surrealemil

[surrealemil]

A word of advice to trans women

Go to your nearest target. Buy a two pack of pushup bras (24$ for 2), and target’s bra inserts (12$). Then go to your nearest Walmart and buy the Vasserette Control Shapewear Panties (2.50 each), they do wonders for helping your tuck. There you go! You just saved yourself a lot of money, you can afford to buy enough to wear every day, and best of all you look fabulous. -@twidx

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the greatest skill a woman can learn for herself is self reliance

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dealing with the worst case scenario

your condom breaks

you feel a lump on your breast

your friends are ignoring you

you’re stranded on an island 

you got rejected by a crush

you get into a car accident

you got stung by a bee/wasp

you got fired from your job

you’re in an earthquake

your tattoo gets infected

your house is on fire

you’re lost in the woods

you get arrested abroad

you get robbed

your partner cheated on you

you’re on a ship that’s sinking

you fall into ice

you’re stuck in an elevator

you hit a deer with your car

you have food poisoning

your pet passed away

you fall off of a horse

you or your friend has alcohol poisoning

you have toxic shock syndrome

your house has a gas leak

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OH MY GOD 🙊. YOU SHOULDN’T SKIP THIS WITHOUT WATCHING. YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT. THIS IS A MASTERPIECE 😻💕

|• Cr: @voordeel from Youtube •|

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me: i wanna swim in a natural pond or lake, i want to walk in and see the moss and the trees and the little fish and just be one with nature

also me: hUHEDN SomNETH sloPRY TOUHCY MEy LEG

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generate a girlfriend here and tag this with what kind of girlfriend you got

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just made toast, 4/10 would’ve been better without the cheap jumpscare at the end

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yo treasure planet was literally the best 2d disney film ever made like the setting? the colors? the flawless transition? the gorgeous world building? the three dimensional characters? a main character who’s never pressured to get into anything remotely close to romance? complex relationships? an antagonist who has layers to his character? the soundtrack? i could go the FUCK on,

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WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR? - Official Trailer

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He went through so much early on that at this point he's already aged through it... diminishing effects.

can someone tell me why Yamato and Iruka look like they have gone through about twenty mid life crisis..

..meanwhile kakashi is over here looking youthful af. lemme catch that age before hits me

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♿reminders ♿

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For the song lyric prompt: If you have nightmares, we’ll dance on the bed, I know that you love me even when I loose my head

Send me a Lyric

It was dark, all around him. He could hear in the distance voices, yelling for him-no. Yelling at him.

“You’re so weak!” “You’ve lost your touch!”“You could never make it back onto the podium now.”“You gave all this up when you left the ice.”

The darkness crept up his body, hands grabbing him, pulling him to his knees. Then more, on his throat, over his eyes. And they squeezed. He couldn’t breathe.

Another sound in the distance (or was it closer? He couldn’t tell) Makkachin. Makkachin, whining, pain, dark,

help.

~*~

Victor’s eyes opened quickly, cutting off the dream that had grasped him. His hands flew up to his neck, the feeling of the hands still so fresh he felt like if he looked, there would be fingerprints left there. His breaths were sharp, shallow. He hadn’t had a nightmare that  bad in ages. Not since-

Not since Yuuri.

That’s what makes him snap his gaze around the room, still too shaken to move fluidly, eyes scanning the room for Yuuri, but coming up short. A soft sob fell from Victor’s lips. He was alone. Had he always been this way? Had it all been a dream?

The tears increased, falling faster now as Victor didn’t even try to hide his cries now. No, it couldn’t have been a dream. It was real. So had Yuuri justt left him? Of course he did. A stray thought in the back of his mind said, not sounding entirely like the others. You’re pathetic. Look at you, you’re crying over a silly nightmare. Who would want that?

Somewhere, something in his mind said how that was wrong, Yuuri LOVES him. He probably went to the bathroom or something. But that thought was drowned out by the others, all competeing for Victor’s focus.

He hates you.You were just some trophy husband.Who would ever love you?Weak, stupid, pathetic. You should just save us the time and ki-

The bedroom light flicked on. He heard someone gasp, maybe. Or maybe it was just another one of his sobs ringing in his ears. But he knows that he heard a glass being set down, amd he knows he felt the bed dip next to him. And he knows that Yuuri spoke.

