its like standing in a room full of loved ones. so alone and isolating.
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like are you for serious
#one of my irl bsfs has a homophobic bf#right. okay#so we're in this club for gay ppl and allies right#joined it with my other irl bsf#and she joined bc she didnt want to feel left out??#i didnt want her to join bc. she lowk makes me feel uncomfortable expressing myself idk why#but whatever. she did that.#and her bf asked her where she was going#and she said to a club...then she said its a gay club basically#and she told him that she joined bc of US.#so first. you outed us. awesome! second. why are you w/someone who actively hates us#weve been you friends since 5th grade and you out us to a boy who used to bully you#and disregards your past (she detransitioned. she used to be a trans boy but now shes a girl) and say that he hates gay ppl#he literally kept saying faggot right to my face while telling a story#and you still see that as okay?/#am i freaking out yall.#idk. it doesnt feel right and ive not been feeling her since she got together w/that troglodyte#oh hes fatphobic too! double whammy for me!! yay!!
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#tags got cut off at the end but i#icould never offmysel f knowing that he deosnt know im not coming back#he doesnt havethe knowlegde of me loving him#whos gonna kiss his little head???hwhos gonna preen and scratch him?>whos gonna hold him and coo athim when he has a seizure??#whos gonna poke his little beak untilhe whines and bites them??whos#whos gonna cherishhim like i do.?#amnway im sorry this got out of hand#i love him i live for him my little baby bird.shes my baby bird i love#i love her#whos gonna cover the cage when hestarts chirping early because hes tired??whos going to tzke pictures of him that are bad but cant#brijng themselves to delete them solely because of the fact that hes in them??#whatevr....ill live for him. ill kiss his hdead ill do everything for him
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#i nbought candy with the money from the game#it was like...22 bucks#worth of candy...i hope its good#i reallywanted the game#like i dont care now#and maybe not even then iguess#when igot the news i wasnt#sad#iw as disappointed#but whatever#im gonna buy my mom some hand cream cus her hands havebeen really cracking n splitting from the cleaning she does#she said not too but i hate seein her in pain#its really expensive...its like 25 bucks but it has great reviews n stuff#i alsoneed to save money bc ineed to buy new books for school this year#expensive ones... im gonnatry cfinding a pdf for them but#i need to work too but im exhausted#im gonna..apply for some jobs#i need to volunteer too in some offices...need the experience or whatever#i need antidepressants and adhd meds bad its kind of crazy#i want to relapse but idk if i have the energy to find th ebox right now#i also need to get into the habit of cleaning everything avvter#the blades are all crusty and.have dead skin. which is really gross i should replace them#i dont think i can buy new ones without my parents finding out thoughso i think my hands are tied right now#theyre like...2 years old atp#whayetevr#ummm my birdie#was so cute today#he stayed on myhand and was falling asleep :( ilove him so much hes the light of my life#anytime i think of offing myself i always think of him#his little eyes looking for me his little screams whn im not there with him
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uhmm
#mso done#loneluy#miss talking about things we liked#games n stuff#might make a twt acc to talk to people#i don't know how to express how hopeless i feel. always
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maybe
#jnot aboout you#soirr7 its som1 else ikmnow#need t put that iinn the tags next time i love yiou#i nknow your busy so its mnnot a#aboyt yupiu#sorry mmy glassesare off#im tired#goodnighft
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maybe
#maybe you do care#woukdyou be sad if i died#i hope youre doing good#i hope i showed you sufficient kindness#i hope i was adequate#agood friend#why do#is this what she meant by doing 70% of the work#i get everyones bbusy#but#am i unimportant.?#no#i iknow this is unfair i know yiou care im sorry#iim worrie d for my mom andd ad theyre getting oold and im a failuere#im sorry#iwan t to die before any of thepeople i care about do#i;m sorry
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ohh
#i went through my followers list on my main acc#(not my writing one)#and i miss my friends so much#i love them all so much#but theyre busy#n i miss them#allof them#i need to find new friends t talk to#3:
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m
#i cant sleep lately#i keep waking up in the middle of the night#and i can never get comfortable in positions that were the only ways i could sleep#when i do get comfortable i get this weird feeling in my face?? and it makes me want to cry#because it means that. its not comfortable. i dont know how to explain it#but its making me . sad#music wont help#people talking wont help#i told my mom i might buy some melatonin gummies or pills but she doesnt want me to#i prob will anyway#i just want to sleep
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i dont think i can majke it
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ughhh
#made a realization that working = silent mind#i was crocheting for like. 3-4 hrs straight and it was the most content i felt in a WHILE#and i lied down after in bed and wow. feel miserable now. lol.#but it worries me bc. obvi i cant work forever#but when i have freetime im just going to be miserable??#uhggghhh
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?
