marlenamacarthur-blog

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Love Yourself First

I do not fall in love easily. In the short 28 years I have been alive, I have only been in love once. It’s not that love isn’t a priority to me; it’s just that I’d prefer to be by myself than be with someone I am not madly in love with. And I’d definitely prefer to be by myself than be with someone and completely lose myself in the relationship.

Have you ever had this happen? Have you ever been the person who is completely focused on your career, dreams, and passions? You are so excited about your life’s mission and you have dreams to change the world. You have goals that light you up inside and make you so thrilled to get up in the morning. And then love strikes and something drastically changes.

Well, that was me. The day I fell in love, my whole life changed. I had dreamt of falling in love since I was a kid and once it happened, I couldn’t contain myself. I was completely swept off my feet, and we were like magnets around each other. Almost addicted to one another. Every time I saw him, I’d run and jump in his arms because I was so excited to see him. He was the man I had always dreamed of. The man I would drop anything for. The man I loved so much I wanted to shout out to the world how amazing he was. The first two years of our relationship was non stop love. We were together all the time, and all that mattered was our relationship.

At the two year mark, something drastically changed. Our honeymoon phase ended, and I realized my goals and dreams had vanished as well. I had turned into a completely different person. I stopped speaking up for myself and kept my opinions at bay. I stopped doing everything I loved, to do things he loved. I ended up loving him more than I loved myself and gave up everything I had ever enjoyed to be with him. Instead of being myself, I was the person I thought he wanted me to be. And even worse, this lasted for another three years.

Our love didn’t last, and it makes me sad just thinking about it. This isn’t because I still miss him or because I want to be with him. It’s because I spent too many years investing more in a relationship than I did on myself. I spent too many years trying to be someone that I’m not. And I spent too many years in a relationship because I was afraid to be alone.

Love is a funny thing. My time with him was one of the happiest times of my life and also one of the worst. Love is blind and love makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do. It makes you act in ways you wouldn’t normally act. For me, it made me a completely different person.

I’m not saying this will always be the case. I know there is someone out there for me who will enhance my life and support my dreams. I know there is someone out there I can totally be myself around and not lose my identity in the relationship. But you know what I’ve realized through all of this? In order to find my life partner and be in a relationship that fuels my soul, I need to love myself first. I need to take some time and build up my self-worth and realize that my dreams are just as valuable as anyone else’s.

I love love. I think it is the most wonderful thing in the world. I hope that everyone experiences the kind of love I did with this man at the beginning of our relationship. But, I truly believe that love all starts with loving yourself first. And more than anything, that is what I wish for all people. I hope that everyone can find a deep sense of love for the person they are. Go jump in your own arms, be so excited to spend time with yourself, shout out to the world how amazing you are, and be the person you can’t imagine your life without. The world would be a much different place without you in it.

And once you enter a relationship, don’t sacrifice who you are. You have so many unique gifts and talents, and the world needs them. Once you embrace this, a relationship will enhance your life, but it won’t be your whole life. Love yourself first, because it is the most important and longest relationship you will ever have.

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I just listened to an episode of the NPR podcast Invisibilia called Future Self (because I love NPR). It basically was discussing how people with really big dreams, specifically teens, can get really upset/depressed when their "dreams don't come true." This podcast was discussing the disadvantages of telling kids they can do anything because often times, it doesn't work out the way they had planned. It was quite a sad episode and many horrible things happened, but what really struck me was this idea that self-worth has to be based on achievements. - I felt the same way as a kid and sometimes I still do. I've always had massive dreams and when they don't work out, I used to get really upset and feel horrible about myself. And let me tell you, I've had many, many, MANY dreams fail. Probably too many to count or to talk about here. - What I've realized over the years is that these "failures" don't actually have to be negative. Yes, originally they suck. Sometimes they brutally suck and have honestly made me want to totally give up. And then I realize, wow that was exactly what was supposed to happen to me. And something absolutely amazing happened out of that horrible situation. It's all based on how you look it. - As I said, I've failed way too many times to count. Some my fault, some not my fault. But, if you know me well, you know these aren't little events. They were big life shattering events. And you know what? I'm still going to go after my dreams no matter how many times I fail. Because I'd rather try and fail, then never try at all. And I believe you should love yourself no matter what. No matter your failures, your past, your financial situation, your relationship status, your job, your anything. You are loveable no matter what. And that's what I whole heartedly believe. - Don't stop searching because you failed once, or twice, or 10,000 times. Don't give up ever. And NEVER give up on yourself. Never stop believing in yourself. And most importantly, never stop loving yourself 💜. - #evergreenpartner #probablythinkingaboutfood

[marlenamacarthur-blog]

5 Yoga Postures to Increase Your Self-Confidence

5 Yoga Postures to Increase Your Self-Confidence

Do you ever wish you had more self-confidence? Do you ever wish you believed in yourself so much that you lived your life being YOU all the time? Most people do, yet very few people actually utilize their inner strength to the fullest. So why is it so challenging for many of us to appreciate ourselves and live life being excited about who we are?

