rekursor

[rekursor]

finding my primary online social space... so many choices (neocities, tumblr, bluesky, mastodon... ugh idk what else)

with twitter getting worse and worse, i decided to make a bluesky account. bluesky is lovely, a great twitter alternative, actually. i feel so much less stressed out on bluesky than i do on twitter and even tumblr, the only issue being... i can't make friends there

i'm not sure which social media i'll move to eventually, maybe even mastadon?

i even worked on my neocities more, porting the entire website to astro (a framework that works similar to a static site generator; in baby words; a system that makes it easier to make static website, which is what neocities allows you to make) the idea is that it will make it easier to use it as a blog and scale it better in the longer term (based on my expereince with web dev on more scalable designs, esp when i made a note taking app in MERN)

i think the latter option is the most enticing, but i also want to make friends. not sure if the neocities route is good for that. much to think about.

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been obsessed with the interloper arg and i was like "huh i need more content on this... maybe i should check tumblr... maybe people are discussing it and forming new theories" and i check the tag and i'ts just people drawing cute fanart and shipping hte characters i love this website man

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woah should've thought of that... it's almost like the whole problem is that we can't find people to form a study group

where do i join a math book club

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was on the harry potter wiki

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the desire to be happy vs the desire to be understood and found community before i do

i think i just need to get back into writing fiction. only way to let it out i think

i often want to "fix myself", live life the fullest, move past all the sadness and bother i have. just be this happy little person that doesn't need anyone else to be happy

but some other part of me worries that if I do move past it all, i won't get to experience someone being there for me through these things. I'll just be someone who's always been happy, i won't get to experience the healing that I've so desperately wanted for most of my life

but then. what does it matter yknow? if I'm happy then good enough right?

i dunno i guess there's that kid in me who still wants to be loved and comforted. it's also not as easy as "just be happy" so that's part of it too LOL but sometimes I wonder if that's something i even want

[rekursor]

i often want to "fix myself", live life the fullest, move past all the sadness and bother i have. just be this happy little person that doesn't need anyone else to be happy

but some other part of me worries that if I do move past it all, i won't get to experience someone being there for me through these things. I'll just be someone who's always been happy, i won't get to experience the healing that I've so desperately wanted for most of my life

but then. what does it matter yknow? if I'm happy then good enough right?

i dunno i guess there's that kid in me who still wants to be loved and comforted. it's also not as easy as "just be happy" so that's part of it too LOL but sometimes I wonder if that's something i even want

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BEST GIRL

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Post corrections/clarifications are my favorite genre of humor: a compilation

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i usually exagerrate when i say it but I don't think its a joke anymore bc I was really depressing the last month and then I felt really happy right around the time it started raining for 2 days and then I started to feel a bit down again and the rains stopped too. i think I'm somehow connected to the weather and detect rain

im not THAT depressed bc it's still cloudy it's definitely not summer so I'm feeling better in case ur worried <3

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not really any memorable context he just said that

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I keep thinking abt this comment and giggling

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comics as an art form make me insane. they’re so difficult to do well. there’s so many different ways to make sequential art work and most of them are deeply unintuitive. onomatopoeia that feels completely ridiculous to put down often reads seamlessly. panels on a page become a fractally nested image composition challenge that’s only possible to lose because if you do a good job no one will notice. you have to direct the readers’ eyes on a specific path across the page but also account for the fact that they won’t follow it. comic time isn’t linear. if the order of events isn’t crystal clear the story becomes incomprehensible. sometimes you need to do this on purpose. all this for a medium almost universally considered less effective than animation and less respectable than plain text. even its own name doesn’t take it seriously

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i just figured out how to write stories... i just write a roleplay... from one side... and also pretend to be the roleplayers on the other side and i do this with as many characters as i want and there... i have a story...

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russian roulette sucks. i watched the new lyric video in 0.25x to make sure i see every little detail and catch all the niche references but the song sounds like ass on 0.25x. fuck you porter

(love the amount of times trying to feel alive is mentioned though)

(also all the references to older songs including live edits, visuals from live shows, say my name, and even dry your eyes by virtual self)

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i was thinking it'll be a boring night but it started raining GOD BLESS RAIN I LOVE RAIN RAIN OD YOU LOVE ME TOO

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they added me on discord and we're out here cooking the juiciest t4t toxic hurt/comfort yuri ever known to mankind

i've been desperate to get back into roleplaying for like a few years now but i finally made a move and went on a forum i used to roleplay on as a kid and made a new thread there, for like three days it was just dead

just as i was starting to give up hope someone replied on thread so i finally have something going except it's a new account with only two posts (including this one) so now my trust issues are kicking in uh oh...

eitherway if anyones reading and has any funky general roleplays ur interested in (or something off of my bio) lmk too i wanna write again so bad