#i will never be as important to them as they are to me#my irl bsf's#their families know each other n have been in contact for a long time#and#our families barely interact#they hung out together w/o me#they made plans without me#they invited me i guess but it felt more out of#necessity than wanting#ive been really sad#i relapsed a lot#it was a while agp#like 2 weeks ago#but i dont know what to do#ive never felt this bad in such a long time#we made plans last week but they cancelled.not their fault. my friend had sometihng important but i know we wont grt to hang out#this week. or anyweek#i feel so hopeless#m starting to get those thoughts again#horrible
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not enough
#im not pretty enough. not funny enough. not. enough. its always 'i could never date someone like you. your a great friend though'#am i . a loser. LOL. i want to be loved romantically so bad#i think im going to be single forever#it might not be a big deal when im older but now it feels like everything#i have no friends to talk to i have no lover i have no one. i hate breaks#how do people make friends#i did it before with you and. other people. but i dont have a connection like i did with you guys with anyone else#i do have friends to talkto but they dont care. they never ask about my life. when they do they never. never ask follow up questions#it made me closed off from them as much as i love them#wish i mattered more#if i died would they want to know would thheycare#i try to be engaging with their life and ask questions but lately they havent tried with me#im not my best friends best friend.they'll always have someone else. online or not.#my mom got me chips though. maybe thats enough for today. maybe#maybe the trust the woman who asks me to watch her dogs while shes on vacation is enough#maybe my aunts who send me yarn because they know i love to crochet are enough for me today#maybe my good grades are enough. im okay. im doing good. this doesnt matter.#whats life without sorrow or yearning?????
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i need more friends
#just got out of school#ummm#very#lonely#i dont like summer at all#its so boring#id rather be in school#i really want to make more online friends especially#need to talk to more people to stop myself from going crazy#need people to talk to that have my interests#im so tired
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SO stupid lmao
#i got. ok. context#my dad ordered subway i gave him our orders (brother and i) and i was excited#right#and we get it#we open it. ALL MY VEGEATBLES are on my brothers#and all i got was. smth gross im not saying bc i posted it on my cf on insta last night and i had a fight w/one of my bsf's abt it#<- bc they were judging my food choices and i was already having a BAD few weeks (WHICH I MENTIONED IN THE STORY)#and i was like ok so all youre going to do is judge me bc of my food and make me feel worse?? fuck you#and i was just emotional. dont regret it bc fuck you thats an asshole thing to do#so i ate my sub. and cried. bc i was looking forward to it. and i had been bottling up some feelings already#anyway. i stopped eating it bc the texture and flavor repeating was going to make me gag and throw up#and i RELAPSED. OVER A SUB??? god so dumb i wish i didnt do it#im trying to wear stuff out of my comfort zone (SHORT SLEEVES) so this just ruined eveyrthing bro#ughhhughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#im going to throw a FIT!!#and that friend offered to buy me another sub and i just got even madder bc they were STILL making fun of me#until i said 'ok youre making me upset. im not playing. stop.'#(up until that point i was telling them MULTIPLE TIMES that im not playing w them and that they needed to cut it out. kept going)#GOD that made me so mad bro. FUCK
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