?1?1??1?!3?1!!?2! wtf!?2!?!????????!1!1?! /pos waaa i cant express into words how happy that made me feel.... i idolize people all the time and to know that someone is like that towards me makes it sm easier to get out of bed. and even tho we havent had a lotta interaction between each other,,, i just wanna let em know that theyre insanely cool :Dd

@pebblebrainlovejoy - proud to say i watched them grow 💪💪💪💪 i feel like a proud older sibling whenever i see their blog. i remember seeing one of their newer works (cant remember what it was but at the time it only had like 2 notes) and i thought "this is actually amazing,, this persons gonna blow up, i swear." and they did!!!! and im so so so proud of them!!!!!1!!1 honestly, i love seeing their blog on my dash and it makes me the happiest whenever i do. absolutrly amazing writer as well!!! i respect them not only as a mutual vut as a writer definitely. cant even describe how happy their work makes me,.,,, like its amazing,, i would recommend it a thousand percent to people absolutely <33

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Peter Parker’s Younger Sibling

Peter Parker x sibling!reader

warnings: bullying mention, blood mention

a/n: a fuckin reach, its been a WHILE since ive seen tasm

prompt: y/n is peter’s sibling

peter and you were playful kids

you were just a year and some months younger than him, so you had a harder time remembering your parents than him

but he always told you stories about them that made you miss them a little more

peter was a genius, we all know it

he was the one helping you with your homework most nights

“peter i cant do it!”

“that’s okay, y/n. look, start with two times four, that’s eight, then four times six, twenty-four, right?”

“can i say a cuss word?”

“sure”

“math is shit”

you would cry during homework a lot

you’d also pass out on his floor after talking for hours

and you’d either wake up facedown on the floor or in your room since uncle ben would pick you up and put you to bed

peter took it upon himself to take you back to your room, but he usually dragged you by the arm, sooooo

you’d play action figures together

he was batman, you were robin always

“can i be batman?”

“oldest gets to be batman so im batman”

“but i wanna be batman!”

peter walked you to your school before taking off on his skateboard

and he’d pick you up on his way home

on half-days your brother taught you how to skate

you fell a lot

aunt may had to patch you up

“how many times do i have to tell you those skateboards are dangerous?!”

peter got you your own skateboard so that you could practice without him

you would text him after you did a trick and he’d always say hell yes! show me when i get home!

being his photography assistant

really you were his assistant constantly

science fair was the most boring day of the year

“y/n, stand right here, i need to get something from my locker”

*judges walk up while youre left unattended and in a state of PANIC*

you were bullied in middle school, same as peter, he’d always stick up for you and get beat up instead

it made you very mad but it was scary, too

“how’d you get into this fight, peter?”

“oh, you know, just happened”

“peter was sticking up for me, uncle ben”

“was he now? you’re a good brother, peter”

lonely when he moved onto high school :/

but you got there soon enough

you guys were kind of loners, just ate lunch together, lugged around your skateboards, you were an artist, he was a photographer

just spectating the chaos of high school, rolling your eyes at the drama

“i have two bucks, do you want anything from the vending machine?”

“uhh, a coke?”

you saw peter get bullied by flash and lost your shitttt

you actually started a food fight after throwing mashed potatoes in his eyes

“what the hell, parker?!”

“sit down and eat your goddamn food, flash, or next time it wont be potatoes”

peter was half-proud, half-embarrassed

trying to see how long you could skate through the halls before any authority figures stopped you

sometimes......you guys got sent to the office together :)

*phone ringing* “hello, is this ben parker?”

“which one of them is it this time?”

the principal’s office was a trip sometimes

you and peter exchange your glances and wait to get scolded

“ah, the parkers, come in, lets have a chat...why do you two always feel the need to get in trouble together?”

“we just happen to get along really well for siblings”

no you fuckin dont lmaoooo

it was always something with you two

like always

*banging on peter’s door* “I KNOW YOU HAVE MY BROWNIES, PETER, GIVE THEM BACK”

*peter through a mouthful of brownies* “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT, YOURE CRAZY”

“is that my jacket?” -peter

“you mean my jacket?”

“y/n, i swear to god if you steal any more of my clothes it’s over for you”

“well, aunt may keeps giving me your clothes, so take it up with her”

and then there was just the little annoying things

“peter, can you stop clicking your pen?”

*clicks pen faster*

“you’re the worst”

and my personal favorite

“peter, open the door”

“why?”

“emergency”

*opens bedroom door* “what?”

“aunt may is making meatloaf”

“shit, uh...get your board, we’ll skate to mcdonalds and tell her we already ate”

peter and you RARELY ever brought your parents up until he found your dad’s briefcase, you didn’t have much to say

soon he was flooding his room with conspiracies and pulling you in to explain them

he began acting REALLY weird, but he was pretty open with you, he told you he went to oscorp

“YOU SNUCK IN??”

“your standards for me are way too high, y/n”

soon you started to feel not-so-good and weird things started to happen

“peter??”

“yeah? whats up?”

“this is gonna sound really weird...my hand is stuck to the door”

“it happened to you, too??”

“happening, pete. wait—this happened to you?? what is this???????”

yall done fucked up and got bit by spiders peter had so carelessly brought back into the house

it was an adjustment to say the least

and this adjustment got a whole lot harder that one night...you can remember peter just...so upset

you tried to chase him out to make sure he was okay, but uncle ben told you to stay with your aunt

maybe if you’d have been there...it would’ve been different, but when the cops got to your house you were at a loss for words

peter was covered in his blood still

“hey, hey, just breathe, okay? it’s not your fault, peter. just hop in the shower, yeah? i’ll take care of your clothes”

when peter took your advice and you were left alone, you just cried, you cried until he finally found you curled up in a ball in your room

then he cried, you just hugged each other sobbing your eyes out

peter got distant for a while, which was rough since the two of your were mourning for your uncle and dealing with these newfound powers

sooner or later he came around and helped you out, designing webshooters and a suit for you

“we match?”

*sigh* “yeah...yeah, we match”

ah yes, spider-team

you really tripped out new york at first, they thought spider-man was a teleporter

peter was still talking about your dad, but you really didn’t care, uncle ben was always going to be who raised you

you and peter would be covered in bruises after going out

“uh—peter punched me”

“y/n???!!!”

“I PANICKED”

just being dumb scared teens that cant function to save their lives until they get a little bit lucky

seriously like, every big villain you guys fought was just the worst

peter didn’t help all the time, he was good at provoking them sometimes

“hey, spider-man, you mind shutting up for a minute? for my sake?”

“sorry, sorry, just couldn’t help myself!”

he gushed to you about gwen stacy, he actually dragged you to her apartment to be patched up by her SEVERAL TIMES

yadda yadda yadda peter graduated high school! how cool is that? but he was late (what a surprise) even though you put off spidering today just for this

but he made it and you clapped the loudest for him

“thats my brotherrrr!!!”

cute family picture! (aunt may printed a bunch of them and gave them to you two and peter pinned them to his wall)

you and peter actually have a lot of pictures of the two of you just goofing off

he has one of you stuck in a trash can that cracks him up every time

seeing harry osborn again after YEARS

“wow, y/n, last time i saw you i just thought you were peter’s annoying little sibling”

“aww, it’s good to see you, too”

electrooooo

this guy really worried you bc like, bzzzz shock

you and peter weren’t equipped for that

it took a while, but you were finally able to deal with that

and several other problems

including peter’s breakup, which was a whole ordeal of its own

*peter laying upside down on your bed* “i dont know, y/n, you know? i wanna be with her so bad, i love her...but her dad is haunting me”

*you, drawing on your notepad with your legs propped up on his* “yeah, makes sense”

you actually had to tap out during the end of electro, you were hurt pretty bad

“y/n, hey? yeah, you’re okay. stay here, just stay right there, i’m gonna be back for you”

*thumbs up to show youre still alive*

but when peter came back for you there was bad news, he’d lost gwen

he ripped his mask off and fell to his knees, you could barely move but you powered through it, giving him a hug while he cried

“we...we better get home before aunt may starts to worry”

she was at work, so you two had the place to yourselves to clean up and mourn before the official news was revealed

“i should have listened to her dad, y/n, this is all my fault”

he was a mess, you couldn’t bare seeing him like this. it’s been so long since you’d seen him like this

the funeral was rough, peter was grasping onto your shoulder the whole time

he insisted that he was going to stick behind and stay with gwen for a while

“okay, i’ll see you at home...love you”

“love you too”

you gave him a hug and left him to his business, the next few months you were the only spider-person operating in new york...until rhino popped up

“im coming with you”

“you’re sure?”

“yeah, im sure”

(these are kinda ass but anyways im tagging my marvel ppl even tho ik this isnt mcu so just ignore this post if you dont care, sorry!!)

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs //

[kyber-kisses]

Through A Mothers Eyes (Part 3)

Dean Winchester x Reader

Wanna start from the beginning? Here is the masterlist!

Warnings: crack, cursing, idiots to lovers trope (that good shit)

Summary: When Mary meets Deans closest and best friend, she cant help but see the chemistry between them. . .but she might be the only one as well.

A/n: Its back! It took me awhile to motivate myself to write the next chapter, but I did it! I hope you enjoy and feedback is greatly appreciated! (gif made by rainbow-motors)

If Mary thought living in a bunker with her two sons and you was chaotic. . . She was definitely not prepared at all for what game night meant. Not. One. Bit.

It was like a fucking war zone.

Halfway through Jenga she almost expected you and Dean to slap on some war paint, she had never seen such competitive people before in her life.

And then you brought out Uno.

“Fuckin demolish him Cas!” You yelled, hands planted firmly on the table as you watched the angel and hunter slap down colored cards furiously. You, Sam, and Mary had all lost already, resulting in you being Cas’s new hype man.

“Y/N, you’re supposed to be on my side!”

“There are no sides in Uno, Dean!”

“Then why the hell are you cheering on Cas?!” Dean slapped down another card. The two were almost running out of cards to play that it hit the point where Sam had to start shuffling the played cards so they could continue. “As your best friend let me just say; I find that insulting.”

“False. Cas is actually my best friend.” You responded bluntly, raising your hand to connect it with the angels in a loud high five.

Dean paused to narrow his eyes in your direction. “. . . Anyways, as your best friend- I’m telling you, you can’t pick sides.”

“Oh and where pray tell did you get that idea from?”

“The best friend rule book.”

You laughed. “Oh yeah, let’s whip that one out and crack it open, I’d love to read it!” You paused, turning to his mother with a soft smile. “I’m so sorry you have to witness this. He’s just a pain in my ass.”

Resting her chin in her hand, Mary returned the smile, still mildly amused at what was playing out in front of her. “I can tell. But I’m pretty sure he’s a pain in everyone’s butt.”

Deans mouth popped open in shock as his lips momentarily failed at trying to form words. “Now you’re taking her side too?!”

“I mean-“ you paused, flicking your hair over your shoulder. “I am fucking amazing. Plus, your mom just knows who the cooler person is out of the two of us-“

“Oh you little-“ dean growled, rolling up his sleeves after slapping his cards down on the table.

“Is this really necessary?” Cas muttered, eyes still on his cards and clearly trying to plan his next move.

“Oh you fuckin know it.”

“Maybe your mom should just adopt me. I could replace you! I am way more fun!” You laughed, backing up as Dean slowly rose from his seat. “Plus, you’re moms way more cool than you.” You joked, eyes lighting up when you looked at Dean and saw him moving towards you. You maneuvered around the table, the two of you moving back and forth as you tried to dodge Dean, trying to keep the table between you.

“You’re such an asshole!”

“You know it baby.” Shooting him a wink you ducked behind Sam's large frame, using him as a shield.

“Oh no- don’t go bringing me into this.” Sam tried, shaking his head as you gripped his shoulders.

“Just hold him off for me will ya?”

“And what do I get in return?”

“. . . the next time its your turn for a supply run, ill do it.”

A pause. “Deal.”

“Sam!”

The younger Winchester shrugged as he held out his arms, stopping Dean from reaching you. “What? Y/Ns more negotiable that you are.”

You let out a cackle before standing on your top toes to press a firm kiss to Sams cheek. “Thanks Samantha!”

You took off down the hallway before Dean could even attempt to move Sam. The younger Winchester continuing to block his brother as he tried to move past him. After a moment Dean gave up, falling back into his seat. “Alright, fine. I admit defeat. . .you can put your arms down..”

“If I do are you gonna go kill her?”

“. . . Maybe.”

“Dean!” Mary hissed, shaking her head at her sons antics.

“What? She’s a pain in the ass!”

Mary only shook her head again. That was until Cas spoke up again. “Am I supposed to say Uno?”

*. *. *. *. *. *.

The rest of the night became much calmer after that, you and Dean were back to your usual shenanigans and held up in the Dean cave watching some old western, Sam had headed off to bed because apparently you and Dean “drain his energy” Or whatever. Cas was for some reason still up cataloging some of the bunkers lore. As for mother Winchester, she found herself seated at the kitchen table, reading a book you had lent her a little over a week ago.

Mary almost didn’t see you walk in at first, with most of the lights still off it was like darkened hallway spit you out. Hands in the pockets of your sweatpants you quietly trudged into the room, pausing at the sight of Mary.

“You liking the book?”

Mary looked up, a small smile gracing her lips at the sight of you. “Yes I am, thank you for lending it to me.”

“No problem. Honestly it was just sitting on my desk collecting dust. I read it and never picked it up again” You admitted with a shrug. Walking past her, you filled your empty glass at the sink before moving back and lowering yourself into the seat across from her. “I’m sorry about earlier. Deans and Is energy can be a little overwhelming at times.”

“You don’t need to apologize. If anything I should be thanking you.” She closed her book, folding her arms over the surface of the table.

“What for?”

Mary let out a sigh. “Even if I haven’t been back for very long, it’s easy to see the effect you have on Dean. He’s happier when you're around, you get him to laugh more than anyone else here.”

