#+ the adhd makes me talk a lot more than i should | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ms-demeanor · 7 months ago

Note

You posted about adhd and I was hoping to follow up to clarify something. I’ve explained to my partner a million times about how the borderline-hoarding mess of his space is very mentally draining to me, and he understands but we’ve both essentially accepted he won’t clean his mess because he can’t because of his adhd. You’re saying he’s actually being a shit head?

This isn't necessarily an issue of him being a shithead, but it also isn't a sustainable situation. It's not good for you and there's a level of clutter that's probably not good for him either.

Large bastard is a lot more clutter-y than I am. The solution we've come to is trying to keep our messes at least isolated from one another; he can have his messes and I can have mine, but he can have those messes in his spaces, not all over the place. Sometimes those messes migrate, and that's when it's important for him to make the effort to rein them in rather than trying and failing to make a daily effort to keep our entire shared space tidy.

I think when you say "we've both essentially accepted he won't clean his mess" what I'm hearing is resignation; you're not happy about this but you don't know what to do so you've thrown up your hands and he feels helpless and unsure of what to do to improve the situation. This is the kind of "it's fine" that isn't really fine.

I think it would be worthwhile for you to each separately think about the mess and talk about it together. Are there areas that YOU *need* to have not-messy? Both for utility and your mental health? Are there areas where you can tolerate more mess than otherwise? Are there areas that are going to be harder for him to keep the mess out of than others? Are there things he doesn't *know* about cleaning up the mess?

I'm obviously a big "communication communication communication" person so I'm going to recommend a lot of talking about stuff, which is probably going to mean a lot of thinking about and interrogating stuff. I'm going to say "talk to him about why the mess bothers you" which means you also have to really articulate to yourself why the mess bothers you (for instance I'm not actually *bothered* by a messy kitchen, but I know it's going to reflect badly on us - and me specifically b/c of presumed gender roles - if someone pops by and the kitchen is a disaster, AND a messy kitchen is going to be harder to use). Genuinely, sometimes knowing *why* something is a problem might make it easier for someone with ADHD to do something. And it's not that he doesn't care that it upsets you, it's just that "Oh if I don't wash my breakfast dishes Anon won't have clear counterspace to make lunch" might be stickier in his brain (and less hard to look at emotionally) than "this thing I forget to do upsets my partner so I should do it."

For the record, I think that people with ADHD should read up on Demand Avoidance and see if it might explain some of the issues that they have in their day-to-day life; I've seen some really unfortunate situations with friends where trying to do things that their partner needed became the subject of demand avoidance. *I* have experienced negative outcomes of demand avoidance. The solution to that, however, isn't to stop making attempts to do the thing OR to simply try harder to do as they're asked/told (which reinforces the demand), it's to work on setting up a situation where the partners' needs are not interpreted as a demand. This is fuck-off difficult and requires a lot of patience and care and many attempts to succeed and will be different for each person and relationship.

(Also for the record demand avoidance isn't *super* strongly linked to ADHD and it's not a definitive symptom; like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, it is something that occurs in some number of people with ADHD and can be a useful lens through which to examine various behaviors; you don't need to have DA or RSD to have ADHD, and having DA or RSD also doesn't invalidate your diagnosis; they're symptoms. For me, DA often feels like "if I don't look at it, it can't get me" - If I ignore all the messages I've got they aren't real and don't have real consequences so I'll just ignore my texts. If I don't look at the vendor email about the order, the problem with the order isn't real and it won't get added to my task list. If I don't look at the requests in my inbox I can't let people down when I don't do them. It's a self-protective coping mechanism but it's *maladaptive* and I can't just ignore the vendor email or all my texts. I need to work on a way of doing the stuff that I'm avoiding in a way that makes it less stressful and doesn't hurt the people relying on me. That takes a lot of effort, personal insight, trial and error, and )

But before I dive into specifics I want to be really really clear about one thing: sometimes people are simply incompatible. Sometimes one person has such a low tolerance for "mess" and the other person has such a high threshold for "mess" that it can't be reconciled. It sucks that this can end up being a thing that people break up over, but it is MUCH better to acknowledge incompatibility as early as possible instead of spending years and years building resentment.

There used to be a great forum called MiL's Anonymous that I spent a lot of time on. It had a lot of people in a lot of difficult situations struggling to get by and hold their relationships together. The question that was used as a litmus test to approach each situation was simple: If you knew today that everything about living with this person would be the same in five years, would you stay?

Because you can't control your partner. You can't control the future. You can only control yourself and your proximity to situations that are harmful to you. If you knew, 100%, that things wouldn't get better in five years, would you be okay with staying in this relationship? If the answer is "no," then that's that. Don't worry about questions of whether or not your boyfriend is a shithead, start the process of ending the relationship because there's a good chance the situation is going to be exactly the same in five years.

If the answer is "yes," and you'd stay in the relationship regardless of whether or not things changed, then it's time to take actions to improve your life within the context of the relationship.

(No judgement on that yes or no, btw. If you would hate living like this for another five years, and you would feel like you'd wasted your time and hadn't done the things you wanted to with your life, get out. Bail. Go. It will be better for you and better for your partner if you split instead of spending half a decade building resentments and and problems that you'll have to spend another half a decade healing from.)

Also, a note: you describe your boyfriend's mess as borderline hoarding - is the issue *mess* or is the issue *clutter*? I have friends who are very tidy, but whose homes are very cluttered. They like things, they have many things, they keep many things around, but their houses are always clean and well-dusted and orderly, just with a tremendous amount of *stuff.* I am addressing all of this as though the issue is mess, not clutter. If your boyfriend's situation is clutter (the space is busy and packed with things but it is functional and clean) and your issue isn't with *mess* (things out of place, things not having a place, things that need to be cleaned up gathering in stacks, falling behind on regular chores like laundry and dishes and taking out the trash) then you definitely need to assess whether or not you are compatible.

For instance here's a room that is messy but not cluttered compared to a room that is cluttered but not messy:

That first room is a *mess* but it would be very easy to clean up in under an hour. The second room is fairly tidy, but would take significant effort to pare down and declutter. BOTH of these can be difficult to live with but the second one is not dangerous or threatening to anyone's health. (The second one is QUITE cluttered and if every room in a house looks like this it can be overwhelming to live with; this is actually harder to deal with in a relationship than the first one in a lot of ways. I don't have a lot of advice for what to do if your partner is a high degree of tidy-but-cluttered because I don't actually think it's a problem or wrong to have thousands of books or bins full of lego or a million kitchen appliances as long as you have the space and can keep it safe and well-maintained; this is a really significant compatibility issue)

Okay, all that out of the way, here's the hard work.

Talk about this shit

Talk to your partner and define "mess." Make sure you are on the same page about what you mean when you're talking about what a messy room looks like versus what a tidy room looks like. Gather reference pictures. DRAW reference pictures.

Explain not just that the mess upsets you, but *why* and *how* it upsets you. In this context don't think of it as your boyfriend's mess, think of it as an unpleasant roommate. Discuss this using "I-statements". "When I have to pick up laundry all over the apartment, I feel like a parent more than a partner." "When there are piles of miniatures all over the table, I feel like I don't have anywhere to do things I'm interested in." "When there are dishes in the sink, I feel frustrated because I have to clean before I can feed myself."

Discuss, frankly and openly, whether he knows how to clean. I'm not trying to make excuses for him here but a lot of people with ADHD have a lot of stress and avoidance around cleaning because they spent a lot of time getting yelled at for not knowing how to clean properly.

Discuss your needs, be firm about what you require but willing to compromise. You *need* some spaces to be clean, and some spaces may be harder for him to keep clean than others. It may be MUCH harder for him to keep a bedroom tidy than it is to keep a kitchen tidy; if you need a clean and empty bedroom with everything put away and he simply cannot do that, that is a compatibility issue. But perhaps you need *your* side of the bedroom to be very orderly and can tolerate a moderate level of mess and clutter on his side. Maybe you're really really bothered by a messy kitchen, but it doesn't bug you if the dining table is covered with projects and papers. Figure out something more workable than "his mess goes everywhere and i live with it because he's incapable of cleaning" because he probably is not incapable of cleaning and you deserve to have places in your home that are comfortable for you.

