museolady - Tumblr blog

[museolady]

[museolady]

I have never related to something more in my LIFE

[museolady]

I guess it’s update time?

I’m coming up to about 6 months in OKC, where I’ve been learning the ins and outs of museums, all the while dealing with missed first impressions and- dare I say- drama in the workplace.

Now, bare with me: this isn’t TRUE drama. I haven't spat in someones bring-from-home lunch, or gone out of my way to make someones shift terrible. It truly was an unfortunate first impression! Somehow, out of a few shy weeks of beginning to work at my job, after the biggest change of my life, people close to my role had begun to doubt my work and people-skills ethic. I can safely say, after several months of talking to EVERYONE I can and reading more into specifics to increase workflow I'm...still working on it. But that’s work! That’s not truly why I’ve moved halfway across the country.

Some beautiful things have happened out of my life. I’ve begun to grow relationships with some of the students in my school, something I didn’t think I was capable of doing due to a lack of school friends prior to my move. I’ve experienced snow a couple of times, and braced many a cold evening in my less-than-desirable living situation. I’ve even met someone, with as intense career drive and passion for life as I do. Hey, everyone needs a someone, right?

I remember, before I left, I was nervous for this new big change. I had begun to form relationships with people around me that made me want to stay complacent. I allowed the fear of letting go determine how my first couple of months were going to be in this new state. What I learned out of these months were to open my eyes, look beyond what I was, and look instead to what I was attempting to be. After that realization, I no longer had this want to move back home as soon as I could. I didn't want to give up this crazy adventure I had decided to embark. I wanted to face it, call it by it’s name, and run towards it.

My first month in this new town is what I’d like to refer to it as “The Month from Hell”. It’s simply summarized by an unexpected attack by a dog in a Buddhist temple (yes-that actually happened!), followed by having a Honda CV back into my car in the parking lot of a Sonic, making me hate this town and miss my old life terribly. Now, the scar is just about healed, my car’s in the shop getting fixed, and I don’t think I’ll ever see my old life again. And I’m so happy about that.

[museolady]

beverages: for v magazine mar. 2018

[museolady]

imagine trying out a super risky outfit ur not sure is gonna land well and on your way to the party you fall into a bog and become a bog body and in like 3,000 years they pull you out in like a pink mesh bathing suit with an applique that says “barbie girl” on the front tucked in as a body suit to a pair of track shorts that say “your card was declined” on the ass and a pair of elevated 90s gel sandals with a hitclips clipped to the strap with one cartridge (60 seconds of an nsync song) and they reconstruct you in a museum and tell the public that’s how people dressed

[museolady]

The Kattenkabinet (Museum of Cats), Amsterdam

[museolady]

studyblrs!! I love seeing people’s notes, but there’s so much more to studying than the notes themselves. I wanna see your favorite campus coffee shop, your pets napping near you, your doodles, that succulent you definitely named and put on your shelf, all the little slices of student life that neat notes leave out. As students, we dedicate so much time to just being students. Why not document it all?

[museolady]

tips for when you think you’re stagnating

watch this youtube video to let yourself wallow, but also discuss and maybe even feel better

read this article

stick this quote up somewhere

read, here’s the rory gilmore reading challenge

on that note, read milk and honey, or if you’ve already read it, give it a reread 

read this if you don’t know what to do with your life pt. 1

read this if you don’t know what to do with your life pt. 2

make this quote your wallpaper or something.

keep these gifs very close to your heart

write a small to do list, here are some nice little things you can do: wash your hair, do your nails, watch a movie, read a book, run a bath, organise your notes etc

here’s a nice little list of things you can do to pick yourself up in general

hope this is helpful!

[museolady]

[museolady]

museum gift shop: its that vase you saw

me:

museum gift shop: but really small

me: holy shit

[museolady]

Concept: old books shops and french cafés, rainy days. Journaling on autumn nights under fairy lights. The world is at peace while we sleep.

[museolady]

Good Evening, Tumblr things

Lately, I’ve been having the feeling that I’m a bit lost. For the first time, I’m not focused on being with some boy, I’m sort of focusing on my own needs, which shouldn’t sound odd, but it does to me. Sure, I can have crushes (and I always feel like I have lots of them), but the person I’m displaying doesn't feel like me.

Even when thinking back on my pseudo date with the 30 year old I can’t be with, I felt I was forcing myself to be introspective and interesting. Or maybe it’s that I was being myself, or close to it, but didn’t believe he found me as interesting as I’d like him to.

I’m moving, for my dream, and this is something I've ALWAYS wanted to do. I’m the type of person that wishes hard for something, and when it doesn’t come true, I chock it up to fate and figure it’s not my time yet. But for once, this is my time; every decision I’ve made or tried to make has led to this moment. And it seems to be all working out. When I get to my program, things will become completely different.

Why is it I feel so sick when I think about my imminent future? Maybe it’s that I still don’t feel ready for this change. I wish I had someone to talk to about this; my sister loves having her own house, family, life. I can't talk to my 30 year old because I’m trying to ween off of my infatuation with him. I think I just get really scared to even talk about the fact that I’m going to leave everything I've known behind.

I should be happy, and I am. But I can’t help but feel my stomach tighten, and not in a good way. Maybe it’s all the chamomile I’ve been drinking lately.

I wish I could transport to my life 5 months ahead and see how I’m doing. I’m scared I’m not going to fit in. I hope my classmates are wonderful and my coworkers fill me with joy. I wish I didn’t have to leave everyone here. But the show must go on.

Have a good night, bloggers.

[museolady]

Tumblr-ites!