“I think you're just seeing his slow decent into insanity.” You chuckled, looking down at your folded hands. “I’m told I have that effect on people.”

“Oh I don’t think that’s true.”

You opened your mouth to answer but stopped when you looked past Mary, eyebrow instantly raising. “What?”

Mary turned in her seat, her eyes finding her oldest son standing in the darkened doorway, your blue blanket wrapped around him. Dean narrowed his eyes at you. “You left me.”

“. . . I’m sorry?”

He stepped down into the kitchen, eyes still glazed over with a slight sleepiness. “It was rude.”

“You were asleep! I didn’t want to wake you up!” You threw your hands in the air, unable to believe the man sinking down into the vacant seat next to you. He yawned, his head falling against your shoulder as he closed his eyes.

“But by your didn’t have to leave me by myself. I woke up and you were gone.”

You rolled your eyes, hand coming up to pat the side of his head. “You poor baby, whatever shall you do now?”

“Mmm haven’t gotten that far yet.”

“Did you really just come in here to fall asleep on me again? Just go to bed Dean.”

“Don’t wanna.” He sighed, wrapping your blanket tighter around him.

“I swear you like a five year old.”

“I am not.”

“You totally are.” You paused. “But seriously Dean, go to bed. I ain’t dragging you down the hallway to your room when you fall asleep on me again.” You gave him another pat before standing up put your now empty glass in the sink, having practically chugged it moments before.

Groaning once more, Dean slowly blinked his eyes open and turned his attention to his mother. “What are you still doing up? I thought you went to bed.”

“Couldn’t sleep, thought I’d stay up and read instead. Y/N lent me a book to read.”

Turning his head to look between you and his mom he shook it in disbelief. “God, I live with a bunch of nerds.”

“Dean you can’t say anything about that. You're like the biggest nerd out of all of us.”

“. . . Shut up. Plus, you're no better. If anything I'm this way because of you.”

“Sure, Jan. You keep telling yourself that.”

Dean paused when he looked back over to his mom, seeing a soft smile on her features. “What?”

“Just the two of you-“

“What about the two of us?” He questioned, sliding the blanket off of his shoulders as he stood up before folding it and handing it back to its rightful owner.

“I just- I think you two would make a cute couple.”

There was a pause as the two of you looked at each other.

“Me? . . .And her?” Dean threw a thumb over his shoulder in your direction.

“Me and Dean?”

Another pause. And then a light laugh was bubbling up from both of your throats- before quickly turning into full bellied laughter. Dean had his hands planted on his knees and your head was thrown back as you grabbed at you gut. The two of you quickly dissolving into fits of hysteria. It went on for a good minute before starting to fizzle out.

Ahaha! Whew-“ Dean chuckled, wiping the tears from his eyes as he stood up properly again. “That- that was good.”

“Oh god-“ you bent over, hands still on your sides. “My gut hurts- I haven’t laughed like that in awhile.” You panted.

“Yeah, thank you for that mom.” Dean patted his mother’s shoulder as he passed. “That just made my entire day.”

Once you had mostly regained your composure, you took a deep breath. “Okay, well as much fun as that was- I’m gonna go to bed. Goodnight Mary, Dean.” Giving gone last nod you stepped into the hallway along with Dean, the two of you connecting your palms in a loud high five before walking off in separate directions.

Meanwhile Mary sat silently at the table, the only thing running through her mind being what the fuck just happened?

SPN Taglist (Still open!)

@familybusinesswritingbro​@a–1–1–3 @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @music-is-all-i-need @agusdoti​ @callmekda​ @jordangdelacruz​ @orphiceseum​ @andthatsmyworld​ @marvelfangirllll​ @fandomnerdespressourself​ @gladiosamicitias​ @castielsangelsx​ @lxstgxrl-ck​ @tis-i-the-wayward-idgit @amendoise @phoenixuprisingsstuff​ @ericalynne007 @kaitlaitlaitl  @totallyluciferr​ @supernaturalenchanted​ @dolanfivsosxox@supernatural-ocs @emptycanvasposts​ @akshi8278 @defenderrosetyler​ @heyyy-hey-babyyy​ @supernaturalenchanted@emptycanvasposts @vicmc624 @all-will-be-well-love@busy-bee-angel-misska @starsandmidnightblue​ @lilulo-12fanfiction @beanie-beebo​ @xoxoaudreymarie​ @greenarrowhead​ @mrsjenniferwinchester​  @mysticalfuncollectorus​ @brebolin​ @biahblue​ @noahandthegiraffe​ @hhiggs​​ @mila-dans​

[ajokeformur-ray]

I watched Joker tonight and typed out my thoughts as they occurred to me. Unedited; typos are guaranteed. I did this a few months ago and really enjoyed looking back at my thought process and I wanted to do it again so that I can look back and know that what I feel is real and true in my darkest times.

You're welcome to skip this; it's under a cut for ease of doing so. Warnings for occasional sexual comment lmao. There’s no self shipping in this, I don’t think.

word count: 2, 575.

I’M SOBBING and I’ve only just pressed play.

Heart squeeze Chest much ow

THERE HE IS

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nooooo baby omg don’t pretend - let yourself hurt if it hurts. Don’t pretend. 

Carnival Carnival Carnivalllllllll 😍😍😍😍😍

I am a Simp for one clown and his name is Carnival

Someone help him, I????

That sign hit Arthur as hard as my love for him did ksksksk

MY EYES BE LEAKIN💔💔💔💔💔

bb nooooo

Oh honey let me kiss those bruises and replace the marks of violence with love, hm? You’re safe with me.

Breathe, my love. Don’t fight the laughter. Let it out, let yourself go. 

Screams into a pillow because????? much sad must kiss

“have you been keeping up with your journal?” LIKE HE HAS TIME

oHHHHH boi’s close to losing his shit

Do it, Artie. Give ‘em hell.

“I think I did” YOU TELL HER!!💖💖💖

I want to be his cigarette. Where’s Satan??? I got a new deal for my blackened soul which he took at half price😂😂😂😂

I’d have my hand between the door and his head so fuckin fast I swear

“I just don’t wanna feel so bad anymore” yep SAME

ohhhh peekaboo🥺🥺🥺

this makes me giggle ksksksk i watch this scene when i feel sad bc it always makes me happy for the time it’s on

he’s so good with kids; he doesn’t have to try and think about what’s funny, he just does it, he’s himself and it works

FUCK OFF LADY CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S STRUGGLING????

give

him

back

his

card

casually wrinkling my nose against tears lmao

ohhh the way he looks up at those stairs from the bottom

i can feel his exhaustion

me too, my love

step step step step

god i wanna get him the fuck outta gotham

and into my arms and a soft, warm blanket

“eat. you need to eat” LITERALLY WHAT I TELL MYSELF EVERY DAY IN HIS VOICE BC OTHERWISE I JUST WOULDNT EAT???? I’m losing so much weight asdfghjk its not enough tho

SUPAH RATS

Did Arthur come up w that joke or was it actually a Murray joke????

HIS VOICE IS SO SOFT IM CRY??🥺🥺🥺🥺

“I WAS PUT HERE TO SPREAD JOY AND LAUGHTER”

YOU DO BABY, YOU DO!!!! EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!

go deepthroat a cactus randall - youre already a bit of a prick so🙃🙃🙃

“THE GUYS THINNK YOU’RE A FREAK BUT I LIKE YOU”

HOYT. YOU CAN GO SIT ON A CACTUS TOO

FUCK OFF

😡😡😡😡

“WHY WOULD ANYONE STEAL A SIGN”//”WHY DOES ANYONE DO ANYTIHNG?” HOYT YOU’RE SO FUCKING ILLOGICAL HERE IM????? ERIKA DOES NOT (ALSO WILL NOT LMAO IM A STUBBORN BIITCH) COMPUTE

Can arthur fuck me like he pounds the trash/????🥵🥵👀

those dark curls.... that crooked tooth... must kiss.🥺🥺🥺

pennys casual cruelty makes me so fucking angry

foreshadowingggggg ~  *JAZZ HANDS*

ugh the way he dances with that gun im👀🥵🥵🥵

he enjoys the power of it and his breathing gets deeper asdfghjk

clumsy baby omggggg i just COOED 🥺🥺🥺🥺

okay maybe im stupid but i genuinely dont understand this “senior who needs to graduate” skit i’m??? how is being an intro to western civ student funny im???? someone explain???

but also dont bc fuck that guy lmao arthur’s hilarious

true millenial humour (and brit humour lmao we’re dark asf)

THE WAY ARTIE TWIRLS HIS FINGERS AROUND HIS HAIR AND DANCES IN HIS SEAT IM???🥺🥺🥺

wanna curl up on his lap at night when hes writing and go to sleep with a 

blanket around our bodies🥺🥺🥺🥺

when arthur wears a shirt at home you KNOW it’s a daydream

THAT CROOKED TOOTH IM WANT KISS.

WAIT IS IT CALLED STAND UP COMEDY BC YOU STAND UP... AND ITS COMEDY???

23 FUCKING YEARS, PEOPLE... TO REALISE THAT🙄

WHEN CARNIVAL CAME ON SCREEN I NTHE HOSPITAL I MADE A PORNOGRAPHIC NOISE LMAO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, SHOOT MURRAY

WOOPS WRONG LYRICS

😂

“doctor of laughter”🥺🥺🥺🥺

doctor i have a case of the Big Sad can you... do an exam? 😉😏

NO BB DONT BEAT YOUR HEAD UP THERES PRECIOUS CARGO IN THERE

in what world does chucking cold greasy chips in a girls hair being “nice”???

lmao fuck these guys

ohhh honey breathe. dont fight it, my love, just breathe.

my heart’s breaking for you, you sweet thing🥺🥺🥺

i love you so so so so so so so much ugh you’re an actual fucking angel

just breathe darling

i need to get you a cup of tea with honey in it, your throat must be so sore

ohhhh baby im so sorry

i’d take every single punch if i could

i’d die for you

i wish i could protect you

i wish i could look after you

and take all those hits

and kill those guys for you

im so sorry

sobbingggg

YES GOOD MAN THANK YOUUU

KILL THOSE ASSHOLES LMAO DESERVED IT

yeah i have a grey morality... im similar to deadpool in that way tbh

carnival comin’ to kill your insecurities

8 bullets in a 6 chamber???? mm-hm

DONT FORGET YOUR BAG THATS EVIDENCE

AND THE WIG

RUN BABY RUNNNNNNN

GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLSEYE

THE SOUND OF HIS FEET SLAPPING THE PAVEMENT IM👀

OOOOOH JOKER’S WAKIN’ UUUUUUP

fuck he’s so hypnotic

the way he runs his hand down his lower stomach asdfghj🥵

must kiss the inner tendons on his wrists and lick the blood off his face 

must kiss

he moves like water

fuck hes so fluid

bathroom scene = the scene in which my heart and vagina clench at the same time

im WANT

T POSEEEEEEEE

“i still owe you for that, dont i?”

PUNCH OUT IS MY FAVOURITE THING E  V  E  R

D O N T S M I LE

UGH I FUCKING HATE being told to smile if i don’t fucking want to so BIG mood

PLEASE SHUSH ME THE WAY YOU JUST SHUSHED PENNY IM???

but also dont lmao bc i’ll think you’re mad at me and i’ll hide in the bedroom for the rest of the day lmao i’m sensitive✨✨✨

i wanna sit on his lap and still his bouncing knees

“thats not funny”

fuck off penny yes it is

I JUST CHOKED ON MY COFFEE IM???

“but i do” god the  P O W E R

ugh that fucking sexist piece of shit comedian can choke “women look at sex like buying a car” 🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮

chauvinistic pigs can die thanks

his lil trip upstage im cry🥺🥺🥺

ohhh baby. just breathe, darling. it’s okay to be scared. dont fight it. just breathe. 

he and i both cover our mouths when we laugh/smile in the exact same way and it makes me feel closer to him

how can they think hes laughing at himself when hes literally gagging????

people only see what they wanna

the Penny imitation is👌👌👌

s m i l e

i remember when i came home from seeing this for the first time, i got home and dropped to my knees to cry in the bathroom. it was such an emotional release and so much love and i played smile to try to make myself smile but i only made myself cry harder lmaooooo ~ 

smile and thats life are my go-to songs if i gotta cheer tf up

danger sign = neither works

he looks so soft after his “date”🥺🥺🥺

“thats life” yeah but murray you dont even leave the studio so how do you know????

ngl arthur’s anger scares me.

anyone so much as raise their voice at me and i’ll cry really bad and i will shut myself away for the rest of the day and quiet anger terrifies me so his banging abt in the kitchen would freak me tf out😲

angry bb😭

he controls his anger so fast though omgggg ~ 

that soft please sends me

idk where it sends me lmao

down below probably

BARE FACED CARNIVAL OMG THIS SCENE IS SO CUTE

I LOVE THE MATCHING COLOURS ON ARTHUR AND BRUCE TOO ???

okay but the implication that arthur always carries a clown nose on him is🥺🥺🥺

hes such a good clown im?????

lmao im enjoying the show more than bruce is skskskk

arthur’s lil chuckle makes me🥺

his HUMMING im??? soft?????

his brows are so strong and dark omggg ~ he’s so beautiful

OKAY i’ll be honest i’ve seen this alfred/bruce scene and the thomas bathroom scene later on and the penny flashback scene a 100 times and i still dont fucking understand what did or didnt happen regarding arthur’s parentage im????

 ive seen interpretations to say he is thomas’ son and some to say he isnt and i still cant decide so? im stupid i guess 🙃

“a clown thing?” the  s a s s

“it’s exit only” yeah so’s my ass🙃

if i was there in the hospital room i woulda turned that tv off as soon as i realised what clip was gonna play

murray’s cruelty is d i s g u s t i n g

lmao hes an asshole

arthurs lil clap from joyyyyy ~ 🥺🥺🥺

did i say murray???

i meant  m u r r a t

🙃🙃🙃

sneaky baby

wayne hall either has super bad security or arthurs v quick on his feet

🤔🤔🤔🤔

he looks so good in red omggg ~ 

f o r e s h a d o w i n g

arthurs smile when hes watching chaplin is how he smiles when we all gush to each other abt him and ourselves!!!

hes so cuuuuuute🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

“told me what” 

ohhhh honey🥺🥺 im so sorry. “crazy” is a trigger word for arthur; it made him start laughing in the bathroom with thomas

“touch my son again ill fucking kill you” yeah?? touch my arthur again and i’ll fucking kill you🙃🙃🙃🙃

^^^ that ones a joke do not come at me

the clerk in arkham was nice to arthur - he, gary and sophie are the good gothamites.

none of it was enough to stop his descent into joker, though, and i’d even say it was too late right at the beginning of the film, too... 

his sock puppet thingy “they cut all those” is such a Joker thing to doooo ~ 

the way arthur’s laughing in the hall at arkham turns into sobbing is gut-wrenching omg the poor thing😭

i wanna hug him and protect him and help him to process this in a healthy way

sweetheart, if i could take all of your pain and put it onto me... i so would. i’d do it in a heartbeat.

i wanna get you into a hot shower, make you some food and sit and listen to you. we can either sit in silence or you can talk to me, my love, and you will be heard and understood and loved.