Reduce friction for cleaning

Sometimes the problem isn't cleaning, the problem is the many many steps before cleaning, or not knowing where something should go when you are done cleaning. One of the absolute best things I've done for myself for cleaning my space is getting a broom holder and mounting the broom to the wall. Sweeping is now essentially thoughtless. I don't have to find the broom or pull it out from a pile of fans or go scrounging around for a dustpan it's right there on the wall, frictionless. So here are some ways to reduce the barriers to cleaning:

Make sure you and your partner both know how to use your cleaning supplies and know where those supplies are. When I switched dishwasher soap I had to re-show Large Bastard where I was storing it and how it was used, because to him what happened was the dishwasher tabs just vanished one day and he didn't know what I was putting in the machine or the process I used. He sometimes puts tools away in places that I can't see (he's more than a foot taller than me) so sometimes I can't get started on a maintenance project until he shows me where he put the battery pack for the drill.

Consider making a how-to chart to or having him make a how-to chart to keep someplace accessible so he can reference it while cleaning. Goblin.Tools Magic ToDo is great for this. Basically a lot of the time people with ADHD have trouble knowing what to do from step to step even if they've done something before, so having a step by step guide can make it easier (I have notebooks full of step-by-step guides for everything from paying for my tuition to removing licenses for my customers to weeding my yard)

Remove obstacles; don't keep cleaning chemicals in the garage in a box that's behind a stack of parts, keep them in the room you'll be cleaning. Don't keep the cleaning supplies that you use to clean the bathroom in the kitchen. Sometimes this means buying two bottles of bleach solution and two scrubbers and two sets of cleaning gloves but having fewer steps (fetch the windex, fetch the paper towels, fetch the gloves) is often the key to getting things done (open under-sink cabinet and grab windex, gloves, and paper towels that are there instead of in the kitchen).

This sort of overlaps with the next category, which is:

Create Dump Zones

One thing that I've found that seems very different between people with ADHD cleaning and neurotypical people cleaning is that neurotypical people are good at getting to a point where the cleaning is "done." They have checked off their tasks and they have finished and it is over. There are *SOME* chores that are like this (taking out the trash is a binary state, the trash has been taken out or it has not) and some chores are perpetual (horrid cursed dishes) but I think with people with ADHD, some chores that are binary for neurotypicals are actually perpetual chores. For instance "clean off the counter" is not a one and done for me. "Clean off the counter" may involve a three day reorganization project. "Clean off the counter" does not mean "wipe down the tile and put dishes away" it means assessing whether or not I need to make vegetable stock and bleaching three tea containers and reconsidering whether or not the sharps container should live somewhere else and going through the mail and figuring out what needs to be responded to and taking out the recycling and on and on and on.

We have had company at the house for the last two weeks, so I asked large bastard to clean off the dining room table, which is largely a project zone for him. Cleaning off the dining room table meant putting away his meds (and since he's a transplant patient that involves a 30 gallon rubbermade tote), throwing away some trash, and totally reorganizing his workshop. It also incidentally involved picking up a table from facebook marketplace and moving my plants, which has now involved moving my former plant rack outside (moving buckets, finding and organizing planters and gardening tools) and taking the former table to the thrift store (not done yet) and cleaning the rug that was under the former table. So "either the table is clean, or it isn't" isn't really true for us.

HOWEVER "hang on we can't eat until the table is clear so let's drive to Pico Rivera to get that console table right now" isn't a workable plan, so you create dumpzones as areas of holding between the start and the finish of the chore.

A dump zone can be a laundry basket. It can be a craft bin. It can be a back room or under your bed. It is a place to put things that you are going to deal with later because if you deal with them now it is going to derail the thing you are actually trying to do, which is set the table for dinner.

Dump zones are vital to cleaning with ADHD and I recommend them for day-to-day cleaning as well. The day-to-day dump zones might be more for you than for your boyfriend. For instance, Large Bastard works with bullets and he sheds bullets all over the house. I used to get stressed when I found bullets when I was cleaning because are these work bullets? Are these recreational bullets? Are they in testing? Do they need to be pulled? Do they go in the workshop or the office or the garage or does he need these today so they have to stay on the counter? And the answer now is "that's not my problem naughty bullets go in the jar." Which is perfectly sensible because he gets to say "mystery yarn goes in the bin" and "art supplies go in the bucket."

I feel helpless when cleaning a lot of the time. I'm frustrated and lost and I don't know where stuff goes and everything I pick up spins off into three projects in my head and every step feels like a wall to scale. Dump zones help me with that when there's pressure or a reason for cleaning beyond day to day home maintenance. People are coming over? The bedroom is a dump zone, I'll deal with that later. I'm just cleaning up because I need to? Okay I can find a permanent home for this new dish soap.

AS A VERY IMPORTANT COROLLARY TO THIS:

Active projects do not go in dump zones while you or your partner are cleaning. This may mean designating a project sanctuary area like a corner of the table or one particular chair in your main room where a project can be placed so as not to be disturbed. (if my current crochet project ends up in the yarn bin, that may mean that I don't pick the project up for another three months, it lives on the windowsill behind the couch because that's where it'll get worked on)

Do not put things away for your partner, put them in the dump zone for your partner. Your partner has to be the one to put their own stuff away in a way that works for them. I tend to find that this naturally puts a limit on the time stuff sits in the dump zone, because eventually you'll go "hey where's my thing?" and will put stuff away. If that doesn't happen, it's still generally better to have stuff in a dump zone than all over the home.

Do not decide you know what things go together from your partner's stuff and try to "put like things together." The neurotypical urge to put like things together is the mindkiller(j/k). You do not know which things are "similar" in your partner's organization schema and attempting to organize things on your own is going to end up with all of the things "organized" being functionally lost forever from your partner's perspective. Large Bastard's mom would do this and it was infuriating, she'd say "oh I put all the electronics stuff in one box" and she would mean soldering irons, transistors, ham radios, HDMI cables, and cellphone chargers. We are *still* going through boxes of stuff that she "tidied up" when he was hospitalized in 2020 and 2021.

To prevent the need for quite so many dump zones over time, you can work on setting up landing zones and "homes" for projects and tools.

Landing Zones

Landing zones are places where things go when you come inside from doing various things. Sometimes your landing zone only needs to be a tray for your wallet and keys, sometimes your landing zone needs to be a place to take off muddy boots and put a trowel and gloves down before you shower.

To make an effective landing zone, consider what behaviors you're trying to minimize and whether the people using it are ACTUALLY going to use it. For instance I was tired of the corner of my hearth getting cluttered with random junk so I hung up some hooks and put a shelf and a basket there and it became a really effective landing zone for my bag and keys and the mail, but it was VERY ineffective for Large Bastard because it's by a door that isn't the primary door he uses to enter the house. As a result I always know where my keys and bag are but he has trouble finding his keys and wallet. He tends to enter the house through our bedroom and has an overloaded valet next to the door and that's usually where his wallet ends up. Mounting a shelf to the wall above the valet and putting a basket and a hook on it will be a better place for his stuff to land. It's not that he's not using the first zone because he doesn't know that it's there, or because he doesn't care about lost time when I'm searching for my car keys after he borrows them, he's not using it because it's not by the door he uses. That's all.

I have a landing space for when I come in for gardening that's different than the one when I come in from grocery shopping. I have a landing space for when I walk into the dining room instead of the kitchen when I get home.

Landing spaces prevent stuff from piling up all over the place because they are a limited functional space that should be used frequently. Mail ONLY goes in the landing zone. If you have mystery mail or if you're not sure it's safe to toss, you put it in the landing zone. You can't let the mail get piled up too high or you won't have a space for your keys. You can't let the change in your wallet tray get too deep or your wallet is going to slide off, etc., but you also don't just put change on the coffee table or your nightstand because the landing zone is right there.

Homes for items are just what they sound like. They're the place the item goes. It lives there. My meds live on my nightstand. You would not believe how poorly I did with taking my meds on my vacation because they weren't on my nightstand. A while back large bastard lost one of his sets of sorted meds and we tore the house up looking for them because he couldn't find them in his nightstand, which is where they live. *I* found them in his nightstand because I emptied out the entire top drawer (he had only looked on the top layer) and found them underneath a radio and a hammock. Even though they were *hidden* they were in their home, so they were findable. I recently needed ink for an art class. Art supplies live in a dresser by my desk. Ink lives in the art bin or the top left drawer. The ink was not in either of these places (it was on a cabinet in the dining room behind a teacup) so it took me weeks to find it.

