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Fargo, ND

I wish I could say that there is more to do here than to look at the wood chippers in peoples yards and wonder if the movie Fargo was all fictional. I have to say that the stillness of this place has invicted a sort of growth period for all travel nurses. A kinda zen we cannot put our fingers on. It is here I lost my best friend Aurora, my travel buddy, ride or die. But it is also here that I learned that the instinctional presence we feel gives us the will to survive. Even the worst of circumstances. 

Life is full of loss, growth, heart break, dancing, and challanges. But I guess you can say we do not know who we really are until we face those challanges. I think in this past month I have out grown the victum role, the role which divides you between being strong enough to take on a work bully, and strong enough to move post something you have no control over. 

I have found that in life, there are more moments to dance than there is to cry, or to give up the good fight. I think no matter who you encounter everyone has a story. Every place I travel is not perfect, and I do not expect it to be which is why they need people like us, the travel nurses. The corky, smart, humerous, and outlandish characters of the midwest and beyond. That being said, handle the challanges in life with pride, strength, and being calm always wins, just like kindness that wins too.  

And don’t forget, I love you because the entire universe conspired for me to find you. - and that my friends is how you approach your challanges, the people, and the places. You were just meant to be. 

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The Nature of the Beast.

Lately, I have been questioning if everything in my life that has happened the past few months has been worth it. I needed to post a really honest blog about how hard it has been to travel alone. Not everyone understands travel nursing, and quite frankly few understand it. Its sort of the nature of the beast to find yourself trying to surround yourself with people who naturally are more goal focused on attaining something from you than actually caring about you. 

There are so few in this world who truly arent selfishly goal directed for themselves. It has proven very difficult to move on from past event without another destination in the future that contains some promise or some hope for a solid foundation. I think in life that there are a lot of faulty inviduals who simply are destined to be in the same place no matter how hard you try to change them. What I have found is that its okay to be completely independent within yourself, because maybe God just really wants you to be alone. Even if you argue with him that you have already done this before. He kind has this weird, strange, and undesirable plan sometimes to test you when the time is right. 

I also want to add, that no matter what your circumstances are you do not have to feel obligated to do anything you do not want to do. You also don’t have to ever feel pressured in any relationship to be someone, or to do something that is not who you are. A lot of times recently I have felt like that, i felt so alone that I thought being forced to do something was OK. Its not. 

Further more, naturally we find comfort in those who do not have safe arms when we feel alone. Just a fair warning, that its better to feel safe in your own arms than someone who is not to be trusted. 

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Recognizing the need to grow.

Recently, I have made some different life choices. Some of which I am not particularly proud of. But part of growing is being able to feel your mistakes. Yes, feel them. I think it is so important to be honest with yourself. To accept that everything in your life is not perfect. I think also that people who choose to let life get to them are weak. In honor of mental health awareness month, I want people to know that I have had my moments of weakenss. And I am going to conintue to be having them. it is part of being human. 

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Traveling Changes Your Prespective on Relationships.

This is probably going to be the hardest post I have ever written. But apart of me feels ilke it has to be done in order for me to be able to scrape together what I have left and move forward. First of all, I want to say as a traveling nurse that if someone really loves you, and cares about you they will do everything in their power to be with you. If that includes hoping a plane to be there, or sending packages in the mail to remind you of home when your down they will do that. 

Recently I had a moment where I realized that the person I thought I wanted to be with for the rest of my life decided to make other plans for himself. I understand that some people may become bitter from watching someone leave and go travel but it is no reason to stop caring and give up on them. Its also not so hard to call someone twice a day just to check on them, or remind them how much you love them and that you are proud of their success. For me, that never happened. 

If you cannot recieve any of that then what is the point of being together? I am  a firm believer that good things fall apart so better things can fall together. I also think its normal to be completely hurt about it. For a long time. I have to say though, that it is so important that you although yourself to feel every emotional process when you decide to end something that isnt worth it anymore. I guess you could say when people start treating you like your ordinary thats the time to end it. Everyone has an expiration date in your ilfe, don’t take it personal, they just do. 

