somethingsyoudontforget

[somethingsyoudontforget]

Through the Blinds xx

It was a Saturday afternoon, and as I sat at my desk trying to get some work done, I couldn’t help but turn my head to the right to look out my window.  I noticed every little detail through the transparent glass; the trees lining the street outside, each with their own distinct shade of brown, green, and in some cases, this sort of...yellow-green chartreuse colour.  The tall figure right in the middle was leafless; just layer upon layer of intricate branches stretching up as if to touch the sky...which to most, would be a drab, monotone sight of light grey, but to my eyes, had subtle differentiations in their shades as clouds overlapped one another.  I could hear the cars moving against the wet road and the quiet little chirping of birds.  Like most, I would say it was gloomy weather, but I couldn’t help loving it all the same.  It was a part of the city and I wouldn’t change it for anything.  

The cold weather allowed me to indulge in the simple pleasures of lighting a candle while drinking a large, steamingly hot cup of tea, my laptop out in front of me as I typed away on the screen.  Yet, I just couldn’t stop my instincts of turning to my right.  You see, I had dark grey blinds in front of my mid-sized window...it wasn’t something I had particularly chosen to get, it just came with the dorm room.  But, every time I looked at it, it always reminded me of this cover of a song (as its album cover featured a black-and-white photograph of window blinds).  The song itself was “Happier” by Ed Sheeran, but I liked to listen to Caleb and Kelsey’s adaptation of it.  It was a lot smoother and lyrical, at least in my opinion, and so much more heartfelt.  

I remembered my first impression of the song was just that they had amazing voices and it sounded so good; so I sent it to my best friend (who had just broken up with her boyfriend), thinking that it would cheer her up...I mean the song title is “Happier”, right?  She texted me back asking why I had sent it to her; “it’s so sad,” she had written to me.  Oops.  

It was an absolutely stunning cover...but she was right.  Listening to the song again, my eyes started to water as I concentrated on all the melodic, but melancholic lyrics, telling a story about watching the person you loved find someone else; feeling happy that they were happy, but whilst knowing that you were happier when you were with them.  I felt my heart sink as I thought back to the person who used to make me so incredibly happy all the time, to the point where my mom had said I was glowing whenever I talked about him.  Unfortunately, that’s not a part of my life anymore, but that song…  Listening to it always made me feel a little sad, but it was too beautiful of a song for me to stop…

[somethingsyoudontforget]

It’s too beautiful of a song for me to stop...xx

(Source: youtube.com)

[somethingsyoudontforget]

Looking out the window...xx

(Source: original photo)

[somethingsyoudontforget]

(Source: pinterest.com)

[somethingsyoudontforget]

The Seven Stages of Heartbreak xx

December 9th, 2016.

It was supposed to be a great day.

It’s funny how fast things can change,

When your heart tells you one thing,

But fate pulls you through the rain and mud,

Throwing you to the side.

You thought you were the female lead...

Turns out,

You were just the side chick.

December 9th, 2016.

That was the day I went through seven stages.

Seven stages of heartbreak.

Stage One.

Shock.

The single moment you find out.

The single moment when everything changes.

I stood,

Frozen like a snowflake,

As if any of the tiniest movements,

Would break me.

Stage Two.

Frenzy.

Like a small little puppy,

Hungry and scouring,

Whimpering at everything that passed for a bit of food and comfort.

I was being pulled apart by every thought.

He really doesn’t want me.

We had nothing in the first place.

How could he do this to me?

How could he do this to her?

Stage Three.

Denial.

Deny, deny, deny.

Maybe it won’t be true.

As long as you don’t think about it…

Laughter and smiles broke free from their frozen stance on my face.

Just don’t think.

It probably never happened anyways.

Really, how reliable can a rumour be?

Then, I saw him.

My heart skipped a beat and still,

I smiled.

Don’t think.

Just don’t think.

That was the last time I heard his voice before knowing for sure.

That was the last time I could keep pretending that he was all mine,

That I was the special one.

Even though I had already been fooling myself for months.

He chose her over me.

He ended one to begin another...

And I wasn’t part of that picture.

Stage Four.

Anger.

“Someone’s having dinner without me,” he said as I asked him where he was going.

Half an hour later,

He came back...with her.

That’s it.

I knew.

They were standing right in front of me.