I’m back again with another scrumptious rant about my personal life!

Good news has been fluttering around the house these past couple weeks. With the impeding arrival of my move to Oklahoma City, I’m bustling around trying to take care of my last duties before I hit the road late July.

Now, suddenly, it seems, I’ve begun to realize how truly beautiful everyone is around me. I’m taking chances and being free in ways I hadn’t before. It’s like that feeling you have right as you’re about to end a relationship, you start to revisit all the good parts of that relationship, and you’re almost sad to see it go.

I’ve always known this guy I work with had a crush on me; someone had told me around last year. But up until now, I had no reason to think of it, what with me being in a relationship, and him being older than me. I found out that yes, he’s 10 years my senior, but I learned so much more as our friendship budded. He’s sensitive, kind, quiet, loves old movies and quirky facts. When I watch him talk, he has this personable inflection he uses to tell his stories, really it’s magical. So of course I would fall head over heels for him in the last week.

At the end of an unexpected date night he told me he “has always had a thing for me.” I look back now, and wonder why he even had to say anything. Him and I are both aware that we could never be, and for plenty of reasons. He’s the oldest man I’ve ever really had a fondness for, and here he is, spoiling my excitement to take off with the clarification of feelings I was dreading he may still have. I wanted this version of him I built in my head that I haven’t even had enough time to really know; and now, I’m leaving in two months, and I have to deny every feeling I have because I know it would be torturous to continue on with this relationship. I wish romance wasn’t so complicated, and people could like each other without feeling sadness or dread. Then I would be excited to know such a man likes me.

He is just a distraction that is materializing out of all the fears I have. Fears people in my town will forget me. Fears I won’t find anyone like him, or find people like my friends. I watch former coworkers and colleagues go on to live fabulous lives, and I’m worried I won’t achieve that. I worry my parents will grow ill while I’m away, and I won’t be able to come to their side.

My heart has a weight that’s heavy enough to frighten me. Every time I think about moving, I get nervous and feel that pain in my chest clench again. I sometimes wish life were simple again, but I know that will never be. I have to leave my family, my peers, and this new budding crush behind me, and just accept that his new chapter will be exactly what I need to mature.

Long post, I know. Anyways. Have a good night!

[museolady]

Hello, Tumblr Fans

Personal post again:

My anxiety’s been on the rise. And I’m not quite sure if it’s the coffee or the possibility of dreams coming true that’s to blame.

Two years ago I spiraled into a summer-long anxiety attack about death and hopelessness. After getting a great job, and launching into school, that helped some. But there’s pieces of that nervousness that come back, now and then.

My internship plan didn’t really come through; I haven’t heard back from any of the opportunities, and June’s pretty much here. But, since I do like to keep myself busy, and I’m a ravenclaw, I was doing research on schools that offer a bachelors in museum studies, and put an (undoubtably late) application for the University of Central Oklahoma.

And I have so many mixed feelings about this. I’m shaking and nervous because I want to be accepted so badly. But I’m also shaking and nervous because that would mean I’d be moving halfway across the country from everything I’ve known.

And because my anxiety is so rude, and my dissonance makes a fool out of my emotions, this gives me no chance to feel these feelings out loud, truly, so it just makes me shake a lot, not to mention, you guessed it, really nervous.

And on top of that, I still can’t wrap my head around why I haven’t mourned the ending of an 8 month relationship with someone really good for me. It’s as if my little mind can’t take it so it blocks it away from the rest of me so I don’t have to deal with it.

My chest kind of hurts tonight. I’m trying to cry it out. I’m a little scared.

Sorry. this is so personal. Everyone’s got baggage, am I right?

[museolady]

Good-ish News!

My application got moved to the department of one of the New York museums! Is this false hope, or progress? Stay tuned!

[museolady]

May the next few months be a period of beautiful transformation

[museolady]

Hello, Tumblr-ites

This text post is a little unrelated to my normal posts about nervousness, internships and the like. This is more of a moment to be real with myself, and in turn, the blogging world.

Today, I made the decision to stop seeing my significant other. I’m no stranger to broken hearts, especially when I’m the individual giving them; why I get stuck being the heart-breaker is anyone’s guess.

I wasn’t planning on this. Sure, I had been thinking about it for some time, but I never expected it to be today. There were plenty of reasons to move on: emotionally, I wasn’t the most genuine, intimately I was anxious to fully commit to a relationship. But there are flickering moments that make me wonder if the decision I made was entirely good. This individual understood me, or put their best foot forward in attempting to understand me. They were caring, and loving, especially; so much so that I at times was shocked I didn’t feel the same way. But why didn’t I feel complete?

I wanted to share everything with them. I wanted to feel my hopeless romantic self again, I even tried being that. I wrote them romantic notes on their car, tried to think about them to make sure they were getting what they needed. I tried pouring my heart out to them. But I always felt a piece of me wasn’t entirely letting go, wasn’t letting my self fall in love like how I used to. I don’t even remember if I got butterflies when we first kissed. And I don’t know if it’s because butterflies don’t exist, or if I already knew that emotionally this wasn’t going to be the relationship that made me feel closest to whole.

They were great, they really were. And if I were in a different part of my life, maybe they would be enough. But there must be something that wasn’t fulfilling this hopeless romantic void. Maybe I’ll get that spirit again?

I apologize for such a long post. I needed to get this off my chest, and like I've written before, I’m not inclined to tell a lot of individuals my business. So why not share it with the rest of you, yeah?

Back to the internship hunt. I think I found a really cool opportunity. Let’s hope that this will help me feel like I’m getting somewhere in my 19th year of my life.