The hardest part about this entire process is knowing that you are completely and utterly alone and you are trying to break out the super glue in hopes that you can magically fix your mangeled heart for the next person. i can tell you, that it is the hardest, most pathetic thing I have ever had to do in my life but I can also say that after two and a half years I know my self worth. And if someone starts treating you like you are ordinary its time to let that person expire in your life. 

Yes, you are going to feel completely alone. And like crap majority of the time. But just know you did what you did in order to save yourself from sitting at a nine to five job, going home to the same person who will always have the same expectations of you. The same person who forgets about your birthday and how to surprise you with flowers once and while. The same person who decided to be lazy and forget about God and the Universe. The same person, who thinks that you should live an ordinary life with him. Without adventure, without surprises, and without your own self worth in mind. My advice to you all, follow your passions, trust in God, and the plan of the Universe. You are worth more than you have been told or shown.  

--- “I will not be another flower, picked for my beauty and left to die. I will be wild difficult to find, and impossible to forget.”

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Perfect!!!!!!!! 

It all works out

While I am catching up on stories from my previous travel nurse assignments, I am also currently starting a new assignment.  This one ended up being kind of down to the wire when it comes to timing.  I had been looking for an assignment in California as it seems the pay is the best compared to the rest of the nation.  However the recent job market hasn’t been that great.  California jobs are a little harder to come by than they were just a few months ago.  Also, this ended up being the biggest issue, they are much lower paying than they have been.  I found jobs and plenty of companies able to get me to California however they were all offering less than $2000 a week gross.  What the heck is up with that?  Cost of living is SO high in CA.  Rent is crazy in most of the cities with jobs (L.A., San Francisco, and their surrounding areas).  One recruiter I was talking to was intent on getting me to go to L.A. or San Francisco despite the fact that I told her I didn’t want those cities.  She told me not to be afraid of big cities.  I’m not afraid!  I want to be able to afford to eat after I pay my rent!!!  My whole point of this assignment was to make money and sock it away, replenish my rainy day fund if you will.  So I was being really picky.  I wouldn’t allow my recruiters to submit me to a job paying less than $2000 a week and wouldn’t go somewhere where the rent was out of this world.  An apartment I looked at near Burlingame (outside of San Francisco) was $3000 a month for a studio.  I know I come from an area where cost of living is lower but really, how do people afford this?  

I ended up signing for a contract in French Camp California, the pay is over $2000 a week and the rent is really affordable in the area.  Being last minute my assignment is supposed to start Monday and I signed the contract Tuesday … 6 days before my start date.  After signing the contract I loaded up my car and hit the road.  3 days of driving later and I arrived in French Camp with no place to live and a job starting in 3 days.  I found the hospital and drove around the town looking for apartments.  I knew French Camp was small but I did not realize it is literally the hospital next to a jail surrounded by low income migrant homes.  There is no store, one gas station, and absolutely nothing else.  I found some apartment complexes in the smaller neighboring towns however none had available apartments or they wouldn’t do short term leases.  So I decided I would find a hotel and just book it for the weekend then ask some travel nurses at work where they are living.  

I started going to hotels and was getting turned down everywhere.  I was told all of the hotels would be booked through the weekend because of the Asparagus Festival.  Yes you read that right.  I was going to be sleeping in my car because of an Asparagus Festival.  

One thing travel nursing has taught me is that everything works out as it is intended.  You do your best and put in the work and after that you just have to hold on for the ride.  There is no sense in getting all worked up and stressed out, all that does is waste time and destroy your mood and banish happiness.  It’s hard to just let go of the reigns and sometimes I have to remind myself to roll with it.  This was one of those times.  Whether you believe in God, fate, divine intervention, luck, positive thinking, or whatever else is out there; sometimes you just have to let go.  So I did the only thing I could.  I kept looking for a hotel and reminded myself this was out of my hands.  I pulled into a hotel parking lot and noticed there was an alley next to it and what looked like apartments on the other side of the fenced alley.  So I followed the fence around and went to the management office.  

