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Cyrus: I’m trying to do the floss (dances).

Sylvia: I’m gonna do the mouthwash!

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An MMA commercial was playing on the TV.

Cyrus: [completely deadpan] Wow. They’re punching each other. What a cool sport.

Me: Wait, are you serious?

Cyrus: No, I was doing that thing like Daddy does when he says something is cool but he doesn’t mean it.

Me: Sarcasm?

Cyrus: Yeah, that!

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Tomorrow is her first day of Kindergarten. She’s totally excited & ready, I am not. I told her I’ll be sad without her at home with me. She told me that I could play with her Lego’s & then wait down at the bus stop until she got back. https://www.instagram.com/p/BnVJSFolwKC/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=pyi3kzrne7c4

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Sylvia drew this for me today. The first one who guesses who it is gets a gold star 😂

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We’re so lucky we’re a team.

Sylvia, hugging me before climbing into bed

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“This is Robert please let me in I have a surprise” . Sometimes, you just have to lock yourself in your bathroom, take a moment to collect yourself because your children are heathens. Then sometimes your son slips this under the door.

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It’s my hearts desire to eat cheeseburgers.

Cyrus, being very melodramatic

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Me: Did you like kindergarten orientation?

Sylvia: Yeah! I had a lot of fun.

Me: Look what they gave me for you. A workbook for you to do over the summer, & some crayons to go along with it!

Sylvia: Is it homework?

Me: No, you can do it whenever.

Sylvia: Well, I want it to be homework.

Me: ...Okay. Then it’s homework.

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Sylvia: Look! What’s this?

Me: It’s a card that Nana gave me for Mother’s Day.

Sylvia: I love you so much.

Me: I love you so much, too.

Sylvia: If we love each other so much, why didn’t I get anything for Mother’s Day?

Me: Because you’re not a mommy. If you want to have kids when you grow up, then you can get presents on Mother’s Day. & I’ll be your children’s Nana.

Sylvia: I don’t want you to be their Nana.

Me: Why not?

Sylvia: Because I don’t.

Me: Why? Do you not want to share me?

Sylvia: Yeah. I don’t want to share.

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I miss them being this cute together. They compensate now by being funny as hell, at least.

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Sylvia: “Mommy? I would really like it if I could play with your boobies.”

Me: “Well, that’s not what they’re meant for.”

Sylvia: [sigh] “Okay.”

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Cyrus: What if when I become a grown up, people don't have names anymore.

Me: What would you call each other, then.

Cyrus: Well you could be like "Hey, bro!"

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Rob: Sylvia, why are your pajamas in this cardboard box in the kitchen?

Sylvia: I don’t know. Maybe they grew legs & walked there.

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Sylvia: Knock, knock!

Me: Who’s there?

Sylvia: Little Miss Muffin!

Me: Little Miss Muffin, who?

Sylvia: Uh.....Sticker. [cackles]

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My now 7 year old on his birthday this past Sunday.

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[the most dramatic sigh ever] Ugh. I have a wedgie. [eyeroll]

Sylvia

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They love the shit out of each other. | Halloween, 2017