Sometimes the reason that ADHD spaces are so messy is because objects have been assigned homes in places that are visible and if they get moved they get lost. This is a genuinely difficult problem that requires a lot of effort to solve and can involve a lot of trial and error for creating a tidy living space. For some people, open shelving and visible storage might be a good solution. For some people, assigning a VERY clear home and inculcating that location by habit is the only way to clean up a space. For some people one very cluttered corner to at least isolate the chaos does the trick (for me and large bastard open shelving doesn't work because anything in one place for too long becomes invisible; that means that I rely on assigning things homes and large bastard relies on having contained chaos and a general idea of where to search but what that DOES NOT mean is that he is clean or tidy. His spaces look like an explosion. But he can mostly find his stuff and do what he needs to do and as long as that's limited to specific places in shared spaces I can live with it; the dining room table can be a disaster, the kitchen cannot).

People organize things differently. It often takes a while for neurotypical adults to settle into an organizational style that works for them and ADHD adults may need to settle into a new system every few months for it to continue working. The cleanup and declutter is most likely going to be a permanent project that is always going to demand some level of attention from everyone in a shared space, but "my ADHD means I can't do it" is not really going to fly. Maybe his ADHD means that he can't keep his space tidy, but it doesn't mean you can't move stuff from shared spaces into dump zones or that he can't do stuff around the house.

If he's insisting that his ADHD means that he can't clean it is possible that he's not being a shithead, he just feels helpless and doesn't know where to start and has adopted the belief that he's a useless piece of shit who can't even keep a tidy space like a grownup because he's internalized a lot of shitty attitudes (hello, my internal monologue about keeping a clean house). But it's also possible that he's just being a shithead.

It's something that's worthwhile to investigate with him. If he's unwilling to make an attempt, then he's being a shithead.

It is also not your responsibility to rehabilitate another person. If he wants to clean and it's something he feels bad about and needs some help and support with the way that someone might need help or support for learning to use a mobility aid, that is fine but you don't have to be the one who gives him that support if it's detrimental to your health, and you don't have to be the one to teach him that stuff if it's not something you're capable of. And if he is NOT interested in working on making your shared living space more accessible for you, that is not your suitcase to unpack and you just have to ask yourself the question from the start: would I stay with this person if I knew the situation was never going to change?

IDK, I'm sure a lot of this reads like "anon you must take on the emotional labor of training your partner to be an adult" but it's really meant to be more of a way of assessing yourself and your relationship. If you created landing zones do you think he'd use them? Would he get angry if you assigned a laundry basket as a dump zone for his stuff while you tidy the living room? Is living with him long-term going to be comfortable for you if nothing changes? Do you have enough of a shared definition of "mess" that you're at least in the ballpark for what counts as a clean house?

anyway good luck, and a reminder to folks that I'm compiling a bunch of adhd resources and other information on my personal website, ms-demeanor.com. It's coming along slowly but it will eventually include stuff like ADHD cleaning tips and how to tackle a hoard, so maybe keep your eye on that space.

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nothorses · 1 year ago

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"the public education system is intently evil and all teachers are abusive because it was the worst experience ever for me personally"

guys, look, I'm legitimately sorry that happened to you. that's fucked up. it shouldn't have happened, and it shouldn't be allowed to happen again to you or anyone else. I'm sorry.

public school was hard for me too, at times, and I'm still suffering the consequences for the harsh grading, the arbitrary deadlines, the hours of completely useless-to-me homework. I could name a few teachers who have been pretty fucking terrible. the fact that nobody considered getting me evaluated for ADHD has had an impact on my self image and academic success that I can't erase.

and also.

I grew up in an area where education, in particular, is incredibly progressive-leaning. educators are working really hard to create and try out education philosophies and practices that prioritize kids and their learning, rather than teachers and what they think kids should learn.

My sex ed was comprehensive, and came entirely from school. My gay sixth grade teacher taught me about HIV/AIDs in a useful, accurate way. In high school, I learned about the way orgasms work & I was prepared not to feel shame for normal stuff.

I learned that Communism was not what the USSR actually practiced, and what it really means. I learned about atrocities and, specifically, the genocide of indigenous people committed in/by the US. I learned about the military industrial complex, the school-to-prison pipeline, and I learned about manifestations of racism specific to my local area. I learned about Stonewall, and the intersection of the civil rights movement with gay rights and disability justice.

My creative writing teacher taught us about LSD, and the real reasons we shouldn't do it, after a hilariously ineffective assembly run by some local cops. He spoke gently, carefully, and emphatically about his friends and his own experiences. Later in the semester, he read us a story he wrote about two gay men finding each other in a deeply homophobic environment.

My sci-fi teacher made me feel safe & seen as a kid with "weird" interests. My US History teacher helped me research and put together a 10-page paper on the modern relevance and mission of Feminism. My government teacher made me feel appreciated for the work I put into the class, and the thought I put into what I said in it, even though he disagreed with a lot of it. My sixth grade teacher bought me books to read with his personal money, whichever ones I asked for. My third grade teacher made me feel safe. My science teacher in middle school made me excited for and passionate about science, and saw and nurtured the effort I put into her class.

A lot of stuff sucks, absolutely. But I am seeing new teaching methods being tried out all the time, and I am watching teachers get really excited when I teach their students about the roots of modern graffiti in US black history & to question property laws, and just...

There's hope. there are so many people doing so much work to make things better. so many people agree with you on what education should be, and are trying so fucking hard to put that into action, and so many public schools- not just teachers, but whole schools and even districts- are really doing that work. so much is getting better.

I had more to say, about necessary childcare and trusted adults and outside contacts and time away from abusive family. But like. Please just sit down and listen to more people on this, and please talk to educators and education professionals about what's really going on in this big huge world of philosophy, science, and practice.

#education

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bumblequinn · 1 year ago

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hi @sourpatchsquids! thank you for your question.

as an artist with ADHD, i know this struggle very well. unfortunately offering advice on this kind of thing can be tricky, because what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa!). nonetheless, i can try; take whatever works for you, forget the rest, or reshape any part of it as you see fit. :)

but before i offer any actual tools, i have one caveat. i want you to take a moment to reflect and consider if you should be:

changing expectations

the timing of this question seems fated, because just the other day i had a therapy session wherein i expressed my grief and frustration over struggling to work lately due to my seasonal depression. it's not fair that i'm struggling just because it got a little darker outside! i just want the spark i had in the summer! i was so much more consistent!

my therapist's response: nothing about human beings is consistent. we get sick, we get tired, we get hungry and thirsty (and thirsty) and sad and lonely and restless and stressed and overwhelmed. this all gets amplified for folks who are atypical in some way or another.

when my therapist compared our seasonal cycles to those of plants and other animals, who wilt and slow down and hibernate, i protested aloud that i wanted to be a perennial instead. at this she said: even perennials change with the seasons. rose bushes have to be pruned, sometimes down to half their height! it was a dose of perspective i didn't particularly want, but really needed.

so when you're struggling to work through executive dysfunction, burnout, or brain fog, it can help to first check in with yourself about a few things. what do you have the capacity for right now? do you need any accommodation? and if so, what changes you might make to accommodate yourself?

with practice and self reflection, i've learned a handful of specific routines that help me when i'm struggling with creative work, which i'll detail next. note that while your question is specifically about music and i am specifically a musician, i believe that all of these suggestions can apply to most any form of digital creative work.

with that in mind:

#1: work slower

when i'm at the top of my game, i can get a LOT done in a day. but when i'm depressed, fatigued, or distracted, i just can't go full steam. sometimes i'll try to convince myself that i can if i just push harder, but what actually ends up happening is that i'm just fiddling with settings and going in circles rather than moving forward.

instead of that, when i want to work a lot but can't, i try to work slow. how slow? however slow i need to. take four hours to figure out the melody for a single verse. take all day to figure out that drum groove. yeah, i take a lot of breaks in between. who says i have to be my Absolute Most Productive Every Day Or Else? that's the puritan work ethic talking. kill it. be kind to yourself.

i'm reminded of advice i once read about some super successful and prolific author (gaiman? king? pratchett?) who said they wrote only four hundred words every weekday. that's already less than the word count of this post, and i'm only—[travels into the future to check my final word count]... 22.8% of the way through writing it!

now, i don't think i could function that way, because ADHD means some days i'm hyperfocused like crazy, and other days i just have no steam at all (more on that in #4-6). but it seems to me that if even someone highly respected in their profession can achieve what they have with only a little bit of work on a regular basis, maybe i don't have to punish myself for not pumping out a finished work every single week.

doing less work per day means you're much less likely to burn out, which does a lot for working more consistently. if that consistency still doesn't look like a five-day work week, that's okay! as long as it helps you work even a little more often when you want to, it's something worth doing.

however, if you're still feeling truly stuck, all hope isn't lost. you can still try:

#2: switch projects

sometimes the reason i'm moving slow is because of a bad brain day, but sometimes the reason is that i just cannot muster the motivation to do the specific task i'm trying to do right now. ADHD is fueled by novelty and interest, and if i'm not interested in what i'm doing, or it's feeling stale, that's a sign that i need to switch gears.

this is why first it's helpful for me to have more than one project going at a time. this might mean completely unrelated works, or it might just mean related tracks as with the music for a game like SLARPG or susan taxpayer.

the idea here is not to start a dozen different projects and bounce around them like i'm playing whac-a-mole—though i have done that. (i don't recommend it.) the idea here is to have a manageable number of different projects i can be working on so that if i get bored or stuck on something, i have fallback options.

what that number of projects is depends entirely on the week. maybe right now it's two, maybe another time it's three. i would probably be getting carried away if i tried more than that, but that's just my own limit. maybe yours is different. that's something for you to think about.

but it doesn't have to stop there.