“i had a bad day”

IT’S OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY OMG YOU POOR SWEET INNOCENT THING IM LOVE YOU🥺💔

THAT ENTIRE LATE NIGHT SCENE LAUGH/SOBBING GOT ME -

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i just wanna hold you and protect you and help you and love you

I’m so fucking sorry, darling. i wish i could take it all away from you

“i havent been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”

NO ONE SHOULD LOOK THAT ANGELIC AFTER COMMITING MATRICIDE IM????

get

that

fucking

gun

away

from

your

face

boi dont test me ill fucking go feral or - no, tell you what, i’ll point the gun at me and see how you like it

im looking respectfully at the green speckled undies scene....👀👀👀

“coming” 😏😏😏

“my mum died im celebrating” and “i stopped taking my medication” and you STILL stayed in the apartment with Arthur????? dudes those are 🚨🚨🚨 signs

woe betide anyone who underestimates arthur fleck lmaoooo

randalls death scene makes me laugh every time omg i feel so vindictive

get WRECKED

i wanna lick the blood off his face. i really want to

ngl i think i have a blood kink... 

“dont look just go” ME WITH MY ACNE WHEN I SEE IT IN THE MIRROR 😂😂😂😂

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER 

ASDFGHJKL

J

O

K

E

R

ERIKA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERRRRRR

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 MY BABY MY MAN OMG THERE HE IS IM CRY???????😭🥺😭🥺��🥺

my mind is literally blank rn im just staring and crying and smiling so hard my face hurts????? im love him so so so so much

sweet thing’s so used to pain he gets HIT BY A CAR AND KEEPS GOING????

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

hghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

euirrrrrrgkjbgkfbirsghigrbugr

*incoherent keyboardsmash to portray utter love*

ohhh baby no dont cry. oh honey😭 i wanna sit on your lap and kiss your tears away

“i love dr sally”

you have a WIFE at home

“DO YOU REMEMBER?” THAT WAS YOUR CUE TO APOLOGISE LMAO GET FUCKED MURRAT

he’s so CUTE

omgggg ~ 

my hearts gonna give out its SQUEEZING SO HARD IT HURTS

YOU MOCK THEM, BABY!!! THEY GOT IT COMING

“i wanna get it right” hes so passionate

my comments have deceased in number bc im just too starstruck and in love to even think clearly lmao

jokers all i know rn and this is the most peaceful ive felt in WEEKS

im sobbing

ugh fuck this hurts so BAD

youre speaking the truth, darling. im so so proud of you and i love you so much

“THEY COULDNT CARRY A TUNE TO SAVE THEIR LIVES” LMAO INSIDE JOKESSS

literally sobbing right now ugh what the fuck youre in so much pain and in the middle of a breakdown and no one saw you

ugh baby im so sorry, you deserve so much better

you tried so hard and you were gonna fall no matter what

IN THE WHITE ROOM

“hi” baby they cant hear you but im COOING 🥺🥺🥺🥺

you’re so fucking cute

say the word and ill burn gotham to the fucking ground for you

i wanna sit atop that car and cradle your head in my lap and wipe the blood off your face and help you stand up and be there for you and and and😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love you so so so much. 

i’d be so much worse off without you in my life. you brought a splash of colour which has never dimmed or faded. it never will. 

b l o o d    s m i l e

=

im wearing my inside on the outside now and it still hurts

angel💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i see you and your pain. i love you.

i see you, angel. 

his genuine laughter is🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

that cute lil “ksksks” he does im🥺🥺🥺

i always laugh with him omg the two of us are laughing together ugh its the closest i will ever get to sharing in his joy

 t h a t ‘s    l i f e

i love the hallway daaaaaaaaaaaaaance ~ 

them hips dont lie😉😉😉

i love you i love you i love you i love you omg the sun’s like a halo ugh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you im singing along to thats life while i type out how much i love you at 220am lmaooooo ~ 

i   l o v e    y o u

[finding-the-daylight]

Today has been a very stressful day, so guess wtf time it is? Drunk Breaking Dawn Pt. 1. Here is what I soberly remember of the movie (I have not watched it since BD2 came out): 

1. There’s a wedding.

2. There’s a honeymoon.

3. There’s swimming in the ocean.

4. There’s an accidental pregnancy.

5. The baby almost kills Bella.

6. The canon incident that we all hate happens.

7. The Volturi evilly laugh. 

Same as Eclipse, my drunken narration of the movie will be below the break.

A brief intro statement, I was 100% sober and just beginning to drink at the beginning of the Eclipse post and progressively got more drunk. For BD1, I’m throwing back before I even start watching this shit show.

- I love the effects of the intro. it’s very calming. THe putting away childish things quote is literally a Bible verse. I hate that Stpehen appropriated Quileute culture, Christian culture, and every culture. I know she’s mormon but sitll. THis shit feels real appropriated.

- Idk why rennee is all happy. she never gave a shit before.

- OMG ALICE TEHCING BELLA TO WALK IN HEELS IS THE CUTEST ICRY.

- carlisle carryign the bench is literally the hottest hting i’ve ever seen fck

- lowkey kinda creeprd out because she’s literally sacrificing her humanity to marry this deud she’s known for like a year but everyone other than jacob is super supportive

- damn she’s looking @ this dreamcatcher and it’s making me sad but tbh that shit probably caused half her nightmares because she’s not native so sleep paralysis (if you know you know).

- DAMN EDWAD RELALY JUST ADMITTED HE’S BEEN A VIRGING FOR OVER 100 YEARS WHAT AB RAVE MAN WE STAN

- BUT FOR REAL WHY IS NO ONE FREAKING TF OUT THAT SHE’S LITERALLY BEGGING TO DIE FOR THIUS DUE?

- he just todl her hes killed people and explained it and it didn’t work she’s still down to clown with this vapire emo boi

- HOW HE’S SMILTING @ HR WTF I AM SO ALONEEEE

- i just wama ne im loved amd ne loved in retun plz

- this dream sequence is awful also fck the volturi is til hate that they never overthrew that crabbyass monarchy bullshit they were powerful enough

- i just wanna be like rosalie when i greow up

- charlie knew shit was off when he saw those crapsk 

- why the HELL is renen actin liks she cares? bitch go the fuck back home

- jessica is the only one with any damn common sense in this whole series talking about they’re too fucking young for this shitt bitch true and itm akes sene now why she was the valedictioajrn 

- SLEEPING AT LAST IS THT GROUP IDK IF YALL HAVE HEARD ANY OF HTEIR OTHER STUFF BUT THEY’RE AMAIZNG AND I USED TO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP # THAT SHIT

- damn id’ be fuckign panicking too your lfie is over hoe 

- stpeheen sto pwiht your racist ass smiling its offensive

- CHARLIE FUCKING DEWEVRE BETTER SOMEONE LOVE HIM PLEASR

- this wedding is gorgoeus though i live for hte fuckj g aestiec 

- OH MY GORD THE PROM SONGGGGGGGG  FCK ME RIGHT IN THE EMO 

- IT JUST HIT ME WHN THEY WRE LOOKI  @ EACH OTHERS EYES THIS BTCH REALLY MARYING AN UNDRSF VAMPIRE HOE this shit is horryighn why was i not scare?

- carlisle is the love of y life

- sth is a lil ray of sunishen 

- i just reaized howd fucked it is that sue and chalrie are starng to catch feelz ut sue knows his daughter is funckugn off with a unded vamp emo iboi

- OMG I FCUKING HATE STEPHENE RACIST ASS I LEGIT MADE AP OST EARLIER SYAING LAURENT WANTED TO DO THE RIGHT THING ANDWOUVLEBE BEND A VEGETATIAN BITCH AND IRENEA CONFIRMED FCK THIS SHIT IM OUT ANG ANGRY

- charlie is gget ing drunk as hell my spiritn animel

- jesica is smart and beautiful she needs t os stop being jealous and petty know ya wotht girlie you got itl

- I SWEAR WHEN IGET MARRIED OSMEDAY IF ANYONE GIVES A SPEECH LIKE THIS I WILL PERSONALLY DRAGT HER ASS OUT.

- edwar lves her so much fck im all alone\

- how haoph hacob is when they hig i hate canonn they were best friends fc,

- jacob stay the fck outta her sex life she;s been wanting this for ad dman year fkc steohe let them jsut befriend

- steh is so swert but e is a chidl fck the is reacist plot bulshit

- CHARLIE DESEVRD BETTR FCK THIS PLOT FOR REAL I HAE CANON

- bela looks os ad she knows it’s goodbye but edward’s family is all smiling because they have her now hwat fthe ckc

- jac0bs cryng my heart brke

- i love bineg dunk 

- the scene isn rio is my faorite isn any of the movies eveyrhting looks warm and happy

- this bich can drive ab oat too damn he can just fod evryhin cant he

- CARLISLE BOUGHT A WHOEL DAMN ISALND FOR HIS WIFE AND I CANT ECVE GET A TEXT BACK? 

- deis this honeymon scene make anuone else unconmfy becuae same

- marying a vampire would be horrying af but also hot af and good af becuase htye oculd love so much and protect you from everythign fck 1-/10 woukd efeel safe

- bwll gaving a panic attakc ism e anyt tinme i try talking to an attractive man

- slepeign at last fckign ti up agin bit ch theis m yshit 

- when he said it was the best night i cred 

- tstoehe added the chess game like this shit is a hoje but i would love to play chess on my honemodn idk how uut  i want a man to each me but not mansplin

- WHY THE FUCJ AR THEY SO CTE ON THIS AMN HONEYMOON?

- i know i sadn it was horryig but i want a hotass vamp emo boi husband plas 

- damn jacob is being too emo she aint really gonan be ded for ever youll see her agianb itch

- ‘CULLENS ARE NOT A DNAGER TO THE TOWN OR TRUBE” BITCH IB EG TO FUCKIN DIFFER THIS SHIT BIOLOGICAL WARDARE RACIST ASS STPEHEN WRITING THIS FUCKING BULLTSIT

- ‘NONE OF THEM BELONG TO THEMSEVLES ANYGMROE” - SOMEONE SAID IT BITCH THSI SHIT IS FUCKRE IP

- i fucking hates these vamp racist bitches but i want a nonracist va,p husband bitch thus hot afck

- how tf does she not know shes rpegr yet eatin this weid ass shit?

- THESE FKERS BEEN AROUND FOR CENTURIES TLAKING BOU IDK IF ITS VEEN POSSIBEL BTICH YU SHOULD FUCKUGN KNO BY NOW

- ROVERT SPOEAKIN G PORTGUEVE IS SO KING ATRACTIV

- poor bella her life chaned so uqick and she[s soc scared fck dcnaon

- POOR CHARLIE I HATE THIS HE DESERVES TO BE LOVED AND TURTH TOLD

- ROSALEI IS THE EST 

- “YOU LOOK TERRBLE’ THIS IS THE FRIENDHSOP WE WANT WHYT THE FCK DOES FOPSTHE RUIN EALL THIS SHIT

- CARLISE IS FUNCIGJ HOT

- LIRALY BITCH I JUST WNAT A PURE FIRENDHSIP WUTH JACOB AND BELLA ITS WHAT THEY DESERVE FJC CAON

 - this montage is turopy a f when youre drunk waht the helc por jake thugh

- im sorry but i;n laughign my ass off at these fuckugn wolf vocie overs lmaoooo this shit hilarious

- SETH HAS SUCH A PURE HEART WHTY TF DID SPTEHEH RUIB HUS FUCJING CHILDHOOD BULTHIST

- WHY IS EVEYRIJE BSUCG AFUCKUGN BUTCG TO LEAH???? SHE DESEVRED THE FUCKING WORLD STPEHEN IS A RACISHT BITCHHHHHH

- calisbe is fos unicngn hot

- i just reaized robert is like the best fuckugn actor like this diolaguge is wha k as fuck btu he’s acitng all emo boi oscar worhty shti

- they realy had her fuckin drink blodo i hate cannjnonnn

- ifelel the same as kaje watchign this 

- but carlisle’s prety face made it all fuckig hetter

- FUCKRT HIS SHTI CHARLIE DESERVED BETTER HE’S THE BEST DAD FCK CANO NFUCK STEPRHNE 

- okay ut id is cute as fkc whe nedward hears the baby 

- esme and calrisle wilougn to risk their lives for bella i cryi

- fkc i really do hate cnaon because jake is acting liek an adult now and trying to do the honrble thig bue he should be a hpaoy chidl 

-  resnemsien is a ficking ridjcils name and we all fuckj nnew

- i ahte this part i’n bot even wathcing this shit rgros me rout 

- WHY THDID FUCK DID THIS BITCH HAVE A FUKCUNG SYRINGE OG VENOM LAYING AORUND? HOE!?!?!