Self-confidence is a learned trait. It is a trait that is shaped as we get older. Typically we learn to have low self-esteem based on our past experiences. Fortunately, just as we have learned to not believe in ourselves, we can learn to believe in ourselves. Just like a muscle that you need to strengthen to grow, you can strengthen your self-confidence by working on it on a daily basis.

There are quite a few ways to increase your self-confidence. One way that is extremely beneficial is through the practice of yoga. Yoga allows you to build strength physically and mentally, let go of anything that isn’t serving you, and dig deep into what is holding you back. If you are tired of playing small and you a ready to step out of your comfort zone and fully believe in yourself, here are five yoga postures to increase your self-confidence and start living authentically and powerfully.

1) Boat Pose (Paripurna Navasana)

Why: Boat pose focuses on strength, specifically core strength. Core strength is related to your 3rd chakra, your solar plexus chakra, which is your center of self-confidence/self-worth. By strengthening your solar plexus chakra, you are stimulating the fire inside you to take control of your life and increase your belief in yourself.

How to: Come to a seated position with your knees bent and your chest lifted towards your thighs. Start by lifting your legs off the ground as you stay rooted on your sit bones. Lengthen your spine and engage your core as you straighten your legs. If you have the flexibility and core strength, grab for your big toes and lift your chest towards your thighs.

2) Goddess Pose (Utkata Konasana)

Why: Goddess pose allows you to take up space and be in a powerful stance. This posture is great for leg and core strength. Finding your strength alone will increase your self-confidence. Plus, the name of this pose itself is one that is powerful, courageous, and determined.

How to: From 5 pointed star, turn your feet out and sit your hips low. Keep your knees in alignment with your feet and lift your chest so your shoulders stack over your hips. Lift your arms and bend your elbows so your fingers are pointed towards the ceiling. Take a few deep breaths and really feel the goddess inside you.

3)  Revolved Crescent Lunge (Parivrtta Anjaneyasana)

Why: This posture is great for ringing out anything that is holding you back. Spinal twists really help remove the “junk” and allow you to let go of fear and insecurity. Revolved crescent lunge is a physically strenuous posture, but it builds strength internally as well.

How to: From crescent lunge, bring your hands to heart center and twist towards your front leg. Work to get your elbow outside of your thigh and twist your heart towards the side of the room. Engage your back leg and press your back heal towards the back of the room. If this is too much for you, take this posture with your back knee on the ground. You will still receive all the benefits!

4) Crow (Bakasana)

Why: Arm balances are always a fun way to increase self-confidence. Crow pose is a great way to increase strength, but it is also a great way to let go of fear. Since the posture is focused on being on your hands, you build self-awareness and self-trust while taking small risks.

How to: Place your hands on the ground shoulder distance apart. Bring your knees onto your triceps as you send your weight onto your hands. Try to lift one foot off of the ground at a time. If you feel comfortable, lift both feet off of the ground and bring your big toes together to touch. Continue to engage your core and roll your triceps in.

5) Wheel (Urdhva Dhanurasana)

Why: Wheel is one of the biggest heart openers in yoga. When you open your heart, you have no place to hide. This posture is wonderful for opening your heart to your true self and letting it shine. It is also a very difficult posture, so you need full trust in yourself to get into the pose.

How to: Lie on your back with your knees bent. Bring your hands by your shoulders with your fingers pointing towards your shoulders. Press into your hands and feet as you lift your hips. Send your chest towards the back of the room and draw your shoulder blades onto your spine. As you come out of this posture, ensure you tuck your chin towards your chest so your neck is safe.

Self-confidence is something that is learned by external factors, but it is also very important to work on yourself internally. I am a Professional Self-Confidence coach and work with people who are completely ready to peal back the layers of self-doubt and self-loathing so they can let their true light shine. I walk my clients through a journey of self-awareness and self-discovery, which leads to self-confidence like never before. I’ve been in a place where I didn’t believe in myself or believe I was good enough. And it is my mission to help all people see how wonderful they are so they can share their gifts with the world. You have been hiding for far too long. It’s time to embrace your greatness and find self-confidence like never before!

If you want information about the malas I am wearing, check out Mala and Mantra at http://www.malaandmantra.com. This brand is definitely one that I stand behind as all of their mala’s are made with intention and their product is sustainably sourced. I would highly recommend if you are seeking out a new mala for your practice. 

