sprbrvr

[sprbrvr]

I don't know if it's the time of year, the weather or just a phase (perhaps all of it) but recently something in me has been bleeding more than usual. I can't help but wonder what I am doing that makes me so fucking unlovable. What is it about me that makes people not want to stick around. I am so sick and tired of never being chosen by anyone, of being discarded and ignored time and again. Of being the back-up friend, the overlooked family member, the one who people forget about. I like being independent, but oh what wouldn't I give for someone to tell me they've got it, I don't need to worry. What wouldn't I give for someone to hug me on a bad day. What wouldn't I give for someone to choose me above everything, no questions asked.

What wouldn't I give to be loved.

[sprbrvr]

You deserve a calm love with someone who gives you best friend energy, makes you laugh and never stops flirting with you. Someone who learns your love language just to treat you right and make you feel loved properly.

[sprbrvr]

your life looking different than you imagined does not make you a failure

[sprbrvr]

someone who texts you boring little details of their day, just so they have a reason to talk to you

[sprbrvr]

Intimacy is not just physical. To crave a persons presence and energy rather than just their body is the purest form of intimacy.

[sprbrvr]

I spend so much time lost in my mind that I end up forgetting to live.

[sprbrvr]

You deserve a healthy love with someone who hears you, sees you, understands you, appreciates you, supports you, and loves you. Someone who is patient, communicates clearly, and creates a calm safe space to heal, grow, and bloom together. A love you don't have to heal from.

[sprbrvr]

I’m the biggest simp when I fall in love. I don’t care if that makes me weak, it’s who I am and that’s never going to change.

[sprbrvr]

I do not want a earth shattering, world altering, fireworks and sparks type of love. I don't want incredible highs, and plummeting lows. I don't want obsession, I don't want hot and cold, push and pull. I don't want someone to be the current that carries me away, pulls me this way and that, never knowing what to expect.

I want a love that feels like a warm blanket on a chilly evening. I want the gentle flickering of a fireplace when it is dark, the steady beat of a heart that I hold so dearly and want to keep safe. I want a shoulder to lean on when I need it, a gentle hand in mine. I want someone to give me a warm and fuzzy feeling instead of butterflies. I want someone to feel like my safe haven, my rock in the current. I want a gentle love.

[sprbrvr]

I'm having one of those days where I just want to be loved. Where the craving for love is so all consuming that I don't know what to do with myself. Where I just want someone to hold me and tell me that I am loved, that I will be okay, that they will not leave me. Where I want to come home and be enveloped in a hug that makes my heart swell, makes warmth and comfort curse through my body, knowing that I am home

I have never been anyone's first choice and it's getting harder and harder to brush it aside, to tell myself that it will happen eventually.