- literlaiy fuick the dynamics of this whole moty hfknfucjg storyline plot bitch

- LEAH AND STHE DESERVERD BETTER

- SO DID JACOB

- SO DID ALL THE WOLFPAKC STPEHEN IS A RACIST AS SHOE

- aw hell here the fucks we hgo with theu ickgn im************** bulshit i ghate cnaojn canon can suck ad ick

- YES BILLY DEFEND YOUR CHIDL 

- rosalie is literally perfect when cnai b ehr 

- im real glad im drunk rin now because ioculd nto sit throguh this shit sober

- imp&******* is the worst plotline fkc]

- bit iamgiben falling alseo lookin gsick and waking up fhot as uck goals

- this sogn making me cry literlalu imcruing ims o alone lmao

- rheye really ended htoe move wirh red eyws lmaoooo

- hodl the fick up a damn minute stpeehebn producre htis cufkcng shit?

- now heres the hoes iv’ve been waiting on burnt the monarch fuckwits i hate thes epompis fuckers

- OVERTURBR THESE FUCKSERS THEY HAVE TIOO MUCH POWR 

CARLISR COULD FUCKING D OI T I HATE CNAON BRING THE VAMPIRE DECONOARCY

- OOHG BRUNNO MARS BRINGNG THE FUCKING SIMPSSHOES ANTHM I NEEDLOVE IT

[chimchimchoo]

Fly Me to the Moon :: Ch 7

Genre: Pure fluff crack

Word Count: 1,369

Pair: Yoongi x Jimin

Collaborated with @tayvengeance

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

“CHEER UP THIS SAD, EMO BOY!”

02-222-3333

Jimin stared at the note on the bathroom wall for a solid 5 minutes before he pulled out his phone and typed in the number.

authors note: we do not own any of the pictures, for better formatting so it’s more comfortable to read, check it out on AO3! AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14944508/chapters/36107328 Twitters: Tae’s Sujin’s <3 - Tae & sujin

Chat With Mochi_Moves:

2016.02.12

15:30

Mochi_Moves:

hey

sugar lips

c:

SUGA:

hey baby boy

do you even like it when I call you that?

I’ve never asked.

Mochi_Moves:

You can call me anything you like

but if you ever call me butterbean

i swear we’re ending this right here and now

SUGA:

why the fuck would I call you butterbean

what the fuck does that even mean?

butter doesn’t come from beans.

Mochi_Moves:

i’ve heard couples say it

(believe it or not)

i think i gagged a couple of times

SUGA:

not this fucking couple.

we’re classy.

I just send you one of these

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHIKf0f9E40

and I 100% know I got u.

Mochi_Moves:

and this is why i love you

my oojy coojy woojy moojy poo-poo

SUGA:

WHAT IN FUCK.

Mochi_Moves:

what’s wrong honey bunny buckles?

SUGA:

hi I don’t appreciate this name experimentation

you got going on

keep sugar lips

pls

im begging u

Mochi_Moves:

sure thing sugar lips

it suits you best anyhow

SUGA:

:)

wow I love you

:) :) :) :)

so Valentines day is a shit fest holiday but it’s coming up

in like 2 days, and we’re dating.

So like were you expecting anything that day?

Mochi_Movies:

well

i mean

i was thinking of spending valentines day

as a pre-date

for our 3 month anniversary c:

it’s back to back

and i’m planning the big night this time

SUGA:

[:

whatcha planning, love?

Mochi_Moves:

i’ll tell you when the day gets closer

it’s still in the works

c:

SUGA:

Well

if you want

on valentines

we could get a hotel room

and spend the day alone together

Mochi_Moves:

should i

should i bring a polaroid camera?

SUGA:

;)

we might use it

Mochi_Moves:

alright, i’ll bring it c;

SUGA:

This is me on my way to make a reservation at the

Lotte hotel around here

Mochi_Moves:

wow, look at my man

i love him so much???

be careful with those good looks

someone can easily snatch you away

:c

SUGA:

But how can someone snatch my heart

when you already have it

Mochi_Moves:

what country did i save in my past life to get myself a man like this

SUGA:

Weren’t you Mother Teresa?

Joan of Arc?

Gandhi?

any of those lives could have landed you me in this one

;)

Mochi_Moves:

don’T MAKE ME CRY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DANCE ROOM MIN YOONGI

SUGA:

I LOVE YOU

:D

Mochi_Moves:

you’re lucky everyone else is grabbing food rn

SUGA:

oh you look delicious

wow

Mochi_Moves:

I know

i’m a full course meal that gets served at the queen’s palace

made by the most skilled italian chefs

c:

SUGA:

damn right you are

wow

and I get you all to myself.

I’m spoiled rotten

how did I deserve such a royal meal?

Mochi_Moves:

that’s just what we do

spoil each other rotten

i love it c:

SUGA:

Baby all I want to do is spoil you rotten

What do you want? I’ll get you anything you want

for valentines day

Mochi_Moves:

actually, i don’t really want anything

i already have everything i want

as disgustingly cliche as that sounds

it’s 100% true

SUGA:

well then i guess the only package you get to unwrap is mine

;)

Mochi_Moves:

SUGA:

OH MY GOD

I WAS JUST JOKING

Mochi_Moves:

but

i wasn’t

SUGA:

………

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHIKf0f9E40

Mochi_Moves:

c:

start running to that hotel sugar lips

SUGA:

tsk tsk, too impatient, Jiminnie.

gotta build up to the moment.

Mochi_Moves:

ahh

ill try

c;

SUGA:

come with me to book this fucking room

…

and let me kiss you~

Mochi_Moves:

hmm

i guess the dance team can live without me for a few hours

give me 10 minutes

<3

SUGA:

Who said I’d let you go back to dance practice

;)

Mochi_Moves:

oh

OH

well by all means

i’m calling out sick

hoseok hyung can deal

and make that 5 minutes

c :

SUGA:

You’re so damn easy to please

i love it

yes

come to your favourite hyung~

Mochi_Moves:

actually make that 10 minutes

i need a coffee

wouldnt want me to fall asleep on you now would you?

can i grab anything for my sugar lips?

SUGA:

you know what I like :)

Mochi_Moves:

yes i know i know you’d like me

but what about something to /drink/

SUGA:

you can grab me a glass

because you’re the hydrating drink of water

that I’ve been craving all day

;)

Mochi_Moves:

oh my god

tall black coffee it is

and probably a condom

if that lust doesnt chill

SUGA:

I was gonna save the sex for valentines

but if you really want

;) ;) ;) ;)

Mochi_Moves:

mm

the condoms gonna be on hold

its gotta be special like you said

it can wait c:

SUGA:

good.

also

should there be music?

is there a song you wanna have sex to?

have you ever thought about this Jimin?

Mochi_Moves:

music??

but dont people always say that the voices alone

are music to their ears??

or was that just straight up poetic

SUGA:

I mean

in my dreams

when you moan my name

it puts fucking Bach to shame

Mochi_Moves:

oh my gOD

SUGA:

So is that a no on the music?

Mochi_Moves:

what about a piece with your piano?

id love nothing more than something of yours

what about

first love?

SUGA:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyHaRCMbx6A

what about this piece Namjoon filmed for class once

It’s called I Need U

Mochi_Moves:

wow

look at my beautiful man playing a beautiful song

i love it

its perfect

SUGA:

HAVE I NOT SHOWN YOU THIS VIDEO?

Mochi_Moves:

NO CLEARLY NOT

WHAT KIND OF BOYFRIEND ARE YOU

SUGA:

We filmed it that one day I had re-bleached my hair

before I dyed it silver

Because he said I looked like all innocent in all white

but

I Need U

yeah

I kinda wrote it

with you in mind

there’s no lyrics or anything

but the song is about idk

i guess how you help me live my best life?

Not to sound emo or anything

but

It’s like I need you because my crippling depression and

anxiety will take hold of me and you kinda ground me?

Idk I put a lot of emotional weight on you.

I’m sorry

but I’ve never been able to love like this before.

So yeah, another song for you.

How many songs have I made for you now?

Mochi_Moves:

Min Yoongi

never apologize for writing songs

if it expresses yourself better

and makes you happier

in fact

keep writing more

write as many as your heart desires

because shamelessly

i love it when you write songs about me

c:

SUGA:

Jiminnie

i’ll write you an album

20 songs

all 5 minutes long

no

2 albums

fuck, as many as it takes

I’ll write you songs until I physically can’t write anymore

Mochi_Moves:

for every song you write

i’ll create a choreography for it

just for you

SUGA:

Power couple.

that’s us.

Mochi_Moves:

just your typical disgustingly cute and Gay™ couple

SUGA:

so uh…

not to break up this charming conversation

because it is

and i love you

but

how’s that coffee coming along?

Mochi_Moves:

its tall (unlike you)

and hot

c:

SUGA:

*and hot (like you)

I think that’s what you meant

Mochi_Moves:

yes of course

i’d figure you knew

so i didn’t need to remind you

the tall fact

however

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

SUGA:

yah

you’re the same fuckin height

shut your beautiful mouth

Mochi_Moves:

dont tell me how to live my life

SUGA:

It’s been like 11 minutes

where is my chim chim

:(

I need u baby

and that coffee

but mostly you

Chim Chiminnie

Chim Chiminnie

Chim Chim Cherrie

Yoongi’s as lucky as lucky can beeeee

Chim Chiminnie

Chim Chiminnie

Chim Chim Cheroo

I don’t know the rest of the song

but I sure do love you~

Mochi_Moves:

sorry

i ran into kookie on the way

did you just sing mary poppins??

anyway where are you

im at the hotel

but i cant find you

:c

theres just a bunch of tall business men here

and one short guy

oh wait

there you are!

SUGA:

fuck you

I’m inside

Mochi_Moves:

c:

[karamazovdmitri]

Ok so I know you love Dostoevsky but do you have any tips on how to read his books and just russian lit in general? I'm really interested but I feel like his or Tolstoy's or Turgenev's,etc. books might be very dense and complex and hard to understand and not relatable because they were written a while ago idk I'm just afraid I'm not gonna get them and enjoy them because of their complexity. Do you have any suggestions of where to start?

 ooooh boy ALRIGHT sorry i took so long to reply to that schools a binchso uh first of all im so glad the ruslit love is spreading! and alright yeah ok lets get right down to it, i’ll focus on dosto for now and yes his books seem complex and and i wont lie that they are, but theyre not necessarily complex in their writing or their prose, its in what it holds. like its hard to explain but its just. so packed with everything.i feel that theres not one way to “get” the books. though i see what you mean because i often say i dont “get” poetry, but i think that even if you dont unveil the secret of his books or something, its still such a good read. we did that in lit class with crime and punishment, kinda just like tryna unveil the mysteries of it and... you cannot just do it like that, you can get closer to it but like... i guess its kinda like that saying that says destination isnt as important as the journey. as for them not being relatable i got GREAT NEWS FOR YOU, the brothers karamazov was probably the most relatable book ive read in my whole life. like i know because its Classic Lit™ and all, it might feel distant and foreign and like its well, not relatable, but once you dive into it the characters are the same you’d find in other books, theyre all painfully human. like if you take evgeny bazarov from turgenev’s fathers and sons, sure hes that like complex nihilistic character but also hes a bitchass med student like you’d find in any university i swear alright, like... god i feel like i cant express my thoughts coherently but what i mean is even if the prose in itself seems complicated (once you dive into it, its really not that bad honestly?? to be fair i havent read tolstoy yet -yeah what a bad ruslit hoe i make- but dostoevsky, while not the simplest in appearance actually just boils down to feelings nd shit. like you’ll just FEEL it. and yeah for me it has made me reflect a lot on who i am as a person and who i want to be, but as you probs have guessed i do take ruslit quite to heart... maybe thats the secret to enjoying it so much? idk? like im not tryna read for 5 layers deep interpretation, i guess as i said... you just somehow feel it. AS for suggestions... if you want to go with dosto, my first read by him was personally crime & punishment, which i feel is a good start?? its always the one i rec because its part of the holy dosto trinity (aka C&P, the bros karamazov and the idiot) but i think its the most accessible one. like it has a clear plot, raskolnikovs character is complex but not inaccessible and the main ideas that want to be communicated are clear cut, more than in the huge rambles that you’d find in the brothers karamazov. i mean like i dont wanna spoil shit but like unless the brothers karamazov, when i read C&P i didnt find myself putting the book down every now and then to just. breathe and think about shit (i did however had to put it down to yell about razumikhin but thats just me)for other ruslit i kinda just like. go with whatever. i read fathers and sons because i saw it in the bookstore and just. bought it lmao and honestly since its like significantly shorter than one of the dosto bricks™ that might also be a good place to start. honestly i dont think theres like one Good Place to start but if youre 0 familiar with the russian culture and history and stuff, like dont start with the brothers karamazov (if you ask me, just dont start with TBK because its dostos best book and like you gotta gradually make your way to it, just keep raising the expectations higher and higher) (can yall believe right before i started reading tbk i was like “man can this really top C&P?” LMFAO) but anyway yeah, russian lit however is a good way to familiarize yourself with like Russia™ as a concept, and the russian soul, decent slav sadness and all that sweet stuff so just start with something and then the more you’ll read the more you’ll get what i mean by that russkaya dusha thinganyway uhhh youre probs fuckin tired of reading by here hopefully i was of any help??? basically dont be afraid anon, academics really like to brand classic rus lit as like some kind of extremely fancy and complex shit, and like its complex but not in the way you think. its complex because its depictions of the human soul so theres a lot packed in that. but even if you couldnt care less about like the soul and shit, theyre absolutely amazing psychology-wise. so yknow just pick up a book and go for it!! if it makes you more comfy, start with a short one! it can be fathers and sons, it can be even shorter and be Notes from underground (this ones kinda hardcore though, i gotta say) can be death of ivan illyich, could be a play by Chekhov like honestly... theres so much to choose from, treat yoself(also i want to thank you for that ask i feel like??? so honoured to be considered some kind of reference when it comes to russian lit, truly warms my heart and dont hesitate to come ask for more info bc i know this is kind of just a huge dump of whatever)

[peakyblinders-au]

Lydia Shelby

Tumblr Url & Your Real Name: @peakyrach Rachel

Character Full Name: Lydia Shelby

Nicknames/Alias: Lyd, Lyds

Backstory for nicknames/alias/:

Gender: female

Gender Role: if you want a backstory for this add anymore necessary info here as well for the gender prompt

Sexual Orientation: straight

Age: 27

Birthday: August 1st 1898

Deathday: if you want to kill me off then go ahead, I won’t mind lol

Birthplace: small Heath

Ethnicity: white British

Family Members: if you wanna be one of the mains cast family members please write that information here

Children: I definitely think we’re gonna have at least one child (this IS John after all) a little girl named Jessica

Face shape: heart shaped

Eye colour: brown

Hair colour: dark brown

Hairstyle: long, past my shoulders and wavy. Mostly up off my face for work but always left out on my days off

Skin tone: olive

Complexion: clear and soft as a baby’s bum

Body type/Build: slim but curvy

Height: 5’4

Weight: if you’re uncomfortable answering this you don’t have too

Breast size: a good handful. 38C I’d say

Facial Hair: no thank you

Scars/Birthmarks/Prominent Features: small birthmark at the top of my thigh

Preferred hand: leftie

Health: all fine and dandy.  

