scaredofemotion-blog

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The 19 year old coughed a little bit, staring at her. "Nothing. Nothing happened I just-" he coughed. "I'm just a little sick is all" more coughing. "J-Jo... That was your name, wasn't it?" he asked, his vision was blurry and his movements were a bit shaky. "J-Jo Crawford?" he asked. "I know cause of that red hair..." his mumbling faded of and he fell back a bit, too weak from sickness and hunger to sit up all the way.

His eyes rolled back a little bit and he coughed more, his entire body rattling from it. "It's just not so easy out here, you know?" he breathed, his voice horse and shaky. "No one ever wants to..." his words faded off and his eyes closed, he couldn't make more words.

The End?

Joanna was walking down the street after her violin lesson. She was teaching singing and the violin in people’s homes for extra money, it was a surprise how many people wanted to learn. It was still cold out, she hated it. She wanted it to be spring already. Something inside of her felt hallow. After a year of running away this life seemed almost boring. Her fingers idly played with her hair as she looked into windows of passing stores. 

The violin case was light on her back but the portable stand wasn’t. It felt like a small piece of led weighing her down as she walked down the road. Headphones blasted a whole orchestra, letting her block out all of the noise. Her fingers danced on her leg, acting as if she was pressing down strings of an invisible violin. 

Suddenly, she stopped. A man kicked the boy away when he tried to reach out. “Aye! Watch it!” Joanna shouted and ran up to him. “He’s a person too you pretentious asshole.” She sneered at him. When he turned to walk away, she quickly grabbed his wallet and got all the cash he had out of it. She tossed it away and bent down, handing the large sum of money to him. “Alex?” Joanna almost felt her heart stop when she saw his face. She had completely forgot about him. 

Joanna got down to her knees and let her violin case lean against the wall. Her arm rested on his chest and the other went to his head, feeling the sudden warmth. “Oh my god, Alex what happened.” Joanna whispered, making sure people moved around him. 

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The End?

It was a miracle that Alex had been staying as long as he had. That was two and a half years on the street, alone, with bad people after him. He really should have been dead, but he wasn't. Alex was far to curious and excited about life to let himself go. He had too much left to learn and too much left to see, so he fought.

Of course it wasn't that simple, though. He couldn't fight illness or hunger for too long and the food he stole was hardly enough to keep him completely nourished. After two years, he was sick with a rattly cough that sounded like he was going to couch up his lungs. He was pale as a sheet and practically looked like a zombie. 

He was freezing and burning up all at once and hallucinating from his fever. It was terrifying as he'd never learned anything about sickness from his father. He had no idea what was going on. 

He crawled along the new york side walk. "Help" he would croak to occasional passersby but they would all move away and sneer at the filth at their feet. Eventually he just collapsed, ready to give up. 

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"That's all I know how to do" he snorted. “Er… yeah, I’m good enough at fighting, I think. That’s the only way I’ve lasted this long” he explained, shaking his head a little bit. He fidgeted a little bit with the strings of his hoodie and then looked at Ludwig, narrowing his eyes a little bit. He felt the need to break the silence as it only allowed more fear to build up in his mind. He was scared of silence, but also of saying something stupid in front of this other boy. The silence hung in the air for a few more moments before Alex managed to speak.

“When you say take action… does that mean killing them or… hiding me away?” he asked. He decided not to question what made this other boy care so much. He appreciated it too much to ask. He didn’t want him to change his mind or something.

From what Alex knew about himself he could say for certain that if the tables were turned he would not have done the same. Alex believed in self preservation over being selfless.  He was never really raised to care about those around him over himself. That’s what confused him about Ludwig, he didn’t understand the act of risking oneself to protect another, especially one he’d just met.

( the human condition )

Ludwig knew that he was asking a lot out of Alex once he inquired the boy about his father. It was apparent that Alex was not the kind of person to give out information easily. Yet this was an extreme scenario that required some exceptions. Ludwig was glad that Alex chose to trust him - even if it was just for this night, this encounter by chance. “I see…” His voice trailed off. “If your pursuers will not cease until their objective is reached, then we must take action.” In other words, these men would have to be eliminated one way or another. 

A few minutes past in silence. Only once he had mentally stepped away from his morbid thoughts did Ludwig cast a glance at Alex. He took note of how the boy looked tense. Ludwig exhaled slowly. “I don’t regret inviting you over for dinner,” he remarked. If Ludwig had to lose all his instruments and music in order to save the life of one boy…then he would do it. He had sworn to protect children. His methods were unethical and immortal, but his intentions had always been in the children’s best interests. Right now, he needed to preserve Alex’s safety.

“Do you know how to fight?” Ludwig needed to know what Alex was and was not capable of. He already had an inkling of an idea that Alex did based upon the subtle nuances of the boy’s mannerisms and body language. 