Lo and behold, although they had nothing available for me the Assistant Manager was amazing!!  The city I am in is Stockton and I’m not sure if you have heard much but I haven’t heard anything good.  She told me what areas of town were safe and which weren’t, and informed me not to go to Asparagus Fest.  Once she found out I am a travel nurse she picked up the phone and a few calls later informed me she had an apartment lined up for me.  Before leaving her office she gave me her card and told me to call her with any questions or if I needed anything.  Talk about phenomenal service!

I got to the apartment complex I was referred to and the Manager here pulled out all the stops to get me into a great place that very day as well as setting up furniture rental!  This place has 3 pools, tennis courts, a gym, it’s gated with security at night and very affordable!  God, The Universe, whatever it is you want to call it, really does provide.  I am blown away at how this seems to happen wherever I go.  Whenever I’m in a pickle I just put in the work I need to and remind myself to let go and just go with it.  I have gotten much better at just going with instinct and the flow.  

My life has been much happier without all that stress and worry.  I am a complete believer in the thought that life is what you make of it.  If you choose to be happy no matter your circumstances you will be happy.  Life throws curves at every single one of us, believe me I have had a lot of really nasty curves in my lifetime as I’m sure you have as well.  If we find the silver lining in each situation and focus on the positive and be grateful for what we have in that moment our lives shine!  You are so focused on the good that the bad tends to fade away, it loses control of your life.  If you have Netflix there is a movie that reinforces this thought.  I found it very empowering, it is really worth watching, it is called “The Secret”.

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Resistance in the Pursuit of Happiness

I want to take a second and talk about the resistance in the pursuit of happiness. A lot of times the majority of us have periods of time in our lives where we play the victum in order to resists achieving our personal goals. “I can’t do this I have a kid.” or “I can’t do this because I don’t want to end up like a family member.” A lot of these remarks are associated with fear. Which is not of God. I think that in life it is so important that despite what cards we are given that we continue to pursue our happiness. Whether that be climbing a moutain, telling your boss to F off, or just being happy where you are. People who are truly miserable in their lives will always try to bring others down. If you are one of these people who have ever suffered this kind of abuse. Do not play the victum. move forward with your life, and continue to reach for those goals. The minuet you start to play the victum, and feel sorry for yourself, is the minuet you stop living your life. 

On an added note, a lot of us are wasteful in our lives. We are wasteful with our time with people who do not deserve our time. Your time is valuable. As is your heart, dedication, and love. So do not waste it. And yes you do not need that extra lipstick, book, or pair of socks from the mall. That is also wasteful. Unless you had a patient pee on your socks than you need to buy a new pair as I did. 

Life is a sacrid act of selflessness that God has given us. So do not fear of not giving someone your time. Your time is love, it is precious. If you have to get rid of those people in your life who waste your time and energy do it. It is perfectly okay to walk away from someone because they are not appreciating your worth, and your precious time. 

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Advice for Future Travelers.

I want to take a moment and just throw some advice out there for anyone who wants to travel. I know better than anyone what it is like to struggle with an assignment that just is not going your way. There are some things that you can do to avoid politics, and establish better working relationships. 

1. You are not above the rules, and you are not above anyone else. No matter how many years you have under your belt as a nurse. 

2, Walk in and introduce yourself to everyone. Yes. EVERYONE. because no one likes a cold hearted and snot nosed little brat of a nurse. These people have been working at the hospital for years. Show them a little respect. 

3. ALWAYS AND I MEAN ALWAYS ADHERE TO THEIR POLICIES NO MATTER HOW SILLY THEY MAY BE YOU ARE A GUEST IN THEIR HOUSE. 

4. DO NOT complain. Ever. Just dont. If you manager asks how its going you say great because no one needs to deal with a new complainer when I am sure they already have tons of those. 

