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It's almost impressive how easy it is for this guy to fall asleep at work.

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"Absolutely not."

He is going to eat it. Before it gets served to anyone else.

The sacrifices this man makes will never be appreciated. </3

"Ah! I think I'm in danger."

...

Shoves the pizza through the machine faster.

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Just has to get through this day. Has to get through tomorrow, too. And another. But it's okay. This is what he wanted. He's happy with it.

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i dont think he likes it.

"'Pizza scissors'? I didn't know those existed! Haha, what a silly way to slice pizza!"

She is shoving an entire large pepperoni pizza through a pasta maker as she says this, by the way.

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Pizza scissors vs. pizza cutter time: Which do you think is superior?

"Eh... I dunno, I think you could do a lot of damage with either of them."

"--to a pizza! To a pizza. I'm not talking about using them as weapons against anyone. I wouldn't do that."

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welll the telltale heart is about a guy who murdered someone and got so in their own head about it that they thought that they could still hear the victim's heart beating under their floorboards where they buried his body. pretty neat piece of literature. thought it might resonate in some way. you know, in an abstract sense of course

"whassa matter with you. why would you recommend this to me, voice in my head. are you my telltale heart. or something. also why would i ever bury the body in the floorboards...no, no, that one's gone..."

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you bet thats normal as fuck big man. salt is soooo yummy and we love that crunch :)

"OHH okay that's good! Great! I don't have to worry about anyone telling me I'm bad at being a good Italian. Excellent. I was worried about that."

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whats your favorite kind of pizza :)

"Classic five-cheese pizza with crust so crispy it makes a loud crunch audible through the entire room with basil and cilantro and a little bit of extra salt on top because I like salt! That's normal! Right??"

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hey man have you ever read "the telltale heart". i just think its relevant to your interests

"I haven't read..." ... "I haven't read that book. Sorry, I didn't finish my thought! Eh... it doesn't sound like it would be relevant to my interests on title alone, though..."

"What is it about?"

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Examine: A carved, wooden bird.

Examining: wait what is this, what is it for

You pick up the carved, wooden bird with both hands, like you expect to support it like some sort of living bird. It isn't alive, though. There's no movement, no beating heart, no soft feathers, no tears or pleas or nervous laughter dying in a throat uncharacteristically clenched up in fear there's none of that it's just

a

bird.

Not a real one.

But it's nice... ...yeah... Who put it here, exactly? (They must have spent a lot of time on it, this little bird is smoothed and has little details all carved out and it's clearly a labor of love but who? and why? why him? why him?)

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U want something and then when u get it it’s like omg………… I’m scared

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Send “Examine!” and an item or person and I’ll write an RPG description of it/them.

topheavybrawler:

(For example, a stormtrooper mask:

 “A white mask with a black visor on the front. Putting it on, you realise that the visor isn’t even transparent. How are you expected to do anything competently like this?”)

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Fell asleep at work.

He is now waking up... just as he falls off his stool.

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"I'm going home early before I have to deal with all of this." Actually it's less than half an hour to closing.

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do you remember your death?

"I'm not dead." Is that a threat? A threat?? Towards me?? I'm not dead! Not yet. Not for awhile. "Don't scare me like this. I'm alive. I have a heart. A real one."