Bored 20 year old. Cisgender female. Straight. this is where i vent when im dunk and remember shit from my childhood....sober me used to delete shit...
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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I know youre deaf.
I know you have a hearing aid.
But surely you know you wake me up at 4 am every day. Ive told you many times. Asked you to be quieter.
Why don't you care??????
#care#hearing#hearing aid#loud#mother#mothers day#f you#next#wiah i had another life#what is God preparing me for#fml
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I was never asked about how i feel, other than when i was sick and my symptoms were being referred to or after i had an emotional breakdowns my teens.
I was called fat and stupid more than once.
In public, surrounded by family/friends, alone.
The spoiled brat is misunderstood. We didn't get what we needed - someone to just be there. Instead we got what we wanted - random shit we touch once then forget about.
"Ypure so stubborn, youll just end up doing it yourself" no, you just raised me to not depend on others. I have to fend for myself, im not sure how you managed that. But now...i struggle to identify what I'm feeling, why im feeling that and how to express it or feel better about it. I bottle my emotions up until i physically get sick. Thanks for that.
I constantly disappoint myself. I never ever feel proud of anything ive ever done in my life up to this point, try as i might, i can't convince myself something is an achievement that i should be proud of.
Ive considered asking to go to therapy but i hate asking for anything. Thanks to you.
I want to travel the world, get away. Because i feel traped here, not the house. Not the people here. The memories maybe. Or the vibes i get. Maybe its engrained in my soul that shit happened here that i hate.
I would appreciate a piece of dirt more than a necklace. Dont get me wrong i love them. But dirt in a different colour than what we have in our back yard, i would've found a lot more interesting.
*Youre making me pass this shit on to your grand children. You happy?*
I deal with everything i feel, alone. Probably cry in the dark when everyone is sleeping or not even home. Older sister has it too. She just doesn't know it/admit it. She still pretends to sleep when shes here and she hears you get up in the middle of the night.
"Dont laugh so loud" that hit fucking hard and deep. Am i not allowed to enjoy myself? What the fuck was that about? I felt pure joy and excitement in the moment and you ripped it away in one breath.
I constantly find myself thinking i need a long hug...but not from you. I feel incomplete in a way.
"Oh do this for this person," " its a good/nice thing to do." Well guess what, now i cant say no to people without feeling guilty forever. Whatever they ask might be, whether it hurts me or not.
You said youre ok with me studying whatever i wanted, then entered me into a course that was my backup plan. I purrly intertained this cause 1) you liked it, 2) i was told it would be a good match for me and 3) it involves something I love. But what i feared would happed, happened. I see it as work now, not a way to express myself and destress.
Ive thought many times "all i want is to be understood by someone" ive been in 3 relationships in my 20 years of life, 2 that i was pretty unhappy in or purely didntbsee as bad cause of what you have taught me.
#bad past#toxic#past#relationship#relationships#tilting your head to the side when drunk#wtf mom#mothers. day#wtf#rants#drunk#drunk post#unhappy#unalive#un-analive#kill#depression#km#kill me#i hate life#i#hate#life#whats the point of living#f- me#i love country music#smoker#sigarettes#helicopter mom#mom
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Reminder to drunk future me: post a photo of "prom dress" cause yah.....to lazy to get into it or find fotos now. Yes it stil fits like a glove.
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REMEMBERED:
(look at previous post)
So i was like 12, ive never done dished in my life (we had a live-in maid, i also never had to make my bed), this day after dinner, i was like "hey,lets learn how to fo dishes." I did. I had to replace the sponge after accidentally distorting it with a knife and i got soaked cause of a spoon, but i did it, even remebred how to tilt the spoon so i can rinse ut without getting wet. This proves to be a helpful skill now that money is tight...
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So sober me recently deleted most of ny posts...but drunk me is back, and she is saying DONT DELETE JACKSHIT. only edit and oly correct, dont delete or change the whle thing....
Anywhay.....ill remember in a sec brb
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Why doesn't alcohol effect me as fast as ut used to 😕, now i have to spend more money...
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JUST REMEMBER SOMETHING REALLY STUPID I ONCE DID.
Okay, so i had a trampoline, and i used to jump a lot, qnd as i was going inside, my dumb ass tought i wass still on the trampoline so i fell flat on my ass expecting to just bounce back to my feet...that didn't happen... 🙈🙊
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Something i did the other night when i was bored lol
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