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He smiled after her, transfixed by her. He had been totally starved of affection in prison. Seeing her now was totally magical. Her mere presence made his heart flutter and skip a couple beats here and there. He was glad he'd made the choice to come here where he'd see her, hear her, feel her. Though he barely knew her, this was the closest relationship he'd had in his whole life so he was clinging to it tightly.

He turned and walked into the bathroom, turning on the shower and smiling a little bit. The hot water felt nice against his cold hands. After quickly getting washed he changed back into his clothes and waited patiently for Cat. 

Shelter

Cat walked into the bathroom and pulled a towel and washcloth off the rack behind the door. She set them on the counter and smiled. “That’s all you’ll need, unless you need anything else, then you can just kind of adventure to look for it. All the shampoo and soap are in the shower.” She said, then was surprised by another kiss. Her hand stuttered as her words probably would’ve, unsure of what to do, and settled on the back of his neck, pulling him closer.

She pulled away until their lips were touching, but not moving. She turned her head and whispered, “My tramp.” She took a step back and went to the door, smiling before she opened it and skipped down the hall, almost to a tune that was nonexistent. 

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Alex chewed on his fingernails a little bit. It was odd for someone his age to believe a lie like that but his mind was clouded and Alex didn't really understand people so he bought it. "O-okay" he stammered. "Who has you looking after me?" he asked, his guard suddenly up again.

“Me?” He questioned with a quirk of an eyebrow. The boy was so timid. January saw a bit of himself when he was that age, although January couldn’t remember when he was, if he ever was, a timid thing. “My name is January, and I was sent to look after you.” A sweet little lie, but the kid looked like he needed it.

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"Thanks" he whispered. "Where's the shower and stuff? It's been a while since I've taken a shower where I don't have to... worry" he said, slowly and laughed a little bit, awkwardly. "Yeah, sorry. I might be a bit, I want to get all cleaned off and I want to... Think" he laughed. He was still trying to get his head around being safe, around getting to see her again, around everything. 

He looked at her and bit his lip before kissing her again, a little bit harder this time, just out of excitement. His heart fluttered as their lips touched. He'd definitely missed the feeling of that, the happiness and the comfort that she somehow provided to him, just with her presence   

Shelter

She had missed his lips and his voice and everything about him. “I like you rambling. I missed it.” Somehow she had formed such a bond that there was nobody closer to her than he was. With a small sigh she wrapped her arms around his neck and winced as her stomach contacted him. The vain urges to go put on makeup or fix herself into more proper clothes curled up and died in her mind. She wanted to hear about him, about how he was. “I love it when you talk, about anything… nothing.” She smiled. “I’ve been denying myself the proper conversation as well, locked up in here or work often.” Cat laughed nervously and pulled away so she could look at him again. 

“If you’d like, you can shower, I’ll go get some food and bring it up, I can only imagine how much you could use both of those things.” She smiled kindly at him. Basically, her house was his house, besides the exception of her father probably slapping her out of sheer anger if he found out that she was having a boy in her room. Let alone one like Alex. 

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He wrapped the blanket around himself and leaned forward to kiss her. He pulled away with a smile. "Sorry... I missed you" he chuckled, looking at the floor. "I don't know why I came here... I mean, yeah, I do. I came because I needed a place to hide and you were the first person I thought of because... Because we're so close and-" he stopped. "Sorry. I'm rambling. I haven't had a friendly conversation in such a long time" he said, staring into her eyes. "I think I've forgot how to have a proper conversation" he laughed, covering his face with his hands and taking a deep breath.

"Sorry. You can... Talk or something if you want to. I haven't given you much of a chance" he laughed, it was taking a lot of effort not to go off again and to not start rambling. He was so excited to see her that he was sort of just word vomiting.

Shelter

Catalina had walked into her room, wearing what she’d call her ‘house’ clothes, sweats and a t-shirt. In the darkness, she could see the outline of Alex, which both excited and terrified her. She shut the door behind her after yelling a goodnight to her parents in French. With a lock of the door she opened the window and quickly ushered him in. “Alex?” Cat asked, letting out the breath she felt she was holding for so long.

She couldn’t explain how long it’d felt, but she took another breath, promising herself not to hold onto it. “Mon dieu..” She muttered in French, assuming he must be freezing, so she grabbed a blanket off her bed and handed it to him. “I’ve never been more glad someone broke a law.”

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Shelter

Alex pulled the dark hoodie that Henry had lent to him over his head. He walked quickly. He didn't like being alone in the dark, especially not anymore. He'd just escaped from prison that day, they would be looking for him, that much was a given, besides, his nights in jail had provided him with many a bad experience that caused many a nightmare he didn't want to deal with on his own. Where would a fugitive go but the streets though? He couldn’t go to a motel or a shelter and yet, he needed to get safe.

