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Pahiram sa tadhana

Napakasayang isipin na sa bawat pagbukas muli ng mata, at sa pagharap sa panibagong araw ay alam kong makakasama ulit kita.

May halong mang kaba, pawis, kabog ng dibdib ngunit alam kong duon ko naramdaman ang mabuhay muli.

Ang makaramdam ng panibagong init, ang pagbanat ng mukha mula sa mga mata at bibig na nakangisi.

Kaya ito tayong muli, sa panibagong pahina ng buhay natin.

Walang oras, araw o panahon ang sasayangin kapag kasama ka.

Dahil sa bawat oras na kasama ka o kausap, hindi lang pagmamahal o saya lang ang nararamdaman sayo. Kundi may takot, takot na mawala kang muli.

Dahil ang makasama ka, alam ko may darating na balang araw mawawala ulit to, itong mga saya diba?

Itong nararamdaman mo.

Alam ko babalik ka muli sa araw na maiisipan mong ayaw mo na,

o kaya magising ka bigla mula sa maganda mong paligid at haharapin mag-isa ang realidad ng sariling buhay.

Akin ka, at iyong iyo lang ako.

Ngunit bakit ramdam ko parang hiram kalang sa akin ng tadhana, pakiramdam ko hindi ka buong magiging akin?

Pinangunahan na naman ba ako takot? O kaya ba napagisip isip ang mga ganitong bagay dahil sa mga pinaparamdam mo?

Kung makaramdam ako muli ng panlalamig sa’yo, handa mo ba akong bigyan ng mainit na yakap mo?

Kapag ba tumakbo ako, hindi ka ba susuko at hahabulin mo nalang ako?

Akala ko sa tadhana ako nagpapadaloy, kung saan man niya ilagay duon lang ako,

pero sa pagkakataong ito. 

Ikaw, 

ikaw sa kung saan naka-depende ako sa’yo,

dahil sa bawat kilos, o sasabihin mo

gagawin ko at pakikinggan ko

dahil pag nagmahal ka hindi pwedeng dalawa ang maging tanga, di pwedeng dalawa ang magparaya,

ngunit sa pagkakataong ito dalawa ang pwede kong piliin

ang ipaglaban o isuko ka.

Ngunit naglalaban ang dalawang takot sa akin

ang takot na ipaglalaban kita kahit walang kasiguraduhan at ang takot na kapag isuko ka ay alam kong wala nang magiging kasunod na panibagong araw.