#3: switch focus

maybe there is this one project that i just HAVE to work on, but the task i'm trying to do at this stage just isn't coming to me. okay, well, why don't i try working on a different task?

let's say i can't figure out what i want to do with the melody in one part of the song:

what if i try jumping ahead to a different part of the melody? ...no, i'm stumped on melodies today. okay, how about working on the drums instead? ...hmm no, i think i'm just completely tapped out on writing parts right now. alright, what if i organized my tracks, making sure they're all grouped and named in a way that i can work with easily? what if i did a rough volume balance for the mix?

and so on. if that's not enough to shake the off stuckness, i might consider: what can i do to make this project more interesting to me?

what happens if i try using an instrument or effect that i almost never reach for? what if i try sampling something obscure? what if i bang out the drums using my midi keyboard instead of drawing it in on the piano roll?

any approach that breaks me out of my usual habits is bound to get that feeling of novelty and fun back when i need it.

or maybe i can't do any of that right now, and so i take the time to answer a question from a fellow musician instead. i consider that part of my work, too, in a broader sense. check in with yourself and figure out what you can do right now. the rest will still be there later.

but okay, let's say you try switching gears, and switching again, and again, and nothing is moving. you try new approaches, but that wall of awful is insurmountable in this moment. it happens! the next thing you might try is:

#4: learn something new

when you aren't able to make progress on your projects, you can still make progress on your knowledge and craft. i often find this stokes a flame of inspiration in me where there wasn't one before. and even when it doesn't, it still gets my brain out of that feeling of stuckness and dread and into one of thought and action. learning also benefits in the long term because it adds to the well of knowledge from which you draw for all your future works.

for all the awfulness that exists on the internet, it remains an absolute treasure trove of teaching. there's an endless ocean of videos, blog posts, and articles from which you might learn something about your craft. (and if you sail the seven seas, plenty of book PDFs as well. 🦜🏴‍☠️)

it's true that the quality and depth of information out there can vary wildly, but in my experience most resources get at least some things right. and the more you research, practice, and figure out what works for you, the better you will learn to differentiate between the advice worth keeping, and the advice to forget. (that goes for all of what i'm saying here, too!)

that said, since our shared focus is music, a few resources i would highly recommend are:

music theory and composition music matters, 12tone, charles cornell, music with myles, 8-bit music theory, and this introduction by andrew huang

mixing and production dan worrall (especially this series for fabfilter), kush after hours, red means recording, andrew huang, alice yalcin efe, in the mix

general inspiration nahre sol, ben levin, david hilowitz, game score fanfare, posy, jerobeam fenderson, open reel ensemble, and ELECTRONICOS FANTASTICOS!

(if any readers have their own helpful resources for creating music or any other media, feel free to share in the replies & reblogs! 💓)

of course, on an especially bad day, it might be a challenge to seek out information, let alone retain it. that can feel pretty bad, but remember: be kind to yourself. the next thing you might consider trying is:

#5: consume art you love

not just music. books. shows. movies. games. illustration. animation. whatever moves and inspires you.

but do it intentionally. don't just pull up some random thing the algorithm suggested! check in with yourself about what you want (or are able) to engage with right now. choose accordingly. if you get a little way into it and realize it's not scratching that itch, hit the bricks. check in with yourself again. wash, rinse, repeat, until you find whatever it is that speaks to you right now.

and do it actively, if you can. don't just let it go in one eye and out the other! really pay attention to the work. what do you like about it? what are its themes and motifs? what makes it work so well? what are its flaws, and how much do they matter? what might you do differently? you can write notes as you do this if it helps, but even simply noticing and thinking goes a long way.

what you don't want to do is come at this with a lens of shame or envy. you're not here just to say to yourself, "ugh, if only i could do THAT." it's okay if it happens. use that thought as a springboard for curiosity: "well okay, how DID they do that? do i have the resources for it? if so, how could i apply that to my own work? if not, how can i adapt it, or what do i need to learn?" keep your mind open and approach the work with a sense of wonder.

as a creative person, it's very easy to think, "i should be making something right now, not watching a movie!" but that thought forgets something vital: your art is a response in a conversation. of course the "language" you use is your own, and maybe if you're lucky you'll invent a new word. but most of the words you use have been around long before you were born. you're just one voice in a dialogue that spans continents and generations, and that's okay. it's even the whole point.

none of us is an island. we are profoundly social animals. just as we can't live without eating, we can't make without learning. so half of making art is consuming it. consider this part of the process as well.

and finally,

#6: rest, and live your life

let's say you're in really dire straits. you've tried working slower. you tried changing focus, you tried changing projects. you want to take in new information or actively engage with your favorite art, but you're not in the headspace for it. what now?

take a nap. take a walk. take a shower. eat a nice meal, or an okay one. talk to a friend. maybe even do that chore you've been putting off (you know the one).

it's human to always crave making, but you're not a machine—and even if you were, machines need regular maintenance, too! you wouldn't drive a car that's completely out of gas, and you won't do yourself any favors treating your body that way either.

i know that when you take a break it feels as though you're not accomplishing anything, but you are: you're taking care of your animal self. and while you do that, your creative brain doesn't stop working! much like windows, it has countless background processes running at any given moment, with inscrutable names like "cbdhsvc_692da" or "Microsoft Edge Update Service." it's true, i checked.

when you're stuck on a project and you step away to rest, your brain is still chipping away at your ideas unconsciously. i like to tell people, "it's percolating." much like waiting for a pot of water to boil, that idea is still heating up, even when you take a step away. just be sure to check in on it once in a while. the time will pass, and it'll be boiling again before long. :)

before i go, i'll leave you with one last thing to keep in mind as you try all of these strategies:

be kind to yourself.

being human is just about one of the hardest things you can do. let alone being a human trying to survive capitalism while living with disabilities! the last thing you need on top of that is to overwork yourself, talk to yourself negatively, or treat yourself harshly. there are plenty of other people in the world who do that to you—don't be one of them.

i'm not saying that you shouldn't try to challenge yourself, to test your limits and go above and beyond your ambitions, if that's what you want to do. just remember that hard work and self compassion are not mutually exclusive. so be careful not to bully yourself. take pride in the progress you make, even when it seems small. encourage yourself like you would a friend who's going through a hard time. and when you challenge yourself, be your own cheerleader.

i hope you find this advice helpful! remember, this is just what helps me, so don't feel like you have to follow any of it exactly. maybe taking time to learn new information helps break you out of your rut more than working slowly, so you reach for that tool first. maybe having multiple projects going at once is too distracting for you, so you prefer to stick to one at a time. whatever your needs are, feel free to alter and adapt these ideas to fit you.

thank you for reading, and i wish you the best of luck in your creating.

with care, bee 🐦

#adhd #advice #asks #from #sourpatchsquids

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doberbutts · 1 year ago

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Anyway yes, people who can X should be accomodating to people who can't X. People who can walk should accomodate people who can't. People who can hear should accomodate people who can't. People who can see should accomodate people who can't. And on and on. When that doesn't happen, it's a problem that deserves to be talked about.

But the problem is not and has never been "physical disabilities are more important and deserve more accomodations than mental disabilities"- nor the other way around either.

People love to dunk on folks with ADD/ADHD but you know? As someone with ADD raised by diabetic parents I gotta say there's a lot of similarities here. People with ADD, myself included, often forget to eat and when they do eat they often load themselves up with carbs and sugars because those foods make their brains feel good. People with diabetes have to closely monitor their meals and often crave sugars and need a blend of sugary and protein-rich snacks on hand. This is not to say ADD and diabetes are exact one-to-one disabilities.