Phobias: heights

Addictions: smoking

Mental Disorders: please give me a description of the disorder, or direct message me with more info because i dont want to write a mental disorder rudely or just wrong, ya know?

Attitude: sassy as fuck. I don’t take any shit and know how to handle myself but I’m also really kind and very loyal to my family and friends

Expressions: I wrinkle my nose when I’m annoyed

Residence: small heath. with John

Political Affiliation: I couldn’t care less and think it’s all silly

Friends: Ada. And I want to be friends with as many characters from the gc as possible if it fits in the story

Enemies: not really an enemy but me and Linda DO NOT get on at all

Boss: bosses from your occupation, are you apart of Alfies gang, or Sabini’s, Kimbers, Luca’s, Gold’s gang, the Lee boys that are ready to fuckin cut anyone like wow, this is really cool option

Pets: we have a dog. John likes his dogs.

Finances: working class I guess? The same as John

Marital Status: MARRIED

Sex Life: are you comfortable with having smut written for your character? please let me know this is super important! HELL TO THE YEAH! Write as much smut as you want for me wooo

Lovers: just John boy

Turn-ons: spanking, choking, Dom! Sub! Yeah all of it. I’m not fussy

Turn-offs: if there is something super important to your characters backstory feel free to give a bit more of information okay?

Dom or Sub: im more sub. John is the dom woo

Fantasies: if you want this written or at least known go ahead but i cant promise it will be apart of the story, there is only so much time and so many episodes y’know!

Occupation: a teacher to nursery/kindergarten kids

Income: not a lot. Enough to be comfortable

Work Experience: I work in a local school

 Religion: Is youse a Linda or is youse a Polly?? hmmmm? More a Polly lol

Criminal Record: are you baddie? Nah

Morals: yes and no, moral compass

Main Goal: just for me and john to be happy basically, living our best life

Ambitions: can relate to anything, work, family, love life, go ahead and include what u want

Regrets:

Secrets: grace secret…. O.O

Best memories: getting steaming drunk with Ada and causing havoc around small heath. And when John first asked me out

Worst memories: playing down by the cut when I was little and almost drowning when I fell in

Hobbies: smoking is a hobby i guess, getting fuckin drunk is too!: definitely getting drunk ha! Also bike riding and reading books from the library

Skills: im  pretty good at drawing. And I bake a mean cake

Likes: going to the garrison and getting pissed with friends, Going to the cinema with John on date night, laying in bed with him all day when he has a rare day off and just cuddling and talking  for hours

Dislikes: rudeness

Superstitions: John says 7 years of bad luck for broken mirrors none. I think they’re silly and tease John about it all the time

Quirks:

Guilty Pleasures:

Strengths: compassionate, caring, loyal, strong willed, positive

Weaknesses: can be a bit too sassy sometimes, swears like a trooper (but never around kids) smokes a bit too much. JOHN. In general. He IS my weakness.

Languages:

Accent: strong brummie

Speech Impediments:

Voice:

Reputation: a good one. Apart from all the swearing and sassiness I’m a good girl

Backstory: if you want to be detailed go ahead, but i can’t make promises that everything will be included in the AU

Im married to John (oh yeeaahhh) I’ve lived in small heath my whole life and grew up around the shelbys. Although a couple of years older than me Ada became one of my closest friends. I always had a thing for John (from like really young, I used to follow him around like a puppy in the school yard) but me being 3 years younger than him he only ever saw me as Ada’s annoying little friend. Until one day he saw me flirting with a man in the garrison and got mad jealous. Things developed from there.

FC: Selena Gomez

[minetra]

a confession i will never be able to make, cause i never was able to get closure, if you (and you would know who you are) are reading this throw me off a cliff pls thanks

(heyyyy, to those who know me personally from real life, i have one thing to say 

fuck off. 

this is shit i dont want you to see... if you read this ill fucking rip your throat out. im warning you now, if i even get the hint or the smallest suspicion that you read this you will never gain my trust again. your choice on the matter really) 

(haha, this is not a joke i will kill you) 

(if not, and you do not know all my friends and my address. feel free to read it and embarrass me, i probably would appreciate it lol) (i probably would need that actually since i cried multiply times writing this oop-) 

warning: grammar errors, that’s it yup

below is a really long post, like long long if you manage to read through everything, have a cookie, cause honestly how?

 (i did this instead of studying hooray) 

(for such a heavy topic, i played the madoka magica gun song the entirety of writing this shit) (which now that i finished the post is so fucking funny to me lol)

hey, do you know me in real life? did you accidentally click the keep reading thing? okay.. turn back lol you aint suppose to be here silly! get ready for your ass to be kicked when i get out of quarantine :) 

(you probably know how violent i was back in grade five to seven. dont make me bring that out again cause i will)

okay? right...

i wanna get hugs from you again,, you were quite warm and made something in my chest rise in speed,,, (i was always the one to initiate hugs in every encounter, i loved hugs, and at first you hated them...) (but then when you did hug first,  i swear to god my heart burst) (hug me again, please)

i wanna hold hands again,, (god your hands are so soft, holy shit i couldnt stop holding them. not like clouds, or a pillow not that kind of soft. soft like humming my favourite song, or soft like your smile. that’s my favourite soft) 

i wanna make you laugh with my shitty jokes,,, (my jokes are all shitty, but you laughed at some anyways, i cant seem to remember your laugh now... i want to fucking search for my brain for your laugh.. curse my shitty memory... but i do remember you smiling to them...) 

i wanna make you sigh in a tired but amused way,,, (im an attention seeking bitch alright, i know that much...) (but that sigh,,, when you sighed at me because of my shitty antics... i missed that a lot... more than my cousins back home... more than my sister going away for years... i miss you really, that much is true) (is that selfish of me? yup. do i give a shit? nope)

im probably never gonna see you again, which is a fucking bummer (hahah, wow my chess is tight and i oop,,,) and im really shit at staying in touch with people (haha, shitty i know...) and honestly? fucking scared of how ill react if i see you again (i bursted into tears the last time,,, ill do it fucking again)

i never really told you, but you meant the world to me,,, and in those days where i have nothing to distract myself, or when im lulling myself to sleep... or when i remember that one picture saved by my friend at her phone... 

i think about you, and i can never sleep again (you wearing that flower crown has actually cleared my skin, thank you-)

i remember for a project i had to describe something without telling what the thing was. the first thing i thought of was your eyes, and god do i like staring at them... (you always looked away when you caught me staring... from embarrassment i would guess, but how can i not stop when you always looked so stunning?) (everytime you denied that you were not pretty i would scream inwardly... how? self esteem issues yes, i get that, but holy shit i looked at you everyday.. you always got prettier)

your eyes are so so so so pretty, like a gray cloud in the middle of a brewing storm. but you were never really angry, not at me anyways... (no matter how many times i pissed you off you always found some way to like me again... i was good at being annoying, how-) (flustered you was the cutest thing i can think of) (i wonder, did i ever push to hard? if i did im sorry)

you were oh so sweet, like a fuji apple (never too sweet, i think you were the only time i thought of liking something that isnt completely made of sugar) but i can never describe you in one word, or with one item, you were just you... something so i loved very very much 

i miss the color of your hair, sometimes i can’t help but think it’s the only shade of blonde ive found. i never found anyone with the same hair color as you, nobody else. like a single bright yellow tulip in a sea of dandelions.... but my god can you pull off any hair colour (howd you pull of green? witchcraft i dare say-)

shoes, you always wore one pair of shoes. vans (or was it converse?) black ones. i remember them cause you drew at the white parts. (whenever i saw anyone else who did the same thing i always thought of your shoes...) (that made me sad when i did remember, cause all it did was make me remember you) (i never saw drawing or painting on shoes the same after that, all those fuckin tik toks-)

i liked it when you drew (ha liked? the fuck i loved it) i remember the first time i saw art from you. an aurora with stars that shined against black wallpaper... (for something in the five grade, that shit blew my mind holy fuck) i dont exactly remember how i got one of your drawings, but it is here, in my room,,, (i see it and smile, i wonder, are you still drawing? painting? if you are thanks, you motivated me to draw til this day)

we were utter opposites. you were an introvert, you hung around cool kids a lot, overall, popular. I was a lonely extrovert, i didnt have many friends (im afraid that i was too annoying back then.. i still am lol...) (i remember that i was jealous of you back then, wack, back me could not handle how perfect you are) (even now that i have seen you “imperfections” i can now confirm that i am not jealous anymore thank fuck)

the chances of us being even friends is bizarre to me, like fate. in the short time span i spent with you, nobody else compared. 

you were cool, you made me feel cool. i loved you so very very much.. i dont exactly know what my feelings are, but i can say you were my best friend. the best of a lot of people. 

this post is so embarrassingly long, (you would have laughed from how many typos i made) if you ever so this i would snap my neck honestly

i completely fell for you, without even knowing... wack (hahahaha, i admitted it now,,, and im so scared...  you know why im scared...)

(to the people who know me in real life. youll know who this is,,, you had the fucking audacity to read this shit okay fuck you) (but i really couldnt blame you, curiosity is fucking deadly, (you now know one of my most hidden secrets, one that i have kept for years, from anyone in rl) (so congrats, you earned title of asshole)

(if you did read this, youll probably have questions... but please dont even tell me you saw this post... dont like this post... dont talk to me about this post... and mostly of all... dont tell them please... my heart will actually weep... so please dont)

to those who dont know who this is, this is a person who was my friend. i loved them,, very very much 

[haeroniel-doliet]

dwhos here for another raaaaaant (vent)? topic is friendships but lets see where thisll go! waheyy let us insert the read more. 

kayokay okay welcome youre gonna regret this; if you havent read through my shitty vents before prepare for ilegibility and thought trains going all over the place and references to things and people youll never know okay great you got off this train? cool gives me more power to crash it see ya. 

okay where do we even begin, oh lets go wild and push out a couple topics first. one is; how shit has improved being uni and how everything seems awful brighter now; why it hasnt actually improved and im lonely as ever; how lonely have i always been; but am i really lonely or just think i should have more bc expectations; why im like this and cannot form relationships

lets start with a bit of a history dive eh eh this is what youre here for, me oversharing my life to nobody thatll read it but come on anyway bc one of the reasons i even fucking do these is because; ironically enough; i have no friends to vent this to!! nobody who actually gives a shit!! and even if they did i have a lot more words and confused thoughts to write out here that would just be really mean to inflict on someone else. 

ok so, classically as a kid ive almost grown as an only child, obviously have a big bro of 7 yrs older that i never formed more of a bond to than the one we share by sharing a family. aka we barely talk. but like i know he doesnt hate me i guess? ok im not gonna go there. its a weird mess. but. all childhood was mostly me playin by myself bc our family friends had kids his age not mine, and we moved around a bunch too and people came in and out, i guess i made ‘best friends’ pretty easily, but none stuck around longer than a year maybe 2-3. bc thats how life was and as a child i guess it wasnt a bother bc hey, let me be friends with everyone! oh but protective parents also mean mostly on my own. thats cool. im totally mature to be sitting at the adults table (there was no kids table) well early at 6-7. mhmmm 

lemme return to finland and start being an early awkward preteen! oh ill be friends with everyone! oh. everyone already has their best friend or best friend group? oh i get left on the playground alone ‘playing the dog at home while they go shopping okay playground games were lame but whaddyou do’ aight cool im okay with this theyre all my friends and im gona draw you all to make friends and nobody like actually bullies me or thinks im weird i guess, anyway school work. oh okay ill make best friends w my neighbour bc were only 7 days apart in age and thats crazy!! i guess we also make friends with lil girls next door bc were 10- 12 and thats what u do. sure. i feel rather criticised by my so called bff bc. we are not on the same wavelength, i feel dumb, im never as funny even if they are hilarious to me, i do gross things w out thinking (imagine having to be told by your friend that you need to buy deodorant when you never thought abt it) and like a bunch of other stuff like not picking up on social cues they dont wanna hang out with me or they dont think looking at funny pictures on the phone is fun... oh okay i mean i guess theyre way better than me but were still friends right? uh yeah. 

okay lets take a gap and go to uk, oh wow, SHIT people actually miss me at home?? im making friends with all these kids in my neighbourhood! oh i can be like the movies where they go down the street and hang out and have movienights awesome! who this is the best! fucking halloween w other 13 yr olds?? having hobbies w them? walking to the bus together and home together?? mad. wild. friends. lets ignore the school consisting of pricks and the only time in my school career ive gotten bullied. like classic bullying. pens thrown at me, butt touched, skirt lifted, name called, teasing my ‘naivety’ (do you work at the dildo factory? haahah. are you frigid? would you have sex with me if i bought you a burger?) oh 13-14 yr olds....  ok no its a wild really good and really shit year combined into an okay year. let me just return home and promise to keep in touch and really very barely keep in touch with any of them. thanks instagram for enabling minimal contact and keeping up w each other. 

