redheaddiaries34

[redheaddiaries34]

10 posts!

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Why should I want to be with someone who ruins my birthday?Mostly because he has erectile dysfunction.

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New day, same story. Frustrating how some people can get away with whatever they want to at work (cough cough) Jordan. All cause Gary’s sucking up to his parents. And interesting how Chris asks me every year if me or Anette should handle the tree and no matter what I say, it’s always me. And Gary’s head is too far up deep creek lures catering to them, to notice my contributions or value my input. This is why I will only go there to do a job and get paid, no other reason. And I should tell Gary to his face how it’s not my responsibility to help with his tenants or deposit paychecks into his son’s account. And I will never believe anything he says, because he’ll say he’s never going to let someone come back to work there and then he does. Nothing against the person, but Gary should take more care in what he says.

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I don’t like how I’m not included at work. I don’t like how the job drains every bit of energy from me and I’m awake at 2am because I had to go home and head straight to bed from exhaustion. I don’t like how I have to take gummies to help get me through and how they cause me to overeat. I don’t like how I’m the only one who has to depend on someone to go to lunch.

The money is tolerable, so I stay. If there was a way out, I’d take it.

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I'm miserable. All the time. Losing the will to go on, but I must. Stomach is killing me. Legs are ok right now. Mental health in the toilet. Keep pushing because it could be worse. Like the guy at work lost his brother and had his kids taken away, but he's still going. Will ask for help at the doc tomorrow. Alicia

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I’m tired of this life.

Sincerely,

Me

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Pain

It seems I've written a lot in the past about the negatives in my life when I'm in a writing mood, and today is no different unfortunately. My knees are killing me. I think it's partly because the weather is getting colder, because they haven't hurt like this in a while.

My mind is somewhat struggling with my thoughts. Jason too. It's worse for him to feel that way. He's shared some things I'm not comfortable with, but I have to think about how I respond because it affects his feelings. We went to abc and saw a therapist and that was beneficial for both of us. I think it will continue to be a godsend and we can figure things out that need figuring.

This is maybe our 3rd trip to Busch gardens this year. Only my brother and Jason could come. My mom's sick, but that's kind of a long story I don't want to get into right now. It's going pretty good. Too windy at times, but what can you do.

I'm ready for my knees to feel better, and to feel energetic over all. Feeling like a pile of crap is no fun. I feel like I try to downplay my problems because nobody likes a negative Nancy, but I have to let it out somewhere. Thanks for thinking about yourself today.

Sincerely,

Me

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Upset

There’s some things about my life that disappoint me. I feel left out at my job and it’s not fulfilling to me. My boyfriend would rather do his own thing than spend time with me. My son is so needy, but rarely listens.

I’ll try to find the good in making it.

Sincerely,

Me

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Misery

I’ll always think women have the wrong end of the deal. I’m not Eve. I didn’t give Adam the apple. Yet I have to bleed every month and live in this misery because of what happened in the beginning of time? And I’m not even having sex. What a joke.

I was a little peeved about my check being short 4 hours when I legitimately felt like dying last Friday. My stomach hurt so bad it made me cry and I still tried to work as long as I could. I have been getting a full check when I have to take time off like this, but not today. Be consistent is how I feel. If you think someone can do my job better then why don’t you just put them there. I have a college education unlike most others, I don’t think being on a “salary” basis is asking too much. I’m just venting right now.

Chris was a jerk to Tony today. Sometimes Chris is alright, sometimes he’s a real pain. All over a t-shirt that everyone who got asked by Jonathan their shirt size knew belonged to them. He yelled at him for taking one and so he put it back and guess who comes out of there with a t-shirt I’m almost positive he didn’t ask for…David.

Things like this add up and you lose good workers. Chris might have all this stress, but it’s a result of his choices. And we all have a pile of stress on us too, at least I do. I’m mostly glad he just stays away from me anymore.

That’s all folks, for now.

Sincerely,

Me

[redheaddiaries34]

Even the strongest soul needs rest✍

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Blah

I feel pretty miserable often. My stomach pains me, nausea, headaches.. I’m not pregnant. My thoughts are it’s due to stopping birth control and Paxil. Why did I do it? Well the headaches started before I stopped and so that was my reason to quit. Then I’ve put on a lot of weight and people have talked behind my back about it and it hurts. I didn’t want those obstacles to prevent me from getting healthier physically. Even so, it’s been almost a month without and I’m still the same.

I might start back on the Paxil at least- I’m still figuring that out. My mood is pretty poor at times, but I don’t doubt a lot of the correlation is to my poor physical health.

Sincerely.

Me

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[redheaddiaries34]

Life decisions

This is the second writing within two weeks I’d say, where I am very unhappy in my relationship. The man doesn’t care about me, is not attracted to me, and I’m very much near done. If I need him, it’s unlikely he will be there for me. So I am thinking serious thoughts right now.

Sincerely,

Me