“Vitya. Oh my sweet Vitya. What’s wrong?” A hand landed on his head, gently, and moved, fingers running carefully through the tangles. But in answer to the question, he could only cry harder. Yuuri moved to sit up on the bed, back to the headrest, and moved Victor, gently, until his head was set on Yuuri’s lap. Automatically, he reached up to wraps his arms around Yuuri’s stomach, pressing his face in there and continuing his crying, holding him tight.

They stayed there for a while. Victor has no idea how long, didn’t check to see the time when he woke. But eventually his cries died down and the hand in his hair slowed to a stop. Victor pulled back, taking deep breaths, though they were shaky and uneven. He looked up to Yuuri’s eyes, dark brown and so, so soft, and he saw Yuuri’s sad smile and his furrowed eyebrows, turned down slightly with worry, and he was hit with such a strong wave of affection he had to blink a few times.

How could I ever think he doesn’t love me?Yuuri will always be there for me.He’s my knight in shining pajama bottoms.I love him. I love him. I love him, I love him, I love him IlovehimIlovehim-

And Victor felt like crying again, but he didn’t. He gave Yuuri a shaky smile back before laying his head back down.

“I love you, Vitya,” Yuuri whispered, leaning down to be sure Victor heard it anyway. “I love you so much. Even when you steal only one of my socks, even when you finish off the cereal and don’t buy a new box, even when you leave piles of dirty dishes in the counter. I love you. I love you because you always find the right pair, eventually. I love you because you make sure the next box is my favorite kind. I love you because when I inevitably clean all the dishes, you clean the living room, the bathroom, and you make the bed.  And I love you when you have nightmares, Vitya. I love you when your depression kicks your ass. I love you when you feel as though you can’t be loved because you know what? No matter what happens, I’ll never stop. I love you for you, and everything that comes with you. Okay?”

Victor was crying again when Yuuri finished, happy tears this time, but they still made it so he couldn’t respond well. So he just nodded. A few quick jerks of his head, and he buried his face in Yuuri’s tummy, holding him tight. Yuuri pulled him back a bit, lifted his face so he could kiss him.

“Let’s go to sleep now.” Victor couldn’t agree more. 

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A nurse has heart attack and describes what she felt like when having one

I am an ER nurse and this is the best description of this event that I have ever heard. 

 FEMALE HEART ATTACKS 

 I was aware that female heart attacks are different, but this is description is so incredibly visceral that I feel like I have an entire new understanding of what it feels like to be living the symptoms on the inside. Women rarely have the same dramatic symptoms that men have… you know, the sudden stabbing pain in the chest, the cold sweat, grabbing the chest & dropping to the floor the we see in movies. Here is the story of one woman’s experience with a heart attack: 

 "I had a heart attack at about 10:30 PM with NO prior exertion, NO prior emotional trauma that one would suspect might have brought it on. I was sitting all snugly & warm on a cold evening, with my purring cat in my lap, reading an interesting story my friend had sent me, and actually thinking, ‘A-A-h, this is the life, all cozy and warm in my soft, cushy Lazy Boy with my feet propped up. A moment later, I felt that awful sensation of indigestion, when you’ve been in a hurry and grabbed a bite of sandwich and washed it down with a dash of water, and that hurried bite seems to feel like you’ve swallowed a golf ball going down the esophagus in slow motion and it is most uncomfortable. You realize you shouldn’t have gulped it down so fast and needed to chew it more thoroughly and this time drink a glass of water to hasten its progress down to the stomach. This was my initial sensation–the only trouble was that I hadn’t taken a bite of anything since about 5:00 p.m. 

After it seemed to subside, the next sensation was like little squeezing motions that seemed to be racing up my SPINE (hind-sight, it was probably my aorta spasms), gaining speed as they continued racing up and under my sternum (breast bone, where one presses rhythmically when administering CPR). This fascinating process continued on into my throat and branched out into both jaws. ‘AHA!! NOW I stopped puzzling about what was happening – we all have read and/or heard about pain in the jaws being one of the signals of an MI happening, haven’t we? I said aloud to myself and the cat, Dear God, I think I’m having a heart attack! I lowered the foot rest dumping the cat from my lap, started to take a step and fell on the floor instead. I thought to myself, If this is a heart attack, I shouldn’t be walking into the next room where the phone is or anywhere else… but, on the other hand, if I don’t, nobody will know that I need help, and if I wait any longer I may not be able to get up in a moment. 