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UNTITLED: Naalala ko ang mga araw na lumipas Na kung saan ay ako lang mag-isa Sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon Ikaw ay pumasok sa mundo ko Bigla kang dumating, Bigla nag-iba ang pagtingin sa paligid. Nang tumama sa’yo ang aking mga mata Di na ko nagdalawang isip na lumapit Dumaan ang mga bawat araw Na pilit kang kilalanin Halos ang mundo ko’y naging “ikaw” na nga Hanggang sa “ikaw” at “ako” ay nagkaroon ng “simula” Ang umaga’t gabi na kinokompleto ng bawat salita na sa’yo lamang nagmumula Ang pagdaan ng bawat araw na tayo’y magkasama Miski sa panaginip ko ikaw lang ang nakikita Ang pagtingin mo Ang pagtawa mo Na aking inspirasyon sa paggawa ng musika Sumasabay sa ritmo ng damdamin Habang ako’y nagsusulat Ang mga simpleng bagay na ito ang kumokumpleto sa araw ko Nasanay na kong mayroong “ikaw” sa “ako” Ngunit hindi ko akalain na hahantong tayo sa ganito Nagmahal ka nga ba? Minahal mo ba ako? Sa bawat saya na nadarama ko Parang may humihila pabalik sa kung bakit nga ba walang “tayo” Damdamin mong biglang nagbago ang ihip Yung dapat na “mahal kita” biglang nagkaroon ng “…siguro” Biglang may “bakit?” Biglang may “ewan” Hanggang sa ika’y lumayo, nakaramdam ako ng takot Sinuyo ka bawat minuto, Oras, Araw. Pinaglaban ko kung ano ang meron “tayo” Kahit ang totoo ay may “ikaw” lang at “ako” Pinilit kong yakapin kung ano ang meron sa “tayo” Pinilit kong hawakan ang kamay mo Nandito ako pero bakit pinili mong hindi ako makita Walang hangganan Pero nandito na ko. Ayokong nandito tayo Di ko inasahan ang pagbitaw mo Kung sabagay di naman nagtatagal ang bagyo, dadating ito ng di inaasahan at sira ka nitong iiwan Hahayaan kang magluksa at Di mo alam saan muli magsisimula O kung maaayos pa ba. Alalahanin mo ang bawat pangarap, Hindi ko nais na malimutan Tinalikuran mo ang bawat pangako Kinalimutan mo ang bawat plano Hindi ko pa rin alam ang sagot sa tanong Kung bakit pa ba ako naghihintay sa’yo Iniisip “Kung titigil na ba?” “Kung ayaw mo na ba talaga?” “Kung kakayanin ko pa ba?” “Kung nandiyan pa ba?” Kung may darating pa kayang bukas o susuko na ko? Ngayon, nandito na tayo Pinipigilang magsalita Nais ko nalang nalang palayain ang sarili Marahil Siguro Ito na ang sagot Ngayon nandito na tayo sa huling pagkakataon Unti-unti kang bibitawan Dahan-dahan kang iiwan Hahabulin mo ko at pipigilan Tanging magagawa ko lang ay yakapin ka Sasabihing “mahal kita” Mga matang nangungusap Sinasabing Huwag mo kong iwan Huwag mo kong hayaan Pigilan mo kong umalis Humawak ka sa akin at wag ka ng bumitaw muli Nagbabakasakali na baka magkaroon ng “tayo” ang ngayon Pero sa oras na yon Pinigilan ko ang sariling lumingon Umasa na hahabulin mo Hinayaan mo ako At ngayon alam ko Kung saan ang lugar ko sayo Kung hindi dito, dito sa lugar na hinayaan mo ako.

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“Find solitude in sadness”

It makes you vulnerable and strong at the same time, being lonely. Cause you find yourself fixing your own without their help, but you seek for somebody else to be there for you.

Like when I’m sad, I can make things up, I can write an essay, a poem even a song. Maybe you need to feel ‘less’ before you appreciate or understand things.

What lacks on you, you seek for it. Or when you lose something, you might regret it. Like if there’s no suffering there’d be no compassion.

It’s a cycle, you will never understand a thing unless you experienced it.

It’s okay to be sad, because you can find yourself with that. Because sadness can never lie, you can cheat happiness. You can pretend you’re happy, but you’re not. But you can’t hide sadness. Cause it makes you as you, you can find what you truly are, cause when you’re what is inside of you are filling up because that is what you feel and think.

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Blog # 5: “The Life of a Wallflower”

They say that “Youth are the nation’s hope”, and in our country we have this theme that there is “more fun in the Philippines,” but according to research, our country remains to be the ‘least happiest country in south east Asia’ reasoning out that we have the highest incidence of depression and a big percentage of the people involved would be teenagers. Odd isn’t it? Yes, a “Filipino teenagers” young and free people like you and me. How could this be that a white and innocent, mere tested being is stained and deprived by life circumstances, hardships and breakdowns. It was said that the main causes of depression were: losing of loved one, jealousy, insecurity, stress grief, substance abuse like bullying, poverty, lack of attention, and many more. Most of us are prone to this kind of position for we have different levels of personal hardships, but one thing for sure is neither a substance nor medicine intake could easily resolve the situation.

Let me bring you to those situations. Remember that time when you look in the mirror? You saw yourself, you were there but somehow, it was different. You were different. You see your reflection inside of you that something wasn’t even complete, and when you began to feel incompleteness, that’s the time that darkness will eat you little by little. You were lost, you decided to stop believing in yourself that there’s something or someone great beyond that reflection you see in the mirror. That time you think you’ll never be better or never be enough.

