slytherxnprince

[slytherxnprince]

Hermione: ron, are you even listening to me?

Ron: yes

Hermione: then what did i say?

Ron: yes

[slytherxnprince]

- is that cocaine or a powder donut? -

Hermione: a powder donut, obviously

Harry: cocaine

Ron: honestly i don’t know

[slytherxnprince]

[ ronmione at a mattress store ]

Hermione: you know, once we get the mattress, we’ll have to break it in ;)

Ron: i hear what you’re saying, MATRESS TRAMPOLINE

Hermione:

Ron: wait no, you were talking about sex

[slytherxnprince]

Harry: mom, dad, i’m gay

Lily: [looks at james]

James: [clenches fists]

Lily: don’t-

James: HI GAY, I’M DAD

[slytherxnprince]

Draco: harry, where is our daughter?

Harry: she’s in the stroller, duh

Draco: [holds up baby] this is a black baby boy

Harry: so?

Draco: THIS ISNT OUR DAUGHTER

Harry: wow, racist AND sexist, get woke malfoy

Draco: WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CHILD-

[slytherxnprince]

Draco: [walks by]

Harry: [wheezes]

Draco: i guess you could say i took your breath away ;)

Harry: no [wheeze] i’m—having— [wheeze] an—asthma-attack-

Draco: lmao nice try, you know you like me

Harry: nOIMACTUALLY[WHEEZE]—

Draco: [walks away]

[slytherxnprince]

Ron: if i was the last person on earth, would you date me?

Hermione: if you were the last person on earth i would not be alive

[slytherxnprince]

[ icy girl starts playing ]

Harry: don’t do it-

Draco: too late

Harry: goddam-

Draco: cause iM ICY, WIFEY, HATERS WANNA FIGHT ME-

[slytherxnprince]

Ron: harry, i’m fine, madam pomfrey said that all the bleeding is internal- that’s where the blood is supposed to be!

[slytherxnprince]

Ron: [mumbling] you look pretty today

Hermione: what?

Harry: play it cool-

Ron: i said- yOU LOOK SHITTY TODAY

Harry: [sighs]

[slytherxnprince]

McGonagall: fred, george, i need to speak to both of you

George: ooOooOoOoOo

Fred: someone’s in trouuuuble

George: it’s us

Fred and George: we don’t know why we did that

[slytherxnprince]

Harry: do you want to know how i actually got my scar?

Ron: yes.

Harry: i was hula hooping. i attend a class for fitness and for fun.

Ron: oh my god-

Harry: i’ve mastered all the moves. the pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie-doodle.

Ron: why are you telling me this?

Harry: because no one will ever believe you.

Ron: you sick son oF A BITCH-

[slytherxnprince]

a concept: draco squeezing harry’s hand the whole time on a rollercoaster

[slytherxnprince]

Hermione: i just started a book club! oh it’ll be so much fun- there aren’t any members yet but i’m sure people will join... i’ve decided on the first book being Hogwarts: A History-

Ron: why am i attracted to you?

[slytherxnprince]

i would do anything for rowan khanna, anytHING-

[slytherxnprince]

Slytherin: you make me want to throw up-

Hufflepuff: [smacks slytherin’s arm]

Slytherin’s Crush: umm

Slytherin: ... in a good way

[slytherxnprince]

Fred: wanna get stoned mate?

George: ye mate

Fred: [throws stone at george]

George:

George: oi

George: what the fok mate