porpoiseboy

[porpoiseboy]

GIVEAWAY!

It’s babys first giveaway, take a chance to get a hold of a code to the new Aurene Outfit, in celebration of the PAXWest2019 announcement of Icebrood Saga in Guild Wars 2! All you have to do is like and reblog (ONE (1) reblog permitted!) this post, and your url will be in the draw! Sponsored by ArenaNet

If you’re a lucky winner, you will be contacted via DM’s, make sure to check yours after 8′th of September, NZST!

[porpoiseboy]

Hello tumblr this is my toast marshmallow. His name is Hubert aka Huey aka Bert

[porpoiseboy]

Hero dives into burning house, determined to save the family trapped inside. A familiar face suddenly appears and tackles him into the flames. 

Hero: CHET GOD DAMMIT NOT RIGHT NOW

Chet: ME AND YOU BUD

Gimme a villain that is not strong or fast or particularly smart but REALLY pissed off and indestructible who relentlessly pursues an extremely powerful hero wherever he goes and performs impressive feats of average human skill out of sheer spite, determination, and hatred for the hero.

Hero: stop right…who is screaming?

*villain flings a rock through a very high up window and rolls in*

Villain: Let’s fucking go!

[porpoiseboy]

Gimme a villain that is not strong or fast or particularly smart but REALLY pissed off and indestructible who relentlessly pursues an extremely powerful hero wherever he goes and performs impressive feats of average human skill out of sheer spite, determination, and hatred for the hero.

Hero: stop right...who is screaming?

*villain flings a rock through a very high up window and rolls in*

Villain: Let’s fucking go!

[porpoiseboy]

A person with a chameleon daemon seeing someone they hate, keeping a cool and collected face but their little lizard flares red and gives them away

[porpoiseboy]

Detective Pikachu Walks into a Precinct

A random officer bursts out of an interrogation room: "What is that? Is that a Pikachu?! Is he wearing a tiny hat?! IS THAT A PIKACHU WEARING A TINY HAT?!"

*punches a desk through a desk

"HES GOT A TINY HAT! YAGAGAWAGAGWAGAGA! HE'S GOT A TINY HAAAAAAT!"

After giving them highly classified documents in exchange for a hug and a photo, he returns home to his own pichu and gives it a tiny hat, and he can't control his sobbing

[porpoiseboy]

The Book of Dust reveals that daemons go to the bathroom, and now I can't stop imagining someone w a bird daemon getting pooped on and being like "really?" and the daemon being like "I DON'T HAVE A SPHINCTER, MELISSA"

[porpoiseboy]

What if there were children of Momus, god of sarcasm, at Camp Halfblood? Their powers? At its base, they can sense weakness, but they’re the children of the god of blame and criticism, they. will. cut. you. to. the. bone. With their words, and its a mix of its just in their nature, its instinctual to them, and also they’re just little goblins running around making everyone feel bad about themselves. But what if, instead of portraying them as “trolls” they’re like the most amazing warriors the Greeks have? Deadly with spears, and while they’re busy tearing you to pieces, they are talking smack the entire time. It’s relentless, if you don’t fall under their weapons, you’ll crumple to bits under their words. 

One of them goes on a quest, he hardly fights at all, he just emotionally abuses every foe that crosses their path.

[porpoiseboy]

People with snake daemons would be really cool because like if you have a rattlesnake daemon and you find yourself in a scary situation or you're upset or angry, all of a sudden everyone hears this chkachkachka sound and even if you've never seen a rattlesnake, you'd know what that sound meant, BACK AWAY

Or like even if your snake isn't venomous, they don't know what, your lil buddy shoots up into your hand and now u have a hissing little murder whip

Also snake daemon fashion thoooo, like you just have the best murder necklace or bracelet ever

[porpoiseboy]

Everyone's like "this would be so amazing!" if I saw this, I'd be in the ground, cowering in fear, begging my maker to put me out of my misery. "WHAT ELDRITCH POWER IS THIS, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

[porpoiseboy]

I desperately want to see a post or something where innocent content gets flagged or reported. Like I wanna encounter human beings that do this and hear their reasoning because it baffles me the stuff that gets reported. Ignoring the trolls, there must be some people out there who are genuinely offended by nose drawing tutorials or an image of one person hugging another. Like why? Why are you like this? Defend your actions, let us discuss them.

[porpoiseboy]

Why...why you eatin it like that?

https://www.instagram.com/p/BqNKuCvhzM5/

[porpoiseboy]

What if heroes go on a quest, and like the knight is an illiterate boyo, gets a little awkward when they need to read stuff, the mage or the rogue or something notices his discomfort and at first they discreetly teach him to read but then like the whole group gets into it and like they bond teaching this like seemingly confident and gallant knight the ABCs

There's even a berserker type dude like HA, MY BROTHER DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO READ, I WILL READ HIM SOME OF MY EXQUISITE POETRY

[porpoiseboy]

WAAAAAAANT

Sumikko Gurashi Tokage Big Plush

[porpoiseboy]

WHERE CAN I GET ONE OF THESE ARE THEY FOR SALE SOMEWHERE

[porpoiseboy]

My cousin went through my phone one time and was like you don't have any games and you have really weird pictures in your gallery. Like get out of my face fam, you're only 7, I'm not gonna sit here and be judged by yo snotty lil ass, my phone is for me.

[porpoiseboy]

Idea! They talk about different worlds in HDM, imagine one where like people cross into the world of the dead all the time to be able to get distance from their daemons cuz that sounds hella convenient, and then someone gets into a tiff with their daemon, so the daemon moves out and goes to stay with their friend and then their human like shows up with a bouquet or something like “IM SORRY BABE, COME BACK!” and then this very stuffy looking pig struts out and looks down at them like “...I’ll think about it.”