But let me tell you something, I suffer that kind of depression too; they were days or weeks that I really want to just kill myself, and the reason of it was sometimes curiosity, like ‘where will I go after I died?’ ‘Was heaven and hell are real?’ Sometimes it’s the loneliness that eats me up, or when people let me down that they make me feel that I’m a worthless person. It feeds to my mind that ‘what will happen to them after I gone?’ ‘would they feel regret? anger? sadness? Shame?’ I want to know my importance, my place into people, their feelings, how they can spill the truth and the lies they made, each words that would make them feel regret, their what if’s and but’s, and maybe it will be more okay, If I will disappear.

But the feeling of this kind of situation before makes me a selfless person now, because I’ve realized that the people that I loved needs me, I am their hope. If I disappear then it will leave them in much greater than depression. And I don’t want to make them feel that way because I used to be in that situation, that’s why I’d made up my mind that I will survive another wave of trials again in my life.

I know that each of us has different stories, with one situation. But believe me, if we survive this situation, then we made it. Because killing or ending your life is not the best way to eradicate depression, there are many ways, good ways rather to leave it. Happiness is a choice, let yourself be alone sometimes, find solitude and peace in there, and let the nature or the galaxies be your friend, seek hope to the sunsets, look at the stars and moon when you’re happy, go up to the mountain alone, shout there out of your lungs what you wanted to say, how angry you are to this world because they will listen to you, and they will never leave you, they will be there when you’re sad or happy, maybe sappy at the same time.

We believe that in light, the hope is there, but the truth is, you will only see hope in the dark, because we will never feel the importance of hope if we never feel the darkness in our lives. Like what Jaimie Sullivan says in “A Walk to Remember” she said that, “Without suffering there’d be no compassion.” So, if you’re suffering into this kind of situation, we must embrace this darkness and make it as a light of your life, burn it so it would make a fire into your heart, and you will see yourself growing, and shining, and you will feel that you’re stronger than before, that you’re stronger than depression, and nothing could ever break you nor separate you from your happiness.

From the Philippine Daily Inquirer; Young Blood “ When you want to kill yourself” By Lance Patrick Ty Read more: http://opinion.inquirer.net/100950/when-you-want-to-kill-yourself#ixzz4a8dRxQkR

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“When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like, a princess, a cowboy, or a pilot but in my case, I want to become an Astronaut.

When we were ten, they asked again. We answered basketball player, author, singer or in my case, to become an artist.

But now that we’ve grown up, many people want us to become more serious. And yes, we should be,

But in my case, this is not the right time to make things right all the way of your life, because this is our time to accept all the things in life,

that it’s okay to make a mistake,

it’s okay to say no,

it’s okay to be alone,

it’s okay to make another decision and another as long as you wanted,

it’s okay to feel lost, get stuck somewhere and you don’t know where to go,

because this is only the beginning of your life, you must appreciate your flaws so people can accept you. Love your weakness so it can be your own strength too.

Imagine the life span of your life right, maybe you’re 19 or 20, and at the age of twenty-four to seventy-five, you have 51 years to find a job, get your first promotion, take an overtime to your office, and buy your own car and house, to make your own family…

Imagine your life doing the routines of every people, is that your real dream?

I’m saying this, because we grown-ups afraid of taking chances in life, afraid of rejections and failures, that we didn’t know that without it there’d be no success, there’d be no another chances. Without mistakes, we can never make things right.

And if I would ask if what do I want to become, I want to be an events manager, I see myself making my own production, assisting people, and interact with them. I want to be an actress on a musical play too, but I know this is not the right time because my family needs me. On the other hand, my mom wants me to work whether on a hotel, a cruise ship or an airplane, she wants me to travel the world. One of my teacher told me I can be a DJ too, which I also want to try. These are the things that I really want to do, but it terrifies me because I don’t know where would I start, or would I be compatible working there? I’m afraid of myself too, my capabilities, and skills don’t go beyond people’s expectation, or maybe I don’t trust myself. 

