livingtheunknown

[livingtheunknown]

I don't really know what I'm doing here...

Hello. Good Evening. Happy Hump Day. Pleasure to meet you.

My name is Allie, and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. In life..in my career. In motherhood. In life.

Don't get me wrong, I know who I am, I really do. I know my core moral principles. I know my likes, my strengths and weaknesses, my hobbies.

In fact, some might even think of me as self aware to a fault. But let me reiterate...I haven't the slightest idea what I'm doing or where to go next in my life. If you asked me to picture what my life would look like next year, I would be so overwhelmed by the thought that I might just walk away. I have never been so uncertain and unsure of my future and it is terrifying.

I am 30 years old. 5 months ago, I quit my corporate 9-5 job (#GreatResignation) in pursuit of something more fulfilling. Trust me, this was not an impulsive decision in the slightest. I thought long and hard before I gave my boss my notice. I journaled, I prayed, I meditated. I got the opinions of my partner, my friends, and my family. I consulted my tarot cards and my intuition. Everything seemed to give me the same resounding answer-- do it. Go for it. Quit the job, take the leap. The world is your canvas and we believe in you. It took me months before I finally made the solid decision and when I did, I was overcome with the assuring feeling that I had just made the best decision of my life.

Now I'm sitting here wondering...what happened? Where did it change? Why am I feeling stuck and bored and like a failure and that it was all a big mistake? I'm lost and confused. My blessings are being delayed and I'm losing steam. I'm exhausted, even though I get ample rest time these days. I am just at a loss. The turn of the new year has me blindly grasping for direction and for answers. It's really starting to bum me out, man.

So, I suppose that's what brings me here. A search for purpose, inspiration and direction. A place for me to dump all my silly little feelings and thoughts and ideas. Amidst this fog of confusion, some clarity does still remain...I know I love writing. I know I am eager, and I am hard working. I know that regardless of the situation...whether it be a stranger next to me in line at the grocery store or random drunk girls in the bar bathroom, I truly attract love and friendship everywhere I go. I know I'm meant to do something big and powerful and great. I just don't know what it is yet.

But writing feels right. And right feels like a good start to me.

My Love,

Allie.