(also back then made my first post cryin to tumblr oh why cant i have tumblr besties like everyone else seems to, please someone be my internet buddy! lucky enough actually talked to Amelia a lot, though...... 14 yr old and abt 20 smth. but we played minecraft together and made two shit youtube videos of our competition participation like. you were a good friend to me. never pushed it too far and i really liked having a mature friend. such a shame you seem to have disappeared off the internet (anywehre i know how to reach you) bc hell, i would not have been opposed to meeting you finally irl at fuckin mcm like i always kinda wanted to bc i saw ppl online do, anyway i hope ur life is good and thanks) 

kay so, finally back home weve all moved past the best friend cliques okay okay my class is actually fuckin rad like whaddu you know i dont have to aggressively swear and avoid hugs anymore (self defence from that shitty year) but actually have all these wholesome friends, ofc there were stronger relationships between some people but! i was included. i felt good. it was good. i figured out this being everyones friend thing. im a proper teen now eh. oh but i still had my best friend (briefly moirail) maxx! talking everyday at least for least half an hour if not more, skype calls... watching movies together... sending shit to canada and that one mail i got from you and planning so hard a visit there, even if it felt unrealistic. maybe even spending too much time on you and not making as many connections to my class friends as i could have, u know. stuck on my phone to always be available to you. making you more important. dunno how often id talk thru a crisis in class or however late at night bc, i wanted to be there for you! i loved being needed and being an important piece in moving thru tough times. sure detrimental maybe irl but i was being too much online anyway which i still do but were not there yet. besides, that relationship has had a bit of a roller coaster in the past nearly4 yrs (is it more?) shit that started from an rp and then slowly talking more to being moirails to being the tightest best friends “momma” and all, to your irl friends breaking it up slowly, then a boyfriend really took oyur time and we didnt talk daily lt alone ever get to call bc... shit. okay but i was friends with your boyfriend and though i saw it wouldnt last i was okay with it, like right cool thats teh boyfriend and im the bestfriend. im still involved. yeah man. oh you broke up and now talk more to me! fuck yeah. ill take your side in this regardless. lets get close again even if its not quite the same. i try join your cosplay groups though i cant help feeling me joining killed them, and i followed some you were passionate on! drew all those rad characters of you and your friends to feel adequate and appreciated. then you ad your drama, hated this kid and i wasnt even rly involved. all of a sudden, tight friends, oh i get to be in a chat w you both and a rad other person i had a mild crush on! rad. hell yeah. ive never been in a groupchat like this! this is great i love it. and the vikings came up. and your new friend left bc i was a cis girl and he has problems and could not deal with me not agreeing with his shit argument. (about my countrys history!!)  anyway. they make their groupchat, groupchats die. oh. great i ruined it. okay. i no longer know whats in your life.... oh youre best friends now? i kind of have to bug you to even get added to your ‘friends page’ as dumb as it is. i get knocked right aside as hes the bff and the greatest sweetest person ever even though he still seems like a major dick and even your cool older friend agrees with me..... a load of bullshit and weve drawn apart to barely talking once a week and ive still sent you many gifts bc i think its great! until.  yeah i wasnt gonna send anymore till you promised to set me up with cosplay pieces for christmas and i freak out to send you smth in return (never got more than measurements from me, and due to shit timing i didnt even get to be there for you opening the presents which fuckin ruined it) but whats this? a year on im fucking coming to america and conviced my parents to also go to canada???? fucking insane. still we dont talk much, the plans werent like i expected but i met you and the cool older friend! amazing! it happened! youre real! i brought you more gifts and i got pictures with you and its, it doesnt feel real still. i keep the fucking bus ticket i took from toronto to guelph to remind me. sure i didnt like get much from you back and thats kay different monetary situations and all and yeah. wild. oh but we still barely talk after? no its ok i get it youre not that good with texting people anymore (even if you kept texting you bff while i was there.... like. maybe he was having a crisis i can understand but... please you barely talk to me anymore and now amazingly im there and. you still talk to him a lot. okay...)  ‘ew were not dating were just best friends!” a month later becomes ‘this is my boyfriend and bff i love him more than anything else in the world” ‘oh but hes absolutely a huge mean prick who is super self centered and manipulative,’ and i guess you needed to feel needed like i did and dedicated everything to this shitstorm of a human but. okay... weve drifted apart further, till i demanded thru to your discord (not even active anywhere else) and try damn hard to still talk to you. but its just not genuine. i wanna talk abt important shit to me and worries about myself, but life is difficult on you and i dont feel like you do the same to me so i cant. is it no longer part of our relationship? i guess) 

anyway chapter; who the fuck cares; why i feel i can open up to internet friends more than irl ones;;coming up, the other irl exploits after 9th grade. 

internet friends are based on talking over text and emotions that come up in the moment and contacting them whenever. with irl people, ive always set a sort of boundary that like. our quota of talking is irl. i might message you online but its strictly related to irl things or smth we discussed irl, u feel? even then i mostly never message anyone (thank the two friends in uni ive talked to more than anyone else) but still. theyre people i will unload burdens to IRL when im sitting with them for hours talking about our fucked up relationships with things and life and thats beautiful. but its not consistent through life? like rn all this shit. i cant just go and vent tto you (i guess i could but who knows if youre mad busy and needa be up early tomorrow or are already sleeping or have other shit on your mind, let alone would be offednede by me being so explicit abt me feelings w friendship u being my friend.) anyway, internet friends have broken that and sometimes i talk abt dumb shit ive seen that remind me of them or i wanna get a reaction from someone about and sometimes this bullshit. but more recently, (my discord has fuckin 3 ppl) i cant. i mean. idk if ever could and now theyre just being better w themselves but i cant? Ana tries being a friend and a good online friend but. i cant take it any deeper than like, look how cool this is! yeah that is cool bc theyre exhausted and dont wanna deal w others bullshit and dont want me to deal with theirs bc theyre online to avoid it. all of which i understand but. its kind of hard to deal with. like. youre currently only passionate about your gays in southpark. two things i dont care bout jack shit (actually hate south park idec) and then your response to me just like contemplating quizzes or the way i felt in the mirror at ballet or like smth that comes up to me when im talking abt normal shit, i get an ok, i dk how to respond or, i dont really care. and wildly i love the honesty, and glad to have lines drawn for me when i dont see them, but it always feels like a smack in the face regardless. having stepped out of line and not having realised and stopped before they had to tell me to stop. like it was w that old neighbour bff. i could never tell when she wanted me to leave her alone or smth bc i was having fun! but shed be tired of it and it just. always hurt realising i was too wrapped up in emotion and myself to realise i was annoying or overstepping boundaries and im still terribly self concious about it bc i feel terrible being a bad person like that! i wanna be the perfect friend.ugh. 

the other people on my discord are maxx and the cool older canadian dan, who still is rly cool and admirable. and i feel bad. bc when i first got the dumb thing i talked to him like adults! yea! talked abt maxx and a bit of college and a bit of life and like. it was good! he said good night friend <3 which is like!!! the most wild and exciting thing it fuckin exhilirates me to be called friend in converstion like please fuck validate me being your friend!!!! (god isnt that sad and basically gonna sum up this whole thing) anyway recently im sure things have been sad or busy or hes just that kinda person but my last 4? attempts for convo have gotten no response, even when hes online (supposedly when its ok to message him) and i no longer want to say anything unless its smth im sure id get a response to. bc then im just buggering and annoying the poor guy and become annoying. (even if hes said he doesnt mind and thinks im a great person. i hope) and maxx u know. i can message, and i do, and now more than in a rly long time i- oh my god i get responses!! still they cut short. theres no, hey sorry i dont care or, hey i gotta go, or hey i dont wanna talk abt this, just. no more responses. and i guess my conversational skills are rusty and i havent written anything thatd get an easy response from them! (but stilll, should talking to friends rly require you to formulate conversation starters and talk in a way that doesnt provoke too much but is just easy enough for them to respond briefly and with no investment to make talking to me easy as possible? idk even iguess? maybe im shit at having friends and thats why i have none. shush.)

okay lets head back to irl. high school was shitty weird thing, around 10 ppl in class and i only made friends w 3? got bullied for a good couple days on a trip by 1 and another class person. terrible trying to make friends and keep friendly with everyone in a tiny school but i managed and alls good, and even still, just made friends with the most compatible people, not sure if id have been friends with otherwise. one a nervous wreck of a boy that the teacher tried to like ‘ship us together with’ but while he had a girlfriend and we managed to keep conversation joking and chill (as it should be and i made good sure of it) it was fine, he still like i a very girlfriend oriented person and i guess doesnt chat much online w other girls? im cool with it, a couple snap updates on life here an there its whatever. youre an anxious person anyway and we dont always like. work as friends. another was from japan, who id decieded to make a friend if only to have a friend in japan to visit and to teach me a bit (and teach us to make food! okay im so glad we were friends) and at school it was great enough. helped her get confident in speaking english and correcting work and sitting together at lunch and hanging out outside of school on the rare occasion schedules lined up was fab! i actually am gonna miss her. even if we werent close. and i feel bad bc idk if she wants to keep in contact, and i really suppose i should just aim to write her like a text once a month or so to keep in touch thatd be good, cover that. keep up english and so on. maybe (ps old friends from childhood pop up every now and then on social media and have the rare chat which is quite nice actually! even if im not active or keep them updated, some realtionships i like to leave lukewarm and not hateful but smth thats easy to catch up with if opportunity comes up. i actually can do that quite a lot, make good conversation and feel friendly and make acquaintances. i just. have no idea how to push them to proper active friendships (it just happens sometimes by accident) and no absolute clue how to make htat into a very close “bff we share everything i can message you whenever” kinda relationship classic media like facebook portrays idk. do i need it? i guess not but i kinda wanna know what thats like bc relationships are not a thing for me. lets make that its own paragraph) oh but also on old school friends my frustration of a few days, just. a friend that is the easiest to keep in touch with bc they intitiate and have time and want to do things, but god its annoying and i dont like them. our humours dont align and i feel judged and criticised and like. idk. dont feel great w them. theres moments of like genuine “im glad i met you bc i would have switched schools otherwise” from her and a jar of reminders why were friends and some good memories, but its just. she drains me. and i dont wanna talk deep w her. and though to some other friend it seems like we are heckin dating in secret bc of how comfortable we are and how much we end up communicating to organise things, uhm were not. i wouldnt date her ever im sorry. struggling to stay friends and have it fade to the background amicably before i do or say smth wrong and fuck it up. anyway its just bugging me and i hate it bc i feel bad for her and bad for myself and its just a mess that i dont wanna deal with that mucheven if i talked my parents ear off about it.

ok intermission to parents. in a way no. no fuck they are not my friends. my mom will never be my best friend and i dont think they want that either,being classic parents and allbut i guess, sometimes when i get past the ugh youll never understand youre so god damn annoying!! teenage phase my brain still has, i do talk to them about a lot of things that upset me, bc unlike friends, they cant decide not to care about me or stop talking to me u know. i have vented about shit practices that have really tested my self worth and lack of emotions (remind sobbing like a bitch with a mud covered ass walking home from a terrible skating practice and falling in the rain) and mom comforting thru it. mind telling them all the pent up feelings abt flatmates and analysing them to her like”well shes rly nice and we talk abt this and this but i cant help but feel she doesnt really wanna talk to me and also they didnt wanna hang out and they keep leaving their dishes and told me to clean mine but they did this and that and....” i never talk about internet friends or a lot abt other things bc. not relevant and i dont think id hear what i wanna hear. but im kinda glad i still can do that and vent to them abt like real life things and things that upset me even if its not exhaustive and i cant do everything and they dont fill the gap of this “true best friend” i have emulated. but thats a point of why im not rly lonely. bc i have outlets to a lot of these needs that im not missing it all . just dont have it all in one person or even a small group of ppl.

wht next. oh remind me to come back to group things online. anyway lets give uni a try. so weve talked abt my two impressive friends irl who take the same course as me and kind of have dragged me thru and have gone to hobbies w me and hung out w me for hours and actually come to visist me in london an been cool? yeah theyre pretty rad people and very smart and im glad theyre in my life. even if w al the ranting im not comfortable messaging them all hours of the night to talk abt all my insecuritites and thoughts and problems u know. and one is dating and both have flatmate drama and other groups of friends and tho theyre friends between each other we dont like. make the ultimate trio which is why were not moving in together ( also reminder to being called the 3 musketeers w my high school two gals bc we were seein kinda doing everything together (in school) by me sticking us all together with my “i need to feel validated with friends” glue. that was quite nice.) 

but like in uni, ive said it to a lot of people. its amazing. ive never been happier knowing this many people. i dont make drama, i almost never get included in any drama so all i get are friends!!! and having flatmates, and flatmates friends, and class mates, and people ive just met , and hobby friends i just knew so many people thatd be friendly to me and even smile at me in passing it feels great man. having multiple group hobbies and socials to go to (even if i dont drink much and its not like were partying) it feels good man. i want more of this next term now that i have no”i dont know anyone there” excuses. god i love it. i love waving to people i know, i love getting a ride from someone to go hang out t another friends place and people knowing me by name and caring about my presence! (though not too much, like nobody would miss me i guess, but i still have more of a place to carve and i cant say for sure that they did not notice me missing) anyway archery has been terrbily wholesome and one of the best things ive invested time into and im sad some of the happy faces there are leaving this summer....... and sure none of these friends have gone even to proper hugging levels, let alone talking together without a group of people or god, messaging privately if not strictly club stuff (ok theres like, a couple, one that im delighted about and cant wait to hang w in finland even tho theyre cooler than me)  but u know, same problem w. hm were friends within this hobby group. were not like. actually friends outside of this and wouldnt hang outside of it. uh. yeah. dont rly have that many that kinda friends..... just 2 in fact. ill work on that.... 