I pulled myself up with the arms of the chair, walked slowly into the next room and dialed the Paramedics… I told her I thought I was having a heart attack due to the pressure building under the sternum and radiating into my jaws. I didn’t feel hysterical or afraid, just stating the facts. She said she was sending the Paramedics over immediately, asked if the front door was near to me, and if so, to un-bolt the door and then lie down on the floor where they could see me when they came in. I unlocked the door and then laid down on the floor as instructed and lost consciousness, as I don’t remember the medics coming in, their examination, lifting me onto a gurney or getting me into their ambulance, or hearing the call they made to St. Jude ER on the way, but I did briefly awaken when we arrived and saw that the radiologist was already there in his surgical blues and cap, helping the medics pull my stretcher out of the ambulance. He was bending over me asking questions (probably something like ‘Have you taken any medications?’) but I couldn’t make my mind interpret what he was saying, or form an answer, and nodded off again, not waking up until the Cardiologist and partner had already threaded the teeny angiogram balloon up my femoral artery into the aorta and into my heart where they installed 2 side by side stints to hold open my right coronary artery. 

I know it sounds like all my thinking and actions at home must have taken at least 20-30 minutes before calling the paramedics, but actually it took perhaps 4-5 minutes before the call, and both the fire station and St Jude are only minutes away from my home, and my Cardiologist was already to go to the OR in his scrubs and get going on restarting my heart (which had stopped somewhere between my arrival and the procedure) and installing the stents. Why have I written all of this to you with so much detail? Because I want all of you who are so important in my life to know what I learned first hand. 

1. Be aware that something very different is happening in your body, not the usual men’s symptoms but inexplicable things happening (until my sternum and jaws got into the act). It is said that many more women than men die of their first (and last) MI because they didn’t know they were having one and commonly mistake it as indigestion, take some Maalox or other anti-heartburn preparation and go to bed, hoping they’ll feel better in the morning when they wake up… which doesn’t happen. My female friends, your symptoms might not be exactly like mine, so I advise you to call the Paramedics if ANYTHING is unpleasantly happening that you’ve not felt before. It is better to have a ‘false alarm’ visitation than to risk your life guessing what it might be! 2. Note that I said ‘Call the Paramedics.’ And if you can take an aspirin. Ladies, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! Do NOT try to drive yourself to the ER - you are a hazard to others on the road. Do NOT have your panicked husband who will be speeding and looking anxiously at what’s happening with you instead of the road. Do NOT call your doctor – he doesn’t know where you live and if it’s at night you won’t reach him anyway, and if it’s daytime, his assistants (or answering service) will tell you to call the Paramedics. He doesn’t carry the equipment in his car that you need to be saved! The Paramedics do, principally OXYGEN that you need ASAP. Your Dr. will be notified later. 3. Don’t assume it couldn’t be a heart attack because you have a normal cholesterol count. Research has discovered that a cholesterol elevated reading is rarely the cause of an MI (unless it’s unbelievably high and/or accompanied by high blood pressure). MIs are usually caused by long-term stress and inflammation in the body, which dumps all sorts of deadly hormones into your system to sludge things up in there. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let’s be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive to tell the tale.“

Reblog, repost, Facebook, tweet, pin, email, morse code, fucking carrier pigeon this to save a life! I wish I knew who the author was. I’m definitely not the OP, actually think it might be an old chain email or even letter from back in the day. The version I saw floating around Facebook ended with “my cardiologist says mail this to 10 friends, maybe you’ll save one!” And knew this was way too interesting not to pass on.

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the only bad thing about garlic is all the paperwork you have to do before you can even cut it up

look at that

layers and layers of bureaucratic bullshit

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Your body is an incredibly bizarre machine.

“What you see is a myosin protein dragging an endorphin along a filament to the inner part of the brain’s parietal cortex which creates happiness. Happiness. You’re looking at happiness.”