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5 Ways to Increase Your Self-Confidence

“Self-confidence is the best outfit, rock it and own it.” -author unknown

I have always been attracted to people who exude self-confidence. And I mean this in regards to men and women. I have always been drawn to the people who light up a room, the people who own their talents and don’t push them aside, and the people who are unapologetically themselves. I love seeing people be the best version of themselves no matter what that means. No matter if I agree with it or not, no matter if anyone else does either. The people that just go through life living a life they love because they have the self-confidence to do it. They have the guts to stand up for what makes them happy and this means being unapologetically, self-confidently themselves.

I used to be so jealous that there were people in the world that could do this. Those people that don’t give a crap what other people think and go through life being themselves, always. Have you ever wanted this also? The good new is, self-confidence isn’t something you are necessarily born with, it is something you can LEARN. Just like building muscle, it takes time and energy to grow. It is something that everyone can have, if you practice and dedicate time to it on a regular basis.

If you are tired of playing small and you a ready to step out of your comfort zone, here are five ways you can increase your self-confidence and start living the life YOU want.

1. Mirror Exercise

The best way you can work on your self-confidence is by changing your thoughts. The thoughts you have on a regular basis essentially shape your life. Most of the thoughts you have are so programmed in your brain, that often times you don’t even realize you are thinking them (or how they are affecting you). The thoughts you have regularly could be holding you back from something you desire, but the really cool thing is, they don’t have to hold you back. So start to notice what you are telling yourself on a regular basis. What are a few phrases that you tell yourself over and over again? And where do these thoughts come from? Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones and tell yourself the new positive thoughts every single day in the mirror. Look at yourself (maybe even point at yourself) and say, “I am really beautiful!” “I am so amazing!” “I deserve to have a job I love!” Or whatever the new positive thoughts are for you. In order to start gaining self-confidence, you have to start believing in yourself.

2. Get Rid of Toxic Relationships

Okay, this is one of the hardest, yet one of the most effective ways to gain confidence. My all time favorite personal development quote is, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” (Jim Rohn). Are you spending your time with people that build you up, that believe in your greatness, and that love you for who you are? Or are you spending time with people that are draining your energy, who are pulling you down to their level, and who are influencing you to be someone that isn’t in alignment with your values? Start to take note and adjust accordingly. It might sound harsh, but if you are spending time with the latter, you probably need to cut some people out of your social circle and get some new, empowering friends.

3. Do Things You Love and Do Them Often

What makes you light up? What makes you really, really happy? It can be anything from spending time with animals, to test driving cars, to being in nature, to making sculptures. Go spend time doing things that make you smile and feel alive. If you aren’t sure what lights you up, think back to what you loved as a child. Often times we suppress talents and things we loved when we were children in our adult life. And most of the time, the things we enjoyed as kids are still things we enjoy now. But, no matter how busy you get, spend time doing things that set your soul on fire.

4. Stop Caring What Other People Think

Easier said than done, right? How many times have you not done something for fear of what someone else would think of you? How many times have you pushed your dreams aside to stay in alignment with what society, your family, and/or your friends want you to do? Stop that, right now. Caring what other people think is one of the biggest ways to kill your dreams. And one of the biggest ways to kill the person you are inside. Go let your light shine and don’t let anyone else have power over you. Your dreams are your dreams. And you are who you are for a reason. Go show the world what you have to offer!

5. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

When you lack self-confidence it is easy to stay in your comfortable shell and keep put, even if it means being unhappy. One way to increase your self-confidence is by getting over your fears. And a fantastic way to do this is by getting out of your comfort zone regularly. Write down a list of all the things you would love to do, but are too afraid to do them. And every single day, do one of those things. They don’t have to be big at first, it could be something simple like smiling at a stranger, or standing in a different spot than you normally do in an exercise class. Do small things to get out of your comfort zone on a daily basis, and then start to tackle the larger ones that mean the most to you.

If you struggle with self-confidence and want support in this area, reach out to me for an initial coaching session. Let’s pull back your layers of self-doubt so you can practice self-love on a daily basis, and exude self-confidence like never before!

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As I was hiking the other day, I stumbled upon this sweet little beach that was completely vacant. I sat on the rocks directly across from it, fully taking in the peace and beauty in front of me. I started thinking about everything I am grateful for and my list was so abundant. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it causes people to think about what they are thankful for. It is so easy to get stuck in what ISN'T going right that sometimes we forget what IS going right. Today, and every day, remember to give thanks and find gratitude. Think of 5 things you are grateful for on a daily basis. I promise the rewards are endless from this practice :) So here are my 5 things! 1) I am grateful for morning coffee with almond milk cause it's oh so tasty 😊 2) I am grateful for the amazing friends and family in my life 3) I am grateful for laughing until my belly hurts 4) I am grateful for yoga, cause duh 😉 5) I am grateful for the many mountains and oceans that have shared so many adventures with me. What are you grateful for? #blessed #thankful #attitudeofgratitude #lovelife (at Bermuda)