side note, i try joining in online groups like mxrp discords, and an odd skype chat for homestuck cosplayers. but its kinda the worst. i dont mind observing and reading in and commenting in my head and rarely actually participating tho nobody knows who i am, but like. nobody knows who i am or cares if im there at all. and its kind of a not great feeling. im not needed or wanted here. they just dont mind me being there u know. idk wht to do with those feelings. i dont really wanna make myself obnoxiously present and make people remember and want to talk to me and actually become immersed in it, bc these dont seem like that great people idk. i guess im too  ‘mature’ to just go omg i love you an all that. 

anyway lets dive into hmmmmmm  why am i still lonely? funny question eh. its because i have no consistent close relationships with anyone. have i ever? maxx was closest but i guess nawh here we are. i can get close to u in a night of just talking for hours but. if it doesnt carry through consistently does it count? i have a couple people to message when im delighted abt smth (heck even post to snapchat to get those lukewarm friendships to be reminded of me) and i have my parents to be sad to about a certain category of things that i share w them (like hobby frustrations and friends theyve met frustrations, and some body upset) i have this hunk of friends in uni i can hang out and chill with and will continue making better friends with gladly. im not an isolated herrmit (all the time) nor do i think im socially despicable. im just. normal. online ive felt more and more as much as i spend my entire day online w all these things im not an internet person??im not always posting on social media, im not always talking to 10 ppl at once, im not writing or creating media, im not consuming other than youtube actually, (like i dont watch shows u knw) , all i do is rp when i muster the strength and hang out lukewarm on tumblr posting rants and reblogging pretty and fun things, not getting involved much. not a fan of anything, not obsessed w anything, not overtly gay ( i dont even know what i am but girls are pretty and sex and relationships get gross as soon as you add me into the picture) and not an exciting personality. hell. i currently fuckin like ballet and archery and like. thats about it. (also hahahhahh catch me going down the abc list of hobbies, aikido, archery, badminton (w archery ppl) ballet. what next. cricket? crochet... cooking? dance (ballet) fencing gaming (hah no), hockey? ice skating ( im already doing it) like look at me anyway shh) im not trans and i dont feel gay enough to fit in (what a rant that is, but im just ignoring it for now) im so boring. too reational, too uninvolved, too unopinionated/have an opinion but prefer to keep quiet and at peace. i guess this is what normal people are like off the internet. and ill just deal with it. but how normal people fill the gap are these ridiculously idealistic bff groups that i clearly dunno how to achieve, and uh. relationships.

so i can foresee a future where an imaginative foggy figure will care about me so much and want to hear all these rants and talk about all my wild thoughts with me and love me and remind me of it and be happy around me and think im funny and make me feel good and loved and better than i am and be someone i love being aorund constantly and wont have to feel self concious with or like i need to be putting on the front that is not gross and is a lovely sociable person. like i doubt they even exist. the kind im specifically thinking off thatll make life a sunset gold and unbelievably happy and good. ill save that sunset gold feeling to my dream future, one in which im happy with my body and personality and have that shadowy figure that makes me all whole and better than im alone and all these pets and animals that i love and love me and plants and color and art and whimsical decorations and yknow. i see it in my head. it feels real good. i kinda wanna see if itll actually happen. it just. it feels so fuzzy and warm and i would love for that actually be real and look back on this and be like. i have it. everythings complete. we can dream. i might get it when im grey and old and all alone but found smth that makes it that good. anyway im not discounting that there might be ‘the one’ in that future, the perfect one. but. i still doubt in the present when or if ill ever meet them let alone if i do htat anything would happen. ive never ever dated anyone or even come close to it. i dont understand how people just, end up in relationships or almost always have one, and i guess im not trying to bc idk if i want it-  idk if im ready for it, but its a weird one ill tell u. i feel with this perfect imaginary figures all these bad feelings would go away and i could talk about them and someone help me fix them and become more and better than my thoughts. but i dont wanna look for one. i dont wanna experiment in relationships so that im ready and wont fuck it up when the one comes bc, its horrendous and stressful and im gross! im not dating material. nah. and obviously nobodys tried to date me so were all on the same page. honestly once i sort out the other things wrong w me, i might just get to therapy for this shit. like. why are relationships such a shit concept to me and like why and how do i deal with it without just saying fuck it relationshipss are not for me. i have no doubt ill keep making connections and friends throughout my life in all different random places, but im actually... kinda afraid none will stick around. if i cant form consistent strong friendships theyre al gonna fade away and ill have nobody when i need someone. having that one solid person would really help bc theyre there thick and thin i guess aparently. i have myself, but considering what a mess i am idk if thats enough at all. i think i should change myself an awful lot though before a relationship could happen. like. nobody wants a barely showering fat chubby in an awkwardway terrible skinned messy sad blabbery person. like. just a gross one. i gotta become so much better before i can even consider letting someone past to get this close i guess. i guess. these feelings are really not settling here and i feel off the rocker. like unsettled and uneasy. also i need to pee which is rly not helping feel less gross. that and my hair is nasty greasy bc rather than take a shower at a reasonable time i did.... nothing. and then i started writing this an hour, two hours ago? more? idk. 

kay then, we have reflected briefly while i was away on how fat and ugly i am and how hopeless considering ive been trying to finish a knitting project for my baby cousin and start drawing again or even just playing my old pokemon game (yknow summer vacay) things in the past few days. nawh. havent. even more productively i should have done actual exercise to build my stamina and make faster improvements in ballet and actually try and tackle the fat and ugly feeling in 8 weeks (but that like... requires diet control... which is hard?) and like o u know. finishing my fucking university course ive lied to everyone abt? ok lets be real i have passed the year and can move into the next w the credits i have and passed all the mandatory classes. but. i want/ need to pass this class. and i already forked out 30 pounds hopefully correctly to apply for a resubmission (more like first submission) of all these projects and its hard. considering in my hirearchy of shit that needs to be done (easiest most necessary first)  i havent even reached the first ladder of like washing my nasty hair. the ladder includes all the above projects and at the end of it is like completing that course (needs to be done by the end of the month u kno bitchh. u dont know how long its gonna take you cannot leave it to the last few days. and this other bulshit course idk if ill even get credit for completing late and dont know if i care but i guess i gotta do it anyway 

basically i just wanna d ie. thatd be nice. id not have to feel fat and stupid and worthless and discomfrot in my own skin and just. nasty and numb but bad all over. okay im really not feeling great bout now. but thanks to all the above weve realised i have nobody to talk to whod talk me out of these feelings and comfort me (let alone if im capable as a person to accept that considering theyd have to be very convicing to get past me going “mhmmm but youre wrong” ) 

anyway this has been terribland i havent achieved anything but feelin kinda bad. we have covered that ive never had proper friendships and that might be detrimental to me ever forming the kind of close companionship i seem to be missing, however at least i can make easy friends briefly and as such know im not a terrible person thru and thru that people hate. i just dont know how to cross that nd not be horribly annoying or how to find those kind of people bc shit and bullshit. do i need it? no i guess ill be fine. would it make my life better and more worth it? probably. id hope so. i mean it seems pretty important in human existence for there to be so damn many songs and movies and aboslutely everything focused around it. 

anyway. i know nobodys gonna finish reading this and i kinda hope i dont read back on this either. my cringey diary moments hidden under a readmore on tumblr. whats sadder.... tsk who wants to figure out how many words this all is? 

mhmmmm mmm 7 pages on word and 6059 words. damn gurl. no FUCKIN WONDer nobody wants to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings when they just erupt. bc even by erupt i mean a mild discomfort that im trying to pin down to a cause and an actual feeling so and so unsuccessfully. 

[survivorjordanpines]

Episode 1 Pt 1: I’m Gonna Snatch her Weave so Hard she’ll be Seeing Stars. - Charlotte

I'M ON THE PENIS TRIBE WHAT THE FUCK

LMFAOOOOO THE FACT THAT REGAN WAS WILLING TO RETURN TO A SEASON HOSTED BY J O R D A N P I N E S IS HILARIOUS I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY All jokes aside, it's great to be back! So far I have met Lily and Amanda, who are new to me, and then there's Chrissa....yikes. I voted her out of Wikia Main ORG, but I think we've patched up things. I get Jack back, yes! More to come soon!

MISS KEISHA....MISS KEISHA!!!! Oh my fuckin god shes fuckin dead

That Adam on the other tribe sucks. I don’t like anything about him but especially not his hair. He seems like someone who gets really upset about ice cream sundaes 

I'm shook Jordan casted Regan

I AM SO OVERWHELMED MY TRIBE IS SO ICONIC WHAT

First confessional of the season here we go. First impressions of my tribe...... Charlotte: Who? Ive heard she’s an icon but she also hosts the same game as L.A. Karen: icon that I think likes me, Alliance Member, probably gonna be my #1 Jaiden: crazy lunatic flop who will hopefully overcast myself being a crazy lunatic flop Regan: female jaiden David: pretty sure he has a beef with me rip L.A.: hosts a game with Charlotte, I’ll probably target them Adam: heard he’s an icon, don’t know why but that makes me scared I can’t remember who the other 2 are so they’re probably irrelevant 

I’m here and I’m ready to party! I’m sad Sambrina isn’t on my tribe she seems pretty cool. That Ryan guy can suck an egg 

Literally why did I do this. Jordan Pines better love me forever. #regrets

So like we got some pretty iconic people on this season like Chrissa. I love that girl. Anyways, my tribe seems like a good bunch of people and I am already predicting Charlotte doing well. I need to work with her so that I can get far as well then cut her off cause from what I know that girl is good at this game. These people seem like a good group because I am already getting messages from them and not to them. So I think it will be really good to be here. Having two tribe go to tribal is ugly because now he HAVE to win. I wish Adam the best of luck and will not blame him if we fail. Good luck to myself!

I hate writing confessionals so TBH I probably won't do very many. In the past I've always played as a very loyal player and I think that's what people will expect from me in this game. Ha, jokes on them, I'm here for blood and I can't wait to bathe in it. Playing loyal got me eighth place the last time I played TS and I don't plan on flopping again - actually, that's probably not true, but let's pretend I actually stand a chance. I think my tribe is alright but we're going to have some stiff competition. A lot of the "threats" from past games are on the nahte and nadroj tribe so the fact that only one tribe can win immunity is a little inconvenient. I'm also sad that RTP isn't on my tribe. His intro video was just fun. I need to make it to the first tribe swap or the merge so I can play with Ryan! But anyways, let's do first impressions because people - for some reason - care about those. Adam: I don't know him and I haven't heard of him either. I liked his intro though so he seems like he could be someone fun to play with in this game. I guess we'll find out more but he had some good ideas for the flag so - phew, I think he'll be a good addition to the tribe. David: Oh look, another person I haven't heard of or know. I have a feeling this is going to be a trend. He seems nice enough? It's been a day, Joyce, I don't know these kids yet. Kage: Alright so Kage and I were the first people in the group, so we had a chance to talk a wee bit before we got the rest of our tribe. I like him TBH. We never got a chance to play together in any previous games so I think this could be interesting. Karen: I HAVE ONLY HEARD NICE THINGS ABOUT KAREN. I'm excited to see if we can work together in this game but I am a little worried because I think she'd be more likely to work with LA than me in this game. What's that? I'm worried someone wants to work with LA? lol. Cage: We haven't had a chance to talk much but I think he might be GMT so maybe that'll happen this morning?? IDK the wiki says he's in the US so maybe I'm wrong. Regan: Of fucking course Regan is on my tribe. I love Regan, don't get me wrong, but "Fought" in the VL and she rage quit before the cast reveal. LMAO oops. Here's hoping she doesn't vote me out for pointing out that she was wrong about Taylor Swift's live performance dates. I hate that I even knew enough to contradict her wrong statements. Ugh. I hate me. Jaiden: I am actually so excited to have Jaiden on my tribe. I just hosted him on Themyscira so I kinda think I know how his brain works?? He likes to be chaotic and make big moods and you can never trust him as far as you can throw him. I like to think that he might work with me, just because we do get along, but you never know. Jaiden is a wild card. If I decide I want to play messy, he's a great guy to do it with. LA: Bitch needs to go. Seriously. There's absolutely no way the two of us can work together in this game because it puts a huge target on our backs. If we lose, I lowkey want to campaign to send her ass home. It'll only help my game. Rafael: I was so hyped to see Rafael on my tribe. I just watched him play in IOS and was annoyed I didn't draft him because his VL confessionals are hilarious. I really hope we are able to work together in this game. That's my goal. Also can you believe Jordan threw all of the Geminis on one tribe? Fuck, we're going to murder each other. I love it. 

