parentingfeature

[parentingfeature]

HOW TO TALK TO KIDS ABOUT RACE AND RACISM

It's never too early to start lecture kids about race and racism. The following pointers will assist you in getting the conversation started.

Sara D. Lee, MSW, LCSW, shares her tips for talking about race with our youngsters. Inspect her website Pacific Burnout Therapy or on Facebook.

Conversations about race are always happening around us. Always. Of media, and each person participates in the least times. A bit like during a painting, where the filled and blank spaces close to doing the whole work, both what's said and what's left unsaid matter. For instance, I adore Mr. Rodgers. Still, the absence of 1 or more celebrated paternal figures of color in children's media is an example of racism shaping the children's conversation on race. An Asian-American, Latinx, Native-American, or African-American father figure could have filled that role if it didn't require a singular blend of access and privilege that our society exclusively extends to the White race.

I'll share a scene from my very own life as another example of how parents and youngsters participate within the discourse on race, whether we would like to or not. Last fall, my 2-year-old daughter pointed to an African American man on TV and said, "I don't like that black guy." We were watching a political chat show, which may be stressful sometimes for anyone. I understood her not liking the show, but I used to be bothered by how she singled out the Black man because of the source of her distress. I used to be additionally stunned by her language. She chose to mention "Black" (racial identity) rather than "brown" (observed skin color). She also said "guy," which may be a term I never use to ask Black men because it indicates discomfort with black masculinity, which is a component of the history of anti-blackness during this country. Other men are "men," but this one was a "guy." This was a term she had absorbed from someone/somewhere else. To drive the purpose home, she also began to cry whenever our cousin would come by to go to us. He's a large and dark-skinned teenager who she also began to mention she didn't like.

At the time, I used to be a stay-at-home mother seeing a small number of clients in my virtual private practice from home. I used to be together with her 24/7. We also didn't watch TV outside of some select shows via laptop. I chose to be silent on race because I assumed that she was safe. I assumed she would have enough implicit messages about black love, value, and wonder from her life. I'm a brown-skinned Black woman, and her father may be a light-skinned bi-racial Black man (whose father may be a very woke White man). Our family (both blood and chosen) is crammed with people whose origins span the world. I assumed that I had much time only to let her enjoy being a toddler before discussing race. Unfortunately, my silence on race left much space within my little daughter's mind to be filled by racist and supremacist narratives about Black people (particularly men) and how she should feel about them.

TALKING TO KIDS ABOUT RACE

 My guidance is that we'd like to be mindful, proactive, and begin very early identifying and celebrating race. Even babies notice race since complexion, countenance, and hair are pretty helpful tools for identifying people. To ignore race allows room for the kid to internalize bias, including something shameful about noticing or having phenotypical differences. Please do start as early as possible, but remember that today is as good as any urge started. Accept the reality of where you're and go! Be certain to spot White as a racial category and name whiteness as often as you'll to disrupt White's narrative as "normal" or "default." Parents should work to clear that there's no inherent non-phenotypic biological difference that justifies "race" but that we still use it to explain the recent or distant ancestral origin. The thought of "race" as an enormous family group works well and is accurate. Also mention the humanity generally and how people close to making families, to be happy and to measure also as possible. Within this context, identify how different cultures have their unique methods – and specialize in their joys. Make these conversations relatable by identifying examples from your child's world.

OTHER TIPS FOR YOUR CHILD ABOUT RACE: 

Identify and describe people by a variety of things, including complexion or hair. Don't avoid phenotype, but also don't use it to the label. We don't know a person's race, leaving space to model that race is nuanced. Say: "the person is African American/Asian-American/Latino/Indigenous/White, etc.…, but we don't skills they identify with. "Do some reading and google searching to seek a positive race language of phenotype, so you don't skip a hammer in noticing and embracing differences. Words like: chocolate, tan, brown, epicanthic folds, curled, wavy, round eyes, rounded nose, slender, curvy. This helps children to try to an equivalent. They're going to learn to talk and appreciate differences. When you see a negative stereotype, signalize it and debunk it immediately to counter implicit racist messages. Do an equivalent for the White privilege. Immediately notice when an individual is given preferential treatment thanks to race and signalize to it, especially if you're white and it's happening to you or your child. Model using your white privilege to form social change. For families of color, do an equivalent if you or your child has light-skinned privilege. Choose diverse books, shows, and other media – during which non-white characters are the most characters –, not on special occasions. Notice and compliment the difference. Fill in space where you're tempted to be "color blind." If you see your child struggling, help them voice what they notice to supply them with healthy and positive language to debate racial differences. Be anti-racist in fact and action, and your child will absorb all of your accompanying actions, verbal and non-verbal communications. Make certain that you also are reading books and learning from people of all races. Let your child see you advocating for social justice and racial equity – and invite them to participate! This one is complicated but necessary: ask your child to look at their choices. For instance, if the kid chooses a White doll over a brown-skinned doll, ask: "What does one like most about this doll?" this is often a chance to supply a positive note about the doll of color. I do that with my child all the time. If she chooses the white doll because "she looks happy," there's a chance to mention something like: "Thank you for sharing. This other Dollie also seems very happy, so I'll choose her!" Then play. This isn't to invalidate her perception, but to use play to make sure that she internalizes the very fact that positive characteristics can apply to anyone of any race. It's hard, but we'd like to figure to remain involved within the constant racial conversation that society has with our youngsters. Silence is enabling because it fills the passive space during a world that allows people to be singled out and dehumanized due to their perceived racial category. Take tons of deep breaths, and be comfortable saying "I don't know" to your children. But also model taking time to find out. You don't need to be perfected, but your participation must be anti-racist (which includes being anti-colorist).