But having grown up watching my parents manage their diabetes, I too am very aware of meal times and blood sugar and constructing meals that will tide you over and having a blend of sugary and protein-rich snacks on hand Just In Case. I am able to manage my ADD better in this way because I have experience from watching my parents. I also need access to snacks and to be able to say to my boss "I need to go eat something real fast" without being punished.

I had a training client who was the image of "able bodied mentally ill" outside of the usual creaks and squeaks associated with age, her body worked just fine. But after a series of incidents in her youth- a car accident that left her with a serious brain injury, coming home from the hospital afterwards to immediately have her house broken into and herself raped by an intruder, and assorted medical malpractice while she was healing from both- she has a serious and extreme case of agoraphobia and spent the next 40 years completely unable to leave the house. She would hide and wail and scream when deliveries of groceries and other goods would come, because it meant a stranger (and usually a man) would be at her door. She could not go more than a couple steps outside to get her mail and especially not if other people were outside.

At some point her therapist suggested getting a pet, one that *had* to go outside, to help her. So she got a dog and contacted a trainer (me) and we got to work. And she did improve! The dog has been a huge help to managing her symptoms! But you cannot seriously expect me to have worked with this woman for years and then belittle mental illnesses as being lesser when this woman also shares the inability to even leave her house let alone go inside a grocery store. Even today there are times when she simply cannot, she cannot will her body to move out of her door and into transportation let alone into the building.

When she first started coming to me she thanked me for not belittling her or making her feel bad for classes she had to cancel because she couldn't force herself to take the first step over the threshold. That is when she told me what happened to her and that while it sounds terrible she was really happy to have found a trainer who knew something personal about trauma and brain injuries. She is also a case where I feel her ESA should be considered service dog not because of training or tasking but because her need is so high and she is just completely incapable of doing anything without the dog in her arms.

Anyway I think of her any time someone says "but you can walk through the door". There's nothing wrong with her legs so in theory sure she could. But often she *can't*, not because of anything physical, but because she is very severely mentally ill.

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thehmn · 8 months ago

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It might simply be that I don’t frequent ADHD forums enough but I haven’t seen a whole lot of talk about learned social withdrawal.

As a child I made friends left and right but as we all turned into self-conscious teenagers it slowly became more and more difficult for me. Plain and simple, other people thought I was weird. For some reason I never got bullied which I think is related to something my teachers kept telling my parents “She’s such a sweet, bright child and we can tell she’s not malicious or trying to be disruptive on purpose but we can’t teach her anything”

Basically people couldn’t figure me out. I had good social skills with both children and adults, I had a good moral compass, i felt compassion and empathy for others and was willing to go against my friends if I felt they were being bullies, I taught myself English and my drawings showed good observation skills. Because of all that it was decided I should start school a year sooner than most kids and my parents were very proud. Unfortunately that’s probably one of the main reasons why I was never diagnosed with raging ADHD as a child. People soon realized I didn’t do well in a school setting but assumed it was because I “wasn’t done playing” and my ADHD symptoms were interpreted as childishness.

So as I got older my classmates started to distance themselves from me. They were always kind and friendly but they didn’t know how to deal with me and ever since then people have always been worryingly comfortable with calling me weird to my face. I get the impression it’s because they think it’s a choice on my part. To them I’m clearly of “normal intelligence” so I must be acting like this on purpose and my parents would repeatedly tell me to “just act normal” as a child when I told them I was struggling to make friends. I tried so damn hard but kept failing. I knew something had to be different about me and when I first heard about ADHD I thought “That’s me! That’s how I feel!” but my parents said that was impossible because I wasn’t hyperactive.

Because nobody wanted to help me I eventually learned to just stop trying to make friends and keep to myself. I was so tired of being told by friendly, well-meaning people that I was so weird and quirky and unique only for them to distance themselves once they realized it was permanent and not something I could turn on and off for parties. I always enjoyed being alone so it wasn’t a huge loss but it did feel incredibly lonely at times.

Things got a lot better when I became an adult, mostly because adults are generally more chill than teens so my ADHD behavior isn’t as embarrassing to them and ironically they’re often surprised to learn I don’t make friends easily. Unfortunately I learned to be withdrawn in my formative years so new friends are still a rarity. Before I really sat down and put my past into context I even started to wonder if I had autism despite not connecting with anything autistic people said about their experiences. I went as far as to be tested but wasn’t surprised when the diagnosis was negative because of course it was, I kinda already knew that. I was just looking for an explanation.

So while there can be overlap between ADHD and autism (I have just such a friend) my experience is also that oftentimes people with ADHD simply learn to stay away from social situations and entertain ourselves which ends up looking like autism to outsiders.

#adhd #add #autism

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sorapricots · 4 months ago

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Blueberry Pie

Summary: Wade Wilson is finally home, with Mary Puppins and his new friend Logan. And he cannot wait to eat your classic blueberry pie.

Pair: Wade Wilson x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Wade Wilson is a warning, curse words, sex jokes, blood mentioned, tell me if there's more warning I didn't put in this list

A/N: as my promise, a wade wilson fiction is here. I hope I can write down Deadpool’s character well cause let’s be honest unless u have the same lvl of ADHD u will have a hard times to write down Deadpool’s character.

W.C: 1,9k

It’s been two days. Two days since you realized your lover, Wade, was gone. And in those two days all you do is just sit in the kitchen area, staring at the door, waiting for Wade to come back. TV can be heard in the background with Blind Al commenting on it every once in a while. You are glad that you decided to just agree with your lover when he suggested staying with Blind Al instead of searching for a new apartment. You don’t know if you can stay sane enough if you have to wait for Wade alone.

“Girl, stop sitting in front of the door like a guarding dog, why don’t you join me enjoying this devil’s dandruff.” Blind Al’s voice snapped you out from your daze. You look at her sigh a little bit before you walk to her.

“You really need to tone down inhaling that sinful powder before your whole organs are covered with it y’know” you jokingly said as you sat beside her. Blind Al just gives you a snort. You just let her do her thing while you blankly stare at the TV.

Oh how you miss your man. Even though he can be annoying with all of his sex jokes, you still love him nonetheless. You frown a little bit, worried start to eat you out again as you watch Blind Al. Without you realizing, you start to pick on your fingers, a bad habit you do when you are nervous or scared. As much as you want to believe that your boyfriend can’t die, you can’t help but worry about him.

Suddenly you hear commotion on the road in front of your apartment. Your brow furrowed as you looked at Blind Al who looked like she didn’t give any care in the world with the commotion outside. Without saying anything you quickly look from the window near the TV.

When you open the window, the destruction of a small shop you used to visit greets your eyes. A lot of sparks sprouted from the shop. Your eyes widened while your brain tried to decide if you should go down and look closer or not. A sudden tap on your shoulder makes you yelp.

“What in the hell is going on down there?” Blind Al asks as she tries to “look” at the road. You let out a deep breath before you briefly explain what happened to her. She muttered some words under her breath that you didn’t bother wanting to know. Both of you now stand beside each other, watching the shop. You are so focused on the shop that you didn’t realize there’s a large sparkly circle across the shop.

“What… is that…” you muttered to yourself as you moved your eyes back to the shop. Suddenly you saw two figures. One in a red suit and the other in yellow spandex. For a second you thought you were hallucinating, not until you rubbed your eyes that you are sure that the figure in a red suit is none other than your lover.

“Wade?!” you screamed. The guy in yellow spandex looks up to your direction as you quickly cover your mouth. Blind Al once again tries to look in the same direction you are looking right now which she failed miserably. Suddenly you see your lover on his knees with his body language screaming in joy while the man in yellow spandex looks at him with pure disgust.

“What is happening…” At this point you are talking to yourself as you follow the direction of your lover’s body. There’s a dog… in a red suit too, running to him. You tilted your head to the side. A bit confused when the dog jumps to him like it has known him for a long time. Your man and the rugged man talk for a bit before you see another man in a red suit running towards them. You gasp looking at his face, looks the same as the Wade Wilson you know before he became the way he is right now. The three of them then start talking before the Wade without the mask turns his body to the same direction he came from.

A gasp escapes your lips when you see dozens upon dozens of deadpools variants walking through the sparky circle. Your hand automatically holding Blind Al’s arm as you wait to decide if both of you should duck and hide or not. Blind Al is about to ask something but you softly hush her down as you can feel the tension of danger thick in the air.

The deadpool with ponytails talks briefly before she pulls out two guns and starts shooting towards your deadpool. You pull Blind Al away from the window a bit as you see the man in yellow spandex run to hide behind the car with the dog in his hand and your lover using the normal face looking Wade as his shield while following the rugged man. You internally slap your forehead as you claim that the deadpool with the mask is indeed your lover.