His first thought was the apartment that he had been in last, before he’d been taken to prison. Cat. She’d undoubtedly give him a place to stay. That’s why he found himself climbing the fire escape up to her room and knocking on the window, hoping against hope that she would be there to let him in, to talk to him, to comfort him a little bit. Right now he needed a friend.

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thecoldestmonth started following you

Alex looked over the other man and pressed his lips together. The boy crossed his arms over his chest and clenched his jaw. He was very guarded and more paranoid since his escape from prison. "Who are you?" he asked, his voice shaky and suspicious.

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"Yeah. Absolutely. I really appreciate the offer but then... I've got a lot going on here, I guess." he said, softly. "At the same time I guess I'm also... scared. I've lived here all my life and this, in New York, it's really all I know. I mean... I'm scared but at least I'm not lost" he said, shaking his head a bit.

He looked up and pulled his shot glass back towards him, swallowing it down quickly and breathing out a heavy sigh as he put it back down on the table. "Thanks for that" he gestured to the glass. "I need a distraction" he smiled.

"May I have another shot?" he asked, raising an eyebrow and glancing over at the bottle of Jager, hopefully. If there was anything that he took comfort in it was alcohol.

When You Were Young

Mackenzie fell silent for a moment, crossing her arms on the table. He had a tell, as did everyone, and it was clear enough that he wasn’t being perfectly honest. But she wasn’t going to harass him about it - useless, and it would only cause trouble and make him even more uncomfortable.

She only watched him as he spoke, one hand running through her hair, and let out a soft sigh at his words. “If you change your mind, let me know,” she said, trying to ignore the comments on her happiness. “Because - I mean, I really wouldn’t mind. A fake name, new identity, and a new city for you to be in.”

With another smile, she picked up the bottle of Jager and poured them each a shot, glaring at the bottle for a brief moment as she did. “I hope you get it all taken care of,” she said, sighing yet again. “It’s no fun, having to worry all the time. Trust me, I know.”

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Escape

Alex was shivering and rocking back and forth on the top bunk in his cell. At this point he'd given up the whole "no crying" thing. It was pointless. He was even a victim in there if he didn't cry and the pent up emotion had been eating him alive. All of the horrible things that had been happening to him in prison had reduced him to this, rocking back and forth, sobbing, and shaking all over. Normally he would've been embarrassed but now it seemed there were many more serious things to worry about than keeping his dignity.

The door opened and the sobbing boy jumped, startled. It was a guard. He gestured to Alex for him to follow him out the door. "You've got a visitor, kid" the guard said. "Respectable lookin' fellow. Make yourself look presentable as you can" 

Alex wiped away some tears and combed a hand through his hair to get the knots out. He dropped from the top bunk and sighed. "Did he say his name?" asked Alex but he was met with no response. Instead, the guard cuffed him and took him to a room.

Alex was surprised to see the man who awaited him. Blonde. Piercing blue eyes. Henry Colt. This was the most sensible man he knew in the profession he worked in. The guard sat him down at the table across from Henry and the boy narrowed his eyes. "What do you want?" he hissed.

"Calm down. I got the cameras hijacked. I'm here to get you out" said the other man, calmly. He stood and walked over to the guard. Within seconds the other man was unconscious and downed and Henry had changed into his uniform. He picked up the ID card and grinned. "Ready to get out of here?"

Minutes went by in a blur and before long Alex tasted fresh air. He was free. 

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Here's her bio:

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⠀

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Dear Alex, You're my tramp. That's not bad, by the way, just like the movie. If there's anything I can help you with, tell me. I'll be glad to do anything to get you back. As far as I'm concerned, we're still like those couples, holding hands and you pulling me through the city. You'll get out of this, okay? It'll be okay, and... we're gonna just... we'll be the people in the park that everyone looks at. Love, Catalina

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Deer Lenin Lenen Lennon,

Im riting this as an ecsplanation of y im not bak at ur apartment or ur shop. i got arested and now im in prisin. dont wory about me. im gona try to get out of heer befor its to late. and dont blame urself. its my folt i got cot, i shood have bin mor carful. I mis u. If im ever out of heer then we can play that dansing game agen and wach movys.

Alex

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Deer Cat,

Im sory for ane speling mistakes in this leter. I havnt got the best ejucation but plees bare with me. U mite hav ceen on the news alredy but Ive got put in prisin. I dont want u to think im just leeving u or something. im not. i wish i was still there with u, kising u and holding ur hand like the cupples in the park. i dont no if im going to c u agen. they sed that they were going to kil me by lethel injecshon. im gonna tri to get out of heer but if i dont im sore. ill mis u. by.

Alex