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[maisondetulipes]

the door creaks open, just a sliver of light from the hallway shining into the room. there’s a figure by the doorway, a meek and quiet one that hesitates, then a head peeks in. it’s yushi.

“riku hyung,” is all he says.

riku is immediately rapt with attention, sitting up straighter. it isn’t rare to see yushi standing by his doorway considering the fact that he almost always seeks comfort in sion. but tonight is different. sion’s fast asleep at 5 am while riku’s wide awake, unable to sleep as always.

he acknowledges him carefully, “do you need my help, yushi?”

the younger man shakes his head, gaze falling to the ground. riku waits patiently, doesn’t matter how long it takes really, he could wait forever. yushi needs time and space and riku would let him have it.

in a small voice, barely above a whisper, he hears it:

“am i not good enough?”

the sound of confidence and self-assurance shattering, it’s all riku hears, in tune with the breaking of his heart. he scrambles up, standing in front of yushi, eye-to-eye. ever so gently he takes yushi’s hand in his, holding it between both of his hands. yushi’s gaze flicker down to where their hands touch, red-rimmed eyes beginning to water.

“yushi, you’re enough. more than enough,” riku breathes, “i wish you knew how loved and adored you are. i see it in everyone’s eyes when they look at you performing and singing. but most of all, i see it especially when you’re being you, your genuine, authentic self.”

the tears that finally fall glimmer prettily against his cheeks. riku wipes it away gingerly with his thumbs and cradles yushi’s face with his palm. he sniffles, staring into riku’s eyes with a heavy sadness and nuzzles further into the warmth. it makes riku’s heart twinge at the sight.

“no one can take that away from you,” he rasps, in conviction. “you’re one of the most amazing people i’ve had the honour of meeting. your grit, your dedication, your passion is something i greatly admire. your gentle compassion towards all of us whenever we’re in a pickle, your refreshing silliness whenever our morales are low, your attentiveness towards all of us, it’s what makes you, you. and we love you so much, yushi. all of us do. your true fans do too.”

he drops his hand by his side, breathless from his little spiel. it’s so important to riku that yushi knows, understands, gravely, the depth and weight of his words, that riku means it with every bit of his being. yushi is so much more than just an idol, so much more than the career path he had chosen simply because he enjoyed dancing and singing and putting a smile on other people’s faces. yushi is so much more than that; he’s so incredibly human with his big feelings that he seems to hide beneath the surface. but riku sees him, just as he is.

a sudden movement pulls a gasp out of him, warm bodies pressed together in a tight embrace. riku feels the sobs wracking out of yushi’s frame, hears the hiccuping and sniffling, and he wraps his own arms around the younger comfortingly, patting his back.

“it’s going to be okay, yushi. you are loved. you are enough.”

he says these words repeatedly, hoping that it will remain imprinted in yushi’s heart whenever he feels down. he repeats it till yushi is sound asleep in his arms, snoring softly. he repeats it till the sunlight filters through the blinds in his room. and he will continue repeating it until yushi believes it

[maisondetulipes]

even then riku knew, how much the younger boy meant to him, that if yushi had asked for him to rip his heart out and offer it up on a platter, he would’ve done it without a second thought. was it fear that truly griped his heart? or intense love that borders obsession, insanity?

riku wants. he wants, wants, wants so desperately. he loves yushi. he longs for him.

oh agony! the very wretched emotion becomes a friend riku can never seem to be rid. whenever yushi is around, agony is there. just like desire and desperation. if only yushi would look his way. if only.

riku stares at the wetness soaking his hands. it’s shaking; the scalpel clatters onto the ground. there’s a thickness in the air that stinks of iron, heavy, stifling. his hands are no longer empty.

how pretty.

now yushi will always look at him with those pretty eyes of his.