Hilo! Im back for another season..aka my 6th time. I swear I dont love myself but im only here to have fun so whatever. 30 PPL? and im not?!? on the icons tribe!??! okie whatever idk any of those irrelevant ppl anyways..like who the fuck are these ppl? (king andreas ur not included) anyways evaluation time because i love reading what ppl say about me so im sure ppl feel the same way MY TRIBE: Allison-we did a tribe call last night and she literally rubbed me the wrong way. How can you be that annoying? I seriously dont know. And it was just her and alex and jordan and i on the call at one point and she said something rude just as i was telling them bye for the night. Like literally leave? Amanda-We played in Maldives but i dont really count that because we were on the opposite tribe and i was second boot. I mean Im trying to connect with her ...but nothing bad to say about her. But also nothing good? ya feel me? Chrissa- Idk what to say about her :c sorry girl Drew- oh drew, we have such a weird relationship. Weve played in sides and mains together and for the first 3 times ive snatched him and now hes returning the favor. If I remember correctly were actually even now. BUT IM DYING TO PLAY WITH HIM AND HAVE HIM BE LOYAL. Lets be real I cant send him home as long as there is a redemption island fkjsdhfkdshf Jack- Andreas was his mentor in whatever shitty game steffen hosted? so idk if i can use that to my advantage or not. Liam- mY LITERAL SON! I LOVE HIM. After i forced rocks in india and he left i felt so bad so i will literally try to save him as much as possible and ill be super loyal to him. my love LIAM I LOVE U Lily-LOL regan hates her so if u think im not going to use this to my advantage ur so wrong. I love her she is so adorably cute. I want to keep her as a pet. And it makes me happy regan hates her ahahhahahahah. Madison- again..sorry idk her? Nick- WHO? The I hate jp tribe (also can we talk about who is on this tribe...jordan what...are u trying to do ...all these players are messy?) anyways Adam- irrelevant Charlotte-literal queen/ i hosted her before and i adore her so much David- DAVID ROBB I LOVE U Gage- ok but what kinda...name? Jaiden- JORDAN PINES WHY WOUIKLD U DPO THIS TO ME? WHY WOULD U DO THIS TO ANYONE? LET ME LIVE! hes crazy . pls let him live a short life Kage- hes so funny, and hes also messy so like....omg? but i deadass have him under control so i love that bitch Karen- can i just say shes so  cute and we met in person and shes cuter in person. Fucking 10/10 would bang. I love her so much. But she never makes it to swap so L.A- literally love. I hosted them as well Raffy- who are u? Regan-ok but like shes obsessed with me and i think in like...a friend way idk hopefully in a friendway lool i think im the only one who can control her so this is going to be fun if she lasts and i get to play w her Icons tribe Andreas-LITERALLY MY BESTFRIEND EVER LITERALLY I LOVE HIM ANDREAS WE ARE CO WINNING I LOVE U SO MUCH!! the rest of the icon tribe can suck it because literally yall are all ugly and just really fucking irrelevant to me? like why are u icons? idk you????????? uhuh

I love this cast, holy shit. Being on the same tribe with Char is gonna be hard, people know we are friends and we have some of our Themyscira kids in here so this will be interesting. We already know we're gonna be gunning for each other at some point. KAREN (heart eyes) I also REALLY wanna work with Jaiden tbh

I love frogs and I currently am aligned with my whole tribe except for two people. 

6th time.... Holy Kawolski. This time around I'm just going to try to make it as far as I can. I'm taking it one day at a time and not focusing too long term. So im on the Legends/Icons tribe and I feel out of place. 7 of these people played TS before me, and I still feel like the new kid on the block.... isn't that crazy? I also see a lot of familiar faces in this cast so I'll have to deal with that eventually. Right now I think my struggle is theirs so many old school people that all know each other. Who thought it was a good idea putting Ari, RTP, Jessica, and Casey on the same tribe ??? I think I wanna try to form some sort of alliance with them though. If all of us who played a bunch of times can band together then I think it may be better for all of us. We shall be targeted eventually, we shouldn't go after each other on top of that. I think the only person who might have an issue with me is RTP. I got him out in Easter, but this time around I understand how he likes to play so I need to cater around that. No personal talk - just game. Let's rocket.

The tribe seems to be very connected through the first challenge. I've been talking a lot with Kage and he seems like a potential ally for me. Throughout the day, the tribe has spoken with each other in the tribe chat and sadly I was not able to participate a lot because of school. The people most in it were Karen, Regan, and Adam. I sense that they could be working together down the line if this behavior keeps up. I want to try and continue communications with Kage as well as trying to get on Charlotte's good side. 

Kage wants to work with Charlotte, LA, and I in an alliance. I think this will work well for us in the long run. He also wants to have one other person in this alliance they the two of us control so that if it were to come down to it, it would be 3 vs. 2 with us having the majority. I feel that this is a good plan, but we lack the fifth person. I hope I can try and find someone or Kage does. Pray and hope! I am talking with LA more though so I hope this establishes the groundwork for us to be allies.

Oh man, oh man, oh man. Looks like I'm putting my faith in Sarah to be a power duo. I love her to death, I really do, but I really do hope she means what she says and doesn't try to cut me loose early. 

I cant believe I might have to align with R*gan but thats what it looks like its coming down to. Karen is my favorite minion. I love Gage, Everyone else idk ha

ok so my tribe......... has the WORST ideas for this flag and like adam was gonna do it????/on??/paint????/ this tribe is already selfdestructing anyway as much as I hate jp like I don't want a flag with us murdering him??? ugh anyway I think I have an ides but itll be blandish

@the flag making challenge and our flag specifically The supportive tribemate in me: https://media.giphy.com/media/l3JDFJncJHteKIYzm/giphy.gif The pessimist in me: https://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2015/11/skirt-vintage-mean-girls.gif?w=650 The try-hard comp queen in me: https://media.giphy.com/media/115nGRivk9zjkA/giphy.gif The realist in me, seeing RTP on the icons tribe and knowing I'll never make something better anyway: https://media.giphy.com/media/Hb0mP3CTazPmU/giphy.gif Me today: https://media.thedailytouch.com/2014/11/shaun-dead-gif-pub.gif

So, I like my tribe, they're all very nice people. BUT! They are very weak willed. Like I feel like I've got to kindergarten teacher them into getting work done. Lots of exclamation points and happy encouragement. It's only because you've got us doing this stupid arts and crafts challenge. Mr. "Too Lazy to Make the Flags Himself". I like Charlotte the best, she's being very helpful. Karen annoys me kind of but she's the one with photoshop so I need her. Kage is cool but he doesn't seem to have anything to offer to the challenge. Same with a bunch of them really. Like everyone is very friendly and excited but no one really offers up any ideas or help. LA gave us the good idea about word art but didn't really back it up with anything so me and Charlotte figured it out on our own. Like I don't really want to be the leader but everyone is such a follower. Like I wanted to gather minions but damn I don't need this many. Someones gotta be voted out at some point. Whatever, I'm just tryna get everyone to like me, because people really only align with the people they like. Idk, this game is stupid and I don't have time for it but I'm already in it so I'll at least try. "Tumblr Survivor Jordan Pines" What kind of idiot let this happen

Adam is really doing that with this challenge. There is no way that he would be able to be voted out after this level of participation. 

so I love the flag idk if it will win but i love it, I am in a perpetual panic attack right now generally for today in general and shit that happrened yesterday. But I hope we win I need something good. 

Well, I thought I'd finally break down how things are going. Looking at this cast I see a lot of familiar faces. Like, A LOT! We have: Jack, my student from Kvaloya. We were paired together however we never had the chance to play together. In this game we have no reason to play together and I think he would trust me easily because of our past. I'm not really loyal to him and I don't feel a need to work with him if we do end up on the same tribe. Gage, we were on a tribe together very briefly in Kvaloya. We went to a tribal but I always felt he was up to no good. I still feel that way lmao. Liam, we were also on a tribe in Kvaloya. However, we did work together - more trust on his side then mine BUT he's a solid guy none the less. Kage, O M G. HA. I literally orchestrated everything about his elimination in Great Lakes from Day 1. I lied to people about him and started rumors and ultimately got him to sent to Redemption Island where I single handily sent him home. He has reason to want me out but we have a good relationship outside of games so we shall see. Drew, I'm happy to see him here! We worked together in Bangladesh but we never completely trusted each other. However, we were grouped together and I think we could work well together. Hopefully he feels the same way. SARAH LYNN, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. Actually one of my best friends in the whole world. I went to visit her once. She's my final 2, I don't care what people think or say. We have each others back 100% and I can't wait until we can play together on the same tribe. Karen, HA. Another person who I contributed greatly to their elimination. But I think she's someone I want to work with so I think we can put Easter Island behind us. Ryan, I sent him in Easter and I can't read him for shit so is he still mad at me ? We shall never know. Emma, MOM!!!! I love Emma and honestly I'm so happy we're on the same tribe ! Someone I know I can trust. Regan and Casey have also hosted me so I have good working relationships with them. So on our tribe we have a lot of people who were old school TS. I'm trying to like remind people we all need to have each others backs, as if we don't then these new people will target us. Hopefully their listening to me. I'm very aware of the friendships these people and I'm trying to get in with Ari/Jess/Ryan as I think they would be able to take me the furthest. Cole and I also talked and we mentioned how we wanna go far together so thank GOD i got him! I like him, hes real and I respect that. I think I also plan on playing a very social game. I want people to want to tell me their secrets and such. So for the challenge it's flag making and I decided to make the flag because I knew I could do an A++ flag, so I hope we win with it! ALSO so i found on the rule page a puzzle to a secret advantage and i did it and I was too late :( Someone has one and i'm not happy !!!!!!!!! I think it might be Drew, hes smart like that.

[whitbee21]

ha!!

amwriting once again

this time its not about vell although I need to go back and vent about him as well.

I'm gonna attempt to write out my feelings to Johnathan Bagot as they say this type of shit helps and works

soooooo...JB Johnatha, Nathaniel,, BAgot!! wassup home skillet ohhh theres so much I hav e to say.. ive sent u these type of messages many times before but this one is gonna be a little different I guess..it wont be jus about u and all the good things u make me feel. no... this will actually include all the fuck shit u do which whether u believe it or not is a lot... theres a reason I call u a fuck nigga when describing u sometimes because in all honesty that's what u are and you said that u know that.. so I dnt get why u get mad sometimes when I say that... anyways.. umm idk,. I wonder when we reached the first point of me needing to cut u off.. I know recently the shit has been more magnified and its to the point where its like mk whit why tf is u still fuckin with this nigga.. what really pisses me off is that when I confront u on yo bullshit u dnt really care.. u say shit like ok or u knew that about me already..most fucked up shit u do I don't even acknowledge it cuz I know u dnt care to stop or change the way your actions affect other people. I been told u this but its funny and selfish of u to want somebody who accept u for who u are when 1.  u treat people like shit and most of the times u try to take  advantage of shit.. and don't say u dnt cuz u fuckin  do.. if u want one burrito and u see I would buy it for u you then ask for 2. You the one tht let me know I'm too passive and people take advantage of me cuz I'm too nice... so why would u make me feel the same way?

ohhhhhhhhhhhh Johnathan ive spent wayyyy too much money on yu and have done shit for u I know never crossed ya mind about doin for me. Which is cool. 75% of the time u don’t ask.. its usually just me being stupidly nice because and like and care for u.

Johnathan. You always joke about u findin ya girl and how im not for u cuz im for other niggas.. but nigga if that was true would I still be fwu .. nigga you the longest person I fw since I left the father of my child.. like I fwu… more than anything on a friend level.. like honestly Johnathan if it was strictly bout sex I would’ve cut u off at the beginning of the year…. Ive asked u since day 1 if I didn’t fuck u could we be friends and u said yea u were like im not here for that blah blah I can control myself ive had pussy before bullshit. Now that you’ve had it more than enough times and im tired of this fuckin situation we in and im wanting to be strictly friends now u dnt know if u would still wanna be my friend. Nigga what does pussy have to do with me and my friendship it pisses me off u act like u care when u want to when we all know that u really dnt. Like how u always wanna make slick comments about me bein with the next nigga but nigga u with the next bitch and u dnt see me bringin it up

Whats the point?? We both know/knew wassup why dry bring up shit and act like it’s a problem when  nigga u got the same thing goin likeeeeeeeeee how that work.. u sayin I dnt txt u cuz im with another nigga while im standing next to your dresser with eyelashes and hoop earrings lmfaooo like please stop

And honestly that’s what did it for me

The eyelashes lmaaaoo like nigga no hell no tffffff nooo!!!

Im over here really tryna keep u as a friend with my pussy when hell im sure yu getting it elsewhere ..im not trippin on that by all means get yours bt what pisses me off Is that u tellin me we cant be friends if ion wanna fuck like NIGGA IM NOT THE ONLY BITCH U FUCKIN GTFOH WITH THAT SHIT

Straight bullshit I swear

Do you think u deserve to go to the big sean concert

Like if I was you and you were me,,

If u were my friend and I told u the backstory of me and u

How u pick and choose when u wanna tlk to me

And how sometimes you’re mean to me for no fuckin reason

And how tbh u wouldn’t be fwm if I didn’t fwu (u say you’ve fucked w.me despite us not havin sex but nigga u still got head, I was comin over to smoke,drink,take u to movies.. u were just waiting til we fucked again)

Would u be like yea whit get him those tickets for his birthday even though on the day of he might not be appreciative of shit til he see the tickets.

 Like wtfffffffffffff I knew I would feel like a dummy if/when I bought the tickets buutttttt

Me fwu over rode those feelings

Im like fuck it im goin to the big sean concert with my nigga bagot we gone be lit

Ha!!!! We gone be lit alright..so lit tht I’ll mostly likely come to yo crib..fuck u and leave in the am

Unfortunately I think this is it

Even though I really dnt want it to be

Its bout the best thing I can do for myself u make me feel a way I shouldn’t about myself its mostly cuz of the way you’ve treated/ acted towards me

And for u if I cant give specific examples then I must be lyin and all I have to sat to tht is FUCK THAT

Fck that shit bro u can sit up here and like u the coolest most laid back person there is

But in all actuality you’re a selfish asshole

Who couldn’t even be true to a girl who didn’t want SHIT from u but to kick it

Nigga I was comfortably fine with not being ya girl … whatever

But for u to bullshit on a friendship that you don’t even put nothing into??

Yeeaaa naaa.. miss me with the shits once again I know u dnt care and u probably aint read the whole thing

I just wanted u to know I fwu and despite me not fwu no more u gone always be remembered as my nigga cuz we had some good times together…….. from me being able to call and talk on ft 90% of the time to me callin u cryin cuz im an emotional doofus lmaooo

But naa all In all Johnathan  I love you and Im glad we got to hang and enjoy eachothers company

Who knows maybe later in life you’ll stop being a douche and be a true friend but if not i wish u all the best in everything u do. I know u gonna get it done by any means necessary..

 Sincerely,

Queen head ass lmao

p.s. I know this is the most head ass thing I could do but hey its wht I do lol