But one thing I’ve realized now,.. Yes, there will be a times that we will feel afraid because we don’t know what the future holds, but I say this to you, one thing that we might regret in our lives, is we didn’t took every chances that life gave to us, or we didn’t try, or we didn’t appreciate what God gave to us, or we didn’t get out to our comfort zone, or we didn’t try to make new things.

But like what Jessica Stanley say’s on her graduation speech, “This isn’t the time to make hard and fast decisions, this is the time to make mistakes. Change your mind and change it again because nothing’s permanent. So make as many mistakes as you can. That way someday when they asked what we want to be, we won’t have to guess – we’ll know.” 

#graduationspeech #aftergraduation #grown-ups

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(c) photos from google search

                                            Eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth “ We know that death is inevitable, we can not know when we will be our last time, or how we will spend our remaining hours, 

The death penalty issue is obviously the main concern of our country. But whether one is for or against, we can not deny the basic illogic like if we know the system is flawed, if we know there are innocent people on Death Row, then until the system make changes or improved, should we not abandon the death penalty to protect those who are innocent? because no cause justifies the deaths of innocent people. 

We're trying to publicize this issue concerning Extrajudicial killings in the Philippines to make people realize that the gun industry can clean up its act and can operate in a way that can reduce the likelihood of guns killing police officers and other innocent people. Many people seem to have varying opinions toward this issue, but the main concern would be the violation of human rights for those accused of being drug pushers. I say it is only right. People may disagree but, people who violate, or threaten, or put at risk the lives of others, do not deserve rights for themselves. But of course the court fixes this by giving them the right to freely surrender.

We’ve seen on the news that the members of the committee of human rights are opposing this on the grounds that accused people are not given the proper rights to a court of law, and instead are given the sentence of summary execution, which means they’d be killed on the spot.  We must support this, for this is only the consequence of their actions. You may see people unfairly treated, because like what people said, “You reap, what you sow.” What you do comes back to you in the end? You put other lives at risk by selling drugs? Your life is at risk by doing so, so accept the consequence of your actions.”

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You deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what you’re doing, where you are, who you’re with and if you’re OK. You need someone who can help you reach your dreams and who can protect you from your fears. You need someone who will treat you with respect, love every part of you, especially your flaws. You should be with someone who can make you happy, really happy, dancing-on-air happy. Someone who should have taken the chance to be with  instead of becoming scared and being too afraid to try.

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Love is one thing that everyone needs, but it comes with a price. It takes a lot of courage to stand on the sand and watch the waves wash it all the way with you. I'm sick and tired of floating in water, pretending I'm strong enough to swim the ocean alone.

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#DepressionIsNotAJoke Nowadays, every students killed theirselves because of depression. One of the factors of this is cyber-bullying. Technology have been touched our daily practices , were social networking sites has invaded every person's life nowadays. Now it was easier to communicate because of the gadgets, connections and social media sites, that it became a new channel of communication It served as a medium of delivering information, by keeping us updated on the recent issues or events around the globe which is benefitial now for us. Now we can be easily heard by just posting what do we want to say, or by uploading what do we want to show to every people. However, when Social Media becomes an outlet of expression and opinion. Sometimes having an excessive use of the social media have cons in return. Cyber-bullying becomes a trend. Internet becomes the beehives of the bullies. Gossips can be easily articulated. People usually fight on social media because of their different beliefs, opinions, and perception when it comes to an issue. But does it really gave them a freedom of expression? or it might ruin their privacy especially if it gets privacy especially if it gets viral? social media now might cause a harm to everyone, where the privacy of people was mistreated. We can be easily judged by just expressing our own opinion, that is why people got bullied, people got abused, and their freedom of expression were too inadequate.   It only means that nowadays words are powerful, it can change or destroy people's lives, but whether social media has a good or bad effects to people, it's still depends upon the user if they will use it wisely or not. Yes, we do have a freedom to say anything we do we want but there is limitation when it comes to it, that there is a bound to everything and we must control ourselves because at the end of this issue you were fighting off, it's you that will defines who you are or what kind of person you are. So it's better to be more careful now or not to fight back than being a so called "Keyboard Warrior" or "Mr./Ms.know-it-all"