4. Always try to ask about what they are teaching you. Dont say “oh I can do that.” no one likes that. Ask them lots of questions, be there to learn something. 

It is so important that as a travelers you keep a positive mindset and do not go gossiping about staff thats just gross. You need to be ready and willing for people to teach you something new everyday. Do not just go do something because you think its right. Always ask and double triple check everything you do. Its all about patient safety, being open to new things, and being willing to learn. Its hard as a traveler to think you can do everything because you can’t. I guess what I am trying to say is to learn to be humble. That is a key to success in this field. It doesnt matter how many years you have if you cannot be humble in what you do. 

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Fur babies can fly.

I think it is important as a traveling nurse to be able to bring your fur child with you. I am an avid believer in that animals are friends. Even when they totally make you mad after they poop on your 1500 leather couch. I wanted to post some guidelines to help other travelers be able to bring their animals with them. 

Step one: Decide whether or not you think you have anxiety. Could be anxiety about getting randomly selected for search in the airport, classic mother in law anxeity, or just general anxeity. Most of us have at least one of these if not, do not procede to step two just accept the fact you are going to have to pay the $125 for the pet fee and the $88 dollars at pet smart to have a place for the animal to be kept. 

Step two: https://www.nsarco.com/emotional-support-animal.html log on to your nearest computer and register your animal whether it be a duck, small cow, camel, dog of any size, or mini pony. 

Step three: once you have registered your small farm animal contact your primary heath care provider for a letter. If they are cool, they will help you out. If not find someone who will be willing to take your mother in law anxiety seriously and write a letter for you about your anxeity for the airline. Nothing fixes anxiety like holding a mini pony on your plane ride. 

Step four: submit the letter with a special form some airlines have, and wait from approval.  Usually takes a few days, must be 48 hours before the flight. 

Step five: enjoy your glass of wine with your mini horse or dog to your next assignment.

**as nurses we have anxeity without our animals why should we leave them behind? 

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The Calling.

Sometimes in life, we really don’t know why things happen. They kind of just happen. Even if the circumstances that were presented showed the ugliest face imaginable. I started my travel nurse life because well, my current ICU job wasnt working out. I had a really hard time just being happy. And a lot of people noticed that. So I quit my first ICU job and decided to travel, I felt like in that moment I just didnt have a choice. It was a calling. And to be quite frank with you, someitmes we dont get to have a choice in our lives of what happens we just have to kind of live with it. I have to say there are few things in life that can really feed your soul. One of those things being love, and the second one being traveling. Traveling really sparks some kind of human desire I really cannot explain. Its like learning a new part of yourself that you didnt know before, that nerdy part of you that no one wants to hangout with. yes that one.

It is fearless to sit down and decide to quit your job, have a tall glass of wine, and submit yourself to an agency to travel. But for those of you thinking about it all I can really say to you is, what are you waiting for? My whole nursing career I thought this is it, this is all I am going to see, all I will ever know. But you know what? I was wrong. I have to say the travelers I have met have touched my soul because they too have the mindset that not all that wander are lost. I still feel the same beautiful connection with my patients that I always have. But this time I can to spread my wings and learn about the lives of others in a completely different state, and often state of mind. Nothing is more fuel to the fire of the soul than being able to grow the wings we are in search for and fly from our comfort zone. and sometimes we fall, hard, but that is life, and that is life for a nurse as well.  

I think in the end, we are looking for something to make us happy. And no amount of stuff can really replace your true calling. Whether that be traveling from place to place never quite getting comfortable or just simply living in one place but loving it with every part of your being. The heart of a true gypsy nurse is that we find ourselves in every place we go, whether that be on the coast or in the middle of no where. Its not about where you end up, it about the journey that took you there. Even if that means leaving your comfort zone and jumping. Because the reality is, we really are jumping into a different unit, different floor, and different place. But one thing remains the same and that is our soul it never changes. We thrive on the need to see more, do more, and be more. 

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Bradenton, Florida