You then decided to retreat from the window trying to pull Blind Al with you but the woman refused to leave the window. So you just let her be as you walk back to the kitchen. Your heart is beating fast due to the mixed emotions you have right now. You quickly grab a glass of water to calm down your nerves while gunshots and people fighting can still be heard on the outside.

“Motherfucker, I wish I was deaf.” Blind Al said. You let out a snort as you can tell from the sounds itself how gruesome the fight is.

“Sure you are, Al.” you retort back as you decided to just start baking to prepare when your lover finally comes back. As much as you are worried about him right now, something in your heart tells Wade will come back home. You start to prepare a bunch of ingredients for your specialty dessert that Wade loves so much. A blueberry pie.

You start by pulling out the pie crust dough that you keep in the fridge. Letting it soften up a bit as you start mixing fresh blueberries, lemon zests, lemon juice, sugar, flour, and cinnamon powder. After you are done mixing them you check the pie crust before you start to flattened the pie crust dough and put it in the pan. Once it’s done you carefully dump the blueberry you mixed before and put pie crust strips on top of it before you chuck the pan to the oven. While waiting for your pie, you decided to cook food other than dessert since the clock was about to hit lunch time.

“Hey Blind Al, what do you want to eat?” you ask as you wipe down the kitchen counter from all the mess of the pie ingredient. Althea walks to the kitchen slowly and sits on one of the stools. Her back facing you instead of her face. She let out a spicy wings as her answer. You hummed in agreement as you started to cook the food.

“Sunshine? Al? I’m back!” You and Al heard the door open as Al started to walk to the door. You immediately run after her and see Wade holding the dog and his new friend. You let out a small scream before you run to Wade. In which he is quick enough to give the dog to his friend before you crash his body with a tight hug. You let out soft sobs as you hide your face on his neck. Didn’t care with the dirt and blood on his suit. You are glad he is safely back home now.

“About damn time! You holdin’? I’m all out devil’s dandruff and I’m shaking like an angry vibrator!” Al angrily spoke. You can feel Wade let out a sigh as his hand rubs your back softly with his other hand holding your hips.

“Thank you, Al. We have company.” you pull back a little as you give Wade’s new friend a welcoming smile which he returns back with an equally polite one.

“Baby, Althea, this is… this is Logan.” Wade stares at Logan briefly as Logan gives him a quick nod. You chirped a quick hello with a smile. Logan answers with a nod his head to you.

“Nice to meet you, Logan” Althea lifts her hand as an invitation to shake hands with Logan. To which the man returned it back. You cannot stop smiling because you see that not only is he safely home but also has a new friend.

“And this ancient anal shit not, is Mary Puppins or as I like to call her dogpool. Want to treat yourself to a little stroke?” You let out a giggle when Logan gives back Dogpool to Wade and he slowly holds out Dogpool towards Althea. Althea carefully reaches out and touches Dogpool’s tongue which she immediately pulls her hand away.

“Oh my God, Motherfucker.” you let out a loud laugh as you watch Althea and Wade continue talking while Logan just shook his head in disbelief. Suddenly you hear a beep from the oven. You clapped your hands quickly.

“Oh! It’s ready! Come, come take a seat. I’ll prepare you all something.” You pull Wade’s arm and Althea while Logan follows behind. The three of them sit at the dining table as you put your blueberry pie out of the oven. You quickly whip out 4 plates and a pint of vanilla ice cream. Skillfully cut the pies and scoop the ice cream before taking it back to the dining table.

“No way!” Wade chirped excitedly as he let down Dogpool who then started running to you. Your smile widened when Wade help you to bring the plates to the table and sit down beside you.

“Logan you have to try my Pookie’s Pie! It’s the best pie in the world. Especially with vanilla ice cream!” Wade talks like a child as Logan stares at the dessert for a second before he carefully eats the pie. You watch Logan intently wanting to know if he likes it which he does let out a content hum while nodding his head.

“It’s good. Thanks, bub.” Logan said as Wade squeals as he gives you a kiss on the cheek making you laugh before he dives into his pie. The four of you start talking with Wade’s hand holding yours tightly.

“Thanks for the pie, mi amor. It’s the greatest pie I ever knew.” Wade, already back in his casual outfit, softly said to you as you watched him wash the plates. You smile as you turn off the water faucet and pull him towards you. Caging him between your legs. His hands immediately went to your hips as your hands circled his neck.

“Anything for you, love.” you whispered as you stared at his eyes. Hands carefully play with the staples that he had on his head for securing his toupee.

“I was so worried you would not come back, Wade.” your voice quivers as you watch Wade frown a little. He rubs the side of your body before one of his hands cups your cheek. Thumbs carefully wipe your tears as he coo.

“You know I will always come back to you no matter what, sweet.” you let out a whimper of sadness as both of you close the gap between your face.

“You promise?” you softly ask him. He nodded before he kissed you softly.

The kiss is soft and full of love and passion. There’s no lust or aggression behind it. A kiss that makes you sobs even more as you can feel how much love Wade has for you just through his touch on your body.

You both stay like that with both of your foreheads touched while basking in each other’s warmth.

#deadpool #deadpool and wolverine #wade wilson #deadpool x reader #deadpool x you #deadpool 3 #deadpool movie #wade wilson x reader #wade wilson x you #ryan reynolds #ryan reynolds x reader

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alessiasfreckles · 11 months ago

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Fitting In

alessia russo x reader with social anxiety

You've been with the team for a few months, but your anxiety is making it hard to find your place. When you spend lunch hiding out in your car one day, Lessi comes to find you.

A/N: this is my first woso fic, i hope you like it! i'm planning on writing a part two with real fluff, maybe taking place a month or two later. also this is basically just a self insert fic but i figured maybe someone else could relate to it, so this is for all my other girlies with social anxiety and adhd out there

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When you joined the team a few months ago, you weren’t sure how you would fit in. And now, 3 months later, you still weren’t sure.

You had a tendency to over analyse social interactions, situations, anything really, and you knew it didn’t help your social anxiety but there was no way to shut off the constant noise in your brain. At least, not until you met her. Alessia Russo. One of Arsenal’s, and England’s, star strikers. The way she moved on the pitch was like magic, and you swore you could see glitter in the air when she laughed. The crush you had on her grew by the minute. You wanted to at least be friends with her so badly, but you just didn’t know how.

You still didn’t really have any close friends on the team. Yeah, everyone was friendly, but there were clearly established friend groups, and you didn’t know how to find your place in any of them. When you first joined you would be invited out with everyone, or invited to people’s places for movie nights, that sort of thing. But a lot of the time you felt out of place, so worried about what to say and how you were coming across that the whole situation ended up making you more anxious than if you hadn’t gone in the first place. When you did come out of your shell and say something, you’d spend the rest of the evening thinking about what you said, if it made sense, how you said it, what you should have said instead.

It was exhausting.

Your sleep schedule was awful, most nights you couldn’t get to sleep until 3am. You’d be lying in bed, desperately trying to sleep but your brain not letting you. You’d wake up feeling groggy, but you didn’t want to let anyone see how badly it was affecting you, so you put on a brave face in front of your teammates. Most days, as soon as training was over, you’d go straight home. You were too tired to do anything other than be alone.

One day, at lunch, you couldn’t face the thought of trying to figure out where to sit, the overstimulation from everyone talking, the noises and smells, so you decided to sit in your car, alone. You figured that no one would miss you anyway, everyone seemed to have figured out that you were a bit of a loner by now, and they mostly left you alone.

“Something’s up with y/n, right? It’s not just me?” Leah asked Beth at lunch the next day, scanning the lunch room as she tried to find your face.

“Yeah, but I don’t know what,” Beth shrugged, frowning. “I want to help her, but-”

“Have you guys seen y/n?” Alessia interrupted, coming up from behind them. “She’s not here.”

Leah and Beth both shook their heads. “Maybe she’s in the gym, or on the training field?”. It wasn’t unusual for players to spend their breaks hanging out in other areas, and Alessia nodded.

“I think I’ll go see if I can find her,” she said, and Leah nodded.

“That’s a good idea, Less. Maybe you can figure out what’s wrong.”

Alessia peeked into the gym, but it was empty. She thought maybe you were walking laps, so she checked the training field, but you weren’t there either. Now she was starting to worry. The two of you hadn’t talked much, but she always listened to what you had to say, and got the feeling that there was a lot more to you than you let on. Deciding to check the car park to see if your car was still there, her face brightened as she found it. When she realised you were sitting inside it, her brow furrowed in confusion.