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To the guy whom I left, I badly wanted to write this letter to you. 'Cause all the thoughts and feelings that have been bubbling up inside me since the day I left you, are finally overflowing from this letter. You think I left you for nothing, you think I left because of someone, or I'm not being earnest to you. but hell no, as a matter of fact I want you. But I was so freakin' scared, scared that If I might fall again, you'll never there to catch me. Scared that if I give you everything, you will just walk out. Scared that if I expect something from you, I might get disappointed. Yeah, it was all my fault because I didn't try, didn't try to fight my fears, didn't try to follow my feelings. Instead, I walked out. Remember when someone posted a video, you were performing on stage? at first, I really don't want to watch it, because I made  you a promise that  I will gonna watch you performing live, but there's something I've realized... it will never gonna happen again so I've watched it, and thereafter I began to feel something that really broke me into tears. I don't know the certain reason. Was it guilt? regret? confusion? longing? How about you? I don't know why didn't you bother asking me? Maybe you're tired of chasing someone who's running, or maybe I'm just nothing but a typical young girl for you that's why you just let me out. Sorry If I taken you for granted, and if you were wishing that I will rue this someday, then finally your wish came true. I regret everything I did to you, I regret not having you now, and regret of not staying. I know it's too late for me, for us. Now, you can find someone who's not afraid, and give you an irrevocable love. I know it's been months, and now I can see that we have different lives, and all I ever wish for you is to have a happy and long life.   Please eat as much as you can, don't get mad to your siblings, and more careers to come. I know because of your perseverance, you will become a successful man someday, and you will achieve what you ever wanted in your whole life. I understand that you will need to take your time trying to decide what I have said. I hope I can get a reply. Thank you so much. -The one that got away

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to the next guy who might fall in love with me. I might have scars I might not, don't ask me about them I'll tell you when the time is right. I cry easily,please don't laugh at me or don't be upset. I'm quite around people but I'll be louder around you. I have anxiety attacks, sometimes they happen a lot for no reason or when you do something for me to remember my past issues. I used to twitch a lot in my sleep, I move if I'm not comfortable, just hold my hand or pull me into you arms and run your fingers through my hair. Sometimes I take a too long to get ready, I just want to look good for you. I get embarrassed easily, please don't put me on the spot. I'm reckless and clumsy person, I want to do some stuffs that's new for me like I'm magnet of danger that's why I bruise easily but I wont tell it hurts if you grab me too tight. Please don't force me into anything I don't want to do, I'll do it when I'm ready just give me time. I apologize for the things I shouldn't or I couldn't do for you, I don't want to seem naive. I eat too much when you will remind me to eat or when you're with me, sometimes I forgot to eat or I'll eat too little when I'm alone. If I talk about someone from my past please, don't leave me like they did, and if you do I'm sorry. If I talk about him please don't mind it, he was my first love I cant help it. If I don't say I love you after you say it, please don't be hurt, but there will be days that I will kiss you all the time and tell how much I love you. Sometimes I might seem in daze, try to get me out of it but don't ask me why. My body isn't the best body you'll ever see, I have scars. A lot. But my body can be your safe haven. I'll hug you when you have nightmares, or when feel cold, or when you feel alone. I'm insecure about a lot of things, like I'm not enough or not too good, don't point all my flaws. I write out my feelings, sometimes it's philosophical and sometimes it's empty as my heart. I'm not good at expressing myself verbally, I might say something wrong or irrelevant and you will misunderstood all of it, but pls don't get mad easily have more patience when it comes to that. It's really hard for me to burst out my feelings, I don't have the strength to say anything. If you ever need someone to listen to you, I'll listen and I won't say a word 'til you're done. Send me random pictures of you or two of us, it brightens my mood.

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Felt like this photo has a lots of stories to tell. ❤️ #InsertCaption #Intramuros #Hellotheretourists ✌️ (at Intramuros Wall, Manila)

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Playing with shapes atm

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McdonFries forevs #latepost

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JESUS 🙌

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Shoefie 👠💕