What did he take me as?

A fool?

Well, I wasn’t going to let it happen.

How dare he do this to me.

My eyes,

Hard as rock,

Tried to burn through him with the flaming passion of scorn and hurt.

Stage Five.

Sobbing.

I sat in the concert hall,

Knowing that he was backstage with her.

It grew darker as my eyes started to water.

The beginning notes played as I saw her from the corner of my eye.

My breath hitched,

A small tear broke away from my eyelids...

That's all it took.

The other tears followed their leader as they fell,

Loyal, committed and never-ending.

Stage Six.

The most obvious stage for any heartbroken girl,

The Ugly Cry.

I felt my back hit against the cold bathroom door.

The thin streams turned to waterfalls as I tried to catch my breath but couldn't.

What had he done to me?

I slid.

Crouching,

Cowering,

Hiding.

Enveloped in my own darkness,

My own arms attempted to comfort me.

But there was no cure.

Stage Seven.

Exhaustion.

I'm done.

I can't deal with this any longer,

Everything has changed.

I don't know what’s going to happen.

The thought of bed,

The soft hugs from my blanket,

The gentle kisses from my pillow,

Were my only solace.

I had run the race,

I had made it to the end of seven stages.

Little did I know,

This was the easy part, the sprint,

For there was another,

The rest of the marathon…

Stage Eight.

Getting over him.

[somethingsyoudontforget]

Stage six...xx

(Source: rebloggy.com)

[somethingsyoudontforget]

Every time I see them together...xx

(Source: youtube.com)

[somethingsyoudontforget]

When you see him with someone else...xx

(Source: pinterest.com)

[somethingsyoudontforget]

i know deep down i used to mean something to you.

but now i mean nothing. (via uhnsaids)

[somethingsyoudontforget]

Hugs xx

A hug.  A hug is such a simple gesture that everyone does, but there are so many versions of it for every situation. The hugs you give your parents are different from those awkward side-hugs you give when you bump into someone you haven’t seen in a long time, and then those hugs are different from the crushing bear hugs you give your best friend.  Then, there are the hugs that are completely on a whole new level.  If you’re lucky, those hugs come from your boyfriend, fiancé, or husband, but for me, those came from a certain crush.  

I remember a very specific one that is now forever engrained in my memory.  We were in one of the art studios on a Monday afternoon in April, hanging and chatting after our first day of exams.  I had caught a cold the weekend before (bad timing, I know), and he had come to try and comfort me.  It was about time to catch the bus, so, he got up and asked for a hug.  “I don’t want to get you sick,” I pouted as I stood as well.

All he said was, “I don’t care.”

Seconds later, I was enveloped in his arms as they came around my lower waist, my own arms wrapped tightly around his.  My cheek was pressed against his chest as his chin rested on my head.  His warmth spread tingles all down my spine and into every part of my body possible.  I remember my legs had turned to water as I completely melted into his embrace and allowed him to hold me up.  Although innocent, it was one of those hugs that every romance novel had described; the ones where you just never wanted to let go.  It was one of those small infinities (as John Green would’ve described it), and it was completely ours.

But no longer had I settled into the embrace when the doubts started to overload my brain.  

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Have you gone mad?”

“This is never going to work.”

“He has a girlfriend for crying out loud!!!”

“He’s not going to break up with her just for you.”

My head was already spinning from the cold and this just made it throb.  No matter how much I wanted to hold on tight, I slowly lifted my face from his chest.  My heart had sunk into my stomach as I began to let go…but he didn’t.  As I backed away, leaving a gap between us, his arms were still circled at my waist.  I tilted my head to look up at him.  I remembered how my heart was racing and my breath was caught in my throat.

He was giving me the look.  I swear.

That look I had seen so many times in romantic-comedy films…I could recognise it anywhere.  It seemed like we were frozen as we were wrapped in silence, too concentrated on the moment to think of anything else.  I wanted so badly to give in…but I couldn’t be that girl.  I had too much respect for myself, and for him, to do it.

So, I broke the moment.  I turned my head and took another step back, letting his hands fall to his sides.

I broke the moment.

[somethingsyoudontforget]

When in a single moment, you imagine your whole life with another person...this is what love should be...xx

(Source: youtube.com)

[somethingsyoudontforget]

When you wish you could stay in your own infinity...xx