You look up from your lunch to see Alessia stood a few metres away from the car, looking at you with a small frown on her face. Is she upset with you? Your eyes meet, and you freeze for a second before raising a hand to wave awkwardly. Her frown clears, and she comes over to the passenger door.

Knocking on the window and opening the door, she leant down. “Can I come in?” she asked, smiling sheepishly.

“Uh, yeah, sure!” you reply, sitting up a little straighter, mind racing. Why is she here? What does she want from you?

“So, um, what are you doing out here?” she asks gently, glancing down at the lunch on your lap.

“Oh, um, sometimes it’s just a lot, you know? Everyone talking and all of the noise. And I never really know where to sit,” you trail off, laughing awkwardly, inwardly cringing at yourself for saying that.

“I get that. Sometimes some of the girls can be so loud! Like, Katie, didn’t you ever learn what an inside voice is?” she laughs gently, and you smile. “And you know you can sit wherever you want, right? None of us are going to bite you.”

“Haha, yeah, I know, I just…” you shrug, face burning.

Alessia turns to look at you, worry lining her face. “Y/n, is something going on? Has anyone made you feel unwelcome here, or anything?”

“No, everyone’s been so nice, I promise, no one’s done anything,” you start rambling, anxiety rising in your chest as hot tears start to well up in your eyes. You bury your face in your hands. “I’m sorry, this is so embarrassing.”

Suddenly you felt a warm hand on your shoulder, pulling you in to a tight hug. You stiffened to the touch but Alessia’s arms held you gently, and slowly you relaxed into it.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she murmurs, and you feel your breath returning to normal.

After a minute she lets you go and you let out a shaky laugh. “I’m sorry,” you sighed, wiping your eyes.

“Y/n, you don’t need to apologise, it’s okay, I promise,” she says, big blue eyes full of sincerity. “Can you tell me what’s going on?”

You shrug, not knowing what to say. “There isn’t really anything going on, that’s the problem. I just, my brain is just, I feel like everyone else got like, a manual telling them how to exist and how to talk to people and how to have friends, and I didn’t get the manual. You didn’t get a manual, right?” you ask, looking at her with a wry smile.

She smiles apologetically. “Nope, no manual.”

“Well, it was worth asking,” you laugh. “Things just seem to be really hard for me when everyone else finds them easy, you know? And I’m just so tired all the time, but I don’t know why, I barely do anything, I’m so lazy.”

She frowns at that. “You’re not lazy, y/n. Do you get enough sleep?”

You laugh at that. “Oh no, definitely not. Most nights I don’t get to sleep until like, 3am, sometimes 4am.”

“What, why?” she asks in shock.

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “I just can’t sleep a lot of the time. I try to, I lie in bed with my eyes closed, but there’s just too much going on in my head, it feels like my brain is actively working against me.”

“It’s no wonder you’re so tired then!” she admonishes you gently, and the look she gives you makes you fall for her a little more.

“I’ve always had trouble sleeping,” you explain. “Ever since I was little. And I’ve always found social situations hard, too.”

“I’ve always hated meeting new people,” the blonde admits, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s gotten a little bit easier, I think, especially after the Euros, I had to do so many interviews and media things, it helped kind of desensitise me to it, but I still don’t like it.”

“Huh,” you say quietly. You never would have guessed that she felt that way. “You always seem so confident.”

“All just a part of my effortlessly cool persona,” she grins, winking at you. You laugh, and she gives you a look of fake hurt. “What, you don’t think I’m effortlessly cool?”

Smiling, you tilt your head. “As long as you believe you’re effortlessly cool, that’s all that counts.” you tease.

Suddenly, Alessia’s phone buzzes. “Oh, we should probably head back in. The others will be glad to see you, they were worried when you weren’t there at lunch.”

“Really?” you ask, surprise clear in your voice, but it quickly turns to worry. “Oh no, am I not meant to leave during lunch? I’m sorry, I just thought-”

“Woah, hey, relax!” she puts a hand on your arm. “Y/n, you’re allowed to do what you want during lunch. The others were just worried about you because you’re a part of the team. Our team. That makes you a part of our family.”

You smile sheepishly.

“Now come on, let’s get going. I don’t fancy giving Jonas an excuse to make us run extra laps, do you?”

#woso x reader #alessia russo #alessia russo x reader #alessia russo fluff #russo x reader #woso #woso imagine #woso fanfics #awfc x reader #lessi russo #arsenal women #arsenal wfc #hannah writes fics

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wosostories · 4 months ago

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Workload (Gotham FC x Teen!Reader)

Gotham x Teen!Reader

Summary: 16 year old reader has signed with Gotham FC and is struggling to find balance between school and sport with finals and the NWSL Championship both quickly approaching.

You sigh as you close your laptop for the night, you mean morning. It was just after 2:00 when you finished your history essay, calc assignment, and studying for your chemistry test the next day. Plus on top of that, starting to find all of your materials for your upcoming exams.

It’s not even that you were pushing it all off to the last minute. It’s just the course work that you get every night is impossible to get done that night on top of the training you have with Gotham FC and your ADHD.

You would put off doing your school work to get more sleep if you could, but your school has told you multiple times that they would revoke your work permit if you didn’t keep your grades up and get all of your assignments in on time.

You sigh again and finally head to bed to hopefully get a couple hours before morning lift. Your alarm goes off two and a half hours later and you drag yourself out of bed. It takes you half an hour to get ready and have your things together before Lynn picks you up for training.

When you get in the car Kristi and Lynn are already pumped up and jamming to Lynn’s playlist. You let them continue on as you tuck yourself in the back seat and try not to fall back asleep.

“You ok kid?” Lynn asks you turing the music down. “You look a little tired.”

“Ya, just didn’t get very much sleep last night. Had a lot of homework to get done after practice.”

“You’ve been saying that a lot recently,” Krisite pipes in, “You sure you’re getting enough rest.”

“Ya it’s just that time of year. We're coming up on exams and the NWSL Championship.”

“You can talk to coach. I'm sure he’d understand if you needed to miss a few practices.” They tried convincing you.

“No, it's fine. Nothing I haven’t handled before.” You all arrive at the training facility just in time to get into the lifting room.

“Alright let's get started.” They start with stretching and then pair up to go through their specialized lifting workout for the day. You end up with Jenna Nightswonger due to your similar workout needs.

“Are you ok Y/N. You’ve been yawning for the last 30 minutes. Which has been the entire time we’ve been here.”

“I’m fine. Just up a little later than I probably should have been getting my homework done.”

“If you’re sure.”

They finish the lift session another 30 minutes later and you leave the rest of your team to get to school on time. You are able to make your way through the day with a quick nap during lunch and eating while working on your revions during study hall. And as soon as the bell lets you out you are back on your way to the training facility for afternoon practice.

Your movements are slow and sluggish throughout practice as you try to keep up with the quick movements of your teammates. During all of your breaks you have an assignment out and are slowly making your way through them.

“Hey Y/N, come here for a second.” Ali calls you over with about 45 minutes left of practice.

“Ya hold on just one sec.” You call back as you finish up the last math problem on the worksheet. As soon as you are done you jog over to the older player. “Ya what’s up?”

“We're all just a little worried about you. You seem a little out of it today.”

“I’m fine,” you sigh out a little frustrated. “Will everyone stop asking me that?”

“Hey now, there’s no need for that. We're just trying to help.” You sigh again.

“I know. It’s all just a lot. I think that it might be getting to me a little.”

“That’s ok. When's the last time you got a full night of sleep?” You look down knowing that you will answer if you look at her. “Alright grab your stuff.”

“W-what?”

“Grab your things, I’m going to take you home. Then you’re going to finish anything due tomorrow then go to sleep. And you aren’t going to be coming to practice tomorrow.”

“But the championships are…”

“Not starting until next week. There is still plenty of time. But if you get hurt then it won't matter.”

You sigh. Ali leads you over to your things and you start packing them up as Ali goes to talk to coach. She comes back over with the ok from coach. “And he said if you show up to practice at any point tomorrow he will bench you for the first game of the tournament.”

You nod, “I won’t come tomorrow. I’ll get my work done and get a good night’s rest.”

“Good and next time it gets too much, just let us know. You’re still just a kid. It’s our job to help you so let us.”

“I will.”

“Good.”