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"I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out until sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in." #themountainsarecalling #colove #blessed

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Tuesday vibes got me feelin' ✌🏼️#yogagangster #yogaeverydamnday #tuesdayvibes #riseandgrind #hiphoplove

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Find something that you love and don't let it go. Live passionately, share your joy with others, and never give up. Life is too short not to follow your dreams. #dreambig #yogaeverydamnday #joblove #blessed (at CorePower Yoga - Flatirons)

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Monday motivation 😊 #thegivingkeys #monday #dreambig

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"Keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you." #tuesdaymood #yogaeverydamnday #meditationrocks

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7 years ago this month I took my first teacher training with CorePower Yoga. I honestly didn't want to take the training and didn't have any desire to teach. But something was pulling me to take it. For my first two years of teaching, I was so scared to teach and speaking to a room full of people was my absolute nightmare. The only reason I am where I am today is because people believed in me and saw my potential when I couldn't see it myself. So many people took chances on me and and for that I am so thankful. I don't honestly have the words to express how grateful I am for this company. All I can say is thank you to all those who encouraged and believed in my along the way. As @cmosher76 pointed out the other day, I totally drink the kool-aid and I freakin' love it. Yoga rocks and stretchy pants are my jam ;) I truly couldn't be happier. #cpyishome #ilovestretchypants #yogaeverydamnday #thankful #dreamscometrue (at Corepower Yoga Rino Industry)

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May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, and leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. #yogaeverydamnday #yogagirl #lovelife #yoga #treepose #goldsheep #goldsheepgirl (at Denver, Colorado)

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As I was hiking today, I stopped to take in the beauty around me. I was flooded with extreme joy and this unbelievable feeling of peace. Life has a funny way of always working out and I am so thankful for that. I was smiling the entire way down because there isn't any place I'd rather be. I'm just so happy. #mychurch #lovelife #blessed #yoga #yogaeverydamnday (at Mount Sanitas)

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Attitude of Gratitude, Baby

A few years ago, I started a gratitude book that completely changed my life. My counselor recommended this exercise to me, which I thought was total bogus, but figured I’d give it a shot. I would sit down every evening and write 5 things I was grateful for. Believe it or not, finding 5 things I was grateful for was really challenging for me. My thoughts had become so negative that even the good things in life didn’t seem good. Basically, I was a pessimistic person and even the good had some negative aspect in my mind.

After a few months of filling my gratitude book, life began to shift. Not all at once, but gradually over time. It was no longer hard for me to find gratitude and in fact, it was hard for me to find something I wasn’t grateful for. My book was filled with gratitude for things like my bed, my house, the sun, the rain, my family, yoga, morning coffee, cupcakes, my job, my body, my big heart, etc. Eventually, things that I used to see as negative, I began to see in a positive light. Even the negative and horrible experiences I went through began to have a positive spin. I started to find gratitude and positivity in the struggle, because without the darkness I couldn’t see the light.

This gratitude book has not just become an evening practice, but a way of life. I started to notice all the negative thoughts I was having (believe me, there were a lot) and I instantly changed them to a positive. I came across a quote that states, “The mind is everything. What you think is what you become” and I 100% agree with this quote. What you tell yourself is what fills your body with energy. Do you want to spend your life in negativity or do you want to spend it with so much gratitude you could burst? Do you want to look back on your life wishing things were different or do you want to enjoy every moment and be grateful for everything you have been given? This is a choice and a powerful and important one. Fill your mind with positive thoughts and your life will become positive. Find an Attitude of Gratitude, Baby. You won’t be sorry you did!

~Marlena MacArthur

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Growing up as a dancer, I was always extremely flexible, but I was not naturally strong. I kept telling myself "I am not strong" physically, which made me believe I wasn't strong emotionally either. I started to change my attitude, took sculpt classes, and my body and life began to change. Once I started telling myself "I am strong", strength came naturally. "Believe you can, and you are half way there!" #yoga #yogaeverydamnday #yogagirl #blessed #motivation #strength #awakenyourinnerbadass #believeinyourself (at Denver, Colorado)

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I went on one of the most amazing hikes of my life yesterday. The snow packed and icy trail led us to a beautiful frozen waterfall that looked like a whole new world. These are the experiences I cherish so deeply and these are the adventures that fill my cup. What fills your cup? What feeds your soul? "Never get too busy making a living that you forget to make a life." #yoga #yogagirl #yogaeverydamnday #blessed #lovelife #awakenyourinnerbadass (at Durango, Colorado)

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At the end of the day your feet should be dirty, your hair messy, and your eyes sparkling. #adventure #yoga #durangatangs #yogagirl #needforspeed #blessed #lovelife (at Durango, Colorado)