#uswnt x reader #woso x reader #woso #teen!reader #Gothamfc x reader #woso x Teen!reader #woso fanfics

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fandoms-x-reader · 4 months ago

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Teenage!MC with ADHD

@ivediedmorethan20times

Headcannons

Summary: The brothers and side characters reaction to a teenage MC who had ADHD. The Demon Brothers and Diavolo, Barbatos, Simeon, and Solomon. Platonic/Sibling Relationship A/N: Please forgive me if this isn't completely accurate. I don't personally know anyone with ADHD and I know there are different types but I did my best!

Lucifer struggled a bit with your ADHD at first. But it was only because he had a hard time getting you to focus on your tasks.

He would ask you to do something at school or chores around the house, and he would notice that you always had a hard time completing them.

You would either completely forget the fact that he had asked you to do it, or you would get distracted in the middle of it and the task would remain undone.

Lucifer didn't know that you had ADHD and he was having a particularly bad day. He snapped the slightest bit at you when he noticed that you had once again forgotten to do something he asked.

You apologized and explained that you weren’t doing it on purpose and as soon as you told Lucifer that you had ADHD he understood that this was something beyond your complete control.

He felt bad for snapping at you and went easier on you from then on, simply asking you again or reminding you if he wanted you to get something done.

And, he made sure that Diavolo knew about your ADHD so that he didn’t end up in the same confused state Lucifer had been in.

He sees you as family just like he sees his little brothers and he would never think negatively of you having ADHD.

Mammon exhibits signs of ADHD himself so you and him probably have a lot in common.

He’ll constantly interrupt others and is always on the move. He can never sit still and is easily distracted. He’s the whole package.

Honestly, when it comes to the House of Lamentation the others make small bets to see which of you was going interrupt the other one first.

Mammon doesn’t really notice that you had ADHD and even if you told him that you had it, he wouldn’t understand what you were talking about. Do all teenagers talk in abbreviations?

When you explain what it is, Mammon does admit that it has some similarities to his own personality. But, he didn’t care at all.

If you and he acted the same way then even better! You should consider yourself lucky that the Great Mammon and you have similarities.

In all actuality though, you’d probably have a better grasp of things than Mammon and he ends up learning tricks from you on how to control his impulsive behavior and manage his restlessness.

Mammon is really grateful to have you.

Levi had a tendency to excessively talk when it came to something that he cared about.

Though he rarely had the opportunity where someone would actually listen to what he had to say.

When he realized that you also rambled on Levi was excited to have someone else in the House of Lamentation that was like him.

If you took an interest in the things that he liked, he would love having conversations with you.

Those conversations would be long and full of interesting points of view but they left you both feeling heard on your opinions.

Levi had a bit of trouble playing games with you because you got easily bored and liked switching between games.

He didn’t mind changing games as long as you least let him get to the save point first.

He’s one of the brothers that would handle your ADHD well.

Satan didn’t quite understand why he was having such a hard time getting you to focus on your schoolwork at first.

He had been tasked with making sure you stayed on top of your studies but whenever the two of you sat down to study, you would either zone or just get completely distracted by something else.

The first time it happened, Satan thought that you were just particularly tired that day. But, when it kept happening, Satan realized it was more than being tired.

He did some research on his own and when he believed he had found the diagnosis he asked you if you had ADHD.

When you told him that you did have ADHD, he felt a sense of accomplishment that he had found the answer.

He’ll continue to do more and more research to try and find a way to help you focus.

By the end of it all, he knows more about ADHD than you do.

And he’s always trying to give you tips and tricks on help to manage it.

He wasn’t trying to be annoying. He was just trying to help.

Asmo was trying really hard to bond with you. But, he was having a hard time, because it seemed like every time the two of you were talking you completely ignored him.

You either looked like you were in a different world or your attention was on something that was completely unimportant.

Asmo thought that you didn’t like him or that you thought he was boring and his feelings were genuinely a bit hurt.

He just wanted to bond with you like his brothers had.

When you explained that it wasn’t him but your ADHD he felt relieved and when you told him what having ADHD was like he felt like you shouldn’t have to apologize for it.

Asmo doesn’t want anyone else misinterpreting you so he’ll take photos or short videos and post them to social media - with your permission, of course - to help spread awareness.

Now that he knows what it is, Asmo finds your ADHD adorable. Humans can have the funniest quirks sometimes.

Beel may not fully grasp the concept of ADHD, but he knows that it’s a part of you, and because of that, he finds it precious.

He loves it whenever he sees a symptom of your ADHD.

If you were zoning out, he would make sure you were doing it somewhere safe.

After all, he had a lot of practice with people zoning out thanks to Belphie.

If you were feeling restless, Beel would make sure to go with you wherever you wanted to go or do whatever you wanted to do.

He knew demons didn’t know what ADHD was but he dared someone to try and make fun of you for having it.

He would be so quick to defend you. He won’t let anyone try to make you feel bad for something that you can’t control.

And he made sure that you knew that if you ever needed anything to come to him. You were part of his family now.

When Belphie first found out that you had ADHD, he thought that you were just messing with him.

He was sleeping on the couch next to you and you had constantly been moving, shaking the couch a bit.

Belphie thought that you were just trying to prevent him from sleeping as a joke.

But when he asked you to stop he noticed how uncomfortable you looked just sitting completely still.

He asked if something was wrong and you told him it was hard for you to sit still because of your ADHD.

He had a blank expression on his face, not understanding what you had said to him so you went further into your explanation.

Belphie understood by the end of it and allowed you to continue moving if you needed to. He was the Avatar of Sloth and he could fall asleep anywhere under any circumstances.

He found it funny when you would space out and just stare at nothing in particular.

It reminded him of himself before he passed out.

But you didn’t seem to have the same tendency he had to just fall asleep after daydreaming.

Lucifer had been the one to tell Diavolo about your ADHD and as much as he hated to admit it, he had to do some research to understand what exactly it was.

Once he understood it though, Diavolo did everything he could to ensure you would be comfortable down here in the Devildom.

He made sure that your workload wasn’t too much because he didn’t want to overwhelm you and he knew that you would have a hard time completing large amounts of work.

With how busy he was, Diavolo didn’t get much of a chance to see your ADHD in action. But when you came over for the retreat at the castle, Diavolo noticed all of the traits that Lucifer had told him about.

He couldn’t help but be curious about your symptoms. He paid close attention and made sure to incorporate what he had learned into your future days in the Devildom.

It was his job as the future King of the Devildom to ensure that everyone enjoyed their time in his kingdom and you were no exception.

Barbatos, like Lucifer, struggled with your ADHD at first. He was a very punctual demon so when he noticed you consistently showing up late or not completing your tasks, he was slightly irritated.

He thought you were just being a typical teenager and neglecting your tasks because you simply didn’t feel like doing them.

Lucifer was also the one who told Barbatos that you had ADHD and what all that entailed.

Barbatos was determined to help you get some sense of order in your life.

He knew that you couldn’t always control when you got distracted and that you had a hard time focusing.

But, he was hoping that he would be able to help you - at least enough to stay on top of your school work.

Barbatos would reward you when you managed to stay on track, feeling proud as if he had raised you himself.

He doesn’t mind your other symptoms at all. He believed they were all things that helped make you unique. Things that everyone in the Devildom had come to admire.

The first time Simeon had watched you zone out, he thought that there was something wrong with you.

He wasn’t sure if someone had placed a curse on you or if you were having a human problem - a stroke maybe? Either way, he was panicking.

He immediately started calling for Lucifer and his worried voice pulled out of your thoughts. “Simeon, what’s wrong?” you asked him and he had never breathed such a big sigh of relief.

He told you that he thought there had been something wrong with you and it made you laugh.

You assured him that you were okay and explained your ADHD.

Simeon was much better prepared the next time it happened and he did not freak out.

He did find it interesting that humans could have something like ADHD. The human species was a strange one.

Simeon likes it when you explain your symptoms to him. He loves learning about humans from you and if you ever need any help from him, he won’t hesitate.

Solomon immediately knew the signs of ADHD. He had known many people in the human world who had it as well.

So he wasn’t panicked or confused when you would zone out or fidget. And he was incredibly patient when it came to you accidentally talking over him or rambling on.

He knew how to react to people with ADHD and it was comforting to talk to him because of how good he was with you.

You and Solomon ended up getting along pretty well because of this.

You were lucky that he had been chosen as the other human exchange student because you weren’t sure how long you would have survived down here without him.

Solomon enjoyed your presence a lot because he thought of you like a little sibling and couldn’t help but find it adorable when one of your ADHD symptoms would present itself.

He definitely will try to give you charms that he created to keep with you at school to try and help improve your focus.

He didn’t want to think about the demon brothers’ reactions if you started failing your classes. Especially Lucifer and Satan.

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